Frasier s10e12 Episode Script
The Harassed
F R A S I E R (10x12) - The Harassed - We'll be right back with Julia Wilcox and our new stock market update after this.
That's it? That's your big introduction for Julia? -What happened to the copy I wrote for you? - Kenny, come on.
"Julia" does not rhyme with "moolah.
" -We'll, they're spelled the same.
-Oh, they are not, stop it.
-Isn't it enough that she's getting We're lucky to have her.
-Don't be surprised if she ends up boosting your ratings a notch.
-Yes, but at what cost? -The woman's credibility is questionable.
-She's credible.
The woman was on CNBC.
She had a syndicated column.
-You can't hold one mistake against her.
-What'd she do? She wrote a book called Day Trade Your Way Out of Debt.
.
Apparently, some people lost money.
I don't see you writing any books.
Now listen, she's a little sensitive, so I don't want to hear anyone talking about the book, how it ruined her career, that guy who killed himself in Pennsylva hey, hey, hey! There she is! Our financial wizard.
-This is Dr.
Frasier Crane.
-Hello.
-His producer, Roz Doyle.
-Hi.
-Nice to meet you.
So this is my mike? -Yes.
-You know, I studied finance in college.
-Hey, that's great.
Can you get me some coffee, Rizzo? -It's Roz.
-Super.
Two creams.
Thanks.
So, um, do your intro, we'll do a promo, and then back to you.
-Got it? Intro, promo, you.
-So, you don't want me to do the intro last? Uh, no, because you see, "Intro" is short for Oh, oh, oh, I get it! Very good! You got one past me.
Enjoy it.
It's not going to happen again.
-And these would be my phones.
-Yes, yes.
I must say that I enjoyed your work on CNBC.
I thought that you were an insightful analyst, and I don't believe that you were treated fairly.
Thanks.
That makes everything all better.
-Ten seconds.
-Thanks.
Mmmm -You call this coffee? -Most of it.
That Roz let me put that over there.
Hello, Seattle.
Welcome back! If you've tuned in for mental health advice with an erudite twist, well then, my show will be back up at the top of the hour.
And now, for omething new, yet germane, as finances can be the cause of that old bugaboo, stress -here now -Good afternoon, I'm Julia Wilcox.
Today's market swerved like a nervous student driver before finally winding up in a nice, safe neutral.
We'll discuss.
Plus, are pharmaceutical stocks still worth prescribing? Now this.
-Excuse me.
Uh, I was supposed to introduce you.
-You were cutting into my time.
Well, I was giving you an hospitable segue.
You see, I thought that since you're new here, I could lend you my equity, if you will.
It was just a courtesy Some days on the market, it's black Friday, but today, with the NASDAQ slightly down, and the Dow slightly up, it was more like "plaid Monday.
" Analysts spoke out on both sides Next time, I'll get the coffee.
-Hey, Roz.
What 'ya reading? -Julia's book.
Listen to this.
"Chapter 4: How to Sell Your House and Start a Dot.
com.
" Hey guys.
Oh, Roz, I can't believe you shelled out $3 to revel in someone else's misfortune.
-I was curious.
-Well, you can get the same thing on tape for a buck-fifty.
Get this: it's read by Martha Stewart! How's that for your double whammy? We should just get rid of her.
I mean, if she were nice, it'd be one thing, but she's just rude and arrogant.
Whoa, whoa, nobody's getting rid of anybody.
She just filed suit against CNBC for wrongful termination.
Legal wants us to treat her with kid gloves.
Hmm.
Truth be told, I actually feel sorry for her.
She has suffered a very public fall.
She must be carrying all kinds of guilt about the people who lost their savings following her advice.
You know, perhaps I should have a talk with her.
I wondered how long it would take.
-What? -For you to make your move.
-Hey, I thought there were some sparks between you two.
-What're you talking about? Don't play innocent.
She is right up your alley.
Smart, tough, total bitch.
You can't wait to break through that wall and rescue her.
-Oh, Roz, you couldn't be more off the mark.
-Typical man.
You always want to get in there and rescue us, but the minute things get messy, you just can't handle it.
