I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s04e15 Episode Script
Ride 'Em Astronaut
[.]
Let's see "One carton tohmemie.
" "Two pounds kipbi.
" Hmmm.
"One quart yachni.
" Ooh.
Low-fat.
One Oh, hello, Major Healey.
Hi, Jeannie.
What are you doing here? I am doing the grocery shopping.
Aren't you afraid somebody'll see you? Oh, no.
I promised my master that no one would notice me.
I am being very careful.
See? Why not give it the old one, two, three, and blink up a whole cupboard full of groceries? I could not do that.
I would miss out on all the specials.
Low-fat yachni.
Mm-hm.
And it is only 79 cents.
That's a break.
Seventy-nine cents.
Oh.
Excuse me, you're blocking traffic.
Oh, I am terribly sorry.
This is a supermarket, not a dating bureau.
Nice talking to you.
I do not know why people have to be so unpleasant.
I guess not everybody has a genie to do their shopping.
Let's get outta here.
Follow me.
Shh, right here.
Nine hundred and ninety-eight.
Nine hundred thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine.
One million.
She's the one.
[WHISTLE BLOWS.]
Congratulations, miss.
You are the one millionth person to shop in Food City.
And you won't believe what's gonna happen to you.
No.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the queen of the supermarket.
[APPLAUSE.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
[APPLAUSE.]
I do not understand.
Ah, well, she's a little flustered, and no wonder.
It's very simple, miss.
You are the one millionth person to shop in Food City.
And we're gonna honor you with some marvelous prizes.
Oh, well, thank you very much, but I do not think Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Don't be selfish.
Think about Tony.
Oh, I am thinking of him, and I do not think he Well, don't think of Tony.
Think of me.
What, eh? What? What kind of prizes? Well, first of all, a month's free groceries.
A month's supply of free groceries.
Good, good, good.
What? What else? An entire wardrobe by Jeannette Dupree of Cocoa Beach.
Oh, Major Healey, I make all my own clothes.
You're being selfish again.
I'll take it.
Major Healey, you would look silly in a wardrobe by Jeannette Dupree.
Are you kidding? It's free, I'll wear it.
She'll accept.
Fine, fine, fine, fine.
Now, Miss, eh What's your name? Major Healey, I Major Healey.
J-Jeannie.
Jeannie's her name.
Major Jeannie.
Uh, n-no, just Jeannie.
I do not have a last name.
Ah, la La Her last name is Nelson.
Nelson.
uh, Cocoa Beach.
Miss or Mrs.
? Alas, I am not a Mrs.
Good, because for single persons, we have a special bonus prize.
Really? Don't tell me.
Uh, two weeks in Hawaii? [LAUGHING.]
Oh, no, no.
A convertible? Her own tropic island? Major Healey, I cannot go any further with this until I have spoken to my master.
I shall return.
Nothing quite as elaborate as that, major.
It's What happened to the queen? Uh, what queen? The queen of the supermarket.
Oh, that queen.
Well, she's over near the yachni section.
Seventy-five cent sp-special.
I'll get her.
[.]
Major Nelson, I don't understand your reluctance.
The Cocoa Beach Rodeo is gonna be quite a gala affair.
Oh, sir, I I rode a lot when I was a kid, but I haven't been on a horse in five years.
Well, you won't be required to perform.
All you have to do as honorary grand marshal is to ride in, and then preside over the contests.
Dr.
Bellows, I'm no good at publicity.
You know that.
All those personal appearances All right, major, all right.
All the other astronauts are gonna be occupied, so I suppose I'll have to do it myself.
[.]
There.
That's very colorful, sir.
Well, I used to do a bit of riding myself in my younger days.
Pecos Alfred, they called me.
You'll be wonderful.
Yeah.
I'm sorry you won't join us, Nelson.
I'll be seeing you, pardner.
Pardner.
Good morning, master.
Jeannie, what are you doing? I've told you Dr.
Bellows What if you had popped in then? I'm sorry, master, but I had to talk to you.
I have been made queen of the supermarkets.
You've been made what?! Well, you see, I I was the millionth customer in Food City, a-and so they made me queen.
I did not wish to accept, and there are a lot of prizes, but Major Healey said that I would be very selfish Wait.
