I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s05e25 Episode Script
One Jeannie Beats Four of a Kind
[.]
You call for me, sir? Oh, yes.
Come in, Major Healey.
Yes, sir.
Major, you know Captain Phelps, the security officer? Well, we've crossed each other's paths, uh, unofficially, of course.
Captain Phelps is conducting an investigation, and he'd like to ask you some questions.
Oh, me, sir? Oh, sit down, major.
This is quite informal.
Yeah, sit down.
Yes, sir.
Sit down.
It's informal.
Yeah.
We've gotten quite a number of complaints, and, uh, we've called you in because you have, uh, well, shall we say a A certain reputation.
Yeah, well, sir, if it's about that gal in the PX, I mean, she was a little No, major.
It's not that.
Those two girls in Accounting, that was my fault.
Major, we're not interested in your girls.
At least, uh, not at present.
SCHAEFFER: We've called you in because you have a reputation of, uh, knowing where the action is.
Well, it's certainly not in Accounting.
Major.
We are trying to get a line on a card shark who has been fleecing the men.
A card shark? Yes.
Obviously, there's some crooked poker games going on in town and, uh, they're causing quite a financial hardship for some of the men.
We thought you might know something that might help us track it down.
Well, you have any idea who it is, sir? Well, that's what we're trying to find out, major.
Whoever he is, he's a smooth operator.
And he's been setting up an awful lot of poker games.
BELLOWS: Well, it could be a civilian or, I hate to say this, but, uh, it could be somebody on the base.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know you were having a meeting.
It's all right, Major Nelson.
Uh, it's nothing important.
I was just wondering if you all would like to come over and play a little poker at my house tonight.
[.]
That's it.
[.]
[.]
[.]
Nine, 10.
There we go.
Master.
Hm? I do not know why you want me to go to the movies while you play that funny game.
Well, the funny game is called poker, darling.
And I don't want you to go to the movies.
It's just kind of a tradition that when the menfolks play poker, the womenfolks don't hang around.
Well, it must not be a very nice game.
When Uncle Abdulla played Parcheesi, he always let the whole harem watch.
Yeah.
Those were the days.
Major Healey, would it bother you if I stayed and watch? Jeannie, I'm trying to stack these chips.
Oh.
Well, why did you not say so? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
I'll get it.
Hello.
Major.
How are you? Major, I'd like you to meet Senator Martino.
Colonel Forbes couldn't come tonight, so the senator will make our fifth.
Oh, great.
Well, come on in, senator.
Thank you.
I'd like you to meet my wife, uh, Jeannie.
And this is Major Roger Healey.
Well, hello.
How do you do? Uh, actually, I just met Senator Martino.
He's a state senator from one of our neighboring states, and he said he liked poker, so I brought him along.
I hope you don't mind.
No.
Welcome aboard, sir.
Uh, Major Healey, what is that? Oh, that.
Uh, yeah, well, we're playing for high stakes.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Well, shall we begin? I'll sit over here.
Sit over there.
I feel lucky.
Ah, good.
Uh, how about a little spit in the ocean? Are you going to the seashore? I thought you were going to play cards.
[ALL CHUCKLE.]
Um, cut the deal.
[.]
Well, I'm going to the movies now.
Goodbye, gentlemen.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, darling.
Bye.
Uh, okay, I'll up that one.
I-I could stay and serve the refreshments.
No, darling, I'll take care of that.
Thanks.
Oh, all right.
Bye.
Bye.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Boy, I wish I had some more of those.
I'll, uh, walk you to the door, darling.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Goodbye, gentleman.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Thank you.
Darling.
Oh, poker does not look like much fun, anyway.
All they do is jump up and down.
Goodbye, darling.
You look cute.
Bye.
It was a nice idea.
Bye.
[.]
Well, that's too rich for my blood.
Well, I'll, uh, see you and, uh, I'll raise you.
Okay.
All right.
I'll just see you, Roger.
What you got? Full house.
Queens high.
TONY: Uh, sorry.
Uh, full house.
Aces over eights.
Not again! Sorry.
It must be my lucky night.
I don't know.
Ahem, funny way to treat your, heh, commanding officer.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Well, I've had enough.
I've never seen such a run of luck in my life.
I just lost $23.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
Yeah.
I dropped about 40.
Well, that may be true, major, but, uh, you don't have to tell your wife.
Well, major, when are you giving us a chance to get even? How about Tuesday night? Oh, well, I'm Uh, not Tuesday night.
My My wife is not too happy about this already.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Tuesday night will be fine.
Are you sure you're not that card shark who's working the area? Hm? Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, yeah.
"Nimble Fingered" Nelson they call me, huh? Oh.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Well, gentlemen, thank you very much.
I sure appreciate that.
[.]
[WHISTLING.]
Oh, hi, Roge.
