I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s02e07 Episode Script
Fastest Gun in the East
I'm ready, master.
How do I look? Great, great, great.
[GUNSHOTS OVER TV.]
What is that you are watching? A horse opera.
[GIGGLES.]
An opera with horses? No, it's a It's a Western.
That's the way people used to live in the old days.
And the only law and order was the marshal.
It reminds me of election day in old Baghdad.
TONY: In those days men really had to be men.
You make it sound so exciting.
It was.
I wish I lived in those days.
Isn't that something, Jeannie? [.]
Oh.
Jeannie.
[WHISPERS.]
Jeannie.
Hey, look at that, boys.
We got us a new marshal.
Howdy, marshal.
Oh, uh, no, no.
No, I'm not your marshal.
When I count to three, I'm shootin'.
No, you don't understand, uh One, Jeannie.
Two, Jeannie.
Three.
Jeannie! Oh.
[.]
[.]
Hit the leather, marshal.
Hey, wait! Whoa! Leave him alone, Bull.
I didn't mean no harm, Mr.
Sedgewick.
I was just having a little bit of fun.
Fun? You could've killed somebody.
Yeah.
What kind of a welcome is that for our new marshal? Why, he's going to think Gopher Junction is uncivilized.
Beat it.
Yes, sir.
I-I, uh, apologize for that, marshal.
Oh, uh, that's all right.
Thanks for the help.
Listen, he should be locked up.
Well, I keep telling them that Gopher Junction is not gonna grow into a proper city unless we get some law and order around here.
Yeah, well, you may have some little wait.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, Bull doesn't mean any harm.
He just gets kind of carried away sometimes.
I'm Horace Sedgewick, the town banker.
Oh, hi.
I'm Tony Nelson.
Oh sorry.
Nelson, Nelson.
Well, I'm mighty glad to meet you, Mr.
Nelson.
Come on, let me show you your office.
My office? Yeah.
[.]
Eh [WHINNIES.]
Is that your horse? Um, yeah.
Yeah, I guess so.
Uh, where you hail from? Cocoa Beach.
Is that east or west of Abilene? East.
I'm sure mighty glad you're here, Mr.
Nelson.
We haven't had a marshal since poor Ed Clampett.
Oh, what happened to Ed Clampett? Same thing that happened to the last seven marshals.
Like I told you, the boys are kind of high-spirited.
You have quite a turnover here, don't you? Well, the highest of any town in the West.
Huh? Come on in.
Oh.
Oh, uh, I see we have a guest.
Oh, that's Eddie Sheridan.
But you don't have to bother about him, marshal.
He won't be with you long.
Why not? Because they're gonna lynch me! I'm innocent! They'll kill me if you don't let me go! Wha? What'd he do? He's the cold-bloodedest killer I ever seen, marshal.
Why, he shot down a rancher and his wife when they caught him rustling their cattle.
No, no, that's a lie! I was nowhere near the Bar-X when they was killed.
Well, I'm sure all the facts will come out at the trial.
Oh, he's already had his trial, marshal.
Oh? And the jury was very generous.
They gave him life imprisonment.
They gonna take him to the prison in Kansas City tonight.
When you get yourself all settled in here, come on over to the Silver Dollar Saloon.
I'll, uh, buy you a drink and introduce you all around.
Well, thank you very much, sir.
Oh, uh Heh-heh-heh.
Well, heh-heh, it's, uh, good to have you with us.
Thank you.
[.]
[SOBBING.]
I didn't kill nobody! I've been framed! Framed.
They just want to get my ranch.
You gotta help me.
Well, uh, I-I'd like to help you very much, but, uh Well, I can't.
I'm just passing through.
Oh, sure.
Sure, I should've figured it.
You're in with them.
Them? The Unholy Ten.
The Un The Unholy Ten? I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm talking about that gang that's been trying to take over this territory.
They've hit every ranch within 100 miles of here! Well, why? Because they want the land, Mr.
Marshal! If you don't sell out to 'em at their price, they try to scare you out.
Well, there's really nothing I can do.
Ah, I You'll be safe in Kansas City.
Who are you kiddin'? [SOBS.]
