I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s02e12 Episode Script
How Do You Beat Superman?
[.]
I wish Major Healey would return right this minute so I can find out when my birthday is.
But he will not be back until next week, so I suppose I shall just have to wait until then.
[CHORTLES.]
Florida Tech just scored a touchdown.
Master, it is such a beautiful day out.
Let us go for a drive.
Hey! They just got the conversion.
How 'bout that, 14 to 13.
Sensational game.
Wow! Oh.
Well, what'd you do that for? Master, is football more important to you than I am? Oh, of course not, Jeannie.
I mean, how can I compare you to football? It's like trying to compare lemons and oranges.
And I am the lemon.
[CHUCKLES.]
No, no.
Aren't you interested in football? Oh, I am interested in you.
Master! Hm? Let us go on a beach picnic.
I will prepare a banquet for you.
All of your favorite dishes.
Yeah, well, tonight there's a football game on television I'd very much like to see.
I'll tell you what.
After the football season, I'll take you for that picnic.
You will not.
Why not? Because then baseball season starts.
Yeah.
Oh, well.
Perhaps I should find a master who appreciates me more.
Mm? [CHUCKLING.]
Oh, you couldn't.
Oh, yes, I could.
In fact, I think I have met him already.
Oh, good.
Mm.
Yes.
I met him this morning when I went shopping at the, uh, supermarket.
Ah, good for you.
He is very handsome.
Good for him.
And tall and strong.
Mm-hm.
Yeah, wh-what's the name of this tall, strong stranger? His name? Mm-hm.
Uh, Tony.
[LAUGHING.]
Tony Millionaire.
[LAUGHS LOUDER.]
Come on, you gotta do better than that? You do not believe me? Oh, Jeannie, I-I-I I'm just not the jealous type, that's all.
[CHUCKLES.]
[RINGS.]
Eh, I wonder who that could be? You'd think everybody else would be listening to the game.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[LAUGHS.]
Hi.
Is Jeannie here? I'm Tony Millionaire.
[.]
[.]
Well, hello, lovely lady.
Hello.
Oh.
You dropped your gloves.
Oh, where did the lovely lady drop her gloves? In the supermarket.
[CHUCKLES.]
Here you are.
Oh, thank you.
My goodness, I feel just like Cinderella.
That was shoes.
Are you, uh, free tonight? Oh, yes.
I was planning on going on a beach picnic, but it has been called off.
Major Nelson is very interested in football.
Oh? As a player or as a spectator? Oh, uh, just as a spectator.
That's nice.
I was fullback at Notre Dame for two years.
I left when I got a Rhodes scholarship.
I went to Oxford.
Oh, is that not exciting? Yes, exciting.
Well, I'll see you at 7.
Oh, that would be lovely.
TONY: Uh, she's not going.
Oh, but why not? Well, because nice young ladies don't go out with men who pick them up in supermarkets.
Isn't Jeannie over 21? [LAUGHS.]
Boy, is she over 21.
Ye Well.
You're not married or anything? No, no.
We're not married or anything.
Major Nelson is just like an uncle to me.
Well, Ah.
Well, good night, uncle.
Is he not everything I said he was, master? And less.
You're not going out with him.
Oh, but why not? Because he's Because he's got shifty eyes, and he's a hand-kisser.
How did he find you anyway? Oh, I gave him my address.
You what? Enjoy your football game, master.
I am so pleased that you are not the jealous type.
Hm, I think that I am in love.
[.]
Operator, I've gotta talk to Major Healey as soon as possible.
Yes, yes, as soon as you get him on the line, you call me back.
Thank you, thank you.
Ah, good morning, Major Nelson.
Oh, good morning, sir.
Oh, uh, am I disturbing you? No, no.
I'm just working out some fuel-ratio formulas.
Oh, I never could understand these mathematical formulas.
May I? Oh, sure.
Thank you.
At a temperature of 200 degrees Fahrenheit, the inverse ratio proportion will be equal to twenty genies.
Twenty genies? Uh, y-yes, that's s-slang for "gallons.
" Oh I never heard of that before.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Hello.
Oh, oh, yes, yes.
Uh, all right, put the call through.
Oh, uh, personal? It's, uh, long distance, sir.
Yes.
My mother.
Oh, I understand, major.
I'll see you later.
Thank you, sir.
Hi, buddy boy.
