I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s03e18 Episode Script
Genie, Genie, Who's Got the Genie? (3)
[.]
Jeannie? Jeannie, darling, where are you? TONY: Jeannie? Jeannie, what are you doing here? Aha.
Woo-hoo.
It's me, dear, your adorable sister, Jeannie.
Well Jeannie? [SIGHS.]
Jeannie Tsk.
Oh, wouldn't you know it? She'd be the kind of ding-a-ling that's up and out at the crack of dawn.
Ahhh.
Well, well, well.
Alone and unprotected.
[GROWLS.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
ROGER: Tony, you ready? [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
Boy, what a day to oversleep.
Today's the day we get our assignment.
Tony? Wake Oh.
Jeannie? Jeannie's in our office.
Don't you remember? What's she doing there? We accidentally locked her in the safe, and she can't get out.
Now, come on.
Locked up in a safe? TONY: Let her out.
ROGER: We can't let her out because the president of the United States is the only one who has the combination.
Who? The president of the United States.
The president of the United States? Yeah.
[.]
Jeannie? Are you in there? Darling, it's me.
Sister? Oh, Sister, you've come to let me out of here.
I'd be glad to, darling, if it weren't for a little matter of sibling rivalry.
Sibling rivalry, what is that? [SIGHS.]
Well, my square little sister, it means that you have got something I want.
And with you locked up in that cozy little safe, you won't be able to keep me from getting it.
Oh, well, you can have anything of mine you want.
Just name it.
What is it? Well, it's about 6-foot-1.
It's got lovely brown hair, big blue eyes, and it's called My master? Oh, no! No, I would rather stay in here forever.
Well, your wish is my command.
Ciao.
[.]
[.]
[.]
BELLOWS: Well, yes, Major Nelson.
You've drawn Area 25.
Oh, good.
Panama, Ecuador and the Guianas.
That's on the equator, sir.
I don't have to remind you, major, that keeping the world informed of our progress here at NASA is an important part of our job.
Where each man goes is, uh, just the luck of the draw.
Yes, sir.
Will that be all? That'll be all, major.
Oh, uh, send in Major Healey, will you? Yes, sir.
[.]
Thank you.
Yes, Major Healey, you're assigned to What is all that? You know my motto, sir: "Always be prepared.
" This is a speaking tour, major, not the Olympic games.
I know.
I didn't know where I was gonna be sent.
So I bought all this gear so I'd be ready to go anywhere.
Yes.
Well, this is your assignment.
Oh, don't tell me.
Don't tell me.
Oh, boy.
Paris? Rome? Switzerland? "Cocoa Beach.
" That's here, sir.
That's right, major.
We're, um We're having open house this week.
And you're in charge of showing the civic groups, the women's clubs and the schoolchildren through the base.
You don't know who might be going to Switzerland, do you, sir? I think I could sell the That's your problem, major.
No problem.
Oh, uh, send in the next man, will you, please? Yes, sir.
I, uh Heh.
Uh Oh, boy, Cocoa Beach.
How could Dr.
Bellows do this to me? That's the luck of the draw, Roge.
Yeah.
Hey, how'd you guys do? Oh Don't ask.
That bad, huh? BOTH: Yeah.
I got lucky.
Middle East.
Shish kebab and belly dancers.
Yeah.
I drew the equator.
Mosquitoes and sunstroke.
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Comin' through, comin' through.
While you two guys are fumbling around the world, graceful Roger has to stay here in Cocoa Beach.
Oh! WOMAN: Watch your step, buddy! Oh, I'm sorry.
Good luck, Tony.
Come on, graceful.
Sorry, miss.
Still in there, darling? I just dropped by to say goodbye.
You are leaving? Oh, yes.
I have just arranged for my master to leave for the Middle East, and, uh, I wouldn't dream of being parted from him.
Your master? Hmm.
My new master, Major Nelson.
He is not your master.
He is my master.
Was, dear heart, was.
Heh, heh.
You can't do him much good locked up in there, now, can you? [GROANS.]
Well, I I will get out of here.
I must.
[JEANNIE II CHUCKLES.]
Well, I don't see how, darling.
I'm certainly not going to help you.
And as for Major Nelson, once I get him on my home turf in Baghdad, he's going to have a rough time helping himself.
