I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s05e07 Episode Script
The Blood of a Jeannie
[.]
Ooh, I cannot make up my mind.
Heh.
They are both so beautiful.
Well, Jeannie, I-it's silly to rush an important thing like selecting an engagement ring.
And, uh, we do have the blood test to get.
And I've gotta be back at the base at 10 for the practice alert.
So why don't we select it tomorrow? Well, children, have you decided? They are both lovely.
And both unique.
One-of-a-kind diamonds for the one-of-a-kind bride.
Well, thank you, sir.
I think we best come back tomorrow.
Thank you.
Well, now, that's something more like what I had in mind.
Master, that lady is taking my ring.
Huh? Shhh, don't call me master.
It's all right.
There are plenty of rings.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
That's all right.
No harm done.
Uh, excuse me.
Is, uh, my watch ready? Yes.
Just one moment.
My, what beautiful rings.
Master, that woman has my rings.
Shhh, Jeannie.
We won't need the rings unless we get a blood test.
There's a doctor right around the corner.
We can get a blood Hey, wait a minute.
I was just thinking.
There's nothing peculiar about your blood, is there? Oh, well, of course not, darling.
Genies have blood just like everyone else.
With corpuscles.
Red and green.
[CHUCKLES.]
Good.
[.]
Green? [.]
[.]
[.]
Gotta be a way.
There just has to be a way.
Well, I think it is perfectly silly of you not to take advantage of my natural talents.
Oh, darling, how many times have I told you, you can't blink away every little problem, you know? Oh, well, this is not a little problem.
If we do not have our blood test, we cannot get our marriage license.
And if we do not have our marriage license, we cannot get married.
I know, I know, I know, I Well, if I'm gonna marry you, I just have to learn to compromise, that's all.
Oh, I am glad I have such a sensible master.
[CHUCKLES.]
Now, tell me.
Mm? What is in it? What's in what? Blood.
Oh.
Oh, well, uh, there's, uh, red corpuscles and, uh, white corpuscles.
White corpuscles.
And, uh, uh Well, a bunch of other stuff.
What other stuff? [CHUCKLES.]
Well, I don't know.
Nobody knows everything that's in it.
Well, how can I possibly blink it if I do not know what is in it? Well, just think blood, I guess.
I don't know.
Ooh, well, I could not do that.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, that's right.
You know what? We're right back where we started from.
We're gonna have to g-get ahold of some normal blood.
Hi, Jeannie, Tony.
Practice alert starts in 10 minutes.
[.]
W-why are you both looking at me like that? What, uh? What's? What's the matter? Is everything all right? BELLOWS: I'd be delighted to give you both a blood test.
Anything to further the cause of true love.
Well, shall it be ladies first? Uh, no, sir.
I'll go first.
I wanna show Jeannie it doesn't hurt.
Well, I-if you do not mind, Anthony, I would rather not watch.
I shall wait out in the hall.
Yeah.
She's a little squeamish.
Ha-ha-ha.
Well, just remove your coat, major.
Yes.
Listen, can you get somebody else? I don't mind giving you the shirt off my back, but my blood? Please, Major Healey.
This is very important.
Yeah, but Dr.
Bellows has been stabbing and jabbing at me all day long.
Why, are you sick? No, it's just a routine checkup, but [TONY SCREAMS.]
Oh, that is the signal.
Wait a minute.
Well.
Are you all right, darling? Are you all right? Oh, he's fine.
I didn't know you were squeamish too.
I'm sorry, sir.
Be brave, darling.
BELLOWS: I hope you'll be more courageous than your friend here.
You're next, Jeannie.
Well, let me see.
Uh, Jeannie? Yes, doctor? You don't have to go behind there.
It's just a blood test.
If you do not mind, I would rather not watch.
Well, if you don't wanna look, you can just close your eyes.
TONY: I wonder if you could humor her.
She's a She's a little squeamish about this.
It's the first time she's I understand.
All right then, just stick your arm right through the curtain.
The watch, the watch.
Did you say something? Eh, I I said Ha.
I-I said, thank you, doctor, for For not making me watch.
Oh.
Now, we're just gonna tie this around here to spot a vein.
There we are.
Now, if it gets too tight, you let me know.
My, that's quite a muscular arm.
She plays a lot of tennis, sir.
Oh.
Now, let me see.
Well, now, just hold it steady.
Oh! Oop.
There, now, that didn't hurt too much, did it? Oh, no, doctor.
That did not hurt me a bit.
BELLOWS: There we are.
We'll just put a little cotton there.
Now, it'll just take a few minutes to run these through to the lab.
Right.
BELLOWS: Oh, uh, I'll need your other hand.
[WHISPERS.]
No, no.
Why don't you go get it? No.
Oh, Jeannie, your other hand.
There we are.
Now.
Well, that's strange.
Your left arm isn't nearly as muscular as your right.
Uh, she's right-handed, sir.
Ohhh.
And this one is wearing nail polish, while the other one She didn't have time to finish it this morning.
Hadn't we better get the blood to the laboratory? Uh, oh, oh, yes, yes.
Here we are.
You know, uh, uh, major, it seems to me, she's such a slender girl to have a muscular arm like that.
Yes, she's unusual in every respect.
