Gadget Man (2012) s01e03 Episode Script
Work Made Easy
1 Hello, I'm Stephen Fry and I have adored gadgets ever since I was knee-high to a space hopper.
Gadgets entertain us.
They connect us.
They educate us, they impress us and, of course, sometimes they frustrate us.
But whichever way you look at them, they make the world a much, much better - and dare I say happier - place.
'So, come into my world as I, along with some of my friends, 'reveal a feast of magnificent gadgets that will provide for 'a fun and stress-free existence.
' Aww! It's taking me to a happy place.
'Some will be from the future' Oh, my God! 'Some from the past' How long have I got to stay in here for? About four hours.
'Some are gadgets you can only dream of owning.
' That's incredible! 'And simple gizmos you can buy today 'that will change the way you live your life tomorrow.
' Marvellous! 'And every week, I'm going to be creating my very own super gadget - 'the ultimate gadget of its kind.
' Well, I'll be giving it a go.
Oh! Oh, no! Consider me your humble servant, your knight in crumpled corduroy - your gadget man.
'Tonight, it's all about the gadgets that can make work quicker, easier 'and, most importantly, more fun.
' (CHUCKLES) 'Britain's most famous boss, Lord Sugar, 'helps me find the fastest smartphone.
' Ha-ha! Ha! - Oh, you have sent it.
Brilliant.
Well done.
'And I attempt to build the ultimate skiving gadget - 'a robot lookalike that will do my work for me.
' It'll either be a triumph, or I'll be laughed off the stage.
Well, there's no doubt that gadgets have revolutionised our domestic chores.
These little things can shuffle around all day cleaning up my crumbs.
But when it comes to the 9-to-5 job, the jury is still out as to whether technology is freeing us or enslaving us.
Gadgets make work inescapable - e-mails, and stress, can now arrive 24 hours a day.
But I think we're missing a trick.
Gadgets shouldn't be making work less enjoyable - - they should be making work more enjoyable.
To help me test the technology that can make work fun, I'm off to the gang at the Innocent drinks company.
They are my gadget guinea pigs.
Working nine to five What a way to make a living Hello.
(ALL) Hello! I've come with productivity devices to make your working life easier, more efficient and, we hope, quicker.
We've got some interesting things in here, which I hope you enjoy.
Let's have a look.
We'll start with the Live Scribe pen.
I think you're going to adore this.
Have a go with it.
Just play and see what happens.
'An infra-red camera in the tip tracks the pen's movement, 'while a microphone inside records every sound.
'Once your meeting is over, 'everything can be uploaded to your computer.
' There we go.
Wow! That's pretty cool.
What's your view of it? I think it saves time.
So you're not having to retype everything, cos it's already there, so Plus it feels like a pen - it's quite easy to use and lightweight.
Brilliant! Well done.
"Smelly" What? I might e-mail what you've written.
'If even writing is too much effort, 'then this voice-recognition software might be for you.
'It turns the spoken word into text.
'But how accurate is it?' Collaborate and listen.
Ice is back with my brand-new invention.
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal.
'Well, it managed to mistranscribe Vanilla Ice's words of wisdom - 'but the programme should become more accurate 'as it adjusts to how you speak.
' That's probably good enough.
Your laughter may not be helping.
It's very impressive, cos that's not normal everyday business English.
Yep.
Do we get a thumbs up for it? I don't know if we'd use it in business.
You've grown up typing and it's probably quicker? If you can touch type, it's probably quicker to do that.
Now think of all the wasted minutes spent waiting for the office kettle to boil.
This deluxe Danish coffee machine should put paid to that.
I'm going to order myself a cappuccino.
Let's hope it works.
Start now.
MACHINE WHIRS 'It connects to an iPhone via Wi-Fi, 'allows you to order a drink remotely 'and takes 15 seconds to make a cup.
' Oh, I heard it go beep.
Make sure there's a glass there.
Yes, there is a glass.
Look at it.
There it is.
It's magic.
It's working.
That's good.
That's very good, actually.
'That frees up an extra few minutes 'to browse some of your favourite websites.
'But if you find yourself straying into dodgy territory, 'then the USB Stealth Switch is just what you need.
'A single tap subtly hides the webpage you're looking at 'when the boss walks by.
' What's that again, sorry? Oh, yes - good spreadsheet.
It's just a spreadsheet, yeah.
For a minute, I thought I saw this erotic vision but it was I was mistaken.
Wonderful.
Well done.
Carry on.
'It even removes the evidence from the toolbar.
' I think you need to work on your leg action a bit.
Yeah, it's a bit jerky, isn't it? (THEY CHUCKLE) 'But perhaps the ultimate office gadget is this - 'it's part pillow, part hat.
