I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s05e21 Episode Script
Help, Help, a Shark
[.]
Hi, Roge.
The general's not in his office and he doesn't respond to the page.
Maybe he's testing out the new wind tunnel.
You can't hear a thing in there.
[.]
Four hundred and eighty-six.
Fourteen more balls, and for the first time in 25 years, I win.
You haven't beaten me yet, you old windbag.
Oh? Let the master here [CHUCKLES.]
Ah.
[BALLS CLACKING.]
Yeah.
The general's in the recreation hall.
I'm just going there now.
It'll be a good time to ask him.
He'll be relaxing.
[BALLS CLACKING.]
[LAUGHS.]
Drat.
Too bad, Chuck, you were never any good under pressure.
[CACKLES.]
What did you want to ask General Schaeffer? I promised Jeannie I'd take her to Bermuda, and I was hoping the general would give me the week off.
There shouldn't be any problem.
Yeah.
Well, one more after this, and it's game, set and match to me.
[.]
Well, this is it, Charlie.
Well, master, did you ask him yet? Hm? [SCREAMS.]
[LAUGHING.]
[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY.]
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, you gotta be Oh! Your ball, sir.
[.]
[.]
[.]
I'm sorry, sir.
If there's any way I could make it up to you, I'd certainly try There is no way, major.
No way in the world.
This just wasn't any pool game.
If I had beaten Fitzhugh, I'd be eligible for the National All-Military Tournament.
The dream of my life.
But no.
You had to yell.
Why, major? Why? Uh, well, I-I really don't think this is the moment for it, sir.
This isn't the moment? Major, 10 minutes ago in the recreation hall, that wasn't the moment! Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Now, get it off your chest! I'm gonna be busy the rest of the day moping.
Well, sir, uh, I was wondering if you You could see your way clear to giving me the rest of the week off.
Request denied.
I thought that's what you'd say.
Anything else? No, no, that's about all.
Unless, of course, if I could ask you again when you're perhaps in a better mood, sir.
Just because I shot pool with Charlie Fitzhugh for 25 years and you made me lose the only chance I ever had of beating him, you don't think I'd let that influence my judgment, do you? No, sir.
You've always been a very fair man.
Good.
I'm very glad to hear that.
It's very important to me, very important.
Request denied! Oh, excuse me, sir.
For heaven's sakes, major, what made you yell like that? Well, master, did he say yes? Did he say yes? Hm, hm, hm? Just when the general was about to [SCREAMS.]
Oh! Oh, excuse me.
I'll put the question another way: What is the matter with you? One of those cleaning tags, sir, with the little points on it.
It's sticking into me here.
Then why don't you take it out? Or do you intend to go about the base shrieking all day? Oh, no, I'm gonna take it out, sir.
Get out.
Uh, if you'll excuse me, sir.
Yes.
Darling.
[SCREAMS.]
Oh, where did you come from, Jeannie? You startled me.
She has a habit of doing that, sir.
Oh, I'm sorry, Dr.
Bellows.
Oh, that's all right.
Nice seeing you, Jeannie.
Excuse me.
Yes.
Bye.
Well, darling, did the general say yes? Hm? Uh, not in so many words.
No.
Oh, Anthony, why do you not wait until he is in a better mood and then ask him again? Hm? Well, I'm afraid if I waited that long, we'd both be too old to go to Bermuda.
To be absolutely fair, sir, if I hadn't startled General Schaeffer when he was making his last shot, he would have won, wouldn't he? Heh-heh.
That's his tough luck.
Here.
Care to take a cue? Oh, no, I don't play at all.
Come on, it's good for your concentration.
No, I really don't play very well at all.
The eight ball in the side pocket.
Right over there.
All right.
[SCREAMS.]
[CLATTERING.]
See what I mean about concentration? You can do anything you want to try to foul me up.
Laugh.
Jump up and down.
Scream.
Holler.
It doesn't mean a thing.
[CHUCKLES.]
See what I mean? Over here.
Yeah, that's great.
If you'd just reconsider.
You and General Schaeffer have been friends for years.
That's right.
We go back to '44.
It was his squadron against my squadron.
Now it's NASA Houston against NASA Cocoa Beach.
NASA Houston, winner and still champion.
Heh.
Well, I sure wish you'd change your mind, sir.
Major Nelson, did, uh, General Schaeffer send you here? No, sir.
He doesn't know I'm here.