Major Healey, you almost spoiled everything.
Why did you make me use my own arm? Because Dr.
Bellows gave me five injections in that arm this morning.
He'd have recognized it.
Oh.
Yeah.
What did he inject? Oh, the usual.
The usual? Yeah.
Tetanus, typhus, yellow fever, cholera.
The works.
Ooh, good.
Yeah, good.
Cholera? Typhoid and yellow fever? Dr.
Bellows said that all of them showed up in your blood.
Well, naturally.
Isn't that the idea? Roger, the idea is that it was supposed to be Jeannie's blood.
Dr.
Bellows thinks she's a walking epidemic.
Well, that is better than thinking I'm a walking genie.
Ah, no.
No, darling.
Not much better.
Dr.
Bellows is not gonna give us that certificate until he gives you a full examination and another blood test.
Wait a minute.
I don't mind masquerading as Jeannie's arm, but they're not gonna Oh, Roger, don't be ridiculous.
Oh, master, I do not think it is a good idea for Dr.
Bellows to examine me.
Yes, I I think we're all in agreement on that.
Now, you just go home and I'll think of something.
Oh, uh, excuse me.
Dr.
Bellows.
Now, Jeannie, uh, there's nothing to worry about.
We're gonna find out exactly what's going on.
I hope not.
That's very kind of you, sir, but, uh, not today.
You see, Jeannie, uh I do not feel very well.
Well, of course you don't.
That's why we're going to examine you.
No, no, sir.
She really can't today.
She She has, uh, an appointment with her dentist.
Hairdresser.
Mechanic.
Dentist, hairdresser, mechanic? Which is it? Uh, all three, sir.
She has a very busy schedule this afternoon.
I said before this is far more important.
[ALARM WAILS.]
Argh! What is that? Eh, that, uh That's a practice alert.
It's okay.
Yes.
For the next four hours, this base will be entirely sealed off.
No one will enter or leave.
Now, shall we proceed with the examination? Well, uh, I believe that, uh, Major Nelson, Major Healey, you, uh, have a few checkpoints to inspect.
Now, I'll see you in five minutes in the examining room.
Thank you, doctor.
Thank you.
I'll get that, sir.
Thank you, doc Dr.
Bellows.
Goodbye, master.
I-I am going to Ormandy's.
What are you going to Ormandy's for? W-w-well, I only have five minutes, and that woman may buy my ring.
No, no, no, no.
Look, uh, uh, call 'em on the phone.
I-I got the telephone number in my wallet.
Wait a minute.
My wallet's gone.
[GASPS.]
That guy I ran into.
The guy that bumped me.
He stole my wallet.
He picked my pocket.
Ooh, that is terrible.
I will boil him No, no, no.
Don't do anything I wasn't sure.
Well, I am sure.
Well, it might've been Come on, Tony.
The alert! Huh? Oh.
I'll What are you doing? Don't kiss her.
She may have some of those diseases.
Huh? [WAILS.]
Oh.
Five minutes.
Oh.
Hello? Hello.
I would like to speak to Ormandy's jewelry store, please.
WOMAN: Sorry, no outside calls during the alert.
Oh, b-but this is very import [LINE GOES DEAD.]
Oh.
Five minutes.
[.]
[GIGGLES.]
Uh, just a minute, please.
I believe you have my master's wallet.
Mm-hm.
[.]
Taxi! Taxi! [.]
Somebody moved the street.
Something, somebody moved the street.
I would like my master's wallet, please.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, yes, you do.
This morning in Ormandy's you stole my fiancé's wallet, and I want it back.
L-look, lady, I'll make a deal with you.
You can have the wallet back if you'll just tell me where I am.
Oh, well, that seems fair.
You're at NASA.
So? Where's Ormandy's? Well, for the moment, right through that door.
I'll take my chances with Ormandy.
But wait.
We made a deal.
Ugh.
Oh, ah, all right, Jeannie, we're ready.
Uh, who were you talking to? Oh, uh, a man who has Anthony's wallet.
And he came all the way to NASA to return it? Why, that's marvelous how honest some people are.
Oh, we're ready to get started with the examination.
This way.
[CHUCKLES.]
[.]
Now, let me see.
You've decided on the brooch and the bracelet.
Now, what about the ring? I'm sure your daughter would adore that.
WOMAN: Oh, I just can't seem to make up my mind.
[STOMPS FOOT.]
Mama was right.
Crime doesn't pay.
Oh, let me look at that.
Oh, that's an adorable little canary-yellow diamond set in platinum with a tiny filigree design right around there.
Oh, that's charming.
I like the color too.
[.]
Dr.
Bellows, you do not understand.
I understand perfectly.
Like all young people, you feel that you don't need a complete physical examination.
Well, let me tell you, any young couple contemplating marriage should definitely [HUMMING.]
ORMANDY: I'm sorry.
That lamp isn't for sale.
Ah, yeah.
I-I was just admiring it.
You really can't tell in here, Mrs.
Horlick.
Step outside and see it in the sunlight.
[.]
Oh.
Major.
Come back to have another look at the rings? The rings? Uh, yes.
Mm-hm.
I'm just about to show one of them to Mrs.
Horlick in the sunlight, if you'll excuse me.
No.
