I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s02e09 Episode Script
Who Needs a Green Eyed Jeannie?
[.]
Good evening, master.
You did not tell me you were going out tonight.
Oh, didn't I? Mm-mm.
Well, it must have slipped my mind.
You are all dressed up.
I am ready.
Where are we going tonight, master? Well, we are not going anywhere.
I have a date tonight with an old friend of mine from Chicago.
Jeannie, what do you think you're doing? You have been working much too hard lately, master.
It would be better if you stayed home and rested.
Well, I I'll decide that.
Now, I'm going out.
And, uh, this jealousy of yours is ridiculous.
Oh, well, I am not jealous, master.
Who is this girlfriend? She's Uh, he's a very old school chum of mine from Ohio.
Uh Yes, we went to school together, and, well, he's in town now, and he's sick and, well, I'm gonna go and visit the poor guy.
Ah.
What is her name? Suzie.
Charlie Suzie.
Oh, master, thou art not dealing with a stupid genie.
You will stay home tonight.
No, I'm not.
I promised I'd visit him, and visit him I'm going to.
Now, come on, give me my clothes.
No, master.
Ah! All right, then I'll go and get dressed myself.
You can make me late, but you can't keep me here.
This is not a jail, you know.
Jeannie! Let me out of here.
How long you in for? [.]
Well, I'm sure glad I came during visiting hours.
Roger, will you get me out of here? How did you get there in the first place? How do you think I got here? Jeannie? Oh, brilliant.
Oh, marvelous.
Brilliant! Boy, you must have really upset her.
Uh, well, what did you do? I didn't do anything.
I just tried to get out of the house to keep a date.
Dressed like that? No wonder she locked you up.
Yeah.
Jeannie! I'm gonna be late if you don't get me out of here.
Look, uh I'm not doing anything tonight.
Why don't I, uh, make the date for you? Thank you, this is one date I'm keeping myself.
Well, I just thought we'd play a little game of rummy, but the warden wouldn't like that.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, maybe I could smuggle a cake in here with a file in it, huh? Hey, that's not a bad idea.
Would you like a cake? No.
No, I want a hacksaw.
See if you can find one for me, will you? I think there's one out in the garage.
Hacksaw.
Yeah.
Good idea.
Ah, don't go away.
Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, God.
[.]
Good evening, Major Healey.
Oh, hey, Jeannie.
Uh, I'll be right back.
I'm going to get the hacksaw.
Roger! I think it would be best if Major Nelson spent the night here.
He needs a good rest.
Well, I think that's for Major Nelson to decide.
Uh, I'll go and get the you-know-what.
Excuse me, Jeannie.
[LAUGHS.]
Jeannie! Help! Is there anything you would like, master? Yes.
Yes, I-I want you to get rid of this jealousy bit.
I'm gonna cure you if it kills me.
Oh, I told you, master.
I am not jealous.
Well, then, what am I doing in jail? What kind of a genie are you anyhow? You're supposed to To help me.
You're supposed to make me happy.
Well, I try to make you happy, master.
Please believe me.
I'm doing this for your own good.
Now, go to sleep and rest.
There.
Oh! [.]
Good evening, doctor.
Good evening, major.
It's a jail.
Yeah, I guess, but I know it looks like a-a jail.
In the middle of your living room.
Hmm.
Major, tell me, uh, what are you doing in your pajamas in a jail in the middle of your living room? Uh, well, as a matter of fact, I was working Working on an experiment.
This time, major, I'm not buying.
No? You think I'm gonna rush back and tell General Peterson that you're here in jail.
And then he'll say to me, "Doctor, you better be right this time, or I'll have you analyzed again.
" And then I'll say, "Oh, no, General.
I saw it with my own eyes.
" And then I'll bring him back here, and there won't be any jail, and he'll have me analyzed again.
Is that what you think? Well, uh, no You're wrong.
Do you know how many times I've been analyzed in the last six months? I'm seeing three different analysts, three times a week.
Hm.
Makes life rather difficult.
I'm sorry about that, sir.
It, uh, looks like a real jail.
It, uh, feels like a real jail.