Ooh! Well, I I I will tell him.
I will warn him.
Hmm.
You would too, wouldn't you? [DOOR OPENS.]
Roge, it's not the end of the world, you know.
Uh, Jeannie, I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you.
Master! Master! [SKI EQUIPMENT CLATTERING.]
TONY: Roge.
Roger! I can't hear Jeannie.
[SOFTLY.]
Oh.
But I can arrange it so that he can hear me.
[SHOUTING INAUDIBLY.]
TONY: Take it easy.
Uh, Jeannie, I've gotta make a lecture tour in Latin America.
I'm gonna be gone for some time, but you don't have to worry.
Old Roger's gonna be here to take care of you.
Yeah, old Roge will be here to take care of her.
JEANNIE II [AS JEANNIE.]
: What a shame, master, that you were not sent to the Middle East to Baghdad.
Then you could look for Haji, the chief of the genies.
He could get me out of here.
Yeah, I know it's a shame, Jeannie, but my orders read Hey, look there.
Says, "Middle East.
" How 'bout that? It's your name on top.
Somebody must have goofed.
Wait, you must have switched papers with Arland.
No, it's impossible, Roger.
Wait a minute, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Go.
What about Arland? Think of what it'll do to him.
I'll get ahold of Haji as soon as I get there.
What is this? Major Healey, if you don't mind.
Sorry.
You're still here, Major Nelson? Yes, yes.
Oh, there it is, boys.
Now, be careful with that, will you, please? What are you doing? What? Oh, I have good news for you.
We've scheduled another moonshot, and this time, it's going up.
TONY: But you can't do that, sir.
Now, I know how attached to it you are, major.
Dr.
Bellows? Yes? Could you give me five minutes alone with it? Pull yourself together, major.
ROGER: What are you gonna do? Only one thing to do.
What's that? I've gotta go to Baghdad and find Haji.
[.]
Silks, effendi.
Fine silk.
Hey, hey, maybe you're the one who could help me.
Come here.
Do you know a guy named Haji? Ah, Allah has guided your footsteps, effendi.
I am Haji.
I I mean, Haji, the chief of the genies.
Ha, ha! The effendi wishes a genie.
Come closer, O blessed of the prophet.
I can help you.
This lamp, effendi, Effendi which you can purchase for a miserable 50 dinar, once belonged to the fabled Aladdin.
You have only to rub it and a genie will appear.
No, no, effendi.
He will try to cheat you, effendi! With these magic scarves, heh, you may assume anything you wish.
Blind dog! They are but cheap rags.
But with this lamp, effendi This lamp once belonged to Aladdin himself.
A miserable piece of tin, effendi.
This belonged to Aladdin.
You are selfish.
No, you don't understand.
I'm not really looking for that kind of thing.
What is it? Oh, sorry, ma'am.
Whatever it is you're selling, I don't need anything.
You wish to find Haji, chief of the genies.
Haji Do you know where he is? He is not far from here.
Follow me.
You bet.
Effendi, listen to me.
Would you? This lamp, effendi, is capable of Give me my hat.
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! You are a dog! [BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
Hey, slow down, will you? How much further? [MIDDLE-EASTERN MUSIC PLAYING.]
[MUSIC ENDS.]
[WOMEN SQUEALING.]
Oh.
I'm sorry, ladies.
Oof! WOMAN: Oh, get him! Oh, wow.
No, it's all right.
I'll be all right.
Just Just let me sit down.
Aah! Well, you don't really have to be that demonstrative.
[CHUCKLES.]
No.
No, please [WOMEN LAUGHING.]
I'll have that.
Ladies, ladies, please.
Where am I, anyway? In my master's harem.
Do you like it? Yeah, well, it has a lot to recommend itself.
Isn't there some kind of a rule against this, huh? Oh, don't lose your cool, major, baby.
I'll protect you.
Jeannie? Your Jea You're Jeannie's sister! Mm-hm.
You recognize me.
Well Oh, listen, I need your help.
[SQUAWKING.]
Jeannie's locked up in a safe at NASA.
And they're gonna send her to the moon.
And you've gotta help me get her out.
Well, of course, darling.
In 20 or 30 years after I've gotten tired of you.
