I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s04e16 Episode Script
Invisible House For Sale
[.]
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Ah! Jeannie.
There, master.
Now the tree is all trimmed, and we can go to our island for the Sunday Jeannie, not here.
Don't blink in here.
The tree hasn't been trimmed, it's been blinked.
Now put that thing back.
Oh, but master, ever since I found that island where they sent you I've wanted to go there with you, and you promised me that this Sunday we could go.
Yeah, I know, but the island's gonna have to Hi, Miss Gordan.
The island's just gonna have to wait.
I've After I finish the tree, I gotta mow the lawn and paint the kitchen windows.
It's just gonna take all day, that's all.
Not if you let me help you.
No help, thanks.
No help.
No, put it back.
Oh, but master, last Sunday you weeded the entire back lawn, the Sunday before, you cleaned the garage Yes, I know.
And you would not let me help with any of it.
Jeannie, I like to putter around the house.
It relaxes me.
Now come on.
Put it back, will you? [.]
Yes, master.
And all he does when he gets home from NASA is work around the house.
He has not had time for me in over a month.
Mmmm, mm.
What kind of sandwich is that? Chopped yak ears.
It is my mother's favorite recipe.
What am I going to do, Major Healey? Ahem.
Tell your mother to stick to tuna fish.
Oh, no.
I mean about my master.
Well, why don't you tell him to sell the house and move into an apartment.
He won't have to mow the lawns or wash the windows.
He'll have more time for everything.
Is, uh, this a pickle? Mm-hm.
You mean if he did not have this house, he would have more time for me.
[COUGHS.]
I thought you said this is a pickle.
It is.
It is a Persian pepper pickle.
Water.
Water, water.
Oh, Major Healey, that is not Don't tell me.
Don't tell me what that is.
Don't tell me what it is.
I'll get the water myself.
Don't tell me.
[.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
[PHONE RINGING.]
[IN MALE VOICE.]
Hello, Major Nelson's residence.
Hello? Ahem.
Oh, hello, Dr.
Bellows.
Uh, Major Healey? Yes, sir.
He's here.
Oh, uh, right away, doctor.
Yes, bye.
Master, I have the most wonderful idea.
Yeah, just a second.
Dr.
Bellows wants to see us in his office right away.
His office? Today's Sunday.
Yeah, but not for Mr.
Winkler.
I'll change here, then we'll drop off at your place.
Wait a minute.
But we can't change Master? Now you have to have time to listen to me.
Huh.
Huh? You're not gonna believe this.
Master Look, don't gang up on me.
I have tasted things in my life.
All right.
Here.
I had the most wonderful idea.
What? We will be so happy together.
Oh, master, I think we should sell the house.
[GASPING.]
Roger.
Roger.
Is that all right, master? Anything you want.
Roger, what have you done to me? Roger! [TONY YELLS.]
Very well.
I will sell it myself.
[.]
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Welcome to NASA, Mr.
Winkler.
Nice having you with us, sir.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Thank you.
Well, now that we're finished with the small talk, how long will it take you to give a rundown on your evaluation of life-support for Apollo 12? Uh, Tony will Well, I, uh I BELLOWS: Uh, Mr.
Winkler, in all fairness, you weren't expected until tomorrow.
Dr.
Bellows, I've made $5 million by getting places quicker than the competition.
And that is exactly the philosophy I intend to use to put the United States first on the moon.
Gentlemen? Well, I think we could brief you in about six hours, sir.
Think, major.
"About"? Six hours, sir.
That's what I like to hear.
Let's go, gentlemen.
Wouldn't you rather get settled first? Take a look around Cocoa Beach? Find a house? My wife is taking care of that.
The race is to the swift, Dr.
Bellows.
Not to the gum-chewers.
[.]
[.]
Oh, our first buyer.
Oh, Mr.
Merkle, I really think this is going to be too small.
We were looking for something a bit more, uh, elegant.
Well, you never can tell.
A lot of times, these little places will surprise you.
It's worth a quick look.
Well, good afternoon, little lady.
Charlie Merkle, of Merkle, Markle and Fitz.
How do you do, Mr.
