Glee s02e20 Episode Script
Prom Queen
Here's what you missed.
Prom's coming up, and Quinn's desperate to win queen so she can hold on to Finn, who still has eyes for Rachel.
Zizes also wants to be queen, and Puck's up for king.
Karofsky and Santana wanna win, too 'cause they've both got a secret they'd like to keep.
Have you ever heard of the term "beards"? Artie and Brittany were B.
F.
and G.
F but he got mad and said she was stupid and now they're not B.
F.
and G.
F.
You were the only person at this school that never called me that.
Can you believe that? And that's what you missed on Glee.
Hi, everyone.
It's junior prom minus six days here at McKinley and today I'm joined by junior prom king candidate Noah Puckerman.
I prefer "Puck.
" Noah, can I get a comment on the recent poll number that put the Fabray-Hudson ticket a.
k.
a.
The Road Warriors.
We're still ahead of Santana-Karofsky by half a point so our campaign strategy is to close the gap using a combination of intimidation and fear.
Awesome and classy.
One more question.
This one was e-mailed in by a fan.
"Where does Lauren keep your balls?" What? I'm sure you've heard the word on the street that you've been neutered by Miss Zizes that she's the one who wears the pants in the relationship? Shut up or I'll beat your ass.
I'm not scared.
I've been hit by a girl before.
This is J.
B.
I.
signing off.
Tune in tomorrow, when we'll be interviewing front-runner Quinn Fabray.
Hubba, hubba.
I have some bad news.
Will Schuester is leaving McKinley to go to Broadway.
Oh, William, I'm devastated- positively horny with grief.
As a going-away present, here's a spray bottle of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
Keep that head merkin looking buttery fresh.
No, no.
Junior prom is in one week, and my favorite band canceled.
- What band? - Air Supply, William.
So I'm inviting my next-favorite group- the New Directions.
- Nope.
No way.
- Um, I agree.
Normally we would jump at the chance to perform.
But we've got nationals in three weeks which means we have a lot of rehearsals and a lot of taffy to sell just so we can afford the trip.
William, this glass is half full of dreams for all of us.
I have decided to give all the money to the Glee Club that I was going to pay Air Supply so that's $400 right there for you.
I won't allow it.
I'm prom coordinator, and I was not consulted.
Each year, I honor the prom with a bowl of my family's secret punch recipe made all the more meaningful to me because it's the punch bowl my grandmother drowned in and each year, that punch bowl is spiked.
Such lawlessness will only be encouraged when being screeched at by that Glee Club.
Sue, it is not a discussion.
We are in the lurch.
Fine.
Then let me take this opportunity to make a request.
William, I have in my Spanx, at all times a list of the worst songs ever performed by the Glee Club and I would appreciate it if you would not reprise any of the following numbers.
Number one, "Run, Joey, Run.
" You should literally apologize to America for that one.
Number two, the ingenious mash-up of "Crazy In Love" and "Hair.
" Now, I know you must have been pretty tired when you put that baby together.
If you'll excuse me.
We'll see ya at the prom, butt-chin.
I've been to Ann Taylor Loft, Filene's Basement and, like, six Forever 21 s and I cannot find a dress that fits.
I'm gonna be forced to make my own dress for prom.
- Don't.
You'll seem poor.
- You're up for queen.
You can't make your own prom dress.
Prom is like our Oscars.
It's seriously like the most important night of our lives.
- What about getting married? - You can get married as many times as you want.
You only have one shot at your junior prom.
- What are you guys talking about? - Prom dresses.
Thank God I don't have to worry about that.
I'm not going.
- Why not? - 'Cause nobody's asked me.
All right, guys, prom.
Please tell me we're not doing songs about prom.
Nope.
We are the prom.
Figgins has asked us to perform.
Let's do "Run, Joey, Run.
" I know this isn't ideal, with nationals coming up, but we don't have a choice.
And we could really use the money.
But I know that prom is a special rite of passage.
I wanna make sure all of you guys get a chance to enjoy the dance too.
So we're gonna stagger the performances so that each and every one of you has a lot of time to dance with your dates.
Excuse me.
- Is she okay? - Mercedes doesn't have a date for prom.
So? I don't have a date.
I'm just going to dance, and then all your dates are going to ignore you and come dance with me, so your dates are really my dates.
- I'm gonna go talk to Mercedes.
- No.
Let me.
Hey.
You know, I don't have a date to prom either.
I know that I talk a good game about not needing a man, and I don't.
I just really wanted to take a date to the prom.
I want the dress and the guy the damn corsage.
- Somebody still may ask you.
- It's this Saturday.
You know, I just wanted to be Cinderella.
Just for one night one night where a guy would look at me under those corny crepe-paper streamers and say, "You look so beautiful.
" Then he'd grab my hand and ask me to dance.
Isn't that what prom is supposed to be about? You're not gonna go to prom alone.
- You'll go with me.
- That's even more depressing.
Look, I have a plan.
Give me your hand.
Blaine Warbler will you go to junior prom with me? Prom? It'll be the social event of the season.
You don't want to go to prom with me? No, no.
Of course I wanna go with you.
It's just Prom.
What about prom, Blaine? At my old school, there was a Sadie Hawkins dance and I had just come out.
So I asked a friend of mine, the only other gay guy in the school.
While we were waiting for his dad to pick us up these three guys, um beat the living crap out of us.
I-I'm so sorry.
I'm out and I'm proud and all that.
This is just a little bit of a sore spot.
This is perfect.
You couldn't face up to the boys at your school, so you can do it at mine.
We could do it together.
But I have to say, Blaine that if it makes you feel uncomfortable at all then we'll just forget about prom.
We'll go to a movie instead.
I am crazy about you.
So I'll take that as a yes? Yes.
- You and I are going to the prom.
- Mmm! Mmm! Is this a surprise party or something? Because my birthday was last week.
It was? Um, no.
Mercedes and I, we have a proposition for you.
We were wondering if you'd like to go to prom with us.
Kind of like a three-way date, but not the dirty kind.
That sounds great.
But I can't afford to take one girl to the prom.
I don't know how I'm gonna take two.
- What's this? - Our prom budget.
You're gonna have to borrow a suit from your dad.
We're gonna buy five-dollar dresses down at the Goodwill and make our own corsages out of flowers from my mom's garden.
We can walk to prom and then use what's left to get the 8.
99 all-you-can-eat pasta special at Breadstix.
But, you know, the $20, it's not charity.
It's a loan.
So you'll go with us? - It would be an honor.
- Yes! Ladies, I appreciate you welcoming me into the sacred inner sanctum that is the prom gown dry run.
Why did we decide to include Kurt? Because getting a look past him is like getting a thumbs-up from Joan and Melissa Rivers.
It just might goose our pre-prom buzz factor.
I look like a lemon merengue pie.
- I think you look delicious.
- Don't despair.
Nobody bigger than a size two looks good in a prom dress.
They're practically designed to make us look awkward.
I think the color is wrong.
Let's go navy, hmm? - It's chic and slimming.
- Duly noted.
- Agree? Agree? - Oh, my God.
