I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s02e30 Episode Script
My Master, the Swinging Bachelor
[.]
The results of the medical tests on the new astronauts should be completed by next week.
I think you're gonna be very pleased, general.
Yes, sir.
I'll get them to you as soon as I have them.
Right.
Goodbye, sir.
What are you doing? Snooping, darling.
[SIGHS.]
Amanda, heh, that's privileged information you're looking at.
I know.
That's what makes it so interesting.
Oh, look.
Here's Major Nelson's chart.
Would you please put that down.
Darling, look.
Why, he's gained three pounds in one month.
So? Well, does he eat out very much? No.
He, uh, usually cooks at home.
Don't be silly, darling.
No bachelor's going to gain weight on his own cooking.
And he always looks so mysteriously satisfied.
Something very strange is going on with your Major Nelson.
What do you think I've been trying to tell you all this time? Well, I think I know a way to find out what it is.
Hmm.
TONY: Okay.
Thanks.
How was your flight, Major Nelson? Fine, sir.
We'll make some more tests next week.
Oh, I'm ready any time you are.
Are you free for dinner tonight? Yes, yes.
Good.
Mrs.
Bellows and I would like to dine with you.
Well, that's very kind of you.
Shall we say 7:00? Seven's fine.
At your house.
At my house [.]
[.]
[.]
You mean, Dr.
Bellows invited himself for dinner tonight at your place? Yeah.
He's looking for Jeannie.
Oh, well, don't let him come.
Don't you see? It's a trap.
He's not hungry.
He's looking for Jeannie.
Wait a minute.
You know and you're not gonna stop him? Oh, don't worry.
I'm giving a dinner party tonight.
And Dr.
Bellows and his wife are coming, and I want you to come and bring a girl.
Okay, but who? Who are you gonna bring? Kathryn Golato.
Kathryn You haven't seen her in ages.
Yeah, well, I'm seeing her tonight.
What about Jeannie? What's gonna happen when she finds another girl's at your house for dinner? Yeah.
Don't worry about Jeannie.
She's gonna be busy tonight.
[.]
Jeannie? Jeannie? Hello, master.
You are home early.
Yeah.
Well, tonight's the big night.
The big night? Yeah Uh, you remember, you said you wanted to see a play called.
The Tales of the Arabian Nights? Yes? Well, you have a front row seat.
Oh, master! And I'm gonna let you drive the car tonight.
You are going to let me drive? You are not going with me? No, no.
Uh, I'm afraid not.
Oh, but why? Well, Dr.
Bellows has given me a lot of paperwork to do tonight, that, uh I'm gonna be kind of I don't want you to miss this treat.
Oh, but I do not mind.
I will keep you company this evening, and And we will see the play some other night.
Uh, no, no.
It It's just playing the one night in town.
I wouldn't want you to miss it.
I'll just be at home doing a lot of dull paperwork.
Oh, master, you are sure you would not mind if I went alone? No.
Your master insists upon it.
My master is such a sweet, darling liar! Now, Jeannie, take it easy.
Don't get excited.
Why does Major Nelson want to get rid of me tonight? Well, he doesn't wanna get rid of you.
It's just, he wants you to see The Arabian Nights.
It's It's about your own hometown.
He is trying to trick me, but you will tell me the truth.
Me? Me? Well, I am telling you the truth.
I would never Jeannie, what are you doing? I am waiting for you to tell me why Major Nelson does not want me around tonight.
I did tell you.
You know that I would never lie Jeannie, you've gotta stop being so suspicious.
I mean, that's not like you to Jeannie, what are you doing to me? Now, wait a minute.
You know I'm telling you the truth.
I would never lie to you.
I never lied to you in my Oh! He doesn't want you around the house tonight because he's inviting Dr.
Bellows and his wife to dinner.
Ooh! Thank you, Major Healey.
My pants.
My pants.
Don't forget Oh, Major Healey Dr.
Bellows, I'm getting ready for the big race.
You lied to me.
No, no, I didn't, Jeannie.
I said I was gonna be busy tonight, and I am.
Having a dinner party.
Who told you? Ha-ha, it is true.
Oh.
No, no, it It's not a dinner party.
It's Well, it's just Dr.
Bellows and his wife, and Roger and a girlfriend coming over for a little bite to eat, that's all.
Please let me stay.
I will hide.
