I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s05e17 Episode Script
The Solid Gold Jeannie
[.]
I hope they had time to get some sleep.
Leslie looked so tired aboard the carrier.
Didn't you think he looked tired? Oh, do not worry, Mrs.
Wingate.
Just think.
They will have three weeks to do nothing but eat and sleep.
Oh, I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself.
Well, try, Mrs.
Wingate.
Do try.
Oh, I wish we could allow you to give them a more personal greeting but, uh Well, you do understand the need for the 21-day isolation period.
And after all, in your condition, Sally, we're having enough trouble with Earth germs.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, they're waiting to see you, ladies.
Alfred, darling.
Listen, I I think we should let them go in by themselves.
I mean, they can't touch, but, well, at least we could give them some privacy.
That's a good idea, Amanda.
Uh, ladies.
Uh, we're gonna wait for you outside.
[JEANNIE, SALLY TITTER.]
Good luck.
Good luck.
Jeannie.
Sally.
Dr.
Bellows.
Oh.
Leslie.
Anthony.
Oh.
Ah.
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Oh.
Master, I'm so happy to see you.
And I'm so glad to see you.
What are you doing here? Oh.
[.]
[.]
[.]
Listen, I know you two miss each other, but this doesn't look too good.
Jeannie, get out of here.
I am sorry, master, but when I saw you, I forgot myself.
Ah, no.
You can't go.
But But But master Once you're in here, you're contaminated.
Oh.
Why don't you blink a girl for me, we could start an epidemic.
Leslie.
Dr.
Bellows! [GASPS.]
Ah.
SALLY: Oh, Leslie.
What's the matter? My wife My wife's having the baby.
Aw.
Yes.
I think so.
Now, don't worry, Sally.
Just relax.
We'll get you to the hospital in plenty of time.
Oh.
Uh, Jeannie, can you get a ride? Where's Jeannie? That's what I'd like to know.
Where is Jeannie? Uh, well, she walked She was standing right here.
[SALLY GROANING.]
Amanda, please.
Mrs.
Bellows, my wife.
AMANDA: Yes, of course.
I'm sorry.
Oh, yes, darling.
Here.
Tony.
Right there.
Hah.
She's gonna have the baby.
Oh.
I'm gonna be a father.
Hey, he's gonna be a father.
A little ice cream and pickles for you.
Just sit down and relax.
Get out of here.
But But But out.
ROGER: Just relax.
Relax.
Yeah.
Hey, nothing's gonna happen for quite a while.
What you need is a nap.
Oh.
No, no.
I couldn't go to sleep.
I'm much too nervous.
See, this is our first.
[.]
Uh.
Tony.
Uh, would you pass me that, uh, cushion, huh? Why don't you go in the bedroom and lie down? It's much more comfortable.
Yeah.
You really ought to relax.
Pass me a cushion, huh? Give him a cushion.
Here you are.
My My cushion.
What's the matter? You won't believe this, gentlemen but it's finally happened.
Heh.
But what? We brought something back with us from the moon.
Space garbage.
And it's in this wastebasket.
Well, uh, let me see.
No, no, no.
You'll let it out.
Now, we have to, uh We have to alert the base.
Right.
Right.
Major Healey.
Press the alarm button.
Alarm button.
Roger.
Are you sure, man? Would I stand here with a wastebasket and a cushion if I wasn't? What did it look like? It's a tiny creature about 6 inches long, blond hair, female.
Wait a minute.
Did she have a black dress on? [HITS ROGER.]
That's impossible.
There's no life on the moon.
Armstrong and Aldrin have proved that.
Well, they're wrong.
Now, listen, if you're not gonna press that alarm button, I will.
Hold that.
Huh? [QUIETLY.]
Stop him.
Stop him.
[WHISPERS.]
Get out of here.
Yes, master.
Wait a minute, commander.
Let's talk this over.
Healey, get out of my way.
Come on.
I saw it.
[ALARM RINGS.]
Nelson, the wastebasket.
I'm sorry, sir.
Look.
You let it out.
TONY: Huh? Yeah.
[WHISPERS.]
Get out.
Huh? I said w It's out.
Whatever was in there is certainly out now.
You let it out? Mm-hm.
Well, gentlemen, what seems to be the problem? [ALL TALKING AT ONCE.]
Please, please.
One at a time.
Oh, uh, this is Mr.
Heatherington of the wire services.
Now, uh, what fantastic thing happened, commander? Well, sir.
I was sitting on the arm of that chair Hey, you're from the wire services, huh? He will be covering the Isolation Lab for the entire 21 days.
Sir.
I was sitting Hey, that's marvelous.
Tony.
Tony.
Tony.
Tony.
You're interrupting the commander.
Um.
Thank you, Roge For pointing that out, Roger.
Sir, I was I was saying that it's great to To have someone like him here so that the whole world could know if anything interesting happens here.
SCHAEFFER: We're very glad you're pleased.
Now will you let Commander Wingate continue? Yeah, well, what I meant was that, uh You know, in case somebody, uh, loses his grip because of the strain and starts seeing things, you know? Go ahead, Leslie.
Sorry.