Buddy boy? His mother? Am I glad I got ahold of you.
ROGER: You just caught me in time.
I'm just going on a field trip.
Hey, you know something? These Eskimos really kiss with their noses.
Yeah.
Oh, my nose is so sore I can hardly touch it.
Ooh.
Listen, I met a girl.
Oh, did I meet a girl.
You can't believe Roger.
Oh, talk about cold noses, oh! Roger, I need your help.
Need my help? Is something wrong? Yes.
I think Jeannie's fallen in love.
With someone else? You're kidding.
She's crazy about you.
Well, she used to be.
But, well, you know how genies are.
Yeah, fickle.
No, no, she's not fickle.
It It's really not her fault.
This guy's enough to turn any girl's head.
He's handsome and athletic, and he seems to be reasonably intelligent.
Sounds like me.
Well, I think she's just infatuated with him right now, but if she sees any more of him, I could lose her.
Well, what are you gonna do? Jeannie has a date with him.
I've gotta get her to break it.
That's where I need your help.
Well, Tony, I'm stuck here till next week.
All I need from you is some information, Roge.
You want me to tell you her birthday, huh? Right.
You know how anxious she is about it.
I'm gonna tell her I have a big surprise for her.
I'll take her out to dinner tonight and spring it on her.
And she'll be so grateful, she'll forget all about this guy.
Ahh, you're still the same old master.
Ah-ha-ha.
All right, what day was she born on? Oh, this'll really kill you, Tony.
Roger, just give me the date.
Remember I said the month was the title of a popular song? Well, you know who wrote that song? Just give me the date.
Okay.
Tony! Yes, sir.
Engineering is asking for those new fuel ratios.
Haven't you finished yet? Uh, no, sir.
I was just talking to Major Healey.
Oh, let me say hello to him.
Major? General Peterson here.
Oh, good morning, sir.
How are things up in Alaska? Oh, a little nippy, sir.
Any physical reactions? Oh, yes, sir, I have a I have this very, very sore nose, sir.
I want all the tests finished by next Sunday.
Report to me when you've returned to Cape Kennedy.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Oh, sir Well, Major Healey's on his way.
He's gonna take a five-day pack trip.
I hope he doesn't fall in any glaciers.
[CHUCKLING.]
Tony.
Yes, sir.
Bring me the formula as soon as it's ready.
Yes, sir.
Jeannie.
Jeannie, I'm home.
Good evening, master.
Oh, hi.
Well, that's beautiful.
Thank you, master.
I'll tell you what.
I'll get changed, and we'll go out to dinner.
Oh, master.
I would not want you to miss your ball game.
There are some sandwiches for you in the kitchen.
I have a date.
Say, uh you really like this fellow, don't you? Oh, yes, master.
He's wonderful.
Oh, but do not worry.
I will still be your genie.
I am grateful to you for having let me out of my bottle.
Oh, well, I don't want you to be grateful to me.
I thought you liked me, Jeannie.
Oh, I do.
Well, do you like me better than him? Oh, well, that is a difficult question to answer.
It is like, uh Oh, like comparing lemons and oranges.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, I am so excited.
A-are you sure that I look all right? Oh, yes, yes.
Just wonderful.
Do my hands feel nice and soft? They sure do.
Oh, I am using a very old perfume.
Does it smell nice? It smells beautiful.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Good evening.
I am ready.
Oh, Jeannie.
You look like you're made of moonlight.
Oh, thank you.
Um Hi, major.
I want you to see that she gets home safely.
Oh, don't worry.
I have a black belt in karate.
Oh, uh, master? Yes? Would you do me a favor, please? Sure.
Let me know how the ball game comes out.
It's 3:15 in the morning.
Oh, boy.
She knows as much about men as [CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
[CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
Master? Are you awake? Oh, oh, is that you, Jeannie? Oh, I am sorry to have awakened you, master.
I thought you might've been waiting up for me.
Mm, no.
No, why should I wait up for you? I've been asleep for hours.
What time is it? One o'clock.
It's 3:17 in the morning! And what do you mean by staying out half the night with a man you don't even know? Oh, I feel as though I've known him all my life, master.
Yeah, y-you do, huh? That's exactly what he wants you to feel.
You know why? Because he's a con artist.
He's a con artist, and he thinks that you're rich, and he's gonna take you for everything.
Do you really think so, master? Oh, I've seen it a thousand times.
A thousand times.
