I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s04e07 Episode Script
The Strongest Man in the World
[.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Oh, master, it was a wonderful film.
Oh, may we see it again, please? Oh, Jeannie, we've seen it three times.
I didn't like it the first time.
But, master, I knew Ali Baba, and it is so much fun seeing my old friends.
Please? Please? Yes, just like home movies.
What do you want me to do with the popcorn? Take it home and eat it.
Waste not, want not.
Where did you get that? It is an old Ali Baba-ism.
Mmm.
I would dig to carry your books.
Oh, thank you very much, but I do not have any books.
I have a library at home.
Hey.
Take your hands off her.
[SNICKERING.]
A bus driver that talks? [MEN CHUCKLE.]
Just let us go our way.
Oh! Hey, come on now, take it easy, will ya? Come on, Jeannie.
Hey, wait a minute, man.
Don't take her away.
She's pretty.
Master, shall I help you? No, no.
I don't want you to help me.
Isn't that darling, man? Mama's gonna help him.
Why don't you guys just leave us alone or I'll call a cop, huh? Hm, what do you say? [GASPS.]
JEANNIE: Master! Are you threatening me? No, I'm not threatening you, I just said I'd call a cop.
Master! Hey, fellas.
All right.
Hey, all right.
All right.
Knock it off.
I'm gonna pick up my hat, and I'm gonna walk out of here peacefully.
Oh, I'm sorry, fellas.
Did I do that with one punch? Oh, yes, master.
You were wonderful.
How about that? Yeah, well You didn't help me, did you? Oh, no, master.
Not at all.
I did not do one little thing.
You're sure? I promise.
One punch.
Two of 'em.
How 'bout that? Oh! Sorry, I'm sorry.
Major Nelson.
Yes? That was one of the finest exhibitions of self-defense I've ever witnessed.
Oh, I'm sorry for the spectacle, sir, I wasn't responsible No need to be sorry, major.
They were clearly the aggressors.
You know, you may be just the man I'm looking for.
Report to my office tomorrow morning at 9:00 for a new assignment.
Uh, new assignment, sir? Yes, I'm in charge of the armed forces boxing tournament.
You're gonna be the Air Force's new contender.
[CHUCKLING.]
What? Nine o'clock, major.
Oh, well, I [.]
[.]
[.]
Uh, general, I We've gotta think of a name for you.
Nelson, sir.
Anthony Nelson.
A boxing name.
Something with a mean ring to it.
General, I really don't With you in there, we can't lose.
I can't wait to see Gutsy Gorman's face when you knock out his man.
Gutsy Gorman? General Gorman, the Marine Corps commandant of this area.
Been riding me for years about how tough the Marine Corps is.
Well, he's gonna find out what tough really is.
Uh, general, there's something you ought to know.
What's that? Well, uh, about me knocking those men out.
It was just an accident.
You're too modest, Nelson.
I saw it with my own eyes.
You clobbered them.
I like modesty.
Oh, I'm not modest.
I'm scared.
Scared? Oh, you mean, you're afraid you'll hurt your opponent.
Well, don't you worry about it.
Killer Culligan can take it.
Killer Culligan? The Marine Corps champion.
He's 230 pounds of solid muscle, so don't you worry about hurting him.
Uh, general, I've never fought professionally.
I mean, I just threw one punch.
That's it! Your name, that's it.
One-Punch Nelson.
You can't let the guys down.
They're counting on you.
Roger, it's better than counting over me.
[.]
Got to have confidence.
Roger, I don't need confidence.
I need a-a left jab and a right cross and a And a rabbit.
You You broke the table with your fist.
I broke it with my fist.
TONY: Yeah.
Now he will have confidence.
No, it must have been broken before.
Oh, you've got your confidence back.
Wait till I tell the guys at the base about this.
Hey, now, wait a minute, Roger.
ROGER: I'm gonna find some Marines and take some money away from them.
Wait a minute, Roger.
Look, I'd appreciate it if you just didn't say anything about this to anybo [.]