Mm? Oh, yeah Oh, now, wait a minute.
Don't pull that over [LAUGHING.]
Ha, ha.
What do you think, girls? Isn't he a gas? [.]
Wha? [.]
Uh, girls? Ladies? [CHUCKLING.]
Hi, would you come over here, please? [CHUCKLING.]
Hi, hi, how are you? I don't know if you know it or not, but kidnapping is a very serious offense.
And you could get in a lot of trouble, you know.
Why don't you let me out of here, and then I'll just forget about the whole thing, huh? TONY: Ahem.
You know, miss, uh, somebody's forgotten to feed me today, yeah.
I'm hungry.
You You know, hungry.
[LAUGHS.]
No, no, no.
Hungry, hungry.
Num-a-num-num.
[GIGGLES.]
The universal language, uh Miss, miss, come here.
Yeah, that's right.
[CHUCKLES.]
Say, uh Say, you're beautiful, you know.
You're really gorgeous, yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
That's That's what you are.
I can go for you in a big way, but I'm in here and you're out there.
See, me in here, you out there? All All you have to do is just open the door.
Open this cage door.
[WOMEN GIGGLING.]
[WOMEN GIGGLING.]
Wasn't I just in that? Well, hi.
[WOMEN FAWNING.]
Oh, that's very nice.
Thank you, thank you.
I know.
Ha, ha, ha.
No, really, really, I can't.
I've got duty to do.
I've got a thing Don't! Ladies, I'd I'd love to.
I really would.
But I have my own little genie in a bottle at [ALL GIGGLING.]
You wouldn't begin to understand.
Could you just show me the way out of here, huh? But of course, darling.
Hi.
Right through that cage.
That cage? [LAUGHS.]
Now, look here, young lady, I don't think you realize that I'm here on official business.
When NASA hears that I'm missing, they're gonna send someone to look for me.
Oh, I'm sure they will.
But frankly, darling, I don't think they'll be looking in a Baghdad harem in a birdcage.
Ah.
Nighty-night.
Tut, tut, tut.
[TRILLING.]
Hello, Dr.
Bellows.
Oh, Major Healey.
I can't stop now, sir.
Why not? Top priority.
The Ladies Civic Betterment League are waiting.
Major, they can wait.
Would you mind telling me what Major Nelson is doing in Baghdad? Baghdad? Oh, well, that was his assignment, wasn't it, sir? No, it wasn't, major.
Arland was assigned to the Middle East.
Why don't you ask Major Arland, sir? I can't.
He's in Latin America.
Well, that's all very interesting, sir, but the tea's getting cold, and I Major Nelson has disappeared.
The authorities in Baghdad have been searching for him for 24 hours.
I've just alerted our consulate.
Tony disappeared? Oh, that's terrible.
Do you know any reason why he'd wanna go to Baghdad? No, sir, but I'll find out.
Just hold it, sir.
Uh, Major Healey, come back here.
Third door to the right.
Cream and sugar's on the table.
ROGER [QUIETLY.]
: Jeannie? Oh, Jeannie, I got great news.
Tony's in Baghdad, and he's been missing for 24 hours.
I think he found Haji.
Oh, no, Major Healey.
That is terrible news.
It means that my sister must have captured him.
Your sister? What's your sister got to do with it? She was here.
She tricked my master into going to Baghdad.
But, Jeannie, you suggested that.
Mm-mm.
No, it was my sister.
Oh, major, you must help him.
Okay.
I'm ready.
Major Healey? Aren't you gonna blink me? I cannot.
You mean, I have to fly there myself? But I will tell you where to look for my master.
Go to the big bazaar.
Take the street on the right.
Go seven quintals, no more, no less.
Seven quintals.
Turn left.
You will see a big palace, and that is where my sister's master lives.
Yeah, now, let me get this right.
We go to the big bazaar, and we take the first street to the right.
Then we turn seven quintals Whom, may I ask, are you talking to? Well, I was, uh, talking to Oh, I was just going over my strategy for when I go to Baghdad.
And who said you were going to Baghdad? Well, you did, sir.
I'm going to get Tony, and I, uh Wish me luck, sir.
Uh, Major Healey, the tea.
Oh, no, thank you, sir.
I'm a coffee man, myself.
Thanks.