On the outside he's great.
On in the inside he's rotten to the core.
Rotten! I bet he didn't pay for dinner.
You are right.
I did not see him pay.
Yeah.
Yeah, see there! Where'd you eat? On his yacht.
On his yacht.
It is a hundred feet long.
He owns diamond mines.
See what he gave me.
What is this? Some kind of a sample? An engagement ring.
Yeah? Good night, master.
Yacht.
Diamond.
Captain, listen, captain, you've got to reach Major Healey.
Yeah, I don't care where he is.
You gotta get ahold of him.
Yes, it's urgent.
Yeah.
Uh, right, operator.
Thank you very much.
Call me back soon.
Thank you.
Uh, mother? Oh, yes, they're trying to locate her.
I've never met your mother, Major Nelson.
No, no, I don't think you have, sir.
Uh, what's she like? Oh, just a typical homebody, you know.
Uh, she's not the type you'd call, uh, "buddy boy"? Oh, no, no.
She's the sweetest, gentlest little old lady you ever met.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Hello.
Mother? Mother? This is your buddy, Roger.
Where are you, Mother? Mother is up in a C-130.
I'm on a jump mission.
Uh, you know that information you have for me? Well, I-I'd like it now.
It's kind of urgent.
Our friend just got engaged to be married.
You mean, Jeannie? Oh, that's terrible.
Yeah.
We were talkin' about an old friend of the family.
Yeah.
Well, is there anything I can do? Uh, yes, uh, you can give me the date.
Y-you're the only one who has it.
Oh, I get it.
She'll be grateful and forget about the other guy.
That's what I'm counting on, Mom.
If you want my advice, I'd forget about Jeannie.
No, I-I really don't.
Just give me the date.
Okay, okay, don't get excited.
[CHUCKLING.]
I'm not.
I'm not.
Just give me the date.
Oh, I have, uh I have Doctor Bellows here.
Yeah, well, say hello to the old sourpuss for me.
Yeah.
Mother sends, uh, her best.
Yes, mother.
Okay, Jeannie was born on the We're over the target, major.
I just wanna tell my Ten seconds! Oh, I gotta bail out.
We're at 900 feet.
Oh.
Mom? Mom? [DIAL TONE.]
Uh, what happened? She had to bail out.
She was at 900 feet.
[.]
Oh.
[GLEEFUL SHRIEK.]
[LAUGHS.]
[CAR APPROACHING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, yes.
I miss you too.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh.
Oh, you must not say such things, darling.
Not over the telephone.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh, I do, I do.
I will see you later.
Goodbye, my precious pet.
[MAKING KISSING NOISES.]
Oh, good evening, master.
Hi, Jeannie.
Your dinner is almost ready.
Oh, forget about dinner.
I'm gonna take you out to a French restaurant tonight.
I thought maybe we'd have a 15-course meal, and then I might take you dancing.
Then we could have a long ride along the beach.
How? How does that sound? Oh, that sounds wonderful, master.
Good.
But I am going out with my fiancé tonight.
Jeannie, you're not really serious about marrying this guy, are you? You could forbid it.
You are still my master.
Well, I-I shouldn't have to forbid any You know, I thought that you and I had a Oh, yes, master.
Are you in love? Oh, yes, master.
Heels over head.
[CHUCKLES.]
What are you gonna do when he finds out you're a genie? He knows that I am a genie.
He He knows you're a genie, and he still wants to marry you? Of course.
He says that if you are really in love with someone, it does not matter if they are rich or poor, or ugly or pretty, or a genie or a girl.
Do you agree with that, master? Sure, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
I am pleased to hear that.
I just don't wanna see you rush into anything, you know.
Why don't you have a nice, long engageme We are going to be married Saturday.
Satur This coming Saturday? This Saturday? He cannot wait to get married.
Is that not sweet? Oh, yes.
Yeah, it's adorable.
He wanted a big church wedding, but I would much rather be married right here.
And you can give me away.
You would not mind, would you? No, why should I mind? I mean, if this is what you want.
Oh, believe me, master.
More than anything in the world I want to be married to the man I am in love with.
Well, I guess there's nothing else to say.
Will I ever see you again? Oh, I hope so, but he He is so very jealous.
I do not know if he will allow it.
It's funny.
I always thought that you and I You always thought that wh-what, master? Nothing.
No, nothing.
Oh.