Oh, I gotta show them this.
Take care of your hand.
That's good.
That's very good.
Roge.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, boy.
I tell you.
Jeannie.
TONY: Jeannie, would you come out of there, please? Come on, Jeannie, I should have known you were doing this.
Did you say something, master? Jeannie? She couldn't have done it.
Look out, Killer Culligan.
[.]
You're don't have to worry about a thing.
I'll pull my punches, you won't get hurt.
Are you kidding? They used to call me Twinkletoes Healey.
You'll never lay a glove on me.
Uh, Roger, I appreciate your offer to train me, but this is won't be a scientific fight.
I'm just gonna get in there and lay him out with one punch.
That's what I like to see.
Confidence.
What if he hits you first? Roger, you promised not to discuss that.
If you do, forget it.
All right.
Okay.
Hand.
Hit the hand.
Here we go.
Oh, that's it.
Come on.
Hit the glove.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Hard.
Come on, don't be afraid.
Oh! Ooh.
That's it.
Come on, champ.
Hit the hand, champ.
Take it easy now, champ.
BELLOWS: Well.
You look very professional.
Thank you, sir.
It's all the feetwork, really I was talking to Mrs.
Bellows this morning, and she's very anxious to win her bet, major.
You can tell her she doesn't have to worry, sir.
I'm sure she doesn't.
Uh, she found someone to train you.
Yes.
Uh, Jerry? Uh, this is Major Nelson and Major Healey.
Gentlemen, I would like you to meet Jerry Quarry.
Okay, One-Punch.
Let's go to work.
Yeah.
What do you want me to do? Hit me in the breadbasket.
In where? Right in the breadbasket.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, sure.
Good punch.
Good punch.
Now let's try a [.]
BELLOWS: Did you hit him? Okay.
Okay, I think I got it now.
Okay.
Ready.
Put your hands up.
Yeah.
Come on, work.
Move those feet.
Work.
Work.
Work.
Come on, boy.
Work.
Nothing to it, partner.
You try it.
Uh, Jerry, you better stand back a little bit.
This is where I shine.
You know, One-Punch Nelson.
I'll risk it, One Pug.
Let her go.
Roge, see if you can get another one of these.
There won't be a lot left when I'm through.
Good thinking.
All right, Killer Culligan.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh.
[.]
I think it's broken.
My wrist I got a bag.
What's the matter? Take a look at it, will you? [GROANING.]
Call off the fight, Roge.
Call off the fight.
No, you're all right.
You just hit it wrong.
At home I broke a table with one blow, right? He put his fist through the door.
Think I'm losing my stuff? Don't worry, slugger.
Come on.
Just keep your wrist straight and hit it with your shoulder.
Now try it again.
Yeah, more shoulder, champ.
I keep my wrist straight and hit it with my shoulder.
Okay.
That's it, champ.
Take it easy.
Easy does it.
Yeah.
Okay? You can do it, champ.
You can do it.
How was that, huh? That's it.
Say, that thing's alive.
You okay, champ? It's alive.
If that can knock me down, think what Killer Culligan's gonna do.
Get me out of this fight.
Jerry, I can't handle it.
Cancel the fight.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Now, buck up, champ.
You just got to learn never to turn away.
Now, hit it again, and this time I'll hold it for you.
Just use the same amount of strength you used on the towel.
Huh? Just hit it right here.
Right there? My master needs more confidence.
Stand back, Roge.
Stand back.
You all right? Jerry? Fantastic.
You got him with the old one-punch.
I knocked out Jerry Quarry with this? Yeah, I don't think he's gonna like it.
You're right.
Let's get him to the dressing room.
Oh.
Sorry.
Sorry, Jerry.
I didn't do that, Jerry.
I didn't know my own strength.
It's gonna be all right, Jerry.
[RATTLING.]
TONY: Wake up, please.
What round is it? What round is it? Uh Gee, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to knock you out.
You knocked me out? Mm.
You knocked me out.
Oh, I'll say.
