I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s03e12 Episode Script
Jeannie and the Great Bank Robbery
[.]
BELLOWS: No, major.
For the 10th time, the answer is no.
I-I really don't think it's a terribly good idea, sir.
I honestly believe I could accomplish a lot more work at the office.
Oh, uh, nonsense.
Phone ringing constantly, people running in and out with questions.
This report is important, and I want you to have a place completely free of distractions.
Yes, sir.
Oh.
There's that report I was looking for.
Now, this should come in very handy.
Besides, General Burger wants the report by the end of the week.
And that means we're all under the gun.
Yes, sir.
Well, uh, I see.
If we could take three days, we might be able to finish.
Not might, major.
Must.
Now, uh Uh, just think of yourself as being chained to a worktable.
Sir? Well, that always helped me.
Oh, all right.
Well, uh, good luck.
Thanks.
Oh, uh [CHUCKLES.]
Oh, uh And, uh, remember: No distractions.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Do not worry, master.
[GASPS.]
I heard Dr.
Bellows.
But with my help, you will be finished with your report in five minutes.
[SIGHS.]
Then we can go to the beach.
There's a lovely beach in Jamaica with a white sand, and blue water and little fishes.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Jeannie, this kind of work is not in your line.
You do not want my help? Mm.
No.
No.
And the sooner I get started, the sooner Here, would you hold that? The sooner I'll finish.
Tsk.
Yes, master.
But at least I can help you get started.
Yeah.
Jeannie? Jeannie, what are you? There.
Oh.
[GROANS.]
There.
Now you are ready to work, master.
I will go make you some fresh Turkish coffee.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
Thank you.
Oh, I forgot, the report has to be, uh Well [CHUCKLES.]
You are plunging in, aren't you? Yes, well, I didn't wanna waste any time, sir.
I Can I help you? [.]
[.]
Major Nelson, when I said chained to your worktable, it was just a figure of speech.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Well.
I just got carried away, sir.
Well, it may not be a bad idea.
Huh? Oh, uh, nothing.
Uh, what I came back to tell you was that Gen.
Burger wants the report in triplicate.
In triplicate? Yes.
Yes.
Well, good luck.
Thank you.
Heh-heh.
Chain on your leg.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
[GROANS.]
Here's your coffee, master.
Yeah.
Thank you Jeannie, would you just remove the chain, please? Oh, but master, Dr.
Bellows said Well, I just don't think it's fair for you to do everything for me.
Oh.
But that is a genie's job, to help her master.
Please take this off.
Please? Oh, yes, master.
Now what else would you like me to do for you, master? Oh.
I don't know.
Why don't you go take a walk? Or, uh Here.
Read a book.
That's a pretty interesting technical book.
Uh, anything.
Just Just as long as you leave me alone.
I Why don't you go help somebody else, huh? Someone else? Who? Yeah.
Well, I don't know.
I know.
Someone without a genie.
Yeah.
Oh, it would be great fun.
I will find a stranger and solve his problem.
All right.
Oh, thank you, master.
Yeah, good.
Good, good.
You go find a stranger and help him.
Find a stranger? No, Jeannie, you wouldn't do that.
Jeannie? Jeannie? Jeannie?! No, no, baby.
You didn't do your part.
Mommy throws the stick and you bring it back.
Mommy threw it.
But you didn't bring it here.
I wish you could tell Mommy where the stick is.
In the bushes, stupid.
That's no way to talk to Mommy.
You talked to Mommy.
But you can't talk.
Can you? No.
I know [GASPS.]
You did it again.
You're a talking dog.
And you're a raving maniac.
[GASPS.]
I suppose you think that's funny.
Trying ventriloquism on a defenseless dog.
Oh, no, you are wrong.
Your dog did talk.
I ought to report you to the Humane Society.
Yeah.
Oh, well.
I will do better next time.
Oh.
I will get it.
No, no, Milton.
For that kind of a job, we need help.
Girard, all of our contacts are either occupied or they are up the river.
We cannot find help.
Someone is asking for help.
Oh, I would be most happy to help you.
Beat it, sister.
You do not want my help? Now, why would you wanna help us? Because all of your friends are up the river.
Let's get rid of her, Milton.
Just a moment, Girard.