'The product of a Spanish design studio, 'it lets you have a power nap at your desk.
' You look great - don't worry about that.
You can put your hands there, on top of your head, and just How cool is that? You look like a strange Stephen Moffat-inspired Doctor Who monster.
Very comfortable.
It is comfortable? 'Shutting off the outside world for 20 minutes can apparently 'increase productivity by 30%.
'It's a gadget that truly makes the desk job more pleasurable.
'My work here is done.
'But who needs an office 'when gadgets make it so easy to work from home? 'There's one thing in particular I rely on - Skype.
'Why bother traipsing into town to meet my agent 'when I can video conference for free?' Hello, Christian.
How are you? 'I'm good, Stephen.
How are you?' I'm fine, thanks.
I just wanted to call you quickly so that you could tell me what my upcoming diary looks like.
'You're going to finish the play in February, then we've got 'two more documentaries, another session of QI.
'Then we've got The Hobbit re-shoots.
'We're going to put in the Golden Joystick Awards, too.
'Don't forget about that.
'And then another major documentary, plus you have to write your book.
' 'With at least three engagements every day, I really do need a gadget that can lend a helping hand.
' Let's get to work.
Hey, there's one! Hmm.
That gives me an idea! Thank you, my little robotic friend.
'It's long been a dream to have robots do all the hard work for you.
'These days, a robot powered by a smartphone has enough intelligence 'to solve a Rubik's Cube in five seconds - 'quicker than any human.
'Some robots have enough dexterity to allow a doctor 'to perform surgery remotely, 'and some have completely lifelike facial features.
'I'm sure if I combined all of those elements, 'I could create a robot that could carry out my work for me.
' Call me crazy but I rather like the idea of having a sort of life-size, lifelike robotic version of myself - a kind of humanoid doppelganger.
It's the ultimate skiving gadget, when you think about it.
'So I've asked the Gadget Man Robotics Division 'to create a fake Fry - 'something that is so advanced I can control it from home - 'and send it to work instead.
'It's a job for special effects expert Simon Rose, 'who's worked on films like Star Wars, 'and took a cast of my face for The Hobbit.
'I hope he errs on the side of flattery.
'Now, there's only one person I know who's as big a gadget fan as me - 'and I'm off to his private office to see if he'll be impressed 'by some of my business gadgets.
' One name looms large when you think of work and technology.
A man whose company helped fuel the boom in home computing in Britain.
A man whose company became the head supplier of set-top boxes in Europe.
A man, also, who thought there was no future in the iPod.
Peer of the realm no less - Lord Sugar will see me now.
Ah, your Lordship.
Hello.
How are you? Very good.
Thanks for giving us your time.
Good.
'The first things I want Alan Sugar to help me test 'are a couple of the latest smartphones - 'the sort of things that have become an essential part of this workaholic's life.
' I now work 16 hours a day because this thing is beside me all the time.
And so, at night relaxing, watching TV at home, you're for ever getting, "ping, ding-ding-ding" - things like this.
My wife says, "Put that bloody thing down, will you? "Who are you talking to this time of night? "Who are were you dealing with this time?" Here's the funny bit - she's now got a Samsung Note and she's worse than me.
Hilarious! Yeah, she's playing around and she's talking to the grandchildren and all that stuff.
Now, Lord Sugar, I've got the latest Nokia phone.
Nokia is the second-biggest mobile manufacturer in the world and this is the 920.
In fact, it's the first one in Britain.
This is the new Windows 8.
Really? Just have a play with it, actually.
I mean, you can see if you slide up, everything's tile-based, so there are tiles which are your contact Ah, yes, tiles.
They've already got a bloomin' advert in there.
Sponsored by a drinks manufacturer.
They don't mess about, do they? I, on the other hand I have this, which is the Samsung Notebook 2 and what I thought we do is just try to see how easy it is to use without having used before, because these days, you don't expect a user manual.
You expect things to be intuitive and natural.
'So we're going to have a race and see who can download Twitter, 'take a picture and tweet it first.
'It's the perfect test of each phone's usability.
' Right, Twitter, there we are.
'Lord Sugar sneakily takes the lead 'by accessing Twitter directly from his web browser.
' Ah, I see - you're cheating.
I'm not cheating.
You're supposed to download the official app.
That's the point.
I don't know how to do that.
That's what I've been doing.
Oh, right.
Well, you're cleverer than me in these things.
I'm just a silly boy from Hackney.
Right(!) 'Meanwhile, my app has downloaded 'and there's a chance for me to catch up.
' Where's the underscore on this keyboard? I can't find the underscore.
This is This is ridiculous.
Someone help me here! They've got to have, er, an underscore.
They've got a hyphen They will have.
