I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s05e15 Episode Script
Please Don't Give My Genie No More Wine
There's nothing to worry about.
Just act pleasant and talk about normal, everyday things, like the weather.
Yes, master.
Oh, and Jeannie, don't call me "master.
" Oh.
Of course, husband.
Yeah, well, now "husband" is not quite right either.
That sounds so ancient.
Um Well, I am ancient.
Yeah.
Well, I know that, but I don't want Dr.
Bellows to find out exactly how ancient.
Oh.
Uh Uh call me Tony, darling, dear.
Anything like that.
Oh.
Tony darling dear.
That is nice.
[BOTH GIGGLE.]
Just smile and nod a lot, huh? Oh.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Here we are.
Oh, doggone it.
I forgot a gift.
A gift? Yeah.
Is it someone's birthday? Uh, no, no, no.
B-but when you come to someone's house for a party, it's nice to bring some flowers or some wine, or something like that.
Oh.
Well, you need not worry, master.
I can supply the gift.
Huh? Yeah.
What's that? A gift.
Come in.
Come in.
Hello.
Hello, please come in.
Hello.
I hope we are not too late.
Oh, not at all.
I just hate people who come right on the dot.
We brought you a bottle of wine.
Oh, well, how very sweet of you.
Oh, how adorable.
Alfred, isn't that sweet? We can have it with our dinner.
Oh, you needn't have done that.
[COUGHS.]
Isn't that an interesting- looking bottle.
But [BLOWS.]
I I can't quite read the label.
What language is that in? Oh.
That is Persian.
It says, "Emir's Delight.
" You can read Persian? Oh, yes.
Uh, the liquor store owner told us what it said.
A-and that is the vintage.
Fifteen ninety one? An excellent year.
[.]
[.]
[.]
Major Nelson this wine is nearly Yeah.
I believe it, from the looks of the bottle.
Uh, no, I think it's a typographical error, sir.
I think that reads, uh, 1951.
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Of course.
How silly of me.
Well, I I wonder whose picture that is.
Oh, that is Abbas I.
Shah of Persia from 1586 to 1621.
He was particularly fond of this wine.
Was he? Hm.
Did the liquor store owner tell you all that? Oh, no.
I knew him.
Heh.
You knew? Intimately.
Yes.
Oh, she reads a lot of history, uh, on the Middle East.
She's a great history buff.
Yeah, a great buff.
Oh.
Well, for heaven For a minute Well, listen, I don't know how this wine is going to taste, but believe me, it certainly is an interesting conversation piece, isn't it? Ha-ha-ha.
Thank you.
Shall we go in? Yes.
Where'd you get the wine? From the cellar of the Great Djinn.
You mean the date on that thing is correct? Yes, master.
Oh, do not worry, master.
The Great Djinn only drinks the best.
Oh.
May I help you, Mrs.
Bellows? Oh.
No, thank you, dear.
Everything's all ready.
I thought we'd eat right away.
Alfred gets very testy when he's hungry.
Oh, Amanda, I do not.
See what I mean? He's very testy.
Won't you sit down, dear, right there? Is this ours? Oh, thank you very much, major.
Of course.
And if you'd sit right over there, opposite me.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Doctor.
I'm so anxious to taste that wine.
It looks absolutely heavenly.
Alfred, would you mind opening the wine for us, please? Oh, of course.
I'll get it.
It's perfectly all right, major.
I'm perfectly capable of popping a cork.
Oh, uh, by the way, we're having a rather important guest stop by after dinner.
Oh, here you are, dear.
Oh.
Ooh.
I really don't understand why you invited him.
Why did you, dear? Oh, because he happens to be a member of the House Appropriations Committee, and General Schaeffer suggested it.
Uh, uh, uh Congressman Farragut? Uh, that's right.
He's coming here? Yes.
Uh He's conducting a full-dress study of the space program.
That's why I must impress you that it's very important to see that everything goes all right.
Let me help you with that, sir.
Why don't I take this back to the liquor store? I'm sure I can get a refund.
It's perfectly all right.
It's your wine.
I must say that if this cork Oh! [.]
[LAUGHS.]
That was beautiful, Alfred.
You should have been a maitre d'.
Oh, the strangest thing that ever happened to me.
It just came out all of a sudden.
Just serve the wine, dear.
Now, here we are.
Let's see.
Mmm.
Delicious bouquet.
Marvelous.
Simply marvelous.
Well, I'm glad you like it, sir.
Darling, do you plan on drinking it all yourself? [LAUGHING.]
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Here we are.
Alfred, our guests.
Darling, first, please.
BELLOWS: Oh.
Of course.
Whoever picked this wine out made a wonderful choice.
Oh, why, thank you.
Oh, um, try it, Amanda.
Try it.
You're going to absolutely love it.
Not too sweet, not too dry.
AMANDA: Oh.
All right.
It is delicious.
Well, I have a very good idea.
I think I'm going to serve everything at one time.
May I have your plates, please? Jeannie, your plate? Huh? Oh.
Thank you.
Now, let me see, what kind of meat do you prefer, Jeannie? Do you like light or dark? Thank you.
Rare, please.
Rare chicken? [BELLOWS LAUGHING.]
BELLOWS: Funny, Jeannie.
Rare chicken indeed.
[LAUGHING.]
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Well, anything.
Anything at all.
Alfred, where are you? Dropped my napkin.
Here you are, dear.
