I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s03e26 Episode Script
Haven't I Seen Me Someplace Before?
[.]
Mmm.
That's delicious.
Sensational, Jeannie.
Well, it was just a little thing I blinked up.
I'm gonna have "thirdsies" on this.
Mmm, mmm.
Oh, uh, Roge.
Aw, come on.
This is the time.
Not presents.
Come on, come on.
Aw, you're embarrassing me.
Every birthday you have to It's Oh Mmm.
Aw, a watch! Aw, Tony, you shouldn't have.
Well, it's not Look at that.
Now you don't have any excuse for keeping your dates waiting.
It's a beautiful watch, really.
And here is a little gift from me.
Happy birthday! Oh, Jeannie, you shouldn't have.
[CHUCKLES.]
Let me try Oh-ho-ho! [MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY.]
Here.
Oh! How There's nothing in it.
It's It's an empty box.
Oh, no, no.
Anything is inside.
I did not know what to get you so I wrapped up a wish for you.
You mean, I'm going to get my own honest-to-goodness wish? [GIGGLES.]
Yes, all you have to do is ask and you shall receive.
Oh, and to think I thought it was just a plain, ordinary, empty box.
Well, Jeannie and I talked it over, and we thought she might give you a Kind of an Arabian Nights' gift certificate.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Well, I'm gonna hold on to it.
Aw.
Well, it gives me pleasure to give you pleasure.
Mmm.
Well, now, I must do the dishes.
Hm? Aw Wait! Whoa! Now, hold it, hold it! Tsk.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, at least you don't have to worry about leftovers.
Hey, this is one gift I'll never have to return.
I'll never wanna return it.
Oh, Roger, look, I've had a lot of experience with wishes, and you gotta be very careful with what you do with it.
Now, wait a minute.
Oh, that's easy for you to say.
Yeah.
I mean, you wished to fly Trailblazer 1 and you got it.
How 'bout me? I'm the one who should be envious.
I mean, I'm just on the backup team.
Boy, I'd sure like to trade places with you.
Yeah.
Good night, Tony.
Good night, Roge.
[.]
[.]
[WHISTLING.]
[TONY'S VOICE.]
Jeannie? How 'bout a cup of coffee? JEANNIE: Yes, master, coming up.
[GRUNTS.]
Over here, Jeannie.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
I did not know you wished a cup too.
I'm the one who asked for the cup.
Oh, no, I distinctly heard my master.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh.
That is a very good trick, master.
What trick? [SQUEALS.]
The way my master throws his voice, Major Healey.
Jeannie, what are you talking about? Major Healey just left.
Oh [LAUGHS.]
What's so funny? Oh.
Oh [LAUGHS.]
What's so funny? Oh, that is funny.
Oh, come, master.
I will show you.
Wait a minute.
[GIGGLING.]
[.]
Jeannie, what's Roger's reflection doing in my mirror? [CHUCKLES.]
That is not his reflection any longer, master.
It is yours.
Mine? I am very much afraid that Major Healey is now occupying your body.
And you [CHUCKLES.]
are occupying his.
Well, if that isn't the silliest thing I've ever heard in my whole life.
I mean, how could Roger be? [CHUCKLES.]
Wait a minute.
Don't tell me.
He wished that he could change places with me because of the Trailblazer 1 flight? [LAUGHS.]
Is it not exciting? Oh, I'm thrilled down to my Down to Roger's toes.
Now you just unthrill me and give me my body back.
It may not be I may not be an Adonis, but it's the only body I have and I'm used to it.
Oh, I cannot.
I gave it as a gift.
Well, if you can turn me into a Roger and Roger into me, well, just turn yourself into an exchange counter.
Department stores do it every day.
It should be a breeze for you.
Oh, but, master, genies can Once they grant a wish, they cannot take it back.
Oh, when I get my hands on that Roger, I'm going to What am I saying? With him in my body, I might be killing an innocent man.
How do you get me into these things? [LAUGHS.]
Jeannie, it's not funny.
Oh [.]
Hello, Major Nelson.
[ROGER'S VOICE.]
Oh, Healey.
Pardon me.
Healey.
I'm Major Healey.
Oh, major, you and your sense of humor.