Well, commander.
We're waiting.
My wife's having a baby.
[LAUGHS.]
Right.
Yeah, we're waiting.
Any moment it's gonna be here.
The The baby, right? Roger! The baby.
Thanks for stopping me, Tony.
I I really could have put my foot in it back there.
Oh.
Well, you can't expect a man who's about to become a new father to think straight.
Yeah.
Well, I'm okay now.
All right.
Good, good.
You know, I really thought I saw something in that wastebasket.
Yeah.
That's my room, Les.
Uh, listen, it's perfectly natural.
We've been under a lot of strain, all of us.
What you need is some rest, huh? Right.
You just get some sack time there.
Take it easy, huh? Good.
Jeannie.
You can come out now.
Whoo.
Whoo-hoo.
Hello.
Whoo.
Jeannie.
Oh, Jeannie.
[.]
Well? What? She's not here.
I can't find her anyplace.
Maybe she's in my room.
[WHISPERS.]
Jeannie.
[LOUDLY.]
Jeannie, come out! Shh.
Shh.
Wingate is right through that door.
[WINGATE SCREAMS.]
Don't think he's alone.
What? In the closet.
I saw it.
I saw it.
I saw it.
In the closet.
Take it easy.
What's the matter? Don't tell me to take it easy.
We've got an extraterrestrial creature on our hands, and I'll prove it.
That's ridiculous.
Now, hold it.
Maybe he's got a point.
Yeah, maybe.
What? Look, for years, the scientists have been telling us that sooner or later, we'll meet up with an extraterrestrial creature.
I think it might be safe to assume that we've met one a little sooner than we thought we would.
We have.
We have, Tony.
We have.
I saw it.
I know you saw it.
But, Les, you're the only one who has.
You need corroboration.
I'm going in there.
No.
No, no.
No, no, Tony.
Tony.
Tony.
Tony.
It may be hostile.
I think you're getting a little hostile, Les.
[GRUNTS.]
I am sorry, master.
I thought it was your room.
WINGATE: See anything? Not yet.
It's on the shelf.
On the, uh On the left-hand side.
[.]
Is this what you saw, Les? Where'd you get the trophy? It's Les's mission souvenir.
It says, "Commander Leslie Wingate, lunar module pilot.
" That is not what I saw.
The creature I saw was about Was about 6 inches long, had blond hair, and was wearing a black dress.
I didn't know they gave out trophies.
Why? Why didn't I get a trophy? This is 6 inches long, and in the dark, you can't tell the difference between gold and blond.
You think he'll buy it? I don't know.
How much are you asking? I knew.
I I shouldn't have gone up with you guys.
I knew it.
I knew it.
Take it easy.
On our last mission I saw a girl sitting next to me in the command module wearing a harem outfit.
Can you guys convince me that I was having raptures of deep space? Well? Huh? Get the sleeping pills in there.
Look, I want you to lie down and just get a lot of sleep.
Les, you're exhausted.
I just want to know, why is it when I'm around you two guys, I start seeing things? Why? Well Here, Les.
Here.
Take those.
Take your sleeping pills.
Oh, no.
N-no sleeping pills.
I get an upset stomach.
Les, that's better than an upset head.
That's That's That's true.
[SOBS.]
Oh.
Shh, darling.
All right, you can stop apologizing.
I forgive you.
Oh, thank you, master.
You are most generous.
Yeah.
But We There's no way to fix it now.
Once you came in contact with me, you were contaminated.
Contaminated! Shh.
I mean, possibly contaminated by any of the germs I brought back from the moon.
You're just gonna have to stay here the whole 21 days.
Oh.
Oh, I know, master.
That is terrible.
I cannot think of a punishment severe enough for one as stupid as I.
Now, all right.
All right.
Don't overdo it.
Just stay out of sight.
Especially from Wingate, huh? Oh, yes, master.
I know.
That poor man.
About to become a new papa too.
Yeah.
Hey, I tell you what.
Hey.
See if you can pop yourself into an outfit that looks like this, huh? Why, certainly, master.
Hm.
Of course, gold is not my best color.
Perhaps emerald green would look better.
Mm.
T-try Try gold.
It It'll look nice on you.
Mm.
Blue? Gold.
Oh.
Yes, master.
Okay.
[SIGHS.]
[WOLF WHISTLE.]
[EXASPERATED SIGH.]
Gold is not my color.
[CHUCKLES.]
It looks great.
It really does.
Now Now, uh Uh, pop yourself into this size.
Yes, master.
Okay.
Like this, master? Yeah.
If Wingate catches a glimpse of you, he'll think you're the trophy.
Must I stay like this all the time? Yeah, yeah.
You must stay there unless we're absolutely sure we're alone.
Master.
I was thinking.
Yeah? Since I am here Hm? And we are alone.
Yeah.
A And I am contaminated.
What is it? Can we risk further contamination? Yeah, why not? [.]
[TONY MOANS.]
[LESLIE GROANING.]
All right.
Extraterrestrial.
No, no.
No, no.
Oh-ho Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Sally.
Sally.
Oh.
Baby.
Boy.
Boy.
Girl.