You know how far I'll get? They built that for me.
There'll be a lynch mob here to get me at 6:00.
No.
No, I-I'm sure Mr.
Sedgewick wouldn't allow anything like that.
I'll go talk to him.
There anything you need? A marshal with guts.
[SOBBING.]
[LAUGHING AND SHOUTING IN SALOON.]
[LAUGHING.]
[CONTINUES LAUGHING.]
[PIANO PLAYING RAGTIME.]
[CHATTER.]
Buy me a drink, honey? Oh, uh Well, I'm just passing through.
Jeannie.
What are you doing? [GIGGLING.]
Oh, you were right, master.
This is so exciting.
You don't know the half of it.
Are you ready to go home now? Well, now that you're here, I think I'd like to stay until about 6:00.
Well, if that is what you wish, marshal.
Yeah, that's what Well, well.
If it ain't our new marshal.
Ahem.
Jeannie, you go and enjoy yourself.
All right, master.
All right.
You know, I ain't stopped shakin' since you come to town.
You look like a real killer.
Ain't he got a mean look? If I wasn't right in the middle of a drink, I'd sure be runnin'.
What you drinkin', marshal? Nothin', thank you.
I guess you didn't hear right, mister.
When my friend Al asks you to have a drink, you have a drink.
Well, I'm particular with whom I drink.
Now, you shouldn't have said that, stranger.
You just hurt my feelings.
And you know what happens when I get my feelings hurt? You beat up little old ladies? [.]
Can you do that? 'Cause if you can't, you're in a lot of trouble.
Pardon me.
Hey, Bull, he hit seven of 'em with a six-shooter.
Well, that calls for a drink, marshal.
Me and you'll be meetin' again, marshal.
Well, before we do, do you mind takin' a bath? You smell terrible.
Bull! I wouldn't push him too far if I were you, marshal.
It's not healthy.
I don't push [CLEARS THROAT.]
I don't push easy, Mr.
Sedgewick.
Eh Oh, I was talking to Eddie Sheridan, and he thinks that they're gonna lynch him tonight.
Oh, heh-heh, I wouldn't pay too much attention to what Sheridan says.
He's a real troublemaker.
And, uh troublemakers don't last too long around here, marshal.
I'll see you later.
You must be the new marshal.
Oh, uh, no.
No, ma'am, I'm just traveling through.
I'm a tourist.
Please, help me.
Well, I'd like to very much, but, uh What's your problem? I'm Eddie Sheridan's sister.
You've got to let him go.
Well, ma'am, I'm not a judge.
I'm I'm just a Well, whatever it is I am, I can't let him go.
[SIGHS.]
You were our last chance.
Eddie and I were hoping the new marshal would save him.
[SOBBING.]
TONY: Now, now.
That's That's not gonna do any good.
Uh, stop that.
Everybody's watching.
Everybody.
Here.
Take that.
[SNIFFLING.]
Thank you.
They're not gonna stop till they've taken over every ranch in the valley.
"They're not gonna stop"? Who's they? They call themselves the Unholy Ten.
Well, what do they want with all this land? I-I mean, the freeways won't be through here for another hundred years.
They want the land because the railroad's coming through Through and they want the right of way.
How did you know that? I watch a lot of television.
Well Will you save Eddie? Ma'am, as long as I'm marshal of Gopher Junction, there ain't nobody gonna get lynched.
Oh, thank you.
Oh! Oh.
Oh.
BULL: Well, I see you found a playmate.
How about spreadin' a little of that sunshine? Hey, hey, get your hands off of her! Oh, thank you, marshal.
GEORGIA: I'll see you later.
Marshal, I got a feeling you're a big bluff.
Oh, yeah? You know what I think.
I think that shootin' you done a while ago was purely accidental.
[.]
Let's take big mouth outside, boys.
Oh.
Jeannie.
Jeannie! It's too bad your visit was so short, marshal.
We're gonna miss you.
All right, knock it off! I happen to be United States property.
If you let me go now, I'll let you off lightly.
Let him go.
Not this time, Mr.
Sedgewick.
I don't like his face.
What do you think you're doing? What time is it? A quarter of 6.
Come on, boys.