Listen to your ball game, master.
I will go set the table.
[FANS CHEERING.]
Tony! Oh, yes, sir.
Well, is anything wrong? Oh, no.
No, why? You've been acting a little restless lately.
Oh, oh, I've never been so relaxed in my whole life.
Well, I'm glad to hear it.
Oh, did you send a memo to the Ordinance Department this morning? Yes, sir, I did.
They sent it back to me.
"Please modify the new blaster component to read: "One thousandth of an inch "instead of two thousandths of an inch, effective immediately.
" Did you send that? Yes, sir.
A-anything wrong? It's signed, uh "I love you.
" Oh, I-I'll rectify that.
Well, tell me, if you're having a problem with a girl, maybe I can give you a little advice.
No, I may be a little too late for advice, sir.
I think I've lost her.
Hm.
Do you love her? I'm crazy about her.
Have you told her that? Well, I think she knows.
Then you haven't told her.
Well, no, not exactly.
Son, when you're after an objective, the first rule in love or war is an all-out frontal attack.
Yeah? If you really want her, go get her.
Go get her? And don't write the Ordinance Department any more, uh love letters.
It doesn't look good.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
Mm! [CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
Whee! [SIGHS.]
Oh.
Oh, there's the paper.
Hold me tighter.
We're going to drive him crazy with jealousy.
He's not even real.
[LAUGHING.]
He's not even real.
[WHISTLING.]
Good evening.
Don't let me interrupt you.
Oh, I-I did not think you would be home so early, master.
Oh, don't mind me.
Carry on.
Carry on? Well, I certainly hope you don't think Jeannie and I have been, uh You make a wonderful-looking couple.
You couldn't have picked a better man.
I could not have? Well, he has just about everything.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, you're gonna be happy.
Happy.
I can feel it in my bones.
Then you do not mind my getting married? Mind? Oh, I insist on it.
Oh, I love weddings.
But y-you can still order me not to marry him.
Why would I want to do that? No, I-I'm looking forward to giving you away.
I haven't got time to read.
I got work to do.
Uh, why don't you two just take up where you left off, hm? Uh Oh, you're gonna be happy.
[CHUCKLES.]
Did you hear that? Yes.
He does not care.
Well, I do.
Now, Jeannie I'm crazy about you.
You got me into this.
Hm.
Oh.
That poor kid.
Master.
Yes? Could I speak with you? Oh, and leave your fiancé downstairs alone? I I really don't think that'd be right, Jeannie.
Oh, well, this-that is what I wanted to speak with you about.
H-he is no longer my fiancé.
Oh.
Oh, that's a That's a shame.
He seemed like such a nice chap.
I thought you did not like him? Well, he grows on you.
I mean, uh What, a Rhodes scholar, a Fullback at, uh, Notre Dame, expert on karate Uh, he was almost Superman.
Master, there is something I must confess.
If you're gonna tell me that you conjured him up out of thin air, that he wasn't real, I already knew.
You knew it? Of course I did.
Now, who do you think you're dealing with? Do you really think I'd fall for an old gag like that? You mean, you? You? You knew that I was trying to make you jealous, and you let me go on with it? Yeah, I especially like the part where he wanted a big wedding, and you wanted me to give you away.
[CHUCKLING.]
Ooh! What would you've done if I let you go through with that wedding? You'd be very much up in the air, young lady.
[GROWLS.]
[MOANING.]
Get me down.
Come on! [LAUGHS.]
TONY: Knock it off, will ya? [YELLING.]
[NERVOUS LAUGHTER.]
I can't get down from here! Oh! We got a first down.
[CHUCKLES.]
ANNOUNCER [OVER TV.]
: Ball at the 33-yard line [ANNOUNCER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Master, it is such a lovely day out.
Why do we not go for a long drive.
A drive? You wanna go for a long drive now? Jeannie, it's in the fourth quarter.
The score is tied.
We have three minutes left to play.
See, Florida Tech is on Carolina's 48-yard line, and they're on the move.
This could easily be one of the greatest games ever played.
[CHORTLES.]
Master, enjoy your ball game.
I am going to go to the market to do some shopping for dinner.
Wait a minute, there's a pass coming up.
This could be the whole game right here.
Where are you going? To the supermarket.
Supe I'm going with you.
Uh, just in case.
Ohh.
But what about your game? Well, uh, could you? Just until we come back? Certainly, master.
