I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s03e23 Episode Script
My Double-Crossing Master
[.]
Jeannie, is breakfast ready? MAN [OVER TV.]
: Hang, Gregory.
He doesn't deserve you.
You're like some lovely, untouchable statue.
Oh, is that not beautiful? Yeah, say how How about a little breakfast, huh? I'm I'm late.
I never knew what beauty meant till I met you.
I never knew what a beating heart was for.
Ooh, I cannot bear it.
Well, look, how about a little breakfast? What do you say? Jeannie, this is not exactly what I had in mind.
Read your paper, master.
What? I've treasured every second we've been together.
Oh, is he not wonderful? You better turn that TV set off.
It's gonna start to grow corn.
These roses are for you, my darling.
One for every hour that I've spent with you.
WOMAN [OVER TV.]
: Oh, Ronald.
RONALD: Cynthia.
[COUGHING.]
Uh Where'd you get those? They are from Ronald.
[.]
[.]
[.]
Georgia, you never looked more beautiful.
Hey, Roge, we're supposed to be at that lecture those English doctors are gi What are you doing? What am I doing? I am givin' up women.
Well, I I thought you and Georgia had something Don't mention Georgia.
Well, weren't you sort of engaged? She was sort of engaged.
Only I found out it was with another guy.
Oh.
I'm sorry to hear about that.
Yeah, well, it opened my eyes.
Boy, all women are unfaithful.
Ruth, Alice, Faye, all of them.
They're rotten to the core.
Past few bad experiences, that's You bet they're all bad, all of 'em.
No, not all of 'em.
All of them.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, what about Jeannie? What about her? Now, Jeannie'd never be interested in another man.
How about a bet on that? What do you mean? What do I mean? I'm gonna open your eyes, that's what I'm gonna do.
I bet if the right guy comes along, Jeannie'll drop you so fast your head'll swim.
You don't even know what you're talking about.
Well, fifty dollars says I do.
I don't wanna take your money.
Fifty dollars.
Roge, I don't bet on a thing like that.
I'll bet you that all women are bad, including Jeannie.
All right.
All right.
I'm gonna take your bet.
Okay.
I'm gonna teach you something about women.
All right, it's a bet, huh? A bet.
All right, who's the guy? Me.
You mean, you're gonna take Jeannie away from yourself? No, I'm betting that I can't take Jeannie away from myself.
[RINGING.]
[IMITATING TONY.]
Major Nelson's residence.
Hello, Jeannie? Master, darling.
Is there anything I can do for you? No, no, no.
I just wanted to ask you to come down and have lunch at the base with me today.
Oh! You're inviting me to come to the base? Yeah, that's right.
But you always tell me to stay away Well, I've changed my mind.
Why don't you put on your prettiest dress and meet me here at 1:00, okay? Oh, yes, darling master, I will be there.
Good, good.
I'll see you then.
Goodbye.
[KISSES.]
[SQUEALS.]
[WHISTLES.]
[WHISTLES.]
Oh.
Oh, I am sorry.
I am looking for Major Nelson.
[IN A BRITISH ACCENT.]
Yes.
As a matter of fact, so was I.
Do come in.
Come, come, come.
Major Nelson was called away rather suddenly.
Won't you sit down, please? Oh, yes.
Now, I'm afraid he won't be back for the rest of the afternoon.
Oh, dear, and we were to have had lunch.
Oh.
Forgive me, Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe at your service, ma'am.
I am Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Jolly nice name, that.
Are you a friend of Major Nelson's? No, no, actually.
I've just flown in from London this morning.
Oh, you are English? [CHUCKLING.]
Yes, quite, quite.
Uh, I'm in the British Army Medical Corps.
Oh, how exciting.
No, not really.
Look here, since your Major Nelson stood you up, as you Americans say, perhaps you would have a spot of lunch with me.
That is unless you're one of those girls that doesn't make dates with strange men? Oh, no, I I don't.
Oh, jolly good for you.
But in this case I would make an exception.
You would? [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Splendid, splendid.
I will just leave a note for Major Nelson.
Yes, poor chap.
What? Oh, good idea, good idea.
Perhaps he can join us later.
I doubt it.
No, no, no.
Dr.
Bellows.
Yes.
I don't believe we've met.
I know you by your reputation, of course.
Do you? What's your name? Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe.
I'm here on detached service from London.
You're a doctor? Yes, yes, quite.