Ha! Women want us to think that they're tough, and then all of a sudden, -they get needy.
-Men are like, "Come on baby, you can lean on me, oops, gotta go.
" Yeah, women are like "Get away, get away.
Don't leave me!" Here's men: Here's women: Me, me, me, me, me All right, stop it, both of you! -Hello, all.
-Hello, Niles.
-How's it going? -Oh, we're just discussing a new, rather unpleasant colleague of ours.
Be thankful you're self-employed.
You don't have to deal with these headaches.
Oh, not so.
I was hoping to come here and complain about my office remodel.
I'm annexing the dermatologist's office next door, and in a cheap irony, my skin is breaking out.
-Your spackle allergy again? -I'm covered with tiny bumps.
It's worse than the summer we added the breakfast nook to the tree house.
-Could I have my usual, please? Thank you.
-There she is! Don't come over, don't come over, don't come over.
Oh look who's too good for us! You know what? I think I will go and offer her an olive branch.
Oh, stop it.
Knock it off.
-Hello, Julia.
-Hello.
Listen, I, uh I'm sorry the two of us got off to a bit of a frosty start, but, uh, I think that in time we will have a very long and rewarding relationship.
Okay.
May I tell you a story? Years ago, I lived in Boston.
I was in private practice then and my life was very good.
And then my wife left me.
I ended up on a ledge, threatening to- to throw myself off if she didn't return to me.
Thank you.
Well, this got on the news, of course, and needless to say, after that, patients were a little hard to come by.
So I just wanted you to know that I too have suffered a very public setback.
Oh, I get it.
-You're letting me know I'm not alone.
-Exactly.
-And now we can be friends.
-Well, if that's how you feel.
Let's see, how do I feel? Well, it's sort of like on your show -when you call people at home to give them advice.
-Well, actually, I don't call them, they call me.
Exactly! Well.
Good day, then.
Why would you let Niles bring all his patients to your home? It's only a couple more weeks until his office is finished.
Well, I sure wouldn't want to have all those crazies over.
I mean, what if one of them starts screaming obscenities or running through the house naked.
Mum already did that when England lost in the World Cup.
-Hello all.
-Hello.
How was the Wine Expo? -Horrible! -Frasier ran into a fan.
-Ow, that smarts! -Yes, Dad.
You have been using that same old joke for the last ten years.
So, anyway, I ran into this fan Ouch! Are you okay? So this woman complimented me on my so-called chemistry with that harpy Julia.
Have you ever heard anything more preposterous? Good Lord! The woman sneezed once, and I said "Bless you.
" That has been the extent of our byplay.
You've been complaining about her so much lately.
I'm beginning to wonder if there's not something deeper there.
I will not even dignify that with a response.
Except to say that you couldn't be more wrong.
I don't know, Frasier, she's certainly attractive.
-And she's intelligent, ambitious, tenacious -Sounds like your perfect woman.
-She is a cold, insufferable know-it-all! -And the list goes on and on.
All right, that's it.
No more talking about Julia.
Ooh, so it's "Julia" now! It has always been "Julia.
" That is her name.
She does seem to have you disproportionately upset.
You haven't been so consumed with one subject since Frasier Crane Day.
Listen, my outrage is completely merited.
That woman is deliberately trying to undermine my show from within.
I'm sorry to disappoint all of you, -but I have absolutely no feelings for that woman except contempt.
-There he goes again.
-You know what they say about people who protest too much? -I know what you used to say: "They should all be tear-gassed!" I still think that, you know.
Ah, here you are.
Listen it's time the two of us had it out.
-Ever since you arrived here, you have been nothing but condescending and dismissive.
-Whatever.
-There, you did it again.
-You know what this is really about.
-It's about you losing 15 minutes from your precious show.
-What are you talking about? It's 10 minutes.
Sorry, starting Monday I do the last fifteen minutes of your show with a half-hour recap on Fridays.
Now, if you'll excuse me, -I have places to be.
-No, I will not excuse you.
-I am reaching out to you here.
-Yeah, will you cut that out? It's like you're trying to make me your special project.
