Home Improvement s04e20 Episode Script
Talk To Me
y his family throws him a huge party, with lots of food and tons of presents.
Cool.
You think if I start praying now, I could have a bar mitzvah? Yeah, Mark, why don't you do that? Then tomorrow you can pray for a new brain.
I just hope I don't get yours.
Hi, kids.
Randy, I picked up your suit at the dry cleaners.
I also got a bunch of stuff that you left in the pockets - a half-sucked candy cane and a phone message you never gave me.
Oh, yeah.
Call Grandma.
Hey, honey.
You'll never guess who called.
My mother.
Yeah, but that was a couple days ago.
Well, thank you.
That's a week sooner than you usually give me the message.
Well, I knew it was important.
My brother Marty called.
He and Nancy are driving down on Friday.
They want to stay over.
Oh, that's great! I get to see the babies again.
Oh, no.
The little pooper troopers are staying with Mom.
You know, he's got a job interview on Saturday.
If he gets that job, I think they're gonna move here.
That would be great.
We'd get to play with those babies all the time.
And I get to play with my baby brother.
You're not gonna put him in a red ant hill again, are you? Honey, I think I've grown out of that kind of prank.
Give him atomic wedgies? Way too old for that.
Fake vomit in the shoes? Never too old for that.
If I get this job, I'd be working for one of the fastest-growing sporting goods stores in the state.
It's got through-the-roof potential.
Honey, that's just how I felt when I started with Binford.
Yeah, and Tim's been through seven or eight roofs.
Actually, six, and a Porta-Potti.
You sure you don't want some pancakes, Marty? No, thanks, Jill.
Before an interview, I don't like to eat anything heavy.
My pancakes aren't heavy.
(thud) Here, try that one.
(strains) Ow! I'm back.
I just ran about five miles.
All right! Oh, did you call home? How is everything? My mom's fine.
I was talking about the babies.
I don't know.
They wouldn't come to the phone.
Ow! Where do they learn that? SWAT team.
I can't believe you.
Your first morning away from the kids.
You could have slept in.
Nope.
I am determined to get my old body back.
It's back.
I still have a few more pounds to lose.
Oh, you look great.
I'd take that body in a minute.
So would I.
What does that mean? If I had a body like that, I could wear the jogging bra I've always wanted to.
I picture you more in a strapless push-up.
Yeah? Really, Nancy, how comfortable is that bra? I mean, does it chafe? I'm so sensitive in this area Tim, enough with the bra.
I'm off to the job interview.
Wish me luck.
Hey, you don't need luck.
You're a Taylor.
That's right.
You need directions.
That reminds me.
I got a map for you out in the car.
Wrong way.
Your car's out front.
Of course it is.
You want me to get you some pancakes? Oh, I'd love some.
But then I'd have to run about another six miles.
Well, I think I'm gonna go up and take a hot shower.
My back gets a little stiff when I don't run on the track.
Well, that's good, but use our bathroom, 'cause Randy's been in his all morning.
Oh, has he got a big date? Big bar mitzvah.
Oh, my gosh.
I gotta run out and get Sherman a present.
Oh! Do you want to borrow my earmuffs? It's really nippy out there.
No, Nancy, when I say "run out" I mean "take the car.
" I'll see you later.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
It's started to clear up out there, you guys.
Nancy? Jill? Hey, Jill? (shower running) Honey? Jill? Jill? Jill.
Hey! Tim! You're You're not Jill! I'll go now.
I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
(Nancy) No, no.
I'm sorry.
No, no, I thought Jill was in there, you're not Jill.
What I need is a sign-in sheet.
You know, "Nancy in, Tim out.
" I'm so sorry.
I shouldn't have used your bathroom.
It's just that Jill said that Randy was in the other one.
There's nothing to explain.
For gosh sakes, we're two mature adults that happened to see each other's hoo-hoos.
This is really embarrassing.
Yeah, it is a little bit, isn't it? Although what do we have to be embarrassed about? It's not like either of us hasn't seen a naked body before.
I've seen thousands of 'em.
We have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
Yeah.
Especially you! Thanks.
Actually, when you think about it, it's kinda funny.
Yeah, it's funny.
Yeah.
Marty and Jill are gonna get a good laugh out of this.
I don't think it's that funny.
You think they're gonna get upset? No, 'cause I don't think we should tell them.
Time, it was an accident.
They'll understand.
I don't think Jill will understand.
After all those jokes I made about the jogging bra this morning, I think it's best we just let it go.
OK? You really think we shouldn't say anything? I think if we told them what we saw, we'd be a couple of boobs.
Wilson, I want to ask you a question.
(smashing noises) What are you doing? You know, Tim, I'm practicing an ancient Greek tradition.
It's said that to fend off a flea problem you pelt the front of your door with jugs.
Oh, don't use that word.
Um I I inadvertently saw my sister-in-law in the buff.
I walked in the shower, I thought Jill was in there and she was standing right there.
Well, Tim, that sounds totally innocent.
It was.
But she's family, and you expect family to give a reaction like your 80 or 90-year-old grandma, but Grandma never looked like that.
So you enjoyed seeing Nancy in her birthday suit.
It was a very happy birthday.
Yes, I did.
Well, Tim, this brings to mind the great Buddha.
A cheese.
That's Gouda.
I'm talking about Buddha.
The prophet.
Ah.
Even though I've always considered him a pretty big cheese.
(chuckles) Anyway Buddha says that men are conquerors if they have conquered the intoxications of temptation.