- It's brilliant.
Absolutely.
- I pledge.
Next.
I knew it.
- Fashion.
- Devil in a red dress.
Perfect.
And it's totally appropriate for your personality.
I have no criticisms.
Go with God, Satan- Santana.
Now, if you ladies excuse me, I have to pull options for my own prom outfit.
Wait.
So you're going? Stag? That's just tragic.
Yes, I'm going, and not alone.
With Blaine.
- Congratulations.
- That's amazing.
Ladies, if you'll excuse me, I have a private fashion question for Kurt.
Okay.
So, Kurt, I think that you need a full security detail which the Bully Whips and I would be more than happy to provide you with.
You know, like the Hell's Angels when the Rolling Stones performed at Altamont Speedway.
- I think that went off without a hitch.
- And why would you do that? Because I'll get sympathy votes for prom queen.
I'll be like the law-and-order Eva Perón candidate.
Grimace and Stretch Marks won't stand a chance.
So, since you don't have a date to the prom I was hoping you could help me out with Operation Punch and Judy.
Every year at McKinley, they crown a king and queen at the prom.
But there's a shadow world a dark community of troublemakers that crown the prom anti-king.
You're planning on that being you? My street cred's in the gutter.
If I actually win prom king with Lauren I'll never be able to rebuild my reputation as a lovable but dangerous miscreant.
I have to spike Coach Sylvester's punch.
- What does this have to do with me? - I'm prime suspect number one.
Coach Sylvester won't let me within 10 feet of that bowl.
When she grabs me, I'll create a diversion with my sweet dance moves.
She'll be mesmerized, hypnotized by my love dance.
That's when you'll sneak in behind us and pour a bottle of gin in the bowl.
Awesome, right? So are you in as my assistant badass? Look, I'm- I'm sorry.
While I admire your bad-boy villainy and, yes, long for the day when I'm similarly cool I don't think spiking the prom hooch will impress Brittany enough.
There's gotta be a surefire way for her to both forgive me and accept my prom proposal.
There's gotta be.
Oh, uh, members of the Audiovisual Club I may possibly sing this song at prom and when I'm done rehearsing, I'd like your feedback.
Tell me if I was brilliant or simply outstanding.
# There's a fire startin' in my heart # # Reachin' a fever pitch # # And it's bringin' me out the dark # # Finally, I can see you crystal-clear # # Go ahead and sell me out # # And I'll lay your ship bare # # See how I'll leave with every piece of you # # Don't underestimate the things that I will do # # There's a fire startin' in my heart # # Reachin' a fever pitch and it's bringin' me out the dark # # The scars of your love remind me of us # # They keep me thinkin' that we almost had it all # # The scars of your love, they leave me breathless # # I can't help feelin' # # We could have had it all # # You're gonna wish you never met me # - # Rollin' in the deep # - # Tears are gonna fall # - # Rollin' in the deep # - # You had my heart inside your hand # # And you played it to the beat # # Rollin' in the deep # # Throw your soul through every open door # # Count your blessings to find what you look for # # Turn my sorrow into treasured gold # # Pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow # # You're gonna wish you # # Yeah, we could have had it all # - # Rollin' in the deep # - # We could have had it all # # It all, it all, it all # # Hey, you could have had it all # # Rollin' in the deep # # You had my heart inside your hand # # And you played and you played and you played # # And you played it to the beat ## # And you played it to the beat ## It's good to see you again, Rachel.
Jesse.
What are you doing here? How was I supposed to know I was actually supposed to show up to those other classes at school? I was majoring in show choir.
I just assumed it would be like at Carmel and the school would get some Asian kid to take math and English and scientific for me.
That's awful.
I came back to see you, Rachel.
What I did to you that's my one great regret.
Yeah.
It was kind of weird.
One day you were telling me that you loved me and then you were inexplicably throwing eggs at my head the next.
I know.
I know.
I traded love for a fourth consecutive national championship.
It was a bum deal.
For a first, maybe, but for a fourth, no way.
I've come to make amends.
So what are you doing for prom? So, I heard a nasty rumor that Jesse St.
James is back in town and I also heard that he is going to be your date.
No, he's joining Mercedes and Sam and I on our prom-on-a-budget.
He's gonna be in town for a while though, so I'm not sure what's gonna come of it.
I don't trust him.
Don't you remember what he did to you? You can't tell me what to do anymore, okay? If I wanna date Jesse- or anyone, for that matter it stopped being your business when you broke up with me.
I still care about you.
Look, all I ask is that, whoever I choose that you be as supportive of me as I've been of you and Quinn even though I'm dying every day inside about it.
You know, I don't even want to go to the stupid prom anymore.
Quinn's got me handing out pens with our names on 'em.
Where's the dignity? And I hate renting those tuxes.
And the corsage- I know I'm gonna pick the wrong one and then Quinn's gonna be all pissed off - and her mom's gonna look at me like- - Hey, just Just get her something simple.
A wrist corsage.
Girls like Quinn, you don't want to do anything that's gonna distract from their face so ask for a gardenia with a light green ribbon wrapped around it to match her eyes.
Okay? Everything looks good.
No gay protests or rainbow flags being lit on fire down this way.
Are you finished talking? Yeah.
When you're finished talking, you should say "over.
" Sorry.
No burning Liberace mannequins.
Over.
All right, lady lips, all clear.
Teen gay, you may now proceed to the next checkpoint without fear of violence.
Why are you speaking so loud? I'm the law-and-order prom queen candidate here to protect every student at this school from harassment.
- Did she- - I'm walking away from you now.
Just crack the egg.
I don't understand the difference between an egg with a baby chicken inside of it and an egg with an egg in it.
- They're the same thing.
- Okay, that's really confusing because this is a baby chicken's house.
Miss Hagberg? I understand that cupcakes are really trendy right now.
And I know that the making of a foie gras might be a little morose but I would like to at least graduate high school knowing how to make some kind of pâté.
Excuse me, Miss Hagberg.
I need to say something.
Brittany, I was a jerk to you and I want to make it up to you with a song so maybe you'll consider going to prom with me.
A prom proposal! # Isn't she lovely? # # Isn't she wonderful? # # I never thought through love we'd be # # Making one as lovely as she # # But isn't she lovely, made from love? # I thought this song was about a baby.
# Isn't she pretty? # Oh, my God.
# Truly the angels' best # # Boy, I'm so happy # # We have been heaven-blessed # # I can't believe what God has done # # Through us, he's given life to one # # But isn't she lovely, made from love? # # Isn't she lovely? # # Life and love are the same # # Londie, it could have not been done # # Without you who conceived the one # # That's so very lovely, made from love ## Ow! Whoo! So? Artie, that was lovely.
But I'm not gonna go to prom with you.
You called me stupid, and I really didn't like that.
So I'm sorry, but I'm gonna go to prom by myself and really work on me and dance with other people's dates.
I understand.
I-I hope you know how sorry I am.
Yeah.
Dude, sorry for the timing but I'd really like to revisit the possibility of you helping me spike the punch bowl.
I'm in.
Nothing to live for.
