I Love Lucy (1951) s05e25 Episode Script
Lucy Goes to Monte Carlo
"Lucy Goes to Monte Carlo" ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) (theme song ending) ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy.
" (applause) Honey, it's time to get down for the dinner show.
Ricky? Ricky, do you mind if I don't go to your show tonight? Don't go? Uh, yeah.
The show is wonderful and I just love the numbers you do, but, you know, after seeing it so many times, it does get a little boring.
Do you mind if I don't go tonight? Ethel and I? No, of course not, honey.
Why should I mind? Good.
I-I thought we might go to a movie.
Sure.
That's a good idea.
Go out, have a little dinner, then go to a movie, and what do you mean my show is boring? Oh, well, honey, I didn't mean it was really boring, but, you know, after seeing it so many times, it Well, after 20 or 30 times it does get a little Yes? Well, let's put it this way: Your show is so great, I just can't stand the excitement of seeing it one more time.
That's better.
Oh.
That's better? Hi, Rick.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
We'd better get down for the dinner show, Rick.
Yeah, okay, I'll be right with you, Fred.
Hey, Ethel, Ethel, how would you like to have dinner and go to a movie with me tonight? Oh, I'd love to, but how did you get us out of the, uh, s-h-o-w? Oh, Ethel, he can't pronounce English, but he can spell it.
You're darn tootin' I can.
That's one thing I know how to do is how to s-p-e-I.
Oh.
How do you like that? All these years I could have been spelling in front of him.
I'll get my things.
FRED: Hey, Rick, there's something I want to Well, I'd better tell you.
Yeah, what is it, Fred? Well, I was going over the books and, uh Well, you know that money isn't everything.
And you also know that, uh, anyone can make a mistake.
Well, wha-wha-what's going on? You remember how I told you back in Rome that we'd cleared $3,000.
Yeah? Well, I checked the figures again, and, uh when I jiggled the paper, uh for what I thought were decimal points fell off.
Must've been dirt or something.
So, we, uh, didn't make quite $3,000.
Well, how much did we make? $300.
$300?! Fred, when I hire a band manager, I hire somebody to handle things, not to louse them up.
Well, I'm sorry, Rick, but these things just happen.
Well, there's been too many of these dumb things just happening.
I might as just as well had Lucy for a band manager.
Well, you don't have to get nasty.
What do you mean? What do you mean you might just as well have had Lucy for a band And what do you mean," "You don't have to get nasty"? Never mind.
What's going on? Three guesses who goofed.
What did I do?! Not you- Fred, the boy wonder of Wall Street.
Oh.
Well, look, we'll have to go over the books tomorrow and see exactly where we stand.
Come on or we'll be late for the show.
Okay.
I'll go get my coat.
Hey, I got a wonderful idea.
Let's you and I go to the Monte Carlo Casino tonight.
Oh, let's do.
We couldn't leave without seeing the most famous gambling casino in the world.
And who knows, we might be the first Americans who ever broke the bank at Monte Carlo.
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
You're not going to broke no bank nowhere.
Why not? Because I don't want you to go to the casino.
Why not? Because I don't want you to gamble.
Oh, honey, just a few dollars.
I might win.
That would be worse.
Like my father used to say: "El dinero que se gana jugando no tiene ningun bien.
"Y si te encuentro jugando, no puedes sentar por una semana.
Well! What does that mean? It means, "Ill-gotten gold is no one's gain.
"And furthermore, my son, if I catch you gambling, you won't be able to sit down for a week.
" All right, so I won't gamble.
I just want to see what the casino looks like.
Ah, no, no, no, no.
Once you get in there, the temptation is irresistible.
Oh, how do you know? I know.
My father took me to Havana once.
So? So I couldn't sit down for a week.
Remember, no casino.
Why don't you just lock me in my room for the night? Oh, no, honey, don't be silly.
You can go and have dinner anywhere you want, and then go see a movie.
And you stay out of that casino, too, Ethel.
Oh, with the money you give me, you don't have to worry.
It's not that; I'm afraid you might meet up with some prince and sweep him off his feet.
Well, I could.
I might, I might.
(chuckling): Well, good luck.
(door shuts) Dinner and a movie, big deal.
Well, so we can't gamble.
We can at least eat.
Where'll we go? Well, let's see, restaurants, restaurants Hey.
You know where we're dining tonight? Where? At a very famous Monte Carlo restaurant called "Le Grille.
" Is it near the casino? It's in the casino.
Lucy, we can't do that.
Why not? They said we could eat at anyplace we wanted to, didn't they? Yeah, but they also said we couldn't go to the casino.
Oh, well, Ethel, if you're gonna split hairs Well, I'd rather split hairs than have the boys split our skulls.
Look at it this way: How many times in your life are you going to be in Monte Carlo? Well, I don't know, but Is it our fault the best restaurant is in the casino? Well, we don't have to go to that restaurant.
