I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s05e20 Episode Script
Jeannie, the Recording Secretary
[.]
Master.
A-are you sure I look all right? Of course.
You look wonderful.
Now, will you stop worrying.
Well, what if they do not like me? What if I say something wrong? Darling, it's, um, the The Officers' Wives Association, not the Spanish Inquisition.
Now, all you have to do is smile.
Be polite.
Uh, talk about ordinary, everyday things.
And, in short, just Just be yourself.
Be myself.
Be Right.
Yes, darling.
Be myself.
What am I saying? Uh, Jeannie.
You wouldn't want to completely be yourself.
I mean, you couldn't do that, could you? Ooh! Now Now Now, look.
Uh, just relax.
Don't get all upset about Oh.
Hello, Major Nelson.
Hello, Jeannie.
Hello.
Oh.
I love that outfit.
That's just darling.
Oh.
Thank you.
Heh.
M-M-M-Mrs.
Bellows, are? Are you sure I should go to the executive council meeting? Oh, yes, I'm very sure.
Heh.
Please excuse me.
I am in a terrible rush.
See you later.
Nice seeing you, Mrs.
Bellows.
Now, you see, she loves what you were wearing.
Eh There's nothing to worry about, Jeannie.
But I mean, if there was, I would be nervous, wouldn't I? And I'm not.
I'm cool, nonchalant, um Uh, I don't have a care in the world.
And you shouldn't have a care in the world either.
You are right, darling.
I am being so silly.
Yeah.
Goodbye.
Bye.
[GIGGLES.]
[NERVOUSLY.]
I'm not nervous! I'm not nervous.
No, of course.
[.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
[GASPS.]
It is exactly the same outfit.
Oh, dear.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
Ah, yes.
Hm, hm.
That is better.
Well, I I'm afraid I'm a little nervous, sir.
It's Jeannie's first meeting at the Officers' Wives Association.
I don't see why that should worry you.
I'm sure she'll do fine.
Why, hello, Jeannie.
Beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
Pink's your color.
Jeannie, what's with the dress? Why did you change? Oh, well, I could not help it, master.
Another woman had on exactly the same thing.
Yeah Well, she would hate me.
Darling Hate me.
Uh, Mrs.
Bellows saw you.
She even commented on your outfit.
You can't Oh, I know.
But master, I No buts.
Sweetheart, please change right now.
While no one's around.
Go ahead, change.
Change.
Of course.
Come on, come on.
Why did I not think of that in the first place? Please.
Instantly.
Instantly, master.
Instantly.
Mm-hm.
WOMAN: Oh, well, no, I like it that way.
[WOMEN CHATTERING.]
Mrs.
Endicott.
All the way from Washington.
What a surprise.
A pleasant one I hope, Mrs.
Bellows.
AMANDA: Yes.
I'm I'm sorry, darling.
Oh, do not worry, master.
I-it is all fixed.
BELLOWS: Oh, Major Nelson.
I forgot to mention Oh, no, it's not Go, go.
What? Go.
Go.
Go! Go.
I beg your pardon.
I was telling Jeannie to go, sir.
She's gonna be late for an appointment.
A meeting.
You were saying? Oh, yes.
The, uh Uh, simulator schedule for the XT-4.
It's been changed.
Yes? Uh, you and Major Healey are gonna be in it instead of, uh, Captain Billings and Commander Lawrence.
Oh, good, sir.
We'll be looking forward to it.
Major, I'm going this way.
Well, why don't you go this way? You seen Jeannie's dress? Boy, blue's her color.
Uh, Major Healy, would you mind? Blue? I will now accept nominations for the office of recording secretary.
Oh.
Well, I wanna nominate Jeannie Nelson, Major Nelson's wife and our newest member.
Oh, no.
No, please.
Uh, Mrs.
Bellows, I am not qualified.
WOMAN: I second the nomination.
It's very simple, darling.
It's nothing to it.
Uh, yes, and I move the nominations be closed.
It's been moved and seconded that nominations for the office of recording secretary are closed.
All in favor? ALL: Aye.
Congratulations, Jeannie.
You're our new recording secretary.
[LAUGHS.]
You can start now.
Uh Mrs.
Bellows.
Hm? What does a recording secretary do? Oh, it's very simple, Jeannie.
You just, uh, take the minutes.
Oh.
Heh.
But I do not even have a watch.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
[ALL CHATTERING.]
Here, I'll show you.
Take this book.
And then you open to the date of the meeting, you see? And My suit! [GASPS.]
Good heavens.
[.]
Uh, Mrs.
Nelson, I know this is going to sound silly, but what am I wearing? A pink dress.
Is, uh? Is something the matter? Yes.
I don't own a pink dress.
Oh.
Pink or blue.
I mean, what's the difference? I mean, anyway, what do you want from me? How did I know she was gonna blink another dress? How did I know? All right, Roger.
Forget it.
She was inside before Dr.
Bellows could make anything out of it anyhow.
You know what Dr.
Bellows is gonna have me do? What? Take a bunch of tests for colorblindness.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
So there it is, ladies.
A decision from the National Wives' Association.
In recognition of the special demands placed upon our men by the military, the first annual Good Husband Award.