If you press and hold the hyphen, what happens? No, look! I got the keyboard here Yeah, if you press and hold the hyphen What, that there? Yeah, press and hold.
Does that do it? Ah! Good man.
'But then there's another problem that helps put me in the lead' I forgot my bleedin' password! Ah.
Now that's unfortunate! Ivor! 'I take advantage of His Lordship's unscheduled pit-stop 'and start composing my tweet.
' What's the What is the Twitter password? So he's gone to find a minion who might have remembered it for him.
We changed it recently.
Cos a hacker got in.
'Alan's back in the race.
'Now it's time to test the cameras and upload our photographs.
' If you look at me Fabulous! Right, let's take a picture of you.
Who else, eh? A picture 'Image stabilisation means taking a high-quality picture 'should be child's play.
' No, that's to take a picture of me.
Oh, dear, oh, dear, Al.
Ha! (CHUCKLES) Er On your right hand, where your finger is That No, your right hand, there.
That one? I reckon.
No? Yeah, could be.
'I had written my tweet and hit "send" but Lord Sugar battles on.
' Tweet doesn't seem to have sent at all, which is slightly worrying.
'My tweet had got stuck in the system, 'letting His Lordship back into the race.
' Ha! Ha-ha-ha! - You have sent it! Brilliant.
Well done.
See? - Fantastic! - It's gone.
Well, this one just hasn't.
The old boy's done it.
Well, I should have known better than to take on Alan Sugar at something technical, and I declare you the winner of this particular competition.
I am truly beaten by the blue baron.
Yeah, nice enough phone.
Nice enough phone.
But of course, no-one will ever take you away from your love of Apple.
You are a dedicated follower of fashion, as The Kinks would say.
I am.
You don't say of a dog, "How many tricks can it do?" You say, "How much do you love it?" What about their aerial conking out when you was The aerial on the iPhone 4? What about that one, then? It didn't conk out If that was Amstrad, I tell you what - we would have been bloody slaughtered.
Anne Robinson would have had me over the coals over that.
"You put a product on the market and it doesn't work as a phone? "And you have to put your finger" The point is, it was all anti-Apple propaganda.
None of them were taken back.
There wasn't a single one taken back.
They quickly made a plastic band to put round the bloody An elastic band.
"Never mind, buy an elastic band.
" Nobody used it because 'Oh dear.
' (THEY ARGUE) 'But at least we've proved that these days, 'even complex phones can be mastered in just a few minutes.
'Join us in a moment when Lord Sugar 'and one of his star apprentices help me test the device 'that lets you sleep on the job' I can feel inventions coming, Lord Sugar! Yes, OK.
It's inspired him already! 'And we find out if my own personal robot 'is up to the task of presenting an award in front of a live audience.
' 'Welcome back.
This week I'm looking at the gadgets 'that make work much more pleasurable, 'and my Gadget Man boffins 'are building my own robotic double 'to stand in for me at an upcoming awards ceremony.
'If all goes according to plan 'I'll be able to control him from my living room.
' Hello.
Hello there.
'For now I'm with Alan Sugar, the godfather of work gadgets.
'He's opened up his archives just for me to show off the retro devices 'made by his company that truly revolutionised how we worked.
'Like this word processor.
' That was a game-changer.
1985, this was the transition from typewriters.
£399 the whole lot.
With the dot matrix printer.
Offices bought them.
We really got caught with our trousers down not realising that So you didn't have enough to go round? No.
Now have a look at this.
Believe it or not, it's what laptops looked like in 1992.
Football journalists loved this.
Oh, right.
They took it to the game and der, der, der, der, der.
Then the early days of modems, they plugged something in there Right.
And Lineker scored his famous goal against whoever, whoomp Straight to the copy desk, yeah.
'But there's another retro gadget in his office that's 'caught my eye' This here is the first iPod.
Really?! Basically, what it was was a way of putting all your music into one machine What you've got here is like a jukebox in the back.
So that's for CDs? You put your CDs in, you press a couple of buttons and you play and it starts to play the thing.
I think it's stunning.
I'd love one.
If we put something round there, you can sling it round your neck.
That would be bliss! A big pair of headphones.
Yes! 'And, of course, the market trader in His Lordship 'can't resist trying to hawk his latest wares.
' This is a revolution in television.
What's different about this? Effectively, this is a Freeview box.
But there's a significant difference.
Whereas you'd go forward here seven days, which is nothing new.
Right.
OK? What you can do here is to You see the time, where we are now? Yes.
Now we can go back seven days.
'To be fair, Virgin's TiVo already has this function 'on subscription and there are upfront costs for UView.
' All the major broadcasters in Britain have subscribed to this system, haven't they? They're the shareholders.
They are the actual shareholders It's the only company We're not advertising you by bigging up the system.