Do you happen to own a car, angel pie? N-no.
But I-I can get one.
Girard, our prayers have been answered.
If you can get that little car and meet us at the corner of 12th and Main say, about an hour, you will restore our faith in humankind.
Oh, thank you, sir.
[CLAPS.]
[TONY MUTTERING.]
And the cube root of 20,600 is Twenty-seven-point- forty-one.
Twenty-seven-point f Where have you been? In the park.
Did you miss me, master? Well, I was worried about you, if that's what you mean.
You must not worry about me, master.
You have work to do.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Yeah.
Yeah, hello.
I met two of the nicest men.
Uh, y-yes, Dr.
Bellows.
Well, it's It's coming along fine.
Uh, I-it I've been at it since you've left.
They need a car.
Yeah.
Well, right now, sir, it's impossible to say.
Yeah, I've just made a dent in it.
I think maybe they want to take me for a ride.
May I borrow yours? Huh? Mm-hm.
Yeah.
Well, uh, I-I'm into the second section, sir.
[SQUEALS.]
Right.
Ha.
Well, there's not much I can do about it until I get the f Uh.
Uh, be careful.
No.
No.
Not Not you, sir.
No.
It's just a friend of mine borrowing my car.
Yeah.
Borrowing my car? She can't even drive a magic carpet.
Wait a minute! Hey! Magic carpet? [TIRES SCREECHING.]
But I do not understand.
If the money is yours, why do you not take it out of the bank? My father, Mr.
Walsingham, happens to be the president of that very bank where I want you to make the withdrawal.
Will he not give you the money? No.
And you know why not? Because I wanna donate it to the Transylvanian Orphans Society.
His father wouldn't give them orphans a dime.
Nah.
Oh, that is terrible.
I will be honored to help you.
I knew you would.
[CHUCKLES.]
But how do I get the money? Oh.
Just hand this note to the teller.
When he reads that, he'll give you everything he's got.
Oh, how lovely.
Ha.
I will be right back.
Milton? Huh? Drive me to the police station.
I wanna give myself up.
Oh, what are you talking about? It's perfect.
Milton.
Any dame who's stupid enough to believe that story, has got to land us in the clink.
Come on, let's go.
[.]
Excuse me.
Uh, can you tell me where may I buy some money? Thank you.
Thank you.
Good afternoon.
May I help you? Oh, yes, please.
Oh, I think we Is there something you do not understand? Oh.
How lovely.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, thank you.
You will be happy to know this money is going to a very good cause.
Bye-bye.
Stop, thief! Thief? Thief.
Mr.
Walsingham.
Thief! [ALARM RINGING.]
Where? Where? Thief! Where? Huh.
Huh.
Oh Oh, God.
Oh, God.
God.
Oh, my goodness.
Where? Don't Don't just stand here.
Come on.
We've been robbed! Stop, thief.
Mr.
Walsingham.
[.]
[SIREN WAILING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Mr.
Walsingham.
Hold it a second.
There.
Now I've helped more people.
Oh, my master will be so pleased.
Oh, thank you.
Excuse me.
The most terrible thing happened.
Someone tried to rob your father's bank.
[YELLS INDISTINCTLY.]
Right here.
They Over there.
Stop, thief! Oh, look, he got away again.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
[TALKS INDISTINCTLY.]
[MUFFLED SHOUTING.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Yes.
Yes, come in! Oh, uh, good evening, Major Nelson.
Sorry to barge in on you like this.
Uh Uh, this is Inspector Conway.
How do you do, sir? How do you do? Mm.
Heh.
Still hard at work, I see.
Oh, yes, sir.
An order's an order.
I haven't moved from this spot since this afternoon.
Not even to take a little ride, say about 2:30? A ride? Mm, no.
This headline mean anything to you? Uh "Daring Daylight Bank Holdup, Glamorous Blond Gets $4000.
" No, no.
Why? Should it? It might.
Considering that your car has been identified as the getaway vehicle.
What, my car? Well, that's impossible.
This afternoon, you said that someone borrowed you car.
Yeah, that's That's right.
Yes, um Yes, I did say that.
Who borrowed it? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Uh Well, I don't remember.
See? He doesn't remember.
You don't remember? Look, inspector, I think it's obvious what happened.
