I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s04e05 Episode Script
The Used Car Salesman
[CAR SPUTTERS.]
Oh, the battery's dead.
Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Say, Jea Oh, uh, hi.
Uh, would you blink into another outfit and give me a hand out here? Oh, yes, master.
Right away.
Does that mean I am going with you? No, for the last time, you can't go.
Now, hurry up.
I'm gonna be late.
How often does my very own master go on television? Shh! And with my hair like this, no one would know who I am.
No! No, Jeannie.
That's my final word on the subject.
No.
Look, I'm I'm a little late.
If you could just help me, huh? Would you, uh, turn on the ignition? I can fix it.
No, no, no.
Uh, the last time you fixed it I found a camel under here.
Now, just turn on the ignition, huh? Which is the ignition? It's the one, uh, with the key.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
Good.
Good.
Thanks, Jeannie.
Put your foot on the brake, will you? Put your foot on the brake! Put your Jeannie! No! No! Not on the gas! Hey! Hey! Hey, Harry.
How are you? [TIRES SQUEAL DISTANTLY.]
[CRASH.]
[JEANNIE SCREAMS.]
[NERVOUS LAUGH.]
They do not make automobiles the way they used to.
[.]
[.]
[.]
Look at it! Look at it! I am sorry, master.
It was an accident.
I've got to get to the studio.
I gotta get to the studio! Yes, master.
We can't hang around here.
Oh! Where are we, anyway? The TV studio.
Oh, thanks, Jeannie.
Well, now that we are here, shall we go in? Oh, uh, Major Nelson.
Uh, Amanda.
Yes, darling.
You're my cousin from Kansas.
You're only gonna be in Cocoa Beach for a day.
And you'll never him again, got it? Yes.
Howdy, now, Dr.
Bellows.
Just in time for your rehearsal, major.
I'd like you to meet I am his cousin, Jeannie, from Kansas who will only be in Cocoa Beach for one day so you will never see me again.
Oh.
AMANDA: This is my cousin, Homer Banks.
He's from out of town too.
Put it there, captain.
Yeah.
Major.
Captain, major.
What difference does it make? We're all on the same team, huh? Miss, you are as pretty as a picture.
I'm in siding.
Aluminum siding.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, yes.
[CHUCKLES.]
AMANDA: Oh, yes.
He's very successful.
As a matter of fact, he has everything except a wife.
And I'm working on that.
Major Nelson, you and your party come right on in.
Come along, major.
Uh, but sir Oh, no, no.
Your public's waiting.
Come along.
Ah, ah, ah.
We don't have to go in yet, Jeannie.
Why don't us, um, cousins stay out here for a little while and chew the fat, huh? Thank you very much, Mr.
Banks Oh, Homer, please.
Oh, Homer Please, I, uh, I would like to go in and see my master Um Um Um, my cousin rehearse.
Oh, but there's nothing to watch.
Besides, you'll see it all a little later.
Come on.
Let me buy you a cup of coffee.
Oh, well, but Mr.
Banks, I Homer.
Oh, Mr.
Homer, I do not want any coffee.
Why, sure, you do.
There's nothing like a hot cup of coffee to break the ice.
Cream and sugar.
Mr.
Homer, please let go of my hand.
Jeannie, I'm a man of action.
When I find something I like I never let go, hm? Hm! [MAGIC CHIME.]
Ooh! Oh, my hand is stuck.
Jeannie, help me.
Oh, yes, Mr.
Homer.
I will send out some paper towels so that you may clean up the mess.
I think she likes me.
[.]
Excuse me.
Where did you come from? Oh, uh, Kansas.
I'm cousin Jeannie.
Well, howdy, howdy, cousin Jeannie.
I'm Carl Tucker.
Owner and general manager of Carl Tucker Cars, the largest transportation center in Cocoa Beach.
What can I do for you? Oh, well, uh, how much will it cost to fix this car? Oh, you really like this car, do you, little lady? You've got a real eye.
She's one of a kind.
Now, actually, we don't own her.
But we might be able to persuade the owner to part with her.
Oh, but Mr.
Tucker The, uh, damage isn't too bad.
Superficial, really.
Now, by the time our service department gets finished with it, you won't recognize it.
Now, I might be able to let you have it for, say, uh, But Mr Sixteen-hundred.