Hm.
That's a good idea.
Now, you are all on your honor as officers' wives to keep this contest absolutely secret.
Oh, well, of co Absolutely se ENDICOTT: Uh, during the week, a panel, uh, selected by me, uh, will investigate and interview each husband and wife thoroughly.
The officer who is most helpful around the house, most sympathetic, most understanding, will win two weeks in Hawaii.
ALL: Oh! With his wife, of course.
[LAUGHTER.]
All expenses paid.
Oh.
That's marvelous.
Marvelous.
Sympathetic and understanding.
Oh.
Anthony will win easily.
Hm.
He has so much to be understanding about.
[.]
Jeannie.
Darling, I'm home.
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Aloha, master.
Oh.
I bought you a present.
Do you like it? Mm.
Oh.
[CHUCKLING.]
Yes, that's great.
Is a Hawaiian lei the new style for Cocoa Beach this season? No, no.
But you never know when it might come in handy.
Uh, darling, something came up at the office I have to talk to you about.
Oh, nice.
Come into the living room and And sit down and talk to me, my darling, kind, sympathetic and understanding husband.
Well, I'm afraid you're gonna have to be the one to understand, sweetheart.
Oh.
We shall both understand each other.
I'm gonna be away all week.
I do not understand.
[LAUGHS.]
There's been a change in the In the simulator schedule.
Uh, Roger and I are gonna be working on the XT-4, and we start tomorrow.
Oh, master, not this week.
Why? Is there something special about this week? Oh, no.
No, no.
No, nothing special.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Are you, uh, telling me everything? What happened at the Officers' Wives Association meeting? Oh, well, they They voted me recording secretary, and [CHUCKLING.]
You're kidding.
Hey, uh, Jeannie, that's wonderful.
That's never happened to you before.
You're a success.
Oh, my darling Anthony, you are so kind and understanding.
Mm-hm.
And it is all wasted on me.
Yeah.
Right.
[.]
Uh, it's time, colonel.
Oh, uh, thanks, Art.
XT-4, XT-4.
Uh, this is Dr.
Bellows.
Do you read? Loud and clear, Dr.
Bellows.
Good day's work, gentlemen.
It's time to take your pills and go to sleep.
Uh, Dr.
Bellows, I know you're I know you're duplicating mission conditions exactly, but do you think, uh, instead of these pills, we can de? Out of the question, Major Healey.
You're sealed in there until simulated, uh, splashdown at, uh, one week from today.
Sorry.
Uh, Dr.
Bellows, about those pills, sir.
The last time we took them, they didn't work too well.
Well, you needn't worry about that.
They've been strengthened.
Once you take them, there's nothing in the world that can wake you up for eight hours.
Uh, Dr.
Bellows.
Uh, are you going to monitor our dreams? Well, of course.
Don't pay any attention to mine.
They have nothing to do with our mission.
Heh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well here goes.
[.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Mm.
[GASPS.]
Mrs.
Nelson.
Oh.
We are sorry to surprise you, but, uh, we are dropping in on all our good-husband candidates this way.
Well.
Y-y Yes.
This is a surprise.
Well, Mrs.
Endicott doesn't want to catch husbands on good behavior.
Uh, may we come in? Oh, well.
Yes, of course.
Come in.
Oh, isn't this pretty.
Oh, Jeannie, may we see Major Nelson? We'll We all just came in for a few minutes.
Well Well, he He is not here right now.
Really? At 8:00 in the evening? Well, perhaps it's a bad time.
We'll come back, uh, tomorrow night.
Oh.
He will not be here tomorrow night either.
Oh.
Well, you poor girl.
Well that seems to let Major Nelson out.
Oh, w-well, you do not understand.
You see, he is on a Aren't you being a little harsh? Perhaps Major Nelson had to work late.
Then he should get a good-officer award.
We're here to consider him for a good husband which he clearly is not.
Uh, you have my sympathy, my dear.
I'm sorry, Jeannie.
Well, that is not fair.
Anthony is too a good husband.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Wait! Um If, uh If you still wish to see Anthony, uh, you may see him now.
But Jeannie, you said he wasn't here.
Oh, well.
He He is not here.
He, uh He is in the, uh kitchen.
[.]
Yes, of course.
WILSON: Oh.
Some kind of evening.
Uh, if, uh If If If you will all just wait one moment, I will bring him out to you.
Hm.
Heh.
Master.
I am sorry about this, but [SNORING.]
Anthony? Anthony, what is the matter? [GASPS.]
Anthony, wake up.
Wake up.
[GASPS.]
Oh, dear.
[LOUD GASP.]
Oh, dear.
My blink does not even wake him up.
ENDICOTT: Uh, don't make him come out, Mrs.
Nelson.
We'll come in there.
Oh! Uh, n-no.
You must excuse the intrusion, Major Nelson, but Uh, M-M-Ma Major Nelson? [SNORING.]
He's asleep.
Mm-hm.
Yes, he is.
I don't understand.
Asleep over the dishes? Well, yes.
Y-you see, when he came home this evening, he was so tired, that I suggested that he have his dinner and go right to bed.
But he is so kind and considerate, heh, that he insisted on doing the dishes.