Well, tell me, what happened? What do you mean? What happened? Oh.
Yeah Well, uh this-this person borrowed my car, and, uh it was stolen by the bank robber.
Now, that's reasonable, isn't it? Uh-huh.
That's reasonable, isn't it? Uh-huh.
Except that his car is parked in front of his house.
Yeah What? Yeah, there It's out there all right, yeah.
Nice of the thief to bring it back, wasn't it? Yeah.
No, I mean, uh, well I'll have to ask you to come down to the station with me.
Can't it wait until the morning, inspector? Major Nelson is working on a top priority report for NASA.
All right.
But I'll be back.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, sir.
Uh [DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Tell me you're not involved.
Tell me you're not involved in any way.
Is that an order, sir? Yes.
I'm not involved in any way.
I believe you.
And remember.
Don't let me down.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[GROANING.]
Do not worry, master.
[GASPS.]
I will give myself up.
Jeannie.
And when they ask me if I know you, I will not tell them.
Even if they torture me Jeannie.
I will not tell them that you are my master.
Jeannie.
And then they will put me in jail.
And you will come to see me on visiting days.
In Baghdad, visiting days were Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I wonder Would you please just cut it out? You will not come to visit me? How could you rob a bank? Oh, it was easy.
I did it with a little piece of paper.
[LAUGHING.]
Well, I did not know I was doing it.
My friends tricked me.
Your friends? What kind of friends? The ones you told me to meet in the park.
I? The The ones I told you to meet in the park? I was trying to help them.
I only did it because you were busy All right.
I know.
It's all my fault.
Now y-you listen to me, young lady.
By tomorrow morning, I want you to get that money back to the bank, and the robbers to the police, understand? Yes, master.
[CHUCKLES.]
Are you not glad you have me to straighten things out for you? [CHUCKLING.]
Yeah.
Yeah, I sure am.
Jeannie I'm going.
You better get back to where Jeannie? Jeannie.
[SIGHS.]
Oh.
I can't believe it.
Master? Oh! Do you want me to give the bank money to the To the police, and the bank robbers to the bank, or the other way around? The other way around.
Yes, master.
Immediately.
[CHUCKLES.]
Right.
[SIGHS.]
[RUSTLING PAPER.]
[MOUTHS WORDS.]
Master? Mm? Which shall I do first? Get the bank robbers to the police, and the bank Here, I've written it out for you.
Oh.
Ha-ha.
That's clever.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
I only wanted to do it right.
Go! You know Why me? Why me? One for you and one for me.
And one for you.
One for me.
And one for you.
One for me.
And one for you.
And one for me.
I gotta hand it to you, Milton.
That was one sweet plan.
And one sweet little pigeon.
Don't you forget that.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, boy, money.
One, two, three, four.
Milton.
The pigeon just flew in.
Please get your things ready.
My master has instructed me to take you to the police.
The police?! Why, ma'am, what on earth for? Because you tricked me.
Thank you.
[GROANS.]
[CRASH.]
Now, I'm going to take this money back to the bank.
To the bank? Of course.
That's where it came from.
Oh, but ma'am, the bank is closed.
Oh, that does not matter.
I can get in.
You can? And now, we are Uh, we are I am going to take you to the police.
Mm-hm.
No, Girard.
Are you ready? The lady is right.
Holy smokes.
She's contagious.
We have committed a crime, Girard.
We must pay our debt to society.
Dear lady are you sure you can get inside that bank? Well, of course.
Dear lady.
Dear sweet lady.
I have only one regret.
That I cannot put that money back into the bank with my own hands.
Then I wouldn't have this terrible burden of guilt.
Do you really mean that? I swear it on my little wife's hand.
But you're not mar [STICK HITS SHOE.]
All right.
We will We will go to the bank first, and then go to the police.
I will never forget this.
Neither will I.
The car still outside, lady? No, but I can get it.
Well, then, dear lady, you just get it, and meet us at the bank in half an hour.
Very well.
Oh.
My master is going to be so pleased.
[GIGGLES.]
Her master's gonna be so pleased? You should've let me bop her.
Dumbbell.
The papers don't know anything about us.
They only know about that lady.
If we can get inside that bank, we can wipe it out.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uhh.
That's mine! No, sir.