You're marvelous.
Heh.
You know that impersonation of Major Healey's voice you're doing is very good.
Impersonation? Oh, I've got a great idea.
You must do this at the NASA Follies next month.
You'll be sensational.
Uh, Mrs.
Bellows, uh, eh, you feeling all right? Why, yes, Major Nelson, I feel perfectly fine.
Thank you.
Uh, Healey.
Major Nelson has s-small eyes and less hair.
Oh.
We don't look at all alike.
Of course not.
Heh.
How silly of me.
Major Nelson doesn't live here.
No.
I do.
I just come from Tony's place.
We had a party.
It's my birthday.
Oh, look at the wild present they ga May I see? No, you wouldn't be interested.
Uh, may I see it, please? Oh, well, no, it It's not I love to look at presents.
[LAUGHS.]
It's very nice.
Should look very well on you.
Wear it in good health.
Good night.
Poor woman.
To think her husband's a psychiatrist.
Jeannie, I've got to fly Trailblazer 1.
I've been trained for it.
I've been briefed for it.
Now you've got to straighten this thing out.
Besides, I'm not so crazy about wearing this face.
Well, I do not know what I can do about it, master.
It is out of my hands.
Only Major Healey can take back his wish.
You mean Roger has the power to call this thing off? Mm-hm.
Well, uh Well, why didn't you say so? [PHONE RINGING INSIDE APARTMENT.]
I'm coming.
These aren't my keys.
I'm coming.
I These aren't my keys.
I must've left my keys at Tony's.
Oh [LINE RINGING.]
Ugh.
Maybe he's at the Officers' Club.
Let's go see if he's there, huh? Yeah, yeah.
Hurry.
Hurry, Jeannie.
[.]
You say he insisted he was Major Healey? He not only insisted upon it, dear, but he kept doing that imitation of Major Healey's voice.
Of course I went along with it, even though he wasn't half as good as I said he was.
You know, I was actually terrified.
Oh, it was probably some sort of a prank.
A joke.
Well, I don't think it's very funny.
Especially when he kept trying to keep me from looking into that empty box that he was carrying.
Empty box? Yes, darling.
He said that it was a birthday present from Major Nelson, an empty box.
Really, dear, do you think it's safe to have men like that roaming about the skies all by themselves? Mmm.
No answer at Major Healey's apartment.
I think perhaps I'd better drop in on Major Nelson and see what this is all about.
I have a feeling it's going to be one of those nights.
Uh, where are the keys to the car? Oh, I left them in the ignition, dear.
Oh, good.
Well see you later, hon.
I, uh, won't be late.
Good night.
[SIGHS.]
[LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER.]
Good night, sir.
Joe, have you seen Major Healey? You're Major Healey.
That's right.
Have you seen Major Nelson? Oh, just one moment, sir, I'll check.
Are you sure he hasn't been around here this evening? You Your voice, it sounds an awful lot like Major Nelson's.
[HOARSELY.]
Oh, well, I got a little laryngitis.
Ahem.
Uh good night, Joe.
Let's go, Jeannie.
Roger! Where's Roger? You could say hello, baby.
Hello, baby.
Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend? Oh, Jeannie, this is, uh Ugh! The other night I was the only girl in the world for you.
And tonight I'm I'm "Uh"? I'm "Uh," huh? Happy splashdown, Astronaut Healey.
Roger certainly has some interesting girlfriends.
Let's go, Jeannie.
Tony! Tony? Oh, tsk.
Oh, good evening, major.
Oh, good evening, Dr.
Bellows.
Just getting some fresh air? Uh, I'm waiting for Major Nelson.
You're waiting for Major Nelson.
Yes, uh I He's not at home.
He He has an extra key to my apartment, and, uh, I was waiting for them For him to come back.
Oh, tell me, uh, when did you first notice that, uh, Major Nelson was gone? When I got here.
When else? Yes.
Uh, when else? Uh, shall we go? Go, Dr.
Bellows? Yes, I, uh I'd like you to return to the medical center with me, seeing that the, uh, Trailblazer 1 flight is set for tomorrow.
Um, I'd like to check out a few things with you.
Uh, shall we? Bu But [SIGHS.]