I have to leave for Houston at 6:00 in the morning.
If he wants to play tonight, I'll give him another chance.
No holds barred.
Really? You mean it? Yeah, 200 balls.
Oh, really, sir? I'll tell him.
[GRUNTS.]
I'm sorry.
Here.
I'm awfully sorry.
[.]
Tonight I'll murder him.
Ha-ha.
I'll really destroy him.
TONY: I I'm sure I I don't take charity from Chuck Fitzhugh.
Oh, sir, it's not charity.
General Fitzhugh just realized that he won by a fluke, that's all.
Well, it isn't just me, it's It's the honor of the base, huh? That's right, sir.
Now, you wouldn't want me to let, uh, Chuck go back to Houston and say that NASA Cocoa Beach couldn't shoot pool.
No, sir.
Couldn't let that happen.
And there's a cup involved, a beer stein from our 8th Air Force days.
No, I want that cup for our own display case.
We're all counting on you to get it back for us, sir.
I'll do it.
You tell General Fitzhugh to meet me at the rec hall at 8:00.
Right, sir.
No, no, no, no.
I'll tell him.
All right.
Oh, and, uh, by the way, Major Nelson Yes, sir? About your leave? Mm-hm? I'm reconsidering it.
Thank you.
Oh, you wait here.
Yes, sir.
[LAUGHS, YELPS.]
Did you ask him again? Would you please get outta here? By the way, thank you.
Ah! Yes, sir.
SCHAEFFER: No! [.]
I am sorry, master, but I was so excited about going to Bermuda that I-I could not wait to hear.
Yeah, well, you might as well forget about Bermuda.
The way General Schaeffer feels, I'll be lucky if he lets me have the night off to go to the movies.
How is his hand? I don't know.
He wouldn't let me go with him to see Dr.
Bellows.
ROGER: Oh, hi, everybody.
Oh, hi, Roge.
I thought I'd come over and cheer you up.
How's General Schaeffer? Well, he's all right, but just don't come near me.
What's the matter? If you're the jinx he says, I don't want you to touch me, that's all.
My master is not a jinx.
It is I who caused the trouble.
I always cause problems.
Well, with you I'll take the chance.
How about Schaeffer's hand? What's the matter? His hand? He broke it, that's what's wrong.
He's not gonna be able to play pool in six weeks.
Oh, boy, I feel terrible about that.
Think of it this way: With a broken hand, he won't be able to break your neck.
Oh, I have a fantastically brilliant idea.
I'm all ears.
Suppose you take General Schaeffer's place, and I would help you to win, then Schaeffer will get his cup and we will go to Bermuda.
Forget it.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Hello, Jeannie, Major Nelson, Major Healey.
Hello, Dr.
Bellows.
I, um I just left General Schaeffer.
He's about to That poor man.
I do not blame him for not letting us go to Bermuda.
Oh, uh, I'm afraid there's more.
The orbiting laboratory we're planning to launch, where the astronauts plan to live for, uh, six months Six months? Now, for that I would blame him.
No, you misunderstand.
He doesn't want Major Nelson to go on the orbiting laboratory.
He wants him to monitor from the North Pole tracking station.
Well, that is much too harsh a punishment.
Yeah, well, Tony, I hope you enjoy your new partner.
The general doesn't see it as a punishment.
He just feels that, uh, uh, NASA should be protected from Major Nelson for a while.
Yeah, well, don't worry about a thing, Tony.
I'll write.
No, there's no need to write.
You're gonna be there too.
Heh.
I'll be right there.
Oh, well, uh, on the other hand, I-I have a better idea.
Tony plays great.
Great Great pool player.
He could take General Schaeffer's place.
TONY: Roger, that's ridiculous.
I haven't played pool in years.
I wouldn't know what to do.
Oh, darling, do not be so modest.
You know you were a regular pool trout.
A trout? That's a pool shark.
[LAUGHS.]
She's always kidding.
I-I will show you.
This way, darling.
Come on.
[.]
[.]
Go on, Anthony.
Show Dr.
Bellows how good you are, darling.
Oh, I don't know anything about this.
Uh, Dr.
Bellows, I don't know the first thing about Come on, major, with your own pool table in your house? Pick up a stick.
A stick? We don't have any sticks.
I don't think we have any.
[QUIETLY.]
The pool cues.
The pool cues.
Oh.