Yeah.
Oh, that's (grunts) I have no idea what you just said.
What I'm saying is it's perfectly natural for a man to be drawn to a woman he finds attractive.
I just wish this hadn't happened.
If I'm gonna walk in on a family member, it should be my brother Brian's wife.
No, Grandma, mom's not here.
Yeah, she's having lunch with Aunt Nancy.
All right, I'll give her the message.
OK, Grandma.
I'm writing it down right now.
OK.
Love you too.
Sherman's bar mitzvah's already over? No, but for me it's in limbo.
What do you mean? I, uh, split my pants doing the limbo.
Where's Mom? I need her to sew these back up so I can get back to the party.
She's not here.
What am I gonna do? I don't know.
I know.
Staple me shut.
I hate to pry, fellas.
What are you doing? Randy split his pants doing the limbo.
And you're using a stapler to fix it? That's material on human flesh back there, pal.
Let me get my hot glue gun.
So long, Dad.
Wait, wait.
I'm not done yet.
One brother stapling another's butt.
Brings back fond memories.
It was never my intent to hurt you.
How'd it go? I got it.
You're looking at the new manager.
Congratulations! Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
I want to tell Nancy.
Have you seen her? No.
Why? Just asking.
Hey, this is gonna be great, isn't it? Yeah.
You and me back in the same city again.
Although I don't know if I can afford a house out here.
Come on, come on.
We'll go look for one, maybe a little fixer-upper.
And you know who can do the fixing.
I'm hoping Al.
Hey! Nance, Jill.
I got the job.
Oh, great! I knew you would! (Jill) Congratulations! Welcome to the neighborhood.
(Marty) Thanks very much.
y (Jihis family throws him Wela huge party, eighborhood.
with lots of food and tons of presents.
Cool.
You think if I start praying now, I could have a bar mitzvah? Yeah, Mark, why don't you do that? Then tomorrow you can pray for a new brain.
I just hope I don't get yours.
Hi, kids.
Randy, I picked up your suit at the dry cleaners.
I also got a bunch of stuff that you left in the pockets - a half-sucked candy cane and a phone message you never gave me.
Oh, yeah.
Call Grandma.
Hey, honey.
You'll never guess who called.
My mother.
Yeah, but that was a couple days ago.
Well, thank you.
That's a week sooner than you usually give me the message.
Well, I knew it was important.
My brother Marty called.
He and Nancy are driving down on Friday.
They want to stay over.
Oh, that's great! I get to see the babies again.
Oh, no.
The little pooper troopers are staying with Mom.
You know, he's got a job interview on Saturday.
If he gets that job, I think they're gonna move here.
That would be great.
We'd get to play with those babies all the time.
And I get to play with my baby brother.
You're not gonna put him in a red ant hill again, are you? Honey, I think I've grown out of that kind of prank.
Give him atomic wedgies? Way too old for that.
Fake vomit in the shoes? Never too old for that.
If I get this job, I'd be working for one of the fastest-growing sporting goods stores in the state.
It's got through-the-roof potential.
Honey, that's just how I felt when I started with Binford.
Yeah, and Tim's been through seven or eight roofs.
Actually, six, and a Porta-Potti.
You sure you don't want some pancakes, Marty? No, thanks, Jill.
Before an interview, I don't like to eat anything heavy.
My pancakes aren't heavy.
(thud) Here, try that one.
(strains) Ow! I'm back.
I just ran about five miles.
All right! Oh, did you call home? How is everything? My mom's fine.
I was talking about the babies.
I don't know.
They wouldn't come to the phone.
Ow! Where do they learn that? SWAT team.
I can't believe you.
Your first morning away from the kids.
You could have slept in.
Nope.
I am determined to get my old body back.
It's back.
I still have a few more pounds to lose.
Oh, you look great.
I'd take that body in a minute.
So would I.
What does that mean? If I had a body like that, I could wear the jogging bra I've always wanted to.
I picture you more in a strapless push-up.
Yeah? Really, Nancy, how comfortable is that bra? I mean, does it chafe? I'm so sensitive in this area Tim, enough with the bra.
I'm off to the job interview.
Wish me luck.
Hey, you don't need luck.
You're a Taylor.
That's right.
You need directions.
That reminds me.
I got a map for you out in the car.
Wrong way.
Your car's out front.
Of course it is.
You want me to get you some pancakes? Oh, I'd love some.
But then I'd have to run about another six miles.
Well, I think I'm gonna go up and take a hot shower.
My back gets a little stiff when I don't run on the track.
Well, that's good, but use our bathroom, 'cause Randy's been in his all morning.
Oh, has he got a big date? Big bar mitzvah.
Oh, my gosh.
I gotta run out and get Sherman a present.
Oh! Do you want to borrow my earmuffs? It's really nippy out there.
No, Nancy, when I say "run out" I mean "take the car.
" I'll see you later.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
It's started to clear up out there, you guys.
Nancy? Jill? Hey, Jill? (shower running) Honey? Jill? Jill? Jill.
Hey! Tim! You're You're not Jill! I'll go now.
I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
(Nancy) No, no.
I'm sorry.
No, no, I thought Jill was in there, you're not Jill.
What I need is a sign-in sheet.
You know, "Nancy in, Tim out.
" I'm so sorry.
I shouldn't have used your bathroom.
It's just that Jill said that Randy was in the other one.
There's nothing to explain.
For gosh sakes, we're two mature adults that happened to see each other's hoo-hoos.