I haven't been hit that hard since the Floyd Patterson fight.
You're great.
Well, I just got the one punch.
That's all you need, slugger.
If you ever wanna turn pro, just let me know.
You could make a fortune.
Oh Make Make a fortune? I'll tell you what, I'll be your manager.
You'll be the greatest fighter since John L.
Sullivan.
Since who? Since, uh, John L.
Quarry.
J-Jerry Quarry.
Say Hey, listen, the fight's not till 7:00.
Why don't you join Roger and I.
We'll go over to the Club and have dinner.
You're gonna eat dinner before a fight? Well, is that wrong? Oh, you're unbelievable.
I'm always too nervous to eat before a bout.
Oh, well, there's nothing to be nervous about.
I mean, I got the one punch.
You sure have, slugger.
You go ahead.
I'll meet you back here at 6:30.
Okay, right.
But eat light just in case Culligan gets lucky and lands one in your breadbasket.
My breadba Oh, yeah, my breadbasket.
All right.
Yeah.
Breadbasket.
[TONY LAUGHS.]
[RATTLING.]
Oh, somebody please let me out.
Help! They will kill him.
Ha, ha, ha.
I can't wait to see this fight, gentlemen.
Would you like to up the bet another hundred, Gutsy? I'll cover anything you've got.
I'll take 50 of that, general.
You're on, doctor.
Oh, I hate to take your money, gentlemen.
Culligan hasn't lost in 240 fights.
There's not a man in the armed forces who can touch him.
Well, we've got one.
One-Punch Nelson.
Never heard of him.
You will.
In fact, here he is now.
Major Nelson.
Would you come over here, please? BELLOWS: Hello, major.
Sir.
General.
Major, I'd like you to meet General Gorman.
General Gorman.
Pleasure, sir.
How do you do? Wanna make it another hundred? Oh, are you betting $100 on me, sir? Against you.
Heh.
[LAUGHING.]
Yes.
Yes, of course.
You're on, Gutsy.
You're on.
Tell me, uh, major, how do you plan to handle Culligan? No.
Ha, ha, ha.
You don't have to worry about me hurting your boy, sir.
I plan on carrying him for the first few rounds, just to make it look good, and then finish him off around the fifth.
That's telling him, champ.
[THUMP.]
Careful, Roge.
That's the old breadbasket.
[.]
[CROWD CLAMORING.]
Roge, will you pull yourself together? TONY: Sorry.
There.
[GIGGLING.]
I'm ticklish.
Sit down.
Yeah.
No, no, it's all right.
Come on, look a little professional, huh? JERRY: All right, now you gotta relax.
Where's Jeannie? I don't know.
I called home and nobody answered.
Gee, you'd think she'd wanna be here to see me win.
Huh? Well, she probably figured it wouldn't be much of a contest.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's probably it.
[POUNDING.]
Someone please let me out.
Oh, my master will be murdered if I do not help him.
Where's Culligan? He's making you wait.
It's an old trick to make you nervous.
Yeah, well, it's working.
On me.
Heh, relax, Roge.
Ten minutes, it'll all be over.
That's the old confidence, slugger.
You knocked me out with one punch.
If you can do that to me, you can do it to him.
I'll rip him apart.
Yeah, rip him apart.
That's Culligan? Poor devil.
Poor devil? He's built like a fort.
The bigger they are, the harder they fall, Roge.
If he falls on you, you'll go through the floor.
You can't fight that guy.
Heh.
Take it easy.
He's not gonna lay a finger on me.
Yeah, I'm not worried about his finger, I'm worried about his fists.
They're like hams.
If the going gets too rough, we throw in the towel.
Yeah, well, the going is rough.
Give me the towel.
Will you stop that? Can I change your mind? No.
Then I'm gonna change my bet.
Now, come on.
We can win this thing.
That's easy for you to say.
You're Jerry Quarry.
Will you guys take it easy? I'll take care of him.
Yeah, you'll take care of him, all right.
And now the main event of the evening: The heavyweight championship of the armed forces.