Major Where did that come from? Uh, where'd they come from? Oh, well, they Jeannie, Jeannie, Jeannie Oh, here you are, major.
Oh, thank you, sir.
I-I Heh.
I'm, uh, really a-a rank amateur.
I really don't know a lot about this.
Well, try.
Just try.
Yes, try.
Yeah, try.
Uh, all right.
The, uh, eight ball in the side pocket.
Eight ball in the side pocket.
Eight ball in the side pocket.
Right.
[.]
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
Not that side pocket.
Not that side pocket! The table side pocket! Major, what are you yelling at Jeannie for? It was Major Nelson who made the mistake.
ROGER: Yeah, but you Oh, well, uh Yeah, well, I'm a little edgy, sir.
That's I'm sorry, Jeannie.
I think we better forget the whole thing.
Good idea, sir.
If General Schaeffer was beaten, you'd be humiliated.
Sir, I'd like to help, but I just don't think I'm qualified.
Oh, wait.
Wait a minute.
That was his first shot.
Anybody can make a mistake.
Anybody can make a mistake on his first shot.
Yeah.
Thanks, both of you.
I-I needed that.
Just try, okay? Try.
Try again.
All right, uh Uh, in the In the corner pocket.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Not only will he make that one, but he'll do the nine ball, the seven ball, uh, the six ball and the five ball.
Nine, seven, six and five ball.
I don't have a chance of making the nine, the seven, the six.
I-I could maybe make the one, two, six and 10.
TONY: Yeah, I could.
Do the six and the 15.
The nine, eight Nine, seven, six.
Oh, now, I could maybe make the one, two, six Two, six, 15.
ROGER: It's the nine ball, eight Nine ball, seven, six Nine, seven, six, five BELLOWS: Please, major, will you try? Shoot anything.
All right, sir.
[.]
Extraordinary.
Absolutely extraordinary.
I'll go get the general.
Huh? Uh, sir, wait a minute.
Wait! [CHUCKLES.]
Major Nelson shoot for General Schaeffer? I could beat him blindfolded.
I'll take that bet.
Uh, please, Major Healey.
After all, general, the terms of your bet with General Schaeffer were that the best pool player at NASA Houston would play the best pool player at NASA Cocoa Beach.
Now, if Major Nelson wants to play for General Schaeffer, I can't see what difference it makes.
Colonel, I came here to defend this cup, not to give pool lessons.
All right, bring on your Major Nelson.
Good.
I'll go get him.
Oh, uh, general.
Yeah? Sir, uh, how would you like to make this interesting? It is interesting.
Uh, well, I mean I mean, how would you like to make a little wager, huh? Let's say my month's salary against your month's salary? Those are some odds.
You're only a major and I'm a general.
Well, then how about your month's salary against my month's salary? I have a feeling that you're trying to hustle me.
Okay, you're on.
Oh, sorry.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry, sir.
[GRUMBLES.]
You'd, uh, better look at it while you have a chance.
After this match it goes back to Houston.
[CHUCKLES.]
We'll see.
[CHUCKLES.]
Women at a pool match? Oh, uh, Jeannie.
Why, thank you.
Oh, uh, excuse me, uh, general, this is, uh, Major Nelson's wife.
Jeannie, this is General Fitzhugh.
How do you do? How do you do, Mrs.
Nelson? No offense, but, uh, pool is a man's game.
Oh, I am not going to play.
I came here to watch.
Now, look, if she stays, the match is off.
Call it superstition if you like, but women and pool don't mix.
Oh, Jeannie, I'm awfully sorry, but I'm afraid Jeannie, why don't you wait in my office? There's magazines No, I must stay.
Coffee in the machine.
Anthony! Goodbye, Sunshine.
Hello, Frostbite.
What? Wait a minute, wait.
She can't go! Huh? I mean, she can't go.
All right, let's get this show on the road! Come on.
She can't go.
About that bet, sir What's the matter? Cold feet? Yeah, cold feet, cold nose, cold everything.
I'll give you the advantage.
I'll break.
Well What is that, a bridge? Give me a cue there, will you? I'll give it to you, sir.
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
All right.
Call the game off.
Here you are, sir.
I'm sorry.
[.]
Oh, dear, how can I blink if I do not know what I am blinking? FITZHUGH: Your shot, major.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sir, there's no shot.
I I couldn't possibly get a ball in the hole.
That's the name of the game.
[SIGHS.]
No shot.
[.]
