Gilmore Girls s04e13 Episode Script

Cold, cold, cold, cold.
Icy feet.
|Stupid frozen-tundra house.
Honey, why are you sleeping in here?|Your room is way warmer.
Okay, here is the question for today, kids what the hell are the Eskimos thinking? Yes, the hoods are cute,|but it's always cold, always.
Plus you have to eat fish for breakfast and you have to eat whales|and polar bears and penguins and Santa Claus.
Okay.
Coffee's on.
Pop-Tarts are pop-tarting.
If you're just gonna lie there,|I'm gonna have to sit here.
I'll have to make myself very comfortable|on the nice, warm Rory.
- Why is it so cold in here?|- But I was sitting on you.
- Really? Good trick.
|- If you're there, then who's this? - I don't know.
|- We've got a stranger in our house.
- Robert Downey, Jr.
?|- Or a murderer.
Who needed a nap|before committing his crimes? I think this belongs to you.
She must have followed me home|from Yale.
I told her she could hang out there|this weekend.
But why do that when you can come here,|where penguins need a coat? Yeah, why is it so cold in here? I broke that stupid window|trying to lock it last night.
- Get it fixed, woman.
|- I left Luke a message.
He'll do it.
- Before or after a re-enactment of "Alive?"|- Hopefully before.
- Why don't you just call a guy?|- What guy? A window-fixing guy.
Luke always gets mad|when I pay someone to do something he could do for free.
Then he lectures me about it|every time I see him, and it's annoying.
"You paid him how much|to fix the window? "What, you couldn't just find someone|to steal your purse that day? "Hey, while you're at it, I've got an idea "why don't you go down to a Versateller "and let them charge you $5 for taking|your own money out of the bank? "Or buy tickets at Ticketmaster "and wind up paying more|in service charges "than it would cost you to see the band? "Here's a great $50 markup|on a bottle of wine "that would have cost you $10|in the supermarket you're missing.
" My god.
Luke is annoying.
So What? I'm just wondering|what you're thinking about.
I'm thinking about nothing.
"Nothing" wouldn't happen|to wear a leather jacket and be able to pull off|an extremely convincing "Adrian"? - Would it?|- No, it wouldn't.
- You think he froze to death?|- No.
He wasn't sleeping here.
- Right.
|- I'm sure Luke took care of it.
Did somebody sit on me just now? - No.
Why?|- My hip hurts.
Getting old.
Did anyone ever think that maybe Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy,|she was just cold? Come on, guys.
Push harder.
We need more stars in the gazebo area.
I repeat, we need more stars|in the gazebo area.
Do you copy? Roger.
I'm supposed to say "Roger.
" I don't think so.
Copy.
Roger.
Roger means "I heard you.
"|I'm supposed to say "Roger.
" Negative.
|I'm in charge here, and I say Roger.
- Roger.
|- No, you don't.
Just let him say "Roger, " Joe.
If he says "Roger, "|what am I supposed to say? Who cares? Get out of the way, Kirk.
- Hold on.
Roger.
|- This car's not stopping.
I am planning the Firelight festival.
Taylor left me in charge and I have to make sure|everything's perfect.
- Move.
|- Roger.
Shouldn't you have a marching band|behind you? Go away.
The Budweiser Clydesdales|prancing along Ann Jillian waving in the back? I got to get my car to Gypsy's|so she can fix it and I can leave.
- So you decided to push it there.
|- I didn't have a choice.
Get that piece of junk out of my way.
- I'm going as fast as I can, jerk.
|- Jess, do you at all find this ridiculous? Yes, as a matter of fact,|I do find this ridiculous.
I find it ridiculous|that Gypsy won't walk 20 feet to look at my car.
- Hire a tow truck.
|- It costs $80 to hire a tow truck.
Come on.
|It's like freaking "Carnivale" out here.
- I'll give you $80.
|- No.
- You're blocking the whole street.
|- I don't want your money.
You want to get out of here,|let me pay $80.
I'll pitch in $10! - How about more walkie and less talkie?|- You're making a spectacle of yourself.
- Go home.
You won't have to watch.
|- Fine.
- Well?|- Still looking.
- What's the matter with it?|- Still looking.
You've been circling that thing|for 15 minutes.
You waiting for it|to tell you where it hurts? - I've seen dumber things talk.
|- Just tell me what's wrong with the car.
- You need a carburetor.
|- So how long till it's fixed? - Not sure.
|- It has to be today.
I have to get out of this half-mile four-block freak hole|of a medical experiment.
You are delightful.
I'll have you out of here tonight.
|Go away and come back at closing.
And bring a lot of money,|because I'm going to overcharge you like you've never been overcharged before.
I bet you say that to all the guys.
On second thought,|maybe I'm closing early tonight.
I'm going.
That's not her.
- What?|- She cut her hair.