Oh, that's a nice touch.
Well, if, uh If you want a jail in your living room, good luck.
Good night, major.
Pleasant dreams.
Jeannie! Jeannie! Jeannie! Good morning, master.
Yeow! Did you sleep well, master? No, I did not sleep well, Jeannie.
And do you know why I did not sleep well? It's because you made me break a date with a very old and trusted friend.
Now, how do you think he felt, me not showing up? Oh, you do not have to pretend with me, master.
I know you did not have a date with a man named Charlie Suzie.
[LAUGHS.]
[PHONE RINGS.]
[IN DEEP VOICE.]
Hello.
Major Nelson's residence.
Who is calling, please? [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Charlie Suzie? Hello.
Hello, Charlie? Where was I last night? Well, I I was tied up.
Yeah.
I-I'm terribly sorry.
You You waited for me for two hours? Well, I-I'm terribly sorry, I just couldn't get shook loose.
Oh, master.
It's easy enough for you to say, "Oh, master.
" But you just broke the heart of a very old friend of mine.
Hello.
Wh-what about tonight, Charlie? Yes, of course I'll be there.
Will I be there? Oh, yes, yes.
I'm so sorry.
I did not Yes.
Right, I'll be there tonight.
Same time, same place.
Right, Charlie.
And I'm terribly sorry.
Right, okay.
I do not know what to say.
Well, I guess you'll just have to learn to trust me.
Oh, my poor master.
I thought you had a date with a beaut Well, I will never, never doubt you again.
Well, we just have to live and learn.
[.]
Hi, Roge.
"Hi, Roge.
" Fine friend you are.
What's the matter? Where were you when I was hanging from the top of the.
Empire State Building all night long? What were you doing that for? "What was I doing that for?" Oh, Jeannie.
Yeah, Jeannie.
Sometimes I get the feeling she's not so crazy about me.
Oh, Roge, she's just a little impulsive, that's all.
A little impulsive? Do you have any idea how windy it gets up there? I'll bet you are pretty sore at her yourself, keeping you locked up in jail like that all night long.
I spent the night in jail because that's exactly where I wanted to be.
Oh, come on, who are you kidding? The master was outmaneuvered.
She caught you sneaking on a date and she locked you up.
There was a little maneuvering last night, but I'm the one who did it.
What are you What are you talking about now? Well, I didn't have a date last night.
I just pretended to have a date.
Here, you want some coffee? Well, why would you do that? So I could have a sergeant on the base here named Charlie Suzie call me up and complain about my breaking the date I didn't have.
You lost me.
Roger, my real date is tonight with a girl named Joan Sheldon.
I used to go with her in Chicago.
One sugar.
One of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in my life.
Well, Jeannie would have tried to stop me.
And, uh, now I'm going with her blessing.
That's the sneakiest idea I've ever heard in my whole life.
Sometimes you have to be a little sneaky when you handle Jeannie.
Ha-ha-ha! You should have seen her this morning.
She couldn't do enough for me.
I really got to hand it to you.
Uh Look, you wouldn't like to make that a double date, would you? Tonight? No.
No.
Joan and I have a lot of time to catch up on.
You want some more coffee? No.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[.]
Tony.
Come in.
Joan.
Joan, has it been five years? Uh-uh.
Six.
Six? Well, you haven't changed a bit.
And neither have you.
Ha-ha! How are you, Tony? I'm just fine.
Just fine.
And I can see how you are.
You're more beautiful than ever, Joan.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, thank you.
They're lovely.
Oh, I can't tell you how much I've missed you.
Well, I've missed you too.
Now, if you're ready, I have dinner reservations at Mateo's, and then I thought we'd go to a new play that just opened, and then, perhaps, later to the Blue Dolphin for dancing.
I thought it would be cozier to have dinner here.
Huh? JOAN: Do you mind? I hate crowds.
So do I.
[CHUCKLES.]
Let me get into something comfortable.
Tony! Tony! ROGER: Tony! Tony! Good evening, Major Healey.
Oh, hi, Jeannie.
Has Tony left yet? Oh, yes.