In this corner, weighing 190 pounds, representing the Air Force, the challenger, One-Punch Nelson.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
And in this corner, weighing 230 pounds, representing the Marine Corps, the champion of the armed forces, Killer Culligan.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
You sure he can do it, Jer? Sure I'm sure.
But keep the towel ready just in case.
You got the towel.
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
Keep the towel, Jerry.
Uh, last chance to up your bet.
Any amount you say, Gutsy.
You just name it.
Oh, it might be wiser to leave things as they are.
Hey, uh, hey, Jerry.
I did knock you out, didn't I? Sure you did, slugger.
Okay.
I'll murder the bum.
Yeah.
[BELL RINGS.]
[CROWD CLAMORING.]
Sink that left hand.
Jab, now.
Jab.
Okay.
Start counting.
What for? Nobody's down yet.
That was his best punch and it didn't even faze him.
Sure it did.
He's just covering up.
That was my punch.
That was it.
Can we talk this over? He's doing a good job of covering up.
You'd hardly know he was losing.
[YELLING INDISTINCTLY.]
Come on.
Mix it up, now.
Come on.
No, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Roger.
Towel.
Towel.
No.
Attababy.
Attababy.
Up.
Come on.
Come on.
Left, major.
Oh, no, no.
Pull back.
Pull back.
[BELL RINGS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Take it easy, champ.
Down.
Sit down.
Sit down.
You should stop this fight.
I'm not gonna do it anymore.
Champ, sit down.
Stay there, champ.
What he's doing to you is beginning to make him sick.
[BELL RINGS.]
No, no.
I beg your pardon.
Can we talk about this? Come on.
What are you doing? Come on.
Come on.
Fight, will ya? Come on.
MAN: Attaboy, get in there! I'm all right.
Okay.
Use your left, major.
Your left.
He can't! He's too busy using his chin.
[LAUGHS.]
Go get him, Killer.
Go get him.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
MAN: Hey, hey, come on.
[WHISTLING.]
[BANGING.]
What round is it? I'll get him.
I'll get him! JEANNIE: I'm in here.
I'm in here.
Let me out.
Oh, please.
Let me out! Huh? What? In where? Here.
In here.
[.]
[GASPS.]
Uh, I should have quit when they told me.
[CROWD CLAMORING.]
Get him, master.
BELLOWS: He did it.
He did it.
He did it! Get up, get up, get up! The fight's not over.
You wanna bet, Gutsy? You wanna bet, huh? [CROWD CLAMORING.]
[SQUEALING.]
I knew my master could do it.
Six! One.
Seven.
Two.
Eight.
Three.
Nine.
Four.
Ten.
Five.
What's going on here? Move him out of here.
Can we call this a draw? It's a draw.
It's a draw.
Well, champ Did I win? Yeah, you won.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
[SQUEALS.]
Yay.
Welcome home, One-Punch.
One-Punch.
One-Punch.
You'd have really been proud of him, Jeannie.
Oh, what a great fight.
One-Punch.
Yay! What a punch he hit him with.
[JEANNIE SCREAMS.]
What? What's the matter? Oh! Oh, master.
But I saw you knock him out.
You couldn't have.
You weren't even there.
Oh, yes, you were there.
You were there.
Eh, how stupid could I be? When I broke the table this mor And And I I put my fist through the door.
Oh, but that was to give you confidence.
And when I knocked out Culligan just now? Oh, well, master, that was to save your life.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh.
Oh.
[YELLS.]
I fell for it.
One-Punch Nelson.
What's going on? What are you talking about? Oh, Jerry, you wouldn't believe it if I told you.
Well, try me.
Well, oh, all right.
Meet the new armed forces boxing champion.
Well, how can she be champion? Oh She couldn't hurt anyone.
Oh, really? Jeannie, you wanna show him? Oh, no.
Go ahead.
Give him a little punch.
No.
No, no, no.
I cannot do that.
Master Go ahead.
Punch him.
Punch him? Go ahead.
Oh! [YELLING.]
