Human Target s02e11 Episode Script
Kill Bob
[Young MC's Bust a Move.]
This here's a jam for all the fellas try to do what those ladies tell us get shot down 'cause you're overzealous play hard to get females get jealous okay, smarty, go to a party girls are scantily clad and showing body a chick walks by (Bob) you wish you could sex her bustin' another move like you was poindexter [On stereo.]
hey oh, oh oh, oh yeah, oh just bust a move oh, hey oh, yeah oh, oh yeah, oh (Young MC) you're on a mission and you're wishin' someone could cure your lonely condition lookin' for love [Cell phone ringing.]
In all the wrong places no fine girls, just ugly faces Come on! [Rings.]
[Straining.]
[Rings.]
[Rings.]
[Rings.]
[Machine gun fire.]
[Motorcycle accelerates.]
[Bust a Move continues on stereo.]
[Glass cracking.]
(Chance) Bob here says he has no idea why anyone would want to put a hit on him.
Wait, a hit? You mean like he was hired? He didn't just want to kill me himself? Well, he's obviously a pro.
He knew your route.
He knew the traffic, how to get in and out quickly.
It's what I would've done.
Well, in the abstract.
(Winston) You sure you didn't see anything? Maybe the make of the motorcycle, license plate number, something like that? No, I told you.
I was ducking.
I was reaching for my phone.
Thank God my wife called when she did.
Hey, listen, I don't want her to find out about this, okay? She'd freak.
I mean, you know, she's just a schoolteacher.
Yeah, but it's a slippery slope, believe me.
Ask my ex.
I just don't get it I'm like the last guy anyone would want to kill.
Bob, why don't you have a seat? And we're gonna figure out who tried to kill you.
What do you do for a living? I write communication software for weather satellites.
(Chance) Where do you do this? Lendyne.
Lendyne, the defense contractor? Well, talk about burying the lead.
Except nothing I do is classified, or even remotely secretive.
I have the lowest level clearance possible.
Hey, maybe it was a drive-by.
I did have rap on in the car.
Gonna go out on a limb and say it has nothing to do with your gang affiliation.
So what do we do? We do what we do best.
Blend into your life, hide in the shadows, wait for the threat to reveal itself, then we hope someone tries to kill you.
Somebody enlighten me here.
Is this a fun couples thing to do? (Winston) Hell, no.
One thing I don't miss about married life is getting dragged down here every Sunday, freezin' my ass off, missin' my 49ers.
Still, actuary tables show that married people tend to live longer lives.
(Winston) Right.
Says the guy who tends to make people live shorter lives.
Okay, they're splitting up.
Guerrero, you and I flank Bob, Winston, take Angie.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a second.
Something here ain't right.
Let me-- (Winston) Chance, you got eyes on Angie? (Chance) I think she's heading back to Bob.
Think she's got a gun.
A gun? Guerrero, get him outta here.
Hey, dude, got a situation.
Walk that way.
Go.
What about my wife? Aren't you worried about her? Yeah, more than you know.
Go, go.
Chance, now would be a good time to do something.
(Man) Hey, my fish! Thanks.
[People screaming.]
[Wires buzzing.]
[People screaming.]
Come on! Get in! What happened? Did you see the assassin? What'd he look like? Yeah, looked a lot like your wife.
Wait.
What? [Victorious music.]
Human target 2x11 Kill Bob I'm telling you, There's no way my wife is trying to kill me.
She loves me.
We've never even had a fight.
That should have been your first clue.
[Cell phone ringing.]
Oh, my God, it's Angie.
Don't answer it.
Don't think of it.
[Ilsa and Ames laughing.]
(Winston) Hey, Ames.
Where have you been? Is there something wrong with your phone? UmNo.
Mr.
Winston, I'm so sorry.
It was all my fault.
We were in Las Vegas.
Vegas? For what? (Ames) Uh Mrs.
Pucci Like to introduce you to our new client, Bob Anderson.
- Oh, excellent! Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr.
Anderson.
So what brings you here? (Chance) Wife's trying to kill him.
No.
No, no, he's wrong.
It's not my wife.
We're very happily married.
Yeah? For how long? Three years, four months, two days.
Aw.
You know to the day.
That is so sweet.
Yeah, give it a couple of years.
As someone who's had firsthand experience on the subject, I believe that marriage is a sacred institution, one that only a husband and wife can truly appreciate and understand.
Thank you.
So you don't think my wife's trying to kill me? Oh, yes, she probably is if Mr.
Chance believes so.
Well, in any event, you're in very good hands, so best of luck.
[Suitcases rolling.]
So, Bob, you want to know who your wife really is? (Chance) Her maiden name was Schwedak, at least was before she married her first husband.
What? No.
Her maiden name is Monroe.
Who is that guy? That's Jim Charles, her first husband.
It didn't end well.
Oh.
(Winston) Scotland Yard found his body floating in the Thames.
He'd been poisoned.
This doesn't make any sense.
I know this has got to be overwhelming for you, Bob.
I kind of know how you feel.
Have you ever been married, Mr.
Chance? No.
Okay, then you can't possibly know how I feel.
I've been with Angie for three years, and they've been the happiest three years of my life.
You expect me to believe it was all just a lie? Look, as much as I would love to root for the institution of marriage, the evidence is here pretty compelling.
(Winston) Listen, Bob, has there been anything in your wife's behavior recently that would make you feel even remotely suspicious of her? No! What are you-- are you guys-- I'm telling you, we are completely in love.
We're even supposed to go away for a romantic getaway weekend tonight.
Now, do you think she'd want to do that if she was trying to kill me? Come on.
Best way to find out, let her try.
Wait.
What? (Man) Here's your copy.
[Russian accent.]
Why is he still alive? Look, if you just want me to kill him, I can do it in his sleep.
But if the point is to make it look like somebody else did it-- the point is we are running out of time.