Hide? Well, I can't let you stay, Jeannie.
You see, Mrs.
Bellows is very a suspicious woman, and she's coming here looking for trouble.
If you're gonna be here, she's gonna find it.
Oh, but who will cook your dinner? I've hired a sweet, little old lady to come in and fix it.
Oh, well, no one can cook a meal like I can, master.
You want Yeah, honestly, don't Don't Don't worry about it.
It's okay.
I will just peak in and check and see how she is doing.
Oh, no, no, no, really.
That's sweet of you, Jeannie, but, y-you know if you don't hurry, you're gonna be late for that play.
Very well, master.
Hee-hee! Good.
Thanks Jeannie? Jeannie? Hello, Kathryn.
Did anyone come in here? No, darling.
Were you expecting someone? No, no, no.
KATHRYN: You'll never know how pleased I was to see you after all these months.
TONY: Oh? KATHRYN: Why? Why? Oh, I got hungry.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Did you? Yeah.
You're one of the best cooks I've ever known.
You know, I'm good at anything I'm interested in.
Oh! Well, I I don't wanna keep you from your work.
Uh, I want this dinner to be particularly smashing tonight.
It's going to be.
[TONY CHUCKLES.]
Well, I I better go get dressed.
Uh Heh.
Hey, that's good spaghetti sauce.
[GIGGLES.]
Well, I I better go get ready for our Our guests.
[GIGGLES.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
ROGER: Tony, Tony.
Hi, Roge.
Hello.
Hi, I'm Pauline Abernathy.
Very nice to meet you Ooh, hors d'oeuvres.
Hey, she's all right, huh? Yeah.
She's a skydiver.
I'm sorry about what happened with Jeannie this afternoon.
I would have held out longer, but I started to catch cold.
That's all right.
Everything worked out.
You mean you got her to go to the theatre even after she knew? That's right.
Oh, boy.
You should write an encyclopedia on women.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
That's probably Dr.
Bellows.
Hang on.
Dr.
Bellows.
Good evening, Major Nelson.
Hello, major.
Oh, you're a darling to have us over on such short notice.
Is this where I put my wrap? Amanda, you don't have a wrap.
Oh, I'm cursed.
How perfectly ridiculous of me.
I left my wrap in the car, didn't I, dear? Uh, Amanda, shall we join the others? Oh, yes, yes.
Uh Uh, Miss Abernathy, uh, this is Mrs.
Bellows and Dr.
Bellows.
How do you do? Hello.
Oh, you must think we're terribly rude inviting ourselves over for dinner like this.
But I simply had to see how a bachelor was going to handle a dinner party on such short notice.
Oh, I have a friend that drops in from time to time to cook for me.
I'd like to meet your friend.
Oh, would you, sir? Uh, Kathryn? Yes? I'd like you to meet the Bellows.
Hi, Kathryn.
Uh, this is Kathryn Golato, Mrs.
Bellows.
How do you do? Ah, Dr.
Bellows.
How do you do? Ah, how do you do? So you're the girl who's putting weight on our major? Putting weight? Yeah, well, yes.
She's one of the best cooks in Cocoa Beach.
Yeah.
Wait'll you taste her cooking.
What are we having? Uh, what Kathryn usually prepares for me.
A real French dinner.
Italian dinner.
Uh, an Italian dinner, French style.
KATHRYN: I better start getting things ready.
Yes.
Thank you.
So that's the answer.
Uh, the answer? Hmm.
Does she cook for you often, major? Oh, yes.
All the time.
All the time.
Tony, how do you turn on the oven? Yes.
Excuse me for just a moment, please? Ah, she always has a hard time r-remembering how to turn it on.
You know, darling, my woman's intuition tells me we're going to be, uh, awfully glad we came.
Heh.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Mmm.
Terrific tomato juice.
Well, uh, whatever she's cooking out there, it sure smells good.
Ha-ha-ha! Wait'll you taste it.
BELLOWS: Mmm.
I've always loved Italian-French cooking.
Mmm.
[.]
Here you are.
Oh, you all go ahead.
Don't wait for me.
Ah! PAULINE: It simply looks marvelous.
Well, you certainly gain a lot of weight on On food like this.
So much for a woman's intuition.
Hmm.
Mmm, good, good.
Good, real good.
Thank you.
It is good, isn't it? I don't know that I've tasted anything like it.
