I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s03e24 Episode Script
Have You Ever had a Jeannie Hate You?
[.]
[HUMMING.]
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo Oh, my master will love this.
Oh, dear! Hm.
[LAUGHS.]
Mm, it smells marvelous.
Oh, sister, what are you doing here? Oh, well, I was just passing North America, and I thought I'd drop by and say hello.
Oh, that was sweet of you.
Yes, isn't it? [CHUCKLES.]
Uh, how is your adorable Major Nelson? Adorable.
Oh, I wish you could have a master like him.
Oh, well, darling, I'm working on it.
I'm working on it.
The trouble with we genies is that we're so fickle.
We keep falling in love with other masters.
Oh, I could never love anyone but my Major Nelson.
Oh, well, darling, you never know when you may fall out of love.
That's why I brought you this for a birthday present.
It is not my birthday.
Oh, well, hang on to it, darling.
It will be.
Oh, I'm so lucky to have such a generous sister.
Hm, isn't she beautiful? What is it? Oh, it is a lotion made from the oil of a Byzantium seed.
All you have to do is sprinkle a few drops on your Major Nelson and he will love you madly forever.
Oh, that is wonderful.
I am going to do it right away.
Yes, I knew I could count on you.
What is that? Oh, darling, if you love Major Nelson, you'll certainly want to hate his enemies, won't you? I suppose so.
Well, you're a terrible hater, darling.
This will help you.
Heh.
All you have to do is sprinkle a few drops from the blue flask on his enemies, and you'll be a marvelous hater.
Uh, oh Oh, one word of warning, pet.
Whatever you do, don't get the two flasks mixed up.
Oh, I will not.
The white one will make me love him, and the And the blue one will make me hate his enemies.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yes, you're brilliant.
Brilliant.
Uh, darling, the cake has fallen.
Oh, dear.
I do not know what the matter is.
Well, I must be running along.
Oh, thank you so much, Sister.
Oh, believe me, the pleasure is going to be mine.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ta.
Ta.
[.]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
Oh, good morning, Jeannie.
Good morning, master.
Oh, I have a surprise for you.
Yeah, it smells great.
King Tut's recipe, is it? Oh, that is not the surprise.
Wait until you try my birthday present.
[CHUCKLING.]
Yeah, what is it? Hey! Come on.
Well, it smells great, but what is it? Ooh! You black-hearted son of a misbegotten jackal! A m-misbegotten jackal? Jeannie, this is me.
Oh, you put my name on your foul lips! Well, for that you shall suffer.
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait! TONY: Jeannie, what are you doing? Uh, would you please let me out of here? Would you let me out of here? Oh, what's gotten into you?! Jeannie! [.]
[.]
[.]
Jeannie, what are you doing? I'm, um, cooking.
I'm cooking, Jeannie.
I I really am.
It's warm.
I'm cooking.
When you are done, I will feed you to the cats.
What's gotten into you?! Would you let me out of here? Huh? Would you please let me out of here? [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
ROGER: Jeannie? Tony? Anybody home? Oh, hi, Jeannie.
Where's Tony? He will be ready in a minute.
Oh, boy, we're gonna be late.
Listen, we Tony, will you stop fooling around? We've got a briefing at Dr.
Bellows' office.
Roger, Ro Would you hit? Would you help me out of here? Would you tell her to get me out of here? He wants out.
Never.
Oh, had a little lover" quarrel, huh? No.
No? [SNIFFING.]
Hey, this smells nice.
[SNIFFS.]
Oh, Major Healey Mm-hm? Oh, Major Healey.
Oh, Jeannie, control yourself.
I All this time it is you I have loved, and I did not even know it.
You love me? More than anything in the world.
Please Please! J-Jeannie, I I think you better let him out.
Anything you say, adorable one.
Adorable one? What on Earth do you think you're doing? [SCREAMS.]
I'm burning! Water! Water! Give me some water! Water, will ya? Water! Water! Jeannie! What do you think you're doing, huh? Do not speak my name again or I will I will put you back in the oven.
I will go pack my things, little love drop.
Love drop.
Love drop? Well, she was just kidding.
See, it's probably a little joke.
Oh, whatever you said to her, it must have been a beaut! I walked in, I said good morning and I complimented her on how wonderful her cakes smelled.
Yeah.
Look at this.
Yeah, I believe you.
What really happened? Oh, I don't know, but I'm gonna find out.
Hold on.
I wouldn't go in there if I were you.
Ha! She's She's in a bad mood.
Yeah, well, so am I.
Yeah Wait! Well, I'll light the oven.
Huh? I'll light the oven.