Uh, what I mean is, you You wouldn't like it out there, sir.
It's gotten very cloudy.
Overcast.
You can't see a thing.
Why, how ridiculous.
It's a clear, sunny day.
Oh, no.
No, really.
I, uh A tropical storm just came up.
Major, would you kindly stand aside? It's hurricane weather.
I'm not kidding.
I would advise you to get your storm Excuse me, lady, could I borrow a hairpin? Don't open the window.
Don't Mr.
Ormandy, look.
Ah.
Oh.
Not a cloud in the sky.
Now, see here, major, if you're trying to prevent this lady from buying your fiancée's ring by making up this story [DOOR OPENS.]
Hi, Tony.
Oh, too bad we have to be inside on such a beautiful day.
Hey, you redecorated.
Mr.
Ormandy, would you kindly tell me what is going on here? Well, it's really very simple, Mrs.
Horlick.
You see, that man and his fiancée were in here looking at rings this morning.
Roger, would you come over here, please? Yeah.
Uh, how do you like that? Oh, a nice job.
Quick too.
Quick.
Hey, you wouldn't happen to have a hacksaw on you, would you? Oh, you decorators never carry your own tools.
Ha, ha.
TONY: Roger, come over here.
Yeah, yeah.
This This is really nice.
It's a little jewelry-store modern, but nice.
It is a jewelry store.
Jeannie blinked it here.
Nice, huh? Well, in that case, maybe I can have my watch fixed.
It's slow.
Roger, forget about your wat I I've gotta find Jeannie and have her blink this place back.
You stand guard here and don't you let anybody in or out.
Wait a minute.
What if somebody wants to go home? Don't let 'em.
They'll walk right out into a NASA corridor.
Listen, major, I'll give you back your wallet if you'll Nobody listens.
He's probably gone to get his fiancée now.
Well, if he feels as strongly as that about the ring, let him have it.
Send the other things to my house.
ROGER: Don't go, don't go, don't go.
Major, Mrs.
Horlick has very kindly decided to let your friend have that ring, so don't you start causing trouble.
Oh, well, we have lots of rings.
Oh, here's a nice zircon over here Young man, take your hands off me.
Oh, no, no.
Major, if this nonsense doesn't cease instantly, I shall have to call the police.
No, don't! What is going on here? Yes, what's going on? What's going on here?! What's going on here? Uh Uh It's a stickup.
Oh.
Everybody against the safe.
Against the safe.
Come on.
Listen, major, if you'll just give me a hand with these cuffs, I'll give you a hand.
[.]
Look up, please, Jeannie.
[CLICKS.]
There.
Dr.
Bellows, what is that you just put in my eyes? Well, just something to dilate the pupils.
Now, uh, follow my finger.
But it feels funny.
And I do not seem to be able to blink.
That's right.
But don't worry.
It'll wear off in an hour or two.
Well, everything normal there.
Now, uh, cross your legs, please.
Hm? Oh.
[.]
Well, that's odd.
Oh, hello, Dr.
Bellows.
How's everything coming along? Fine, darling.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson, I want you to see this.
That's the patella reflex.
Her knee is supposed to jerk forward.
Your knee is supposed to jerk forward.
Oh, my knee is supposed to jerk forward.
You're hitting the wrong place.
Major, please.
I'm a doctor.
Oh, for heaven's sakes.
What's going on here? Can't you see what you're doing? Please blink Ormandy's back.
Oh, master, that man with your wallet is in there, and I I don't care.
I want you to blink it back.
I am afraid it is impossible, master.
I cannot blink.
Huh? That's right.
She cannot blink.
Her pupils are dilated.
Ha, ha.
Well, that isn't too serious, is it, Jeannie? Unless, of course, you want to, uh, flirt with me.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, Dr.
Bellows.
Uh, sir, how long will it take for the chemical to wear off? Oh, an hour, half-hour.
Depends on the individual.
And how long is the examination gonna last, sir? I'm finished.
And I'm delighted to report that Jeannie is a perfectly healthy girl.
Oh, well, thank you, Dr.
Bellows.
Could we have the certificate now? Oh, yes.
Uh, as soon as I have this, uh, second blood sample analyzed.
Oh, major, what is the matter? Sorry.
I'll get it.
I You took another sample, sir, of, uh, Jeannie's blood? Yes, we did.
Undoubtedly they made a mistake the first time.
Uh, I'm happy to announce that Jeannie hasn't got one single abnormal symptom.
Oh, good.
Ow! What's the matter with you? You almost made me drop it.
I'm awfully sorry, sir.
Why don't I take this sample of blood to? Over to the laboratory? Never mind.
I'll Please, major Whoa! You are the clumsiest TONY: I know.
I'm just not used to being here.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
I'm awfully sorry.
[.]
You are without a doubt the slowest crook I've ever seen.
I just can't hold my hands up any longer.
All right, all right, you can put 'em down.
But don't try to make a break for it.
No, the base is sealed I mean, the jewelry store is sealed off.
Major, if you're going to rob this store, would you kindly rob it? Uh, well, I, uh, can't decide what I want.
Maybe you could, uh, show me something you like.
Oh, well, we have this lovely teardrop neck Uh, major.
Would you please rob the store? I want to call the insurance company.