Girl.
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
Bye-bye.
[.]
[SNORING.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
Oh.
For heaven's sakes.
It is very difficult being a trophy.
[SIGHS.]
Amanda, it's nearly 2:00 in the morning, and these men need their sleep.
Alfred, I don't care.
Now, Commander Wingate has just become the father of a beautiful baby boy, and I intend to tell him.
[GROANS.]
Amanda.
I still say it can wait till morning.
And I say, Alfred, that Commander Wingate has been cooped up in there probably worried to death about his wife.
And I think we should just tell him that everything is fine.
[BELL RINGS.]
Oh.
Oh! I will never get any sleep around here.
Amanda.
Mm-hm? Do you see what I see? Oh.
Alfred.
It's It's a little, tiny creature in a gold suit waving its antennae at us.
[.]
[.]
This is a very historic moment.
Our first contact with extraterrestrial beings.
I think I'm gonna faint.
[GASPS.]
Alfred, it's gone.
Incredible.
Evidently it has the power to dematerialize at will.
[DOOR OPENS.]
What's the matter? What happened? Major Nelson, Major Healey.
The most amazing thing.
There is life on the moon.
It's right over there at the end of the couch.
Huh? On the end of the couch.
Well, wait a minute, sir.
We don't understand what you're talking about.
I do.
We just came back from the hospital, and we found out that Commander Wingate's wife had the baby.
And then we looked into the room, and right over there, we saw Hey.
Sally had the baby! How about that! A-a A boy or a girl? A boy, and she's fine.
But Hey, a boy.
We gotta tell the commander, huh? [CACKLES.]
What happened? What happened? I just woke up Oh.
Les, it's happened.
It's happened, Les.
Oh, you mean you found the creature? He has seen it too.
Huh? No, uh, you You had a boy.
Sally had a boy.
Sally had a boy.
Yeah.
Sally had a boy.
Yeah Sally had a boy Oh! Oh! Oh.
Oh.
What? What, is she? Is she okay? She's fine, commander.
Congratulations.
Commander.
Commander, a few seconds ago, you asked about a creature.
He was asleep, sir.
He didn't know what he was saying.
Yeah, he was asleep.
Gentlemen, please.
Let the commander speak.
Commander, see, we saw it too.
It's about 8 inches long, had a gold suit, and was sitting right over Oh, that.
Listen, relax, Dr.
and Mrs.
Bellows.
It was nothing.
Nothing? We saw it.
I saw it too.
And I was pretty shook up at first, until Tony showed me what it was.
We had a lot of laughs over it.
[ALL LAUGH.]
I don't know what's going on.
Uh Do you mean to tell me you three saw this thing, and And you're not upset? I'll show you.
TONY: He'll show it to you.
Hey.
At least I'm not the only one who made the same mistake, huh? Yeah.
It's funny what nerves can do.
Yeah, my nerves are getting pretty funny.
[CHUCKLES.]
My nerves.
[.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[OBJECTS RATTLING.]
A boy, huh? Uh, did Sally give it a name yet? Uh, well, no How? How much did it weigh? Dr.
and Mrs.
Bellows, is this what you saw? A trophy.
Oh, but it looks sort of like what we saw, only what we saw moved.
That's ridiculous.
Uh, trophies don't move, Mrs.
Bellows.
BELLOWS: Exactly.
Then how did it get to wherever Commander Wingate found it? Yeah, Tony.
H-how did? How did? How did that happen? Well, it's just an ordinary trophy.
It's got a oh! Oh! Whoa.
AMANDA: What happened? What's going on down there? I'm sorry.
I dropped your statue.
Sorry.
[QUIETLY.]
Jeannie, are you all right? BELLOWS: Major Nelson.
Yes? Come back here.
I want to see that trophy.
I can't, sir.
It's broken.
Well, it's a little late, so good night.
BELLOWS: Just a moment, Major Healey.
We're going to get to the bottom of this, and now.
Yeah, well, uh All right, sir.
What do we? What do we discuss? Uh, commander.
Tell us everything that happened.
[.]
Jeannie.
Darling, say something.
Tell me what's wrong, please.
Oh.
[GROANS.]
Darling, are you all right? Oh.
Oh Oh.
What's the matter? Oh, I have a terrible headache.
Oh.
Uh, there are some, uh, headache pills in the bathroom.
Oh.
Uh, go in there, and I I want you to stay there until e-everybody goes to sleep, okay? Gently.
Yes, master.
You all right? Yes.
Gently.
Okay.
Stay there.
Oh! I'm sorry.
Ow! Oh.
[DOOR OPENS.]
ROGER: Tony? Yeah.
Oh, hey, Tony.
Uh, how's Jeannie? She's okay.
She's just got a little headache.
What's going on out there? Don't worry.
I fixed everything.
The Bellows thought they saw something, and it made Wingate suspicious.
I knew that was gonna happen.
And Dr.
Bellows was gonna call General Schaeffer.
You're kidding.
Oh Don't worry.
You'll be proud of me.
I fixed everything.
I I told Dr.
Bellows no use panicking everybody over something he's not sure of.
Yeah, yeah.