Now, you've got your 200 dinars for the magic silks.
And here's your 500 dinars for Aladdin's lamp.
Now.
Now can you tell me what a quintal is? Yes, it is very easy, effendi.
You put one foot in front of the other foot, then you multiply by four.
No, no, no, you divide by three.
You son of a dog, you multiply by four.
By the son of Allah, you are a dog.
You multiply by four.
You are cursed dog.
Allah has put raisins into your eyes.
[BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
You are a dog! [.]
Hi.
Heh.
[EXHALES.]
You're here on business.
Here to find Tony.
Here to find Tony.
[SINGING BRAHMS' "LULLABY" IN ARABIC.]
Ah.
Good night, little major.
Now, tomorrow, if you're a very good boy, perhaps I'll let you out for a little, uh, exercise.
[GIGGLES.]
[RESUMES SINGING.]
[.]
Oh! Shhh.
Me friend.
Yeah, very good.
Me good friend, yeah.
Oh, I came here to rescue Tony.
I came here to rescue my best friend.
Rescue.
[EXHALES.]
Miss.
Oh, miss.
Did you see a guy come through that was dressed like me? In a uniform? Yeah.
Nice Nice talking to you.
Shhh.
Friend.
I came to rescue my best friend.
Oh, miss.
Miss? Oh, I bet she doesn't even know how to say no.
JEANNIE II: The one you search for is in the cage.
Thank you, miss.
Thank you very much.
Oh.
Tony, what are you doing in there? There's no time, Roge.
Just open the door, quick.
There's no rush, major.
You two will have all the time in the world to talk.
[CHUCKLES.]
I came to rescue you.
Thanks, Roge.
It's nothing.
Here, we could, uh, rub Aladdin's lamp.
Get the Oh, don't worry, my pets.
In a year or two, if you're very good boys, I'll get you separate cages.
MAN [BELLOWING.]
: Where are you? Ah.
There you are.
Hello, girls.
Well, master, darling.
I thought you would be in Switzerland, skiing at least another month.
With a genie like you, I cannot risk an extended vacation.
What mischief have you been up to? [CHUCKLES.]
Me? None.
[STAMMERING.]
I was just feeding the birds.
Oh, yes, my pets.
[CHUCKLING.]
[WHISTLING.]
[BOTH IMITATING BIRDS.]
[BOTH WHISTLING.]
Ugh! [HABIB GROANS.]
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Listen, I can explain this.
You won't believe it, but Who are you?! Nice talking to you.
[WOMEN SCREAMING.]
Now, you tell me who you are! ROGER: I just wanna be I can explain.
Just let me explain.
I'll tell you HABIB: Tell me now.
Don't shake.
HABIB: Who brought you here? [YELLING.]
[WOMEN SCREAMING.]
HABIB: Oh, son of a camel, infidel dog.
ROGER: Yeah, I know, I'll tell you what.
HABIB: What is it? What is it? All right, fellow, this is it! [TRAY BONGS.]
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
[GROANS.]
Which of you wishes to die first, huh? Oh, not me, I'm just a tourist.
Thanks, Roge.
Infidel dogs.
[TRAY BONGS.]
[GROANS LOUDLY.]
I will teach you to steal my genie.
No, no, you had it all wrong.
She stole me.
She's the one that kidnapped me.
Really, honestly.
Oh, what would she want with the likes of you, huh? Well, I I I really don't know.
Wench.
With that one, it is possible.
[GROANS.]
Heh.
Do you wish me to fix them some shish kebab, master? [YELPS.]
Do they speak the truth? Well You lie, and I will seal you in amber forever.
Well, I only wanted them for pets.
[LAUGHS.]
Look Look what you've done to my coat.
My apologies, gentlemen.
Habib is in your debt.
She will grant you one wish.
And then I will kill her.
Well, I wish you wouldn't do that.
Done.
You have your wish.
Now we are even.
You get rid of them.
Ahhh.
We're back! We're home! Oh, we're back home.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey, you blew it.
What are you talking about? We could have wished Jeannie out of the safe.
Oh, don't worry.
Jeannie's gonna be all right.
Huh? Look.
TONY: Jean! They're gonna send her to the moon! We gotta get outta here.
Hey, Jeannie! Roger, will you? Wait a minute, I wanna watch this.