Well, I can't decide what to steal.
Oh, Major Nelson, I wish you'd be more careful in the future.
I'm sorry.
This is one of my clumsy days.
I can see that.
Let me have this.
No, not the blood, sir.
Please.
We have some important questions to ask you.
Oh, that is right.
Some questions.
Don't you want your certificate? Of course we want the certificate, sir, but Don't move.
What? Don't move.
Why not? There's a bee.
A bee? A bee? Where? What? The syringe.
The syringe.
Where? What's the matter with you? I don't see any bee.
Why, there's no bees.
Huh? Huh? Well, open the door and let him out.
Let him out.
We can't let him out.
Why not? What's the matter with you? [YELLS.]
Will you stop this nonsense? Get that thing.
Where? I have thing for bees.
Give me hives.
Ha-ha-ha! [YELLS.]
What are you doing? Don't move.
Don't move.
Get it.
Get it.
[SCREAMS.]
Not me, him.
I feel it.
I feel that Jeannie has swatted it.
I see it.
Don't move.
Stay right there.
I'll get it.
Now.
[SCREAMS.]
Shhh.
There you are, sir.
Ooh, ooh.
That's a nasty one.
We better take a look at that, sir.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Huh? Thank you.
Don't worry.
Don't look.
Don't look, sir.
[MUFFLED SPEECH.]
Just a minute.
I'm not an intern.
I've seen blood before.
What's the matter with you? Sir, how long do you think it'll take to get a report from the lab? Oh, about 10 minutes.
Oh, good, good, good.
[SIGHS.]
May I help you? Oh.
[.]
Master.
Huh? Where is the bee? There's no bee, darling.
Mwah.
You were beautiful.
You did it all by yourself.
You didn't blink.
Mm-mm.
You didn't blink? Mm-mm.
Can you blink? Mm Not yet.
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Good.
Good.
Well, we may have won the battle, but we lost the war.
[.]
What's that? Uh, three.
That one? S.
That one? Uh X.
You better lie down.
We'll just have to wait until the chemical wears off.
Here, lie down.
Take it easy.
Rest your eyes, will you? Oh, Dr.
Bellows said it was only gonna take about 10 minutes.
It's 15 already.
Oh, well, master, darling, do not worry.
As you said, blood is a very complicated thing.
After all, it has red corpuscles and white corpuscles and green corpuscles and a bunch of other stuff.
Forget the green corpuscles.
Operator.
Oh, operator, would you get me the lab, please? Yeah, the laboratory.
Master, what is this? Huh? Oh, that That's a scale.
Oh.
What does it do? Uh, uh, it It gives you your weight, Jeannie.
Hello, the lab? Uh, Dr.
Bellows, please.
How does it work? Uh, Alfred J Uh, yeah.
Alfred Bellows.
That's right.
Here.
Uh, yeah, I am.
Uh, oh, you see, you get the average weight about what you weigh here, see, on the big one.
You slide this up and down until it balances.
Where it balances, that tells you what you weigh.
Yeah, I am.
Master, what does it say? Uh A hundred and twenty-seven.
It lied! Shhh! Oh, not you.
No, sorry.
Uh, y-yes.
Yes, doc Dr.
Bellows.
He did? Oh, but he was down there trying to get us a rush-up job on On the blood sample.
Oh, all right.
[SIGHS.]
Where is he? He went to Major Nelson's office.
Oh.
[CRASHING.]
Master! [.]
TONY: Dr.
Bellows! Sir, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Dr.
Bell He's It's over.
The whole ball of wax Master, master.
He went into Ormandy's.
Master, I can blink.
Oh, great.
You can blink.
I can blink, I can blink.
Great.
Well, of course you can blink.
I told you the dilation would only last a little while.
See? You can blink.
You can blink? [LAUGHS.]
Oh.
A minor miracle, major.
Yeah.
Ha, ha.
I told you she could blink.
Now, if you'll stop talking nonsense, here's your certificate.
Congratulations.
I wish I had as healthy blood as you, Jeannie.
Oh, I am sure that you do, doctor.
Yeah.
Oh, by the way, uh, there's a man in there delivering a lamp for you.
How he ever got in here during the alert, I'll never know.
Oh, I'm sure I can explain Eh, don't explain, major.
Dr.
Bellows is such a nice man.
Oh.
Oh.
I'll go straight.
I'll go straight.
Just don't make it happen again.
Get rid of him.
Your wallet.
No, I don't need it.
Just get rid of him.
Get rid of him.
You got rid of everything else.
I don't Oh, great.
Thanks a lot.
Mm-hm.
My wallet? What do you mean, my wallet? He's got my wallet? Get him back here, will you? Yes, master.
Thank you.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
The wallet, please.
[STAMMERS.]
Wallet.
Please, lay off me.
[.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
All right, over there.
Over there.
Over there.
This must be a robbery.
How'd you get in here? Eh, f-from the street.
Please don't hurt me.
Don't worry.
I won't hurt you.
Uh miss? Miss, it's okay.
Sir.
Sir, it's all right.
A one-of-a-kind diamond for the one-of-a-kind bride.
Now, I, uh, hate to steal and run, but, uh, I gotta go.
Uh, sorry, uh, I held you up.
Heh.
Bye.