Oh [.]
[HUMMING.]
TONY: Jeannie! Jeannie, you come out of there right now! Ooh! Yeah.
You called my name.
You bet your sweet life I No! Oh! Oh, Jeannie? Ooh, tell him not to speak my name.
Wait a minute.
It makes me want to destroy him.
I'm your master, Tony Nelson.
Remember me? Old Tony? Oh, please, may I send him to Siberia, adored one? Uh Adored one? I don't think we have time.
We have a briefing.
Maybe after the meeting.
I would like his blood to freeze.
You Would you tell me what I did? Just tell me what I did.
I don't even know.
Oh, he is talking to me again! Listen, if you don't like ovens, I'd be quiet if I were you.
Yeah? But I-I haven't done anything.
Will you just tell me? I mean, is there? Oh, treasure.
When I think of all the years I have wasted with him, I could weep.
Oh, I know how hard it's been.
But old Rogie's here now.
I'm all packed.
Yeah, well, listen, uh, I've I've gotta work to 6:00.
Yes.
But Well, where should I meet you? I don't know if we should meet at my house, villa or chateau.
Well, you don't have a house or a villa or a chateau.
Well, it's not tonight yet.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, what a day this has been for me.
See you later.
Uh, no, no, no.
Let's go.
You come with me.
Uh, Jeannie, look, I'm sorry if I've done anything Ooh! I've I-I'm leaving, I'm going.
I'm going.
I'm going, I'm going! I'm leaving, Jeannie.
Would you? [SCREAMS.]
Ow, stop it, would you? [.]
And so, gentlemen, the latest calculation shows that the asteroid group A, which comprises the, uh, micrometeorite family and is more apt to be encountered on the way Uh, Major Nelson.
Huh? Is something bothering you? Uh, no.
No.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
It's just a little chilly in here.
Chilly? This is July.
It's a chilly day in July.
Perhaps you've got a fever.
No, I'm fine.
Fine, thank you.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
Um, yes.
Now, um, uh, to continue, gentlemen.
We were Major Nelson, what happened to your uniform? Uh Oh Oh, this.
Yes, well No, no, no.
No, never mind.
Don't tell me.
Now, as I was saying, in our preliminary exploratory expeditions, we managed to, uh, capture particles of so-called, uh, space dust in order to make Major Nelson? Yeah? I must really ask you to pay attention.
Oh, I I'm I'm paying attention, sir.
Could you turn up the heat, please? Turn Turn up Yeah.
Turn up the heat.
Whoo! It must be at least 90 in here.
Yeah.
Are you sure you're all right? Your face looks awfully red.
I-I'm bursting with health.
Oh, Major Nelson? Yeah? I don't know how to tell you this, but, uh I'm afraid you're suffering from frostbite.
Frost? Frostbite? Yes.
Uh, no, no.
Uh, no, just sit Sit, please.
There.
That should do it.
Thank you, sir.
If that will be all, I'll be running along now.
Not until I get an explanation, major.
An explanation, sir? Yes.
Frostbite in Cocoa Beach in July.
Doesn't that strike even you as a little peculiar? It's a part of, uh, Operation Deep Freeze, sir.
Operation Deep Freeze? Yes, sir, it's a secret project Roger and I are working on to prepare us for the cold nights on the dark side of the moon.
Well, why wasn't I told of this? They shouldn't be doing medical experiments on you without my approval.
It came up rather suddenly, sir.
General Arland got the idea in the middle of the night and you weren't available.
But they still have no right to go on General Arland? Yes.
Oh, I see.
If you'll excuse me, sir, I have to see Major Healey.
Yes.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT.]
Roge.
Shh! One his and one hers.
Towels? Yachts.
Ah, look at that.
A chateau in the Alps, diamond mine, three model agencies.
A chain of banks.
This afternoon I'm going to get down to my more important list.
That's not gonna make you happy, Roge.
I know money can't buy happiness.
But I'll just suffer with these things till the real thing comes along.
Um, could I ask you a favor? All right, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll, uh, give you a yacht and one model agency.
I don't want those things.
How about a chateau and a diamond mine? I'd like to talk to Jeannie.
Boy, you're really asking for it.
I'll tell you what.
I'll give you one hour.
Then maybe I can give you a I I just want to say goodbye to her, Roger.
I I don't want her to hate me.
All right.
I'll show you I'm as sentimental as the next man.
Oh, thanks, Roge.
Jeannie! Oh, you called.
Oh, my beloved.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Uh, ahem, dear, uh, Tony Tony would like to talk to you.
Oh, please do not make me talk to him.
