I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s03e13 Episode Script
My Son, the Genie
[.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[SIGHS.]
Good morning, master.
Oh, hi, Jeannie.
[GIGGLING.]
There you are.
Well, thank you.
Well, you've been a busy little bee, haven't you? Well, you do not want to be late.
Well, what's my hurry? I haven't even had breakfast yet.
Oh, there you are.
You have a good day at the office, master.
Yeah, I have the distinct feeling you're trying to get rid of me.
Uh, is that true? [LAUGHS.]
Of course not, master.
Oh.
Goodbye.
Oh, no, not Hi, Jeannie.
Gee, I'd love a glass of that.
Goodbye, Major Healey.
Jeannie.
You don't find that kind of hospitality anymore.
Yeah.
Please go.
No, I'm not leaving here until I find out what this is all about.
Neither am I.
Well, we are going to have a visitor.
[LAUGHING.]
Your mother is coming.
No.
It is worse than that.
His mother.
No, another genie is coming.
Another what? Well, eh, I I have been ordered to have her here, and I-it is a new genie, and every new genie must spend one day with an old genie.
And I am the old genie that the new genie is going to spend the day with.
Well, what's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? What if she is younger and more beautiful than I am after I have spent the best years of my life with my master? Younger and more beautiful? What if she falls in love with me? Oh, just think, my own personal young and beautiful genie.
[MAGIC WHIRRING.]
Yeah What is that? What is that, huh? She is coming.
Beginners always try to make a grand entrance.
Oh? Well, you tell her to go right back where she came from.
I'm not gonna have her in this house.
I cannot.
Oh, yes, you can.
[CRASH.]
[LAUGHING.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
They did not tell me it would be a man.
My name is Harold.
There's been some kind of mistake.
You have to go back to where you came from.
Oh, great and noble master, I am here to serve your every Oh, oh, not him.
Him.
Oh.
Oh, great and noble master, I am here to serve your every desire Harold.
Har Would you get off my coffee table? Look, I I've already got my own genie, so you're just gonna have to run along.
[THUNDER CRASHING.]
What was that? Dad.
[SCOFFS.]
Dad? Yeah, he's a little overprotective.
You are his son? His number-one son.
[INHALES.]
Uh, whose son? Haji.
He is the son of Haji.
You mean, uh, the head, Haji? You mean? Uh, would? Would you get off my coffee table, please? You mean the number-one? The? The? The top Haji? I am afraid so, master.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, it is only for one day.
Sure, relax.
I mean, what? What can happen? Well, I'm not wild about finding out.
Uh Uh, uh, Harold, wh-whatever your name is.
I I I'm sorry to do this to you.
But why don't you just run along to where you went? [THUNDER CRASHING.]
Why don't you make yourself comfortable? Sit down here.
Would you like a nice, uh, uh, glass of orange juice? Thank you, master.
Right.
Nice kid.
Oh.
Well, kind of messy around here.
Oh, I'll fix that.
That's what I am here for.
Oh, yeah? Great, great.
Oh, great.
Thank you, master.
Harold, the The fire goes at the bottom.
Fire.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Fire, yeah.
Hey, Jeannie, would you do something? Yes, master.
[BLOWING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, I don't mean that.
I mean, make it disappear.
Oh, I cannot, master.
Why not? Oh, Haji would not permit it.
I-I'm sure he would rather Harold do it himself.
Well, Haji's house is not on fire.
I am your master, and I'm ordering you to do it.
Would you do it, please? He will be angry.
Well, let him.
I don't care.
Let him be angry.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
[SCREAMS.]
Oh, I wish Dad would relax.
[PANTING.]
Can you get rid of him, huh? [THUNDER CRASHES.]
I must apologize.
Mother isn't like this at all.
Uh, master, you and Major Healey go on to the office.
And and Harold and I will have everything cleaned up by the time you come back.
Well, the That's not a bad idea.
Well You You take care of everything, all right? Bye, Harold.
It's been a pleasure meeting you.
Roger, come on.
I will drive you to the office.
No, don't bother.
Yeah, we'd like to get there.
Yeah, he didn't mean it.
He didn't He's a nice guy.
He sure is a nice master.
Yes, he is.
I wish he were mine.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
I don't know where she picks up these people.
Every time I turn around Ready when you are, master.
[.]
Congratulations, major.
I heard the news.
Very wonderful.
Well, thank you.
Hey, nice going, Tony.
Okay, thanks.
What's that all about? I don't know.
Maybe they heard about Harold.
Oh, funny.