He had a very important date with an old friend.
Oh, a date.
Mm-hm.
Mr.
Charlie Suzie.
Oh, good old Charlie Suzie.
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, I hope Major Nelson has a wonderful time.
He's probably gonna have the greatest time of his life.
Ha-ha-ha! Ho-ho-ho! Ho-ho! Well, he's probably going to have a nice time.
He's gonna have an average evening.
Guess I better be running along.
Ha-ha-ha! What are you doing? What? What did you mean, "ho-ho, he-he," Major Healey? Jeannie, get me out of here.
Not until you tell me what is happening to Major Nelson.
Oh, "happening to Major Nelson.
" Nothing's happening to Major Nelson.
Look, I've got a meeting with Dr.
Bellows and I'm late.
Well, I will let you go as soon as you tell me about Major Nelson.
Is he in trouble? I think he is now.
Well, I'm sure that Mr.
Charlie Suzie would not hurt him.
Yeah, Charlie Suzie wouldn't hurt him.
C-c-can I go now? If he is with Mr.
Charlie Suzie.
[GASPS.]
I think I have been tricked.
Jeannie, don't do anything hasty.
Nice Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Jeannie! Jeannie! [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
There.
Isn't that better? Oh! Yes, it certainly is.
It looks much more comfortable.
Here.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
To us.
I'll drink to that.
[COUGHS.]
I'm sorry.
Jeannie! Jeannie! [.]
Hello, master.
Oh.
Are you still angry? No.
I said I was sorry, master.
Truly I am.
You cannot move out, master.
This is your home.
Really? I haven't had that impression recently.
If you'd only told me the truth I would not have done that.
Yet if I had told you the truth, you wouldn't have let me keep that date, would you? Huh? And do you know why you wouldn't let me keep that date? Oh, yes, master.
Because I love you very much and I'm very jealous of you.
Oh, Jeannie, we've been through this a hundred times.
Would you please stop that? If you do not go away, I will do anything you want me to.
Except leave me alone.
Oh, no, master.
Truly, I promise.
If you wish to go back to see that girl tonight, I will not stop you.
How could I ever face her again? You made a monkey out of her.
Oh, but I changed her back.
Oh, she will not remember anything that happened.
You really wouldn't mind if I went back there? Well, I I did not say that I would not mind.
I said that I would not stop you.
You promise? I promise.
Hm.
Master? Yes.
Oh, well, thank you.
You are welcome.
Tony.
Come in.
Joan.
Has it been five years? Uh-uh.
Six.
Six.
Well, you haven't changed a bit.
And neither have you.
How are you? I'm fine, Joan, fine.
And I can see how you are.
Why, you're more beautiful than ever.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, thank you.
They're lovely.
I can't tell you how much I've missed you, Tony.
Joan, I've missed you.
And I've been thinking Why don't we have dinner here instead of going out.
You're a mind reader.
Well, what do you know about that.
I thought it would be cozier to have dinner here.
Do you mind? I hate crowds.
I know.
I mean, so do I.
Let me get into something comfortable.
ROGER: Tony! Tony! Jeannie! Oh.
Oh, there you are.
Where's Tony? Major Nelson has already left.
Well, you better get him back right away.
But why? Look who he has a date with.
JEANNIE: "Mobster escapes.
Two Gun Richard Sheldon breaks out of prison to kill wife.
" You mean she is the wife of a mobster? Well, that is terrible! Terrible? It's disastrous.
What is a mobster? A mobster? A mobster is a crook, you know, like, "You dirty rat!" Uh, he's the leader of a gang.
You know, and if he catches Tony with his wife, he'll kill him.
[GASPS.]
Y-y-you've gotta stop him right away.
Oh, I cannot.
This is a matter of life or death.
I'm sorry.
Major Nelson made me promise never to interfere again.
[LAUGHS.]
We've been talking about me all this time now.
You haven't said a word about yourself, Joan.
Well, there's not that much to tell.
After you dropped out of my life, I went to Detroit and And got a job in a nightclub.
Funny.
A beautiful girl like you, never getting married.
More champagne? No, no, not right now.