Was Roger there with you? Never mind.
Don't go any further.
He heard "prizes" and he He went crazy, right? That's right, master.
You can't do it.
That's impossible.
You know about you and publicity.
They'll ask questions, all that stuff.
You do not have to shout at me, master.
I did not want to accept.
Oh, well, all All right.
Is? Is Roger still there? Yes, master.
All right, now, y-you go home and don't show your face around that food market again, you understand? Thank you.
Let's see how Roger's gonna get his prizes without a queen.
Ha, ha, ha.
Lunch is ready, master.
Guess what I've made.
Well, if it's sautéed khaldoons, I'm tired of them.
Oh, no, master.
It is paella.
Look.
Oh.
[WHOOPING.]
[.]
Hey, horses.
Oh! Horses on our street? Yeah, how about Oh, it must have something to do with the rodeo Dr.
Bellows tried to rope me into.
You sure this is the house? Yeah, it says 1020 Palm Drive.
Well, the little filly must be in there.
Whoo! [.]
Come on.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
You'd better get back to your bottle.
Yeah, go on.
Tsk.
Oh! Howdy, pardner.
Hi, hi.
Ow.
Hi.
A-are you guys looking for me? Well, not unless you changed a whole lot in the last hour.
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, if it's about the rodeo, I've already told Dr.
Bellows that I can't be the grand marshal.
Now, whoa there, sonny.
You're a mite confused.
We don't want you.
We're looking for a pretty little filly by the name of, uh, Jeannie.
That's right.
Jeannie? Yeah, the one that was over at the Food City a couple hours ago.
Uh, she won the grand prize.
Which means she's gonna be queen of the Cocoa Beach Rodeo.
[WHOOPS.]
[WHOOPS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Quite a pair of lungs you got there, Tex.
Well, I'm afraid you made a mistake.
Oh, hold on, sonny, there's no mistake.
She gave her address as 1020 Palm Drive.
Well, there's nobody by that name living here.
I'll go get her.
Oh, hi, hi, guys.
Hi.
Great, isn't it? Yeah, I wanna talk to you.
Not now.
I've gotta get the queen.
Yeah, right now.
Don't go away, guys.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I just had this thing pressed.
Have you gone stark staring berserk? Ah, I know what you're upset about: It's the prizes, right? I'll give you the food.
I'll take the convertible and trip to Hawaii No, no.
Jeannie's not queen of anything.
Too late.
She's already queen.
If that woman hadn't crowded MAN: Hey, major.
Uh, wait a minute.
I had this pressed.
Wait a minute, will you? I just had this suit pressed.
Don't you understand? Officially, Jeannie doesn't exist.
No birth certificate, passport, driver's license.
A driver's license? You don't need a driver's license to ride a horse.
Or a passport.
She's a genie! [YELLS.]
You called, master? No, no, I I did.
No, no.
Back to your bottle.
But I heard It was a mistake.
Back in your bottle.
On better thought, go to see your mother in Baghdad.
Major Healey.
Aha, there's our lucky little queen.
What happened to you in the market? We looked everywhere.
Well, I-I thought I should She got very excited and just wanted to tell someone about it.
I can certainly understand that.
She's got a great experience ahead of her.
Now step outside.
There's some people who'd like to meet you.
Oh, thank you.
I do not think I should.
Yeah, she'd love to.
But I I didn't say any Now you have to go through with it.
He's already seen you.
Miss, I'd like you to meet Mr.
Charles Akins, the owner of the Wild West Rodeo.
How do you do, sir? Hey, what about me? Ain't somebody gonna introduce me to the little filly? Rein in, Billy boy, rein in.
Miss, this is Wild Bill Barrows, our best bronco buster.
BARROWS [LAUGHING.]
: Yes, ma'am.
And I'm the roughest, toughest, rootinest, tootinest, ring-tailed buckaroo that ever roped a calf.
[WHOOPS.]
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Take it easy.
Don't worry none, major.
Billy Boy won' hurt her.
Besides, if he comes out top cowboy in this rodeo like he figures to, heh-heh, why, he'll even win a date with this pretty little filly as part of the prize.
Whoo-hoo! Hey, hey, hey, hey, old pardner.
Take it easy there.
Heh-heh-heh! Hey, fella, cool it.