It's the only company I've been involved in where I'm not allowed to make a profit.
(LAUGHS) 'That's obviously a frightful prospect for the poor fellow.
Luckily, I've brought some stress-relieving gadgets with me.
' The icon of executive stress relief is this Newton's cradle.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
This was actually designed and brought onto the market by a friend of mine, Richard Loncraine, who was a director on Tomorrow's World.
Very addictive.
Yeah, but there are more expensive ones.
I wonder if you'd be tempted to put these in your offices.
Here's an executive stress reliever.
'Companies like Google are installing this kind of thing 'to refresh their staff - a sleeping pod.
' What is it? It looks like an MRI scanner.
It does! 'It comes equipped with a mattress, DAB radio and magazine rack.
'A true sanctuary.
' So, can I tempt you in, Alan? No, absolutely not.
I don't care if Google do use them.
They do.
The bloke who was in there when their share price dipped £18 billion he had to go in there and relax.
Shall I get in and experience it? You could do if you wish.
Though much That's him gone then.
That's him gone for the day.
It's pleasant enough.
Relax, take it easy, I'm just looking at your fifth vertebrae.
The next question you're going to ask is would I have this in my organisation? The answer is no.
I guessed that.
Maybe to store some archives in.
Inventor Tom, can you come here a minute.
Oh, Tom, yes.
You'll be on for this, won't you? Tell me if it inspires you.
You want me in here? This is actually quite nice.
It is, isn't it? I feel inventions coming, Lord Sugar.
Yes, OK, jolly good.
It's inspired him already.
Come on, back to work, you've had enough.
It could do with a drawer.
Don't get excited, we're not having one.
Back to work.
You can sleep on the floor as usual.
I thought it wasn't very you.
I may not have tempted Lord Sugar to bunk off work, but my ultimate skive was fast approaching.
The plan was to send a robotic version of me to a video games awards that evening to hand out a gong, affording me the night off.
300 hours of sculpting and painting had produced a life-like head made of silicone, that uses real human hair from Russia and eyebrows made from, I kid you not, squirrel fur.
Two half horsepower electric motors drive the robot, and state-of-the-art animatronic actuators move the mouth.
I'll speak into a microphone at home and using an internet connection my voice should be transmitted through the robot, live to the audience, allowing me to do the bare minimum.
The big night is upon us.
Comedian Ed Byrne is playing host to 800 bloggers, technology journalists and games designers.
It's a daunting audience - for my robot.
As the awards get under way, I await my cue.
Ladies and gentlemen, to present the hand-held game of the year, I did promise you we were going to have some interesting presenters I should be able to see and hear what's going on thanks to a camera buried in my robotic chest and it will all be controlled via everyday Wi-Fi.
The crowning glory is this - the world's most advanced robotic hand with 24 types of movement.
One day it will be used by bomb disposal experts and unmanned space missions, for now I just hope this prototype is developed enough to shake the winner's hand.
Here goes.
The moment of truth.
It'll either be a triumph or I'll be laughed off the stage.
I'm actually rather nervous.
Not for me, but for my double.
To present the award, we have a very special guest - but not quite like we've seen him before.
Showtime.
APPLAUSE Hello, good day to you all! How is everyone? LAUGHTER Ed, my dear boy, how wonderful to see you here at the Golden Joystick Awards.
And in their 30th anniversary, no less.
How are you, are you well? I'm very well indeed.
The robotic look suits you.
Thank you very much indeed.
I look better than the real me, I reckon.
This is genuinely Stephen Fry controlling this.
He's watching you through a camera and speaking to you.
I can prove this.
Anybody want to ask a question? Anything at all? Who is the president? Barack Obama! So, we must get to the business at hand.
Show me the name of the winner.
Yes, I can see it through my robotic lenses.
It's Uncharted - Golden Abyss.
Congratulations.
Well done.
There you are, hello.
Well done.
A very worthy recipient.
Would you like to shake my hand or lick me or fondle me? Anything you want is fine by me.
Fantastic.
Well done, sir, congratulations.
Come in between.
Let's have a photo.
You stand There we are.
Well done.
Thank you, I must be off now.
Enjoy the rest of the day.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
No hanging around backstage, no talking to the client, it's the ultimate skive.
There's no doubt that there are plenty of gadgets out there that make work less of a chore.
But Fry2-D2 is my favourite, because it gives us a glimpse into the future.
We spend 1,800 hours a year at work and I'm now convinced we're just a few years away from robots being able to share the load.
Brilliant.
Brilliant.
Next time, it's all about gadgets designed to do nothing but entertain you.
Oh, yes, genius! Jeremy Clarkson helps me test the future of pub games Eat my balls! .
