I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s02e20 Episode Script

[.]
I love Sundays, master.
Yeah.
Is it your favorite day of the week? Uh-huh.
You do not have to work.
Yeah, that's right.
What would you like to do? Read my paper.
I know a wonderful game.
Why do we not play hub-a-toe? Hub-a-toe? Mm-hm.
I-I-it is a lovely game.
You have a A little white ball, and two small paddles, and a table with a net spread across.
And the object is to get the ball Oh.
Jeannie, that That's called Ping-Pong.
O-oh, it is called hub-a-toe.
No, Ping-Pong.
Hub-a-toe.
No, really, Ping-Pong.
Hub-a-toe.
Well, I can't play hub-a-toe, because I don't have a hub-a-toe table.
[LAUGHS.]
There.
Oh.
How about that? I still can't play.
I don't have a hub-a-toe paddle.
JEANNIE: Hm-hm.
Ha.
All right.
But I warn you, in high school, I was a hub-a-toe champion.
We shall see.
[CHUCKLES.]
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
Ah! Jeannie, you're pretty good, you know that? What are you doing? Who's winning? [GRUNTS.]
[.]
[.]
Oh, uh Uh, hi.
Hello.
I'd be fascinated to know how you do that, major.
Oh, it's a It's a new theory I'm working on.
Um reactive aerodynamics.
I knew it.
You did? We must apologize for intruding on your Sunday like this, but we were just passing by We were nowhere near the place.
Oh, no, it's all my fault, major.
I made Alfred drop by.
I've been dying to see your house.
Oh, you have? Yes.
A bachelor living all alone.
I can't wait to see what you've done with it.
Oh.
It's just an ordinary, everyday, run-of-the-mill house.
You could call this house a lot of things, major.
But I don't think you could call it that.
Do you mind if I take a peek? Oh, uh Uh Uh, Mrs.
Bellows I'm sorry, but when Amanda makes up her mind Uh, yes, sir.
Oh.
It's charming.
Utterly charming.
Oh, well, I'm glad you like it.
It looks so lived in.
Yes.
You know, the way Alfred described it, I, uh, expected to see more of a haunted house.
[TONY LAUGHING.]
And you live here all alone.
Yes.
Well, I'm just going to have to find a nice young girl for you.
Ooh.
Wh-what happened? Oh, it's It's, uh It's the wind.
When the the kitchen door is opened, it whips around the corner here.
Oh, what a heaven kitchen.
Yes.
We're just going to have to get you married.
Ahh! Oh! But major, there's no wind.
Uh, cat, sir.
You don't have a cat.
The neighbor's cat.
It's awfully hard to keep out of here.
It keeps walking in here all the time.
Oh, I must say, major, you have excellent taste.
Thank you.
You're going to make someone a marvelous husband.
Oh! Huh? Oh, Alfred.
Look! It's exactly what I've been looking for, for the living room.
You know, that place over in the Oh.
Wherever did you find it? I, uh, picked it up on a deserted island in the Pacific.
It's just a little piece of bad luck.
I must have it.
Well, I I really couldn't let it go, Mrs.
Bellows, I'm sorry.
Well, look at it this way.
You're a major and my husband is a colonel.
Well I I understand, major.
Oh.
Thank you.
[BANGS TABLE.]
But we can have it copied.
Yes, Salvatori & Sons can make an exact duplicate of this.
That's an excellent idea.
Now, don't you worry.
Don't you worry about your bottle, major.
I'll bring it in first thing in the morning.
It will take no time at all to make a copy of it.
I don't think it's a good idea.
Why don't you let me give you a lamp? Or the couch? It's a brand new couch.
No, no, no.
I have what I want.
When Amanda makes up her mind, there's no telling exactly what [GLASS SMASHING.]
Oh.
Talk to your neighbor about their cat.
Or you're not gonna have any bric-a-brac left.
Goodbye, major.
Thank you so very much.
