I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s04e20 Episode Script
The Case of the Porcelain Puppy
[.]
Jeannie, where? Where's my hat? Hm? Oh, it is in the dining room, master, with your briefcase.
Oh.
Whoops.
Hey, what are you reading? Oh, it It is called The Genie Journal, master.
[LAUGHING.]
The Genie Journal? It is a special magazine written just for genies.
It has recipes and new techniques, where to eat in Beirut, that sort of thing.
Well, I've never seen it around here before.
Oh, well, Mother sent this one.
You see, it has a large section on how to find a new master.
Yeah, she was always known for her subtlety.
Uh, look, I'll be home around 6:00 tonight, so you don't have to do any fancy cooking.
So I'll Oh, uh, no, I don't want a big breakfast.
I'll just settle on some fruit, Jeannie.
Oh Oh! Uh, what's going on, here? This fruit was fresh yesterday.
I just bought it.
Master, I am so sorry.
You see, there's a new recipe in The Genie Journal that tells how to turn organic material into porcelain.
And I was, uh I was trying it out.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah, well, I've bitten into wax fruit before but this is ridiculous.
Oh, I'm sorry, master.
Here's a fresh apple.
Oh, thanks.
Do me a favor, will you? Warn me before you try out any new recipes on me.
Oh, yes, master.
I'll see you tonight.
Have a nice day, master.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[.]
Hello, Dr.
Bellows.
Oh, hello, major.
Where's Major Nelson? He'll be right along, sir.
About Saturday night.
Could you get somebody to replace me? Oh, that's out of the question.
Roger.
Sir.
Oh, uh, good morning, major.
Have you got that report? Oh, yes, sir.
Right here.
Something the matter, major? Oh, no, no.
Fine, fine.
[SNICKERS.]
[.]
[.]
Tony, where? Where? Where did you buy your hat? Major Nelson, this is pottery.
Yeah, porcelain, actually, sir.
A porcelain hat? Oh, Tony, you should know better than that.
Regulations say a hat should be made of wool or twill.
BELLOWS: That'll do, major.
Well, Major Nelson? Well, sir? Well? Well? Oh, yes.
Uh, well, uh, the explanation is very simple, sir.
Simple? Yes, very simple.
How simple? Hm? Oh, well, I've taken up pottery, sir.
Very relaxing.
You really ought to try it.
All right.
I'll accept that.
It's no more ridiculous than some of your other explanations.
However, in the future I'd appreciate very much if you'd confine your potting to pots.
Of course, sir.
Now, if you'll give me your report, I'll leave you to clean up that mess.
Uh, well, there are a few things I'd like to add to it I'm sorry, major, but Washington expects that report immediately.
I understand, uh, it's in your briefcase.
Yes, that's correct, sir.
Well? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Would you mind, uh, stepping back, please? Would you, Roger, step back? Here's the report, sir.
Your report is in pottery.
Porcelain.
Uh, like the Babylonians, sir.
If you remember, some of their records lasted for thousands of years on porcelain, or crockery, or pottery, or Yes.
Thank you.
[CHUCKLES.]
[WHIMPERS.]
Boy, turning your briefcase into pottery? Man, that's dumb.
That's dumb.
That's dumb.
What do you want me to turn it into? It's not dumb.
Jeannie was just trying out a spell she read in a genie magazine.
Yeah, but porcelain? How about gold? Yeah, well, who would want a gold briefcase? Yeah, who would want a gold briefcase? Who? A gold briefcase? Yeah, you're right.
How about a gold suitcase? Wait a minute, how about a gold steam iron? How about a steam? Come on.
Jeannie, I'm home.
JEANNIE: Do not come in yet, master.
Yeah, she's probably fixing your frozen porcelain dinner.
Oh Frozen porcelain dinner.
You get it? Just a little Jeannie? Jeannie! [DOG BARKS.]
He's back.
What's back? Djinn Djinn, the invisible dog.
It's the invisible dog.
He's back.
[DOG GROWLING.]
Ah! My shoe! [TONY GRUNTS.]
[GROWLING.]
[BOTH STUTTERING INDISTINCTLY.]
Djinn Djinn! Djinn Djinn! Stop it immediately.
Get it away, get it away.
Stop it, Djinn Djinn! Ooh Ah! Master, you should get it.
You shouldn't have come in with your uniform on.
You know how uniforms upset him.
What am I supposed to do? Do a striptease on the porch? [SCREAMS.]
Well, of course not.
I was gonna blink you both out of uniform.
Oh, oh, puppy.
[TONY SCREAMING.]
Poor baby.
Come on.
[SCREAMING.]
Come on.
[DJINN DJINN GROWLING.]
Just stop him! Wait a minute! Would you two mind arguing about it after you blinked? Oh, of course.
Yeah Jeannie, where's the dog? Where's the dog? Oh! [DJINN DJINN WHIMPERS.]
Oh, darling little Djinn Djinn.
Pet him so that he will know that you are happy to see him.
I don't want to pet him.
I'm not happy to see him.
[BARKS.]
Ah! I'm delighted to see him.