I don't know either.
I'm sure of one thing.
What's that, my dear? It'll teach you to pay more attention to my intuition.
I'll get the dessert.
Oh, could we have some water too, please? BELLOWS: Oh, yes.
I'd like some more water myself.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Oh, well, yeah, wait Wait'll you, uh, see the soufflé.
It's light as a feather.
Oh.
Tony, could you take this, please? It's hot.
Okay.
I'll get the forks.
All right.
Yes, sir.
Light as a feather.
Ah.
Excuse me.
[WHISPERS.]
Jeannie, I know you're in here.
Come on out.
Do you know what you've done to me? You've ruined me, that's what you've done to me.
You did this deliberately, didn't you? Huh? You can't have just everything go right, can you? You You know what your problem is? You're You're jealous.
And you're interfering, and Would you like a cup of coffee, sir? Your stove is jealous and interfering? My stove? No.
It's just an ordinary, everyday How 'bout some mock turtle soup? Hm.
In this house, anything could be anything.
One thing I'm sure of, you're not gaining any weight on this food.
There's more here than meets the eye, and I'm going to find out what it is.
Oh, it's nothing, really, sir.
BELLOWS: Then how do you explain the fact that you live here all alone and you're gaining weight? Well, it's, uh It's the desserts I eat.
I'm very big on desserts.
Now shall we, uh, serve the other people? Beautiful, isn't it? Thank you.
Mmm.
AMANDA: This is the most delicious cake I've ever tasted in my whole life.
It's fantastic.
Mm, delicious.
Well, I-I must warn you, it's very fattening.
Who cares? Major, I owe you an apology.
If I ate desserts like this, I think I'd gain weight too.
TONY: There's no reason to apologize, doctor.
Everybody makes mistakes.
I must have this recipe.
I'd like it myself.
What do you mean? You didn't bake it? No.
Didn't come from any bakery.
Who baked it? Oh, I baked it.
I baked it.
Oh, major, how marvelous.
But, you know, there's a flavor in there I can't quite identify.
What is it? Oh, I'm I'm sorry.
Uh, this recipe has been passed down from generation to generation in my family.
If I, uh If I disclosed it, I would be breaking an oath.
I understand.
Can I take a piece home with me? Oh, of course.
For my mommy.
TONY: For your mommy? Oh, of course.
Yes, um After dinner, would anyone like to play bridge or, uh, poker? Let's play jacks.
Jacks? I wanna play jacks.
ROGER: You wanna play Jacks? Huh! I don't wanna play jacks.
I wanna play tag.
I wanna play Pin the Tail on the Donkey.
Well, let's play Post Office.
I want more cake.
More cake.
More cake.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Wait a minute.
You're it, right? [ALL GIGGLING & SHOUTING.]
ROGER: Oh, no, you don't.
Oh, you're Roger, see that the girls get home all right, huh? Okay.
I loved your party, Tony.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
ROGER: Come on, Kathy.
Ooh! Thank you very much for inviting me to your party.
I had a real good time.
I'm glad you could come.
I am too.
It was keen.
You'll You'll be able to make it home all right, won't you? Oh, sure, we just live down the block.
We'll We'll run all the way.
Heh! I'll race you home.
AMANDA: Last one home's a dirty bird.
BELLOWS: I don't wanna race.
I'm tired.
AMANDA: No wonder you're tired.
I saw you playing Spin the Bottle with that rotten Katy Golato.
Yeah? And I saw you playing hopscotch with Roger Healey.
I did not.
You did too.
I did not.
You did too.
AMANDA: I did not! BELLOWS: You did too! Jeannie? Jeannie! [.]
Send him in.
Dr.
Bellows? Oh.
Yes? I'm Charles Fakeling with the National Bureau of Pure Food and Drugs.
Hmm.
Yes, Mr.
Fakeling.
Um, what can I do for you? I'd like to ask you a few questions.
You do have a top security clearance, don't you, doctor? Of course.
Doctor, does your wife cook? Uh we eat out most of the time.
Do you like to cook? Well, I I barbecue occasionally, but Well, I don't see any need Do you like to bake? Bake? Cakes? I never baked a cake in all my life.
Will you tell me what this is about? A few days ago, your wife brought a piece of cake into a laboratory in Cocoa Beach to have analyzed.
I know.