Uh Don't you worry about this bottle.
I'll bring it back If I could talk to you Goodbye, major.
Enjoy your day.
Ye Ow! You let that woman take my bottle! W-well, what could I do? You saw how she There was nothing I could do.
When she's through having a copy made, she's going to find you a wife.
Well Who could afford a wife? I'm gonna spend my life paying for the stuff you broke.
What am I going to do without my bottle? I don't know, Jeannie.
Blink up another one.
I do not want to blink up another one.
I want my bottle back.
You heard what she said.
She's gonna have a copy made.
It's gonna be ready in a couple of days.
And where will I sleep in the meantime? [CHUCKLES.]
Well, I don't know.
Uh.
Uh Look, look, look.
Look, nice drawer.
You'd be comfortable in there.
I do not want to sleep in a drawer.
Well, uh Here, look, look I think I will take in your bedroom.
But, mine? Well, where would I stay? In the drawer, master.
Oh, Jeannie, now Jeannie? Jeannie! [CHUCKLING.]
There.
You will be nice and comfortable.
Wait a minute, Jeannie.
You don't expect me to sleep in here! Yes, master.
And in the morning, I am sure you will have thought of a way to get my bottle back.
Now, wait one minute, young lady.
If you think you're gonna get away Hey, now, wait! Jeannie! Ahh! Wait! [YAWNS.]
Oh.
Good morning, master.
Did you sleep well? It's the most comfortable drawer I ever slept in.
Let me out of here, please.
Did you figure out a way to get my bottle back? [SIGHS.]
Yes, I did.
Ooh! What are you going to do? [GRUNTS.]
I'm gonna call Salvatori & Sons, and tell them to have the duplicate bottle finished by tonight.
And then on my way home from work, I'll pick it up.
Oh! What time are you going to pick it up? About 7:00.
Oh.
Oh, I cannot wait.
Oh, master, I will go down there and get into the bottle, and wait for you, and you can pick both of us up at the same time.
Uh, n-no.
I don't think that's a terribly good idea, Jeannie.
Please.
No, I'm afraid not.
Please.
No, really.
Please, please, please, please? All right, it's against my better judgment.
But be careful.
Oh, yes, master! Okay.
I'm gonna go get dressed.
[LAUGHS.]
Uh, would you? Would you fix? [CHUCKLES.]
[.]
Look at that.
No one can tell one from the other.
Hm.
Oh, here, here.
Just a little bit here.
Aha.
[.]
[DELIGHTED SQUEAL.]
[SIGHS.]
SALVATORI: Now we wrap them and, uh, I'm gonna deliver them to Mrs.
Bellows, huh? SON: Yes, Papa.
Oh.
[DOOR BELL JINGLES.]
I appreciate your coming along.
It should take a couple of minutes.
How do you get yourself into these things? Can I help you? Oh, yes.
I'm Anthony Nelson.
I believe you have a bottle here for me.
Ah, yes, yes.
I just finished the duplicate for Mrs.
Bellows.
That's it.
You want to see it, huh? Uh, no.
I'm in kind of a hurry.
A friend of ours is waiting for us to pick her up.
Oh.
I see.
All right.
Then I'll bring here your bottle, huh? Gino! GINO: Yes, Papa.
You bring here the original bottle for Mr.
Nelson.
Yes, Papa.
Thank you.
SALVATORI: Uh, you know, it takes a little time, but it comes out so perfect.
I'm proud of myself.
TONY: Oh, good.
SALVATORI: Here you are.
TONY: Thank you very much.
SALVATORI: I'm just going to deliver Mrs.
Bellows' bottle.
TONY: Oh, good.
Tell her I hope she enjoys it.
Good night, and thanks again.
SALVATORI: Good night.
No.
No! No, you've got the wrong bottle! Oh, master! Master, no! Help! Help! [SOBBING.]
Boy, I'll bet Jeannie can't wait to get out of that bottle.