Merkle-Markle-and-Fitz? Well, w-won't you come in, please? Uh, before we bother looking inside, how many bedrooms do you have? How many would you like? Well, we'd need at least three.
One for the maid, you know.
Oh.
Well, I can arrange that.
Very quaint.
Very quaint.
It's too small.
Oh, but you have not seen it yet.
Oh, I'm sure it's very cozy and And, uh, charming, but you see, my husband's rather an important man and we need something a bit larger.
Oh, well, my master is an important man too.
Well, of course he is, my dear, but it really is too small.
We were looking for something in the 60,000 range.
All right.
"All right," what? I will take 60,000.
I'm sure you would, but, uh, 60,000 for this cottage? I'll bet it doesn't even have a formal dining room.
Come, Mr.
Merkle.
My master would not be without a formal dining room.
This way, please.
You call this the formal dining room? Oh.
No, no, no.
This is the, uh The breakfast nook.
This is the formal dining room.
[.]
MERKLE: See? Who would have believed it? This way to the chef's kitchen.
You must give rather large dinner parties, Mrs? Jeannie Uppington-Smythe, with a hyphen and a Y.
Why don't we look at the rest of it, Mrs.
Uppington-Smythe? Yes, may we? Oh, of course.
Would you, um? Would you care to step out on the veranda? [.]
It's gorgeous.
Unfortunately, you cannot see the tennis courts from here.
They're over there behind the stables.
[.]
Ah the billiard room.
My master finds it so relaxing.
This is really the most puzzling house.
So cozy and intimate in here, and everywhere else is like a mansion.
Well, actually, this is my master's favorite part of the house.
It's a real bargain at 60,000.
It's a steal.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Um, it It's not really a bad house.
Not exactly what we wanted, but, uh, it might do.
Do you mind if I use your telephone to call my husband? Oh, of course not.
Now, this is the area that was modified, sir.
We had a little trouble with the respirator unit last month.
I see.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Excuse me.
Yeah? Oh, yes.
Just a moment.
It's for you, sir.
Thank you.
Not you.
Oh.
[SIGHS.]
Here you go.
Thank you.
Hello? Natalie, I told you not to bother me today.
Oh.
That good, huh? Wait a minute.
Gentlemen, my wife found a house for us.
She wants me to take a look at it before somebody else grabs it.
Would you mind too much if we postponed the rest of this until tomorrow? Well, we were planning on working, sir.
Oh.
If you feel that way Well, I will make the sacrifice, though.
Oh, Natalie? What's the address? Where is that? That's near your house.
I'll give him directions.
Roger, that is my house.
Oh, that's right.
You better give him directions.
He's trying to buy my house.
Um, um, sir, you You can't leave right now.
Well Heh.
Well, it's only a day, major.
Well, no.
Seventeen hours, You wanna be first on the moon, don't you? Certainly do.
Eh, look, Natalie, I'm not going to make it out to that house for five hours.
It'll take longer than that, sir.
You said the whole thing would only take six hours.
That's before he knew you were gonna buy his That's before we knew you weren't familiar with the basic specifications, sir.
It'll take at least till midnight.
That'll be too late to see the house.
Hmm.
Natalie, it looks as if I'm not gonna get out until the first thing tomorrow morning.
But dear, if it's such a steal, why don't you give Miss? Mrs? What's her name? Yeah, Mrs.
Jeannie Uppington-Smythe.
Give her a deposit.
Jeannie, uh, Uppington-Smythe? Yeah.
That's the owner.
Come on, gentlemen.
Let's get to it.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Uh, Roger? You take over, and, uh Me take over? Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I thought you were both going to brief me.
Yeah.
Duplication of effort, sir.
It's wasteful and inefficient, and we don't wanna be inefficient, do you? We? Uh, you take over, Roger.
And he's a very comp Comp Yes, sir.
[.]
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Jeannie? Jeannie?! Do you like it, master? Welcome to your new home, master.
The Capri Riviera Lanai Apartments.
[.]
Is it not cozy, master? And just think, there are no lawns to mow, no hedges to clip.
There will be nothing but time for us together.
Mwah.
Heh, heh, heh.
We're not moving.
Now, let me see.
We're not moving.
