Fresh Off The Boat (2015) s04e17 Episode Script
Let Me Go, Bro
1 Who are you trying to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco? [CYPRESS HILL'S "INSANE IN THE BRAIN" PLAYS.]
Insane in the membrane Insane in the brain Insane in EDDIE: Ladies and gentlemen, guess whose insane brain is East Orlando High's newest inductee to the National Honor Society.
Your ex-girlfriend, Alison.
It's me.
I made Honor Roll.
I'm sorry.
Am I sleeping? Did the beef stew put me to sleep? Am I at risk of drowning because I'm sleeping facedown in a bowl of beef stew? Not a dream, Ma.
Y'all have been on me to get it together.
Well, I've been here, waking up two minutes before I have to leave for school, crushing that A-minus/B-plus lifestyle.
That's great, Eddie.
I am so proud of you.
Well done, Eddie.
- [GASPS.]
- [GASPS.]
Whoa.
It just goes to show how if you somewhat apply yourself at the last minute, anything is Raaaaugh! Excuse me.
It's okay.
Luckily, I have the number to Pizza Town memorized.
Wait.
No, I don't.
I gotta go find that magnet.
S04E17 Let Me Go, Bro Fresh off the boat I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go If you don't know, homey, now you know Fresh off the boat Homey, you don't know where I come from But I know where I'm goin' I'm fresh off the boat [DOOR OPENS.]
Hey, kiddo.
Got a sec for a big-bro/little-bro tête-à-tête? Oh, God.
Now you speak French? Listen, I know it must be hard for you.
You're used to being the biggest brains in the family.
You've got it all wrong.
I'm happy for you.
Buddy, I know anger-folding when I see it.
Eddie, I am proud of you.
But a thank-you would've been nice.
For what? I'm the reason you're getting into Honor Society.
I'm the reason you've been able to wake up two minutes before school every day! Every morning, I get up early to set your toothbrush and toilet seat.
Then I sneak greens into your lunch for brain development.
And I get your homework, the bus schedule, and exact change in quarters In case of emergency Into your backpack.
I dreamt I was a mer-man.
Huh.
I've been using that change to buy sausage at 7-Eleven.
And you never wondered how it got there? I thought Mom did it.
Please.
Mom's just trying to keep your head above water.
I'm trying to get you to the other side of the pool.
Since when do you care whether or not I do well? Since you started high school, which is the first year of precollege.
I want to visit you at Stanford, not jail.
Well, I didn't ask you to do any of this.
I'm a grown human, taller than Mom and Dad.
I can take care of myself.
I would love to see you get by without all my help.
Good, 'cause that's what I'll do.
G'luck! Don't you mean bonne chance? Stop speaking French! Put your hands where I can see them.
I'm taking you downtown.
Ooh, are we doing this? Officer, I've been baaaaad.
No.
It's from my book.
I just got another round of publisher notes, this time from Vera.
She says my police sections lack authenticity.
"Officer Moretti turns to Jennifer Hong.
'Take a look, Hong.
Those three gunshot holes make the head look like a bowling ball.
But this poor son of a bitch wasn't spared.
'' That's perfect, right? It's not great.
I know.
That Vera has a good eye.
Luckily, Corporal Bryson has agreed to let me do a ride-along with him tomorrow so I can see what a real police officer does all day.
Tomorrow is St.
Patrick's Day.
Perfect.
The Irish love any excuse to break the rules.
Look at the band U2.
Not even spelling is safe.
Tomorrow we're doing a special St.
Patrick's Day menu at Cattleman's.
Matthew Chestnut says it's a huge moneymaker.
[CHUCKLES.]
I love that guy.
He's like whiskey Burns your throat going down, but then it gives you some good ideas, and eventually you come to depend on it.
Okay, tell me what you think.
Okay.
Too much? If I were a cop, I'd arrest you for aggravated assault of the eyes.
Okaaaaay.
[UP-TEMPO FOLK MUSIC PLAYING.]
Kenny O'Rogers' Michael O'Bolton's Cattleman's O'Ranch.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
It's perfect.
Thanks for your help, Marvin.
I love a drinkin' man's holiday.
This, Father's Day, Saturday.
Hey, hey, hey! [CHUCKLES.]
Happy St.
Pat's Day, friends.
Whoa.
I love a bold suit.
The green kind of washes you out, but who cares, huh? St.
Pat's is a day you can do whatever you want.
I took a taxi here.
[LAUGHTER.]
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Top o' the morning, all! Let's get this sham a-rocking, shall we? Cattleman's O'Ranch.