Poor dear.
Extraordinary.
ROSS: Well, that is indeed a good husband.
Oh, yes.
He is quite wonderful.
I'm sorry, Mrs.
Nelson.
We'll, uh, come back tomorrow night, when your husband is not so tired.
Oh, well, he will probably be tired tomorrow night too.
Heh.
As a matter of fact, I I think he will be tired, oh, the rest of the week.
Well sorry to hear that.
A good husband is not only helpful and considerate, he is also alert and attentive.
Good night.
Good night, Jeannie.
Good night, Jeannie.
[.]
Alert and attentive.
Oh, dear.
That will be more difficult.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Oh.
[SNORING.]
Oh, husband, darling.
You were wonderful.
Mwah.
Hm.
[SIGHS.]
Good morning, Art.
Are they up yet? Good morning, colonel.
Just about to wake them, sir.
[MACHINES PULSING.]
XT-4, this is CAPCOM.
Do you read? XT-4, this is CAPCOM.
Do you read? [GROGGILY.]
Yeah, I read you loud and clear, CAPCOM.
[YAWNING.]
Where? Where are we? We have you over Bermuda, having just completed 12th orbit.
All systems are still go.
[GROANS.]
[SIGHS.]
Where'd you get the apron? I I wasn't issued an apron.
Hm? The apron.
BELLOWS: XT-4.
Good morning, gentlemen.
This is Dr.
Bellows.
What did Major Healey say about an apron? Apron? Uh, no, sir.
He said we were bearing on Cape One.
How do you both feel after your sleep? Yeah, fine, sir.
Except the, uh Uh, fine, fine.
Uh, except we seem to have, uh chapped hands.
[LAUGHS.]
Chapped hands? That'll be a new one on the biomedical section.
[SINGING IN FOREIGN DIALECT.]
Yes.
Hm.
Yes.
[SNORING.]
Ah, yes.
Heh.
Darling? Da? Oh.
Oh! Oh.
Darling, uh Oh, not again.
[SNORING.]
Oh, darling, please wake up.
Please.
Wake up.
They will be here any minute, and you must be alert and attentive.
Please.
[SNORING.]
Oh! [SCOFFS.]
Oh.
[GROANS.]
Perhaps we can compromise.
[.]
Yes.
Uh.
Uh-huh.
Well, perhaps they will not notice you were asleep.
Oh, darling master.
I am sorry to do this to you, but after all, you are the best husband at NASA, and you deserve to win the prize.
[SNORING.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh.
[EXHALES.]
Well [PATS ON BACK.]
Here we go.
Yes.
Come in, please.
The door is open.
Well, good evening.
Hi, Jeannie.
Gee, I do hope your husband's feeling better tonight.
Oh, yes.
Anthony is feeling much better.
Are you not, darling? [ROBOTIC VOICE.]
Thank you for your concern, darling.
I am feeling in the pink.
Would you ladies like to sit down and make yourselves comfortable? ALL: Oh, thank you.
[ALL CHUCKLE.]
Uh, we, uh We just want to ask you a few questions.
Uh, for a report that the National Wives' Association is preparing.
Oh, well, A-Anthony is just helping me twine some yarn.
He is so helpful with little tasks around the house.
Would you like some coffee? ROSS: Well, only if you have it made.
Oh, yes.
Anthony made it himself.
He is so helpful.
Uh Uh, darling, would you please? Yes! Heh.
Oh.
Take this.
[ALL CHATTERING.]
[DOOR SLAMS.]
I didn't think there were husbands like that left in the world.
I Oh, well, Anthony is something special.
[GASPS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[ALL GIGGLING.]
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
Please try the cookies.
I baked them myself.
That is going too far.
Uh, Major Nelson, however do you find the time for [LAUGHS.]
All of this? Excuse me.
I forgot something.
Coffee Is your husband [DOOR SLAMS.]
Uh, always so, uh, stiff and formal? [ALL LAUGHING.]
I mean, uh, boys will be boys, but I think a good husband should be uh, gentle and intimate.
Gentle? Intimate? Here you are, gorgeous.
Because you're so beautiful.
What? Huh.
[SCREAMS.]
Oh, I I am ve I am so sorry.
I thought you were Jeannie.
I mean, he thought He thought you were me.
What is going on around here? JEANNIE: Oh, you You must excuse Anthony.
I sometimes do these mad, impulsive things just to brighten an otherwise dull evening.
[LAUGHS.]
[ALL LAUGH.]
Well, now, everybody be calm.
Everybody be calm.
Uh Uh Uh, we have to get back to the questions.
Oh, yes.
Jeannie, I-I I think Mrs.
Endicott would like to ask Tony some questions in private.
Um, why don't we all go into the kitchen.
Private? No.
No, no, no.
I do not think that is a good idea.
No.
Yes, let's go in the kitchen.
No.
I-I really do not think it ROSS: Oh, no.
That's a marvelous idea.
[SNORING.]
I want [GASPS SILENTLY.]
BELLOWS: XT-4.
XT-4.
This is Dr.
Bellows.
CAPCOM, this is XT-4.
Retros on.
And firing.