Of course, you're with the group of English psychiatrists who are visiting NASA.
Well, as a matter of fact I'm delighted to meet you.
I'd like to discuss that new breakthrough you chaps have been working on.
Eh, breakthrough? The chemotherapy breakthrough in schizophrenia.
Oh, yes, that breakthrough.
How silly of me.
Of course.
Let's go to my office.
I'm dreadfully sorry.
I'm busy at the moment.
But we have so much to talk about.
Yes, yes, of course we do.
If you'll excuse me for one moment, I'll be right back.
Certainly.
Are we ready for lunch? Oh, uh, Jeannie, I'm dreadfully sorry.
Something important has come up.
I'm afraid I won't be able to have lunch with you.
Oh, dear.
I did so want to get to know you better.
And I to know you.
Look here, perhaps we can have dinner together tonight? Oh, I would love that.
You sure you're not busy or anything? [CHUCKLES.]
Nothing I cannot get out of.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, wizard.
Uh, where shall we meet? Why do you not pick me up at my house? At your house? Mm-hmm.
It is 811 Palm.
You live there alone? No, I I live with an old uncle.
An old uncle? Yes, he's a darling old thing.
Yes, how marvelous for you.
BELLOWS: Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe.
Yes, I'll be right there, sir.
I'll pick you up then at 7:30, huh? Cheery-bye.
Cheery-bye.
Oh.
[GASPS.]
I can't tell you what a stroke of luck this is for me, doctor.
I found I have a rather full schedule for this afternoon.
I was You must cancel everything.
I don't intend to let you out of my sight.
Ha, ha, ha.
Good show.
Shall we go? Yes, of course.
[.]
[LAUGHS.]
And I was the happiest man alive until Major Nelson came on this base.
You have no idea what he's done to my life, doctor.
Dr.
Bellows, I really don't think that I'm the one I feel so much better finally being able to talk to someone about him.
Yes, of course you do.
However, may I say again that I don't think I'm the one? I feel I can tell you everything because in a day or two, you'll be gone.
And I won't have to look you in the eye every morning.
But may I say again that? He can see through walls.
It's most important for an astronaut to have good vision.
Thick walls.
"Thick walls.
" Not so long ago, he was in Cocoa Beach and Paris.
Well, jet pilots do get around nowadays, you know.
Heh.
At the same time.
"At the same time.
" You don't think I'm disturbed, do you, doctor? Oh, no, no, of course not, Dr.
Bellows.
Might I make just one, tiny suggestion, however? Oh, please do.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Uh, Dr.
Freud had a patient with a problem similar to the one you've described.
Dr.
Freud? He did? Yes.
Yes, this patient thought Thought he saw an elephant in his living room.
So did Major Nelson.
As a matter of fact, I saw them too.
Did you? So did Dr.
Freud.
Really? Yeah.
Well how did Dr.
Freud handle it? [WHISPERING.]
Well He, um He gave his patient free rein.
You see, the most important thing to do in a case like this is not to disturb the patient.
They are often creative, intelligent people, and they mustn't be inhibited.
Why, I never thought of it that way.
Think of it.
Think of it.
[.]
Hello, master.
Hello, how are you, Jeannie? You are home early.
Oh, yes, yes.
I just came home to pick up the papers.
I'm gonna be working late at the base tonight.
Oh.
Heh.
Well, that is too bad.
Oh, I'm I'm sorry I stood you up for lunch.
Lunch? Oh, oh, yes.
You, uh You weren't bored or anything, were you? Oh, no, not at all.
I like the people at NASA.
Good, good.
Meet anybody special? Special? Mm.
No.
You didn't? Should I have? No.
What are you gonna be doing while I'm at work tonight? Oh, well, I I have not been able to make up my mind.
I-I may just stay home and read.
Oh, look, a book, that's a good idea.
On the other hand, I may go out with an old uncle of mine who is in town.
An old uncle? Mm-hmm.
Old Uncle Geoffrey.
[.]
[.]
Oh.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Good evening, Jeannie.
Geoffrey, how nice to see you again.
Please, do come in.
Thank you, thank you.
Uh Is your uncle at home? No.
We are all alone.
Oh, ho, ho.
Splendid, splendid.
Do you like the house? Oh, yes, yes, wizard, wizard.
Have you lived here long? Oh, yes.
I was born here.
Were you? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Are you expecting someone? Oh, no.