.
and I'll be attempting to turn a building into the world's biggest multi-player video game.
We're about to make history.
Red Bee Media Ltd
Gadgets entertain us.
They connect us.
They educate us, they impress us and, of course, sometimes they frustrate us.
But whichever way you look at them, they make the world a much, much better - and dare I say happier - place.
'So, come into my world as I, along with some of my friends, 'reveal a feast of magnificent gadgets that will provide for 'a fun and stress-free existence.
' Aww! It's taking me to a happy place.
'Some will be from the future' Oh, my God! 'Some from the past' How long have I got to stay in here for? About four hours.
'Some are gadgets you can only dream of owning.
' That's incredible! 'And simple gizmos you can buy today 'that will change the way you live your life tomorrow.
' Marvellous! 'And every week, I'm going to be creating my very own super gadget - 'the ultimate gadget of its kind.
' Well, I'll be giving it a go.
Oh! Oh, no! Consider me your humble servant, your knight in crumpled corduroy - your gadget man.
'Tonight, it's all about the gadgets that can make work quicker, easier 'and, most importantly, more fun.
' (CHUCKLES) 'Britain's most famous boss, Lord Sugar, 'helps me find the fastest smartphone.
' Ha-ha! Ha! - Oh, you have sent it.
Brilliant.
Well done.
'And I attempt to build the ultimate skiving gadget - 'a robot lookalike that will do my work for me.
' It'll either be a triumph, or I'll be laughed off the stage.
Well, there's no doubt that gadgets have revolutionised our domestic chores.
These little things can shuffle around all day cleaning up my crumbs.
But when it comes to the 9-to-5 job, the jury is still out as to whether technology is freeing us or enslaving us.
Gadgets make work inescapable - e-mails, and stress, can now arrive 24 hours a day.
But I think we're missing a trick.
Gadgets shouldn't be making work less enjoyable - - they should be making work more enjoyable.
To help me test the technology that can make work fun, I'm off to the gang at the Innocent drinks company.
They are my gadget guinea pigs.
Working nine to five What a way to make a living Hello.
(ALL) Hello! I've come with productivity devices to make your working life easier, more efficient and, we hope, quicker.
We've got some interesting things in here, which I hope you enjoy.
Let's have a look.
We'll start with the Live Scribe pen.
I think you're going to adore this.
Have a go with it.
Just play and see what happens.
'An infra-red camera in the tip tracks the pen's movement, 'while a microphone inside records every sound.
'Once your meeting is over, 'everything can be uploaded to your computer.
' There we go.
Wow! That's pretty cool.
What's your view of it? I think it saves time.
So you're not having to retype everything, cos it's already there, so Plus it feels like a pen - it's quite easy to use and lightweight.
Brilliant! Well done.
"Smelly" What? I might e-mail what you've written.
'If even writing is too much effort, 'then this voice-recognition software might be for you.
'It turns the spoken word into text.
'But how accurate is it?' Collaborate and listen.
Ice is back with my brand-new invention.
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal.
'Well, it managed to mistranscribe Vanilla Ice's words of wisdom - 'but the programme should become more accurate 'as it adjusts to how you speak.
' That's probably good enough.
Your laughter may not be helping.
It's very impressive, cos that's not normal everyday business English.
Yep.
Do we get a thumbs up for it? I don't know if we'd use it in business.
You've grown up typing and it's probably quicker? If you can touch type, it's probably quicker to do that.
Now think of all the wasted minutes spent waiting for the office kettle to boil.
This deluxe Danish coffee machine should put paid to that.
I'm going to order myself a cappuccino.
Let's hope it works.
Start now.
MACHINE WHIRS 'It connects to an iPhone via Wi-Fi, 'allows you to order a drink remotely 'and takes 15 seconds to make a cup.
' Oh, I heard it go beep.
Make sure there's a glass there.
Yes, there is a glass.
Look at it.
There it is.
It's magic.
It's working.
That's good.
That's very good, actually.
'That frees up an extra few minutes 'to browse some of your favourite websites.
'But if you find yourself straying into dodgy territory, 'then the USB Stealth Switch is just what you need.
'A single tap subtly hides the webpage you're looking at 'when the boss walks by.
' What's that again, sorry? Oh, yes - good spreadsheet.
It's just a spreadsheet, yeah.
For a minute, I thought I saw this erotic vision but it was I was mistaken.
Wonderful.
Well done.
Carry on.
'It even removes the evidence from the toolbar.
' I think you need to work on your leg action a bit.
Yeah, it's a bit jerky, isn't it? (THEY CHUCKLE) 'But perhaps the ultimate office gadget is this - 'it's part pillow, part hat.
'The product of a Spanish design studio, 'it lets you have a power nap at your desk.
' You look great - don't worry about that.