You do not understand.
I am the one who wrecked the car.
Oh.
Well, in that case, as I say, the damage may look superficial, but there are probably internal injuries.
Internal injuries? Oh, yes.
The block looks like it's cracked.
The axle is shot.
Upholstery pretty well beat.
Yes.
And we got the bumpers bent up pretty good too.
New tires.
New tires? Uh, windshield.
No windshield.
But how? How much will it cost? Ooh, could run as high as, say, uh, $500.
Five hundred dollars? Oh, that is terrible.
You know, miss, I shouldn't be saying this, but I like you.
And I want to see you get a fair shake.
If I were you, I'd get rid of her.
It's a junk heap.
But who would want to buy a junk heap? Four hundred dollars.
As she stands.
And I'll be losing money.
Uh, I do not understand.
You were going to sell the car to me for $1699.
Look, miss, I want you to understand something.
Carl Tucker may not be a rich man, he may not be a handsome man, but he's an honest man.
And when I say something about a car, you can believe it.
My word is my bond.
Now, I want you to promise me something.
If you ever catch me saying anything about any car on this lot that isn't true, you show me, and I'll be the first one in the world to admit it.
Promise? Oh, I promise, Mr.
Tucker.
Four hundred dollars.
Now, let me see.
You would give me $400.
And it would cost $500 to repair it.
That means my master would save $100.
Oh, I will take it.
Oh, you're a shrewd businesswoman.
Well, now, you'll be needing a new car, won't you? Mm.
I'll tell you what.
Look around the lot.
Take as long as you want.
And when you see one you like, you call me.
And remember, if you find anything wrong with any car on this lot, you show me up for a faker.
Right? Right.
Oh, what a nice man.
Ooh, with this $400, I will be able to buy my master a new car.
How would he ever get along without me? [PEOPLE LAUGHING.]
HOMER: And that's kind of a funny sighting we men really get a charge out of.
Yeah, but you know, I'm real disappointed, captain.
I was looking forward to seeing that cute little filly again.
That cute little filly trotted back to Kansas.
Well, I may just have to trot right back there after her.
She really took my fancy.
Ho-ho! Shh! Quiet, everyone.
It's starting.
And now, On the Spot, the program that covers the country bringing you interviews with the people you would most like to see on the spot.
On the Spot is brought to you by Carl Tucker Automobiles, the largest automotive center in Cocoa Beach.
Hi, folks.
Carl Tucker, here.
Owner and general manager of Carl Tucker Cars, the largest transportation center in Cocoa Beach.
Here we are in our used car division, one of three separate facilities offering you everything limos to fine transportation cars.
So So whether you've got $100 or $5000 to spend on a car, you'll find what you're looking for at Carl Tucker's.
Come on down and see us, you hear? Come here.
Hold the cards a little closer.
I don't want to have to squint.
People think you're dishonest when you squint.
Say, Mr.
Tucker, Yes.
Who's that chick over there? She's been here all day long going through every car on the lot.
Now, you leave her alone.
That chick's my pigeon.
And let me know when it's time for the next commercial, huh? Right.
This looks like my master's car.
Well, miss, I can see you've got good taste.
You sure picked a beauty.
Oh, but Mr.
Tucker, is this not the car? It's a shame to call this used.
Clean as the day she was produced.
Not a mark on her.
I am sure this is my master's car.
I happen to know this car was owned by a retired clergyman.
Yes, this is it! Wha? Wha? Wha? What happened? Mr.
Tucker, you asked me to tell you if you were wrong, and, well, this is the car that you bought from me this morning for $400.
Oh, jeez.
We made a deal this morning fair and square.
If you don't like it, take your business elsewhere? Oh, but I Mr.
Tucker, time for the next commercial.
What happened? I don't know.
Mr.
Tucker? Mr.
Tucker? Oh.
I think he is trying to cheat me.
Now, here is a letter from Frances Gordon of Chicago to our astronaut, Major Nelson.
She wants to know how thick is the dust on the moon? Uh, well, our surveyor program has shown us that it's from a few inches to a few feet.
However, in, uh, several areas it's strong enough to support a landing craft.
HOST: Thank you, major.
There will be more questions for On the Spot in a moment, after this brief pause for a word from Carl Tucker Automobiles.