Me too.
I'm happy Happy.
Oh, I'm happy.
How long is the little fella gonna be staying with us? Oh, not very long, master.
But you must remember to stay out of uniform while he is here.
Yeah, we can both wear our summer porcelains.
Ha-ha-ha.
Coffee's almost ready, dear.
Thanks.
What in the world is that? Well, oddly enough, it's one of Major Nelson's reports.
For some unknown reason, he did it on pottery.
Just like the Rosetta Stone.
Hm.
Here, let me see it.
Oh, Amanda, please.
I have to mail that to Washington.
Oh, that reminds me.
I must put that in a box marked "fragile.
" Oh, this is very interesting.
But it's It's not really like pottery.
It's more like fine oriental porcelain.
Oh, Amanda, don't be ridiculous.
He says he just took it up as a new hobby.
Well, then, he's a genius.
Remember last year when I took that Art Appreciation course? Well, Dr.
Farber, he showed us some fine oriental porcelain.
And darling, this is exactly the same quality.
Oh, Amanda, what are you doing? I'm calling Major Nelson.
Well, what for? What for? Because I want to see the rest of his work that's what for.
What? Oh, fine, four, yes, five [DJINN DJINN GROWLING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Come on, Djinn Djinn.
Sic him! Sic him, Djinn Djinn! Get him, get him, get him! [DJINN DJINN BARKS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[ALL GROAN.]
Come on, Djinn Djinn.
Get him, Djinn Djinn.
Get him.
Come on, Djinn Djinn.
[SCREAMS.]
[LAUGHS.]
What's the idea of the invisible bit? I didn't even have my uniform on.
Oh, well, master, sometimes he disappears when he gets excited.
[RINGS.]
Hello? Yeah, he's right here.
It's kind of unnerving to Oh, hello Mrs.
Bellows.
No, no, this is Major Healey.
How are you? Oh, fine.
Fine, thanks.
Oh, no, just come over any time.
No problem at all.
Right.
Goodbye.
Uh, Roger, who is it? Oh, that's the Bellows'.
Mrs.
Bellows wants to come over and see the rest of your pots.
What do you mean she's coming here? Well, you told Bellows you were taking up pottery as a hobby.
I couldn't very well tell him Jeannie made all that crockery.
That shouldn't be too hard.
Just show him Jeannie's crockery.
TONY: That's a good idea.
Jeannie, uh, get to the garage and turn it into a workshop.
Uh, put in a potter's wheel and spread some crockery around.
Instantly, master.
TONY: Wait a minute, I'm not finished.
Uh, don't make the crockery too good.
You know, make it kind of amateurish-looking, okay? What are you waiting for? Are you finished yet? Yes, I am.
Oh.
Wait a min! The dog! The dog! The dog! Quick! Djinn Djinn! Djinn Djinn? Djinn Djinn, Djinn Djinn, [DJINN DJINN BARKS.]
Oh, there he is.
Oh, come on, Djinn Djinn.
Come on, baby.
[DJINN DJINN WHIMPERS.]
Ooh, there we go.
[GROWLS.]
Oh, look out.
Give him Give him his towel.
All right.
Take the towel.
Give him the towel.
Take the towel.
Yes, take all the towels.
Now? Now.
Oh, boy.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Thank goodness your head isn't porcelain.
Oh, well.
There you are, Djinn Djinn.
Now, let us see.
[SIGHS.]
There.
[CLUCKS TONGUE.]
I am ashamed to do such shoddy work.
But that is what my master wants.
That is what he wants Oh! [DJINN DJINN BARKS.]
Djinn Djinn, no, no, no, you naughty dog.
Now.
Now, go on.
Go on.
I am doing important work for my master.
Go on.
[BARKS.]
[SIGHS.]
All right, now.
Let me see.
[SIGHS.]
Ooh.
Ugly.
Hm.
Let me see, now.
Here.
Whoo! Terrible.
Oh, dear.
I do not want Mrs.
Bellows to think my master is a complete amateur.
I will do something just a little special.
[GIGGLES.]
Let's see if I can remember the recipe.
Right eye.
Left eye.
Both eyes twice.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh! Oh, my goodness.
My poor little Djinn Djinn.
What did I do? It did not work.
Do not worry.
Do not worry.
The Genie Journal.
There must be an antidote.
Okay, let me see.
Let us see.
What does it say? Oh, dear.
Oh, here it is.
Yes.
Let's see.
Hm.
"Homemaking ideas, new spells for old porc" Oh, dear.
Well, there's no recipe for turning things back.
Do not worry, Djinn Djinn.
I will go home to To Baghdad and ask Mama.
Or Or Haji, or Someone.
Oh, thank you, major.
Uh, did you make these too? Oh, no, no, no.
I only took up pottery because Dr.
Bellows said that, uh, doing something with your hands would be relaxing.
Well, there's no need to go to extremes, major.
In the future, I'd like your reports to be on plain, Government Issue paper.
Oh, Alfred, don't be such a fuddy-duddy.
It It's perfectly obvious that Major Nelson is an artiste.
