I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s01e10 Episode Script

Morning, Jeannie.
Good morning, master.
l am ready.
-Oh, yes? Ready for what? -To go for a ride with you in the magic cart that goes like the wind.
Well, it's not a cart.
lt's a car.
A car.
l'm afraid l can't take you out today.
-l'm in the middle of an experiment.
-Oh, you always say that.
Well, l always am.
l know.
You want me to ask you what this experiment is about.
Do you really wanna know? lf it pleases thee to tell me.
l'm working on a small, portable desalinization unit.
And if it works, it's going to solve one of the most pressing problems in-- Well, in modern history.
The shortage of fresh water.
Very interesting.
When we go riding, may l sit behind the wheel that moves the magic cart? With this, if you're stranded in the middle of the ocean on an island, say-- Well, like we were.
--you can make all the fresh water you need right out of the ocean.
Let us get stranded again so we can try it out.
-There has to be a way to lick this.
-Oh, nothing could be easier.
You will sit next to me in the magic cart and we will ride very fast.
Wait a minute.
What did you say? l said, you will sit next to me in the magic cart -and we will ride very-- -No, no.
l mean, about the seawater.
Oh, that.
Great-grandfather Bilejik used to do it all the time.
What magic makes your car move, master? Forget about the car.
Are you trying to tell me that your great-grandfather -could take salt out of seawater? -Yes.
At least he used to know how to do it 2000 years ago.
His land was like a Garden of Eden while that of his neighbours all around was like baked clay.
Great-grandfather would not tell them his secret.
Jeannie.
Jeannie, would he tell you his secret? l suppose so.
ls there some demon inside your car that makes it move? Oh, forget about the car, really.
l want you to do me a favour.
-l will do anything for you, master.
-Good.
l want you to go back and talk to your great-grandfather.
Have a long talk with him.
l will do anything for you, master.
Except that.
-Why? -Because l will not leave thee.
But l will do the next best thing.
You sent for Bilejik? Do you know what it would mean to the rest of the world if we could supply them with usable ocean water? -Money in it? -Well, it'd be very valuable.
Oh, then Bilejik is definitely interested.
You know, l was known as the greatest miser in the world.
l was hoping you had changed.
Please be careful, master.
He spent most of his time in jail.
Don't worry about me.
l can handle myself.
Do you have a written formula for this process of yours, sir? Oh, of course.
l have it all written.
-Right here in a nutshell.
-Would you tell it to me? Well, we have to have an agreement.
What kind of an agreement? Believe me, you will not like it, master.
l should have warned you.
He is the black sheep of the family.
You know, l think we could negotiate much better if you get her out of here.
Out.
-Well, l will not leave.
-Jeannie? Look, why don't you just run along and let the men talk, huh? -l know him.
He's very cunning.
-Can he do what he says? -Yes.
But-- -Well, all right, fine.
-We'll get some kind of a deal.
-Well, do we negotiate or do l have to leave? No, no.
We'll negotiate, sir.
Don't leave.
All right.
But l warned you, master.
Jeannie, why don't you just run along and amuse yourself, huh? -You mean that? -Sure.
Thank you, master.
l got rid of her, so we can talk now.
You know-- You know, she is my most favourite great-granddaughter but is honest.
Of course, nobody is perfect.
About this process of yours, sir.
ls it expensive? Oh, that is the beauty of it.
Pennies.
-How much do you want for it? -No, no, no! That is no way to negotiate.
Oh, dear, you.
You spoiled everything.
Let me help you.
When you negotiate you pretend that you are not interested.
Then, perhaps, l will lower my price.
Oh, well.
And would you, sir? Thou must be kidding.
Jeannie! Jeannie, no, no, stop.
Now, stop! No, no, don't do that.
Excuse me, sir.
Just make yourself at home.
l'll be right back.
Jeannie! Jeannie.
Jeannie? Jeannie, now, l mean it, now-- Now, listen, Jeannie-- Jeannie.
Jeannie.
No.
No, please, wait.
No, no, please, wait.
Wait, now, stop! l won't have this anymore.
l'm not fooling around.
No, no, please, wait.
Wait! Now, stop! No, no.
Please, wait.
Wait! Wait.
Now, stop.
Wherever you are, stay there.
Hello, Dr.
Bellows.
Captain Nelson, you and l have a lot to talk about.
-Sir? -That car has no driver.
No.
No, it doesn't.
Well, thank heavens no one was hurt.
Just by talking to it, you brought that vehicle to a stop.
That vehicle should never have started, sir.
l can't wait to hear your explanation.
Well, actually, l can't explain it, sir.
You're doing some experimental work? You've rigged it up as a robot car, operated by remote control? -Yes, you might say that.
-Then again, l might not.
l've seen experiments like this, but l've never seen anyone control a car -by talking to it.