Oh, Kenny Rogers.
Hello, sir.
Louis, I have some sad news.
What happened? Is it Dolly? It's Roasters.
We're filing for bankruptcy.
You'll get a chance to buy back my half of your restaurant for pennies on the dollar.
Yes! [LAUGHS.]
Oh, no.
Koo Koo Roo got ya, huh? Afraid so.
Tell Matthew Chestnut he's fired for me.
Wait.
Me? Why do I have to do it? Because I don't want to.
Call me when it's done.
[LINE DISCONNECTS.]
[UP-TEMPO FOLK MUSIC PLAYING.]
Most cops wear standard-issue slacks, but I go with the tighter motorcycle pants 'cause I like the range of motion.
But in the summertime, I switch to shorts Horse-cop shorts, not bike-cop shorts.
Shouldn't you be writing this down? No.
This is all unusable.
I'm waiting for something exciting to happen.
DISPATCH: All units, we've got a J-2-9-9er in progress.
Someone at the precinct offered to go on a coffee run.
"J" is Java.
299 is funny 'cause a cup usually costs Yes.
Good morning.
Emery, you look bored.
- I'm not bored.
- Yeah, you seem bored.
Come have a seat.
Eddie's gonna try and get himself out the door for school without my help.
Look.
His homework - Nowhere near his backpack.
- Hmm.
The morning promises to be quite the poop show.
He's brushing his teeth in the kitchen? Is he gonna spit it in the [GULPS.]
Oh, my God.
He swallowed it! Guess that counts as breakfast.
Look! Unmatched shoes! He's doing everything wrong.
But he's getting it done.
Surprised? I got up a whole five minutes earlier today.
The sun looked different.
[HORN HONKS.]
There's my ride.
What about your lunch? We're swinging by Jack in the Box.
I'm treating Nicole to a Breakfast Jack for giving me a ride to the Honor Society pinning tonight.
Later, nerds.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Aha! I knew it.
He left his homework.
Later, 10-second-older nerds.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
He really doesn't need me.
Hey, I still need you.
Do you want to make me some pancakes or something? I've hit my limit with you early today.
Okay, yeah, got it, Nicole.
Y'know, I thought of you the other day Oh, no, no, no.
It's okay.
Next time, next time.
We're all busy.
[CLOCK TICKING.]
[SIGHS.]
[FINGERS TAPPING.]
[SIGHS.]
Hi, Evan.
Are you puttering around your yard? I'm just giving things a once-over, like you do.
Sometimes she gets sticky.
What's going on? I used to spend a lot of time helping Eddie, and now I'm not.
Do you think our curb numbers need re-stenciling? Can you read those? I know how you feel.
I used to do a lot for Marvin, and then I stopped so I could focus on my pregnancy.
It was tough at first.
Marvin rips open cereal bags like an animal.
I mean literally from the side, with his teeth.
Eddie does everything the wrong way, too.
This morning, he left the house in unmatched shoes.
Marvin drives 12 miles out of his way to go to a dry-cleaner because he likes to read the phrase of the day on their sign.
Oh, I know that place.
When the Monica Lewinsky news broke, they put up the word Do you know what might help you? A hobby.
It's a great distraction.
It's calming to have something mindless to focus your energy on.
That's what Eddie was.
Hohh, up top! [CLICKS TONGUE, SIGHS.]
I have always liked yarn work.
Oh, I got that on my trip to Chichen Itza.
[CHUCKLES.]
Más barato! Más barato! I bargained for it hard.
Then, in chapter eight, Sergeant Moretti says to Corporal Turetti Why are all the cops Italian? Because they're cops.
Cops have all different kinds of names and ethnicities.
In my unit, we have an Officer Pemberton-Giles.
[SIGHS.]
That name is so long.
It would add like nine pages to my book.
Uh-oh.
Oh, no.
[SIREN WAILING.]
Hey! Real police action.
Hey, you! You need to curb your dog.
Did you not see the sign? No.
Sorry.
I didn't.
Oh.
All right, then.
Need a bag? Thank you, Officer.
[SIGHS.]
I'll throw this away for you.
Have a great day.
Thanks.
You took the poop.
Our job is to serve and protect.
This is the serve part.
There's a sealed receptacle in front of the Wells Fargo.
I told you, I'm not sitting next to the poop.
Either the poop is in the front and I am in the back or the poop is in the back and I am in the front.
Look at him.
So happy.
[CUSTOMERS CHEERING.]