Oh, perhaps it is someone for my poor old uncle.
Heh.
Hi, Jeannie.
Oh, Major Healey.
Oh, I didn't know you redecorated.
Well Where's Tony? [WHISPERING.]
Oh, uh, Major Nelson had to work late tonight.
[WHISPERING.]
Oh, I didn't know that.
I think it was unexpected.
Why are we whispering? Oh, I didn't know you had company.
Uh, hello, I'm, uh, Major Healey.
Oh, hello.
Dr.
Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe.
Oh, you're a doctor.
He's a doctor.
You, uh? You two known each other long? Well Oh, well, not long, but we are getting to know each other much better.
You just made me a rich man.
I beg your pardon? Oh, it's nothing.
Just a little bet with a friend of mine.
What kind of bet? Well, I Good heavens, look at the time.
We're gonna miss our reservation.
Oh, reserv Are you two going out? Oh, yes.
Well, not exactly.
I love dining out.
Oh, I love your loving dining out with him.
I will go get my bag.
Yes, do that.
Oh, wait till I tell my friend about them going out.
My foot.
Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry.
Oh, that's okay, doc.
While you're here, would you mind looking at this? Hmm? Oh, yes.
Stay off it for a week.
I sure it will be better.
Aah! Make that two weeks.
Shall we? I won the bet.
I lost my foot, but I won the bet.
[.]
Hi.
Good morning.
Oh, hi, Roge.
Well, would you like to pay me in cash or a check? What are you talking about? I'm talking about the bet you lost last night.
Are you serious? I've never been more serious in my life.
Come on, pay up.
Roge, that was me.
What was you? You're You're kidding.
You really don't know who Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe is? No, who is he? He's me.
Who's you? Who's what? Who's you? Roger, I'm me, and you're you.
That's what makes the world go around, isn't it, Dr.
Bellows? I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.
He was just saying [THUD.]
Oh! My broken foot.
Sorry, sorry.
Take a look at this when you get a chance, would you, major? Of course, sir.
Of course.
There's, uh, no rush.
I want you to take your time.
Oh, thank you.
I I don't want you to feel under any pressure.
Oh, thank you, sir.
I want you to feel free, relaxed.
Uh, uninhibited.
I want you to have a A free rein.
Well, that's very kind of you, sir.
I think you're gonna find things a little different around here, Major Nelson.
I certainly hope so.
I mean, good, good.
Yes.
Well, uh, carry on, gentlemen.
Thank you, sir.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, if you'll just give me my $50, I'll be running along.
Roge, you You did not win that bet.
The man's always the last one to know, isn't he? Well, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but, uh, Jeannie went dining last night with a famous British doctor.
Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe.
You You mean, you know about it? He's an old friend of the family.
Yeah, well, I had a fiancée who said that once, and she wound up marrying the guy.
Oh, don't worry about Jeannie.
She's not gonna marry anybody.
As a matter of fact, she has another date with that guy tonight, and, uh, I think she's gonna say goodbye to him.
Another $50 says she doesn't.
You're on.
Okay.
Hey, wait a minute.
How am I gonna know if I win or not? Well, you can either take my word for it, or you can come to the house and see for yourself.
I'll take your word for it.
Good.
And come to your house and see for myself.
Oh, yes, a most amusing evening.
[BOTH CHUCKLING.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[SIGHS.]
Well Well, here we are.
It has been a wonderful evening, Geoffrey.
Oh, you're most flattering.
I'm sure you go out quite often.
Oh, no, I very seldom go out to restaurants.
And not with anyone like you.
[CHUCKLES.]
GEOFFREY: I'm afraid this is goodbye.
JEANNIE: Goodbye? Yes, I must return to London quite soon.
Oh.
Well I cannot let you go now.
Oh, but, uh Don't be absurd.
You must let me go.
I will go to England.
[CHUCKLING.]
You'll come to England? Well, I will go there if you're going to be there.
Oh, marvelous, marvelous.
That's That's wonderful.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Mm.
[.]
Mmm.
[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY.]
[SIGHS.]
Well Yes? Well, it's jolly nice, um, getting to know a person, isn't it? I mean, really knowing the person.
Yes, it is, isn't it? Yes.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Poor Tony.
Well, he wouldn't listen to me.
[QUIETLY, AS TONY.]
Roger? Roger! [MUMBLES.]
[.]
[SOFTLY.]