But I don't see what that's gotta do with you.
She simply wanted to know the ingredients, so she could That's what brought me here, doctor.
One of the ingredients.
I don't understand.
We don't either.
We can't identify it.
Heh-heh.
Surely our laboratory here will help you out.
We tried them.
We also tried the lab at the CIA and the FBI.
There's something very unusual about this ingredient.
It doesn't respond to any of our known tests.
That's incredible.
I'll tell you something even more incredible: A professor of Medicine at Harvard thinks that this unknown ingredient is similar in molecular structure to mepatharin.
Mepatharin? I'm not familiar with it.
You know that project they're working on to arrest old age? Oh, of course.
And that isn't all.
They think this substance will do even more than that.
They think it will restore youth.
They think there's some kind of property in it that arrests deterioration.
Doctor, this could be one of the major breakthroughs of our generation.
I want to know where that substance came from.
So do I.
Now, hm-hm, come along.
I'm going to take you to the one man who can tell us.
Come.
[LAUGHS.]
What's going on around? Jeannie, what are you doing now? Oh, I am cleaning the closet, master.
Yeah, well, I can see that.
You do not need any of these old things.
Yeah.
What are you? Look, there's my best squash racket.
Oh, master, when was this taken? Uh, oh, my graduation in high school.
Oh, you were so handsome.
Uh, yeah.
Do you know what you did to? Do you have any pictures of yourself when you were younger? No, Jeannie.
They're not My mother has 'em.
I am sure that you were adorable.
Yes, I'm sure I can just see you now.
Dressed in a cute, little outfit with a A collar and a hat.
Oh! Jeannie.
Aw, what? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Thanks, Jeannie.
Yes? Oh, hello, Dr.
Bellows.
Well Dr.
Bellows, just sit down here, and we'll discuss this rationally.
Thank you.
Uh, believe me, sir, if I knew how to stop old age, I'd tell you.
I'd tell you.
Major Nelson, look at yourself.
You look 20 years younger.
Eh, 20 years younger than what? Why are you dressed that way? Yes Yeah, uh If you'll give us this formula, you'll be handsomely rewarded.
I'm prepared to offer you $100,000, plus an equitable royalty arrangement.
Yeah, well, sir, I'm not interested in the money.
Oh.
I'm not interested in the money, sir.
I would give it to you free, if I If I could.
I I just can't.
Of course.
Shall we say $200,000, plus a royalty arrangement? Dr.
Bellows, would you explain to him.
Major Nelson, the ingredient was in your cake.
Would you like to explain that? I certainly would.
But I can't.
But my theory is, sir, that, uh, when Mrs.
Bellows took that piece of cake to have it analyzed at the laboratory, one of the technicians accidentally, uh, poured the ingredients that you're looking for into the cake, and, uh Major, heh-heh, you can do better than that.
We're wasting our time.
If you change your mind, get in touch with me.
You could do your country a great service.
Ah, major, you You could do yourself a big service too.
I want to see you in my office tomorrow morning.
Yes, sir.
Jeannie! Yes, master.
Oh.
Jeannie, I want you to bake me a cake.
A cake? Yeah.
You have had enough sweets for one day.
What you need is a nice, hot bowl of chicken soup.
TONY: I don't want any chicken soup.
Yes, chicken soup.
Jeannie! I want you to Remember that cake you baked for me? Yes? I want you to bake me another one exactly like it.
There's an ingredient in it that I need.
Oh, which one? Well, I I don't know which one.
It was your cake.
Oh, but you see, master, I never follow a recipe.
I believe the best cooks have an instinct.
If you follow a recipe It's very important that you remember every ingredient that went into it.
It's very important.
It is? You see, without knowing it, you've discovered the Fountain of Youth.
Uh, there was something in that cake that made people young again.
Well, uh, let's see.
Uh, was it the flour? I don't know.
E-eggs? No, no, no.
Wait a minute.
I think I have it.
Okay.
I knew you wouldn't let me down.
Does that look like it, master? Yeah, oh, yes, it certainly does.
Hey, that is beautiful.
I-I-I'm gonna cut it now.
Jeannie, you're the best genie a master ever had.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh.
Do you know what this means? Nobody's ever gonna get old again.
Mm-hm.
How does it taste, master? Oh, no.
No.
Jeannie! [GASPS.]
Oh! Oh! [COUGHING.]
