I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s05e13 Episode Script

[.]
Ah.
Jeannie! Hi, Tony.
Hey, what are you doing? We tee off in 20 minutes.
Roger, would you help me with this window? Ah, here, wait.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
Here.
Oh.
It's a little hard to get.
Ow! Oh.
It's my fault.
I'm sorry.
My fault.
Sorry.
Oh.
Yeah, um, I got it.
Hey, what's with the clothes? We're supposed to play golf today.
Oh, I'm sorry, Roge.
I forgot all about it.
I told Jeannie I'd I'd help her around the house today.
Uh, golf takes three or four hours, you know.
Yeah.
Three or four hours.
Uh How about going over to the club? We'll play a little gin.
I can't, Roge.
I promised Jeannie I'd take her to lunch today.
Jeannie.
You Why don't you join us? No, no.
I'm, uh, not hungry.
I had lunch yesterday.
Oh.
Well, I don't suppose you'd like to go over and knock a few tennis balls around? Uh, Roge, I can't.
I told Jeannie I'd take her shopping after.
Hey, listen, why don't we, uh, set a whole day aside, huh? Next Saturday? And we'll spend the whole day together? Yeah.
Yeah.
Saturday's fine.
I better get over to the tennis court.
It's, uh It gets busy this time of day.
Uh I You, uh It's on the inside.
You gotta get your hand all the way up in there.
Saturday, yes.
[.]
Master? Yah! You have to get your hand up in there.
Oh.
Thanks.
[CHUCKLES.]
Is something the matter? [SIGHS.]
Uh, well, it's It's Roge.
I forgot our golf game today.
And then he wanted me to play gin rummy with him, and I told him I'm gonna take you to lunch and, well, you know Aw.
Well, you should have asked him to come with us.
Yeah, I did.
But I had the feeling he thought he was intruding or something, you know.
I should've taken off an hour to play a little tennis with him, you know.
Well, there's nothing to worry about.
There's plenty of people to play with.
It's always crowded on the courts this time of day.
Mm-hm.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, thanks.
[GIGGLING.]
You have to reach your hand up inside there.
Hm? Oh.
[GIGGLES.]
[.]
Oh.
Oh.
[GRUNTING.]
Oh.
Oh! Oh.
Beautiful.
Beautiful serve.
Two out of three.
Okay.
My serve.
[.]
[.]
[.]
Well, the fact is, Roger and I are just not as close as we used to be.
We used to do everything together, but now that I'm married, you know, it's just Well, why does not Major Healey get married? Ha-ha.
Roger get married? Yes.
Never in a million years.
Too much fun being single.
I beg your pardon, master.
Uh I mean, for Roger, it's too much fun being single.
Well, you know Roger.
He has a different girl every night.
Brunettes, blonds, redheads.
You know.
And that is what you call fun? Hm.
Men.
If Major Healey is having so much fun, why does he have no one to be with today, hm? Yeah, well it'd be great if Roger got married, but well, the girl would have to really be something special.
Perfect.
Not many perfect girls left around.
I got the last one.
Oh, master, that was sweet of you.
[CHUCKLES.]
You know, maybe I could ask Mama about a girl.
She has a lot of lovely ladies No, no, no, no.
I don't want you to do anything.
Now, one genie in Cocoa Beach is quite sufficient.
All right, master.
I wonder where one does find the perfect girl? [.]
Mrs.
Nelson, the man you've described on your questionnaire just doesn't exist.
He's too perfect.
Oh.
Well, that is why he needs the perfect mate.
[CHUCKLES.]
Let's see: An astronaut.
Handsome, charming, intelligent, warm, sensitive.
Tell me, Mrs.
Nelson, if this Major Healey is so extra-special terrific, why does he have to come to a computer service to find a girl? Oh, well, he does not know about this.
It is my idea.
Mm.
I see.
Well, let's give it a whirl.
JEANNIE: Ooh.
What a marvelous machine.
So scientific.
[CHUCKLES.]
[GIGGLES.]
Oh.
There you are.
What is the girl's name? Laverne Sadelko.
Oh.