[.]
Jeannie? Jeannie, darling, where are you? TONY: Jeannie? Jeannie, what are you doing here? Aha.
Woo-hoo.
It's me, dear, your adorable sister, Jeannie.
Well Jeannie? [SIGHS.]
Jeannie Tsk.
Oh, wouldn't you know it? She'd be the kind of ding-a-ling that's up and out at the crack of dawn.
Ahhh.
Well, well, well.
Alone and unprotected.
[GROWLS.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
ROGER: Tony, you ready? [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
Boy, what a day to oversleep.
Today's the day we get our assignment.
Tony? Wake Oh.
Jeannie? Jeannie's in our office.
Don't you remember? What's she doing there? We accidentally locked her in the safe, and she can't get out.
Now, come on.
Locked up in a safe? TONY: Let her out.
ROGER: We can't let her out because the president of the United States is the only one who has the combination.
Who? The president of the United States.
The president of the United States? Yeah.
[.]
Jeannie? Are you in there? Darling, it's me.
Sister? Oh, Sister, you've come to let me out of here.
I'd be glad to, darling, if it weren't for a little matter of sibling rivalry.
Sibling rivalry, what is that? [SIGHS.]
Well, my square little sister, it means that you have got something I want.
And with you locked up in that cozy little safe, you won't be able to keep me from getting it.
Oh, well, you can have anything of mine you want.
Just name it.
What is it? Well, it's about 6-foot-1.
It's got lovely brown hair, big blue eyes, and it's called My master? Oh, no! No, I would rather stay in here forever.
Well, your wish is my command.
Ciao.
[.]
[.]
[.]
BELLOWS: Well, yes, Major Nelson.
You've drawn Area 25.
Oh, good.
Panama, Ecuador and the Guianas.
That's on the equator, sir.
I don't have to remind you, major, that keeping the world informed of our progress here at NASA is an important part of our job.
Where each man goes is, uh, just the luck of the draw.
Yes, sir.
Will that be all? That'll be all, major.
Oh, uh, send in Major Healey, will you? Yes, sir.
[.]
Thank you.
Yes, Major Healey, you're assigned to What is all that? You know my motto, sir: "Always be prepared.
" This is a speaking tour, major, not the Olympic games.
I know.
I didn't know where I was gonna be sent.
So I bought all this gear so I'd be ready to go anywhere.
Yes.
Well, this is your assignment.
Oh, don't tell me.
Don't tell me.
Oh, boy.
Paris? Rome? Switzerland? "Cocoa Beach.
" That's here, sir.
That's right, major.
We're, um We're having open house this week.
And you're in charge of showing the civic groups, the women's clubs and the schoolchildren through the base.
You don't know who might be going to Switzerland, do you, sir? I think I could sell the That's your problem, major.
No problem.
Oh, uh, send in the next man, will you, please? Yes, sir.
I, uh Heh.
Uh Oh, boy, Cocoa Beach.
How could Dr.
Bellows do this to me? That's the luck of the draw, Roge.
Yeah.
Hey, how'd you guys do? Oh Don't ask.
That bad, huh? BOTH: Yeah.
I got lucky.
Middle East.
Shish kebab and belly dancers.
Yeah.
I drew the equator.
Mosquitoes and sunstroke.
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Comin' through, comin' through.
While you two guys are fumbling around the world, graceful Roger has to stay here in Cocoa Beach.
Oh! WOMAN: Watch your step, buddy! Oh, I'm sorry.
Good luck, Tony.
Come on, graceful.
Sorry, miss.
Still in there, darling? I just dropped by to say goodbye.
You are leaving? Oh, yes.
I have just arranged for my master to leave for the Middle East, and, uh, I wouldn't dream of being parted from him.
Your master? Hmm.
My new master, Major Nelson.
He is not your master.
He is my master.
Was, dear heart, was.
Heh, heh.
You can't do him much good locked up in there, now, can you? [GROANS.]
Well, I I will get out of here.
I must.
[JEANNIE II CHUCKLES.]
Well, I don't see how, darling.
I'm certainly not going to help you.
And as for Major Nelson, once I get him on my home turf in Baghdad, he's going to have a rough time helping himself.
Ooh! Well, I I I will tell him.