Oh.
Do something.
[.]
The results of the medical tests on the new astronauts should be completed by next week.
I think you're gonna be very pleased, general.
Yes, sir.
I'll get them to you as soon as I have them.
Right.
Goodbye, sir.
What are you doing? Snooping, darling.
[SIGHS.]
Amanda, heh, that's privileged information you're looking at.
I know.
That's what makes it so interesting.
Oh, look.
Here's Major Nelson's chart.
Would you please put that down.
Darling, look.
Why, he's gained three pounds in one month.
So? Well, does he eat out very much? No.
He, uh, usually cooks at home.
Don't be silly, darling.
No bachelor's going to gain weight on his own cooking.
And he always looks so mysteriously satisfied.
Something very strange is going on with your Major Nelson.
What do you think I've been trying to tell you all this time? Well, I think I know a way to find out what it is.
Hmm.
TONY: Okay.
Thanks.
How was your flight, Major Nelson? Fine, sir.
We'll make some more tests next week.
Oh, I'm ready any time you are.
Are you free for dinner tonight? Yes, yes.
Good.
Mrs.
Bellows and I would like to dine with you.
Well, that's very kind of you.
Shall we say 7:00? Seven's fine.
At your house.
At my house [.]
[.]
[.]
You mean, Dr.
Bellows invited himself for dinner tonight at your place? Yeah.
He's looking for Jeannie.
Oh, well, don't let him come.
Don't you see? It's a trap.
He's not hungry.
He's looking for Jeannie.
Wait a minute.
You know and you're not gonna stop him? Oh, don't worry.
I'm giving a dinner party tonight.
And Dr.
Bellows and his wife are coming, and I want you to come and bring a girl.
Okay, but who? Who are you gonna bring? Kathryn Golato.
Kathryn You haven't seen her in ages.
Yeah, well, I'm seeing her tonight.
What about Jeannie? What's gonna happen when she finds another girl's at your house for dinner? Yeah.
Don't worry about Jeannie.
She's gonna be busy tonight.
[.]
Jeannie? Jeannie? Hello, master.
You are home early.
Yeah.
Well, tonight's the big night.
The big night? Yeah Uh, you remember, you said you wanted to see a play called.
The Tales of the Arabian Nights? Yes? Well, you have a front row seat.
Oh, master! And I'm gonna let you drive the car tonight.
You are going to let me drive? You are not going with me? No, no.
Uh, I'm afraid not.
Oh, but why? Well, Dr.
Bellows has given me a lot of paperwork to do tonight, that, uh I'm gonna be kind of I don't want you to miss this treat.
Oh, but I do not mind.
I will keep you company this evening, and And we will see the play some other night.
Uh, no, no.
It It's just playing the one night in town.
I wouldn't want you to miss it.
I'll just be at home doing a lot of dull paperwork.
Oh, master, you are sure you would not mind if I went alone? No.
Your master insists upon it.
My master is such a sweet, darling liar! Now, Jeannie, take it easy.
Don't get excited.
Why does Major Nelson want to get rid of me tonight? Well, he doesn't wanna get rid of you.
It's just, he wants you to see The Arabian Nights.
It's It's about your own hometown.
He is trying to trick me, but you will tell me the truth.
Me? Me? Well, I am telling you the truth.
I would never Jeannie, what are you doing? I am waiting for you to tell me why Major Nelson does not want me around tonight.
I did tell you.
You know that I would never lie Jeannie, you've gotta stop being so suspicious.
I mean, that's not like you to Jeannie, what are you doing to me? Now, wait a minute.
You know I'm telling you the truth.
I would never lie to you.
I never lied to you in my Oh! He doesn't want you around the house tonight because he's inviting Dr.
Bellows and his wife to dinner.
Ooh! Thank you, Major Healey.
My pants.
My pants.
Don't forget Oh, Major Healey Dr.
Bellows, I'm getting ready for the big race.
You lied to me.
No, no, I didn't, Jeannie.
I said I was gonna be busy tonight, and I am.
Having a dinner party.
Who told you? Ha-ha, it is true.
Oh.
No, no, it It's not a dinner party.
It's Well, it's just Dr.
Bellows and his wife, and Roger and a girlfriend coming over for a little bite to eat, that's all.
Please let me stay.
I will hide.
Hide? Well, I can't let you stay, Jeannie.