- Don't know what you're talking about.
|- Okay.
My mistake.
Okay.
Now hold it.
- Okay.
How does it look?|- Festive and femme! Yes, and completely ineffective.
- Maybe it just needs another layer.
|- Yes, of glass.
Nice.
Something to protect us|from freezer burn.
Come over here and help us.
I'm not gonna help you|Barbie Band-Aid our window.
I will, however, help you to call one of the many extremely qualified|window repairmen I've circled for you in the phone book.
If we fix the window|before Luke comes over he'll have his feelings hurt.
- Do you want that?|- Phone book's on the kitchen table.
- Where are you going?|- I'm going to take a walk get a Danish, hit the bookstore,|and I'll be back for lunch.
Maybe if we add a layer of tinfoil.
The professional window guys|are driving by, pointing and laughing.
- Just thought you should know.
|- Thank you.
So, listen,|I have some errands to run today.
- You need anything?|- No, I'm fine.
Okay.
I'll probably be heading down Elm.
That's a good street.
Yes, it is.
If there's anything you want me|to do on Elm or anyone you wanted me to see, I could.
That's okay.
Has she said anything to you? - No, but she's wanted to.
|- How can you tell? - Let's just say it's a mom thing.
|- Yeah.
Okay, maybe tomorrow, then.
Hello? - It's a complete disaster.
|- My existence? - Not everything is about you, Lorelai.
|- Sorry.
The Rare Manuscript Acquisition|fundraiser is tonight and we still haven't filled our table.
|I'm four people short.
The Burles are visiting their daughter|in New Hampshire.
Then they can just go straight to hell,|can't they? Mom, I already said I'd go.
But we still have a half-empty table.
Fewer people|to fight over the centerpiece.
Stop it.
This is not funny.
The last person who didn't fill her table|was Loretta Bobbins.
You remember Loretta Bobbins? - No.
|- Exactly.
Once you don't fill a table,|you don't get another table to fill.
- You are off the list.
|- Mom, that's not gonna happen to you.
- You said you would come.
|- I am coming.
And you're bringing someone.
- I never said I was bringing someone.
|- I'm telling you to now.
Mom, it's tonight.
I need you to bring someone, Lorelai.
|Loretta Bobbins, Lorelai! All right, the Dartmores|are trying to change Betty's viewing.
They'll call back in a minute.
They owe us, Richard.
|Remind them that they owe us.
All right, I'll see you tonight|at 6:00 sharp and don't wear those pantyhose|with the seams up the back.
You look like 10 cents a dance.
|Richard, I need a gimlet! After we light the bonfire,|the dancers should come through.
- Okay, Kirk.
|- They'll circle the gazebo jazz hands,|then out come the flaming batons.
- That sounds good, Kirk.
|- Are you ignoring me? Since you were old enough to walk, Kirk.
What do you think? - I think it's good.
|- Is there too much turquoise? Are you kidding? Turquoise is timeless.
What are you doing? Luke, you remember my friend Carrie,|right? - Yeah.
Hi, Carrie.
|- Hi, Butch.
Good to see you.
Been under any bleachers lately? No, I haven't.
What is that? - It's an earring tree.
|- And what is it for? - You hang earrings on it.
|- And what is it doing here? I thought I'd put some of my earrings out,|you know see if I could sell some|to the good people of Stars Hollow.
- No.
|- Why? - They're cute.
|- This is a diner.
People come here to eat, not shop.
- But now they can do both.
|- Liz, can I talk to you for a moment? You want me to negotiate with him|for you? No, she doesn't.
Thanks for the offer.
- Liz, please.
|- Sure, my brother.
Why are you so stressed about this? Do you remember|when you decided to make - those ceramic pots without a kiln?|- Yes.
- How did that go?|- Pretty bad.
You were depressed for a month.
You cut all your hair.
|You threw out all your clothes.
I remember the bad times.
You put those earrings out on my counter,|and nobody buys them- They sell great at the fairs.
I'm sure they do, but this is|not a Renaissance Faire.
Look around.
Everybody here has a life,|and no one's gonna buy them.
- Please just|- Look at this.
These are so cute.
|Luke, are you selling these? He sure is.
- I'll take them.
|- Excuse me.
I wanted those.
- Turquoise? With your complexion?|- They're for Lulu.
She's a sweetheart.
- Does she have pierced ears?|- I can check.
Joe, have you ever noticed|my girlfriend's lobes? What? Okay, thank you both|for the show of support.
It's very kind,|but you don't have to do this.
- Do what?|- Pretend like you like them - 'cause Liz made them.
|- Who's pretending? - Yeah, they're phat.
|- They're gonna fall apart.
- No, they're not.
|- They'll make people's ears green and send 'em to the hospital.
You cannot design my ad campaign.
|You need to nap, Jack.