I think the sofa will go right there.
[GRUNTS.]
Jeannie, this is ridiculous.
I You do not like it there? Well, perhaps you are right.
It would look better there.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey.
No, no, Jeannie.
No.
Jeannie, no.
I'm telling you Oh, and a chair.
I'm tel Ah! Jeannie, what are you doing? I don't want Lovely, lovely.
Here.
I tell you, we're not moving.
Oh, but, master, we are already moved.
Yeah.
Where should I put my bottle? Don't worry about your bottle [DOOR BUZZES.]
Because I'm getting outta here, wherever I am.
[.]
Hi.
Hi.
Uh, where's Shirley? Uh, Shirley? Mm-hm.
Doesn't she live here anymore? No, she had to move suddenly.
Um, I'm Yes.
Oh.
That's too bad.
Are you moving in? [CHUCKLES.]
Yes, I'm the new tenant.
I'm sure you'll like it.
Well, I'll see you around.
By the pool? By the pool.
[CHUCKLES.]
She's, uh, obviously Shirley! Oh.
Oh.
Pardon me, uh, where's Shirley? Shirley had to move.
She, uh She moved suddenly.
Oh, I'm glad.
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah.
Oh, I'm glad.
It was a pleasure meeting you.
Yeah, yeah.
She's cute.
Yes, she is.
See you by the pool? Bye! Yes.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, how about that.
I do not like it here.
We will find a new apartment.
Yeah, well, they're all alike.
All of them? All of 'em.
[SIGHS.]
Well.
I have changed my mind, master.
We are not moving.
Have it your own way, Jeannie, but remember, Mr.
Winkler's coming tomorrow to close the deal.
Oh, do not worry about Mr.
Winkler, master.
I will give him his deposit back tomorrow, and that will be that.
[CHUCKLING.]
Ah.
Okay.
Anything you want, Jeannie.
[.]
[ENGINE STARTS.]
There.
Now Mr.
Winkler will not see the house.
Wrong again.
Good morning, Major Nelson.
Oh, good morning, sir.
Oh, uh, Mr.
Winkler will be a little late.
He called a few minutes ago and said that he was looking at a house in your neighborhood.
He says it has a tennis court and stables.
I didn't know there were any estates in your area.
Well, it sounds like real-estate agent talk, sir.
You know how they're prone to exaggerate.
Well, it's pretty hard to exaggerate a tennis court.
I mean, either you've got one, or you haven't.
Have you any idea where this house is? Um Yes, sir, I think I know the house.
But I also think he's not gonna see anything in it.
Ah-ha.
[.]
Well, I guess Tony decided to move after all.
[.]
[THUMPING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Felt like I ran into a door.
It is a door.
[KNOB CLICKS.]
And a knob.
It's a doorknob.
[CHUCKLES.]
Invisible house.
Ha, ha, ha.
[TAPPING.]
[DOOR SHUTS.]
Cute.
Very cute.
[THUMPS.]
Oh! I should have noticed the invisible wall.
Well, here we are, and, uh Anybody? Ahem.
Any, uh? Anybody home? Hoo-hoo.
Don't come down unless you're dressed.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't come down unless you're dressed.
Ah.
Jeannie? Major Healey.
Please, go away.
I don't know if you've noticed, but this house is Is invisible.
I know, I know.
It is according to my master's instructions.
Please go away, Major Healey.
You will spoil everything.
Tony's instructions? Well, here we are, Mr.
Winkler.
It doesn't look like much from the outside.
WINKLER: It sure doesn't.
But I'll tell you this, you're gonna be surprised when you Uh-oh.
It's Mr.
Winkler.
That's funny.
I'm sure I came up the right street.
Major Healey? Is that you? [STAMMERS.]
Mr.
Winkler.
Hello, Mr.
Winkler.
Ha.
Major, would you mind stepping over here for a minute? Over there? Yes, sir.
[THUDDING, PLATE SMASHING.]
[LATCH CLICKS.]
[WINDOW CLINKS.]
[WINDOW CLUNKS.]
Yes, sir? Major, would you mind telling me what you were doing over there? What was I doing over there? What was I doing? What? What? Oh, I-I was, um I was picking wildflowers.