I have the loveliest earrings for this.
[.]
Ooh, I cannot make up my mind.
Heh.
They are both so beautiful.
Well, Jeannie, I-it's silly to rush an important thing like selecting an engagement ring.
And, uh, we do have the blood test to get.
And I've gotta be back at the base at 10 for the practice alert.
So why don't we select it tomorrow? Well, children, have you decided? They are both lovely.
And both unique.
One-of-a-kind diamonds for the one-of-a-kind bride.
Well, thank you, sir.
I think we best come back tomorrow.
Thank you.
Well, now, that's something more like what I had in mind.
Master, that lady is taking my ring.
Huh? Shhh, don't call me master.
It's all right.
There are plenty of rings.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
That's all right.
No harm done.
Uh, excuse me.
Is, uh, my watch ready? Yes.
Just one moment.
My, what beautiful rings.
Master, that woman has my rings.
Shhh, Jeannie.
We won't need the rings unless we get a blood test.
There's a doctor right around the corner.
We can get a blood Hey, wait a minute.
I was just thinking.
There's nothing peculiar about your blood, is there? Oh, well, of course not, darling.
Genies have blood just like everyone else.
With corpuscles.
Red and green.
[CHUCKLES.]
Good.
[.]
Green? [.]
[.]
[.]
Gotta be a way.
There just has to be a way.
Well, I think it is perfectly silly of you not to take advantage of my natural talents.
Oh, darling, how many times have I told you, you can't blink away every little problem, you know? Oh, well, this is not a little problem.
If we do not have our blood test, we cannot get our marriage license.
And if we do not have our marriage license, we cannot get married.
I know, I know, I know, I Well, if I'm gonna marry you, I just have to learn to compromise, that's all.
Oh, I am glad I have such a sensible master.
[CHUCKLES.]
Now, tell me.
Mm? What is in it? What's in what? Blood.
Oh.
Oh, well, uh, there's, uh, red corpuscles and, uh, white corpuscles.
White corpuscles.
And, uh, uh Well, a bunch of other stuff.
What other stuff? [CHUCKLES.]
Well, I don't know.
Nobody knows everything that's in it.
Well, how can I possibly blink it if I do not know what is in it? Well, just think blood, I guess.
I don't know.
Ooh, well, I could not do that.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, that's right.
You know what? We're right back where we started from.
We're gonna have to g-get ahold of some normal blood.
Hi, Jeannie, Tony.
Practice alert starts in 10 minutes.
[.]
W-why are you both looking at me like that? What, uh? What's? What's the matter? Is everything all right? BELLOWS: I'd be delighted to give you both a blood test.
Anything to further the cause of true love.
Well, shall it be ladies first? Uh, no, sir.
I'll go first.
I wanna show Jeannie it doesn't hurt.
Well, I-if you do not mind, Anthony, I would rather not watch.
I shall wait out in the hall.
Yeah.
She's a little squeamish.
Ha-ha-ha.
Well, just remove your coat, major.
Yes.
Listen, can you get somebody else? I don't mind giving you the shirt off my back, but my blood? Please, Major Healey.
This is very important.
Yeah, but Dr.
Bellows has been stabbing and jabbing at me all day long.
Why, are you sick? No, it's just a routine checkup, but [TONY SCREAMS.]
Oh, that is the signal.
Wait a minute.
Well.
Are you all right, darling? Are you all right? Oh, he's fine.
I didn't know you were squeamish too.
I'm sorry, sir.
Be brave, darling.
BELLOWS: I hope you'll be more courageous than your friend here.
You're next, Jeannie.
Well, let me see.
Uh, Jeannie? Yes, doctor? You don't have to go behind there.
It's just a blood test.
If you do not mind, I would rather not watch.
Well, if you don't wanna look, you can just close your eyes.
TONY: I wonder if you could humor her.
She's a She's a little squeamish about this.
It's the first time she's I understand.
All right then, just stick your arm right through the curtain.
The watch, the watch.
Did you say something? Eh, I I said Ha.
I-I said, thank you, doctor, for For not making me watch.
Oh.
Now, we're just gonna tie this around here to spot a vein.
There we are.
Now, if it gets too tight, you let me know.
My, that's quite a muscular arm.
She plays a lot of tennis, sir.
Oh.
Now, let me see.
Well, now, just hold it steady.
Oh! Oop.
There, now, that didn't hurt too much, did it? Oh, no, doctor.
That did not hurt me a bit.
BELLOWS: There we are.
We'll just put a little cotton there.
Now, it'll just take a few minutes to run these through to the lab.
Right.
BELLOWS: Oh, uh, I'll need your other hand.
[WHISPERS.]
No, no.
Why don't you go get it? No.
Oh, Jeannie, your other hand.
There we are.
Now.
Well, that's strange.
Your left arm isn't nearly as muscular as your right.
Uh, she's right-handed, sir.
Ohhh.
And this one is wearing nail polish, while the other one She didn't have time to finish it this morning.
Hadn't we better get the blood to the laboratory? Uh, oh, oh, yes, yes.
Here we are.
You know, uh, uh, major, it seems to me, she's such a slender girl to have a muscular arm like that.
Yes, she's unusual in every respect.
Major Healey, you almost spoiled everything.