Ow! Good evening, master.
Heh.
Good evening, Jeannie.
You're finished working? Yeah, yeah, I'm finished.
I got so lonely.
Oh, did you? Mmm.
How was your uncle? Oh, he's fine.
I hope you're evening wasn't too dull.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, you know how it is when I am not with you.
Yeah.
[.]
Oh, Dr.
Bellows.
Oh, good evening, Major Healey.
Good evening, sir.
You haven't seen Tony? No.
Well, I've gotta find him.
You haven't seen Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe, have you? Oh, I'll say I have.
Oh, good.
Where? He's at Tony's house.
Of course, he must be working there.
Yeah, I'll say.
Thank you.
Oh, sir, if you see Tony, tell him I'm looking for him.
Yes.
Uh, major.
Yes, sir? I'd see the doctor about that foot.
Yes, doctor.
Yes, doctor.
Hmm.
I think I'll go and see how Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe is coming along.
[JEANNIE HUMMING.]
Could you stop the racket, Jeannie, please? Oh, I'm sorry, master.
Is there anything I can do for you? No, I think you've done quite enough already.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, I will get it.
No, no Just pop out, please.
Yes, master.
Please.
Oh, Dr.
Bellows.
Oh.
Good evening, Major Nelson.
Same to you, sir.
Um, I'm sorry to intrude, but I'm looking for Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe.
Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe? Well, he's gone.
[THUDDING.]
Upstairs.
Tell him I'd like to see him, would you please? I think he's awfully busy.
Major, if you please? [.]
Thanks.
Thanks a lot, Jeannie.
Oh, I'm sorry, master.
You see, I just dropped a few Would you please just get back in your bottle? Oh, yes, master.
Good night.
Good night.
[WHISPERING.]
Not Not that way.
Oh! Dr.
Bellows is down there.
Just blink in your bottle.
Dr.
Bellows? Oh, Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe.
Yes? You didn't lose any time, did you? Lose any time? You're already working on Major Nelson.
Oh, yes, yes, splendid chap.
Absolutely.
Huh? Yes.
Oh, yes, I I just dropped by because I'm leaving for Washington tomorrow, and I wanted to see how things were progressing.
Marvelously.
He's the best patient I've ever worked with.
I'm delighted to hear you say that.
Are you? I would like to say goodbye to him.
You would? Oh, yes, please.
Of course.
I'll fetch him for you.
Thank you.
Ow! Uh, Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe said you wanted to see me, sir.
Yes.
As a matter of fact, I'd like to talk to both of you.
At the same time.
TONY: Same time? I'll go get him.
I'll go get him.
No, no, you stay here.
Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe.
Heh.
I still think it would be better if I went I don't think that will be necessary, major.
I don't know what you're trying to get away with, but you've made one serious mistake.
I have? BELLOWS: You happen to be dealing with a trained psychiatrist.
There is no Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe.
I beg your pardon? I beg your pardon, doctor.
I should hope so.
Major Nelson, shall we get back to work? Yes, oh, yes, of course, sir.
If you'll excuse us, Dr.
Bellows.
Uh, uh, yes.
Please, I didn't know.
[GIGGLES.]
You see, I thought that, uh Well, uh, that you There's something about this house.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh Well, you can't be.
Oh [GIGGLES.]
Well, you mean you knew about this all? You knew about this all the time? Yes, master.
Well, then you You're not in love with Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe? Of course, I am.
What? I love you no matter who you are.
Heh.
[SQUEALS.]
There is one thing I do not understand, master.
What's that, Jeannie? Why did you do this? Oh, it's just a little silly prank.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, I will get it.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
You stand there.
Yes? You still here? What did you do, decide to move in? What a fine friend you are.
[CHUCKLES.]
What have I done? What have you done? Don't give me that jazz.
Hey, it's me.
Major Healey to you Look.
How could you do this to poor Tony? I don't understand how you can Roger, it's me.
Look, buddy, will you just butt out? I mean, you're gonna break the heart of one of the nicest guys that ever lived.
I mean, he trusted you.
He even bet on you.
Roger.
You Heh.
[WHISPERING.]
It's me.
[CHUCKLING.]
Yeah.
Hey, it's me, see? [CHUCKLING.]
It's you.
Forget about that.
It's your dollars.
No, no.
Your bet.
I lost fair and square.
Forget about it.
I lost it.
No, really.
Jeannie It was a little thing What bet, master? Aah! [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
[.]