Good.
Good.
[.]
I wish Major Healey would return right this minute so I can find out when my birthday is.
But he will not be back until next week, so I suppose I shall just have to wait until then.
[CHORTLES.]
Florida Tech just scored a touchdown.
Master, it is such a beautiful day out.
Let us go for a drive.
Hey! They just got the conversion.
How 'bout that, 14 to 13.
Sensational game.
Wow! Oh.
Well, what'd you do that for? Master, is football more important to you than I am? Oh, of course not, Jeannie.
I mean, how can I compare you to football? It's like trying to compare lemons and oranges.
And I am the lemon.
[CHUCKLES.]
No, no.
Aren't you interested in football? Oh, I am interested in you.
Master! Hm? Let us go on a beach picnic.
I will prepare a banquet for you.
All of your favorite dishes.
Yeah, well, tonight there's a football game on television I'd very much like to see.
I'll tell you what.
After the football season, I'll take you for that picnic.
You will not.
Why not? Because then baseball season starts.
Yeah.
Oh, well.
Perhaps I should find a master who appreciates me more.
Mm? [CHUCKLING.]
Oh, you couldn't.
Oh, yes, I could.
In fact, I think I have met him already.
Oh, good.
Mm.
Yes.
I met him this morning when I went shopping at the, uh, supermarket.
Ah, good for you.
He is very handsome.
Good for him.
And tall and strong.
Mm-hm.
Yeah, wh-what's the name of this tall, strong stranger? His name? Mm-hm.
Uh, Tony.
[LAUGHING.]
Tony Millionaire.
[LAUGHS LOUDER.]
Come on, you gotta do better than that? You do not believe me? Oh, Jeannie, I-I-I I'm just not the jealous type, that's all.
[CHUCKLES.]
[RINGS.]
Eh, I wonder who that could be? You'd think everybody else would be listening to the game.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[LAUGHS.]
Hi.
Is Jeannie here? I'm Tony Millionaire.
[.]
[.]
Well, hello, lovely lady.
Hello.
Oh.
You dropped your gloves.
Oh, where did the lovely lady drop her gloves? In the supermarket.
[CHUCKLES.]
Here you are.
Oh, thank you.
My goodness, I feel just like Cinderella.
That was shoes.
Are you, uh, free tonight? Oh, yes.
I was planning on going on a beach picnic, but it has been called off.
Major Nelson is very interested in football.
Oh? As a player or as a spectator? Oh, uh, just as a spectator.
That's nice.
I was fullback at Notre Dame for two years.
I left when I got a Rhodes scholarship.
I went to Oxford.
Oh, is that not exciting? Yes, exciting.
Well, I'll see you at 7.
Oh, that would be lovely.
TONY: Uh, she's not going.
Oh, but why not? Well, because nice young ladies don't go out with men who pick them up in supermarkets.
Isn't Jeannie over 21? [LAUGHS.]
Boy, is she over 21.
Ye Well.
You're not married or anything? No, no.
We're not married or anything.
Major Nelson is just like an uncle to me.
Well, Ah.
Well, good night, uncle.
Is he not everything I said he was, master? And less.
You're not going out with him.
Oh, but why not? Because he's Because he's got shifty eyes, and he's a hand-kisser.
How did he find you anyway? Oh, I gave him my address.
You what? Enjoy your football game, master.
I am so pleased that you are not the jealous type.
Hm, I think that I am in love.
[.]
Operator, I've gotta talk to Major Healey as soon as possible.
Yes, yes, as soon as you get him on the line, you call me back.
Thank you, thank you.
Ah, good morning, Major Nelson.
Oh, good morning, sir.
Oh, uh, am I disturbing you? No, no.
I'm just working out some fuel-ratio formulas.
Oh, I never could understand these mathematical formulas.
May I? Oh, sure.
Thank you.
At a temperature of 200 degrees Fahrenheit, the inverse ratio proportion will be equal to twenty genies.
Twenty genies? Uh, y-yes, that's s-slang for "gallons.
" Oh I never heard of that before.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Hello.
Oh, oh, yes, yes.
Uh, all right, put the call through.
Oh, uh, personal? It's, uh, long distance, sir.
Yes.
My mother.
Oh, I understand, major.
I'll see you later.
Thank you, sir.
Hi, buddy boy.
Buddy boy? His mother? Am I glad I got ahold of you.
