Going Straight (1978) s01e04 Episode Script
Going to Work
# I'm going straight # I am # Straight as an arra' # I've paid the price and done me time # I'm going straight, I am # Along the straight and narra' # And I don't mean straight back to crime.
# All right, Mr Ayckroyd.
Norman, please.
Come in.
Cup of tea? You're going to have your work cut out with him.
Who? Ayckroyd.
You know him? I met him in here last week.
He's off his rocker.
How? He said.
"On the nose.
4 o'clock, Sedgefield, Lady Of The Lake.
" Bleedin' horse fell at the water jump.
You have enough money to fritter on horses, do you? I didn't say I bet upon the horse, did I? Heaven forfend.
No.
I'm just saying his advice is idiotic.
What's he done, anyhow? None of your business.
I thought we had trust and confidence between us.
Not by breaking a confidence of another client.
Oh, all right.
I shall find out down the Black Lion anyhow.
So, you have enough money to fritter on drink? No, I go into the Black Lion to purchase my favourite potato crisp.
Smokey Mountain bacon flavour.
Price 7p.
I know it's frivolous, but we only live once, don't we? One thing about our friend, he's held down a job for 11 weeks.
Oh, yes.
I thought that'd come up.
What job? Doesn't matter what job.
Yes, it does.
Assistant park keeper.
Well, he's probably got the qualifications.
He's probably got a university degree.
It takes a keen mind, don't it, to oil the swings? Check the radius of the holes in the putting green? Just the willingness and guts to stick at what you're offered.
This ain't sugared, is it? It's not stirred.
Have you got any of those, er Have you got any of those Lincoln creams left? Can I say something to you, Norman? Can I say something to you? They're Osborne's.
You have a low opinion of people.
No.
I just have a low opinion of Osborne's.
You smoke too much.
I know.
Your husband got a job yet? Not yet.
That is tragic.
He HAS got qualifications.
You'd be better off placing him rather than me.
No-one's going to do me a favour.
Would you rather be doing porridge? No, but at least when I was doing porridge I had a goal.
It was called getting out.
It kept you going.
Now I am out, it's a bit of a let-down.
It's not the first time you've come out.
It's the first time I've gone straight.
Previously, I've looked forward to a bit of skull-duggery.
You have a purpose in life - not to get caught.
You're always planning that little jackpot round the corner! All sitting round the kitchen table, me and the lads, few bottles of pale ale, fish and chips, Dinky toys.
What are the Dinky toys for? One for the getaway car.
One for the You were never in that league! No, but you can dream! Pipe dreams, but it kept you going.
You have more resilience than most.
I know you can stick at a job.
I've been in touch with our voluntary associates.
Don't bother! These do-gooders are all the same.
They all read the Guardian and always support abortion law reform.
They all live in Hampstead, philanthropists in the pub on Sunday lunch time.
A very stupid generalisation about people who help people like you to help yourself.
Ha! They helped Kelly to help himself to two of the office typewriters! I bet they'd like to call him a few names, but he pinched the swear box an' all.
All right.
Would you rather sit on your backside playing with your Dinky toys? No, if you put it as succinctly as that.
I'm nothing if not a realist.
Norman, I understand your problems.
You decided to take a certain route and came up against a no entry sign.
You feel impotent.
Leave my sex life out of this, please.
Not sex.
I'm talking about work.
But the two are comparable.
You feel impotent because you're not functioning as a man.
The best I can do is fix you up with a good solid job.
That's the best you can do for me? Pity.
If I had a choice, I'd sooner have a bit of the other.
Sorry, we have no rooms.
Pardon? I suggest you try the Ilfracombe, two doors down.
Or the Sussex on Praed Street.
I've come to see Mr McKewan, the owner.
Why? I think that's between him and me, don't you, miss? Do you have an appointment? Yes.
Name of Fletcher.
It's about a position.
Oh.
The night porter's job.
It says "night security officer".
That's right.
Porter.
Just a minute.
How do we get to Covent Garden? Bakerloo line to Piccadilly Circus.
Piccadilly line to Covent Garden.
Change at Piccadilly Circus? Two stops, Leicester Square and Covent Garden.
Thanks.
American? Canadian.
Toronto.
Lovely, all that scenic grandeur, the great plains, Rockies at dawn, ice-hockey! Thanks.
Bye.
Bye.
Covent Garden, finest fruit and vegetables in the world! The market isn't in Covent Garden now.
It's in Nine Elms, Battersea.
Where have you been the last few years? Canada.
Mr McKewan.
Mm.
This man says he has an appointment with you.
Oh, Mr Fletcher? Yeah.
Do come through.
Thank you.
Miss.
It's bitter out.