No, sir.
You must have misunderstood me.
No.
I I didn't say magic carpet.
No, no.
I don't think s [EXASPERATED GRUNT.]
Master, we are going to put the bank money back in the bank.
Yeah, uh Oh, boy, are you in trouble.
Uh No, uh I'm waiting for that material from the lab, sir.
Uh, yeah.
Just a moment.
We are going to need your car again.
Would you just be quiet? [LAUGHS.]
No, not you, sir.
No, I was just, uh Yeah.
Uh, right.
Right you are, sir.
I-I'll I'll get that as soon as I can.
Good What? Uh Hey Hey! Wait a minute! [PHONE RINGING.]
Oh.
Oh.
What did she say? We're gonna put the money back in the bank.
We're gonna put the money back in the bank.
[PHONE CONTINUES RINGING.]
That's the car.
Where is she? I tell you, she's setting us up, Milton.
I don't like it.
It's a trap.
You may be right.
Let's decamp.
Yoo-hoo! I am over here.
Shh! Silence, my little pumpkin.
We don't wanna wake up the children.
They might be sleeping.
Oh.
Of course.
You brought the money.
I knew you would.
Well, we gave a solemn oath, lady.
Well, shall we go in? But what about the alarm system? Oh, do not worry about that.
I have taken care of everything.
Milton.
Let's offer her a partnership.
Inspector, that's ridiculous.
He swore that he wasn't involved.
His car is at the bank? At 2 a.
m.
? Well, he's undoubtedly just making a deposit.
A night deposit.
I'll be right down.
[GROANS.]
Oh.
I wish she wouldn't do these things.
Master? [GASPS.]
What is it? What are you doing here? What am I doing here? What are you doing here? Oh, we are putting the money back in the vault.
We? You mean you opened the vault for those guys? Well, of course, master.
You told me, "Bank money to the bank.
" I know what I told you.
Just don't do anything anymore, would you, please? Yes, master.
Turn on the lights, will you? But you told me not to do anything I know.
Just turn on the lights.
Yes, master.
Girard.
Somebody turned on the lights.
Huh? Girard! Huh? Oh, good.
Now I can see.
Would you mind investigating it? What? Investigate.
Oh, sure.
Jeannie, these guys are dangerous.
If they are dangerous, you had better let me help you.
No.
I'm well-trained in unarmed combat.
Now, you go over there and sit down.
Oh, but master Go on, go on.
Very well, master.
Go on.
All right, you guys, come on out of there.
Uh, hi.
Uh [CHUCKLING.]
Now, uh, I think we can talk this over, fellas.
Girard.
A-all right, that's enough of that.
I'm not kidding you.
Master? Yes? What is it? [CHUCKLES.]
What is this? What? I'm not helping.
What is this? What is it? I [GIRARD GROWLING.]
[SCREAMS.]
Now take it easy, will you? [YELLS.]
[GASPS.]
[GIRARD GROWLING.]
Aah! [YELLS.]
[GASPS.]
What is this? What kind of help? Oh, master, you're doing beautifully.
[GASPS.]
[YELLING.]
[JEANNIE SHRIEKS.]
You are sure you would not like me to help you, master? No, Jeannie.
I wanna do it myself.
Oh.
Oof! [GRUNTS.]
[LAUGHING.]
Now wait a Wait a minute.
I'm gonna open you up like a can of sardines.
TONY: Oh, no.
No, wait Whoa! What is? Major Major Nelson.
What is this all about? Well, I, uh BELLOWS: You'll find that Major Nelson has an explanation for almost everything.
Uh, you can explain it, can't you? [GIGGLING.]
Well Uh.
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to tell you the truth, sir.
I know what you're going to tell me.
When you learned that your car had been used for the bank robbery, you tracked down the bank robbers and captured them single-handedly.
Right, major? I couldn't have explained it better myself, sir.
Get these people out of here.
GIRARD: Oh, yeah.
CONWAY: All right, major.
[.]
I really don't understand you, Major Nelson.
In fact, I never have.
We've been through some baffling experiences before, but this This is incredible.
Would you mind telling me what you're doing in armor? Never mind.
All I can say is that I've never been so relieved in my life.
Thank you.
Congratula I [SIGHS.]
