Go On s01e05 Episode Script

1 You gotta know when to leave the game.
Jerry rice with the 'niners? Greatest receiver ever.
With the raiders? Serviceable.
By the end The man was a seahawk.
It's an athlete's job to believe he can go on, but it's our job, as fans, to say, "thanks for the memories.
You make us sad now.
Please go away.
" Don't stay past your expiration date.
[Sniffs.]
Eh, this won't kill me.
Oh, don't eat that.
Janie? Hey, honey.
Hey Dead.
Wife.
Dear.
Okay, listen, we got to talk about something.
No, thank you.
All right, then.
Ah! - It's okay.
- It is? Great! I'm kind of freaking out.
What's happening? Bye-bye.
Yeah, I'm still here.
Oh, my God! And the rule of the hospital is all of our scrubs are supposed to be the same color.
So, Dr.
Anwar comes in with his light blue scrubs, like he's Anthony Edwards, or something Excuse me.
I know I'm not supposed to interrupt, but I saw a ghost.
In my kitchen.
It was Janie.
It was the most intense experience of my life, so I'm crazy, right? I've gone crazy.
Anyway, Anwar struts in like he's God's gift to orthopedic surgery Yolanda, no, no.
[Shushing.]
No, no, no.
You're not crazy.
It's actually very normal.
A lot of people see and even speak to a manifestation of a departed loved one.
Patricia came to me.
She told me to go to the window.
There was a hummingbird against a bright, blue sky.
It was her way of telling me that I was missing beauty that was all around me.
So what did Janie say to you? I don't know, I was a little freaked out.
She was a spectre.
A spectre, I say.
Okay, if it happens again, maybe you should be a little bit more open to the experience.
I spent a half an hour talking to my grandmother once.
It was really spooky.
I can only imagine what it would've been like if she was dead.
When I came in here today, I thought I was the craziest person on the planet.
Thank you.
- Put your hand back on my shoulder.
- No.
Oh, hey, we couldn't get Peyton Manning for tomorrow's show, so we're gonna go with Colt McCoy, okay? Yeah, any NFL player with a fake-sounding name will do.
Hey, man, what's happening in here? Where are all the pictures of you and Ashley? I, uh You think because Janie died, I can't handle looking at pictures of you and your girlfriend.
Dude, it's not like that.
Come on, man, the three of us used to hang out all the time.
Now, you don't even talk about her around me because I'm so fragile? Well, that ends right now.
Ashley.
Ryan.
Friday night.
You, me, and Steven.
What's that? You guys broke up? [Whispering.]
Ashley and I broke up.
Well, I don't think the fact that you never liked me is really relevant right now, but now that we're doing this, you have ne What? No, let me say something mean.
You have Ashley? Never cared for her.
- Dumped me a month ago.
- [Sighs.]
Are you okay? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't I tell you? You got major league problems.
My stuff's double "A" at best.
I mean, maybe called up to triple "A" mid-season.
Who's that guy Philly kept sending up and down? Metaphor's not worth it.
Yeah.
Is there anything I can do for you, buddy? I'm starting to get lonely.
I mean, I thought it might be good to just jump right back in, but it's no fun to go out alone.
Okay, I'm gonna be your wingman.
Like old times.
We're doing this.
Really? You sure you're in a place to help me hit on women? Maybe! Okay, we're here.
What's the emergency? I was walking in the area.
I see Lauren.
I know she's protective of her privacy, so I follow at a comfortable distance.
15 feet? - No, I'm some amateur.
- Ugh! Anyway, so she goes up to the valet podium, puts on a red vest, and I realize she's working here as a cashier.
That is the Lauren emergency? Sonia, I was in court! I half-assed jury selection.
I let someone in who believes the Earth is only 500 years old.
There she is.
Um, okay, that will be $8, please.
- $8? - Yes.
- With validation? - I yeah.
I'm sorry, sir.
She looks so sad! Couldn't have been more than 20 minutes.
I'ml'm I'm sure, and I Is he sassing my group leader? - Are you sassing my group leader? - Sonia, no, no, no.
[Car horn honking.]
She's looking this way! This mission's been compromised! Wheels up! Let's go! Go, go, go! Okay, okay! - Go! Go! - Okay, okay.
Hey Sorry.
All right, you're back.
Love of my life, you are welcome in this home.