Hm! You come off real good, major.
You really do.
TUCKER: Hi, friends.
Carl Tucker again.
Owner and general manager of Carl Tucker Cars, the largest transportation facility in Cocoa Beach.
No matter what you're looking for, used car, new car, pickup truck, camper, we've got them here at Carl Tucker.
Mr.
Tucker, you told me to tell you if what you said about a car was not true.
That looks like your cousin.
Um, no, it couldn't be.
She's back in Kansas.
What? TUCKER: You see, folks? People just can't wait to shop and then buy at Carl Tucker.
Beat it, lady We're We're on camera.
That is your cousin! Oh, sorry Sorry.
Sorry.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just had these pants pressed.
Um Um Uh, sir, may I change the channel on that? I hope you don't mind Leave it alone, major.
Homer's right.
Why did you say she went home? But you were trying to cheat all those people who are watching on television.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
That is not right.
Well, because it It just looks like her, sir.
It's really not her.
You see, the reception on this thing is terrible.
Isn't it, Roge? Huh? ROGER: That's a good picture.
BELLOWS: What's wrong with you, major? The reception's fine.
Oh, here's the problem, sir.
It's right here.
[COUGHS.]
Major Nelson, why did you destroy my television set? Oh, I'm I'm terribly sorry about that, sir.
I I insist we have it repaired immediately, right, Roge? What have you done to Dr.
Bellow's television? [CHUCKLING.]
I I know a place that stays open on Sundays, sir.
I'll go there right away.
You broke his set! Oh, that's darling of them, isn't it, dear? You know, they really are very conscientious.
Amanda, they didn't That's a shame.
I'm going down to the used car lot and find Jeannie.
They really are very sweet Amanda, they didn't take the set.
Do you know how much these commercials cost me a minute? Well, I'll tell you.
No I won't.
Every second I yell at you, it costs me money.
Look, hold her.
Don't let her get away.
Come on.
Finish.
Awfully sorry about the interruption, folks, Before we return you to our program, let me show you a few of Carl Tucker's finest.
Now, the blue books says this car should sell for $2532.
Our price at Carl Tucker's Unfortunately, this car has already been sold.
Forget the license number.
But there are many more cars here, one that'll really suit you.
Anything you need, right here at Carl Tucker's.
Okay, take this late-model station wagon.
This car has powered doors.
[LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
A little joke, folks.
Always like to try and keep them laughing here at Carl Tucker's.
This isn't happening.
This can't be happening.
Now, this is Carl Tucker This is Carl Tucker, owner and general manager of Carl Tucker Cars, returning you to To What's the name of that stupid program? On the Spot.
And it is not a stupid program.
My master is on it.
Lady, what do I have to do to get rid of you? First, you must promise not to lie about your cars anymore.
I promise, I promise.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Good.
Now I will take my master's old car back.
Sixteen-hundred and ninety-nine dollars.
Mr.
Tucker.
All right, all right, whatever you say.
Take it for nothing.
Just go.
Oh, no, that would not be fair.
You paid me $400 for it, and I will give you $400 back.
Oh, is that not wonderful? I did it right.
This This isn't happening, so it really doesn't make any difference, but lady, you drive the car from the front seat.
Oh, I know.
But you see, I do not know how to drive.
Makes sense.
Makes perfect sense.
HOMER: Jeannie! Jeannie! Jeannie! Jeannie! It's me, Homer! Turn around, turn around, turn around! Turn around! Jeannie! [POLICE SIREN BLARES.]
Good afternoon, officer.
Was I speeding? Lady, why are you persecuting me? Oh, I I do not understand.
It's because I'm a cop, right? And you just hate cops, huh? I mean, everybody hates cops nowadays.
Oh, no, officer, I do not hate policemen.
Oh, I have great respect for them.
That is why I was not driving the car.
Well, I know it is illegal to drive without a license.
[TIRES SQUEAL DISTANTLY.]
Oh, there's my master.
He will explain everything.
Good day, officer.
How are you? I can explain everything.
I, uh This Uh, show him your ID, will you, Roge? Okay.
ID.
Master! Shh! Did you notice your car? It is all fixed.
Yeah, it's wonderful.
Wonderful.
And it did not cost anything.