-Well, it's new, sir.
lt's top-secret.
That's why it seems so unusual.
Everything about you is unusual, captain.
l haven't had a decent night's sleep since you've been assigned to me.
Sorry about that, sir.
As a psychiatrist, l know that everything has an explanation.
And that includes you and this car.
One day l'm going to get to the bottom of it.
And do you know something, captain? That's going to be the happiest day of my life.
-Yes, sir.
-But would you mind in the future, please, drive the old-fashioned way? Thank you.
All right, young lady.
Dr.
Bellows is a very suspicious man, is he not? He has good reason for being suspicious.
Who said you could take the car and drive without me? -Well, you did, master.
-l what? Well, you told me to go amuse myself and this is what amuses me.
-lt is faster than a flying carpet.
-And a lot more dangerous.
You are never to do that again.
Do you understand? -Yes, master.
-l hope Bilejik is still there.
Oh, l will go see.
Put those back.
Don't--? Don't you ever knock? l will not have you injure this one.
He belongs to me.
The last time you summoned me to help someone was 1 500 years ago, and l sold him two pyramids -and the scrolls of the Red Sea.
-Yes.
Well, this one is different.
He is most wise.
ln that case, l will just sell him one pyramid.
You will sell him nothing.
But he wants to buy my-- My water formula.
He-- He is a most eager buyer.
Can you really take salt out of water? Oh, it is child's play.
Then do it for him.
Oh, he's coming.
My own great-granddaughter.
Bilejik? Bilejik? -Excuse me.
l thought l lost you.
-Oh, you did, did you? Well, you are not going to get rid of me that easily.
Would you mind sitting down in there? -Yes.
-Thank you.
Morning, Tony.
Wanna hear some great sounds? l've got this Afro-Latin record that'll really turn you on.
-l'm kind of busy now.
-Nice talking to you.
-l got a visitor.
-You got a v--? You sly dog.
Maybe she'll dig the music, huh? Where is she? No, no, it's not a girl.
lt's a very old man.
Sure he is.
Well, l'll.
l'll keep the mood music.
Captain Roger Healey, this is Mr.
Bilejik.
Everybody here dresses so oddly.
Where are you from, Mr.
Bilejik? l am from the old country.
-Really? Where--? Whereabouts? -The old, old country.
Now, what can l sell you? -Well, what--? What have you got? -Everything.
He's kind of an old, old junk man.
What are you buying? Well, actually, l am selling my friend here a-- l don't think l'll discuss it until l find out if it works.
-Don't buy any old capsules from him.
-Oh, what are they? l can get you all that you need.
He's a little way out, isn't he? Bye-bye.
-Oh, thank you.
-My record.
l'll take it.
Goodbye, Rog.
Thanks for dropping in.
-All right, let's get down to business.
-Oh, l'm all ready.
You bet l'm ready.
l was wondering what would you like -in exchange for your process? -Oh, the process.
Well since you are a great friend of my great-granddaughter l will charge you nothing.
That is-- Well, that's very kind of you, sir.
-Except a little token.
-What kind of token? Well, it would amuse me if l could.
lf l could have a little statue l have heard people talking about.
-What kind of statue? -Well, l don't know what the name is but it is a statue of a little lady holding a torch.
-The Statue of Liberty? -Oh, that's it.
You're being unreasonable.
l can't give you the Statue of Liberty.
lt doesn't belong to me.
No one has ever called Bilejik unreasonable.
What about that thing called the Mint? The Mint? l can't give you the Mint.
-Elizabeth Taylor? -Forget it.
l guess l.
l'd better be getting back home.
You are not going anywhere.
Not until my master has the formula he wants.
But he has nothing to trade me for it.
You ought to hear what he's asking.
Let me deal with him, master.
-But, Jeannie-- -l will get you what you wish.
All right.
l'll be out on the patio if you need me.
-Don't give away the country, huh? -No.
Oh, my dear great-granddaughter, you are wasting your time because you have nothing to offer me.
Your formula means nothing to me.
lt doesn't, eh? Of course not.
l just wanted to get him out of the room so l could wish you a safe journey home.
Thank you.
-Give my love to the family.
-l will.
Great-grandmother is well? Yes, she is her same old sour-tempered self.
And Tanya? Tanya? -The little belly dancer.
-Oh, that--? That Tanya? l think l shall arrange for Great-grandmother to meet her.
No, no, no.
Please, please, do not disturb your poor, old grandmother with all of these little problems.
Well, all right.
When do you want the formula? Now.
Master? Yeah? My great-grandfather has decided to tell you what you wish to know.
Yes, and you must understand that this is just out of the goodness of my heart.
Because we are a very generous people.
However, if you wish to show your gratitude-- Great-grandfather.
All right, all right.
-l will need a few things.
-Yes, sir.
What? -Salt water.
