Harvey Beaks (2015) s02e21 Episode Script
Later, Dingus; Hair to Help
[cheerful music.]
# Harvey # # Harvey # # Harvey # I'd love a sip of your milk shake, Kathy, but the doctor said I'm allergic to chocolate and also wet things.
Ahh! Oh.
- Kratz, is that - Chocolate pudding.
[groans.]
Kratzy! Help, anybody, he's allergic to wet chocolate! OMG, did you get hit, too? Don't worry, I uploaded the photo, and tagged the hospital in it.
Oh, and they just commented back.
Ooh, let me see.
Oh, good, I look incredible.
Great idea, Trev.
- Thank you, Kris.
- Both: Ahhh! What what is happening? [alarm blares.]
Please remain calm! We're on our way! Ahh-ahh! [laughter.]
My turn, my turn.
Well, you can try, but you're not as good as me.
- [splat.]
- [yells.]
Ohh, my face! [screaming.]
[laughter.]
Ah, that was great.
Sure was, kid.
Nothing compared to what I've got planned tomorrow, though.
Really? What's happening tomorrow? Only the biggest, most incredible prank I've ever pulled.
Ah, no way! What is it? Well, it's called Operation Hedge Butt, and basically - Hey, Fee.
- Hey, Blister.
We're about to have dinner, if you want to join us.
Do you have corndogs? Um, maybe in the freezer.
Yeah.
Nice! Let's go, you old bag.
We can talk pranks over dinner.
Eh, you go ahead.
I'm just gonna finish off that pudding.
I'll show you my master plan tomorrow.
[chuckles.]
All right, cool.
See you tomorrow, cheese head.
Heh heh.
Later, butt breath.
Prune face.
Dummy! Later, dingus! [cheerful music.]
See, told you.
Just can't keep Foo in a box.
- Fee, what are you looking at? - What? Oh, nothing.
[thinking.]
If you call the biggest prank ever "nothing.
" [phone rings.]
Hello, Beaks residence.
What? Oh, oh, no.
[humming.]
Kids, we need to talk to you about something.
We just got a call from the nursing home.
They said Blister is well, he's gone.
Gone? Did he go on a trip? When's he coming back? Let's get him a welcome back cake.
No, boys, we mean Blister passed away.
- Passed away? - Wait, you mean he He died? Blister: The biggest, most incredible prank I've ever pulled.
Ohhh! Oh, Fee, honey, are you okay? I know you two were close.
Yes, this is very sad.
I just need a moment to collect my thoughts.
Come on, boys.
Walk with me.
Fee, are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine, and so is Blister.
Uh, I don't think you realize the gravity of the Look, I was with him yesterday, and he told me about this prank he had planned.
That's obviously what this is all about.
His "death" is just part of the joke.
It's like that time he pretend to saw his own leg off.
Oh, yeah, that scared the hiccups out of me.
His blood tasted a lot like ketchup.
Besides, Blister wouldn't just up and die out of nowhere before seeing a big prank through.
Hmm, I guess that makes sense.
I can't find a flaw in her logic.
Trust me, if I know Blister, then this prank is gonna be hilarious.
And I know how we're gonna help him turn up the volume.
[exciting music.]
Whoa! Huh? What's going on? Is the circus in town? [music.]
Come one, come all! Come out and say good-bye to that old bat, Blister, one last time.
Let's show that old grouch we're gonna miss him by honoring his memory.
Wait, Blister? Isn't he that guy who dumped a bunch of acid into the river? Wow, I can't believe he's gone.
Yeah, he's really gone.
And this definitely isn't a prank in any way, shape or form.
He was a dear friend that was very serious and never joked about anything.
So come on and squeeze those tears out at the best remembrance thing you've ever been to.
[chuckles.]
This is gonna be so good.
[somber music.]
[vocalizing.]
Yes, yes, it's so sad.
Probably the saddest.
Thank you so much for coming.
Oh, my gosh, look how bummed everyone is.
This is hilarious.
Yeah, fake funerals are really funny.
Oh, man, this is gonna be so great.
We'll let these saps keep crying for a bit.
We'll jump out and put on a show.
And then when Blister pops out, everyone will lose their minds.
Best prank ever! Thank you everyone for coming.
Please be seated.
Ooh, that's Foo's signal.
