I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s01e27 Episode Script

Jeannie, would you like part of the paper? Oh, master.
Oh, thank you, master.
The newspapers remind me of the old days.
-The old days? Really? -Two thousand years ago.
Nothing but floods, wars and juvenile delinquency.
-Master! Oh, look, look! -What? The museum is having an exhibit from Bukistan.
-How about that? -Master, l used to live in Bukistan.
-Oh, please take me.
-What, to Bukistan? No.
To the museum.
Well, l'm not really very much for museums.
And besides, l'm not even dressed.
When l opened my mouth, l knew l shouldn't have said it.
-Shall we go, master? -You've talked me into it.
Oh, this is it.
l'm so excited.
l could spend days here.
Well, l can only give you l've got to be back at the base.
-Master, look at that sword.
-Yeah.
Oh, they do not make them like that anymore.
Yeah, l hope not.
Look at that sword.
-My slippers! -What's the matter with your slippers? Oh, no, no, no, master.
Those slippers in the case.
They are mine.
Those are my favourite slippers.
No, no.
How could they be your slippers, Jeannie? They belonged to a Princess Muphista, whoever she was.
l know who she was.
She was a fat thief.
And l want my slippers back.
Would you mind lowering your voice? These people are staring.
But they are mine.
Well, slippers are slippers.
They probably just look like yours.
Oh, no, master.
You see there, where the tassel is missing? That happened when the caliph and l danced and he stepped on my foot.
And come on.
Come on over here.
-See that broken place near the heel? -Yeah.
Well, that happened when l became angry and l threw the slipper at the princess.
Oh, believe me, master.
l would know those slippers anywhere.
And l must have them back.
No, no, no, Jeannie.
You mustn't.
They don't belong to you anymore.
They're on loan from Bukistan.
How can the Bukistan government loan what belongs to me? Jeannie, that's just the point.
You see, they don't belong to you anymore.
l'm sorry.
l'm terribly sorry.
Come on.
Nice museum.
Wonderful exhibit.
You are right, master.
Why make a fuss about a pair of Yeah.
-Good morning, Major Nelson.
-Oh, hello, Alice.
You never call me anymore.
Well, l'm sorry.
l'm engaged in a little experimental work.
Experimenting, huh? See you later.
A robbery by someone in this base? That's hard to believe.
Nothing shocks a psychiatrist.
Hello, major.
Tony, have you heard about the big robbery? No, but if it's somebody here, l hope they catch him.
-Oh, we'll catch him, all right.
-What was stolen, sir? Some joker broke into the museum and stole a valuable pair of old slippers that were on exhibit.
-Old slippers, huh? -Yes.
They were 2000 years old, and priceless.
The museum guard says that an officer left just before the slippers were discovered missing.
He's sure he can identify him.
-lsn't that a lucky break? -Oh, yeah, yeah.
Very lucky.
We have a list of the officers who were off duty at the time of the robbery.
We're gonna check that list out very carefully.
-By tonight, he'll probably be in prison.
-Probably.
l can tell you right now who the thief is.
-Oh, you can, sir? -Yes, l certainly can.
The man we're looking for is a psychopath.
-Psychopath? -Really--? A psychopath, sir? With a fetish for women's shoes.
A fet-- How do you know that, sir? There were things much more valuable and yet the thief took only the slippers.
l know this sounds far-fetched, but couldn't it be possible the thief was trying to reclaim his rightful property? Oh, come now, Major Nelson.
A pair of 2000-year-old slippers? No, no, no.
The man we're looking for is desperate, cunning and ingenious.
And we're going to find him.
Oh, yeah.
Well, if there's anything l can do to help, sir, why, just let me know.
After all, they're just slippers.
ls this worth all the fuss over it? No, it might be only a pair of slippers to you, Major Nelson but to the Bukistanian government, it's a national insult.
-An insult.
-l've just been with General Peterson.
The Bukistanian ambassador has lodged a formal protest and informed the State Department that unless those slippers are returned within the next 24 hours they're going to consider this theft a deliberate affront to their government.
You know something, sir, l don't blame them.
What are you, some kind of expert in international affairs? Excuse me, sir, l've got some work to do.
What did l say? Jeannie! Jeannie! Young lady, l wanna have a little talk to you.
Are they not beautiful, master? And they fit perfectly.
l was afraid that my feet might have grown in 2000 years.
Do you know what you've done to me? l have done nothing to you, master.
You've done nothing to--? lf you don't give those back, l'll go to jail the U.
S.
is gonna go to war with Bukistan.
But they belong to me, master.
Jeannie, you are missing the point.
That exhibition was on loan.
The United States government was responsible for those slippers.
And they took good care of these for me.
l'm grateful.
But would you not think they would at least have put the tassel back on, master? You're not listening to me.
l want those slippers back in a glass case.
As you wish, master.
Aren't they lovely? Not-- Not there.
l want them in a museum.