That's very funny.
Good morning, gentlemen.
Good morning.
How are you? Good morning.
Come in.
Come on in.
Here we are.
Sit down, gentlemen.
Sit down.
Make yourselves at home.
Oh, uh, have a cigar? Cigar? Some coffee? No, thank you.
Oh, I should let General Walton tell you about this, but he's tied up for the moment.
You will act properly surprised, won't you? Oh, certainly, sir.
Uh, about what? Well, I don't have to tell you that your orbital flight the other day was a spectacular success.
Oh, I'm very pleased it came off so well, sir.
Weren't you a little disappointed that the president didn't call? Well, I guess these things are getting to be kind of routine now.
Well, you guessed wrong, major.
The president is going to do something that he's never done before.
He's going up into orbit? He wants to congratulate you in person.
Oh, you mean I'll be going to Washington? No, the president is coming down here.
Really? Hey, that is great news.
And that's not all.
When the president found out [PHONE RINGS.]
Excuse me.
Yes? Dr.
Bellows here.
Oh, yes, major.
Well, he's right here now.
I I was just filling him in.
Right now? Very well, I'll tell him.
Yes.
Right, thank you.
That was Major Devore.
They want to take a few pictures of you at the display room.
Well, I'll go along and beat off the autograph hounds, huh.
Let's go, gentlemen.
Uh, I'll leave this here, I think.
[.]
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Uh, now, Major Dev Just about four months, you see.
Roger and I both came in the project about five years ago.
Gentlemen, would you kindly? Gentlemen, would you kindly move, please? Now I can take one of the group.
Just let me get the picture first.
Now, watch it.
Now smile.
Give me that smile.
Here we go.
Good.
Oh, I think he got my bad side.
Uh, major, can I take one of you alone? Oh, excuse me.
Just give me a second.
No, not you, sir.
Major Nelson.
Oh, that major.
Yes.
Nice going, master.
You're very popular.
What are you doing here? I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions.
Not, you.
Not you.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
I I understand that the president's coming down here to see you, Major Nelson.
George Washington.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Could we continue this over here, please? Uh, yes, now Yes, major Get.
Now, about the president coming down here to see you Oh, the president.
Oh, master! [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
I wonder if we could continue this some other time.
I have a touch of space fatigue.
Master.
Master.
Did? Did they just call you master? Yeah, it's a little nickname they have for me here at NASA.
Yes, I understand, major, but May I have one more take before you leave? Uh, well, uh, uh, is it really necessary? I I You do understand.
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Could we do it another time? All right, here we go.
Watch the birdie.
[JEANNIE SCREAMS.]
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait.
Come on, will ya? Get up.
I certainly hope the press doesn't make too much of that mess with the photographer.
I'm sure they won't, sir.
I can't understand what happened.
The photographer Uh, sir, would you tell us more about the president coming? Oh, uh, yes.
Well, now, the, uh The president felt that, uh, he wanted to do something personal.
You know, something without a lot of ceremony.
So he's coming to your house for dinner.
The president's coming to my house for dinner? A Mr.
Pinter, from the White House, will go to your house with you and go over everything.
As a matter of fact, he's waiting for you right now at General Walton's office.
Uh, now? Right now? Yes, that's the big surprise.
The president is having dinner at your house tonight.
Tonight? But he Tonight? But he can't do that tonight.
Yes.
Well, I must say, I didn't expect you to be that nervous.
Well, I'm sorry.
He He can't come tonight.
Why not? Because it's the cook's night out.
The president will have to come tomorrow.
All there is to it.
Major, we mustn't keep Mr.
Pinter waiting.
Yeah, we mustn't be Keep Mr.
Pinter waiting.
Wait a minute.
Listen, you get over to the house.
Huh? Get over to the house and tell Jeannie to get rid of Harold.
I don't care how.
He can't be there when the president gets there.
Right.
Major? Sorry, sir.
I'll clean it for you later.
[.]
Jeannie? Harold? Jea? Jeannie? Harold? Jeannie! [MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYING.]
Wow! What? What's going on anyway? This is to entertain the president.
Yeah, I know, the president.
Millard Fillmore.
Mil? Millard Fillmore? Oh, you've gotta get all of this outta here.
Get most of this out of here.
Wait a minute.
Oh, wait a minute.
You gotta get rid of everything.
Get rid of this all.
Oh, no, I don't smoke.
I've got a headache.
You've gotta do something Are you all right, Major Healey? I'm not sure.
Oh, Jeannie, the president of the United States is coming.