Why did you make me use my own arm? Because Dr.
Bellows gave me five injections in that arm this morning.
He'd have recognized it.
Oh.
Yeah.
What did he inject? Oh, the usual.
The usual? Yeah.
Tetanus, typhus, yellow fever, cholera.
The works.
Ooh, good.
Yeah, good.
Cholera? Typhoid and yellow fever? Dr.
Bellows said that all of them showed up in your blood.
Well, naturally.
Isn't that the idea? Roger, the idea is that it was supposed to be Jeannie's blood.
Dr.
Bellows thinks she's a walking epidemic.
Well, that is better than thinking I'm a walking genie.
Ah, no.
No, darling.
Not much better.
Dr.
Bellows is not gonna give us that certificate until he gives you a full examination and another blood test.
Wait a minute.
I don't mind masquerading as Jeannie's arm, but they're not gonna Oh, Roger, don't be ridiculous.
Oh, master, I do not think it is a good idea for Dr.
Bellows to examine me.
Yes, I I think we're all in agreement on that.
Now, you just go home and I'll think of something.
Oh, uh, excuse me.
Dr.
Bellows.
Now, Jeannie, uh, there's nothing to worry about.
We're gonna find out exactly what's going on.
I hope not.
That's very kind of you, sir, but, uh, not today.
You see, Jeannie, uh I do not feel very well.
Well, of course you don't.
That's why we're going to examine you.
No, no, sir.
She really can't today.
She She has, uh, an appointment with her dentist.
Hairdresser.
Mechanic.
Dentist, hairdresser, mechanic? Which is it? Uh, all three, sir.
She has a very busy schedule this afternoon.
I said before this is far more important.
[ALARM WAILS.]
Argh! What is that? Eh, that, uh That's a practice alert.
It's okay.
Yes.
For the next four hours, this base will be entirely sealed off.
No one will enter or leave.
Now, shall we proceed with the examination? Well, uh, I believe that, uh, Major Nelson, Major Healey, you, uh, have a few checkpoints to inspect.
Now, I'll see you in five minutes in the examining room.
Thank you, doctor.
Thank you.
I'll get that, sir.
Thank you, doc Dr.
Bellows.
Goodbye, master.
I-I am going to Ormandy's.
What are you going to Ormandy's for? W-w-well, I only have five minutes, and that woman may buy my ring.
No, no, no, no.
Look, uh, uh, call 'em on the phone.
I-I got the telephone number in my wallet.
Wait a minute.
My wallet's gone.
[GASPS.]
That guy I ran into.
The guy that bumped me.
He stole my wallet.
He picked my pocket.
Ooh, that is terrible.
I will boil him No, no, no.
Don't do anything I wasn't sure.
Well, I am sure.
Well, it might've been Come on, Tony.
The alert! Huh? Oh.
I'll What are you doing? Don't kiss her.
She may have some of those diseases.
Huh? [WAILS.]
Oh.
Five minutes.
Oh.
Hello? Hello.
I would like to speak to Ormandy's jewelry store, please.
WOMAN: Sorry, no outside calls during the alert.
Oh, b-but this is very import [LINE GOES DEAD.]
Oh.
Five minutes.
[.]
[GIGGLES.]
Uh, just a minute, please.
I believe you have my master's wallet.
Mm-hm.
[.]
Taxi! Taxi! [.]
Somebody moved the street.
Something, somebody moved the street.
I would like my master's wallet, please.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, yes, you do.
This morning in Ormandy's you stole my fiancé's wallet, and I want it back.
L-look, lady, I'll make a deal with you.
You can have the wallet back if you'll just tell me where I am.
Oh, well, that seems fair.
You're at NASA.
So? Where's Ormandy's? Well, for the moment, right through that door.
I'll take my chances with Ormandy.
But wait.
We made a deal.
Ugh.
Oh, ah, all right, Jeannie, we're ready.
Uh, who were you talking to? Oh, uh, a man who has Anthony's wallet.
And he came all the way to NASA to return it? Why, that's marvelous how honest some people are.
Oh, we're ready to get started with the examination.
This way.
[CHUCKLES.]
[.]
Now, let me see.
You've decided on the brooch and the bracelet.
Now, what about the ring? I'm sure your daughter would adore that.
WOMAN: Oh, I just can't seem to make up my mind.
[STOMPS FOOT.]
Mama was right.
Crime doesn't pay.
Oh, let me look at that.
Oh, that's an adorable little canary-yellow diamond set in platinum with a tiny filigree design right around there.
Oh, that's charming.
I like the color too.
[.]
Dr.
Bellows, you do not understand.
I understand perfectly.
Like all young people, you feel that you don't need a complete physical examination.
Well, let me tell you, any young couple contemplating marriage should definitely [HUMMING.]
ORMANDY: I'm sorry.
That lamp isn't for sale.
Ah, yeah.
I-I was just admiring it.
You really can't tell in here, Mrs.
Horlick.
Step outside and see it in the sunlight.
[.]
Oh.
Major.
Come back to have another look at the rings? The rings? Uh, yes.
Mm-hm.
I'm just about to show one of them to Mrs.
Horlick in the sunlight, if you'll excuse me.
No.
Uh, what I mean is, you You wouldn't like it out there, sir.