-Salt water.
-Yes.
Porous cloth.
-Porous cloth.
-Seeds of the geloom.
-Seeds of the geloom? l know where to find them, master.
They grow near the Nile.
Oh, l will fetch them right away.
You will stay right here and l will fetch them.
No woman ever gives me orders.
ls there anything you would like me to tell Great-grandmother while l'm there? Tell her l'm fine.
l'll be home as soon as l get finished with this-- This business.
Keep your eye on him, master.
l certainly appreciate this, Mr.
Bilejik.
l can't tell you what it would mean to me-- Oh, it's nothing, nothing.
lf you-- lf you wish to-- To do me a little favour, well.
You see, l have a little money scheme and l would like to meet your president.
l have not gone yet.
lf there is anything l detest, it's a sneaky genie.
-Hello, Dr.
Bellows.
-l've been thinking about this morning, and l wanted to ask you-- -What have you got there? -This is drinking water, sir.
Don't you have running water in your home? Well, of course.
This isn't ordinary water.
lt's seawater.
l should have known.
lf l asked why you're drinking seawater -what would your answer be? -l'm conducting a little experiment, sir.
Oh, another one, captain? Have you finished the one with the car? l finished that.
l won't have to test that again.
So now you're drinking seawater? Are you sure that cask doesn't contain something else, captain? l don't understand what you mean.
Some whiskey, perhaps? Gin? Vodka? -l hope you don't think that l'd be-- -Oh, don't l? l'm not as innocent as l look, captain.
Well, sir, really, it's just plain old ordinary seawater, that's all.
Just-- Now, don't-- Don't drink it.
Colonel, please don't-- -Seawater.
-Seawater.
l'm sorry, sir, l-- l mean, l-- l told you.
-Here's your seawater, sir.
-Oh, good.
Good, good, good.
Thank you.
Oh, tell me, sir, are you a very rich man? Who, me? Why, no, no.
Why? Well, l thought perhaps you could arrange a little loan for me.
-Forget it.
-Here are your geloom seeds.
Oh, may l see those? l wanna find out the modern name for them.
-lf it works, that is.
-lt had better work.
Oh, poor Bilejik.
He's-- He's caught in a real den of thieves, but it will work.
Now-- Now-- Now we pour the seawater in that.
Do not trouble yourself, master.
Oh, my.
She was always a showoff.
-What happens now? -Oh, what usually happens is that l get paid, but.
Well, all right.
You'll have fresh water in-- -ln less than a minute.
-How does it work? Well, you-- You see, the seeds have an incredible affinity for the salt and they soak it up just like sponges.
-You mean, that's all there is to it? -Oh, no, no.
Usually l make it much more complicated.
As a matter of fact, l did the same experiment a long time ago.
lt took me seven months.
But the sultan paid me a fortune.
Here.
Taste it.
She always was a showoff.
lt's fresh water.
-And it's wonderful.
-Yes, be my guest.
-Bilejik, l don't know how to thank you.
-Thou art telling me? He has already been thanked, master.
Look at the size of these.
Look how big they are.
Yes.
Well, of course, they're full of salt.
-Where can l get more? -Oh, it's a weed.
lt grows in fields everywhere, everyplace.
You've done it, Jeannie.
Bilejik, l'm gonna see that your name goes down in history.
Well, who wants that? There-- There's no money in it.
Can l go home now? Yes, Great-grandfather.
Have a safe journey home.
And give my love to Tanya.
Look what he had stolen.
You should have let him keep them.
Jeannie, do you have any idea what these seeds mean? We're gonna go look up a botanist and find out the modern name for these.
Oh, it's incredible.
Why, this is the most exciting find l've ever run across.
-You don't know the half of it.
-Oh, there's no doubt about it.
No, no, this is it.
-You know the name of it? -l told you the name.
lt is called the geloom seed.
These seeds are the seeds of the Lucretia Quimby daisy.
-We're gonna need a lot of them.
-Well, they grow like weeds.
lt was named for his mother by a man named Quimby in the year 1 87 2.
That was nice of him, wasn't it? Oh, it goes way back.
Several thousand years back.
Yeah, l know.
l know.
They grow wild in the Middle East.
-Grew.
-Grew? Yes.
You see Quimby was an archaeologist as well as a botanist.
That's why we have a record of this seed.
And he translated an ancient work on botany.
Gave the whole history of the plant -and the blight.
-The blight? The blight that wiped out the Lucretia Quimby daisy in the year 1 .
Hi, Jeannie.
What are you doing? Oh.
l am in the middle of an experiment.
l see.
l'm supposed to ask you what the experiment is, right? -Do you really want to know? -Go ahead, tell me.
Drink this.
What is it? Fresh water.
lt's salt water.
Yes.
l cannot make fresh water out of salt water but l have learned how to make salt water out of fresh water.