You've gotta get rid of Harold and all of this.
JEANNIE: Well, I do not know what I can do.
Well, why don't you send them over to my place? Ooh.
Oh, what am I saying? [CAR APPROACHING.]
[BRAKES SCREECH.]
They're here.
They're here.
Get rid of this mess.
Get rid of everything.
Get rid of the mess! Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
That is my job.
I'll take care of it.
No, I'll take care of it.
I think it'd be better No, no, no, I will take care of it! I will take care of it! Somebody take care of it.
There's a fine, little French restaurant down the street.
I'm sure the president would enjoy that, sir.
There's nothing to worry about.
We'll put security guards at both ends of the street.
Well, what's not really the problem, you see.
[MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYING.]
I wanna do it! I wanna do it! It's my job! It's my job! I want to do I! We'd better let him have a go at it.
I want All right.
But now, concentrate, Harold.
[MUSIC'S TEMPO INCREASES.]
That sounds like it's coming from the inside of your house, major.
Uh, what sounds like it's coming from the inside of my house? That music.
Oh, yes.
Well, I often keep the radio on to frighten burglars away.
Uh, why don't you open the door, major? [CHUCKLING.]
I'm afraid Of burglars? Yes.
Oh, yes.
Um, I Uh, sometimes I bring home classified material, and I Oh, nonsense, major.
Open the door.
Op I bring some papers home, you know Open the door, major.
Yes, sir.
[KNOB CLICKING.]
Hey, what is that? [GASPS.]
Uh, oh, you found it.
Well, that's Major.
Yes? What are we waiting for? [SIGHS.]
A miracle.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, how would you like to see the grounds? I've done quite a bit of gardening recently.
I've been experimenting with begonia.
Uh, the grafting of begonias I certainly hope the president likes a man with a sense of humor, right, Mr.
Pinter? [LAUGHS.]
[SHARPLY.]
Dr.
Bellows.
Major.
Yes? Oh.
Yes, of course.
Uh, I'll just, uh Concentrate, Harold.
Harold, try harder.
You can do it.
Come on.
Try.
[INHALES.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
What was that? Uh, probably a rock 'n' roll station.
How would the president feel about a Mexican meal? There's a wonderful little restaurant about And how would the major feel about going inside, if you don't mind? Yes, sir.
Just the key.
[SIGHS.]
I'll get that.
I'm terribly sorry.
All right.
I'll look over here.
Try again, Harold.
Yeah, Harold.
Okay.
Good.
Not bad, huh? And now for the belly dancer.
Yeah, for the belly dancer.
Wait! Whoa! Not yet.
What am I saying? Go ahead.
Okay.
Oh, good.
Good, good.
[SIGHS.]
Now get rid of yourself.
I'm not leaving.
Oh, we will hide.
How would that be, Harold? Yeah, yeah, hide.
Good idea.
In the closet.
I don't wanna hide.
I wanna see my master.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
I mean you shouldn't, heh.
Jeannie, think of something.
I have, heh.
We will stay here, Harold, but we will disguise ourselves.
How would that be? Oh, goody-goody.
[GIGGLES.]
Major, may we please go in? Well, I'm looking for the key, sir.
I I You just had the door open.
TONY: Well, it was here somewhere.
I I know it's around here.
Oh, just a minute, sir.
Hello, Major Healey.
[MACHINE WHIRRING.]
Oh, Mr.
Pinter, this is, uh, Major Healey.
What's that noise? Uh, oh, uh, uh, well, that's the cleaning crew, sir.
You know, the, uh, cleaning crew? I hired a couple to clean the house.
Wasn't that a good idea, Tony? Oh, yeah.
[.]
Well, everything looks fine.
Uh, everything looks like it's about done.
We haven't finished yet.
Yes, you have.
Daddy wouldn't like that.
His father says he should always finish anything he starts.
His father really doesn't have anything to do with it, does he? I think he does.
Here, I'll clean that.
No, I'll clean it.
I'll clean it.
No, I'll do it.
Gentlemen, we haven't too much time.
May we proceed, please? Of course, Mr.
Pinter.
Now, as a general rule, the White House prefers to waive as much protocol as possible in affairs of this nature.
I would say a general feeling of informality should prevail.
Uh, what would the president prefer for dinner? Rack of lamb.
President's gonna have dinner here? That's right, Harold.
Goodbye.
Goodbye? I'm gonna cook dinner for him.
My first day on the job.
Won't my father would be proud? No I thought he was the cleaning man.
He's a jack-of-all-trades.
