Friends s05e17 Episode Script

-Good! You guys are all here.
-What's up? I have a job interview at Ralph Lauren tomorrow.
Congratulations! Oh, boy.
That guy's underwear sucks! -What? -Well, I got this pair marked "XS.
" Let me tell you, there was no room for excess anything in there.
I'll be the coordinator of the women's collection.
I'll work right under the director.
It's the perfect job for me! If you nail the interview, you'll get it.
You want to work on your interview skills? Let's start with the handshake.
Very good handshake.
Good wrist action.
Let me try.
Oh, my God! What did I ever do to you? Did I squeeze too hard? Let's just say I'm glad I'm not Chandler.
The One with Rachel's lnadvertent Kiss That's right, Ross.
I can see you in your new apartment.
Same as yesterday, same as the day before.
Is he doing his "shark attack" bit? No.
Oh, wait! There he goes.
Very funny, Ross.
Very lifelike and funny.
No, no.
I wasn't waving at you, lady.
Whoa, maybe I was.
This hot girl in Ross' building is flirting with me.
Get in there, man.
Flirt back.
Mix it up! Yeah, I'm down with that.
Okay, here goes.
How you doing? It worked! She's waving me over.
I'll be right over.
Let's see, she's on the third floor.
-She is pretty, huh? -Tell me about it.
No, no! I'm not with her.
That's just Monica.
Hey, Joey! Great stuff, huh? This your place? Yeah, of course it is.
Come on in.
Go by the window.
You can pretend to be surfing.
I counted.
You're not supposed to live here! Oh, man! What happened? I ended up at Ross' place.
I must have miscounted or something.
Damn! She's not there anymore.
Look, Ross is doing his "watching TV" bit.
No, Joe, I think he's just watching TV.
We've lost visual contact with the suspect.
Okay, now I really have to go.
It's so unfair that our date has to get cut short just because some guy shot at a store clerk.
-I know, but it's my job.
-Then maybe I could come too.
Suspect has just emerged naked from the sewer.
All right, you go.
-Oh, God! -What? Oh, I just miss him so much! For just a week, you guys are close.
Yeah, it's weird.
I can't help it.
He's so sweet.
He's like this little puppy dog, you know? But like a really tough one who shoots bad guys.
I love the beginning parts of relationships.
You can't keep your hands off each other.
I know.
It is the best.
How long did that last for you and Chandler? What? It's still going on.
Come on, seriously.
When did it end? I am serious.
We're all over each other all the time.
Okay, you know where you are better than I do.
Why don't you just calm down? Get all your facts before you tell everybody you're the only hot couple.
God, I woke the beast.
I was wrong, obviously.
I just misspoke.
It's okay.
It is okay.
As long as you know Chandler and l are also hot and fiery.
Just as hot as you.
I mean, our flame.
It is on fire! Here's your broom back.
You are so cute! The cute bar keeps getting lower and lower, doesn't it? How'd the interview go? Horrible! I did the stupidest, most embarrassing thing.
Did you say you wanted to have sex with his wife then fall off your chair? Did you get drunk on the way over there? Well, that explains why you didn't do the other stuff.
So, what happened? It was horrible! And the interview part went so well.
I even made him laugh.
He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah, if you've got enough life jackets.
" Trust me.
It was actually very funny.
Anyway, we were saying goodbye and.
What happened? We were shaking hands and he leaned in toward me.
Maybe he was opening the door but I totally misread him and I.
You kissed him? I didn't know what else to do! You could have tried not kissing him.
Thanks, Chandler.
A guy from Ralph Lauren called.
You got a second interview.
Monica, that's not funny.
Oh, okay.
A guy from Ralph Lauren called You got a second interview Oh, my God, Monica, you better be serious.
You just told me to be funny! Oh, my God.
I can't believe it! I got a second interview.
That kiss isn't looking like such a mistake now, is it? You don't think that's why he wants me back? Yeah! No? What are you talking about? I accidentally kissed him in the interview and now he wants me back because, "Let's bring back the girl who kisses everybody!" Come on, Rach.
What if he thinks I'll just sleep with him? He wants you back because you're right for the job.
Maybe.
I don't know.
Oh, God! How could I be so stupid? Rachel, don't say that.
I think you just need a hug from Joey.
Come on.
Come on.
She's back! Hot girl's back! Well, I'm not totally back yet, but I appreciate it.
No.
In Ross' building.
She's back! Wait there.
I'll be over in a second.
One, two, three.
Got it! I gotta check out this hot girl.
There she is! Damn it! Did you move? Yes.
I lived with you for a while.
Then I found this place.
I'm Ross.
Do you happen to have a hot girl in there? No, I'm all alone.
Yeah.
Sorry about that.
Hey, little girl.
Is your mommy or sister or babysitter, by any chance, a hot girl? -Daddy! -Later, girl! Oh, man! Hot girl? Hot girl! Hi, Rachel.
Come on in.
-It's nice to see you again.
-Thank you.
What? -Excuse me? -Yeah, let me Okay, I see what's going on here.
Now, look I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.
But I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead.
Even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me! I do not want this job that bad.
Good day, sir.
If you're going in there to see Mr.
Zelner, I hope you're ready to put out.
I am.
You are not gonna believe what that sleazeball from Ralph Lauren did to me! Okay, that's amazing! How did you know that? You got ink on your lip.
