Hannah Montana s03e30 Episode Script

Whoo! Here we go, everybody Come on You get the limo out front Ooh-ah-ooh Hottest styles Every shoe, every color Yeah, when you're famous It can be kind of fun It's really you But no one ever discovers Who would've thought That a girl like me Would double As a superstar? Whoo! You get the best Of both worlds Chill it out, take it slow Then you rock out the show You get the best Of both worlds Mix it all together And you know that it's The best of both worlds ( laughing ) Ooh, whoa, whoa, whoa Is it because you're worried about Blue Jeans? Yeah, but it's not just that.
I mean, I brought Blue Jeans out here because I thought he was missing me.
But last night, I realized it was really me missing Tennessee.
Let me guess: Your talking horse told you this? Dad, I am not gonna make this important of a decision because a talking horse told me to.
I argued with him until he turned into me, and as you and I both know, it's useless to argue with me.
I hear that.
Dad, look, it may seem like I'm not thinking straight.
And maybe I'm not, but it's just I can't shake this feeling of wanting to go back home.
Something that you're missing back home in Tennessee? So you're not mad? No, of course not.
I mean, this is a really important decision, and we don't need to rush it.
We need to take a step back and give this the consideration that it deserves.
We're going back to Tennessee.
And leave Lilly? How can you be so cold? We'll take her with us.
Dad, Lilly's not gonna wanna come with us.
California is her home.
And besides, Oliver and her dad are here.
Think a little.
Okay, I am thinking, and what I'm thinking is, my dad always told me when a female is having a problem and tries to drag you into the middle of it, the best thing you can do is smile, nod and compliment her.
Dad, it's not that simple.
I mean, ugh, sure, Oliver will be okay, but, I mean, what about Lilly? She just moved in.
How can I abandon my best friend like this? Oh, my goodness.
You look lovely this morning.
It's not gonna work.
Did you do something different to your hair? Oh, good, you're up.
Oh, good, you're here.
Listen, I gotta go to the store.
Compliment her and stay close to the exit.
Good luck.
( door closes ) Hey.
Nice pajamas.
Okay, where's Lilly? She still sleeping? Yep.
Poor kid.
Sailing away on the ship of dreams.
Little does she know that, uh, I'm about to wake her up and crush that ship into the brutal rocks of reality.
Uh, okay.
( door opens ) Say her manicure looks nice.
Your manicure looks nice.
Stop that.
Okay, fine.
Your tips are chipped, and your pajamas, a little bit frumpy.
Can we talk about me for a minute? The most exciting thing happened last night.
So I was over at Jackson's, and there's this band that lives upstairs, and ( sighs ) All right.
All right, that's just gonna have to work for now.
( knocking on door ) Oh, no.
Dude, your door's busted.
Dude, I know.
Hey, look, um, we're rehearsing upstairs, and all this banging going on down here is kind of harshing the vibe.
You're Trent Stone from Tepid Funk.
( gasping ): What? Wait.
Who cares? Y-You're Oliver Oken from America's Top Talent.
Yeah.
You're the best thing that happened to music since the air guitar, dude.
( imitating guitar ) You know what would be the coolest thing ever? Huh? If you opened for us.
Oh, well Please? Okay.
Yay! Yay! Yay! Thank you.
Really? Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay? Okay, it didn't happen exactly like that, but they did ask me to open for them on their world tour.
World tour? Yeah.
How much of the world are we talking about? Six months.
Six months? You're gonna leave Lilly for six months? I know.
That's why I'm so happy she has you to lean on.
You know, think about it.
I mean, her mom's moved, her dad's an hour away.
Without me, you're all she's got.
You know, you're it.
You're the center of her universe.
All right? All the roads lead back to I'm moving back to Tennessee.
Backstabbing best friends say what? Ooh, ooh Man, this stinks.
I know.
How are we gonna tell her that both of us are leaving? Don't even think about it.
( grunts ) You know, you knew without looking, and it's that kind of sensitivity that makes you the perfect person to tell Lilly.
Tell me what? Uh that it's a beautiful morning, and we're taking you out for a we-love-Lilly day.
Because we love Lilly.
Yeah.
And we want you to remember that.
Forever.
Aw, come here.
Come here.
Okay.
Ah.
Lilly, mm.
Okay.
What--? What's going on? Okay.
Why does something have to be going on? Can't two people who care about you just give you a day full of wonderful memories? Memories that will carry you through the hard times that life inevitably throws at you? Would you both stop smiling at me like that? 'Cause it's kind of creeping me out.
Absolutely.
No problem.
What did I just say? Sorry.
Sorry.
My bad.
So let's get packing.
Cracking.
Uh Let's get cracking, ha, ha.
Because packing would be stupid.
Oh TRENT: One, two, three, four.
( band playing rock music ) Rico! ( glass shatters ) ( thud ) ( whimpers ) Ooh, yeah Whoa, whoa Now, I don't know about you, but this is a day I will never forget.
Never, ever, ever.
Ever.
Yeah, me too, but, I mean, you didn't have to buy me a whole new outfit.