So you think it's cool if I jam with you guys at prom? Basketball Game.]
- Yeah.
Totally.
Good news, boys.
My buddy Enzo from the tux rental shop is giving you half off.
- Sweet.
- Yeah.
So what are you gonna go with? I'm going simple- black, thin-lapel collar, very discreet.
Know what I wore at my prom? I wore a powder-blue tux with a ruffled shirt and a big velour bow tie.
Looked like Tony Orlando.
- Was that a designer? - No.
No need for half off my outfit.
Because half of it is already off? My ensemble is an homage to the recent royal wedding and the late Alexander McQueen.
I had to make it myself.
There's simply nothing off the rack that is suitable for the young, fashionable man in Ohio.
Dude, that rocks.
It's like gay Braveheart.
- Thank you.
- I don't like it.
Well, of course you don't like it.
It's not finished yet.
I think it still needs, like, a sash, or maybe some beads.
I'm not gonna stop you from wearing it, but I gotta be honest.
I think you're just trying to stir the pot a little bit.
I think you're trying to get some attention.
Exactly.
What's the point of dressing up? That's why some guys wear the tails with the top hat and the girls wear the hoopskirts.
- Blaine, help me out here.
- I think your dad has a point.
I think what he's trying to say is that we just don't want to give anyone a reason to cause any trouble.
There's a lot of bad people out there, Kurt and they're a lot worse than this Karofsky kid.
And all they're looking for is a match to light under the fire of their hate.
Now, of course I want- I want you to be yourself.
But I also want you to be practical.
Okay, I have done everything right.
Now, Blaine, I understand that, after what you've been through, you're worried.
But prom is about joy, not about fear.
Okay? So I'm wearing this suit.
I worked hard on it, and I think it's fantastic.
And if you don't want to join me, I completely understand.
Here we are- third-period, French class.
I'm going to calculus, so wait inside the classroom after the bell rings until I get back to walk you to lunch.
Have you noticed that no one has said boo to me this week? - 'Cause the Bully Whips are protecting you.
- Maybe.
But maybe no one has been harassing me this week because nobody cares.
You're dreaming.
I'm not saying that everyone in this school is ready to embrace the gay but maybe at least they've evolved enough to be indifferent.
I see how miserable you are, Dave.
I could just hate you when you were bullying me, but now all I see is your pain.
And you don't have to torture yourself over this.
I'm not saying you should come out tomorrow but maybe soon the moment will arise when you can.
What's wrong? I'm so- I'm so freaking sorry, Kurt.
I'm just so sorry for what I did to you.
I know.
I know.
Cool.
Thanks.
Uh, remember.
You wait for me here, right? Quinny, your date's here.
It's one of the good things about being in Glee Club you really get to know your way around a cummerbund.
Let me get my camera.
You look great.
You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life.
I, uh- I got you a wrist corsage.
- It matches my eyes.
- I know.
Okay, you two.
Picture time.
You look like Cinderella.
Let's get together.
Okay.
Give me prom pose.
Mercedes, can I just say that you look fierce in your dress? Totally, Mercedes.
- You both look smokin'.
- You're damn straight we do.
Seriously, though, Jesse, what do you think of the bolo tie? Pretty cool, right? I saw Springsteen in the cover of Tunnel of Love album wearing it.
Dude, that was, like, 20 years ago.
I'm really sorry to hear about what happened with your family, Sam.
I hope it's okay.
I sort of filled Jesse in on what was going on.
Of course it's okay.
Sam has nothing to be ashamed of.
I know how tough it is out there.
I couldn't even get a job as one of those singing waiters at Johnny Rockets.
But I've got an idea.
They say that the best time to start any business is during a recession.
I don't know why- or even what a recession is but it's my understanding that we're in one.
He's so smart.
I can't believe he flunked out of college.
So I was thinking, what are the two things that I'm great at? Show choir and destroying the competition.
So what if I open up a dance studio where I could act as a consultant for show choirs looking to get that extra edge? Do you think there are enough show choirs to keep you in business? Of course there are.
That's a brilliant idea.
You could be, like, the show choir whisperer.
I'm sure we could get Mr.
Schue to hire him.
- That's how we could beat Vocal Adrenaline.
- Hey.
guys.
You look amazing.
And don't forget to vote for Hudson-Fabray tonight.
Hey, Jesse.
What'd you order? Scrambled eggs? I mean, I know you usually like them served on people's heads.
Quinn, you look stunning- the ghost of Grace Kelly.
Let me know if you get tired of your boyfriend stomping on your pretty little feet all night.
- I'll be more than happy to cut in.
- Okay.
Hush, you guys.
You're totally ruining the vibe.
Quinn, you look hot.
Finn, you look handsome.
I love you guys, but get lost.
We'll see you there.
- All right, this is gonna be off the hook.
- Who's ready for some prom? - I'm ready for prom.
- Cheers, guys.
# Ooh, ooh-ooh # # Ooh, ooh-ooh # # Yeah, yeah, yeah # # Yeah, yeah # - # Ooh, yeah # - # Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah # # Yeah, yeah, yeah # # 7:00 a.
m.
Wakin' up in the morning # # Gotta be fresh Gotta go downstairs # # Gotta have my bowl Gotta have cereal # # Seein' everything The time is goin' # # Tickin' on and on Everybody's rushin' # # Gotta get down to the bus stop # # Gotta catch my bus I see my friends # # Kickin' in the front seat # # Sittin' in the back seat # # Gotta make my mind up # # Which seat can I take? # # It's Friday, Friday # # Gotta get down on Friday # # Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend # # Friday, Friday Gettin' down on Friday # # Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend # - # Partyin', partyin' # - Yeah! - # Partyin', partyin' # - Yeah! # Fun, fun, fun, fun Lookin' forward to the weekend # # Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday # # Today is Friday, Friday # # We, we, we so excited # - # Party # - # We so excited # # We gonna have a ball today # # Tomorrow is Saturday # # And Sunday comes afterwards # # I don't want this weekend to end # # Artie, Artie Abrams # # So chillin' in the front seat In the back seat # - # I'm drivin', cruisin' # - # Yeah, yeah # # Fast lanes, switchin' lanes with a cop on my side # # Whoo! Passin' by is a school bus in front of me # # Makes ticktock, ticktock Wanna scream # # Check my time, it's Friday It's the weekend # # We gonna have fun Come on, come on, y'all # # It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday # # Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend # # Friday, Friday Gettin' down on Friday # # Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend # - # Partyin', partyin' # - Yeah! - # Partyin', partyin' # - Yeah! # Fun, fun, fun, fun Lookin' forward to the weekend ## Best prom ever! # No, I can't take one more step towards you # # 'Cause all that's waiting is regret # # And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore? # # You lost the love I love the most # # I learned to live half a life # # And now you want me one more time # # And who do you think you are? # # Runnin' round leavin' scars # # Collecting your jar of hearts # # And tearin' love apart # # You're gonna catch a cold # # From the ice inside your soul # # So don't come back for me # # Who do you think you are? # Isn't it great that the prom is so inclusive this year? Someone for everyone.