This is really embarrassing.
Yeah, it is a little bit, isn't it? Although what do we have to be embarrassed about? It's not like either of us hasn't seen a naked body before.
I've seen thousands of 'em.
We have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
Yeah.
Especially you! Thanks.
Actually, when you think about it, it's kinda funny.
Yeah, it's funny.
Yeah.
Marty and Jill are gonna get a good laugh out of this.
I don't think it's that funny.
You think they're gonna get upset? No, 'cause I don't think we should tell them.
Time, it was an accident.
They'll understand.
I don't think Jill will understand.
After all those jokes I made about the jogging bra this morning, I think it's best we just let it go.
OK? You really think we shouldn't say anything? I think if we told them what we saw, we'd be a couple of boobs.
Wilson, I want to ask you a question.
(smashing noises) What are you doing? You know, Tim, I'm practicing an ancient Greek tradition.
It's said that to fend off a flea problem you pelt the front of your door with jugs.
Oh, don't use that word.
Um I I inadvertently saw my sister-in-law in the buff.
I walked in the shower, I thought Jill was in there and she was standing right there.
Well, Tim, that sounds totally innocent.
It was.
But she's family, and you expect family to give a reaction like your 80 or 90-year-old grandma, but Grandma never looked like that.
So you enjoyed seeing Nancy in her birthday suit.
It was a very happy birthday.
Yes, I did.
Well, Tim, this brings to mind the great Buddha.
A cheese.
That's Gouda.
I'm talking about Buddha.
The prophet.
Ah.
Even though I've always considered him a pretty big cheese.
(chuckles) Anyway Buddha says that men are conquerors if they have conquered the intoxications of temptation.
Yeah.
Oh, that's (grunts) I have no idea what you just said.
What I'm saying is it's perfectly natural for a man to be drawn to a woman he finds attractive.
I just wish this hadn't happened.
If I'm gonna walk in on a family member, it should be my brother Brian's wife.
No, Grandma, mom's not here.
Yeah, she's having lunch with Aunt Nancy.
All right, I'll give her the message.
OK, Grandma.
I'm writing it down right now.
OK.
Love you too.
Sherman's bar mitzvah's already over? No, but for me it's in limbo.
What do you mean? I, uh, split my pants doing the limbo.
Where's Mom? I need her to sew these back up so I can get back to the party.
She's not here.
What am I gonna do? I don't know.
I know.
Staple me shut.
I hate to pry, fellas.
What are you doing? Randy split his pants doing the limbo.
And you're using a stapler to fix it? That's material on human flesh back there, pal.
Let me get my hot glue gun.
So long, Dad.
Wait, wait.
I'm not done yet.
One brother stapling another's butt.
Brings back fond memories.
It was never my intent to hurt you.
How'd it go? I got it.
You're looking at the new manager.
Congratulations! Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
I want to tell Nancy.
Have you seen her? No.
Why? Just asking.
Hey, this is gonna be great, isn't it? Yeah.
You and me back in the same city again.
Although I don't know if I can afford a house out here.
Come on, come on.
We'll go look for one, maybe a little fixer-upper.
And you know who can do the fixing.
I'm hoping Al.
Hey! Nance, Jill.
I got the job.
Oh, great! I knew you would! (Jill) Congratulations! Welcome to the neighborhood.
(Marty) Thanks very much.
Thanks.
Hey, I want to propose a toast.
All right.
My new job, to Tim and Jill for all your encouragement, and to my lovely wife, Nancy - who's always been there for me.
Congratulations, Marty.
Who I must say is looking particularly delightful this evening in this outfit.
Don't you think so, Tim? I never notice what she's wearing.
I noticed what Jill's wearing.
And it looks lovely on you.
Thank you, sweetie.
It is gonna be so great to have you living nearby.
You know, Tim and I can baby-sit for you any time.
(Nancy) Great.
They're gonna be walking and talking soon.
I know.
I can't believe they're almost a year old.
Seems like just yesterday you were pregnant.
I still remember the time you drove up to Saginaw and surprised Nancy during her shower.
You know, speaking of showers Wait a minute.
Isn't that our song? We don't have a song.
We do now.
Let's dance.
Come on.
Nance? Come on.
You OK? You're acting even stranger than normal.
I'm all right.
You have a problem with Nancy? You seem a little uncomfortable around her.
I'm not uncomfortable.
Good.
'Cause I think she's great.
The more I see of her, the more I like her.
Me too.
Hey.
What? I'm cutting in.
I want to dance with my beautiful sister-in-law.
Well, what about me? I'll dance with you next time.
Come on.
In the meantime, you dance with your beautiful sister-in-law.
This is ridiculous.
There is so much space between us we could fit in another person.
OK.
Excuse me.
Care to join us? Hey! I don't go in for that type of thing.
Tim, I really think it's time we tell them what happened.
No.
It's too late now.
If we wanted to tell 'em, we should've told 'em right away.
I wanted to tell them, but you talked me out of it.
OK, OK, I agree.
Next time we see each other naked, we tell 'em right away.
Boy, that was fun.
What a dancer! Let's eat.
Oh.
OK.
Well, OK, so what are we having? What have we got? Lots of good choices here.
I think there's something Tim and I should share.
Chicken and ribs! How about that, huh? I could have the ribs, you have the chicken.
That works out.
We'll do it that way.
That's good.
That's not what I wanted to share.
Well, uh Liver and onions.
I'll take all the onions, you know I like onions.