We gotta hide.
Thank you, Jeremy, for lending us your smooth, milky vocals.
Okay, so I guess come say nice things about dead man Blister now.
Um, yeah.
Um, so I didn't know Blister very well, but I do know he owes me a large sum of money.
Uh, maybe someone just me know how I can get that.
- Uh, amen.
- Out of my way! I've got feelings to spill.
I've danced with many men in my days, hundreds of men, but none of them had the moves quite like Blisty.
Especially not you, Kevin! You're terrible! Ohh.
- Okay, you guys ready? - Both: Yep.
Then let's crash this funeral.
But first, let's get into our costumes.
Wait, no one told me we were ripping our clothes off.
So rest in peace, you beautiful man raisin.
Oh, also, Randl, Blister is your fath [pounding music.]
Huh? What's going on? Ahh! [all gasp.]
Sacrebleu! This is so sacrilegious.
[air horns blaring.]
# # Is this what happens at funerals? I've never been to one.
What on earth is going on? You've all been pranked.
That's what's going on.
Blister isn't dead.
It was all a joke.
[air horns blaring.]
Well, if Blister's not dead, then where is he? So glad you asked, madam.
He's right here! Blister, that's your cue.
[coughs.]
Uh guys.
Uh, I don't see him, Fee.
Uh [somber music.]
Wh where's Blister? [music.]
[wind blows.]
I just don't get it.
Why isn't he here? I thought he'd show up for sure.
Fee, this came to the house, and it's for you.
Blister wanted you to have his belongings.
His belongings? [music.]
Hey, look.
It's for you.
"Hey, Dummy, if you're reading this, "then that probably means I'm not around anymore.
"I bet you're crying like a baby, right? Heh-heh, sucker!" [chuckles.]
"Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say "thanks for reminding me how fun the world is.
"I'm so glad you were in my life.
"All right, enough of the mushy stuff.
"You better keep raising heck in my honor.
Later, barf butt.
" You okay, Fee? Yeah, I'm okay.
And I know the perfect way to say good-bye.
And that's why you should always try to maintain the innocence of your youth, son.
I'll do my best, Pops.
Atta boy.
Good golly, what is that? Huh? [all laughing.]
I don't feel very innocent, Daddy.
Come on, we're going home, Junior.
Sure hope nothing triggers me today.
Ahhh! Ahhh! Oh, my gosh! Why? - This is not okay! - The horror! [laughter.]
I think he'd be really proud, Fee.
Yeah, he'd be proud of your huge butt you made for him.
Yeah, I think he would.
Later, dingus.
[gentle music.]
- Ooh.
- Ah.
[music.]
I love it! What can I say? I love hair.
- Oh, I love the color.
- Thank you, honey.
- The curls are amazing.
- I love your curls.
- Perm or no perm? - No perm.
You don't need it.
[upbeat music.]
[excited chatter.]
What can I say? I love hair! Tara, Tara, wake up.
Get your head out of the clouds.
I got a bunion that needs maintenance.
Oh, it's a real doozy.
[sighs.]
It smells bad, too.
[upbeat music.]
Tara, Tara, I'd like a haircut.
Hey, I'm only one woman with eight legs.
I can only do so much.
[phone rings.]
Sorry, Tara's Hair Parlor.
Thank you for holding.
Hey, I am only one woman with eight legs.
I could see you next week.
Boy, when it rains, it pours, as they say.
It's time for this itsy, bitsy spider to find herself a water spout to go up and hide.
[laughs.]
Ahhh! My hair is on fire.
Hey, you know what? I don't have time.
Criminitly! I am one woman over here.
One woman.
Kids, get off mommy's boom box! [all chattering.]
[phone rings.]
Tara's Hair Parlor.
Oh, okay, I think I could see you next Tuesday.
Sally, you get that thing out of your mouth! [phone rings.]
Criminitly! This is Tara.
How may I help you? - You could give me a haircut.
- Oh, okay.
I think I can see you a week from You can see me right now, 'cause I'm sitting in your chair right now.
Oh, for Pete's sake, I am losing my marbles.
Somebody call the loony bin.
I'm losing my marbles.
[laughs.]
[whistles.]
Boy, you look spiffy.
Now get out of the chair.
Next! What? What the heck did you do to my hair? You turned me into an '80s figure skater.
