I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s04e03 Episode Script
Tomorrow is Not Another Day
[.]
[DOORBELL CHIMES.]
Good morning, Major Healey.
Good morning, Jeannie.
Would you get the newspaper for me, please? Oh, sure.
You're just in time to join us for breakfast.
Oh, it's not there.
Uh, I'm not hungry, Jeannie.
I'd just like a cup of coffee and some eggs Florentine.
No morning newspaper.
Oh, my master will be very annoyed.
Well, that should be easy for you: A newspaper.
Why don't you just give it the old blink? [LAUGHING.]
Oh, of course.
Why did I not think of that? Uh, what is today's date, Major Healey? Uh, today is the 17th.
Mm, 17th.
Very good.
Nice.
Heh.
[.]
Hi, Tony.
Hi, Roge.
How are you? You're not dressed? We're gonna be late for the you-know-what.
Excuse me.
Late for the what? I'm going to Florence to get your eggs.
To Florence? What do you have to go to Floren? What are we supposed not to talk about? You know, top secret.
Boom, pow.
[LAUGHS.]
Top secret.
B Oh, oh, oh, yeah.
Boom, pow.
You mean the capsule-seat ejector test.
Shhhhh! The capsule-seat ejector test.
NASA let out the news to all the newspapers.
It's gonna be, um It's gonna be tomorrow, Roger.
The 17th.
Tomorrow? Yeah.
Tomorrow's the 17th? That's right.
Oh, that's the last time I buy a calendar watch with Roman numerals.
Look, we got t We've got today off.
Sit down.
Have a little breakfast, huh? Oh, with a day off, who wants to? Listen, I got things to do.
You know, a little ahem.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Good hunting.
Oh, uh, can I borrow your sports section? Sure.
Bye.
[.]
Where's Major Healey, master? I have his eggs.
Oh, uh, well, he went hunting.
Well, let's see what the good news is.
Hey, what's this all about? Hm? What is that, master? Take a look at the headline.
JEANNIE: "Astronaut breaks leg in accident.
" Yeah.
Well, who broke his leg? NASA is withholding the name of the injured astronaut.
Why should they say such a thing? They even goofed up on the date.
It's not the It's not the 17th.
Today's the 16th.
[COUGHING.]
Are you all right? Jeannie, what's the matter? [GASPS.]
The 16th? Oh, master, then it will happen.
Well, not to me, it's not gonna happen.
I don't intend to break my leg just to make some phony headline come true.
Oh, but, master, it is not phony.
It is real.
You are reading tomorrow's paper.
[.]
[.]
[.]
[COUGHING.]
Oh, master, are you all right? This is tomorrow's paper? Eh, Jeannie, is this another one of your tricks? Oh, no.
No, master, I promise.
I promise.
It was just that this morning there was no morning newspaper, and I asked Major Healey for the date, and And he looked at that cockeyed calendar watch of his, and told you it was the 17th.
Tomorrow.
Ah, ha, ha, no.
How about that? Wait, wait, wait.
I know.
I will change tomorrow's newspaper back to today's.
Wai Jeannie, that's not gonna change the facts.
If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen.
Ooh, well perhaps.
But I will not let it happen to you.
Oh [LAUGHS.]
Hey, Jeannie, what are you doing? I'm going to protect you.
Oh, I-I appreciate what you're doing very much, but you're forgetting one thing.
What? Well, the newspaper didn't tell which astronaut was injured.
It might well be Roger Healey.
Oh, you are right, master.
Poor Major Healey.
You stop that.
He's your friend as much as mine.
We You gotta protect him, Jeannie.
Now let's go.
[SIGHS.]
Don't you think it might be a little conspicuous if I try to find him in this, huh? Perhaps you are right, master.
I will think of something else.
Okay.
Ooh! Oh, no! Are you all right? Yeah.
I'm okay.
Oh, dear me.
Look, uh, I gotta get dressed.
What? To save time.
Oh, thanks.
Come on.
[GROANS.]
Do not run.
What? Your leg.
Your leg.
Yeah, oh, uh, Roger will probably go to the base to pick up his mail.
We'll go there first.
I know.
Huh? Nothing.
Oh.
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
[.]
[GRUNTS.]
Is he not beautiful? No.
He will protect you.
Yeah oh.
Jeannie, what? Well, he's much safer than a car.
[SCOFFS.]
I don't have a license to drive a camel.
[.]
Well, Dr.
Bellows, these fitness reports on Majors Nelson and Healey are impressive.
Very impressive.
I think you'll find they're both in top physical condition.
Excellent.
Then I'll get over there now and, uh, help them check out that new cockpit harness equipment.