I've given you a little bit of both.
BELLOWS: Pass the rolls, please.
Alfred, you didn't have to go in the kitchen.
They're right here on the table.
BELLOWS: What kitchen? I'm right here.
Right where? I can't see you.
AMANDA: Oh, there you are.
[COUGHING.]
Anthony, what is the matter? BELLOWS: What is it, Major Nelson? Something caught in my throat.
AMANDA: But I haven't served you yet.
[COUGHING.]
Oh.
[GRUNTING.]
I gotta talk to you.
Excuse us, please.
AMANDA: Oh, I hope he's all right.
May I have your plate, dear? BELLOWS: Well, certainly.
[COUGHING.]
What's going on? I do not know, master.
Can you see 'em? No.
Can you? Not even an outline.
But they can see us, and each other.
Oh, that's great wine.
Great wine.
Well, I am sorry, master.
I did not know.
The Great Djinn must have put something in it.
Yeah Well, do you think you can fix it? Well, I will try.
Try? Yes.
It did not work.
BELLOWS: Major Nelson! Coming, ma'am Sir.
Ha-ha-ha.
How long do you think it's gonna take for that stuff to wear off? Only the Great Djinn would know that.
Well, maybe it's like regular alcohol.
When the wine wears off, they'll reappear, huh? Mmm.
Perhaps.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, in the meantime, we'll have to act natural and pretend that they're there.
Yes, master.
Don't let 'em drink any more wine.
No, master.
Fine.
That ought to do it.
[YELPS.]
Farragut.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
Congre Congressman Farragut.
What's he gonna do when he sees them? Or doesn't see them? Oh, master, master.
Perhaps we could get him to drink some of the wine.
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY.]
That's a grand idea.
So, what are you going to do? I don't know.
I'll think of something.
Act natural.
Coming.
[PHONE RINGING.]
BELLOWS: I'll get it, dear.
Here we are.
Oh.
It looks wonderful.
Yes, it certainly does.
I I certainly admire your wife's cooking, Dr.
Bellows.
AMANDA: Major, is something wrong with your eyes this evening? Alfred is answering the telephone.
I've always enjoyed Mrs.
Bellows' cooking, doctor! BELLOWS: Hello? Oh, hello, congressman.
BELLOWS: No.
No, no, no, no.
It's No, no, no, it's not too early at all.
Come ahead.
You can have some dessert with us.
Fine.
We'll see you in a few minutes.
Dr.
Bellows, wait.
Sir.
Wait.
Wait, Dr.
Bellows.
Wait.
Wait, sir! BELLOWS: Oh! Major Nelson, can't you watch where you're going? Oh.
You ran right into me.
[TONY GROANS.]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Huh.
Sorry, sir.
Here.
Uh, let me help you up here.
BELLOWS: And how do you propose to do that when you're holding on to my ankle? Here.
Oh.
Sir, about Congressman Farragut You can let go now, major.
I'm perfectly able to stand on my own.
Well, after a fall like that, sir, you better let me help you to your chair here.
AMANDA: Major, he didn't fall.
You know, you're acting very peculiar tonight.
BELLOWS: About par for the course, I'd say.
Well.
I-i-it is the wine.
[LAUGHS.]
AMANDA: But, Jeannie, he didn't have any wine.
And neither have you.
But, you know, I think I'll have a little more.
I'm feeling deliciously tipsy.
Well Uh, Mrs.
Bellows Yes, Jeannie? [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Nothing, nothing.
Uh, we were talking about Congressman Farragut, sir? BELLOWS: Yes, we were.
And I hope you get over whatever it is you've got before he gets here.
I'd hate to have him see you like this.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, when will he be here, sir? About ten minutes, I imagine.
Oh, uh, let me have some more wine, will you, please? AMANDA: Here you are, dear.
Ten minutes? No more wine! AMANDA: My dinner.
Good heavens.
Look what you've done! BELLOWS: For heaven sakes.
The whole dinner.
Well, at least I saved the wine.
[.]
[MOUTHS.]
Yes.
[.]
AMANDA: Oh, my beautiful new outfit is just totally ruined.
Jeannie, would you please help me get some of this stuff into the kitchen? Oh, uh Uh Y Y-yes, Mrs.
Bellows.
Of course.
AMANDA: Ouch! Oh, uh, I am sorry.
BELLOWS: Let's get the table fully up, major.
Oh, of course.
BELLOWS: Not from the same side, major.
There you are, sir.
[SIGHS.]
Dr.
Bellows.
I, uh BELLOWS: I'd like to see you, uh, major.
Oh.
BELLOWS: In here.
I wanna talk to you.
Oh.
Yes? Major Nelson I want you to know that I'm not angry with you.
After all, accidents do happen.
But as long as you seem to be having a rather run of them tonight, perhaps it Well, it would be better if you left before the congressman arrives.
Oh, uh, no, sir.
I've been dying to meet Congressman Farragut.
Uh, I'll I'll be careful.
I promise you.
I do have one suggestion, however.
BELLOWS: So do I.
Get off my lap.
Hm? Oh, sorry, sir.
Um, I don't think the congressman ought to come here alone, sir.
Well, why not? He's taking a taxi from NASA.
It's only 10 minutes away.
Well, it's really a point of etiquette, I suppose.
I I don't I think somebody ought to Ought to pick him up.
Uh, I mean, after all, he is a member of the Appropriations Committee.
Perhaps you're right.