You gotta fix it! You made it worse! Okay, okay, just let me do my magic.
I got this.
Ooh.
Oh.
Ahh! Ohh! Oh-oh! Ahh! What's wrong with me? - I got the shakes.
- Tara? - Tara.
- Tara! Tara! Tara, my bunion maintenance! [overlapping shouting.]
I love you, mama.
I really do.
Oh, my gosh, it's too much! That's it! You know what, throw me in a skillet with some salt and butter, flip me and serve me up, because I am done! Ah, I'm free.
So for my haircut today, I feel like getting a little crazy.
- Oh, yeah? - I think I'm gonna ask Tara to part my hair to the other side.
I gotta get outta here.
I gotta get outta here.
- I'm free, I'm free.
- Tara, are you okay? Not really.
Life has me so stressed.
I have physically lost my ability to cut hair.
I try to make a cut, I end up paying a bill.
If I go for a blow-dry, I call a plumber.
I don't see hair color.
I see kids.
My eyes are tired, my thighs are wide, and my jeans don't fit.
So now I am going to fulfill my lifelong dream of crawling up a waterspout and disappearing forever.
Oh, and don't let my Suzie eat too many sweets.
I guess I'm not so itsy, bitsy a spider after all.
Ahhh! What'd you do that for? Because we can't let you quit.
Tara, you may not know this, but I really look up to you.
And your love for hair, rivals my love for cleanliness.
You're my hair hero! I know, let's put a call out to the universe.
She always knows what to do.
[clears throat.]
Ca-caw, ca-caw! [vocalizing.]
[trilling.]
[wind gusts.]
Hair-Stravaganza.
Oh, a hair show is in town.
What are the chances? I bet seeing all of that creativity will rekindle your heart candles.
You think that'll work? Tara, all you can do is follicle your heart.
[upbeat music.]
[indistinct chatter.]
- Ohh.
- Whoa.
Look at all the crazy hair.
[overlapping chatter.]
[music.]
Talk about inspiring.
Talk about intimidating.
I mean, since when can hair fly? Do you have to apply for a pilot's license or what? [laughs.]
Could someone point to the nearest water spout, please? Don't hit the panic button yet, Tara.
This convention is so big.
There's got to be something to interest you.
How about a time share in beautiful Hairnolulu? I went there with my ex.
Bad idea! - Moving on.
- I hope they pay you enough to dress up like that, honey.
[all vocalizing.]
These guys are called Hairmony.
Do you like musicals? - Nobody likes musicals.
- Moving on.
I hope you guys support your necks.
Get a lumbar pillow or something.
How about a hair competition? My gut is telling me this feels right.
And my gut is telling me to high-tail it on out of here and hop a train to Albuquerque.
Okay, but my gut is right.
Excuse us, we don't have tickets.
Not even supposed to be here.
Excuse us! - Oh, too bad.
Looks like there's no seats.
- There's some.
Okay, well, I'm sure these seats belong to somebody.
No, I made those people disappear! [applause.]
[cheering.]
Hello, Littlebark! Are you ready for the Hair-Stravaganza Hair Off? [exciting music.]
Hi.
I'm Jackie Slitherstein.
Whoa? That's Jackie Slitherstein? I never would have guessed.
Oh, I would have.
Psychic.
So you all know me as your favorite best-selling author, but I have a confession to make.
I love hair! Why? Well, when you're as famous as I am, you just can't go out looking like yourself, or the paparazzi would be on you like leaves on a tree.
So you gotta get yourself a good wig, and that's where y'all come in.
All: Oooh.
The winner of the hair-off will get the honor of designing my next hairstyle and be crowned Head of Hair.
[cheering.]
Of course as a safety hairnet, two of the contestants are pre-screened industry professionals.
But the third spot, well, that'll be one of you.
Any volunteers? How about you, the little stress ball trying to leave? - What? - Come on down.
No! I can't go onstage.
Are you kidding me? I don't know if I can do this.
You'll be amazing.
Let's start styling.
Impress me.
[upbeat music.]
Ooh, a military look.
How progressive.
[music.]
Ooh.
Is that a mullet? Eliminated.
You too, move along.
Nothing to see here.
Criminitly, the competition is getting stiff.
All eyes on us, as they say.