- I'm cool, they're cool, everybody's cool.
|- Stop, Kirk.
She slapped me.
Who saw her slap me? Okay.
Relax, you two.
I can make you whatever you want.
I want these in fuchsia pink,|I want these in purple.
Hi.
I'd like a large coffee|and a cherry Danish, please.
I'm leaving.
- A little farther back.
Roger.
|- What? - It's got to go back farther.
Roger.
|- I can't hear you.
Speak into your walkie-talkie.
Roger.
- Kirk, what are you saying?|- Speak into your Speak into your walkie-talkie! Roger.
- I lost my walkie-talkie.
I told you that.
|- That's your own fault.
Roger.
Luke.
Luke, hold on.
|Please, I know you owe us nothing but our dead frozen carcasses|may someday haunt you in your old age.
Or not,|because you don't know who I am.
- Sorry.
I thought you were Luke.
|- I knew I should've put on some lipstick.
- No, I just saw the truck.
|- I borrowed the truck.
- Right.
|- He knows.
I'm sure he does.
- I'm Liz, Luke's sister.
|- Luke's sister.
Yeah.
I knew you were here.
|Hi, I'm Lorelai.
Is Luke in the diner? He just stepped out for a second.
|You need him for something? I just need to tell him something.
- You want me to give him a message?|- Sure.
Yeah.
Sure.
Tell him Lorelai wanted|to gently remind him about the window.
I'll be home till 5:30,|and tell him I looked cold.
- You're the wife.
|- The wife? Yeah, I knew he got married,|but I hadn't seen the face yet.
Wow.
It's good to meet you.
No.
I'm not the wife.
I'm the friend and the customer,|I'm not the wife.
Sorry.
You look like his type, so No.
Not his type.
Or his wife.
|Just his friend and his customer.
- It's still good to meet you.
|- You, too.
Luke's told me a lot about you.
- Yeah, like what?|- Like you're his sister.
He admits it? And that, you know,|you're here visiting him and how happy he is|you're here visiting him.
- He did not say that.
|- I think he did.
He's probably not too thrilled I'm here.
|I'm kind of a pain in his ass.
- Aren't we all?|- Yeah, but I'm special.
I kind of screw up a lot,|and then he has to fix it and then we fight,|and then I screw up again and he fixes it.
It's a pattern.
- Luke likes his routine.
|- He's pretty amazing, though.
No matter how much I screw up,|he just keeps fixing it.
I need money, he gives me money.
|No place to live, Luke finds an apartment.
Even my kid,|when I was having trouble with him - Did you ever meet Jess?|- Yeah, I did.
I tell you, he was hell on wheels.
|I couldn't do a thing with him.
- I didn't know what to do, so|- Luke fixed it? He tried.
He wasn't entirely successful.
I don't know.
Maybe if I'd have sent Jess to him|a little sooner Anyhow, Luke did what he could.
He always does.
|He's like my hero, you know.
Like one of those Greek gods|with the golden helmets and the shields and the sandals.
- And the little white toga dresses.
|- I sound silly.
No, you don't.
Take it from someone|who has run to Luke many a time he's definitely one of the good ones - maybe the good one.
|- Yeah.
I miss him.
I've even been thinking|about moving back here.
To Stars Hollow? Maybe.
I've discussed it|with my boyfriend.
I'm not sure how Luke would like it,|but I sure would.
- Anyway, I should get going.
|- Sure.
It was nice to meet you,|friend and customer, not wife.
- Nice to meet you, too.
|- I'll be sure and give him your message.
Don't forget.
Human popsicle.
I have to tell you, this is a real treat,|having you two girls over like this spur-of-the-moment.
I don't know what I did|to get so damn lucky.
We just realized|we hadn't seen you very much lately and we thought, "Today's the perfect day|to catch up with Babbette.
" Yeah.
Perfect day.
I am tickled pink.
Here you go.
Hot cocoa.
- Thanks, Babbette.
|- We don't deserve such treatment.
Of course you do two young hotsy-totsies like yourself|hanging out with an old broad like me.
You deserve a lot better.
So you kids going|to the Firelight festival tonight? - You bet.
|- We're gonna be late because we have to make a pit stop for one of my mother's charity events.
- Sounds ritzy.
|- Like the cracker.
The festival should be quite a shindig.
Just watching Kirk try|and get those stars hung was worth the price of admission.
You know, he insisted on demonstrating|the correct way to hang them, and treed himself.
It took the fire department|and two cans of tuna to get him down.
I hate that I missed that.
Plus the whole town is buzzing|about Jess coming back.
Stupid little "pisher " trying to sneak out of town|without anyone knowing.
This town? What, is he kidding? I'm so sorry, sugar.
- Here I am going on and on about Jess.
|- It's fine, Babbette.
I'm fine.