The only thing he loves more than St.
Patrick's Day is Kenny Rogers.
How can I tell him he's been fired by the man he loves on the day he loves? Easy.
Don't tell him.
We had a saying in the Navy "Don't ruin shore leave.
" Save it for the sea.
Right.
Yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
Why ruin his St.
Pat's? - I'll tell him tomorrow.
- All right.
I mean, the man took a taxi here.
[MID-TEMPO BAGPIPE MUSIC PLAYING.]
Oh, pretty.
What is it? It's a Mayan hook rug depicting an ancient game, similar to soccer, but instead of balls, people kick around the heads of men.
Oh.
Is there a women's league? [DOOR OPENS.]
EDDIE: Evan! I need that bus schedule and exact change you're always pushing.
Nicole was supposed to drive me to the Honor Society ceremony and she never showed.
Mom and Dad are off on their work things, and you know I'm not walking.
Well, well, well.
- Look who needs his little brother - Evan, there's no time.
The schedules! Well, well, well.
Look who needs his little brother after all.
Really? You bought a bus ticket just to gloat? Of course not.
I have a pass.
You want me to say I needed your help? Fine.
I needed your help.
Thank you! Finally! Orlando Ear, Nose, and Throat Clinic.
Oh, sorry.
I'm not requesting a stop.
I'm just celebrating.
Well, me too, kid.
Every day here is a celebration for me.
I'm celebrating paying my rent.
Whoo-hoo! It's a damn party in here.
[HORN HONKING.]
DISPATCH: All units, we've got a signal 7 on Harbor Gate Circle.
What's that? Someone buy a skirt at The Limited and accidentally walk out of the store with the security tag on? It's a dead body.
Really? You can come along, but we have to follow procedure to the letter.
Once we're on the scene, it is imperative that you hang back, observe, and do not touch anything.
I am ready.
It seems like a heart attack.
I've been his caretaker for a few years now, and it's been a long time coming.
He was watching "Suddenly Susan" and just clutched his arm and went down.
Suddenly.
Like Susan.
Oh, his robe opened when he fell.
Do you want me to close it? No, we should leave him as is until the coroner bags him.
[GAGS.]
He was laughing at a Susan joke when he passed.
See the frozen smile on his face? Oh [CHUCKLES.]
the corpse is giving a thumbs-up.
[CHUCKLES.]
Looks like rigor mortis set in.
[VOMITING.]
Yep.
Yep, the flesh is starting to purple.
This our body? [MID-TEMPO BAGPIPE MUSIC PLAYING.]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Whiskeys for all, on the Chestnut! [ALL CHEERING.]
Whoo! Whoa, Matthew, is that a good idea? It's a great idea.
I just got off the phone with my wife.
We're putting a down payment on a house.
What? It's time I grow roots in Orlando, and I have never made a bad decision on St.
Pat's Day.
Marvin, something's happening here.
[CHUCKLES.]
You want to weigh in? Shore leave? [STRAINED VOICE.]
I can't! Um Matthew, we need to talk.
Kenny Rogers called.
Did he call to wish me St.
Pat's? No.
He did not.
Roasters is ling for bankruptcy.
Kenny has to let you go.
I see.
I need a moment.
Yeah.
[COIN CLINKS.]
[JUKEBOX WHIRS.]
On a warm summer's evenin' on a train bound for nowhere I met up with a gambler We were both too tired to sleep So we took turns a-starin' Out the window at the darkness You think he'll see that, or should I have tapped him on the shoulder? And he began to speak Dude, what the hell? "What the hell," you! You were supposed to pick me up at my house.
No, you were supposed to meet me at the mall.
I-I called and told Evan to tell you.
Nicole, what are you even doing here? I'm getting my Honor Society pin.
You're in the Honor Society? I thought you were just his ride.
My grades skyrocketed since I came out.
Turns out I was hella distracted.
You didn't tell me on purpose so I'd have to come crawling back to you for the bus schedule.
In my defense, I thought she was just dropping you off and you would never find out.
Jerk move, little bro.
I can't believe Eddie wanted to walk home.
He hates walking.
I guess he hates you more right now.
Clever.
Somebody earned that pin.
Thank you for the ride.
It's very smooth for a car made of plastic.
What's your car made out of? Mm-mnh.
It's smooth because Eddie reminded me to get my oil changed.
What? No way.
The Saturn is where we talk when things get real, and he said he wanted to make sure our safe space stayed safe.
I think you've been underestimating him.
[DOOR OPENS.]