Your shot, major.
Thirty-seven to nothing.
Do you think we have a chance, sir? Of course, if Nelson's as good as you say he is.
You can shoot.
Yes, sir.
Just, uh Roger, could I have some talcum, please? I'm just trying to line up the shots.
Oops.
There.
A problem with the top.
Hey, hey, hey.
[COUGHS.]
[TONY COUGHS LOUDLY.]
[.]
Tsk.
Oh Tsk.
It is no good.
They would see me.
I know.
[GIGGLES.]
The, uh, seven ball in the corner pocket, sir.
Would you excuse me, sir? Move back a little.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
The seven ball and six others.
That's incredible.
I told you, sir.
Did I do that? [SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, money, money, money.
Oh, a general.
Two-star general.
One month's salary.
Whew.
Rich.
Rich.
Money, money.
Whew.
[MUTTERING.]
[BALLS CLACKING.]
I think he's a hustler.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, right.
Ha-ha-ha.
I know he's a hustler.
Oh, money, money, money.
Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
Ah, one month's salary.
One month's salary.
How much does a general make? He's a hustler's hustler.
[BALLS CLACKING.]
Ha-ha! How much does a general make, sir? Shh! Shh.
He missed.
He missed.
It's right under there.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Don't worry.
Three more balls and we've won.
Fitzhugh can't possibly catch us.
[.]
Oh, no.
I saw it go under there.
To the left.
Jeannie, what are you doing? Get out.
Major! Yes, sir? I'm here, sir.
I I just wanted to get some, uh, talc Talcum powder.
Talcum powder.
Talcum powder.
Oh, hey.
Hey, what's? That's a good idea.
Here, put out your hand.
Put out your hand.
May I have your hand, sir? I don't know.
[GROANS.]
What in? SCHAEFFER: Watch it! Yes, major! Oh, I'm sorry, sir,.
BELLOWS: Major Nelson, where is the ball? [QUIETLY.]
Jeannie, please, wake up.
[COUGHING.]
Jeannie.
BELLOWS: Major! Wake up and get outta here.
[COUGHING.]
Oh.
W-w-what happened? Would you blink outta here? I don't care.
Anywhere.
Yes, master.
BELLOWS: Major? Coming.
Oh.
Where'd you go? Come on, let's get on with it! Ah, yes, sir.
Your shot, sir.
[YELPS.]
Sorry, sir.
TONY: Would you like talcum? FITZHUGH: Never mind.
Please.
[GRUMBLING.]
I had better let the general catch up a little, just to make it close.
Ah, gentlemen.
Yeah.
[BALLS CLACKING.]
He's playing way over his head.
One ninety-nine.
One more ball and we're through.
Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah.
That is close enough, general.
Sorry, gentlemen, this is it.
Ha-ha! Like shooting fish in a barrel.
He missed.
He missed! [LAUGHS.]
You never were any good under pressure.
Oh, come to papa, little cup.
Where's the cup? Where's the cup, maj? There we Heh-heh.
You're going to be all mine.
Well, I can't understand it.
It was the easiest shot I've ever seen.
There was a Heh.
A setup.
Tony, finish him off, huh? Jeannie's trapped in the beer stein.
Oh, no.
Well, it's an easy shot.
Do it yourself.
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
Yeah.
That's one.
Two more to go.
Oh, one more to go.
One more and we've got it.
One more.
One more.
[ROGER SIGHS.]
Oh, wait a minute.
I can't I can't take much more of this.
[SCREAMS.]
General, what's? Something's in there.
Something moved.
Talk about cracking under pressure.
Excuse me, major.
Just, uh Heh.
Nice try, though.
[CHUCKLES.]
Too bad, major.
Nice try.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sorry, sir.
Anthony, darling, I'm so sorry.
It's, uh It's all my fault, Tony.
I I don't know what came over me.
Well, I guess we're even, sir.
Chuck.
Thank you.
Major? Uh, yes, sir? Thank you, sir.
I believe that, uh, we had a little wager.
Uh, yes, sir.
I'm sorry about that.
All's All's fair in war and games, sir.
Mm-hm.
Your salary against mine.
Yeah, your salary against mine.
Fourteen dollars? Well, there was withholding.
Withholding? And there was Social Security.
Social Security.
Pension plan.
Pension plan.
And, uh, flight insurance.
Flight insurance? Yeah.
To the moon.
[MOUTHING WORDS.]
