I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s01e24 Episode Script
Permanent House Guest
Jeannie.
Jeannie, uh, would you come out, please? I'd like my breakfast.
Yes, master, one egg and two slices of bacon.
That's right.
[SIGHS.]
What's the matter? Oh nothing.
Oh, now, now, come on.
Something's on your mind.
W-what is it? Well If you must know, I am being wasted.
Huh? Anyone can make you one egg and two slices of bacon.
Oh, if you would only permit me, I could do such big things for you.
I could give you castles and gold and One egg, two slices of bacon, not too crisp, please.
I gave my last master a fleet of ships.
And a cup of coffee.
Why do you not let me help you? Jeannie, I I really don't need a fleet of ships.
But if I do, believe me, you'll be the first to know.
Perhaps a villa on the Nile? Really, I'm very happy with the house.
It's It's very comfortable.
Just breakfast, please.
Major Healey loved the yacht I gave him.
Yeah.
Look at the trouble he got into.
There is a wonderful diamond mine in Africa I could get you.
Jeannie, I I don't need a diamond mine.
I get a salary from the air force, very adequate.
And, uh And I must say, I earn my salary.
See, that's the point.
I like to do things for myself.
I will be a laughing stock.
A genie who can only bring her master bacon and eggs.
Well, look at it this way: Who's to know? Master, wish for one big thing.
Jeannie, I don't need anything.
I Oh, it would make me so happy.
You do not even have to say it aloud.
Just think it.
But I don't want anything.
Really.
Please? Come on, now, the biggest thing you can think of.
Uh Ready? Yeah.
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS.]
What are you going to do with that? Yeah It was the biggest thing I could think of.
Major Nelson? It's Doctor Bellows.
Get out of here, please? And take him with you.
I will leave.
You may keep the elephant.
But wait Uh Oh, there you are, Major Nelson.
Hi, there.
[.]
[.]
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS.]
I can't wait to hear your explanation of what you're doing with an elephant in your bedroom.
Uh, I'm glad you asked that, sir.
Uh, a friend of mine left him here? Uh, and my next question is going to be: Why? Ye Well, it's a very valuable animal, sir.
I mean, you just can't leave an elephant anywhere.
[GIGGLES.]
Uh, my friend takes him on safaris uh, uh, in Africa with him.
He insists that he stay indoors, sir.
You know how it is with animals.
Major, I want you to wait right here.
Do you understand? Right here.
Jeannie.
Very funny.
Jeannie.
Oh, are you satisfied? Well, it was you who wished for the elephant.
Would you mind getting rid of him? If you wish.
What's this? [LAUGHS.]
I did not know, master.
Were you thinking about a poodle? Yeah, I guess I was.
When I was a kid, I had a little poodle called Tiger.
Hi, there, Tiger.
Hi, there.
[POODLE SNARLS.]
Oh.
An elephant in his bedroom? General Peterson, I saw it with my own eyes.
His name is Tiger.
Doctor, what would an elephant be doing in Major Nelson's bedroom? With Major Nelson, anything is possible.
I repeat, general, anything.
You have no idea what I've been going through with him, sir.
But now I think we finally got his psyche pinned to the mat.
He'll never talk his way out of this one.
If this is another one of your wild goose chases Wild elephant chase, sir.
We're going on the biggest safari of them all: Bagging Major Nelson.
Oh, Doctor Bellows, General Peterson.
Sorry to barge in on you like this, Tony.
This will only take a minute, major.
He's in the bedroom, general.
Under the bed? He was standing right there.
I swear he was.
This big.
Tony.
Yes.
Did you have an elephant in your bedroom? [LAUGHING.]
Did I have an elephant in my bedroom? Uh-uh, you're not gonna get out of this one, major.
You called him Tiger.
Tiger.
Tiger.
Oh, oh, Tiger.
Yes.
Now do you recall? Yes.
Oh, yes, sir.
Here we are.
Here's Tiger.
He's a cute little fellow, huh? That's Tiger? So we're going on a safari to hunt wild elephants, are we? Doctor, I want you in my office in 30 minutes.
And be prepared to spend the afternoon with me.
Yes, sir.
I'm sorry to have bothered you, Tony.
Oh, that's quite all right, sir.
No bother at all.
It won't happen again.
You haven't heard the last of this.
You haven't heard the last of this, major.