But, master, there are many other places.
Major Healey may have gone to.
Mmm, with all of his women floating around and a glass of water from each of 'em, I might drown before the evening is over.
If there was just some other way we could find him.
If we just had some idea where he might be.
An excellent idea.
Oh Oh, master, I know just the thing! [.]
What is that? A bloodhound, master.
He is most efficient.
A bloodhound? You got me a bloodhound? If you think that I'm so desperate that I'm gonna use a bloodhound Come on.
Come on, boy.
Sic him.
Go get him! Come on, boy.
Come on.
Go get Roger.
Go get him.
Sic him.
Sic him, boy! [DOG BARKING.]
Now, boy, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You don't understand.
Whoa, whoa.
You don't understand.
I'm I'm I'm Tony.
You see, I'm in Major Nelson's body.
You see, we We changed bodies.
We have the same faces, but it's a different mind.
What are you looking at? Now, come on.
Let's go get him, okay? Oh, yeah.
Look at the picture.
Recognize him? Dark hair, okay? That's it.
Get the picture? All right, good.
Here, let's go.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, boy.
Come on.
Get him, boy! Get him! Yeah.
It's him all right.
Aw, then you do admit that is Major Nelson you see, right, Major Nelson? Major Healey.
Then why do you look so much like Major Nelson? I can't, for the life of me, explain it, sir.
Major, uh, I think you've been working too hard preparing for tomorrow's flight.
Oh, no Major Nelson's going up in the flight, sir.
Uh, Major Nelson.
I was just talking to him a couple of hours ago.
And I told him how I'd like I wished that I Oh Oh Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh Yes? You say you were talking to Major Nelson? Mmm, no, sir, I couldn't be talking to Major Nelson.
I'm Major Nelson.
Then you admit that you're Major Nelson? Yes, sir.
Yes, sir, I do.
I'm I'm As a matter of fact, I could say positively, uh, positively.
Then why do you sound so much like Major Healey? Uh, well, let's put it this way, Dr.
Bellows: Whoever I am, I'm not myself today.
[SIGHING.]
Oh.
[.]
[BARKS.]
[WOMAN SCREAMS.]
[BARKING.]
[WOMAN SCREAMING.]
[BARKING.]
[YELLING.]
Oh! [BARKING.]
[BARKING.]
Oh! [BARKING.]
Oh! [BOTH YELLING.]
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
[.]
[QUIETLY.]
Okay.
Here are the major's clothes.
Oh, fine, nurse.
Just put them in the closet until he's released.
Yes, doctor.
[TONY YELLING.]
[NURSES SCREAM.]
[DOG BARKING.]
BELLOWS: Nurse! Stop it! [BELLOWS AND NURSE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
[CRASH.]
[BELLOWS GRUNTING.]
Nurse? Nurse? Are you all right? [PANTING.]
What happened? Nurse, you're out of uniform.
[GIGGLING.]
Oh.
Let's pull ourselves together, nurse.
Oh Oh, excuse me.
Oh.
Ooh! [GROWLING.]
TONY: Here, boy.
Here.
Come here.
JEANNIE: Come on, puppy.
Oh, there he is.
What are you doing? Hello, puppy.
What are you do? [GASPS.]
We have found him.
BELLOWS: Major Healey! BELLOWS: Major! Oh! [WHISTLING.]
Major Healey, what's the idea of charging into this hospital with that dog? What dog, sir? That dog! [CHUCKLING.]
Oh, that dog, sir.
Well, it's, uh It's hard to explain.
Oh, nonsense! There's any reasonable exp You've got Major Nelson's voice.
Two bi-schizoid personalities in one day? Oh, no.
Yes.
Thank you very much, nurse.
You're welcome.
This is, uh Why, it's incredible.
I never heard of anything like this before.
You say that each one thinks and sounds like the other one? Yes, sir.
Oh, uh, good morning, nurse.
How are ya, nurse? What nurse? Uh, you You see, general, um, the human mind is, uh, capable of, uh, untold fantasies.
[SIGHS.]
Jeannie, I was wondering where you've been.
Do you realize the spot you've gotten Roger and I into? Oh, yes, master.
Dr.