I'm a great wildflower buff.
Wildflowers.
Is that what you do mornings when you should be at NASA? Well, now Oh, well, this is a very special day.
The blue lupine are in bloom.
The blue lupine.
Yellow-blue lupine, sir.
Bye, sir.
Not there? What do you mean, it's not there? I don't understand, darling.
How can a house I was in yesterday not be there today? It wasn't there, Mrs.
Winkler.
It wasn't there.
You probably wrote down the wrong address.
That's Major Nelson's house.
Then he lives on an empty lot.
I knew it.
Every time something strange happens, Major Nelson is involved.
Let's go, everyone.
We'll soon see exactly what's at 1020 Palm Drive.
[TIRES SQUEAL.]
Look out.
Look Open the door, will you? I'm opening the door! Jeannie, I wanna talk to you! Look out, Tony, you're gonna hit the [THUDDING.]
Door.
I thought you said this The house was gone.
Yeah.
Not gone, invisible.
Terrific.
[THUDDING.]
[DOOR CLICKS OPEN.]
[DOOR SLAMS.]
Yeah.
[DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS.]
Jeannie? Jeannie? Jeannie? Master.
Are you not proud of me? I did exactly as you said.
Put it back.
But, master, Mr.
Winkler may come by, and then he will see it.
Yes, he's gonna come back and he's gotta see it.
Now, you put this house back just the way you found it.
Go And then get outta here.
Oh, but, master, I really do not think that you should You don't have to think.
All you have to do is follow orders, understand? Huh? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes, master.
Well, the house is back.
Jeannie, what? What are you trying to do to me? Hey, uh, when did you put in a tennis court? Huh? Oh! And you redecorated your kitchen.
Oh! Oh, if Dr.
Bellows ever sees this Jeannie! WINKLER: But, Natalie, I'm telling you, an hour ago, this house was not here.
Oh, really.
You should get Dr.
Bellows to give you an examination.
You've been having hallucinations.
Hallucinations, my dear, are when you see things that aren't there.
Well, there must be some name for not seeing things that are there.
Come on, darling.
I want you to see the swimming pool, and the stable, and the tennis court.
A swimming pool and tennis court at Major Nelson's house? This I've gotta see.
[.]
Oh, remember, don't let him get past the living room.
Hello Hello, sir.
Uh, Dr.
Bellows, I was just on my way to the base.
What are you doing here? I-I was just on my way to the base.
Just a moment, major.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Winkler would like to see the house, and so, I might add, would I.
I'd love to show you the house, but it's a mess.
Yeah, leaves all over the tennis court.
Where is Mrs.
Uppington-Smythe? Who? Mrs.
Uppington-Smythe.
The young lady who showed the house yesterday.
There's no Mrs.
Uppington-Smythe here.
You must have the wrong house.
This is the house, major.
And I intend to show it to my husband.
Come, Erwin.
Well, Mr.
Winkler I don't know what you're doing here in the first place.
Mr.
Winkler Just a moment, major.
Tennis court and stables? Not if I can help it.
Is this what you call a formal dining room? No, no, this is the breakfast nook.
This is the formal dining room.
No, ha, ha.
Whoa! Well, it's a pretty spacious dining room.
Erwin, I swear to you that yesterday there was a huge formal dining room there with a crystal chandelier.
She's right.
I saw it.
I saw it.
I saw it.
I saw a chandelier.
MRS.
WINKLER: Major Nelson.
I was in this house yesterday and a Mrs.
Uppington-Smythe showed me a formal dining room, and a chef's kitchen, and a billiard room, and a swimming pool, and stable and tennis courts.
Where are they? Now, now, now, now Don't Don't get upset.
You just made a mistake.
I am not upset.
I know what I saw.
Erwin, come with me.
I am going to show you the swimming pool.
There's really no need to do that, ma'am.
Major Nelson? I don't know what to say, except that I'm glad it's them instead of me for a change.
MRS.
WINKER: Don't tell me I'm crazy, Erwin.
I saw the swimming pool here yesterday.
And I saw the tennis courts [.]
[SIGHS.]