Oh.
He's done it to me again.
[.]
BELLOWS: No, major.
For the 10th time, the answer is no.
I-I really don't think it's a terribly good idea, sir.
I honestly believe I could accomplish a lot more work at the office.
Oh, uh, nonsense.
Phone ringing constantly, people running in and out with questions.
This report is important, and I want you to have a place completely free of distractions.
Yes, sir.
Oh.
There's that report I was looking for.
Now, this should come in very handy.
Besides, General Burger wants the report by the end of the week.
And that means we're all under the gun.
Yes, sir.
Well, uh, I see.
If we could take three days, we might be able to finish.
Not might, major.
Must.
Now, uh Uh, just think of yourself as being chained to a worktable.
Sir? Well, that always helped me.
Oh, all right.
Well, uh, good luck.
Thanks.
Oh, uh [CHUCKLES.]
Oh, uh And, uh, remember: No distractions.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Do not worry, master.
[GASPS.]
I heard Dr.
Bellows.
But with my help, you will be finished with your report in five minutes.
[SIGHS.]
Then we can go to the beach.
There's a lovely beach in Jamaica with a white sand, and blue water and little fishes.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Jeannie, this kind of work is not in your line.
You do not want my help? Mm.
No.
No.
And the sooner I get started, the sooner Here, would you hold that? The sooner I'll finish.
Tsk.
Yes, master.
But at least I can help you get started.
Yeah.
Jeannie? Jeannie, what are you? There.
Oh.
[GROANS.]
There.
Now you are ready to work, master.
I will go make you some fresh Turkish coffee.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
Thank you.
Oh, I forgot, the report has to be, uh Well [CHUCKLES.]
You are plunging in, aren't you? Yes, well, I didn't wanna waste any time, sir.
I Can I help you? [.]
[.]
Major Nelson, when I said chained to your worktable, it was just a figure of speech.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Well.
I just got carried away, sir.
Well, it may not be a bad idea.
Huh? Oh, uh, nothing.
Uh, what I came back to tell you was that Gen.
Burger wants the report in triplicate.
In triplicate? Yes.
Yes.
Well, good luck.
Thank you.
Heh-heh.
Chain on your leg.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
[GROANS.]
Here's your coffee, master.
Yeah.
Thank you Jeannie, would you just remove the chain, please? Oh, but master, Dr.
Bellows said Well, I just don't think it's fair for you to do everything for me.
Oh.
But that is a genie's job, to help her master.
Please take this off.
Please? Oh, yes, master.
Now what else would you like me to do for you, master? Oh.
I don't know.
Why don't you go take a walk? Or, uh Here.
Read a book.
That's a pretty interesting technical book.
Uh, anything.
Just Just as long as you leave me alone.
I Why don't you go help somebody else, huh? Someone else? Who? Yeah.
Well, I don't know.
I know.
Someone without a genie.
Yeah.
Oh, it would be great fun.
I will find a stranger and solve his problem.
All right.
Oh, thank you, master.
Yeah, good.
Good, good.
You go find a stranger and help him.
Find a stranger? No, Jeannie, you wouldn't do that.
Jeannie? Jeannie? Jeannie?! No, no, baby.
You didn't do your part.
Mommy throws the stick and you bring it back.
Mommy threw it.
But you didn't bring it here.
I wish you could tell Mommy where the stick is.
In the bushes, stupid.
That's no way to talk to Mommy.
You talked to Mommy.
But you can't talk.
Can you? No.
I know [GASPS.]
You did it again.
You're a talking dog.
And you're a raving maniac.
[GASPS.]
I suppose you think that's funny.
Trying ventriloquism on a defenseless dog.
Oh, no, you are wrong.
Your dog did talk.
I ought to report you to the Humane Society.
Yeah.
Oh, well.
I will do better next time.
Oh.
I will get it.
No, no, Milton.
For that kind of a job, we need help.
Girard, all of our contacts are either occupied or they are up the river.
We cannot find help.
Someone is asking for help.
Oh, I would be most happy to help you.
Beat it, sister.
You do not want my help? Now, why would you wanna help us? Because all of your friends are up the river.
Let's get rid of her, Milton.
Just a moment, Girard.
Do you happen to own a car, angel pie? N-no.