And if we do not meet this deadline-- we'll meet the deadline.
(Man) Want to take it down to the truck? Yeah, hold on.
Trust me.
You and I will be long gone by the time they find his body.
(Winston) Okay, she's coming out now.
You got anything yet? No.
I can't hear a thing in there.
Probably using jammers.
If we're gonna find out what she's up to, we're gonna have to break in.
Yeah? Interior doors are probably alarmed, so Yeah, I'll get the climbing gear.
Seriously? Yeah, man.
Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Look, uh, don't know how to tell you this, but you rappelling off the side of a 40-story building is Not a good idea.
Oh, so what's this now, another crack about my size? Well Yeah.
[Door sliding.]
[Gun cocks.]
(Guerrero) Ames, you're late.
Suit up.
Maybe next time.
Hang on.
Is that a wedding ring? What? No, course, it's not.
It's on your left hand, and it's on your ring finger.
I know what a wedding ring is.
Wait, that's why you went to Vegas? To get married? No.
Yes.
How do you know? Told you you should've invited him.
Hi, Bob.
[Ski poles clatter.]
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
You okay? Me? Yeah.
Fine.
Why? I don't know.
You just seem a little jumpy.
Jumpy? No, I'm just, you know I'm just excited about our trip, you know? Um, are you ready to go? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm ready.
Yeah.
Can't wait.
All right, you two [Box thuds.]
Lovebirds.
[Laughs.]
You must be Angie.
Heard a lot about you, all good.
Bob, she's gorgeous.
Uh, Bob, who is this person? I'm Larry.
Yeah.
Bob and I work together.
Not exactly together.
I'm in H.
R.
Bob--well, he's your husband you know where he works, right? [Laughs.]
Yeah.
Um, Larry's car broke down.
Yeah, fuel pump, second time.
Second time.
So his fiancee is supposed to be at that resort up near our cabin, so I Offered him a ride.
Bob! Well, you just gotta drop me off.
I mean, you won't even know I'm there.
Won't even know.
- Appreciate it.
- He appreciates it.
Okay, I'm gonna get the rest of the stuff.
Don't kill me.
[Spray bottle hissing.]
[Glass creaking.]
We're in.
Fine.
So what's his name? Who? Alejandro.
[Spanish accent.]
Oh, of course--Alejandro.
And how long have you known Alejandro? A couple of weeks.
Oh, a couple of weeks.
Look, are we really going to get into this right here, now? You're damn right we're gonna get into it right now.
What's the matter with you? How could you marry this guy? You hardly even know him.
If anybody cares, they've got some serious encryption protocols protecting something called "Project Graystar.
" [Cell phone beeping.]
Turn around, now.
[Tires screeching, horn honks.]
We might have to take this back to HQ to decode, dude.
All right, what are you thinking? CIA, black ops? No, more like OSA.
Database logbook's all in Russian.
Which means Bob's wife's is looking a lot more like a spy.
Poor guy, he has no idea.
Yeah.
See, that's what happens when you marry people you hardly know.
[Tires screech.]
Hang on a second.
Bad guys just pulled up to the front, and I believe they're headed your way.
[Elevator pings.]
(Guerrero) All right, dude, I'm streaming encrypted files to you now.
All right, good, good.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Now how you gonna get out? Same way we got in.
[Elevator pings.]
Got it.
Ames.
Whoa, whoa.
How do we know the ropes are long enough to reach the ground? Only one way to find out.
[Gunshot.]
[Shotgun pumps.]
[Speaking Russian.]
Okay.
Well, that's kind of embarrassing.
Just talked to my fiancee.
Apparently, we're supposed to meet next weekend.
Yeah, got our signals crossed a little bit.
What can you do? Uh, call the inn, get a room.
Well, listen, I'll be fine.
I'll sleep in the truck.
No.
(Angie) Great.
That's great.
Thank you.
Angie, come on, he'll freeze.
It's not that cold.
He's fine.
Okay, are you sure this is a good idea? She seems really pissed.
If we're lucky, maybe she'll try to take us both out.
[Cell phone rings.]
Who are you? Yeah.
We're pretty sure Angie's a spy, Chance.
Probably OSA.
Her marriage to Bob is a cover, and now she doesn't need him anymore.
What's going on? What's happening? [Cell phone rings.]
What? (Ivan) We have been breached, perhaps by CIA.
Did they find anything? Not sure, but finish the job and keep your eyes open for anything suspicious.
We're headed back to HQ right now to try and decrypt the files, find out why OSA wants Bob dead.
So, listen, watch your back.
For all we know, she could already be onto you.
Looks like he's got sat reception too.
What? Who? Never mind, I'll handle it.
Looks like we're in for an interesting evening.
Ahem.
Oh, hey, Ange, listen, um I've been thinking, I really feel bad about today, so maybe Bob just gives me a ride down the mountain.
- Tomorrow-- - Nonsense.
No, Larry, you're not going anywhere.
So, medium, medium rare, or bloody? Uh, either.
Why don't you let me do that for you? Yeah.
No, it's okay.
- Oh! I'm sorry.
- Oh.
Um, must be the altitude.
How sweet.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Oh.
(Angie) Excuse me.
Ahem.
(Angie) Oh, Bob, by the way the body shop called.
Um, what, uh What was that about? Uh, just a little fender bender.
Not to worry.
Oh, okay.
Well, just as long as you're all right.
You know, this is really great, and I hope you're not just doing this for my benefit.
Well, you know, it's not often I get to cook for more than just Bob and I, so I didn't want to miss my chance.
[Chuckles.]
[Chuckles.]
How about a toast? Salud.
It's Italian.
Salud.
Salud.
And salud.
Mmm! Kharashow.
Oh, thank you.
[Silverware clangs.]
[Cocks gun.]
Bob? Yeah? Now would be a great time to go get some firewood.