Why don't you just adopt a cat or something? As your colleague, I do not deserve to be treated this way.
Oh, no.
We are hardly "colleagues.
" I deliver the news and you're a Magic Eight Ball with a Harvard degree.
I will not be belittled by a half- educated, money-grubbing parvenu! -As opposed to some foreign-speaking windbag? -That makes you an insecure fraud! -You are a pompous blowhard! -Harridan! -Know-it-all! -Shrew! -Snob! -Are you as turned on as I am? -What?! Ohh!! -Did you just come on to me? -What? No No I thought I thought that you Oh! How could you think I was turned on? What, are you sick? -Hey, hey, hey, hey! Let's all calm down here.
Are you crazy? -I apologized! I I -Hi, guys! -Oh, hi, Dr.
Crane! -They hate me, don't they? -Can you blame them? Because of you, they have to come in here for this sexual harassment seminar.
-I know.
I have apologized till I'm blue in the face.
-I know.
But Legal wants us covered in case Julia tries to come after us.
Maybe you've heard: she loves suing people's asses off.
I'm going to miss saying "asses.
" After today, I guess it's back to "patootie.
" Thanks a lot, Doc.
Hi, welcome.
Please take a workbook.
-Hey, Frasier! Thanks for ruining my weekend.
-Oh, Roz come on, you know it was just a mistake.
What do you think I am, -some kind of disgusting Lothario? -Hey, there's my man! -Welcome.
Please take a workbook.
-Got an old one.
Hey! I know you're down.
Don't sweat it.
Rookie mistake.
By the way, the chick at the coffee table's got her high beams on.
Okay, people let's get this started.
Uh, first of all, I apologize for bringing everyone in here today, but uh, to make it up to you, everybody attending today will get a free mouse pad.
How's that? It sucks! -All right, who said that? -I did! Fair enough.
-Now, I don't want to blame anyone -Frasier! but Legal says that we have to do this, so here's Van Andrews from Harassment Solutions.
Okay, guys.
I'm Van.
I'll be your facilitator, and if you could just open up your workbooks, we'll get started on building a truly gender-neutral workplace, okay? Now, who wants to meet my puppets? .
Wow, this is great! I like coming over to your house.
It's really nice.
-Thanks.
-So, maybe you could come over to my house next week, since we're doing stuff at each other's houses now.
Uh, thanks for the offer, Steve, but this isn't a social call.
-We're having our regular session.
I really want this to feel just like the office.
Okay, uh, well, I've been having my dream again -Yes? -Sorry to interrupt, Dr.
Crane, but I've got to run these toilet fixtures past you.
Your wife said you'd definitely want to be consulted about that.
I never pictured you having a bathroom! -Uh, it isn't a good time.
-I'm sorry, I didn't realize your session had begun.
-Why don't you just start in the living room? -Okay, but just so you know, the heated seat you want's on back order.
Again, I'm sorry, Niles, but while I have you here, do you want anything -from the shops? -No, I'm good.
-Okay, then, I'm off.
Happy therapy! -So, back to your dream -Your wife seems nice.
She's foreign.
That's weird.
But then I guess it shouldn't be.
I mean it only makes sense that you have a wife, and a bathroom, and you probably have a bed and laundry and - that thing I can't talk about.
-Refrigerator.
-Right.
Okay, well, we're not really here to learn about my life, we're here -to talk about you, so back to your dream.
-Okay, well, I'm in this forest -Do you want to get that, or? -No, nope it's okay, the machine will get it.
Now remember, as we discussed, the forest could be a symbol of uncharted territory.
It could be "Nobody's home.
Nobody's home.
Nobody's home, nobody's home, nobody's home.
Nobody's home, nobody's home, nobody's home.
We'll call you back if you leave your number after you hear the" So, um, next week at your place! Okay, Bulldog, in this exercise we're going to pretend that you have an attraction to Roz.
Is that okay? Well, Van, I feel a little uncomfortable about violating her personal space, even for role playing, but okay.
-Okay, Roz.
-Bring it on! Okay, go! Good morning, Roz.
You're looking professional today.
Thank you, Bulldog, you're looking professional today also.