Easy there, son.
Don't you know better than to go fussing around a man working with a loop? [YELLS.]
[SCREAMS.]
You You hurt my master! Billy boy, what in tarnation happened? Here.
Dad-blamest thing I ever saw.
That little lady roped me in nothing flat.
You know, she's a natural-born cowgirl.
[SCREAMS.]
Oh, little lady, when I win this here contest, you and me are gonna go out and have ourselves a time! Yee-haw! Hey, watch it! Watch it! Believe me, I don't like the idea any more than you, but you've got to go through with it.
Why could I not just disappear until the rodeo is over? Because I can go visit my mother.
No, no.
Everybody's seen you here.
They'd ask questions.
They know you live here.
So you are just going to abandon me? Wh-what's so terrible about it? All you have to do is be the queen of the rodeo, that's all.
Yeah, and go out with Genghis Khan.
Oh, come on, you're exaggerating.
Wild Bill Barrows is not Genghis Khan.
Oh, yes, he is too, master.
They are exactly alike.
You forget.
I knew Genghis Khan.
You don't even have an indication that he's gonna win.
He will win.
Genghis Khan always wins.
Oh I know.
I will fix it so that he cannot win.
I will make him fall No, no, no.
No tricks.
No.
Jeannie, Jeannie, no tricks.
That's exactly why I'm having you do this.
So nobody'll get suspicious.
Oh, but, master, have pity No, I'm sorry.
You're gonna have to do it my way.
That's an order.
Very well, master.
I will do it your way.
But you will not like it.
Now, wait a minute.
Don't Don't go No, no, no.
I don't want you to go J-Jeannie, come back here.
Jeannie! [.]
ROGER: Howdy, pardners.
Stop.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Oh, now I know why they call these "chaps.
" Now remember what we're supposed to do.
What're we supposed to do? We get next to Jeannie in the box, right? Yeah.
If she looks like she's gonna zap Brewster, we stop her.
Dig? Why don't we just sit next to her in our uniforms? Because she would connect me with Dr.
Bellows.
Yeah, of course.
The thing to do is just look like all the other cowboys around here.
You know, relax, take it easy, just easy.
Walk bowlegged, right? Here we go.
Just a minute, gents.
Sign here.
Uh, what am I signing here? It's nothing.
You gotta sign before you get in.
Oh, good.
Here, sign that.
I'm not signing.
Just sign it.
Yeah, I'm signing it.
Okay.
Thanks, gents.
You know, entering a rodeo is a mite dangerous thing.
Ha-ha-ha! In case anything happens, this is a notification to your next of kin.
[LAUGHS.]
What do you mean? We're We're not signing up with anybody.
No, we were just walking through Everyone's ready, Mr.
Akins.
Shall we start the parade? Sure, Pecos Alfred.
I was just signing up these last two cowpokes.
BELLOWS: What event are they entering? They haven't made up their mind yet.
Oh, they think we're entering.
We're not.
We'll get out of it.
It's just, uh, bulldogging, calf roping, that kind of stuff.
I was almost trampled by my rocking horse when I was 3.
I'm not signing anything.
I'll be with you in a minute, soon as I finish signing them up.
Okay, I'll see you later.
You sure get some strange ones.
Well, boys, what's it gonna be? Huh? Is it gonna be rearing a steer or rearing a horse? Oh, now.
What about a wild chicken? [LAUGHS.]
Oh, no, I didn't come to enter.
He's, uh My old buddy here is a clown.
A rodeo clown.
Oh, yeah, you wanna watch something? [LAUGHS.]
That's great.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute! Hurt me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
[.]
[CROWD WHISTLING, CHEERING.]
WOMAN: Whoo-hoo! [APPLAUSE.]
[APPLAUSE.]
Oh.
Oh, Tony.
Oh, look at that, look at that.
What? Lookit! [WHOOPING.]
[BOTH LAUGHING NERVOUSLY.]
Yeah.
Next Next time around, you get the genie and tell her to blink us outta here before I get killed, huh? Yeah.
Come on.
Yeah.
Jeannie, the one with the moustache.
Do you see the one with the moustache? Jeannie? Ahhh! [APPLAUSE.]
[LAUGHING.]