Oh, general.
[SNARLING.]
Jeannie.
You see? I can help you.
How did I get in this spot in the first place? I feel sorry for Doctor Bellows.
He's a very nice man.
Well, I'd feel sorry for him too, except for one thing: If he ever finds out about you, I'm gonna get thrown out of the space program.
Oh, could you not explain to him that you found me in a bottle on the beach? Sure, that's Of course, of course.
And when I'm finished explaining it to him, he'll have me locked up.
Ha, ha.
[DOOR OPENS.]
They're back.
Hi.
Hi, Tony.
It's only you.
Boy, you sure know how to make a fellow feel welcome.
Hello, Captain Healey.
Hi, Jeannie.
How's tricks? [CHUCKLES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
I have not had much time to practice them.
Well, you should've picked me for your master.
I'd keep you working Oh, I am very pleased with the master I have.
Thank you.
Well, if you should change your mind, remember I, uh, pay overtime.
Hey, what's that? That's Tiger.
Hi, Tiger.
[SNARLS.]
Uh, didn't I see Doctor Bellows and General Peterson leave here? Yeah, yeah.
Doctor Bellows is seeing elephants.
Well, that's the psychiatry game for ya.
Well, we better be moving along.
They're running some films of yours on your space walk and some big brass is coming down from Washington, and, uh, they'd like us to be there.
Yeah, okay.
Um, I'll be home for dinner.
I shall fix something special, master.
When you're through, maybe you could mix me, uh, up a little something.
A little Maybe hors d'oeuvres.
[LAUGHS.]
And what do you wish for, little Tiger? There you go.
[LAUGHS.]
Mmm.
PETERSON: There's Major Nelson ready to step off into space.
There he goes.
Major Healey, when you were at the controls and Major Nelson left the ship, did you notice any difference in the handling of the controls? Well, when he stepped out, the ship yawed a bit, but it was easy to correct.
MAN: Major Nelson, did you have any problem adjusting to floating in space as opposed to floating in the capsule? TONY: Well, I suppose there was a difference psychologically, sir.
Inside the capsule, you have a feeling of security, and outside, you wonder whether you're gonna float away.
I must say it was an exhilarating feeling.
It must have been.
I really envy you, major.
I can arrange for you to go along on one of our moon shots.
That's very kind of you, general, but I'm really swamped with work right here.
Well, if you gentlemen will come back to my office, I'll show you the new correlation charts we have on the moon probe.
All right.
All right.
Oh, Major Nelson.
Yes, sir.
How's Tiger? Tiger? Oh, uh, fine.
Just fine.
Say hello to him for me, won't you? Yes.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Your, uh, dinner is ready, master.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay, I'll I'll be with you in just a minute.
Soon as I finish these correlations.
Well, how about that.
Say, what are you all dressed up for? I thought we were eating at home.
Oh, yes.
But I thought it might be nice if we dressed for it.
Ah, you look handsome, master.
Thanks.
Oh, you would look wonderful on the deck of your own yacht.
Jeannie, we've been through all this.
No yacht.
I don't know how I'm gonna make you understand.
I don't want anything else in the world except to be an astronaut.
Now why don't you just forget it, and we'll go down and enjoy your dinner.
Hmm? If you say so, master.
That's what I wish.
Oh, you should see what I made for you.
I have a wonderful No, now, don't tell me.
I want it to be a surprise.
All right.
I can't get over that.
You just look wonderful.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
It's probably Roger.
He's crazy about your cooking.
Uh Oh, Dr.
Bellows.
Major.
This is, uh Uh, an unexpected pleasure.
Is it? Yes.
Were you going out? Going out, sir? No, I was just having a little dinner here alone.
In a dinner jacket? A dinner jacket? Oh.
Ha, ha.
Uh, well, it's an old habit.
It, uh It makes the food taste better.
Oh.
Uh, are you going somewhere, sir? Yes, you might say that.
I'm taking a trip that's long overdue.
Good, good.
I I mean, have a good time, sir.
Drop me a line if you get a chance.
I expect to have the most interesting time of my life.
Good.
Uh, may I ask where you're going? Indeed you may, major.
Oh.
Did you say you were dining alone? The table is set for two.
Two? Oh, oh, you never know when a friend will drop in, do you? Well, thanks for dropping in to say goodbye, sir.
