Hannah Montana s03e15 Episode Script

Enough already.
Miley, honey.
I know it's hard being around people in love.
You're being so tragically alone and all but let's try not to be bitter, OK.
I have no problem not having a boyfriend.
Right, it's not like you're gonna turn into some old biddy who knits all day searching for ways to fill her empty social life.
Hey, Christmas will be here before you know it and Uncle Earl has a thick neck.
Keep your knees up, Wendy.
Maybe when you're done you can knit yourself a guy.
Keep it up and I'll knit your mouth shut.
OK, alright! You know what would relief that tension? Love! I do not need a boyfriend.
Ah, I'm on it.
Yo! Single dudes, listen up.
I got a perfectly good girl here good height-weight ratio not hard to look at, let's start the bidding at her.
She's got a little temperament issue but I think the right guy could tame her.
Miley, you're blowing the sales pitch.
Look, I love that you guys care but could you care just a little bit less? I can get a boyfriend on my own.
Well, you might wanna speed it up cause you're starting to look a little pathetic.
Oh, I'm sorry he's your boyfriend now, may I? Oh, just not the face, I love that face.
See, we went to the movies just like before you two were dating.
I had a great time.
I do not need a boyfriend to be happy.
- Aha.
- Right.
Why are there four place settings? Oh, come on! I told you guys to stop setting me up! Hey, I'm Tim.
You must be Miley? Then again - a girl's gotta be open to new experiences.
Well, hello, Tim.
You get the limo out front.
Hottest styles, every shoe, every color.
Yea when your famous it can be kinda fun.
It's really you but no one ever discovers.
Who would've thought that a girl like me Would double as a superstar? You get the best of both worlds.
Chill it out, take it slow, then you rock out the show.
You get the best of both worlds.
Mix it all together and you know that It's the best of both worlds.
Hannah Montana S03E15 Once Twice Three Times Afraidy So argh, you went to camp with, with um Lilly Right, whatever.
Yeah.
Lilly was really one of my only friends there.
I was kinda skinny and nerdy.
Well.
The years have certainly been kind to you.
You have the cutest accent.
Well fiddledeedee! I do believe I am a blushing.
Oh, oh, let me help you with that.
-Whoa.
-I know! Aha.
OK, eyes on your own date, Lillypop! Oh, Olliepop, there's no reason to be jealous.
I'm not jealous.
I just I just want to see if you guys take a look at the special board? It's right over there! Right over that region.
Right over these mountains.
Right here, if you are taking a look.
So, what high school do you go to? Oh, well, I actually graduated early.
I'll be at UCLA in the fall.
Premed.
You're welcome.
Hey.
I'll be your waitress - my name is Jenny.
Are you OK? Yeah! It's just my ex-girlfriends' name was Jenny.
And I haven't heard that name since the breakup.
Breakup?! I didn't know! Whoa! OK.
Sorry.
Just got caught off guard there.
Um shall we order? So um how is the Arctic Char dip? OK Arctic Char dip? That's Jenny's favorite! Would you argh would you like some water? Jenny loved water! Oh, sweet niblets! Ah, balloons with your face on it? I like it.
You know, always wanted to pop you one.
Hey hey hey, those are for advertising.
Well they certainly got my attention I mean look at you you are just so cute, I just want to hug you and squeeze you so tight! Oops! You just cost youself next Christmas bonus.
I don't even get any Christmas bonus.
Well you do now, and now you don't.
Just pass them out along the beach, and try to look smarter than the balloon Fine, anything to get away from you.
Jackson, what are you doing? Get back down here.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's my fault.
Max, do something.
Eh, grab the blanket.
Hey, Jackson, while you're up there, yell "eat at Rico's!" -Rico? -No no no, eat at Rico's.
Ok, ok.
A little more to the right, No no no no, back to the left, little more, little more, OK.
Jackson, let go! Hey Traci, the limo just called, -we'll be in your place in fifteen.
-Super.
-Hey, Miley, we have the best -Shhh.
I'm on the phone with Traci.
Oh.
Excuse me, thanks.
Hey Traci, it's Lola, just want to say hey and BTW, I hate your outfit.
You can't see my outfit.
Oh, did I say your outfit? I mean it's your face.
-I'm hanging up! -No, you're not.
I love it when you take charge and cut people off in the middle.
Hush, Oliver! We're here for a reason.
Oh, yeah.
First, ewgh! And second, if the reason is to set me up on another blind date, forget about it.
We know and we're sorry.
We made a mistake -We never should've tried to pick a guy for you.
-Exactly From now on, we're gonna let you choose for yourself.
Thank you! That's why this time we bought pictures! Oh, no.
Bachelor No.
1, is a junior in North Lantrity Academy of varsity baseball player, who loves history Lilly, stop.