I will warn him.
Hmm.
You would too, wouldn't you? [DOOR OPENS.]
Roge, it's not the end of the world, you know.
Uh, Jeannie, I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you.
Master! Master! [SKI EQUIPMENT CLATTERING.]
TONY: Roge.
Roger! I can't hear Jeannie.
[SOFTLY.]
Oh.
But I can arrange it so that he can hear me.
[SHOUTING INAUDIBLY.]
TONY: Take it easy.
Uh, Jeannie, I've gotta make a lecture tour in Latin America.
I'm gonna be gone for some time, but you don't have to worry.
Old Roger's gonna be here to take care of you.
Yeah, old Roge will be here to take care of her.
JEANNIE II [AS JEANNIE.]
: What a shame, master, that you were not sent to the Middle East to Baghdad.
Then you could look for Haji, the chief of the genies.
He could get me out of here.
Yeah, I know it's a shame, Jeannie, but my orders read Hey, look there.
Says, "Middle East.
" How 'bout that? It's your name on top.
Somebody must have goofed.
Wait, you must have switched papers with Arland.
No, it's impossible, Roger.
Wait a minute, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Go.
What about Arland? Think of what it'll do to him.
I'll get ahold of Haji as soon as I get there.
What is this? Major Healey, if you don't mind.
Sorry.
You're still here, Major Nelson? Yes, yes.
Oh, there it is, boys.
Now, be careful with that, will you, please? What are you doing? What? Oh, I have good news for you.
We've scheduled another moonshot, and this time, it's going up.
TONY: But you can't do that, sir.
Now, I know how attached to it you are, major.
Dr.
Bellows? Yes? Could you give me five minutes alone with it? Pull yourself together, major.
ROGER: What are you gonna do? Only one thing to do.
What's that? I've gotta go to Baghdad and find Haji.
[.]
Silks, effendi.
Fine silk.
Hey, hey, maybe you're the one who could help me.
Come here.
Do you know a guy named Haji? Ah, Allah has guided your footsteps, effendi.
I am Haji.
I I mean, Haji, the chief of the genies.
Ha, ha! The effendi wishes a genie.
Come closer, O blessed of the prophet.
I can help you.
This lamp, effendi, Effendi which you can purchase for a miserable 50 dinar, once belonged to the fabled Aladdin.
You have only to rub it and a genie will appear.
No, no, effendi.
He will try to cheat you, effendi! With these magic scarves, heh, you may assume anything you wish.
Blind dog! They are but cheap rags.
But with this lamp, effendi This lamp once belonged to Aladdin himself.
A miserable piece of tin, effendi.
This belonged to Aladdin.
You are selfish.
No, you don't understand.
I'm not really looking for that kind of thing.
What is it? Oh, sorry, ma'am.
Whatever it is you're selling, I don't need anything.
You wish to find Haji, chief of the genies.
Haji Do you know where he is? He is not far from here.
Follow me.
You bet.
Effendi, listen to me.
Would you? This lamp, effendi, is capable of Give me my hat.
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! You are a dog! [BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
Hey, slow down, will you? How much further? [MIDDLE-EASTERN MUSIC PLAYING.]
[MUSIC ENDS.]
[WOMEN SQUEALING.]
Oh.
I'm sorry, ladies.
Oof! WOMAN: Oh, get him! Oh, wow.
No, it's all right.
I'll be all right.
Just Just let me sit down.
Aah! Well, you don't really have to be that demonstrative.
[CHUCKLES.]
No.
No, please [WOMEN LAUGHING.]
I'll have that.
Ladies, ladies, please.
Where am I, anyway? In my master's harem.
Do you like it? Yeah, well, it has a lot to recommend itself.
Isn't there some kind of a rule against this, huh? Oh, don't lose your cool, major, baby.
I'll protect you.
Jeannie? Your Jea You're Jeannie's sister! Mm-hm.
You recognize me.
Well Oh, listen, I need your help.
[SQUAWKING.]
Jeannie's locked up in a safe at NASA.
And they're gonna send her to the moon.
And you've gotta help me get her out.
Well, of course, darling.
In 20 or 30 years after I've gotten tired of you.
Mm? Oh, yeah Oh, now, wait a minute.