Oh, look at him, he's so cool and collected.
Look at me over here, I think I'm losing my marbles again.
Oh, come on, Tara.
What are you gonna do? You can do it, Tara! What? What? Oh listen, Agnes, I don't got time.
I'm only one woman with eight legs, you know? Oh, dear, maybe not.
What? Oh, what did I run over here for? I can't remember.
Oh, I better run back.
Uh, Susan, don't put your hand in the blender.
Doris, I can see you next Friday.
Criminitly, criminitly, criminitly, criminitly.
Criminitly, criminitly.
[voice swirling.]
Hey, it's the '80s again.
Oh, I love it here.
No one can bother me.
Hey, I'm you from the '80s.
What? Like, it's totally me from the '80s.
What am I doing here? Got a message for me or something? I totally do, honey.
Now listen to me.
Yes, you are only one woman with eight legs, but just because you have eight legs doesn't mean you have to use all of them at the same time.
Slow down, honey.
You can't do everything at once.
Well, what the heck am I supposed to do then? Use one leg at one time.
One leg at a time.
That's genius.
Why didn't I think of that? You did think of that, Tara.
I'm you.
Now come on, give me a hug.
Is she dead? Whoa.
What a trip.
Next time I'm definitely booking through a travel agent, as they say.
Now, to finish that haircut.
One leg at a time.
[all gasp, nervous chatter.]
One leg at a time! [tense music.]
I love it! Tara, you win.
What me? I won? I mean, you are crazy girl, but hey, all the best ones are.
You harnessed your crazy and made something pretty out of it.
Plus, I think your "one leg at a time" attitude will help me make the perfect wigs for my new book, "One Wig at a Time.
" Wow, I'm I'm touched.
I'd be honored.
Wow! [scissors snipping.]
And ta-da! Oh, now this this is a quality haircut.
You know what, I'm just gonna go ahead and remove all those negative comments that I put online.
Boop! Hey, hair people! Jackie's back.
I've come for my wig.
[laughs.]
One new amazing hairstyle coming right up, Jackie.
- Well, what do you think? - Hmm I love it! Let the music play! [exciting chatter.]
- Whoo-hoo! Yeah! - Whoo! What can I say? I love hair!
# Harvey # # Harvey # # Harvey # I'd love a sip of your milk shake, Kathy, but the doctor said I'm allergic to chocolate and also wet things.
Ahh! Oh.
- Kratz, is that - Chocolate pudding.
[groans.]
Kratzy! Help, anybody, he's allergic to wet chocolate! OMG, did you get hit, too? Don't worry, I uploaded the photo, and tagged the hospital in it.
Oh, and they just commented back.
Ooh, let me see.
Oh, good, I look incredible.
Great idea, Trev.
- Thank you, Kris.
- Both: Ahhh! What what is happening? [alarm blares.]
Please remain calm! We're on our way! Ahh-ahh! [laughter.]
My turn, my turn.
Well, you can try, but you're not as good as me.
- [splat.]
- [yells.]
Ohh, my face! [screaming.]
[laughter.]
Ah, that was great.
Sure was, kid.
Nothing compared to what I've got planned tomorrow, though.
Really? What's happening tomorrow? Only the biggest, most incredible prank I've ever pulled.
Ah, no way! What is it? Well, it's called Operation Hedge Butt, and basically - Hey, Fee.
- Hey, Blister.
We're about to have dinner, if you want to join us.
Do you have corndogs? Um, maybe in the freezer.
Yeah.
Nice! Let's go, you old bag.
We can talk pranks over dinner.
Eh, you go ahead.
I'm just gonna finish off that pudding.
I'll show you my master plan tomorrow.
[chuckles.]
All right, cool.
See you tomorrow, cheese head.
Heh heh.
Later, butt breath.
Prune face.
Dummy! Later, dingus! [cheerful music.]
See, told you.
Just can't keep Foo in a box.
- Fee, what are you looking at? - What? Oh, nothing.
[thinking.]
If you call the biggest prank ever "nothing.
" [phone rings.]
Hello, Beaks residence.
What? Oh, oh, no.
[humming.]
Kids, we need to talk to you about something.
We just got a call from the nursing home.
They said Blister is well, he's gone.
Gone? Did he go on a trip? When's he coming back? Let's get him a welcome back cake.