Shouldn't have too many of them, though, 'cause onions are Well, they, you know.
No.
The specials, of course.
Mike, what are the specials? All-beef wieners.
Your choice of buns.
( "La Cucaracha" on jukebox) What was it you were trying to say? That's our song, right there.
That's our song.
"La Cucaracha" is our song? La cucaracha, la cucaracha Tim and I saw each other naked.
I didn't mean to, I thought it was you, la la la la la la! Hey, everybody, come on! Well, was that a fun evening or what? Put me down for "or what.
" Will you let it go, Marty? The whole thing was totally innocent.
Sure, to you and Peeping Tim here.
Marty, it was an accident, OK? It was like the first time that guy Buddha sold his first naked cheese.
How can you feel anything but pity for a man like this? I just don't like the idea that you saw my wife without her clothes on.
Oh, grow up, will ya? Would it make you feel better if you saw my wife without her clothes on? Tim! Well Marty! Can you believe Marty? He's the most immature guy I've ever met.
No.
That would be the guy who thought a fair trade would be to see his wife naked.
I was just doing that to calm him down.
Nobody wants to see you naked.
Thank you so much.
I'm sorry.
What I meant was, other than me, nobody wants to see you naked.
Look, it didn't bother me that you saw Nancy naked.
I just don't understand why you didn't tell me about it.
Nancy didn't think it would be a good idea.
And so that's why she was the one that brought it up at dinner? She's a very complicated woman.
Admit it.
You didn't tell me about it because you liked what you saw.
I didn't like it.
I didn't hate it.
You liked what you saw and you felt a little guilty about it.
No.
I felt real guilty about it.
That's good.
It proves one thing: I've trained you well.
And even though it was an accident, you feel guilty.
That's good.
I like it.
This is pathetic.
Because of you, I can't even enjoy the sight of another naked woman.
That is the nicest thing you ever said to me.
Well, I meant every word of it.
Know what else? I don't even remember what she looked like.
Yeah, right.
Well, that's my story, and I'm sticking with it.
Besides, I do remember why I went into the shower to begin with.
I thought you were there.
What exactly were you planning on doing in there? Jump in the shower, I'll show you.
All right.
(shower starts running) La cucaracha, la cucaracha (Tim) La la la la, la la la la la La la la la la la la la Nancy, I'm in here.
Nance.
Nance! Surprise! Hey, Marty.
How you doing, big boy? Here, get my back, will you? We're gonna show you how to install water aerators, shower heads and One of these.
They be put in the back of the thing to make sure you compartmentalize Tim, this is ridiculous.
There is so much space between us we could fit another person in here.
There's an idea.
Hey, buddy, you want to join us? Hey! Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
I want to show you something.
What? Come here.
I made a scale model of the office I'll build you when you become a psychologist.
Here's your desk, here's your chair, and here's your nut.
Where am I? Seated at the desk.
And why did you do this? I thought it would cheer you up.
I think you might have the blues and maybe we should talk.
So you're saying you want to talk? Why do you think I'm laying down? The other day, when you asked me what I was feeling, I told you, and you jumped down my throat.
You're right.
It wasn't fair.
If I'm going to ask for your feelings, then I should be able to accept them no matter what they are.
And not hit me in the head with a croquet ball.
Sorry about that.
(kiss) I'm not sure you should kiss your patients in that part of the peanut.
But I also should learn to listen to your feelings and understand what you're going through.
You helped me when I changed careers into Tool Time.
And I want to do the same for you, 'cause, with your talent, you might have your own show.
Your own psychology show - can you imagine? "Is everyone cognizant of what time it's become?" "It's Psycho Time.
" Tim! Right here.
Guess what.
I think, I hope, I did great on the test.
Congratulations.
Yeah, if I had to guess, I think I might be in the 90th percentile.
Out of how many? (grunts) I figured out a way to get your ring back.
What? I taped up all the vents in the house, except the one in the kitchen.
I installed a Binford 6100 super compressor on the furnace.
I'm gonna blow that thing right out of here.
So just stand back here for protection.
Countdown to ring-out.
Three, two, one.
Is it my ring? I think I don't believe it! Is it OK? Let's take a look at it.
Perfect.
It's even cleaner now.
Your inscription's all worn off.
"I will never love an otter.
" "Another.
" "I will never love another.
" Huh.
And to think all these years I've been avoiding otters.
Make sure the joint on your door is secure.
And for that, we're using a biscuit joiner to cut the slots in our wood for the biscuits.
Biscuits? Do you think they No.
They're not buttermilk biscuits.
They're not sourdough biscuits.
They're not dog biscuits.
They're not biscuits with honey, not biscuits with gravy, not biscuits in a box or biscuits in a basket! You're a biscuit case, Al.
Come on, you guys.
Dinner's hot.
(Mark) What did you get? Everybody's favorite - Polish food.
Oh All right, I love Polish food.
I went down to Hamtramick Stan's.
You were supposed to get pizza.
Anybody can get pizza.
You didn't.
That's 'cause on the way to get the pizza, I heard the call for kielbasa.
You know, the last time you ate Polish food, you were up half the night.
And in the bathroom the other half.
That's because I made a pig out of myself.
This time, I didn't order so much.
These things look great.
Oh these are great.
Brad, you oughta try the duck blood soup.
It's all right, Dad.
For lunch, I had a chicken gut sandwich.
I hope you're not gonna stuff yourself again.
Once you get started on golabkis, it's hard to put the brakes on.