Let's go get him.
Huh.
No.
There's no sense in ruining your evening No sense in ruining your evening, sir.
Or mine.
I'll have Roger pick him up.
Major Healy? Why should we bother him? Oh, he'd do anything for the space program, sir.
You just relax, take it easy, and, uh, smoke your pipe, and I'll call Roger.
Hm? Nice, uh, tobacco you have there, sir.
[LAUGHS.]
Very aromatic.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING.]
[PHONE RINGING.]
Roger, honey.
The phone.
Mmm.
Oh.
I don't hear a thing.
Well, you must be deaf, because it's ringing.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Hello.
Hello.
Oh, it's for you.
It's for me.
Hmm.
Sorry, wrong number.
Roge, this is Tony.
I'm sorry, I don't know any Tonys.
Goodbye, Tony.
Roger, will you listen? This is important.
For heaven sakes, Major Nelson.
If he Well, if he's busy, leave him alone.
Uh Uh, yes, sir.
Don't hang up.
Don't hang up.
Uh, sir, he wants to talk to me in private.
Excuse me.
[WHISPERING.]
Now, Roger, I don't have a lot of time.
I want you to go pick up Congressman Farragut, and don't bring him to Dr.
Bellows' house.
Congressman Farragut? Yeah, that's right.
He'll be catching a cab in five minutes.
I want you to pick him up before he leaves.
Well, look, why don't we split it up? You go to NASA, pick up Congressman Farragut, and I won't go to Dr.
Bellows' house.
Oh.
Roger, l-look, I'm desperate.
Uh, Dr.
and Mrs.
Bellows drank some wine that Jeannie blinked, and they disappeared.
There shouldn't be any trouble.
He won't be able to see her anyway.
Roger, I'll never ask you to do anything like this again in my whole life, but you've got to delay Farragut.
And don't let him get here before you call me and make sure it's all right.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You don't know what you're asking.
Roger, please.
I'll I'll make it up to you.
Believe me.
Yeah.
You can't.
You're the wrong sex.
What's the matter, honey? Well, we've gotta go someplace and not take someone somewhere.
Let's go, huh? Oh.
Good, good.
Keep that.
Don't lose it.
TONY: It's all set.
Roger's gonna take care Anthony, watch out! AMANDA: Whee! Oh, that was close.
BELLOWS: Major, you've been bumping into things all night.
AMANDA: Let him alone, Alfred.
He's clumsy, but he's cute.
Coffee time.
BELLOWS: Amanda, you're drunk.
AMANDA: I know.
[AMANDA GIGGLES.]
And it's marvelous.
I'm sorry, master.
She drank more of the wine.
[QUIETLY.]
Why didn't you stop her? I could not see her.
Shh.
AMANDA: Look at me.
I'm a circus act.
BELLOWS: Oh, Amanda, stop that.
Congressman Farragut is coming.
Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, sir.
Maybe he'll be late.
AMANDA [WHISPERING.]
: Listen, gang, why don't we all just ditch that old congressman, huh? And why don't we all go dancing? BELLOWS: Amanda, please, for heaven sakes, have some coffee.
Oh.
Hey, this That's a good idea.
Why don't we all have some coffee? You too, Dr.
Bellows.
AMANDA: Okay, party poopers.
So we don't go dancing.
I know.
Let's play charades.
Huh? [LAUGHS.]
Charades? Oh, uh, Congressman Farragut? Yes, that's right.
Oh, I'm Major Healy.
Oh, yes, the astronaut.
Yeah, I came to take you to Dr.
Bellows' house.
That's very nice of you, major, but I've already called a cab.
We couldn't let you do that.
You're NASA's guest.
Don't wanna take any chances on losing a congressman, huh? Well, can I show you around the airport? I've seen the airport.
I landed here.
You've seen the airport.
Oh, well, let me introduce you to someone.
Uh, this is Linda Watkins.
This is the congressman.
Oh, how do you do? Hi.
I've never picked up a congressman before.
How about the other way around? Huh? Nothing.
[SIGHS.]
Well here we are.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
I, uh, guess the car won't start, huh? Uh, you might try putting the key in the ignition.
Oh.
Hey, that's right.
That's right.
I'm not very mechanical.
And you're an astronaut? Well, those spaceships run automatically.
D-did you ever go to Cocoa Beach? No.
This is my first time here.
Good.
Good, good.
Where did you say you put the key again? Uh, the ignition.
Oh, the ignition.
Yeah.
It's on the right side.
It's a new car.
On the right.
Well Oh, the old one was on the left side of the old car.
Uh Uh, p-please drink it, Mrs.
Bellows.
AMANDA: Don't want coffee.
Wanna go dancing.
Well, you'll feel much better if you drink it.
Believe me.
I feel fine now.
Um Uh, master, may I speak to you for a moment? Please excuse us.
BELLOWS: Amanda, please drink the coffee.
If Congressman Farragut shows up with you like this, it'll make a terrible impression.
He doesn't know the half of it.
Oh, master, this is impossible.
We keep running into them.
Keep your eye on Dr.
Bellows' pipe.
Oh, I do, I do.
But he keeps setting it down.
Yeah.
And there is no way to keep track of Mrs.
Bellows.
Hey.
Hold this.
Hm? Maybe there is.
If I can get these on her.
Oh, wait.
Um, you know, Mrs.
Bellows, you're looking particularly lovely tonight.
There's only one thing missing with your outfit: Uh.