Bellows is on his way here right now with the general.
I think his name is Peterson.
Oh, no.
Patterson? He intends to show him both you and Major Healey.
You mean Roger's here? Yes, master.
Well, find him.
Get him.
Oh, yes.
I will.
Oh Oh Oh Oh, Tony.
Oh, boy! Am I glad to see you! Oh! How's my body? Oh, your body's fine.
Just the way you left it.
How's mine? Well, except for a few bruises, it'll do.
It'll do? Yeah What kind of crack is that? That happens to be a perfect physical specimen.
Master, Major Healey, please do not argue.
Dr.
Bellows is on his way now, with the general.
General? Peterson.
Dr.
Bellows is bringing him over here to look at us.
Oh, boy, you better take back that wish and right now.
Take back what wish? The wish that got me into this mess! That mess you're referring to is my body! If you wanna try out a mess, try something like this.
This is no time to quibble.
I mean, that's the only way we can get back into our own.
Either that or we wait Well, what's wrong with my wish? What's wrong with it? What's wrong with my wish? Roger you give me back my body.
As soon as I come down from Trailblazer 1, I'll give you your body back and good riddance.
Master, Major Healey, please! I'm master, that's Major Healey.
Oh! Oh, even I am confused.
Oh! BELLOWS: Here we are, general.
This is the room I put Major Healey in.
All right, Dr.
Bellows, let's find out what this is all about.
ROGER: Come in.
I'll show you what I mean, general.
Good morning, Major Healey.
Dr.
Bellows, General Peterson.
How you feeling? Fine, sir.
Fit as a fiddle.
That's Major Healey.
You have anything wrong with your throat? Uh, no, sir.
I I don't know why I'm here.
[.]
But But, general, I was absolutely positive, I I You're certain there's nothing wrong, Tony? TONY: Not a thing, sir.
Can't understand why Dr.
Bellows insists I'm Major Healey.
But up to now you sounded like Major Healey.
You look like Major Nelson, but you certainly sounded like Oh, I don't think I'm feeling too well.
Better get your clothes on, Tony.
Are you gonna be ready for that scheduled flight? TONY: Yes, sir! General Peterson.
All right.
[.]
Bu TONY [LAUGHING.]
: Oh, boy.
Not a bad ventriloquist act for this For this old body, huh? Would you stop calling this old body "this old body"? It's my old body.
Just Well, if you like it so much, why don't you take back your wish? I'm going on that flight tomorrow.
Oh, no, you're not.
If you do, I'm gonna tell Dr.
Bellows and blow the whistle on the whole thing.
You wouldn't do that.
Oh, wouldn't I? Jeannie.
Take me to them right now.
And that's an order.
Yes, master! ROGER: Wait a minute.
You wouldn't do that.
If you did that, neither one of us could go.
That's right.
All right, I take back my wish.
You mean it? Yes, I mean it.
I take back my wish.
Honest? Honest! Aw, good boy, Roge! [GROANS.]
Master? Master! Oh, my darling! [NORMAL VOICE.]
Is it me? Yes, it is you! It's me! Old Tony! [BOTH LAUGHING.]
Oh, I knew you could do it.
He's hurt himself.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
It's me.
Huh? Roge! You all right? Yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
[.]
MAN: Launching missile [MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
MAN 2: Liftoff.
MAN [OVER TV.]
: Uh, status check, Azusa.
MAN 2: Azusa, go.
MAN: Novak.
MAN 2: Novak is go.
MAN: Beacon.
MAN 2: Beacon, go.
MAN: JTL.
Uh, telemeter quality.
[MAN 2 SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
MAN: Go.
Good transmission on that frequency.
Blood pressure is normal.
Psi is 16.
4.
Five, six, seven, I'm locking in at seven.
There but for the grace of a wish, go I.
Well, what about my present? What present, Major Healey? Well, I gave up my wish.
Don't I get another in its place? Oh, well, I I suppose that would only be fair.
Yes, you may have another wish.
Anything I want? Anything you want.
Okay.
Oh, wait a minute! Hmm? Wait.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Oh.
[EXHALES.]
Ready? Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.
Major Healey? What are you doing here? It's my exchange wish.