I'm afraid they're not here, commander.
I insisted that they stay away from the base today to, uh, relax.
Oh, of course.
That 24-hour period before flight time can Can be a bind.
Well, you should know, commander.
Heh.
You've been up there enough times yourself.
What the? ROSS: Doctor Bellows? Are you all right? Uh, yes, sir.
Except I just saw Major Nelson arriving in an armored truck.
Oh.
You what? Incredible, isn't it? Yes.
Yes.
Mm, it's very incredible.
Uh, Dr.
Bellows, I think when I come back I would like to look at your fitness report.
[.]
The paper.
You wait here.
I'll run in and find Roger.
Oh, please do not run, master.
You may trip.
What if I do? I hope I trip over Roger.
Don't run! [.]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
M-Major Nelson.
Ah.
Good morning, commander.
Ah, I'm in kind of a hurry.
I didn't see you.
You're in a hurry? Yes.
Hope you'll excuse me.
It's kind of urgent.
Excuse me.
Yes, I'll, uh I'll I'll see you tomorrow at the test.
[.]
Come in.
Oh, Major Nelson.
Sir, uh, I'm looking for Healey.
It's an emergency.
Emergency? Is Major Healey in some kind of trouble? Well, not yet, but I, well I The accident could happen to him.
Of course, the accident could happen to me.
Accident? What accident? I don't know.
It hasn't happened yet.
It hasn't happened yet.
Yes.
Of course.
Well, I'd feel terrible if I didn't have a chance to warn him, sir.
Uh, so you'll excuse me.
I-I've gotta go look for him.
Just a minute, major.
Why don't you just lie down here on the couch? Huh? Hm? Oh, I really would like to lie down, sir, but I just don't have time.
It'll only take a minute or two.
I'll just take your newspaper, huh? Not my paper.
Calm down, major.
I was only trying to make you feel more comfortable.
[LAUGHS.]
Yes, of course, sir.
Believe me, I'd be much more uncomfortable without this.
Oh? You feel a sense of security in holding onto a newspaper, do you? No.
Well, uh, with this particular paper, yes.
[LAUGHS.]
How do you feel about magazines? [LAUGHING.]
Oh, very good.
Very good.
Uh, doesn't grab you, huh? Never mind.
Now, tell me, major um, you evidently feel that something's going to happen to you or Major Healey, and you feel you can predict it in advance.
Is that correct? [BELL RINGS.]
Psst, master, what is taking so long? Shut up.
I beg your pardon? Yes.
Yes, I think I can.
No one can predict the future, major.
Um, sir, could we discuss this at another time? I really have to talk to Major Healey.
Uh, Roger's in kind of a Major Healey is perfectly all right.
It's you I'm worried about.
Now, you're just gonna stay on this couch until you learn there's no such thing as clairvoyance.
Premonitions are only for the ignorant and the superstitious.
Yes, sir.
Uh Uh, what would you say, sir, if I told you that I had a premonition that if you sat on that chair, it would collapse? Heh.
It would only prove my point.
It's, uh It's brand new chair.
It's, uh, solid oak.
Incredible.
TONY: Yes.
I'm sorry about this, sir, I-I It was just a little Eh! Perhaps if you would, uh, like to investigate it more, I could get involved with it.
And, uh, if I had more time, I could tell you more.
[WHISPERS.]
Excuse me.
But it was a brand new chair.
Hi, Marty.
Look out! [CRASHING.]
Major Nelson! [SIGHS.]
Major.
Hold on, hold on.
I'll, uh Get an ambulance! Just move that jeep.
Major, go now! [MOTOR REVVING.]
Are you sure you're all right, major? Yes, I'm fine, sir.
Look.
[CLANGING.]
I guess I'll be able to take you for the rest of your tour around NASA headquarters.
[LAUGHING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Jeannie, what did you do to my leg? Feels like iron.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh.
Not iron, master.
It is stainless steel.
[.]
My leg.
Oh, my poor leg.
Ow! Ow.
Oh, oh.
Oh, that's enough, Sam.
Oh, the cramp's gone.
I'll get your shoulder here.
Oh.
Oh, yeah, that feels good, Sam.
Oh, yeah.
Major Healey.
Yeah.
I was wondering if you sometime play the horses.
Oh, I dabble a bit in it, but nothing serious.
Why? There's a good hunch bet running today.
Yeah? Flying Capsule.
Ah.
Uh, 20-1 and Ah! Ooh! Oh, that's good, Sam.
Oh, that's good.
All right, I'm gonna jump in the shower.
But look, I got the sports section in my locker.
I'll, uh, check it out.
Flying Capsule? That's right.