You can put your hands there, on top of your head, and just How cool is that? You look like a strange Stephen Moffat-inspired Doctor Who monster.
Very comfortable.
It is comfortable? 'Shutting off the outside world for 20 minutes can apparently 'increase productivity by 30%.
'It's a gadget that truly makes the desk job more pleasurable.
'My work here is done.
'But who needs an office 'when gadgets make it so easy to work from home? 'There's one thing in particular I rely on - Skype.
'Why bother traipsing into town to meet my agent 'when I can video conference for free?' Hello, Christian.
How are you? 'I'm good, Stephen.
How are you?' I'm fine, thanks.
I just wanted to call you quickly so that you could tell me what my upcoming diary looks like.
'You're going to finish the play in February, then we've got 'two more documentaries, another session of QI.
'Then we've got The Hobbit re-shoots.
'We're going to put in the Golden Joystick Awards, too.
'Don't forget about that.
'And then another major documentary, plus you have to write your book.
' 'With at least three engagements every day, I really do need a gadget that can lend a helping hand.
' Let's get to work.
Hey, there's one! Hmm.
That gives me an idea! Thank you, my little robotic friend.
'It's long been a dream to have robots do all the hard work for you.
'These days, a robot powered by a smartphone has enough intelligence 'to solve a Rubik's Cube in five seconds - 'quicker than any human.
'Some robots have enough dexterity to allow a doctor 'to perform surgery remotely, 'and some have completely lifelike facial features.
'I'm sure if I combined all of those elements, 'I could create a robot that could carry out my work for me.
' Call me crazy but I rather like the idea of having a sort of life-size, lifelike robotic version of myself - a kind of humanoid doppelganger.
It's the ultimate skiving gadget, when you think about it.
'So I've asked the Gadget Man Robotics Division 'to create a fake Fry - 'something that is so advanced I can control it from home - 'and send it to work instead.
'It's a job for special effects expert Simon Rose, 'who's worked on films like Star Wars, 'and took a cast of my face for The Hobbit.
'I hope he errs on the side of flattery.
'Now, there's only one person I know who's as big a gadget fan as me - 'and I'm off to his private office to see if he'll be impressed 'by some of my business gadgets.
' One name looms large when you think of work and technology.
A man whose company helped fuel the boom in home computing in Britain.
A man whose company became the head supplier of set-top boxes in Europe.
A man, also, who thought there was no future in the iPod.
Peer of the realm no less - Lord Sugar will see me now.
Ah, your Lordship.
Hello.
How are you? Very good.
Thanks for giving us your time.
Good.
'The first things I want Alan Sugar to help me test 'are a couple of the latest smartphones - 'the sort of things that have become an essential part of this workaholic's life.
' I now work 16 hours a day because this thing is beside me all the time.
And so, at night relaxing, watching TV at home, you're for ever getting, "ping, ding-ding-ding" - things like this.
My wife says, "Put that bloody thing down, will you? "Who are you talking to this time of night? "Who are were you dealing with this time?" Here's the funny bit - she's now got a Samsung Note and she's worse than me.
Hilarious! Yeah, she's playing around and she's talking to the grandchildren and all that stuff.
Now, Lord Sugar, I've got the latest Nokia phone.
Nokia is the second-biggest mobile manufacturer in the world and this is the 920.
In fact, it's the first one in Britain.
This is the new Windows 8.
Really? Just have a play with it, actually.
I mean, you can see if you slide up, everything's tile-based, so there are tiles which are your contact Ah, yes, tiles.
They've already got a bloomin' advert in there.
Sponsored by a drinks manufacturer.
They don't mess about, do they? I, on the other hand I have this, which is the Samsung Notebook 2 and what I thought we do is just try to see how easy it is to use without having used before, because these days, you don't expect a user manual.
You expect things to be intuitive and natural.
'So we're going to have a race and see who can download Twitter, 'take a picture and tweet it first.
'It's the perfect test of each phone's usability.
' Right, Twitter, there we are.
'Lord Sugar sneakily takes the lead 'by accessing Twitter directly from his web browser.
' Ah, I see - you're cheating.
I'm not cheating.
You're supposed to download the official app.
That's the point.
I don't know how to do that.
That's what I've been doing.
Oh, right.
Well, you're cleverer than me in these things.
I'm just a silly boy from Hackney.
Right(!) 'Meanwhile, my app has downloaded 'and there's a chance for me to catch up.
' Where's the underscore on this keyboard? I can't find the underscore.
This is This is ridiculous.
Someone help me here! They've got to have, er, an underscore.
They've got a hyphen They will have.
If you press and hold the hyphen, what happens? No, look! I got the keyboard here Yeah, if you press and hold the hyphen What, that there? Yeah, press and hold.