Yeah.
Mind you, it's pretty parky in here.
Yes, I could put that fire on, but I'm in and out all morning.
I've got a cardigan Don't bother.
Probably wouldn't fit me anyhow.
I meant for me.
Oh, for you.
I feel it more than most.
I spent my early years in Africa, Nyasaland.
It's now Malawi.
Yes, everything's changed.
They've got Battersea Power Station at Covent Garden now.
I've spoken to Mrs Chapman about you.
I help the Probation Service on a voluntary basis.
Where would we be without you lot, sir? A lot of people think I'm asking for trouble.
I've never had cause to regret.
Except ontwo occasions.
Oh, dear.
Don't worry, sir.
I won't let you down.
Should you see fit, that is.
Allow me, sir.
Thank you very much.
Well now I may be old-fashioned but I like to give my fellow man the benefit of the doubt.
Call it instinct or experience, but I'm generally able to assess a man.
Do sit down.
Thank you.
Come over here.
Oh, right.
See that? It's a Rollinson, is it, sir? That! Oh, that's a Chubb, sir.
Wall safe.
Yes, sir.
The keys are in that drawer.
Oh, yes.
In that drawer.
They'll be there every time you're here on your own.
Not that a chap with your experience would need keys! Clickety click! Open sesame, what? I see, sir.
You are trying to demonstrate your trust in me.
I would be a nana to turn you over.
It wouldn't need no Hercule Poirot to finger the prime suspect.
And you have more to lose than most.
I won't blow the job.
I quite like the idea of it.
Could lead to higher things.
Charles Forte had to start somewhere.
And it's warmer than being a night watchman on a building site.
Just.
Very well, then.
Start tonight.
Oh, yes, sir.
Hours are 11 to 7.
We keep the door locked after midnight, so anyone later has to ring.
Anyone registering after that has to pay in advance so you'll be handling cash.
Yes, sir.
Come along, then.
Time and tide, et cetera.
Pamela, Mr Fletcher.
Mr Fletcher, Pamela.
Pamela.
Have you got a dark suit? Doesn't that come with the job, sir? Your predecessor didn't have your stature.
When he left he took it with him.
That and my portable fan heater.
Oh, dear.
You need one of those more than most, don't you? Pamela, you know my philosophy.
It's not going to change because of one, or two regrettable incidents.
I have a suitable suit.
It's the one I go to court in, or used to.
I've lately been released from one of Her Majesty's prisons.
Well, I really didn't think you'd been in Canada.
You know my policy! Judge not, lest ye be judged.
Yes, Mr McKewan.
If we don't have trust, et cetera.
Yes, Mr McKewan.
Wait here a tick, Fletcher.
Need to check a couple of things.
Pamela, can you come through here? SCREAMS Graham, stop it! Not Graham.
Alistair.
Oh, no.
It's Brian! I've only been away a week.
I knew it was you, you daft thing.
I heard you parking your artic.
Give us a kiss.
That's not very romantic.
I haven't got time for romantic.
Pity.
I got a nice stop-over.
Have ya? Yeah.
Means a lie-in and everything.
Not now it don't.
I'm fixing me dad's thermos.
Thermos? He's got a job.
Fletcher's got a job? In an hotel, night security officer.
Oh, porter.
Don't call it that.
He's a bit prickly about his status.
It's not the most dignified job in the world.
Not much more to do than read magazines and clean shoes.
Well, could be a turning point in his life and ours.
How? Got the house to ourself at nights.
Lennie, you're always thinking of yourself! You're not wrong, though, are you? Never mind all that! Take your hand off my daughter's left cheek.
'Ello, Dad.
Look! Len's here.
Oh, yeah.
Seems he's never not here.
Every time I walk in he's got part of your anatomy in his hand! How are you, Fletch? Give them a rub-up, will you? That's what you're going to do at work! Exactly.
That's why I don't want to do me own.
I've got some pride.
I said, how are you, Fletch? I heard you, Godber.
Stop-over? The sofa has collapsed.
The leg's come off.
That's Lennie's fault.
Don't blame him.
I don't see how three cushions and a blanket can break the sofa! I don't know what you mean.
We all saw the repeats of Colditz! All I'm saying is keep off it.
The sofa, I mean.
Till I put the leg back on - or saw the other three off.
Any tea about? LENNIE CHUCKLES What's funny about that? This job, then.
What? Mile stone.
What do you mean? Thermos.
What? This must be your first legitimate job in how long? Ever.
Straight up? You've never had a job before in your life? No.
Not unless you count the army.
Which we don't.
You was on the fiddle then.
When I was a nipper, all me dresses was made out of parachute silk.
You wouldn't have complained if you'd ever fallen out of a window.