Well, I suppose you want an explanation, don't you.
[.]
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Ah! Jeannie.
There, master.
Now the tree is all trimmed, and we can go to our island for the Sunday Jeannie, not here.
Don't blink in here.
The tree hasn't been trimmed, it's been blinked.
Now put that thing back.
Oh, but master, ever since I found that island where they sent you I've wanted to go there with you, and you promised me that this Sunday we could go.
Yeah, I know, but the island's gonna have to Hi, Miss Gordan.
The island's just gonna have to wait.
I've After I finish the tree, I gotta mow the lawn and paint the kitchen windows.
It's just gonna take all day, that's all.
Not if you let me help you.
No help, thanks.
No help.
No, put it back.
Oh, but master, last Sunday you weeded the entire back lawn, the Sunday before, you cleaned the garage Yes, I know.
And you would not let me help with any of it.
Jeannie, I like to putter around the house.
It relaxes me.
Now come on.
Put it back, will you? [.]
Yes, master.
And all he does when he gets home from NASA is work around the house.
He has not had time for me in over a month.
Mmmm, mm.
What kind of sandwich is that? Chopped yak ears.
It is my mother's favorite recipe.
What am I going to do, Major Healey? Ahem.
Tell your mother to stick to tuna fish.
Oh, no.
I mean about my master.
Well, why don't you tell him to sell the house and move into an apartment.
He won't have to mow the lawns or wash the windows.
He'll have more time for everything.
Is, uh, this a pickle? Mm-hm.
You mean if he did not have this house, he would have more time for me.
[COUGHS.]
I thought you said this is a pickle.
It is.
It is a Persian pepper pickle.
Water.
Water, water.
Oh, Major Healey, that is not Don't tell me.
Don't tell me what that is.
Don't tell me what it is.
I'll get the water myself.
Don't tell me.
[.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
[PHONE RINGING.]
[IN MALE VOICE.]
Hello, Major Nelson's residence.
Hello? Ahem.
Oh, hello, Dr.
Bellows.
Uh, Major Healey? Yes, sir.
He's here.
Oh, uh, right away, doctor.
Yes, bye.
Master, I have the most wonderful idea.
Yeah, just a second.
Dr.
Bellows wants to see us in his office right away.
His office? Today's Sunday.
Yeah, but not for Mr.
Winkler.
I'll change here, then we'll drop off at your place.
Wait a minute.
But we can't change Master? Now you have to have time to listen to me.
Huh.
Huh? You're not gonna believe this.
Master Look, don't gang up on me.
I have tasted things in my life.
All right.
Here.
I had the most wonderful idea.
What? We will be so happy together.
Oh, master, I think we should sell the house.
[GASPING.]
Roger.
Roger.
Is that all right, master? Anything you want.
Roger, what have you done to me? Roger! [TONY YELLS.]
Very well.
I will sell it myself.
[.]
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Welcome to NASA, Mr.
Winkler.
Nice having you with us, sir.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Thank you.
Well, now that we're finished with the small talk, how long will it take you to give a rundown on your evaluation of life-support for Apollo 12? Uh, Tony will Well, I, uh I BELLOWS: Uh, Mr.
Winkler, in all fairness, you weren't expected until tomorrow.
Dr.
Bellows, I've made $5 million by getting places quicker than the competition.
And that is exactly the philosophy I intend to use to put the United States first on the moon.
Gentlemen? Well, I think we could brief you in about six hours, sir.
Think, major.
"About"? Six hours, sir.
That's what I like to hear.
Let's go, gentlemen.
Wouldn't you rather get settled first? Take a look around Cocoa Beach? Find a house? My wife is taking care of that.
The race is to the swift, Dr.
Bellows.
Not to the gum-chewers.
[.]
[.]
Oh, our first buyer.
Oh, Mr.
Merkle, I really think this is going to be too small.
We were looking for something a bit more, uh, elegant.
Well, you never can tell.
A lot of times, these little places will surprise you.
It's worth a quick look.
Well, good afternoon, little lady.
Charlie Merkle, of Merkle, Markle and Fitz.
How do you do, Mr.