Yeah, thanks, Sam.
Whoo! Hot in there.
His housekeeper said they went to the health club.
Oh, that is good, master.
He should be safe in a health club.
Oh, yeah? Did you ever try to pick up a bar of soap on a slippery shower-room floor? [GROANS.]
What did he say, Flying Capsule, huh? Flying Capsule, let me see.
Flying Capsule.
Eh, must be scratched.
Let me see Well, I'll be.
Flying Capsule pays 53.
20.
Major, find out which race my hunch is in? Yeah, I found out, all right.
Hah.
It's in the sixth race, only Only yesterday.
Yesterday? Yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
Major, I don't know where you're getting your information.
That horse didn't run yesterday.
Are you kidding? There are the results.
Right there.
Look, today's paper.
That says the 17th.
Today's the 16th.
Somebody's putting you on, major.
Gotta watch it.
Ha, ha.
Better watch it.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh, I gave Jeannie the wrong date.
Oh, is Tony gonna be mad at me.
Tomorrow's paper.
Tomorrow's paper! Hi, guys.
Hi.
Tomorrow's paper.
I got tomorrow's paper.
Gotta get there before the first race.
Oh, am I gonna win.
I'm a winner! Oh, am I.
[.]
[.]
Big trouble.
Roger's at the racetrack.
Why are we in trouble, master? Is a racetrack dangerous? It is for Roger.
He took the sports section with him.
Oh.
I do not understand.
Roger took the sports section from the newspaper this morning.
It carries the racetrack results.
He knows the All the winners in advance.
Oh, is that not nice.
He will be able to win much easier that way.
Yeah, but it's wrong.
It's, uh It's like stealing.
What did I do with that key!? Oh, here.
Oh, I can't let him do it.
Well, we must not forget about Major Healey breaking his leg, master.
If anybody finds out what he's doing, he'll break his neck.
ANNOUNCER [OVER LOUDSPEAKER.]
: And there they go.
Out of the gate, it's number five, Diane Kaydon.
Number three, Heat Coil.
On the outside, Kissing Cloud and Blundering Gal.
Down the front stretch it's number five, Diane Kaydon by a head.
Heat Coil coming up fast.
Kissing Cloud and Blundering Gal.
At the first turn $300.
$400.
I've got $400.
$400.
Could be rich.
Could be rich.
Who have I got in the fourth race? Fourth race, fourth race, fourth race.
Say, you're having a pretty good day today, huh, buddy? Yeah, I would have done better, but I was late for the first race.
Yeah, you must have quite a system.
Who do you like in the fourth? Fourth race? Let me see, uh Oh, no, you don't.
These are mine.
All mine.
What's the matter with you? It's only a newspaper.
Yeah, but it's my newspaper.
You can't see it.
[MUTTERING.]
What do you think, Al? [CLICKS TONGUE.]
Ah, forget him.
He's just a lucky kook.
Well, who do you like in the fourth? I don't know.
Do you see him, huh? No, master.
Oh, there are so many people.
Yeah, well, I wish I had a pair of field glasses.
Here, master.
Try this.
What on earth is that? Oh, good.
[ANNOUNCER TALKING OVER SPEAKERS.]
Do you see him? Well, I can't tell yet.
There.
Wait a minute.
ANNOUNCER: The horses are approaching the gate.
There he is.
There he is.
Oh! Come on, let's go.
Let's go.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Would you hang onto that, please? Uh, could you please hurry? I've gotta make my bet on the next race.
[WHISTLING.]
Six, three, six.
Sixth race.
Some kook.
That's four in a row.
You're right.
I don't know what his system is, but it's good enough for me.
[.]
First win in 20 tries.
Roger.
Roger.
Oh, hi, Jeannie.
Hi, Tony.
What are you doing here? What are you doing here? [LAUGHING.]
Oh, I was j Just passing through.
Major Healey, this morning you did not give me the correct date.
I didn't.
No.
Oh, I mean, I know I didn't.
I mean, I know now that I didn't, but I didn't know then that I Roger, you only saw part of tomorrow's newspaper.
Shh! Take a look at this headline: [SIGHS.]
"Astronaut breaks leg in accident.
" That's probably a misprint.
Probably a typographical error, right? Wrong, Major Healey.
I'm afraid anything it says will happen.
Well, I don't believe it.
You won all your bets, didn't you? I believe it.
Let's get outta here.
Wait a minute.
If I'm gonna break my leg I'm going to need extra dollars for crutches, nurses, and a And a specialist.
Roger, you aren't gonna go on with this, are you? That's cheating.
Where's your sense of fair play? Where was theirs the last time I was here? Major Healey, I have always thought of you as an honest man.