The carnation, known throughout history as the "I'm sorry" flower.
Don't wanna hear it.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Oh.
"I'm sorry" flowers.
What did you do? JESSICA: I'm so embarrassed.
I've seen bodies before, at funerals, but never in the wild.
There was no makeup.
He wasn't in his best suit.
He was just lying there in an open robe lying where he fell.
"Lying where he fell.
" That's good.
I can use that.
At least one good thing came out of today.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Look, you wanted to learn about cops.
This is it Talking it out after a hard shift, being there for each other, being human.
- Authentic.
- Mm-hmm.
You're all right, Moretti.
You're not so bad yourself, Turetti.
A call just came in for you two.
Thanks, Pemberton-Giles.
I call shotgun.
Not the seat in the car The weapon.
I want to be ready.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
How's that cabbage taste? "The Gambler" said it right "The best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.
" I had no idea that song got so dark.
I always thought it was a happy poker song.
No happy songs take place on trains, Louis.
What about "Chattanooga Choo Choo"? That's true.
I can't even talk about trains right.
Listen, you don't have to pray for death to find you in the night.
You've turned out to be a loyal friend and a hell of a good guy.
If you want it, there will always be a job for you here at Cattleman's Ranch.
Buddy/new boss thank you.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[GROANS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Noise complaint came into the precinct, and it looks like this establishment is way over capacity.
[CUSTOMERS MURMURING.]
[STILTED.]
Officer, what's happening? [NORMAL VOICE.]
Thanks for coming.
Like I said on the phone, we're almost out of stout, and I'm afraid these people will riot.
Everybody out, or I'll cite you all for drunk and disorderly.
You first, Conan O'Brien.
Well, you heard the man.
Sorry, folks.
Uh, take a shamrock and bring it back for 10% off ribs on your next visit.
D-Don't listen to him.
He's drunk.
No discounts on the ribs.
[CUSTOMERS GROANING.]
[GASPS.]
The fuzz.
Hide, Louis! Hide! Ah! Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Ah, ah! Okay, pass your homework forward, and then we'll dig in to Dickens.
My homework.
I I forgot it.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING.]
I can't believe it.
I've been so focused on Eddie, I forgot about myself.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
What up, Ms.
D.
? Huang in the house! Did you get your March Madness bracket turned in to Mr.
Carlson yet? I saw you took UNLV to go all the way.
Bold.
[SCOFFS.]
Can I borrow my little bro for five? Five? No one talks for five.
He's your blood.
Take 10.
You forgot something this morning.
My essay! I had to go back home because I forgot my wallet.
Actually, I forgot my whole book bag.
Full disclosure I was wearing my swimsuit.
I thought it was Saturday.
And I saw it on the coffee table.
You did this for me? But I've been such a jerk to you.
I'm still mad, but I know how important homework is to you.
I want to visit you at Stanford, not Georgia Tech.
Whoa.
But what about your school? Turns out Honor Society students can roll in late to homeroom because the monitor trusts them.
If I'd known, I would have gotten one of these years ago.
I'm sorry I underestimated you.
I guess I liked knowing you depended on me.
I've grown up.
I know it's hard, little brother, but it's time.
You need to let me go.
Guess I do.
But you were right about one thing I owe you a thank-you for the Honor Society.
Every good habit I have, I learned from watching you.
Pffft.
As Marcus Aurelius said, "Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be.
Be one.
" Wow.
You get that from the dry-cleaner's sign? From Marvin, who got it from the dry-cleaner's sign.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON TELEVISION.]
Good.
You're all here.
[REMOTE CONTROL CLATTERS.]
I've revised my book, and I'm sending the new pages to Vera.
"Jennifer Hong spots the cold, dead corpse spilling out of its open bathrobe.
Unafraid to show her humanity, she vomits.
Captain Pemberton-Giles smiles.
'That's why she's the best.
She hasn't forgotten how to feel.
'" - Hmm.
- Mm.
It's good.
Oh, I also revised my author bio.
"Jessica Huang Wife, mother, has seen a dead body.
" Morning, all! Slept through literally all of yesterday, but today I am feeling F-I-N-E fine.
It's so odd I haven't heard from Kenny in a while.
He usually calls me to wish me a happy St.
Pat's.
Uh, Matthew, how much do you remember from St.
Patrick's Day? I remember coming to work in a taxi and dancing a jig and trading hats with Mark the Bear, and after that, um it's blur city, man.
Oh.
Um, sit down.
Okay.
I have to tell you something again.
Uh, but before I start, just know there is a happy ending.