I am sorry.
[.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Oh, master, it was a wonderful film.
Oh, may we see it again, please? Oh, Jeannie, we've seen it three times.
I didn't like it the first time.
But, master, I knew Ali Baba, and it is so much fun seeing my old friends.
Please? Please? Yes, just like home movies.
What do you want me to do with the popcorn? Take it home and eat it.
Waste not, want not.
Where did you get that? It is an old Ali Baba-ism.
Mmm.
I would dig to carry your books.
Oh, thank you very much, but I do not have any books.
I have a library at home.
Hey.
Take your hands off her.
[SNICKERING.]
A bus driver that talks? [MEN CHUCKLE.]
Just let us go our way.
Oh! Hey, come on now, take it easy, will ya? Come on, Jeannie.
Hey, wait a minute, man.
Don't take her away.
She's pretty.
Master, shall I help you? No, no.
I don't want you to help me.
Isn't that darling, man? Mama's gonna help him.
Why don't you guys just leave us alone or I'll call a cop, huh? Hm, what do you say? [GASPS.]
JEANNIE: Master! Are you threatening me? No, I'm not threatening you, I just said I'd call a cop.
Master! Hey, fellas.
All right.
Hey, all right.
All right.
Knock it off.
I'm gonna pick up my hat, and I'm gonna walk out of here peacefully.
Oh, I'm sorry, fellas.
Did I do that with one punch? Oh, yes, master.
You were wonderful.
How about that? Yeah, well You didn't help me, did you? Oh, no, master.
Not at all.
I did not do one little thing.
You're sure? I promise.
One punch.
Two of 'em.
How 'bout that? Oh! Sorry, I'm sorry.
Major Nelson.
Yes? That was one of the finest exhibitions of self-defense I've ever witnessed.
Oh, I'm sorry for the spectacle, sir, I wasn't responsible No need to be sorry, major.
They were clearly the aggressors.
You know, you may be just the man I'm looking for.
Report to my office tomorrow morning at 9:00 for a new assignment.
Uh, new assignment, sir? Yes, I'm in charge of the armed forces boxing tournament.
You're gonna be the Air Force's new contender.
[CHUCKLING.]
What? Nine o'clock, major.
Oh, well, I [.]
[.]
[.]
Uh, general, I We've gotta think of a name for you.
Nelson, sir.
Anthony Nelson.
A boxing name.
Something with a mean ring to it.
General, I really don't With you in there, we can't lose.
I can't wait to see Gutsy Gorman's face when you knock out his man.
Gutsy Gorman? General Gorman, the Marine Corps commandant of this area.
Been riding me for years about how tough the Marine Corps is.
Well, he's gonna find out what tough really is.
Uh, general, there's something you ought to know.
What's that? Well, uh, about me knocking those men out.
It was just an accident.
You're too modest, Nelson.
I saw it with my own eyes.
You clobbered them.
I like modesty.
Oh, I'm not modest.
I'm scared.
Scared? Oh, you mean, you're afraid you'll hurt your opponent.
Well, don't you worry about it.
Killer Culligan can take it.
Killer Culligan? The Marine Corps champion.
He's 230 pounds of solid muscle, so don't you worry about hurting him.
Uh, general, I've never fought professionally.
I mean, I just threw one punch.
That's it! Your name, that's it.
One-Punch Nelson.
You can't let the guys down.
They're counting on you.
Roger, it's better than counting over me.
[.]
Got to have confidence.
Roger, I don't need confidence.
I need a-a left jab and a right cross and a And a rabbit.
You You broke the table with your fist.
I broke it with my fist.
TONY: Yeah.
Now he will have confidence.
No, it must have been broken before.
Oh, you've got your confidence back.
Wait till I tell the guys at the base about this.
Hey, now, wait a minute, Roger.
ROGER: I'm gonna find some Marines and take some money away from them.
Wait a minute, Roger.
Look, I'd appreciate it if you just didn't say anything about this to anybo [.]
Oh, I gotta show them this.