You see, Mrs.
Bellows is very a suspicious woman, and she's coming here looking for trouble.
If you're gonna be here, she's gonna find it.
Oh, but who will cook your dinner? I've hired a sweet, little old lady to come in and fix it.
Oh, well, no one can cook a meal like I can, master.
You want Yeah, honestly, don't Don't Don't worry about it.
It's okay.
I will just peak in and check and see how she is doing.
Oh, no, no, no, really.
That's sweet of you, Jeannie, but, y-you know if you don't hurry, you're gonna be late for that play.
Very well, master.
Hee-hee! Good.
Thanks Jeannie? Jeannie? Hello, Kathryn.
Did anyone come in here? No, darling.
Were you expecting someone? No, no, no.
KATHRYN: You'll never know how pleased I was to see you after all these months.
TONY: Oh? KATHRYN: Why? Why? Oh, I got hungry.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Did you? Yeah.
You're one of the best cooks I've ever known.
You know, I'm good at anything I'm interested in.
Oh! Well, I I don't wanna keep you from your work.
Uh, I want this dinner to be particularly smashing tonight.
It's going to be.
[TONY CHUCKLES.]
Well, I I better go get dressed.
Uh Heh.
Hey, that's good spaghetti sauce.
[GIGGLES.]
Well, I I better go get ready for our Our guests.
[GIGGLES.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
ROGER: Tony, Tony.
Hi, Roge.
Hello.
Hi, I'm Pauline Abernathy.
Very nice to meet you Ooh, hors d'oeuvres.
Hey, she's all right, huh? Yeah.
She's a skydiver.
I'm sorry about what happened with Jeannie this afternoon.
I would have held out longer, but I started to catch cold.
That's all right.
Everything worked out.
You mean you got her to go to the theatre even after she knew? That's right.
Oh, boy.
You should write an encyclopedia on women.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
That's probably Dr.
Bellows.
Hang on.
Dr.
Bellows.
Good evening, Major Nelson.
Hello, major.
Oh, you're a darling to have us over on such short notice.
Is this where I put my wrap? Amanda, you don't have a wrap.
Oh, I'm cursed.
How perfectly ridiculous of me.
I left my wrap in the car, didn't I, dear? Uh, Amanda, shall we join the others? Oh, yes, yes.
Uh Uh, Miss Abernathy, uh, this is Mrs.
Bellows and Dr.
Bellows.
How do you do? Hello.
Oh, you must think we're terribly rude inviting ourselves over for dinner like this.
But I simply had to see how a bachelor was going to handle a dinner party on such short notice.
Oh, I have a friend that drops in from time to time to cook for me.
I'd like to meet your friend.
Oh, would you, sir? Uh, Kathryn? Yes? I'd like you to meet the Bellows.
Hi, Kathryn.
Uh, this is Kathryn Golato, Mrs.
Bellows.
How do you do? Ah, Dr.
Bellows.
How do you do? Ah, how do you do? So you're the girl who's putting weight on our major? Putting weight? Yeah, well, yes.
She's one of the best cooks in Cocoa Beach.
Yeah.
Wait'll you taste her cooking.
What are we having? Uh, what Kathryn usually prepares for me.
A real French dinner.
Italian dinner.
Uh, an Italian dinner, French style.
KATHRYN: I better start getting things ready.
Yes.
Thank you.
So that's the answer.
Uh, the answer? Hmm.
Does she cook for you often, major? Oh, yes.
All the time.
All the time.
Tony, how do you turn on the oven? Yes.
Excuse me for just a moment, please? Ah, she always has a hard time r-remembering how to turn it on.
You know, darling, my woman's intuition tells me we're going to be, uh, awfully glad we came.
Heh.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Mmm.
Terrific tomato juice.
Well, uh, whatever she's cooking out there, it sure smells good.
Ha-ha-ha! Wait'll you taste it.
BELLOWS: Mmm.
I've always loved Italian-French cooking.
Mmm.
[.]
Here you are.
Oh, you all go ahead.
Don't wait for me.
Ah! PAULINE: It simply looks marvelous.
Well, you certainly gain a lot of weight on On food like this.
So much for a woman's intuition.
Hmm.
Mmm, good, good.
Good, real good.
Thank you.
It is good, isn't it? I don't know that I've tasted anything like it.
I don't know either.