Mine ears, they are open.
Bestoweth upon me your wisdom.
You gotta go shopping.
Say again? Go buy some food.
That's it? You've traversed the cosmos, broken every known rule of the universe to tell me to go shopping? Anne's wife brought hummingbirds.
That is not all you came here to say.
I don't know, we'll see.
Oh, are you gonna be coy now? Just what the world needs, a coy ghost.
Shop, cook, and then we'll talk.
You always look so much better in my shirts than I do.
Yeah, well, you know, boobs improve everything, so Now, that is the kind of ghost wisdom I wanted you to bestoweth upon me earlier.
Get it together, man! Excuse me, sir.
I'm contemplating a milk purchase.
How much do you think I would need? Perhaps I should tell you a little bit about myself.
I, uh, eat cereal three times a week.
I take my coffee black, so don't factor that in.
I like pancakes.
Do I need milk for that? That stare, are you doing milk math, or just sizing me up as an idiot? Excuse me.
Wow.
That guy can shop.
[King Tuff's Keep on movin'.]
I do the fireball that's how I kill 'em all Thank you.
I do the creepy crawl Everything you gave him, please.
Crazy legs like daddy long because I keep on, keep on movin' don't stop, there's nothing to it I keep on, keep on movin' don't stop I eat this now.
There's nothing to it I do the Frankenstein that's why you look so fine I do the Spanish fly that's how I make you mine let's go! Uh, paper or plastic? How are we playing this, chief? I am sad sometimes, when I'm home alone .
I used to cook big meal for all of my boys, but now that they sent back to my country, no more.
Let's talk about your boys being taken Excuse me, Lauren, I don't think we fully explored the cooking aspect of this yet.
Fausta, were you a good cook? Your boys, were they Grande? Muy grandes, and fat, round, happy, always bellies full.
Filled with what primarily? Did they feast exclusively on Mexican, or? Oh, no, Ryanking.
I cook everything.
Mexican, French, Italian.
Really? 'Cause I have just come into a boatload of confusing ingredients.
Okay, Fausta, I'm sensing that you're attaching nourishment with validation that you're a good mother.
[Laughs.]
She said "validation.
" Like parking validation.
[Laughs.]
Psst! [Whispering.]
Stop it.
Like where she works.
- [Scoffs.]
- Stop it! No, no more secrets.
We know you're a valet.
We have to talk about this.
[Stutters.]
How do you guys know this? - Sonia followed you.
- Oh.
I'm sorry, you're in charge of my mental health, and you're also a valet parker? I'm a parking services manager.
Right, but they still make you wear one of those vests, though, don't they? Okay, this is just a temporary situation.
Here's the deal, I love what I do in this group so much that I want to dedicate my life to it, so I'm studying for my master's.
These masters, they force you to study and also to park cars? Keep going, I'll explain.
Look, between school and you guys, I just need a job that has flexible hours, so can we please talk about something else? I have some great activities planned.
Fill yourself with a sense of wonder.
I wonder why you couldn't get a better job.
If you must know, I'm taking my test for my real estate license next week, and I have a really good feeling about it this time.
Well, um, "this time?" Yeah, I failed three times.
No big deal.
[Snaps fingers.]
Everybody up.
You can't pass a real estate exam? You're not qualified to take 4% for doing nothing? Yes, Mr.
"K.
" Does this mean that you're stupid? Hey, no.
She's not stupid.
I mean, look how much she's helped all of us.
You're not stupid, are you? No, I'm in great in here, because I trust you guys, okay? I just have really, really, really bad test anxiety.
Okay? The room spins and the clock ticks, and I hear my inner voice telling me I'm not good enough.
We can help.
I'll quiz you.
I can make flash cards, and we can study, and eat ice cream, and talk about boys.
[Laughs.]
Just the two of us.
No, thank you, but no.
Now, can we please just get back to doing the good work that we do here? Let's just dig deep within ourselves, and And time.
Oh, no.
What are you doing here? - I own this hotel.
- Hmm.
Not really.
Wouldn't it be cool, though, if I did? I could jump on the beds whenever I wanted to.
Yeah, Ryan, I I'm just a little worried, so I figured I'd check on you.
I know you have a thing about boundaries with the group, but I figured, since I was the special one You're not the special one.
I'm a special one.