Right.
Right.
Just one more bet.
Too late.
I've got it up here.
Hmph.
A-After you.
Thank you.
Everything on number three, Flying Capsule.
All on number three, Flying Capsule.
Roger.
Oh.
Hi, Jeannie.
Hi Hi, Tony.
You, uh? You still here, huh? You ought to be ashamed.
I am ashamed.
But rich.
ANNOUNCER: And there they go.
Out of the starting gate Well, I guess I'll go and cash these in.
Ha-ha.
Well, the race just started.
Well, why wait till the last minute? On second thought, I'll go and watch my money finish.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[SIGHS.]
How do you get into these things? What do you mean, "How do I get in "? What are you talking about, "How do I get into "? Did you see? Come on.
ANNOUNCER: Approaching the first turn, it's Action Gal, Hayburner and number three, Flying Capsule, coming up fast on the inside.
In through the back stretch, it's number two, Action Gal, by a length, number three, Flying Capsule, a head, Hayburner and Brilliant Pass.
[CROWD YELLING INDISTINCTLY.]
Around the far turn it's number three, Flying Capsule by a head, number two, Action Gal, Hayburner and Brilliant Pass.
Into the home stretch it's number three a length and number two.
It's number three by two lengths.
Come on, number three.
Number three! And the winner is number three, Flying No, no, correction.
Number eight.
The winner is number eight, George Says.
Number eight? Number eight.
Number eight? The newspaper said three.
What happened? Oh, well, perhaps it was a typographical error on my part.
And you call yourself a newspaper woman.
[LAUGHS.]
Thanks a lot, pal.
Wait a minute, Jeannie, what about the other people who bet on three? It's not fair for them.
Oh.
You are right, master.
I did not think of that.
Yeah.
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Come on.
We got other things to think about.
You got other things.
I lost $50,000.
No, I'm talking about the broken leg.
You talk about a broken leg ANNOUNCER: Correction.
Correction.
Do not destroy your tickets.
In the sixth race, the winner is number three.
Number three, Flying Capsule.
My tickets.
My tickets.
[.]
[ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY.]
Roger.
Roger.
Roger! Roger! [ROGER YELLING.]
Here, hold this.
I lost.
I lost.
I had my ticket.
I lost the race.
Hey, I lost my coat! ROGER: Ah Thanks, Gary.
Thanks, fellas.
Thank you.
I wonder if a broken leg hurts much.
Tony? Yeah? I'd like to say, I I hope it's me instead of you.
Thanks, Roge.
But I can't.
I hope it's you instead of me.
Thanks, Roge.
Master? Oh! Oh, please let me help you, master.
Yeah, why don't you let her help? Get out of here.
Get out right now.
Oh, but Roger, even if she could help, it wouldn't be right.
What I mean is, if If there's a defect in the ejection seat, we've gotta find out what it is, right? Oh.
A broken leg isn't too much to suffer for the project.
Thank you, gentlemen.
[GASPS.]
[WHISPERS.]
Thanks.
Ah! Hot, hot, hot.
Oh, ooh, ooh.
What in the world is going on here? Uh, good luck, Roge.
Yeah, break a leg.
What'd you say? Oh, "break a leg.
" That's show biz talk for "good luck.
" Ha, ha.
Ha.
Oh, It's funny that you should mention that.
As you know, Commander Ross was specifically selected to head this new project.
Yes, we look forward to working with him.
He slipped on the gantry ladder and, uh And broke his leg.
Yes.
It just How did you know? Yeah, how did you know? Well One of your premonitions? Yes, that was it.
Remarkable.
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson, would you, uh, step over here for a minute, please? You see, uh, Amanda just called me and told me that, uh, a friend of hers called her and said that there's a A horse running tomorrow at the racetrack.
At the racetrack? Yes.
Uh, she didn't tell me what race.
Oh, yes, she did.
In the fifth race.
[.]
[LAUGHS.]
Boy, am I exhausted.
Poor, rich, poor.
Oh, I will fix you both a nice hot lunch, and that will revive you.
Oh, by the way, Jeannie, the paper come this morning? Oh, it did not come again today, master.
Why don't you just blink one up? Let me see, the day is the 19th.
Nineteenth.
Ooh, uh, wait a minute.
Hold it.
No, nice try, Roger.
Today is the 18th.
So I made a mistake.
Haven't you ever made a mistake? [LAUGHS.]
Here you are.
The 18th.
Thank you.
Let me see that.
[SIGHS.]
It's the 18th, all right.
But it's next year's paper.
Give me that.
Here, give it to me.
Just give let me have the stock market reports.
[BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
[.]
[.]
[DOORBELL CHIMES.]
Good morning, Major Healey.
Good morning, Jeannie.
Would you get the newspaper for me, please? Oh, sure.
You're just in time to join us for breakfast.
Oh, it's not there.
Uh, I'm not hungry, Jeannie.
I'd just like a cup of coffee and some eggs Florentine.
No morning newspaper.
Oh, my master will be very annoyed.
Well, that should be easy for you: A newspaper.
Why don't you just give it the old blink? [LAUGHING.]
Oh, of course.
Why did I not think of that? Uh, what is today's date, Major Healey? Uh, today is the 17th.
Mm, 17th.
Very good.
Nice.
Heh.
[.]
Hi, Tony.
Hi, Roge.
How are you? You're not dressed? We're gonna be late for the you-know-what.
Excuse me.
Late for the what? I'm going to Florence to get your eggs.
To Florence? What do you have to go to Floren? What are we supposed not to talk about? You know, top secret.
Boom, pow.
[LAUGHS.]
Top secret.
B Oh, oh, oh, yeah.
Boom, pow.
You mean the capsule-seat ejector test.
Shhhhh! The capsule-seat ejector test.
NASA let out the news to all the newspapers.
It's gonna be, um It's gonna be tomorrow, Roger.
The 17th.
Tomorrow? Yeah.
Tomorrow's the 17th? That's right.
Oh, that's the last time I buy a calendar watch with Roman numerals.
Look, we got t We've got today off.
Sit down.
Have a little breakfast, huh? Oh, with a day off, who wants to? Listen, I got things to do.
You know, a little ahem.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Good hunting.
Oh, uh, can I borrow your sports section? Sure.
Bye.
[.]
Where's Major Healey, master? I have his eggs.
Oh, uh, well, he went hunting.
Well, let's see what the good news is.
Hey, what's this all about? Hm? What is that, master? Take a look at the headline.
JEANNIE: "Astronaut breaks leg in accident.
" Yeah.
Well, who broke his leg? NASA is withholding the name of the injured astronaut.
Why should they say such a thing? They even goofed up on the date.
It's not the It's not the 17th.
Today's the 16th.
[COUGHING.]
Are you all right? Jeannie, what's the matter? [GASPS.]
The 16th? Oh, master, then it will happen.
Well, not to me, it's not gonna happen.
I don't intend to break my leg just to make some phony headline come true.
Oh, but, master, it is not phony.
It is real.
You are reading tomorrow's paper.
[.]
[.]
[.]
[COUGHING.]
Oh, master, are you all right? This is tomorrow's paper? Eh, Jeannie, is this another one of your tricks? Oh, no.
No, master, I promise.
I promise.
It was just that this morning there was no morning newspaper, and I asked Major Healey for the date, and And he looked at that cockeyed calendar watch of his, and told you it was the 17th.
Tomorrow.
Ah, ha, ha, no.
How about that? Wait, wait, wait.
I know.
I will change tomorrow's newspaper back to today's.
Wai Jeannie, that's not gonna change the facts.
If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen.
Ooh, well perhaps.
But I will not let it happen to you.
Oh [LAUGHS.]
Hey, Jeannie, what are you doing? I'm going to protect you.
Oh, I-I appreciate what you're doing very much, but you're forgetting one thing.
What? Well, the newspaper didn't tell which astronaut was injured.
It might well be Roger Healey.
Oh, you are right, master.
Poor Major Healey.
You stop that.
He's your friend as much as mine.
We You gotta protect him, Jeannie.
Now let's go.
[SIGHS.]
Don't you think it might be a little conspicuous if I try to find him in this, huh? Perhaps you are right, master.
I will think of something else.
Okay.
Ooh! Oh, no! Are you all right? Yeah.
I'm okay.
Oh, dear me.
Look, uh, I gotta get dressed.
What? To save time.
Oh, thanks.
Come on.
[GROANS.]
Do not run.
What? Your leg.
Your leg.
Yeah, oh, uh, Roger will probably go to the base to pick up his mail.
We'll go there first.
I know.
Huh? Nothing.
Oh.
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
[.]
[GRUNTS.]
Is he not beautiful? No.
He will protect you.
Yeah oh.
Jeannie, what? Well, he's much safer than a car.
[SCOFFS.]
I don't have a license to drive a camel.
[.]
Well, Dr.
Bellows, these fitness reports on Majors Nelson and Healey are impressive.
Very impressive.
I think you'll find they're both in top physical condition.
Excellent.
Then I'll get over there now and, uh, help them check out that new cockpit harness equipment.
I'm afraid they're not here, commander.