Brought you an orange.
Tsk.
[.]
Mmm.
That's delicious.
Sensational, Jeannie.
Well, it was just a little thing I blinked up.
I'm gonna have "thirdsies" on this.
Mmm, mmm.
Oh, uh, Roge.
Aw, come on.
This is the time.
Not presents.
Come on, come on.
Aw, you're embarrassing me.
Every birthday you have to It's Oh Mmm.
Aw, a watch! Aw, Tony, you shouldn't have.
Well, it's not Look at that.
Now you don't have any excuse for keeping your dates waiting.
It's a beautiful watch, really.
And here is a little gift from me.
Happy birthday! Oh, Jeannie, you shouldn't have.
[CHUCKLES.]
Let me try Oh-ho-ho! [MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY.]
Here.
Oh! How There's nothing in it.
It's It's an empty box.
Oh, no, no.
Anything is inside.
I did not know what to get you so I wrapped up a wish for you.
You mean, I'm going to get my own honest-to-goodness wish? [GIGGLES.]
Yes, all you have to do is ask and you shall receive.
Oh, and to think I thought it was just a plain, ordinary, empty box.
Well, Jeannie and I talked it over, and we thought she might give you a Kind of an Arabian Nights' gift certificate.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Well, I'm gonna hold on to it.
Aw.
Well, it gives me pleasure to give you pleasure.
Mmm.
Well, now, I must do the dishes.
Hm? Aw Wait! Whoa! Now, hold it, hold it! Tsk.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, at least you don't have to worry about leftovers.
Hey, this is one gift I'll never have to return.
I'll never wanna return it.
Oh, Roger, look, I've had a lot of experience with wishes, and you gotta be very careful with what you do with it.
Now, wait a minute.
Oh, that's easy for you to say.
Yeah.
I mean, you wished to fly Trailblazer 1 and you got it.
How 'bout me? I'm the one who should be envious.
I mean, I'm just on the backup team.
Boy, I'd sure like to trade places with you.
Yeah.
Good night, Tony.
Good night, Roge.
[.]
[.]
[WHISTLING.]
[TONY'S VOICE.]
Jeannie? How 'bout a cup of coffee? JEANNIE: Yes, master, coming up.
[GRUNTS.]
Over here, Jeannie.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
I did not know you wished a cup too.
I'm the one who asked for the cup.
Oh, no, I distinctly heard my master.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh.
That is a very good trick, master.
What trick? [SQUEALS.]
The way my master throws his voice, Major Healey.
Jeannie, what are you talking about? Major Healey just left.
Oh [LAUGHS.]
What's so funny? Oh.
Oh [LAUGHS.]
What's so funny? Oh, that is funny.
Oh, come, master.
I will show you.
Wait a minute.
[GIGGLING.]
[.]
Jeannie, what's Roger's reflection doing in my mirror? [CHUCKLES.]
That is not his reflection any longer, master.
It is yours.
Mine? I am very much afraid that Major Healey is now occupying your body.
And you [CHUCKLES.]
are occupying his.
Well, if that isn't the silliest thing I've ever heard in my whole life.
I mean, how could Roger be? [CHUCKLES.]
Wait a minute.
Don't tell me.
He wished that he could change places with me because of the Trailblazer 1 flight? [LAUGHS.]
Is it not exciting? Oh, I'm thrilled down to my Down to Roger's toes.
Now you just unthrill me and give me my body back.
It may not be I may not be an Adonis, but it's the only body I have and I'm used to it.
Oh, I cannot.
I gave it as a gift.
Well, if you can turn me into a Roger and Roger into me, well, just turn yourself into an exchange counter.
Department stores do it every day.
It should be a breeze for you.
Oh, but, master, genies can Once they grant a wish, they cannot take it back.
Oh, when I get my hands on that Roger, I'm going to What am I saying? With him in my body, I might be killing an innocent man.
How do you get me into these things? [LAUGHS.]
Jeannie, it's not funny.
Oh [.]
Hello, Major Nelson.
[ROGER'S VOICE.]
Oh, Healey.
Pardon me.
Healey.
I'm Major Healey.
Oh, major, you and your sense of humor.
You're marvelous.