We do if we want to see the casino.
In the face of such logic, how can I refuse? Oh, Ethel, isn't it exciting? Uh, yeah, yeah.
Le-let's get out of here.
Now, now, we are, we are, we're on our way out.
We're just strolling slowly through the casino to help digest our food, you know.
Les des sont a vous, madame.
Huh? It is your dice, madame.
Oh, uh, uh, j'ai do not play-ay.
Oh, look.
Ooh, a chip, huh? Uh Pardon me, sir, is this your chip? Uh, this must be your chip, then, sir.
No, no, madame.
No? (sighing) Il n'y en a plus.
Merci.
Madame, madame.
Madame! Number 26 has won.
What? Number 26 has won.
So? Your number has won.
My number won? Yes.
Look, all this is yours.
Oh, well, that there's been a mistake.
See, I put the chip on the table, but it wasn't really my chip in the first place.
I- I threw it on a number, but I didn't mean to.
This isn't my money.
Look, this isn't my money, sir.
The whole stack on number 18, madame? Oh, fine, 18, I don't care.
Nombre dix-huit, 18.
You have won again.
Pardon me.
What is your system, madame? System? I don't have any system.
I don't know anything about the game.
(laughing) Madame, madame, your money.
It is not my money, no, sir.
Pardon, madame.
It is your money.
I saw you placing the bet with my own eyes.
Now, now, look.
Wait just a minute, mister.
I Oh, Ethel.
Uh, you saw her put the bet on the table, but that chip didn't belong to her.
The first chip, it was not mine.
Oh, very well.
Voila, this is for the house.
The rest is yours.
Pardon, madame, do you wish to place another bet? Now, look, look.
Try to get this through your head.
I- I-I wash my hands of those chips.
But, madame As far as I'm concerned, they can stay right where they are, I don't care.
Oh, then you like to try it on the number 18? Fine, fine.
Ethel, this is terrible.
What are they doing to me? Oh, let's just get out of here, huh? Pardon, pardon, pa-pa-pardon, madame.
Uh, does madame wish to continue with the game? I was never in the game.
Oh, you do not wish to place another bet? No, sir.
No, sir.
Oh, wait, madame, then please follow me to the cashier.
The cashier? Ja.
you just won 875,000 francs.
Look, I-I just couldn't care less.
All I was doing was just walking through the casino.
I put- 875,000 francs! Oui, madame.
Ethel! Ethel, come on! Fred? Freddie? Come on in.
We're safe.
He must have stayed for the late show.
Oh, Ethel, what are we gonna do with this? Oh, Lucy, we've got to do something.
We can't hide it in my room.
If Ricky finds it, he'll kill me.
Even after he finds out how much you won? Oh, honey, that would be worse.
He'd be a rich widower.
Let me hide it in here until I can at least think of some way to to tell him without admitting that I went to the casino.
Well, all right.
Where'll we put it? How about under the mattress? Oh, no, it'd get mixed up with Fred's money.
I know, I know.
I've got it.
Right in here with my good lingerie.
There's lots of room.
I haven't much good lingerie.
Here.
Put it under there.
It'll be safe there.
Gee, French money is big, isn't it? Oh, I never knew it was that big.
Who would imagine a thing like this happening? Come on now.
It's all right.
Winning all that money.
Ethel, how am I gonna explain all that money? This is probably the toughest assignment I've ever had.
Well, maybe something will come to you in the night.
Gee, I hope so.
Don't tell Fred.
Flannelmouth Freddie? I should say not.
Okay, and thanks a lot, Ethel.
Well, good night.
'Night.
Hi.
Hi.
Is Fred here? No, he's down in the barbershop.
Oh, I'll call him.
Barbershop, please.
Is Lucy in her room? No.
I think she's down in the lobby.
Oh, well, maybe I'll run into her.
So long, Rick.
Bye.
Monsieur Mertz, please.
FRED: Hello? Oh, hello, Fred, this is Ricky.
I'm up in your room.
I came over to go over the books, you know.
I'll be right up.
As long as you're there, why don't you get started on the books? All right.
Where are they? They're in my suitcase in the closet.
Okay.
(whistling) (laughing) Hi, Rick.
Hi, Fred.
I'm sorry, I Hey, you got hold of the wrong suitcase.
I'll say I did.
That's full of Ethel's unmentionables.
There's a few of yours in here, too.
What do you mean? Look, Fred we've been friends for a long time.
Well? I- I-I know there's a logical explanation.
Don't you have something to tell me? Well, no, I don't think so.
All right, Fred, if that's the way you want to handle it.
Open the suitcase and explain what's in it.
Well, what are you talking about? Just open the suitcase and explain what's in it.
Well, all right.
This is Ethel's girdle.
(whistles) This is what I mean.