- Even if it's a lie.
- # Remember how to put # # Back the light in my eyes # # I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed # # 'Cause you broke all your promises # # And now you're back # # You don't get to get me back # # And who do you think you are? # - Mercedes? - Yes? I just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful.
Would you like to dance? I'd love to.
# You're gonna catch a cold # # From the ice inside your soul # # Don't come back for me # # Don't come back at all # # Who do you think you are? # # Who do you think you are? # # Who do you think you are? ## I'm so happy to be here with you.
It's what I've always wanted.
Tora! Tora! Tora! It's go time.
- Hey, Coach, wanna boogie? - There's no music.
That's okay.
I got the music in me.
Uh-uh! In my office! Now! What are you doing? I'm just showing you my dental kit.
Oh, my God.
You're gonna start pulling out my teeth, aren't you? No, no, no.
That would get me sent to prison.
What I am going to do is attempt to give you a simple cleaning which, as anyone who's been to the dentist will tell you is an excruciating affair of intense oral pain.
- What? No, it isn't.
Who's your dentist? - Sue Sylvester, D.
D.
S.
Now, we can get all H.
M.
O.
up in your Glee hole or you can tell me who put you up to spiking my bowl.
Come on, legs.
It was Puckerman, wasn't it? Oh, he'll get expelled and you'll be one Mohawk short at nationals.
Please let me go.
All I want is to get back out there and have one dance with Brittany.
Okay, let me get this straight.
I'm trying to interrogate you and you just told me the one thing you really want.
You're the worst P.
O.
W.
ever.
John McCain is rolling over in his grave.
# You are the girl that I been dreamin' of # # Ever since I was a little girl # # You are the girl that I been dreamin' of # # Ever since I was a little girl # - # One # - # I'm bitin' my tongue # - # Two # - # He's kissin' on you # - # Three # - # Oh, why can't you see? # One, two, three, four! # The word's on the streets and it's on the news # # I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you # # He's got two left feet and he bites my moves # - # I'm not gonna teach him how to- Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh # - Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! # The second I do I know we're gonna be through # # I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you # # He don't suspect a thing I wish he'd get a clue # # I'm not gonna teach him how to # Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! - Dance! - Hey.
One! Hey! Dude, keep it P.
G.
Dude, it's none of Y.
B.
- your business.
Well, this is my school, so it's my business.
- This isn't your girlfriend, so beat it, M.
J.
- Dance! - Don't push me.
- One, two, three, four! What's the matter with you? Stop it! You're ruining everything! You're code blue in the gym, Coach.
- # Aw, he's got two left feet # - What are you doing? # And he bites my moves # # I'm not gonna teach him how to dance, dance, dance, dance ## Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! Prom is over for you, Sugar Ray! - You too, Marvelous Marvin.
You're out.
- What? - You're takin' me out? - Wait.
But he and I are nominated for prom Sucks for you, sister.
Attention, students.
Attention.
Will the candidates for king and queen gather on the stage? The votes are in.
This is the moment you've all been waiting for where we announce our junior prom king and also prom queen.
Roll the drum, please.
And this year's junior prom king is David Karofsky.
Achievement.
Achievement.
You suck so bad, Quinn Fabray.
I won.
Yeah! And now your 2011 McKinley High prom queen with an overwhelming number of write-in votes, is Kurt Hummel.
Whoo! Kurt, stop! Kurt! - I have never been so humiliated! - Stop.
Stop, Kurt.
Please, just stop.
Come on.
Don't you get how stupid we were? We thought that because no one was teasing us or beating us up that-that no one cared, like some kind of progress had been made.
But it's still the same.
- It's just a stupid joke.
- No, it's not.
All that hate- they were just afraid to say it out loud so they did it by secret ballot.
I'm one big anonymous practical joke.
- Quinn, you need to calm down.
- This is your fault.
Nobody ever would have voted for me 'cause they know he would rather be with you.
That's not true.
I'm so sorry.
How could my running mate win and I didn't? I mean, just because I hate everybody doesn't mean they have to hate me too.
It's just a stupid crown you can buy at the party store.
I'm gonna be an outsider my whole life.
Can't I just have one night where I'm queen? I'm not going back in there.
- Where I'm accepted? - No way.
There's no way I'm staying at this school.
I'm gonna transfer out.
As soon as we get to New York, I'm bailing to live in a lesbian colony or Tribeca.
Would you at least sit down? Do you want to go? We don't have to go back in there.
Wasn't this prom supposed to be about redemption about taking away that lump you had in your throat from running away? If we leave, all it's gonna do is give me a lump too.
So what do you want to do? I'm gonna go back in there and get coronated.
I'm gonna show them that it doesn't matter if they are yelling at me or whispering behind my back that they can't touch me that they can't touch us or what we have.
Most girls would be upset about being slapped in the face, but I happen to appreciate the drama of it.
I know you think it's hard to be you, Rachel.
At least you don't have to be terrified all the time.
What are you so scared of? The future when all this is gone.
Look.
You have nothing to be scared of.
You're a very pretty girl, Quinn.
Prettiest girl I've ever met, but you're a lot more than that.
Here.
Can I help? They must have sensed that I was a lesbian.
They must have.
Do I smell like a golf course? They don't know what you're hiding.
They just They know that you're not being yourself.
If you were to embrace all the awesomeness that you are you would have won.
- How do you know? - Because I voted for you.
And because I believe in you, Santana.
This prom sucks.
Now what am I supposed to do? Go back out there and be there for Kurt.
This is gonna be a lot harder for him than it is for you.
Are you ready for this? Well, stumbles, it's 10:00 p.
m.
You've officially missed your prom.
I'm not gonna rat somebody out for doing something that I did.
I was upset and I wanted to impress a girl.
But I wasn't down on getting everybody wasted so I poured a flask of lemonade into the punch.
- Wait.
You didn't spike the punch? - Yes, I did.
With alcohol? Oh.
Yeah, then no, I didn't.
Why didn't you tell me that before? I was just about to pull out a couple of your molars.
So can I go? You should really be ashamed of yourself.
You are seriously no fun to interrogate or almost torture.
Oh, my God.
I feel so bad for him.
Ladies and gentlemen your 2011 prom queen- Kurt Hummel.
Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton.
And now, behold the tradition of our 2011 prom king and queen sharing their first dance.
Now's your moment.
What? Come out.
Make a difference.
I can't.
Excuse me.
- # Oh, yeah # - May I have this dance? # You can dance # - # You can jive # - Yes.
- # Having the time of your life # - Yes, you may.
# Ooh, ooh, ooh See that girl # # Watch that scene Diggin' the dancing queen # # Friday night and the lights are low # # Looking out for a place to go # # Oh, where they play the right music # # Getting in the swing You come to look for a king # # And when you get the chance # # You are the dancing queen # # Young and sweet # # Only seventeen # # Dancing queen # # Feel the beat from the tambourine # # Oh, yeah # # You can dance you can jive # # Having the time of your life # # Ooh, ooh, ooh See that girl # # Watch that scene Diggin' the dancing queen # # Dancing, dancing queen # # Diggin' the dancing queen ## English - US - SDH
Prom's coming up, and Quinn's desperate to win queen so she can hold on to Finn, who still has eyes for Rachel.