Dr.
Bellows is gonna have the sterilization crew come in tomorrow and search everything.
What? Jeannie can make herself teeny-tiny again Oh, great.
That's all we need.
That was stupendous.
That was a great idea.
Master? Huh? Oh, these are funny headache pills.
I took two of them and I feel so sleepy.
Wait, Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Darling.
We have to Darling.
What's the matter? Jeannie? Hold it.
Wake up.
Sweetheart.
Wait a minute.
These aren't headache pills.
They're sleeping pills.
Wingate took two of these, and he was out for eight hours.
Oh, night-night, Jeannie.
The sterilization crew, when is it coming? Six o'clock in the morning.
Oh, that's great.
You got any idea how we're gonna hide a 110-pound genie? I don't know, but she'd make a big trophy.
[.]
No, Amanda.
I still don't know why you insisted on being here.
Because, Alfred, I saw it the first time.
And if it's here, I intend to see it again.
Well, they certainly didn't find anything in this part of the lab.
They've gone over it with a fine-toothed comb.
Oh, Alfred.
I wonder how they all feel in there.
I mean, you know, being cooped up with a creature from another planet.
Well, as far as Major Nelson is concerned, I sometimes wonder whether he's of another world.
[GIGGLES.]
Well, I like to keep a clean isolation lab.
[DEVICE CLICKING.]
That's it, guys, huh? Out the door we go.
Where you going, fellas? Wait a minute.
That's Major Nelson's room.
Uh, don't go in there.
Major Major Nelson's sleeping.
Be quiet when you're in there, because he's sleeping, fellas.
Very quiet.
Very quiet, major.
Sleepy-sleepy.
[DEVICE CLICKING.]
Oh.
Carry on.
[CLAPS HANDS.]
Tony.
Listen, I want Shh.
Uh, Tony's asleep.
But he was just in the hall.
Yeah.
W-was he in the hall? Oh, that was me in the hall.
But But if you're here, then who was that in the hall? Oh, you're right.
That was me in the hall.
Have you seen the trophy? I wanna take a look at it.
No, I haven't seen it, Les.
Maybe it's in your closet.
Yeah, maybe it's in the closet, Les.
Oh.
Nice job.
No.
Nope.
Uh, no.
No.
Maybe it's in your closet.
Yeah maybe it's in my closet, Les.
No, Les.
Wait a minute, Les.
It's not in my closet.
Les? [.]
Tony.
But Ro Roger said you were sleeping.
Yeah, I was.
It was quieter in here.
Well, that makes sense.
But I But if you're here, who's sleeping in your bed? Goldilocks? [LAUGHS.]
Wait a minute.
You don't wanna go in there.
The sterilization crew's in there.
Get out of my way.
Somebody's in your bed.
No, that's all your imagination.
I've had about enough of my My imagination.
Whoa.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
Oh, boy.
Those short naps are refreshing.
But you said you were Tony.
Roger, that's Tony.
And you're Wingate.
I know who I am.
I know who you are.
What I want to know is, who was in this bed? Move, Nelson.
Nelson, you're forgetting something.
I outrank you.
Yeah, well Get out of the way! All right.
[MUTTERS.]
[CACKLING.]
I found it! I found it! I found it! Jeannie.
Get him! Get him.
Don't go away.
Now, come on, Roger.
Roger.
[.]
And you authorized the sterilization crew.
Yes, sir.
And I take full responsibility.
May I ask why? General, you're not gonna believe this.
I mean, you won't believe it, but last night, I saw, on this couch a tiny little creature uh, about 6 inches long, with a With a gold suit waving.
A tiny little creature waving.
That's right, sir.
I saw it too.
I found it! I found it! Oh.
Oh, in Major Nelson's room.
Do you see, sir? What did you find, commander? The creature, sir.
The creature.
It It's huge.
It's over 5 feet tall.
And it's wearing a gold astronaut's uniform.
And it's hiding in Major Nelson's closet.
Don't listen.
Lack of sleep.
He's overwrought.
Yeah, it's the baby, sir.
It's the strain Silence! Five feet tall, commander? Six inches, doctor? It must have grown.
BELLOWS: Oh.
Here they are, general.
[.]
Well, gentlemen.
Anything happen? Not a thing, doctor.
Clean as a whistle.
But But I saw it.
In In In Major Nelson's room.
I BELLOWS: Are you sure? We checked everywhere, but we can go over it again if you like.
No, that won't be necessary.
Uh, gentlemen you're going to have to be in the isolation chamber for three weeks.
That's a long time, but it will seem considerably longer if you let your imaginations run away with you.
Now, I suggest that you all forget about this, uh This creature, and get some rest.
But general, now, you can get And my suggestion goes for you too, Mrs.
Bellows.
[.]
[EXHALES.]
HEATHERINGTON: General, wait.
Mm-hm? I just heard that the sterilization crew has been in the isolation lab.
Can you tell me why? Mm-hm.
It was the maid's day off.
It's okay.
You just need a little rest.
ROGER: I need a little rest.
Boy.
TONY: You'll be back on your feet in no time.
[.]
Three weeks.