I'm sure of one thing.
What's that, my dear? It'll teach you to pay more attention to my intuition.
I'll get the dessert.
Oh, could we have some water too, please? BELLOWS: Oh, yes.
I'd like some more water myself.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Oh, well, yeah, wait Wait'll you, uh, see the soufflé.
It's light as a feather.
Oh.
Tony, could you take this, please? It's hot.
Okay.
I'll get the forks.
All right.
Yes, sir.
Light as a feather.
Ah.
Excuse me.
[WHISPERS.]
Jeannie, I know you're in here.
Come on out.
Do you know what you've done to me? You've ruined me, that's what you've done to me.
You did this deliberately, didn't you? Huh? You can't have just everything go right, can you? You You know what your problem is? You're You're jealous.
And you're interfering, and Would you like a cup of coffee, sir? Your stove is jealous and interfering? My stove? No.
It's just an ordinary, everyday How 'bout some mock turtle soup? Hm.
In this house, anything could be anything.
One thing I'm sure of, you're not gaining any weight on this food.
There's more here than meets the eye, and I'm going to find out what it is.
Oh, it's nothing, really, sir.
BELLOWS: Then how do you explain the fact that you live here all alone and you're gaining weight? Well, it's, uh It's the desserts I eat.
I'm very big on desserts.
Now shall we, uh, serve the other people? Beautiful, isn't it? Thank you.
Mmm.
AMANDA: This is the most delicious cake I've ever tasted in my whole life.
It's fantastic.
Mm, delicious.
Well, I-I must warn you, it's very fattening.
Who cares? Major, I owe you an apology.
If I ate desserts like this, I think I'd gain weight too.
TONY: There's no reason to apologize, doctor.
Everybody makes mistakes.
I must have this recipe.
I'd like it myself.
What do you mean? You didn't bake it? No.
Didn't come from any bakery.
Who baked it? Oh, I baked it.
I baked it.
Oh, major, how marvelous.
But, you know, there's a flavor in there I can't quite identify.
What is it? Oh, I'm I'm sorry.
Uh, this recipe has been passed down from generation to generation in my family.
If I, uh If I disclosed it, I would be breaking an oath.
I understand.
Can I take a piece home with me? Oh, of course.
For my mommy.
TONY: For your mommy? Oh, of course.
Yes, um After dinner, would anyone like to play bridge or, uh, poker? Let's play jacks.
Jacks? I wanna play jacks.
ROGER: You wanna play Jacks? Huh! I don't wanna play jacks.
I wanna play tag.
I wanna play Pin the Tail on the Donkey.
Well, let's play Post Office.
I want more cake.
More cake.
More cake.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Wait a minute.
You're it, right? [ALL GIGGLING & SHOUTING.]
ROGER: Oh, no, you don't.
Oh, you're Roger, see that the girls get home all right, huh? Okay.
I loved your party, Tony.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
ROGER: Come on, Kathy.
Ooh! Thank you very much for inviting me to your party.
I had a real good time.
I'm glad you could come.
I am too.
It was keen.
You'll You'll be able to make it home all right, won't you? Oh, sure, we just live down the block.
We'll We'll run all the way.
Heh! I'll race you home.
AMANDA: Last one home's a dirty bird.
BELLOWS: I don't wanna race.
I'm tired.
AMANDA: No wonder you're tired.
I saw you playing Spin the Bottle with that rotten Katy Golato.
Yeah? And I saw you playing hopscotch with Roger Healey.
I did not.
You did too.
I did not.
You did too.
AMANDA: I did not! BELLOWS: You did too! Jeannie? Jeannie! [.]
Send him in.
Dr.
Bellows? Oh.
Yes? I'm Charles Fakeling with the National Bureau of Pure Food and Drugs.
Hmm.
Yes, Mr.
Fakeling.
Um, what can I do for you? I'd like to ask you a few questions.
You do have a top security clearance, don't you, doctor? Of course.
Doctor, does your wife cook? Uh we eat out most of the time.
Do you like to cook? Well, I I barbecue occasionally, but Well, I don't see any need Do you like to bake? Bake? Cakes? I never baked a cake in all my life.
Will you tell me what this is about? A few days ago, your wife brought a piece of cake into a laboratory in Cocoa Beach to have analyzed.
I know.
But I don't see what that's gotta do with you.
