I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s05e12 Episode Script

[.]
[SHRIEKS.]
No.
She did it.
That naive simpleton of a sister of mine married him! Ooh! [.]
He's mine! I wanted him! And I'll get him! [OBJECTS SHATTERING.]
Oh.
I'll make them sorry that they ever set eyes on one another.
I'll Tsk.
I'll break it up.
[CHUCKLES.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
Oh, master, that is wonderful.
Oh, yes.
Then you may come back tonight? Oh, I shall wait for you.
Yes.
[KISSES.]
Oh, he is coming home! He is coming home! He is coming home! [.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Hi.
Hey, aren't you ready yet? We've got to be at the Bellows' at 9:00.
Oh, no, Major Healey.
I am not going.
My master may return tonight! Ooh! Ha-ha! Wait a minute.
Don't you want to meet "Jet Stream" Jellico? Who? Uh, Biff Jellico.
One of our new astronauts.
The party's in his honor.
He's a real hotshot.
Oh, no, Major Healey.
My master is enough of a hotshot for me.
ROGER: Well, you're really a one-man's woman.
Well, uh, I'll give 'em your apologies.
Oh, let me see.
Oh, what shall I wear for my master's homecoming? [DOOR CLOSES.]
Oh.
I know.
[.]
[SIGHS.]
One-man woman.
Hm-hm.
Sister, dear, I think your reputation's about to be changed.
You are not only going to meet this Biff "Jet Stream" Jellico.
You're going to fall in love with him.
[CHUCKLES MISCHIEVOUSLY.]
Thank you very much.
I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Uh, excuse me.
Oh, uh, listen, girls, you've got to have one.
Oh, Biff, it's wonderful having you here.
Oh, well, thank you, doctor.
This is a wonderful party.
Lovely.
Sweetheart, will you take care of the back, please? Oh, there's a run on the cheese ones.
They're marvelous.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING.]
[ROGER SIGHS.]
Oh, look, honey, I know you're crazy about me and all that, but just for tonight, try to keep your paws off me, okay? This is an official party.
Mwah.
Anything you say, darling.
Anything I say.
Oh, well.
Major Healey, good evening.
Where's Jeannie? Oh.
Good evening.
Yeah, well, uh, she decided to wait for Tony.
I'd like you to meet Tina.
Heh.
Uh, your date, major? Yeah.
Well, if she's like the other women here, she's probably heading for Major Jellico.
I don't know what it is, but there's, um There's something about him.
Uh, he must have an awful lot of, uh, animal magnetism.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Even Amanda is twitterpated.
Oh, I didn't know Amanda was a twitterpated, sir.
Well, what made you come back to the Air Force and give up auto racing? I mean, especially after you just won the Grand Prix.
Uh, well, you see, Mrs.
Bellows, it's because rockets are faster than racing cars.
Rockets are faster.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
Rockets are faster than Hi.
Hi, everybody.
I'd like you to meet my, uh My girl.
This is Tina.
She, uh She, uh She just can't tear away from me.
She loves to Loves to come to these parties.
We've been going together a long time.
A long time.
She's a little man-shy though too.
You have to forgive her.
Excuse me.
I just thought Well, if you'll excuse me, ladies, I'll get a breath of air.
AMANDA: Breath of air.
Isn't that adorable? Oh, uh, Tina? Would you like a drink? Would you like to dance? Maybe you'd like to, huh? Are you? Would you, uh? TINA: Roger.
Yeah.
He's, uh He's out on the patio.
Thank you.
You're my girl.
Can't tear herself away from me.
Oh, hi, fellas.
You don't, uh Your dates? [.]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING.]
Whoops.
Oh, darling.
Don't get a little careless.
You'll blow the whole thing.
Mm.
There.
That's better.
Hm.
[SIGHS.]
Hello.
Well hello.
Why didn't I meet you inside? I just got here.
I'm, uh, Biff Jellico.
How do you do? I'm Jeannie.
Well.
The party's getting better.
Well, thank you.
May I have a, um, cigarette? Oh, sure.
Hey.
You're beautiful.
Yes.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
Thanks again.
Mm, light, please.
[.]
Phew.
Ah! Oh.
Oh, master.
Oh, welcome home.
Mm.