- She's fine.
|- You sure? - Yes, I'm sure.
|- She's fine.
- I saw him.
|- Who? - When?|- Where? - Today, at Weston's.
|- He went into Weston's? - That little bastard.
|- What happened? - I went in, he saw me, and he left.
|- No.
- He said nothing?|- No, he said something.
He said, "I'm leaving.
" Way to state the obvious.
It was so weird.
I mean he's the one who left town,|he's the one who didn't call and now he just gets up|and walks out like he's mad.
- What does he have to be mad about?|- Exactly.
I should be mad.
It's my town.
|I should be the one to walk out in a huff.
- You still stuck on him, honey?|- No, I'm not.
I just wasn't expecting him to come back,|that's all.
- He'll be gone soon.
|- Yeah, I know.
He'll be gone soon.
My god.
I forgot the marshmallows.
He'll be gone soon.
Mayday.
Mayday.
The Morrisey kids have stolen|the bonfire again.
I repeat the Morrisey kids|have stolen the bonfire again.
Caesar, I'm back.
What did you burn? - Liz, what are you doing?|- I just needed some things.
Steaks? You needed steaks? I'm making dinner upstairs,|and you don't have anything.
- Then go to a store.
|- Come on.
- Couple of steaks, what's the big deal?|- The big deal is I run a diner.
I sell food.
It's how I make my living.
|It's how I can afford all this.
- You can spare a couple of things.
|- How do you know what I can spare? - That's a whole pie.
|- It's peach.
Nobody eats the peach.
- A lot of people eat the peach.
|- I'll buy a pie tomorrow.
Tonight I'm making a feast for my guys.
Your guys? Who are your guys? You and T.
J.
- T.
J.
?|- Yep.
You're really gonna like him.
- He's upstairs waiting for us, and-|- Upstairs in my apartment? You left some guy named T.
J.
alone|in my apartment? Liz.
- I've been gone 20 seconds.
|- That's all it takes.
To do what,|steal the singing "Be Happy" bass? That is my singing "Be Happy" bass and it had better still be up there,|including the batteries.
I thought I'd make chili.
- You are not Liz.
|- Already smarter than the last guy.
Hi, baby.
- Look what I found downstairs.
|- You must be Luke.
- I think she's talking about the steaks.
|- I was not talking about the steaks.
This is my "him.
" This is my guy.
This is T.
J.
- Guess what it stands for?|- What? - T.
J.
Guess what it stands for?|- I don't know.
- Just guess.
|- I can't.
- Come on.
|- Thomas Jefferson.
No.
Thomas Jefferson.
- That's a weird guess.
|- Okay, I got to go back to work.
No, come on.
Caesar's there.
Sit down.
You want a beer? One of my beers out of my fridge?|Sure.
Why not? - Coming right up.
|- I'm so excited.
My two favorite guys are with me,|drinking, talking.
And soon there will be chili.
I forgot something.
My god.
This is freaky.
It's like fate.
Jess did not know we were here.
I had no idea that Jess would come by,|and now look at us together.
All the men in my life|are drawn here to me.
This is positive.
This means something.
|Do you feel it? I sure do.
Baby, this is my kid.
This is Jess.
Jess, this is T.
J.
- Guess what it stands for.
|- No.
You'll stay for dinner? - I got to go check on my car.
|- We're making a ton of food.
There's beer.
- My beer.
|- I'm not hungry.
Please.
Stay for a little while.
I think you guys|are really gonna get along great.
T.
J.
's really enjoying Stars Hollow,|aren't you, baby? Yeah.
This place is great.
|It reminds me of New York.
- How?|- You know - Neither one is in space.
|- No, that's not it.
Of course not.
- There's an energy, right?|- There is.
I feel it.
A very similar energy.
Liz showed me your old house|and your school.
Like the picture of you in the shorts.
My brother was very big in athletics|in his day.
And the ladies loved him.
- Ask Carrie.
They went out.
|- Yeah? - Crazy Carrie and I did not go out.
|- They just made out.
We did not make out.
We did not go out.
We did nothing that involved|the word "out.
" - I think he's still hung up on her.
|- A lightning bolt, please.
I got to go.
Okay, but come back|after you checked your car.
We'll save you some food.
|You look good, handsome.
If I was a girl,|I wouldn't kick him out of bed.
Come back, okay? Yeah, if you do, I'll draw your portrait|on my Etch-A-Sketch.
- You can't miss that.
|- We'll see.
Jess, wait a sec.
- So, wow.
|- Yep.
If I could pick anyone in the world|for my sister to be with - that guy'd definitely be his cab driver.
|- I don't know.
- He had a certain something.
|- Yeah, lack of chromosomes.
- That sounds right.
|- So what'll we do? - About what?|- About that.
Them.
Him.
- Nothing.
|- Where are you going? To check on my car.