Oh.
I haven't come to say goodbye.
You haven't? No, major.
As a matter of fact, you might say that I've come to say hello.
I'm moving in with you.
This is really a bachelor's place, sir.
I don't know how comfortable I can make you.
Oh, the couch will be fine.
I'm not here to be comfortable.
Well, why are you here, sir? Because General Peterson thinks I'm losing my mind.
But I'm gonna prove to him that I'm normal.
Uh, shall we, uh, go in to dinner? Ahh! Is that pheasant under glass? Probably.
Truffles? Rack of lamb? Stuffed artichokes? Who cooked this, major? Oh, uh, we have a frozen-food market just [LOUD CRASH.]
It's my housekeeper.
Ah.
You have a housekeeper? Well, you don't think that I cooked this.
Oh, well, no, sir.
No, no, no.
Patricia is a marvelous cook.
Uh, but she doesn't like anyone in her kitchen, sir.
Patricia is very, uh Patricia, your housekeeper? Pedro, my houseboy.
Pedro this is Doctor Bellows.
[SQUEAKY SPANISH ACCENT.]
Hello, Doctor Bellows.
Hello, Pedro.
I was just complimenting Major Nelson on how marvelous the food looks.
Yes, uh, well, uh, I think we ought to go in and eat, sir Uh, tell me, where are you from, Pedro? I was born in Paris.
Paris? SÃ.
That's why I'm so very good cook.
Yeah, we really ought to start eating, sir.
Uh, how long have you worked for Major Nelson? Uh, he just started One year.
He just started a year ago.
I I think we ought to eat now.
Ai Chihuahua.
Is he gonna stay for dinner? Uh, Pedro, he's not only staying for dinner.
He's moved in with me.
[DISHES SMASHING.]
Pedro.
Now, Pedro.
Pedro.
Uh, I I told you, Pedro doesn't like anybody in his kitchen, sir.
He may be a marvelous cook, major, but he's dangerous.
I'd get rid of him if I were you.
Believe me, sir.
You've no idea how I've tried.
[DISHES SHATTERING.]
[DOORBELL RINGING.]
Coming, coming, coming.
Tony.
Is Is anything wrong? I just acquired a permanent houseguest.
Three guesses.
Suzanne? Doctor Alfred Bellows.
Oh.
Oh, you're kidding.
What are we going to do? What are we going to do? What are you It's your houseguest.
How did he happen to move in with you, anyway? Well, he didn't happen to move in.
He moved in because he's suspicious.
Oh, there's nothing worse than a suspicious head shrinker.
I need your help.
Wait a minute, don't give him to me.
I'm not giving you him.
I'm giving you Jeannie.
You are? Oh.
Oh, well, I'll drink to that.
Uh, just until I get rid of Dr.
Bellows.
Remember, it's only for the duration.
Oh, what do you think I am? I know what you are.
I'm taking a chance, anyway.
[SNORING.]
Fire.
Fire! Fire.
Fire.
Fire! [SMASH.]
I got it.
I got it.
What's going on? I don't know, but whatever it is, I think we've gotten to the bottom of it.
It was a bottle.
A bottle? What kind of a bottle? I trailed the bottle over Oh.
Well, it's not a total loss.
You better get some rest, sir.
I don't understand it.
I I must have had a nightmare.
It was so real.
Yes.
These things happen.
Yes.
I'll I'll buy you a new lamp, of course.
Oh, no.
You don't have to bother, sir.
It was an antique.
Sir, uh, could we get some sleep now? I have an awful rough day tomorrow.
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
I'm I'm terribly sorry.
I Oh.
My nerves seem to be on edge.
Yeah.
Oh.
When I was a A small boy, my mother loved my younger brother more than she loved me.
I I didn't think I minded it at the time, but then as years went by, I began to resent it.
I didn't actually hate my brother, but I found myself working out ways to do away with him.
[FOOT DRAGGING.]
[DRAGGING STOPS.]
[GRUMBLES.]
[DRAGGING CONTINUES.]
[DRAGGING STOPS.]
[TRAIN CHUGGING.]
[HEAVY BREATHING.]
[GRUMBLES.]
[LION ROARING.]
[HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLING.]
[NATIVE AMERICAN DRUMS, WHOOPING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[WHOOPING CONTINUES.]
What is it? What is it? The Indians.