Well, I'm glad they realized they was headin' for trouble.
Thank you, Mr.
Sedgewick.
Don't think I'm gonna be able to help you next time, marshal.
Huh? May we go home now, master? No.
No, not yet, Jeannie.
There's something funny going on here, and I want to find out what it is.
Oh.
Well, please be careful.
They gotta learn respect for the law.
Marshal, come quickly! Well, what's the matter? It's my brother.
They're breaking into the jail.
They're gonna lynch him! Not while I'm marshal of Gopher Junction they ain't.
I'll get me a posse.
All right, you men.
I need me a posse.
All volunteers raise your hands.
[.]
Never mind.
I'll do it myself.
Let's break the door down and teach Sheridan not to shoot helpless women! [CROWD CHEERING.]
Break it up! I happen to be the marshal, you know.
MAN: Hey, it's the marshal! Yeah, now Put me down.
Wait, fellas.
You're all overly-excited.
Now, I want you all to go home and get a good night's rest.
[CROWD BOOS.]
Let's get him, boys.
TONY: Kn Kno Knock it off.
I mean it.
Have you ever heard of the FBI? The what? Forget it.
[.]
[BANGING ON DOOR.]
I want you to get out of here, sister, before you get hurt.
But they'll kill you.
As long as I'm gopher of Marshal Junction, ain't nobody gonna get killed.
BULL: You got 60 seconds, marshal.
You send Sheridan out here or we're comin' in to get him! You better do what they say, marshal.
Do what they say? They're gonna lynch you.
They're gonna lynch me no matter what you do.
I just don't want Georgia gettin' hurt.
I told you, as long as I'm marshal, ain't nobody gonna get hurt.
GEORGIA: What are you gonna do? Go out and show 'em who's in charge, that's what.
Oh, please don't go out there.
They'll kill you.
There are worse ways of dyin', ma'am.
Oh.
Oh, you're the bravest man I've ever known.
Yeah.
[.]
Have you decided to be sensible, marshal? All right, you men! I'm gonna turn my back on you and I'm gonna count to 10.
When I turn around again, you better be gone or I'm gonna start shootin'.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, Well, that's better.
Uh, I'd like to thank the citizens of Gopher Junction for the way they handled themselves in this emergency.
Let's get him, boys! Nothing can stop them.
Come on, I want you to let your brother out.
Here.
[CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
Oh, you were right, master.
This is getting more and more exciting.
Yeah, it's getting a little too exciting.
Oh, well, I'll get rid of them for you.
No, no, no, no.
I wanna do this myself.
I only wish I had some tear gas.
Jeannie.
Oh, Jeannie.
[ALL COUGHING.]
I Which one is it? Agh! Let that be a lesson to all of you.
EDDIE: I don't know how you did it, but I'm proud.
It's nothing.
Eddie, Eddie! What is it, Josh? It's the Unholy Ten.
They're rustli" your cattle.
Oh, no! It's all we have left.
Master, why would they want to wrestle his cattle? Not "wrestle," "rustle".
Rustle.
They're going to the Mexican border.
We'll head 'em off at the Pass.
Pass.
[.]
[WHINNIES.]
Come on, Jeannie.
Come on.
I-I'm sorry, master, but I am afraid of horses.
You're what? Well, when I was a little girl, we always had camels, and then my uncle came over one day and Jeannie, I don't have time to psychoanalyze you.
The Unholy Ten are getting away with the cattle.
Now, come on.
[SIGHS.]
Very well, master.
Jeannie, what are you doing? I am not afraid of donkeys.
[BRAYS.]
Forget it.
Isn't there anything we can do to stop the stampede? Huh? Yeah.
Yeah, sure there is.
Come here, Jeannie.
Listen, you've got to stop the stampede.
Oh, well, I will be happy to, master.
What is a stampede? Oh, well Well, that's when the cattle are all going this way, you see.
Oh, I see.
And you would like them to go this way? Yeah, that's it.
Okay.
[MOOING.]
[.]
They turned around.
Yeah.
They're goin' the other way.
Sedgewick ain't gonna like this.
I don't like it neither.
Come on.
Where you goin'? Back to town to get me a marshal.