ROGER: You just caught me in time.
I'm just going on a field trip.
Hey, you know something? These Eskimos really kiss with their noses.
Yeah.
Oh, my nose is so sore I can hardly touch it.
Ooh.
Listen, I met a girl.
Oh, did I meet a girl.
You can't believe Roger.
Oh, talk about cold noses, oh! Roger, I need your help.
Need my help? Is something wrong? Yes.
I think Jeannie's fallen in love.
With someone else? You're kidding.
She's crazy about you.
Well, she used to be.
But, well, you know how genies are.
Yeah, fickle.
No, no, she's not fickle.
It It's really not her fault.
This guy's enough to turn any girl's head.
He's handsome and athletic, and he seems to be reasonably intelligent.
Sounds like me.
Well, I think she's just infatuated with him right now, but if she sees any more of him, I could lose her.
Well, what are you gonna do? Jeannie has a date with him.
I've gotta get her to break it.
That's where I need your help.
Well, Tony, I'm stuck here till next week.
All I need from you is some information, Roge.
You want me to tell you her birthday, huh? Right.
You know how anxious she is about it.
I'm gonna tell her I have a big surprise for her.
I'll take her out to dinner tonight and spring it on her.
And she'll be so grateful, she'll forget all about this guy.
Ahh, you're still the same old master.
Ah-ha-ha.
All right, what day was she born on? Oh, this'll really kill you, Tony.
Roger, just give me the date.
Remember I said the month was the title of a popular song? Well, you know who wrote that song? Just give me the date.
Okay.
Tony! Yes, sir.
Engineering is asking for those new fuel ratios.
Haven't you finished yet? Uh, no, sir.
I was just talking to Major Healey.
Oh, let me say hello to him.
Major? General Peterson here.
Oh, good morning, sir.
How are things up in Alaska? Oh, a little nippy, sir.
Any physical reactions? Oh, yes, sir, I have a I have this very, very sore nose, sir.
I want all the tests finished by next Sunday.
Report to me when you've returned to Cape Kennedy.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Oh, sir Well, Major Healey's on his way.
He's gonna take a five-day pack trip.
I hope he doesn't fall in any glaciers.
[CHUCKLING.]
Tony.
Yes, sir.
Bring me the formula as soon as it's ready.
Yes, sir.
Jeannie.
Jeannie, I'm home.
Good evening, master.
Oh, hi.
Well, that's beautiful.
Thank you, master.
I'll tell you what.
I'll get changed, and we'll go out to dinner.
Oh, master.
I would not want you to miss your ball game.
There are some sandwiches for you in the kitchen.
I have a date.
Say, uh you really like this fellow, don't you? Oh, yes, master.
He's wonderful.
Oh, but do not worry.
I will still be your genie.
I am grateful to you for having let me out of my bottle.
Oh, well, I don't want you to be grateful to me.
I thought you liked me, Jeannie.
Oh, I do.
Well, do you like me better than him? Oh, well, that is a difficult question to answer.
It is like, uh Oh, like comparing lemons and oranges.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, I am so excited.
A-are you sure that I look all right? Oh, yes, yes.
Just wonderful.
Do my hands feel nice and soft? They sure do.
Oh, I am using a very old perfume.
Does it smell nice? It smells beautiful.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Good evening.
I am ready.
Oh, Jeannie.
You look like you're made of moonlight.
Oh, thank you.
Um Hi, major.
I want you to see that she gets home safely.
Oh, don't worry.
I have a black belt in karate.
Oh, uh, master? Yes? Would you do me a favor, please? Sure.
Let me know how the ball game comes out.
It's 3:15 in the morning.
Oh, boy.
She knows as much about men as [CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
[CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
Master? Are you awake? Oh, oh, is that you, Jeannie? Oh, I am sorry to have awakened you, master.
I thought you might've been waiting up for me.
Mm, no.
No, why should I wait up for you? I've been asleep for hours.
What time is it? One o'clock.
It's 3:17 in the morning! And what do you mean by staying out half the night with a man you don't even know? Oh, I feel as though I've known him all my life, master.
Yeah, y-you do, huh? That's exactly what he wants you to feel.
You know why? Because he's a con artist.
He's a con artist, and he thinks that you're rich, and he's gonna take you for everything.
Do you really think so, master? Oh, I've seen it a thousand times.
A thousand times.
On the outside he's great.