Oh, major, may I see the rest of your things? I'm really very excited about all this.
I don't want you to be disappointed.
My stuff's pretty crude.
Oh, major, you're much too modest.
Uh, the crockery is ready.
Huh? Oh, good.
Uh, right this way, please.
Amanda.
Thank you, dear.
I'm really very excited about this.
I know.
Now, if you If you see anything you like, just tell me and I'll make you a present of it.
Thank you very much, major.
Well, it's all very nice.
It's just, uh it's not quite what I'd expected.
Yeah, well, I tried to keep the crude approach, you know? Like Like this one.
It's a kind of a simplistic form.
I think you've succeeded, major.
Uh, Amanda, have you seen enough? Yes, I have, darling.
Thank you very much, major.
It's, uh, all been very interesting.
Oh, all right.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson, I like this very much.
May I see it? Yes, well, this is the crude form I've been What is that? No, darling, come look at this beautiful little dog.
Huh? Oh, yeah.
Well, that That's just a little dog I whipped up.
It's been a A pleasure having you here.
And I I'm sure Oh, this is exactly what I was looking for, major.
Darling, look at this.
Isn't that exquisite? Where did that come from? I don't know.
It was there when I got here.
What do you mean? I told Jeannie to keep it crude.
Pull this thing off.
What are you doing with this on your hand? Just pull it.
Look at the detail, Alfred.
The intricate craftsmanship.
It's so lifelike.
Major? Yes? Major, you know, you said if I If I really found something that I like that I could have it? Yes.
Well, I like this.
Huh? Uh, well Uh, now Dr.
Bellows.
Wait a minute, wait a minute! Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
It fits your hand.
I'll take this, huh? Roger Jeannie? Jeannie? TONY: Jeannie? Jeannie? Excuse me, Roger.
Jeannie, come on out.
Jeannie Jeannie? Jeannie, come on out, please.
We gotta find that dog.
What are you worrying about? Mrs.
Bellows will probably put it on her knickknack shelf and that'll be that.
Yeah! And in a matter of hours, I'll be the master potter of the space agency.
I'd sure like to have the concession on all this stuff.
I know what.
Uh, tomorrow we'll go to Mrs.
Bellows' house and we'll smash it.
What? Smash it! Boy, you sure don't take pride in your work.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, excuse me, doctor.
I think that's them.
Oh, hello, Mrs.
Bellows.
Hello, Major Nelson.
Major Healey, won't you come in, please? There's someone I want you to meet.
Right this way.
Please.
Major majors, rather, I would like you to meet, uh, Dr.
Farber.
This is Major Nelson and Major Healey.
He is an authority on fine oriental porcelain.
How do you do, sir? Is this the one? He's the one.
I want to ask you about the porcelain dog.
TONY: Oh, that little dog, sir? Oh, just something I whipped up.
Yeah, it's pretty.
Heavy too.
Pretty heavy.
BOTH: Ooh! Good heavens! What are you doing? Oh, just clumsy.
I'll hold it, sir.
Please be careful.
Yes.
You're holding one of the most valuable porcelains in the entire world.
What, this is valuable? Mm.
Oh, now, I'm afraid not, sir.
Uh, I It's the first effort of a rank amateur.
All right, major.
You can drop it now.
Huh? I said you can drop it.
Well, if that's what you want, Mrs.
Bellows What is the matter with you two? Well, she told him to drop it.
Not the dog.
The pretense.
Major, you did not make this dog.
I didn't? Not unless you're Lum Chung Sing, the finest maker of porcelain in the 15th century.
And this is his masterpiece.
The Peking Dog.
The finest example of the potted art.
Uh, no, sir.
I I made that dog.
Not in a thousand years could this be duplicated.
I made the dog, didn't I, Roger? Didn't you see me make it, huh? What about that tablet with the report on it? I suppose that was 15th century too.
Doctor, I must admit I am a bit confused.
I'm afraid I made the dog, sir.
Anybody can make a mistake.
Uh, that's not worth the time it takes to smash it.
Major! Major, please! It's worth more than a quarter of a million dollars.
A quarter of a million dollars? This? Oh, come on Oh! [.]
No! [SCREAMS.]
Oh, oh, oh! Mrs.
Bellows, please, let me have it.
It's for a museum.
No, no, no.
No museum.
No, he gave it to me.
Wait, wait Oh, please, don't break it.
No! Oh! [LAUGHS.]
That's it.
Yeah.
What's going on, here? [ALL ARGUE INDISTINCTLY.]
??? What's going on, here? [ALL ARGUE INDISTINCTLY.]
What's the matter with you? I'll take care of this.
Do you mind? I'm keeping the dog until this thing is straightened out and I'm putting it in a safe place.
In the NASA vault.
[ALL ARGUE INDISTINCTLY.]
I never ask any favor before.
I'm asking.
Just let me be I've never been near a quarter of a million dollars before.
Oh, Roger, will you get off your knees? You're embarrassing.
Somebody's gotta be here in case Jeannie comes back.
I left a note for her at home telling her to meet me here.