But I-I can get one.
Girard, our prayers have been answered.
If you can get that little car and meet us at the corner of 12th and Main say, about an hour, you will restore our faith in humankind.
Oh, thank you, sir.
[CLAPS.]
[TONY MUTTERING.]
And the cube root of 20,600 is Twenty-seven-point- forty-one.
Twenty-seven-point f Where have you been? In the park.
Did you miss me, master? Well, I was worried about you, if that's what you mean.
You must not worry about me, master.
You have work to do.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Yeah.
Yeah, hello.
I met two of the nicest men.
Uh, y-yes, Dr.
Bellows.
Well, it's It's coming along fine.
Uh, I-it I've been at it since you've left.
They need a car.
Yeah.
Well, right now, sir, it's impossible to say.
Yeah, I've just made a dent in it.
I think maybe they want to take me for a ride.
May I borrow yours? Huh? Mm-hm.
Yeah.
Well, uh, I-I'm into the second section, sir.
[SQUEALS.]
Right.
Ha.
Well, there's not much I can do about it until I get the f Uh.
Uh, be careful.
No.
No.
Not Not you, sir.
No.
It's just a friend of mine borrowing my car.
Yeah.
Borrowing my car? She can't even drive a magic carpet.
Wait a minute! Hey! Magic carpet? [TIRES SCREECHING.]
But I do not understand.
If the money is yours, why do you not take it out of the bank? My father, Mr.
Walsingham, happens to be the president of that very bank where I want you to make the withdrawal.
Will he not give you the money? No.
And you know why not? Because I wanna donate it to the Transylvanian Orphans Society.
His father wouldn't give them orphans a dime.
Nah.
Oh, that is terrible.
I will be honored to help you.
I knew you would.
[CHUCKLES.]
But how do I get the money? Oh.
Just hand this note to the teller.
When he reads that, he'll give you everything he's got.
Oh, how lovely.
Ha.
I will be right back.
Milton? Huh? Drive me to the police station.
I wanna give myself up.
Oh, what are you talking about? It's perfect.
Milton.
Any dame who's stupid enough to believe that story, has got to land us in the clink.
Come on, let's go.
[.]
Excuse me.
Uh, can you tell me where may I buy some money? Thank you.
Thank you.
Good afternoon.
May I help you? Oh, yes, please.
Oh, I think we Is there something you do not understand? Oh.
How lovely.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, thank you.
You will be happy to know this money is going to a very good cause.
Bye-bye.
Stop, thief! Thief? Thief.
Mr.
Walsingham.
Thief! [ALARM RINGING.]
Where? Where? Thief! Where? Huh.
Huh.
Oh Oh, God.
Oh, God.
God.
Oh, my goodness.
Where? Don't Don't just stand here.
Come on.
We've been robbed! Stop, thief.
Mr.
Walsingham.
[.]
[SIREN WAILING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Mr.
Walsingham.
Hold it a second.
There.
Now I've helped more people.
Oh, my master will be so pleased.
Oh, thank you.
Excuse me.
The most terrible thing happened.
Someone tried to rob your father's bank.
[YELLS INDISTINCTLY.]
Right here.
They Over there.
Stop, thief! Oh, look, he got away again.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
[TALKS INDISTINCTLY.]
[MUFFLED SHOUTING.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Yes.
Yes, come in! Oh, uh, good evening, Major Nelson.
Sorry to barge in on you like this.
Uh Uh, this is Inspector Conway.
How do you do, sir? How do you do? Mm.
Heh.
Still hard at work, I see.
Oh, yes, sir.
An order's an order.
I haven't moved from this spot since this afternoon.
Not even to take a little ride, say about 2:30? A ride? Mm, no.
This headline mean anything to you? Uh "Daring Daylight Bank Holdup, Glamorous Blond Gets $4000.
" No, no.
Why? Should it? It might.
Considering that your car has been identified as the getaway vehicle.
What, my car? Well, that's impossible.
This afternoon, you said that someone borrowed you car.
Yeah, that's That's right.
Yes, um Yes, I did say that.
Who borrowed it? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Uh Well, I don't remember.
See? He doesn't remember.
You don't remember? Look, inspector, I think it's obvious what happened.
Well, tell me, what happened? What do you mean? What happened? Oh.