On in the inside he's rotten to the core.
Rotten! I bet he didn't pay for dinner.
You are right.
I did not see him pay.
Yeah.
Yeah, see there! Where'd you eat? On his yacht.
On his yacht.
It is a hundred feet long.
He owns diamond mines.
See what he gave me.
What is this? Some kind of a sample? An engagement ring.
Yeah? Good night, master.
Yacht.
Diamond.
Captain, listen, captain, you've got to reach Major Healey.
Yeah, I don't care where he is.
You gotta get ahold of him.
Yes, it's urgent.
Yeah.
Uh, right, operator.
Thank you very much.
Call me back soon.
Thank you.
Uh, mother? Oh, yes, they're trying to locate her.
I've never met your mother, Major Nelson.
No, no, I don't think you have, sir.
Uh, what's she like? Oh, just a typical homebody, you know.
Uh, she's not the type you'd call, uh, "buddy boy"? Oh, no, no.
She's the sweetest, gentlest little old lady you ever met.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Hello.
Mother? Mother? This is your buddy, Roger.
Where are you, Mother? Mother is up in a C-130.
I'm on a jump mission.
Uh, you know that information you have for me? Well, I-I'd like it now.
It's kind of urgent.
Our friend just got engaged to be married.
You mean, Jeannie? Oh, that's terrible.
Yeah.
We were talkin' about an old friend of the family.
Yeah.
Well, is there anything I can do? Uh, yes, uh, you can give me the date.
Y-you're the only one who has it.
Oh, I get it.
She'll be grateful and forget about the other guy.
That's what I'm counting on, Mom.
If you want my advice, I'd forget about Jeannie.
No, I-I really don't.
Just give me the date.
Okay, okay, don't get excited.
[CHUCKLING.]
I'm not.
I'm not.
Just give me the date.
Oh, I have, uh I have Doctor Bellows here.
Yeah, well, say hello to the old sourpuss for me.
Yeah.
Mother sends, uh, her best.
Yes, mother.
Okay, Jeannie was born on the We're over the target, major.
I just wanna tell my Ten seconds! Oh, I gotta bail out.
We're at 900 feet.
Oh.
Mom? Mom? [DIAL TONE.]
Uh, what happened? She had to bail out.
She was at 900 feet.
[.]
Oh.
[GLEEFUL SHRIEK.]
[LAUGHS.]
[CAR APPROACHING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, yes.
I miss you too.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh.
Oh, you must not say such things, darling.
Not over the telephone.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh, I do, I do.
I will see you later.
Goodbye, my precious pet.
[MAKING KISSING NOISES.]
Oh, good evening, master.
Hi, Jeannie.
Your dinner is almost ready.
Oh, forget about dinner.
I'm gonna take you out to a French restaurant tonight.
I thought maybe we'd have a 15-course meal, and then I might take you dancing.
Then we could have a long ride along the beach.
How? How does that sound? Oh, that sounds wonderful, master.
Good.
But I am going out with my fiancé tonight.
Jeannie, you're not really serious about marrying this guy, are you? You could forbid it.
You are still my master.
Well, I-I shouldn't have to forbid any You know, I thought that you and I had a Oh, yes, master.
Are you in love? Oh, yes, master.
Heels over head.
[CHUCKLES.]
What are you gonna do when he finds out you're a genie? He knows that I am a genie.
He He knows you're a genie, and he still wants to marry you? Of course.
He says that if you are really in love with someone, it does not matter if they are rich or poor, or ugly or pretty, or a genie or a girl.
Do you agree with that, master? Sure, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
I am pleased to hear that.
I just don't wanna see you rush into anything, you know.
Why don't you have a nice, long engageme We are going to be married Saturday.
Satur This coming Saturday? This Saturday? He cannot wait to get married.
Is that not sweet? Oh, yes.
Yeah, it's adorable.
He wanted a big church wedding, but I would much rather be married right here.
And you can give me away.
You would not mind, would you? No, why should I mind? I mean, if this is what you want.
Oh, believe me, master.
More than anything in the world I want to be married to the man I am in love with.
Well, I guess there's nothing else to say.
Will I ever see you again? Oh, I hope so, but he He is so very jealous.
I do not know if he will allow it.
It's funny.
I always thought that you and I You always thought that wh-what, master? Nothing.
No, nothing.
Oh.
Listen to your ball game, master.
I will go set the table.
