I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s01e17 Episode Script

Jeannie, you better knock off the housework.
Roger's on his way over here.
-We're gonna do a little work upstairs.
-Oh, good.
Captain Healey is such a nice man.
Yes.
Yes, he is.
But l don't want him to catch you here.
lf he ever found out you were a genie, he'd-- That's Captain Healey's car outside.
ln the bottle please, miss.
Come on, come on, come on.
Thank you.
Oh, hi, Roge.
-Sweeping.
-l was doing a little housecleaning.
You don't know of a good detective agency, do you? No.
What do you want a detective agency for? l wanna hire them to help me find Jeannie.
-Roge, you can't do that.
-That's the only way l'll find her.
l spent three hours in front of the library last night hoping she'd turn up.
Boy, she makes every other woman l ever met look like nothing.
Roger, l think you're carrying this a little too far.
Why, she's just another girl.
Yeah, but she's the only girl l ever wanted to marry.
Yeah, hello? Oh, yes, sir.
Yeah.
l have them here.
All right, l'll bring them right down.
That was Colonel Pollock.
They moved the launch up and they wanna see the revised pages on this.
l'll be about 20 minutes.
You make yourself at home.
-No rush.
l'll just read a magazine.
-Okay.
Bye-bye.
See you later.
Gesundheit.
Must be one of those musical bottles.
Jeannie.
Jeannie! l've been looking everywhere for you! l've been looking all over for you! And all the time you were right here in the bottle! -Where are we? -Captain Healey? -Don't tell me.
-Oh, now, do not be afraid.
-l will not harm you.
-Who's afraid? l've been looking everywhere for you.
l was going to get a private detective.
l heard you when l was in the bottle.
Oh, that's wonderful.
You heard me when you were in the bottle.
Please do not keep doing that, Captain Healey.
Are you all right? Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
Tell you the truth, l'm not sure.
Either you just came out of that bottle, or l've lost my mind.
Now, do not be frightened.
l am a genie.
Captain Nelson rescued me from my bottle on an island in the Pacific.
You mean, when he made that emergency landing? Yes.
That is when he found me.
What a shock that must've been.
Did he faint? -No.
-No, huh? Well, you don't have to mention that l.
Oh, of course not.
So Tony knew about you all this time? -Oh, yes.
-Sure kept it a secret.
Well, l'm sure he did not wish to worry you.
Yeah.
Boy, what a pal.
All this time stuck with a genie, and he never.
Well, what--? What is it you do exactly? Oh, anything my master wishes.
Gee, that's-- That's too bad.
Because, you know, anything, that's.
Any-- You mean all Tony has to do is make a wish, and he gets it? Yes.
-Anything? -Yes.
Why, that dirty double-crosser.
All the time he's had you and didn't offer to share with me? l told you he did not wish to get anyone into trouble.
ls that what he told you? Well, don't believe him.
He's a miser! He wants to keep the cars, beautiful girls and gold to himself.
Oh, he did not ask for any cars or gold or beautiful girls.
You mean to tell me he didn't ask for a single thing? No, he did not wish for any of those things.
Well, then l take it back.
He's not a miser.
He's stupid! Do you know what this means? l can rule the world, single-handed! -How? -How? Didn't you say you could do anything? Well, yes, but only for my master and you are not my master.
Guess l can't force you.
lt's.
l obey only the person who controls the bottle.
Yeah, that's right.
Only the person that-- How do you get in and out of that thing anyway? Oh, simple.
l will show you.
Say hello to your new master, Jeannie.
You can roll up your sleeves.
We're going to live a little.
Oh, no.
No.
Thou must not do this.
Let me out of here.
Let me out of here.
Sorry l took so long.
Hope you weren't bored.
Not a bit.
Time flew.
l guess l'll be running along.
We were gonna go over the flight plan.
Well, not today.
l'm busy.
See you tomorrow.
Tomorrow? What do you mean, tomorrow? Jeannie, hi-- Jeannie.
-Roger! Give me that bottle back.