No, boys, we mean Blister passed away.
- Passed away? - Wait, you mean he He died? Blister: The biggest, most incredible prank I've ever pulled.
Ohhh! Oh, Fee, honey, are you okay? I know you two were close.
Yes, this is very sad.
I just need a moment to collect my thoughts.
Come on, boys.
Walk with me.
Fee, are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine, and so is Blister.
Uh, I don't think you realize the gravity of the Look, I was with him yesterday, and he told me about this prank he had planned.
That's obviously what this is all about.
His "death" is just part of the joke.
It's like that time he pretend to saw his own leg off.
Oh, yeah, that scared the hiccups out of me.
His blood tasted a lot like ketchup.
Besides, Blister wouldn't just up and die out of nowhere before seeing a big prank through.
Hmm, I guess that makes sense.
I can't find a flaw in her logic.
Trust me, if I know Blister, then this prank is gonna be hilarious.
And I know how we're gonna help him turn up the volume.
[exciting music.]
Whoa! Huh? What's going on? Is the circus in town? [music.]
Come one, come all! Come out and say good-bye to that old bat, Blister, one last time.
Let's show that old grouch we're gonna miss him by honoring his memory.
Wait, Blister? Isn't he that guy who dumped a bunch of acid into the river? Wow, I can't believe he's gone.
Yeah, he's really gone.
And this definitely isn't a prank in any way, shape or form.
He was a dear friend that was very serious and never joked about anything.
So come on and squeeze those tears out at the best remembrance thing you've ever been to.
[chuckles.]
This is gonna be so good.
[somber music.]
[vocalizing.]
Yes, yes, it's so sad.
Probably the saddest.
Thank you so much for coming.
Oh, my gosh, look how bummed everyone is.
This is hilarious.
Yeah, fake funerals are really funny.
Oh, man, this is gonna be so great.
We'll let these saps keep crying for a bit.
We'll jump out and put on a show.
And then when Blister pops out, everyone will lose their minds.
Best prank ever! Thank you everyone for coming.
Please be seated.
Ooh, that's Foo's signal.
We gotta hide.
Thank you, Jeremy, for lending us your smooth, milky vocals.
Okay, so I guess come say nice things about dead man Blister now.
Um, yeah.
Um, so I didn't know Blister very well, but I do know he owes me a large sum of money.
Uh, maybe someone just me know how I can get that.
- Uh, amen.
- Out of my way! I've got feelings to spill.
I've danced with many men in my days, hundreds of men, but none of them had the moves quite like Blisty.
Especially not you, Kevin! You're terrible! Ohh.
- Okay, you guys ready? - Both: Yep.
Then let's crash this funeral.
But first, let's get into our costumes.
Wait, no one told me we were ripping our clothes off.
So rest in peace, you beautiful man raisin.
Oh, also, Randl, Blister is your fath [pounding music.]
Huh? What's going on? Ahh! [all gasp.]
Sacrebleu! This is so sacrilegious.
[air horns blaring.]
# # Is this what happens at funerals? I've never been to one.
What on earth is going on? You've all been pranked.
That's what's going on.
Blister isn't dead.
It was all a joke.
[air horns blaring.]
Well, if Blister's not dead, then where is he? So glad you asked, madam.
He's right here! Blister, that's your cue.
[coughs.]
Uh guys.
Uh, I don't see him, Fee.
Uh [somber music.]
Wh where's Blister? [music.]
[wind blows.]
I just don't get it.
Why isn't he here? I thought he'd show up for sure.
Fee, this came to the house, and it's for you.
Blister wanted you to have his belongings.
His belongings? [music.]
Hey, look.
It's for you.
"Hey, Dummy, if you're reading this, "then that probably means I'm not around anymore.
"I bet you're crying like a baby, right? Heh-heh, sucker!" [chuckles.]
"Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say "thanks for reminding me how fun the world is.
"I'm so glad you were in my life.
"All right, enough of the mushy stuff.
"You better keep raising heck in my honor.
Later, barf butt.
" You okay, Fee? Yeah, I'm okay.
And I know the perfect way to say good-bye.
And that's why you should always try to maintain the innocence of your youth, son.
I'll do my best, Pops.
Atta boy.
Good golly, what is that? Huh? [all laughing.]