Jess, don't you think|we should discuss this? - Discuss what?|- T.
J.
! I thought we just did.
- We didn't come up with a solution.
|- A solution to what? Are we having the same conversation?|A solution to him.
A solution would have been birth control.
|Too late, move on.
- We have to do something about this.
|- Like what? - I don't know.
We have to say something.
|- Like what? He's a grown man with an Etch-A-Sketch.
So shake him real hard.
|Maybe he'll disappear.
- What, you like this guy?|- Of course I don't like this guy.
I don't like any of the guys.
|But she's gonna do what she's gonna do.
No, I do not accept that.
|We can go to Liz together.
We can tell her.
She does not care what we think.
|She really doesn't care what I think.
I've got 19 years of proof to back me up.
She does.
You just have|to find the right angle with Liz.
- Can I go, please?|- No, you can't go.
We have to fix this.
I cannot watch her|throw her life away again with a loser, again.
You see, this is your problem.
You're gonna help people|whether they want it or not.
You have to fix everything.
|You have to fix everyone.
You think it makes you a good guy but, really, it just makes you a pain|in the ass.
You make it so that when people fail you you get to feel like the martyr and they get to feel|like not only did they screw up but they also disappointed you.
You interfere,|and you make everything worse.
No one is asking for your help.
|No one wants your help.
Focus on your own life|and leave everyone else alone.
Give it back.
I mean it.
I'm in charge here, guys.
Come on! I need that! This is totally unfair.
Hey, Andrew.
Track these down for me?|They're all out of print.
- You got it.
|- Thanks.
All right, I'm about to start getting angry.
Damn it.
Hello? Luke.
- Yeah, hey.
|- How did you get in here? You left your bedroom window open.
My bedroom window|is on the second floor.
What did you do? I promised to fix your window,|so I'm here to fix your window.
My god.
You cut yourself.
- Glass was broken.
|- Hence the need for fixing.
I'm sorry.
Are you drunk? I am not drunk.
I do not get drunk.
I had some beer.
Beers.
|More than one.
A few.
And then I came here,|and I climbed your tree.
- Good thinking.
|- And then I fell out of your tree.
Sit down.
- I landed flat on my back.
I felt like Kirk.
|- Hold your hand up in the air.
And then I climbed back up the tree.
|This time I made it.
I got in.
Sorry about the lamp.
You know, Luke,|you could have broken your neck.
It would have been all right if I had.
I would have fixed it,|because that's what I do.
I fix things,|even when they don't want to be fixed.
- Let me see your hand.
|- Why? Because it's bleeding|and I need to look at it.
Gross.
- It's fine.
Leave it.
|- I can't leave it.
It's cut.
- That's my wrist.
|- Sorry.
You're very good at this.
- I don't like blood, okay?|- Then leave it alone.
No, I can't leave it.
There.
You want to tell me what happened? - Nothing.
|- What are you doing? - I'm gonna fix the window.
|- Forget the window.
I can't forget the window.
I made a promise,|and I am the reliable guy who helps everybody out|whether they like it or not.
- What?|- Yeah.
Nothing I can do about it,|just the way I am.
It is my big problem.
Didn't know it was my big problem|till today but now I know.
It is my big problem.
- Got a handful of Barbie.
|- Luke, what happened today? Today I found out|what a big, dumb, idiot guy I am.
Just an imposing, judgmental know-it-all who blows around,|yelling and complaining and screwing up everybody else's life.
- I hardly think-|- I'm dumb, you know.
Not like Jess.
Jess is smart.
|He doesn't care about anybody else's life.
He just takes care of himself.
- Did you and Jess have a thing?|- He informed me that I am nothing but an unwelcome burden|to everyone around me.
- Luke, that's not true.
|- Yes, it is.
Luke, stop it.
Liz was just saying today|how grateful she is to have you as her brother,|and how much she looks up to you.
- You talked to Liz?|- I thought she was you.
I'm a man.
- She was in your truck.
|- When I'm in my truck, I am still a man.
I couldn't see who was driving, okay? I ran over to the truck, we met,|and we started talking.
- You shouldn't have talked to Liz.
|- She worships you.
She said she even wants|to move to Stars Hollow so she can be closer to you.
- She didn't say that.
|- She did say that.
Jess is an unhappy kid, Luke.
He's angry.
|He doesn't mean the things he says.
He did me a favor.
Listen, why don't you hang out here,|rest for a little while, okay? - I'll go get you a real bandage.
|- I like the Barbie ones.
Yes, honey, but the other kids|will beat you up if they see you with one of those.
I'll be right back.
You sure I can't help you?|Can I hand you something? You know, it doesn't have to be perfect.
|It just has to run.
Just curious.
Have you noticed|since you started standing there there's been a lot less|of the clinking sounds? The clinking sounds are what tools make|when they fix things.