Merkle-Markle-and-Fitz? Well, w-won't you come in, please? Uh, before we bother looking inside, how many bedrooms do you have? How many would you like? Well, we'd need at least three.
One for the maid, you know.
Oh.
Well, I can arrange that.
Very quaint.
Very quaint.
It's too small.
Oh, but you have not seen it yet.
Oh, I'm sure it's very cozy and And, uh, charming, but you see, my husband's rather an important man and we need something a bit larger.
Oh, well, my master is an important man too.
Well, of course he is, my dear, but it really is too small.
We were looking for something in the 60,000 range.
All right.
"All right," what? I will take 60,000.
I'm sure you would, but, uh, 60,000 for this cottage? I'll bet it doesn't even have a formal dining room.
Come, Mr.
Merkle.
My master would not be without a formal dining room.
This way, please.
You call this the formal dining room? Oh.
No, no, no.
This is the, uh The breakfast nook.
This is the formal dining room.
[.]
MERKLE: See? Who would have believed it? This way to the chef's kitchen.
You must give rather large dinner parties, Mrs? Jeannie Uppington-Smythe, with a hyphen and a Y.
Why don't we look at the rest of it, Mrs.
Uppington-Smythe? Yes, may we? Oh, of course.
Would you, um? Would you care to step out on the veranda? [.]
It's gorgeous.
Unfortunately, you cannot see the tennis courts from here.
They're over there behind the stables.
[.]
Ah the billiard room.
My master finds it so relaxing.
This is really the most puzzling house.
So cozy and intimate in here, and everywhere else is like a mansion.
Well, actually, this is my master's favorite part of the house.
It's a real bargain at 60,000.
It's a steal.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Um, it It's not really a bad house.
Not exactly what we wanted, but, uh, it might do.
Do you mind if I use your telephone to call my husband? Oh, of course not.
Now, this is the area that was modified, sir.
We had a little trouble with the respirator unit last month.
I see.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Excuse me.
Yeah? Oh, yes.
Just a moment.
It's for you, sir.
Thank you.
Not you.
Oh.
[SIGHS.]
Here you go.
Thank you.
Hello? Natalie, I told you not to bother me today.
Oh.
That good, huh? Wait a minute.
Gentlemen, my wife found a house for us.
She wants me to take a look at it before somebody else grabs it.
Would you mind too much if we postponed the rest of this until tomorrow? Well, we were planning on working, sir.
Oh.
If you feel that way Well, I will make the sacrifice, though.
Oh, Natalie? What's the address? Where is that? That's near your house.
I'll give him directions.
Roger, that is my house.
Oh, that's right.
You better give him directions.
He's trying to buy my house.
Um, um, sir, you You can't leave right now.
Well Heh.
Well, it's only a day, major.
Well, no.
Seventeen hours, You wanna be first on the moon, don't you? Certainly do.
Eh, look, Natalie, I'm not going to make it out to that house for five hours.
It'll take longer than that, sir.
You said the whole thing would only take six hours.
That's before he knew you were gonna buy his That's before we knew you weren't familiar with the basic specifications, sir.
It'll take at least till midnight.
That'll be too late to see the house.
Hmm.
Natalie, it looks as if I'm not gonna get out until the first thing tomorrow morning.
But dear, if it's such a steal, why don't you give Miss? Mrs? What's her name? Yeah, Mrs.
Jeannie Uppington-Smythe.
Give her a deposit.
Jeannie, uh, Uppington-Smythe? Yeah.
That's the owner.
Come on, gentlemen.
Let's get to it.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Uh, Roger? You take over, and, uh Me take over? Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I thought you were both going to brief me.
Yeah.
Duplication of effort, sir.
It's wasteful and inefficient, and we don't wanna be inefficient, do you? We? Uh, you take over, Roger.
And he's a very comp Comp Yes, sir.
[.]
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Jeannie? Jeannie?! Do you like it, master? Welcome to your new home, master.
The Capri Riviera Lanai Apartments.
[.]
Is it not cozy, master? And just think, there are no lawns to mow, no hedges to clip.
There will be nothing but time for us together.
Mwah.
Heh, heh, heh.
We're not moving.
Now, let me see.
We're not moving.
I think the sofa will go right there.