What are you doing here? Hey, great day, huh? Say, uh, when we're finished this test, why don't we go out and have a little round of golf? How much a hole? What's the matter with you? Oh, nothing, Nimble Fingers.
Hey, since when have you been such a sore loser? Since I don't have a genie.
Now, what are you talking about? She wasn't even there last night.
Well, let's put it this way.
I didn't see her there last night.
Roger, do you think I'd cheat my best friend, Dr.
Bellows, General Schaeffer and a senator? Well, you wouldn't cheat them, but you know Jeannie.
She doesn't like to see you lose at anything.
[.]
Was anybody suspicious? Are you kidding, boss? Pretending to be a state senator was the greatest idea I ever had in my life.
It was my idea! You should've seen that Major Nelson's face light up when I dealt him the four aces.
He thinks he's the greatest poker player in the world.
I am the greatest poker player in the world.
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah.
That's right, boss.
I know, I know.
I I was just setting them up for the kill.
Well, when is the big payoff? Tuesday night.
I'm raising the stakes.
The major's fat and the rest of them are hungry.
Heh.
Ah, you got nothing to worry about, boss.
I'll clean 'em out.
Nobody can beat me in a crooked poker game.
E-except you, boss.
Master, I swear to you.
I know, darling.
I know.
It was just It was just luck.
I know that.
Do you not like your food? [LAUGHING.]
How can I eat when my best friend thinks I'm a card shark? Oh, Major Healey would not think that about you.
Oh, yeah, he does.
I wish I didn't have to play tonight.
I might win.
Oh, boy.
May I stay and watch? Oh, I'm sorry, Jeannie.
I I don't want to give Roger the chance to think that you're helping me again.
Very well, I will stay in my bottle.
Eat your food, dear.
It is getting cold.
I'm not hungry, sweetheart.
I'm just not hungry.
But you need your nourishment.
[LAUGHS.]
There.
You feel better? Mm, yeah.
Yeah, I do.
Well, I got my vitamins, anyhow.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey, I know what.
The best thing that could happen.
What? If Roger could win.
Would you like that? Yeah.
Oh Oh.
Yeah.
All mine.
Well, now what, guys? Guys? Hey, wait a minute.
You're not leaving.
It's early.
Good night, Major Healey.
BELLOWS: I think I'll go home and take a nice, warm bath.
We just took a bath.
Four royal flushes in a row.
That's impossible.
The odds against it are astronomical.
Yeah, well, I'm an astronomical.
I mean, I'm an astronaut.
And I'm a genie.
Four royal flushes in a row! Yeah, yeah, but But, boss, I tried everything: The marked cards, dealing seconds.
But But But this guy's like Like Like magic.
Yeah? Well, he ain't moving in on my territory.
Rub him out! Not him, birdbrain! Major Healey.
[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
[RINGS.]
Oh! Hello, Mama.
How are you? Oh, I am just fine, thank you.
Uncle Ali Baba? [GASPS.]
All 40 of them? Oh, Mama, that man keeps terrible company.
Oh, yes, yes.
Oh, I would love to.
But of course, I will have to ask my master.
Yes.
I'll call you back later.
Bye-bye.
Good morning, darling.
Hello.
Oh, do you mind, darling, if I see? What is the matter? Huh? Oh, no I was just trying to think of a way to tell Roger that you helped him win at poker last night.
That's all.
Oh.
I I am I am very sorry, master, but you said that it would make you happy.
I know.
I'll think of something.
Uh, darling, would you mind if I went to visit Mama for a couple of hours this morning? Huh? Well, you You see, she is cleaning out her attic and And she wants to see if there's anything I would like.
Oh.
Yeah.
All right, go ahead.
Uh, don't say hello for me.
There's no sense in getting her mad.
Oh, darling, do not worry.
She will come to love you yet.
Oh, yeah.
Goodbye, dear.
Have a good time.
Hi, Ton.
Oh, hello, Roge.
Hey, listen, can you hurry it up a little? I want to stop by at the boatyard.
Boatyard? Yeah.
You know the money I won last night? I made a down payment on a new speedboat.
Um, Roge, look, I hate to tell you this, but you didn't win last night.
Jeannie did.
Jeannie wasn't playing last night.
Yeah, she did.
You know, with her blinks.
Oh, I see.
When you win, it's skill.
And when I win, it's blink, blink, blink.
You think you got four royal flushes in a row? You have to give that money back.
Come on, you're putting me on.
I mean, I can't do that.
I'll tell you what.
Why don't I go into General Schaeffer's office and I'll say, uh, "General, about last night.
We We really didn't win.
We cheated.
" Scratch one astronaut.
A little shaky, isn't it? Yeah, a little shaky.
Well, we could say Jeannie did it.
No, no, we couldn't say Jeannie did it.
Well, we'll think of something.
Yeah, well, while you're thinking of something, I'll get the boat and we'll have fun until it's repossessed.
SCHAEFFER: Oh, Major Nelson.