Yeah.
There we are.
Come on out, Jeannie.
Well, I guess she likes it so much, she doesn't want to leave it.
Come on, Jeannie.
Come on out.
Jeannie? Say, you don't think that we could've gotten the wrong bottle, do you? Of course.
Of course it's the wrong bottle.
There's not even any furniture in there.
You know You know what this means? Dr.
Bellows has the bottle, and Jeannie's inside of it.
I have an uncle in the insurance business.
Maybe he could get jobs for both of us.
I'll get it back.
Amanda, we're gonna be late.
It's very neurotic of you.
I'm coming, I'm coming.
You know, you're very compulsive about being prompt.
That isn't healthy.
Amanda.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Oh.
Who now? Dr.
Bellows.
TONY: Oh, uh, hello, Dr.
Bellows? This is Major Nelson.
How are you this evening, sir? Oh, I'm just fine, thank you, major.
What can I do for you? Uh, I went over to Salvatori's and, uh, picked up my bottle.
I got the wrong one.
I think you have the original.
Oh? As a matter of fact, it was just delivered.
We haven't even unwrapped it yet.
Good, good.
I'll be right over and pick it up, sir.
Oh, I'm sorry, major.
But we're just on our way out to a dinner party.
Well, I-I can be there in 10 minutes.
Well, there won't be anyone here, major.
Uh, but, sir, I've got to have that bottle tonight.
Well, look, uh does it matter whether it's tonight or tomorrow? It's just a bottle, isn't it? Oh.
Well, y-yes.
Yeah, it Then I'll see that you get it tomorrow.
Now, is there anything else? No, I can't think of anything, sir.
Then good night, major.
Good night.
Hm.
Oh, uh I forgot to tell you, darling, the, uh Mr.
Salvatori just delivered the bottle.
Oh, I can't wait to see what it's like.
Uh-uh-uh.
You can wait until tomorrow.
We're late.
Come on Oh, darling.
The major was very awfully anxious about his bottle.
I know.
I bet it's like a blanket to him.
You know? It gives him a sense of security? Amanda, leave the psychoanalyzing to me.
Hm? We're late.
You're so upset about it.
He said he'd give you the bottle in the morning.
When they get back from the party, what's the first thing Mrs.
Bellows is gonna do? Take off her girdle.
Roger, she's going to open the bottle.
And guess who's gonna come out? Well, I have another uncle in the real estate business.
We've got to get that bottle right away.
You said it was in Dr.
Bellows' house.
Yeah, that's right.
Well, what are we gonna do? How are we gonna get it? We're gonna break in.
Oh.
No, we're not.
No, no.
Give me that.
Wait.
I'm not going to break in.
You're going to break in.
I'm not going to break in.
Get the flashlight.
Just carry this.
I know every time [WHISPERING.]
Roger.
Roger, where are you? I'm right here.
I know.
Look, can I make a suggestion? What? Let's go home.
I've never burgled a house before.
It makes me nervous.
You're not burgling anything.
We're just exchanging bottles.
And if Dr.
Bellows catches us, he's gonna exchange us.
He can't.
He's out for the evening.
Yeah, I wish we were.
Shh.
Be quiet.
Lay down, lay down.
Come on.
What are you doing? Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
What are you gonna do? Shh! How you gonna get in there anyway? A strip of celluloid.
Oh, good.
It'll trip the lock.
Oh yeah.
Trip the lock.
Shh.
Shh! Let's go! Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You check the windows on that side of the house, I'll check this side.
I'll check this side, you check that side.
That's what I said.
Check No, no, it's locked.
Oh, good.
Let's go.
We can't leave Jeannie here.
There's an open window up there.
Great, if you're you could just walk right through it.
Give me a lift, will you? Best idea you ever had.
My car's down the street.
Roge.
Hold that.
Oh, wait a minute.
You're not gonna climb up there? Oh, don't.
Watch out.