Zizes also wants to be queen, and Puck's up for king.
Karofsky and Santana wanna win, too 'cause they've both got a secret they'd like to keep.
Have you ever heard of the term "beards"? Artie and Brittany were B.
F.
and G.
F but he got mad and said she was stupid and now they're not B.
F.
and G.
F.
You were the only person at this school that never called me that.
Can you believe that? And that's what you missed on Glee.
Hi, everyone.
It's junior prom minus six days here at McKinley and today I'm joined by junior prom king candidate Noah Puckerman.
I prefer "Puck.
" Noah, can I get a comment on the recent poll number that put the Fabray-Hudson ticket a.
k.
a.
The Road Warriors.
We're still ahead of Santana-Karofsky by half a point so our campaign strategy is to close the gap using a combination of intimidation and fear.
Awesome and classy.
One more question.
This one was e-mailed in by a fan.
"Where does Lauren keep your balls?" What? I'm sure you've heard the word on the street that you've been neutered by Miss Zizes that she's the one who wears the pants in the relationship? Shut up or I'll beat your ass.
I'm not scared.
I've been hit by a girl before.
This is J.
B.
I.
signing off.
Tune in tomorrow, when we'll be interviewing front-runner Quinn Fabray.
Hubba, hubba.
I have some bad news.
Will Schuester is leaving McKinley to go to Broadway.
Oh, William, I'm devastated- positively horny with grief.
As a going-away present, here's a spray bottle of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
Keep that head merkin looking buttery fresh.
No, no.
Junior prom is in one week, and my favorite band canceled.
- What band? - Air Supply, William.
So I'm inviting my next-favorite group- the New Directions.
- Nope.
No way.
- Um, I agree.
Normally we would jump at the chance to perform.
But we've got nationals in three weeks which means we have a lot of rehearsals and a lot of taffy to sell just so we can afford the trip.
William, this glass is half full of dreams for all of us.
I have decided to give all the money to the Glee Club that I was going to pay Air Supply so that's $400 right there for you.
I won't allow it.
I'm prom coordinator, and I was not consulted.
Each year, I honor the prom with a bowl of my family's secret punch recipe made all the more meaningful to me because it's the punch bowl my grandmother drowned in and each year, that punch bowl is spiked.
Such lawlessness will only be encouraged when being screeched at by that Glee Club.
Sue, it is not a discussion.
We are in the lurch.
Fine.
Then let me take this opportunity to make a request.
William, I have in my Spanx, at all times a list of the worst songs ever performed by the Glee Club and I would appreciate it if you would not reprise any of the following numbers.
Number one, "Run, Joey, Run.
" You should literally apologize to America for that one.
Number two, the ingenious mash-up of "Crazy In Love" and "Hair.
" Now, I know you must have been pretty tired when you put that baby together.
If you'll excuse me.
We'll see ya at the prom, butt-chin.
I've been to Ann Taylor Loft, Filene's Basement and, like, six Forever 21 s and I cannot find a dress that fits.
I'm gonna be forced to make my own dress for prom.
- Don't.
You'll seem poor.
- You're up for queen.
You can't make your own prom dress.
Prom is like our Oscars.
It's seriously like the most important night of our lives.
- What about getting married? - You can get married as many times as you want.
You only have one shot at your junior prom.
- What are you guys talking about? - Prom dresses.
Thank God I don't have to worry about that.
I'm not going.
- Why not? - 'Cause nobody's asked me.
All right, guys, prom.
Please tell me we're not doing songs about prom.
Nope.
We are the prom.
Figgins has asked us to perform.
Let's do "Run, Joey, Run.
" I know this isn't ideal, with nationals coming up, but we don't have a choice.
And we could really use the money.
But I know that prom is a special rite of passage.
I wanna make sure all of you guys get a chance to enjoy the dance too.
So we're gonna stagger the performances so that each and every one of you has a lot of time to dance with your dates.
Excuse me.
- Is she okay? - Mercedes doesn't have a date for prom.
So? I don't have a date.
I'm just going to dance, and then all your dates are going to ignore you and come dance with me, so your dates are really my dates.
- I'm gonna go talk to Mercedes.
- No.
Let me.
Hey.
You know, I don't have a date to prom either.
I know that I talk a good game about not needing a man, and I don't.
I just really wanted to take a date to the prom.
I want the dress and the guy the damn corsage.
- Somebody still may ask you.
- It's this Saturday.
You know, I just wanted to be Cinderella.
Just for one night one night where a guy would look at me under those corny crepe-paper streamers and say, "You look so beautiful.
" Then he'd grab my hand and ask me to dance.
Isn't that what prom is supposed to be about? You're not gonna go to prom alone.
- You'll go with me.
- That's even more depressing.
Look, I have a plan.
Give me your hand.
Blaine Warbler will you go to junior prom with me? Prom? It'll be the social event of the season.
You don't want to go to prom with me? No, no.
Of course I wanna go with you.
It's just Prom.
What about prom, Blaine? At my old school, there was a Sadie Hawkins dance and I had just come out.
So I asked a friend of mine, the only other gay guy in the school.
While we were waiting for his dad to pick us up these three guys, um beat the living crap out of us.
I-I'm so sorry.
I'm out and I'm proud and all that.
This is just a little bit of a sore spot.
This is perfect.
You couldn't face up to the boys at your school, so you can do it at mine.
We could do it together.
But I have to say, Blaine that if it makes you feel uncomfortable at all then we'll just forget about prom.
We'll go to a movie instead.
I am crazy about you.
So I'll take that as a yes? Yes.
- You and I are going to the prom.
- Mmm! Mmm! Is this a surprise party or something? Because my birthday was last week.
It was? Um, no.
Mercedes and I, we have a proposition for you.
We were wondering if you'd like to go to prom with us.
Kind of like a three-way date, but not the dirty kind.
That sounds great.
But I can't afford to take one girl to the prom.
I don't know how I'm gonna take two.
- What's this? - Our prom budget.
You're gonna have to borrow a suit from your dad.
We're gonna buy five-dollar dresses down at the Goodwill and make our own corsages out of flowers from my mom's garden.
We can walk to prom and then use what's left to get the 8.
99 all-you-can-eat pasta special at Breadstix.
But, you know, the $20, it's not charity.
It's a loan.
So you'll go with us? - It would be an honor.
- Yes! Ladies, I appreciate you welcoming me into the sacred inner sanctum that is the prom gown dry run.
Why did we decide to include Kurt? Because getting a look past him is like getting a thumbs-up from Joan and Melissa Rivers.
It just might goose our pre-prom buzz factor.
I look like a lemon merengue pie.
- I think you look delicious.
- Don't despair.
Nobody bigger than a size two looks good in a prom dress.
They're practically designed to make us look awkward.
I think the color is wrong.
Let's go navy, hmm? - It's chic and slimming.
- Duly noted.
- Agree? Agree? - Oh, my God.
- It's brilliant.
Absolutely.