Oh, I know how awful it's been being his genie, but you You just give him a little short talk, okay? I'll be back in a few minutes.
Make it short, huh? Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, Jeannie Do not say my name or I will not be able to control myself.
All right.
Look, I can understand you wanting another master, uh, getting tired of me, and But I don't understand why you hate me.
You are not deceiving me.
You are an evil and cunning devil.
Evil and cunning? Uh, but this morning I was adorable.
Uh, look, Jeannie, I don't want you to hate me.
Ooh! Please.
Now, please.
Jeannie? Now, I I BELLOWS: Thank you, sergeant.
Just put those papers on my desk.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson, I, uh I wonder if you would? You mind telling me what you're doing? Ice? [.]
[SNEEZES.]
[GROANS.]
Bless you, darling.
Huh? What are you doing here? Oh! Well, I came to nurse you, darling, so that you can get better and I can teach you how to swing in 73 different languages.
Oh, you're going to be the best-known playboy in the whole world.
No, no.
I think we'll start in Rio.
We're not gonna start anyplace.
I I'm an astronaut.
I'm no playboy.
Oh, don't be a drag, darling.
You're going to have to give all that up.
[HUMMING.]
I hope you can samba.
[SNEEZES.]
Oh, dear, we're going to have to stop that nonsense.
Look, if you'll just go away and leave me alone Oh, there.
That's better.
Kiss me, Tony, baby.
Uh, I'm sorry, lady.
I I've got work to do.
[LAUGHS.]
I can't wait to start training you.
Training me? Yes, darling.
How you ever stood that square sister of mine, I'll never know.
She and Major Healey deserve one another.
Say, did you arrange for her to fall in love with Major Healey and start hating me? Ah, don't bother to thank me, darling.
Perhaps we'll go to Marienbad.
It's very chic this time of year.
How'd you do it, hm? Or Gstaad.
Do you like to ski, darling? How did you get Jeannie to hate me? Heh.
It was terribly simple.
All I did was switch lotions.
Isn't that marvelous? Oh, you switched the lotions.
Uh-huh.
Marvelous.
She doesn't suspect a thing.
No, but she's not terribly bright, you know.
You're a lot smarter than she is.
Oh, I know, I know.
Isn't it heaven? Yeah, I got to hand it to you, all right.
Oh, I'm the greatest.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I still don't understand how you were able to switch the flasks without Jeannie getting suspicious.
Oh, well, you see, darling, I simply told her that the white flask had the love lotion and the blue flask had the hate lotion.
And then I changed them.
Isn't that marvelous? Marvelous.
I'm going to arrange for you to go without sleep.
I want you to spend figuring out ways to please me.
Well, I thought you were the genie and I was the master.
Oh, well, of course, darling.
But I run a tight ship.
You'll see.
You'll see.
But I hope you don't mind if I run out to the office and clean up a few things before I resign.
Oh, well, I don't know why you want to bother with all that drivel, but, uh, say, "Pretty please.
" Pretty please.
Oh, this is going to be lovely! [BOTH LAUGH.]
Yes.
All right, run along, pet.
But be back here by 6:00.
And don't be late because if I lose my temper, you'll just hate yourself.
I'll be back.
Yes, I know you will, darling.
Oh, you're gorgeous.
[GROWLS.]
[SOFTLY.]
Oh, dear.
Heh.
[.]
Mm.
Mm.
Uh, tell the pastry chef that, uh, I don't like the kind with the nuts.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
Hm? W-what does that mean? I am the pastry chef.
Oh! Oh, of course you are.
I like the nuts.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Bonjour, Monsieur.
[SPEAKS FRENCH.]
I must have the wrong place.
I must have Is this Major Healey's apartment? Major Healey.
[SPEAKING FRENCH.]
Make Make me a nut cake.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Mm.
Bye.
Ah, gracias.
Gra Hey, uh, Roge.
Oh, hi, Tony.
Hi.
Oh, look at the wine.
Let me take that whole bottle.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Hey, you came over just in time.
I'm getting married in a few min Whoa, don't touch that.
Expensive.
Very good, very great.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, I'm getting married in a few minutes here.
Just thought you'd drop by? You're, uh, marrying someone? Oh, it couldn't be helped.
She swept me off my feet.
I'd, uh ask you to be the best man but, uh, who wants to be married in an oven? [LAUGHS.]
Funny? [LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
Uh, you can't marry Jeannie.
Mm, I had no choice.
I mean, I didn't want I didn't want to break her heart.
Well, no hard feelings though.
No hard feelings.
Oh, mm, wait, hold on, you gotta taste these.
Mm.
With the nuts.
These are delicious.