Tony, I wonder if I could ask a little favor of you? Sure.
I'm holding something for a friend of mine and it makes me a little nervous keeping it in the hotel.
Why don't you have the hotel put it in their vault? I don't trust vaults.
But I trust you, Tony.
Oh.
What? What do you want me to do with it? Just keep it, honey.
Just keep it.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Don't go away.
[WHISTLES.]
You're taking an awful chance, Two Gun.
There's fuzz all over the place.
They can have me after I fix her.
Is this it? Yeah.
There's a guy in there with her.
Who is he? I don't know.
Well, I'll take care of the both of them.
Give me the key.
Oh.
Be ready to move fast.
Didn't expect to see me, did you? Jeannie, I knew I couldn't trust you.
I What are you do? What are you doing here? I'm here to fix you for being with Joan.
Ah, well, I'm warning you for the last time.
Go home.
Go home? If you blink out now, I may, I just may forgive you.
Now, hurry up.
Blink out.
Do you know who I am? Shh.
Of course I know who you are.
That's why I want you out of here.
Now, go home and I don't want you to come back.
You know, you've got a lot of nerve coming here.
I have a good mind to put you over my knee and give you a good, solid spanking.
Well, don't just sit there.
Two Gun Richard is a professional killer.
He'll chop Tony into little pieces.
I cannot go.
I promised.
Besides, Major Nelson is a very brave man.
He can take care of himself.
Yeah, that's right.
He can take care of himself.
He does not really need me.
No.
He [.]
Do you believe that? No.
Neither do I.
Oh.
I want you to go home and write, "I will never be jealous again," one thousand times.
All right, smart mouth.
Nobody talks to Two Gun that way.
Now, you put that silly toy away before I bend you over my knee.
And the next time you pretend to be a gangster, at least try to look like one.
It's certainly a pleasure to meet you, Mr.
Two Gun.
It'll be your last pleasure.
Now, what'd you do with my wife? Your wife? Well, I-I didn't do anything with your wife.
I I didn't even know you were married.
JOAN: Tony! Yeah? Tony, you've got to get out of here before my husband Richard.
This is your wife? Well, I must say, you certainly picked a charming girl.
Congratulations to you both.
I've got to be saying good evening now.
I've got some You ain't going nowhere.
Don't kill him.
Why Why would you want to kill me? I'm an old friend of the family.
Tell him.
Where's the dough? I don't know what you're talking about.
Don't give me that, baby.
You took it.
Now, just a moment.
That's a terrible accusation to make against your own wife.
You're in this together.
I want that money.
Give it to me and I won't kill you.
TONY: I'd love to give it to you.
I can't it to you.
I don't have it.
It was in a brown package.
A brown package.
Well, I don't know anything about a brown package.
That's it.
All right.
Now, which one of you wants it first? Wait a minute.
Y-you said if we gave you the money you wouldn't kill us.
I've got a short memory.
Pleasant dreams, sweetheart.
[SIRENS WAILING.]
Two Gun! Cops.
All around the place.
What are we gonna do? TWO GUN: Fight it out.
[GUNSHOTS.]
They got machine guns.
Machine guns? I surrender.
Here.
All right.
All right, gentlemen, shall we go? You won't need me.
I'll just wait here.
I'm sorry.
We're all going down to the station.
Would you mind getting over there with them? I'm sorry about our engagement tonight, I just remembered I have a dinner engagement in an hour at At the Golden Slipper.
All right, gentlemen, let's go.
Come on, come on, come on.
You too.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
[.]
Are you enjoying this, master? Mm.
It's a nice, quiet game, Jeannie.
[GIGGLES.]
I was afraid that it might be too quiet for you.
[CHUCKLES.]
After all the excitement the other night, I could take about a year of this.
Oh, I am glad.
You know, that phone hasn't rung once in the last three days.
Oh, has it not? Hmm.
Oh, hello, operator? No, nothing.
I just wanted to check the line and see if it was all right.
Yeah, thanks.
Well, it's been so quiet around here, if that phone rang, I'd be very much surprised.
So would I, master.
Oh.