Bachelor No.
2, also a junior, love snow boarding, playing the guitar.
-I'm leaving -Wait, Bachelor No.
3.
Oh, forget Oliver, she's gone.
Wow, you cut me and the music off? Olliepop liky.
-Hannah, kiss kiss.
-Traci.
Who is this? Adam, my new beau? Isn't he fabu? I love the way you say fabu.
I love the way you love the way I say fabu.
Why do couples have to be so annoying.
Fooled ya! Adam is not my boyfriend.
He is an actor I hired to play my boyfriend.
You hired a fake boyfriend? Well actually, I prefer the term, faux beau.
And I know I'm gonna regret this but what did you need your faux beau fo? To get my clingy ex-boyfriend off my back once he gives up, Adam 'moves away'.
But we keep up a long distance relationship, because we are so in love.
Oh my gosh,Traci, that's genius, so is Adam available to fake date a friend of mine, who is single by choice, and wishes her friends would get off her back, cause she doesn't need a guy to complete her! She tells me everything.
He's open! He's open! oh, man, I swear that guy has no hands.
Yeah, sort of know how he feels.
Little help here? Oh, sorry, man.
Go, baby, go, go, go! -You're a big help, Max.
-Hey, man, I'm here for you.
Hey-yo, buddio.
I brought you a little something they wanted to add balloons, but I thought it was a bit too soon.
Wow, Rico, thanks.
But you know what would make me feel a lot better? If you put your face in front of my fist.
You are upset, I understand.
But I bet the nice zesty lemon bar and the movie about sky diving penguin would turn that frown upside down.
So you actually think that a stupid cartoon and some lame lemon bars will make me forgive you? Thanks to you, for the next six weeks, I'm gonna need help just to pick my nose.
Don't look at me dude.
-Just go away! -Ok Not you, you! But leave the cart.
Alright alright, I'm going.
But before I do, I want you to know I feel terrible, I know this can't make up for it, but I hope it will help.
I should just leave this right here.
So you think you can just write a check and then everything is ok? I can not be bought, Mr.
Not even for fifty thousand dollars? fifty thousand @#$%^& @#$% I was staring at that gorgeous face, trying to see how I was going to meet him, when the coffee lady yelled out: one double decaf soy, no foam, extra whipped latte with half the cinnamon.
It was his, we both reached for it, but he said don't worry, I will wait.
Oh! And then he offer to share his low fat apple crumble.
Oh, apple crumble.
I can't wait for you to meet him, you are gonna love him.
Oh, Miley, we are so happy for you, aren't we, Olliepop? Is the low fat apple crumble as good as the regular apple crumble? It's him, I'm so excited.
Oh! Our little girl's found love! Hi! Hey, yeah, I can't make it.
Oh you! I will be right back.
Hey, honey No show faux beau say what? I'm sorry, but this other friend of mine is still trying to shake her ex and well, she needs me tonight Oh, hang up already! Sorry, cupcake.
I told you it's buttercup.
Read your script! Look, Don't worry, alright? I sent my roomie, he knows what to do.
Your roommate? -Excuse me, Miley? -Aha? Hey, I'm Ralphie Barboochie.
Your ah, boyfriend for the night.
Oh, cheese in biscuits.
Relax, toots, I got this covered.
Hey, plus I got a few extra tricks up my sleeve, speaking of which, I believe this is your watch.
Ha, you gotta love me, right? Unfortunately, I do.
Come on.
So we must have been at the coffee place for what like four hours.
Which reminds me, do either of you happen to have the correct time? -Yeah.
-Oh, wait, of course you don't, 'cause I got your watches, hahaha here you go, thank you, thank you.
I'm just kidding.
Come on, you gotta love me, right? Well I know I do.
Oh, wow, Ralphie, -you are nothing like I've imagined.
-Not even close.
He certainly is one of a kind.
How did I get so lucky? Hey, I'm the lucky one here, Hey, as a matter of fact, I've just made up a love poem for you, you want to hear it? -Maybe we can do that -Roses are red, violets are blue, I got a hot girlfriend, and so do you my friend, pound it.
Oh.
See, I can pound the watch.
Ah! Yeah, very clever, but I got your wallet.
Hey, check, please.
I don't know what I did to deserve him.
I honestly don't.
Alright, alright, hey hey, I was up all night, trying to figure out what kind of game you're playing, and I can't, so what kind of game are you playing? Yeah, what kind? There's no game, you got hurt because of me, I feel bad.
Stop it, just stop it, you don't feel bad, you are Rico.
Yeah, you are Rico.
What? I'm helping And why would you give me more money than I would ever sue you for? Not really.
Unless you're working on some kind of angle? Yeah, some Sorry.
Cause you're my friend.
No, I'm not.
Since the day I met you, all you've done is torture me.