No, thank you.
I'm not terribly hungry.
Ah, I know how you feel.
Roge, can I just wish the bride good luck? Well, I don't want Jeannie to hate my best friend.
Thanks.
Jeannie.
Oh, yes, adorable one.
[GASPS.]
What is this pig doing here? Oh, the pig came in to wish us luck.
And, uh, wish you a happy marriage.
Isn't that nice? Ooh, shall I destroy him now? Not now.
We're in the middle of an assignment.
Jeannie, you don't have a thing to worry about.
Oh, he spoke my name again! Make him stop! Control yourself, Jeannie.
Uh, Roger, I'm sorry.
It's It's all over.
Jeannie, darling.
Oh! Now you shall die.
Hey, hey! Oh, let us leave for our wedding.
Everything is all arranged.
You You think we should, uh, leave him there like that? Oh, very well.
Ah, how's that, Tony? If he lies still the knife will not hurt him.
Wonderful.
Yeah.
How's that? Wonderful, Roge.
Oh! I cannot believe that we are really going to be married.
Oh, neither can I Oh, oh, oh! A little cologne for the bridegroom? Ooh! Now you shall both die.
What are you doing? You are wicked and evil men and you You should be punished.
Oh, he's an evil and wicked man.
Oh, I'm little Roge, you? You remember? Tell her to stop it.
You tell her.
She's your genie.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, I just gave her back to you.
Thanks.
We shall see who is the bravest.
I know how brave I am.
Will you please stop the knife? I'm not afraid.
Good for you.
As long as she doesn't As long as I do not what? Nothing, nothing.
Tell me, what is it you are afraid of? It was nothing.
Just nothing.
You had better tell me or Just keep that white flask away from me.
Ah, white flask? White Where? Oh, please, don't Ah! Oh, No, no.
So this is what you are afraid of.
We've got a knife swinging here at our throats and you're afraid of a little white flask.
Don't pour it on us, please! Don't Don't pour it on me.
I shall pour it over both of you.
[BOTH SCREAM.]
Both of you! Both of! Oh, master! Oh, master, darling, what have I done to you? It's all right, Jeannie.
It's all over now.
ROGER: Help! Get him out of there, will you? Oh! [SIGHS.]
Oh, boy.
I've had some close shaves in my time, but that was ridiculous.
I do not understand what happened.
This is what happened, Jeannie.
But that is my birthday present from my sister.
The white bottle is to make me love you better, and the blue bottle is to make me hate your enemies.
JEANNIE: Oh! TONY: Your sister switched the flasks.
Oh, she did not.
Yes, she did.
Does this mean the wedding's off? Afraid so, Roger.
Oh Yeah, well, easy Easy come, easy go.
Oh, I am so glad it is all over.
No, it's not over quite yet.
Why? Your sister wants to make a slave of me.
And it's 6:00.
Oh.
[.]
Six o'clock.
He doesn't know how lucky he is.
[TONY GROANING.]
Easy.
Easy, old man.
Oh, watch it.
Is that? Ah, my legs.
What is it? I hope I'm not late.
What happened to him? Your sister put a spell on me before she left.
ROGER: She turned him into an old man.
Yeah.
Do something! Well, I can't! I can't remove the age spell of another genie.
Blast her! Oh, wait, young lady! And I want to be a famous playboy.
We'll go to Marienbad and to Rio and dance the samba all night.
[CHUCKLES.]
And who will keep you awake, darling? She has a point there.
Huh? Oh.
Shall we go, hm? Ha! I'd be a laughingstock.
Darling, put him to bed and give him some warm milk and crackers.
I'm going where the action is.
Ew.
Serves me right for having such a dumb sister.
Ciao.
It worked! It worked! Yeah.
It worked, I say! I told you it would, master.
Ah! Oh, you're wonderful, darling.
Yeah.
Jeannie, you're marvelous.
Now she will leave you alone.
I certainly hope.
I really cannot blame her for trying to get you.
You are the most attractive man I have ever met.
Well, that's very kind of you, my dear.
Now, if you would just In fact, I cannot blame any woman for trying to get you.
Well, most sweet of you, but if you'd change me back to my usual self, I'd be very grateful.
I do not think so.
What? Well, it is much safer this way.
You mean you're go You're gonna keep him old? Well, yes.
Then other women will not bother him.
Yeah, well, surely you jest.
Now, turn me back into my rightful self.
Oh, no, master, believe me, it is for your own good.
You will enjoy being old.
I will take very good care of you.
Do you hear this? You will have milk and crackers in the afternoon.
Milk and crackers? And I will give you a nap, and we can go to the park.