BARROWS: You clowns are something else.
AKINS [OVER PA.]
: Ladies and gentlemen, we want to extend to one and all a sincere welcome.
The Cocoa Beach Rodeo is about to begin.
[LAUGHS.]
BARROWS: All right, partner, time to go back to work.
[MARCHING BAND PLAYING.]
[SNEEZING.]
AKINS: Ladies and gentlemen, the first event of the afternoon is gonna be calf roping.
[CROWD APPLAUDING.]
[CALF MOOS.]
[CROWD CHEERING, WHISTLING.]
[COW MOOING.]
Contestant number seven: Wild Bill Barrows.
[APPLAUSE.]
[CALF MOOING.]
Yeah! Ladies and gentlemen, the best time yet: 16 seconds.
Contestant number eight is a late entry all the way from Texas: The Pinto Kid.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
First time I ever saw anything like that.
The horse roped him.
AKINS: Another record for Wild Bill Barrows.
Sure looks like Wild Bill's gonna be your date tonight.
Heh.
Aw, doggone it.
[APPLAUSE.]
Jeannie, the Pinto Kid Ha, ha, ha.
Whoa! Oh, God.
AKINS: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the event that you all have been waiting for.
The final of the Cocoa Beach Rodeo: Bronco busting.
Featuring the wildest and most dangerous horseflesh ever shot out of a corral.
[LAUGHS.]
As a special prize for this event, winner will have the privilege of escorting our lovely queen for an evening on the town.
[APPLAUSE.]
Sorry, this is it, Ton.
The The one we've been waiting for.
Did you get a hold of Jeannie? Some clown hit me with water.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Come on, you gotta get up.
Jeannie's counting on you.
Oh, no.
MAN: Get outta the ring.
Full strength, right here.
AKINS: Ladies and gentlemen, a new rodeo record.
Wild Bill has stayed on Blue Devil for 30 seconds.
Did you hear that? Bill Barrows has got us locked up unless you beat him.
Well, I hope he and Jeannie have a very nice time.
You're not giving up? No.
I'm giving out.
Goodbye.
Wait a minute.
That's not the way out.
Wait.
There he is, ladies and gentlemen.
The last contestant: The Pinto Kid.
[TONY STAMMERING.]
Crazy.
Here we go.
Huh? Ahhh! [LAUGHING NERVOUSLY.]
Go in.
Go on, come on.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
This is not part of What do you mean? Just go.
[YELLS.]
[TONY YELLING.]
[APPLAUSE.]
[YAWNS.]
Jeannie.
Oh.
Oh.
[SCREAMS.]
It's me.
Look.
Roger.
Yeah.
[GASPS.]
Oh.
Oh, ha, ha, Major Healey.
Ha, ha.
What are you doing here? What am I doing here? What am I doing here?! That's Tony out there.
My master? Where? The Pinto Kid, the one that's about to be killed to keep you from going out with Wild Bill Barrows.
Oh, master.
[SQUEALS.]
Oh.
[YELLING.]
Oh, master.
[YELLING.]
[YELLS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Fantastic.
AKINS: It's just incredible.
The Pinto Kid has stayed on that horse for five full minutes.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE.]
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, that should do it.
A minute would have done it.
I know, but I could not help teaching my master a lesson.
[TONY YELLING.]
[.]
Boy, let me tell you.
Here, boy.
Congratulations.
That's the greatest performance I ever did see.
Major Nelson.
Hello, Dr.
Bellows.
And I thought you didn't know anything about horses.
I don't.
But I sure know a lot about women.
Over this way, boy.
This way, boy.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, darling master, where shall we go to dinner? Dinner? [WHIMPERING.]
Oh, you look beautiful, master.
Oh, thank you.
I suppose you will be going to the Surf for dinner.
Mm-hm.
And then perhaps dancing and a-a drive along the beach? That's right.
It is a beautiful night for it.
Yeah, yeah.
Full moon.
H-have a wonderful time.
I will.
And do not worry about getting home early.
I won't.
I will be fine.
Good.
Good night, Jeannie.
Good night.
Master.
Aren't you dressed yet? They're not gonna hold a table.
It's very busy.
But I thought Je You know I hate to have a date keep me waiting.
Now, will you hurry up? Oh, master.