It's not the brakes I'm worried about, it's your full tank of gas.
Cool.
You think if I start praying now, I could have a bar mitzvah? Yeah, Mark, why don't you do that? Then tomorrow you can pray for a new brain.
I just hope I don't get yours.
Hi, kids.
Randy, I picked up your suit at the dry cleaners.
I also got a bunch of stuff that you left in the pockets - a half-sucked candy cane and a phone message you never gave me.
Oh, yeah.
Call Grandma.
Hey, honey.
You'll never guess who called.
My mother.
Yeah, but that was a couple days ago.
Well, thank you.
That's a week sooner than you usually give me the message.
Well, I knew it was important.
My brother Marty called.
He and Nancy are driving down on Friday.
They want to stay over.
Oh, that's great! I get to see the babies again.
Oh, no.
The little pooper troopers are staying with Mom.
You know, he's got a job interview on Saturday.
If he gets that job, I think they're gonna move here.
That would be great.
We'd get to play with those babies all the time.
And I get to play with my baby brother.
You're not gonna put him in a red ant hill again, are you? Honey, I think I've grown out of that kind of prank.
Give him atomic wedgies? Way too old for that.
Fake vomit in the shoes? Never too old for that.
If I get this job, I'd be working for one of the fastest-growing sporting goods stores in the state.
It's got through-the-roof potential.
Honey, that's just how I felt when I started with Binford.
Yeah, and Tim's been through seven or eight roofs.
Actually, six, and a Porta-Potti.
You sure you don't want some pancakes, Marty? No, thanks, Jill.
Before an interview, I don't like to eat anything heavy.
My pancakes aren't heavy.
(thud) Here, try that one.
(strains) Ow! I'm back.
I just ran about five miles.
All right! Oh, did you call home? How is everything? My mom's fine.
I was talking about the babies.
I don't know.
They wouldn't come to the phone.
Ow! Where do they learn that? SWAT team.
I can't believe you.
Your first morning away from the kids.
You could have slept in.
Nope.
I am determined to get my old body back.
It's back.
I still have a few more pounds to lose.
Oh, you look great.
I'd take that body in a minute.
So would I.
What does that mean? If I had a body like that, I could wear the jogging bra I've always wanted to.
I picture you more in a strapless push-up.
Yeah? Really, Nancy, how comfortable is that bra? I mean, does it chafe? I'm so sensitive in this area Tim, enough with the bra.
I'm off to the job interview.
Wish me luck.
Hey, you don't need luck.
You're a Taylor.
That's right.
You need directions.
That reminds me.
I got a map for you out in the car.
Wrong way.
Your car's out front.
Of course it is.
You want me to get you some pancakes? Oh, I'd love some.
But then I'd have to run about another six miles.
Well, I think I'm gonna go up and take a hot shower.
My back gets a little stiff when I don't run on the track.
Well, that's good, but use our bathroom, 'cause Randy's been in his all morning.
Oh, has he got a big date? Big bar mitzvah.
Oh, my gosh.
I gotta run out and get Sherman a present.
Oh! Do you want to borrow my earmuffs? It's really nippy out there.
No, Nancy, when I say "run out" I mean "take the car.
" I'll see you later.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
It's started to clear up out there, you guys.
Nancy? Jill? Hey, Jill? (shower running) Honey? Jill? Jill? Jill.
Hey! Tim! You're You're not Jill! I'll go now.
I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
(Nancy) No, no.
I'm sorry.
No, no, I thought Jill was in there, you're not Jill.
What I need is a sign-in sheet.
You know, "Nancy in, Tim out.
" I'm so sorry.
I shouldn't have used your bathroom.
It's just that Jill said that Randy was in the other one.
There's nothing to explain.
For gosh sakes, we're two mature adults that happened to see each other's hoo-hoos.
This is really embarrassing.
Yeah, it is a little bit, isn't it? Although what do we have to be embarrassed about? It's not like either of us hasn't seen a naked body before.
I've seen thousands of 'em.
We have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
Yeah.
Especially you! Thanks.
Actually, when you think about it, it's kinda funny.
Yeah, it's funny.
Yeah.
Marty and Jill are gonna get a good laugh out of this.
I don't think it's that funny.
You think they're gonna get upset? No, 'cause I don't think we should tell them.
Time, it was an accident.
They'll understand.
I don't think Jill will understand.
After all those jokes I made about the jogging bra this morning, I think it's best we just let it go.
OK? You really think we shouldn't say anything? I think if we told them what we saw, we'd be a couple of boobs.
Wilson, I want to ask you a question.
(smashing noises) What are you doing? You know, Tim, I'm practicing an ancient Greek tradition.
It's said that to fend off a flea problem you pelt the front of your door with jugs.
Oh, don't use that word.
Um I I inadvertently saw my sister-in-law in the buff.
I walked in the shower, I thought Jill was in there and she was standing right there.
Well, Tim, that sounds totally innocent.
It was.
But she's family, and you expect family to give a reaction like your 80 or 90-year-old grandma, but Grandma never looked like that.
So you enjoyed seeing Nancy in her birthday suit.
It was a very happy birthday.
Yes, I did.
Well, Tim, this brings to mind the great Buddha.
A cheese.
That's Gouda.
I'm talking about Buddha.
The prophet.
Ah.
Even though I've always considered him a pretty big cheese.
(chuckles) Anyway Buddha says that men are conquerors if they have conquered the intoxications of temptation.
Yeah.