Jeannie, you're gonna return those slippers now.
l like it when you are forceful, master.
Sometimes you have to be.
l would do anything to make you happy, master.
-That's my girl.
-Except return these slippers.
Now, wait a minute.
Listen, l-- l cannot tell you how much l love them.
l must buy something to go with them.
How about the pyramids? That is a wonderful idea! No, no, no.
l take it back.
Look, l'll tell you what l'll do.
lf you give me those slippers l'll buy you a dozen pair just like it, huh? No, master.
l will keep these.
l'll.
l'll let you drive the car, Jeannie.
You love that, huh? Huh? No, master.
Well, l'll-- l'll take you dancing.
How about that, huh? No, master.
l will keep these slippers.
This time, Jeannie, l'm afraid l'm going to have to insist.
Jeannie, you cut that out! Come on, cut it out! -Oh, you.
-Jeannie! Now, come on.
Jeannie, you come out of there.
Now, l mean it.
Jeannie, this is your master speaking.
Can you hear me? l'm gonna count to three.
One, two, th-- Has Dr.
Bellows called you yet? No.
Why should he call me? You know those men he was talking about? Dr.
Bellows asked the museum guard to come look at some of the men and they've got the list down to three men.
Tony, what would you want with a pair of old slippers? l mean, it goes terrible with your uniform.
Roger.
Well, l mean, l'm just saying that-- Jeannie? That's right.
The slippers are Jeannie's.
She ran across them at the museum.
Tell her to give them back.
She's supposed to obey you.
l know she's supposed to obey me but she doesn't know that.
l made a big mistake when l found her.
l said she was free.
Why couldn't l have picked up an everyday, normal male genie? Well, what are you gonna do? l'm-- l'm gonna let her keep the slippers.
-You're what? -Yeah, yeah.
Sure, sure.
Why not? l'm gonna let her keep them.
They're hers.
They belong to her.
She should keep them.
-After all, what's fair is fair, right? -Fair is fair.
What's fair is fair.
'' l am going to trick--'' Roger, l have a lot to do right now.
We all got a lot to do.
Right? Sure.
Listen, if anybody calls, don't answer, right? -Thanks a lot.
-Nice talking to you.
Jeannie, you can come out now.
Oh, thank you, master, but l'm very comfortable in here.
Well, l-- l'll just make an early night of it.
l'll get a little sleep.
-Good night, Jeannie.
-Good night, master.
Well, good morning, Rififi.
How's the international slipper thief? Well, l'll tell you how l am.
lf l don't get those slippers back, l'm gonna start a war with Bukistan.
-l thought you were gonna trick her.
-l tried.
lt didn't work.
l tried to get her out of the bottle.
She wouldn't budge.
What's she being so unreasonable about? She's not, really.
When you come down to it, they are her slippers.
l feel like a heel trying to get them.
You've got an interesting choice.
You can be a live heel or a dead hero.
lf Bellows can prove you're mixed up in this he'll nail you to his wall as a trophy.
l'm not really worried about Dr.
Bellows.
You see-- Yes? Oh, hello, Dr.
Bellows.
Can l come over to your office right away? No.
l mean, l can as soon as l finish the job l'm in the middle of.
Well, it-- lt shouldn't take too long, sir.
At least l hope not.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
l'll be over.
l have an uncle in the insurance business.
lf you'd like a letter of recommendation, why, l-- lf l can get those slippers back before my meeting with Bellows they'll be so happy, they won't care who stole them.
Hello.
Oh, hello.
Jeannie? Hello, master.
Did you sleep well? Oh, yes, I did.
And--? And you? Oh, l slept very well, thank you.
Jeannie, l've been thinking.
l-- l really think you ought to keep the slippers.
-You do? -Of course.
After all, they're yours.
Thank you, master.
And to celebrate, l'm gonna take you and Roger to lunch.
Oh, l will enjoy that.
Roger always wanted to go to Maxim's in Paris.
l did? l did.
Oh, yeah.
l love French food.
Of course, when l first tried it, France was called Gaul.
Can you imagine going into a restaurant and asking for some Gaul-fried potatoes? Jeannie, naturally we couldn't take you out dressed like that.
Oh, well, that is no problem.
Hey, hey! Does this look better, master? -Very nice.
-That's wonderful, Jeannie.
You know, l don't think the slippers go with that outfit, though.
l like the slippers with the outfit.
Why don't you change your shoes and you can leave your slippers here in my drawer? For safekeeping.
Well, if you are sure that nothing will happen to them.
Well, what could possibly happen to them in my office? Very well then.
Are these better, master? Oh, those are beautiful.
Aren't they, Roge? Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank-- Thank you.
Well, that's taken care of.
-Listen, l'm starved.
Can we go now? -Boy, so am l.
-Hungry.
-Overseas operator.
Why are you calling the overseas operator? l'm calling Maxim's to make a reservation.
You just can't walk in.
That will not be necessary, master.
l can make a reservation.