- I pledge.
Next.
I knew it.
- Fashion.
- Devil in a red dress.
Perfect.
And it's totally appropriate for your personality.
I have no criticisms.
Go with God, Satan- Santana.
Now, if you ladies excuse me, I have to pull options for my own prom outfit.
Wait.
So you're going? Stag? That's just tragic.
Yes, I'm going, and not alone.
With Blaine.
- Congratulations.
- That's amazing.
Ladies, if you'll excuse me, I have a private fashion question for Kurt.
Okay.
So, Kurt, I think that you need a full security detail which the Bully Whips and I would be more than happy to provide you with.
You know, like the Hell's Angels when the Rolling Stones performed at Altamont Speedway.
- I think that went off without a hitch.
- And why would you do that? Because I'll get sympathy votes for prom queen.
I'll be like the law-and-order Eva Perón candidate.
Grimace and Stretch Marks won't stand a chance.
So, since you don't have a date to the prom I was hoping you could help me out with Operation Punch and Judy.
Every year at McKinley, they crown a king and queen at the prom.
But there's a shadow world a dark community of troublemakers that crown the prom anti-king.
You're planning on that being you? My street cred's in the gutter.
If I actually win prom king with Lauren I'll never be able to rebuild my reputation as a lovable but dangerous miscreant.
I have to spike Coach Sylvester's punch.
- What does this have to do with me? - I'm prime suspect number one.
Coach Sylvester won't let me within 10 feet of that bowl.
When she grabs me, I'll create a diversion with my sweet dance moves.
She'll be mesmerized, hypnotized by my love dance.
That's when you'll sneak in behind us and pour a bottle of gin in the bowl.
Awesome, right? So are you in as my assistant badass? Look, I'm- I'm sorry.
While I admire your bad-boy villainy and, yes, long for the day when I'm similarly cool I don't think spiking the prom hooch will impress Brittany enough.
There's gotta be a surefire way for her to both forgive me and accept my prom proposal.
There's gotta be.
Oh, uh, members of the Audiovisual Club I may possibly sing this song at prom and when I'm done rehearsing, I'd like your feedback.
Tell me if I was brilliant or simply outstanding.
# There's a fire startin' in my heart # # Reachin' a fever pitch # # And it's bringin' me out the dark # # Finally, I can see you crystal-clear # # Go ahead and sell me out # # And I'll lay your ship bare # # See how I'll leave with every piece of you # # Don't underestimate the things that I will do # # There's a fire startin' in my heart # # Reachin' a fever pitch and it's bringin' me out the dark # # The scars of your love remind me of us # # They keep me thinkin' that we almost had it all # # The scars of your love, they leave me breathless # # I can't help feelin' # # We could have had it all # # You're gonna wish you never met me # - # Rollin' in the deep # - # Tears are gonna fall # - # Rollin' in the deep # - # You had my heart inside your hand # # And you played it to the beat # # Rollin' in the deep # # Throw your soul through every open door # # Count your blessings to find what you look for # # Turn my sorrow into treasured gold # # Pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow # # You're gonna wish you # # Yeah, we could have had it all # - # Rollin' in the deep # - # We could have had it all # # It all, it all, it all # # Hey, you could have had it all # # Rollin' in the deep # # You had my heart inside your hand # # And you played and you played and you played # # And you played it to the beat ## # And you played it to the beat ## It's good to see you again, Rachel.
Jesse.
What are you doing here? How was I supposed to know I was actually supposed to show up to those other classes at school? I was majoring in show choir.
I just assumed it would be like at Carmel and the school would get some Asian kid to take math and English and scientific for me.
That's awful.
I came back to see you, Rachel.
What I did to you that's my one great regret.
Yeah.
It was kind of weird.
One day you were telling me that you loved me and then you were inexplicably throwing eggs at my head the next.
I know.
I know.
I traded love for a fourth consecutive national championship.
It was a bum deal.
For a first, maybe, but for a fourth, no way.
I've come to make amends.
So what are you doing for prom? So, I heard a nasty rumor that Jesse St.
James is back in town and I also heard that he is going to be your date.
No, he's joining Mercedes and Sam and I on our prom-on-a-budget.
He's gonna be in town for a while though, so I'm not sure what's gonna come of it.
I don't trust him.
Don't you remember what he did to you? You can't tell me what to do anymore, okay? If I wanna date Jesse- or anyone, for that matter it stopped being your business when you broke up with me.
I still care about you.
Look, all I ask is that, whoever I choose that you be as supportive of me as I've been of you and Quinn even though I'm dying every day inside about it.
You know, I don't even want to go to the stupid prom anymore.
Quinn's got me handing out pens with our names on 'em.
Where's the dignity? And I hate renting those tuxes.
And the corsage- I know I'm gonna pick the wrong one and then Quinn's gonna be all pissed off - and her mom's gonna look at me like- - Hey, just Just get her something simple.
A wrist corsage.
Girls like Quinn, you don't want to do anything that's gonna distract from their face so ask for a gardenia with a light green ribbon wrapped around it to match her eyes.
Okay? Everything looks good.
No gay protests or rainbow flags being lit on fire down this way.
Are you finished talking? Yeah.
When you're finished talking, you should say "over.
" Sorry.
No burning Liberace mannequins.
Over.
All right, lady lips, all clear.
Teen gay, you may now proceed to the next checkpoint without fear of violence.
Why are you speaking so loud? I'm the law-and-order prom queen candidate here to protect every student at this school from harassment.
- Did she- - I'm walking away from you now.
Just crack the egg.
I don't understand the difference between an egg with a baby chicken inside of it and an egg with an egg in it.
- They're the same thing.
- Okay, that's really confusing because this is a baby chicken's house.
Miss Hagberg? I understand that cupcakes are really trendy right now.
And I know that the making of a foie gras might be a little morose but I would like to at least graduate high school knowing how to make some kind of pâté.
Excuse me, Miss Hagberg.
I need to say something.
Brittany, I was a jerk to you and I want to make it up to you with a song so maybe you'll consider going to prom with me.
A prom proposal! # Isn't she lovely? # # Isn't she wonderful? # # I never thought through love we'd be # # Making one as lovely as she # # But isn't she lovely, made from love? # I thought this song was about a baby.
# Isn't she pretty? # Oh, my God.
# Truly the angels' best # # Boy, I'm so happy # # We have been heaven-blessed # # I can't believe what God has done # # Through us, he's given life to one # # But isn't she lovely, made from love? # # Isn't she lovely? # # Life and love are the same # # Londie, it could have not been done # # Without you who conceived the one # # That's so very lovely, made from love ## Ow! Whoo! So? Artie, that was lovely.
But I'm not gonna go to prom with you.
You called me stupid, and I really didn't like that.
So I'm sorry, but I'm gonna go to prom by myself and really work on me and dance with other people's dates.
I understand.
I-I hope you know how sorry I am.
Yeah.
Dude, sorry for the timing but I'd really like to revisit the possibility of you helping me spike the punch bowl.
I'm in.
Nothing to live for.
So you think it's cool if I jam with you guys at prom? Basketball Game.]