She simply wanted to know the ingredients, so she could That's what brought me here, doctor.
One of the ingredients.
I don't understand.
We don't either.
We can't identify it.
Heh-heh.
Surely our laboratory here will help you out.
We tried them.
We also tried the lab at the CIA and the FBI.
There's something very unusual about this ingredient.
It doesn't respond to any of our known tests.
That's incredible.
I'll tell you something even more incredible: A professor of Medicine at Harvard thinks that this unknown ingredient is similar in molecular structure to mepatharin.
Mepatharin? I'm not familiar with it.
You know that project they're working on to arrest old age? Oh, of course.
And that isn't all.
They think this substance will do even more than that.
They think it will restore youth.
They think there's some kind of property in it that arrests deterioration.
Doctor, this could be one of the major breakthroughs of our generation.
I want to know where that substance came from.
So do I.
Now, hm-hm, come along.
I'm going to take you to the one man who can tell us.
Come.
[LAUGHS.]
What's going on around? Jeannie, what are you doing now? Oh, I am cleaning the closet, master.
Yeah, well, I can see that.
You do not need any of these old things.
Yeah.
What are you? Look, there's my best squash racket.
Oh, master, when was this taken? Uh, oh, my graduation in high school.
Oh, you were so handsome.
Uh, yeah.
Do you know what you did to? Do you have any pictures of yourself when you were younger? No, Jeannie.
They're not My mother has 'em.
I am sure that you were adorable.
Yes, I'm sure I can just see you now.
Dressed in a cute, little outfit with a A collar and a hat.
Oh! Jeannie.
Aw, what? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Thanks, Jeannie.
Yes? Oh, hello, Dr.
Bellows.
Well Dr.
Bellows, just sit down here, and we'll discuss this rationally.
Thank you.
Uh, believe me, sir, if I knew how to stop old age, I'd tell you.
I'd tell you.
Major Nelson, look at yourself.
You look 20 years younger.
Eh, 20 years younger than what? Why are you dressed that way? Yes Yeah, uh If you'll give us this formula, you'll be handsomely rewarded.
I'm prepared to offer you $100,000, plus an equitable royalty arrangement.
Yeah, well, sir, I'm not interested in the money.
Oh.
I'm not interested in the money, sir.
I would give it to you free, if I If I could.
I I just can't.
Of course.
Shall we say $200,000, plus a royalty arrangement? Dr.
Bellows, would you explain to him.
Major Nelson, the ingredient was in your cake.
Would you like to explain that? I certainly would.
But I can't.
But my theory is, sir, that, uh, when Mrs.
Bellows took that piece of cake to have it analyzed at the laboratory, one of the technicians accidentally, uh, poured the ingredients that you're looking for into the cake, and, uh Major, heh-heh, you can do better than that.
We're wasting our time.
If you change your mind, get in touch with me.
You could do your country a great service.
Ah, major, you You could do yourself a big service too.
I want to see you in my office tomorrow morning.
Yes, sir.
Jeannie! Yes, master.
Oh.
Jeannie, I want you to bake me a cake.
A cake? Yeah.
You have had enough sweets for one day.
What you need is a nice, hot bowl of chicken soup.
TONY: I don't want any chicken soup.
Yes, chicken soup.
Jeannie! I want you to Remember that cake you baked for me? Yes? I want you to bake me another one exactly like it.
There's an ingredient in it that I need.
Oh, which one? Well, I I don't know which one.
It was your cake.
Oh, but you see, master, I never follow a recipe.
I believe the best cooks have an instinct.
If you follow a recipe It's very important that you remember every ingredient that went into it.
It's very important.
It is? You see, without knowing it, you've discovered the Fountain of Youth.
Uh, there was something in that cake that made people young again.
Well, uh, let's see.
Uh, was it the flour? I don't know.
E-eggs? No, no, no.
Wait a minute.
I think I have it.
Okay.
I knew you wouldn't let me down.
Does that look like it, master? Yeah, oh, yes, it certainly does.
Hey, that is beautiful.
I-I-I'm gonna cut it now.
Jeannie, you're the best genie a master ever had.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh.
Do you know what this means? Nobody's ever gonna get old again.
Mm-hm.
How does it taste, master? Oh, no.
No.
Jeannie! [GASPS.]
Oh! Oh! [COUGHING.]
Oh.
Do something.
[.]