I just want to congratulate you men on a very successful mission.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Except for some unexplained blackouts on Major Nelson's dream-monitoring device on Monday and Wednesday, the mission was flawless.
We're glad you're pleased, sir.
The bird handles like a dream.
Oh, by the way.
We won't hold you for debriefing today.
After splashdown, you'll be home in an hour.
Yeah.
But not to my home.
An hour.
That's great, sir.
He won hands down.
Nobody else was even close.
You're gonna love Hawaii.
Uh, where is the major? I think we ought to congratulate him in person.
Well, a-a-a-as a matter of fact, he, uh He does spend Saturdays with you, doesn't he? Oh, yes, of course.
Of course he did.
Uh Uh, ladies.
Why do you not go into the living room and make yourselves comfortable.
Oh, thank you, Jeannie.
I shall, uh call Anthony.
Yes.
[.]
Oh, he will not mind one more time.
I hope.
Oh, well.
[RADAR BEEPS.]
Yeah.
Well, that does it.
Tony? Oh, Tony, come on.
You You can't leave now.
We're almost through.
Tony.
[WHISPERING.]
What am I doing here? I'm supposed to be in that simulator.
I have wonderful news.
Shh! Be quiet.
You are going to spend two weeks in Hawaii.
If you don't get me back in that simulator, I'm gonna spend two years in Leavenworth.
Now Oh, Mrs.
Bellows.
How nice to see you.
Well Oh, yes.
Oh, yes, please, do Do come in.
We We were just waiting for Anthony.
Oh, well, you're gonna have a long wait.
I just spoke to Alfred, and he's still in the simulator.
As a matter of fact, he's been in the simulator all week.
I don't know how he could possibly have been interviewed.
Oh, well, I'll just go hang up my coat.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Why do you not keep it.
I-I believe it is a little chilly in here.
Chilly? Oh, it is.
Oh, well.
Well, fine.
Love that suit on you.
Oh, just lovely.
I want to know who bought it.
JEANNIE: Are we not lucky Mrs.
Bellows is able to come.
[WHISPERS.]
Jeannie.
Jeannie.
[WOMAN'S VOICE.]
Mrs.
Nelson? Ha-ha.
Hi.
I did the ironing and the washing, and I finished upstairs, and I want to talk to you about my check.
[WHISPERS.]
Get me out of here.
[LAUGHS.]
Get me out of here.
Now, please.
Heh.
[.]
Congratulations, Major Healey.
It was a marvelous mission.
Well, uh everything was fine until the end, sir.
But, uh well, there's something I gotta tell you, sir.
You see, Tony He's wearing a Uh, Major Nelson, congrat Tony.
Major Nelson.
What? [.]
Now, Major Nelson, don't try to deny that you came out of the XT-4 wearing a woman's coat and high-heeled shoes, because I saw you.
Besides, the evidence is right there.
I'm not trying to deny it, sir.
I'm simply trying to explain it.
Well, that's exactly what I am waiting for.
[TAPPING DESK.]
He's waiting, Tony.
Thanks, Roge.
[WOMEN CHATTERING.]
Oh! There you are, you adorable man.
[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY.]
Oh.
Where did all these women come from? Madam, would you mind explaining to me just exactly who you are? I am Mrs.
Admiral Endicott.
And I am here to present Major Nelson the first annual Good Husband Award.
Oh! Is it not wonderful, husband? Mm.
I don't know how you had time to interview him.
He's been in a simulator all week.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh! I'll be interested in that myself.
Huh? Simulator? Why, that's ridiculous.
We spent two delightful evenings together.
That's absolutely right.
We were there too.
I've never seen ladies in my life, sir.
I told you.
How could he ever be? [ALL CHATTER INDISTINCTLY.]
Ladies, please come out here a minute.
This all Wait a minute.
The apron.
The dream machine.
Mm-hm.
It's all beginning to make hideous sense to me.
Oh.
Are you not pleased, husband, darling? Huh? And the prize is two weeks in Hawaii.
Mwah.
Two we? Major Nelson.
Excuse me, Jeannie.
In Hawaii? Some of these women insist that you were at your house last Monday and Tuesday night.
Now, what do you say to that? What do I say to that? I'll tell you what I say to that, sir.
Dr.
Bellows.
How would you like a two-weeks' vacation in Hawaii, all expenses paid.
BELLOWS: Pardon? TONY: They're confused.
They gave me the prize, but I don't deserve it.
I want you and Mrs.
Bellows to have the prize.
Out of the question.
You won the prize.
I selected you.
Well, in that case, I can do anything I want to with it.
[LAUGHS.]
I'll tell you the other stuff later.
Well, it certainly is, major.
It certainly is.
It is very generous of you.
[ALL CHATTERING.]
I don't know.
[WHISPERING.]
Jeannie.
Blink out those women's clothes.
All of 'em? Oh.
All of 'em.
All the women's clothes right now.
Oh, Amanda, I agree [ALL CHATTERING.]
[.]
[SCREAMS.]
[BOTH GASP.]
[SCREAMS.]
How did you? [WOMEN SCREAMING, YELLING.]
Oh.
[TALKING INDISTINCTLY.]
What's the matter with you, darling? You said Quick, kiss me.
Hm? Mm.