Heh.
You know that impersonation of Major Healey's voice you're doing is very good.
Impersonation? Oh, I've got a great idea.
You must do this at the NASA Follies next month.
You'll be sensational.
Uh, Mrs.
Bellows, uh, eh, you feeling all right? Why, yes, Major Nelson, I feel perfectly fine.
Thank you.
Uh, Healey.
Major Nelson has s-small eyes and less hair.
Oh.
We don't look at all alike.
Of course not.
Heh.
How silly of me.
Major Nelson doesn't live here.
No.
I do.
I just come from Tony's place.
We had a party.
It's my birthday.
Oh, look at the wild present they ga May I see? No, you wouldn't be interested.
Uh, may I see it, please? Oh, well, no, it It's not I love to look at presents.
[LAUGHS.]
It's very nice.
Should look very well on you.
Wear it in good health.
Good night.
Poor woman.
To think her husband's a psychiatrist.
Jeannie, I've got to fly Trailblazer 1.
I've been trained for it.
I've been briefed for it.
Now you've got to straighten this thing out.
Besides, I'm not so crazy about wearing this face.
Well, I do not know what I can do about it, master.
It is out of my hands.
Only Major Healey can take back his wish.
You mean Roger has the power to call this thing off? Mm-hm.
Well, uh Well, why didn't you say so? [PHONE RINGING INSIDE APARTMENT.]
I'm coming.
These aren't my keys.
I'm coming.
I These aren't my keys.
I must've left my keys at Tony's.
Oh [LINE RINGING.]
Ugh.
Maybe he's at the Officers' Club.
Let's go see if he's there, huh? Yeah, yeah.
Hurry.
Hurry, Jeannie.
[.]
You say he insisted he was Major Healey? He not only insisted upon it, dear, but he kept doing that imitation of Major Healey's voice.
Of course I went along with it, even though he wasn't half as good as I said he was.
You know, I was actually terrified.
Oh, it was probably some sort of a prank.
A joke.
Well, I don't think it's very funny.
Especially when he kept trying to keep me from looking into that empty box that he was carrying.
Empty box? Yes, darling.
He said that it was a birthday present from Major Nelson, an empty box.
Really, dear, do you think it's safe to have men like that roaming about the skies all by themselves? Mmm.
No answer at Major Healey's apartment.
I think perhaps I'd better drop in on Major Nelson and see what this is all about.
I have a feeling it's going to be one of those nights.
Uh, where are the keys to the car? Oh, I left them in the ignition, dear.
Oh, good.
Well see you later, hon.
I, uh, won't be late.
Good night.
[SIGHS.]
[LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER.]
Good night, sir.
Joe, have you seen Major Healey? You're Major Healey.
That's right.
Have you seen Major Nelson? Oh, just one moment, sir, I'll check.
Are you sure he hasn't been around here this evening? You Your voice, it sounds an awful lot like Major Nelson's.
[HOARSELY.]
Oh, well, I got a little laryngitis.
Ahem.
Uh good night, Joe.
Let's go, Jeannie.
Roger! Where's Roger? You could say hello, baby.
Hello, baby.
Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend? Oh, Jeannie, this is, uh Ugh! The other night I was the only girl in the world for you.
And tonight I'm I'm "Uh"? I'm "Uh," huh? Happy splashdown, Astronaut Healey.
Roger certainly has some interesting girlfriends.
Let's go, Jeannie.
Tony! Tony? Oh, tsk.
Oh, good evening, major.
Oh, good evening, Dr.
Bellows.
Just getting some fresh air? Uh, I'm waiting for Major Nelson.
You're waiting for Major Nelson.
Yes, uh I He's not at home.
He He has an extra key to my apartment, and, uh, I was waiting for them For him to come back.
Oh, tell me, uh, when did you first notice that, uh, Major Nelson was gone? When I got here.
When else? Yes.
Uh, when else? Uh, shall we go? Go, Dr.
Bellows? Yes, I, uh I'd like you to return to the medical center with me, seeing that the, uh, Trailblazer 1 flight is set for tomorrow.
Um, I'd like to check out a few things with you.
Uh, shall we? Bu But [SIGHS.]
But, master, there are many other places.