Huh? Indians are coming.
Indians? Listen, they're closing in.
Doctor, you've got to pull yourself together.
I am together.
I heard these footsteps.
Then this train was coming.
Then someone was breathing in my ear.
Then this lion roared.
Lion roared? Yes.
That was just before the bomb start falling.
The bomb started falling? Yes.
And then Ooh, then the tom-toms started.
They were on the warpath.
Yelling and screaming.
It was a nightmare.
Yeah, doctor, that's exactly what it was: A nightmare.
Now, you must get some sleep.
Sleep? I wouldn't sleep in this house again if my life depended on it.
You wouldn't? If you'll take my advice, you'll get out of here yourself.
In my opinion, this house is haunted.
Oh, you don't believe in ghosts, do you, sir? Well, I didn't yesterday, but I do today.
Well, doctor, aren't you gonna get dressed? There's no time.
They may be gathering for another attack.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well [LAUGHS.]
He's gone, master.
Yes, I know.
Oh, Jeannie.
You're marvelous.
I can't tell you how great it is to be alone again.
ROGER: Good morning.
Hi, Roge.
Good morning, Major Healey.
Just call me master.
Master? Well, temporarily, of course.
Well, look, since I'll be taking over for a while, I made out a little list of some of the things I'll need Roger, there's been a change in plans, for one thing.
First of all, I'd like some ski equipment, nothing elaborate.
About 15 outfits.
And I'd like Jeannie won't be staying with you, Roge.
Maybe someplace in the mountains with about 30 rooms, with a cute maid.
Roger, uh, I'm keeping Jeannie.
What? I'm keeping Jeannie.
Doctor Bellows left.
Everything is all right.
What do you mean everything's all right? I just lost a 30-room chalet, a 15-piece ski outfit and a cute maid.
All right.
Uh, Jeannie, could you give him the maid? Certainly, master.
You mean you're gonna Oh, what a pal.
I'm Agnes.
I don't work on Sundays, and I take holidays off.
I don't do no heavy cleanin'.
And I cook only twice a week.
Now, the food's simple, so if you like it fancy, you can just go to a restaurant.
Besides that, I want two television sets.
One for the bedroom and one for the kitchen.
[.]
[.]
Jeannie, uh, would you come out, please? I'd like my breakfast.
Yes, master, one egg and two slices of bacon.
That's right.
[SIGHS.]
What's the matter? Oh nothing.
Oh, now, now, come on.
Something's on your mind.
W-what is it? Well If you must know, I am being wasted.
Huh? Anyone can make you one egg and two slices of bacon.
Oh, if you would only permit me, I could do such big things for you.
I could give you castles and gold and One egg, two slices of bacon, not too crisp, please.
I gave my last master a fleet of ships.
And a cup of coffee.
Why do you not let me help you? Jeannie, I I really don't need a fleet of ships.
But if I do, believe me, you'll be the first to know.
Perhaps a villa on the Nile? Really, I'm very happy with the house.
It's It's very comfortable.
Just breakfast, please.
Major Healey loved the yacht I gave him.
Yeah.
Look at the trouble he got into.
There is a wonderful diamond mine in Africa I could get you.
Jeannie, I I don't need a diamond mine.
I get a salary from the air force, very adequate.
And, uh And I must say, I earn my salary.
See, that's the point.
I like to do things for myself.
I will be a laughing stock.
A genie who can only bring her master bacon and eggs.
Well, look at it this way: Who's to know? Master, wish for one big thing.
Jeannie, I don't need anything.
I Oh, it would make me so happy.
You do not even have to say it aloud.
Just think it.
But I don't want anything.
Really.
Please? Come on, now, the biggest thing you can think of.
Uh Ready? Yeah.
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS.]
What are you going to do with that? Yeah It was the biggest thing I could think of.
Major Nelson? It's Doctor Bellows.
Get out of here, please? And take him with you.
I will leave.
You may keep the elephant.
But wait Uh Oh, there you are, Major Nelson.
Hi, there.
[.]
[.]
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS.]
I can't wait to hear your explanation of what you're doing with an elephant in your bedroom.
Uh, I'm glad you asked that, sir.
Uh, a friend of mine left him here? Uh, and my next question is going to be: Why? Ye Well, it's a very valuable animal, sir.
I mean, you just can't leave an elephant anywhere.