Some jewelry around your neck.
BELLOWS: Major Nelson, what do you think you're doing? Would you kindly get these bells off me? Oh.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
AMANDA: Oh, Alfred, I thought they looked very cute on you.
You know, I've never smoked a pipe before.
It's good.
[AMANDA COUGHS.]
[.]
Ah.
Now, here we are.
Now this is, uh This is where our newest supermarket's going to be Uh, major.
Major, Dr.
Bellows is waiting for me.
Now, we've been driving around for 20 minutes.
Has it been 20 minutes? It's amazing how time flies when you're having a good time.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Would you like to see more of Cocoa Beach? Oh, some other time, major.
Right now, would you please take me to 310 Orange Drive.
Uh, yes, sir.
It's to the left here.
Oh, no, Roge, honey, it's to the right.
To the left.
No sense of direction.
Roger, I live on Orange Drive.
And you keep losing your way home every night.
Major.
To the right.
Yeah.
To the right.
That's right.
You're right, it was right.
Mm-hm.
There, there, Mrs.
Bellows.
Just Just relax.
AMANDA: Bells, bells Beautiful bells Ding-a-ling-a-ling, bells [CHUCKLES.]
BELLOWS: Major Nelson, this evening has turned into a first-class disaster.
And I think we'd better end it now before catastrophe strikes.
I'll make your apologies to the congressman.
[BELLS RING.]
If he ever gets here.
Uh, sir, I think you're gonna need a little help.
I mean, with Mrs.
Bellows, in the condition she's in.
The Nelsons are going home, dear.
AMANDA: No.
Don't want them to go home.
Want to have a party.
AMANDA: Oh.
Whoo! Oh.
Amanda, stop it.
If they're going, then I'm going too.
Amanda, come back.
Oh, no.
This is all I need.
Amanda? Dr.
Bellows? [BANG.]
Oh! [GASPS.]
Oh, Anthony.
Oh, Dr.
Bellows.
Here.
Oh, Major Nelson, I've never known anyone like you in my life.
Oh.
Dr.
Bellows, you're here.
Well, of course I'm here.
And I was over there too, until you ran over me.
TONY: Huh? Oh.
I can't tell you how glad I am to see you, sir.
Major Nelson, have you gone completely over the edge? AMANDA: Yoo-hoo.
You can't find me.
Give me that thing, will you? Amanda? Amanda? Come out from wherever you are.
Instantly.
[WHISPERING.]
He's back.
Dr.
Bellows is back.
I know, master.
But, unfortunately, Mrs.
Bellows is still missing.
Yeah.
[.]
Major Healy, as a matter of public interest, I would like to know how you managed to get to the moon when you can't get someplace four blocks away.
Well, I'm very bad with short distances.
Heh-heh.
I'll get you to Dr.
Bellows' as soon as I make this phone call.
Frankly, I doubt it.
Come on, Tony, will you answer? Tony? Oh, come on, Ton.
Roger, when do we get to stop playing crazy taxi? I I'll make this call and then we'll drop him off, okay? [CAR STARTS.]
No, you won't.
Because your fare just got another cab.
[GROANS.]
[PHONE RINGS.]
Hello? Look, uh, Roger, don't come yet.
Dr.
Bellows is back, but Mrs.
Bellows is outside playing hide-and-seek.
Yeah, well, if she's invisible, she must be winning.
Now.
Well, just keep stalling Farragut.
Yeah, I can't.
He just took a taxi.
Oh, you better find Mrs.
Bellows within 10 minutes, or else you're it.
Now where were we? Roger, we're in public.
Is that where we were? [.]
Oh.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Oh, Dr.
Bellows.
I'm sure I saw Mrs.
Bellows off in that direction.
Oh, thank you.
Amanda, come out! It's my turn to hide now! Oh, this is terrible.
Simply terrible.
[WHISPERING.]
Master? Master? TONY: Shh.
[BELLS RINGING.]
Dr.
Bellows went that way.
Oh, great.
Just be quiet, would you? You got her? Yes, I've got her.
She's asleep.
Oh! Sorry, Mrs.
B [GIGGLES.]
Keep looking, Dr.
Bellows.
I-I'm sure she's in that direction.
[MOUTHS WORDS.]
Well [CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
Excuse me.
Is this the Bellows' house? Oh, w Well, uh Yes.
Yes, it It is the Bellows' house.
[RUSTLING.]
Oh.
Congressman Farragut.
Doctor, you'll never believe the problem I had getting here.
You look as though you had a problem yourself.
Oh, yes.
I'm sorry.
Congressman, I have to be frank with you.
We were having a little something with dinner, and it seemed to get my wife Everything's all right, sir.
Mrs.
Bellows' headache was so bad, she decided to lie down.
She asked to be forgiven.
Major, is she, uh? Asleep in her bed, sir.
Thanks heavens.
Oh, congressman.
I just wanted to say Master.
Is she? Visible.
As soon as she hit the mattress.
Oh.
Shall we get out of here? Uh, yes.
Doctor, if this is inconvenient Not at all, not at all.
Doctor.
We're gonna have to leave now.
Jeannie's not feeling well.
I look forward to meeting you on the base tomorrow.
I'm sorry you have to leave so soon.
Good night, Jeannie.
Good night, major.
Oh, why don't you come in and sit down, and have a nice glass of wine? [.]
Wait! Dr.
Bellows! Dr.