[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY.]
[.]
Master.
A-are you sure I look all right? Of course.
You look wonderful.
Now, will you stop worrying.
Well, what if they do not like me? What if I say something wrong? Darling, it's, um, the The Officers' Wives Association, not the Spanish Inquisition.
Now, all you have to do is smile.
Be polite.
Uh, talk about ordinary, everyday things.
And, in short, just Just be yourself.
Be myself.
Be Right.
Yes, darling.
Be myself.
What am I saying? Uh, Jeannie.
You wouldn't want to completely be yourself.
I mean, you couldn't do that, could you? Ooh! Now Now Now, look.
Uh, just relax.
Don't get all upset about Oh.
Hello, Major Nelson.
Hello, Jeannie.
Hello.
Oh.
I love that outfit.
That's just darling.
Oh.
Thank you.
Heh.
M-M-M-Mrs.
Bellows, are? Are you sure I should go to the executive council meeting? Oh, yes, I'm very sure.
Heh.
Please excuse me.
I am in a terrible rush.
See you later.
Nice seeing you, Mrs.
Bellows.
Now, you see, she loves what you were wearing.
Eh There's nothing to worry about, Jeannie.
But I mean, if there was, I would be nervous, wouldn't I? And I'm not.
I'm cool, nonchalant, um Uh, I don't have a care in the world.
And you shouldn't have a care in the world either.
You are right, darling.
I am being so silly.
Yeah.
Goodbye.
Bye.
[GIGGLES.]
[NERVOUSLY.]
I'm not nervous! I'm not nervous.
No, of course.
[.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
[GASPS.]
It is exactly the same outfit.
Oh, dear.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
Ah, yes.
Hm, hm.
That is better.
Well, I I'm afraid I'm a little nervous, sir.
It's Jeannie's first meeting at the Officers' Wives Association.
I don't see why that should worry you.
I'm sure she'll do fine.
Why, hello, Jeannie.
Beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
Pink's your color.
Jeannie, what's with the dress? Why did you change? Oh, well, I could not help it, master.
Another woman had on exactly the same thing.
Yeah Well, she would hate me.
Darling Hate me.
Uh, Mrs.
Bellows saw you.
She even commented on your outfit.
You can't Oh, I know.
But master, I No buts.
Sweetheart, please change right now.
While no one's around.
Go ahead, change.
Change.
Of course.
Come on, come on.
Why did I not think of that in the first place? Please.
Instantly.
Instantly, master.
Instantly.
Mm-hm.
WOMAN: Oh, well, no, I like it that way.
[WOMEN CHATTERING.]
Mrs.
Endicott.
All the way from Washington.
What a surprise.
A pleasant one I hope, Mrs.
Bellows.
AMANDA: Yes.
I'm I'm sorry, darling.
Oh, do not worry, master.
I-it is all fixed.
BELLOWS: Oh, Major Nelson.
I forgot to mention Oh, no, it's not Go, go.
What? Go.
Go.
Go! Go.
I beg your pardon.
I was telling Jeannie to go, sir.
She's gonna be late for an appointment.
A meeting.
You were saying? Oh, yes.
The, uh Uh, simulator schedule for the XT-4.
It's been changed.
Yes? Uh, you and Major Healey are gonna be in it instead of, uh, Captain Billings and Commander Lawrence.
Oh, good, sir.
We'll be looking forward to it.
Major, I'm going this way.
Well, why don't you go this way? You seen Jeannie's dress? Boy, blue's her color.
Uh, Major Healy, would you mind? Blue? I will now accept nominations for the office of recording secretary.
Oh.
Well, I wanna nominate Jeannie Nelson, Major Nelson's wife and our newest member.
Oh, no.
No, please.
Uh, Mrs.
Bellows, I am not qualified.
WOMAN: I second the nomination.
It's very simple, darling.
It's nothing to it.
Uh, yes, and I move the nominations be closed.
It's been moved and seconded that nominations for the office of recording secretary are closed.
All in favor? ALL: Aye.
Congratulations, Jeannie.
You're our new recording secretary.
[LAUGHS.]
You can start now.
Uh Mrs.
Bellows.
Hm? What does a recording secretary do? Oh, it's very simple, Jeannie.
You just, uh, take the minutes.
Oh.
Heh.
But I do not even have a watch.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
[ALL CHATTERING.]
Here, I'll show you.
Take this book.
And then you open to the date of the meeting, you see? And My suit! [GASPS.]
Good heavens.
[.]
Uh, Mrs.
Nelson, I know this is going to sound silly, but what am I wearing? A pink dress.
Is, uh? Is something the matter? Yes.
I don't own a pink dress.
Oh.
Pink or blue.
I mean, what's the difference? I mean, anyway, what do you want from me? How did I know she was gonna blink another dress? How did I know? All right, Roger.
Forget it.
She was inside before Dr.
Bellows could make anything out of it anyhow.
You know what Dr.
Bellows is gonna have me do? What? Take a bunch of tests for colorblindness.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
So there it is, ladies.
A decision from the National Wives' Association.
In recognition of the special demands placed upon our men by the military, the first annual Good Husband Award.
Hm.
That's a good idea.