Never make it three weeks.
[.]
[.]
I hope they had time to get some sleep.
Leslie looked so tired aboard the carrier.
Didn't you think he looked tired? Oh, do not worry, Mrs.
Wingate.
Just think.
They will have three weeks to do nothing but eat and sleep.
Oh, I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself.
Well, try, Mrs.
Wingate.
Do try.
Oh, I wish we could allow you to give them a more personal greeting but, uh Well, you do understand the need for the 21-day isolation period.
And after all, in your condition, Sally, we're having enough trouble with Earth germs.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, they're waiting to see you, ladies.
Alfred, darling.
Listen, I I think we should let them go in by themselves.
I mean, they can't touch, but, well, at least we could give them some privacy.
That's a good idea, Amanda.
Uh, ladies.
Uh, we're gonna wait for you outside.
[JEANNIE, SALLY TITTER.]
Good luck.
Good luck.
Jeannie.
Sally.
Dr.
Bellows.
Oh.
Leslie.
Anthony.
Oh.
Ah.
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Oh.
Master, I'm so happy to see you.
And I'm so glad to see you.
What are you doing here? Oh.
[.]
[.]
[.]
Listen, I know you two miss each other, but this doesn't look too good.
Jeannie, get out of here.
I am sorry, master, but when I saw you, I forgot myself.
Ah, no.
You can't go.
But But But master Once you're in here, you're contaminated.
Oh.
Why don't you blink a girl for me, we could start an epidemic.
Leslie.
Dr.
Bellows! [GASPS.]
Ah.
SALLY: Oh, Leslie.
What's the matter? My wife My wife's having the baby.
Aw.
Yes.
I think so.
Now, don't worry, Sally.
Just relax.
We'll get you to the hospital in plenty of time.
Oh.
Uh, Jeannie, can you get a ride? Where's Jeannie? That's what I'd like to know.
Where is Jeannie? Uh, well, she walked She was standing right here.
[SALLY GROANING.]
Amanda, please.
Mrs.
Bellows, my wife.
AMANDA: Yes, of course.
I'm sorry.
Oh, yes, darling.
Here.
Tony.
Right there.
Hah.
She's gonna have the baby.
Oh.
I'm gonna be a father.
Hey, he's gonna be a father.
A little ice cream and pickles for you.
Just sit down and relax.
Get out of here.
But But But out.
ROGER: Just relax.
Relax.
Yeah.
Hey, nothing's gonna happen for quite a while.
What you need is a nap.
Oh.
No, no.
I couldn't go to sleep.
I'm much too nervous.
See, this is our first.
[.]
Uh.
Tony.
Uh, would you pass me that, uh, cushion, huh? Why don't you go in the bedroom and lie down? It's much more comfortable.
Yeah.
You really ought to relax.
Pass me a cushion, huh? Give him a cushion.
Here you are.
My My cushion.
What's the matter? You won't believe this, gentlemen but it's finally happened.
Heh.
But what? We brought something back with us from the moon.
Space garbage.
And it's in this wastebasket.
Well, uh, let me see.
No, no, no.
You'll let it out.
Now, we have to, uh We have to alert the base.
Right.
Right.
Major Healey.
Press the alarm button.
Alarm button.
Roger.
Are you sure, man? Would I stand here with a wastebasket and a cushion if I wasn't? What did it look like? It's a tiny creature about 6 inches long, blond hair, female.
Wait a minute.
Did she have a black dress on? [HITS ROGER.]
That's impossible.
There's no life on the moon.
Armstrong and Aldrin have proved that.
Well, they're wrong.
Now, listen, if you're not gonna press that alarm button, I will.
Hold that.
Huh? [QUIETLY.]
Stop him.
Stop him.
[WHISPERS.]
Get out of here.
Yes, master.
Wait a minute, commander.
Let's talk this over.
Healey, get out of my way.
Come on.
I saw it.
[ALARM RINGS.]
Nelson, the wastebasket.
I'm sorry, sir.
Look.
You let it out.
TONY: Huh? Yeah.
[WHISPERS.]
Get out.
Huh? I said w It's out.
Whatever was in there is certainly out now.
You let it out? Mm-hm.
Well, gentlemen, what seems to be the problem? [ALL TALKING AT ONCE.]
Please, please.
One at a time.
Oh, uh, this is Mr.
Heatherington of the wire services.
Now, uh, what fantastic thing happened, commander? Well, sir.
I was sitting on the arm of that chair Hey, you're from the wire services, huh? He will be covering the Isolation Lab for the entire 21 days.
Sir.
I was sitting Hey, that's marvelous.
Tony.
Tony.
Tony.
Tony.
You're interrupting the commander.
Um.
Thank you, Roge For pointing that out, Roger.
Sir, I was I was saying that it's great to To have someone like him here so that the whole world could know if anything interesting happens here.
SCHAEFFER: We're very glad you're pleased.
Now will you let Commander Wingate continue? Yeah, well, what I meant was that, uh You know, in case somebody, uh, loses his grip because of the strain and starts seeing things, you know? Go ahead, Leslie.
Sorry.
Well, commander.
We're waiting.