[GRUNTS.]
Jeannie, this is ridiculous.
I You do not like it there? Well, perhaps you are right.
It would look better there.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey.
No, no, Jeannie.
No.
Jeannie, no.
I'm telling you Oh, and a chair.
I'm tel Ah! Jeannie, what are you doing? I don't want Lovely, lovely.
Here.
I tell you, we're not moving.
Oh, but, master, we are already moved.
Yeah.
Where should I put my bottle? Don't worry about your bottle [DOOR BUZZES.]
Because I'm getting outta here, wherever I am.
[.]
Hi.
Hi.
Uh, where's Shirley? Uh, Shirley? Mm-hm.
Doesn't she live here anymore? No, she had to move suddenly.
Um, I'm Yes.
Oh.
That's too bad.
Are you moving in? [CHUCKLES.]
Yes, I'm the new tenant.
I'm sure you'll like it.
Well, I'll see you around.
By the pool? By the pool.
[CHUCKLES.]
She's, uh, obviously Shirley! Oh.
Oh.
Pardon me, uh, where's Shirley? Shirley had to move.
She, uh She moved suddenly.
Oh, I'm glad.
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah.
Oh, I'm glad.
It was a pleasure meeting you.
Yeah, yeah.
She's cute.
Yes, she is.
See you by the pool? Bye! Yes.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, how about that.
I do not like it here.
We will find a new apartment.
Yeah, well, they're all alike.
All of them? All of 'em.
[SIGHS.]
Well.
I have changed my mind, master.
We are not moving.
Have it your own way, Jeannie, but remember, Mr.
Winkler's coming tomorrow to close the deal.
Oh, do not worry about Mr.
Winkler, master.
I will give him his deposit back tomorrow, and that will be that.
[CHUCKLING.]
Ah.
Okay.
Anything you want, Jeannie.
[.]
[ENGINE STARTS.]
There.
Now Mr.
Winkler will not see the house.
Wrong again.
Good morning, Major Nelson.
Oh, good morning, sir.
Oh, uh, Mr.
Winkler will be a little late.
He called a few minutes ago and said that he was looking at a house in your neighborhood.
He says it has a tennis court and stables.
I didn't know there were any estates in your area.
Well, it sounds like real-estate agent talk, sir.
You know how they're prone to exaggerate.
Well, it's pretty hard to exaggerate a tennis court.
I mean, either you've got one, or you haven't.
Have you any idea where this house is? Um Yes, sir, I think I know the house.
But I also think he's not gonna see anything in it.
Ah-ha.
[.]
Well, I guess Tony decided to move after all.
[.]
[THUMPING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Felt like I ran into a door.
It is a door.
[KNOB CLICKS.]
And a knob.
It's a doorknob.
[CHUCKLES.]
Invisible house.
Ha, ha, ha.
[TAPPING.]
[DOOR SHUTS.]
Cute.
Very cute.
[THUMPS.]
Oh! I should have noticed the invisible wall.
Well, here we are, and, uh Anybody? Ahem.
Any, uh? Anybody home? Hoo-hoo.
Don't come down unless you're dressed.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't come down unless you're dressed.
Ah.
Jeannie? Major Healey.
Please, go away.
I don't know if you've noticed, but this house is Is invisible.
I know, I know.
It is according to my master's instructions.
Please go away, Major Healey.
You will spoil everything.
Tony's instructions? Well, here we are, Mr.
Winkler.
It doesn't look like much from the outside.
WINKLER: It sure doesn't.
But I'll tell you this, you're gonna be surprised when you Uh-oh.
It's Mr.
Winkler.
That's funny.
I'm sure I came up the right street.
Major Healey? Is that you? [STAMMERS.]
Mr.
Winkler.
Hello, Mr.
Winkler.
Ha.
Major, would you mind stepping over here for a minute? Over there? Yes, sir.
[THUDDING, PLATE SMASHING.]
[LATCH CLICKS.]
[WINDOW CLINKS.]
[WINDOW CLUNKS.]
Yes, sir? Major, would you mind telling me what you were doing over there? What was I doing over there? What was I doing? What? What? Oh, I-I was, um I was picking wildflowers.