-What bottle? This is nothing to fool around with.
There was a bottle and it's gone.
And l want it back right now.
Do l look like the kind of guy that goes around stealing bottles? You mean you didn't? Oh, Roger, l'm sorry if l accused you unjustly.
That's all right.
We all make mistakes.
-No hard feelings.
-Yeah.
lt's probably inside.
Yeah.
Hi, girls.
Home, Janice.
Hey.
Pardon me, where's Captain Healey? He's gone.
He told us to take everything from his apartment.
He don't need it no more.
He even left his uniforms here.
He what? Excuse me.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Get out of this car.
l'm terribly sorry.
l was looking for my bottle.
You all go on with what you were doing.
Excuse me, Dr.
Bellows.
l'm looking for Captain Healey.
-You haven't seen him? -No.
Did you look in his office? No.
That's the last place he'd be.
He didn't drop in to say goodbye? Goodbye? ls he going away? He's already gone.
l don't understand again.
Sit down, captain.
l'm sorry, sir.
l don't have time.
l've gotta catch him before it's too late.
-Too late? For what? -To avert a disaster.
You haven't seen a Rolls Royce with a beautiful chauffeur and footman? No.
-Have you? -Yes, sir.
Well, that's very interesting.
Why don't you lie down there on the couch and tell me.
lt's not my car.
lt's Captain Healey's.
You think Captain Healey has gone off in the black Rolls Royce with the beautiful chauffeur and footman? Or in one of his private planes.
Excuse me, sir.
l've gotta catch him before it's too late.
That's great.
A little bit higher though, huh? Yes, master.
Oh, this is marvellous.
Shut the door, will you? There's a little draft up here.
-Ex-master.
-Hey, watch it.
-That's my genie.
-Oh, no, it's not your genie.
-She belongs to me.
-Guess again.
l've got the bottle.
As long as l've got the bottle, that's my genie.
l'll get down now.
Oh, boy.
What a crazy upper berth.
Roger, you and l are gonna have a little talk.
Oh, well, what's there to talk about? What's there to talk about? You stole my genie.
Temper, temper.
l didn't steal her.
l found her.
Remember the old rule, finders keepers? You found her on the beach, and l found her on your coffee table.
-lt was my coffee table.
-Well, fair is fair.
You can have the coffee table.
Roger, l don't think you know what you're in for.
Watch it.
Watch it.
That's ltalian silk.
Wrinkles easy.
-Sorry.
-Wanna see something? My new watch.
A little present from Jeannie.
l think there are little men inside making the wheels go around.
May l please go back with Captain Nelson? ln a word, no.
-Where did he put the bottle? -l do not know.
l'm glad you two asked that.
Watch this.
Happens to be in my lovely safe here, with a 1 2-digit combination.
And l will-- Oh, l should be mad at you.
Fun and games with Jeannie, and you didn't let me in on them.
-Oh, naughty, naughty.
-Fun and games? l almost got tossed out of the space program because of Jeannie.
Dr.
Bellows watches every move l make.
One false step and l'm washed out.
One false step and you're washed out.
Oh, he is right.
l am a big burden.
Well, l've got big shoulders.
Roger, how much does the space program mean to you? -lt means everything to me.
-Then get rid of Jeannie.
Not a chance.
l'm going to keep her.
But you can borrow her sometime if you'd like.
-Jeannie, back in the bottle, huh? -Oh, master.
'' Master.
'' Doesn't that sound beautiful? Back into the bottle.
Naughty, naughty.
Well, l hate to leave you here but l got business to take care of.
l bought a seat on the stock exchange and l'm going down to see how the market's doing.
See you later.
Jeannie, can you hear me? Jeannie? l'm gonna get you out of there somehow.
Oh, l hope so, master.
Roger should never have done that to you.
He shouldn't have locked you in there.
Well, he doesn't understand you the way l do, Jeannie.
All he thinks of you is something to use.
But you're more than that.
You're warm and sensitive and beautiful.
-And l love you.