Oh, good morning, sir.
A beautiful morning, isn't it? Yes.
For winners maybe, major.
I'd rather not discuss that subject, gentlemen.
Have you got those training schedules ready, major? Oh, yes, sir.
I have them in my office.
Oh, sir, uh, excuse me.
Could I speak to you for a minute? Why, yes, of course.
I just wanted to bring you up to date on our investigation of the, uh, card shark.
How is it? You caught him yet? We're closing in.
The trouble is, it may be more than one man.
Maybe a team.
A team? PHELPS: Oh, yes, sir.
Sometimes, in order to avoid suspicion, one man will win one night and then he'll lose the next night while his partner wins.
Oh, I see.
Well, we'll get him, sir.
We're keeping our eyes open for any unusual lucky streaks or We're also on the lookout for any sudden affluence.
You know, somebody who seems to be living above their income.
Oh, Jeannie.
Oh, good morning, Jeannie.
Good morning, General Schaeffer, Dr.
Bellows.
Oh, dear.
Could you help me? Uh, yes.
Thank you.
Anthony, darling.
As soon as I get that, I'll forward it on to you.
From Mama.
Huh? Are they not beautiful? Carry on.
Uh What is all this junk? Oh Oh, hello, sir.
As you were, major.
I will only be a moment, gentlemen.
I just wanted to show Anthony these beautiful things I got today.
Oh, look, lovely gold candlesticks.
Yes.
Oh, lovely.
Are they not beautiful? And this Ming vase.
Uh-huh.
And this antique ivory elephant.
Isn't he adorable? Oh, that's cute.
Yeah.
Oh, and look.
Look at this darling ruby pin.
Oh, they certainly look expensive.
On a major's pay.
Oh, we could not possibly afford these things on Anthony's salary.
TONY: No, it's just junk.
Her mother gave it to her.
Tell them your mother gave them to you.
Oh, yes.
Mama gave them to us.
Oh, well, they were just gathering dust in her attic.
TONY [CHUCKLING.]
: Yeah.
I see.
Oh, and look at this adorable diamond ring.
I have always wanted a diamond ring.
That's a diamond? Fake.
Why, it certainly is not fake.
My mama would not have a fake diamond ring.
Look! Ha-ha.
General, Dr.
Bellows.
Guess what.
I bought that speedboat anyway.
Hey, you don't think that they think that I don't think I don't think anything.
Well, I'll tell you what I think they think I think.
I think they think I know what you think.
A lot of guys have speedboats.
Not a lot of guys have emerald-studded Ming vases.
Dr.
Bellows wouldn't think anything of us.
We probably have a guilty conscience because we cheated.
We didn't cheat.
Jeannie is the one that cheated.
[RINGS.]
That makes a difference.
Yes? Yes.
Yes, sir.
Tonight? Eight o'clock? Oh, I'm afraid that, uh Yes, well, all All right.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
They want to have a game here tonight.
Just tonight Tonight? Hey, wait a minute, Roger.
This is the perfect opportunity to let them win.
Even if we have to cheat to let 'em win.
That's not gonna be easy.
Dr.
Bellows can't win with a seven-card-no-peaky-high-low baseball with one-eyed jacks and deuces wild.
Well, they gotta win somehow.
Wait a minute.
Jeannie! Jeannie! Come on.
Come on.
But, master, I I thought you did not wish me to interfere with your poker game.
But this is different.
General Schaeffer and Dr.
Bellows Well, they have to win.
And you've got to win for them.
Yeah.
Just do one of your favorite blink tricks.
Oh, very well.
Then I will stand behind each one as they get their cards and then they will win.
No, darling.
That's not what we're talking about.
Oh, I understand.
You do not wish me to be so obvious.
Really quick, Jeannie.
I know.
I know, I will blink a magic chair and then whoever sits in it will win.
Sensational.
That's exactly what I was talking Oh, that's good.
That's good, Jeannie.
They'll never suspect a thing.
That's obvious.
Nice and quiet.
That's not obvious, is it? No.
Never suspect that.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I will fix it.
Yeah, well, that's better.
That's a lot better.
Oh, good.
Now you have a magic chair and I do not have to be here tonight.
You see, Mama called, and she invited me to the sultan's palace.
It is the sultan's wedding anniversary.
Heh-heh.
Of course, every day is the sultan's wedding anniversary.
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah.
[.]
Yeah, well, you go.
You go and have a wonderful time.
Yes, dear.
Mwah.
Good.
Hey, Roge, uh, how about a little game, huh? Ah, good.
Good.
I'll tell you what [.]
Out.
But, boss, you just said Out.
I am going to show you why I am the boss and you ain't.
These here guys wanna dump you in the bottom of the river.
But I say that is a waste.
And I hate waste.
A guy with a talent like yours ought to use it.
Like tonight, for us.
Now, what do you say? [MUFFLED SCREAM.]