[GIGGLES.]
Uh, my friend takes him on safaris uh, uh, in Africa with him.
He insists that he stay indoors, sir.
You know how it is with animals.
Major, I want you to wait right here.
Do you understand? Right here.
Jeannie.
Very funny.
Jeannie.
Oh, are you satisfied? Well, it was you who wished for the elephant.
Would you mind getting rid of him? If you wish.
What's this? [LAUGHS.]
I did not know, master.
Were you thinking about a poodle? Yeah, I guess I was.
When I was a kid, I had a little poodle called Tiger.
Hi, there, Tiger.
Hi, there.
[POODLE SNARLS.]
Oh.
An elephant in his bedroom? General Peterson, I saw it with my own eyes.
His name is Tiger.
Doctor, what would an elephant be doing in Major Nelson's bedroom? With Major Nelson, anything is possible.
I repeat, general, anything.
You have no idea what I've been going through with him, sir.
But now I think we finally got his psyche pinned to the mat.
He'll never talk his way out of this one.
If this is another one of your wild goose chases Wild elephant chase, sir.
We're going on the biggest safari of them all: Bagging Major Nelson.
Oh, Doctor Bellows, General Peterson.
Sorry to barge in on you like this, Tony.
This will only take a minute, major.
He's in the bedroom, general.
Under the bed? He was standing right there.
I swear he was.
This big.
Tony.
Yes.
Did you have an elephant in your bedroom? [LAUGHING.]
Did I have an elephant in my bedroom? Uh-uh, you're not gonna get out of this one, major.
You called him Tiger.
Tiger.
Tiger.
Oh, oh, Tiger.
Yes.
Now do you recall? Yes.
Oh, yes, sir.
Here we are.
Here's Tiger.
He's a cute little fellow, huh? That's Tiger? So we're going on a safari to hunt wild elephants, are we? Doctor, I want you in my office in 30 minutes.
And be prepared to spend the afternoon with me.
Yes, sir.
I'm sorry to have bothered you, Tony.
Oh, that's quite all right, sir.
No bother at all.
It won't happen again.
You haven't heard the last of this.
You haven't heard the last of this, major.
Oh, general.
[SNARLING.]
Jeannie.
You see? I can help you.
How did I get in this spot in the first place? I feel sorry for Doctor Bellows.
He's a very nice man.
Well, I'd feel sorry for him too, except for one thing: If he ever finds out about you, I'm gonna get thrown out of the space program.
Oh, could you not explain to him that you found me in a bottle on the beach? Sure, that's Of course, of course.
And when I'm finished explaining it to him, he'll have me locked up.
Ha, ha.
[DOOR OPENS.]
They're back.
Hi.
Hi, Tony.
It's only you.
Boy, you sure know how to make a fellow feel welcome.
Hello, Captain Healey.
Hi, Jeannie.
How's tricks? [CHUCKLES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
I have not had much time to practice them.
Well, you should've picked me for your master.
I'd keep you working Oh, I am very pleased with the master I have.
Thank you.
Well, if you should change your mind, remember I, uh, pay overtime.
Hey, what's that? That's Tiger.
Hi, Tiger.
[SNARLS.]
Uh, didn't I see Doctor Bellows and General Peterson leave here? Yeah, yeah.
Doctor Bellows is seeing elephants.
Well, that's the psychiatry game for ya.
Well, we better be moving along.
They're running some films of yours on your space walk and some big brass is coming down from Washington, and, uh, they'd like us to be there.
Yeah, okay.
Um, I'll be home for dinner.
I shall fix something special, master.
When you're through, maybe you could mix me, uh, up a little something.
A little Maybe hors d'oeuvres.
[LAUGHS.]
And what do you wish for, little Tiger? There you go.
[LAUGHS.]
Mmm.
PETERSON: There's Major Nelson ready to step off into space.
There he goes.
Major Healey, when you were at the controls and Major Nelson left the ship, did you notice any difference in the handling of the controls? Well, when he stepped out, the ship yawed a bit, but it was easy to correct.
MAN: Major Nelson, did you have any problem adjusting to floating in space as opposed to floating in the capsule? TONY: Well, I suppose there was a difference psychologically, sir.
Inside the capsule, you have a feeling of security, and outside, you wonder whether you're gonna float away.
I must say it was an exhilarating feeling.
It must have been.