-Have you been in love with that safe long, Captain Nelson? Dr.
Bellows.
Are you engaged or just going together? -No, it's just a safe.
You see, l was-- -lt's a beautiful, warm -and sensitive safe, isn't it? -l know it must seem peculiar-- Well, why would it seem peculiar? l know a boy who swears he saw you floating in the air.
You carry on conversations with your walls and your vacuum cleaner.
So why shouldn't you be in love with the safe? Well, l really must admire your sense of humour, sir.
l've gotta catch Captain Healey.
lf you'll excuse me there's something very important l've gotta-- Hello.
This is Dr.
Alfred Bellows speaking.
Does Captain Healey live here? Captain Healey? Gina.
Captain Healey is by the pool.
This way, please.
Yes? Roger? Oh, hi, Tony.
That'll be all, Helga.
Just remember where you left off, huh? -What did she say? -l say l will be ready when he wants me.
Tony, it's good to see you.
l was just thinking about you.
Oh, when would you find the time? -How's Jeannie? -Fine, fine, fine.
May l see her? l suppose there's no harm in that.
l've got the bottle safely tucked away.
Jeannie? -Hello, old master.
-Hello, old Jeannie.
-How art thou? -Fine.
Bit lonely.
How's Captain Healey treating you? Oh, he's.
l have never worked so hard in my whole life.
You should see the villa for me in the French Riviera.
Twenty-five rooms.
Beautiful, beautiful, beau-- Hey, you're invited to be my guest.
Thanks a million, Roge.
You can come over in my yacht.
lt's bigger than Onassis'.
How are you gonna explain this? As long as l do my work, Dr.
Bellows won't mind my living comfortably.
l mean, Tony, nothing is going to stand in the way of my job.
l wouldn't give that up for anything in the world.
You wouldn't, huh? l've worked all my life to become an astronaut.
You know how l feel about it.
lt means everything to me.
That's the nicest thing l ever heard, Roge.
Say, you know, l think this life suits you.
-l've never seen you look better.
-Really? Oh, boy, you and this house and this pool and the servants.
l'd like to have a picture of it, Roge, to remind me of the real you.
Well, that's no problem.
Jeannie? Hey, thanks, Roge.
Gee, l'm touched, really.
l'm so glad there are no hard feelings.
Why should there be any hard feelings? You let me keep the coffee table.
That was funny, wasn't it? Yeah.
Yeah, funny.
Well, l better be getting back to the base.
Must you leave? l'm afraid so, Jeannie.
l have a feeling l'll be seeing you soon.
Oh, l hope so, old master.
Captain Nelson is such a wonderful man.
Yeah, he's not only a wonderful man but he's a wonderful man with something crooked up his sleeve.
l wonder what he wanted that picture for.
Come in.
Reporting for duty, sir.
You and Captain Healey are due for the pressure-chamber experiment at 2:30.
-Yes, sir.
-Where's Captain Healey? Oh, he's gonna be a little late.
lt takes quite a time to finish a 1 5-course luncheon.
Captain Healey is having a 1 5-course luncheon? Yes.
Well, lying around your pool all day, you work up quite an appetite.
Sir, l must say it's doing him a world of good.
Looks marvellous, doesn't he? Where was this taken? Oh, at Captain Healey's house.
lt's a quaint little place, isn't it? Captain Healey is assigned to the.
Project Gamma.
Yeah, it's very hush-hush.
l suppose there's plenty of countries that would pay a fortune for information on Operation Gamma.
Captain Nelson.
Did you ever find Captain Healey's black Rolls Royce with the beautiful chauffeur and the beautiful footman? Oh, yes, yes.
lt was on its way to take Captain Healey to his yacht.
His yacht? Roger claims that his yacht is larger than Onassis'.
You know how he's always kidding around.
May l? -May l keep this? -Oh, certainly, sir.
Roger's probably back at his office now.
l'll go pick him up.
Give me General Peterson.
Hi, Roge.
How was lunch? Paradise.
Just paradise.
You should have stayed.