That is the most wonderful thing.
Mr.
Tucker said that I heard what Mr.
Tucker said.
Uh, what I'm worried about is what the policeman's gonna say about a car driving itself.
Oh, master, you do not have to worry about him.
All I will do is simply go: N-no, no.
You can't go around blinking out policemen to Afghanistan.
It's not not legal.
Not even nice.
Just follow my lead and don't do anything.
Oh, master, I would follow you anywhere.
Here's a picture of my mother.
And, uh, here's a picture of my father, and here's a picture of my mother and my father.
I'm waiting, major.
You remember mom? We're with R&D.
Research and development.
Top secret.
Q clearance.
Just testing a little project, here.
Uh-huh.
How to destroy the morale of the police department.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
You see that car? Looks like an ordinary automobile, doesn't it? It's a highly sophisticated remote-control space device.
We're testing it out on land before we take it up there.
And I suppose the girl is a computer, huh? Shh! How'd you know? I I watch television, same as the next guy.
Yeah, well, we were trying to get the bugs out of her when she ran into you earlier.
She's a very complicated piece of machinery.
Ain't that the truth.
You mean you believe him? Of course I do.
I mean, uh, the way I see it, either I believe him or I'm some kind of a fruitcake.
[PANTING.]
I thought I'd never catch you.
Jeannie Oh, Jeannie, I've gotta talk to you.
Jeannie? Who's Jeannie? This young lady is Jeannie.
And she's the major's cousin from Kansas.
But officer, I've explained the situation to you I know, I know, I know.
You told me that the car was a remote-control space vehicle and that the girl was a computer.
Yes But the other fella told me that she was your cousin, Jeannie, from Kansas.
Now, I ask you, major, if you was me, which one would you believe? It's all right, everybody.
I just called cousin Alfred.
He's on his way.
Oh, great.
Cousin Alfred? What's he, another computer? No, he's an Air Force psychiatrist.
Good, because one of us is gonna need him.
Now, Jeannie Jeannie, don't you worry.
After we're married we'll look back at this and we'll smile, hm? Ow! Ooh! Oh! Ooh! I am sorry.
Won't you sit down? HOMER: Don't you see that knocked right off that desk? It really hurt me.
It did Right here.
It smarts.
Officer, you forced me into a situation I was hoping to avoid.
Oh, what's that? Roger.
Yes? Jeannie's got to go.
Yes, sir.
Jeannie's got to go.
Stand back, please.
[GIGGLES.]
Yes, since you saw her, the security of the project was hopelessly compromised.
I had to press the destruct button.
Jeannie? I didn't know genies had springs.
Look at me when I talk to you.
What's going on, here? Officer, why have these people been arrested? Everything's taken care of, sir.
Not quite.
Colonel, are you really a psychiatrist? I am.
Good.
Could you spare me about an hour? You see, I I think I need help.
Homer, did you find Jeannie? [WHIMPERING.]
I'd rather not talk about it.
[.]
[.]
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, master.
Oh, Jeannie, stop apologizing.
It's all right.
It's all over.
But master, I caused you so much trouble.
Forget it.
On second thought, remember it so you won't do it again.
Oh, yes.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
No.
Yeah? Oh! Yes? Major.
Uh, I'm Carl Tucker, owner and general manager of Carl Tucker Cars, the largest transportation center in Cocoa Beach.
Are we alone? TONY: Oh, yes.
Yes.
TUCKER: Good.
Uh, you see, through an oversight, we sold you your car for $400 yesterday afternoon.
Yeah, exactly what you paid for it.
But we put an awful lot of work on it.
Uh, my service manager tells me $500.
TONY: Five hundred dollars? Yes.
Are you sure we're alone? Yeah Oh, yeah.
Sure.
TUCKER: Replace front fender: $129.
Windshield: $92.
Motor mounts: $76 [MAGIC CHIME.]
[METAL GRINDING.]
What was that? Well, it sounds like an engine falling onto the ground.
My car.
Well, look, uh, about this $500, uh, I I'm not sure I can Forget the bill.
It's not happening.
It's not happening.
It didn't happen yesterday.
It's not happening now.
Forget the bill.
Good day, major.
Well, I I can mail you a check.
I don't even want cash.
It's not happening.