Thank you.
After work, would you care to join me for a coffee or non-stimulating beverage? -Please note that you retain the option to say no.
-Excellent, Bulldog.
-Roz? -Thank you, Bulldog, for your offer, but I'm uncomfortable with it, as I would prefer to cut my own arm off and eat it.
-Can I have a turn with her? -Nope, sorry buddy.
-She's not your property.
It's up to Van! I want a turn! -Sit down, Noel.
-Oh, what are you going to do, huh? What are you going to do? -Guys, guys, let's keep our dialogue constructive, okay.
-I think we're done here.
-Oh, great.
-Why don't you go ahead and have a seat.
-Um, I'd like to say something.
-Okay, go ahead, Gil.
From the bottom of my heart, I apologize for my wandering eye over the years.
Those whom I mentally undressed, and you know who you are all I can say - and it's a poor defense - is that I was a product of the thoughtless machismo of my times.
-Thank you, Gil.
-But know this: Gil isn't about to stop loving the ladies.
Thank you, Gil.
I think they like to be called "women" now.
Huh.
Do they ever! How much longer do we have to sit for this nonsense? Well, Frasier, since you're the one who brought us here today, maybe you'd like to take a turn in the warm seat, hmm? Julia, would you be comfortable in helping Frasier learn how he could have related to you in a more office-appropriate manner? Uh, Julia? She's playing solitaire on her palm pilot, Van.
Oh, all right.
Okay, in this "no-fault" rewind, let's find out how Frasier assaulted you.
I did not assault her.
I simply expressed unhappiness that she was taking 15 minutes from my show.
She responded by belittling my profession.
And then he called me a couple of names and asked if I was turned on.
Okay, gang, where did Frasier go wrong? -Bulldog? -People stopped saying "turned on" twenty years ago.
No, look, look! I just misread her her signals.
I thought that her hostility was -displaced attraction.
-No, it was just hostility.
Well, of course it was, that's all there is to you.
Ever since you arrived at this stationwe have reached out to you in friendship and all we've -gotten in return is arrogance and unbridled rudeness.
-It's not rudeness, it's indifference.
I'm sorry I'm not joining your bowling team, but this is just a pit stop for me.
I do not intend on spending the rest of my life at a station that cuts out whenever the janitor vacuums! -No offense! -None taken.
And I don't even know why we're here.
I'm not going to sue your stupid station.
-I mean, how pathetic would that look? -How dare you? At KACL, we are a family.
Every person in this room respects one another No, no, no, hold on a second, Doc, I'll handle this.
You mentioned something about not suing us.
Would you put that in writing? -If it gets us out of here.
-Sure, that should satisfy Legal.
Okay, wait, wait.
This course isn't about Legal! -Okay, it's about making respecting each other's personhood fun.
-Up yours!! -Who said that? -I did! You know, you can act as tough as you want, but I see through you.
Really? You're not in the big leagues anymore.
Blame it on the market.
Blame it on bad luck.
But somewhere in the back of your head is that nagging voice that keeps saying maybe you weren't good enough.
And now that you're here, you won't form relationships, you keep everybody at arm's length, anything to convince yourself that this is just a stop along the way.
And above it all, I think you're terrified that you're going to fail here too.
Then what do I know? I'm just a Magic Eight Ball with a Harvard and Oxford degree.
It's forty-five past the hour, which means it's time once again for the woman who is known as Julia Wilcox.
Thank you, Frasier.
Another up day for the markets, but first these words from Patriot Credit Consolidators.
How many times do I have to tell you, you need to get a comfortable chair in here? -My leg keeps falling asleep while I'm on the air.
-Who doesn't? Frasier perhaps if you're at Nervosa later, I could join you for a cup of coffee or a non-stimulating beverage? Please note that you retain the option to say no.
I appreciate that, and in time I believe that we will be able to establish a collegial relationship.
However, I think we should both acknowledge the feelings of hostility -that remain between us -Oh, just say no.
Honestly, do you ever shut up? -Now, see here, I The rich got richer today on Wall Street.