Yes, yes.
Well, I see you're still here, marshal.
I don't push easy.
And if you take my advice, you'll be on your way out of town before Bull gets back.
Back from where? Why, uh I don't know.
Wherever he went.
I know where he is.
Jeannie, I'll handle this myself.
I warned you about this prisoner.
He's a dangerous man.
He should be back in jail.
Yeah, Mr.
Sheridan claims that he was framed.
Oh, he was, master, and I can tell you who did it.
Jeannie, I wanna do this myself.
Eddie and I won't be driven off our land, Mr.
Sedgewick.
Well, I'm afraid it's not your land anymore, Miss Georgia.
There's a mortgage due next week, and you have no cattle left.
How do you know that, Mr.
Sedgewick? I know how he knew it.
Yeah, Jeannie, please.
I told you, I want to do it myself.
Very well.
Yeah.
Ahem.
Now, you were saying about the cattle? Yes.
Uh, well, I I just heard that some rustlers ran them off.
Well, you heard wrong, Mr.
Sedgewick.
[.]
I think we got some company.
I gotta talk to you.
Later.
This won't wait.
He has some very bad news for you.
Jeannie, please.
Well, he has.
Yeah Excuse me.
Oh, yeah.
No, really, I Are the cattle really safe? Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
The cattle are fine.
You don't have to worry about a thing.
Oh, you're wonderful.
Oh, well [CHUCKLES.]
Please, uh, ma'am.
I'm I'm on duty.
[.]
What do you mean they reversed direction? I can't explain it.
The cattle just suddenly turned around and went in the other direction.
You bunglin' fool.
Well, I don't know why, but I got a feeling the marshal's behind all of this.
Yeah, I got the same feelin'.
And I want you to take care of him.
My pleasure.
I don't wanna take any chances.
Al, Sam, you know what to do.
Right.
We'll fix him.
Sam, take the hotel.
I'll take the saloon.
Be careful.
Don't worry.
[.]
Hey, marshal! Yeah? My conscious has been botherin' me somethin' awful.
I killed that rancher and his wife.
Why don't you come and get me.
Take cover.
Ooh, I will stay with you, master.
No, no, Jeannie.
He's a killer.
Take cover.
Oh, but I I mean it.
[.]
[SPURS JANGLING.]
Now! All right, hold it right there, Bull.
[GUN COCKS.]
[GUNSHOT.]
[COCKS.]
You're through, Bull.
[LAUGHING.]
Well done, marshal.
I'll see to it that he's properly taken care of.
Jeannie.
The Unholy Ten.
It won't be hard to find out who the other nine are now.
I can tell you who.
It was Jeannie, next time I'm going to send you home.
Oh, I'm sorry, master.
Now, I figure that the only reason that the Unholy Ten have been able to terrorize the countryside and get away with it is because they got some pretty powerful backing.
Go on.
Now, this person has to be rich enough to be able to buy up the ranches once the owners have gotten scared off.
And that person is you, Mr.
Sedgewick! Me? Ah, you're crazy! Oh, he is not! He [CHATTER.]
I have nothing to do with any of this.
Wait a minute.
You ain't leaving me to take the rap! Shut up.
Yeah, let them hang me while you're runnin' around.
The whole thing was his idea.
All right, take him away.
Why But you [MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY.]
[.]
You got nothing to worry about, Ed, Georgia.
Everything's gonna be all right.
Oh, you're the most wonderful man I've ever met in my whole life! Well Well, uh Oh.
I'm just never gonna let you go! [CHUCKLING.]
[COWBOY MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV.]
[INDISTINCT YELLING OVER TV.]
Dinner is ready, master.
Hm? Hm? Oh, sorry, I must've dozed off, heh-heh.
[YAWNS.]
What time is it, Jeannie? A few minutes past 6.
Really? Mm-hm.
[SIGHS.]
I had the wildest dream.
It was so real.
Was it? [CLICKS OFF TV.]
Yeah.
I dreamt I was in this In this town in the Wild West.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, forget it.
Are you hungry, master? Mm.
Starved.
Gun fights always make me Let's eat.
[GIGGLES.]