It's not happening [LAUGHS.]
[.]
Oh, the battery's dead.
Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Say, Jea Oh, uh, hi.
Uh, would you blink into another outfit and give me a hand out here? Oh, yes, master.
Right away.
Does that mean I am going with you? No, for the last time, you can't go.
Now, hurry up.
I'm gonna be late.
How often does my very own master go on television? Shh! And with my hair like this, no one would know who I am.
No! No, Jeannie.
That's my final word on the subject.
No.
Look, I'm I'm a little late.
If you could just help me, huh? Would you, uh, turn on the ignition? I can fix it.
No, no, no.
Uh, the last time you fixed it I found a camel under here.
Now, just turn on the ignition, huh? Which is the ignition? It's the one, uh, with the key.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
Good.
Good.
Thanks, Jeannie.
Put your foot on the brake, will you? Put your foot on the brake! Put your Jeannie! No! No! Not on the gas! Hey! Hey! Hey, Harry.
How are you? [TIRES SQUEAL DISTANTLY.]
[CRASH.]
[JEANNIE SCREAMS.]
[NERVOUS LAUGH.]
They do not make automobiles the way they used to.
[.]
[.]
[.]
Look at it! Look at it! I am sorry, master.
It was an accident.
I've got to get to the studio.
I gotta get to the studio! Yes, master.
We can't hang around here.
Oh! Where are we, anyway? The TV studio.
Oh, thanks, Jeannie.
Well, now that we are here, shall we go in? Oh, uh, Major Nelson.
Uh, Amanda.
Yes, darling.
You're my cousin from Kansas.
You're only gonna be in Cocoa Beach for a day.
And you'll never him again, got it? Yes.
Howdy, now, Dr.
Bellows.
Just in time for your rehearsal, major.
I'd like you to meet I am his cousin, Jeannie, from Kansas who will only be in Cocoa Beach for one day so you will never see me again.
Oh.
AMANDA: This is my cousin, Homer Banks.
He's from out of town too.
Put it there, captain.
Yeah.
Major.
Captain, major.
What difference does it make? We're all on the same team, huh? Miss, you are as pretty as a picture.
I'm in siding.
Aluminum siding.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, yes.
[CHUCKLES.]
AMANDA: Oh, yes.
He's very successful.
As a matter of fact, he has everything except a wife.
And I'm working on that.
Major Nelson, you and your party come right on in.
Come along, major.
Uh, but sir Oh, no, no.
Your public's waiting.
Come along.
Ah, ah, ah.
We don't have to go in yet, Jeannie.
Why don't us, um, cousins stay out here for a little while and chew the fat, huh? Thank you very much, Mr.
Banks Oh, Homer, please.
Oh, Homer Please, I, uh, I would like to go in and see my master Um Um Um, my cousin rehearse.
Oh, but there's nothing to watch.
Besides, you'll see it all a little later.
Come on.
Let me buy you a cup of coffee.
Oh, well, but Mr.
Banks, I Homer.
Oh, Mr.
Homer, I do not want any coffee.
Why, sure, you do.
There's nothing like a hot cup of coffee to break the ice.
Cream and sugar.
Mr.
Homer, please let go of my hand.
Jeannie, I'm a man of action.
When I find something I like I never let go, hm? Hm! [MAGIC CHIME.]
Ooh! Oh, my hand is stuck.
Jeannie, help me.
Oh, yes, Mr.
Homer.
I will send out some paper towels so that you may clean up the mess.
I think she likes me.
[.]
Excuse me.
Where did you come from? Oh, uh, Kansas.
I'm cousin Jeannie.
Well, howdy, howdy, cousin Jeannie.
I'm Carl Tucker.
Owner and general manager of Carl Tucker Cars, the largest transportation center in Cocoa Beach.
What can I do for you? Oh, well, uh, how much will it cost to fix this car? Oh, you really like this car, do you, little lady? You've got a real eye.
She's one of a kind.
Now, actually, we don't own her.
But we might be able to persuade the owner to part with her.
Oh, but Mr.
Tucker The, uh, damage isn't too bad.
Superficial, really.
Now, by the time our service department gets finished with it, you won't recognize it.
Now, I might be able to let you have it for, say, uh, But Mr Sixteen-hundred.