Help! I guess sometimes you got to have waste.
Don't you know it's against the law to pollute the river? We will risk it.
What? Hey, wait a minute.
What's that? That is your one-way ticket to the bottom of the river.
I put my feet in there and the cement goes on and I go down to the bottom.
Okay, um, what do you want me to do? Just win.
Big.
Mm-hm? Okay.
And remember, the senator will have this just to make sure you do.
Oh, I'll win.
I'm a winner.
Lucky me.
[CHUCKLES.]
That is our boy.
Captain Phelps, I really don't think this is necessary.
Sir, the motto in our line of work is suspect everybody.
Major Nelson and Major Healey are two of our finest men.
That simply isn't possible.
Well, of course.
It's out of the question.
Sir, look at it this way.
By keeping watch outside the Nelsons' house tonight, we are giving them an opportunity to clear themselves.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Where have you guys been? We've been waiting for you.
Yeah, I got a little tied up.
Come on.
Tony, I gotta talk to you Oh! I wanted to say hello.
BELLOWS: Good evening, gentlemen.
Well, come on, let's get this game going.
The same stakes tonight, gentlemen.
I thought we might up them a little bit.
Feeling lucky again, major? No Are we? No.
No, not at all.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll just sit down here.
Sit down.
That's the general's chair.
Oh, yeah.
That's all right.
I'll sit in this chair.
You sat in that one there the last time.
Try this one.
It might change your luck.
Well, it doesn't make any difference.
It doesn't make any difference [YELLING.]
[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Come on, sit down, major.
We came to play cards, not musical chairs.
Come on, gentlemen, let's get going.
Let's get going.
Yeah.
Shall we, uh, start to deal? All right.
Nice chair.
[.]
What do you got there? Queen.
Oh.
All right.
Here we are.
Five-card stud.
Ante one.
TONY: What stakes would you like to bet for, uh? SCHAEFFER: Oh, I don't care.
TONY: Ten? Twenty? How about uh, one, two and five? BELLOWS: One, two and five is fine.
MARTINO: That's all right to start with.
We can raise it later.
I'm due for better cards.
TONY: Ace bet, sir? Uh, well, I I can't insult an ace.
Uh, I open for, uh Well, let's live dangerously, huh? ROGER: Yeah.
Uh Uh, 10 blues.
Yeah, well, that finishes me.
Well, it seems to be my night, huh? [WHISTLES.]
Wow.
That's funny how we all had a streak of luck.
Yours is certainly running out, major.
Yeah.
I'll say.
Oh, your deal.
Mine.
Cement mixer [LAUGHING.]
Hey, that's an oldie.
Maybe it's coming back.
Maybe it's coming back.
Yeah.
Well, uh [SHUFFLES DECK.]
we're gonna play a new game.
Uh, it's called seven-card switch.
Switch? Yeah.
We're all dealt seven cards and we turn the first card down and everybody moves one chair to the right.
Oh, come on, Roge.
Let's just stick to straight poker, huh? Yeah.
Let's have some action! Come on, Roger.
Let's just play straight poker.
Let's have some action.
We need some more peanuts.
We don't need any peanuts.
We need some fresh peanuts.
Come on.
What's the matter with you? Major Healey, we're waiting.
Uh, I just decided we're gonna play some seven-card switch.
Uh, you get seven cards and you deal one and you turn it over and then you move one chair to the river The right.
Straight flush.
Beat that.
Sorry, sir.
Royal flush.
That's five in a row.
Uh Yeah, that's right.
Royal flush.
[WHISTLES.]
Ah! Who was that? Yes, sir? I didn't want to believe it, but there's your card shark.
Where's your card shark? He has trick cards.
What is happening? Everything.
Do something.
I have Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
You're making a mistake.
I mean, I'm not a card shark.
Why, there's your card shark.
Oh.
Come now, Major Healey.
Don't call him "major.
" Call him Number 47658.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
He's not a senator, he's a phony.
Is that true, master? In spades, hearts, clubs and diamonds.
Don't be ridiculous.
Well, of course it's ridiculous.
Now, gentlemen, if there's still any doubt, here's my identification.
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHING.]
That's just a A joke.
Here it is! All right, stand back.
My men are closing in on the rest of them right now.
Good.
Carry on.
Thank you.
I still don't understand how you got all those good cards, major.
Yeah, well, you see, sir, I had to I had to I had to win for the gang.
I know that, major, but it still doesn't explain how you got all those royal flushes.
It was like magic.
No, no, not Not Not like magic, sir.
It was that card shark.
He was dealing the cards to Roger.
Oh.
Yeah, that's right.
That sounds good.
Yeah.
Well, now, that's that.
Uh Uh, let's sit down and have a few friendly hands of poker, just to show there are no hard feelings.
Uh, penny ante.
[.]
You better blink out the magic chair.
Blink? The magic chair.
Blink it out.
[HUMMING.]