[.]
[.]
Hi, Roge.
The general's not in his office and he doesn't respond to the page.
Maybe he's testing out the new wind tunnel.
You can't hear a thing in there.
[.]
Four hundred and eighty-six.
Fourteen more balls, and for the first time in 25 years, I win.
You haven't beaten me yet, you old windbag.
Oh? Let the master here [CHUCKLES.]
Ah.
[BALLS CLACKING.]
Yeah.
The general's in the recreation hall.
I'm just going there now.
It'll be a good time to ask him.
He'll be relaxing.
[BALLS CLACKING.]
[LAUGHS.]
Drat.
Too bad, Chuck, you were never any good under pressure.
[CACKLES.]
What did you want to ask General Schaeffer? I promised Jeannie I'd take her to Bermuda, and I was hoping the general would give me the week off.
There shouldn't be any problem.
Yeah.
Well, one more after this, and it's game, set and match to me.
[.]
Well, this is it, Charlie.
Well, master, did you ask him yet? Hm? [SCREAMS.]
[LAUGHING.]
[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY.]
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, you gotta be Oh! Your ball, sir.
[.]
[.]
[.]
I'm sorry, sir.
If there's any way I could make it up to you, I'd certainly try There is no way, major.
No way in the world.
This just wasn't any pool game.
If I had beaten Fitzhugh, I'd be eligible for the National All-Military Tournament.
The dream of my life.
But no.
You had to yell.
Why, major? Why? Uh, well, I-I really don't think this is the moment for it, sir.
This isn't the moment? Major, 10 minutes ago in the recreation hall, that wasn't the moment! Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Now, get it off your chest! I'm gonna be busy the rest of the day moping.
Well, sir, uh, I was wondering if you You could see your way clear to giving me the rest of the week off.
Request denied.
I thought that's what you'd say.
Anything else? No, no, that's about all.
Unless, of course, if I could ask you again when you're perhaps in a better mood, sir.
Just because I shot pool with Charlie Fitzhugh for 25 years and you made me lose the only chance I ever had of beating him, you don't think I'd let that influence my judgment, do you? No, sir.
You've always been a very fair man.
Good.
I'm very glad to hear that.
It's very important to me, very important.
Request denied! Oh, excuse me, sir.
For heaven's sakes, major, what made you yell like that? Well, master, did he say yes? Did he say yes? Hm, hm, hm? Just when the general was about to [SCREAMS.]
Oh! Oh, excuse me.
I'll put the question another way: What is the matter with you? One of those cleaning tags, sir, with the little points on it.
It's sticking into me here.
Then why don't you take it out? Or do you intend to go about the base shrieking all day? Oh, no, I'm gonna take it out, sir.
Get out.
Uh, if you'll excuse me, sir.
Yes.
Darling.
[SCREAMS.]
Oh, where did you come from, Jeannie? You startled me.
She has a habit of doing that, sir.
Oh, I'm sorry, Dr.
Bellows.
Oh, that's all right.
Nice seeing you, Jeannie.
Excuse me.
Yes.
Bye.
Well, darling, did the general say yes? Hm? Uh, not in so many words.
No.
Oh, Anthony, why do you not wait until he is in a better mood and then ask him again? Hm? Well, I'm afraid if I waited that long, we'd both be too old to go to Bermuda.
To be absolutely fair, sir, if I hadn't startled General Schaeffer when he was making his last shot, he would have won, wouldn't he? Heh-heh.
That's his tough luck.
Here.
Care to take a cue? Oh, no, I don't play at all.
Come on, it's good for your concentration.
No, I really don't play very well at all.
The eight ball in the side pocket.
Right over there.
All right.
[SCREAMS.]
[CLATTERING.]
See what I mean about concentration? You can do anything you want to try to foul me up.
Laugh.
Jump up and down.
Scream.
Holler.
It doesn't mean a thing.
[CHUCKLES.]
See what I mean? Over here.
Yeah, that's great.
If you'd just reconsider.
You and General Schaeffer have been friends for years.
That's right.
We go back to '44.
It was his squadron against my squadron.
Now it's NASA Houston against NASA Cocoa Beach.
NASA Houston, winner and still champion.
Heh.
Well, I sure wish you'd change your mind, sir.
Major Nelson, did, uh, General Schaeffer send you here? No, sir.
He doesn't know I'm here.
I have to leave for Houston at 6:00 in the morning.