You do not understand.
I am the one who wrecked the car.
Oh.
Well, in that case, as I say, the damage may look superficial, but there are probably internal injuries.
Internal injuries? Oh, yes.
The block looks like it's cracked.
The axle is shot.
Upholstery pretty well beat.
Yes.
And we got the bumpers bent up pretty good too.
New tires.
New tires? Uh, windshield.
No windshield.
But how? How much will it cost? Ooh, could run as high as, say, uh, $500.
Five hundred dollars? Oh, that is terrible.
You know, miss, I shouldn't be saying this, but I like you.
And I want to see you get a fair shake.
If I were you, I'd get rid of her.
It's a junk heap.
But who would want to buy a junk heap? Four hundred dollars.
As she stands.
And I'll be losing money.
Uh, I do not understand.
You were going to sell the car to me for $1699.
Look, miss, I want you to understand something.
Carl Tucker may not be a rich man, he may not be a handsome man, but he's an honest man.
And when I say something about a car, you can believe it.
My word is my bond.
Now, I want you to promise me something.
If you ever catch me saying anything about any car on this lot that isn't true, you show me, and I'll be the first one in the world to admit it.
Promise? Oh, I promise, Mr.
Tucker.
Four hundred dollars.
Now, let me see.
You would give me $400.
And it would cost $500 to repair it.
That means my master would save $100.
Oh, I will take it.
Oh, you're a shrewd businesswoman.
Well, now, you'll be needing a new car, won't you? Mm.
I'll tell you what.
Look around the lot.
Take as long as you want.
And when you see one you like, you call me.
And remember, if you find anything wrong with any car on this lot, you show me up for a faker.
Right? Right.
Oh, what a nice man.
Ooh, with this $400, I will be able to buy my master a new car.
How would he ever get along without me? [PEOPLE LAUGHING.]
HOMER: And that's kind of a funny sighting we men really get a charge out of.
Yeah, but you know, I'm real disappointed, captain.
I was looking forward to seeing that cute little filly again.
That cute little filly trotted back to Kansas.
Well, I may just have to trot right back there after her.
She really took my fancy.
Ho-ho! Shh! Quiet, everyone.
It's starting.
And now, On the Spot, the program that covers the country bringing you interviews with the people you would most like to see on the spot.
On the Spot is brought to you by Carl Tucker Automobiles, the largest automotive center in Cocoa Beach.
Hi, folks.
Carl Tucker, here.
Owner and general manager of Carl Tucker Cars, the largest transportation center in Cocoa Beach.
Here we are in our used car division, one of three separate facilities offering you everything limos to fine transportation cars.
So So whether you've got $100 or $5000 to spend on a car, you'll find what you're looking for at Carl Tucker's.
Come on down and see us, you hear? Come here.
Hold the cards a little closer.
I don't want to have to squint.
People think you're dishonest when you squint.
Say, Mr.
Tucker, Yes.
Who's that chick over there? She's been here all day long going through every car on the lot.
Now, you leave her alone.
That chick's my pigeon.
And let me know when it's time for the next commercial, huh? Right.
This looks like my master's car.
Well, miss, I can see you've got good taste.
You sure picked a beauty.
Oh, but Mr.
Tucker, is this not the car? It's a shame to call this used.
Clean as the day she was produced.
Not a mark on her.
I am sure this is my master's car.
I happen to know this car was owned by a retired clergyman.
Yes, this is it! Wha? Wha? Wha? What happened? Mr.
Tucker, you asked me to tell you if you were wrong, and, well, this is the car that you bought from me this morning for $400.
Oh, jeez.
We made a deal this morning fair and square.
If you don't like it, take your business elsewhere? Oh, but I Mr.
Tucker, time for the next commercial.
What happened? I don't know.
Mr.
Tucker? Mr.
Tucker? Oh.
I think he is trying to cheat me.
Now, here is a letter from Frances Gordon of Chicago to our astronaut, Major Nelson.
She wants to know how thick is the dust on the moon? Uh, well, our surveyor program has shown us that it's from a few inches to a few feet.
However, in, uh, several areas it's strong enough to support a landing craft.
HOST: Thank you, major.
There will be more questions for On the Spot in a moment, after this brief pause for a word from Carl Tucker Automobiles.