Jeannie, is breakfast ready? MAN [OVER TV.]
: Hang, Gregory.
He doesn't deserve you.
You're like some lovely, untouchable statue.
Oh, is that not beautiful? Yeah, say how How about a little breakfast, huh? I'm I'm late.
I never knew what beauty meant till I met you.
I never knew what a beating heart was for.
Ooh, I cannot bear it.
Well, look, how about a little breakfast? What do you say? Jeannie, this is not exactly what I had in mind.
Read your paper, master.
What? I've treasured every second we've been together.
Oh, is he not wonderful? You better turn that TV set off.
It's gonna start to grow corn.
These roses are for you, my darling.
One for every hour that I've spent with you.
WOMAN [OVER TV.]
: Oh, Ronald.
RONALD: Cynthia.
[COUGHING.]
Uh Where'd you get those? They are from Ronald.
[.]
[.]
[.]
Georgia, you never looked more beautiful.
Hey, Roge, we're supposed to be at that lecture those English doctors are gi What are you doing? What am I doing? I am givin' up women.
Well, I I thought you and Georgia had something Don't mention Georgia.
Well, weren't you sort of engaged? She was sort of engaged.
Only I found out it was with another guy.
Oh.
I'm sorry to hear about that.
Yeah, well, it opened my eyes.
Boy, all women are unfaithful.
Ruth, Alice, Faye, all of them.
They're rotten to the core.
Past few bad experiences, that's You bet they're all bad, all of 'em.
No, not all of 'em.
All of them.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, what about Jeannie? What about her? Now, Jeannie'd never be interested in another man.
How about a bet on that? What do you mean? What do I mean? I'm gonna open your eyes, that's what I'm gonna do.
I bet if the right guy comes along, Jeannie'll drop you so fast your head'll swim.
You don't even know what you're talking about.
Well, fifty dollars says I do.
I don't wanna take your money.
Fifty dollars.
Roge, I don't bet on a thing like that.
I'll bet you that all women are bad, including Jeannie.
All right.
All right.
I'm gonna take your bet.
Okay.
I'm gonna teach you something about women.
All right, it's a bet, huh? A bet.
All right, who's the guy? Me.
You mean, you're gonna take Jeannie away from yourself? No, I'm betting that I can't take Jeannie away from myself.
[RINGING.]
[IMITATING TONY.]
Major Nelson's residence.
Hello, Jeannie? Master, darling.
Is there anything I can do for you? No, no, no.
I just wanted to ask you to come down and have lunch at the base with me today.
Oh! You're inviting me to come to the base? Yeah, that's right.
But you always tell me to stay away Well, I've changed my mind.
Why don't you put on your prettiest dress and meet me here at 1:00, okay? Oh, yes, darling master, I will be there.
Good, good.
I'll see you then.
Goodbye.
[KISSES.]
[SQUEALS.]
[WHISTLES.]
[WHISTLES.]
Oh.
Oh, I am sorry.
I am looking for Major Nelson.
[IN A BRITISH ACCENT.]
Yes.
As a matter of fact, so was I.
Do come in.
Come, come, come.
Major Nelson was called away rather suddenly.
Won't you sit down, please? Oh, yes.
Now, I'm afraid he won't be back for the rest of the afternoon.
Oh, dear, and we were to have had lunch.
Oh.
Forgive me, Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe at your service, ma'am.
I am Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Jolly nice name, that.
Are you a friend of Major Nelson's? No, no, actually.
I've just flown in from London this morning.
Oh, you are English? [CHUCKLING.]
Yes, quite, quite.
Uh, I'm in the British Army Medical Corps.
Oh, how exciting.
No, not really.
Look here, since your Major Nelson stood you up, as you Americans say, perhaps you would have a spot of lunch with me.
That is unless you're one of those girls that doesn't make dates with strange men? Oh, no, I I don't.
Oh, jolly good for you.
But in this case I would make an exception.
You would? [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Splendid, splendid.
I will just leave a note for Major Nelson.
Yes, poor chap.
What? Oh, good idea, good idea.
Perhaps he can join us later.
I doubt it.
No, no, no.
Dr.
Bellows.
Yes.
I don't believe we've met.
I know you by your reputation, of course.
Do you? What's your name? Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe.
I'm here on detached service from London.
You're a doctor? Yes, yes, quite.
Of course, you're with the group of English psychiatrists who are visiting NASA.