Not news ordinarily, but after their recent slide, today's rally in large cap does take on a certain "man bites dog" quality.
Speaking of dogs
That's it? That's your big introduction for Julia? -What happened to the copy I wrote for you? - Kenny, come on.
"Julia" does not rhyme with "moolah.
" -We'll, they're spelled the same.
-Oh, they are not, stop it.
-Isn't it enough that she's getting We're lucky to have her.
-Don't be surprised if she ends up boosting your ratings a notch.
-Yes, but at what cost? -The woman's credibility is questionable.
-She's credible.
The woman was on CNBC.
She had a syndicated column.
-You can't hold one mistake against her.
-What'd she do? She wrote a book called Day Trade Your Way Out of Debt.
.
Apparently, some people lost money.
I don't see you writing any books.
Now listen, she's a little sensitive, so I don't want to hear anyone talking about the book, how it ruined her career, that guy who killed himself in Pennsylva hey, hey, hey! There she is! Our financial wizard.
-This is Dr.
Frasier Crane.
-Hello.
-His producer, Roz Doyle.
-Hi.
-Nice to meet you.
So this is my mike? -Yes.
-You know, I studied finance in college.
-Hey, that's great.
Can you get me some coffee, Rizzo? -It's Roz.
-Super.
Two creams.
Thanks.
So, um, do your intro, we'll do a promo, and then back to you.
-Got it? Intro, promo, you.
-So, you don't want me to do the intro last? Uh, no, because you see, "Intro" is short for Oh, oh, oh, I get it! Very good! You got one past me.
Enjoy it.
It's not going to happen again.
-And these would be my phones.
-Yes, yes.
I must say that I enjoyed your work on CNBC.
I thought that you were an insightful analyst, and I don't believe that you were treated fairly.
Thanks.
That makes everything all better.
-Ten seconds.
-Thanks.
Mmmm -You call this coffee? -Most of it.
That Roz let me put that over there.
Hello, Seattle.
Welcome back! If you've tuned in for mental health advice with an erudite twist, well then, my show will be back up at the top of the hour.
And now, for omething new, yet germane, as finances can be the cause of that old bugaboo, stress -here now -Good afternoon, I'm Julia Wilcox.
Today's market swerved like a nervous student driver before finally winding up in a nice, safe neutral.
We'll discuss.
Plus, are pharmaceutical stocks still worth prescribing? Now this.
-Excuse me.
Uh, I was supposed to introduce you.
-You were cutting into my time.
Well, I was giving you an hospitable segue.
You see, I thought that since you're new here, I could lend you my equity, if you will.
It was just a courtesy Some days on the market, it's black Friday, but today, with the NASDAQ slightly down, and the Dow slightly up, it was more like "plaid Monday.
" Analysts spoke out on both sides Next time, I'll get the coffee.
-Hey, Roz.
What 'ya reading? -Julia's book.
Listen to this.
"Chapter 4: How to Sell Your House and Start a Dot.
com.
" Hey guys.
Oh, Roz, I can't believe you shelled out $3 to revel in someone else's misfortune.
-I was curious.
-Well, you can get the same thing on tape for a buck-fifty.
Get this: it's read by Martha Stewart! How's that for your double whammy? We should just get rid of her.
I mean, if she were nice, it'd be one thing, but she's just rude and arrogant.
Whoa, whoa, nobody's getting rid of anybody.
She just filed suit against CNBC for wrongful termination.
Legal wants us to treat her with kid gloves.
Hmm.
Truth be told, I actually feel sorry for her.
She has suffered a very public fall.
She must be carrying all kinds of guilt about the people who lost their savings following her advice.
You know, perhaps I should have a talk with her.
I wondered how long it would take.
-What? -For you to make your move.
-Hey, I thought there were some sparks between you two.
-What're you talking about? Don't play innocent.
She is right up your alley.
Smart, tough, total bitch.
You can't wait to break through that wall and rescue her.
-Oh, Roz, you couldn't be more off the mark.
-Typical man.
You always want to get in there and rescue us, but the minute things get messy, you just can't handle it.
Ha! Women want us to think that they're tough, and then all of a sudden, -they get needy.