I really envy you, major.
I can arrange for you to go along on one of our moon shots.
That's very kind of you, general, but I'm really swamped with work right here.
Well, if you gentlemen will come back to my office, I'll show you the new correlation charts we have on the moon probe.
All right.
All right.
Oh, Major Nelson.
Yes, sir.
How's Tiger? Tiger? Oh, uh, fine.
Just fine.
Say hello to him for me, won't you? Yes.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Your, uh, dinner is ready, master.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay, I'll I'll be with you in just a minute.
Soon as I finish these correlations.
Well, how about that.
Say, what are you all dressed up for? I thought we were eating at home.
Oh, yes.
But I thought it might be nice if we dressed for it.
Ah, you look handsome, master.
Thanks.
Oh, you would look wonderful on the deck of your own yacht.
Jeannie, we've been through all this.
No yacht.
I don't know how I'm gonna make you understand.
I don't want anything else in the world except to be an astronaut.
Now why don't you just forget it, and we'll go down and enjoy your dinner.
Hmm? If you say so, master.
That's what I wish.
Oh, you should see what I made for you.
I have a wonderful No, now, don't tell me.
I want it to be a surprise.
All right.
I can't get over that.
You just look wonderful.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
It's probably Roger.
He's crazy about your cooking.
Uh Oh, Dr.
Bellows.
Major.
This is, uh Uh, an unexpected pleasure.
Is it? Yes.
Were you going out? Going out, sir? No, I was just having a little dinner here alone.
In a dinner jacket? A dinner jacket? Oh.
Ha, ha.
Uh, well, it's an old habit.
It, uh It makes the food taste better.
Oh.
Uh, are you going somewhere, sir? Yes, you might say that.
I'm taking a trip that's long overdue.
Good, good.
I I mean, have a good time, sir.
Drop me a line if you get a chance.
I expect to have the most interesting time of my life.
Good.
Uh, may I ask where you're going? Indeed you may, major.
Oh.
Did you say you were dining alone? The table is set for two.
Two? Oh, oh, you never know when a friend will drop in, do you? Well, thanks for dropping in to say goodbye, sir.
Oh.
I haven't come to say goodbye.
You haven't? No, major.
As a matter of fact, you might say that I've come to say hello.
I'm moving in with you.
This is really a bachelor's place, sir.
I don't know how comfortable I can make you.
Oh, the couch will be fine.
I'm not here to be comfortable.
Well, why are you here, sir? Because General Peterson thinks I'm losing my mind.
But I'm gonna prove to him that I'm normal.
Uh, shall we, uh, go in to dinner? Ahh! Is that pheasant under glass? Probably.
Truffles? Rack of lamb? Stuffed artichokes? Who cooked this, major? Oh, uh, we have a frozen-food market just [LOUD CRASH.]
It's my housekeeper.
Ah.
You have a housekeeper? Well, you don't think that I cooked this.
Oh, well, no, sir.
No, no, no.
Patricia is a marvelous cook.
Uh, but she doesn't like anyone in her kitchen, sir.
Patricia is very, uh Patricia, your housekeeper? Pedro, my houseboy.
Pedro this is Doctor Bellows.
[SQUEAKY SPANISH ACCENT.]
Hello, Doctor Bellows.
Hello, Pedro.
I was just complimenting Major Nelson on how marvelous the food looks.
Yes, uh, well, uh, I think we ought to go in and eat, sir Uh, tell me, where are you from, Pedro? I was born in Paris.
Paris? SÃ.
That's why I'm so very good cook.
Yeah, we really ought to start eating, sir.
Uh, how long have you worked for Major Nelson? Uh, he just started One year.
He just started a year ago.
I I think we ought to eat now.
Ai Chihuahua.
Is he gonna stay for dinner? Uh, Pedro, he's not only staying for dinner.
He's moved in with me.
[DISHES SMASHING.]
Pedro.
Now, Pedro.
Pedro.
Uh, I I told you, Pedro doesn't like anybody in his kitchen, sir.
He may be a marvelous cook, major, but he's dangerous.
I'd get rid of him if I were you.
Believe me, sir.
You've no idea how I've tried.
[DISHES SHATTERING.]
[DOORBELL RINGING.]
Coming, coming, coming.
Tony.
Is Is anything wrong? I just acquired a permanent houseguest.