Well, as a matter of fact I'm delighted to meet you.
I'd like to discuss that new breakthrough you chaps have been working on.
Eh, breakthrough? The chemotherapy breakthrough in schizophrenia.
Oh, yes, that breakthrough.
How silly of me.
Of course.
Let's go to my office.
I'm dreadfully sorry.
I'm busy at the moment.
But we have so much to talk about.
Yes, yes, of course we do.
If you'll excuse me for one moment, I'll be right back.
Certainly.
Are we ready for lunch? Oh, uh, Jeannie, I'm dreadfully sorry.
Something important has come up.
I'm afraid I won't be able to have lunch with you.
Oh, dear.
I did so want to get to know you better.
And I to know you.
Look here, perhaps we can have dinner together tonight? Oh, I would love that.
You sure you're not busy or anything? [CHUCKLES.]
Nothing I cannot get out of.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, wizard.
Uh, where shall we meet? Why do you not pick me up at my house? At your house? Mm-hmm.
It is 811 Palm.
You live there alone? No, I I live with an old uncle.
An old uncle? Yes, he's a darling old thing.
Yes, how marvelous for you.
BELLOWS: Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe.
Yes, I'll be right there, sir.
I'll pick you up then at 7:30, huh? Cheery-bye.
Cheery-bye.
Oh.
[GASPS.]
I can't tell you what a stroke of luck this is for me, doctor.
I found I have a rather full schedule for this afternoon.
I was You must cancel everything.
I don't intend to let you out of my sight.
Ha, ha, ha.
Good show.
Shall we go? Yes, of course.
[.]
[LAUGHS.]
And I was the happiest man alive until Major Nelson came on this base.
You have no idea what he's done to my life, doctor.
Dr.
Bellows, I really don't think that I'm the one I feel so much better finally being able to talk to someone about him.
Yes, of course you do.
However, may I say again that I don't think I'm the one? I feel I can tell you everything because in a day or two, you'll be gone.
And I won't have to look you in the eye every morning.
But may I say again that? He can see through walls.
It's most important for an astronaut to have good vision.
Thick walls.
"Thick walls.
" Not so long ago, he was in Cocoa Beach and Paris.
Well, jet pilots do get around nowadays, you know.
Heh.
At the same time.
"At the same time.
" You don't think I'm disturbed, do you, doctor? Oh, no, no, of course not, Dr.
Bellows.
Might I make just one, tiny suggestion, however? Oh, please do.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Uh, Dr.
Freud had a patient with a problem similar to the one you've described.
Dr.
Freud? He did? Yes.
Yes, this patient thought Thought he saw an elephant in his living room.
So did Major Nelson.
As a matter of fact, I saw them too.
Did you? So did Dr.
Freud.
Really? Yeah.
Well how did Dr.
Freud handle it? [WHISPERING.]
Well He, um He gave his patient free rein.
You see, the most important thing to do in a case like this is not to disturb the patient.
They are often creative, intelligent people, and they mustn't be inhibited.
Why, I never thought of it that way.
Think of it.
Think of it.
[.]
Hello, master.
Hello, how are you, Jeannie? You are home early.
Oh, yes, yes.
I just came home to pick up the papers.
I'm gonna be working late at the base tonight.
Oh.
Heh.
Well, that is too bad.
Oh, I'm I'm sorry I stood you up for lunch.
Lunch? Oh, oh, yes.
You, uh You weren't bored or anything, were you? Oh, no, not at all.
I like the people at NASA.
Good, good.
Meet anybody special? Special? Mm.
No.
You didn't? Should I have? No.
What are you gonna be doing while I'm at work tonight? Oh, well, I I have not been able to make up my mind.
I-I may just stay home and read.
Oh, look, a book, that's a good idea.
On the other hand, I may go out with an old uncle of mine who is in town.
An old uncle? Mm-hmm.
Old Uncle Geoffrey.
[.]
[.]
Oh.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Good evening, Jeannie.
Geoffrey, how nice to see you again.
Please, do come in.
Thank you, thank you.
Uh Is your uncle at home? No.
We are all alone.
Oh, ho, ho.
Splendid, splendid.
Do you like the house? Oh, yes, yes, wizard, wizard.
Have you lived here long? Oh, yes.
I was born here.
Were you? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Are you expecting someone? Oh, no.
Oh, perhaps it is someone for my poor old uncle.