I'm glad you didn't go to the Bellows'.
Oh, I did not want to go without you.
Not even to meet Biff Jellico? Oh, what is a Biff Jellico, anyway? [.]
Salami rolls.
I can make 'em Oh, that's broken again, sweetheart.
You'll have to fix [GASPS.]
Look.
It's Jellico.
[GASPS.]
And Jeannie.
Our Jeannie? Yeah.
[GASPS.]
Amanda.
Uh, uh, major.
[.]
Now, this ought to complete the briefing, Biff.
Anything I can do to help you, you just let me know.
Thanks, Tony.
I'll take you up on that.
Oh, um, how did the reception go at the Bellows' last night? Heh.
A-one, extra special, terrific.
I met the girl.
My wandering days are over.
Yeah? No kidding? Take it from an old married man, there's nothing like it.
You gotta bring her over to meet my wife some night.
I would love to.
See you, Tony.
Okay.
Good luck.
Hi, Roger.
What's the matter? You lose something? Yeah, I was, uh I was just gonna call my girl, and I lost her number.
You Oh, you remember her.
That That little silver blond at the party.
About so high.
Oh.
Yeah.
Crazy about me.
Boy, she gets all shook up when I don't call.
Madly in love with me.
She's Just chases me around.
You mean, this one? Yeah.
Yeah, that's That's her.
As a matter of fact, you can have the whole book.
I won't be needing it.
Wait a minute.
You're You're giving me your whole black book? That's right.
Good luck, Roger.
Wait.
Biff? Yeah.
Oh, Biff, there's a l-lot of names in here.
Yeah.
Well, anything I can do for you, why, just, uh Well, there is.
Uh, I'd like to buy some roses for a lady.
Uh, where's the best place? Oh, the, uh, Cocoa Beach Florist is at 5th and Vine.
Just tell 'em it's, uh Just tell 'em Roger sent you.
Thanks, Roger.
Thanks, Biff.
Oh, thank you, Biff.
Look at the A's.
They go on forever.
Hello, Major Healey.
Oh, hi, Jeannie.
Hm.
[WHISTLES.]
Betty, Bernice, Beulah, Bertha, Brunhilda? Five stars and a cluster.
Five stars and a cluster.
Oh, hi, Jeannie.
Ah J [QUIETLY.]
No.
What am I saying? That's not Jeannie.
A girl with five stars.
Oh.
"Married.
" I'm sorry, sir.
I really don't know what you're getting at.
Well, I'm not getting at anything particular, major.
That is, uh, I just think that you should realize that young wives get lonely.
Um, especially when their husbands are away so often.
Yes, sir.
I'll keep that in mind.
Thank you.
I hope you will.
Oh, and major, uh, it would help if you were especially attentive.
You know, uh, be interested where she goes, what she does.
And, um Oh, try to bring her little things like, uh, candy and flowers, you know.
Well, Jeannie's not really interested in that kind of thing, but I'll keep it in mind, sir.
All women are interested, major.
You remember that.
[.]
Blind.
Absolutely blind.
Now, there's an idea.
Imagine.
Not being interested.
I never heard Oh, Stella.
Uh, yes.
I'd like you to do a little favor for me.
Yeah, would you call the Cocoa Beach Flower Shop? Fine.
Um, I want Well, I want you to send some long-stemmed red roses to Mrs.
Jeannie Nelson.
That's right.
Oh, and sign the card "Love, Anthony.
" Fine.
Now, make it very, very particular, will you? Jeannie, I'm home.
Uh, Roger's here.
He's gonna be staying for dinner.
Yeah.
Dinner and a telephone.
Oh.
Hello, master, darling.
Hello, Major Healey.
Hello, darling.
How are you? [CHUCKLES.]
[GIGGLES.]
Look at those pretty roses.
Yeah.
Those are beautiful.
I was just talking to somebody about roses today.
Roses, roses.
Are they not beautiful? My master sent them to me.
That was very sweet of you, darling.
Thank you.
Well, that's all right, but I didn't send 'em.
Uh-oh.
The flower shop said that you did.
Well, that's funny.
You know, master, I had the most peculiar conversation with Amanda Bellows today.
Yeah? Mm.
Oh, uh, Jeannie, I've I've got to talk to you a minute.