Take care of your hand.
That's good.
That's very good.
Roge.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, boy.
I tell you.
Jeannie.
TONY: Jeannie, would you come out of there, please? Come on, Jeannie, I should have known you were doing this.
Did you say something, master? Jeannie? She couldn't have done it.
Look out, Killer Culligan.
[.]
You're don't have to worry about a thing.
I'll pull my punches, you won't get hurt.
Are you kidding? They used to call me Twinkletoes Healey.
You'll never lay a glove on me.
Uh, Roger, I appreciate your offer to train me, but this is won't be a scientific fight.
I'm just gonna get in there and lay him out with one punch.
That's what I like to see.
Confidence.
What if he hits you first? Roger, you promised not to discuss that.
If you do, forget it.
All right.
Okay.
Hand.
Hit the hand.
Here we go.
Oh, that's it.
Come on.
Hit the glove.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Hard.
Come on, don't be afraid.
Oh! Ooh.
That's it.
Come on, champ.
Hit the hand, champ.
Take it easy now, champ.
BELLOWS: Well.
You look very professional.
Thank you, sir.
It's all the feetwork, really I was talking to Mrs.
Bellows this morning, and she's very anxious to win her bet, major.
You can tell her she doesn't have to worry, sir.
I'm sure she doesn't.
Uh, she found someone to train you.
Yes.
Uh, Jerry? Uh, this is Major Nelson and Major Healey.
Gentlemen, I would like you to meet Jerry Quarry.
Okay, One-Punch.
Let's go to work.
Yeah.
What do you want me to do? Hit me in the breadbasket.
In where? Right in the breadbasket.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, sure.
Good punch.
Good punch.
Now let's try a [.]
BELLOWS: Did you hit him? Okay.
Okay, I think I got it now.
Okay.
Ready.
Put your hands up.
Yeah.
Come on, work.
Move those feet.
Work.
Work.
Work.
Come on, boy.
Work.
Nothing to it, partner.
You try it.
Uh, Jerry, you better stand back a little bit.
This is where I shine.
You know, One-Punch Nelson.
I'll risk it, One Pug.
Let her go.
Roge, see if you can get another one of these.
There won't be a lot left when I'm through.
Good thinking.
All right, Killer Culligan.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh.
[.]
I think it's broken.
My wrist I got a bag.
What's the matter? Take a look at it, will you? [GROANING.]
Call off the fight, Roge.
Call off the fight.
No, you're all right.
You just hit it wrong.
At home I broke a table with one blow, right? He put his fist through the door.
Think I'm losing my stuff? Don't worry, slugger.
Come on.
Just keep your wrist straight and hit it with your shoulder.
Now try it again.
Yeah, more shoulder, champ.
I keep my wrist straight and hit it with my shoulder.
Okay.
That's it, champ.
Take it easy.
Easy does it.
Yeah.
Okay? You can do it, champ.
You can do it.
How was that, huh? That's it.
Say, that thing's alive.
You okay, champ? It's alive.
If that can knock me down, think what Killer Culligan's gonna do.
Get me out of this fight.
Jerry, I can't handle it.
Cancel the fight.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Now, buck up, champ.
You just got to learn never to turn away.
Now, hit it again, and this time I'll hold it for you.
Just use the same amount of strength you used on the towel.
Huh? Just hit it right here.
Right there? My master needs more confidence.
Stand back, Roge.
Stand back.
You all right? Jerry? Fantastic.
You got him with the old one-punch.
I knocked out Jerry Quarry with this? Yeah, I don't think he's gonna like it.
You're right.
Let's get him to the dressing room.
Oh.
Sorry.
Sorry, Jerry.
I didn't do that, Jerry.
I didn't know my own strength.
It's gonna be all right, Jerry.
[RATTLING.]
TONY: Wake up, please.
What round is it? What round is it? Uh Gee, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to knock you out.
You knocked me out? Mm.
You knocked me out.
Oh, I'll say.
I haven't been hit that hard since the Floyd Patterson fight.