-Men are like, "Come on baby, you can lean on me, oops, gotta go.
" Yeah, women are like "Get away, get away.
Don't leave me!" Here's men: Here's women: Me, me, me, me, me All right, stop it, both of you! -Hello, all.
-Hello, Niles.
-How's it going? -Oh, we're just discussing a new, rather unpleasant colleague of ours.
Be thankful you're self-employed.
You don't have to deal with these headaches.
Oh, not so.
I was hoping to come here and complain about my office remodel.
I'm annexing the dermatologist's office next door, and in a cheap irony, my skin is breaking out.
-Your spackle allergy again? -I'm covered with tiny bumps.
It's worse than the summer we added the breakfast nook to the tree house.
-Could I have my usual, please? Thank you.
-There she is! Don't come over, don't come over, don't come over.
Oh look who's too good for us! You know what? I think I will go and offer her an olive branch.
Oh, stop it.
Knock it off.
-Hello, Julia.
-Hello.
Listen, I, uh I'm sorry the two of us got off to a bit of a frosty start, but, uh, I think that in time we will have a very long and rewarding relationship.
Okay.
May I tell you a story? Years ago, I lived in Boston.
I was in private practice then and my life was very good.
And then my wife left me.
I ended up on a ledge, threatening to- to throw myself off if she didn't return to me.
Thank you.
Well, this got on the news, of course, and needless to say, after that, patients were a little hard to come by.
So I just wanted you to know that I too have suffered a very public setback.
Oh, I get it.
-You're letting me know I'm not alone.
-Exactly.
-And now we can be friends.
-Well, if that's how you feel.
Let's see, how do I feel? Well, it's sort of like on your show -when you call people at home to give them advice.
-Well, actually, I don't call them, they call me.
Exactly! Well.
Good day, then.
Why would you let Niles bring all his patients to your home? It's only a couple more weeks until his office is finished.
Well, I sure wouldn't want to have all those crazies over.
I mean, what if one of them starts screaming obscenities or running through the house naked.
Mum already did that when England lost in the World Cup.
-Hello all.
-Hello.
How was the Wine Expo? -Horrible! -Frasier ran into a fan.
-Ow, that smarts! -Yes, Dad.
You have been using that same old joke for the last ten years.
So, anyway, I ran into this fan Ouch! Are you okay? So this woman complimented me on my so-called chemistry with that harpy Julia.
Have you ever heard anything more preposterous? Good Lord! The woman sneezed once, and I said "Bless you.
" That has been the extent of our byplay.
You've been complaining about her so much lately.
I'm beginning to wonder if there's not something deeper there.
I will not even dignify that with a response.
Except to say that you couldn't be more wrong.
I don't know, Frasier, she's certainly attractive.
-And she's intelligent, ambitious, tenacious -Sounds like your perfect woman.
-She is a cold, insufferable know-it-all! -And the list goes on and on.
All right, that's it.
No more talking about Julia.
Ooh, so it's "Julia" now! It has always been "Julia.
" That is her name.
She does seem to have you disproportionately upset.
You haven't been so consumed with one subject since Frasier Crane Day.
Listen, my outrage is completely merited.
That woman is deliberately trying to undermine my show from within.
I'm sorry to disappoint all of you, -but I have absolutely no feelings for that woman except contempt.
-There he goes again.
-You know what they say about people who protest too much? -I know what you used to say: "They should all be tear-gassed!" I still think that, you know.
Ah, here you are.
Listen it's time the two of us had it out.
-Ever since you arrived here, you have been nothing but condescending and dismissive.
-Whatever.
-There, you did it again.
-You know what this is really about.
-It's about you losing 15 minutes from your precious show.
-What are you talking about? It's 10 minutes.
Sorry, starting Monday I do the last fifteen minutes of your show with a half-hour recap on Fridays.
Now, if you'll excuse me, -I have places to be.
-No, I will not excuse you.
-I am reaching out to you here.
-Yeah, will you cut that out? It's like you're trying to make me your special project.
Why don't you just adopt a cat or something? As your colleague, I do not deserve to be treated this way.