Well, certainly, Major Healey.
Uh, in the kitchen.
I do all my serious talking in the kitchen.
Heh-heh.
Charming.
Heh.
If you're gonna ask her to blink something, forget it.
Oh.
It's not for me, old buddy.
It's for you.
[.]
Jeannie.
Um, I've got to talk to you.
You've got to break this thing up.
It's gonna bring you nothing but unhappiness.
Oh, Major Healey, what are you talking about? Oh, you know what I'm talking about.
I know he's handsome and irresistible.
You gotta think about Tony.
What is the matter with my master? Is he not well? No, but he will be if he finds out, and he's gonna find out if you keep on with that crazy lie.
What a bad lie.
And those roses.
He knows he didn't send those.
Oh, Major Healey [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, excuse me.
Excuse me.
I must answer the doorbell.
Oh, no, forget about the door.
You've got thousands of years to fool around.
You can't fool around now.
But I know that, Major Healey.
A nice Nice genie like you.
Oh, hello, Mrs.
Bellows, Dr.
Bellows.
Major Nelson.
Hello, you poor, poor dear man.
Uh, major, we were in the neighborhood and Yeah.
Would you like to stay for dinner, sir? Oh, no, thank you, major.
We're just on our way.
Alfred, now Of course we can stay for dinner, major.
Thank you asking us.
I mean, that is, if you, uh, think Jeannie can manage.
Oh, yeah, Jeannie can make it.
Uh Uh Hey, Jeannie! The Bellows are gonna be staying for dinner.
Amanda, we shouldn't have come.
Nonsense, Alfred.
Now, listen to me.
I tried to speak to her this morning.
I really tried, dear.
But she just played dumb.
But it's none of our business.
Alfred, how can you say such a thing? Major Nelson happens to be one of your finest officers, not to mention a very good friend.
Now, how can we just idly sit by and let him be deceived by that blond hussy? But what if we made a mistake? After all, we only saw them once.
It was very dark.
Alfred, you know what you saw just as well as I did.
Oh, no.
I'm not leaving this house until I have it out with Jeannie.
[GROANS.]
Amanda.
Oh, hi.
Oh.
Dr.
and Mrs.
Bellows, I am delighted that you can stay for dinner.
Jeannie, I'd like to speak with you, please.
Oh, certainly, Mrs.
Bellows.
Um in the kitchen? Yes, I'd like to see what you've got cooking.
All right.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Uh, sure.
Excuse me.
[SIGHS.]
Well, there seems to be a lot of conferencing going on in the kitchen.
Yeah.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Uh You all like a drink? Oh, fine, major.
Fine.
My usual.
Yeah.
Fine, fine.
Usual.
Yeah, the usual.
What beautiful roses.
Oh, uh, s-sir.
Don't, uh Don't mention the roses.
Tony didn't send the roses.
I know that.
You mean, you're in on it too? Doesn't anybody play it straight anymore? Yes, I'm in on it.
Major Nelson seems to be the only one who isn't.
Yeah.
Oh, boy.
Hm.
TONY: Here you are! Oh.
Thank you.
Here you are, sir.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, I'll get it.
Roge.
Here, help yourself.
Oh.
I got it.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Oh, hi, Biff.
Oh, Tony.
You live here? I'm beginning to wonder.
Come on in.
Well.
That's weird.
I-I I was supposed to meet somebody, and I had this address.
Major Healey! What do you think you're doing? I'm sorry, sir.
I'm sorry, sir.
Boy, he moves right in, doesn't he? Who moves right in? Biff.
What colossal gall.
Like a little more soda, sir? Oh, major.
JEANNIE: Anthony, who's there? Uh, Jeannie.
Anthony.
Biff, this is my wife, Jeannie.
[.]
Oh! Oh, I am sorry.
Are you all right? Oh, yes.
Heh.
Now, this is going to be an interesting evening.
You all right, darling? Yeah.
Well it It is very nice to meet you.
Uh, can you stay for dinner? Uh Uh, no.
Um, I'd better get going.
Wrong address.
But you just got here.
I will put another plate on.
Do not worry.
It is no trouble at all.
Will you look at her? Cool as a cucumber.
You know, she denied everything in the kitchen.