When it's warm we can go dancing.
[.]
[.]
[HUMMING.]
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo Oh, my master will love this.
Oh, dear! Hm.
[LAUGHS.]
Mm, it smells marvelous.
Oh, sister, what are you doing here? Oh, well, I was just passing North America, and I thought I'd drop by and say hello.
Oh, that was sweet of you.
Yes, isn't it? [CHUCKLES.]
Uh, how is your adorable Major Nelson? Adorable.
Oh, I wish you could have a master like him.
Oh, well, darling, I'm working on it.
I'm working on it.
The trouble with we genies is that we're so fickle.
We keep falling in love with other masters.
Oh, I could never love anyone but my Major Nelson.
Oh, well, darling, you never know when you may fall out of love.
That's why I brought you this for a birthday present.
It is not my birthday.
Oh, well, hang on to it, darling.
It will be.
Oh, I'm so lucky to have such a generous sister.
Hm, isn't she beautiful? What is it? Oh, it is a lotion made from the oil of a Byzantium seed.
All you have to do is sprinkle a few drops on your Major Nelson and he will love you madly forever.
Oh, that is wonderful.
I am going to do it right away.
Yes, I knew I could count on you.
What is that? Oh, darling, if you love Major Nelson, you'll certainly want to hate his enemies, won't you? I suppose so.
Well, you're a terrible hater, darling.
This will help you.
Heh.
All you have to do is sprinkle a few drops from the blue flask on his enemies, and you'll be a marvelous hater.
Uh, oh Oh, one word of warning, pet.
Whatever you do, don't get the two flasks mixed up.
Oh, I will not.
The white one will make me love him, and the And the blue one will make me hate his enemies.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yes, you're brilliant.
Brilliant.
Uh, darling, the cake has fallen.
Oh, dear.
I do not know what the matter is.
Well, I must be running along.
Oh, thank you so much, Sister.
Oh, believe me, the pleasure is going to be mine.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ta.
Ta.
[.]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
Oh, good morning, Jeannie.
Good morning, master.
Oh, I have a surprise for you.
Yeah, it smells great.
King Tut's recipe, is it? Oh, that is not the surprise.
Wait until you try my birthday present.
[CHUCKLING.]
Yeah, what is it? Hey! Come on.
Well, it smells great, but what is it? Ooh! You black-hearted son of a misbegotten jackal! A m-misbegotten jackal? Jeannie, this is me.
Oh, you put my name on your foul lips! Well, for that you shall suffer.
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait! TONY: Jeannie, what are you doing? Uh, would you please let me out of here? Would you let me out of here? Oh, what's gotten into you?! Jeannie! [.]
[.]
[.]
Jeannie, what are you doing? I'm, um, cooking.
I'm cooking, Jeannie.
I I really am.
It's warm.
I'm cooking.
When you are done, I will feed you to the cats.
What's gotten into you?! Would you let me out of here? Huh? Would you please let me out of here? [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
ROGER: Jeannie? Tony? Anybody home? Oh, hi, Jeannie.
Where's Tony? He will be ready in a minute.
Oh, boy, we're gonna be late.
Listen, we Tony, will you stop fooling around? We've got a briefing at Dr.
Bellows' office.
Roger, Ro Would you hit? Would you help me out of here? Would you tell her to get me out of here? He wants out.
Never.
Oh, had a little lover" quarrel, huh? No.
No? [SNIFFING.]
Hey, this smells nice.
[SNIFFS.]
Oh, Major Healey Mm-hm? Oh, Major Healey.
Oh, Jeannie, control yourself.
I All this time it is you I have loved, and I did not even know it.
You love me? More than anything in the world.
Please Please! J-Jeannie, I I think you better let him out.
Anything you say, adorable one.
Adorable one? What on Earth do you think you're doing? [SCREAMS.]
I'm burning! Water! Water! Give me some water! Water, will ya? Water! Water! Jeannie! What do you think you're doing, huh? Do not speak my name again or I will I will put you back in the oven.
I will go pack my things, little love drop.
Love drop.
Love drop? Well, she was just kidding.
See, it's probably a little joke.
Oh, whatever you said to her, it must have been a beaut! I walked in, I said good morning and I complimented her on how wonderful her cakes smelled.
Yeah.
Look at this.
Yeah, I believe you.
What really happened? Oh, I don't know, but I'm gonna find out.
Hold on.
I wouldn't go in there if I were you.
Ha! She's She's in a bad mood.
Yeah, well, so am I.
Yeah Wait! Well, I'll light the oven.
Huh? I'll light the oven.
Oh [.]
[HUMMING.]