-How? -l will go there and make it.
-l don't wanna put you to any trouble.
-lt is no trouble, master.
-l will not be gone long.
-Well-- Boy, this is the greatest idea you've ever had.
l've never been to Maxim's before.
l'm hungry too.
What are you doing? l'm gonna take these back to that museum.
We're not going to Maxim's? Roger, get with it, will you? l never thought l'd see these again.
And we've gotta work fast.
We've gotta work fast? l've gotta do it before my meeting with Dr.
Bellows.
Since we're not going to Maxim's, can we get a cheeseburger? He's got the stolen slippers in a shoebox.
-That's right, general.
-l don't believe it.
l saw it myself.
lf you'll come to his office right now, you'll catch him.
Doctor, if you're wasting my time again-- General, if l'm wasting your time, l'll eat the shoebox.
Let's go.
How are we gonna get them back into the museum? l don't know.
We gotta find a way in 1 5 minutes.
-Wait, wait, wait.
-l caught you! -How was Maxim's? -Maxim's is not open for lunch.
You lied to me.
l'm going to turn you into a three-headed toad.
Don't do anything you're gonna be sorry for.
l've never seen a three-headed toad before.
Jeannie, l'm sorry l lied to you.
l was desperate.
Are you gonna turn him into a three-headed toad? Roger, will you stay out of this? l'm warning you, doctor.
This is the last time.
Jeannie! There it is, general.
Well, l guess l better be running along.
-You stay right here.
-Right here, sir.
What have you got in the box? The box, sir? The box.
Oh, yes.
That shoebox.
Now, l wonder what could be in a shoebox? Shoes, perhaps? Stolen shoes, perhaps? l've waited a long time for this, Major Nelson.
l have no intention of gloating.
l'm simply going to use this as the basis of getting to the bottom of a lot of things that need explaining.
Open the box, major.
Well, l'd really rather not, sir.
l have some kind of personal things in there.
l hate to insist, Tony, but since Dr.
Bellows has made this accusation, l'm afraid l'll have to.
Well, really, there's no need to, sir.
See, l can explain what's in it.
l have this friend-- l'll open it myself.
lt's a lobster.
Well, yes, of course it's a lobster, sir.
l love lobster.
Doctor? Yes, general.
Jeannie.
Hey, hey, what's going on? What are you doing? l am leaving, master.
l will not stay in a den of thieves.
A den of thieves? Look who's talking.
Now, all right, all right.
l'll take you to Maxim's.
And you can keep your slippers on.
Oh, master, l did not care that you did not take me to Maxim's.
lt just hurt me that you lied to me.
l'm sorry.
l didn't mean to hurt you.
Let's forget about the whole thing, all right? -Do you mean that? -Yeah, l really do.
All right? All right.
Why don't you unpack your suitcases now, huh? Oh, that will not be necessary, master.
The suitcases are empty.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That figures.
Hello.
Major Nelson here.
Oh, yes, Dr.
Bellows.
You have the museum guard with you there? And you want me to come over right away.
Well-- lt's a little late, sir-- Yes, sir, l'll be right over.
l've gotta go over to Dr.
Bellows' office.
-About my slippers? -Yeah, yeah.
But don't worry.
l'll work it out.
Well, very well, master.
l will get dressed, and when you come back, we will go out to dinner.
l may be a little delayed.
How long? l'd rather not think about that.
Tony, you've gotta get out of town.
Bellows has the museum guard in his office now.
Yeah, yeah, l know.
l'm on my way over there right now.
Well, l will go take my shower.
Shower? You can't go there.
That's impossible.
They'll identify you.
l know.
But if l don't go, Dr.
Bellows will send the tank corps after me.
Did you see the expression on his face when he ate that shoebox? Roger, this time he's got me.
That's too bad.
You put up a good fight.
Thanks.
Oh, don't forget about my uncle.
-Your uncle? -The insurance business.
Jeannie, l'm leaving now.
l'll be back as soon as l finish with Dr.
Bellows.
Can you hear me? -Where are we going? -l need your help.
-Come on! -Wait a minute.
Wait a minute! Roger, the keys.
-Give me the keys.
-l got the keys.
Give them to me.
Here's the shoes.
Come on, come on, come on.
-Major.
-Oh, l'm sorry l'm late, sir.
Well, it.
lt doesn't matter.
l don't need you any longer.
-You don't need me any longer? -No.
The thief broke into the museum again and returned the slippers.
-No.
-Yes.
The criminal mind is an amazing thing, isn't it? Major, someday not today and perhaps not tomorrow but someday.
Master.
Hello, Jeannie.
Jeannie, you're gonna hate me for this, but l had to do it.
l had to return your slippers.
Now, they're in the museum where they belong.
And l want you to promise me that they'll stay exactly where they are.
Well, if that is what you wish, master.
Believe me, if you knew all the trouble l went through to put those things back, that's exactly what l wish.
Very well, master.