Bellows! Dr.
Bellows, please! [.]
Just act pleasant and talk about normal, everyday things, like the weather.
Yes, master.
Oh, and Jeannie, don't call me "master.
" Oh.
Of course, husband.
Yeah, well, now "husband" is not quite right either.
That sounds so ancient.
Um Well, I am ancient.
Yeah.
Well, I know that, but I don't want Dr.
Bellows to find out exactly how ancient.
Oh.
Uh Uh call me Tony, darling, dear.
Anything like that.
Oh.
Tony darling dear.
That is nice.
[BOTH GIGGLE.]
Just smile and nod a lot, huh? Oh.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Here we are.
Oh, doggone it.
I forgot a gift.
A gift? Yeah.
Is it someone's birthday? Uh, no, no, no.
B-but when you come to someone's house for a party, it's nice to bring some flowers or some wine, or something like that.
Oh.
Well, you need not worry, master.
I can supply the gift.
Huh? Yeah.
What's that? A gift.
Come in.
Come in.
Hello.
Hello, please come in.
Hello.
I hope we are not too late.
Oh, not at all.
I just hate people who come right on the dot.
We brought you a bottle of wine.
Oh, well, how very sweet of you.
Oh, how adorable.
Alfred, isn't that sweet? We can have it with our dinner.
Oh, you needn't have done that.
[COUGHS.]
Isn't that an interesting- looking bottle.
But [BLOWS.]
I I can't quite read the label.
What language is that in? Oh.
That is Persian.
It says, "Emir's Delight.
" You can read Persian? Oh, yes.
Uh, the liquor store owner told us what it said.
A-and that is the vintage.
Fifteen ninety one? An excellent year.
[.]
[.]
[.]
Major Nelson this wine is nearly Yeah.
I believe it, from the looks of the bottle.
Uh, no, I think it's a typographical error, sir.
I think that reads, uh, 1951.
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Of course.
How silly of me.
Well, I I wonder whose picture that is.
Oh, that is Abbas I.
Shah of Persia from 1586 to 1621.
He was particularly fond of this wine.
Was he? Hm.
Did the liquor store owner tell you all that? Oh, no.
I knew him.
Heh.
You knew? Intimately.
Yes.
Oh, she reads a lot of history, uh, on the Middle East.
She's a great history buff.
Yeah, a great buff.
Oh.
Well, for heaven For a minute Well, listen, I don't know how this wine is going to taste, but believe me, it certainly is an interesting conversation piece, isn't it? Ha-ha-ha.
Thank you.
Shall we go in? Yes.
Where'd you get the wine? From the cellar of the Great Djinn.
You mean the date on that thing is correct? Yes, master.
Oh, do not worry, master.
The Great Djinn only drinks the best.
Oh.
May I help you, Mrs.
Bellows? Oh.
No, thank you, dear.
Everything's all ready.
I thought we'd eat right away.
Alfred gets very testy when he's hungry.
Oh, Amanda, I do not.
See what I mean? He's very testy.
Won't you sit down, dear, right there? Is this ours? Oh, thank you very much, major.
Of course.
And if you'd sit right over there, opposite me.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Doctor.
I'm so anxious to taste that wine.
It looks absolutely heavenly.
Alfred, would you mind opening the wine for us, please? Oh, of course.
I'll get it.
It's perfectly all right, major.
I'm perfectly capable of popping a cork.
Oh, uh, by the way, we're having a rather important guest stop by after dinner.
Oh, here you are, dear.
Oh.
Ooh.
I really don't understand why you invited him.
Why did you, dear? Oh, because he happens to be a member of the House Appropriations Committee, and General Schaeffer suggested it.
Uh, uh, uh Congressman Farragut? Uh, that's right.
He's coming here? Yes.
Uh He's conducting a full-dress study of the space program.
That's why I must impress you that it's very important to see that everything goes all right.
Let me help you with that, sir.
Why don't I take this back to the liquor store? I'm sure I can get a refund.
It's perfectly all right.
It's your wine.
I must say that if this cork Oh! [.]
[LAUGHS.]
That was beautiful, Alfred.
You should have been a maitre d'.
Oh, the strangest thing that ever happened to me.
It just came out all of a sudden.
Just serve the wine, dear.
Now, here we are.
Let's see.
Mmm.
Delicious bouquet.
Marvelous.
Simply marvelous.
Well, I'm glad you like it, sir.
Darling, do you plan on drinking it all yourself? [LAUGHING.]
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Here we are.
Alfred, our guests.
Darling, first, please.
BELLOWS: Oh.
Of course.
Whoever picked this wine out made a wonderful choice.
Oh, why, thank you.
Oh, um, try it, Amanda.
Try it.
You're going to absolutely love it.
Not too sweet, not too dry.
AMANDA: Oh.
All right.
It is delicious.
Well, I have a very good idea.
I think I'm going to serve everything at one time.
May I have your plates, please? Jeannie, your plate? Huh? Oh.
Thank you.
Now, let me see, what kind of meat do you prefer, Jeannie? Do you like light or dark? Thank you.
Rare, please.
Rare chicken? [BELLOWS LAUGHING.]
BELLOWS: Funny, Jeannie.
Rare chicken indeed.
[LAUGHING.]
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Well, anything.
Anything at all.
Alfred, where are you? Dropped my napkin.
Here you are, dear.
I've given you a little bit of both.
BELLOWS: Pass the rolls, please.