Everything.
She said she didn't even know what I was talking about.
[MUTTERS.]
Uh Yeah.
And you can take this back.
See this? I wouldn't date Brunhilda if she had five stars after her name.
There you are.
Oh.
Roses, huh? That figures.
TONY: Say Uh, why don't you use the phone and find out what went wrong, huh? No, I think I know what went wrong.
I'm sorry to bother you folks.
Yeah.
B [SCOFFS.]
I I [.]
Jeannie, what's the matter with you? You're not supposed to pop in and out when people are here.
Oh, do not be such an old fuddy-duddy.
Fuddy-d Wha? She's gone buggy along with everybody else.
Hey, I want to talk to you.
Oh, well.
I am very popular tonight.
Everybody wishes to talk to me.
In the kitchen.
Yeah.
Well, it looks like it's gonna be a fun evening with the Nelsons.
It does.
Uh, do you think he found out something? Oh, he looked pretty mad.
Mm.
Boy, when he gets mad Uh, really mad.
Oh.
[.]
[SIGHS.]
SISTER: Darling over here.
Oh, it was torture, sweetheart, seeing you in there, and not being able to hug you and kiss you and Why didn't you tell me you were Major Nelson's wife? Well, I was afraid that it might make a difference.
You bet your life it makes a difference.
We'll never see each other again.
Hm.
That's what you think, darling.
No.
We love each other.
That's all that matters.
Yes, darling.
Yes.
I thought you'd see it my way.
Are you gonna deny you called me a fuddy-duddy? Master, I have been in this kitchen three times.
Once with Major Healey, once with Mrs.
Bellows, and now with you.
And I-I fail to understand what any of you are talking about.
All right, uh, forget it.
Just don't go popping in and out in front of my guests, huh? But I Shh! Oh.
Alfred, she's shameless, And in her own house too.
But I distinctly saw her go into the kitchen with Major Nelson.
Well, there she is.
Tsk.
Oh.
Oh.
Heh.
Darling.
What are we gonna do? Well, you're simply going to have to tell him.
You're right.
We have to tell him.
It's better that way.
Clean, honest.
Right, right, darling.
All that stuff.
[GIGGLES.]
Now you go around the front, and I'll meet you inside.
Now, darling, don't you worry.
Soon we won't have to hide our love in the shadows.
No, dear.
No, no, no.
[CHUCKLES.]
Nincompoop.
I don't know what they all see in him.
For the last time, master, I did not call you a fuddy-duddy, and I did not pop out.
Jeannie, I saw you.
Well you do not see me anymore.
Now, will you stop that? Oh.
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
I She's not here.
No, she isn't, is she? Would you like some, uh, hors d'oeuvres, sir? M Mrs.
Bellows, have you seen Jeannie by any? Uh, no! No, I haven't, major.
I thought she was with you.
Uh, no.
Roger, would you give me a hand looking for Jeannie? She popped out on me.
Jeannie! Oh, Jeannie.
Jeannie! Jeannie? Jeannie.
Jeannie, Jeannie.
Now, major, really.
You don't honestly expect to find her in a drawer, do you? Yeah.
Drawer, that's very silly.
Well, of course it's silly.
That's why I said it.
She's probably in the pencil box.
She's Uh, excuse me.
Mrs.
Bellows.
Dr.
Bellows.
Uh Amanda.
What? You were right.
Uh, Jeannie wasn't in the kitchen.
Oh, well, thank you for telling me, dear.
You'll be very happy to know that she's not in the pencil box either.
Uh, Jeannie, if you're up there, will you please come down? I'm sorry.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, uh Oh, hi, Biff.
I thought you'd gone.
Uh, Tony Uh I mean, Major Nelson.
I want to talk to you.
Can't it wait just a second? I got to talk to my wife.
Well, that's what I want to talk to you about.
You see, Jeannie and I No, no, no, no, no.
Don't say it.
Hey.
Why, uh You all have been acting cockeyed all e Would somebody please tell me what's going on around here? Psst.
Master, I am sorry too.
[SIGHS.]
[WHISPERS.]
Come down.
ROGER: It's okay, Tony, I got her! What are you so mad about? He's the one that should be mad.
Let go of me, you idiot! You'll spoil everything.