Now, you are all on your honor as officers' wives to keep this contest absolutely secret.
Oh, well, of co Absolutely se ENDICOTT: Uh, during the week, a panel, uh, selected by me, uh, will investigate and interview each husband and wife thoroughly.
The officer who is most helpful around the house, most sympathetic, most understanding, will win two weeks in Hawaii.
ALL: Oh! With his wife, of course.
[LAUGHTER.]
All expenses paid.
Oh.
That's marvelous.
Marvelous.
Sympathetic and understanding.
Oh.
Anthony will win easily.
Hm.
He has so much to be understanding about.
[.]
Jeannie.
Darling, I'm home.
[MAGIC BOINGS.]
Aloha, master.
Oh.
I bought you a present.
Do you like it? Mm.
Oh.
[CHUCKLING.]
Yes, that's great.
Is a Hawaiian lei the new style for Cocoa Beach this season? No, no.
But you never know when it might come in handy.
Uh, darling, something came up at the office I have to talk to you about.
Oh, nice.
Come into the living room and And sit down and talk to me, my darling, kind, sympathetic and understanding husband.
Well, I'm afraid you're gonna have to be the one to understand, sweetheart.
Oh.
We shall both understand each other.
I'm gonna be away all week.
I do not understand.
[LAUGHS.]
There's been a change in the In the simulator schedule.
Uh, Roger and I are gonna be working on the XT-4, and we start tomorrow.
Oh, master, not this week.
Why? Is there something special about this week? Oh, no.
No, no.
No, nothing special.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Are you, uh, telling me everything? What happened at the Officers' Wives Association meeting? Oh, well, they They voted me recording secretary, and [CHUCKLING.]
You're kidding.
Hey, uh, Jeannie, that's wonderful.
That's never happened to you before.
You're a success.
Oh, my darling Anthony, you are so kind and understanding.
Mm-hm.
And it is all wasted on me.
Yeah.
Right.
[.]
Uh, it's time, colonel.
Oh, uh, thanks, Art.
XT-4, XT-4.
Uh, this is Dr.
Bellows.
Do you read? Loud and clear, Dr.
Bellows.
Good day's work, gentlemen.
It's time to take your pills and go to sleep.
Uh, Dr.
Bellows, I know you're I know you're duplicating mission conditions exactly, but do you think, uh, instead of these pills, we can de? Out of the question, Major Healey.
You're sealed in there until simulated, uh, splashdown at, uh, one week from today.
Sorry.
Uh, Dr.
Bellows, about those pills, sir.
The last time we took them, they didn't work too well.
Well, you needn't worry about that.
They've been strengthened.
Once you take them, there's nothing in the world that can wake you up for eight hours.
Uh, Dr.
Bellows.
Uh, are you going to monitor our dreams? Well, of course.
Don't pay any attention to mine.
They have nothing to do with our mission.
Heh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well here goes.
[.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Mm.
[GASPS.]
Mrs.
Nelson.
Oh.
We are sorry to surprise you, but, uh, we are dropping in on all our good-husband candidates this way.
Well.
Y-y Yes.
This is a surprise.
Well, Mrs.
Endicott doesn't want to catch husbands on good behavior.
Uh, may we come in? Oh, well.
Yes, of course.
Come in.
Oh, isn't this pretty.
Oh, Jeannie, may we see Major Nelson? We'll We all just came in for a few minutes.
Well Well, he He is not here right now.
Really? At 8:00 in the evening? Well, perhaps it's a bad time.
We'll come back, uh, tomorrow night.
Oh.
He will not be here tomorrow night either.
Oh.
Well, you poor girl.
Well that seems to let Major Nelson out.
Oh, w-well, you do not understand.
You see, he is on a Aren't you being a little harsh? Perhaps Major Nelson had to work late.
Then he should get a good-officer award.
We're here to consider him for a good husband which he clearly is not.
Uh, you have my sympathy, my dear.
I'm sorry, Jeannie.
Well, that is not fair.
Anthony is too a good husband.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Wait! Um If, uh If you still wish to see Anthony, uh, you may see him now.
But Jeannie, you said he wasn't here.
Oh, well.
He He is not here.
He, uh He is in the, uh kitchen.
[.]
Yes, of course.
WILSON: Oh.
Some kind of evening.
Uh, if, uh If If If you will all just wait one moment, I will bring him out to you.
Hm.
Heh.
Master.
I am sorry about this, but [SNORING.]
Anthony? Anthony, what is the matter? [GASPS.]
Anthony, wake up.
Wake up.
[GASPS.]
Oh, dear.
[LOUD GASP.]
Oh, dear.
My blink does not even wake him up.
ENDICOTT: Uh, don't make him come out, Mrs.
Nelson.
We'll come in there.
Oh! Uh, n-no.
You must excuse the intrusion, Major Nelson, but Uh, M-M-Ma Major Nelson? [SNORING.]
He's asleep.
Mm-hm.
Yes, he is.
I don't understand.
Asleep over the dishes? Well, yes.
Y-you see, when he came home this evening, he was so tired, that I suggested that he have his dinner and go right to bed.
But he is so kind and considerate, heh, that he insisted on doing the dishes.
Poor dear.