Oh.
[GASPS.]
[.]
You call for me, sir? Oh, yes.
Come in, Major Healey.
Yes, sir.
Major, you know Captain Phelps, the security officer? Well, we've crossed each other's paths, uh, unofficially, of course.
Captain Phelps is conducting an investigation, and he'd like to ask you some questions.
Oh, me, sir? Oh, sit down, major.
This is quite informal.
Yeah, sit down.
Yes, sir.
Sit down.
It's informal.
Yeah.
We've gotten quite a number of complaints, and, uh, we've called you in because you have, uh, well, shall we say a A certain reputation.
Yeah, well, sir, if it's about that gal in the PX, I mean, she was a little No, major.
It's not that.
Those two girls in Accounting, that was my fault.
Major, we're not interested in your girls.
At least, uh, not at present.
SCHAEFFER: We've called you in because you have a reputation of, uh, knowing where the action is.
Well, it's certainly not in Accounting.
Major.
We are trying to get a line on a card shark who has been fleecing the men.
A card shark? Yes.
Obviously, there's some crooked poker games going on in town and, uh, they're causing quite a financial hardship for some of the men.
We thought you might know something that might help us track it down.
Well, you have any idea who it is, sir? Well, that's what we're trying to find out, major.
Whoever he is, he's a smooth operator.
And he's been setting up an awful lot of poker games.
BELLOWS: Well, it could be a civilian or, I hate to say this, but, uh, it could be somebody on the base.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know you were having a meeting.
It's all right, Major Nelson.
Uh, it's nothing important.
I was just wondering if you all would like to come over and play a little poker at my house tonight.
[.]
That's it.
[.]
[.]
[.]
Nine, 10.
There we go.
Master.
Hm? I do not know why you want me to go to the movies while you play that funny game.
Well, the funny game is called poker, darling.
And I don't want you to go to the movies.
It's just kind of a tradition that when the menfolks play poker, the womenfolks don't hang around.
Well, it must not be a very nice game.
When Uncle Abdulla played Parcheesi, he always let the whole harem watch.
Yeah.
Those were the days.
Major Healey, would it bother you if I stayed and watch? Jeannie, I'm trying to stack these chips.
Oh.
Well, why did you not say so? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
I'll get it.
Hello.
Major.
How are you? Major, I'd like you to meet Senator Martino.
Colonel Forbes couldn't come tonight, so the senator will make our fifth.
Oh, great.
Well, come on in, senator.
Thank you.
I'd like you to meet my wife, uh, Jeannie.
And this is Major Roger Healey.
Well, hello.
How do you do? Uh, actually, I just met Senator Martino.
He's a state senator from one of our neighboring states, and he said he liked poker, so I brought him along.
I hope you don't mind.
No.
Welcome aboard, sir.
Uh, Major Healey, what is that? Oh, that.
Uh, yeah, well, we're playing for high stakes.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Well, shall we begin? I'll sit over here.
Sit over there.
I feel lucky.
Ah, good.
Uh, how about a little spit in the ocean? Are you going to the seashore? I thought you were going to play cards.
[ALL CHUCKLE.]
Um, cut the deal.
[.]
Well, I'm going to the movies now.
Goodbye, gentlemen.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, darling.
Bye.
Uh, okay, I'll up that one.
I-I could stay and serve the refreshments.
No, darling, I'll take care of that.
Thanks.
Oh, all right.
Bye.
Bye.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Boy, I wish I had some more of those.
I'll, uh, walk you to the door, darling.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Goodbye, gentleman.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Thank you.
Darling.
Oh, poker does not look like much fun, anyway.
All they do is jump up and down.
Goodbye, darling.
You look cute.
Bye.
It was a nice idea.
Bye.
[.]
Well, that's too rich for my blood.
Well, I'll, uh, see you and, uh, I'll raise you.
Okay.
All right.
I'll just see you, Roger.
What you got? Full house.
Queens high.
TONY: Uh, sorry.
Uh, full house.
Aces over eights.
Not again! Sorry.
It must be my lucky night.
I don't know.
Ahem, funny way to treat your, heh, commanding officer.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Well, I've had enough.
I've never seen such a run of luck in my life.
I just lost $23.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
Yeah.
I dropped about 40.
Well, that may be true, major, but, uh, you don't have to tell your wife.
Well, major, when are you giving us a chance to get even? How about Tuesday night? Oh, well, I'm Uh, not Tuesday night.
My My wife is not too happy about this already.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Tuesday night will be fine.
Are you sure you're not that card shark who's working the area? Hm? Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, yeah.
"Nimble Fingered" Nelson they call me, huh? Oh.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Well, gentlemen, thank you very much.
I sure appreciate that.
[.]
[WHISTLING.]
Oh, hi, Roge.
What are you doing here? Hey, great day, huh? Say, uh, when we're finished this test, why don't we go out and have a little round of golf? How much a hole? What's the matter with you? Oh, nothing, Nimble Fingers.