If he wants to play tonight, I'll give him another chance.
No holds barred.
Really? You mean it? Yeah, 200 balls.
Oh, really, sir? I'll tell him.
[GRUNTS.]
I'm sorry.
Here.
I'm awfully sorry.
[.]
Tonight I'll murder him.
Ha-ha.
I'll really destroy him.
TONY: I I'm sure I I don't take charity from Chuck Fitzhugh.
Oh, sir, it's not charity.
General Fitzhugh just realized that he won by a fluke, that's all.
Well, it isn't just me, it's It's the honor of the base, huh? That's right, sir.
Now, you wouldn't want me to let, uh, Chuck go back to Houston and say that NASA Cocoa Beach couldn't shoot pool.
No, sir.
Couldn't let that happen.
And there's a cup involved, a beer stein from our 8th Air Force days.
No, I want that cup for our own display case.
We're all counting on you to get it back for us, sir.
I'll do it.
You tell General Fitzhugh to meet me at the rec hall at 8:00.
Right, sir.
No, no, no, no.
I'll tell him.
All right.
Oh, and, uh, by the way, Major Nelson Yes, sir? About your leave? Mm-hm? I'm reconsidering it.
Thank you.
Oh, you wait here.
Yes, sir.
[LAUGHS, YELPS.]
Did you ask him again? Would you please get outta here? By the way, thank you.
Ah! Yes, sir.
SCHAEFFER: No! [.]
I am sorry, master, but I was so excited about going to Bermuda that I-I could not wait to hear.
Yeah, well, you might as well forget about Bermuda.
The way General Schaeffer feels, I'll be lucky if he lets me have the night off to go to the movies.
How is his hand? I don't know.
He wouldn't let me go with him to see Dr.
Bellows.
ROGER: Oh, hi, everybody.
Oh, hi, Roge.
I thought I'd come over and cheer you up.
How's General Schaeffer? Well, he's all right, but just don't come near me.
What's the matter? If you're the jinx he says, I don't want you to touch me, that's all.
My master is not a jinx.
It is I who caused the trouble.
I always cause problems.
Well, with you I'll take the chance.
How about Schaeffer's hand? What's the matter? His hand? He broke it, that's what's wrong.
He's not gonna be able to play pool in six weeks.
Oh, boy, I feel terrible about that.
Think of it this way: With a broken hand, he won't be able to break your neck.
Oh, I have a fantastically brilliant idea.
I'm all ears.
Suppose you take General Schaeffer's place, and I would help you to win, then Schaeffer will get his cup and we will go to Bermuda.
Forget it.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Hello, Jeannie, Major Nelson, Major Healey.
Hello, Dr.
Bellows.
I, um I just left General Schaeffer.
He's about to That poor man.
I do not blame him for not letting us go to Bermuda.
Oh, uh, I'm afraid there's more.
The orbiting laboratory we're planning to launch, where the astronauts plan to live for, uh, six months Six months? Now, for that I would blame him.
No, you misunderstand.
He doesn't want Major Nelson to go on the orbiting laboratory.
He wants him to monitor from the North Pole tracking station.
Well, that is much too harsh a punishment.
Yeah, well, Tony, I hope you enjoy your new partner.
The general doesn't see it as a punishment.
He just feels that, uh, uh, NASA should be protected from Major Nelson for a while.
Yeah, well, don't worry about a thing, Tony.
I'll write.
No, there's no need to write.
You're gonna be there too.
Heh.
I'll be right there.
Oh, well, uh, on the other hand, I-I have a better idea.
Tony plays great.
Great Great pool player.
He could take General Schaeffer's place.
TONY: Roger, that's ridiculous.
I haven't played pool in years.
I wouldn't know what to do.
Oh, darling, do not be so modest.
You know you were a regular pool trout.
A trout? That's a pool shark.
[LAUGHS.]
She's always kidding.
I-I will show you.
This way, darling.
Come on.
[.]
[.]
Go on, Anthony.
Show Dr.
Bellows how good you are, darling.
Oh, I don't know anything about this.
Uh, Dr.
Bellows, I don't know the first thing about Come on, major, with your own pool table in your house? Pick up a stick.
A stick? We don't have any sticks.
I don't think we have any.
[QUIETLY.]
The pool cues.
The pool cues.
Oh.
Major Where did that come from? Uh, where'd they come from? Oh, well, they Jeannie, Jeannie, Jeannie Oh, here you are, major.