Heh.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, master, you let me win that one.
[.]
Good evening, master.
You did not tell me you were going out tonight.
Oh, didn't I? Mm-mm.
Well, it must have slipped my mind.
You are all dressed up.
I am ready.
Where are we going tonight, master? Well, we are not going anywhere.
I have a date tonight with an old friend of mine from Chicago.
Jeannie, what do you think you're doing? You have been working much too hard lately, master.
It would be better if you stayed home and rested.
Well, I I'll decide that.
Now, I'm going out.
And, uh, this jealousy of yours is ridiculous.
Oh, well, I am not jealous, master.
Who is this girlfriend? She's Uh, he's a very old school chum of mine from Ohio.
Uh Yes, we went to school together, and, well, he's in town now, and he's sick and, well, I'm gonna go and visit the poor guy.
Ah.
What is her name? Suzie.
Charlie Suzie.
Oh, master, thou art not dealing with a stupid genie.
You will stay home tonight.
No, I'm not.
I promised I'd visit him, and visit him I'm going to.
Now, come on, give me my clothes.
No, master.
Ah! All right, then I'll go and get dressed myself.
You can make me late, but you can't keep me here.
This is not a jail, you know.
Jeannie! Let me out of here.
How long you in for? [.]
Well, I'm sure glad I came during visiting hours.
Roger, will you get me out of here? How did you get there in the first place? How do you think I got here? Jeannie? Oh, brilliant.
Oh, marvelous.
Brilliant! Boy, you must have really upset her.
Uh, well, what did you do? I didn't do anything.
I just tried to get out of the house to keep a date.
Dressed like that? No wonder she locked you up.
Yeah.
Jeannie! I'm gonna be late if you don't get me out of here.
Look, uh I'm not doing anything tonight.
Why don't I, uh, make the date for you? Thank you, this is one date I'm keeping myself.
Well, I just thought we'd play a little game of rummy, but the warden wouldn't like that.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, maybe I could smuggle a cake in here with a file in it, huh? Hey, that's not a bad idea.
Would you like a cake? No.
No, I want a hacksaw.
See if you can find one for me, will you? I think there's one out in the garage.
Hacksaw.
Yeah.
Good idea.
Ah, don't go away.
Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, God.
[.]
Good evening, Major Healey.
Oh, hey, Jeannie.
Uh, I'll be right back.
I'm going to get the hacksaw.
Roger! I think it would be best if Major Nelson spent the night here.
He needs a good rest.
Well, I think that's for Major Nelson to decide.
Uh, I'll go and get the you-know-what.
Excuse me, Jeannie.
[LAUGHS.]
Jeannie! Help! Is there anything you would like, master? Yes.
Yes, I-I want you to get rid of this jealousy bit.
I'm gonna cure you if it kills me.
Oh, I told you, master.
I am not jealous.
Well, then, what am I doing in jail? What kind of a genie are you anyhow? You're supposed to To help me.
You're supposed to make me happy.
Well, I try to make you happy, master.
Please believe me.
I'm doing this for your own good.
Now, go to sleep and rest.
There.
Oh! [.]
Good evening, doctor.
Good evening, major.
It's a jail.
Yeah, I guess, but I know it looks like a-a jail.
In the middle of your living room.
Hmm.
Major, tell me, uh, what are you doing in your pajamas in a jail in the middle of your living room? Uh, well, as a matter of fact, I was working Working on an experiment.
This time, major, I'm not buying.
No? You think I'm gonna rush back and tell General Peterson that you're here in jail.
And then he'll say to me, "Doctor, you better be right this time, or I'll have you analyzed again.
" And then I'll say, "Oh, no, General.
I saw it with my own eyes.
" And then I'll bring him back here, and there won't be any jail, and he'll have me analyzed again.
Is that what you think? Well, uh, no You're wrong.
Do you know how many times I've been analyzed in the last six months? I'm seeing three different analysts, three times a week.
Hm.
Makes life rather difficult.
I'm sorry about that, sir.
It, uh, looks like a real jail.
It, uh, feels like a real jail.
Oh, that's a nice touch.