I don't feel very innocent, Daddy.
Come on, we're going home, Junior.
Sure hope nothing triggers me today.
Ahhh! Ahhh! Oh, my gosh! Why? - This is not okay! - The horror! [laughter.]
I think he'd be really proud, Fee.
Yeah, he'd be proud of your huge butt you made for him.
Yeah, I think he would.
Later, dingus.
[gentle music.]
- Ooh.
- Ah.
[music.]
I love it! What can I say? I love hair.
- Oh, I love the color.
- Thank you, honey.
- The curls are amazing.
- I love your curls.
- Perm or no perm? - No perm.
You don't need it.
[upbeat music.]
[excited chatter.]
What can I say? I love hair! Tara, Tara, wake up.
Get your head out of the clouds.
I got a bunion that needs maintenance.
Oh, it's a real doozy.
[sighs.]
It smells bad, too.
[upbeat music.]
Tara, Tara, I'd like a haircut.
Hey, I'm only one woman with eight legs.
I can only do so much.
[phone rings.]
Sorry, Tara's Hair Parlor.
Thank you for holding.
Hey, I am only one woman with eight legs.
I could see you next week.
Boy, when it rains, it pours, as they say.
It's time for this itsy, bitsy spider to find herself a water spout to go up and hide.
[laughs.]
Ahhh! My hair is on fire.
Hey, you know what? I don't have time.
Criminitly! I am one woman over here.
One woman.
Kids, get off mommy's boom box! [all chattering.]
[phone rings.]
Tara's Hair Parlor.
Oh, okay, I think I could see you next Tuesday.
Sally, you get that thing out of your mouth! [phone rings.]
Criminitly! This is Tara.
How may I help you? - You could give me a haircut.
- Oh, okay.
I think I can see you a week from You can see me right now, 'cause I'm sitting in your chair right now.
Oh, for Pete's sake, I am losing my marbles.
Somebody call the loony bin.
I'm losing my marbles.
[laughs.]
[whistles.]
Boy, you look spiffy.
Now get out of the chair.
Next! What? What the heck did you do to my hair? You turned me into an '80s figure skater.
You gotta fix it! You made it worse! Okay, okay, just let me do my magic.
I got this.
Ooh.
Oh.
Ahh! Ohh! Oh-oh! Ahh! What's wrong with me? - I got the shakes.
- Tara? - Tara.
- Tara! Tara! Tara, my bunion maintenance! [overlapping shouting.]
I love you, mama.
I really do.
Oh, my gosh, it's too much! That's it! You know what, throw me in a skillet with some salt and butter, flip me and serve me up, because I am done! Ah, I'm free.
So for my haircut today, I feel like getting a little crazy.
- Oh, yeah? - I think I'm gonna ask Tara to part my hair to the other side.
I gotta get outta here.
I gotta get outta here.
- I'm free, I'm free.
- Tara, are you okay? Not really.
Life has me so stressed.
I have physically lost my ability to cut hair.
I try to make a cut, I end up paying a bill.
If I go for a blow-dry, I call a plumber.
I don't see hair color.
I see kids.
My eyes are tired, my thighs are wide, and my jeans don't fit.
So now I am going to fulfill my lifelong dream of crawling up a waterspout and disappearing forever.
Oh, and don't let my Suzie eat too many sweets.
I guess I'm not so itsy, bitsy a spider after all.
Ahhh! What'd you do that for? Because we can't let you quit.
Tara, you may not know this, but I really look up to you.
And your love for hair, rivals my love for cleanliness.
You're my hair hero! I know, let's put a call out to the universe.
She always knows what to do.
[clears throat.]
Ca-caw, ca-caw! [vocalizing.]
[trilling.]
[wind gusts.]
Hair-Stravaganza.
Oh, a hair show is in town.
What are the chances? I bet seeing all of that creativity will rekindle your heart candles.
You think that'll work? Tara, all you can do is follicle your heart.
[upbeat music.]
[indistinct chatter.]
- Ohh.
- Whoa.
Look at all the crazy hair.
[overlapping chatter.]
[music.]
Talk about inspiring.
Talk about intimidating.
I mean, since when can hair fly? Do you have to apply for a pilot's license or what? [laughs.]
Could someone point to the nearest water spout, please? Don't hit the panic button yet, Tara.