Extraordinary.
ROSS: Well, that is indeed a good husband.
Oh, yes.
He is quite wonderful.
I'm sorry, Mrs.
Nelson.
We'll, uh, come back tomorrow night, when your husband is not so tired.
Oh, well, he will probably be tired tomorrow night too.
Heh.
As a matter of fact, I I think he will be tired, oh, the rest of the week.
Well sorry to hear that.
A good husband is not only helpful and considerate, he is also alert and attentive.
Good night.
Good night, Jeannie.
Good night, Jeannie.
[.]
Alert and attentive.
Oh, dear.
That will be more difficult.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Oh.
[SNORING.]
Oh, husband, darling.
You were wonderful.
Mwah.
Hm.
[SIGHS.]
Good morning, Art.
Are they up yet? Good morning, colonel.
Just about to wake them, sir.
[MACHINES PULSING.]
XT-4, this is CAPCOM.
Do you read? XT-4, this is CAPCOM.
Do you read? [GROGGILY.]
Yeah, I read you loud and clear, CAPCOM.
[YAWNING.]
Where? Where are we? We have you over Bermuda, having just completed 12th orbit.
All systems are still go.
[GROANS.]
[SIGHS.]
Where'd you get the apron? I I wasn't issued an apron.
Hm? The apron.
BELLOWS: XT-4.
Good morning, gentlemen.
This is Dr.
Bellows.
What did Major Healey say about an apron? Apron? Uh, no, sir.
He said we were bearing on Cape One.
How do you both feel after your sleep? Yeah, fine, sir.
Except the, uh Uh, fine, fine.
Uh, except we seem to have, uh chapped hands.
[LAUGHS.]
Chapped hands? That'll be a new one on the biomedical section.
[SINGING IN FOREIGN DIALECT.]
Yes.
Hm.
Yes.
[SNORING.]
Ah, yes.
Heh.
Darling? Da? Oh.
Oh! Oh.
Darling, uh Oh, not again.
[SNORING.]
Oh, darling, please wake up.
Please.
Wake up.
They will be here any minute, and you must be alert and attentive.
Please.
[SNORING.]
Oh! [SCOFFS.]
Oh.
[GROANS.]
Perhaps we can compromise.
[.]
Yes.
Uh.
Uh-huh.
Well, perhaps they will not notice you were asleep.
Oh, darling master.
I am sorry to do this to you, but after all, you are the best husband at NASA, and you deserve to win the prize.
[SNORING.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh.
[EXHALES.]
Well [PATS ON BACK.]
Here we go.
Yes.
Come in, please.
The door is open.
Well, good evening.
Hi, Jeannie.
Gee, I do hope your husband's feeling better tonight.
Oh, yes.
Anthony is feeling much better.
Are you not, darling? [ROBOTIC VOICE.]
Thank you for your concern, darling.
I am feeling in the pink.
Would you ladies like to sit down and make yourselves comfortable? ALL: Oh, thank you.
[ALL CHUCKLE.]
Uh, we, uh We just want to ask you a few questions.
Uh, for a report that the National Wives' Association is preparing.
Oh, well, A-Anthony is just helping me twine some yarn.
He is so helpful with little tasks around the house.
Would you like some coffee? ROSS: Well, only if you have it made.
Oh, yes.
Anthony made it himself.
He is so helpful.
Uh Uh, darling, would you please? Yes! Heh.
Oh.
Take this.
[ALL CHATTERING.]
[DOOR SLAMS.]
I didn't think there were husbands like that left in the world.
I Oh, well, Anthony is something special.
[GASPS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[ALL GIGGLING.]
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
Please try the cookies.
I baked them myself.
That is going too far.
Uh, Major Nelson, however do you find the time for [LAUGHS.]
All of this? Excuse me.
I forgot something.
Coffee Is your husband [DOOR SLAMS.]
Uh, always so, uh, stiff and formal? [ALL LAUGHING.]
I mean, uh, boys will be boys, but I think a good husband should be uh, gentle and intimate.
Gentle? Intimate? Here you are, gorgeous.
Because you're so beautiful.
What? Huh.
[SCREAMS.]
Oh, I I am ve I am so sorry.
I thought you were Jeannie.
I mean, he thought He thought you were me.
What is going on around here? JEANNIE: Oh, you You must excuse Anthony.
I sometimes do these mad, impulsive things just to brighten an otherwise dull evening.
[LAUGHS.]
[ALL LAUGH.]
Well, now, everybody be calm.
Everybody be calm.
Uh Uh Uh, we have to get back to the questions.
Oh, yes.
Jeannie, I-I I think Mrs.
Endicott would like to ask Tony some questions in private.
Um, why don't we all go into the kitchen.
Private? No.
No, no, no.
I do not think that is a good idea.
No.
Yes, let's go in the kitchen.
No.
I-I really do not think it ROSS: Oh, no.
That's a marvelous idea.
[SNORING.]
I want [GASPS SILENTLY.]
BELLOWS: XT-4.
XT-4.
This is Dr.
Bellows.
CAPCOM, this is XT-4.
Retros on.
And firing.
I just want to congratulate you men on a very successful mission.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Except for some unexplained blackouts on Major Nelson's dream-monitoring device on Monday and Wednesday, the mission was flawless.