Heh.
Hi, Jeannie.
Oh, Major Healey.
Oh, I didn't know you redecorated.
Well Where's Tony? [WHISPERING.]
Oh, uh, Major Nelson had to work late tonight.
[WHISPERING.]
Oh, I didn't know that.
I think it was unexpected.
Why are we whispering? Oh, I didn't know you had company.
Uh, hello, I'm, uh, Major Healey.
Oh, hello.
Dr.
Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe.
Oh, you're a doctor.
He's a doctor.
You, uh? You two known each other long? Well Oh, well, not long, but we are getting to know each other much better.
You just made me a rich man.
I beg your pardon? Oh, it's nothing.
Just a little bet with a friend of mine.
What kind of bet? Well, I Good heavens, look at the time.
We're gonna miss our reservation.
Oh, reserv Are you two going out? Oh, yes.
Well, not exactly.
I love dining out.
Oh, I love your loving dining out with him.
I will go get my bag.
Yes, do that.
Oh, wait till I tell my friend about them going out.
My foot.
Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry.
Oh, that's okay, doc.
While you're here, would you mind looking at this? Hmm? Oh, yes.
Stay off it for a week.
I sure it will be better.
Aah! Make that two weeks.
Shall we? I won the bet.
I lost my foot, but I won the bet.
[.]
Hi.
Good morning.
Oh, hi, Roge.
Well, would you like to pay me in cash or a check? What are you talking about? I'm talking about the bet you lost last night.
Are you serious? I've never been more serious in my life.
Come on, pay up.
Roge, that was me.
What was you? You're You're kidding.
You really don't know who Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe is? No, who is he? He's me.
Who's you? Who's what? Who's you? Roger, I'm me, and you're you.
That's what makes the world go around, isn't it, Dr.
Bellows? I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.
He was just saying [THUD.]
Oh! My broken foot.
Sorry, sorry.
Take a look at this when you get a chance, would you, major? Of course, sir.
Of course.
There's, uh, no rush.
I want you to take your time.
Oh, thank you.
I I don't want you to feel under any pressure.
Oh, thank you, sir.
I want you to feel free, relaxed.
Uh, uninhibited.
I want you to have a A free rein.
Well, that's very kind of you, sir.
I think you're gonna find things a little different around here, Major Nelson.
I certainly hope so.
I mean, good, good.
Yes.
Well, uh, carry on, gentlemen.
Thank you, sir.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, if you'll just give me my $50, I'll be running along.
Roge, you You did not win that bet.
The man's always the last one to know, isn't he? Well, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but, uh, Jeannie went dining last night with a famous British doctor.
Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe.
You You mean, you know about it? He's an old friend of the family.
Yeah, well, I had a fiancée who said that once, and she wound up marrying the guy.
Oh, don't worry about Jeannie.
She's not gonna marry anybody.
As a matter of fact, she has another date with that guy tonight, and, uh, I think she's gonna say goodbye to him.
Another $50 says she doesn't.
You're on.
Okay.
Hey, wait a minute.
How am I gonna know if I win or not? Well, you can either take my word for it, or you can come to the house and see for yourself.
I'll take your word for it.
Good.
And come to your house and see for myself.
Oh, yes, a most amusing evening.
[BOTH CHUCKLING.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[SIGHS.]
Well Well, here we are.
It has been a wonderful evening, Geoffrey.
Oh, you're most flattering.
I'm sure you go out quite often.
Oh, no, I very seldom go out to restaurants.
And not with anyone like you.
[CHUCKLES.]
GEOFFREY: I'm afraid this is goodbye.
JEANNIE: Goodbye? Yes, I must return to London quite soon.
Oh.
Well I cannot let you go now.
Oh, but, uh Don't be absurd.
You must let me go.
I will go to England.
[CHUCKLING.]
You'll come to England? Well, I will go there if you're going to be there.
Oh, marvelous, marvelous.
That's That's wonderful.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Mm.
[.]
Mmm.
[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY.]
[SIGHS.]
Well Yes? Well, it's jolly nice, um, getting to know a person, isn't it? I mean, really knowing the person.
Yes, it is, isn't it? Yes.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Poor Tony.
Well, he wouldn't listen to me.
[QUIETLY, AS TONY.]
Roger? Roger! [MUMBLES.]
[.]
[SOFTLY.]
Ow! Good evening, master.
Heh.
Good evening, Jeannie.