- You've been fixing this car for hours.
|- And I'm not done, so back off.
- Jess!|- She sounds mad.
You've been here less than 24 hours|and already I want to kill you.
- What did I do to you?|- All that crap you said to Luke a man who's done nothing|but support you and try to help you.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
|- You do know.
Don't act stupid.
Why would you do that? What an incredibly insensitive,|mean-spirited- Drop it.
This has nothing to do with Luke.
|This is about Rory.
This is not about Rory.
This is about Luke.
Don't you have an ounce of sensitivity|in that thick head of yours or are you so mad at the entire world|that you don't care who you hurt? And I suppose|we're still not talking about Rory? Wow.
A second "Rory" in 10 seconds.
You sure have Rory on the brain.
|I wonder why that is.
- You started this.
|- Is that why you came back here? Are you still hung up on her?|Is that why you came back? - No.
|- Good.
Because she is over you.
|She has moved on, and she is very happy.
Please hurry up|so I can get the hell out of here.
I second that.
Wonder where Demi and Ashton|are sitting? - I think we're late.
|- We're not late.
- Grandma said dinner starts at 6:00.
|- That means 7:00.
- In what universe?|- They invite you at 6:00 know you won't be here till 7:00,|so dinner won't start till 8:00.
Actually, we're early.
|There they are.
Hi, mom.
- That's a bad face.
|- Told you we were late.
What is Rory doing here? - Hi, Grandma.
|- You weren't supposed to bring Rory.
Really helping the kid's self-esteem, Mom.
You don't know one man|who'd spend the evening with you? - I thought you liked Rory.
|- We like Rory, but we're short of men.
So am I.
Honestly, it's not your looks|that keep them away.
Think about that.
- I'm sorry.
Should I stay?|- Of course you should stay.
We can't do anything about that now.
So, on a wigged-out level from 1 to 10,|Mom's at- - Frances Farmer.
|- Yeah.
Rory, what are you doing here? Lorelai couldn't find a man.
You weren't specific.
|You didn't say, "Bring a man.
" And if I had,|you'd have been able to find one? Rory, sit over there.
Marjorie, Shawna,|this is my daughter, Lorelai and her daughter, Rory.
- This is Marjorie and Shawna.
|- Hello.
- Who are Marjorie and Shawna?|- Richard and Jason's secretaries.
Dull girls, like two rolling pins|sitting across from me but we were desperate.
- Hello, Emily, Richard.
|- Jason.
You're late, Jason.
I'm sorry.
I got hung up talking to Feriman|in the lobby.
Feriman is here? Yes, and he's three drinks ahead|of everybody else.
- Marvelous.
|- No, don't sit there.
Sit next to Lorelai.
Rory, move over.
- Why?|- You two pretend you're together.
- What?|- Emily, good idea.
Shawna, Marjorie, for God's sake,|look like you belong here.
- Yes, that's much better.
|- So who else is joining us? No one.
We brought one of Richard's coats|to hang over the chair.
- We're saying it's Marjorie's husband's.
|- He's making the rounds and at about 8:00,|he'll get sick and have to leave.
- Does everybody understand the story?|- I think so.
But then we'll have to hide his jacket,|so I suggest I put it under my dress and pretend to be pregnant.
Then Jason can pretend to be the doctor.
|Then Rory can dig a tunnel- I might have known you'd turn this|into something ridiculous.
- I want to be the doctor.
|- Good lord.
And Jason, move closer to Lorelai.
And for God's sake, you two,|at least act like you like each other.
Your mom said.
Hey, there you are.
Yes, here I am at my job.
|Will wonders never cease? - Major party happening outside.
|- So I hear.
You got to see it.
I'm sure you can see it enough|for the both of us.
Big fire, crazy punch out there, too.
Seriously, man, come on out.
|You won't believe it.
No, T.
J.
, actually, I will believe it,|because, see, I live here so I've seen this festival,|let's say, about 5,000 times.
Yes, I see your point.
Okay, Liz and I are taking off|right after the festivities so maybe you could come out|and say sayonara.
- I'll come out as soon as I can.
|- Great.
How long, you think? How long I think what? - How long you'll be doing that?|- I don't know.
- Looks like you're almost done.
|- I'm not.
- The stack's getting pretty small.
|- Look - I will be out soon, okay?|- Okay.
- I am gonna hold you to that.
|- I'll consider myself warned.
The importance cannot be overstated.
|Language is humanity's lifeline.
That is why I thank each|and every one of you for your loyal support of the Ephram Wordus|Rare Manuscript Acquisition Foundation.
Because without it we would just be stuck|brooding around Nag Hammadi.
- I don't get it.
|- Me neither.
- You go to Yale.
|- I skipped Obscure Manuscript Humor 101.
- Why was that funny?|- No idea.
- You were laughing.
|- Take a poll.