My wife's having a baby.
[LAUGHS.]
Right.
Yeah, we're waiting.
Any moment it's gonna be here.
The The baby, right? Roger! The baby.
Thanks for stopping me, Tony.
I I really could have put my foot in it back there.
Oh.
Well, you can't expect a man who's about to become a new father to think straight.
Yeah.
Well, I'm okay now.
All right.
Good, good.
You know, I really thought I saw something in that wastebasket.
Yeah.
That's my room, Les.
Uh, listen, it's perfectly natural.
We've been under a lot of strain, all of us.
What you need is some rest, huh? Right.
You just get some sack time there.
Take it easy, huh? Good.
Jeannie.
You can come out now.
Whoo.
Whoo-hoo.
Hello.
Whoo.
Jeannie.
Oh, Jeannie.
[.]
Well? What? She's not here.
I can't find her anyplace.
Maybe she's in my room.
[WHISPERS.]
Jeannie.
[LOUDLY.]
Jeannie, come out! Shh.
Shh.
Wingate is right through that door.
[WINGATE SCREAMS.]
Don't think he's alone.
What? In the closet.
I saw it.
I saw it.
I saw it.
In the closet.
Take it easy.
What's the matter? Don't tell me to take it easy.
We've got an extraterrestrial creature on our hands, and I'll prove it.
That's ridiculous.
Now, hold it.
Maybe he's got a point.
Yeah, maybe.
What? Look, for years, the scientists have been telling us that sooner or later, we'll meet up with an extraterrestrial creature.
I think it might be safe to assume that we've met one a little sooner than we thought we would.
We have.
We have, Tony.
We have.
I saw it.
I know you saw it.
But, Les, you're the only one who has.
You need corroboration.
I'm going in there.
No.
No, no.
No, no, Tony.
Tony.
Tony.
Tony.
It may be hostile.
I think you're getting a little hostile, Les.
[GRUNTS.]
I am sorry, master.
I thought it was your room.
WINGATE: See anything? Not yet.
It's on the shelf.
On the, uh On the left-hand side.
[.]
Is this what you saw, Les? Where'd you get the trophy? It's Les's mission souvenir.
It says, "Commander Leslie Wingate, lunar module pilot.
" That is not what I saw.
The creature I saw was about Was about 6 inches long, had blond hair, and was wearing a black dress.
I didn't know they gave out trophies.
Why? Why didn't I get a trophy? This is 6 inches long, and in the dark, you can't tell the difference between gold and blond.
You think he'll buy it? I don't know.
How much are you asking? I knew.
I I shouldn't have gone up with you guys.
I knew it.
I knew it.
Take it easy.
On our last mission I saw a girl sitting next to me in the command module wearing a harem outfit.
Can you guys convince me that I was having raptures of deep space? Well? Huh? Get the sleeping pills in there.
Look, I want you to lie down and just get a lot of sleep.
Les, you're exhausted.
I just want to know, why is it when I'm around you two guys, I start seeing things? Why? Well Here, Les.
Here.
Take those.
Take your sleeping pills.
Oh, no.
N-no sleeping pills.
I get an upset stomach.
Les, that's better than an upset head.
That's That's That's true.
[SOBS.]
Oh.
Shh, darling.
All right, you can stop apologizing.
I forgive you.
Oh, thank you, master.
You are most generous.
Yeah.
But We There's no way to fix it now.
Once you came in contact with me, you were contaminated.
Contaminated! Shh.
I mean, possibly contaminated by any of the germs I brought back from the moon.
You're just gonna have to stay here the whole 21 days.
Oh.
Oh, I know, master.
That is terrible.
I cannot think of a punishment severe enough for one as stupid as I.
Now, all right.
All right.
Don't overdo it.
Just stay out of sight.
Especially from Wingate, huh? Oh, yes, master.
I know.
That poor man.
About to become a new papa too.
Yeah.
Hey, I tell you what.
Hey.
See if you can pop yourself into an outfit that looks like this, huh? Why, certainly, master.
Hm.
Of course, gold is not my best color.
Perhaps emerald green would look better.
Mm.
T-try Try gold.
It It'll look nice on you.
Mm.
Blue? Gold.
Oh.
Yes, master.
Okay.
[SIGHS.]
[WOLF WHISTLE.]
[EXASPERATED SIGH.]
Gold is not my color.
[CHUCKLES.]
It looks great.
It really does.
Now Now, uh Uh, pop yourself into this size.
Yes, master.
Okay.
Like this, master? Yeah.
If Wingate catches a glimpse of you, he'll think you're the trophy.
Must I stay like this all the time? Yeah, yeah.
You must stay there unless we're absolutely sure we're alone.
Master.
I was thinking.
Yeah? Since I am here Hm? And we are alone.
Yeah.
A And I am contaminated.
What is it? Can we risk further contamination? Yeah, why not? [.]
[TONY MOANS.]
[LESLIE GROANING.]
All right.
Extraterrestrial.
No, no.
No, no.
Oh-ho Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Sally.
Sally.
Oh.
Baby.
Boy.
Boy.
Girl.
Girl.
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
Bye-bye.