Oh, I am so happy.
[.]
Let's see "One carton tohmemie.
" "Two pounds kipbi.
" Hmmm.
"One quart yachni.
" Ooh.
Low-fat.
One Oh, hello, Major Healey.
Hi, Jeannie.
What are you doing here? I am doing the grocery shopping.
Aren't you afraid somebody'll see you? Oh, no.
I promised my master that no one would notice me.
I am being very careful.
See? Why not give it the old one, two, three, and blink up a whole cupboard full of groceries? I could not do that.
I would miss out on all the specials.
Low-fat yachni.
Mm-hm.
And it is only 79 cents.
That's a break.
Seventy-nine cents.
Oh.
Excuse me, you're blocking traffic.
Oh, I am terribly sorry.
This is a supermarket, not a dating bureau.
Nice talking to you.
I do not know why people have to be so unpleasant.
I guess not everybody has a genie to do their shopping.
Let's get outta here.
Follow me.
Shh, right here.
Nine hundred and ninety-eight.
Nine hundred thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine.
One million.
She's the one.
[WHISTLE BLOWS.]
Congratulations, miss.
You are the one millionth person to shop in Food City.
And you won't believe what's gonna happen to you.
No.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the queen of the supermarket.
[APPLAUSE.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
[APPLAUSE.]
I do not understand.
Ah, well, she's a little flustered, and no wonder.
It's very simple, miss.
You are the one millionth person to shop in Food City.
And we're gonna honor you with some marvelous prizes.
Oh, well, thank you very much, but I do not think Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Don't be selfish.
Think about Tony.
Oh, I am thinking of him, and I do not think he Well, don't think of Tony.
Think of me.
What, eh? What? What kind of prizes? Well, first of all, a month's free groceries.
A month's supply of free groceries.
Good, good, good.
What? What else? An entire wardrobe by Jeannette Dupree of Cocoa Beach.
Oh, Major Healey, I make all my own clothes.
You're being selfish again.
I'll take it.
Major Healey, you would look silly in a wardrobe by Jeannette Dupree.
Are you kidding? It's free, I'll wear it.
She'll accept.
Fine, fine, fine, fine.
Now, Miss, eh What's your name? Major Healey, I Major Healey.
J-Jeannie.
Jeannie's her name.
Major Jeannie.
Uh, n-no, just Jeannie.
I do not have a last name.
Ah, la La Her last name is Nelson.
Nelson.
uh, Cocoa Beach.
Miss or Mrs.
? Alas, I am not a Mrs.
Good, because for single persons, we have a special bonus prize.
Really? Don't tell me.
Uh, two weeks in Hawaii? [LAUGHING.]
Oh, no, no.
A convertible? Her own tropic island? Major Healey, I cannot go any further with this until I have spoken to my master.
I shall return.
Nothing quite as elaborate as that, major.
It's What happened to the queen? Uh, what queen? The queen of the supermarket.
Oh, that queen.
Well, she's over near the yachni section.
Seventy-five cent sp-special.
I'll get her.
[.]
Major Nelson, I don't understand your reluctance.
The Cocoa Beach Rodeo is gonna be quite a gala affair.
Oh, sir, I I rode a lot when I was a kid, but I haven't been on a horse in five years.
Well, you won't be required to perform.
All you have to do as honorary grand marshal is to ride in, and then preside over the contests.
Dr.
Bellows, I'm no good at publicity.
You know that.
All those personal appearances All right, major, all right.
All the other astronauts are gonna be occupied, so I suppose I'll have to do it myself.
[.]
There.
That's very colorful, sir.
Well, I used to do a bit of riding myself in my younger days.
Pecos Alfred, they called me.
You'll be wonderful.
Yeah.
I'm sorry you won't join us, Nelson.
I'll be seeing you, pardner.
Pardner.
Good morning, master.
Jeannie, what are you doing? I've told you Dr.
Bellows What if you had popped in then? I'm sorry, master, but I had to talk to you.
I have been made queen of the supermarkets.
You've been made what?! Well, you see, I I was the millionth customer in Food City, a-and so they made me queen.
I did not wish to accept, and there are a lot of prizes, but Major Healey said that I would be very selfish Wait.
Was Roger there with you? Never mind.