Oh, that's (grunts) I have no idea what you just said.
What I'm saying is it's perfectly natural for a man to be drawn to a woman he finds attractive.
I just wish this hadn't happened.
If I'm gonna walk in on a family member, it should be my brother Brian's wife.
No, Grandma, mom's not here.
Yeah, she's having lunch with Aunt Nancy.
All right, I'll give her the message.
OK, Grandma.
I'm writing it down right now.
OK.
Love you too.
Sherman's bar mitzvah's already over? No, but for me it's in limbo.
What do you mean? I, uh, split my pants doing the limbo.
Where's Mom? I need her to sew these back up so I can get back to the party.
She's not here.
What am I gonna do? I don't know.
I know.
Staple me shut.
I hate to pry, fellas.
What are you doing? Randy split his pants doing the limbo.
And you're using a stapler to fix it? That's material on human flesh back there, pal.
Let me get my hot glue gun.
So long, Dad.
Wait, wait.
I'm not done yet.
One brother stapling another's butt.
Brings back fond memories.
It was never my intent to hurt you.
How'd it go? I got it.
You're looking at the new manager.
Congratulations! Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
I want to tell Nancy.
Have you seen her? No.
Why? Just asking.
Hey, this is gonna be great, isn't it? Yeah.
You and me back in the same city again.
Although I don't know if I can afford a house out here.
Come on, come on.
We'll go look for one, maybe a little fixer-upper.
And you know who can do the fixing.
I'm hoping Al.
Hey! Nance, Jill.
I got the job.
Oh, great! I knew you would! (Jill) Congratulations! Welcome to the neighborhood.
(Marty) Thanks very much.
y (Jihis family throws him Wela huge party, eighborhood.
with lots of food and tons of presents.
Cool.
You think if I start praying now, I could have a bar mitzvah? Yeah, Mark, why don't you do that? Then tomorrow you can pray for a new brain.
I just hope I don't get yours.
Hi, kids.
Randy, I picked up your suit at the dry cleaners.
I also got a bunch of stuff that you left in the pockets - a half-sucked candy cane and a phone message you never gave me.
Oh, yeah.
Call Grandma.
Hey, honey.
You'll never guess who called.
My mother.
Yeah, but that was a couple days ago.
Well, thank you.
That's a week sooner than you usually give me the message.
Well, I knew it was important.
My brother Marty called.
He and Nancy are driving down on Friday.
They want to stay over.
Oh, that's great! I get to see the babies again.
Oh, no.
The little pooper troopers are staying with Mom.
You know, he's got a job interview on Saturday.
If he gets that job, I think they're gonna move here.
That would be great.
We'd get to play with those babies all the time.
And I get to play with my baby brother.
You're not gonna put him in a red ant hill again, are you? Honey, I think I've grown out of that kind of prank.
Give him atomic wedgies? Way too old for that.
Fake vomit in the shoes? Never too old for that.
If I get this job, I'd be working for one of the fastest-growing sporting goods stores in the state.
It's got through-the-roof potential.
Honey, that's just how I felt when I started with Binford.
Yeah, and Tim's been through seven or eight roofs.
Actually, six, and a Porta-Potti.
You sure you don't want some pancakes, Marty? No, thanks, Jill.
Before an interview, I don't like to eat anything heavy.
My pancakes aren't heavy.
(thud) Here, try that one.
(strains) Ow! I'm back.
I just ran about five miles.
All right! Oh, did you call home? How is everything? My mom's fine.
I was talking about the babies.
I don't know.
They wouldn't come to the phone.
Ow! Where do they learn that? SWAT team.
I can't believe you.
Your first morning away from the kids.
You could have slept in.
Nope.
I am determined to get my old body back.
It's back.
I still have a few more pounds to lose.
Oh, you look great.
I'd take that body in a minute.
So would I.
What does that mean? If I had a body like that, I could wear the jogging bra I've always wanted to.
I picture you more in a strapless push-up.
Yeah? Really, Nancy, how comfortable is that bra? I mean, does it chafe? I'm so sensitive in this area Tim, enough with the bra.
I'm off to the job interview.
Wish me luck.
Hey, you don't need luck.
You're a Taylor.
That's right.
You need directions.
That reminds me.
I got a map for you out in the car.
Wrong way.
Your car's out front.
Of course it is.
You want me to get you some pancakes? Oh, I'd love some.
But then I'd have to run about another six miles.
Well, I think I'm gonna go up and take a hot shower.
My back gets a little stiff when I don't run on the track.
Well, that's good, but use our bathroom, 'cause Randy's been in his all morning.
Oh, has he got a big date? Big bar mitzvah.
Oh, my gosh.
I gotta run out and get Sherman a present.
Oh! Do you want to borrow my earmuffs? It's really nippy out there.
No, Nancy, when I say "run out" I mean "take the car.
" I'll see you later.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
It's started to clear up out there, you guys.
Nancy? Jill? Hey, Jill? (shower running) Honey? Jill? Jill? Jill.
Hey! Tim! You're You're not Jill! I'll go now.
I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
(Nancy) No, no.
I'm sorry.
No, no, I thought Jill was in there, you're not Jill.
What I need is a sign-in sheet.
You know, "Nancy in, Tim out.
" I'm so sorry.
I shouldn't have used your bathroom.
It's just that Jill said that Randy was in the other one.
There's nothing to explain.
For gosh sakes, we're two mature adults that happened to see each other's hoo-hoos.
This is really embarrassing.