I-I-I think I'm gonna take it back.
Oh, please, do not be ridonkulous.
I mean, you look adorable.
And besides, you already sweat in it, so You're right, I did.
Thank you, overactive sweat glands.
( high-pitched voice ): You're welcome, Lilly.
Oh, you're so cute.
I'm gonna miss that when I'm in somewhere that you're not, and we can't see each other, heh, because we're not ( laughing nervously ) Well, somebody forgot their pictures in the car.
Honestly, I mean, I told you guys I-- I'd be okay with the little ones from the machine.
Oh, you silly Lilly.
Everybody loses those.
These jumbo puppies are here to stay.
So cute, ha, ha.
Okay.
You keep saying everything's okay, and I go along with it because, you know, I was-- I was hoping for a matching purse, but, uh-- Honestly, saying you love me every five minutes, and wearing the friendship bracelet I gave you three years ago.
What gives? All right, fine.
There's no easy way to say this.
( sighs ) I'm moving back to Tennessee.
And I'm going on tour with Tepid Funk.
Leaving you is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, but there's just something pulling me back to Tennessee.
This is an unbelievable opportunity for me.
( sighs ) Ugh, wow.
Do you want a tissue? Do you wanna hit something? Maybe Oliver? Assume the position.
( whimpers ) Go ahead, Lilly.
Lilly? No, I-I understand.
( yells ) ( whimpers ) Wait, you do? Yeah, Oliver, you're right.
I mean, you can't pass up something like this, and I wouldn't want you to.
I'm so proud of you.
And, Miley, I totally get it.
If-- If your heart is telling you to go back to Tennessee, then you have to.
So you're not mad at me? No, of course not.
I mean, I'm gonna miss both of you guys like crazy, but it'll be okay.
Lilly, you are amazing.
I was so worried that you'd freak out, thinking I was one of those guys who goes on the road promising not to cheat, but then, you know, caves after the first cute girl who, uh-- Well, let's be honest, just after the first cute girl.
And I was terrified that you'd think I was gonna go back to Tennessee, hang out with my old friends, get a new phone, forget to put your number in it, and then you try to call me, all lonely and sad, and all you hear is a voice saying, "Oh, I'm sorry, "but this number has been disconnected because she now has cooler friends.
" ( chuckles ) Lilly? Lillypop, are you okay? ( angrily ): I was until you guys brought up that stuff you thought I'd worry about that I wasn't worried about, but now I am.
Oh, no.
Lilly, please don't cry.
Okay, you know what, Lilly? I won't go.
I'll give up my dreams for you.
Oh, what, so you can stay and grow to hate me? ( whimpers ): Oh, yeah, that's a much better choice.
Okay, fine, then I'll stay.
So you're so bitter you can't even look at me without seeing the soul-sucking leech who kept you from following your heart? Why does saying goodbye have to hurt so much? I know.
( sighs ) Why can't we be more like them? ( all sobbing ) LILLY: I think I need that tissue now.
( Lilly blows nose ) ( sobbing ) How much time do we have left? Well, we just have to wait for my dad to find a ranch in Tennessee.
( whimpering ): But let's not think about that now.
Okay.
Whoo! Great, you're still here.
I just found the perfect ranch.
You're gonna love it.
Thanks a lot, Dad.
Yeah.
I'm so happy for you.
Bon voyage.
( whimpers ) ( sniffing and crying ) Pfft! Girls.
They are so emotional.
( whimpering ): Don't you look at me.
( mellow theme playing ) ( upbeat rock theme playing ) ( drilling ) Good cabinet.
Stay.
Stay.
All right.
Jackson Stewart, handyman.
Stop mocking me! ( knocking ) Miley.
Hey.
Come on in, y-y-you.
Welcome to paradise, population: moi.
( chuckles ) You'll have to forgive the mess.
Uh, I'm just doing a little remodeling because I just love this place so much.
You like my table? It's a table and a place to stand if I ever have a regular-size date, heh, which I will, because my apartment is awesome.
Jackson, I have a problem, and I need to talk to somebody.
Because, like, the 6 billion people that you'd come to before me have just sort of mysteriously vanished? Oh, wait.
No.
See about a half a dozen of them out there right now.
Oh! There's a guy talking to pigeons across the street.
Seems like he really enjoys a nice conversation.
Jackson, I'm serious.
I told Dad that I wanna move back to Tennessee, and before I could even blink, he found a place.
W-Wait, um, we're moving back home? Well, Dad and I are, but, I mean, you seem to like this apartment so much, I wouldn't expect you to come.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I mean, yes, yes, I I-I-I love this apartment.
I love it.
Uh, but-- But not more than the family unit, you know? I would insist that Dad pay off the lease so, that way, the family unit could remain unified and united and, you knowin a unit.
You hate it here, don't you? ( whimpers ): It's a nightmare.
It's Look, i-if-- If we move back to Tennessee, I won't have to admit to Dad that my first decision as an adult was, uh, ( couch spring clangs ) ( whimpers ) a complete disaster.
Oh, no How did this become such a mess? I don't know.