I never realised.
I didn't think anyone your age had never worked.
There's two of us.
Me and the Duke of Edinburgh.
Shows how difficult it is to change the habit of a lifetime.
I was just saying, all credit to you.
I know it's not much of a job but what can you expect? When I decided to work, I thought, "I'll work out all my qualifications in chronological order.
" You know what they boiled down to? One driving licence.
45 years on this Earth and I've got one driving licence.
Even that's got two endorsements.
Get a driving job, like me.
I love the open road.
I was thinking of getting onto juggernauts.
No, you're not.
There's a lot of money there - for us.
Oh, no you're not.
She's worried about you "sur le Continent" with all the senoritas willing to ease the loneliness of the long-distance lorry driver.
Come on, Fletch.
Ingrid trusts me.
About as much as I trust me dad! You what? I didn't mean it that way.
You meant it exactly that way.
It just come out.
Well, I just come out the nick! That's the sort of attitude I'm up against.
I thought my home would be a refuge from mistrust and cynicism.
I was wrong.
Don't get on your high horse.
You can't blame us for being sceptical.
Over the years, whenever that door bell went, we never knew whether it was the law to collar you.
"Over the years" is behind me.
I'm talking about now.
Yeah? Two weeks ago, you was off to Essex with a shovel in your hand! I left me gauntlets in the lorry.
Don't leave on my account.
I'm going.
Your job don't start till 11.
I'm not sure I'm going to show up.
You think it's marvellous, cleaning the shoes of commercial travellers? I only took the job to prove a point to my family.
The point is now pointless, so what's the point? Eh? Shouldn't have spoken to your dad like that.
Don't tell me what I shouldn't say in me own house! It's none of your business.
What happens in this house is my business.
Not yet it ain't.
Oh, well.
Until such time it is, I shall go elsewhere.
Suit yourself.
Get a nice bed and breakfast somewhere.
You won't have any trouble, I'm sure.
Well, say good night, then.
Night, then.
Well, good night, then.
Night.
You know where to find me.
No, I don't, do I? Oh, no, you don't.
What I meant was I know where to find you.
Should do, all the free nights you've had here.
Well, I'll be on me way, then.
I'll be going, then.
Suit yourself.
I haven't eaten, not since Coventry.
You can always get a meat pie down the Black Lion.
There you are, Fletch.
Thank you, Alf.
I like the whistle.
Oh, yeah? Very smart.
Been in court, have ya? Oh, you're here.
Where? Pint of lager, please.
Do you do meat pies? Not at night.
Peanuts.
Yeah.
Night, now.
What are you doing here, then? Felt like a drink.
Naff off! I know what you two get up to the minute I'm out.
Normally, yeah.
We had a tiff.
Tiff? What about? About you.
At least, I think it was about you.
Not too sure.
Arguments are seldom about what they appear to be about.
An argument is two people in search of an exit line.
You certainly made a hasty exit.
I felt like it.
Thought you might need these.
Oh, gawd! You could hardly start a new job in your carpet slippers.
I've told you.
I'm not starting a new job.
Don't be daft.
What I said I meant.
I only took it to prove a point to my family.
Ingrid didn't mean what she said.
Yes, she did.
No, she didn't.
Yes, she did.
No, she didn't.
Yes, she did.
All I'm saying Don't change the subject.
The point I'm trying to make There is a point? Alf? Yeah.
Same again.
Not for me.
I didn't mean you.
Ingrid was upset with me because she was upset with herself about being upset with you.
You sound like the prison shrink.
I'll put it another way.
Put it where you like, mate.
Ingrid said what she thinks and what other people think an' all.
You've got a very low opinion of people.
You're the second nosey parker's told me that.
This bloke expects you to turn up on time sober.
Stuff the job.
Not you, Alf.
85p.
85p.
You do need a job if your taste turns to double Scotches.
Am I asking you to pay for 'em? Can you lend us a quid, Len? I'm not taking it, all this storming out the house because Ingrid upset you.
You've lost your nerve.
Just a minute.
First honest job you've had and you can't face it.
There's something I haven't told you.
I am actually allergic to work.
Ha ha! I am physically allergic to work.
You may smile, but people have allergies to cats or carpet fluff.
Me, it's work.
By tomorrow morning, I'd have terrible migraine and red blotches all over me body.
Cobblers! That's mumps.
You're mixing yourself up.
Doubtless, science will come up with the cure but till then best to play it safe.
Other people won't be fooled but if you want to fool yourself, fine.
I'm fed up with all these sermons, all this advice and encouragement.
Go and make it up with Ingrid and leave me here to get quietly Brahms and Liszt.
That's six quid I owe you.
Excuse me.