Major Healey may have gone to.
Mmm, with all of his women floating around and a glass of water from each of 'em, I might drown before the evening is over.
If there was just some other way we could find him.
If we just had some idea where he might be.
An excellent idea.
Oh Oh, master, I know just the thing! [.]
What is that? A bloodhound, master.
He is most efficient.
A bloodhound? You got me a bloodhound? If you think that I'm so desperate that I'm gonna use a bloodhound Come on.
Come on, boy.
Sic him.
Go get him! Come on, boy.
Come on.
Go get Roger.
Go get him.
Sic him.
Sic him, boy! [DOG BARKING.]
Now, boy, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You don't understand.
Whoa, whoa.
You don't understand.
I'm I'm I'm Tony.
You see, I'm in Major Nelson's body.
You see, we We changed bodies.
We have the same faces, but it's a different mind.
What are you looking at? Now, come on.
Let's go get him, okay? Oh, yeah.
Look at the picture.
Recognize him? Dark hair, okay? That's it.
Get the picture? All right, good.
Here, let's go.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, boy.
Come on.
Get him, boy! Get him! Yeah.
It's him all right.
Aw, then you do admit that is Major Nelson you see, right, Major Nelson? Major Healey.
Then why do you look so much like Major Nelson? I can't, for the life of me, explain it, sir.
Major, uh, I think you've been working too hard preparing for tomorrow's flight.
Oh, no Major Nelson's going up in the flight, sir.
Uh, Major Nelson.
I was just talking to him a couple of hours ago.
And I told him how I'd like I wished that I Oh Oh Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh Yes? You say you were talking to Major Nelson? Mmm, no, sir, I couldn't be talking to Major Nelson.
I'm Major Nelson.
Then you admit that you're Major Nelson? Yes, sir.
Yes, sir, I do.
I'm I'm As a matter of fact, I could say positively, uh, positively.
Then why do you sound so much like Major Healey? Uh, well, let's put it this way, Dr.
Bellows: Whoever I am, I'm not myself today.
[SIGHING.]
Oh.
[.]
[BARKS.]
[WOMAN SCREAMS.]
[BARKING.]
[WOMAN SCREAMING.]
[BARKING.]
[YELLING.]
Oh! [BARKING.]
[BARKING.]
Oh! [BARKING.]
Oh! [BOTH YELLING.]
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
[.]
[QUIETLY.]
Okay.
Here are the major's clothes.
Oh, fine, nurse.
Just put them in the closet until he's released.
Yes, doctor.
[TONY YELLING.]
[NURSES SCREAM.]
[DOG BARKING.]
BELLOWS: Nurse! Stop it! [BELLOWS AND NURSE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
[CRASH.]
[BELLOWS GRUNTING.]
Nurse? Nurse? Are you all right? [PANTING.]
What happened? Nurse, you're out of uniform.
[GIGGLING.]
Oh.
Let's pull ourselves together, nurse.
Oh Oh, excuse me.
Oh.
Ooh! [GROWLING.]
TONY: Here, boy.
Here.
Come here.
JEANNIE: Come on, puppy.
Oh, there he is.
What are you doing? Hello, puppy.
What are you do? [GASPS.]
We have found him.
BELLOWS: Major Healey! BELLOWS: Major! Oh! [WHISTLING.]
Major Healey, what's the idea of charging into this hospital with that dog? What dog, sir? That dog! [CHUCKLING.]
Oh, that dog, sir.
Well, it's, uh It's hard to explain.
Oh, nonsense! There's any reasonable exp You've got Major Nelson's voice.
Two bi-schizoid personalities in one day? Oh, no.
Yes.
Thank you very much, nurse.
You're welcome.
This is, uh Why, it's incredible.
I never heard of anything like this before.
You say that each one thinks and sounds like the other one? Yes, sir.
Oh, uh, good morning, nurse.
How are ya, nurse? What nurse? Uh, you You see, general, um, the human mind is, uh, capable of, uh, untold fantasies.
[SIGHS.]
Jeannie, I was wondering where you've been.
Do you realize the spot you've gotten Roger and I into? Oh, yes, master.
Dr.
Bellows is on his way here right now with the general.