Hey, since when have you been such a sore loser? Since I don't have a genie.
Now, what are you talking about? She wasn't even there last night.
Well, let's put it this way.
I didn't see her there last night.
Roger, do you think I'd cheat my best friend, Dr.
Bellows, General Schaeffer and a senator? Well, you wouldn't cheat them, but you know Jeannie.
She doesn't like to see you lose at anything.
[.]
Was anybody suspicious? Are you kidding, boss? Pretending to be a state senator was the greatest idea I ever had in my life.
It was my idea! You should've seen that Major Nelson's face light up when I dealt him the four aces.
He thinks he's the greatest poker player in the world.
I am the greatest poker player in the world.
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah.
That's right, boss.
I know, I know.
I I was just setting them up for the kill.
Well, when is the big payoff? Tuesday night.
I'm raising the stakes.
The major's fat and the rest of them are hungry.
Heh.
Ah, you got nothing to worry about, boss.
I'll clean 'em out.
Nobody can beat me in a crooked poker game.
E-except you, boss.
Master, I swear to you.
I know, darling.
I know.
It was just It was just luck.
I know that.
Do you not like your food? [LAUGHING.]
How can I eat when my best friend thinks I'm a card shark? Oh, Major Healey would not think that about you.
Oh, yeah, he does.
I wish I didn't have to play tonight.
I might win.
Oh, boy.
May I stay and watch? Oh, I'm sorry, Jeannie.
I I don't want to give Roger the chance to think that you're helping me again.
Very well, I will stay in my bottle.
Eat your food, dear.
It is getting cold.
I'm not hungry, sweetheart.
I'm just not hungry.
But you need your nourishment.
[LAUGHS.]
There.
You feel better? Mm, yeah.
Yeah, I do.
Well, I got my vitamins, anyhow.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey, I know what.
The best thing that could happen.
What? If Roger could win.
Would you like that? Yeah.
Oh Oh.
Yeah.
All mine.
Well, now what, guys? Guys? Hey, wait a minute.
You're not leaving.
It's early.
Good night, Major Healey.
BELLOWS: I think I'll go home and take a nice, warm bath.
We just took a bath.
Four royal flushes in a row.
That's impossible.
The odds against it are astronomical.
Yeah, well, I'm an astronomical.
I mean, I'm an astronaut.
And I'm a genie.
Four royal flushes in a row! Yeah, yeah, but But, boss, I tried everything: The marked cards, dealing seconds.
But But But this guy's like Like Like magic.
Yeah? Well, he ain't moving in on my territory.
Rub him out! Not him, birdbrain! Major Healey.
[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
[RINGS.]
Oh! Hello, Mama.
How are you? Oh, I am just fine, thank you.
Uncle Ali Baba? [GASPS.]
All 40 of them? Oh, Mama, that man keeps terrible company.
Oh, yes, yes.
Oh, I would love to.
But of course, I will have to ask my master.
Yes.
I'll call you back later.
Bye-bye.
Good morning, darling.
Hello.
Oh, do you mind, darling, if I see? What is the matter? Huh? Oh, no I was just trying to think of a way to tell Roger that you helped him win at poker last night.
That's all.
Oh.
I I am I am very sorry, master, but you said that it would make you happy.
I know.
I'll think of something.
Uh, darling, would you mind if I went to visit Mama for a couple of hours this morning? Huh? Well, you You see, she is cleaning out her attic and And she wants to see if there's anything I would like.
Oh.
Yeah.
All right, go ahead.
Uh, don't say hello for me.
There's no sense in getting her mad.
Oh, darling, do not worry.
She will come to love you yet.
Oh, yeah.
Goodbye, dear.
Have a good time.
Hi, Ton.
Oh, hello, Roge.
Hey, listen, can you hurry it up a little? I want to stop by at the boatyard.
Boatyard? Yeah.
You know the money I won last night? I made a down payment on a new speedboat.
Um, Roge, look, I hate to tell you this, but you didn't win last night.
Jeannie did.
Jeannie wasn't playing last night.
Yeah, she did.
You know, with her blinks.
Oh, I see.
When you win, it's skill.
And when I win, it's blink, blink, blink.
You think you got four royal flushes in a row? You have to give that money back.
Come on, you're putting me on.
I mean, I can't do that.
I'll tell you what.
Why don't I go into General Schaeffer's office and I'll say, uh, "General, about last night.
We We really didn't win.
We cheated.
" Scratch one astronaut.
A little shaky, isn't it? Yeah, a little shaky.
Well, we could say Jeannie did it.
No, no, we couldn't say Jeannie did it.
Well, we'll think of something.
Yeah, well, while you're thinking of something, I'll get the boat and we'll have fun until it's repossessed.
SCHAEFFER: Oh, Major Nelson.
Oh, good morning, sir.