What am I supposed to tell her? Tell her to smash that dog.
Oh, no, don't smash it.
I'm sorry, Roger.
It's the only way out, Roge.
Wait a minute.
What if she doesn't come back? Then I'll smash it.
Oh, don't smash it.
This is my career.
I'm in the space program.
I'm an astronaut.
I can't.
With a quarter-million we can buy our own space program.
Boy, isn't anybody dishonest anymore? You put a pottery dog in my vault? Porcelain.
For safekeeping, sir.
You see, there's a pottery expert who insists that Major Nelson didn't make it.
But that it is, in fact, a rare oriental porcelain.
Oh, you're beginning not to make sense again, doctor.
Oh, it'll clear up, general, uh, just as soon as Dr.
Farber arrives.
Uh, he's the expert.
He says that he's uh, bringing proof positive that the dog belongs in a museum.
What would Tony be doing with a museum piece? I don't know, sir.
Uh, but there's one thing that supports Major Nelson.
Uh, the dog bears a striking resemblance to that nasty little brute who got loose in here several months ago.
Uh, Major Nelson says that he did the statue from memory.
You mean that hound that nearly destroyed the place? And he's in my safe? In pottery, sir.
You said porcelain.
Oh, yes.
Of course.
Oh, but he's perfectly harmless.
I hope so, doctor.
Oh, I hope so.
Yeah, a quarter of a million dollars.
That's a lot of money.
Oh, that's 500,000 That's a million quarters.
Twenty-five million dimes.
Boy, I wonder what that is in trading stamps.
Major Healey? Have? Have you seen Djinn Djinn? Oh, he's in General Peterson's safe.
What is my dog doing in a safe? You don't mean the dog.
You mean the statue of a dog.
Well, that is no statue, Major Healey.
That is Djinn Djinn.
You see, I made a mistake and turned him into porcelain and I have been in Baghdad getting the antidote.
Why did they think it was from the 15th century, then? Oh, well, that is easy.
You see, when Djinn Djinn was a puppy, a Chinese artist named Lum Chung Sing did him in pottery, and I must say it turned out rather well.
Oh, you'd better go and tell Tony.
Oh No! No.
No, I'll I'll tell Tony.
Oh, well.
Seven trillion trading stamps? There it is, general.
The Peking Dog.
That picture was taken at the Imperial Museum in 1922.
What do you say to that, Tony? Oh, well, that's impossible, sir.
Uh, that statue was modeled after that little dog I had a couple of months ago.
I suppose you remember.
I certainly do.
I still got the scars.
Yes, well, if you just open the safe, sir, you'll see a remarkable resemblance.
All right, Tony.
I hope the dog is all right.
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Amanda.
What could happen to the dog? Tony, I gotta talk to you.
Huh? No No, he's opening the safe now.
That's what I want to talk to you about.
Well, we'll soon see, won't we? Now, let me see if I can remember.
Uh, two blinks, left eye.
One blink, right eye.
Twenty-seven Ah, sir, please! Don't open Not now Not now Don't open it now.
What's the matter with you, Tony? You wanted me to open it.
Not now.
Just not now.
Not the time.
Oh, he knows that I'm right.
No, no, he's not right All right, general, feast your eyes on that.
[GROWLING.]
Ouch! He bit me! A pottery dog bit you? He's not a pottery dog.
He's He's gone! Ha! Gone, that's what he is.
Gone.
Oh, God! It's that brute! Run for your lives! [GROWLS, BARKS.]
He's a killer! [ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
Oh, now he's got my sleeve.
Get off! Roger, get him.
Get him? Get him? Get him? He's got me.
General, what's happening to him? Don't panic.
Don't panic.
[CACKLES.]
Come on Ooh! [ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
I don't understand! I don't see anything! Oh, he's eating his pants of! [SCREAMS.]
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY.]
Oh, calm down.
General, general, it's all right, sir.
Don't panic.
[PETERSON SCREAMS.]
Call the Air Police! Call the dog catcher! Call the Marines! We need reinforcements! [ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
[SCREAMS.]
Doctor, you put that brute in my safe.
What kind of a mad fiend are you? General Peterson, I tell you it was pottery.
No, it wasn't It was alive.
I saw it.
Alfred? Take me home.
Oh, hello.
I believe I have the explanation for you, Dr.
Bellows.
I doubt it.
I doubt it.
I'm afraid it was all my fault.
You can say that again.
You see, little Djinn Djinn here, I brought him to visit with his good friend, Major Nelson.
But I'm afraid the naughty little boy got away from me.
[LAUGHS.]
And he jumped through your window.
Madam, please, take him away.
It was a pottery dog.
I tell you I put a pottery dog in that safe.
This was not done by a pottery dog.
Then where's that statue? A pottery dog, you say? Well, very mysterious.
Oh, my goodness.
Naughty Djinn Djinn.
He must have gotten you all so upset you didn't notice the little statue had fallen out.
There it is.
[CLUCKS TONGUE.]
FARBER: The Peking Dog.
It's broken beyond all repair.
Oh.
Gone forever.