Right now? I'm eating.
Pass the salt, will you? Get the firewood, Bob.
Oh-kay.
Getting the firewood.
Nice spread.
I thought for sure you'd be serving borscht.
Talk fast, CIA, what do you want? Well, first of all, I'm not CIA.
Secondly, I think it's pretty clear what I want.
I want Bob alive.
Then why don't you just go ahead and shoot me? Because I don't like to shoot unarmed women.
Company policy.
Feeling a little light there, by the way? Took my clip, but put my gun back.
Impressive.
Didn't even notice.
Did you? Nicely done.
Spasiba.
[Knife whooshes.]
[Knife whooshes.]
[Knife clangs.]
Ahh! [Both straining.]
[Both grunting.]
Aah! [Both shouting.]
Aah! Oh! [Clip clicks.]
I'm back! Go! Go! This way.
Go.
Go! What the hell are you doing here? I told you I could handle it.
You have said that before.
I am here to make sure.
Yeah, yeah.
Come on, answer.
Damn it, he's not answering his phone.
We got to figure out who the hell it is we're dealing with.
[Touch screen beeping.]
Come on, just forget about the sequencer.
Have you tried a backdoor? Yes, twice.
Just chill.
[Cell phone rings, playing happy tune.]
Aren't you going to answer that? Hi, honey.
No, I'm still at work.
No, of course I want to talk to you, and I'm sorry I'm ain't getting them no present.
I don't care.
How you gonna invite everybody in the office except me? Dude, if you haven't figured out why you weren't invited yet, give it up.
Alejandro wanted me to tell you that he's got a great picture of you playing sax with the band.
Great.
[Computer beeping.]
Yeah, military satellites, I get it.
Why in the hell would the Russians be interested in a weather satellite? Question is, what has it got to do with them wanting Bob dead? Whoa! Back up.
What the hell was that? Dude? Why does the OSA have a file on Ilsa's husband? (Ames) And who's the babe? (Ilsa) I'm curious [Footsteps.]
Shut it down, shut it down.
Curious about what? Well, whether or not Bob's wife is actually trying to kill him or not, of course.
Oh.
Why? Is there something else? No.
What you talkin' about? No.
[Rain falling.]
Where are they going? Exactly where I want them to.
We're pinned! We're gonna go back to the cabin and hotwire the truck.
Um, why aren't we doing that right now? Because I think that's exactly what she wants us to do.
I just can't figure out why.
Unless Lift your head up a little bit.
Are you crazy? Come on.
[Gunshot.]
[Gunshot.]
Oh, my God, she is trying to kill me.
Yeah, but she didn't.
Come on.
[Gunshots.]
[Gunshot.]
[Bullet clangs.]
What are you doing? Chance, talk to me.
Wow, she's good.
She's really good.
What the hell are you talking about? Finish them off.
[Gunshot.]
Good news.
Your wife loves you.
- Come on.
- What? I'm happy for you, Bob.
Happy for me? Are you kidding? My wife tried to kill me yesterday.
He just means he's happy you're still alive, Bob.
Uh, no, he means he's happy that Bob's wife still loves him.
Score another win for matrimony.
Bob, what I'm saying is, your wife isn't trying to kill you.
She's trying to make it look like she's killing you.
Okay, a world-class assassin like her, she doesn't miss as often and as closely as she does with you.
I'm betting that she rigged the explosives on the truck to make it look like you were both killed.
So you think she had an exit strategy? I think she still has one.
Even if she wasn't trying to kill me, she was still trying to kill you.
Right.
She's not in love with me.
She's in love with you.
Aw.
(Bob) Even if that's true, who could she possibly be working for that would make her want to fake my--her-- our deaths? (Bob) Natalia Petrovic? That's the little woman's real name.
She was born in St.
Petersburg, and she graduated from University of Moscow, where she was recruited to the OSA, a secret branch of Russian intelligence.
Why would they want Angie to marry me of all people? Because the encryption code you were working on wasn't really for weather satellites.
According to our Russian friends, the code was actually to protect NSA spy satellites.
So what do we do now? Call your wife's bosses, give them what they want.
You--you mean-- you mean me? Listen, I think the only reason they wanted to kill you is because they thought you were close to finishing the code.
(Winston) Which they don't want you to do because they'd already hacked into the old one.
Okay, but if I give them the new code, they're going to kill me anyway.
I don't think so.
You see, I think Angie-- Natalia.
Natalia isn't gonna let that happen.
So you call them, arrange a meeting, tell them you want to trade the code for your life, see what happens.
See what happens? You mean put all my trust into a woman who's been lying to me all these years? That's--that's-- crazy? Granted, if I'm wrong, you're probably dead.
There's no denying that.
But if I'm right, you just might get Angie back.
(Guerrero) Sorry to interrupt.
Dude, you got a second? Yeah.
Think about it.
So what are we doing down here? When we found that file on Angie, we also found a file on Marshall Pucci.
Photo was taken at a local hotel two days before he was killed.
Who's the woman? You mean who's the mistress? Could be something else.
Either way, dude, not lookin' good.
Okay, let me know what you find, but come to me first with whatever you dig up.
I don't want Ilsa to worry for no reason.
No reason for me to worry about what? We got that off the hard drive of a Russian spy agency we infiltrated.
And may I ask you why you wouldn't show it to me? Wanted to check it out first before we bothered you with it.
Bother me? What if there were others involved in his killing? This woman could lead us to knowing more of the full story.
Or it could lead us to something else.
Look, Ilsa, I know this has got to be hard, but some things are really better off left alone.
Yes, yes.
I'd imagine to a person like you that would seem to be the case.
A person like me? A person who's never been in a relationship with someone he actually trusts, someone who's always been alone.
While your professional threat assessment is appreciated, I would very much like to know more about the woman in this photo.
If I learn anything of import, I'll be sure to let you know.