TONY: Hey! Harold? Oh, well, I never What? Don't worry.
I'll fix it.
Please, don't worry.
I'm terribly sorry about this.
They're new on the job.
Well, I should think you might be.
Look at this! TONY: I, uh There you are.
Good as new.
Harold, perhaps we should go clean the kitchen.
Yeah, right.
I apologize, Mr.
Pinter.
Where did you find that cleaning man? Where did you find that cleaning man? Where? Where? Where? Where'd we get the cleaning man? Well, maybe you'd like to go back and change your clothes at your hotel.
I'd rather get this over with as soon as possible.
Now, the president will enter first.
He will be followed by General Walton.
There's a very nice rack-of-lamb house right on the edge of town.
President's probably tired of eating home-cooked The president was very specific.
He will dine here tonight.
Now, may I inspect the kitchen? Tell me the truth.
Do you think I made a good impression? Harold, why do you not try another line of work? This was my dad's idea.
I wanted to be a chariot driver.
Harold, do not stir the salad.
Toss it.
TONY: Uh, sir, uh, there's no really Reason to go Roger, where did you get those people anyway, huh? I don't understand why you should ever The president prefers Roquefort.
I'm terribly sorry about the TONY: I Uh, sir, please, uh Can't I even mash the potatoes? Now, remember our deal.
You will not do anything all evening, and I will have a chariot race with you tomorrow.
I can't wait.
The last race I had was with Ben-Hur.
Who won? It's not who won.
It's how you play the game.
Hi, uh, h? How's everything coming, huh? Oh, wonderfully, master.
There, the potatoes are finished.
The dessert is made.
I will now just finish the garlic bread.
And I will put the lamb in just before the president arrives.
Zachary Taylor.
What about him? Oh, you will not have to worry about Harold.
Oh, all right.
Now, I'm gonna go and take a shower and change clothes, huh? I wish I could stay and watch.
Watch your tongue.
Yes, master.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
It was just an expression.
Just think, the president here for dinner.
Even your father will be impressed by that.
Except I have nothing to do with it.
I mean, you're supposed to be training me.
I tell you what, you can get the lamb out of the freezer.
Big deal.
Where is it? It is right here on top.
I will go set the table.
It's not here.
Jeannie! It She must have left it at the market.
Jeannie! [.]
What do I need her for? Dad will be real proud of me.
Yeah, lamb.
[SHEEP BLEATING.]
JEANNIE: Master! Huh? [SHEEP BLEATING.]
Harold, do something.
Oh, I did.
I'm afraid to do any more.
I'll get 'em out one by one.
[SHRIEKS.]
Oh, no.
N-n! N-n-n-n! No! No! Master! JEANNIE: Master! What is it? Jeannie? JEANNIE: Master! Jeannie? Jeannie? [BLEATS.]
[SHEEP BLEATING.]
[MUTTERING.]
Aagh! Jeannie.
Jeannie, what have you done? What? Jeannie, what have you done? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
It's him.
The president of the United States is right outside my door.
You know that? Master, does he like sheep? Would you please get rid of these? I cannot.
Harold did it.
Well, Harold, would you get rid of 'em? If the president liked fish, this never would have happened.
Master, master, they are gone.
Huh? Oh.
Oh, sorry.
Thanks, Jeannie.
Oh, it was not I.
Well, thanks, Harold.
I'm sor It was not I.
Yeah? Well, thanks, Dad.
Well, I-I'm over.
My finished My career is gone.
Oh, wait, master, you are not dressed.
I will fix it.
No, no, I will fix it.
[ANGRILY.]
Somebody do something.
Out, out.
Go on.
[GROANS.]
Good evening, Mr.
President.
It's certainly an honor to [.]
Good night, Mr.
President.
It was a delicious dinner, major.
I'm glad you could make it.
Good night.
Good night.
[CHUCKLING.]
What can I say? [CHUCKLES SLYLY.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Yeah.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Good night, major.
Frankly, I couldn't have been more surprised.
Well, I'm glad you had a good time, sir.
"Good" doesn't describe it.
Good night, major.
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY.]
[.]
[SIGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, boy.
It was a lovely party, master.
[CHUCKLES.]
You were here? Oh, yes.
And I saw everything, and you were wonderful.
You should be the president.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
I was great Har? Where's Harold? Oh, he has gone.
For good? Oh, for good.
Are you sure? I am sure, master.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
All right, let's celebrate.
I'll open a bottle of champagne and [CRASH.]
[COUGHING.]
You forgot to mark my report card.