I insisted that they stay away from the base today to, uh, relax.
Oh, of course.
That 24-hour period before flight time can Can be a bind.
Well, you should know, commander.
Heh.
You've been up there enough times yourself.
What the? ROSS: Doctor Bellows? Are you all right? Uh, yes, sir.
Except I just saw Major Nelson arriving in an armored truck.
Oh.
You what? Incredible, isn't it? Yes.
Yes.
Mm, it's very incredible.
Uh, Dr.
Bellows, I think when I come back I would like to look at your fitness report.
[.]
The paper.
You wait here.
I'll run in and find Roger.
Oh, please do not run, master.
You may trip.
What if I do? I hope I trip over Roger.
Don't run! [.]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
M-Major Nelson.
Ah.
Good morning, commander.
Ah, I'm in kind of a hurry.
I didn't see you.
You're in a hurry? Yes.
Hope you'll excuse me.
It's kind of urgent.
Excuse me.
Yes, I'll, uh I'll I'll see you tomorrow at the test.
[.]
Come in.
Oh, Major Nelson.
Sir, uh, I'm looking for Healey.
It's an emergency.
Emergency? Is Major Healey in some kind of trouble? Well, not yet, but I, well I The accident could happen to him.
Of course, the accident could happen to me.
Accident? What accident? I don't know.
It hasn't happened yet.
It hasn't happened yet.
Yes.
Of course.
Well, I'd feel terrible if I didn't have a chance to warn him, sir.
Uh, so you'll excuse me.
I-I've gotta go look for him.
Just a minute, major.
Why don't you just lie down here on the couch? Huh? Hm? Oh, I really would like to lie down, sir, but I just don't have time.
It'll only take a minute or two.
I'll just take your newspaper, huh? Not my paper.
Calm down, major.
I was only trying to make you feel more comfortable.
[LAUGHS.]
Yes, of course, sir.
Believe me, I'd be much more uncomfortable without this.
Oh? You feel a sense of security in holding onto a newspaper, do you? No.
Well, uh, with this particular paper, yes.
[LAUGHS.]
How do you feel about magazines? [LAUGHING.]
Oh, very good.
Very good.
Uh, doesn't grab you, huh? Never mind.
Now, tell me, major um, you evidently feel that something's going to happen to you or Major Healey, and you feel you can predict it in advance.
Is that correct? [BELL RINGS.]
Psst, master, what is taking so long? Shut up.
I beg your pardon? Yes.
Yes, I think I can.
No one can predict the future, major.
Um, sir, could we discuss this at another time? I really have to talk to Major Healey.
Uh, Roger's in kind of a Major Healey is perfectly all right.
It's you I'm worried about.
Now, you're just gonna stay on this couch until you learn there's no such thing as clairvoyance.
Premonitions are only for the ignorant and the superstitious.
Yes, sir.
Uh Uh, what would you say, sir, if I told you that I had a premonition that if you sat on that chair, it would collapse? Heh.
It would only prove my point.
It's, uh It's brand new chair.
It's, uh, solid oak.
Incredible.
TONY: Yes.
I'm sorry about this, sir, I-I It was just a little Eh! Perhaps if you would, uh, like to investigate it more, I could get involved with it.
And, uh, if I had more time, I could tell you more.
[WHISPERS.]
Excuse me.
But it was a brand new chair.
Hi, Marty.
Look out! [CRASHING.]
Major Nelson! [SIGHS.]
Major.
Hold on, hold on.
I'll, uh Get an ambulance! Just move that jeep.
Major, go now! [MOTOR REVVING.]
Are you sure you're all right, major? Yes, I'm fine, sir.
Look.
[CLANGING.]
I guess I'll be able to take you for the rest of your tour around NASA headquarters.
[LAUGHING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Jeannie, what did you do to my leg? Feels like iron.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh.
Not iron, master.
It is stainless steel.
[.]
My leg.
Oh, my poor leg.
Ow! Ow.
Oh, oh.
Oh, that's enough, Sam.
Oh, the cramp's gone.
I'll get your shoulder here.
Oh.
Oh, yeah, that feels good, Sam.
Oh, yeah.
Major Healey.
Yeah.
I was wondering if you sometime play the horses.
Oh, I dabble a bit in it, but nothing serious.
Why? There's a good hunch bet running today.
Yeah? Flying Capsule.
Ah.
Uh, 20-1 and Ah! Ooh! Oh, that's good, Sam.
Oh, that's good.
All right, I'm gonna jump in the shower.
But look, I got the sports section in my locker.
I'll, uh, check it out.
Flying Capsule? That's right.
Yeah, thanks, Sam.