Good day.
Okay, I thought about it.
I'll do it.
Not 'cause I trust Angie.
But, um 'Cause I trust you.
Good.
I'm glad somebody around here does.
(Chance) Just give them the hard drive.
Let us take care the rest.
Okay, and, if you don't mind my asking, what will that entail, exactly? It depends On your wife's move, then we go in.
[Bolt clicks.]
Okay, um, what's my wife's move? I'll recognize it when I see it.
[Clip clicks.]
Don't worry.
She's not going to let them hurt you.
Hmm.
Just in case, neither will we.
Okay, I'm here.
What's so important? Sit.
Okay.
Isn't that-- it is.
The question is, who is the woman with him? This is what you and I shall endeavor to find out this afternoon.
Help me.
[Touch screen beeping.]
(Ames) Been, uh, reading the manual.
I know, right? Me, go figure.
[Rapid beeping.]
Showtime.
Is Angie with them? Can't tell.
Windows are tinted.
All right, muscle's getting out now.
Whoa.
Packing some serious heat.
(Ivan) You are a trusting man, Bob, coming out here by yourself.
[Chuckles.]
I admire that.
You did bring the code, i presume? [Laughing.]
I want my wife back first.
[Ivan laughing.]
Far be it from me to stand in the way of romance.
Come to your husband, Natalia.
Come.
Okay, he gave 'em the code.
Now what? And this time, do not miss.
Chance, she's armed! She's gonna shoot him! I'm sorry.
[Whispers.]
I'm sorry.
Her finger's on the trigger.
Talk to me, Chance.
Nah, it's okay.
She's just playing them.
(Winston) Are you sure? Trust me.
She's got a plan.
Uh, dude, looks like Angie just shot Bob.
Chance? Chance! Easy, Bob.
easy.
Just breathe.
Just breathe.
She shot me.
Angie shot me.
Whoa, she really shot him.
Well, I told you.
I'm aware that she shot him.
I knew it.
This is perfectly executed.
The bullet went clean though.
It's less than a centimeter away from his heart.
She's a pretty good shot, I'll tell you that.
That's beautiful, man.
What the hell are you talking about? Guys, am I going to die? Bob, you're gonna fine.
She had to do it, make them think you're really dead.
I don't understand.
Because it's un-understandable! It's a clean shot, dude.
He's going to be fine.
She planned it.
She planned it so they won't keep coming after you.
So that was her move? Pretty good move.
She loves me.
Angie loves me.
Oh, brother.
Now I gotta go kill her.
At? Did he say kill her? I don't know about this.
We can't count on her missing on purpose again.
We're not.
Speed up a little bit, will you? [Shouting in Russian.]
I don't suppose I can talk you out of this.
Nope.
Hit it! [Engine revs.]
[Accelerating.]
Angie? I was worried I was the only one who could make that shot.
To tell you the truth, so was I.
I need a drink.
Ready, Bob? What happened? Did they get away? They got away, Bob.
Did you Did you kill Angie? No, honey, he didn't.
Angie.
Hi.
[Groans.]
I love you, Bob.
I love you, too Natalia.
[Both laugh.]
[Both groaning.]
So I guess you're the love expert now.
What, are you waiting for me to give you an apology for doubting you? Love is never having to say you're sorry.
Oh, why don't you shut up? Even after you shoot somebody in the chest.
(Winston) So, uh We'll, uh Ahem! We'll alert the NSA about that code.
Oh.
The one you gave them will never go operational.
I know.
I never gave it to them.
What? You didn't give them the drive? No, I gave them the drive.
It was just infected with a virus, which means it'll have corrupted the code by now.
Ballsy.
I like it.
That's amazing.
Nice move, Bob.
Not bad.
Listen, I can't thank you all enough.
I wanted so much for what you were telling me about Angie to be true, and, uh, now I know it is.
Yeah.
Our relationship may have started out a lie, but, um, it became very real.
(Winston) Yeah.
Normally, it's the other way around.
I think what Winston meant was, it's not the lack of love, but the, uh, lack of friendship that makes for an unhappy marriage.
Did you make that up? Nietzsche.
I take it this means the mission was a success? Oh, absolutely.
My faith in the institution of marriage has just been officially renewed.
Well, good.
I'm glad we could be of service, and I wish you both the best of luck.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Listen, on the subject of luck, you guys are going to need all you can get to stay alive.
By now, Ivan knows he doesn't have the code, and he's probably not gonna forget that.
Yeah, it's not a problem.
We have an exit plan.
Uh, we do? Of course.
Every good spy has one.
Although, um, we could use your assistance on a few things.
All right.
Any preference on your new names? Winston? Hmm? I'm really sorry.
I should have invited you to the wedding, but I knew you'd think it was a mistake.
Let me tell you something.
Ah, what the hell.
Ain't like my marriage turned out that great.
What the hell do I know? A lot, apparently.
Alejandro and I are getting an annulment.
I mean, he is great and all, but you were right.
I hardly even know the guy.
Plus, I'm totally not suited to be with a Pisces.
I mean, I'm a Scorpio.
What was I thinking? I know, I know I wasn't.
I just wanted to apologize for not telling you about the photo.
I didn't want you to have to endure anything else, considering what you've already been through.
Apology accepted.
But you should know that there's nothing more important to me than making sure that there's no one else out there who could have played a role in Marshall's death.
I understand.
I don't think you do.
Yeah, you mentioned that.
I'm sorry.
I don't mean to sound so harsh.
But? I don't think you've ever been in love.
And that makes all the difference.
Just want to say I hope you guys have a wonderful life together.
Thanks, Chance.
Thanks.
You have no idea what this means to us.
Welcome aboard, Mr.
and Mrs.
Schneider.
Uh, Schneider? How many identities do you have? Does it matter, sweetheart? Ya liubliu tebia.