[.]
[SNORING.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
Oh.
For heaven's sakes.
It is very difficult being a trophy.
[SIGHS.]
Amanda, it's nearly 2:00 in the morning, and these men need their sleep.
Alfred, I don't care.
Now, Commander Wingate has just become the father of a beautiful baby boy, and I intend to tell him.
[GROANS.]
Amanda.
I still say it can wait till morning.
And I say, Alfred, that Commander Wingate has been cooped up in there probably worried to death about his wife.
And I think we should just tell him that everything is fine.
[BELL RINGS.]
Oh.
Oh! I will never get any sleep around here.
Amanda.
Mm-hm? Do you see what I see? Oh.
Alfred.
It's It's a little, tiny creature in a gold suit waving its antennae at us.
[.]
[.]
This is a very historic moment.
Our first contact with extraterrestrial beings.
I think I'm gonna faint.
[GASPS.]
Alfred, it's gone.
Incredible.
Evidently it has the power to dematerialize at will.
[DOOR OPENS.]
What's the matter? What happened? Major Nelson, Major Healey.
The most amazing thing.
There is life on the moon.
It's right over there at the end of the couch.
Huh? On the end of the couch.
Well, wait a minute, sir.
We don't understand what you're talking about.
I do.
We just came back from the hospital, and we found out that Commander Wingate's wife had the baby.
And then we looked into the room, and right over there, we saw Hey.
Sally had the baby! How about that! A-a A boy or a girl? A boy, and she's fine.
But Hey, a boy.
We gotta tell the commander, huh? [CACKLES.]
What happened? What happened? I just woke up Oh.
Les, it's happened.
It's happened, Les.
Oh, you mean you found the creature? He has seen it too.
Huh? No, uh, you You had a boy.
Sally had a boy.
Sally had a boy.
Yeah.
Sally had a boy.
Yeah Sally had a boy Oh! Oh! Oh.
Oh.
What? What, is she? Is she okay? She's fine, commander.
Congratulations.
Commander.
Commander, a few seconds ago, you asked about a creature.
He was asleep, sir.
He didn't know what he was saying.
Yeah, he was asleep.
Gentlemen, please.
Let the commander speak.
Commander, see, we saw it too.
It's about 8 inches long, had a gold suit, and was sitting right over Oh, that.
Listen, relax, Dr.
and Mrs.
Bellows.
It was nothing.
Nothing? We saw it.
I saw it too.
And I was pretty shook up at first, until Tony showed me what it was.
We had a lot of laughs over it.
[ALL LAUGH.]
I don't know what's going on.
Uh Do you mean to tell me you three saw this thing, and And you're not upset? I'll show you.
TONY: He'll show it to you.
Hey.
At least I'm not the only one who made the same mistake, huh? Yeah.
It's funny what nerves can do.
Yeah, my nerves are getting pretty funny.
[CHUCKLES.]
My nerves.
[.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[OBJECTS RATTLING.]
A boy, huh? Uh, did Sally give it a name yet? Uh, well, no How? How much did it weigh? Dr.
and Mrs.
Bellows, is this what you saw? A trophy.
Oh, but it looks sort of like what we saw, only what we saw moved.
That's ridiculous.
Uh, trophies don't move, Mrs.
Bellows.
BELLOWS: Exactly.
Then how did it get to wherever Commander Wingate found it? Yeah, Tony.
H-how did? How did? How did that happen? Well, it's just an ordinary trophy.
It's got a oh! Oh! Whoa.
AMANDA: What happened? What's going on down there? I'm sorry.
I dropped your statue.
Sorry.
[QUIETLY.]
Jeannie, are you all right? BELLOWS: Major Nelson.
Yes? Come back here.
I want to see that trophy.
I can't, sir.
It's broken.
Well, it's a little late, so good night.
BELLOWS: Just a moment, Major Healey.
We're going to get to the bottom of this, and now.
Yeah, well, uh All right, sir.
What do we? What do we discuss? Uh, commander.
Tell us everything that happened.
[.]
Jeannie.
Darling, say something.
Tell me what's wrong, please.
Oh.
[GROANS.]
Darling, are you all right? Oh.
Oh Oh.
What's the matter? Oh, I have a terrible headache.
Oh.
Uh, there are some, uh, headache pills in the bathroom.
Oh.
Uh, go in there, and I I want you to stay there until e-everybody goes to sleep, okay? Gently.
Yes, master.
You all right? Yes.
Gently.
Okay.
Stay there.
Oh! I'm sorry.
Ow! Oh.
[DOOR OPENS.]
ROGER: Tony? Yeah.
Oh, hey, Tony.
Uh, how's Jeannie? She's okay.
She's just got a little headache.
What's going on out there? Don't worry.
I fixed everything.
The Bellows thought they saw something, and it made Wingate suspicious.
I knew that was gonna happen.
And Dr.
Bellows was gonna call General Schaeffer.
You're kidding.
Oh Don't worry.
You'll be proud of me.
I fixed everything.
I I told Dr.
Bellows no use panicking everybody over something he's not sure of.
Yeah, yeah.
Dr.