Had roast pheasant, a whole leg of lamb, plover eggs.
l haven't eaten that much since breakfast.
l wouldn't be worried if he wasn't working on Operation Gamma.
But when he starts throwing money-- You psychiatrists are always looking into dark corners.
You'll find Captain Healey has a perfectly reasonable explanation.
-An uncle died and left him money.
-l hope not, sir.
-What? -According to our records Captain Healey doesn't have an uncle.
l'm having a little party tonight, you know, just a hundred people.
l thought you could be there.
Just a 20-course dinner.
Wait a minute, on second thought, let's make it a 30-course dinner.
You've sure been a sport about this whole thing.
ls there anything l can do for you? A palace in the Mediterranean? A fleet of airplanes? A harem? Your own army? Nothing's too good for you.
You name it.
What would you like? You're never gonna get away with this.
-l never would have believed it.
-What are you gonna do? l'm putting Captain Healey under arrest for high treason.
General Peterson.
General.
Colonel.
Oh, l didn't realize it was so late, sir.
We better be getting over-- l wouldn't let you near that pressure chamber! l'm sorry, sir.
What did you say? ls that a picture of your home? Nothing wrong with a little gracious living.
Where did you get the money to buy that house? Where did l get the money to buy the house? And the black Rolls Royce with the beautiful chauffeur -and the beautiful footman? -And the maids at the house.
And the maids at the house.
Well, l don't know where to begin.
A confession now will save you a lot of time and trouble.
Did a foreign power pay you for information on Operation Gamma? Foreign power? Do you think l took money? Have you made a mistake.
l'd like to see your faces when you find out the truth.
What is the truth? Well, the truth, sir is l'd like to see my lawyer.
Consider yourself under office arrest! l don't want you to go outside of this room till the MPs arrive! l'm sorry, Captain Healey.
Tony, they're gonna shoot me.
Yeah.
Why didn't you tell them the truth, Roge? For the same reason you didn't.
We'd be washed out of the program.
Dr.
Bellows isn't about to okay a couple of astronauts who has genies hanging around.
Well, you've got to help me.
l don't know what l can do.
lt's your problem.
But you're my buddy.
Share and share alike? You're offering me half a firing squad? Oh, what a spot l'm in.
lf l don't tell them where l got the money, bang.
l have firing squad all the way.
And if l tell them, l'm washed out.
-You've gotta help me.
-Well, l don't know what l can do.
-l've got a heavy schedule.
l gotta-- -Wait, wait, wait.
lf you help me this one time, l'll get you anything.
-Jeannie? -Jeannie? You want her after all the trouble she's caused? After all the trouble she's caused? You're the one that caused trouble.
l tried to tell you that.
Of course l want her back.
And you'll get me off the hook? -Yeah, l can get you off the hook.
-Oh, it's a deal.
Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
-l don't know how to thank you, buddy.
-Always glad to do a buddy a favour.
-l'm officially turning her over to you.
-And l'm officially accepting.
All right, Jeannie.
Come on out.
Oh, master.
Hello, old master.
Not so loud.
You're all his now.
Oh, l know.
Well, l filled my end of the bargain, now you fulfil yours.
Oh, Jeannie.
Thanks.
-Well? -That's it.
That's it? That's it? That's what? You said she was gonna get me out of trouble.
-General Peterson.
-Well, are you gentlemen ready? -Yes, sir.
We're just on our way.
-The experiment's at 2:30.
-You better hurry.
-We'll be on time.
Carry on.
Carry on? What happened? They didn't mention anything about arresting me.
Oh, Roger, l'm sorry.
l forgot to tell you.
Among Jeannie's many accomplishments is the fact that she's able to change time.
They won't have any recollection of what went on a couple of minutes ago.
That's wonderful.
Wait a minute.
l could've done that myself.
l mean, l didn't need you to-- What's gonna happen when they see my house and my cars again? You won't have to worry about that.
When she wiped out their memory, she also wiped out your house and your villa and your car and your yacht.
And your suit.