Yeah, it is a little bit, isn't it? Although what do we have to be embarrassed about? It's not like either of us hasn't seen a naked body before.
I've seen thousands of 'em.
We have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
Yeah.
Especially you! Thanks.
Actually, when you think about it, it's kinda funny.
Yeah, it's funny.
Yeah.
Marty and Jill are gonna get a good laugh out of this.
I don't think it's that funny.
You think they're gonna get upset? No, 'cause I don't think we should tell them.
Time, it was an accident.
They'll understand.
I don't think Jill will understand.
After all those jokes I made about the jogging bra this morning, I think it's best we just let it go.
OK? You really think we shouldn't say anything? I think if we told them what we saw, we'd be a couple of boobs.
Wilson, I want to ask you a question.
(smashing noises) What are you doing? You know, Tim, I'm practicing an ancient Greek tradition.
It's said that to fend off a flea problem you pelt the front of your door with jugs.
Oh, don't use that word.
Um I I inadvertently saw my sister-in-law in the buff.
I walked in the shower, I thought Jill was in there and she was standing right there.
Well, Tim, that sounds totally innocent.
It was.
But she's family, and you expect family to give a reaction like your 80 or 90-year-old grandma, but Grandma never looked like that.
So you enjoyed seeing Nancy in her birthday suit.
It was a very happy birthday.
Yes, I did.
Well, Tim, this brings to mind the great Buddha.
A cheese.
That's Gouda.
I'm talking about Buddha.
The prophet.
Ah.
Even though I've always considered him a pretty big cheese.
(chuckles) Anyway Buddha says that men are conquerors if they have conquered the intoxications of temptation.
Yeah.
Oh, that's (grunts) I have no idea what you just said.
What I'm saying is it's perfectly natural for a man to be drawn to a woman he finds attractive.
I just wish this hadn't happened.
If I'm gonna walk in on a family member, it should be my brother Brian's wife.
No, Grandma, mom's not here.
Yeah, she's having lunch with Aunt Nancy.
All right, I'll give her the message.
OK, Grandma.
I'm writing it down right now.
OK.
Love you too.
Sherman's bar mitzvah's already over? No, but for me it's in limbo.
What do you mean? I, uh, split my pants doing the limbo.
Where's Mom? I need her to sew these back up so I can get back to the party.
She's not here.
What am I gonna do? I don't know.
I know.
Staple me shut.
I hate to pry, fellas.
What are you doing? Randy split his pants doing the limbo.
And you're using a stapler to fix it? That's material on human flesh back there, pal.
Let me get my hot glue gun.
So long, Dad.
Wait, wait.
I'm not done yet.
One brother stapling another's butt.
Brings back fond memories.
It was never my intent to hurt you.
How'd it go? I got it.
You're looking at the new manager.
Congratulations! Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
I want to tell Nancy.
Have you seen her? No.
Why? Just asking.
Hey, this is gonna be great, isn't it? Yeah.
You and me back in the same city again.
Although I don't know if I can afford a house out here.
Come on, come on.
We'll go look for one, maybe a little fixer-upper.
And you know who can do the fixing.
I'm hoping Al.
Hey! Nance, Jill.
I got the job.
Oh, great! I knew you would! (Jill) Congratulations! Welcome to the neighborhood.
(Marty) Thanks very much.
Thanks.
Hey, I want to propose a toast.
All right.
My new job, to Tim and Jill for all your encouragement, and to my lovely wife, Nancy - who's always been there for me.
Congratulations, Marty.
Who I must say is looking particularly delightful this evening in this outfit.
Don't you think so, Tim? I never notice what she's wearing.
I noticed what Jill's wearing.
And it looks lovely on you.
Thank you, sweetie.
It is gonna be so great to have you living nearby.
You know, Tim and I can baby-sit for you any time.
(Nancy) Great.
They're gonna be walking and talking soon.
I know.
I can't believe they're almost a year old.
Seems like just yesterday you were pregnant.
I still remember the time you drove up to Saginaw and surprised Nancy during her shower.
You know, speaking of showers Wait a minute.
Isn't that our song? We don't have a song.
We do now.
Let's dance.
Come on.
Nance? Come on.
You OK? You're acting even stranger than normal.
I'm all right.
You have a problem with Nancy? You seem a little uncomfortable around her.
I'm not uncomfortable.
Good.
'Cause I think she's great.
The more I see of her, the more I like her.
Me too.
Hey.
What? I'm cutting in.
I want to dance with my beautiful sister-in-law.
Well, what about me? I'll dance with you next time.
Come on.
In the meantime, you dance with your beautiful sister-in-law.
This is ridiculous.
There is so much space between us we could fit in another person.
OK.
Excuse me.
Care to join us? Hey! I don't go in for that type of thing.
Tim, I really think it's time we tell them what happened.
No.
It's too late now.
If we wanted to tell 'em, we should've told 'em right away.
I wanted to tell them, but you talked me out of it.
OK, OK, I agree.
Next time we see each other naked, we tell 'em right away.
Boy, that was fun.
What a dancer! Let's eat.
Oh.
OK.
Well, OK, so what are we having? What have we got? Lots of good choices here.
I think there's something Tim and I should share.
Chicken and ribs! How about that, huh? I could have the ribs, you have the chicken.
That works out.
We'll do it that way.
That's good.
That's not what I wanted to share.
Well, uh Liver and onions.
I'll take all the onions, you know I like onions.
Shouldn't have too many of them, though, 'cause onions are Well, they, you know.