Oh, no.
We are hardly "colleagues.
" I deliver the news and you're a Magic Eight Ball with a Harvard degree.
I will not be belittled by a half- educated, money-grubbing parvenu! -As opposed to some foreign-speaking windbag? -That makes you an insecure fraud! -You are a pompous blowhard! -Harridan! -Know-it-all! -Shrew! -Snob! -Are you as turned on as I am? -What?! Ohh!! -Did you just come on to me? -What? No No I thought I thought that you Oh! How could you think I was turned on? What, are you sick? -Hey, hey, hey, hey! Let's all calm down here.
Are you crazy? -I apologized! I I -Hi, guys! -Oh, hi, Dr.
Crane! -They hate me, don't they? -Can you blame them? Because of you, they have to come in here for this sexual harassment seminar.
-I know.
I have apologized till I'm blue in the face.
-I know.
But Legal wants us covered in case Julia tries to come after us.
Maybe you've heard: she loves suing people's asses off.
I'm going to miss saying "asses.
" After today, I guess it's back to "patootie.
" Thanks a lot, Doc.
Hi, welcome.
Please take a workbook.
-Hey, Frasier! Thanks for ruining my weekend.
-Oh, Roz come on, you know it was just a mistake.
What do you think I am, -some kind of disgusting Lothario? -Hey, there's my man! -Welcome.
Please take a workbook.
-Got an old one.
Hey! I know you're down.
Don't sweat it.
Rookie mistake.
By the way, the chick at the coffee table's got her high beams on.
Okay, people let's get this started.
Uh, first of all, I apologize for bringing everyone in here today, but uh, to make it up to you, everybody attending today will get a free mouse pad.
How's that? It sucks! -All right, who said that? -I did! Fair enough.
-Now, I don't want to blame anyone -Frasier! but Legal says that we have to do this, so here's Van Andrews from Harassment Solutions.
Okay, guys.
I'm Van.
I'll be your facilitator, and if you could just open up your workbooks, we'll get started on building a truly gender-neutral workplace, okay? Now, who wants to meet my puppets? .
Wow, this is great! I like coming over to your house.
It's really nice.
-Thanks.
-So, maybe you could come over to my house next week, since we're doing stuff at each other's houses now.
Uh, thanks for the offer, Steve, but this isn't a social call.
-We're having our regular session.
I really want this to feel just like the office.
Okay, uh, well, I've been having my dream again -Yes? -Sorry to interrupt, Dr.
Crane, but I've got to run these toilet fixtures past you.
Your wife said you'd definitely want to be consulted about that.
I never pictured you having a bathroom! -Uh, it isn't a good time.
-I'm sorry, I didn't realize your session had begun.
-Why don't you just start in the living room? -Okay, but just so you know, the heated seat you want's on back order.
Again, I'm sorry, Niles, but while I have you here, do you want anything -from the shops? -No, I'm good.
-Okay, then, I'm off.
Happy therapy! -So, back to your dream -Your wife seems nice.
She's foreign.
That's weird.
But then I guess it shouldn't be.
I mean it only makes sense that you have a wife, and a bathroom, and you probably have a bed and laundry and - that thing I can't talk about.
-Refrigerator.
-Right.
Okay, well, we're not really here to learn about my life, we're here -to talk about you, so back to your dream.
-Okay, well, I'm in this forest -Do you want to get that, or? -No, nope it's okay, the machine will get it.
Now remember, as we discussed, the forest could be a symbol of uncharted territory.
It could be "Nobody's home.
Nobody's home.
Nobody's home, nobody's home, nobody's home.
Nobody's home, nobody's home, nobody's home.
We'll call you back if you leave your number after you hear the" So, um, next week at your place! Okay, Bulldog, in this exercise we're going to pretend that you have an attraction to Roz.
Is that okay? Well, Van, I feel a little uncomfortable about violating her personal space, even for role playing, but okay.
-Okay, Roz.
-Bring it on! Okay, go! Good morning, Roz.
You're looking professional today.
Thank you, Bulldog, you're looking professional today also.
Thank you.