Don't pull that over [LAUGHING.]
Ha, ha.
What do you think, girls? Isn't he a gas? [.]
Wha? [.]
Uh, girls? Ladies? [CHUCKLING.]
Hi, would you come over here, please? [CHUCKLING.]
Hi, hi, how are you? I don't know if you know it or not, but kidnapping is a very serious offense.
And you could get in a lot of trouble, you know.
Why don't you let me out of here, and then I'll just forget about the whole thing, huh? TONY: Ahem.
You know, miss, uh, somebody's forgotten to feed me today, yeah.
I'm hungry.
You You know, hungry.
[LAUGHS.]
No, no, no.
Hungry, hungry.
Num-a-num-num.
[GIGGLES.]
The universal language, uh Miss, miss, come here.
Yeah, that's right.
[CHUCKLES.]
Say, uh Say, you're beautiful, you know.
You're really gorgeous, yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
That's That's what you are.
I can go for you in a big way, but I'm in here and you're out there.
See, me in here, you out there? All All you have to do is just open the door.
Open this cage door.
[WOMEN GIGGLING.]
[WOMEN GIGGLING.]
Wasn't I just in that? Well, hi.
[WOMEN FAWNING.]
Oh, that's very nice.
Thank you, thank you.
I know.
Ha, ha, ha.
No, really, really, I can't.
I've got duty to do.
I've got a thing Don't! Ladies, I'd I'd love to.
I really would.
But I have my own little genie in a bottle at [ALL GIGGLING.]
You wouldn't begin to understand.
Could you just show me the way out of here, huh? But of course, darling.
Hi.
Right through that cage.
That cage? [LAUGHS.]
Now, look here, young lady, I don't think you realize that I'm here on official business.
When NASA hears that I'm missing, they're gonna send someone to look for me.
Oh, I'm sure they will.
But frankly, darling, I don't think they'll be looking in a Baghdad harem in a birdcage.
Ah.
Nighty-night.
Tut, tut, tut.
[TRILLING.]
Hello, Dr.
Bellows.
Oh, Major Healey.
I can't stop now, sir.
Why not? Top priority.
The Ladies Civic Betterment League are waiting.
Major, they can wait.
Would you mind telling me what Major Nelson is doing in Baghdad? Baghdad? Oh, well, that was his assignment, wasn't it, sir? No, it wasn't, major.
Arland was assigned to the Middle East.
Why don't you ask Major Arland, sir? I can't.
He's in Latin America.
Well, that's all very interesting, sir, but the tea's getting cold, and I Major Nelson has disappeared.
The authorities in Baghdad have been searching for him for 24 hours.
I've just alerted our consulate.
Tony disappeared? Oh, that's terrible.
Do you know any reason why he'd wanna go to Baghdad? No, sir, but I'll find out.
Just hold it, sir.
Uh, Major Healey, come back here.
Third door to the right.
Cream and sugar's on the table.
ROGER [QUIETLY.]
: Jeannie? Oh, Jeannie, I got great news.
Tony's in Baghdad, and he's been missing for 24 hours.
I think he found Haji.
Oh, no, Major Healey.
That is terrible news.
It means that my sister must have captured him.
Your sister? What's your sister got to do with it? She was here.
She tricked my master into going to Baghdad.
But, Jeannie, you suggested that.
Mm-mm.
No, it was my sister.
Oh, major, you must help him.
Okay.
I'm ready.
Major Healey? Aren't you gonna blink me? I cannot.
You mean, I have to fly there myself? But I will tell you where to look for my master.
Go to the big bazaar.
Take the street on the right.
Go seven quintals, no more, no less.
Seven quintals.
Turn left.
You will see a big palace, and that is where my sister's master lives.
Yeah, now, let me get this right.
We go to the big bazaar, and we take the first street to the right.
Then we turn seven quintals Whom, may I ask, are you talking to? Well, I was, uh, talking to Oh, I was just going over my strategy for when I go to Baghdad.
And who said you were going to Baghdad? Well, you did, sir.
I'm going to get Tony, and I, uh Wish me luck, sir.
Uh, Major Healey, the tea.
Oh, no, thank you, sir.
I'm a coffee man, myself.
Thanks.
Now, you've got your 200 dinars for the magic silks.