A beautiful morning, isn't it? Yes.
For winners maybe, major.
I'd rather not discuss that subject, gentlemen.
Have you got those training schedules ready, major? Oh, yes, sir.
I have them in my office.
Oh, sir, uh, excuse me.
Could I speak to you for a minute? Why, yes, of course.
I just wanted to bring you up to date on our investigation of the, uh, card shark.
How is it? You caught him yet? We're closing in.
The trouble is, it may be more than one man.
Maybe a team.
A team? PHELPS: Oh, yes, sir.
Sometimes, in order to avoid suspicion, one man will win one night and then he'll lose the next night while his partner wins.
Oh, I see.
Well, we'll get him, sir.
We're keeping our eyes open for any unusual lucky streaks or We're also on the lookout for any sudden affluence.
You know, somebody who seems to be living above their income.
Oh, Jeannie.
Oh, good morning, Jeannie.
Good morning, General Schaeffer, Dr.
Bellows.
Oh, dear.
Could you help me? Uh, yes.
Thank you.
Anthony, darling.
As soon as I get that, I'll forward it on to you.
From Mama.
Huh? Are they not beautiful? Carry on.
Uh What is all this junk? Oh Oh, hello, sir.
As you were, major.
I will only be a moment, gentlemen.
I just wanted to show Anthony these beautiful things I got today.
Oh, look, lovely gold candlesticks.
Yes.
Oh, lovely.
Are they not beautiful? And this Ming vase.
Uh-huh.
And this antique ivory elephant.
Isn't he adorable? Oh, that's cute.
Yeah.
Oh, and look.
Look at this darling ruby pin.
Oh, they certainly look expensive.
On a major's pay.
Oh, we could not possibly afford these things on Anthony's salary.
TONY: No, it's just junk.
Her mother gave it to her.
Tell them your mother gave them to you.
Oh, yes.
Mama gave them to us.
Oh, well, they were just gathering dust in her attic.
TONY [CHUCKLING.]
: Yeah.
I see.
Oh, and look at this adorable diamond ring.
I have always wanted a diamond ring.
That's a diamond? Fake.
Why, it certainly is not fake.
My mama would not have a fake diamond ring.
Look! Ha-ha.
General, Dr.
Bellows.
Guess what.
I bought that speedboat anyway.
Hey, you don't think that they think that I don't think I don't think anything.
Well, I'll tell you what I think they think I think.
I think they think I know what you think.
A lot of guys have speedboats.
Not a lot of guys have emerald-studded Ming vases.
Dr.
Bellows wouldn't think anything of us.
We probably have a guilty conscience because we cheated.
We didn't cheat.
Jeannie is the one that cheated.
[RINGS.]
That makes a difference.
Yes? Yes.
Yes, sir.
Tonight? Eight o'clock? Oh, I'm afraid that, uh Yes, well, all All right.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
They want to have a game here tonight.
Just tonight Tonight? Hey, wait a minute, Roger.
This is the perfect opportunity to let them win.
Even if we have to cheat to let 'em win.
That's not gonna be easy.
Dr.
Bellows can't win with a seven-card-no-peaky-high-low baseball with one-eyed jacks and deuces wild.
Well, they gotta win somehow.
Wait a minute.
Jeannie! Jeannie! Come on.
Come on.
But, master, I I thought you did not wish me to interfere with your poker game.
But this is different.
General Schaeffer and Dr.
Bellows Well, they have to win.
And you've got to win for them.
Yeah.
Just do one of your favorite blink tricks.
Oh, very well.
Then I will stand behind each one as they get their cards and then they will win.
No, darling.
That's not what we're talking about.
Oh, I understand.
You do not wish me to be so obvious.
Really quick, Jeannie.
I know.
I know, I will blink a magic chair and then whoever sits in it will win.
Sensational.
That's exactly what I was talking Oh, that's good.
That's good, Jeannie.
They'll never suspect a thing.
That's obvious.
Nice and quiet.
That's not obvious, is it? No.
Never suspect that.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I will fix it.
Yeah, well, that's better.
That's a lot better.
Oh, good.
Now you have a magic chair and I do not have to be here tonight.
You see, Mama called, and she invited me to the sultan's palace.
It is the sultan's wedding anniversary.
Heh-heh.
Of course, every day is the sultan's wedding anniversary.
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah.
[.]
Yeah, well, you go.
You go and have a wonderful time.
Yes, dear.
Mwah.
Good.
Hey, Roge, uh, how about a little game, huh? Ah, good.
Good.
I'll tell you what [.]
Out.
But, boss, you just said Out.
I am going to show you why I am the boss and you ain't.
These here guys wanna dump you in the bottom of the river.
But I say that is a waste.
And I hate waste.
A guy with a talent like yours ought to use it.
Like tonight, for us.
Now, what do you say? [MUFFLED SCREAM.]
Help! I guess sometimes you got to have waste.