Well, if, uh If you want a jail in your living room, good luck.
Good night, major.
Pleasant dreams.
Jeannie! Jeannie! Jeannie! Good morning, master.
Yeow! Did you sleep well, master? No, I did not sleep well, Jeannie.
And do you know why I did not sleep well? It's because you made me break a date with a very old and trusted friend.
Now, how do you think he felt, me not showing up? Oh, you do not have to pretend with me, master.
I know you did not have a date with a man named Charlie Suzie.
[LAUGHS.]
[PHONE RINGS.]
[IN DEEP VOICE.]
Hello.
Major Nelson's residence.
Who is calling, please? [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Charlie Suzie? Hello.
Hello, Charlie? Where was I last night? Well, I I was tied up.
Yeah.
I-I'm terribly sorry.
You You waited for me for two hours? Well, I-I'm terribly sorry, I just couldn't get shook loose.
Oh, master.
It's easy enough for you to say, "Oh, master.
" But you just broke the heart of a very old friend of mine.
Hello.
Wh-what about tonight, Charlie? Yes, of course I'll be there.
Will I be there? Oh, yes, yes.
I'm so sorry.
I did not Yes.
Right, I'll be there tonight.
Same time, same place.
Right, Charlie.
And I'm terribly sorry.
Right, okay.
I do not know what to say.
Well, I guess you'll just have to learn to trust me.
Oh, my poor master.
I thought you had a date with a beaut Well, I will never, never doubt you again.
Well, we just have to live and learn.
[.]
Hi, Roge.
"Hi, Roge.
" Fine friend you are.
What's the matter? Where were you when I was hanging from the top of the.
Empire State Building all night long? What were you doing that for? "What was I doing that for?" Oh, Jeannie.
Yeah, Jeannie.
Sometimes I get the feeling she's not so crazy about me.
Oh, Roge, she's just a little impulsive, that's all.
A little impulsive? Do you have any idea how windy it gets up there? I'll bet you are pretty sore at her yourself, keeping you locked up in jail like that all night long.
I spent the night in jail because that's exactly where I wanted to be.
Oh, come on, who are you kidding? The master was outmaneuvered.
She caught you sneaking on a date and she locked you up.
There was a little maneuvering last night, but I'm the one who did it.
What are you What are you talking about now? Well, I didn't have a date last night.
I just pretended to have a date.
Here, you want some coffee? Well, why would you do that? So I could have a sergeant on the base here named Charlie Suzie call me up and complain about my breaking the date I didn't have.
You lost me.
Roger, my real date is tonight with a girl named Joan Sheldon.
I used to go with her in Chicago.
One sugar.
One of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in my life.
Well, Jeannie would have tried to stop me.
And, uh, now I'm going with her blessing.
That's the sneakiest idea I've ever heard in my whole life.
Sometimes you have to be a little sneaky when you handle Jeannie.
Ha-ha-ha! You should have seen her this morning.
She couldn't do enough for me.
I really got to hand it to you.
Uh Look, you wouldn't like to make that a double date, would you? Tonight? No.
No.
Joan and I have a lot of time to catch up on.
You want some more coffee? No.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[.]
Tony.
Come in.
Joan.
Joan, has it been five years? Uh-uh.
Six.
Six? Well, you haven't changed a bit.
And neither have you.
Ha-ha! How are you, Tony? I'm just fine.
Just fine.
And I can see how you are.
You're more beautiful than ever, Joan.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, thank you.
They're lovely.
Oh, I can't tell you how much I've missed you.
Well, I've missed you too.
Now, if you're ready, I have dinner reservations at Mateo's, and then I thought we'd go to a new play that just opened, and then, perhaps, later to the Blue Dolphin for dancing.
I thought it would be cozier to have dinner here.
Huh? JOAN: Do you mind? I hate crowds.
So do I.
[CHUCKLES.]
Let me get into something comfortable.
Tony! Tony! ROGER: Tony! Tony! Good evening, Major Healey.
Oh, hi, Jeannie.
Has Tony left yet? Oh, yes.
He had a very important date with an old friend.
Oh, a date.