Oh, I already know I got a tattoo there, and I'm okay with it.
[SIGHS.]
Insane in the membrane Insane in the brain Insane in EDDIE: Ladies and gentlemen, guess whose insane brain is East Orlando High's newest inductee to the National Honor Society.
Your ex-girlfriend, Alison.
It's me.
I made Honor Roll.
I'm sorry.
Am I sleeping? Did the beef stew put me to sleep? Am I at risk of drowning because I'm sleeping facedown in a bowl of beef stew? Not a dream, Ma.
Y'all have been on me to get it together.
Well, I've been here, waking up two minutes before I have to leave for school, crushing that A-minus/B-plus lifestyle.
That's great, Eddie.
I am so proud of you.
Well done, Eddie.
- [GASPS.]
- [GASPS.]
Whoa.
It just goes to show how if you somewhat apply yourself at the last minute, anything is Raaaaugh! Excuse me.
It's okay.
Luckily, I have the number to Pizza Town memorized.
Wait.
No, I don't.
I gotta go find that magnet.
S04E17 Let Me Go, Bro Fresh off the boat I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go If you don't know, homey, now you know Fresh off the boat Homey, you don't know where I come from But I know where I'm goin' I'm fresh off the boat [DOOR OPENS.]
Hey, kiddo.
Got a sec for a big-bro/little-bro tête-à-tête? Oh, God.
Now you speak French? Listen, I know it must be hard for you.
You're used to being the biggest brains in the family.
You've got it all wrong.
I'm happy for you.
Buddy, I know anger-folding when I see it.
Eddie, I am proud of you.
But a thank-you would've been nice.
For what? I'm the reason you're getting into Honor Society.
I'm the reason you've been able to wake up two minutes before school every day! Every morning, I get up early to set your toothbrush and toilet seat.
Then I sneak greens into your lunch for brain development.
And I get your homework, the bus schedule, and exact change in quarters In case of emergency Into your backpack.
I dreamt I was a mer-man.
Huh.
I've been using that change to buy sausage at 7-Eleven.
And you never wondered how it got there? I thought Mom did it.
Please.
Mom's just trying to keep your head above water.
I'm trying to get you to the other side of the pool.
Since when do you care whether or not I do well? Since you started high school, which is the first year of precollege.
I want to visit you at Stanford, not jail.
Well, I didn't ask you to do any of this.
I'm a grown human, taller than Mom and Dad.
I can take care of myself.
I would love to see you get by without all my help.
Good, 'cause that's what I'll do.
G'luck! Don't you mean bonne chance? Stop speaking French! Put your hands where I can see them.
I'm taking you downtown.
Ooh, are we doing this? Officer, I've been baaaaad.
No.
It's from my book.
I just got another round of publisher notes, this time from Vera.
She says my police sections lack authenticity.
"Officer Moretti turns to Jennifer Hong.
'Take a look, Hong.
Those three gunshot holes make the head look like a bowling ball.
But this poor son of a bitch wasn't spared.
'' That's perfect, right? It's not great.
I know.
That Vera has a good eye.
Luckily, Corporal Bryson has agreed to let me do a ride-along with him tomorrow so I can see what a real police officer does all day.
Tomorrow is St.
Patrick's Day.
Perfect.
The Irish love any excuse to break the rules.
Look at the band U2.
Not even spelling is safe.
Tomorrow we're doing a special St.
Patrick's Day menu at Cattleman's.
Matthew Chestnut says it's a huge moneymaker.
[CHUCKLES.]
I love that guy.
He's like whiskey Burns your throat going down, but then it gives you some good ideas, and eventually you come to depend on it.
Okay, tell me what you think.
Okay.
Too much? If I were a cop, I'd arrest you for aggravated assault of the eyes.
Okaaaaay.
[UP-TEMPO FOLK MUSIC PLAYING.]
Kenny O'Rogers' Michael O'Bolton's Cattleman's O'Ranch.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
It's perfect.
Thanks for your help, Marvin.
I love a drinkin' man's holiday.
This, Father's Day, Saturday.
Hey, hey, hey! [CHUCKLES.]
Happy St.
Pat's Day, friends.
Whoa.
I love a bold suit.
The green kind of washes you out, but who cares, huh? St.
Pat's is a day you can do whatever you want.
I took a taxi here.
[LAUGHTER.]
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Top o' the morning, all! Let's get this sham a-rocking, shall we? Cattleman's O'Ranch.
Oh, Kenny Rogers.
Hello, sir.