[.]
[LAUGHING.]
[.]
How do I look? Great, great, great.
[GUNSHOTS OVER TV.]
What is that you are watching? A horse opera.
[GIGGLES.]
An opera with horses? No, it's a It's a Western.
That's the way people used to live in the old days.
And the only law and order was the marshal.
It reminds me of election day in old Baghdad.
TONY: In those days men really had to be men.
You make it sound so exciting.
It was.
I wish I lived in those days.
Isn't that something, Jeannie? [.]
Oh.
Jeannie.
[WHISPERS.]
Jeannie.
Hey, look at that, boys.
We got us a new marshal.
Howdy, marshal.
Oh, uh, no, no.
No, I'm not your marshal.
When I count to three, I'm shootin'.
No, you don't understand, uh One, Jeannie.
Two, Jeannie.
Three.
Jeannie! Oh.
[.]
[.]
Hit the leather, marshal.
Hey, wait! Whoa! Leave him alone, Bull.
I didn't mean no harm, Mr.
Sedgewick.
I was just having a little bit of fun.
Fun? You could've killed somebody.
Yeah.
What kind of a welcome is that for our new marshal? Why, he's going to think Gopher Junction is uncivilized.
Beat it.
Yes, sir.
I-I, uh, apologize for that, marshal.
Oh, uh, that's all right.
Thanks for the help.
Listen, he should be locked up.
Well, I keep telling them that Gopher Junction is not gonna grow into a proper city unless we get some law and order around here.
Yeah, well, you may have some little wait.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, Bull doesn't mean any harm.
He just gets kind of carried away sometimes.
I'm Horace Sedgewick, the town banker.
Oh, hi.
I'm Tony Nelson.
Oh sorry.
Nelson, Nelson.
Well, I'm mighty glad to meet you, Mr.
Nelson.
Come on, let me show you your office.
My office? Yeah.
[.]
Eh [WHINNIES.]
Is that your horse? Um, yeah.
Yeah, I guess so.
Uh, where you hail from? Cocoa Beach.
Is that east or west of Abilene? East.
I'm sure mighty glad you're here, Mr.
Nelson.
We haven't had a marshal since poor Ed Clampett.
Oh, what happened to Ed Clampett? Same thing that happened to the last seven marshals.
Like I told you, the boys are kind of high-spirited.
You have quite a turnover here, don't you? Well, the highest of any town in the West.
Huh? Come on in.
Oh.
Oh, uh, I see we have a guest.
Oh, that's Eddie Sheridan.
But you don't have to bother about him, marshal.
He won't be with you long.
Why not? Because they're gonna lynch me! I'm innocent! They'll kill me if you don't let me go! Wha? What'd he do? He's the cold-bloodedest killer I ever seen, marshal.
Why, he shot down a rancher and his wife when they caught him rustling their cattle.
No, no, that's a lie! I was nowhere near the Bar-X when they was killed.
Well, I'm sure all the facts will come out at the trial.
Oh, he's already had his trial, marshal.
Oh? And the jury was very generous.
They gave him life imprisonment.
They gonna take him to the prison in Kansas City tonight.
When you get yourself all settled in here, come on over to the Silver Dollar Saloon.
I'll, uh, buy you a drink and introduce you all around.
Well, thank you very much, sir.
Oh, uh Heh-heh-heh.
Well, heh-heh, it's, uh, good to have you with us.
Thank you.
[.]
[SOBBING.]
I didn't kill nobody! I've been framed! Framed.
They just want to get my ranch.
You gotta help me.
Well, uh, I-I'd like to help you very much, but, uh Well, I can't.
I'm just passing through.
Oh, sure.
Sure, I should've figured it.
You're in with them.
Them? The Unholy Ten.
The Un The Unholy Ten? I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm talking about that gang that's been trying to take over this territory.
They've hit every ranch within 100 miles of here! Well, why? Because they want the land, Mr.
Marshal! If you don't sell out to 'em at their price, they try to scare you out.
Well, there's really nothing I can do.
Ah, I You'll be safe in Kansas City.
Who are you kiddin'? [SOBS.]
You know how far I'll get? They built that for me.