[WHISPERS.]
Get out! Jeannie, for heaven's sake What's going on here? Yeah, what's going on? W I wish Anthony! Yes? Yeah.
I am leaving you.
Honey, what are you saying? I'm afraid that's true, Nelson.
We didn't plan it that way, we didn't mean it to happen, but that's the way it is.
Wh You can't leave me.
I love you.
Hey.
Hey, hey.
Let her go.
You stay out of this, you bounder! Say that you Say you didn't mean that.
No, Anthony.
I am leaving you, and that is final.
Okay.
Get in there.
Go on.
[SCREAMS.]
That's a closet you just put her in.
Shh.
Shh.
That's where disobedient wives go, Mrs.
Bellows.
Be quiet in there! [POUNDING.]
Don't you think that's a little rough? Rough? It's positively medieval.
I can see now why she's leaving you.
[LAUGHS.]
Now, see here, Nelson.
I felt bad about this before, but not anymore.
You're some kind of monster.
Now, get out of the way.
Jeannie! SISTER: Let me out! BELLOWS: Oh, great heavens! He's going to pieces! BIFF: Oh.
I can't stand to see a grown man cry.
[WHISPERS.]
I've got it, Jeannie.
Oh, yes, master.
And it is brilliant.
[BANGING ON DOOR.]
Nelson, I'm warning you.
[LOUD BANGING.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Roger, get the door.
Yeah.
Not this door, you idiot.
That door.
Hi.
Hi, Biff, honey.
Where you been? [.]
[.]
Jeannie? [BANGING ON DOOR.]
But you're in there.
Jeannie? Oh, no, no.
My name's Janine.
Gee, it's a nice place you got here.
Uh, but Oh, I guess you mean the girl that lives here.
Yeah, well, sometimes we do look an awful lot alike.
As long as I'm wearing my wig.
Heh-heh.
Wig? Yeah, and my girdle.
Oh, boy.
They sure do the job, don't they, honey? Huh.
Gee, Biff, I waited and waited for you, and then Then I noticed the car was parked at the curb in front of this house, and I thought, "Oh, he got the wrong address.
" Uh, you mean, you're the girl I met the other night? Yeah.
Under the tree at the Bellows'? Heh.
I crashed your party 'cause I heard that, uh, there'd be a lot of eligible males there.
[GIGGLES.]
And I found one.
Uh, well Well, I I just remembered I have an important engagement back at the, uh, base, don't I, Dr.
Bellows? Uh Uh, we'll make it some other time.
Uh, sorry, Tony.
Sorry, everybody.
Hey! Wait a minute! You said you loved me.
[.]
Oh, boy.
But I really don't understand, you see, because I saw them kissing outside your window.
Oh, good heavens, Amanda.
You're probably seeing things again.
Alfred, are you gonna stand there and tell me that I didn't hear Jeannie tell him that she was leaving him? Now, what about that? Yeah, what about that? Oh, yeah.
She said that, all right.
Uh, but I'm I'm a little embarrassed to tell you.
Oh, why don't you try? Well, you know how young wives are about unexpected guests coming for dinner.
Well, Roger came, and then you came.
She got a little upset, that's all.
Oh, for heaven sakes.
I knew we shouldn't have come.
Oh, I'm terrible sorry, Major Nelson.
AMANDA: Wait a minute, major.
You mean, for that, you locked her in the closet? I didn't.
This is her favorite place to be when she's mad at me.
Oh, Amanda.
Please Ha-ha.
Figure that one out.
Well, I'm leaving.
Yes.
Don't worry, Alfred.
And when I get home, I'm going in the closet.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
This jazz about the closet being Jeannie's favorite place to hide when she's mad is all right for Dr.
Bellows, but don't you think we should let her out? I can't.
It's, uh Jeannie's sister.
[BANGING ON DOOR.]
And I know exactly what to do with her.
[CRASHING.]
Oh.
Master.
Oh.
Dear.
[BANGING ON BOX DOOR.]
There.
Now we will be able to put her someplace where she cannot cause any more trouble.
[SPUTTERS.]
Oh.
You mean, your sister's in there? Yeah.
That is right.
Oh, that's terrific.
Heh.
So are my uniforms.
Oh, boy.
[.]
[.]