You're great.
Well, I just got the one punch.
That's all you need, slugger.
If you ever wanna turn pro, just let me know.
You could make a fortune.
Oh Make Make a fortune? I'll tell you what, I'll be your manager.
You'll be the greatest fighter since John L.
Sullivan.
Since who? Since, uh, John L.
Quarry.
J-Jerry Quarry.
Say Hey, listen, the fight's not till 7:00.
Why don't you join Roger and I.
We'll go over to the Club and have dinner.
You're gonna eat dinner before a fight? Well, is that wrong? Oh, you're unbelievable.
I'm always too nervous to eat before a bout.
Oh, well, there's nothing to be nervous about.
I mean, I got the one punch.
You sure have, slugger.
You go ahead.
I'll meet you back here at 6:30.
Okay, right.
But eat light just in case Culligan gets lucky and lands one in your breadbasket.
My breadba Oh, yeah, my breadbasket.
All right.
Yeah.
Breadbasket.
[TONY LAUGHS.]
[RATTLING.]
Oh, somebody please let me out.
Help! They will kill him.
Ha, ha, ha.
I can't wait to see this fight, gentlemen.
Would you like to up the bet another hundred, Gutsy? I'll cover anything you've got.
I'll take 50 of that, general.
You're on, doctor.
Oh, I hate to take your money, gentlemen.
Culligan hasn't lost in 240 fights.
There's not a man in the armed forces who can touch him.
Well, we've got one.
One-Punch Nelson.
Never heard of him.
You will.
In fact, here he is now.
Major Nelson.
Would you come over here, please? BELLOWS: Hello, major.
Sir.
General.
Major, I'd like you to meet General Gorman.
General Gorman.
Pleasure, sir.
How do you do? Wanna make it another hundred? Oh, are you betting $100 on me, sir? Against you.
Heh.
[LAUGHING.]
Yes.
Yes, of course.
You're on, Gutsy.
You're on.
Tell me, uh, major, how do you plan to handle Culligan? No.
Ha, ha, ha.
You don't have to worry about me hurting your boy, sir.
I plan on carrying him for the first few rounds, just to make it look good, and then finish him off around the fifth.
That's telling him, champ.
[THUMP.]
Careful, Roge.
That's the old breadbasket.
[.]
[CROWD CLAMORING.]
Roge, will you pull yourself together? TONY: Sorry.
There.
[GIGGLING.]
I'm ticklish.
Sit down.
Yeah.
No, no, it's all right.
Come on, look a little professional, huh? JERRY: All right, now you gotta relax.
Where's Jeannie? I don't know.
I called home and nobody answered.
Gee, you'd think she'd wanna be here to see me win.
Huh? Well, she probably figured it wouldn't be much of a contest.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's probably it.
[POUNDING.]
Someone please let me out.
Oh, my master will be murdered if I do not help him.
Where's Culligan? He's making you wait.
It's an old trick to make you nervous.
Yeah, well, it's working.
On me.
Heh, relax, Roge.
Ten minutes, it'll all be over.
That's the old confidence, slugger.
You knocked me out with one punch.
If you can do that to me, you can do it to him.
I'll rip him apart.
Yeah, rip him apart.
That's Culligan? Poor devil.
Poor devil? He's built like a fort.
The bigger they are, the harder they fall, Roge.
If he falls on you, you'll go through the floor.
You can't fight that guy.
Heh.
Take it easy.
He's not gonna lay a finger on me.
Yeah, I'm not worried about his finger, I'm worried about his fists.
They're like hams.
If the going gets too rough, we throw in the towel.
Yeah, well, the going is rough.
Give me the towel.
Will you stop that? Can I change your mind? No.
Then I'm gonna change my bet.
Now, come on.
We can win this thing.
That's easy for you to say.
You're Jerry Quarry.
Will you guys take it easy? I'll take care of him.
Yeah, you'll take care of him, all right.
And now the main event of the evening: The heavyweight championship of the armed forces.