There'll be a lynch mob here to get me at 6:00.
No.
No, I-I'm sure Mr.
Sedgewick wouldn't allow anything like that.
I'll go talk to him.
There anything you need? A marshal with guts.
[SOBBING.]
[LAUGHING AND SHOUTING IN SALOON.]
[LAUGHING.]
[CONTINUES LAUGHING.]
[PIANO PLAYING RAGTIME.]
[CHATTER.]
Buy me a drink, honey? Oh, uh Well, I'm just passing through.
Jeannie.
What are you doing? [GIGGLING.]
Oh, you were right, master.
This is so exciting.
You don't know the half of it.
Are you ready to go home now? Well, now that you're here, I think I'd like to stay until about 6:00.
Well, if that is what you wish, marshal.
Yeah, that's what Well, well.
If it ain't our new marshal.
Ahem.
Jeannie, you go and enjoy yourself.
All right, master.
All right.
You know, I ain't stopped shakin' since you come to town.
You look like a real killer.
Ain't he got a mean look? If I wasn't right in the middle of a drink, I'd sure be runnin'.
What you drinkin', marshal? Nothin', thank you.
I guess you didn't hear right, mister.
When my friend Al asks you to have a drink, you have a drink.
Well, I'm particular with whom I drink.
Now, you shouldn't have said that, stranger.
You just hurt my feelings.
And you know what happens when I get my feelings hurt? You beat up little old ladies? [.]
Can you do that? 'Cause if you can't, you're in a lot of trouble.
Pardon me.
Hey, Bull, he hit seven of 'em with a six-shooter.
Well, that calls for a drink, marshal.
Me and you'll be meetin' again, marshal.
Well, before we do, do you mind takin' a bath? You smell terrible.
Bull! I wouldn't push him too far if I were you, marshal.
It's not healthy.
I don't push [CLEARS THROAT.]
I don't push easy, Mr.
Sedgewick.
Eh Oh, I was talking to Eddie Sheridan, and he thinks that they're gonna lynch him tonight.
Oh, heh-heh, I wouldn't pay too much attention to what Sheridan says.
He's a real troublemaker.
And, uh troublemakers don't last too long around here, marshal.
I'll see you later.
You must be the new marshal.
Oh, uh, no.
No, ma'am, I'm just traveling through.
I'm a tourist.
Please, help me.
Well, I'd like to very much, but, uh What's your problem? I'm Eddie Sheridan's sister.
You've got to let him go.
Well, ma'am, I'm not a judge.
I'm I'm just a Well, whatever it is I am, I can't let him go.
[SIGHS.]
You were our last chance.
Eddie and I were hoping the new marshal would save him.
[SOBBING.]
TONY: Now, now.
That's That's not gonna do any good.
Uh, stop that.
Everybody's watching.
Everybody.
Here.
Take that.
[SNIFFLING.]
Thank you.
They're not gonna stop till they've taken over every ranch in the valley.
"They're not gonna stop"? Who's they? They call themselves the Unholy Ten.
Well, what do they want with all this land? I-I mean, the freeways won't be through here for another hundred years.
They want the land because the railroad's coming through Through and they want the right of way.
How did you know that? I watch a lot of television.
Well Will you save Eddie? Ma'am, as long as I'm marshal of Gopher Junction, there ain't nobody gonna get lynched.
Oh, thank you.
Oh! Oh.
Oh.
BULL: Well, I see you found a playmate.
How about spreadin' a little of that sunshine? Hey, hey, get your hands off of her! Oh, thank you, marshal.
GEORGIA: I'll see you later.
Marshal, I got a feeling you're a big bluff.
Oh, yeah? You know what I think.
I think that shootin' you done a while ago was purely accidental.
[.]
Let's take big mouth outside, boys.
Oh.
Jeannie.
Jeannie! It's too bad your visit was so short, marshal.
We're gonna miss you.
All right, knock it off! I happen to be United States property.
If you let me go now, I'll let you off lightly.
Let him go.
Not this time, Mr.
Sedgewick.
I don't like his face.
What do you think you're doing? What time is it? A quarter of 6.
Come on, boys.
Well, I'm glad they realized they was headin' for trouble.