Shh.
Be careful.
Watch it, watch it.
Shh! Tony, what are you doing? Oh.
If Dr.
Bellows catches us on his lawn, he's What? TONY [WHISPERING.]
: Roger! Roger! [WHISPERS.]
What? Dr.
Bellows is out for the evening.
You stand by the front door, and I'll let you in.
[WHISTLES.]
Okay, come on in.
Roger.
It worked.
All right.
Come on.
Wait.
I just figured out we could get 10 years for this.
You take that side of the house, I'll take this side.
And a court-martial.
Huh? Oh, go on.
And that's not all.
Yeah.
I hate leaving a party early.
I'm sorry, darling.
I can't help it if I've got a splitting headache.
I didn't say you could help it.
I merely said it was psychosomatic.
Why couldn't I have married a butcher? Oh, come now.
Alfred.
Alfred, there's someone in the house.
We're being burglarized.
Go call the police.
While I go call the police, they could escape.
Well, wh-what are you gonna do? I'm going in there.
Darling, you can't.
You could get yourself killed.
I can take care of myself, my dear.
Alfred, I didn't mean what I said about the butcher.
No guilty feelings, please.
Alfred! [WHISPERS.]
Wh-where are you going? I have a gun in the garage.
Uh, come with me.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Yahh! [BOTH GASP NERVOUSLY.]
Well, it's not in the study.
Hey, look, why don't we turn on some lights so we So we can see what we're doing, huh? We don't want anybody to know we're in here, remember? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I remember.
Come on.
Yeah.
I once saw a movie where an innocent guy helped his friend break into a house to steal some letters.
What happened? They were both machine-gunned to death.
Let's go.
Let's take one more look over here.
Now, wait a minute.
Come on.
Wait.
There it is! Great.
Well, let's get her and get out of here.
Jeannie? Oh! I am in here, master! Good.
[CLATTERS.]
What'd you do? I just knocked over the Chinese checkers.
Well, pick 'em up! Are you kidding? Who wants to be neat at a time like this? You want Dr.
Bellows to know somebody's been in his house? That's what I said.
Let's pick 'em up.
I'm gonna take them by surprise.
Hide somewhere until it's over.
All right.
Good luck.
And remember, Alfred, shoot first and ask questions afterward.
Hide.
Hide.
TONY: Hurry! ROGER: Ooh! Oh! I just lost some of my marbles! Put your hands up and stay right where you are! Major Healey.
What are you doing here? Oh.
Oh, ask Ask Major Nelson.
He knows what we're doing here.
[GASPS.]
Major Nelson! What are you doing? Would you mind explaining to me what? He's asleep.
Asleep? Oh, sir, he can't be asleep.
That's impossible.
We just [GRUNTS.]
Oh.
Oh, asleep! Yes, sir.
He's asleep.
He's sleepwalking.
Yeah, well, you see, uh, Tony sleepwalked here.
That's And you came along to see that nothing would happen to him.
Oh, well, that's least I can do for my best friend.
Not so loud.
You'll wake him up.
Mustn't startle him.
Yeah.
Give me a hand with him, will you? We may as well put him on the couch.
Yeah, easy.
Oh! Oh, he's very heavy.
Yes, sir.
Ooh! No, no, no.
Oh, he's a heavy sleepwalker.
AMANDA: Alfred? Alfred, are you all right? Oh.
Major Healey, Major Nelson.
What? What are they doing here? Major Nelson is sleepwalking.
He's been sleepwalking.
Sleepwalking.
In our house? Why? Well, uh, I'm glad you asked that.
You see, uh We, uh When he was a little boy, he used to walk Well, it's really quite obvious.
You see, Major Nelson came here because he wanted his bottle.
Yeah, well, I knew you'd find out sooner or later.
You see, our problem is And it was preying on his mind.
Preying on his subconscious.
Why, it's the old classic case.
You know, I bet I can tell you exactly what happened.