I am sorry, miss.
We have no vacancies.
I suggest you try the Ilfracombe, two doors down.
I don't want a room.
I'm looking for a Mr Fletcher.
Yeah, well, we all are.
I'm his daughter, Ingrid.
He's my dad.
I thought your father would have showed up a little early on his first night.
Oh, he will.
He hasn't.
But he was going to, if he If he If he what? If he hadn't forgotten these.
He left home in ever such good time, see, but What must have happened was he was on the bus when he says to himself, "Oh, dear.
I have forgotten my supper.
" So he must have nipped back home, not knowing that, meantime, I brung 'em 'ere.
Obviously.
I see.
He's ever so keen about the job, Mr? McKewan.
McKewan.
His best suit and that, and lovely polished shoes.
And he was saying to me, you know, what a really nice man you were.
Giving him a chance, and that.
I was about to ring his probation officer, Mrs Chapman.
Oh, don't do that.
I give them a chance, you see.
I tell them all, benefit of the doubt, et cetera.
But when I say start at 11, I do mean at 11.
You understand my point of view? Cuts both ways, doesn't it? It's not quite 11, is it? I thought he'd be early first night.
I let my girl go.
I said, "I'll hold the fort.
" I'm late for MY supper.
Would you like a cup of mulligatawny? There it is.
Right on time.
You're hurting my arm, Len.
Moral support.
Anyway, if I let go, you'd scarper.
I'm not drunk.
I'm not going to fall down, Godber.
Give me them shoes! Goes against the grain, this does, going to work.
'Ere, how's my breath? Think you ought to have another Polo.
Keep the whole packet.
How do I look? Immaculate.
Well, I don't feel it.
You know what this reminds me of? Ever see On The Waterfront? Yeah.
Has it any relevance? Don't you remember the ending? The priest picked Marlon Brando up and said, "You can do it.
You can walk to work.
" Eva Marie Saint watched with tears in her eyes.
What have I got? Lennie Marie Godber with a smirk on his face.
Marlon Brando ain't done so bad.
He's gone from strength to strength.
'Ere I go, then.
PIPS ON RADIO Dad! Ingrid, what are you doing here? I brung your sandwiches.
Which is why you cut it so fine.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry about that, Mr McKewan.
I was a little worried, I said to your daughter, but all's well, et cetera.
Are you sure you know? Yeah.
You showed me the ropes, sir.
It's all right, you can troddle off.
Well, I'll get upstairs and eat my casserole.
Nice to meet you, miss.
You too.
Very suitable, the suit.
Thank you, sir.
Don't forget, any late registrations Cash on the nail, sir.
Yes.
Oh, and I probably should mention, sometimes we get ladies of the night.
Oh, dear.
You'd be surprised.
Probably cos they work round Paddington Station.
They seem mostly to solicit Welshmen.
Really? That's cos it's a direct line from Cardiff, sir.
They don't get much of it down there.
I'm amazed they've got anything to sing about at all.
Anyway, as I say, obviously none of that.
Oh, no.
I won't bring any in if you don't, sir.
Would you like a Polo? Oh, no.
You've got your casserole.
I'll leave you one there for later.
Good night, sir.
Sleep well.
Thank you.
Good night, miss.
Nice to meet you.
Mutual.
I didn't think you was going to make it.
Mutual.
I've made you some nice sandwiches.
Cheese and chutney and ham with piccalilli.
Good.
Couldn't get any pies down the Black Lion.
Dad? Yeah.
I'm sorry about what I said.
Think nothing of it.
You had every right.
No, I didn't.
Water under the bridge, et cetera.
He's got me at it now! All I wanted to say was that Ingrid.
I've got a job to do.
I never thought I'd hear you say them words! No, neither did I.
That's made me feel quite faint.
Oh, you'll be all right, Dad.
Yeah.
I'm ever so proud of you, you know.
DING Good evening, sir.
It's not a sir.
What do you want? I want a room for the night.
I got nowhere else to go.
Hello, Len.
Hello, Ingrid.
And how are you keeping? 'Ere, never mind writing her a letter.
If you want a room, put cash on the nail.
Come on, Fletch.
You know me.
That's why I want cash on the nail.
I've got nowhere to go.
Yes, you have, as well you know, Lennie Godber.
Do I? Course you do.
If you say so.
Well, I do.
Don't I? Do you? I told ya.
'Ere, you've been drinking! Just enough.
Enough for what? You know.
Do I? I hate to interrupt this, but I have an important announcement to make.
He can't sleep in our house because the sofa's broke, and there's nothing else for him to sleep on, is there? Don't worry.
You're on night work.
He can have your bed.