Bellows is gonna have the sterilization crew come in tomorrow and search everything.
What? Jeannie can make herself teeny-tiny again Oh, great.
That's all we need.
That was stupendous.
That was a great idea.
Master? Huh? Oh, these are funny headache pills.
I took two of them and I feel so sleepy.
Wait, Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Darling.
We have to Darling.
What's the matter? Jeannie? Hold it.
Wake up.
Sweetheart.
Wait a minute.
These aren't headache pills.
They're sleeping pills.
Wingate took two of these, and he was out for eight hours.
Oh, night-night, Jeannie.
The sterilization crew, when is it coming? Six o'clock in the morning.
Oh, that's great.
You got any idea how we're gonna hide a 110-pound genie? I don't know, but she'd make a big trophy.
[.]
No, Amanda.
I still don't know why you insisted on being here.
Because, Alfred, I saw it the first time.
And if it's here, I intend to see it again.
Well, they certainly didn't find anything in this part of the lab.
They've gone over it with a fine-toothed comb.
Oh, Alfred.
I wonder how they all feel in there.
I mean, you know, being cooped up with a creature from another planet.
Well, as far as Major Nelson is concerned, I sometimes wonder whether he's of another world.
[GIGGLES.]
Well, I like to keep a clean isolation lab.
[DEVICE CLICKING.]
That's it, guys, huh? Out the door we go.
Where you going, fellas? Wait a minute.
That's Major Nelson's room.
Uh, don't go in there.
Major Major Nelson's sleeping.
Be quiet when you're in there, because he's sleeping, fellas.
Very quiet.
Very quiet, major.
Sleepy-sleepy.
[DEVICE CLICKING.]
Oh.
Carry on.
[CLAPS HANDS.]
Tony.
Listen, I want Shh.
Uh, Tony's asleep.
But he was just in the hall.
Yeah.
W-was he in the hall? Oh, that was me in the hall.
But But if you're here, then who was that in the hall? Oh, you're right.
That was me in the hall.
Have you seen the trophy? I wanna take a look at it.
No, I haven't seen it, Les.
Maybe it's in your closet.
Yeah, maybe it's in the closet, Les.
Oh.
Nice job.
No.
Nope.
Uh, no.
No.
Maybe it's in your closet.
Yeah maybe it's in my closet, Les.
No, Les.
Wait a minute, Les.
It's not in my closet.
Les? [.]
Tony.
But Ro Roger said you were sleeping.
Yeah, I was.
It was quieter in here.
Well, that makes sense.
But I But if you're here, who's sleeping in your bed? Goldilocks? [LAUGHS.]
Wait a minute.
You don't wanna go in there.
The sterilization crew's in there.
Get out of my way.
Somebody's in your bed.
No, that's all your imagination.
I've had about enough of my My imagination.
Whoa.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
Oh, boy.
Those short naps are refreshing.
But you said you were Tony.
Roger, that's Tony.
And you're Wingate.
I know who I am.
I know who you are.
What I want to know is, who was in this bed? Move, Nelson.
Nelson, you're forgetting something.
I outrank you.
Yeah, well Get out of the way! All right.
[MUTTERS.]
[CACKLING.]
I found it! I found it! I found it! Jeannie.
Get him! Get him.
Don't go away.
Now, come on, Roger.
Roger.
[.]
And you authorized the sterilization crew.
Yes, sir.
And I take full responsibility.
May I ask why? General, you're not gonna believe this.
I mean, you won't believe it, but last night, I saw, on this couch a tiny little creature uh, about 6 inches long, with a With a gold suit waving.
A tiny little creature waving.
That's right, sir.
I saw it too.
I found it! I found it! Oh.
Oh, in Major Nelson's room.
Do you see, sir? What did you find, commander? The creature, sir.
The creature.
It It's huge.
It's over 5 feet tall.
And it's wearing a gold astronaut's uniform.
And it's hiding in Major Nelson's closet.
Don't listen.
Lack of sleep.
He's overwrought.
Yeah, it's the baby, sir.
It's the strain Silence! Five feet tall, commander? Six inches, doctor? It must have grown.
BELLOWS: Oh.
Here they are, general.
[.]
Well, gentlemen.
Anything happen? Not a thing, doctor.
Clean as a whistle.
But But I saw it.
In In In Major Nelson's room.
I BELLOWS: Are you sure? We checked everywhere, but we can go over it again if you like.
No, that won't be necessary.
Uh, gentlemen you're going to have to be in the isolation chamber for three weeks.
That's a long time, but it will seem considerably longer if you let your imaginations run away with you.
Now, I suggest that you all forget about this, uh This creature, and get some rest.
But general, now, you can get And my suggestion goes for you too, Mrs.
Bellows.
[.]
[EXHALES.]
HEATHERINGTON: General, wait.
Mm-hm? I just heard that the sterilization crew has been in the isolation lab.
Can you tell me why? Mm-hm.
It was the maid's day off.
It's okay.
You just need a little rest.
ROGER: I need a little rest.
Boy.
TONY: You'll be back on your feet in no time.
[.]
Three weeks.
Never make it three weeks.
[.]
[.]