What can I do to help? Nothing.
It's very kind of you, but I really don't want you to worry about me, okay? You! Didn't I tell you to have my car washed? See, this is why I don't tip.
Hey! This vested lady is a saint, so if you come around here and yell at her again, you're not gonna have to deal with her, you're gonna have to deal with me, and I got a lot of friends.
Eight of them are crazy and one of them's back from the dead.
Yeah, go.
Scoot! Scoot faster.
Great pick-up dog, right? Got him from my downstairs neighbor.
The one with the ear discs? No, the one with the neck tattoo.
You've got to move out of that building, man.
Yeah.
Okay, okay, okay.
Here come some women now.
- Sure you're ready to do this? - Wouldn't be here if I wasn't.
Hello, ladies.
I'm Ryan, and this is special agent Steven Utah, - with the ATF.
- Hi.
Oh, and this is Peaches.
Either he really likes you, or you've been handling class four explosives.
[Laughter.]
Wait, is that a wedding ring? Oh, yeah, it's not what you think.
I'm not a married guy, I'm just a widower who's talking to women far too early.
Oh.
But back to you.
You think it's weird that I'm still wearing the ring? It feels like I'd be letting go of something, but part of me isn't ready to.
[Coughing.]
Not fruitful.
You know what? We don't hike.
His name is Steven, but he's not an ATF agent.
This isn't even our dog.
We're just a couple of regular guys who Have an incredibly popular radio show.
Really? You guys have a show? Uh, only every day.
[Laughs.]
[Laughter.]
People always say Mindy and I should have our own show, because we say the most outrageous things.
Like, we were just talking about our favorite frozen yogurt flavor and Becca goes, "blue.
" [Laughs.]
[Laughter.]
That is outrageous.
I know.
[Laughter.]
You guys should come down to the radio station.
We'll put you on the air.
- Okay.
[Chuckles.]
- Really? Sure - Great.
- Okay.
So why don't you guys give us your numbers, and we'll finish our last hike ever, and see you tomorrow night.
Get in.
You promised you wouldn't be menacing.
Who is gonna get in a van with someone like you? - No one.
- [Scoffs.]
Guys, what is going on? We're helping you, Lauren.
Yeah, we care about you, Lauren.
- Grab her! - No, stop! Everyone, stop being weird in my van! Look, you say helping other people can be therapeutic.
Maybe helping you could help with our healing.
Owen.
Okay, yeah, sometimes I listen when you say things.
Let's not make a thing of it.
Just get in.
All right.
[Door closing.]
Fausta cooked this meal for me I didn't have to do anything we have a bit of a language barrier and I took advantage of the situat - What you got there? - Ah! [Sighs.]
Can we talk about how you arrive here? How about a little warning? Maybe you could ring a bell or something? I said you had to cook.
Would you stop pushing me? Why? Because I'm not the one who didn't do what they were supposed to do here.
We had a deal.
We were gonna be together till we were 90.
You'd be spry and into gardening, I would have great, old-guy hair like Robert Wagner.
And when it was time to cook you would do everything, and I would stand next to you and said funny things about my day that would made you laugh.
Why are you here? It's not about shopping and cooking.
Tell me why you're here.
Nope.
Well, then can you, perhaps, un-die? I cannot.
All right, well, then we're done.
Thank you for ruining my dinner.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go up to my bedroom and slowly starve to death.
I'll see you in 18 days.
This I don't miss.
Come on.
What exactly are you guys gonna teach me? I already know all the answers.
I just can't handle the pressure.
We can train you, like the military did me.
[Scoffs.]
If you simulate a stressful situation, you gradually become desensitized.
Watch.
Somebody punch me in the All: [Gasping.]
- Huh.
Wasn't gonna say, "face.
" - Uh.
- Impressive right hook, though.
- I'm in agony.
- Thanks.
[Grunts.]
So we are gonna simulate test conditions.
Okay, the room starts to spin.
The clock starts to tick.
Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock The annoying girl finishes first.
It's me.
You hear your inner voice.
You're a failure.
You're a failure! Put on the costume! You will dance for me! Uh, yeah, it doesn't make much sense, but she was really insistent about what she wanted to yell.
- [Blows air.]
- Tick, tock, tick, tock [Persistent drumming.]
Final question: "What is the meaning of a quiet title action?" You are weak.