Alfred, you didn't have to go in the kitchen.
They're right here on the table.
BELLOWS: What kitchen? I'm right here.
Right where? I can't see you.
AMANDA: Oh, there you are.
[COUGHING.]
Anthony, what is the matter? BELLOWS: What is it, Major Nelson? Something caught in my throat.
AMANDA: But I haven't served you yet.
[COUGHING.]
Oh.
[GRUNTING.]
I gotta talk to you.
Excuse us, please.
AMANDA: Oh, I hope he's all right.
May I have your plate, dear? BELLOWS: Well, certainly.
[COUGHING.]
What's going on? I do not know, master.
Can you see 'em? No.
Can you? Not even an outline.
But they can see us, and each other.
Oh, that's great wine.
Great wine.
Well, I am sorry, master.
I did not know.
The Great Djinn must have put something in it.
Yeah Well, do you think you can fix it? Well, I will try.
Try? Yes.
It did not work.
BELLOWS: Major Nelson! Coming, ma'am Sir.
Ha-ha-ha.
How long do you think it's gonna take for that stuff to wear off? Only the Great Djinn would know that.
Well, maybe it's like regular alcohol.
When the wine wears off, they'll reappear, huh? Mmm.
Perhaps.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, in the meantime, we'll have to act natural and pretend that they're there.
Yes, master.
Don't let 'em drink any more wine.
No, master.
Fine.
That ought to do it.
[YELPS.]
Farragut.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
Congre Congressman Farragut.
What's he gonna do when he sees them? Or doesn't see them? Oh, master, master.
Perhaps we could get him to drink some of the wine.
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY.]
That's a grand idea.
So, what are you going to do? I don't know.
I'll think of something.
Act natural.
Coming.
[PHONE RINGING.]
BELLOWS: I'll get it, dear.
Here we are.
Oh.
It looks wonderful.
Yes, it certainly does.
I I certainly admire your wife's cooking, Dr.
Bellows.
AMANDA: Major, is something wrong with your eyes this evening? Alfred is answering the telephone.
I've always enjoyed Mrs.
Bellows' cooking, doctor! BELLOWS: Hello? Oh, hello, congressman.
BELLOWS: No.
No, no, no, no.
It's No, no, no, it's not too early at all.
Come ahead.
You can have some dessert with us.
Fine.
We'll see you in a few minutes.
Dr.
Bellows, wait.
Sir.
Wait.
Wait, Dr.
Bellows.
Wait.
Wait, sir! BELLOWS: Oh! Major Nelson, can't you watch where you're going? Oh.
You ran right into me.
[TONY GROANS.]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Huh.
Sorry, sir.
Here.
Uh, let me help you up here.
BELLOWS: And how do you propose to do that when you're holding on to my ankle? Here.
Oh.
Sir, about Congressman Farragut You can let go now, major.
I'm perfectly able to stand on my own.
Well, after a fall like that, sir, you better let me help you to your chair here.
AMANDA: Major, he didn't fall.
You know, you're acting very peculiar tonight.
BELLOWS: About par for the course, I'd say.
Well.
I-i-it is the wine.
[LAUGHS.]
AMANDA: But, Jeannie, he didn't have any wine.
And neither have you.
But, you know, I think I'll have a little more.
I'm feeling deliciously tipsy.
Well Uh, Mrs.
Bellows Yes, Jeannie? [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Nothing, nothing.
Uh, we were talking about Congressman Farragut, sir? BELLOWS: Yes, we were.
And I hope you get over whatever it is you've got before he gets here.
I'd hate to have him see you like this.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, when will he be here, sir? About ten minutes, I imagine.
Oh, uh, let me have some more wine, will you, please? AMANDA: Here you are, dear.
Ten minutes? No more wine! AMANDA: My dinner.
Good heavens.
Look what you've done! BELLOWS: For heaven sakes.
The whole dinner.
Well, at least I saved the wine.
[.]
[MOUTHS.]
Yes.
[.]
AMANDA: Oh, my beautiful new outfit is just totally ruined.
Jeannie, would you please help me get some of this stuff into the kitchen? Oh, uh Uh Y Y-yes, Mrs.
Bellows.
Of course.
AMANDA: Ouch! Oh, uh, I am sorry.
BELLOWS: Let's get the table fully up, major.
Oh, of course.
BELLOWS: Not from the same side, major.
There you are, sir.
[SIGHS.]
Dr.
Bellows.
I, uh BELLOWS: I'd like to see you, uh, major.
Oh.
BELLOWS: In here.
I wanna talk to you.
Oh.
Yes? Major Nelson I want you to know that I'm not angry with you.
After all, accidents do happen.
But as long as you seem to be having a rather run of them tonight, perhaps it Well, it would be better if you left before the congressman arrives.
Oh, uh, no, sir.
I've been dying to meet Congressman Farragut.
Uh, I'll I'll be careful.
I promise you.
I do have one suggestion, however.
BELLOWS: So do I.
Get off my lap.
Hm? Oh, sorry, sir.
Um, I don't think the congressman ought to come here alone, sir.
Well, why not? He's taking a taxi from NASA.
It's only 10 minutes away.
Well, it's really a point of etiquette, I suppose.
I I don't I think somebody ought to Ought to pick him up.
Uh, I mean, after all, he is a member of the Appropriations Committee.
Perhaps you're right.
Let's go get him.
Huh.
No.