And here's your 500 dinars for Aladdin's lamp.
Now.
Now can you tell me what a quintal is? Yes, it is very easy, effendi.
You put one foot in front of the other foot, then you multiply by four.
No, no, no, you divide by three.
You son of a dog, you multiply by four.
By the son of Allah, you are a dog.
You multiply by four.
You are cursed dog.
Allah has put raisins into your eyes.
[BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
You are a dog! [.]
Hi.
Heh.
[EXHALES.]
You're here on business.
Here to find Tony.
Here to find Tony.
[SINGING BRAHMS' "LULLABY" IN ARABIC.]
Ah.
Good night, little major.
Now, tomorrow, if you're a very good boy, perhaps I'll let you out for a little, uh, exercise.
[GIGGLES.]
[RESUMES SINGING.]
[.]
Oh! Shhh.
Me friend.
Yeah, very good.
Me good friend, yeah.
Oh, I came here to rescue Tony.
I came here to rescue my best friend.
Rescue.
[EXHALES.]
Miss.
Oh, miss.
Did you see a guy come through that was dressed like me? In a uniform? Yeah.
Nice Nice talking to you.
Shhh.
Friend.
I came to rescue my best friend.
Oh, miss.
Miss? Oh, I bet she doesn't even know how to say no.
JEANNIE II: The one you search for is in the cage.
Thank you, miss.
Thank you very much.
Oh.
Tony, what are you doing in there? There's no time, Roge.
Just open the door, quick.
There's no rush, major.
You two will have all the time in the world to talk.
[CHUCKLES.]
I came to rescue you.
Thanks, Roge.
It's nothing.
Here, we could, uh, rub Aladdin's lamp.
Get the Oh, don't worry, my pets.
In a year or two, if you're very good boys, I'll get you separate cages.
MAN [BELLOWING.]
: Where are you? Ah.
There you are.
Hello, girls.
Well, master, darling.
I thought you would be in Switzerland, skiing at least another month.
With a genie like you, I cannot risk an extended vacation.
What mischief have you been up to? [CHUCKLES.]
Me? None.
[STAMMERING.]
I was just feeding the birds.
Oh, yes, my pets.
[CHUCKLING.]
[WHISTLING.]
[BOTH IMITATING BIRDS.]
[BOTH WHISTLING.]
Ugh! [HABIB GROANS.]
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Listen, I can explain this.
You won't believe it, but Who are you?! Nice talking to you.
[WOMEN SCREAMING.]
Now, you tell me who you are! ROGER: I just wanna be I can explain.
Just let me explain.
I'll tell you HABIB: Tell me now.
Don't shake.
HABIB: Who brought you here? [YELLING.]
[WOMEN SCREAMING.]
HABIB: Oh, son of a camel, infidel dog.
ROGER: Yeah, I know, I'll tell you what.
HABIB: What is it? What is it? All right, fellow, this is it! [TRAY BONGS.]
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
[GROANS.]
Which of you wishes to die first, huh? Oh, not me, I'm just a tourist.
Thanks, Roge.
Infidel dogs.
[TRAY BONGS.]
[GROANS LOUDLY.]
I will teach you to steal my genie.
No, no, you had it all wrong.
She stole me.
She's the one that kidnapped me.
Really, honestly.
Oh, what would she want with the likes of you, huh? Well, I I I really don't know.
Wench.
With that one, it is possible.
[GROANS.]
Heh.
Do you wish me to fix them some shish kebab, master? [YELPS.]
Do they speak the truth? Well You lie, and I will seal you in amber forever.
Well, I only wanted them for pets.
[LAUGHS.]
Look Look what you've done to my coat.
My apologies, gentlemen.
Habib is in your debt.
She will grant you one wish.
And then I will kill her.
Well, I wish you wouldn't do that.
Done.
You have your wish.
Now we are even.
You get rid of them.
Ahhh.
We're back! We're home! Oh, we're back home.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey, you blew it.
What are you talking about? We could have wished Jeannie out of the safe.
Oh, don't worry.
Jeannie's gonna be all right.
Huh? Look.
TONY: Jean! They're gonna send her to the moon! We gotta get outta here.
Hey, Jeannie! Roger, will you? Wait a minute, I wanna watch this.
[.]