It's gotten very cloudy.
Overcast.
You can't see a thing.
Why, how ridiculous.
It's a clear, sunny day.
Oh, no.
No, really.
I, uh A tropical storm just came up.
Major, would you kindly stand aside? It's hurricane weather.
I'm not kidding.
I would advise you to get your storm Excuse me, lady, could I borrow a hairpin? Don't open the window.
Don't Mr.
Ormandy, look.
Ah.
Oh.
Not a cloud in the sky.
Now, see here, major, if you're trying to prevent this lady from buying your fiancée's ring by making up this story [DOOR OPENS.]
Hi, Tony.
Oh, too bad we have to be inside on such a beautiful day.
Hey, you redecorated.
Mr.
Ormandy, would you kindly tell me what is going on here? Well, it's really very simple, Mrs.
Horlick.
You see, that man and his fiancée were in here looking at rings this morning.
Roger, would you come over here, please? Yeah.
Uh, how do you like that? Oh, a nice job.
Quick too.
Quick.
Hey, you wouldn't happen to have a hacksaw on you, would you? Oh, you decorators never carry your own tools.
Ha, ha.
TONY: Roger, come over here.
Yeah, yeah.
This This is really nice.
It's a little jewelry-store modern, but nice.
It is a jewelry store.
Jeannie blinked it here.
Nice, huh? Well, in that case, maybe I can have my watch fixed.
It's slow.
Roger, forget about your wat I I've gotta find Jeannie and have her blink this place back.
You stand guard here and don't you let anybody in or out.
Wait a minute.
What if somebody wants to go home? Don't let 'em.
They'll walk right out into a NASA corridor.
Listen, major, I'll give you back your wallet if you'll Nobody listens.
He's probably gone to get his fiancée now.
Well, if he feels as strongly as that about the ring, let him have it.
Send the other things to my house.
ROGER: Don't go, don't go, don't go.
Major, Mrs.
Horlick has very kindly decided to let your friend have that ring, so don't you start causing trouble.
Oh, well, we have lots of rings.
Oh, here's a nice zircon over here Young man, take your hands off me.
Oh, no, no.
Major, if this nonsense doesn't cease instantly, I shall have to call the police.
No, don't! What is going on here? Yes, what's going on? What's going on here?! What's going on here? Uh Uh It's a stickup.
Oh.
Everybody against the safe.
Against the safe.
Come on.
Listen, major, if you'll just give me a hand with these cuffs, I'll give you a hand.
[.]
Look up, please, Jeannie.
[CLICKS.]
There.
Dr.
Bellows, what is that you just put in my eyes? Well, just something to dilate the pupils.
Now, uh, follow my finger.
But it feels funny.
And I do not seem to be able to blink.
That's right.
But don't worry.
It'll wear off in an hour or two.
Well, everything normal there.
Now, uh, cross your legs, please.
Hm? Oh.
[.]
Well, that's odd.
Oh, hello, Dr.
Bellows.
How's everything coming along? Fine, darling.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson, I want you to see this.
That's the patella reflex.
Her knee is supposed to jerk forward.
Your knee is supposed to jerk forward.
Oh, my knee is supposed to jerk forward.
You're hitting the wrong place.
Major, please.
I'm a doctor.
Oh, for heaven's sakes.
What's going on here? Can't you see what you're doing? Please blink Ormandy's back.
Oh, master, that man with your wallet is in there, and I I don't care.
I want you to blink it back.
I am afraid it is impossible, master.
I cannot blink.
Huh? That's right.
She cannot blink.
Her pupils are dilated.
Ha, ha.
Well, that isn't too serious, is it, Jeannie? Unless, of course, you want to, uh, flirt with me.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, Dr.
Bellows.
Uh, sir, how long will it take for the chemical to wear off? Oh, an hour, half-hour.
Depends on the individual.
And how long is the examination gonna last, sir? I'm finished.
And I'm delighted to report that Jeannie is a perfectly healthy girl.
Oh, well, thank you, Dr.
Bellows.
Could we have the certificate now? Oh, yes.
Uh, as soon as I have this, uh, second blood sample analyzed.
Oh, major, what is the matter? Sorry.
I'll get it.
I You took another sample, sir, of, uh, Jeannie's blood? Yes, we did.
Undoubtedly they made a mistake the first time.
Uh, I'm happy to announce that Jeannie hasn't got one single abnormal symptom.
Oh, good.
Ow! What's the matter with you? You almost made me drop it.
I'm awfully sorry, sir.
Why don't I take this sample of blood to? Over to the laboratory? Never mind.
I'll Please, major Whoa! You are the clumsiest TONY: I know.
I'm just not used to being here.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
I'm awfully sorry.
[.]
You are without a doubt the slowest crook I've ever seen.
I just can't hold my hands up any longer.
All right, all right, you can put 'em down.
But don't try to make a break for it.
No, the base is sealed I mean, the jewelry store is sealed off.
Major, if you're going to rob this store, would you kindly rob it? Uh, well, I, uh, can't decide what I want.
Maybe you could, uh, show me something you like.
Oh, well, we have this lovely teardrop neck Uh, major.
Would you please rob the store? I want to call the insurance company.
Well, I can't decide what to steal.