No one in this room has any idea|what that crazy old man is talking about.
- Bunch of poseurs.
|- Hundreds of literary artifacts which might otherwise have been lost.
- How far do you think we can push this?|- I'm not sure.
- Dancing?|- Possibly.
- Stroll on the terrace?|- Passable.
- Making out in the coat-check room?|- That's gonna be tricky.
So, once again, I thank you and I hope you all have a lovely evening.
I'm going to go find Feriman.
I have to say hello to Babe Wellington.
Mom, how much longer do Jason and I|have to pretend we're together? Lorelai, don't do this to me.
Until this evening is over,|you are together and I don't want to discuss it again.
Fine.
- I just secured us the coatroom.
|- Let's go.
I'm going to make out in the coatroom.
|Don't eat my chicken.
- That's going on your tombstone.
|- Jason.
- Hello.
I didn't know you'd be here.
|- You look well.
- Thank you.
How's business?|- Very good.
- I'm pleased to hear it.
|- How's your golf game? It certainly can't match yours,|but I'm catching up.
When you're ready I'll give you a call.
- Fine.
Good to see you again.
|- Same to you.
Well? Who was that? - My father.
|- Your father? And you two have met before? Yes, briefly.
I believe|there was an Aquaman party involved.
This business thing|must've been really bad for you guys.
- What do you mean?|- I mean, that was so cold.
You talked|like you barely knew each other.
- No, we've always been like that.
|- You're kidding? No.
In fact,|asking me about my golf game was actually a little too touchy-feely for me.
Who would have thought|I would ever put my mother next to someone, and think "warm"? Jason, I just heard your father was here.
How could you possibly|have found that out this quickly? News travels fast here.
People talk.
|So what did Floyd say? - Well-|- Richard, Floyd was just here.
- We know, Mom.
We saw him.
|- He came by the table? What nerve.
- How dare he talk to his son.
|- Be quiet, Lorelai.
If he's here, he must have a motive.
He never cared|about rare manuscripts before.
- He must be trying to get information.
|- I don't think he had an agenda.
- What was his body language like?|- He was breathing and standing.
- I think all signs point to alive.
|- What did he ask you about? - He asked me about my golf game.
|- Not the business? - No.
|- He's tricky.
He didn't ask about the business,|Dad, okay? I know he didn't ask, Lorelai.
|That was deliberate.
So he wanted to know nothing|on purpose? The fiend.
- Please stay out of it.
|- He's planning something.
- Jason, I think we should strategize.
|- Richard, I don't think- I've been doing this a lot longer|than you have.
If a man like Floyd Stiles comes over to|you and does not ask about the business you can be sure|something very big is coming.
I guess I have to go.
|If you'll excuse me, ladies.
Fine.
Nobody was believing you two|as a couple, anyway.
This is Bird Dog One to Bird Dog Two.
The southwest corner is secure.
I'm at the southwest corner, Kirk.
- Then where the hell am I?|- Look who finally came out of his cave.
- Carrie, what a coincidence.
|- You remember Anna, Jill.
Hello, Anna.
Hello, Jill.
We just came from the reunion,|so we're a little tipsy.
You know,|drink water and take some aspirin before you go to bed.
I told them you're trying to pretend|you don't remember "the night.
" I don't remember "the night.
" I remember "the night.
" The whole reunion|remembered "the night.
" - We all talked about it.
|- Terrific.
Everybody had a crush on Butch Danes|in high school.
- So serious, so intense.
|- So hot in those tiny, little shorts.
- Okay, I should go find Liz.
|- I'll help you find her.
- No, I don't want to break up the party.
|- There's always room for a foursome.
So, 20 years later,|none of you are married? - No, we're all married.
|- There's Liz.
They're not gonna run out of punch,|are they? - They never run out of punch.
|- Okay, I should go.
Wait.
We're all going to the Styx REO Speedwagon-Journey concert|next week.
We have an extra ticket,|if you're interested.
If it was just Styx and REO Speedwagon I'd be there, but Journey freaks me out.
Sorry.
Enjoy the festival.
So there's a line a mile long.
|The place is going crazy for the earrings.
- Come on, T.
J.
|- I'm just telling them how it is.
The last fair we went to the line was so long|it blocked the fruit-ice stand.
Now, traditionally, the fruit-ice people|are not the nicest people on the circuit but you block their stand,|and they really go crazy.
They threw lemon rinds!|But it didn't matter.
Those people stayed|and they bought plenty.
People seem to like my stuff.
We're heading to Minnesota next month.
|Big fair there.
- And this time we're unveiling the booth.
|- The booth? T.
J.
just built me the greatest booth.
|You should see it.
You got to have a good booth.
|It's the first thing people see.
Earrings are small.
You don't know they're there|until you're up on them.