Oh, thank you, sir.
I-I Heh.
I'm, uh, really a-a rank amateur.
I really don't know a lot about this.
Well, try.
Just try.
Yes, try.
Yeah, try.
Uh, all right.
The, uh, eight ball in the side pocket.
Eight ball in the side pocket.
Eight ball in the side pocket.
Right.
[.]
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
Not that side pocket.
Not that side pocket! The table side pocket! Major, what are you yelling at Jeannie for? It was Major Nelson who made the mistake.
ROGER: Yeah, but you Oh, well, uh Yeah, well, I'm a little edgy, sir.
That's I'm sorry, Jeannie.
I think we better forget the whole thing.
Good idea, sir.
If General Schaeffer was beaten, you'd be humiliated.
Sir, I'd like to help, but I just don't think I'm qualified.
Oh, wait.
Wait a minute.
That was his first shot.
Anybody can make a mistake.
Anybody can make a mistake on his first shot.
Yeah.
Thanks, both of you.
I-I needed that.
Just try, okay? Try.
Try again.
All right, uh Uh, in the In the corner pocket.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Not only will he make that one, but he'll do the nine ball, the seven ball, uh, the six ball and the five ball.
Nine, seven, six and five ball.
I don't have a chance of making the nine, the seven, the six.
I-I could maybe make the one, two, six and 10.
TONY: Yeah, I could.
Do the six and the 15.
The nine, eight Nine, seven, six.
Oh, now, I could maybe make the one, two, six Two, six, 15.
ROGER: It's the nine ball, eight Nine ball, seven, six Nine, seven, six, five BELLOWS: Please, major, will you try? Shoot anything.
All right, sir.
[.]
Extraordinary.
Absolutely extraordinary.
I'll go get the general.
Huh? Uh, sir, wait a minute.
Wait! [CHUCKLES.]
Major Nelson shoot for General Schaeffer? I could beat him blindfolded.
I'll take that bet.
Uh, please, Major Healey.
After all, general, the terms of your bet with General Schaeffer were that the best pool player at NASA Houston would play the best pool player at NASA Cocoa Beach.
Now, if Major Nelson wants to play for General Schaeffer, I can't see what difference it makes.
Colonel, I came here to defend this cup, not to give pool lessons.
All right, bring on your Major Nelson.
Good.
I'll go get him.
Oh, uh, general.
Yeah? Sir, uh, how would you like to make this interesting? It is interesting.
Uh, well, I mean I mean, how would you like to make a little wager, huh? Let's say my month's salary against your month's salary? Those are some odds.
You're only a major and I'm a general.
Well, then how about your month's salary against my month's salary? I have a feeling that you're trying to hustle me.
Okay, you're on.
Oh, sorry.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry, sir.
[GRUMBLES.]
You'd, uh, better look at it while you have a chance.
After this match it goes back to Houston.
[CHUCKLES.]
We'll see.
[CHUCKLES.]
Women at a pool match? Oh, uh, Jeannie.
Why, thank you.
Oh, uh, excuse me, uh, general, this is, uh, Major Nelson's wife.
Jeannie, this is General Fitzhugh.
How do you do? How do you do, Mrs.
Nelson? No offense, but, uh, pool is a man's game.
Oh, I am not going to play.
I came here to watch.
Now, look, if she stays, the match is off.
Call it superstition if you like, but women and pool don't mix.
Oh, Jeannie, I'm awfully sorry, but I'm afraid Jeannie, why don't you wait in my office? There's magazines No, I must stay.
Coffee in the machine.
Anthony! Goodbye, Sunshine.
Hello, Frostbite.
What? Wait a minute, wait.
She can't go! Huh? I mean, she can't go.
All right, let's get this show on the road! Come on.
She can't go.
About that bet, sir What's the matter? Cold feet? Yeah, cold feet, cold nose, cold everything.
I'll give you the advantage.
I'll break.
Well What is that, a bridge? Give me a cue there, will you? I'll give it to you, sir.
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
All right.
Call the game off.
Here you are, sir.
I'm sorry.
[.]
Oh, dear, how can I blink if I do not know what I am blinking? FITZHUGH: Your shot, major.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sir, there's no shot.
I I couldn't possibly get a ball in the hole.
That's the name of the game.
[SIGHS.]
No shot.
[.]
Your shot, major.