[.]
[.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[SIGHS.]
Good morning, master.
Oh, hi, Jeannie.
[GIGGLING.]
There you are.
Well, thank you.
Well, you've been a busy little bee, haven't you? Well, you do not want to be late.
Well, what's my hurry? I haven't even had breakfast yet.
Oh, there you are.
You have a good day at the office, master.
Yeah, I have the distinct feeling you're trying to get rid of me.
Uh, is that true? [LAUGHS.]
Of course not, master.
Oh.
Goodbye.
Oh, no, not Hi, Jeannie.
Gee, I'd love a glass of that.
Goodbye, Major Healey.
Jeannie.
You don't find that kind of hospitality anymore.
Yeah.
Please go.
No, I'm not leaving here until I find out what this is all about.
Neither am I.
Well, we are going to have a visitor.
[LAUGHING.]
Your mother is coming.
No.
It is worse than that.
His mother.
No, another genie is coming.
Another what? Well, eh, I I have been ordered to have her here, and I-it is a new genie, and every new genie must spend one day with an old genie.
And I am the old genie that the new genie is going to spend the day with.
Well, what's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? What if she is younger and more beautiful than I am after I have spent the best years of my life with my master? Younger and more beautiful? What if she falls in love with me? Oh, just think, my own personal young and beautiful genie.
[MAGIC WHIRRING.]
Yeah What is that? What is that, huh? She is coming.
Beginners always try to make a grand entrance.
Oh? Well, you tell her to go right back where she came from.
I'm not gonna have her in this house.
I cannot.
Oh, yes, you can.
[CRASH.]
[LAUGHING.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
They did not tell me it would be a man.
My name is Harold.
There's been some kind of mistake.
You have to go back to where you came from.
Oh, great and noble master, I am here to serve your every Oh, oh, not him.
Him.
Oh.
Oh, great and noble master, I am here to serve your every desire Harold.
Har Would you get off my coffee table? Look, I I've already got my own genie, so you're just gonna have to run along.
[THUNDER CRASHING.]
What was that? Dad.
[SCOFFS.]
Dad? Yeah, he's a little overprotective.
You are his son? His number-one son.
[INHALES.]
Uh, whose son? Haji.
He is the son of Haji.
You mean, uh, the head, Haji? You mean? Uh, would? Would you get off my coffee table, please? You mean the number-one? The? The? The top Haji? I am afraid so, master.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, it is only for one day.
Sure, relax.
I mean, what? What can happen? Well, I'm not wild about finding out.
Uh Uh, uh, Harold, wh-whatever your name is.
I I I'm sorry to do this to you.
But why don't you just run along to where you went? [THUNDER CRASHING.]
Why don't you make yourself comfortable? Sit down here.
Would you like a nice, uh, uh, glass of orange juice? Thank you, master.
Right.
Nice kid.
Oh.
Well, kind of messy around here.
Oh, I'll fix that.
That's what I am here for.
Oh, yeah? Great, great.
Oh, great.
Thank you, master.
Harold, the The fire goes at the bottom.
Fire.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Fire, yeah.
Hey, Jeannie, would you do something? Yes, master.
[BLOWING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, I don't mean that.
I mean, make it disappear.
Oh, I cannot, master.
Why not? Oh, Haji would not permit it.
I-I'm sure he would rather Harold do it himself.
Well, Haji's house is not on fire.
I am your master, and I'm ordering you to do it.
Would you do it, please? He will be angry.
Well, let him.
I don't care.
Let him be angry.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
[SCREAMS.]
Oh, I wish Dad would relax.
[PANTING.]
Can you get rid of him, huh? [THUNDER CRASHES.]
I must apologize.
Mother isn't like this at all.
Uh, master, you and Major Healey go on to the office.
And and Harold and I will have everything cleaned up by the time you come back.
Well, the That's not a bad idea.
Well You You take care of everything, all right? Bye, Harold.
It's been a pleasure meeting you.
Roger, come on.
I will drive you to the office.
No, don't bother.
Yeah, we'd like to get there.
Yeah, he didn't mean it.
He didn't He's a nice guy.
He sure is a nice master.
Yes, he is.
I wish he were mine.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
I don't know where she picks up these people.
Every time I turn around Ready when you are, master.
[.]
Congratulations, major.
I heard the news.
Very wonderful.
Well, thank you.
Hey, nice going, Tony.
Okay, thanks.
What's that all about? I don't know.
Maybe they heard about Harold.
Oh, funny.
That's very funny.