# I'm going straight, I am # Straight as an arra' # I've paid the price and done my time # I'm going straight, I am # Along the straight and narra' # And I don't mean straight back to crime #
# All right, Mr Ayckroyd.
Norman, please.
Come in.
Cup of tea? You're going to have your work cut out with him.
Who? Ayckroyd.
You know him? I met him in here last week.
He's off his rocker.
How? He said.
"On the nose.
4 o'clock, Sedgefield, Lady Of The Lake.
" Bleedin' horse fell at the water jump.
You have enough money to fritter on horses, do you? I didn't say I bet upon the horse, did I? Heaven forfend.
No.
I'm just saying his advice is idiotic.
What's he done, anyhow? None of your business.
I thought we had trust and confidence between us.
Not by breaking a confidence of another client.
Oh, all right.
I shall find out down the Black Lion anyhow.
So, you have enough money to fritter on drink? No, I go into the Black Lion to purchase my favourite potato crisp.
Smokey Mountain bacon flavour.
Price 7p.
I know it's frivolous, but we only live once, don't we? One thing about our friend, he's held down a job for 11 weeks.
Oh, yes.
I thought that'd come up.
What job? Doesn't matter what job.
Yes, it does.
Assistant park keeper.
Well, he's probably got the qualifications.
He's probably got a university degree.
It takes a keen mind, don't it, to oil the swings? Check the radius of the holes in the putting green? Just the willingness and guts to stick at what you're offered.
This ain't sugared, is it? It's not stirred.
Have you got any of those, er Have you got any of those Lincoln creams left? Can I say something to you, Norman? Can I say something to you? They're Osborne's.
You have a low opinion of people.
No.
I just have a low opinion of Osborne's.
You smoke too much.
I know.
Your husband got a job yet? Not yet.
That is tragic.
He HAS got qualifications.
You'd be better off placing him rather than me.
No-one's going to do me a favour.
Would you rather be doing porridge? No, but at least when I was doing porridge I had a goal.
It was called getting out.
It kept you going.
Now I am out, it's a bit of a let-down.
It's not the first time you've come out.
It's the first time I've gone straight.
Previously, I've looked forward to a bit of skull-duggery.
You have a purpose in life - not to get caught.
You're always planning that little jackpot round the corner! All sitting round the kitchen table, me and the lads, few bottles of pale ale, fish and chips, Dinky toys.
What are the Dinky toys for? One for the getaway car.
One for the You were never in that league! No, but you can dream! Pipe dreams, but it kept you going.
You have more resilience than most.
I know you can stick at a job.
I've been in touch with our voluntary associates.
Don't bother! These do-gooders are all the same.
They all read the Guardian and always support abortion law reform.
They all live in Hampstead, philanthropists in the pub on Sunday lunch time.
A very stupid generalisation about people who help people like you to help yourself.
Ha! They helped Kelly to help himself to two of the office typewriters! I bet they'd like to call him a few names, but he pinched the swear box an' all.
All right.
Would you rather sit on your backside playing with your Dinky toys? No, if you put it as succinctly as that.
I'm nothing if not a realist.
Norman, I understand your problems.
You decided to take a certain route and came up against a no entry sign.
You feel impotent.
Leave my sex life out of this, please.
Not sex.
I'm talking about work.
But the two are comparable.
You feel impotent because you're not functioning as a man.
The best I can do is fix you up with a good solid job.
That's the best you can do for me? Pity.
If I had a choice, I'd sooner have a bit of the other.
Sorry, we have no rooms.
Pardon? I suggest you try the Ilfracombe, two doors down.
Or the Sussex on Praed Street.
I've come to see Mr McKewan, the owner.
Why? I think that's between him and me, don't you, miss? Do you have an appointment? Yes.
Name of Fletcher.
It's about a position.
Oh.
The night porter's job.
It says "night security officer".
That's right.
Porter.
Just a minute.
How do we get to Covent Garden? Bakerloo line to Piccadilly Circus.
Piccadilly line to Covent Garden.
Change at Piccadilly Circus? Two stops, Leicester Square and Covent Garden.
Thanks.
American? Canadian.
Toronto.
Lovely, all that scenic grandeur, the great plains, Rockies at dawn, ice-hockey! Thanks.
Bye.
Bye.
Covent Garden, finest fruit and vegetables in the world! The market isn't in Covent Garden now.
It's in Nine Elms, Battersea.
Where have you been the last few years? Canada.
Mr McKewan.
Mm.
This man says he has an appointment with you.
Oh, Mr Fletcher? Yeah.
Do come through.
Thank you.
Miss.
It's bitter out.
Yeah.
Mind you, it's pretty parky in here.
Yes, I could put that fire on, but I'm in and out all morning.