Oh, Major Nelson, I wish you'd be more careful in the future.
I'm sorry.
This is one of my clumsy days.
I can see that.
Let me have this.
No, not the blood, sir.
Please.
We have some important questions to ask you.
Oh, that is right.
Some questions.
Don't you want your certificate? Of course we want the certificate, sir, but Don't move.
What? Don't move.
Why not? There's a bee.
A bee? A bee? Where? What? The syringe.
The syringe.
Where? What's the matter with you? I don't see any bee.
Why, there's no bees.
Huh? Huh? Well, open the door and let him out.
Let him out.
We can't let him out.
Why not? What's the matter with you? [YELLS.]
Will you stop this nonsense? Get that thing.
Where? I have thing for bees.
Give me hives.
Ha-ha-ha! [YELLS.]
What are you doing? Don't move.
Don't move.
Get it.
Get it.
[SCREAMS.]
Not me, him.
I feel it.
I feel that Jeannie has swatted it.
I see it.
Don't move.
Stay right there.
I'll get it.
Now.
[SCREAMS.]
Shhh.
There you are, sir.
Ooh, ooh.
That's a nasty one.
We better take a look at that, sir.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Huh? Thank you.
Don't worry.
Don't look.
Don't look, sir.
[MUFFLED SPEECH.]
Just a minute.
I'm not an intern.
I've seen blood before.
What's the matter with you? Sir, how long do you think it'll take to get a report from the lab? Oh, about 10 minutes.
Oh, good, good, good.
[SIGHS.]
May I help you? Oh.
[.]
Master.
Huh? Where is the bee? There's no bee, darling.
Mwah.
You were beautiful.
You did it all by yourself.
You didn't blink.
Mm-mm.
You didn't blink? Mm-mm.
Can you blink? Mm Not yet.
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Good.
Good.
Well, we may have won the battle, but we lost the war.
[.]
What's that? Uh, three.
That one? S.
That one? Uh X.
You better lie down.
We'll just have to wait until the chemical wears off.
Here, lie down.
Take it easy.
Rest your eyes, will you? Oh, Dr.
Bellows said it was only gonna take about 10 minutes.
It's 15 already.
Oh, well, master, darling, do not worry.
As you said, blood is a very complicated thing.
After all, it has red corpuscles and white corpuscles and green corpuscles and a bunch of other stuff.
Forget the green corpuscles.
Operator.
Oh, operator, would you get me the lab, please? Yeah, the laboratory.
Master, what is this? Huh? Oh, that That's a scale.
Oh.
What does it do? Uh, uh, it It gives you your weight, Jeannie.
Hello, the lab? Uh, Dr.
Bellows, please.
How does it work? Uh, Alfred J Uh, yeah.
Alfred Bellows.
That's right.
Here.
Uh, yeah, I am.
Uh, oh, you see, you get the average weight about what you weigh here, see, on the big one.
You slide this up and down until it balances.
Where it balances, that tells you what you weigh.
Yeah, I am.
Master, what does it say? Uh A hundred and twenty-seven.
It lied! Shhh! Oh, not you.
No, sorry.
Uh, y-yes.
Yes, doc Dr.
Bellows.
He did? Oh, but he was down there trying to get us a rush-up job on On the blood sample.
Oh, all right.
[SIGHS.]
Where is he? He went to Major Nelson's office.
Oh.
[CRASHING.]
Master! [.]
TONY: Dr.
Bellows! Sir, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Dr.
Bell He's It's over.
The whole ball of wax Master, master.
He went into Ormandy's.
Master, I can blink.
Oh, great.
You can blink.
I can blink, I can blink.
Great.
Well, of course you can blink.
I told you the dilation would only last a little while.
See? You can blink.
You can blink? [LAUGHS.]
Oh.
A minor miracle, major.
Yeah.
Ha, ha.
I told you she could blink.
Now, if you'll stop talking nonsense, here's your certificate.
Congratulations.
I wish I had as healthy blood as you, Jeannie.
Oh, I am sure that you do, doctor.
Yeah.
Oh, by the way, uh, there's a man in there delivering a lamp for you.
How he ever got in here during the alert, I'll never know.
Oh, I'm sure I can explain Eh, don't explain, major.
Dr.
Bellows is such a nice man.
Oh.
Oh.
I'll go straight.
I'll go straight.
Just don't make it happen again.
Get rid of him.
Your wallet.
No, I don't need it.
Just get rid of him.
Get rid of him.
You got rid of everything else.
I don't Oh, great.
Thanks a lot.
Mm-hm.
My wallet? What do you mean, my wallet? He's got my wallet? Get him back here, will you? Yes, master.
Thank you.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
The wallet, please.
[STAMMERS.]
Wallet.
Please, lay off me.
[.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
All right, over there.
Over there.
Over there.
This must be a robbery.
How'd you get in here? Eh, f-from the street.
Please don't hurt me.
Don't worry.
I won't hurt you.
Uh miss? Miss, it's okay.
Sir.
Sir, it's all right.
A one-of-a-kind diamond for the one-of-a-kind bride.
Now, I, uh, hate to steal and run, but, uh, I gotta go.
Uh, sorry, uh, I held you up.
Heh.
Bye.
I have the loveliest earrings for this.
[.]