It means "I love you.
" [Uplifting music.]
This here's a jam for all the fellas try to do what those ladies tell us get shot down 'cause you're overzealous play hard to get females get jealous okay, smarty, go to a party girls are scantily clad and showing body a chick walks by (Bob) you wish you could sex her bustin' another move like you was poindexter [On stereo.]
hey oh, oh oh, oh yeah, oh just bust a move oh, hey oh, yeah oh, oh yeah, oh (Young MC) you're on a mission and you're wishin' someone could cure your lonely condition lookin' for love [Cell phone ringing.]
In all the wrong places no fine girls, just ugly faces Come on! [Rings.]
[Straining.]
[Rings.]
[Rings.]
[Rings.]
[Machine gun fire.]
[Motorcycle accelerates.]
[Bust a Move continues on stereo.]
[Glass cracking.]
(Chance) Bob here says he has no idea why anyone would want to put a hit on him.
Wait, a hit? You mean like he was hired? He didn't just want to kill me himself? Well, he's obviously a pro.
He knew your route.
He knew the traffic, how to get in and out quickly.
It's what I would've done.
Well, in the abstract.
(Winston) You sure you didn't see anything? Maybe the make of the motorcycle, license plate number, something like that? No, I told you.
I was ducking.
I was reaching for my phone.
Thank God my wife called when she did.
Hey, listen, I don't want her to find out about this, okay? She'd freak.
I mean, you know, she's just a schoolteacher.
Yeah, but it's a slippery slope, believe me.
Ask my ex.
I just don't get it I'm like the last guy anyone would want to kill.
Bob, why don't you have a seat? And we're gonna figure out who tried to kill you.
What do you do for a living? I write communication software for weather satellites.
(Chance) Where do you do this? Lendyne.
Lendyne, the defense contractor? Well, talk about burying the lead.
Except nothing I do is classified, or even remotely secretive.
I have the lowest level clearance possible.
Hey, maybe it was a drive-by.
I did have rap on in the car.
Gonna go out on a limb and say it has nothing to do with your gang affiliation.
So what do we do? We do what we do best.
Blend into your life, hide in the shadows, wait for the threat to reveal itself, then we hope someone tries to kill you.
Somebody enlighten me here.
Is this a fun couples thing to do? (Winston) Hell, no.
One thing I don't miss about married life is getting dragged down here every Sunday, freezin' my ass off, missin' my 49ers.
Still, actuary tables show that married people tend to live longer lives.
(Winston) Right.
Says the guy who tends to make people live shorter lives.
Okay, they're splitting up.
Guerrero, you and I flank Bob, Winston, take Angie.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a second.
Something here ain't right.
Let me-- (Winston) Chance, you got eyes on Angie? (Chance) I think she's heading back to Bob.
Think she's got a gun.
A gun? Guerrero, get him outta here.
Hey, dude, got a situation.
Walk that way.
Go.
What about my wife? Aren't you worried about her? Yeah, more than you know.
Go, go.
Chance, now would be a good time to do something.
(Man) Hey, my fish! Thanks.
[People screaming.]
[Wires buzzing.]
[People screaming.]
Come on! Get in! What happened? Did you see the assassin? What'd he look like? Yeah, looked a lot like your wife.
Wait.
What? [Victorious music.]
Human target 2x11 Kill Bob I'm telling you, There's no way my wife is trying to kill me.
She loves me.
We've never even had a fight.
That should have been your first clue.
[Cell phone ringing.]
Oh, my God, it's Angie.
Don't answer it.
Don't think of it.
[Ilsa and Ames laughing.]
(Winston) Hey, Ames.
Where have you been? Is there something wrong with your phone? UmNo.
Mr.
Winston, I'm so sorry.
It was all my fault.
We were in Las Vegas.
Vegas? For what? (Ames) Uh Mrs.
Pucci Like to introduce you to our new client, Bob Anderson.
- Oh, excellent! Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr.
Anderson.
So what brings you here? (Chance) Wife's trying to kill him.
No.
No, no, he's wrong.
It's not my wife.
We're very happily married.
Yeah? For how long? Three years, four months, two days.
Aw.
You know to the day.
That is so sweet.
Yeah, give it a couple of years.
As someone who's had firsthand experience on the subject, I believe that marriage is a sacred institution, one that only a husband and wife can truly appreciate and understand.
Thank you.
So you don't think my wife's trying to kill me? Oh, yes, she probably is if Mr.
Chance believes so.
Well, in any event, you're in very good hands, so best of luck.
[Suitcases rolling.]
So, Bob, you want to know who your wife really is? (Chance) Her maiden name was Schwedak, at least was before she married her first husband.
What? No.
Her maiden name is Monroe.
Who is that guy? That's Jim Charles, her first husband.
It didn't end well.
Oh.
(Winston) Scotland Yard found his body floating in the Thames.
He'd been poisoned.
This doesn't make any sense.
I know this has got to be overwhelming for you, Bob.
I kind of know how you feel.
Have you ever been married, Mr.
Chance? No.
Okay, then you can't possibly know how I feel.
I've been with Angie for three years, and they've been the happiest three years of my life.
You expect me to believe it was all just a lie? Look, as much as I would love to root for the institution of marriage, the evidence is here pretty compelling.
(Winston) Listen, Bob, has there been anything in your wife's behavior recently that would make you feel even remotely suspicious of her? No! What are you-- are you guys-- I'm telling you, we are completely in love.
We're even supposed to go away for a romantic getaway weekend tonight.
Now, do you think she'd want to do that if she was trying to kill me? Come on.
Best way to find out, let her try.
Wait.
What? (Man) Here's your copy.
[Russian accent.]
Why is he still alive? Look, if you just want me to kill him, I can do it in his sleep.
But if the point is to make it look like somebody else did it-- the point is we are running out of time.