- Yeah.
Totally.
Good news, boys.
My buddy Enzo from the tux rental shop is giving you half off.
- Sweet.
- Yeah.
So what are you gonna go with? I'm going simple- black, thin-lapel collar, very discreet.
Know what I wore at my prom? I wore a powder-blue tux with a ruffled shirt and a big velour bow tie.
Looked like Tony Orlando.
- Was that a designer? - No.
No need for half off my outfit.
Because half of it is already off? My ensemble is an homage to the recent royal wedding and the late Alexander McQueen.
I had to make it myself.
There's simply nothing off the rack that is suitable for the young, fashionable man in Ohio.
Dude, that rocks.
It's like gay Braveheart.
- Thank you.
- I don't like it.
Well, of course you don't like it.
It's not finished yet.
I think it still needs, like, a sash, or maybe some beads.
I'm not gonna stop you from wearing it, but I gotta be honest.
I think you're just trying to stir the pot a little bit.
I think you're trying to get some attention.
Exactly.
What's the point of dressing up? That's why some guys wear the tails with the top hat and the girls wear the hoopskirts.
- Blaine, help me out here.
- I think your dad has a point.
I think what he's trying to say is that we just don't want to give anyone a reason to cause any trouble.
There's a lot of bad people out there, Kurt and they're a lot worse than this Karofsky kid.
And all they're looking for is a match to light under the fire of their hate.
Now, of course I want- I want you to be yourself.
But I also want you to be practical.
Okay, I have done everything right.
Now, Blaine, I understand that, after what you've been through, you're worried.
But prom is about joy, not about fear.
Okay? So I'm wearing this suit.
I worked hard on it, and I think it's fantastic.
And if you don't want to join me, I completely understand.
Here we are- third-period, French class.
I'm going to calculus, so wait inside the classroom after the bell rings until I get back to walk you to lunch.
Have you noticed that no one has said boo to me this week? - 'Cause the Bully Whips are protecting you.
- Maybe.
But maybe no one has been harassing me this week because nobody cares.
You're dreaming.
I'm not saying that everyone in this school is ready to embrace the gay but maybe at least they've evolved enough to be indifferent.
I see how miserable you are, Dave.
I could just hate you when you were bullying me, but now all I see is your pain.
And you don't have to torture yourself over this.
I'm not saying you should come out tomorrow but maybe soon the moment will arise when you can.
What's wrong? I'm so- I'm so freaking sorry, Kurt.
I'm just so sorry for what I did to you.
I know.
I know.
Cool.
Thanks.
Uh, remember.
You wait for me here, right? Quinny, your date's here.
It's one of the good things about being in Glee Club you really get to know your way around a cummerbund.
Let me get my camera.
You look great.
You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life.
I, uh- I got you a wrist corsage.
- It matches my eyes.
- I know.
Okay, you two.
Picture time.
You look like Cinderella.
Let's get together.
Okay.
Give me prom pose.
Mercedes, can I just say that you look fierce in your dress? Totally, Mercedes.
- You both look smokin'.
- You're damn straight we do.
Seriously, though, Jesse, what do you think of the bolo tie? Pretty cool, right? I saw Springsteen in the cover of Tunnel of Love album wearing it.
Dude, that was, like, 20 years ago.
I'm really sorry to hear about what happened with your family, Sam.
I hope it's okay.
I sort of filled Jesse in on what was going on.
Of course it's okay.
Sam has nothing to be ashamed of.
I know how tough it is out there.
I couldn't even get a job as one of those singing waiters at Johnny Rockets.
But I've got an idea.
They say that the best time to start any business is during a recession.
I don't know why- or even what a recession is but it's my understanding that we're in one.
He's so smart.
I can't believe he flunked out of college.
So I was thinking, what are the two things that I'm great at? Show choir and destroying the competition.
So what if I open up a dance studio where I could act as a consultant for show choirs looking to get that extra edge? Do you think there are enough show choirs to keep you in business? Of course there are.
That's a brilliant idea.
You could be, like, the show choir whisperer.
I'm sure we could get Mr.
Schue to hire him.
- That's how we could beat Vocal Adrenaline.
- Hey.
guys.
You look amazing.
And don't forget to vote for Hudson-Fabray tonight.
Hey, Jesse.
What'd you order? Scrambled eggs? I mean, I know you usually like them served on people's heads.
Quinn, you look stunning- the ghost of Grace Kelly.
Let me know if you get tired of your boyfriend stomping on your pretty little feet all night.
- I'll be more than happy to cut in.
- Okay.
Hush, you guys.
You're totally ruining the vibe.
Quinn, you look hot.
Finn, you look handsome.
I love you guys, but get lost.
We'll see you there.
- All right, this is gonna be off the hook.
- Who's ready for some prom? - I'm ready for prom.
- Cheers, guys.
# Ooh, ooh-ooh # # Ooh, ooh-ooh # # Yeah, yeah, yeah # # Yeah, yeah # - # Ooh, yeah # - # Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah # # Yeah, yeah, yeah # # 7:00 a.
m.
Wakin' up in the morning # # Gotta be fresh Gotta go downstairs # # Gotta have my bowl Gotta have cereal # # Seein' everything The time is goin' # # Tickin' on and on Everybody's rushin' # # Gotta get down to the bus stop # # Gotta catch my bus I see my friends # # Kickin' in the front seat # # Sittin' in the back seat # # Gotta make my mind up # # Which seat can I take? # # It's Friday, Friday # # Gotta get down on Friday # # Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend # # Friday, Friday Gettin' down on Friday # # Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend # - # Partyin', partyin' # - Yeah! - # Partyin', partyin' # - Yeah! # Fun, fun, fun, fun Lookin' forward to the weekend # # Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday # # Today is Friday, Friday # # We, we, we so excited # - # Party # - # We so excited # # We gonna have a ball today # # Tomorrow is Saturday # # And Sunday comes afterwards # # I don't want this weekend to end # # Artie, Artie Abrams # # So chillin' in the front seat In the back seat # - # I'm drivin', cruisin' # - # Yeah, yeah # # Fast lanes, switchin' lanes with a cop on my side # # Whoo! Passin' by is a school bus in front of me # # Makes ticktock, ticktock Wanna scream # # Check my time, it's Friday It's the weekend # # We gonna have fun Come on, come on, y'all # # It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday # # Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend # # Friday, Friday Gettin' down on Friday # # Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend # - # Partyin', partyin' # - Yeah! - # Partyin', partyin' # - Yeah! # Fun, fun, fun, fun Lookin' forward to the weekend ## Best prom ever! # No, I can't take one more step towards you # # 'Cause all that's waiting is regret # # And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore? # # You lost the love I love the most # # I learned to live half a life # # And now you want me one more time # # And who do you think you are? # # Runnin' round leavin' scars # # Collecting your jar of hearts # # And tearin' love apart # # You're gonna catch a cold # # From the ice inside your soul # # So don't come back for me # # Who do you think you are? # Isn't it great that the prom is so inclusive this year? Someone for everyone.
- Even if it's a lie.