Don't go any further.
He heard "prizes" and he He went crazy, right? That's right, master.
You can't do it.
That's impossible.
You know about you and publicity.
They'll ask questions, all that stuff.
You do not have to shout at me, master.
I did not want to accept.
Oh, well, all All right.
Is? Is Roger still there? Yes, master.
All right, now, y-you go home and don't show your face around that food market again, you understand? Thank you.
Let's see how Roger's gonna get his prizes without a queen.
Ha, ha, ha.
Lunch is ready, master.
Guess what I've made.
Well, if it's sautéed khaldoons, I'm tired of them.
Oh, no, master.
It is paella.
Look.
Oh.
[WHOOPING.]
[.]
Hey, horses.
Oh! Horses on our street? Yeah, how about Oh, it must have something to do with the rodeo Dr.
Bellows tried to rope me into.
You sure this is the house? Yeah, it says 1020 Palm Drive.
Well, the little filly must be in there.
Whoo! [.]
Come on.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
You'd better get back to your bottle.
Yeah, go on.
Tsk.
Oh! Howdy, pardner.
Hi, hi.
Ow.
Hi.
A-are you guys looking for me? Well, not unless you changed a whole lot in the last hour.
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, if it's about the rodeo, I've already told Dr.
Bellows that I can't be the grand marshal.
Now, whoa there, sonny.
You're a mite confused.
We don't want you.
We're looking for a pretty little filly by the name of, uh, Jeannie.
That's right.
Jeannie? Yeah, the one that was over at the Food City a couple hours ago.
Uh, she won the grand prize.
Which means she's gonna be queen of the Cocoa Beach Rodeo.
[WHOOPS.]
[WHOOPS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Quite a pair of lungs you got there, Tex.
Well, I'm afraid you made a mistake.
Oh, hold on, sonny, there's no mistake.
She gave her address as 1020 Palm Drive.
Well, there's nobody by that name living here.
I'll go get her.
Oh, hi, hi, guys.
Hi.
Great, isn't it? Yeah, I wanna talk to you.
Not now.
I've gotta get the queen.
Yeah, right now.
Don't go away, guys.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I just had this thing pressed.
Have you gone stark staring berserk? Ah, I know what you're upset about: It's the prizes, right? I'll give you the food.
I'll take the convertible and trip to Hawaii No, no.
Jeannie's not queen of anything.
Too late.
She's already queen.
If that woman hadn't crowded MAN: Hey, major.
Uh, wait a minute.
I had this pressed.
Wait a minute, will you? I just had this suit pressed.
Don't you understand? Officially, Jeannie doesn't exist.
No birth certificate, passport, driver's license.
A driver's license? You don't need a driver's license to ride a horse.
Or a passport.
She's a genie! [YELLS.]
You called, master? No, no, I I did.
No, no.
Back to your bottle.
But I heard It was a mistake.
Back in your bottle.
On better thought, go to see your mother in Baghdad.
Major Healey.
Aha, there's our lucky little queen.
What happened to you in the market? We looked everywhere.
Well, I-I thought I should She got very excited and just wanted to tell someone about it.
I can certainly understand that.
She's got a great experience ahead of her.
Now step outside.
There's some people who'd like to meet you.
Oh, thank you.
I do not think I should.
Yeah, she'd love to.
But I I didn't say any Now you have to go through with it.
He's already seen you.
Miss, I'd like you to meet Mr.
Charles Akins, the owner of the Wild West Rodeo.
How do you do, sir? Hey, what about me? Ain't somebody gonna introduce me to the little filly? Rein in, Billy boy, rein in.
Miss, this is Wild Bill Barrows, our best bronco buster.
BARROWS [LAUGHING.]
: Yes, ma'am.
And I'm the roughest, toughest, rootinest, tootinest, ring-tailed buckaroo that ever roped a calf.
[WHOOPS.]
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Take it easy.
Don't worry none, major.
Billy Boy won' hurt her.
Besides, if he comes out top cowboy in this rodeo like he figures to, heh-heh, why, he'll even win a date with this pretty little filly as part of the prize.
Whoo-hoo! Hey, hey, hey, hey, old pardner.
Take it easy there.
Heh-heh-heh! Hey, fella, cool it.
Easy there, son.