Laverne Sadelko.
Mm-hm.
Well.
Where can I find this Laverne Sadelko? Oh, that is you.
But that That is you.
Well you can't argue with a computer.
Where do we find him? [.]
My niece, Patricia, is visiting us for a few days, and, uh, I want her to have a good time.
Oh, she'd have a good time with Major Healey.
You see, she's been very carefully brought up, and I don't want her exposed to anyone too, uh Too wild.
So I ask again, is Major Healey a gentleman? Um w-well, I I I I saw his commission.
It says he's a gentleman on the Good.
On your recommendation then, I'll entrust him Oh, no, my Not my recommendation, sir.
Now, I want you to arrange an accidental, uh Uh, meeting, uh, without letting her know that I had anything to do with it.
You know how shy some girls can be.
Shy? [BUZZER SOUNDS.]
Oh, e Excuse me.
Uh Uh, just a moment.
Uh, uh, yes.
Uh, quiet, demure, respectful.
An old-fashioned girl.
Could we talk about this, sir? Sir? Would you send the congressman in, please? Sir Please, major, will you take care of that for me? Oh, yeah.
And bring the files.
Old-fashioned? [QUIETLY.]
Yeah.
[.]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING.]
This is the swingingest place in Cocoa Beach? Oh, well, it starts swinging a little later here.
Wrong.
It starts swinging now.
Give me a quarter.
Huh? A quarter? There you are.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS.]
Ha, ha, ha, yeah.
You know, you're You're not, like At all like General Schaeffer described you.
Oh, I suppose he gave you that "shy, quiet, demure, old-fashioned" line, huh? Oh, yeah.
Well, it's useful for the over-30s to think that.
Honey, the only thing I'm old-fashioned about is old fashions.
Oh.
I'll have one, please.
And what will you have, sir? Uh, ginger ale, please.
That figures.
Uh, listen, when am I going to have my accidental meeting? Accidental meeting? Oh, come on.
Every time I arrange to visit my uncle, he arranges for me to meet some loser accidentally.
The last one proposed after an hour and a half.
And you turned him down? Me? Get married? [CHUCKLES.]
It's too much fun being single.
Back home I go out with a different date every night.
Blonds, brunets, redheads.
Yeah.
You and Major Healey are gonna get along pretty well, you know.
Hm.
He's a loser, huh? Yeah.
Where is he? I don't know.
He said he's gonna be here.
Um Uh, you sit tight, I'll I'll go look for him.
All right.
Hi.
[WHISTLING.]
[HUMMING.]
Hello.
If we ask everybody to move down one, maybe I can sit down.
[LAUGHS.]
I'm sorry, beautiful, but I'm waiting for someone.
Ah.
And I really am sorry.
Yeah.
So am I.
Hello, Major Healey.
Oh, hi, Charlie.
And what are you having tonight? I'll have my special, okay? All right.
Well, well, well.
My uncle finally fouled up.
Well, not that That it matters, but, uh, who's your uncle? [LAUGHS.]
Forget about him.
Let's talk about us.
That's my line.
[CHUCKLES.]
And I'll bet you've got a lot of other ones too.
[COUGHS, CHUCKLES.]
Ah, well, try the Officers' Club, will ya? Yeah, I'll hold.
This is Major Healey's favorite spot.
Do I look all right? Oh, perfect.
[GIGGLES.]
He will not be able to resist you.
Heh.
Oh.
Oh, but I I-I think your hair does need a little A little smoothing.
Mmm.
What is it? It's a Shirley Temple.
It's good.
Major Healey.
May I speak with you, please? Oh, well, I'm a little busy, Jeannie.
Who is she? Uh, "Who is she?" It's a girl I just met at the bar.
Oh, good.
She is not right for you.
And I thought I was pushy.
Listen, why don't you go drink a Mickey Finn or something? Mickey Finn? Who is he? That's a drink that knocks you out for a couple of hours.
Well, goodbye, Jeannie.
Nice talking to ya.
Strange girl.
Always following me around.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, uh, goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, Jeannie.
Bye, Major Healey.