We're glad you're pleased, sir.
The bird handles like a dream.
Oh, by the way.
We won't hold you for debriefing today.
After splashdown, you'll be home in an hour.
Yeah.
But not to my home.
An hour.
That's great, sir.
He won hands down.
Nobody else was even close.
You're gonna love Hawaii.
Uh, where is the major? I think we ought to congratulate him in person.
Well, a-a-a-as a matter of fact, he, uh He does spend Saturdays with you, doesn't he? Oh, yes, of course.
Of course he did.
Uh Uh, ladies.
Why do you not go into the living room and make yourselves comfortable.
Oh, thank you, Jeannie.
I shall, uh call Anthony.
Yes.
[.]
Oh, he will not mind one more time.
I hope.
Oh, well.
[RADAR BEEPS.]
Yeah.
Well, that does it.
Tony? Oh, Tony, come on.
You You can't leave now.
We're almost through.
Tony.
[WHISPERING.]
What am I doing here? I'm supposed to be in that simulator.
I have wonderful news.
Shh! Be quiet.
You are going to spend two weeks in Hawaii.
If you don't get me back in that simulator, I'm gonna spend two years in Leavenworth.
Now Oh, Mrs.
Bellows.
How nice to see you.
Well Oh, yes.
Oh, yes, please, do Do come in.
We We were just waiting for Anthony.
Oh, well, you're gonna have a long wait.
I just spoke to Alfred, and he's still in the simulator.
As a matter of fact, he's been in the simulator all week.
I don't know how he could possibly have been interviewed.
Oh, well, I'll just go hang up my coat.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Why do you not keep it.
I-I believe it is a little chilly in here.
Chilly? Oh, it is.
Oh, well.
Well, fine.
Love that suit on you.
Oh, just lovely.
I want to know who bought it.
JEANNIE: Are we not lucky Mrs.
Bellows is able to come.
[WHISPERS.]
Jeannie.
Jeannie.
[WOMAN'S VOICE.]
Mrs.
Nelson? Ha-ha.
Hi.
I did the ironing and the washing, and I finished upstairs, and I want to talk to you about my check.
[WHISPERS.]
Get me out of here.
[LAUGHS.]
Get me out of here.
Now, please.
Heh.
[.]
Congratulations, Major Healey.
It was a marvelous mission.
Well, uh everything was fine until the end, sir.
But, uh well, there's something I gotta tell you, sir.
You see, Tony He's wearing a Uh, Major Nelson, congrat Tony.
Major Nelson.
What? [.]
Now, Major Nelson, don't try to deny that you came out of the XT-4 wearing a woman's coat and high-heeled shoes, because I saw you.
Besides, the evidence is right there.
I'm not trying to deny it, sir.
I'm simply trying to explain it.
Well, that's exactly what I am waiting for.
[TAPPING DESK.]
He's waiting, Tony.
Thanks, Roge.
[WOMEN CHATTERING.]
Oh! There you are, you adorable man.
[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY.]
Oh.
Where did all these women come from? Madam, would you mind explaining to me just exactly who you are? I am Mrs.
Admiral Endicott.
And I am here to present Major Nelson the first annual Good Husband Award.
Oh! Is it not wonderful, husband? Mm.
I don't know how you had time to interview him.
He's been in a simulator all week.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh! I'll be interested in that myself.
Huh? Simulator? Why, that's ridiculous.
We spent two delightful evenings together.
That's absolutely right.
We were there too.
I've never seen ladies in my life, sir.
I told you.
How could he ever be? [ALL CHATTER INDISTINCTLY.]
Ladies, please come out here a minute.
This all Wait a minute.
The apron.
The dream machine.
Mm-hm.
It's all beginning to make hideous sense to me.
Oh.
Are you not pleased, husband, darling? Huh? And the prize is two weeks in Hawaii.
Mwah.
Two we? Major Nelson.
Excuse me, Jeannie.
In Hawaii? Some of these women insist that you were at your house last Monday and Tuesday night.
Now, what do you say to that? What do I say to that? I'll tell you what I say to that, sir.
Dr.
Bellows.
How would you like a two-weeks' vacation in Hawaii, all expenses paid.
BELLOWS: Pardon? TONY: They're confused.
They gave me the prize, but I don't deserve it.
I want you and Mrs.
Bellows to have the prize.
Out of the question.
You won the prize.
I selected you.
Well, in that case, I can do anything I want to with it.
[LAUGHS.]
I'll tell you the other stuff later.
Well, it certainly is, major.
It certainly is.
It is very generous of you.
[ALL CHATTERING.]
I don't know.
[WHISPERING.]
Jeannie.
Blink out those women's clothes.
All of 'em? Oh.
All of 'em.
All the women's clothes right now.
Oh, Amanda, I agree [ALL CHATTERING.]
[.]
[SCREAMS.]
[BOTH GASP.]
[SCREAMS.]
How did you? [WOMEN SCREAMING, YELLING.]
Oh.
[TALKING INDISTINCTLY.]
What's the matter with you, darling? You said Quick, kiss me.
Hm? Mm.
[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY.]
[.]