Don't you know better than to go fussing around a man working with a loop? [YELLS.]
[SCREAMS.]
You You hurt my master! Billy boy, what in tarnation happened? Here.
Dad-blamest thing I ever saw.
That little lady roped me in nothing flat.
You know, she's a natural-born cowgirl.
[SCREAMS.]
Oh, little lady, when I win this here contest, you and me are gonna go out and have ourselves a time! Yee-haw! Hey, watch it! Watch it! Believe me, I don't like the idea any more than you, but you've got to go through with it.
Why could I not just disappear until the rodeo is over? Because I can go visit my mother.
No, no.
Everybody's seen you here.
They'd ask questions.
They know you live here.
So you are just going to abandon me? Wh-what's so terrible about it? All you have to do is be the queen of the rodeo, that's all.
Yeah, and go out with Genghis Khan.
Oh, come on, you're exaggerating.
Wild Bill Barrows is not Genghis Khan.
Oh, yes, he is too, master.
They are exactly alike.
You forget.
I knew Genghis Khan.
You don't even have an indication that he's gonna win.
He will win.
Genghis Khan always wins.
Oh I know.
I will fix it so that he cannot win.
I will make him fall No, no, no.
No tricks.
No.
Jeannie, Jeannie, no tricks.
That's exactly why I'm having you do this.
So nobody'll get suspicious.
Oh, but, master, have pity No, I'm sorry.
You're gonna have to do it my way.
That's an order.
Very well, master.
I will do it your way.
But you will not like it.
Now, wait a minute.
Don't Don't go No, no, no.
I don't want you to go J-Jeannie, come back here.
Jeannie! [.]
ROGER: Howdy, pardners.
Stop.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Oh, now I know why they call these "chaps.
" Now remember what we're supposed to do.
What're we supposed to do? We get next to Jeannie in the box, right? Yeah.
If she looks like she's gonna zap Brewster, we stop her.
Dig? Why don't we just sit next to her in our uniforms? Because she would connect me with Dr.
Bellows.
Yeah, of course.
The thing to do is just look like all the other cowboys around here.
You know, relax, take it easy, just easy.
Walk bowlegged, right? Here we go.
Just a minute, gents.
Sign here.
Uh, what am I signing here? It's nothing.
You gotta sign before you get in.
Oh, good.
Here, sign that.
I'm not signing.
Just sign it.
Yeah, I'm signing it.
Okay.
Thanks, gents.
You know, entering a rodeo is a mite dangerous thing.
Ha-ha-ha! In case anything happens, this is a notification to your next of kin.
[LAUGHS.]
What do you mean? We're We're not signing up with anybody.
No, we were just walking through Everyone's ready, Mr.
Akins.
Shall we start the parade? Sure, Pecos Alfred.
I was just signing up these last two cowpokes.
BELLOWS: What event are they entering? They haven't made up their mind yet.
Oh, they think we're entering.
We're not.
We'll get out of it.
It's just, uh, bulldogging, calf roping, that kind of stuff.
I was almost trampled by my rocking horse when I was 3.
I'm not signing anything.
I'll be with you in a minute, soon as I finish signing them up.
Okay, I'll see you later.
You sure get some strange ones.
Well, boys, what's it gonna be? Huh? Is it gonna be rearing a steer or rearing a horse? Oh, now.
What about a wild chicken? [LAUGHS.]
Oh, no, I didn't come to enter.
He's, uh My old buddy here is a clown.
A rodeo clown.
Oh, yeah, you wanna watch something? [LAUGHS.]
That's great.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute! Hurt me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
[.]
[CROWD WHISTLING, CHEERING.]
WOMAN: Whoo-hoo! [APPLAUSE.]
[APPLAUSE.]
Oh.
Oh, Tony.
Oh, look at that, look at that.
What? Lookit! [WHOOPING.]
[BOTH LAUGHING NERVOUSLY.]
Yeah.
Next Next time around, you get the genie and tell her to blink us outta here before I get killed, huh? Yeah.
Come on.
Yeah.
Jeannie, the one with the moustache.
Do you see the one with the moustache? Jeannie? Ahhh! [APPLAUSE.]
[LAUGHING.]
BARROWS: You clowns are something else.