Three guesses.
Suzanne? Doctor Alfred Bellows.
Oh.
Oh, you're kidding.
What are we going to do? What are we going to do? What are you It's your houseguest.
How did he happen to move in with you, anyway? Well, he didn't happen to move in.
He moved in because he's suspicious.
Oh, there's nothing worse than a suspicious head shrinker.
I need your help.
Wait a minute, don't give him to me.
I'm not giving you him.
I'm giving you Jeannie.
You are? Oh.
Oh, well, I'll drink to that.
Uh, just until I get rid of Dr.
Bellows.
Remember, it's only for the duration.
Oh, what do you think I am? I know what you are.
I'm taking a chance, anyway.
[SNORING.]
Fire.
Fire! Fire.
Fire.
Fire! [SMASH.]
I got it.
I got it.
What's going on? I don't know, but whatever it is, I think we've gotten to the bottom of it.
It was a bottle.
A bottle? What kind of a bottle? I trailed the bottle over Oh.
Well, it's not a total loss.
You better get some rest, sir.
I don't understand it.
I I must have had a nightmare.
It was so real.
Yes.
These things happen.
Yes.
I'll I'll buy you a new lamp, of course.
Oh, no.
You don't have to bother, sir.
It was an antique.
Sir, uh, could we get some sleep now? I have an awful rough day tomorrow.
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
I'm I'm terribly sorry.
I Oh.
My nerves seem to be on edge.
Yeah.
Oh.
When I was a A small boy, my mother loved my younger brother more than she loved me.
I I didn't think I minded it at the time, but then as years went by, I began to resent it.
I didn't actually hate my brother, but I found myself working out ways to do away with him.
[FOOT DRAGGING.]
[DRAGGING STOPS.]
[GRUMBLES.]
[DRAGGING CONTINUES.]
[DRAGGING STOPS.]
[TRAIN CHUGGING.]
[HEAVY BREATHING.]
[GRUMBLES.]
[LION ROARING.]
[HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLING.]
[NATIVE AMERICAN DRUMS, WHOOPING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[WHOOPING CONTINUES.]
What is it? What is it? The Indians.
Huh? Indians are coming.
Indians? Listen, they're closing in.
Doctor, you've got to pull yourself together.
I am together.
I heard these footsteps.
Then this train was coming.
Then someone was breathing in my ear.
Then this lion roared.
Lion roared? Yes.
That was just before the bomb start falling.
The bomb started falling? Yes.
And then Ooh, then the tom-toms started.
They were on the warpath.
Yelling and screaming.
It was a nightmare.
Yeah, doctor, that's exactly what it was: A nightmare.
Now, you must get some sleep.
Sleep? I wouldn't sleep in this house again if my life depended on it.
You wouldn't? If you'll take my advice, you'll get out of here yourself.
In my opinion, this house is haunted.
Oh, you don't believe in ghosts, do you, sir? Well, I didn't yesterday, but I do today.
Well, doctor, aren't you gonna get dressed? There's no time.
They may be gathering for another attack.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well [LAUGHS.]
He's gone, master.
Yes, I know.
Oh, Jeannie.
You're marvelous.
I can't tell you how great it is to be alone again.
ROGER: Good morning.
Hi, Roge.
Good morning, Major Healey.
Just call me master.
Master? Well, temporarily, of course.
Well, look, since I'll be taking over for a while, I made out a little list of some of the things I'll need Roger, there's been a change in plans, for one thing.
First of all, I'd like some ski equipment, nothing elaborate.
About 15 outfits.
And I'd like Jeannie won't be staying with you, Roge.
Maybe someplace in the mountains with about 30 rooms, with a cute maid.
Roger, uh, I'm keeping Jeannie.
What? I'm keeping Jeannie.
Doctor Bellows left.
Everything is all right.
What do you mean everything's all right? I just lost a 30-room chalet, a 15-piece ski outfit and a cute maid.
All right.
Uh, Jeannie, could you give him the maid? Certainly, master.
You mean you're gonna Oh, what a pal.
I'm Agnes.
I don't work on Sundays, and I take holidays off.
I don't do no heavy cleanin'.
And I cook only twice a week.
Now, the food's simple, so if you like it fancy, you can just go to a restaurant.
Besides that, I want two television sets.
One for the bedroom and one for the kitchen.
[.]
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