No.
The specials, of course.
Mike, what are the specials? All-beef wieners.
Your choice of buns.
( "La Cucaracha" on jukebox) What was it you were trying to say? That's our song, right there.
That's our song.
"La Cucaracha" is our song? La cucaracha, la cucaracha Tim and I saw each other naked.
I didn't mean to, I thought it was you, la la la la la la! Hey, everybody, come on! Well, was that a fun evening or what? Put me down for "or what.
" Will you let it go, Marty? The whole thing was totally innocent.
Sure, to you and Peeping Tim here.
Marty, it was an accident, OK? It was like the first time that guy Buddha sold his first naked cheese.
How can you feel anything but pity for a man like this? I just don't like the idea that you saw my wife without her clothes on.
Oh, grow up, will ya? Would it make you feel better if you saw my wife without her clothes on? Tim! Well Marty! Can you believe Marty? He's the most immature guy I've ever met.
No.
That would be the guy who thought a fair trade would be to see his wife naked.
I was just doing that to calm him down.
Nobody wants to see you naked.
Thank you so much.
I'm sorry.
What I meant was, other than me, nobody wants to see you naked.
Look, it didn't bother me that you saw Nancy naked.
I just don't understand why you didn't tell me about it.
Nancy didn't think it would be a good idea.
And so that's why she was the one that brought it up at dinner? She's a very complicated woman.
Admit it.
You didn't tell me about it because you liked what you saw.
I didn't like it.
I didn't hate it.
You liked what you saw and you felt a little guilty about it.
No.
I felt real guilty about it.
That's good.
It proves one thing: I've trained you well.
And even though it was an accident, you feel guilty.
That's good.
I like it.
This is pathetic.
Because of you, I can't even enjoy the sight of another naked woman.
That is the nicest thing you ever said to me.
Well, I meant every word of it.
Know what else? I don't even remember what she looked like.
Yeah, right.
Well, that's my story, and I'm sticking with it.
Besides, I do remember why I went into the shower to begin with.
I thought you were there.
What exactly were you planning on doing in there? Jump in the shower, I'll show you.
All right.
(shower starts running) La cucaracha, la cucaracha (Tim) La la la la, la la la la la La la la la la la la la Nancy, I'm in here.
Nance.
Nance! Surprise! Hey, Marty.
How you doing, big boy? Here, get my back, will you? We're gonna show you how to install water aerators, shower heads and One of these.
They be put in the back of the thing to make sure you compartmentalize Tim, this is ridiculous.
There is so much space between us we could fit another person in here.
There's an idea.
Hey, buddy, you want to join us? Hey! Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
I want to show you something.
What? Come here.
I made a scale model of the office I'll build you when you become a psychologist.
Here's your desk, here's your chair, and here's your nut.
Where am I? Seated at the desk.
And why did you do this? I thought it would cheer you up.
I think you might have the blues and maybe we should talk.
So you're saying you want to talk? Why do you think I'm laying down? The other day, when you asked me what I was feeling, I told you, and you jumped down my throat.
You're right.
It wasn't fair.
If I'm going to ask for your feelings, then I should be able to accept them no matter what they are.
And not hit me in the head with a croquet ball.
Sorry about that.
(kiss) I'm not sure you should kiss your patients in that part of the peanut.
But I also should learn to listen to your feelings and understand what you're going through.
You helped me when I changed careers into Tool Time.
And I want to do the same for you, 'cause, with your talent, you might have your own show.
Your own psychology show - can you imagine? "Is everyone cognizant of what time it's become?" "It's Psycho Time.
" Tim! Right here.
Guess what.
I think, I hope, I did great on the test.
Congratulations.
Yeah, if I had to guess, I think I might be in the 90th percentile.
Out of how many? (grunts) I figured out a way to get your ring back.
What? I taped up all the vents in the house, except the one in the kitchen.
I installed a Binford 6100 super compressor on the furnace.
I'm gonna blow that thing right out of here.
So just stand back here for protection.
Countdown to ring-out.
Three, two, one.
Is it my ring? I think I don't believe it! Is it OK? Let's take a look at it.
Perfect.
It's even cleaner now.
Your inscription's all worn off.
"I will never love an otter.
" "Another.
" "I will never love another.
" Huh.
And to think all these years I've been avoiding otters.
Make sure the joint on your door is secure.
And for that, we're using a biscuit joiner to cut the slots in our wood for the biscuits.
Biscuits? Do you think they No.
They're not buttermilk biscuits.
They're not sourdough biscuits.
They're not dog biscuits.
They're not biscuits with honey, not biscuits with gravy, not biscuits in a box or biscuits in a basket! You're a biscuit case, Al.
Come on, you guys.
Dinner's hot.
(Mark) What did you get? Everybody's favorite - Polish food.
Oh All right, I love Polish food.
I went down to Hamtramick Stan's.
You were supposed to get pizza.
Anybody can get pizza.
You didn't.
That's 'cause on the way to get the pizza, I heard the call for kielbasa.
You know, the last time you ate Polish food, you were up half the night.
And in the bathroom the other half.
That's because I made a pig out of myself.
This time, I didn't order so much.
These things look great.
Oh these are great.
Brad, you oughta try the duck blood soup.
It's all right, Dad.
For lunch, I had a chicken gut sandwich.
I hope you're not gonna stuff yourself again.
Once you get started on golabkis, it's hard to put the brakes on.
It's not the brakes I'm worried about, it's your full tank of gas.