Louis, I have some sad news.
What happened? Is it Dolly? It's Roasters.
We're filing for bankruptcy.
You'll get a chance to buy back my half of your restaurant for pennies on the dollar.
Yes! [LAUGHS.]
Oh, no.
Koo Koo Roo got ya, huh? Afraid so.
Tell Matthew Chestnut he's fired for me.
Wait.
Me? Why do I have to do it? Because I don't want to.
Call me when it's done.
[LINE DISCONNECTS.]
[UP-TEMPO FOLK MUSIC PLAYING.]
Most cops wear standard-issue slacks, but I go with the tighter motorcycle pants 'cause I like the range of motion.
But in the summertime, I switch to shorts Horse-cop shorts, not bike-cop shorts.
Shouldn't you be writing this down? No.
This is all unusable.
I'm waiting for something exciting to happen.
DISPATCH: All units, we've got a J-2-9-9er in progress.
Someone at the precinct offered to go on a coffee run.
"J" is Java.
299 is funny 'cause a cup usually costs Yes.
Good morning.
Emery, you look bored.
- I'm not bored.
- Yeah, you seem bored.
Come have a seat.
Eddie's gonna try and get himself out the door for school without my help.
Look.
His homework - Nowhere near his backpack.
- Hmm.
The morning promises to be quite the poop show.
He's brushing his teeth in the kitchen? Is he gonna spit it in the [GULPS.]
Oh, my God.
He swallowed it! Guess that counts as breakfast.
Look! Unmatched shoes! He's doing everything wrong.
But he's getting it done.
Surprised? I got up a whole five minutes earlier today.
The sun looked different.
[HORN HONKS.]
There's my ride.
What about your lunch? We're swinging by Jack in the Box.
I'm treating Nicole to a Breakfast Jack for giving me a ride to the Honor Society pinning tonight.
Later, nerds.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Aha! I knew it.
He left his homework.
Later, 10-second-older nerds.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
He really doesn't need me.
Hey, I still need you.
Do you want to make me some pancakes or something? I've hit my limit with you early today.
Okay, yeah, got it, Nicole.
Y'know, I thought of you the other day Oh, no, no, no.
It's okay.
Next time, next time.
We're all busy.
[CLOCK TICKING.]
[SIGHS.]
[FINGERS TAPPING.]
[SIGHS.]
Hi, Evan.
Are you puttering around your yard? I'm just giving things a once-over, like you do.
Sometimes she gets sticky.
What's going on? I used to spend a lot of time helping Eddie, and now I'm not.
Do you think our curb numbers need re-stenciling? Can you read those? I know how you feel.
I used to do a lot for Marvin, and then I stopped so I could focus on my pregnancy.
It was tough at first.
Marvin rips open cereal bags like an animal.
I mean literally from the side, with his teeth.
Eddie does everything the wrong way, too.
This morning, he left the house in unmatched shoes.
Marvin drives 12 miles out of his way to go to a dry-cleaner because he likes to read the phrase of the day on their sign.
Oh, I know that place.
When the Monica Lewinsky news broke, they put up the word Do you know what might help you? A hobby.
It's a great distraction.
It's calming to have something mindless to focus your energy on.
That's what Eddie was.
Hohh, up top! [CLICKS TONGUE, SIGHS.]
I have always liked yarn work.
Oh, I got that on my trip to Chichen Itza.
[CHUCKLES.]
Más barato! Más barato! I bargained for it hard.
Then, in chapter eight, Sergeant Moretti says to Corporal Turetti Why are all the cops Italian? Because they're cops.
Cops have all different kinds of names and ethnicities.
In my unit, we have an Officer Pemberton-Giles.
[SIGHS.]
That name is so long.
It would add like nine pages to my book.
Uh-oh.
Oh, no.
[SIREN WAILING.]
Hey! Real police action.
Hey, you! You need to curb your dog.
Did you not see the sign? No.
Sorry.
I didn't.
Oh.
All right, then.
Need a bag? Thank you, Officer.
[SIGHS.]
I'll throw this away for you.
Have a great day.
Thanks.
You took the poop.
Our job is to serve and protect.
This is the serve part.
There's a sealed receptacle in front of the Wells Fargo.
I told you, I'm not sitting next to the poop.
Either the poop is in the front and I am in the back or the poop is in the back and I am in the front.
Look at him.
So happy.
[CUSTOMERS CHEERING.]
The only thing he loves more than St.
Patrick's Day is Kenny Rogers.
How can I tell him he's been fired by the man he loves on the day he loves? Easy.