There's no sense in ruining your evening No sense in ruining your evening, sir.
Or mine.
I'll have Roger pick him up.
Major Healy? Why should we bother him? Oh, he'd do anything for the space program, sir.
You just relax, take it easy, and, uh, smoke your pipe, and I'll call Roger.
Hm? Nice, uh, tobacco you have there, sir.
[LAUGHS.]
Very aromatic.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING.]
[PHONE RINGING.]
Roger, honey.
The phone.
Mmm.
Oh.
I don't hear a thing.
Well, you must be deaf, because it's ringing.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Hello.
Hello.
Oh, it's for you.
It's for me.
Hmm.
Sorry, wrong number.
Roge, this is Tony.
I'm sorry, I don't know any Tonys.
Goodbye, Tony.
Roger, will you listen? This is important.
For heaven sakes, Major Nelson.
If he Well, if he's busy, leave him alone.
Uh Uh, yes, sir.
Don't hang up.
Don't hang up.
Uh, sir, he wants to talk to me in private.
Excuse me.
[WHISPERING.]
Now, Roger, I don't have a lot of time.
I want you to go pick up Congressman Farragut, and don't bring him to Dr.
Bellows' house.
Congressman Farragut? Yeah, that's right.
He'll be catching a cab in five minutes.
I want you to pick him up before he leaves.
Well, look, why don't we split it up? You go to NASA, pick up Congressman Farragut, and I won't go to Dr.
Bellows' house.
Oh.
Roger, l-look, I'm desperate.
Uh, Dr.
and Mrs.
Bellows drank some wine that Jeannie blinked, and they disappeared.
There shouldn't be any trouble.
He won't be able to see her anyway.
Roger, I'll never ask you to do anything like this again in my whole life, but you've got to delay Farragut.
And don't let him get here before you call me and make sure it's all right.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You don't know what you're asking.
Roger, please.
I'll I'll make it up to you.
Believe me.
Yeah.
You can't.
You're the wrong sex.
What's the matter, honey? Well, we've gotta go someplace and not take someone somewhere.
Let's go, huh? Oh.
Good, good.
Keep that.
Don't lose it.
TONY: It's all set.
Roger's gonna take care Anthony, watch out! AMANDA: Whee! Oh, that was close.
BELLOWS: Major, you've been bumping into things all night.
AMANDA: Let him alone, Alfred.
He's clumsy, but he's cute.
Coffee time.
BELLOWS: Amanda, you're drunk.
AMANDA: I know.
[AMANDA GIGGLES.]
And it's marvelous.
I'm sorry, master.
She drank more of the wine.
[QUIETLY.]
Why didn't you stop her? I could not see her.
Shh.
AMANDA: Look at me.
I'm a circus act.
BELLOWS: Oh, Amanda, stop that.
Congressman Farragut is coming.
Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, sir.
Maybe he'll be late.
AMANDA [WHISPERING.]
: Listen, gang, why don't we all just ditch that old congressman, huh? And why don't we all go dancing? BELLOWS: Amanda, please, for heaven sakes, have some coffee.
Oh.
Hey, this That's a good idea.
Why don't we all have some coffee? You too, Dr.
Bellows.
AMANDA: Okay, party poopers.
So we don't go dancing.
I know.
Let's play charades.
Huh? [LAUGHS.]
Charades? Oh, uh, Congressman Farragut? Yes, that's right.
Oh, I'm Major Healy.
Oh, yes, the astronaut.
Yeah, I came to take you to Dr.
Bellows' house.
That's very nice of you, major, but I've already called a cab.
We couldn't let you do that.
You're NASA's guest.
Don't wanna take any chances on losing a congressman, huh? Well, can I show you around the airport? I've seen the airport.
I landed here.
You've seen the airport.
Oh, well, let me introduce you to someone.
Uh, this is Linda Watkins.
This is the congressman.
Oh, how do you do? Hi.
I've never picked up a congressman before.
How about the other way around? Huh? Nothing.
[SIGHS.]
Well here we are.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
I, uh, guess the car won't start, huh? Uh, you might try putting the key in the ignition.
Oh.
Hey, that's right.
That's right.
I'm not very mechanical.
And you're an astronaut? Well, those spaceships run automatically.
D-did you ever go to Cocoa Beach? No.
This is my first time here.
Good.
Good, good.
Where did you say you put the key again? Uh, the ignition.
Oh, the ignition.
Yeah.
It's on the right side.
It's a new car.
On the right.
Well Oh, the old one was on the left side of the old car.
Uh Uh, p-please drink it, Mrs.
Bellows.
AMANDA: Don't want coffee.
Wanna go dancing.
Well, you'll feel much better if you drink it.
Believe me.
I feel fine now.
Um Uh, master, may I speak to you for a moment? Please excuse us.
BELLOWS: Amanda, please drink the coffee.
If Congressman Farragut shows up with you like this, it'll make a terrible impression.
He doesn't know the half of it.
Oh, master, this is impossible.
We keep running into them.
Keep your eye on Dr.
Bellows' pipe.
Oh, I do, I do.
But he keeps setting it down.
Yeah.
And there is no way to keep track of Mrs.
Bellows.
Hey.
Hold this.
Hm? Maybe there is.
If I can get these on her.
Oh, wait.
Um, you know, Mrs.
Bellows, you're looking particularly lovely tonight.
There's only one thing missing with your outfit: Uh.
Some jewelry around your neck.