But a booth and a nice sign a person standing at the jousting match,|they turn around "Look at that booth with the nice sign.
" They take a look at Lizzie's stuff,|and they're hooked.
- Luke, nice of you to join us.
|- I didn't see you there.
I heard you were leaving|right after the festival, so I'm so glad you came out.
See you later, Liz.
Can you believe this thing? It hasn't changed one bit|since we were kids.
Same crazy gathering|that Mom would take us to.
- And then Dad, after she died.
|- He hated it worse than we did.
- He only took us because Mom liked it.
|- Yeah.
- Of course, that Founder's Day punch|- Lethal.
The first time I ever threw up from booze,|it was Founder's Day punch.
- That's a nice story.
|- Listen I'm sorry about Jess.
Boy, that statement could encompass|a whole myriad of things.
I'm sorry I told you|I wasn't in touch with him.
It's just been the last six months|he started calling and he asked me not to tell you,|so I was trying to bond or something.
I just mentioned the car to him.
I didn't know he'd come back here|and try and take it.
It's okay.
It's his car.
He should have it.
I'm just trying|to make things better with us.
You should.
It's fine.
I have a feeling about him.
|I think he's gonna be okay.
- He's kind of like Dad, don't you think?|- I don't know.
I do.
I think he's like Dad.
I want to thank you|for everything you did for him.
It never hurts to take a shot.
|At least you know you tried.
Sometimes things take a while|before they sink in.
It did with me.
Sorry I'm so boring tonight.
|I only had one cup of punch.
Gary switched us over|to club soda after that.
You're not boring.
Who's Gary? - That's T.
J.
's real name.
|- T.
J.
's real name is Gary? - Yeah.
|- Gary? How in the heck did he get Never mind.
I heard him talking back there, Gary.
|It sounds like things are going good.
- They are, really good.
|- Good.
Wait.
I just made these last night.
You could give them to your wife.
|Or Lorelai, whoever.
- Thanks.
|- I'm gonna get my stuff together.
We need to leave soon.
|Tell Gary I went back to your place.
- I'll do that.
|- Okay.
- See you.
|- See you.
Gone the rest of the night.
And we're stuck there|with the rolling pins.
- God, so boring.
|- I am starving.
What, the possibly beef|in some sort of cream sauce did nothing to curb your appetite? You want to start with burgers|or do a cart-to-cart attack? There's two of us.
|I think we can accomplish both goals.
- I'll get the burgers.
You hit the carts.
|- Meet you by the bonfire.
- T.
J.
|- You're here.
Cool.
So, Liz is back at my place|getting your stuff.
- She just wanted me to tell you.
|- Okay, thanks.
So, look, I kind of heard|you guys talking and you know, things seem|to be going pretty good for Liz which is different and a nice change.
I know you guys are thinking|about moving here and I just wanted you to know|it's okay by me.
Okay.
I didn't realize|we needed your permission.
No.
You don't.
|Maybe you misunderstood me here.
I was trying to say I assumed, because|my sister has a history with guys that, you know, you were like the others.
You seem like a pretty good guy.
Thanks.
You're a dick.
I just heard the tail end|of that conversation I assume you haven't changed your name|to Richard.
Long, long story.
I'll tell you later.
But here's a teaser:|the word Etch-A-Sketch comes up.
I'm hooked.
- You're all dressed up.
|- Just for you.
You go somewhere? My parents had a charity event,|and they needed a chair filled and who fills a chair better than I? - No one comes to mind.
|- So did Jess leave yet? I stopped by Gypsy's earlier and she was just about done then,|so probably.
- No goodbyes?|- No.
Liz has a feeling about him, though.
|She thinks he's gonna be fine.
- He could be.
|- Yeah.
Here.
Pretty.
Liz made them yesterday.
|She wanted you to have them.
Great.
Be sure to tell her thanks for me.
I will.
- There.
|- Thank you for your business.
- Do not come again.
|- Not likely.
- I get to leave first.
|- Rory, wait.
Stop! - No, you don't get to walk away.
|- Hold on! My town! I leave! I just want to Where are you going? - None of your business!|- We look like idiots.
- I don't care.
|- Stop running.
- Stop following.
|- Come on! - Go away! I'm leaving!|- Rory, stop! - Why?|- Because I want to talk to you.
About what?|What do you want to talk to me about? When did you learn to run like that? You know, I have actually thought|about this moment a lot.
What would Jess say to me|if I ever saw him again? I mean, he just took off,|no note, no call, nothing.
How could he explain that? And then a year goes by.
|No word, nothing.
So he couldn't possibly|have a good excuse for that, right? I have imagined|hundreds of different scenarios with a hundred different|great last parting lines and I have to tell you|that I am actually very curious to see which way this is going to go.
- Could we sit down?|- No.
You wanted to talk, so talk.
What do you have to say to me? I love you.
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