Thank you, Mr.
Sedgewick.
Don't think I'm gonna be able to help you next time, marshal.
Huh? May we go home now, master? No.
No, not yet, Jeannie.
There's something funny going on here, and I want to find out what it is.
Oh.
Well, please be careful.
They gotta learn respect for the law.
Marshal, come quickly! Well, what's the matter? It's my brother.
They're breaking into the jail.
They're gonna lynch him! Not while I'm marshal of Gopher Junction they ain't.
I'll get me a posse.
All right, you men.
I need me a posse.
All volunteers raise your hands.
[.]
Never mind.
I'll do it myself.
Let's break the door down and teach Sheridan not to shoot helpless women! [CROWD CHEERING.]
Break it up! I happen to be the marshal, you know.
MAN: Hey, it's the marshal! Yeah, now Put me down.
Wait, fellas.
You're all overly-excited.
Now, I want you all to go home and get a good night's rest.
[CROWD BOOS.]
Let's get him, boys.
TONY: Kn Kno Knock it off.
I mean it.
Have you ever heard of the FBI? The what? Forget it.
[.]
[BANGING ON DOOR.]
I want you to get out of here, sister, before you get hurt.
But they'll kill you.
As long as I'm gopher of Marshal Junction, ain't nobody gonna get killed.
BULL: You got 60 seconds, marshal.
You send Sheridan out here or we're comin' in to get him! You better do what they say, marshal.
Do what they say? They're gonna lynch you.
They're gonna lynch me no matter what you do.
I just don't want Georgia gettin' hurt.
I told you, as long as I'm marshal, ain't nobody gonna get hurt.
GEORGIA: What are you gonna do? Go out and show 'em who's in charge, that's what.
Oh, please don't go out there.
They'll kill you.
There are worse ways of dyin', ma'am.
Oh.
Oh, you're the bravest man I've ever known.
Yeah.
[.]
Have you decided to be sensible, marshal? All right, you men! I'm gonna turn my back on you and I'm gonna count to 10.
When I turn around again, you better be gone or I'm gonna start shootin'.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, Well, that's better.
Uh, I'd like to thank the citizens of Gopher Junction for the way they handled themselves in this emergency.
Let's get him, boys! Nothing can stop them.
Come on, I want you to let your brother out.
Here.
[CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
Oh, you were right, master.
This is getting more and more exciting.
Yeah, it's getting a little too exciting.
Oh, well, I'll get rid of them for you.
No, no, no, no.
I wanna do this myself.
I only wish I had some tear gas.
Jeannie.
Oh, Jeannie.
[ALL COUGHING.]
I Which one is it? Agh! Let that be a lesson to all of you.
EDDIE: I don't know how you did it, but I'm proud.
It's nothing.
Eddie, Eddie! What is it, Josh? It's the Unholy Ten.
They're rustli" your cattle.
Oh, no! It's all we have left.
Master, why would they want to wrestle his cattle? Not "wrestle," "rustle".
Rustle.
They're going to the Mexican border.
We'll head 'em off at the Pass.
Pass.
[.]
[WHINNIES.]
Come on, Jeannie.
Come on.
I-I'm sorry, master, but I am afraid of horses.
You're what? Well, when I was a little girl, we always had camels, and then my uncle came over one day and Jeannie, I don't have time to psychoanalyze you.
The Unholy Ten are getting away with the cattle.
Now, come on.
[SIGHS.]
Very well, master.
Jeannie, what are you doing? I am not afraid of donkeys.
[BRAYS.]
Forget it.
Isn't there anything we can do to stop the stampede? Huh? Yeah.
Yeah, sure there is.
Come here, Jeannie.
Listen, you've got to stop the stampede.
Oh, well, I will be happy to, master.
What is a stampede? Oh, well Well, that's when the cattle are all going this way, you see.
Oh, I see.
And you would like them to go this way? Yeah, that's it.
Okay.
[MOOING.]
[.]
They turned around.
Yeah.
They're goin' the other way.
Sedgewick ain't gonna like this.
I don't like it neither.
Come on.
Where you goin'? Back to town to get me a marshal.
Yes, yes.