BELLOWS: Major Nelson, what do you think you're doing? Would you kindly get these bells off me? Oh.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
AMANDA: Oh, Alfred, I thought they looked very cute on you.
You know, I've never smoked a pipe before.
It's good.
[AMANDA COUGHS.]
[.]
Ah.
Now, here we are.
Now this is, uh This is where our newest supermarket's going to be Uh, major.
Major, Dr.
Bellows is waiting for me.
Now, we've been driving around for 20 minutes.
Has it been 20 minutes? It's amazing how time flies when you're having a good time.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Would you like to see more of Cocoa Beach? Oh, some other time, major.
Right now, would you please take me to 310 Orange Drive.
Uh, yes, sir.
It's to the left here.
Oh, no, Roge, honey, it's to the right.
To the left.
No sense of direction.
Roger, I live on Orange Drive.
And you keep losing your way home every night.
Major.
To the right.
Yeah.
To the right.
That's right.
You're right, it was right.
Mm-hm.
There, there, Mrs.
Bellows.
Just Just relax.
AMANDA: Bells, bells Beautiful bells Ding-a-ling-a-ling, bells [CHUCKLES.]
BELLOWS: Major Nelson, this evening has turned into a first-class disaster.
And I think we'd better end it now before catastrophe strikes.
I'll make your apologies to the congressman.
[BELLS RING.]
If he ever gets here.
Uh, sir, I think you're gonna need a little help.
I mean, with Mrs.
Bellows, in the condition she's in.
The Nelsons are going home, dear.
AMANDA: No.
Don't want them to go home.
Want to have a party.
AMANDA: Oh.
Whoo! Oh.
Amanda, stop it.
If they're going, then I'm going too.
Amanda, come back.
Oh, no.
This is all I need.
Amanda? Dr.
Bellows? [BANG.]
Oh! [GASPS.]
Oh, Anthony.
Oh, Dr.
Bellows.
Here.
Oh, Major Nelson, I've never known anyone like you in my life.
Oh.
Dr.
Bellows, you're here.
Well, of course I'm here.
And I was over there too, until you ran over me.
TONY: Huh? Oh.
I can't tell you how glad I am to see you, sir.
Major Nelson, have you gone completely over the edge? AMANDA: Yoo-hoo.
You can't find me.
Give me that thing, will you? Amanda? Amanda? Come out from wherever you are.
Instantly.
[WHISPERING.]
He's back.
Dr.
Bellows is back.
I know, master.
But, unfortunately, Mrs.
Bellows is still missing.
Yeah.
[.]
Major Healy, as a matter of public interest, I would like to know how you managed to get to the moon when you can't get someplace four blocks away.
Well, I'm very bad with short distances.
Heh-heh.
I'll get you to Dr.
Bellows' as soon as I make this phone call.
Frankly, I doubt it.
Come on, Tony, will you answer? Tony? Oh, come on, Ton.
Roger, when do we get to stop playing crazy taxi? I I'll make this call and then we'll drop him off, okay? [CAR STARTS.]
No, you won't.
Because your fare just got another cab.
[GROANS.]
[PHONE RINGS.]
Hello? Look, uh, Roger, don't come yet.
Dr.
Bellows is back, but Mrs.
Bellows is outside playing hide-and-seek.
Yeah, well, if she's invisible, she must be winning.
Now.
Well, just keep stalling Farragut.
Yeah, I can't.
He just took a taxi.
Oh, you better find Mrs.
Bellows within 10 minutes, or else you're it.
Now where were we? Roger, we're in public.
Is that where we were? [.]
Oh.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Oh, Dr.
Bellows.
I'm sure I saw Mrs.
Bellows off in that direction.
Oh, thank you.
Amanda, come out! It's my turn to hide now! Oh, this is terrible.
Simply terrible.
[WHISPERING.]
Master? Master? TONY: Shh.
[BELLS RINGING.]
Dr.
Bellows went that way.
Oh, great.
Just be quiet, would you? You got her? Yes, I've got her.
She's asleep.
Oh! Sorry, Mrs.
B [GIGGLES.]
Keep looking, Dr.
Bellows.
I-I'm sure she's in that direction.
[MOUTHS WORDS.]
Well [CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
Excuse me.
Is this the Bellows' house? Oh, w Well, uh Yes.
Yes, it It is the Bellows' house.
[RUSTLING.]
Oh.
Congressman Farragut.
Doctor, you'll never believe the problem I had getting here.
You look as though you had a problem yourself.
Oh, yes.
I'm sorry.
Congressman, I have to be frank with you.
We were having a little something with dinner, and it seemed to get my wife Everything's all right, sir.
Mrs.
Bellows' headache was so bad, she decided to lie down.
She asked to be forgiven.
Major, is she, uh? Asleep in her bed, sir.
Thanks heavens.
Oh, congressman.
I just wanted to say Master.
Is she? Visible.
As soon as she hit the mattress.
Oh.
Shall we get out of here? Uh, yes.
Doctor, if this is inconvenient Not at all, not at all.
Doctor.
We're gonna have to leave now.
Jeannie's not feeling well.
I look forward to meeting you on the base tomorrow.
I'm sorry you have to leave so soon.
Good night, Jeannie.
Good night, major.
Oh, why don't you come in and sit down, and have a nice glass of wine? [.]
Wait! Dr.
Bellows! Dr.
Bellows! Dr.
Bellows, please! [.]