You're all alone.
You never got to go to summer camp 'cause you had to visit your angry grandparents in Tokyo! [Valley girl accent.]
This is so easy.
I got this one, and I got that one, and I am so pretty.
A quiet title action is when you purchase property through a dummy transaction! [Panting.]
How did I do? You got a perfect score.
Yeah! [Cheering.]
You did it, sweetie! 100! - Yes! - Oh! No, I know I didn't do that well.
What did I really get? But you passed.
[Overlapping agreement.]
No, no, no, hold Tell me the truth.
[Disappointed reactions.]
- Really? - 25.
[All grunting.]
Oh, God.
I'm going to be wearing that vest for the rest of my life! [Whispering.]
It was a 22.
[Disappointed reactions.]
Look at you.
You're so proud of yourself.
I am pretty proud of myself.
Uh, do you want me to fix you a plate? Do you eat? Oh, no, no.
I'm dead.
Right.
I'll sit with you, though.
Okay.
If I start taking care of myself, then I'm really admitting that you're never coming back, but I have to move on.
That's why you're here, isn't it? Look at him.
He cooks, he understands messages from the beyond.
He is quite a fella.
Janie, I've missed you so much.
I really wanted to see that Robert Wagner hair.
Yeah.
I've still got a lot to learn, you know.
You paid all the bills, I don't know how to do laundry, folding is confusing and hard, and how did you make our bed look like that every morning? Were you in the army? How did you do that? [Laughs.]
I'll be back.
Good.
What's the iTunes password? Ugh! I keep forgetting to ask her! Wow! It's so cool that you guys get to work here.
Oh, well, don't tell me, I'm just a lowly producer, tell Steven, he's the on-air talent.
He is so secure in his celebrity that he allows them to hang a giant picture of me up on the walls.
Not a lot of stars would do that.
Both: Oh.
- [Laughing.]
No.
Not a lot of stars would do that.
I'm the star.
I am the star.
- That's cute.
- That's really nice.
Okay, you two, I'm gonna flick this switch, and then you'll be on the air, talking to millions of Americans.
Ready? Three, two, one.
- We're on? Okay.
- Okay.
- They're not on the air, right? - Of course not.
What's that switch do? Oh, it tells a bunch of people that I'm hungry.
Should we open up their mics and hear what they're saying? Okay.
He's half-chow, they told me the other half is pug, but you know what I really think the other half is? Person, because he's so smart.
And that's enough of that.
This is fun! [Laughs.]
Yeah, I'm having fun too, buddy.
You know what would make it even better? If I got out of here? I was actually thinking, if they got out of here.
Last few days have been great.
You gave Ashley a hard time, we went on that hike, we haven't done this kind of thing in a while.
Yeah, I got the new madden, a bottle of scotch, and, oddly, an entire turkey back at my house.
Perfect.
What do we tell the girls? We could tell them we're about to get drunk, eat an entire turkey, and play videogames.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
It's going well.
[Upbeat music.]
There's something magic about a great team.
- [Laughs.]
- Oh! Jordan needed Pippen.
Never won without him.
Lebron never won before Dwyane Wade.
Some people got game they didn't even know they had before the right person came along and made them step it up and just be better.
Sure, you can be like kobe, send away Shaq and Phil Jackson, think you can do it yourself, but don't be a hero.
Take the help.
When I say, "begin," you'll have two hours to complete the exam.
[Whispering.]
Excuse me, nerd? Can I cheat off you? I'm sorry.
Never mind.
I'm sorry.
[Sighs.]
[Whispering.]
Okay, guys, come on.
Let's go.
Why don't you sit right over there? - Hi.
Sorry.
- Pardon me, I'm here.
- I need this desk.
- I hope you don't mind.
- Sorry.
- There's on back there.
What are you guys doing here? You're great with us around you.
Be great.
Okay, everyone.
You can begin.
So, I had kind of an interesting week.
Not that kind of a circle.
The parsley in before I saute it.
Yes, exactly.
I passed! And I got a job! And they gave me my own real estate jacket! [Cheers and applause.]
How totally unflattering.
I know! [Laughs.]
You guys, thank you so much.
I got a 92.
[Excited congratulations.]
Good job, boss.
Did we all score 100? We're real estate agents! [Laughter, cheers, and applause.]