I've got a cardigan Don't bother.
Probably wouldn't fit me anyhow.
I meant for me.
Oh, for you.
I feel it more than most.
I spent my early years in Africa, Nyasaland.
It's now Malawi.
Yes, everything's changed.
They've got Battersea Power Station at Covent Garden now.
I've spoken to Mrs Chapman about you.
I help the Probation Service on a voluntary basis.
Where would we be without you lot, sir? A lot of people think I'm asking for trouble.
I've never had cause to regret.
Except ontwo occasions.
Oh, dear.
Don't worry, sir.
I won't let you down.
Should you see fit, that is.
Allow me, sir.
Thank you very much.
Well now I may be old-fashioned but I like to give my fellow man the benefit of the doubt.
Call it instinct or experience, but I'm generally able to assess a man.
Do sit down.
Thank you.
Come over here.
Oh, right.
See that? It's a Rollinson, is it, sir? That! Oh, that's a Chubb, sir.
Wall safe.
Yes, sir.
The keys are in that drawer.
Oh, yes.
In that drawer.
They'll be there every time you're here on your own.
Not that a chap with your experience would need keys! Clickety click! Open sesame, what? I see, sir.
You are trying to demonstrate your trust in me.
I would be a nana to turn you over.
It wouldn't need no Hercule Poirot to finger the prime suspect.
And you have more to lose than most.
I won't blow the job.
I quite like the idea of it.
Could lead to higher things.
Charles Forte had to start somewhere.
And it's warmer than being a night watchman on a building site.
Just.
Very well, then.
Start tonight.
Oh, yes, sir.
Hours are 11 to 7.
We keep the door locked after midnight, so anyone later has to ring.
Anyone registering after that has to pay in advance so you'll be handling cash.
Yes, sir.
Come along, then.
Time and tide, et cetera.
Pamela, Mr Fletcher.
Mr Fletcher, Pamela.
Pamela.
Have you got a dark suit? Doesn't that come with the job, sir? Your predecessor didn't have your stature.
When he left he took it with him.
That and my portable fan heater.
Oh, dear.
You need one of those more than most, don't you? Pamela, you know my philosophy.
It's not going to change because of one, or two regrettable incidents.
I have a suitable suit.
It's the one I go to court in, or used to.
I've lately been released from one of Her Majesty's prisons.
Well, I really didn't think you'd been in Canada.
You know my policy! Judge not, lest ye be judged.
Yes, Mr McKewan.
If we don't have trust, et cetera.
Yes, Mr McKewan.
Wait here a tick, Fletcher.
Need to check a couple of things.
Pamela, can you come through here? SCREAMS Graham, stop it! Not Graham.
Alistair.
Oh, no.
It's Brian! I've only been away a week.
I knew it was you, you daft thing.
I heard you parking your artic.
Give us a kiss.
That's not very romantic.
I haven't got time for romantic.
Pity.
I got a nice stop-over.
Have ya? Yeah.
Means a lie-in and everything.
Not now it don't.
I'm fixing me dad's thermos.
Thermos? He's got a job.
Fletcher's got a job? In an hotel, night security officer.
Oh, porter.
Don't call it that.
He's a bit prickly about his status.
It's not the most dignified job in the world.
Not much more to do than read magazines and clean shoes.
Well, could be a turning point in his life and ours.
How? Got the house to ourself at nights.
Lennie, you're always thinking of yourself! You're not wrong, though, are you? Never mind all that! Take your hand off my daughter's left cheek.
'Ello, Dad.
Look! Len's here.
Oh, yeah.
Seems he's never not here.
Every time I walk in he's got part of your anatomy in his hand! How are you, Fletch? Give them a rub-up, will you? That's what you're going to do at work! Exactly.
That's why I don't want to do me own.
I've got some pride.
I said, how are you, Fletch? I heard you, Godber.
Stop-over? The sofa has collapsed.
The leg's come off.
That's Lennie's fault.
Don't blame him.
I don't see how three cushions and a blanket can break the sofa! I don't know what you mean.
We all saw the repeats of Colditz! All I'm saying is keep off it.
The sofa, I mean.
Till I put the leg back on - or saw the other three off.
Any tea about? LENNIE CHUCKLES What's funny about that? This job, then.
What? Mile stone.
What do you mean? Thermos.
What? This must be your first legitimate job in how long? Ever.
Straight up? You've never had a job before in your life? No.
Not unless you count the army.
Which we don't.
You was on the fiddle then.
When I was a nipper, all me dresses was made out of parachute silk.
You wouldn't have complained if you'd ever fallen out of a window.
I never realised.
I didn't think anyone your age had never worked.
There's two of us.
Me and the Duke of Edinburgh.