In this corner, weighing 190 pounds, representing the Air Force, the challenger, One-Punch Nelson.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
And in this corner, weighing 230 pounds, representing the Marine Corps, the champion of the armed forces, Killer Culligan.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
You sure he can do it, Jer? Sure I'm sure.
But keep the towel ready just in case.
You got the towel.
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
Keep the towel, Jerry.
Uh, last chance to up your bet.
Any amount you say, Gutsy.
You just name it.
Oh, it might be wiser to leave things as they are.
Hey, uh, hey, Jerry.
I did knock you out, didn't I? Sure you did, slugger.
Okay.
I'll murder the bum.
Yeah.
[BELL RINGS.]
[CROWD CLAMORING.]
Sink that left hand.
Jab, now.
Jab.
Okay.
Start counting.
What for? Nobody's down yet.
That was his best punch and it didn't even faze him.
Sure it did.
He's just covering up.
That was my punch.
That was it.
Can we talk this over? He's doing a good job of covering up.
You'd hardly know he was losing.
[YELLING INDISTINCTLY.]
Come on.
Mix it up, now.
Come on.
No, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Roger.
Towel.
Towel.
No.
Attababy.
Attababy.
Up.
Come on.
Come on.
Left, major.
Oh, no, no.
Pull back.
Pull back.
[BELL RINGS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Take it easy, champ.
Down.
Sit down.
Sit down.
You should stop this fight.
I'm not gonna do it anymore.
Champ, sit down.
Stay there, champ.
What he's doing to you is beginning to make him sick.
[BELL RINGS.]
No, no.
I beg your pardon.
Can we talk about this? Come on.
What are you doing? Come on.
Come on.
Fight, will ya? Come on.
MAN: Attaboy, get in there! I'm all right.
Okay.
Use your left, major.
Your left.
He can't! He's too busy using his chin.
[LAUGHS.]
Go get him, Killer.
Go get him.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
MAN: Hey, hey, come on.
[WHISTLING.]
[BANGING.]
What round is it? I'll get him.
I'll get him! JEANNIE: I'm in here.
I'm in here.
Let me out.
Oh, please.
Let me out! Huh? What? In where? Here.
In here.
[.]
[GASPS.]
Uh, I should have quit when they told me.
[CROWD CLAMORING.]
Get him, master.
BELLOWS: He did it.
He did it.
He did it! Get up, get up, get up! The fight's not over.
You wanna bet, Gutsy? You wanna bet, huh? [CROWD CLAMORING.]
[SQUEALING.]
I knew my master could do it.
Six! One.
Seven.
Two.
Eight.
Three.
Nine.
Four.
Ten.
Five.
What's going on here? Move him out of here.
Can we call this a draw? It's a draw.
It's a draw.
Well, champ Did I win? Yeah, you won.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
[SQUEALS.]
Yay.
Welcome home, One-Punch.
One-Punch.
One-Punch.
You'd have really been proud of him, Jeannie.
Oh, what a great fight.
One-Punch.
Yay! What a punch he hit him with.
[JEANNIE SCREAMS.]
What? What's the matter? Oh! Oh, master.
But I saw you knock him out.
You couldn't have.
You weren't even there.
Oh, yes, you were there.
You were there.
Eh, how stupid could I be? When I broke the table this mor And And I I put my fist through the door.
Oh, but that was to give you confidence.
And when I knocked out Culligan just now? Oh, well, master, that was to save your life.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh.
Oh.
[YELLS.]
I fell for it.
One-Punch Nelson.
What's going on? What are you talking about? Oh, Jerry, you wouldn't believe it if I told you.
Well, try me.
Well, oh, all right.
Meet the new armed forces boxing champion.
Well, how can she be champion? Oh She couldn't hurt anyone.
Oh, really? Jeannie, you wanna show him? Oh, no.
Go ahead.
Give him a little punch.
No.
No, no, no.
I cannot do that.
Master Go ahead.
Punch him.
Punch him? Go ahead.
Oh! [YELLING.]
I am sorry.
[.]