Oh, I wouldn't say that, honey.
[.]
Jeannie, where? Where's my hat? Hm? Oh, it is in the dining room, master, with your briefcase.
Oh.
Whoops.
Hey, what are you reading? Oh, it It is called The Genie Journal, master.
[LAUGHING.]
The Genie Journal? It is a special magazine written just for genies.
It has recipes and new techniques, where to eat in Beirut, that sort of thing.
Well, I've never seen it around here before.
Oh, well, Mother sent this one.
You see, it has a large section on how to find a new master.
Yeah, she was always known for her subtlety.
Uh, look, I'll be home around 6:00 tonight, so you don't have to do any fancy cooking.
So I'll Oh, uh, no, I don't want a big breakfast.
I'll just settle on some fruit, Jeannie.
Oh Oh! Uh, what's going on, here? This fruit was fresh yesterday.
I just bought it.
Master, I am so sorry.
You see, there's a new recipe in The Genie Journal that tells how to turn organic material into porcelain.
And I was, uh I was trying it out.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah, well, I've bitten into wax fruit before but this is ridiculous.
Oh, I'm sorry, master.
Here's a fresh apple.
Oh, thanks.
Do me a favor, will you? Warn me before you try out any new recipes on me.
Oh, yes, master.
I'll see you tonight.
Have a nice day, master.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[.]
Hello, Dr.
Bellows.
Oh, hello, major.
Where's Major Nelson? He'll be right along, sir.
About Saturday night.
Could you get somebody to replace me? Oh, that's out of the question.
Roger.
Sir.
Oh, uh, good morning, major.
Have you got that report? Oh, yes, sir.
Right here.
Something the matter, major? Oh, no, no.
Fine, fine.
[SNICKERS.]
[.]
[.]
Tony, where? Where? Where did you buy your hat? Major Nelson, this is pottery.
Yeah, porcelain, actually, sir.
A porcelain hat? Oh, Tony, you should know better than that.
Regulations say a hat should be made of wool or twill.
BELLOWS: That'll do, major.
Well, Major Nelson? Well, sir? Well? Well? Oh, yes.
Uh, well, uh, the explanation is very simple, sir.
Simple? Yes, very simple.
How simple? Hm? Oh, well, I've taken up pottery, sir.
Very relaxing.
You really ought to try it.
All right.
I'll accept that.
It's no more ridiculous than some of your other explanations.
However, in the future I'd appreciate very much if you'd confine your potting to pots.
Of course, sir.
Now, if you'll give me your report, I'll leave you to clean up that mess.
Uh, well, there are a few things I'd like to add to it I'm sorry, major, but Washington expects that report immediately.
I understand, uh, it's in your briefcase.
Yes, that's correct, sir.
Well? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Would you mind, uh, stepping back, please? Would you, Roger, step back? Here's the report, sir.
Your report is in pottery.
Porcelain.
Uh, like the Babylonians, sir.
If you remember, some of their records lasted for thousands of years on porcelain, or crockery, or pottery, or Yes.
Thank you.
[CHUCKLES.]
[WHIMPERS.]
Boy, turning your briefcase into pottery? Man, that's dumb.
That's dumb.
That's dumb.
What do you want me to turn it into? It's not dumb.
Jeannie was just trying out a spell she read in a genie magazine.
Yeah, but porcelain? How about gold? Yeah, well, who would want a gold briefcase? Yeah, who would want a gold briefcase? Who? A gold briefcase? Yeah, you're right.
How about a gold suitcase? Wait a minute, how about a gold steam iron? How about a steam? Come on.
Jeannie, I'm home.
JEANNIE: Do not come in yet, master.
Yeah, she's probably fixing your frozen porcelain dinner.
Oh Frozen porcelain dinner.
You get it? Just a little Jeannie? Jeannie! [DOG BARKS.]
He's back.
What's back? Djinn Djinn, the invisible dog.
It's the invisible dog.
He's back.
[DOG GROWLING.]
Ah! My shoe! [TONY GRUNTS.]
[GROWLING.]
[BOTH STUTTERING INDISTINCTLY.]
Djinn Djinn! Djinn Djinn! Stop it immediately.
Get it away, get it away.
Stop it, Djinn Djinn! Ooh Ah! Master, you should get it.
You shouldn't have come in with your uniform on.
You know how uniforms upset him.
What am I supposed to do? Do a striptease on the porch? [SCREAMS.]
Well, of course not.
I was gonna blink you both out of uniform.
Oh, oh, puppy.
[TONY SCREAMING.]
Poor baby.
Come on.
[SCREAMING.]
Come on.
[DJINN DJINN GROWLING.]
Just stop him! Wait a minute! Would you two mind arguing about it after you blinked? Oh, of course.
Yeah Jeannie, where's the dog? Where's the dog? Oh! [DJINN DJINN WHIMPERS.]
Oh, darling little Djinn Djinn.
Pet him so that he will know that you are happy to see him.
I don't want to pet him.
I'm not happy to see him.
[BARKS.]
Ah! I'm delighted to see him.
Me too.
I'm happy Happy.