Shows how difficult it is to change the habit of a lifetime.
I was just saying, all credit to you.
I know it's not much of a job but what can you expect? When I decided to work, I thought, "I'll work out all my qualifications in chronological order.
" You know what they boiled down to? One driving licence.
45 years on this Earth and I've got one driving licence.
Even that's got two endorsements.
Get a driving job, like me.
I love the open road.
I was thinking of getting onto juggernauts.
No, you're not.
There's a lot of money there - for us.
Oh, no you're not.
She's worried about you "sur le Continent" with all the senoritas willing to ease the loneliness of the long-distance lorry driver.
Come on, Fletch.
Ingrid trusts me.
About as much as I trust me dad! You what? I didn't mean it that way.
You meant it exactly that way.
It just come out.
Well, I just come out the nick! That's the sort of attitude I'm up against.
I thought my home would be a refuge from mistrust and cynicism.
I was wrong.
Don't get on your high horse.
You can't blame us for being sceptical.
Over the years, whenever that door bell went, we never knew whether it was the law to collar you.
"Over the years" is behind me.
I'm talking about now.
Yeah? Two weeks ago, you was off to Essex with a shovel in your hand! I left me gauntlets in the lorry.
Don't leave on my account.
I'm going.
Your job don't start till 11.
I'm not sure I'm going to show up.
You think it's marvellous, cleaning the shoes of commercial travellers? I only took the job to prove a point to my family.
The point is now pointless, so what's the point? Eh? Shouldn't have spoken to your dad like that.
Don't tell me what I shouldn't say in me own house! It's none of your business.
What happens in this house is my business.
Not yet it ain't.
Oh, well.
Until such time it is, I shall go elsewhere.
Suit yourself.
Get a nice bed and breakfast somewhere.
You won't have any trouble, I'm sure.
Well, say good night, then.
Night, then.
Well, good night, then.
Night.
You know where to find me.
No, I don't, do I? Oh, no, you don't.
What I meant was I know where to find you.
Should do, all the free nights you've had here.
Well, I'll be on me way, then.
I'll be going, then.
Suit yourself.
I haven't eaten, not since Coventry.
You can always get a meat pie down the Black Lion.
There you are, Fletch.
Thank you, Alf.
I like the whistle.
Oh, yeah? Very smart.
Been in court, have ya? Oh, you're here.
Where? Pint of lager, please.
Do you do meat pies? Not at night.
Peanuts.
Yeah.
Night, now.
What are you doing here, then? Felt like a drink.
Naff off! I know what you two get up to the minute I'm out.
Normally, yeah.
We had a tiff.
Tiff? What about? About you.
At least, I think it was about you.
Not too sure.
Arguments are seldom about what they appear to be about.
An argument is two people in search of an exit line.
You certainly made a hasty exit.
I felt like it.
Thought you might need these.
Oh, gawd! You could hardly start a new job in your carpet slippers.
I've told you.
I'm not starting a new job.
Don't be daft.
What I said I meant.
I only took it to prove a point to my family.
Ingrid didn't mean what she said.
Yes, she did.
No, she didn't.
Yes, she did.
No, she didn't.
Yes, she did.
All I'm saying Don't change the subject.
The point I'm trying to make There is a point? Alf? Yeah.
Same again.
Not for me.
I didn't mean you.
Ingrid was upset with me because she was upset with herself about being upset with you.
You sound like the prison shrink.
I'll put it another way.
Put it where you like, mate.
Ingrid said what she thinks and what other people think an' all.
You've got a very low opinion of people.
You're the second nosey parker's told me that.
This bloke expects you to turn up on time sober.
Stuff the job.
Not you, Alf.
85p.
85p.
You do need a job if your taste turns to double Scotches.
Am I asking you to pay for 'em? Can you lend us a quid, Len? I'm not taking it, all this storming out the house because Ingrid upset you.
You've lost your nerve.
Just a minute.
First honest job you've had and you can't face it.
There's something I haven't told you.
I am actually allergic to work.
Ha ha! I am physically allergic to work.
You may smile, but people have allergies to cats or carpet fluff.
Me, it's work.
By tomorrow morning, I'd have terrible migraine and red blotches all over me body.
Cobblers! That's mumps.
You're mixing yourself up.
Doubtless, science will come up with the cure but till then best to play it safe.
Other people won't be fooled but if you want to fool yourself, fine.
I'm fed up with all these sermons, all this advice and encouragement.
Go and make it up with Ingrid and leave me here to get quietly Brahms and Liszt.
That's six quid I owe you.
Excuse me.
I am sorry, miss.
We have no vacancies.
I suggest you try the Ilfracombe, two doors down.
I don't want a room.