Yeah Well, uh this-this person borrowed my car, and, uh it was stolen by the bank robber.
Now, that's reasonable, isn't it? Uh-huh.
That's reasonable, isn't it? Uh-huh.
Except that his car is parked in front of his house.
Yeah What? Yeah, there It's out there all right, yeah.
Nice of the thief to bring it back, wasn't it? Yeah.
No, I mean, uh, well I'll have to ask you to come down to the station with me.
Can't it wait until the morning, inspector? Major Nelson is working on a top priority report for NASA.
All right.
But I'll be back.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, sir.
Uh [DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Tell me you're not involved.
Tell me you're not involved in any way.
Is that an order, sir? Yes.
I'm not involved in any way.
I believe you.
And remember.
Don't let me down.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[GROANING.]
Do not worry, master.
[GASPS.]
I will give myself up.
Jeannie.
And when they ask me if I know you, I will not tell them.
Even if they torture me Jeannie.
I will not tell them that you are my master.
Jeannie.
And then they will put me in jail.
And you will come to see me on visiting days.
In Baghdad, visiting days were Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I wonder Would you please just cut it out? You will not come to visit me? How could you rob a bank? Oh, it was easy.
I did it with a little piece of paper.
[LAUGHING.]
Well, I did not know I was doing it.
My friends tricked me.
Your friends? What kind of friends? The ones you told me to meet in the park.
I? The The ones I told you to meet in the park? I was trying to help them.
I only did it because you were busy All right.
I know.
It's all my fault.
Now y-you listen to me, young lady.
By tomorrow morning, I want you to get that money back to the bank, and the robbers to the police, understand? Yes, master.
[CHUCKLES.]
Are you not glad you have me to straighten things out for you? [CHUCKLING.]
Yeah.
Yeah, I sure am.
Jeannie I'm going.
You better get back to where Jeannie? Jeannie.
[SIGHS.]
Oh.
I can't believe it.
Master? Oh! Do you want me to give the bank money to the To the police, and the bank robbers to the bank, or the other way around? The other way around.
Yes, master.
Immediately.
[CHUCKLES.]
Right.
[SIGHS.]
[RUSTLING PAPER.]
[MOUTHS WORDS.]
Master? Mm? Which shall I do first? Get the bank robbers to the police, and the bank Here, I've written it out for you.
Oh.
Ha-ha.
That's clever.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
I only wanted to do it right.
Go! You know Why me? Why me? One for you and one for me.
And one for you.
One for me.
And one for you.
One for me.
And one for you.
And one for me.
I gotta hand it to you, Milton.
That was one sweet plan.
And one sweet little pigeon.
Don't you forget that.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, boy, money.
One, two, three, four.
Milton.
The pigeon just flew in.
Please get your things ready.
My master has instructed me to take you to the police.
The police?! Why, ma'am, what on earth for? Because you tricked me.
Thank you.
[GROANS.]
[CRASH.]
Now, I'm going to take this money back to the bank.
To the bank? Of course.
That's where it came from.
Oh, but ma'am, the bank is closed.
Oh, that does not matter.
I can get in.
You can? And now, we are Uh, we are I am going to take you to the police.
Mm-hm.
No, Girard.
Are you ready? The lady is right.
Holy smokes.
She's contagious.
We have committed a crime, Girard.
We must pay our debt to society.
Dear lady are you sure you can get inside that bank? Well, of course.
Dear lady.
Dear sweet lady.
I have only one regret.
That I cannot put that money back into the bank with my own hands.
Then I wouldn't have this terrible burden of guilt.
Do you really mean that? I swear it on my little wife's hand.
But you're not mar [STICK HITS SHOE.]
All right.
We will We will go to the bank first, and then go to the police.
I will never forget this.
Neither will I.
The car still outside, lady? No, but I can get it.
Well, then, dear lady, you just get it, and meet us at the bank in half an hour.
Very well.
Oh.
My master is going to be so pleased.
[GIGGLES.]
Her master's gonna be so pleased? You should've let me bop her.
Dumbbell.
The papers don't know anything about us.
They only know about that lady.
If we can get inside that bank, we can wipe it out.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uhh.
That's mine! No, sir.
No, sir.
You must have misunderstood me.