What do you say, maybe, sometime I hold your gun? We're not supposed to do that.
What could happen? I mean Yeah.
I'm gonna say no.
-Do you want to see a movie tonight? -We can't.
We already have plans.
What are you doing? Well, same thing we did all day.
Just hang out at Gary's apartment.
He is so amazing.
We never left the bedroom.
But have fun at the movie.
Well, we're not seeing a movie.
Then why did you ask us if we wanted to go? Because I just wanted to know what you were doing so you wouldn't walk in on me and Chandler while we were doing it all night.
Will you excuse me? Chandler? Can I see you for a second? -We have got to beat them! -Why? Because Gary and Phoebe think they're a hotter couple than us.
So? So we've gotta go have a lot of sex and prove them wrong! You've got to stop this competitive thing.
It's crazy.
Just to impress them, you want us to have sex over and over and I'm saying no to this, why? Get your coat! Excuse me.
You should check this out.
Tell the other tenants.
Apparently, he's looking for some kind of hot girl.
Who isn't? I don't think we've met.
I'm Ross.
I know.
You're the guy who wouldn't chip in for the handyman.
Never mind.
I actually thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted.
I mean, you had just moved in.
I had just moved in! Thank you! Listen.
Jen.
I know this may sound a little.
But would you want to grab a cup of coffee sometime? Sure, that would be nice.
My number's on there.
Give me a call.
I will give you a call.
-I'll see you later.
-Okay.
I forgot my paper.
That was amazing.
Phoebe and Gary are so gonna hear about this at dinner.
That was amazing.
We are the hottest, huh? No one is hotter than we are.
-We're the best.
-No, you're the best.
-No, you're the best.
-No, you're the best.
I am the best.
Hey, guys.
What you been doing? Isn't that the girl who waved at you? I don't know, but I can see through your sheet.
Yeah, that's her.
You know, it doesn't matter.
I'll never meet her.
It's impossible to find her apartment! She lives in some hot-girl parallel universe or something.
What are you talking about? She lives on the 2nd floor, No, she lives on the 3rd floor, No.
Those first two windows, that's the lobby.
That other window is the stairway.
You've been counting wrong.
I did not know that! Thank you, Monica.
I almost lost another girl because of counting! -So you ready? -Yeah, I'll just get my coat.
-Could you get that? -Sure.
No! No! First, I would like to say thank you for seeing me again.
That's all right.
But I feel obligated to tell you that this meeting is being videotaped.
Well, first, I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and for yelling at you.
Fair enough.
Now, you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not yell at you and storm out.
And I think that's a big mistake.
And here's why.
I made a huge fool of myself, and I came back.
That shows courage.
When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no.
That shows integrity.
And I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage.
Now, I know that I've already said courage but you've got to have courage.
And finally, when I thought you were making sexual advances I said no, and I was not litigious.
So there you go! You got courage you got integrity, you got courage again and not litigious.
Look, Mr.
Zelner.
I knew that! Oh, I knew that.
I really, really want this job.
And I think I would be really good at it.
You know what? I may regret this but I'll give you a shot.
You are? Really? Thank you.
Oh, God! Would it be inappropriate if I gave you a hug? Well, how about a handshake? Oh, God! I'm sorry! I did not mean to touch that! I mean, you! There! I'm gonna leave.
Thank you very much.
Hey, I'll see you Monday.
Are you tired? You better believe he's tired after the day we had! If you know what I mean.
Do you know what I mean? Honey, the tortilla chips know what you mean.
Do you like that badge I got you? Oh, yeah, it's so cool.
Now, I gotta go.
Officer Bing's got a 10-100.
That's pee-pee.
Phoebe, you have a twig in your hair.
We kind of took a detour on our way over here.
We were strolling through the park and no one was around, so.
-You didn't.
-We did! We violated section 12, paragraph 7 of the criminal code.
The park, huh? Public place.
I hear you.
Can you excuse me for a second? Hi, Chandler.
Monica, this is the men's room.
Isn't it? Yes, it is.
I've always found the men's bathroom very sexual.
Haven't you? No.
And if I did, I don't think we'd be going out.
Okay, I don't want to disappoint you and I really don't want to disappoint the guy in the second stall.
Sorry, man.
But come on, this is getting ridiculous.
Come on, we can't let them win! We've proved that we are hot, okay? So why are you obsessed about this? Phoebe and Gary are in that "can't keep their hands off each other" phase! So? It makes me really sad that we're not really there anymore.
Oh, is that what this has all been about? Wasn't it a lot more exciting when we were all over each other all the time? Yeah, that was great.
That was really great.
But the truth is, I'm more excited about where we are now.
-Really? -Yeah.
I've never been in a relationship this long before.
To get past the beginning and still want to be around each other I think that's incredible.
And the fact that this is happening with you I think that's pretty exciting.
That's so sweet.
I know that I was acting a little crazy but I feel the same way.
You know what I just realized? You just freaked out about our relationship.
-I did not.
-Yes, you did! Admit it.
You freaked out! I freaked out a little.
A little? You freaked out bigtime, okay? And I fixed it! We have switched places.
I am the relationship king, and you are the crazy, irrational screwup! And now we're back.
I cannot believe Ross is buying this.
Thank God! I can't watch him anymore.
You guys ready? By the way, thank you for loaning us Pamela and Yasmine.
Man, they cannot get enough!