Does that do it? Ah! Good man.
'But then there's another problem that helps put me in the lead' I forgot my bleedin' password! Ah.
Now that's unfortunate! Ivor! 'I take advantage of His Lordship's unscheduled pit-stop 'and start composing my tweet.
' What's the What is the Twitter password? So he's gone to find a minion who might have remembered it for him.
We changed it recently.
Cos a hacker got in.
'Alan's back in the race.
'Now it's time to test the cameras and upload our photographs.
' If you look at me Fabulous! Right, let's take a picture of you.
Who else, eh? A picture 'Image stabilisation means taking a high-quality picture 'should be child's play.
' No, that's to take a picture of me.
Oh, dear, oh, dear, Al.
Ha! (CHUCKLES) Er On your right hand, where your finger is That No, your right hand, there.
That one? I reckon.
No? Yeah, could be.
'I had written my tweet and hit "send" but Lord Sugar battles on.
' Tweet doesn't seem to have sent at all, which is slightly worrying.
'My tweet had got stuck in the system, 'letting His Lordship back into the race.
' Ha! Ha-ha-ha! - You have sent it! Brilliant.
Well done.
See? - Fantastic! - It's gone.
Well, this one just hasn't.
The old boy's done it.
Well, I should have known better than to take on Alan Sugar at something technical, and I declare you the winner of this particular competition.
I am truly beaten by the blue baron.
Yeah, nice enough phone.
Nice enough phone.
But of course, no-one will ever take you away from your love of Apple.
You are a dedicated follower of fashion, as The Kinks would say.
I am.
You don't say of a dog, "How many tricks can it do?" You say, "How much do you love it?" What about their aerial conking out when you was The aerial on the iPhone 4? What about that one, then? It didn't conk out If that was Amstrad, I tell you what - we would have been bloody slaughtered.
Anne Robinson would have had me over the coals over that.
"You put a product on the market and it doesn't work as a phone? "And you have to put your finger" The point is, it was all anti-Apple propaganda.
None of them were taken back.
There wasn't a single one taken back.
They quickly made a plastic band to put round the bloody An elastic band.
"Never mind, buy an elastic band.
" Nobody used it because 'Oh dear.
' (THEY ARGUE) 'But at least we've proved that these days, 'even complex phones can be mastered in just a few minutes.
'Join us in a moment when Lord Sugar 'and one of his star apprentices help me test the device 'that lets you sleep on the job' I can feel inventions coming, Lord Sugar! Yes, OK.
It's inspired him already! 'And we find out if my own personal robot 'is up to the task of presenting an award in front of a live audience.
' 'Welcome back.
This week I'm looking at the gadgets 'that make work much more pleasurable, 'and my Gadget Man boffins 'are building my own robotic double 'to stand in for me at an upcoming awards ceremony.
'If all goes according to plan 'I'll be able to control him from my living room.
' Hello.
Hello there.
'For now I'm with Alan Sugar, the godfather of work gadgets.
'He's opened up his archives just for me to show off the retro devices 'made by his company that truly revolutionised how we worked.
'Like this word processor.
' That was a game-changer.
1985, this was the transition from typewriters.
£399 the whole lot.
With the dot matrix printer.
Offices bought them.
We really got caught with our trousers down not realising that So you didn't have enough to go round? No.
Now have a look at this.
Believe it or not, it's what laptops looked like in 1992.
Football journalists loved this.
Oh, right.
They took it to the game and der, der, der, der, der.
Then the early days of modems, they plugged something in there Right.
And Lineker scored his famous goal against whoever, whoomp Straight to the copy desk, yeah.
'But there's another retro gadget in his office that's 'caught my eye' This here is the first iPod.
Really?! Basically, what it was was a way of putting all your music into one machine What you've got here is like a jukebox in the back.
So that's for CDs? You put your CDs in, you press a couple of buttons and you play and it starts to play the thing.
I think it's stunning.
I'd love one.
If we put something round there, you can sling it round your neck.
That would be bliss! A big pair of headphones.
Yes! 'And, of course, the market trader in His Lordship 'can't resist trying to hawk his latest wares.
' This is a revolution in television.
What's different about this? Effectively, this is a Freeview box.
But there's a significant difference.
Whereas you'd go forward here seven days, which is nothing new.
Right.
OK? What you can do here is to You see the time, where we are now? Yes.
Now we can go back seven days.
'To be fair, Virgin's TiVo already has this function 'on subscription and there are upfront costs for UView.
' All the major broadcasters in Britain have subscribed to this system, haven't they? They're the shareholders.
They are the actual shareholders It's the only company We're not advertising you by bigging up the system.
It's the only company I've been involved in where I'm not allowed to make a profit.