Whoo! Hot in there.
His housekeeper said they went to the health club.
Oh, that is good, master.
He should be safe in a health club.
Oh, yeah? Did you ever try to pick up a bar of soap on a slippery shower-room floor? [GROANS.]
What did he say, Flying Capsule, huh? Flying Capsule, let me see.
Flying Capsule.
Eh, must be scratched.
Let me see Well, I'll be.
Flying Capsule pays 53.
20.
Major, find out which race my hunch is in? Yeah, I found out, all right.
Hah.
It's in the sixth race, only Only yesterday.
Yesterday? Yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
Major, I don't know where you're getting your information.
That horse didn't run yesterday.
Are you kidding? There are the results.
Right there.
Look, today's paper.
That says the 17th.
Today's the 16th.
Somebody's putting you on, major.
Gotta watch it.
Ha, ha.
Better watch it.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh, I gave Jeannie the wrong date.
Oh, is Tony gonna be mad at me.
Tomorrow's paper.
Tomorrow's paper! Hi, guys.
Hi.
Tomorrow's paper.
I got tomorrow's paper.
Gotta get there before the first race.
Oh, am I gonna win.
I'm a winner! Oh, am I.
[.]
[.]
Big trouble.
Roger's at the racetrack.
Why are we in trouble, master? Is a racetrack dangerous? It is for Roger.
He took the sports section with him.
Oh.
I do not understand.
Roger took the sports section from the newspaper this morning.
It carries the racetrack results.
He knows the All the winners in advance.
Oh, is that not nice.
He will be able to win much easier that way.
Yeah, but it's wrong.
It's, uh It's like stealing.
What did I do with that key!? Oh, here.
Oh, I can't let him do it.
Well, we must not forget about Major Healey breaking his leg, master.
If anybody finds out what he's doing, he'll break his neck.
ANNOUNCER [OVER LOUDSPEAKER.]
: And there they go.
Out of the gate, it's number five, Diane Kaydon.
Number three, Heat Coil.
On the outside, Kissing Cloud and Blundering Gal.
Down the front stretch it's number five, Diane Kaydon by a head.
Heat Coil coming up fast.
Kissing Cloud and Blundering Gal.
At the first turn $300.
$400.
I've got $400.
$400.
Could be rich.
Could be rich.
Who have I got in the fourth race? Fourth race, fourth race, fourth race.
Say, you're having a pretty good day today, huh, buddy? Yeah, I would have done better, but I was late for the first race.
Yeah, you must have quite a system.
Who do you like in the fourth? Fourth race? Let me see, uh Oh, no, you don't.
These are mine.
All mine.
What's the matter with you? It's only a newspaper.
Yeah, but it's my newspaper.
You can't see it.
[MUTTERING.]
What do you think, Al? [CLICKS TONGUE.]
Ah, forget him.
He's just a lucky kook.
Well, who do you like in the fourth? I don't know.
Do you see him, huh? No, master.
Oh, there are so many people.
Yeah, well, I wish I had a pair of field glasses.
Here, master.
Try this.
What on earth is that? Oh, good.
[ANNOUNCER TALKING OVER SPEAKERS.]
Do you see him? Well, I can't tell yet.
There.
Wait a minute.
ANNOUNCER: The horses are approaching the gate.
There he is.
There he is.
Oh! Come on, let's go.
Let's go.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Would you hang onto that, please? Uh, could you please hurry? I've gotta make my bet on the next race.
[WHISTLING.]
Six, three, six.
Sixth race.
Some kook.
That's four in a row.
You're right.
I don't know what his system is, but it's good enough for me.
[.]
First win in 20 tries.
Roger.
Roger.
Oh, hi, Jeannie.
Hi, Tony.
What are you doing here? What are you doing here? [LAUGHING.]
Oh, I was j Just passing through.
Major Healey, this morning you did not give me the correct date.
I didn't.
No.
Oh, I mean, I know I didn't.
I mean, I know now that I didn't, but I didn't know then that I Roger, you only saw part of tomorrow's newspaper.
Shh! Take a look at this headline: [SIGHS.]
"Astronaut breaks leg in accident.
" That's probably a misprint.
Probably a typographical error, right? Wrong, Major Healey.
I'm afraid anything it says will happen.
Well, I don't believe it.
You won all your bets, didn't you? I believe it.
Let's get outta here.
Wait a minute.
If I'm gonna break my leg I'm going to need extra dollars for crutches, nurses, and a And a specialist.
Roger, you aren't gonna go on with this, are you? That's cheating.
Where's your sense of fair play? Where was theirs the last time I was here? Major Healey, I have always thought of you as an honest man.