[FANS CHEERING.]
Tony! Oh, yes, sir.
Well, is anything wrong? Oh, no.
No, why? You've been acting a little restless lately.
Oh, oh, I've never been so relaxed in my whole life.
Well, I'm glad to hear it.
Oh, did you send a memo to the Ordinance Department this morning? Yes, sir, I did.
They sent it back to me.
"Please modify the new blaster component to read: "One thousandth of an inch "instead of two thousandths of an inch, effective immediately.
" Did you send that? Yes, sir.
A-anything wrong? It's signed, uh "I love you.
" Oh, I-I'll rectify that.
Well, tell me, if you're having a problem with a girl, maybe I can give you a little advice.
No, I may be a little too late for advice, sir.
I think I've lost her.
Hm.
Do you love her? I'm crazy about her.
Have you told her that? Well, I think she knows.
Then you haven't told her.
Well, no, not exactly.
Son, when you're after an objective, the first rule in love or war is an all-out frontal attack.
Yeah? If you really want her, go get her.
Go get her? And don't write the Ordinance Department any more, uh love letters.
It doesn't look good.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
Mm! [CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
Whee! [SIGHS.]
Oh.
Oh, there's the paper.
Hold me tighter.
We're going to drive him crazy with jealousy.
He's not even real.
[LAUGHING.]
He's not even real.
[WHISTLING.]
Good evening.
Don't let me interrupt you.
Oh, I-I did not think you would be home so early, master.
Oh, don't mind me.
Carry on.
Carry on? Well, I certainly hope you don't think Jeannie and I have been, uh You make a wonderful-looking couple.
You couldn't have picked a better man.
I could not have? Well, he has just about everything.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, you're gonna be happy.
Happy.
I can feel it in my bones.
Then you do not mind my getting married? Mind? Oh, I insist on it.
Oh, I love weddings.
But y-you can still order me not to marry him.
Why would I want to do that? No, I-I'm looking forward to giving you away.
I haven't got time to read.
I got work to do.
Uh, why don't you two just take up where you left off, hm? Uh Oh, you're gonna be happy.
[CHUCKLES.]
Did you hear that? Yes.
He does not care.
Well, I do.
Now, Jeannie I'm crazy about you.
You got me into this.
Hm.
Oh.
That poor kid.
Master.
Yes? Could I speak with you? Oh, and leave your fiancé downstairs alone? I I really don't think that'd be right, Jeannie.
Oh, well, this-that is what I wanted to speak with you about.
H-he is no longer my fiancé.
Oh.
Oh, that's a That's a shame.
He seemed like such a nice chap.
I thought you did not like him? Well, he grows on you.
I mean, uh What, a Rhodes scholar, a Fullback at, uh, Notre Dame, expert on karate Uh, he was almost Superman.
Master, there is something I must confess.
If you're gonna tell me that you conjured him up out of thin air, that he wasn't real, I already knew.
You knew it? Of course I did.
Now, who do you think you're dealing with? Do you really think I'd fall for an old gag like that? You mean, you? You? You knew that I was trying to make you jealous, and you let me go on with it? Yeah, I especially like the part where he wanted a big wedding, and you wanted me to give you away.
[CHUCKLING.]
Ooh! What would you've done if I let you go through with that wedding? You'd be very much up in the air, young lady.
[GROWLS.]
[MOANING.]
Get me down.
Come on! [LAUGHS.]
TONY: Knock it off, will ya? [YELLING.]
[NERVOUS LAUGHTER.]
I can't get down from here! Oh! We got a first down.
[CHUCKLES.]
ANNOUNCER [OVER TV.]
: Ball at the 33-yard line [ANNOUNCER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Master, it is such a lovely day out.
Why do we not go for a long drive.
A drive? You wanna go for a long drive now? Jeannie, it's in the fourth quarter.
The score is tied.
We have three minutes left to play.
See, Florida Tech is on Carolina's 48-yard line, and they're on the move.
This could easily be one of the greatest games ever played.
[CHORTLES.]
Master, enjoy your ball game.
I am going to go to the market to do some shopping for dinner.
Wait a minute, there's a pass coming up.
This could be the whole game right here.
Where are you going? To the supermarket.
Supe I'm going with you.
Uh, just in case.
Ohh.
But what about your game? Well, uh, could you? Just until we come back? Certainly, master.
Good.
Good.
[.]