TONY: Jeannie! Jeannie, you come out of there right now! Ooh! Yeah.
You called my name.
You bet your sweet life I No! Oh! Oh, Jeannie? Ooh, tell him not to speak my name.
Wait a minute.
It makes me want to destroy him.
I'm your master, Tony Nelson.
Remember me? Old Tony? Oh, please, may I send him to Siberia, adored one? Uh Adored one? I don't think we have time.
We have a briefing.
Maybe after the meeting.
I would like his blood to freeze.
You Would you tell me what I did? Just tell me what I did.
I don't even know.
Oh, he is talking to me again! Listen, if you don't like ovens, I'd be quiet if I were you.
Yeah? But I-I haven't done anything.
Will you just tell me? I mean, is there? Oh, treasure.
When I think of all the years I have wasted with him, I could weep.
Oh, I know how hard it's been.
But old Rogie's here now.
I'm all packed.
Yeah, well, listen, uh, I've I've gotta work to 6:00.
Yes.
But Well, where should I meet you? I don't know if we should meet at my house, villa or chateau.
Well, you don't have a house or a villa or a chateau.
Well, it's not tonight yet.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, what a day this has been for me.
See you later.
Uh, no, no, no.
Let's go.
You come with me.
Uh, Jeannie, look, I'm sorry if I've done anything Ooh! I've I-I'm leaving, I'm going.
I'm going.
I'm going, I'm going! I'm leaving, Jeannie.
Would you? [SCREAMS.]
Ow, stop it, would you? [.]
And so, gentlemen, the latest calculation shows that the asteroid group A, which comprises the, uh, micrometeorite family and is more apt to be encountered on the way Uh, Major Nelson.
Huh? Is something bothering you? Uh, no.
No.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
It's just a little chilly in here.
Chilly? This is July.
It's a chilly day in July.
Perhaps you've got a fever.
No, I'm fine.
Fine, thank you.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
Um, yes.
Now, um, uh, to continue, gentlemen.
We were Major Nelson, what happened to your uniform? Uh Oh Oh, this.
Yes, well No, no, no.
No, never mind.
Don't tell me.
Now, as I was saying, in our preliminary exploratory expeditions, we managed to, uh, capture particles of so-called, uh, space dust in order to make Major Nelson? Yeah? I must really ask you to pay attention.
Oh, I I'm I'm paying attention, sir.
Could you turn up the heat, please? Turn Turn up Yeah.
Turn up the heat.
Whoo! It must be at least 90 in here.
Yeah.
Are you sure you're all right? Your face looks awfully red.
I-I'm bursting with health.
Oh, Major Nelson? Yeah? I don't know how to tell you this, but, uh I'm afraid you're suffering from frostbite.
Frost? Frostbite? Yes.
Uh, no, no.
Uh, no, just sit Sit, please.
There.
That should do it.
Thank you, sir.
If that will be all, I'll be running along now.
Not until I get an explanation, major.
An explanation, sir? Yes.
Frostbite in Cocoa Beach in July.
Doesn't that strike even you as a little peculiar? It's a part of, uh, Operation Deep Freeze, sir.
Operation Deep Freeze? Yes, sir, it's a secret project Roger and I are working on to prepare us for the cold nights on the dark side of the moon.
Well, why wasn't I told of this? They shouldn't be doing medical experiments on you without my approval.
It came up rather suddenly, sir.
General Arland got the idea in the middle of the night and you weren't available.
But they still have no right to go on General Arland? Yes.
Oh, I see.
If you'll excuse me, sir, I have to see Major Healey.
Yes.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT.]
Roge.
Shh! One his and one hers.
Towels? Yachts.
Ah, look at that.
A chateau in the Alps, diamond mine, three model agencies.
A chain of banks.
This afternoon I'm going to get down to my more important list.
That's not gonna make you happy, Roge.
I know money can't buy happiness.
But I'll just suffer with these things till the real thing comes along.
Um, could I ask you a favor? All right, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll, uh, give you a yacht and one model agency.
I don't want those things.
How about a chateau and a diamond mine? I'd like to talk to Jeannie.
Boy, you're really asking for it.
I'll tell you what.
I'll give you one hour.
Then maybe I can give you a I I just want to say goodbye to her, Roger.
I I don't want her to hate me.
All right.
I'll show you I'm as sentimental as the next man.
Oh, thanks, Roge.
Jeannie! Oh, you called.
Oh, my beloved.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Uh, ahem, dear, uh, Tony Tony would like to talk to you.
Oh, please do not make me talk to him.
Oh, I know how awful it's been being his genie, but you You just give him a little short talk, okay? I'll be back in a few minutes.