Well, I see you're still here, marshal.
I don't push easy.
And if you take my advice, you'll be on your way out of town before Bull gets back.
Back from where? Why, uh I don't know.
Wherever he went.
I know where he is.
Jeannie, I'll handle this myself.
I warned you about this prisoner.
He's a dangerous man.
He should be back in jail.
Yeah, Mr.
Sheridan claims that he was framed.
Oh, he was, master, and I can tell you who did it.
Jeannie, I wanna do this myself.
Eddie and I won't be driven off our land, Mr.
Sedgewick.
Well, I'm afraid it's not your land anymore, Miss Georgia.
There's a mortgage due next week, and you have no cattle left.
How do you know that, Mr.
Sedgewick? I know how he knew it.
Yeah, Jeannie, please.
I told you, I want to do it myself.
Very well.
Yeah.
Ahem.
Now, you were saying about the cattle? Yes.
Uh, well, I I just heard that some rustlers ran them off.
Well, you heard wrong, Mr.
Sedgewick.
[.]
I think we got some company.
I gotta talk to you.
Later.
This won't wait.
He has some very bad news for you.
Jeannie, please.
Well, he has.
Yeah Excuse me.
Oh, yeah.
No, really, I Are the cattle really safe? Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
The cattle are fine.
You don't have to worry about a thing.
Oh, you're wonderful.
Oh, well [CHUCKLES.]
Please, uh, ma'am.
I'm I'm on duty.
[.]
What do you mean they reversed direction? I can't explain it.
The cattle just suddenly turned around and went in the other direction.
You bunglin' fool.
Well, I don't know why, but I got a feeling the marshal's behind all of this.
Yeah, I got the same feelin'.
And I want you to take care of him.
My pleasure.
I don't wanna take any chances.
Al, Sam, you know what to do.
Right.
We'll fix him.
Sam, take the hotel.
I'll take the saloon.
Be careful.
Don't worry.
[.]
Hey, marshal! Yeah? My conscious has been botherin' me somethin' awful.
I killed that rancher and his wife.
Why don't you come and get me.
Take cover.
Ooh, I will stay with you, master.
No, no, Jeannie.
He's a killer.
Take cover.
Oh, but I I mean it.
[.]
[SPURS JANGLING.]
Now! All right, hold it right there, Bull.
[GUN COCKS.]
[GUNSHOT.]
[COCKS.]
You're through, Bull.
[LAUGHING.]
Well done, marshal.
I'll see to it that he's properly taken care of.
Jeannie.
The Unholy Ten.
It won't be hard to find out who the other nine are now.
I can tell you who.
It was Jeannie, next time I'm going to send you home.
Oh, I'm sorry, master.
Now, I figure that the only reason that the Unholy Ten have been able to terrorize the countryside and get away with it is because they got some pretty powerful backing.
Go on.
Now, this person has to be rich enough to be able to buy up the ranches once the owners have gotten scared off.
And that person is you, Mr.
Sedgewick! Me? Ah, you're crazy! Oh, he is not! He [CHATTER.]
I have nothing to do with any of this.
Wait a minute.
You ain't leaving me to take the rap! Shut up.
Yeah, let them hang me while you're runnin' around.
The whole thing was his idea.
All right, take him away.
Why But you [MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY.]
[.]
You got nothing to worry about, Ed, Georgia.
Everything's gonna be all right.
Oh, you're the most wonderful man I've ever met in my whole life! Well Well, uh Oh.
I'm just never gonna let you go! [CHUCKLING.]
[COWBOY MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV.]
[INDISTINCT YELLING OVER TV.]
Dinner is ready, master.
Hm? Hm? Oh, sorry, I must've dozed off, heh-heh.
[YAWNS.]
What time is it, Jeannie? A few minutes past 6.
Really? Mm-hm.
[SIGHS.]
I had the wildest dream.
It was so real.
Was it? [CLICKS OFF TV.]
Yeah.
I dreamt I was in this In this town in the Wild West.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, forget it.
Are you hungry, master? Mm.
Starved.
Gun fights always make me Let's eat.
[GIGGLES.]
[.]
[LAUGHING.]
[.]