This convention is so big.
There's got to be something to interest you.
How about a time share in beautiful Hairnolulu? I went there with my ex.
Bad idea! - Moving on.
- I hope they pay you enough to dress up like that, honey.
[all vocalizing.]
These guys are called Hairmony.
Do you like musicals? - Nobody likes musicals.
- Moving on.
I hope you guys support your necks.
Get a lumbar pillow or something.
How about a hair competition? My gut is telling me this feels right.
And my gut is telling me to high-tail it on out of here and hop a train to Albuquerque.
Okay, but my gut is right.
Excuse us, we don't have tickets.
Not even supposed to be here.
Excuse us! - Oh, too bad.
Looks like there's no seats.
- There's some.
Okay, well, I'm sure these seats belong to somebody.
No, I made those people disappear! [applause.]
[cheering.]
Hello, Littlebark! Are you ready for the Hair-Stravaganza Hair Off? [exciting music.]
Hi.
I'm Jackie Slitherstein.
Whoa? That's Jackie Slitherstein? I never would have guessed.
Oh, I would have.
Psychic.
So you all know me as your favorite best-selling author, but I have a confession to make.
I love hair! Why? Well, when you're as famous as I am, you just can't go out looking like yourself, or the paparazzi would be on you like leaves on a tree.
So you gotta get yourself a good wig, and that's where y'all come in.
All: Oooh.
The winner of the hair-off will get the honor of designing my next hairstyle and be crowned Head of Hair.
[cheering.]
Of course as a safety hairnet, two of the contestants are pre-screened industry professionals.
But the third spot, well, that'll be one of you.
Any volunteers? How about you, the little stress ball trying to leave? - What? - Come on down.
No! I can't go onstage.
Are you kidding me? I don't know if I can do this.
You'll be amazing.
Let's start styling.
Impress me.
[upbeat music.]
Ooh, a military look.
How progressive.
[music.]
Ooh.
Is that a mullet? Eliminated.
You too, move along.
Nothing to see here.
Criminitly, the competition is getting stiff.
All eyes on us, as they say.
Oh, look at him, he's so cool and collected.
Look at me over here, I think I'm losing my marbles again.
Oh, come on, Tara.
What are you gonna do? You can do it, Tara! What? What? Oh listen, Agnes, I don't got time.
I'm only one woman with eight legs, you know? Oh, dear, maybe not.
What? Oh, what did I run over here for? I can't remember.
Oh, I better run back.
Uh, Susan, don't put your hand in the blender.
Doris, I can see you next Friday.
Criminitly, criminitly, criminitly, criminitly.
Criminitly, criminitly.
[voice swirling.]
Hey, it's the '80s again.
Oh, I love it here.
No one can bother me.
Hey, I'm you from the '80s.
What? Like, it's totally me from the '80s.
What am I doing here? Got a message for me or something? I totally do, honey.
Now listen to me.
Yes, you are only one woman with eight legs, but just because you have eight legs doesn't mean you have to use all of them at the same time.
Slow down, honey.
You can't do everything at once.
Well, what the heck am I supposed to do then? Use one leg at one time.
One leg at a time.
That's genius.
Why didn't I think of that? You did think of that, Tara.
I'm you.
Now come on, give me a hug.
Is she dead? Whoa.
What a trip.
Next time I'm definitely booking through a travel agent, as they say.
Now, to finish that haircut.
One leg at a time.
[all gasp, nervous chatter.]
One leg at a time! [tense music.]
I love it! Tara, you win.
What me? I won? I mean, you are crazy girl, but hey, all the best ones are.
You harnessed your crazy and made something pretty out of it.
Plus, I think your "one leg at a time" attitude will help me make the perfect wigs for my new book, "One Wig at a Time.
" Wow, I'm I'm touched.
I'd be honored.
Wow! [scissors snipping.]
And ta-da! Oh, now this this is a quality haircut.
You know what, I'm just gonna go ahead and remove all those negative comments that I put online.
Boop! Hey, hair people! Jackie's back.
I've come for my wig.
[laughs.]
One new amazing hairstyle coming right up, Jackie.
- Well, what do you think? - Hmm I love it! Let the music play! [exciting chatter.]
- Whoo-hoo! Yeah! - Whoo! What can I say? I love hair!