After work, would you care to join me for a coffee or non-stimulating beverage? -Please note that you retain the option to say no.
-Excellent, Bulldog.
-Roz? -Thank you, Bulldog, for your offer, but I'm uncomfortable with it, as I would prefer to cut my own arm off and eat it.
-Can I have a turn with her? -Nope, sorry buddy.
-She's not your property.
It's up to Van! I want a turn! -Sit down, Noel.
-Oh, what are you going to do, huh? What are you going to do? -Guys, guys, let's keep our dialogue constructive, okay.
-I think we're done here.
-Oh, great.
-Why don't you go ahead and have a seat.
-Um, I'd like to say something.
-Okay, go ahead, Gil.
From the bottom of my heart, I apologize for my wandering eye over the years.
Those whom I mentally undressed, and you know who you are all I can say - and it's a poor defense - is that I was a product of the thoughtless machismo of my times.
-Thank you, Gil.
-But know this: Gil isn't about to stop loving the ladies.
Thank you, Gil.
I think they like to be called "women" now.
Huh.
Do they ever! How much longer do we have to sit for this nonsense? Well, Frasier, since you're the one who brought us here today, maybe you'd like to take a turn in the warm seat, hmm? Julia, would you be comfortable in helping Frasier learn how he could have related to you in a more office-appropriate manner? Uh, Julia? She's playing solitaire on her palm pilot, Van.
Oh, all right.
Okay, in this "no-fault" rewind, let's find out how Frasier assaulted you.
I did not assault her.
I simply expressed unhappiness that she was taking 15 minutes from my show.
She responded by belittling my profession.
And then he called me a couple of names and asked if I was turned on.
Okay, gang, where did Frasier go wrong? -Bulldog? -People stopped saying "turned on" twenty years ago.
No, look, look! I just misread her her signals.
I thought that her hostility was -displaced attraction.
-No, it was just hostility.
Well, of course it was, that's all there is to you.
Ever since you arrived at this stationwe have reached out to you in friendship and all we've -gotten in return is arrogance and unbridled rudeness.
-It's not rudeness, it's indifference.
I'm sorry I'm not joining your bowling team, but this is just a pit stop for me.
I do not intend on spending the rest of my life at a station that cuts out whenever the janitor vacuums! -No offense! -None taken.
And I don't even know why we're here.
I'm not going to sue your stupid station.
-I mean, how pathetic would that look? -How dare you? At KACL, we are a family.
Every person in this room respects one another No, no, no, hold on a second, Doc, I'll handle this.
You mentioned something about not suing us.
Would you put that in writing? -If it gets us out of here.
-Sure, that should satisfy Legal.
Okay, wait, wait.
This course isn't about Legal! -Okay, it's about making respecting each other's personhood fun.
-Up yours!! -Who said that? -I did! You know, you can act as tough as you want, but I see through you.
Really? You're not in the big leagues anymore.
Blame it on the market.
Blame it on bad luck.
But somewhere in the back of your head is that nagging voice that keeps saying maybe you weren't good enough.
And now that you're here, you won't form relationships, you keep everybody at arm's length, anything to convince yourself that this is just a stop along the way.
And above it all, I think you're terrified that you're going to fail here too.
Then what do I know? I'm just a Magic Eight Ball with a Harvard and Oxford degree.
It's forty-five past the hour, which means it's time once again for the woman who is known as Julia Wilcox.
Thank you, Frasier.
Another up day for the markets, but first these words from Patriot Credit Consolidators.
How many times do I have to tell you, you need to get a comfortable chair in here? -My leg keeps falling asleep while I'm on the air.
-Who doesn't? Frasier perhaps if you're at Nervosa later, I could join you for a cup of coffee or a non-stimulating beverage? Please note that you retain the option to say no.
I appreciate that, and in time I believe that we will be able to establish a collegial relationship.
However, I think we should both acknowledge the feelings of hostility -that remain between us -Oh, just say no.
Honestly, do you ever shut up? -Now, see here, I The rich got richer today on Wall Street.
Not news ordinarily, but after their recent slide, today's rally in large cap does take on a certain "man bites dog" quality.
Speaking of dogs