An incompetent furniture maker with no pride in his workmanship.
Jackson, I was talking about my life.
I mean, part of me wants to go back to Tennessee, and part of meloves it here.
And how can I leave Lilly? ( sighs ) What do I do? I love you, but I don't have your answers.
Wait, I-I think I might know something that'll help.
I'm not talking to the pigeon guy.
No, I'm talking about Blue Jeans.
You should go for a ride.
That-- That always seems like when you do your best thinking.
Yeah, you're right.
Wow.
Such simple words, yet they taste like vomit.
Uh, "Thank you, Jackson," would be enough.
Thank you, Jackson.
Not as bad this time, but still gonna need a mint.
Yeah, yeah, yeah Whoa, ooh Right now I wish you really could talk.
And maybe then you could tell me what to do.
( whinnies ) Miley, you're smart, you're funny, and now you have my lucky bracelet.
Hey, I have a lucky bracelet just like that.
I loaned it to my best friend yesterday.
Of course, mine says "Lilly" on the back.
Just like that.
Everything I do Is making me more confused Ta-da.
Oh, it used to be easy ( inaudible dialogue ) All I had to be was me Now I'm mixed up Everywhere I go Everywhere I go Is somewhere That I don't know Oh, I hope that I'm dreaming 'Cause I'm sick of this feeling I'm mixed up Somebody help me Mixed up Somebody help me ( snorts ) There you are.
I've been looking all over for you.
Sorry.
Up here doing a little thinking? Oh, yeah.
I mean, I know I need more Tennessee back in my life, it just Something-- Something doesn't feel right about leaving my life here.
Especially Lilly.
Yeah.
I mean, how can going back to Tennessee be the right decision if it makes me and the people that I love so unhappy? Daddy, I don't think I can do it.
I know that, darling.
I could tell by the way you were acting this morning.
Then why'd you go off and buy a ranch in Tennessee? I didn't.
What? I could tell you needed to be in Tennessee and California both, so I found a way we could meet in the middle.
You bought a ranch in Oklahoma? No.
Actually, it's a little closer than that.
Twenty acres.
Cute little barn.
Kind of like a Crowley Corners down by the sea.
You did not.
See that place right over there? You bought that place? It's not Tennessee, but it's pretty daggone close.
It's better.
It's perfect.
There's room for everybody.
Lilly, Blue Jeans, and even Jackson.
I'll fill you in on that later.
Thank you so much, Daddy.
I love you, Mile.
I love you too.
( soft rock theme playing ) Wow.
Seeing it all empty is kind of sad.
I know.
You know, I'm just glad you and Miley are still gonna be living together.
It'll be a lot easier being on tour knowing that you have her.
You better call me every day.
I'm gonna call you twice a day.
( sighs ) Yeah, but can you make sure it's not too early and not too late? All right, fine, call whenever, but I wanna talk to you too.
Yeah, but seriously, I'm much nicer between 10 and 10.
( car honking ) Dad, moving van's ready.
Let's go.
Yeah, what is he doing up there? I don't know.
He's, uh, packing up some valuables that he wants to hand carry.
Ready to go.
A blow dryer and some brushes? I'll have you know this is a limited-edition Jet Stream GT with ionic diffuser.
The most powerful hair dryer known to man.
Can I--? You wanna keep that hand, son? Yes, sir.
( whimpering ): And, uh, goodbye, stairs.
Goodbye spot where I kissed Andrea Strand.
Goodbye spot where Andrea Strand Tasered me.
Goodbye spot where I stepped over your twitching body to run and go get my camera.
( Lilly and Oliver chuckling ) Come on, Jackson, you got a great apartment now, and you're only ten miles up the road.
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
It's furnished.
It's-- It's right near the beach.
I've never been so happy.
( sobs ) See? Well, this is great.
We're all gonna be happy now.
Oliver's hitting the road, you up there in your little apartment, and me, Miley and Lilly out there at the new ranch with the heated swimming pool and two hot tubs, so whichever side of the house you're on, you're only steps away from 72 pulsating jets of pure paradise.
Seventy-two? That's not even counting the ones that go up and down and up and down.
( whimpering ) Dad, how long are you gonna torture him till you tell him that you got him out of his lease and he's coming with us? What? Come on, Mile.
I had two more minutes of great material lined up.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You're welcome, son.
All right, everybody, let's get a move on, now.
We got a new ranch to fix up.
Or as I like to say, a ranch that needs some dressing.
Get it? Ranch dressing.
Whoo! Good thing Robby Ray packed up the humor.
Let's go.
Come on, Miley, it's time to say hello to our new home.
And goodbye to the old one.
( melancholic theme playing ) Oh, oh, oh, oh Yeah Here's your keys.
Thank you.
( band playing rock music ) Heh! Yeah.
Uh, good luck finding another sucker to rent this place.
Hey, hey.
A coat of paint, some new cabinets, a little wood glue, and another sucker will be knocking down the door.
Hopefully after he signs the lease.
( cracking ) Oh! ( band stops playing ) We gotta work this bit into the show.
One, two, three, four.
( band playing rock music )