Mm-hm.
Mr.
Charlie Suzie.
Oh, good old Charlie Suzie.
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, I hope Major Nelson has a wonderful time.
He's probably gonna have the greatest time of his life.
Ha-ha-ha! Ho-ho-ho! Ho-ho! Well, he's probably going to have a nice time.
He's gonna have an average evening.
Guess I better be running along.
Ha-ha-ha! What are you doing? What? What did you mean, "ho-ho, he-he," Major Healey? Jeannie, get me out of here.
Not until you tell me what is happening to Major Nelson.
Oh, "happening to Major Nelson.
" Nothing's happening to Major Nelson.
Look, I've got a meeting with Dr.
Bellows and I'm late.
Well, I will let you go as soon as you tell me about Major Nelson.
Is he in trouble? I think he is now.
Well, I'm sure that Mr.
Charlie Suzie would not hurt him.
Yeah, Charlie Suzie wouldn't hurt him.
C-c-can I go now? If he is with Mr.
Charlie Suzie.
[GASPS.]
I think I have been tricked.
Jeannie, don't do anything hasty.
Nice Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Jeannie! Jeannie! [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
There.
Isn't that better? Oh! Yes, it certainly is.
It looks much more comfortable.
Here.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
To us.
I'll drink to that.
[COUGHS.]
I'm sorry.
Jeannie! Jeannie! [.]
Hello, master.
Oh.
Are you still angry? No.
I said I was sorry, master.
Truly I am.
You cannot move out, master.
This is your home.
Really? I haven't had that impression recently.
If you'd only told me the truth I would not have done that.
Yet if I had told you the truth, you wouldn't have let me keep that date, would you? Huh? And do you know why you wouldn't let me keep that date? Oh, yes, master.
Because I love you very much and I'm very jealous of you.
Oh, Jeannie, we've been through this a hundred times.
Would you please stop that? If you do not go away, I will do anything you want me to.
Except leave me alone.
Oh, no, master.
Truly, I promise.
If you wish to go back to see that girl tonight, I will not stop you.
How could I ever face her again? You made a monkey out of her.
Oh, but I changed her back.
Oh, she will not remember anything that happened.
You really wouldn't mind if I went back there? Well, I I did not say that I would not mind.
I said that I would not stop you.
You promise? I promise.
Hm.
Master? Yes.
Oh, well, thank you.
You are welcome.
Tony.
Come in.
Joan.
Has it been five years? Uh-uh.
Six.
Six.
Well, you haven't changed a bit.
And neither have you.
How are you? I'm fine, Joan, fine.
And I can see how you are.
Why, you're more beautiful than ever.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, thank you.
They're lovely.
I can't tell you how much I've missed you, Tony.
Joan, I've missed you.
And I've been thinking Why don't we have dinner here instead of going out.
You're a mind reader.
Well, what do you know about that.
I thought it would be cozier to have dinner here.
Do you mind? I hate crowds.
I know.
I mean, so do I.
Let me get into something comfortable.
ROGER: Tony! Tony! Jeannie! Oh.
Oh, there you are.
Where's Tony? Major Nelson has already left.
Well, you better get him back right away.
But why? Look who he has a date with.
JEANNIE: "Mobster escapes.
Two Gun Richard Sheldon breaks out of prison to kill wife.
" You mean she is the wife of a mobster? Well, that is terrible! Terrible? It's disastrous.
What is a mobster? A mobster? A mobster is a crook, you know, like, "You dirty rat!" Uh, he's the leader of a gang.
You know, and if he catches Tony with his wife, he'll kill him.
[GASPS.]
Y-y-you've gotta stop him right away.
Oh, I cannot.
This is a matter of life or death.
I'm sorry.
Major Nelson made me promise never to interfere again.
[LAUGHS.]
We've been talking about me all this time now.
You haven't said a word about yourself, Joan.
Well, there's not that much to tell.
After you dropped out of my life, I went to Detroit and And got a job in a nightclub.
Funny.
A beautiful girl like you, never getting married.
More champagne? No, no, not right now.
Tony, I wonder if I could ask a little favor of you? Sure.