Thirty-seven to nothing.
Do you think we have a chance, sir? Of course, if Nelson's as good as you say he is.
You can shoot.
Yes, sir.
Just, uh Roger, could I have some talcum, please? I'm just trying to line up the shots.
Oops.
There.
A problem with the top.
Hey, hey, hey.
[COUGHS.]
[TONY COUGHS LOUDLY.]
[.]
Tsk.
Oh Tsk.
It is no good.
They would see me.
I know.
[GIGGLES.]
The, uh, seven ball in the corner pocket, sir.
Would you excuse me, sir? Move back a little.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
The seven ball and six others.
That's incredible.
I told you, sir.
Did I do that? [SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, money, money, money.
Oh, a general.
Two-star general.
One month's salary.
Whew.
Rich.
Rich.
Money, money.
Whew.
[MUTTERING.]
[BALLS CLACKING.]
I think he's a hustler.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, right.
Ha-ha-ha.
I know he's a hustler.
Oh, money, money, money.
Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
Ah, one month's salary.
One month's salary.
How much does a general make? He's a hustler's hustler.
[BALLS CLACKING.]
Ha-ha! How much does a general make, sir? Shh! Shh.
He missed.
He missed.
It's right under there.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Don't worry.
Three more balls and we've won.
Fitzhugh can't possibly catch us.
[.]
Oh, no.
I saw it go under there.
To the left.
Jeannie, what are you doing? Get out.
Major! Yes, sir? I'm here, sir.
I I just wanted to get some, uh, talc Talcum powder.
Talcum powder.
Talcum powder.
Oh, hey.
Hey, what's? That's a good idea.
Here, put out your hand.
Put out your hand.
May I have your hand, sir? I don't know.
[GROANS.]
What in? SCHAEFFER: Watch it! Yes, major! Oh, I'm sorry, sir,.
BELLOWS: Major Nelson, where is the ball? [QUIETLY.]
Jeannie, please, wake up.
[COUGHING.]
Jeannie.
BELLOWS: Major! Wake up and get outta here.
[COUGHING.]
Oh.
W-w-what happened? Would you blink outta here? I don't care.
Anywhere.
Yes, master.
BELLOWS: Major? Coming.
Oh.
Where'd you go? Come on, let's get on with it! Ah, yes, sir.
Your shot, sir.
[YELPS.]
Sorry, sir.
TONY: Would you like talcum? FITZHUGH: Never mind.
Please.
[GRUMBLING.]
I had better let the general catch up a little, just to make it close.
Ah, gentlemen.
Yeah.
[BALLS CLACKING.]
He's playing way over his head.
One ninety-nine.
One more ball and we're through.
Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah.
That is close enough, general.
Sorry, gentlemen, this is it.
Ha-ha! Like shooting fish in a barrel.
He missed.
He missed! [LAUGHS.]
You never were any good under pressure.
Oh, come to papa, little cup.
Where's the cup? Where's the cup, maj? There we Heh-heh.
You're going to be all mine.
Well, I can't understand it.
It was the easiest shot I've ever seen.
There was a Heh.
A setup.
Tony, finish him off, huh? Jeannie's trapped in the beer stein.
Oh, no.
Well, it's an easy shot.
Do it yourself.
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
Yeah.
That's one.
Two more to go.
Oh, one more to go.
One more and we've got it.
One more.
One more.
[ROGER SIGHS.]
Oh, wait a minute.
I can't I can't take much more of this.
[SCREAMS.]
General, what's? Something's in there.
Something moved.
Talk about cracking under pressure.
Excuse me, major.
Just, uh Heh.
Nice try, though.
[CHUCKLES.]
Too bad, major.
Nice try.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sorry, sir.
Anthony, darling, I'm so sorry.
It's, uh It's all my fault, Tony.
I I don't know what came over me.
Well, I guess we're even, sir.
Chuck.
Thank you.
Major? Uh, yes, sir? Thank you, sir.
I believe that, uh, we had a little wager.
Uh, yes, sir.
I'm sorry about that.
All's All's fair in war and games, sir.
Mm-hm.
Your salary against mine.
Yeah, your salary against mine.
Fourteen dollars? Well, there was withholding.
Withholding? And there was Social Security.
Social Security.
Pension plan.
Pension plan.
And, uh, flight insurance.
Flight insurance? Yeah.
To the moon.
[MOUTHING WORDS.]
[.]
[.]