And if we do not meet this deadline-- we'll meet the deadline.
(Man) Want to take it down to the truck? Yeah, hold on.
Trust me.
You and I will be long gone by the time they find his body.
(Winston) Okay, she's coming out now.
You got anything yet? No.
I can't hear a thing in there.
Probably using jammers.
If we're gonna find out what she's up to, we're gonna have to break in.
Yeah? Interior doors are probably alarmed, so Yeah, I'll get the climbing gear.
Seriously? Yeah, man.
Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Look, uh, don't know how to tell you this, but you rappelling off the side of a 40-story building is Not a good idea.
Oh, so what's this now, another crack about my size? Well Yeah.
[Door sliding.]
[Gun cocks.]
(Guerrero) Ames, you're late.
Suit up.
Maybe next time.
Hang on.
Is that a wedding ring? What? No, course, it's not.
It's on your left hand, and it's on your ring finger.
I know what a wedding ring is.
Wait, that's why you went to Vegas? To get married? No.
Yes.
How do you know? Told you you should've invited him.
Hi, Bob.
[Ski poles clatter.]
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
You okay? Me? Yeah.
Fine.
Why? I don't know.
You just seem a little jumpy.
Jumpy? No, I'm just, you know I'm just excited about our trip, you know? Um, are you ready to go? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm ready.
Yeah.
Can't wait.
All right, you two [Box thuds.]
Lovebirds.
[Laughs.]
You must be Angie.
Heard a lot about you, all good.
Bob, she's gorgeous.
Uh, Bob, who is this person? I'm Larry.
Yeah.
Bob and I work together.
Not exactly together.
I'm in H.
R.
Bob--well, he's your husband you know where he works, right? [Laughs.]
Yeah.
Um, Larry's car broke down.
Yeah, fuel pump, second time.
Second time.
So his fiancee is supposed to be at that resort up near our cabin, so I Offered him a ride.
Bob! Well, you just gotta drop me off.
I mean, you won't even know I'm there.
Won't even know.
- Appreciate it.
- He appreciates it.
Okay, I'm gonna get the rest of the stuff.
Don't kill me.
[Spray bottle hissing.]
[Glass creaking.]
We're in.
Fine.
So what's his name? Who? Alejandro.
[Spanish accent.]
Oh, of course--Alejandro.
And how long have you known Alejandro? A couple of weeks.
Oh, a couple of weeks.
Look, are we really going to get into this right here, now? You're damn right we're gonna get into it right now.
What's the matter with you? How could you marry this guy? You hardly even know him.
If anybody cares, they've got some serious encryption protocols protecting something called "Project Graystar.
" [Cell phone beeping.]
Turn around, now.
[Tires screeching, horn honks.]
We might have to take this back to HQ to decode, dude.
All right, what are you thinking? CIA, black ops? No, more like OSA.
Database logbook's all in Russian.
Which means Bob's wife's is looking a lot more like a spy.
Poor guy, he has no idea.
Yeah.
See, that's what happens when you marry people you hardly know.
[Tires screech.]
Hang on a second.
Bad guys just pulled up to the front, and I believe they're headed your way.
[Elevator pings.]
(Guerrero) All right, dude, I'm streaming encrypted files to you now.
All right, good, good.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Now how you gonna get out? Same way we got in.
[Elevator pings.]
Got it.
Ames.
Whoa, whoa.
How do we know the ropes are long enough to reach the ground? Only one way to find out.
[Gunshot.]
[Shotgun pumps.]
[Speaking Russian.]
Okay.
Well, that's kind of embarrassing.
Just talked to my fiancee.
Apparently, we're supposed to meet next weekend.
Yeah, got our signals crossed a little bit.
What can you do? Uh, call the inn, get a room.
Well, listen, I'll be fine.
I'll sleep in the truck.
No.
(Angie) Great.
That's great.
Thank you.
Angie, come on, he'll freeze.
It's not that cold.
He's fine.
Okay, are you sure this is a good idea? She seems really pissed.
If we're lucky, maybe she'll try to take us both out.
[Cell phone rings.]
Who are you? Yeah.
We're pretty sure Angie's a spy, Chance.
Probably OSA.
Her marriage to Bob is a cover, and now she doesn't need him anymore.
What's going on? What's happening? [Cell phone rings.]
What? (Ivan) We have been breached, perhaps by CIA.
Did they find anything? Not sure, but finish the job and keep your eyes open for anything suspicious.
We're headed back to HQ right now to try and decrypt the files, find out why OSA wants Bob dead.
So, listen, watch your back.
For all we know, she could already be onto you.
Looks like he's got sat reception too.
What? Who? Never mind, I'll handle it.
Looks like we're in for an interesting evening.
Ahem.
Oh, hey, Ange, listen, um I've been thinking, I really feel bad about today, so maybe Bob just gives me a ride down the mountain.
- Tomorrow-- - Nonsense.
No, Larry, you're not going anywhere.
So, medium, medium rare, or bloody? Uh, either.
Why don't you let me do that for you? Yeah.
No, it's okay.
- Oh! I'm sorry.
- Oh.
Um, must be the altitude.
How sweet.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Oh.
(Angie) Excuse me.
Ahem.
(Angie) Oh, Bob, by the way the body shop called.
Um, what, uh What was that about? Uh, just a little fender bender.
Not to worry.
Oh, okay.
Well, just as long as you're all right.
You know, this is really great, and I hope you're not just doing this for my benefit.
Well, you know, it's not often I get to cook for more than just Bob and I, so I didn't want to miss my chance.
[Chuckles.]
[Chuckles.]
How about a toast? Salud.
It's Italian.
Salud.
Salud.
And salud.
Mmm! Kharashow.
Oh, thank you.
[Silverware clangs.]
[Cocks gun.]
Bob? Yeah? Now would be a great time to go get some firewood.
Right now? I'm eating.