Don't you know it's against the law to pollute the river? We will risk it.
What? Hey, wait a minute.
What's that? That is your one-way ticket to the bottom of the river.
I put my feet in there and the cement goes on and I go down to the bottom.
Okay, um, what do you want me to do? Just win.
Big.
Mm-hm? Okay.
And remember, the senator will have this just to make sure you do.
Oh, I'll win.
I'm a winner.
Lucky me.
[CHUCKLES.]
That is our boy.
Captain Phelps, I really don't think this is necessary.
Sir, the motto in our line of work is suspect everybody.
Major Nelson and Major Healey are two of our finest men.
That simply isn't possible.
Well, of course.
It's out of the question.
Sir, look at it this way.
By keeping watch outside the Nelsons' house tonight, we are giving them an opportunity to clear themselves.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Where have you guys been? We've been waiting for you.
Yeah, I got a little tied up.
Come on.
Tony, I gotta talk to you Oh! I wanted to say hello.
BELLOWS: Good evening, gentlemen.
Well, come on, let's get this game going.
The same stakes tonight, gentlemen.
I thought we might up them a little bit.
Feeling lucky again, major? No Are we? No.
No, not at all.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll just sit down here.
Sit down.
That's the general's chair.
Oh, yeah.
That's all right.
I'll sit in this chair.
You sat in that one there the last time.
Try this one.
It might change your luck.
Well, it doesn't make any difference.
It doesn't make any difference [YELLING.]
[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Come on, sit down, major.
We came to play cards, not musical chairs.
Come on, gentlemen, let's get going.
Let's get going.
Yeah.
Shall we, uh, start to deal? All right.
Nice chair.
[.]
What do you got there? Queen.
Oh.
All right.
Here we are.
Five-card stud.
Ante one.
TONY: What stakes would you like to bet for, uh? SCHAEFFER: Oh, I don't care.
TONY: Ten? Twenty? How about uh, one, two and five? BELLOWS: One, two and five is fine.
MARTINO: That's all right to start with.
We can raise it later.
I'm due for better cards.
TONY: Ace bet, sir? Uh, well, I I can't insult an ace.
Uh, I open for, uh Well, let's live dangerously, huh? ROGER: Yeah.
Uh Uh, 10 blues.
Yeah, well, that finishes me.
Well, it seems to be my night, huh? [WHISTLES.]
Wow.
That's funny how we all had a streak of luck.
Yours is certainly running out, major.
Yeah.
I'll say.
Oh, your deal.
Mine.
Cement mixer [LAUGHING.]
Hey, that's an oldie.
Maybe it's coming back.
Maybe it's coming back.
Yeah.
Well, uh [SHUFFLES DECK.]
we're gonna play a new game.
Uh, it's called seven-card switch.
Switch? Yeah.
We're all dealt seven cards and we turn the first card down and everybody moves one chair to the right.
Oh, come on, Roge.
Let's just stick to straight poker, huh? Yeah.
Let's have some action! Come on, Roger.
Let's just play straight poker.
Let's have some action.
We need some more peanuts.
We don't need any peanuts.
We need some fresh peanuts.
Come on.
What's the matter with you? Major Healey, we're waiting.
Uh, I just decided we're gonna play some seven-card switch.
Uh, you get seven cards and you deal one and you turn it over and then you move one chair to the river The right.
Straight flush.
Beat that.
Sorry, sir.
Royal flush.
That's five in a row.
Uh Yeah, that's right.
Royal flush.
[WHISTLES.]
Ah! Who was that? Yes, sir? I didn't want to believe it, but there's your card shark.
Where's your card shark? He has trick cards.
What is happening? Everything.
Do something.
I have Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
You're making a mistake.
I mean, I'm not a card shark.
Why, there's your card shark.
Oh.
Come now, Major Healey.
Don't call him "major.
" Call him Number 47658.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
He's not a senator, he's a phony.
Is that true, master? In spades, hearts, clubs and diamonds.
Don't be ridiculous.
Well, of course it's ridiculous.
Now, gentlemen, if there's still any doubt, here's my identification.
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHING.]
That's just a A joke.
Here it is! All right, stand back.
My men are closing in on the rest of them right now.
Good.
Carry on.
Thank you.
I still don't understand how you got all those good cards, major.
Yeah, well, you see, sir, I had to I had to I had to win for the gang.
I know that, major, but it still doesn't explain how you got all those royal flushes.
It was like magic.
No, no, not Not Not like magic, sir.
It was that card shark.
He was dealing the cards to Roger.
Oh.
Yeah, that's right.
That sounds good.
Yeah.
Well, now, that's that.
Uh Uh, let's sit down and have a few friendly hands of poker, just to show there are no hard feelings.
Uh, penny ante.
[.]
You better blink out the magic chair.
Blink? The magic chair.
Blink it out.
[HUMMING.]
Oh.
[GASPS.]
[.]