- # Remember how to put # # Back the light in my eyes # # I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed # # 'Cause you broke all your promises # # And now you're back # # You don't get to get me back # # And who do you think you are? # - Mercedes? - Yes? I just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful.
Would you like to dance? I'd love to.
# You're gonna catch a cold # # From the ice inside your soul # # Don't come back for me # # Don't come back at all # # Who do you think you are? # # Who do you think you are? # # Who do you think you are? ## I'm so happy to be here with you.
It's what I've always wanted.
Tora! Tora! Tora! It's go time.
- Hey, Coach, wanna boogie? - There's no music.
That's okay.
I got the music in me.
Uh-uh! In my office! Now! What are you doing? I'm just showing you my dental kit.
Oh, my God.
You're gonna start pulling out my teeth, aren't you? No, no, no.
That would get me sent to prison.
What I am going to do is attempt to give you a simple cleaning which, as anyone who's been to the dentist will tell you is an excruciating affair of intense oral pain.
- What? No, it isn't.
Who's your dentist? - Sue Sylvester, D.
D.
S.
Now, we can get all H.
M.
O.
up in your Glee hole or you can tell me who put you up to spiking my bowl.
Come on, legs.
It was Puckerman, wasn't it? Oh, he'll get expelled and you'll be one Mohawk short at nationals.
Please let me go.
All I want is to get back out there and have one dance with Brittany.
Okay, let me get this straight.
I'm trying to interrogate you and you just told me the one thing you really want.
You're the worst P.
O.
W.
ever.
John McCain is rolling over in his grave.
# You are the girl that I been dreamin' of # # Ever since I was a little girl # # You are the girl that I been dreamin' of # # Ever since I was a little girl # - # One # - # I'm bitin' my tongue # - # Two # - # He's kissin' on you # - # Three # - # Oh, why can't you see? # One, two, three, four! # The word's on the streets and it's on the news # # I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you # # He's got two left feet and he bites my moves # - # I'm not gonna teach him how to- Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh # - Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! # The second I do I know we're gonna be through # # I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you # # He don't suspect a thing I wish he'd get a clue # # I'm not gonna teach him how to # Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! - Dance! - Hey.
One! Hey! Dude, keep it P.
G.
Dude, it's none of Y.
B.
- your business.
Well, this is my school, so it's my business.
- This isn't your girlfriend, so beat it, M.
J.
- Dance! - Don't push me.
- One, two, three, four! What's the matter with you? Stop it! You're ruining everything! You're code blue in the gym, Coach.
- # Aw, he's got two left feet # - What are you doing? # And he bites my moves # # I'm not gonna teach him how to dance, dance, dance, dance ## Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! Prom is over for you, Sugar Ray! - You too, Marvelous Marvin.
You're out.
- What? - You're takin' me out? - Wait.
But he and I are nominated for prom Sucks for you, sister.
Attention, students.
Attention.
Will the candidates for king and queen gather on the stage? The votes are in.
This is the moment you've all been waiting for where we announce our junior prom king and also prom queen.
Roll the drum, please.
And this year's junior prom king is David Karofsky.
Achievement.
Achievement.
You suck so bad, Quinn Fabray.
I won.
Yeah! And now your 2011 McKinley High prom queen with an overwhelming number of write-in votes, is Kurt Hummel.
Whoo! Kurt, stop! Kurt! - I have never been so humiliated! - Stop.
Stop, Kurt.
Please, just stop.
Come on.
Don't you get how stupid we were? We thought that because no one was teasing us or beating us up that-that no one cared, like some kind of progress had been made.
But it's still the same.
- It's just a stupid joke.
- No, it's not.
All that hate- they were just afraid to say it out loud so they did it by secret ballot.
I'm one big anonymous practical joke.
- Quinn, you need to calm down.
- This is your fault.
Nobody ever would have voted for me 'cause they know he would rather be with you.
That's not true.
I'm so sorry.
How could my running mate win and I didn't? I mean, just because I hate everybody doesn't mean they have to hate me too.
It's just a stupid crown you can buy at the party store.
I'm gonna be an outsider my whole life.
Can't I just have one night where I'm queen? I'm not going back in there.
- Where I'm accepted? - No way.
There's no way I'm staying at this school.
I'm gonna transfer out.
As soon as we get to New York, I'm bailing to live in a lesbian colony or Tribeca.
Would you at least sit down? Do you want to go? We don't have to go back in there.
Wasn't this prom supposed to be about redemption about taking away that lump you had in your throat from running away? If we leave, all it's gonna do is give me a lump too.
So what do you want to do? I'm gonna go back in there and get coronated.
I'm gonna show them that it doesn't matter if they are yelling at me or whispering behind my back that they can't touch me that they can't touch us or what we have.
Most girls would be upset about being slapped in the face, but I happen to appreciate the drama of it.
I know you think it's hard to be you, Rachel.
At least you don't have to be terrified all the time.
What are you so scared of? The future when all this is gone.
Look.
You have nothing to be scared of.
You're a very pretty girl, Quinn.
Prettiest girl I've ever met, but you're a lot more than that.
Here.
Can I help? They must have sensed that I was a lesbian.
They must have.
Do I smell like a golf course? They don't know what you're hiding.
They just They know that you're not being yourself.
If you were to embrace all the awesomeness that you are you would have won.
- How do you know? - Because I voted for you.
And because I believe in you, Santana.
This prom sucks.
Now what am I supposed to do? Go back out there and be there for Kurt.
This is gonna be a lot harder for him than it is for you.
Are you ready for this? Well, stumbles, it's 10:00 p.
m.
You've officially missed your prom.
I'm not gonna rat somebody out for doing something that I did.
I was upset and I wanted to impress a girl.
But I wasn't down on getting everybody wasted so I poured a flask of lemonade into the punch.
- Wait.
You didn't spike the punch? - Yes, I did.
With alcohol? Oh.
Yeah, then no, I didn't.
Why didn't you tell me that before? I was just about to pull out a couple of your molars.
So can I go? You should really be ashamed of yourself.
You are seriously no fun to interrogate or almost torture.
Oh, my God.
I feel so bad for him.
Ladies and gentlemen your 2011 prom queen- Kurt Hummel.
Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton.
And now, behold the tradition of our 2011 prom king and queen sharing their first dance.
Now's your moment.
What? Come out.
Make a difference.
I can't.
Excuse me.
- # Oh, yeah # - May I have this dance? # You can dance # - # You can jive # - Yes.
- # Having the time of your life # - Yes, you may.
# Ooh, ooh, ooh See that girl # # Watch that scene Diggin' the dancing queen # # Friday night and the lights are low # # Looking out for a place to go # # Oh, where they play the right music # # Getting in the swing You come to look for a king # # And when you get the chance # # You are the dancing queen # # Young and sweet # # Only seventeen # # Dancing queen # # Feel the beat from the tambourine # # Oh, yeah # # You can dance you can jive # # Having the time of your life # # Ooh, ooh, ooh See that girl # # Watch that scene Diggin' the dancing queen # # Dancing, dancing queen # # Diggin' the dancing queen ## English - US - SDH