Pass the salt, will you? Get the firewood, Bob.
Oh-kay.
Getting the firewood.
Nice spread.
I thought for sure you'd be serving borscht.
Talk fast, CIA, what do you want? Well, first of all, I'm not CIA.
Secondly, I think it's pretty clear what I want.
I want Bob alive.
Then why don't you just go ahead and shoot me? Because I don't like to shoot unarmed women.
Company policy.
Feeling a little light there, by the way? Took my clip, but put my gun back.
Impressive.
Didn't even notice.
Did you? Nicely done.
Spasiba.
[Knife whooshes.]
[Knife whooshes.]
[Knife clangs.]
Ahh! [Both straining.]
[Both grunting.]
Aah! [Both shouting.]
Aah! Oh! [Clip clicks.]
I'm back! Go! Go! This way.
Go.
Go! What the hell are you doing here? I told you I could handle it.
You have said that before.
I am here to make sure.
Yeah, yeah.
Come on, answer.
Damn it, he's not answering his phone.
We got to figure out who the hell it is we're dealing with.
[Touch screen beeping.]
Come on, just forget about the sequencer.
Have you tried a backdoor? Yes, twice.
Just chill.
[Cell phone rings, playing happy tune.]
Aren't you going to answer that? Hi, honey.
No, I'm still at work.
No, of course I want to talk to you, and I'm sorry I'm ain't getting them no present.
I don't care.
How you gonna invite everybody in the office except me? Dude, if you haven't figured out why you weren't invited yet, give it up.
Alejandro wanted me to tell you that he's got a great picture of you playing sax with the band.
Great.
[Computer beeping.]
Yeah, military satellites, I get it.
Why in the hell would the Russians be interested in a weather satellite? Question is, what has it got to do with them wanting Bob dead? Whoa! Back up.
What the hell was that? Dude? Why does the OSA have a file on Ilsa's husband? (Ames) And who's the babe? (Ilsa) I'm curious [Footsteps.]
Shut it down, shut it down.
Curious about what? Well, whether or not Bob's wife is actually trying to kill him or not, of course.
Oh.
Why? Is there something else? No.
What you talkin' about? No.
[Rain falling.]
Where are they going? Exactly where I want them to.
We're pinned! We're gonna go back to the cabin and hotwire the truck.
Um, why aren't we doing that right now? Because I think that's exactly what she wants us to do.
I just can't figure out why.
Unless Lift your head up a little bit.
Are you crazy? Come on.
[Gunshot.]
[Gunshot.]
Oh, my God, she is trying to kill me.
Yeah, but she didn't.
Come on.
[Gunshots.]
[Gunshot.]
[Bullet clangs.]
What are you doing? Chance, talk to me.
Wow, she's good.
She's really good.
What the hell are you talking about? Finish them off.
[Gunshot.]
Good news.
Your wife loves you.
- Come on.
- What? I'm happy for you, Bob.
Happy for me? Are you kidding? My wife tried to kill me yesterday.
He just means he's happy you're still alive, Bob.
Uh, no, he means he's happy that Bob's wife still loves him.
Score another win for matrimony.
Bob, what I'm saying is, your wife isn't trying to kill you.
She's trying to make it look like she's killing you.
Okay, a world-class assassin like her, she doesn't miss as often and as closely as she does with you.
I'm betting that she rigged the explosives on the truck to make it look like you were both killed.
So you think she had an exit strategy? I think she still has one.
Even if she wasn't trying to kill me, she was still trying to kill you.
Right.
She's not in love with me.
She's in love with you.
Aw.
(Bob) Even if that's true, who could she possibly be working for that would make her want to fake my--her-- our deaths? (Bob) Natalia Petrovic? That's the little woman's real name.
She was born in St.
Petersburg, and she graduated from University of Moscow, where she was recruited to the OSA, a secret branch of Russian intelligence.
Why would they want Angie to marry me of all people? Because the encryption code you were working on wasn't really for weather satellites.
According to our Russian friends, the code was actually to protect NSA spy satellites.
So what do we do now? Call your wife's bosses, give them what they want.
You--you mean-- you mean me? Listen, I think the only reason they wanted to kill you is because they thought you were close to finishing the code.
(Winston) Which they don't want you to do because they'd already hacked into the old one.
Okay, but if I give them the new code, they're going to kill me anyway.
I don't think so.
You see, I think Angie-- Natalia.
Natalia isn't gonna let that happen.
So you call them, arrange a meeting, tell them you want to trade the code for your life, see what happens.
See what happens? You mean put all my trust into a woman who's been lying to me all these years? That's--that's-- crazy? Granted, if I'm wrong, you're probably dead.
There's no denying that.
But if I'm right, you just might get Angie back.
(Guerrero) Sorry to interrupt.
Dude, you got a second? Yeah.
Think about it.
So what are we doing down here? When we found that file on Angie, we also found a file on Marshall Pucci.
Photo was taken at a local hotel two days before he was killed.
Who's the woman? You mean who's the mistress? Could be something else.
Either way, dude, not lookin' good.
Okay, let me know what you find, but come to me first with whatever you dig up.
I don't want Ilsa to worry for no reason.
No reason for me to worry about what? We got that off the hard drive of a Russian spy agency we infiltrated.
And may I ask you why you wouldn't show it to me? Wanted to check it out first before we bothered you with it.
Bother me? What if there were others involved in his killing? This woman could lead us to knowing more of the full story.
Or it could lead us to something else.
Look, Ilsa, I know this has got to be hard, but some things are really better off left alone.
Yes, yes.
I'd imagine to a person like you that would seem to be the case.
A person like me? A person who's never been in a relationship with someone he actually trusts, someone who's always been alone.
While your professional threat assessment is appreciated, I would very much like to know more about the woman in this photo.
If I learn anything of import, I'll be sure to let you know.
Good day.