Good morning, gentlemen.
Good morning.
How are you? Good morning.
Come in.
Come on in.
Here we are.
Sit down, gentlemen.
Sit down.
Make yourselves at home.
Oh, uh, have a cigar? Cigar? Some coffee? No, thank you.
Oh, I should let General Walton tell you about this, but he's tied up for the moment.
You will act properly surprised, won't you? Oh, certainly, sir.
Uh, about what? Well, I don't have to tell you that your orbital flight the other day was a spectacular success.
Oh, I'm very pleased it came off so well, sir.
Weren't you a little disappointed that the president didn't call? Well, I guess these things are getting to be kind of routine now.
Well, you guessed wrong, major.
The president is going to do something that he's never done before.
He's going up into orbit? He wants to congratulate you in person.
Oh, you mean I'll be going to Washington? No, the president is coming down here.
Really? Hey, that is great news.
And that's not all.
When the president found out [PHONE RINGS.]
Excuse me.
Yes? Dr.
Bellows here.
Oh, yes, major.
Well, he's right here now.
I I was just filling him in.
Right now? Very well, I'll tell him.
Yes.
Right, thank you.
That was Major Devore.
They want to take a few pictures of you at the display room.
Well, I'll go along and beat off the autograph hounds, huh.
Let's go, gentlemen.
Uh, I'll leave this here, I think.
[.]
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Uh, now, Major Dev Just about four months, you see.
Roger and I both came in the project about five years ago.
Gentlemen, would you kindly? Gentlemen, would you kindly move, please? Now I can take one of the group.
Just let me get the picture first.
Now, watch it.
Now smile.
Give me that smile.
Here we go.
Good.
Oh, I think he got my bad side.
Uh, major, can I take one of you alone? Oh, excuse me.
Just give me a second.
No, not you, sir.
Major Nelson.
Oh, that major.
Yes.
Nice going, master.
You're very popular.
What are you doing here? I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions.
Not, you.
Not you.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
I I understand that the president's coming down here to see you, Major Nelson.
George Washington.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Could we continue this over here, please? Uh, yes, now Yes, major Get.
Now, about the president coming down here to see you Oh, the president.
Oh, master! [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
I wonder if we could continue this some other time.
I have a touch of space fatigue.
Master.
Master.
Did? Did they just call you master? Yeah, it's a little nickname they have for me here at NASA.
Yes, I understand, major, but May I have one more take before you leave? Uh, well, uh, uh, is it really necessary? I I You do understand.
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Could we do it another time? All right, here we go.
Watch the birdie.
[JEANNIE SCREAMS.]
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait.
Come on, will ya? Get up.
I certainly hope the press doesn't make too much of that mess with the photographer.
I'm sure they won't, sir.
I can't understand what happened.
The photographer Uh, sir, would you tell us more about the president coming? Oh, uh, yes.
Well, now, the, uh The president felt that, uh, he wanted to do something personal.
You know, something without a lot of ceremony.
So he's coming to your house for dinner.
The president's coming to my house for dinner? A Mr.
Pinter, from the White House, will go to your house with you and go over everything.
As a matter of fact, he's waiting for you right now at General Walton's office.
Uh, now? Right now? Yes, that's the big surprise.
The president is having dinner at your house tonight.
Tonight? But he Tonight? But he can't do that tonight.
Yes.
Well, I must say, I didn't expect you to be that nervous.
Well, I'm sorry.
He He can't come tonight.
Why not? Because it's the cook's night out.
The president will have to come tomorrow.
All there is to it.
Major, we mustn't keep Mr.
Pinter waiting.
Yeah, we mustn't be Keep Mr.
Pinter waiting.
Wait a minute.
Listen, you get over to the house.
Huh? Get over to the house and tell Jeannie to get rid of Harold.
I don't care how.
He can't be there when the president gets there.
Right.
Major? Sorry, sir.
I'll clean it for you later.
[.]
Jeannie? Harold? Jea? Jeannie? Harold? Jeannie! [MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYING.]
Wow! What? What's going on anyway? This is to entertain the president.
Yeah, I know, the president.
Millard Fillmore.
Mil? Millard Fillmore? Oh, you've gotta get all of this outta here.
Get most of this out of here.
Wait a minute.
Oh, wait a minute.
You gotta get rid of everything.
Get rid of this all.
Oh, no, I don't smoke.
I've got a headache.
You've gotta do something Are you all right, Major Healey? I'm not sure.
Oh, Jeannie, the president of the United States is coming.
You've gotta get rid of Harold and all of this.