[GIGGLES.]
All kinds of girls hang around me like that all the time.
Lots of girls.
Mm.
Ah.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well you arrange an accidental meeting, and it happens.
Excellent.
[CHUCKLES.]
He is there.
Now, I have done all I can.
The rest is up to you.
Oh, thanks, Jeannie.
I'll invite you to the wedding.
[GASPS.]
Oh, he's gorgeous.
Tell me, how did you know I was an astronaut? Yeah, I-I know.
Y-you work at the base, right? Oh, sorry.
Oh! Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Huh? Oh.
No, it's my fault.
Oh Oh, no, it's my fault.
You don't work at all at the base? You don't wanna talk about it? Got a lot of stuff here.
Oh.
I seem to have twisted my ankle.
If you could just help me to the bar.
Sure.
Thank you so much.
[CHUCKLES.]
Now, here you are.
Mm.
Are you all right now? Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
[SIGHS.]
Listen.
Listen.
Would you mind waking up? Is it something I said? Oh, miss.
Oh, please, miss, don't It's very embarrassing, miss.
Roger, what's going on? I don't know.
I met her at the bar, and she passes out on me.
This is General Schaeffer's niece.
That's very interesting Wake up.
But why did she pass out? We better find out.
I'm responsible for her.
Pat? Meeting with me? That's strange.
You and I know each other.
Excuse me, I hate to bother you again, but do you have a match? Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't smoke.
Pat, wake up, please? Really? That's fascinating.
Who's she? I don't know.
I've never seen her before in my life.
I'd like a drink.
Could have one of those? Yes, here.
Take that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Pat Listen, Roger, I vouched for you as a gentleman.
We gotta wake her up, and from then on, you handle her with kid gloves.
I've gotta handle her with kid gloves? General Schaeffer finds out you got her drunk, I'm dead! I got her drunk? I got her drunk? You gotta be kidding.
I just gave her one drink.
Wait a minute, don't start telling me I got her drunk, because I just picked a girl up at the bar, and then [.]
This doesn't look too good.
I'm getting outta here.
General Schaeffer and Dr.
Bellows.
If they go in the restaurant, they don't see us.
It's certainly nice of you to ask me to join you on your 20th anniversary.
Oh Not at all, general.
Oh, why don't we have a drink? You know what I like, Amanda.
Excuse me, I'll be right back.
All right, dear.
Oh.
They're not going in the restaurant.
They're coming in here! Huh? Get her out of here.
Get her out of here.
Yeah.
Oh, boy, heavy.
Heavy girl.
Shh.
[GRUNTS.]
Oh, uh Uh, Major Healey.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
I just wanna thank you for recommending this place.
It's, uh, quite charming.
Oh, why don't you and your lady friend join us for a drink? Yes, sir.
Yes, your table.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
Please, Pat.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Say something.
Please? Wake up.
[LAUGHING, GASPS.]
General, look over there at the bar.
Isn't that Major Nelson with a girl? Oh, yes, yes.
Uh, that's my niece, Patricia.
Your Your niece? Uh, yes.
He's trying to set up a An accidental meeting for her with, uh, Major Healey.
Uh, Major Healey? Oh, but, sir, I just saw him leave with another girl.
Oh, really? Well, I'd better tell Major Nelson.
Darling, may we dance, please? Oh! I'd love to.
Oh, that music is so nice Here we go.
Major Nelson, Patricia.
What a coincidence.
Ah, isn't it? Yeah.
Uh Uh Uh, could I talk to you, uh, major? Air Force business, Pat, dear.
Uh, it's It's all right, sir.
She's your niece.
Um, our little scheme isn't gonna work for tonight.
Uh, Major Healey just left here with another girl.
Oh.
Oh, really? I didn't see him.
Uh Uh, thanks for trying, anyway.
I'll take over now so you can get home to Jeannie.
Uh Oh, uh, home to Jeann Well, the girl The girl he was taking out was his cousin.
Thought you didn't see him.
Mm.
I didn't see him leave.
Ha.
He's gonna drop his cousin off, then we're gonna meet later.
Oh, good, good.