Okay, I thought about it.
I'll do it.
Not 'cause I trust Angie.
But, um 'Cause I trust you.
Good.
I'm glad somebody around here does.
(Chance) Just give them the hard drive.
Let us take care the rest.
Okay, and, if you don't mind my asking, what will that entail, exactly? It depends On your wife's move, then we go in.
[Bolt clicks.]
Okay, um, what's my wife's move? I'll recognize it when I see it.
[Clip clicks.]
Don't worry.
She's not going to let them hurt you.
Hmm.
Just in case, neither will we.
Okay, I'm here.
What's so important? Sit.
Okay.
Isn't that-- it is.
The question is, who is the woman with him? This is what you and I shall endeavor to find out this afternoon.
Help me.
[Touch screen beeping.]
(Ames) Been, uh, reading the manual.
I know, right? Me, go figure.
[Rapid beeping.]
Showtime.
Is Angie with them? Can't tell.
Windows are tinted.
All right, muscle's getting out now.
Whoa.
Packing some serious heat.
(Ivan) You are a trusting man, Bob, coming out here by yourself.
[Chuckles.]
I admire that.
You did bring the code, i presume? [Laughing.]
I want my wife back first.
[Ivan laughing.]
Far be it from me to stand in the way of romance.
Come to your husband, Natalia.
Come.
Okay, he gave 'em the code.
Now what? And this time, do not miss.
Chance, she's armed! She's gonna shoot him! I'm sorry.
[Whispers.]
I'm sorry.
Her finger's on the trigger.
Talk to me, Chance.
Nah, it's okay.
She's just playing them.
(Winston) Are you sure? Trust me.
She's got a plan.
Uh, dude, looks like Angie just shot Bob.
Chance? Chance! Easy, Bob.
easy.
Just breathe.
Just breathe.
She shot me.
Angie shot me.
Whoa, she really shot him.
Well, I told you.
I'm aware that she shot him.
I knew it.
This is perfectly executed.
The bullet went clean though.
It's less than a centimeter away from his heart.
She's a pretty good shot, I'll tell you that.
That's beautiful, man.
What the hell are you talking about? Guys, am I going to die? Bob, you're gonna fine.
She had to do it, make them think you're really dead.
I don't understand.
Because it's un-understandable! It's a clean shot, dude.
He's going to be fine.
She planned it.
She planned it so they won't keep coming after you.
So that was her move? Pretty good move.
She loves me.
Angie loves me.
Oh, brother.
Now I gotta go kill her.
At? Did he say kill her? I don't know about this.
We can't count on her missing on purpose again.
We're not.
Speed up a little bit, will you? [Shouting in Russian.]
I don't suppose I can talk you out of this.
Nope.
Hit it! [Engine revs.]
[Accelerating.]
Angie? I was worried I was the only one who could make that shot.
To tell you the truth, so was I.
I need a drink.
Ready, Bob? What happened? Did they get away? They got away, Bob.
Did you Did you kill Angie? No, honey, he didn't.
Angie.
Hi.
[Groans.]
I love you, Bob.
I love you, too Natalia.
[Both laugh.]
[Both groaning.]
So I guess you're the love expert now.
What, are you waiting for me to give you an apology for doubting you? Love is never having to say you're sorry.
Oh, why don't you shut up? Even after you shoot somebody in the chest.
(Winston) So, uh We'll, uh Ahem! We'll alert the NSA about that code.
Oh.
The one you gave them will never go operational.
I know.
I never gave it to them.
What? You didn't give them the drive? No, I gave them the drive.
It was just infected with a virus, which means it'll have corrupted the code by now.
Ballsy.
I like it.
That's amazing.
Nice move, Bob.
Not bad.
Listen, I can't thank you all enough.
I wanted so much for what you were telling me about Angie to be true, and, uh, now I know it is.
Yeah.
Our relationship may have started out a lie, but, um, it became very real.
(Winston) Yeah.
Normally, it's the other way around.
I think what Winston meant was, it's not the lack of love, but the, uh, lack of friendship that makes for an unhappy marriage.
Did you make that up? Nietzsche.
I take it this means the mission was a success? Oh, absolutely.
My faith in the institution of marriage has just been officially renewed.
Well, good.
I'm glad we could be of service, and I wish you both the best of luck.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Listen, on the subject of luck, you guys are going to need all you can get to stay alive.
By now, Ivan knows he doesn't have the code, and he's probably not gonna forget that.
Yeah, it's not a problem.
We have an exit plan.
Uh, we do? Of course.
Every good spy has one.
Although, um, we could use your assistance on a few things.
All right.
Any preference on your new names? Winston? Hmm? I'm really sorry.
I should have invited you to the wedding, but I knew you'd think it was a mistake.
Let me tell you something.
Ah, what the hell.
Ain't like my marriage turned out that great.
What the hell do I know? A lot, apparently.
Alejandro and I are getting an annulment.
I mean, he is great and all, but you were right.
I hardly even know the guy.
Plus, I'm totally not suited to be with a Pisces.
I mean, I'm a Scorpio.
What was I thinking? I know, I know I wasn't.
I just wanted to apologize for not telling you about the photo.
I didn't want you to have to endure anything else, considering what you've already been through.
Apology accepted.
But you should know that there's nothing more important to me than making sure that there's no one else out there who could have played a role in Marshall's death.
I understand.
I don't think you do.
Yeah, you mentioned that.
I'm sorry.
I don't mean to sound so harsh.
But? I don't think you've ever been in love.
And that makes all the difference.
Just want to say I hope you guys have a wonderful life together.
Thanks, Chance.
Thanks.
You have no idea what this means to us.
Welcome aboard, Mr.
and Mrs.
Schneider.
Uh, Schneider? How many identities do you have? Does it matter, sweetheart? Ya liubliu tebia.
It means "I love you.
" [Uplifting music.]