(LAUGHS) 'That's obviously a frightful prospect for the poor fellow.
Luckily, I've brought some stress-relieving gadgets with me.
' The icon of executive stress relief is this Newton's cradle.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
This was actually designed and brought onto the market by a friend of mine, Richard Loncraine, who was a director on Tomorrow's World.
Very addictive.
Yeah, but there are more expensive ones.
I wonder if you'd be tempted to put these in your offices.
Here's an executive stress reliever.
'Companies like Google are installing this kind of thing 'to refresh their staff - a sleeping pod.
' What is it? It looks like an MRI scanner.
It does! 'It comes equipped with a mattress, DAB radio and magazine rack.
'A true sanctuary.
' So, can I tempt you in, Alan? No, absolutely not.
I don't care if Google do use them.
They do.
The bloke who was in there when their share price dipped £18 billion he had to go in there and relax.
Shall I get in and experience it? You could do if you wish.
Though much That's him gone then.
That's him gone for the day.
It's pleasant enough.
Relax, take it easy, I'm just looking at your fifth vertebrae.
The next question you're going to ask is would I have this in my organisation? The answer is no.
I guessed that.
Maybe to store some archives in.
Inventor Tom, can you come here a minute.
Oh, Tom, yes.
You'll be on for this, won't you? Tell me if it inspires you.
You want me in here? This is actually quite nice.
It is, isn't it? I feel inventions coming, Lord Sugar.
Yes, OK, jolly good.
It's inspired him already.
Come on, back to work, you've had enough.
It could do with a drawer.
Don't get excited, we're not having one.
Back to work.
You can sleep on the floor as usual.
I thought it wasn't very you.
I may not have tempted Lord Sugar to bunk off work, but my ultimate skive was fast approaching.
The plan was to send a robotic version of me to a video games awards that evening to hand out a gong, affording me the night off.
300 hours of sculpting and painting had produced a life-like head made of silicone, that uses real human hair from Russia and eyebrows made from, I kid you not, squirrel fur.
Two half horsepower electric motors drive the robot, and state-of-the-art animatronic actuators move the mouth.
I'll speak into a microphone at home and using an internet connection my voice should be transmitted through the robot, live to the audience, allowing me to do the bare minimum.
The big night is upon us.
Comedian Ed Byrne is playing host to 800 bloggers, technology journalists and games designers.
It's a daunting audience - for my robot.
As the awards get under way, I await my cue.
Ladies and gentlemen, to present the hand-held game of the year, I did promise you we were going to have some interesting presenters I should be able to see and hear what's going on thanks to a camera buried in my robotic chest and it will all be controlled via everyday Wi-Fi.
The crowning glory is this - the world's most advanced robotic hand with 24 types of movement.
One day it will be used by bomb disposal experts and unmanned space missions, for now I just hope this prototype is developed enough to shake the winner's hand.
Here goes.
The moment of truth.
It'll either be a triumph or I'll be laughed off the stage.
I'm actually rather nervous.
Not for me, but for my double.
To present the award, we have a very special guest - but not quite like we've seen him before.
Showtime.
APPLAUSE Hello, good day to you all! How is everyone? LAUGHTER Ed, my dear boy, how wonderful to see you here at the Golden Joystick Awards.
And in their 30th anniversary, no less.
How are you, are you well? I'm very well indeed.
The robotic look suits you.
Thank you very much indeed.
I look better than the real me, I reckon.
This is genuinely Stephen Fry controlling this.
He's watching you through a camera and speaking to you.
I can prove this.
Anybody want to ask a question? Anything at all? Who is the president? Barack Obama! So, we must get to the business at hand.
Show me the name of the winner.
Yes, I can see it through my robotic lenses.
It's Uncharted - Golden Abyss.
Congratulations.
Well done.
There you are, hello.
Well done.
A very worthy recipient.
Would you like to shake my hand or lick me or fondle me? Anything you want is fine by me.
Fantastic.
Well done, sir, congratulations.
Come in between.
Let's have a photo.
You stand There we are.
Well done.
Thank you, I must be off now.
Enjoy the rest of the day.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
No hanging around backstage, no talking to the client, it's the ultimate skive.
There's no doubt that there are plenty of gadgets out there that make work less of a chore.
But Fry2-D2 is my favourite, because it gives us a glimpse into the future.
We spend 1,800 hours a year at work and I'm now convinced we're just a few years away from robots being able to share the load.
Brilliant.
Brilliant.
Next time, it's all about gadgets designed to do nothing but entertain you.
Oh, yes, genius! Jeremy Clarkson helps me test the future of pub games Eat my balls! .
.
and I'll be attempting to turn a building into the world's biggest multi-player video game.
We're about to make history.
Red Bee Media Ltd