JEANNIE: Well, I do not know what I can do.
Well, why don't you send them over to my place? Ooh.
Oh, what am I saying? [CAR APPROACHING.]
[BRAKES SCREECH.]
They're here.
They're here.
Get rid of this mess.
Get rid of everything.
Get rid of the mess! Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
That is my job.
I'll take care of it.
No, I'll take care of it.
I think it'd be better No, no, no, I will take care of it! I will take care of it! Somebody take care of it.
There's a fine, little French restaurant down the street.
I'm sure the president would enjoy that, sir.
There's nothing to worry about.
We'll put security guards at both ends of the street.
Well, what's not really the problem, you see.
[MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYING.]
I wanna do it! I wanna do it! It's my job! It's my job! I want to do I! We'd better let him have a go at it.
I want All right.
But now, concentrate, Harold.
[MUSIC'S TEMPO INCREASES.]
That sounds like it's coming from the inside of your house, major.
Uh, what sounds like it's coming from the inside of my house? That music.
Oh, yes.
Well, I often keep the radio on to frighten burglars away.
Uh, why don't you open the door, major? [CHUCKLING.]
I'm afraid Of burglars? Yes.
Oh, yes.
Um, I Uh, sometimes I bring home classified material, and I Oh, nonsense, major.
Open the door.
Op I bring some papers home, you know Open the door, major.
Yes, sir.
[KNOB CLICKING.]
Hey, what is that? [GASPS.]
Uh, oh, you found it.
Well, that's Major.
Yes? What are we waiting for? [SIGHS.]
A miracle.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, how would you like to see the grounds? I've done quite a bit of gardening recently.
I've been experimenting with begonia.
Uh, the grafting of begonias I certainly hope the president likes a man with a sense of humor, right, Mr.
Pinter? [LAUGHS.]
[SHARPLY.]
Dr.
Bellows.
Major.
Yes? Oh.
Yes, of course.
Uh, I'll just, uh Concentrate, Harold.
Harold, try harder.
You can do it.
Come on.
Try.
[INHALES.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
What was that? Uh, probably a rock 'n' roll station.
How would the president feel about a Mexican meal? There's a wonderful little restaurant about And how would the major feel about going inside, if you don't mind? Yes, sir.
Just the key.
[SIGHS.]
I'll get that.
I'm terribly sorry.
All right.
I'll look over here.
Try again, Harold.
Yeah, Harold.
Okay.
Good.
Not bad, huh? And now for the belly dancer.
Yeah, for the belly dancer.
Wait! Whoa! Not yet.
What am I saying? Go ahead.
Okay.
Oh, good.
Good, good.
[SIGHS.]
Now get rid of yourself.
I'm not leaving.
Oh, we will hide.
How would that be, Harold? Yeah, yeah, hide.
Good idea.
In the closet.
I don't wanna hide.
I wanna see my master.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
I mean you shouldn't, heh.
Jeannie, think of something.
I have, heh.
We will stay here, Harold, but we will disguise ourselves.
How would that be? Oh, goody-goody.
[GIGGLES.]
Major, may we please go in? Well, I'm looking for the key, sir.
I I You just had the door open.
TONY: Well, it was here somewhere.
I I know it's around here.
Oh, just a minute, sir.
Hello, Major Healey.
[MACHINE WHIRRING.]
Oh, Mr.
Pinter, this is, uh, Major Healey.
What's that noise? Uh, oh, uh, uh, well, that's the cleaning crew, sir.
You know, the, uh, cleaning crew? I hired a couple to clean the house.
Wasn't that a good idea, Tony? Oh, yeah.
[.]
Well, everything looks fine.
Uh, everything looks like it's about done.
We haven't finished yet.
Yes, you have.
Daddy wouldn't like that.
His father says he should always finish anything he starts.
His father really doesn't have anything to do with it, does he? I think he does.
Here, I'll clean that.
No, I'll clean it.
I'll clean it.
No, I'll do it.
Gentlemen, we haven't too much time.
May we proceed, please? Of course, Mr.
Pinter.
Now, as a general rule, the White House prefers to waive as much protocol as possible in affairs of this nature.
I would say a general feeling of informality should prevail.
Uh, what would the president prefer for dinner? Rack of lamb.
President's gonna have dinner here? That's right, Harold.
Goodbye.
Goodbye? I'm gonna cook dinner for him.
My first day on the job.
Won't my father would be proud? No I thought he was the cleaning man.
He's a jack-of-all-trades.