Then you have a little time.
Uh, Patricia, dear, how about a little dance with your uncle? Oh.
She promised this one to me, sir.
Heh.
Yoo-hoo, Major Nelson.
Oh, please dance with me.
It's our 20th anniversary.
Oh, I'd love to, Amanda, but the general's niece.
I'll dance with the general's niece.
Oh, she'd love to dance with you, sir, but, uh, she's promised this one to Roger.
Oh.
Oh, uh, uh, major.
Uh, she looks a little peculiar.
Oh.
Yeah, well Get her out of here, will ya? What? What? Hot in here, isn't it? May I cut in? Yes, that's your niece.
Roger! Oh.
Major! Darling, don't Major Healey! What's the matter with you? Well, look, I'd better be going, sir.
We're gonna show your niece around Cocoa Beach.
But, major.
Just a minute.
[EXCITED CHATTER.]
Always on my anniversary or some other occasion.
Well, are we ready for dinner? Well, let's finish our drinks first.
Oh, good.
Oh, I hope they have it.
You know, I hear the lobster is marvelous, darling.
Excuse me.
The tall major forgot this.
Oh, that must be Major Nelson's.
Oh, thank you.
Maybe we can catch him, dear.
No, no, no.
We'll drop it off after dinner.
It's on the way.
Oh, yes.
You know, I heard that the lobster Hey, listen, Roger.
Huh? Hey, take this girl.
Here.
No, no.
No.
Oh.
I gotta get home to Jeannie.
What did you do with the other one? In the car.
Well, all right, you're gonna have to sober them up.
Them up? Well, I I don't have to tell you what to do with her.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
Oh.
Now, Tony, wait a minute.
Wait.
Both of them? Come on.
Both The other It's in the c Oh.
Gosh, what a fun date she's gonna be.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, master, I have the most wonderful thing to tell you.
Yeah.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I had to stop off at Armando's.
Armando's? Mm.
Did you see Major Healey? Yeah.
That's why I'm late.
There was this girl you wouldn't believe I know.
Is she not perfect for him? Yeah.
When she's awake.
How'd you? How'd you know about them? Oh, well, that is my wonderful news.
Oh, master, I will tell you all about it at dinner.
Hm.
You're going to be so proud of me.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, yeah.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Now Oh, excuse me.
Can I use your? You! You.
Oh.
Well, it must be fate or something.
See, I just woke up in the back of this car, and I ju Master, who is at? Oh, Miss Sadelko.
What are you doing here? Heh.
Where's Major Healey? Right there.
And what are you doing here? Oh, I live here.
That is my husband.
You tried to fix me up with your husband? Now, wait.
Wait Will somebody tell me what's going on here? Huh? Uh, Jeannie? Ooh.
I have made a terrible mess of things.
Uh darling, heh, I did not see you at Armando's.
You were at Armando's? I might have known.
I might have known she'd have Uh, she'd have been there.
Well, if he isn't Major Healey, who is? Oh.
Oh, look, guys.
Eh.
Look, you gotta help me.
I can't wake her up.
Oh.
That is Major Healey.
Yeah.
Hoo-hoo.
He's gorgeous too.
But he's got a [SOBBING.]
girl.
[WHISPERS.]
Jeannie.
Would you wake her up? I will, master.
In a minute.
In a minute.
[GIGGLES.]
Well as long as you are both here, why do we not all have dinner together? Major Healey, would you help Miss Sadelko into the table, please? Yeah.
Oh.
[GRUNTS.]
Ow.
Hm? Oh, huh.
Well, how silly of me.
Heh.
Oh! Come on.
Major Healey? Oh.
My.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh.
Do they not make a perfect couple? [WHISPERS.]
What do I do with her? [.]
Here you are.
How romantic.
And here we are.
[GIGGLES.]
There we go.
[GIGGLES, GASPS.]
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah.
Mm.
[WHISPERS.]
Listen.
For the last time, I don't care how many computers said that Miss Sadelko was perfect for Roger.
I want you to wake up the general's niece.
You will break the mood.
I'll break it, all right.