Oh, I'm happy.
How long is the little fella gonna be staying with us? Oh, not very long, master.
But you must remember to stay out of uniform while he is here.
Yeah, we can both wear our summer porcelains.
Ha-ha-ha.
Coffee's almost ready, dear.
Thanks.
What in the world is that? Well, oddly enough, it's one of Major Nelson's reports.
For some unknown reason, he did it on pottery.
Just like the Rosetta Stone.
Hm.
Here, let me see it.
Oh, Amanda, please.
I have to mail that to Washington.
Oh, that reminds me.
I must put that in a box marked "fragile.
" Oh, this is very interesting.
But it's It's not really like pottery.
It's more like fine oriental porcelain.
Oh, Amanda, don't be ridiculous.
He says he just took it up as a new hobby.
Well, then, he's a genius.
Remember last year when I took that Art Appreciation course? Well, Dr.
Farber, he showed us some fine oriental porcelain.
And darling, this is exactly the same quality.
Oh, Amanda, what are you doing? I'm calling Major Nelson.
Well, what for? What for? Because I want to see the rest of his work that's what for.
What? Oh, fine, four, yes, five [DJINN DJINN GROWLING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Come on, Djinn Djinn.
Sic him! Sic him, Djinn Djinn! Get him, get him, get him! [DJINN DJINN BARKS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[ALL GROAN.]
Come on, Djinn Djinn.
Get him, Djinn Djinn.
Get him.
Come on, Djinn Djinn.
[SCREAMS.]
[LAUGHS.]
What's the idea of the invisible bit? I didn't even have my uniform on.
Oh, well, master, sometimes he disappears when he gets excited.
[RINGS.]
Hello? Yeah, he's right here.
It's kind of unnerving to Oh, hello Mrs.
Bellows.
No, no, this is Major Healey.
How are you? Oh, fine.
Fine, thanks.
Oh, no, just come over any time.
No problem at all.
Right.
Goodbye.
Uh, Roger, who is it? Oh, that's the Bellows'.
Mrs.
Bellows wants to come over and see the rest of your pots.
What do you mean she's coming here? Well, you told Bellows you were taking up pottery as a hobby.
I couldn't very well tell him Jeannie made all that crockery.
That shouldn't be too hard.
Just show him Jeannie's crockery.
TONY: That's a good idea.
Jeannie, uh, get to the garage and turn it into a workshop.
Uh, put in a potter's wheel and spread some crockery around.
Instantly, master.
TONY: Wait a minute, I'm not finished.
Uh, don't make the crockery too good.
You know, make it kind of amateurish-looking, okay? What are you waiting for? Are you finished yet? Yes, I am.
Oh.
Wait a min! The dog! The dog! The dog! Quick! Djinn Djinn! Djinn Djinn? Djinn Djinn, Djinn Djinn, [DJINN DJINN BARKS.]
Oh, there he is.
Oh, come on, Djinn Djinn.
Come on, baby.
[DJINN DJINN WHIMPERS.]
Ooh, there we go.
[GROWLS.]
Oh, look out.
Give him Give him his towel.
All right.
Take the towel.
Give him the towel.
Take the towel.
Yes, take all the towels.
Now? Now.
Oh, boy.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Thank goodness your head isn't porcelain.
Oh, well.
There you are, Djinn Djinn.
Now, let us see.
[SIGHS.]
There.
[CLUCKS TONGUE.]
I am ashamed to do such shoddy work.
But that is what my master wants.
That is what he wants Oh! [DJINN DJINN BARKS.]
Djinn Djinn, no, no, no, you naughty dog.
Now.
Now, go on.
Go on.
I am doing important work for my master.
Go on.
[BARKS.]
[SIGHS.]
All right, now.
Let me see.
[SIGHS.]
Ooh.
Ugly.
Hm.
Let me see, now.
Here.
Whoo! Terrible.
Oh, dear.
I do not want Mrs.
Bellows to think my master is a complete amateur.
I will do something just a little special.
[GIGGLES.]
Let's see if I can remember the recipe.
Right eye.
Left eye.
Both eyes twice.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh! Oh, my goodness.
My poor little Djinn Djinn.
What did I do? It did not work.
Do not worry.
Do not worry.
The Genie Journal.
There must be an antidote.
Okay, let me see.
Let us see.
What does it say? Oh, dear.
Oh, here it is.
Yes.
Let's see.
Hm.
"Homemaking ideas, new spells for old porc" Oh, dear.
Well, there's no recipe for turning things back.
Do not worry, Djinn Djinn.
I will go home to To Baghdad and ask Mama.
Or Or Haji, or Someone.
Oh, thank you, major.
Uh, did you make these too? Oh, no, no, no.
I only took up pottery because Dr.
Bellows said that, uh, doing something with your hands would be relaxing.
Well, there's no need to go to extremes, major.
In the future, I'd like your reports to be on plain, Government Issue paper.
Oh, Alfred, don't be such a fuddy-duddy.
It It's perfectly obvious that Major Nelson is an artiste.