Right.
Right.
Just one more bet.
Too late.
I've got it up here.
Hmph.
A-After you.
Thank you.
Everything on number three, Flying Capsule.
All on number three, Flying Capsule.
Roger.
Oh.
Hi, Jeannie.
Hi Hi, Tony.
You, uh? You still here, huh? You ought to be ashamed.
I am ashamed.
But rich.
ANNOUNCER: And there they go.
Out of the starting gate Well, I guess I'll go and cash these in.
Ha-ha.
Well, the race just started.
Well, why wait till the last minute? On second thought, I'll go and watch my money finish.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[SIGHS.]
How do you get into these things? What do you mean, "How do I get in "? What are you talking about, "How do I get into "? Did you see? Come on.
ANNOUNCER: Approaching the first turn, it's Action Gal, Hayburner and number three, Flying Capsule, coming up fast on the inside.
In through the back stretch, it's number two, Action Gal, by a length, number three, Flying Capsule, a head, Hayburner and Brilliant Pass.
[CROWD YELLING INDISTINCTLY.]
Around the far turn it's number three, Flying Capsule by a head, number two, Action Gal, Hayburner and Brilliant Pass.
Into the home stretch it's number three a length and number two.
It's number three by two lengths.
Come on, number three.
Number three! And the winner is number three, Flying No, no, correction.
Number eight.
The winner is number eight, George Says.
Number eight? Number eight.
Number eight? The newspaper said three.
What happened? Oh, well, perhaps it was a typographical error on my part.
And you call yourself a newspaper woman.
[LAUGHS.]
Thanks a lot, pal.
Wait a minute, Jeannie, what about the other people who bet on three? It's not fair for them.
Oh.
You are right, master.
I did not think of that.
Yeah.
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Come on.
We got other things to think about.
You got other things.
I lost $50,000.
No, I'm talking about the broken leg.
You talk about a broken leg ANNOUNCER: Correction.
Correction.
Do not destroy your tickets.
In the sixth race, the winner is number three.
Number three, Flying Capsule.
My tickets.
My tickets.
[.]
[ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY.]
Roger.
Roger.
Roger! Roger! [ROGER YELLING.]
Here, hold this.
I lost.
I lost.
I had my ticket.
I lost the race.
Hey, I lost my coat! ROGER: Ah Thanks, Gary.
Thanks, fellas.
Thank you.
I wonder if a broken leg hurts much.
Tony? Yeah? I'd like to say, I I hope it's me instead of you.
Thanks, Roge.
But I can't.
I hope it's you instead of me.
Thanks, Roge.
Master? Oh! Oh, please let me help you, master.
Yeah, why don't you let her help? Get out of here.
Get out right now.
Oh, but Roger, even if she could help, it wouldn't be right.
What I mean is, if If there's a defect in the ejection seat, we've gotta find out what it is, right? Oh.
A broken leg isn't too much to suffer for the project.
Thank you, gentlemen.
[GASPS.]
[WHISPERS.]
Thanks.
Ah! Hot, hot, hot.
Oh, ooh, ooh.
What in the world is going on here? Uh, good luck, Roge.
Yeah, break a leg.
What'd you say? Oh, "break a leg.
" That's show biz talk for "good luck.
" Ha, ha.
Ha.
Oh, It's funny that you should mention that.
As you know, Commander Ross was specifically selected to head this new project.
Yes, we look forward to working with him.
He slipped on the gantry ladder and, uh And broke his leg.
Yes.
It just How did you know? Yeah, how did you know? Well One of your premonitions? Yes, that was it.
Remarkable.
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson, would you, uh, step over here for a minute, please? You see, uh, Amanda just called me and told me that, uh, a friend of hers called her and said that there's a A horse running tomorrow at the racetrack.
At the racetrack? Yes.
Uh, she didn't tell me what race.
Oh, yes, she did.
In the fifth race.
[.]
[LAUGHS.]
Boy, am I exhausted.
Poor, rich, poor.
Oh, I will fix you both a nice hot lunch, and that will revive you.
Oh, by the way, Jeannie, the paper come this morning? Oh, it did not come again today, master.
Why don't you just blink one up? Let me see, the day is the 19th.
Nineteenth.
Ooh, uh, wait a minute.
Hold it.
No, nice try, Roger.
Today is the 18th.
So I made a mistake.
Haven't you ever made a mistake? [LAUGHS.]
Here you are.
The 18th.
Thank you.
Let me see that.
[SIGHS.]
It's the 18th, all right.
But it's next year's paper.
Give me that.
Here, give it to me.
Just give let me have the stock market reports.
[BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
[.]
[.]