I wish you would.
Well after Major Nelson phoned me, he went to sleep.
But he couldn't sleep because the bottle was on his mind.
The compulsion to get it back was so strong that he got up, and then either phoned you or went to your house? Either way.
And then you came here with him.
Hm.
Marvelous.
Oh, darling, however did you figure all that out? My dear, I'm a psychiatrist.
Amanda.
But, uh what I must learn is why this bottle means so much to Major Nelson.
Uh well, sir, as I was saying, see, we had two bottles No, no, no.
The truth, Major Healey.
Yes, sir.
Well, you see, we had the two bottles, and we tried to get [GRUNTS.]
Yes? Major Nelson here.
Darling, he's waking up.
Now, there's nothing to be alarmed about, Major Nelson.
Nothing to be alarmed about.
You're in my house.
In your house, Dr.
Bellows? I knew he'd be surprised.
Have I been in some accident or something? What? Almost.
BELLOWS: You've been walking in your sleep.
[LAUGHING.]
TONY: I've never done that before, sir.
Believe me, there's nothing to worry about.
Now, as you were saying, Major Healey? We had these two bottles I feel awfully faint.
Do you have any water? Of course.
Maybe something for a headache.
Of course.
You stay right there.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You just won the Academy Award.
Here we are.
Here we are, Major Nelson.
Oh, thank you, sir.
It's more than kind of you.
A little water? Easy.
Easy.
I'll take that, Amanda.
You're too kind, Mrs.
Bellows.
Oh, why, it's a very lucky thing we arrived when we did.
Yeah, we're lucky.
How's your headache? Oh, fine, it's I think it's getting better.
I-I ought to be leaving now.
I'm sorry to have intruded like this.
You brought the copy to exchange.
Yes, sir.
Let's exchange it.
We don't have to tonight.
Well, of course, tonight! Otherwise, you'll be walking in your sleep again.
And the next time you might get shot.
Now, there you are, major.
Your problems are all over.
You'd better get to bed now.
You've been through a lot.
A lot, sir.
We've all been through a lot.
I'll take this.
Now major I don't mind keeping this till the evening.
No, it's all settled.
Alfred? You know, I am sorry I started this whole thing.
[CHUCKLES.]
Major, I should've taken the couch.
The couch? Oh, yes.
The flowers are theirs.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Now, major, everything is all set.
All you have to do is relax.
TONY: I'm terribly sorry.
And then you get a good night's rest.
TONY: But wouldn't you like that? A good night's rest, major.
Uh-uh.
Uh.
Good night.
[LAUGHING.]
Alfred Oh is he always like that? Oh, no.
This is one of his good days.
Ooh? Roger, do me a favor, will you? Tomorrow morning, call your uncle in the real estate business.
Ask if he's got any openings.
What are you so worried about, anyway? What am I worried? Give me that.
Careful.
Ah.
Be careful.
You have any idea what's going on at Doctor Bellows' house right now? No.
What? Mrs.
Bellows is opening that package.
And right about now, she's opening the bottle.
And you know what's coming out of the bottle? Smoke.
And do you know what that smoke is turning into? Jeannie.
That's what it's gonna turn into.
J-Jeannie?! Master! [BOTH LAUGHING.]
Hey.
How did you get here? I do not know.
Well, the old mastermind decided we needed a miracle, so when you were talking, I switched the bottles.
Oh, Major Healey.
Thank you! Well Oh.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
Oh! Oh, oh, oh.
My own bottle! Oh.
And my own genie.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
Ho-ho-ho.
You know better than to give Roger his own bottle, much less his own genie.
Open it.
Oh.
Boy Oh! [LAUGHING.]
Oh.
Oh-ho-ho! Whoo! Oh! It's champagne.
Oh.
Thank you.
Mm.
Well, at least we got Jeannie back.
I guess we might as well drink to it.
Oh.
Is that really champagne? Sure is.
[.]