You're finished working? Yeah, yeah, I'm finished.
I got so lonely.
Oh, did you? Mmm.
How was your uncle? Oh, he's fine.
I hope you're evening wasn't too dull.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, you know how it is when I am not with you.
Yeah.
[.]
Oh, Dr.
Bellows.
Oh, good evening, Major Healey.
Good evening, sir.
You haven't seen Tony? No.
Well, I've gotta find him.
You haven't seen Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe, have you? Oh, I'll say I have.
Oh, good.
Where? He's at Tony's house.
Of course, he must be working there.
Yeah, I'll say.
Thank you.
Oh, sir, if you see Tony, tell him I'm looking for him.
Yes.
Uh, major.
Yes, sir? I'd see the doctor about that foot.
Yes, doctor.
Yes, doctor.
Hmm.
I think I'll go and see how Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe is coming along.
[JEANNIE HUMMING.]
Could you stop the racket, Jeannie, please? Oh, I'm sorry, master.
Is there anything I can do for you? No, I think you've done quite enough already.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, I will get it.
No, no Just pop out, please.
Yes, master.
Please.
Oh, Dr.
Bellows.
Oh.
Good evening, Major Nelson.
Same to you, sir.
Um, I'm sorry to intrude, but I'm looking for Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe.
Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe? Well, he's gone.
[THUDDING.]
Upstairs.
Tell him I'd like to see him, would you please? I think he's awfully busy.
Major, if you please? [.]
Thanks.
Thanks a lot, Jeannie.
Oh, I'm sorry, master.
You see, I just dropped a few Would you please just get back in your bottle? Oh, yes, master.
Good night.
Good night.
[WHISPERING.]
Not Not that way.
Oh! Dr.
Bellows is down there.
Just blink in your bottle.
Dr.
Bellows? Oh, Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe.
Yes? You didn't lose any time, did you? Lose any time? You're already working on Major Nelson.
Oh, yes, yes, splendid chap.
Absolutely.
Huh? Yes.
Oh, yes, I I just dropped by because I'm leaving for Washington tomorrow, and I wanted to see how things were progressing.
Marvelously.
He's the best patient I've ever worked with.
I'm delighted to hear you say that.
Are you? I would like to say goodbye to him.
You would? Oh, yes, please.
Of course.
I'll fetch him for you.
Thank you.
Ow! Uh, Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe said you wanted to see me, sir.
Yes.
As a matter of fact, I'd like to talk to both of you.
At the same time.
TONY: Same time? I'll go get him.
I'll go get him.
No, no, you stay here.
Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe.
Heh.
I still think it would be better if I went I don't think that will be necessary, major.
I don't know what you're trying to get away with, but you've made one serious mistake.
I have? BELLOWS: You happen to be dealing with a trained psychiatrist.
There is no Dr.
Tiff in-Smythe.
I beg your pardon? I beg your pardon, doctor.
I should hope so.
Major Nelson, shall we get back to work? Yes, oh, yes, of course, sir.
If you'll excuse us, Dr.
Bellows.
Uh, uh, yes.
Please, I didn't know.
[GIGGLES.]
You see, I thought that, uh Well, uh, that you There's something about this house.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh Well, you can't be.
Oh [GIGGLES.]
Well, you mean you knew about this all? You knew about this all the time? Yes, master.
Well, then you You're not in love with Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe? Of course, I am.
What? I love you no matter who you are.
Heh.
[SQUEALS.]
There is one thing I do not understand, master.
What's that, Jeannie? Why did you do this? Oh, it's just a little silly prank.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, I will get it.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
You stand there.
Yes? You still here? What did you do, decide to move in? What a fine friend you are.
[CHUCKLES.]
What have I done? What have you done? Don't give me that jazz.
Hey, it's me.
Major Healey to you Look.
How could you do this to poor Tony? I don't understand how you can Roger, it's me.
Look, buddy, will you just butt out? I mean, you're gonna break the heart of one of the nicest guys that ever lived.
I mean, he trusted you.
He even bet on you.
Roger.
You Heh.
[WHISPERING.]
It's me.
[CHUCKLING.]
Yeah.
Hey, it's me, see? [CHUCKLING.]
It's you.
Forget about that.
It's your dollars.
No, no.
Your bet.
I lost fair and square.
Forget about it.
I lost it.
No, really.
Jeannie It was a little thing What bet, master? Aah! [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
[.]