No, no, master.
As you wish.
As you wish.
There.
You see? She's awake.
All right.
That's better.
[GIGGLES.]
And now she's asleep again.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
Mm.
Oh.
There's yours.
And here's mine.
There we go.
Ah.
Ah.
Oh.
One hand is okay.
Now, take it.
Mm.
Yeah.
That's It's yours.
All right? Mm-hm.
This is mine.
Hm.
Now, come on, Jeannie.
No more tricks.
Oh, but, I Right now.
Come on.
Yes, master.
[YAWNING.]
Heh.
Hi.
Oh.
Where am I? Huh.
Hey.
Everything's okay.
You had kind of a funny reaction to a drink.
Ha-ha.
"Funny reaction"? That's putting it mildly.
Yeah.
Come on in, have a A cup of coffee, and you'll feel a lot better, okay? Now, that's it.
A little cup of coffee.
Uh, thanks, Jeannie.
Ooh! Oh! Anthony! Oh! Hurts? Does it? Just take the wall away.
Kiss me.
Quick.
Just take the wall away, all right? [ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO.]
To tell you the truth, Jeannie, I'm a little disappointed.
You didn't tell me that I was going to have competition.
Tsk.
I am sorry, Miss Sadelko.
I I did not know about the general's niece.
Oh, but do not worry.
[SIGHS.]
Major Healey will prefer you.
I am sure of it.
How can you be so sure? Well, because the computer said that Oh, that is true.
How can I be so sure? That is how I can be so sure.
Heh.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
TONY: I'll get it.
I got it.
[.]
Oh, excuse us, major.
I hope we're not disturbing you, but But you left your hat at Armando's.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you No, you're not intruding, sir.
Uh, y-your niece and Major Healey are here.
ROGER: Ahh! PATRICIA: What sort of a dumb thing is that to say? I Uh I'm getting out of here.
[LAUGHS.]
I think they just left, as a matter of fact.
Don't be silly, major.
That's Patricia's voice.
No, uh Sir.
Wait a minute.
What's so dumb about it? All I said was, "Take off the mustache before I kiss you.
" What's wrong with that? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Oh.
Oh, Dr.
Bellows.
What, uh? [ALL CHATTERING.]
TONY: All right, don't anybody panic.
It's just a fuse that blew.
[QUIETLY.]
Get that mustache off her, understand? Off.
Major Nelson.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
[BLOWS.]
But, Patricia, dear, I saw the mustache.
Well, then, you're just as cockeyed as the rest of these loonies.
Uh, Patricia.
Just take me home, uncle.
Take me home.
TONY: Uh, Pat.
Uh Major? Hm? Major, I saw that mustache too.
Oh.
Yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
It It, uh Well, uh Anthony? Huh? Oh, ye Yeah.
Thank you.
I think it was just her, uh, sense of humor.
It was a joke she was playing.
A peculiar girl.
Come along, Amanda.
I Uh, ahem.
Can I, uh Can I take you home? Oh.
No, thank you.
I want a husband, but not this bad.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Just Bye-bye.
Spend a few drink Oh-oh.
Yeah.
I am so sorry, Major Healey.
It is all my fault.
Oh, that's okay.
Yeah, I'll see you at the office tomorrow, Roge.
Hey, uh, it's kind of early.
Maybe we could, uh, play a few games of gin, huh? Gin? Oh, no, come on Master Oh, sure.
Sure.
Really? Sure.
You mean, you're both gonna play gin with me? Yeah, Roge.
Oh, that's great.
This is exciting.
Nothing greater than spending an evening with your two best friends.
Well, let me see, we'll play a hundred a game, uh, 20 points a box.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Oh.
Hello? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yes, he's here.
Just a moment.
Uh, Major Healey.
It's for you.
Who is it? Who is it? Hello.
Oh, hi, hon.
How you doing? Where are ya? Armando's? Oh, no, I'm not busy at all.
Nothing happening here.
Oh, yeah.
Be right over.
Gotta go.
Sorry.
Bye-bye.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Uh, what about the game? Huh? [CHUCKLES.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[.]