Don't tell him.
We had a saying in the Navy "Don't ruin shore leave.
" Save it for the sea.
Right.
Yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
Why ruin his St.
Pat's? - I'll tell him tomorrow.
- All right.
I mean, the man took a taxi here.
[MID-TEMPO BAGPIPE MUSIC PLAYING.]
Oh, pretty.
What is it? It's a Mayan hook rug depicting an ancient game, similar to soccer, but instead of balls, people kick around the heads of men.
Oh.
Is there a women's league? [DOOR OPENS.]
EDDIE: Evan! I need that bus schedule and exact change you're always pushing.
Nicole was supposed to drive me to the Honor Society ceremony and she never showed.
Mom and Dad are off on their work things, and you know I'm not walking.
Well, well, well.
- Look who needs his little brother - Evan, there's no time.
The schedules! Well, well, well.
Look who needs his little brother after all.
Really? You bought a bus ticket just to gloat? Of course not.
I have a pass.
You want me to say I needed your help? Fine.
I needed your help.
Thank you! Finally! Orlando Ear, Nose, and Throat Clinic.
Oh, sorry.
I'm not requesting a stop.
I'm just celebrating.
Well, me too, kid.
Every day here is a celebration for me.
I'm celebrating paying my rent.
Whoo-hoo! It's a damn party in here.
[HORN HONKING.]
DISPATCH: All units, we've got a signal 7 on Harbor Gate Circle.
What's that? Someone buy a skirt at The Limited and accidentally walk out of the store with the security tag on? It's a dead body.
Really? You can come along, but we have to follow procedure to the letter.
Once we're on the scene, it is imperative that you hang back, observe, and do not touch anything.
I am ready.
It seems like a heart attack.
I've been his caretaker for a few years now, and it's been a long time coming.
He was watching "Suddenly Susan" and just clutched his arm and went down.
Suddenly.
Like Susan.
Oh, his robe opened when he fell.
Do you want me to close it? No, we should leave him as is until the coroner bags him.
[GAGS.]
He was laughing at a Susan joke when he passed.
See the frozen smile on his face? Oh [CHUCKLES.]
the corpse is giving a thumbs-up.
[CHUCKLES.]
Looks like rigor mortis set in.
[VOMITING.]
Yep.
Yep, the flesh is starting to purple.
This our body? [MID-TEMPO BAGPIPE MUSIC PLAYING.]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Whiskeys for all, on the Chestnut! [ALL CHEERING.]
Whoo! Whoa, Matthew, is that a good idea? It's a great idea.
I just got off the phone with my wife.
We're putting a down payment on a house.
What? It's time I grow roots in Orlando, and I have never made a bad decision on St.
Pat's Day.
Marvin, something's happening here.
[CHUCKLES.]
You want to weigh in? Shore leave? [STRAINED VOICE.]
I can't! Um Matthew, we need to talk.
Kenny Rogers called.
Did he call to wish me St.
Pat's? No.
He did not.
Roasters is ling for bankruptcy.
Kenny has to let you go.
I see.
I need a moment.
Yeah.
[COIN CLINKS.]
[JUKEBOX WHIRS.]
On a warm summer's evenin' on a train bound for nowhere I met up with a gambler We were both too tired to sleep So we took turns a-starin' Out the window at the darkness You think he'll see that, or should I have tapped him on the shoulder? And he began to speak Dude, what the hell? "What the hell," you! You were supposed to pick me up at my house.
No, you were supposed to meet me at the mall.
I-I called and told Evan to tell you.
Nicole, what are you even doing here? I'm getting my Honor Society pin.
You're in the Honor Society? I thought you were just his ride.
My grades skyrocketed since I came out.
Turns out I was hella distracted.
You didn't tell me on purpose so I'd have to come crawling back to you for the bus schedule.
In my defense, I thought she was just dropping you off and you would never find out.
Jerk move, little bro.
I can't believe Eddie wanted to walk home.
He hates walking.
I guess he hates you more right now.
Clever.
Somebody earned that pin.
Thank you for the ride.
It's very smooth for a car made of plastic.
What's your car made out of? Mm-mnh.
It's smooth because Eddie reminded me to get my oil changed.
What? No way.
The Saturn is where we talk when things get real, and he said he wanted to make sure our safe space stayed safe.
I think you've been underestimating him.
[DOOR OPENS.]
The carnation, known throughout history as the "I'm sorry" flower.
Don't wanna hear it.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Oh.
"I'm sorry" flowers.