We had some fun, haven't we? Fun? You hate me! You honestly think I spend that much time on someone I hated? Jackson, face it, you're the closest thing of best friend I've got.
How dumb do you think I am? I take this check to the bank, I get arrested for forgery, get sent to jail, and the last word I hear before I go over the river are Muahahahahah.
Well what has two broken thumbs and ain't fallen for it? This guy! You know who I'm pointing at I'm gonna tear this thing up.
Max tear this thing up.
-But what if it's real? -Oh it's real.
-It's not real.
-It looks real.
-Just rip it up.
-Fine.
There, you'll never get the best of me, NEVER! -It was real wasn't it? -Totally real, good as cash.
Please! Let me bring him back, you can write him another.
No, I can only be nice for so long.
You're late, Lilly and Olive gonna be here in any minute.
What did you do to your hair? Hey, I spiffed up for you.
Yeah, that would explain the catchup.
Hey.
So I stuffed a chilli dog on the way over, I can't be Mr wonderful without a little pooch in the pouch.
I can't believe I'm paying for this Looks like you can afford it.
Haho, nice place! Wow, is that one of those new wafer-thin computers that weighs less than a slice of lunch meat? I don't know, I don't weigh my lunch meat.
Are you sure? cause this is two-hundred-dollar digital food scale begs to differ.
Would you please focus? Lilly and Oliver are gonna be here, and I need to make sure you got the story Mmh.
I need to make sure you got the story straight, Your parents are moving away, but we are gonna keep a long distance relationship, because we are so in love.
Yeah yeah yeah, I got it.
I got it.
Hi, guys.
Miley what's the matter? Ralphie is moving away.
What? His parents are going to England.
Oh, wow, what a shame.
Tell me about it, I don't even know how to speak 'englandish'.
I'm gonna miss that sense of humor so much.
Eh, you konw it's eh, whoo, it's gonna be ok Because my dermatologist has a son, he is so cute.
You want to know why? and might get you a little discount on your stach bleaching.
Thank you, but Ralphie and I are gonna make it work.
We are just gonna have a long distance relationship.
I mean good for you guys, that's gonna be great between you guys.
Why? When you find somenthing as special as this, it's worth holding onto and not dating other people.
It is worth holding onto.
I don't want to say goodbye to you or my two new wonderful friends You know what? I'm not moving.
I'm not giving up what we have without a fight, What? Look at you, you're a wreck.
No, I'm not, see I'm really.
Yeah, I will pull myself together.
My mascara's not even running, see? I want you remember me like his, go, go now, go now, Ralphie.
No, no, no, no, no way.
I will go live with my grandma.
-No, you won't! -Sure I will! Would Romeo leave Juliet? Would Troy leave Gabriella? -Would you join me in the kitchen? -OK I'm not sure I'm ready to give up this relationship.
What are you doing? Please don't say you are falling in love with me.
Ha, yeah, right The only thing I've fall in love with is this programmable coffee maker with built-in bean grinder and single cup convenience.
You wouldn't! I bet you want me to go away.
Fine.
Well, as much as I would like to stay, my grandma just texted me that the condo didn't accept anyone under seventy five.
so sadly, I must be going.
But to remember me by please take our family coffee maker.
Oh, no, no, no, stop, stop it, she's gonna make me cry, ok.
Go, go quickly, Ralphie.
and remember, wherever you are, my love and my coffee maker we'll go with you.
-I can't.
-Oh, yes you can.
Oh.
No, no, no, I can't.
The hole in my heart is too big to be filled by such a small household appliance.
How big is the hole, Ralphie? I don't know.
About the size that plasma screen TV over there.
I think I got something better, for you to keep closer to your heart.
Ralphie boy, should've stopped with the coffee maker.
You know, can't help feeling this is partly our fault.
Well it's just that we were so happy, we wanted you to be so happy too.
Partly? -I am happy.
-Of course you are.
-I am.
-Whatever you say.
-Let it go.
-Ok.
Look when it's time for me to have a boyfriend, I will.
But for right now, all I need is my best friends.
And they're promised to stop trying to set me up unless you know Robert Pattinson.
Are you kidding? If I knew Robert Pattinson, I would totally set you up with him.
Nice save.
Oh, come on, Olliepop, you know you are my guy.
-I'd better be.
-You are.
-Ok.
-Ok.
-Ok.
-Ok.
Oh, guys, guys, did I forget to mention? Blah! Hey, Miley, Come on, we will go catch a movie.
I think the new Will Smith one starts in like Why do I keep looking? Getting a text from Ralphie.
"Look in Oliver's backpocket.
" Hey our watches.
Wow, that guy is good.
Hold on, "now check in Lilly's backpocket.
" Ewgh!! No, they are mine.
Are those Ralphie's?