Hm! You come off real good, major.
You really do.
TUCKER: Hi, friends.
Carl Tucker again.
Owner and general manager of Carl Tucker Cars, the largest transportation facility in Cocoa Beach.
No matter what you're looking for, used car, new car, pickup truck, camper, we've got them here at Carl Tucker.
Mr.
Tucker, you told me to tell you if what you said about a car was not true.
That looks like your cousin.
Um, no, it couldn't be.
She's back in Kansas.
What? TUCKER: You see, folks? People just can't wait to shop and then buy at Carl Tucker.
Beat it, lady We're We're on camera.
That is your cousin! Oh, sorry Sorry.
Sorry.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just had these pants pressed.
Um Um Uh, sir, may I change the channel on that? I hope you don't mind Leave it alone, major.
Homer's right.
Why did you say she went home? But you were trying to cheat all those people who are watching on television.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
That is not right.
Well, because it It just looks like her, sir.
It's really not her.
You see, the reception on this thing is terrible.
Isn't it, Roge? Huh? ROGER: That's a good picture.
BELLOWS: What's wrong with you, major? The reception's fine.
Oh, here's the problem, sir.
It's right here.
[COUGHS.]
Major Nelson, why did you destroy my television set? Oh, I'm I'm terribly sorry about that, sir.
I I insist we have it repaired immediately, right, Roge? What have you done to Dr.
Bellow's television? [CHUCKLING.]
I I know a place that stays open on Sundays, sir.
I'll go there right away.
You broke his set! Oh, that's darling of them, isn't it, dear? You know, they really are very conscientious.
Amanda, they didn't That's a shame.
I'm going down to the used car lot and find Jeannie.
They really are very sweet Amanda, they didn't take the set.
Do you know how much these commercials cost me a minute? Well, I'll tell you.
No I won't.
Every second I yell at you, it costs me money.
Look, hold her.
Don't let her get away.
Come on.
Finish.
Awfully sorry about the interruption, folks, Before we return you to our program, let me show you a few of Carl Tucker's finest.
Now, the blue books says this car should sell for $2532.
Our price at Carl Tucker's Unfortunately, this car has already been sold.
Forget the license number.
But there are many more cars here, one that'll really suit you.
Anything you need, right here at Carl Tucker's.
Okay, take this late-model station wagon.
This car has powered doors.
[LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
A little joke, folks.
Always like to try and keep them laughing here at Carl Tucker's.
This isn't happening.
This can't be happening.
Now, this is Carl Tucker This is Carl Tucker, owner and general manager of Carl Tucker Cars, returning you to To What's the name of that stupid program? On the Spot.
And it is not a stupid program.
My master is on it.
Lady, what do I have to do to get rid of you? First, you must promise not to lie about your cars anymore.
I promise, I promise.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Good.
Now I will take my master's old car back.
Sixteen-hundred and ninety-nine dollars.
Mr.
Tucker.
All right, all right, whatever you say.
Take it for nothing.
Just go.
Oh, no, that would not be fair.
You paid me $400 for it, and I will give you $400 back.
Oh, is that not wonderful? I did it right.
This This isn't happening, so it really doesn't make any difference, but lady, you drive the car from the front seat.
Oh, I know.
But you see, I do not know how to drive.
Makes sense.
Makes perfect sense.
HOMER: Jeannie! Jeannie! Jeannie! Jeannie! It's me, Homer! Turn around, turn around, turn around! Turn around! Jeannie! [POLICE SIREN BLARES.]
Good afternoon, officer.
Was I speeding? Lady, why are you persecuting me? Oh, I I do not understand.
It's because I'm a cop, right? And you just hate cops, huh? I mean, everybody hates cops nowadays.
Oh, no, officer, I do not hate policemen.
Oh, I have great respect for them.
That is why I was not driving the car.
Well, I know it is illegal to drive without a license.
[TIRES SQUEAL DISTANTLY.]
Oh, there's my master.
He will explain everything.
Good day, officer.
How are you? I can explain everything.
I, uh This Uh, show him your ID, will you, Roge? Okay.
ID.
Master! Shh! Did you notice your car? It is all fixed.
Yeah, it's wonderful.
Wonderful.
And it did not cost anything.
That is the most wonderful thing.