What did you do? JESSICA: I'm so embarrassed.
I've seen bodies before, at funerals, but never in the wild.
There was no makeup.
He wasn't in his best suit.
He was just lying there in an open robe lying where he fell.
"Lying where he fell.
" That's good.
I can use that.
At least one good thing came out of today.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Look, you wanted to learn about cops.
This is it Talking it out after a hard shift, being there for each other, being human.
- Authentic.
- Mm-hmm.
You're all right, Moretti.
You're not so bad yourself, Turetti.
A call just came in for you two.
Thanks, Pemberton-Giles.
I call shotgun.
Not the seat in the car The weapon.
I want to be ready.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
How's that cabbage taste? "The Gambler" said it right "The best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.
" I had no idea that song got so dark.
I always thought it was a happy poker song.
No happy songs take place on trains, Louis.
What about "Chattanooga Choo Choo"? That's true.
I can't even talk about trains right.
Listen, you don't have to pray for death to find you in the night.
You've turned out to be a loyal friend and a hell of a good guy.
If you want it, there will always be a job for you here at Cattleman's Ranch.
Buddy/new boss thank you.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[GROANS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Noise complaint came into the precinct, and it looks like this establishment is way over capacity.
[CUSTOMERS MURMURING.]
[STILTED.]
Officer, what's happening? [NORMAL VOICE.]
Thanks for coming.
Like I said on the phone, we're almost out of stout, and I'm afraid these people will riot.
Everybody out, or I'll cite you all for drunk and disorderly.
You first, Conan O'Brien.
Well, you heard the man.
Sorry, folks.
Uh, take a shamrock and bring it back for 10% off ribs on your next visit.
D-Don't listen to him.
He's drunk.
No discounts on the ribs.
[CUSTOMERS GROANING.]
[GASPS.]
The fuzz.
Hide, Louis! Hide! Ah! Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Ah, ah! Okay, pass your homework forward, and then we'll dig in to Dickens.
My homework.
I I forgot it.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING.]
I can't believe it.
I've been so focused on Eddie, I forgot about myself.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
What up, Ms.
D.
? Huang in the house! Did you get your March Madness bracket turned in to Mr.
Carlson yet? I saw you took UNLV to go all the way.
Bold.
[SCOFFS.]
Can I borrow my little bro for five? Five? No one talks for five.
He's your blood.
Take 10.
You forgot something this morning.
My essay! I had to go back home because I forgot my wallet.
Actually, I forgot my whole book bag.
Full disclosure I was wearing my swimsuit.
I thought it was Saturday.
And I saw it on the coffee table.
You did this for me? But I've been such a jerk to you.
I'm still mad, but I know how important homework is to you.
I want to visit you at Stanford, not Georgia Tech.
Whoa.
But what about your school? Turns out Honor Society students can roll in late to homeroom because the monitor trusts them.
If I'd known, I would have gotten one of these years ago.
I'm sorry I underestimated you.
I guess I liked knowing you depended on me.
I've grown up.
I know it's hard, little brother, but it's time.
You need to let me go.
Guess I do.
But you were right about one thing I owe you a thank-you for the Honor Society.
Every good habit I have, I learned from watching you.
Pffft.
As Marcus Aurelius said, "Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be.
Be one.
" Wow.
You get that from the dry-cleaner's sign? From Marvin, who got it from the dry-cleaner's sign.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON TELEVISION.]
Good.
You're all here.
[REMOTE CONTROL CLATTERS.]
I've revised my book, and I'm sending the new pages to Vera.
"Jennifer Hong spots the cold, dead corpse spilling out of its open bathrobe.
Unafraid to show her humanity, she vomits.
Captain Pemberton-Giles smiles.
'That's why she's the best.
She hasn't forgotten how to feel.
'" - Hmm.
- Mm.
It's good.
Oh, I also revised my author bio.
"Jessica Huang Wife, mother, has seen a dead body.
" Morning, all! Slept through literally all of yesterday, but today I am feeling F-I-N-E fine.
It's so odd I haven't heard from Kenny in a while.
He usually calls me to wish me a happy St.
Pat's.
Uh, Matthew, how much do you remember from St.
Patrick's Day? I remember coming to work in a taxi and dancing a jig and trading hats with Mark the Bear, and after that, um it's blur city, man.
Oh.
Um, sit down.
Okay.
I have to tell you something again.
Uh, but before I start, just know there is a happy ending.
Oh, I already know I got a tattoo there, and I'm okay with it.
[SIGHS.]