Make it short, huh? Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, Jeannie Do not say my name or I will not be able to control myself.
All right.
Look, I can understand you wanting another master, uh, getting tired of me, and But I don't understand why you hate me.
You are not deceiving me.
You are an evil and cunning devil.
Evil and cunning? Uh, but this morning I was adorable.
Uh, look, Jeannie, I don't want you to hate me.
Ooh! Please.
Now, please.
Jeannie? Now, I I BELLOWS: Thank you, sergeant.
Just put those papers on my desk.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson, I, uh I wonder if you would? You mind telling me what you're doing? Ice? [.]
[SNEEZES.]
[GROANS.]
Bless you, darling.
Huh? What are you doing here? Oh! Well, I came to nurse you, darling, so that you can get better and I can teach you how to swing in 73 different languages.
Oh, you're going to be the best-known playboy in the whole world.
No, no.
I think we'll start in Rio.
We're not gonna start anyplace.
I I'm an astronaut.
I'm no playboy.
Oh, don't be a drag, darling.
You're going to have to give all that up.
[HUMMING.]
I hope you can samba.
[SNEEZES.]
Oh, dear, we're going to have to stop that nonsense.
Look, if you'll just go away and leave me alone Oh, there.
That's better.
Kiss me, Tony, baby.
Uh, I'm sorry, lady.
I I've got work to do.
[LAUGHS.]
I can't wait to start training you.
Training me? Yes, darling.
How you ever stood that square sister of mine, I'll never know.
She and Major Healey deserve one another.
Say, did you arrange for her to fall in love with Major Healey and start hating me? Ah, don't bother to thank me, darling.
Perhaps we'll go to Marienbad.
It's very chic this time of year.
How'd you do it, hm? Or Gstaad.
Do you like to ski, darling? How did you get Jeannie to hate me? Heh.
It was terribly simple.
All I did was switch lotions.
Isn't that marvelous? Oh, you switched the lotions.
Uh-huh.
Marvelous.
She doesn't suspect a thing.
No, but she's not terribly bright, you know.
You're a lot smarter than she is.
Oh, I know, I know.
Isn't it heaven? Yeah, I got to hand it to you, all right.
Oh, I'm the greatest.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I still don't understand how you were able to switch the flasks without Jeannie getting suspicious.
Oh, well, you see, darling, I simply told her that the white flask had the love lotion and the blue flask had the hate lotion.
And then I changed them.
Isn't that marvelous? Marvelous.
I'm going to arrange for you to go without sleep.
I want you to spend figuring out ways to please me.
Well, I thought you were the genie and I was the master.
Oh, well, of course, darling.
But I run a tight ship.
You'll see.
You'll see.
But I hope you don't mind if I run out to the office and clean up a few things before I resign.
Oh, well, I don't know why you want to bother with all that drivel, but, uh, say, "Pretty please.
" Pretty please.
Oh, this is going to be lovely! [BOTH LAUGH.]
Yes.
All right, run along, pet.
But be back here by 6:00.
And don't be late because if I lose my temper, you'll just hate yourself.
I'll be back.
Yes, I know you will, darling.
Oh, you're gorgeous.
[GROWLS.]
[SOFTLY.]
Oh, dear.
Heh.
[.]
Mm.
Mm.
Uh, tell the pastry chef that, uh, I don't like the kind with the nuts.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
Hm? W-what does that mean? I am the pastry chef.
Oh! Oh, of course you are.
I like the nuts.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Bonjour, Monsieur.
[SPEAKS FRENCH.]
I must have the wrong place.
I must have Is this Major Healey's apartment? Major Healey.
[SPEAKING FRENCH.]
Make Make me a nut cake.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Mm.
Bye.
Ah, gracias.
Gra Hey, uh, Roge.
Oh, hi, Tony.
Hi.
Oh, look at the wine.
Let me take that whole bottle.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Hey, you came over just in time.
I'm getting married in a few min Whoa, don't touch that.
Expensive.
Very good, very great.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, I'm getting married in a few minutes here.
Just thought you'd drop by? You're, uh, marrying someone? Oh, it couldn't be helped.
She swept me off my feet.
I'd, uh ask you to be the best man but, uh, who wants to be married in an oven? [LAUGHS.]
Funny? [LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
Uh, you can't marry Jeannie.
Mm, I had no choice.
I mean, I didn't want I didn't want to break her heart.
Well, no hard feelings though.
No hard feelings.
Oh, mm, wait, hold on, you gotta taste these.
Mm.
With the nuts.
These are delicious.
No, thank you.
I'm not terribly hungry.