TONY: Hey! Harold? Oh, well, I never What? Don't worry.
I'll fix it.
Please, don't worry.
I'm terribly sorry about this.
They're new on the job.
Well, I should think you might be.
Look at this! TONY: I, uh There you are.
Good as new.
Harold, perhaps we should go clean the kitchen.
Yeah, right.
I apologize, Mr.
Pinter.
Where did you find that cleaning man? Where did you find that cleaning man? Where? Where? Where? Where'd we get the cleaning man? Well, maybe you'd like to go back and change your clothes at your hotel.
I'd rather get this over with as soon as possible.
Now, the president will enter first.
He will be followed by General Walton.
There's a very nice rack-of-lamb house right on the edge of town.
President's probably tired of eating home-cooked The president was very specific.
He will dine here tonight.
Now, may I inspect the kitchen? Tell me the truth.
Do you think I made a good impression? Harold, why do you not try another line of work? This was my dad's idea.
I wanted to be a chariot driver.
Harold, do not stir the salad.
Toss it.
TONY: Uh, sir, uh, there's no really Reason to go Roger, where did you get those people anyway, huh? I don't understand why you should ever The president prefers Roquefort.
I'm terribly sorry about the TONY: I Uh, sir, please, uh Can't I even mash the potatoes? Now, remember our deal.
You will not do anything all evening, and I will have a chariot race with you tomorrow.
I can't wait.
The last race I had was with Ben-Hur.
Who won? It's not who won.
It's how you play the game.
Hi, uh, h? How's everything coming, huh? Oh, wonderfully, master.
There, the potatoes are finished.
The dessert is made.
I will now just finish the garlic bread.
And I will put the lamb in just before the president arrives.
Zachary Taylor.
What about him? Oh, you will not have to worry about Harold.
Oh, all right.
Now, I'm gonna go and take a shower and change clothes, huh? I wish I could stay and watch.
Watch your tongue.
Yes, master.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
It was just an expression.
Just think, the president here for dinner.
Even your father will be impressed by that.
Except I have nothing to do with it.
I mean, you're supposed to be training me.
I tell you what, you can get the lamb out of the freezer.
Big deal.
Where is it? It is right here on top.
I will go set the table.
It's not here.
Jeannie! It She must have left it at the market.
Jeannie! [.]
What do I need her for? Dad will be real proud of me.
Yeah, lamb.
[SHEEP BLEATING.]
JEANNIE: Master! Huh? [SHEEP BLEATING.]
Harold, do something.
Oh, I did.
I'm afraid to do any more.
I'll get 'em out one by one.
[SHRIEKS.]
Oh, no.
N-n! N-n-n-n! No! No! Master! JEANNIE: Master! What is it? Jeannie? JEANNIE: Master! Jeannie? Jeannie? [BLEATS.]
[SHEEP BLEATING.]
[MUTTERING.]
Aagh! Jeannie.
Jeannie, what have you done? What? Jeannie, what have you done? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
It's him.
The president of the United States is right outside my door.
You know that? Master, does he like sheep? Would you please get rid of these? I cannot.
Harold did it.
Well, Harold, would you get rid of 'em? If the president liked fish, this never would have happened.
Master, master, they are gone.
Huh? Oh.
Oh, sorry.
Thanks, Jeannie.
Oh, it was not I.
Well, thanks, Harold.
I'm sor It was not I.
Yeah? Well, thanks, Dad.
Well, I-I'm over.
My finished My career is gone.
Oh, wait, master, you are not dressed.
I will fix it.
No, no, I will fix it.
[ANGRILY.]
Somebody do something.
Out, out.
Go on.
[GROANS.]
Good evening, Mr.
President.
It's certainly an honor to [.]
Good night, Mr.
President.
It was a delicious dinner, major.
I'm glad you could make it.
Good night.
Good night.
[CHUCKLING.]
What can I say? [CHUCKLES SLYLY.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Yeah.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Good night, major.
Frankly, I couldn't have been more surprised.
Well, I'm glad you had a good time, sir.
"Good" doesn't describe it.
Good night, major.
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY.]
[.]
[SIGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, boy.
It was a lovely party, master.
[CHUCKLES.]
You were here? Oh, yes.
And I saw everything, and you were wonderful.
You should be the president.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
I was great Har? Where's Harold? Oh, he has gone.
For good? Oh, for good.
Are you sure? I am sure, master.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
All right, let's celebrate.
I'll open a bottle of champagne and [CRASH.]
[COUGHING.]
You forgot to mark my report card.
[.]
[.]