No.
I I didn't say magic carpet.
No, no.
I don't think s [EXASPERATED GRUNT.]
Master, we are going to put the bank money back in the bank.
Yeah, uh Oh, boy, are you in trouble.
Uh No, uh I'm waiting for that material from the lab, sir.
Uh, yeah.
Just a moment.
We are going to need your car again.
Would you just be quiet? [LAUGHS.]
No, not you, sir.
No, I was just, uh Yeah.
Uh, right.
Right you are, sir.
I-I'll I'll get that as soon as I can.
Good What? Uh Hey Hey! Wait a minute! [PHONE RINGING.]
Oh.
Oh.
What did she say? We're gonna put the money back in the bank.
We're gonna put the money back in the bank.
[PHONE CONTINUES RINGING.]
That's the car.
Where is she? I tell you, she's setting us up, Milton.
I don't like it.
It's a trap.
You may be right.
Let's decamp.
Yoo-hoo! I am over here.
Shh! Silence, my little pumpkin.
We don't wanna wake up the children.
They might be sleeping.
Oh.
Of course.
You brought the money.
I knew you would.
Well, we gave a solemn oath, lady.
Well, shall we go in? But what about the alarm system? Oh, do not worry about that.
I have taken care of everything.
Milton.
Let's offer her a partnership.
Inspector, that's ridiculous.
He swore that he wasn't involved.
His car is at the bank? At 2 a.
m.
? Well, he's undoubtedly just making a deposit.
A night deposit.
I'll be right down.
[GROANS.]
Oh.
I wish she wouldn't do these things.
Master? [GASPS.]
What is it? What are you doing here? What am I doing here? What are you doing here? Oh, we are putting the money back in the vault.
We? You mean you opened the vault for those guys? Well, of course, master.
You told me, "Bank money to the bank.
" I know what I told you.
Just don't do anything anymore, would you, please? Yes, master.
Turn on the lights, will you? But you told me not to do anything I know.
Just turn on the lights.
Yes, master.
Girard.
Somebody turned on the lights.
Huh? Girard! Huh? Oh, good.
Now I can see.
Would you mind investigating it? What? Investigate.
Oh, sure.
Jeannie, these guys are dangerous.
If they are dangerous, you had better let me help you.
No.
I'm well-trained in unarmed combat.
Now, you go over there and sit down.
Oh, but master Go on, go on.
Very well, master.
Go on.
All right, you guys, come on out of there.
Uh, hi.
Uh [CHUCKLING.]
Now, uh, I think we can talk this over, fellas.
Girard.
A-all right, that's enough of that.
I'm not kidding you.
Master? Yes? What is it? [CHUCKLES.]
What is this? What? I'm not helping.
What is this? What is it? I [GIRARD GROWLING.]
[SCREAMS.]
Now take it easy, will you? [YELLS.]
[GASPS.]
[GIRARD GROWLING.]
Aah! [YELLS.]
[GASPS.]
What is this? What kind of help? Oh, master, you're doing beautifully.
[GASPS.]
[YELLING.]
[JEANNIE SHRIEKS.]
You are sure you would not like me to help you, master? No, Jeannie.
I wanna do it myself.
Oh.
Oof! [GRUNTS.]
[LAUGHING.]
Now wait a Wait a minute.
I'm gonna open you up like a can of sardines.
TONY: Oh, no.
No, wait Whoa! What is? Major Major Nelson.
What is this all about? Well, I, uh BELLOWS: You'll find that Major Nelson has an explanation for almost everything.
Uh, you can explain it, can't you? [GIGGLING.]
Well Uh.
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to tell you the truth, sir.
I know what you're going to tell me.
When you learned that your car had been used for the bank robbery, you tracked down the bank robbers and captured them single-handedly.
Right, major? I couldn't have explained it better myself, sir.
Get these people out of here.
GIRARD: Oh, yeah.
CONWAY: All right, major.
[.]
I really don't understand you, Major Nelson.
In fact, I never have.
We've been through some baffling experiences before, but this This is incredible.
Would you mind telling me what you're doing in armor? Never mind.
All I can say is that I've never been so relieved in my life.
Thank you.
Congratula I [SIGHS.]
Oh.
He's done it to me again.
[.]