Ah, I know how you feel.
Roge, can I just wish the bride good luck? Well, I don't want Jeannie to hate my best friend.
Thanks.
Jeannie.
Oh, yes, adorable one.
[GASPS.]
What is this pig doing here? Oh, the pig came in to wish us luck.
And, uh, wish you a happy marriage.
Isn't that nice? Ooh, shall I destroy him now? Not now.
We're in the middle of an assignment.
Jeannie, you don't have a thing to worry about.
Oh, he spoke my name again! Make him stop! Control yourself, Jeannie.
Uh, Roger, I'm sorry.
It's It's all over.
Jeannie, darling.
Oh! Now you shall die.
Hey, hey! Oh, let us leave for our wedding.
Everything is all arranged.
You You think we should, uh, leave him there like that? Oh, very well.
Ah, how's that, Tony? If he lies still the knife will not hurt him.
Wonderful.
Yeah.
How's that? Wonderful, Roge.
Oh! I cannot believe that we are really going to be married.
Oh, neither can I Oh, oh, oh! A little cologne for the bridegroom? Ooh! Now you shall both die.
What are you doing? You are wicked and evil men and you You should be punished.
Oh, he's an evil and wicked man.
Oh, I'm little Roge, you? You remember? Tell her to stop it.
You tell her.
She's your genie.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, I just gave her back to you.
Thanks.
We shall see who is the bravest.
I know how brave I am.
Will you please stop the knife? I'm not afraid.
Good for you.
As long as she doesn't As long as I do not what? Nothing, nothing.
Tell me, what is it you are afraid of? It was nothing.
Just nothing.
You had better tell me or Just keep that white flask away from me.
Ah, white flask? White Where? Oh, please, don't Ah! Oh, No, no.
So this is what you are afraid of.
We've got a knife swinging here at our throats and you're afraid of a little white flask.
Don't pour it on us, please! Don't Don't pour it on me.
I shall pour it over both of you.
[BOTH SCREAM.]
Both of you! Both of! Oh, master! Oh, master, darling, what have I done to you? It's all right, Jeannie.
It's all over now.
ROGER: Help! Get him out of there, will you? Oh! [SIGHS.]
Oh, boy.
I've had some close shaves in my time, but that was ridiculous.
I do not understand what happened.
This is what happened, Jeannie.
But that is my birthday present from my sister.
The white bottle is to make me love you better, and the blue bottle is to make me hate your enemies.
JEANNIE: Oh! TONY: Your sister switched the flasks.
Oh, she did not.
Yes, she did.
Does this mean the wedding's off? Afraid so, Roger.
Oh Yeah, well, easy Easy come, easy go.
Oh, I am so glad it is all over.
No, it's not over quite yet.
Why? Your sister wants to make a slave of me.
And it's 6:00.
Oh.
[.]
Six o'clock.
He doesn't know how lucky he is.
[TONY GROANING.]
Easy.
Easy, old man.
Oh, watch it.
Is that? Ah, my legs.
What is it? I hope I'm not late.
What happened to him? Your sister put a spell on me before she left.
ROGER: She turned him into an old man.
Yeah.
Do something! Well, I can't! I can't remove the age spell of another genie.
Blast her! Oh, wait, young lady! And I want to be a famous playboy.
We'll go to Marienbad and to Rio and dance the samba all night.
[CHUCKLES.]
And who will keep you awake, darling? She has a point there.
Huh? Oh.
Shall we go, hm? Ha! I'd be a laughingstock.
Darling, put him to bed and give him some warm milk and crackers.
I'm going where the action is.
Ew.
Serves me right for having such a dumb sister.
Ciao.
It worked! It worked! Yeah.
It worked, I say! I told you it would, master.
Ah! Oh, you're wonderful, darling.
Yeah.
Jeannie, you're marvelous.
Now she will leave you alone.
I certainly hope.
I really cannot blame her for trying to get you.
You are the most attractive man I have ever met.
Well, that's very kind of you, my dear.
Now, if you would just In fact, I cannot blame any woman for trying to get you.
Well, most sweet of you, but if you'd change me back to my usual self, I'd be very grateful.
I do not think so.
What? Well, it is much safer this way.
You mean you're go You're gonna keep him old? Well, yes.
Then other women will not bother him.
Yeah, well, surely you jest.
Now, turn me back into my rightful self.
Oh, no, master, believe me, it is for your own good.
You will enjoy being old.
I will take very good care of you.
Do you hear this? You will have milk and crackers in the afternoon.
Milk and crackers? And I will give you a nap, and we can go to the park.
When it's warm we can go dancing.
[.]
[.]