I'm looking for a Mr Fletcher.
Yeah, well, we all are.
I'm his daughter, Ingrid.
He's my dad.
I thought your father would have showed up a little early on his first night.
Oh, he will.
He hasn't.
But he was going to, if he If he If he what? If he hadn't forgotten these.
He left home in ever such good time, see, but What must have happened was he was on the bus when he says to himself, "Oh, dear.
I have forgotten my supper.
" So he must have nipped back home, not knowing that, meantime, I brung 'em 'ere.
Obviously.
I see.
He's ever so keen about the job, Mr? McKewan.
McKewan.
His best suit and that, and lovely polished shoes.
And he was saying to me, you know, what a really nice man you were.
Giving him a chance, and that.
I was about to ring his probation officer, Mrs Chapman.
Oh, don't do that.
I give them a chance, you see.
I tell them all, benefit of the doubt, et cetera.
But when I say start at 11, I do mean at 11.
You understand my point of view? Cuts both ways, doesn't it? It's not quite 11, is it? I thought he'd be early first night.
I let my girl go.
I said, "I'll hold the fort.
" I'm late for MY supper.
Would you like a cup of mulligatawny? There it is.
Right on time.
You're hurting my arm, Len.
Moral support.
Anyway, if I let go, you'd scarper.
I'm not drunk.
I'm not going to fall down, Godber.
Give me them shoes! Goes against the grain, this does, going to work.
'Ere, how's my breath? Think you ought to have another Polo.
Keep the whole packet.
How do I look? Immaculate.
Well, I don't feel it.
You know what this reminds me of? Ever see On The Waterfront? Yeah.
Has it any relevance? Don't you remember the ending? The priest picked Marlon Brando up and said, "You can do it.
You can walk to work.
" Eva Marie Saint watched with tears in her eyes.
What have I got? Lennie Marie Godber with a smirk on his face.
Marlon Brando ain't done so bad.
He's gone from strength to strength.
'Ere I go, then.
PIPS ON RADIO Dad! Ingrid, what are you doing here? I brung your sandwiches.
Which is why you cut it so fine.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry about that, Mr McKewan.
I was a little worried, I said to your daughter, but all's well, et cetera.
Are you sure you know? Yeah.
You showed me the ropes, sir.
It's all right, you can troddle off.
Well, I'll get upstairs and eat my casserole.
Nice to meet you, miss.
You too.
Very suitable, the suit.
Thank you, sir.
Don't forget, any late registrations Cash on the nail, sir.
Yes.
Oh, and I probably should mention, sometimes we get ladies of the night.
Oh, dear.
You'd be surprised.
Probably cos they work round Paddington Station.
They seem mostly to solicit Welshmen.
Really? That's cos it's a direct line from Cardiff, sir.
They don't get much of it down there.
I'm amazed they've got anything to sing about at all.
Anyway, as I say, obviously none of that.
Oh, no.
I won't bring any in if you don't, sir.
Would you like a Polo? Oh, no.
You've got your casserole.
I'll leave you one there for later.
Good night, sir.
Sleep well.
Thank you.
Good night, miss.
Nice to meet you.
Mutual.
I didn't think you was going to make it.
Mutual.
I've made you some nice sandwiches.
Cheese and chutney and ham with piccalilli.
Good.
Couldn't get any pies down the Black Lion.
Dad? Yeah.
I'm sorry about what I said.
Think nothing of it.
You had every right.
No, I didn't.
Water under the bridge, et cetera.
He's got me at it now! All I wanted to say was that Ingrid.
I've got a job to do.
I never thought I'd hear you say them words! No, neither did I.
That's made me feel quite faint.
Oh, you'll be all right, Dad.
Yeah.
I'm ever so proud of you, you know.
DING Good evening, sir.
It's not a sir.
What do you want? I want a room for the night.
I got nowhere else to go.
Hello, Len.
Hello, Ingrid.
And how are you keeping? 'Ere, never mind writing her a letter.
If you want a room, put cash on the nail.
Come on, Fletch.
You know me.
That's why I want cash on the nail.
I've got nowhere to go.
Yes, you have, as well you know, Lennie Godber.
Do I? Course you do.
If you say so.
Well, I do.
Don't I? Do you? I told ya.
'Ere, you've been drinking! Just enough.
Enough for what? You know.
Do I? I hate to interrupt this, but I have an important announcement to make.
He can't sleep in our house because the sofa's broke, and there's nothing else for him to sleep on, is there? Don't worry.
You're on night work.
He can have your bed.
# I'm going straight, I am # Straight as an arra' # I've paid the price and done my time # I'm going straight, I am # Along the straight and narra' # And I don't mean straight back to crime #