Mr.
Tucker said that I heard what Mr.
Tucker said.
Uh, what I'm worried about is what the policeman's gonna say about a car driving itself.
Oh, master, you do not have to worry about him.
All I will do is simply go: N-no, no.
You can't go around blinking out policemen to Afghanistan.
It's not not legal.
Not even nice.
Just follow my lead and don't do anything.
Oh, master, I would follow you anywhere.
Here's a picture of my mother.
And, uh, here's a picture of my father, and here's a picture of my mother and my father.
I'm waiting, major.
You remember mom? We're with R&D.
Research and development.
Top secret.
Q clearance.
Just testing a little project, here.
Uh-huh.
How to destroy the morale of the police department.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
You see that car? Looks like an ordinary automobile, doesn't it? It's a highly sophisticated remote-control space device.
We're testing it out on land before we take it up there.
And I suppose the girl is a computer, huh? Shh! How'd you know? I I watch television, same as the next guy.
Yeah, well, we were trying to get the bugs out of her when she ran into you earlier.
She's a very complicated piece of machinery.
Ain't that the truth.
You mean you believe him? Of course I do.
I mean, uh, the way I see it, either I believe him or I'm some kind of a fruitcake.
[PANTING.]
I thought I'd never catch you.
Jeannie Oh, Jeannie, I've gotta talk to you.
Jeannie? Who's Jeannie? This young lady is Jeannie.
And she's the major's cousin from Kansas.
But officer, I've explained the situation to you I know, I know, I know.
You told me that the car was a remote-control space vehicle and that the girl was a computer.
Yes But the other fella told me that she was your cousin, Jeannie, from Kansas.
Now, I ask you, major, if you was me, which one would you believe? It's all right, everybody.
I just called cousin Alfred.
He's on his way.
Oh, great.
Cousin Alfred? What's he, another computer? No, he's an Air Force psychiatrist.
Good, because one of us is gonna need him.
Now, Jeannie Jeannie, don't you worry.
After we're married we'll look back at this and we'll smile, hm? Ow! Ooh! Oh! Ooh! I am sorry.
Won't you sit down? HOMER: Don't you see that knocked right off that desk? It really hurt me.
It did Right here.
It smarts.
Officer, you forced me into a situation I was hoping to avoid.
Oh, what's that? Roger.
Yes? Jeannie's got to go.
Yes, sir.
Jeannie's got to go.
Stand back, please.
[GIGGLES.]
Yes, since you saw her, the security of the project was hopelessly compromised.
I had to press the destruct button.
Jeannie? I didn't know genies had springs.
Look at me when I talk to you.
What's going on, here? Officer, why have these people been arrested? Everything's taken care of, sir.
Not quite.
Colonel, are you really a psychiatrist? I am.
Good.
Could you spare me about an hour? You see, I I think I need help.
Homer, did you find Jeannie? [WHIMPERING.]
I'd rather not talk about it.
[.]
[.]
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, master.
Oh, Jeannie, stop apologizing.
It's all right.
It's all over.
But master, I caused you so much trouble.
Forget it.
On second thought, remember it so you won't do it again.
Oh, yes.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
No.
Yeah? Oh! Yes? Major.
Uh, I'm Carl Tucker, owner and general manager of Carl Tucker Cars, the largest transportation center in Cocoa Beach.
Are we alone? TONY: Oh, yes.
Yes.
TUCKER: Good.
Uh, you see, through an oversight, we sold you your car for $400 yesterday afternoon.
Yeah, exactly what you paid for it.
But we put an awful lot of work on it.
Uh, my service manager tells me $500.
TONY: Five hundred dollars? Yes.
Are you sure we're alone? Yeah Oh, yeah.
Sure.
TUCKER: Replace front fender: $129.
Windshield: $92.
Motor mounts: $76 [MAGIC CHIME.]
[METAL GRINDING.]
What was that? Well, it sounds like an engine falling onto the ground.
My car.
Well, look, uh, about this $500, uh, I I'm not sure I can Forget the bill.
It's not happening.
It's not happening.
It didn't happen yesterday.
It's not happening now.
Forget the bill.
Good day, major.
Well, I I can mail you a check.
I don't even want cash.
It's not happening.
It's not happening [LAUGHS.]
[.]