Oh, major, may I see the rest of your things? I'm really very excited about all this.
I don't want you to be disappointed.
My stuff's pretty crude.
Oh, major, you're much too modest.
Uh, the crockery is ready.
Huh? Oh, good.
Uh, right this way, please.
Amanda.
Thank you, dear.
I'm really very excited about this.
I know.
Now, if you If you see anything you like, just tell me and I'll make you a present of it.
Thank you very much, major.
Well, it's all very nice.
It's just, uh it's not quite what I'd expected.
Yeah, well, I tried to keep the crude approach, you know? Like Like this one.
It's a kind of a simplistic form.
I think you've succeeded, major.
Uh, Amanda, have you seen enough? Yes, I have, darling.
Thank you very much, major.
It's, uh, all been very interesting.
Oh, all right.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson, I like this very much.
May I see it? Yes, well, this is the crude form I've been What is that? No, darling, come look at this beautiful little dog.
Huh? Oh, yeah.
Well, that That's just a little dog I whipped up.
It's been a A pleasure having you here.
And I I'm sure Oh, this is exactly what I was looking for, major.
Darling, look at this.
Isn't that exquisite? Where did that come from? I don't know.
It was there when I got here.
What do you mean? I told Jeannie to keep it crude.
Pull this thing off.
What are you doing with this on your hand? Just pull it.
Look at the detail, Alfred.
The intricate craftsmanship.
It's so lifelike.
Major? Yes? Major, you know, you said if I If I really found something that I like that I could have it? Yes.
Well, I like this.
Huh? Uh, well Uh, now Dr.
Bellows.
Wait a minute, wait a minute! Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
It fits your hand.
I'll take this, huh? Roger Jeannie? Jeannie? TONY: Jeannie? Jeannie? Excuse me, Roger.
Jeannie, come on out.
Jeannie Jeannie? Jeannie, come on out, please.
We gotta find that dog.
What are you worrying about? Mrs.
Bellows will probably put it on her knickknack shelf and that'll be that.
Yeah! And in a matter of hours, I'll be the master potter of the space agency.
I'd sure like to have the concession on all this stuff.
I know what.
Uh, tomorrow we'll go to Mrs.
Bellows' house and we'll smash it.
What? Smash it! Boy, you sure don't take pride in your work.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, excuse me, doctor.
I think that's them.
Oh, hello, Mrs.
Bellows.
Hello, Major Nelson.
Major Healey, won't you come in, please? There's someone I want you to meet.
Right this way.
Please.
Major majors, rather, I would like you to meet, uh, Dr.
Farber.
This is Major Nelson and Major Healey.
He is an authority on fine oriental porcelain.
How do you do, sir? Is this the one? He's the one.
I want to ask you about the porcelain dog.
TONY: Oh, that little dog, sir? Oh, just something I whipped up.
Yeah, it's pretty.
Heavy too.
Pretty heavy.
BOTH: Ooh! Good heavens! What are you doing? Oh, just clumsy.
I'll hold it, sir.
Please be careful.
Yes.
You're holding one of the most valuable porcelains in the entire world.
What, this is valuable? Mm.
Oh, now, I'm afraid not, sir.
Uh, I It's the first effort of a rank amateur.
All right, major.
You can drop it now.
Huh? I said you can drop it.
Well, if that's what you want, Mrs.
Bellows What is the matter with you two? Well, she told him to drop it.
Not the dog.
The pretense.
Major, you did not make this dog.
I didn't? Not unless you're Lum Chung Sing, the finest maker of porcelain in the 15th century.
And this is his masterpiece.
The Peking Dog.
The finest example of the potted art.
Uh, no, sir.
I I made that dog.
Not in a thousand years could this be duplicated.
I made the dog, didn't I, Roger? Didn't you see me make it, huh? What about that tablet with the report on it? I suppose that was 15th century too.
Doctor, I must admit I am a bit confused.
I'm afraid I made the dog, sir.
Anybody can make a mistake.
Uh, that's not worth the time it takes to smash it.
Major! Major, please! It's worth more than a quarter of a million dollars.
A quarter of a million dollars? This? Oh, come on Oh! [.]
No! [SCREAMS.]
Oh, oh, oh! Mrs.
Bellows, please, let me have it.
It's for a museum.
No, no, no.
No museum.
No, he gave it to me.
Wait, wait Oh, please, don't break it.
No! Oh! [LAUGHS.]
That's it.
Yeah.
What's going on, here? [ALL ARGUE INDISTINCTLY.]
??? What's going on, here? [ALL ARGUE INDISTINCTLY.]
What's the matter with you? I'll take care of this.
Do you mind? I'm keeping the dog until this thing is straightened out and I'm putting it in a safe place.
In the NASA vault.
[ALL ARGUE INDISTINCTLY.]
I never ask any favor before.
I'm asking.
Just let me be I've never been near a quarter of a million dollars before.
Oh, Roger, will you get off your knees? You're embarrassing.
Somebody's gotta be here in case Jeannie comes back.
I left a note for her at home telling her to meet me here.
What am I supposed to tell her? Tell her to smash that dog.