I'm a great wildflower buff.
Wildflowers.
Is that what you do mornings when you should be at NASA? Well, now Oh, well, this is a very special day.
The blue lupine are in bloom.
The blue lupine.
Yellow-blue lupine, sir.
Bye, sir.
Not there? What do you mean, it's not there? I don't understand, darling.
How can a house I was in yesterday not be there today? It wasn't there, Mrs.
Winkler.
It wasn't there.
You probably wrote down the wrong address.
That's Major Nelson's house.
Then he lives on an empty lot.
I knew it.
Every time something strange happens, Major Nelson is involved.
Let's go, everyone.
We'll soon see exactly what's at 1020 Palm Drive.
[TIRES SQUEAL.]
Look out.
Look Open the door, will you? I'm opening the door! Jeannie, I wanna talk to you! Look out, Tony, you're gonna hit the [THUDDING.]
Door.
I thought you said this The house was gone.
Yeah.
Not gone, invisible.
Terrific.
[THUDDING.]
[DOOR CLICKS OPEN.]
[DOOR SLAMS.]
Yeah.
[DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS.]
Jeannie? Jeannie? Jeannie? Master.
Are you not proud of me? I did exactly as you said.
Put it back.
But, master, Mr.
Winkler may come by, and then he will see it.
Yes, he's gonna come back and he's gotta see it.
Now, you put this house back just the way you found it.
Go And then get outta here.
Oh, but, master, I really do not think that you should You don't have to think.
All you have to do is follow orders, understand? Huh? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes, master.
Well, the house is back.
Jeannie, what? What are you trying to do to me? Hey, uh, when did you put in a tennis court? Huh? Oh! And you redecorated your kitchen.
Oh! Oh, if Dr.
Bellows ever sees this Jeannie! WINKLER: But, Natalie, I'm telling you, an hour ago, this house was not here.
Oh, really.
You should get Dr.
Bellows to give you an examination.
You've been having hallucinations.
Hallucinations, my dear, are when you see things that aren't there.
Well, there must be some name for not seeing things that are there.
Come on, darling.
I want you to see the swimming pool, and the stable, and the tennis court.
A swimming pool and tennis court at Major Nelson's house? This I've gotta see.
[.]
Oh, remember, don't let him get past the living room.
Hello Hello, sir.
Uh, Dr.
Bellows, I was just on my way to the base.
What are you doing here? I-I was just on my way to the base.
Just a moment, major.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Winkler would like to see the house, and so, I might add, would I.
I'd love to show you the house, but it's a mess.
Yeah, leaves all over the tennis court.
Where is Mrs.
Uppington-Smythe? Who? Mrs.
Uppington-Smythe.
The young lady who showed the house yesterday.
There's no Mrs.
Uppington-Smythe here.
You must have the wrong house.
This is the house, major.
And I intend to show it to my husband.
Come, Erwin.
Well, Mr.
Winkler I don't know what you're doing here in the first place.
Mr.
Winkler Just a moment, major.
Tennis court and stables? Not if I can help it.
Is this what you call a formal dining room? No, no, this is the breakfast nook.
This is the formal dining room.
No, ha, ha.
Whoa! Well, it's a pretty spacious dining room.
Erwin, I swear to you that yesterday there was a huge formal dining room there with a crystal chandelier.
She's right.
I saw it.
I saw it.
I saw it.
I saw a chandelier.
MRS.
WINKLER: Major Nelson.
I was in this house yesterday and a Mrs.
Uppington-Smythe showed me a formal dining room, and a chef's kitchen, and a billiard room, and a swimming pool, and stable and tennis courts.
Where are they? Now, now, now, now Don't Don't get upset.
You just made a mistake.
I am not upset.
I know what I saw.
Erwin, come with me.
I am going to show you the swimming pool.
There's really no need to do that, ma'am.
Major Nelson? I don't know what to say, except that I'm glad it's them instead of me for a change.
MRS.
WINKER: Don't tell me I'm crazy, Erwin.
I saw the swimming pool here yesterday.
And I saw the tennis courts [.]
[SIGHS.]
Well, I suppose you want an explanation, don't you.
[.]