I think his name is Peterson.
Oh, no.
Patterson? He intends to show him both you and Major Healey.
You mean Roger's here? Yes, master.
Well, find him.
Get him.
Oh, yes.
I will.
Oh Oh Oh Oh, Tony.
Oh, boy! Am I glad to see you! Oh! How's my body? Oh, your body's fine.
Just the way you left it.
How's mine? Well, except for a few bruises, it'll do.
It'll do? Yeah What kind of crack is that? That happens to be a perfect physical specimen.
Master, Major Healey, please do not argue.
Dr.
Bellows is on his way now, with the general.
General? Peterson.
Dr.
Bellows is bringing him over here to look at us.
Oh, boy, you better take back that wish and right now.
Take back what wish? The wish that got me into this mess! That mess you're referring to is my body! If you wanna try out a mess, try something like this.
This is no time to quibble.
I mean, that's the only way we can get back into our own.
Either that or we wait Well, what's wrong with my wish? What's wrong with it? What's wrong with my wish? Roger you give me back my body.
As soon as I come down from Trailblazer 1, I'll give you your body back and good riddance.
Master, Major Healey, please! I'm master, that's Major Healey.
Oh! Oh, even I am confused.
Oh! BELLOWS: Here we are, general.
This is the room I put Major Healey in.
All right, Dr.
Bellows, let's find out what this is all about.
ROGER: Come in.
I'll show you what I mean, general.
Good morning, Major Healey.
Dr.
Bellows, General Peterson.
How you feeling? Fine, sir.
Fit as a fiddle.
That's Major Healey.
You have anything wrong with your throat? Uh, no, sir.
I I don't know why I'm here.
[.]
But But, general, I was absolutely positive, I I You're certain there's nothing wrong, Tony? TONY: Not a thing, sir.
Can't understand why Dr.
Bellows insists I'm Major Healey.
But up to now you sounded like Major Healey.
You look like Major Nelson, but you certainly sounded like Oh, I don't think I'm feeling too well.
Better get your clothes on, Tony.
Are you gonna be ready for that scheduled flight? TONY: Yes, sir! General Peterson.
All right.
[.]
Bu TONY [LAUGHING.]
: Oh, boy.
Not a bad ventriloquist act for this For this old body, huh? Would you stop calling this old body "this old body"? It's my old body.
Just Well, if you like it so much, why don't you take back your wish? I'm going on that flight tomorrow.
Oh, no, you're not.
If you do, I'm gonna tell Dr.
Bellows and blow the whistle on the whole thing.
You wouldn't do that.
Oh, wouldn't I? Jeannie.
Take me to them right now.
And that's an order.
Yes, master! ROGER: Wait a minute.
You wouldn't do that.
If you did that, neither one of us could go.
That's right.
All right, I take back my wish.
You mean it? Yes, I mean it.
I take back my wish.
Honest? Honest! Aw, good boy, Roge! [GROANS.]
Master? Master! Oh, my darling! [NORMAL VOICE.]
Is it me? Yes, it is you! It's me! Old Tony! [BOTH LAUGHING.]
Oh, I knew you could do it.
He's hurt himself.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
It's me.
Huh? Roge! You all right? Yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
[.]
MAN: Launching missile [MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
MAN 2: Liftoff.
MAN [OVER TV.]
: Uh, status check, Azusa.
MAN 2: Azusa, go.
MAN: Novak.
MAN 2: Novak is go.
MAN: Beacon.
MAN 2: Beacon, go.
MAN: JTL.
Uh, telemeter quality.
[MAN 2 SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
MAN: Go.
Good transmission on that frequency.
Blood pressure is normal.
Psi is 16.
4.
Five, six, seven, I'm locking in at seven.
There but for the grace of a wish, go I.
Well, what about my present? What present, Major Healey? Well, I gave up my wish.
Don't I get another in its place? Oh, well, I I suppose that would only be fair.
Yes, you may have another wish.
Anything I want? Anything you want.
Okay.
Oh, wait a minute! Hmm? Wait.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Oh.
[EXHALES.]
Ready? Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.
Major Healey? What are you doing here? It's my exchange wish.
Brought you an orange.
Tsk.
[.]