I'm holding something for a friend of mine and it makes me a little nervous keeping it in the hotel.
Why don't you have the hotel put it in their vault? I don't trust vaults.
But I trust you, Tony.
Oh.
What? What do you want me to do with it? Just keep it, honey.
Just keep it.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Don't go away.
[WHISTLES.]
You're taking an awful chance, Two Gun.
There's fuzz all over the place.
They can have me after I fix her.
Is this it? Yeah.
There's a guy in there with her.
Who is he? I don't know.
Well, I'll take care of the both of them.
Give me the key.
Oh.
Be ready to move fast.
Didn't expect to see me, did you? Jeannie, I knew I couldn't trust you.
I What are you do? What are you doing here? I'm here to fix you for being with Joan.
Ah, well, I'm warning you for the last time.
Go home.
Go home? If you blink out now, I may, I just may forgive you.
Now, hurry up.
Blink out.
Do you know who I am? Shh.
Of course I know who you are.
That's why I want you out of here.
Now, go home and I don't want you to come back.
You know, you've got a lot of nerve coming here.
I have a good mind to put you over my knee and give you a good, solid spanking.
Well, don't just sit there.
Two Gun Richard is a professional killer.
He'll chop Tony into little pieces.
I cannot go.
I promised.
Besides, Major Nelson is a very brave man.
He can take care of himself.
Yeah, that's right.
He can take care of himself.
He does not really need me.
No.
He [.]
Do you believe that? No.
Neither do I.
Oh.
I want you to go home and write, "I will never be jealous again," one thousand times.
All right, smart mouth.
Nobody talks to Two Gun that way.
Now, you put that silly toy away before I bend you over my knee.
And the next time you pretend to be a gangster, at least try to look like one.
It's certainly a pleasure to meet you, Mr.
Two Gun.
It'll be your last pleasure.
Now, what'd you do with my wife? Your wife? Well, I-I didn't do anything with your wife.
I I didn't even know you were married.
JOAN: Tony! Yeah? Tony, you've got to get out of here before my husband Richard.
This is your wife? Well, I must say, you certainly picked a charming girl.
Congratulations to you both.
I've got to be saying good evening now.
I've got some You ain't going nowhere.
Don't kill him.
Why Why would you want to kill me? I'm an old friend of the family.
Tell him.
Where's the dough? I don't know what you're talking about.
Don't give me that, baby.
You took it.
Now, just a moment.
That's a terrible accusation to make against your own wife.
You're in this together.
I want that money.
Give it to me and I won't kill you.
TONY: I'd love to give it to you.
I can't it to you.
I don't have it.
It was in a brown package.
A brown package.
Well, I don't know anything about a brown package.
That's it.
All right.
Now, which one of you wants it first? Wait a minute.
Y-you said if we gave you the money you wouldn't kill us.
I've got a short memory.
Pleasant dreams, sweetheart.
[SIRENS WAILING.]
Two Gun! Cops.
All around the place.
What are we gonna do? TWO GUN: Fight it out.
[GUNSHOTS.]
They got machine guns.
Machine guns? I surrender.
Here.
All right.
All right, gentlemen, shall we go? You won't need me.
I'll just wait here.
I'm sorry.
We're all going down to the station.
Would you mind getting over there with them? I'm sorry about our engagement tonight, I just remembered I have a dinner engagement in an hour at At the Golden Slipper.
All right, gentlemen, let's go.
Come on, come on, come on.
You too.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
[.]
Are you enjoying this, master? Mm.
It's a nice, quiet game, Jeannie.
[GIGGLES.]
I was afraid that it might be too quiet for you.
[CHUCKLES.]
After all the excitement the other night, I could take about a year of this.
Oh, I am glad.
You know, that phone hasn't rung once in the last three days.
Oh, has it not? Hmm.
Oh, hello, operator? No, nothing.
I just wanted to check the line and see if it was all right.
Yeah, thanks.
Well, it's been so quiet around here, if that phone rang, I'd be very much surprised.
So would I, master.
Oh.
Heh.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, master, you let me win that one.
[.]