Oh, no, don't smash it.
I'm sorry, Roger.
It's the only way out, Roge.
Wait a minute.
What if she doesn't come back? Then I'll smash it.
Oh, don't smash it.
This is my career.
I'm in the space program.
I'm an astronaut.
I can't.
With a quarter-million we can buy our own space program.
Boy, isn't anybody dishonest anymore? You put a pottery dog in my vault? Porcelain.
For safekeeping, sir.
You see, there's a pottery expert who insists that Major Nelson didn't make it.
But that it is, in fact, a rare oriental porcelain.
Oh, you're beginning not to make sense again, doctor.
Oh, it'll clear up, general, uh, just as soon as Dr.
Farber arrives.
Uh, he's the expert.
He says that he's uh, bringing proof positive that the dog belongs in a museum.
What would Tony be doing with a museum piece? I don't know, sir.
Uh, but there's one thing that supports Major Nelson.
Uh, the dog bears a striking resemblance to that nasty little brute who got loose in here several months ago.
Uh, Major Nelson says that he did the statue from memory.
You mean that hound that nearly destroyed the place? And he's in my safe? In pottery, sir.
You said porcelain.
Oh, yes.
Of course.
Oh, but he's perfectly harmless.
I hope so, doctor.
Oh, I hope so.
Yeah, a quarter of a million dollars.
That's a lot of money.
Oh, that's 500,000 That's a million quarters.
Twenty-five million dimes.
Boy, I wonder what that is in trading stamps.
Major Healey? Have? Have you seen Djinn Djinn? Oh, he's in General Peterson's safe.
What is my dog doing in a safe? You don't mean the dog.
You mean the statue of a dog.
Well, that is no statue, Major Healey.
That is Djinn Djinn.
You see, I made a mistake and turned him into porcelain and I have been in Baghdad getting the antidote.
Why did they think it was from the 15th century, then? Oh, well, that is easy.
You see, when Djinn Djinn was a puppy, a Chinese artist named Lum Chung Sing did him in pottery, and I must say it turned out rather well.
Oh, you'd better go and tell Tony.
Oh No! No.
No, I'll I'll tell Tony.
Oh, well.
Seven trillion trading stamps? There it is, general.
The Peking Dog.
That picture was taken at the Imperial Museum in 1922.
What do you say to that, Tony? Oh, well, that's impossible, sir.
Uh, that statue was modeled after that little dog I had a couple of months ago.
I suppose you remember.
I certainly do.
I still got the scars.
Yes, well, if you just open the safe, sir, you'll see a remarkable resemblance.
All right, Tony.
I hope the dog is all right.
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Amanda.
What could happen to the dog? Tony, I gotta talk to you.
Huh? No No, he's opening the safe now.
That's what I want to talk to you about.
Well, we'll soon see, won't we? Now, let me see if I can remember.
Uh, two blinks, left eye.
One blink, right eye.
Twenty-seven Ah, sir, please! Don't open Not now Not now Don't open it now.
What's the matter with you, Tony? You wanted me to open it.
Not now.
Just not now.
Not the time.
Oh, he knows that I'm right.
No, no, he's not right All right, general, feast your eyes on that.
[GROWLING.]
Ouch! He bit me! A pottery dog bit you? He's not a pottery dog.
He's He's gone! Ha! Gone, that's what he is.
Gone.
Oh, God! It's that brute! Run for your lives! [GROWLS, BARKS.]
He's a killer! [ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
Oh, now he's got my sleeve.
Get off! Roger, get him.
Get him? Get him? Get him? He's got me.
General, what's happening to him? Don't panic.
Don't panic.
[CACKLES.]
Come on Ooh! [ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
I don't understand! I don't see anything! Oh, he's eating his pants of! [SCREAMS.]
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY.]
Oh, calm down.
General, general, it's all right, sir.
Don't panic.
[PETERSON SCREAMS.]
Call the Air Police! Call the dog catcher! Call the Marines! We need reinforcements! [ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
[SCREAMS.]
Doctor, you put that brute in my safe.
What kind of a mad fiend are you? General Peterson, I tell you it was pottery.
No, it wasn't It was alive.
I saw it.
Alfred? Take me home.
Oh, hello.
I believe I have the explanation for you, Dr.
Bellows.
I doubt it.
I doubt it.
I'm afraid it was all my fault.
You can say that again.
You see, little Djinn Djinn here, I brought him to visit with his good friend, Major Nelson.
But I'm afraid the naughty little boy got away from me.
[LAUGHS.]
And he jumped through your window.
Madam, please, take him away.
It was a pottery dog.
I tell you I put a pottery dog in that safe.
This was not done by a pottery dog.
Then where's that statue? A pottery dog, you say? Well, very mysterious.
Oh, my goodness.
Naughty Djinn Djinn.
He must have gotten you all so upset you didn't notice the little statue had fallen out.
There it is.
[CLUCKS TONGUE.]
FARBER: The Peking Dog.
It's broken beyond all repair.
Oh.
Gone forever.
Oh, I wouldn't say that, honey.
[.]