AKINS [OVER PA.]
: Ladies and gentlemen, we want to extend to one and all a sincere welcome.
The Cocoa Beach Rodeo is about to begin.
[LAUGHS.]
BARROWS: All right, partner, time to go back to work.
[MARCHING BAND PLAYING.]
[SNEEZING.]
AKINS: Ladies and gentlemen, the first event of the afternoon is gonna be calf roping.
[CROWD APPLAUDING.]
[CALF MOOS.]
[CROWD CHEERING, WHISTLING.]
[COW MOOING.]
Contestant number seven: Wild Bill Barrows.
[APPLAUSE.]
[CALF MOOING.]
Yeah! Ladies and gentlemen, the best time yet: 16 seconds.
Contestant number eight is a late entry all the way from Texas: The Pinto Kid.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
First time I ever saw anything like that.
The horse roped him.
AKINS: Another record for Wild Bill Barrows.
Sure looks like Wild Bill's gonna be your date tonight.
Heh.
Aw, doggone it.
[APPLAUSE.]
Jeannie, the Pinto Kid Ha, ha, ha.
Whoa! Oh, God.
AKINS: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the event that you all have been waiting for.
The final of the Cocoa Beach Rodeo: Bronco busting.
Featuring the wildest and most dangerous horseflesh ever shot out of a corral.
[LAUGHS.]
As a special prize for this event, winner will have the privilege of escorting our lovely queen for an evening on the town.
[APPLAUSE.]
Sorry, this is it, Ton.
The The one we've been waiting for.
Did you get a hold of Jeannie? Some clown hit me with water.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Come on, you gotta get up.
Jeannie's counting on you.
Oh, no.
MAN: Get outta the ring.
Full strength, right here.
AKINS: Ladies and gentlemen, a new rodeo record.
Wild Bill has stayed on Blue Devil for 30 seconds.
Did you hear that? Bill Barrows has got us locked up unless you beat him.
Well, I hope he and Jeannie have a very nice time.
You're not giving up? No.
I'm giving out.
Goodbye.
Wait a minute.
That's not the way out.
Wait.
There he is, ladies and gentlemen.
The last contestant: The Pinto Kid.
[TONY STAMMERING.]
Crazy.
Here we go.
Huh? Ahhh! [LAUGHING NERVOUSLY.]
Go in.
Go on, come on.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
This is not part of What do you mean? Just go.
[YELLS.]
[TONY YELLING.]
[APPLAUSE.]
[YAWNS.]
Jeannie.
Oh.
Oh.
[SCREAMS.]
It's me.
Look.
Roger.
Yeah.
[GASPS.]
Oh.
Oh, ha, ha, Major Healey.
Ha, ha.
What are you doing here? What am I doing here? What am I doing here?! That's Tony out there.
My master? Where? The Pinto Kid, the one that's about to be killed to keep you from going out with Wild Bill Barrows.
Oh, master.
[SQUEALS.]
Oh.
[YELLING.]
Oh, master.
[YELLING.]
[YELLS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Fantastic.
AKINS: It's just incredible.
The Pinto Kid has stayed on that horse for five full minutes.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE.]
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, that should do it.
A minute would have done it.
I know, but I could not help teaching my master a lesson.
[TONY YELLING.]
[.]
Boy, let me tell you.
Here, boy.
Congratulations.
That's the greatest performance I ever did see.
Major Nelson.
Hello, Dr.
Bellows.
And I thought you didn't know anything about horses.
I don't.
But I sure know a lot about women.
Over this way, boy.
This way, boy.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, darling master, where shall we go to dinner? Dinner? [WHIMPERING.]
Oh, you look beautiful, master.
Oh, thank you.
I suppose you will be going to the Surf for dinner.
Mm-hm.
And then perhaps dancing and a-a drive along the beach? That's right.
It is a beautiful night for it.
Yeah, yeah.
Full moon.
H-have a wonderful time.
I will.
And do not worry about getting home early.
I won't.
I will be fine.
Good.
Good night, Jeannie.
Good night.
Master.
Aren't you dressed yet? They're not gonna hold a table.
It's very busy.
But I thought Je You know I hate to have a date keep me waiting.
Now, will you hurry up? Oh, master.
Oh, I am so happy.
[.]