Holy smoke! Where did that bundle of cabbage come from? That's what I'd like to know.
Huh? What's the story? What's what story? Now, look, Fred Yeah? Yesterday, you told me that you made a mistake in bookkeeping in Rome.
Uh-huh.
That we hadn't made $3,000, that we've only made $300.
That we were short $2,700.
And today I find a suitcase full of money in your closet.
Are you trying to tell me you think I've been juggling the books? Fred, I am trying to find out a logical explanation.
Now, after all, you you have almost a million francs in this suitcase, and you say you don't know where it comes from, huh! Well, in the first place, it isn't my suitcase, it's Ethel's.
Please, now, don't be a cad and pin it on your wife! Now, where did this money come from? I tell you, I don't know! Now, Fred, I am afraid I have caught you red-handed.
You have not caught me red-handed, you Cuban mush-mouth.
Fred I am trying to be fair.
Don't make me lose my temper.
Oh, go ahead and lose it.
I've already lost mine.
Now, put up your dukes! Fred Go on, put 'em up.
I'm gonna thrash you within an inch of your life.
Fred, I am not gonna get into a fight with you.
Oh, yes, you are.
You've sullied the name of Mertz.
Now, come on.
Fred.
Fred! Fred! Es una cosa horrible que paso! No lo puedo creer! No lo puedo creer! I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything! It's not you.
This time it's Fred.
Oh.
Fred Mertz.
You know what he's been doing? What? He's been juggling the books.
Fred Mertz is an embezzler.
Not our Fred Mertz.
Yes, our Fred Mertz.
Oh, honey, that that can't be true.
You must be mistaken.
No, no, no, I'm not mistaken.
Accidentally I found a suitcase full of money in his closet.
And he says he has no idea where that money came from.
Huh! Oh, uh Uh, Ricky, that isn't Fred's money in Ethel's suitcase.
What do you mean it isn't Fred's How did you know it was Ethel's suitcase? Oh uh, how did I know it was Ethel's suitcase? Yeah? Was Ethel there? No.
Well, then, uh she told me it was her money.
Where did Ethel get all that money? Her aunt died and left it to her.
Her aunt left her French money? Oh.
It was her French aunt.
That's good.
I mean, that's right.
Her French aunt, her aunt Yvette.
Yeah, Yvette.
Are you telling me the truth? If I'm not, may I drop dead.
Why didn't Fred say something about it? He didn't know.
He didn't know? No, no, you know how tight Fred is.
Uh, Ethel didn't want that old rooster to know about her nest egg.
Boy, if if what you're saying is right, I certainly owe Fred Mertz an apology.
Yeah, well (door slamming) There it is, Ricardo.
My resignation.
Effective immediately.
Immediately after you pay our transportation back to the States, plus two weeks severance pay.
Now, Fred Fred.
I- I'm afraid I owe you an apology.
I just found out that that money belongs to Ethel.
Ethel who? Ethel Mertz.
My Ethel Mertz? Yes.
Her aunt died and left her the money.
What aunt? A A French aunt that you don't know about.
That's right, Fred.
Do you mean my little honeybun is loaded? Yeah.
Gee, Fred, I'm, I'm I'm sorry I thought you were a crook.
That's all right, Rick, what are friends for? Listen, we'll tear this up, huh? All right.
Fred Fred, uh, don't tell Ethel you know.
Let her tell you in her own way, huh? Yeah, that-that'd be better, Fred.
Sure, sure.
Don't say that we told you.
I know what you mean.
Oh, there you are! It was so hot out, I had to come right back.
I've never seen, uh, uh What are you looking so funny about? Hello, there, you little dickens, you! What's the matter with you? Sweetheart, it just dawned on me what a fascinating creature you are.
The heat's got him.
No, no, no, don't be silly.
It's you, you doll.
Why, when you walked into this room, if we weren't already married, I'd have asked you for a date.
Come on, honey, let's try and go someplace where we can be alone.
Come on, darling, come on.
Let's try and be alone for a minute.
Come on, I'll sit here.
You sit in my lap.
Come on, sweetie pie.
Now, now, put your arm around me.
There.
Fred, are you sure you're all right? I never felt better in my life, lover.
Oh, then you meant all those things you said in there? 'Course I did.
Oh, you are cute.
(phone rings) (laughs giddily) Hello.
Hello.
Ethel, it's me.
Uh, call back later, dear.
Now, where were we? (phone rings) Oh Hello? Ethel, listen to me now.
Ricky's going downstairs.
It's my only chance to talk to you.
Ricky found all that money in your suitcase and thought Fred had been juggling the books, so I told him it was your money.
What'd you do that for? Well, I didn't want him to think Fred was an embezzler and I didn't want him to find out I'd been gambling and you were the only one left.
I ran out of people.
Well, you've run out of friends, too.
That's the dirtiest trick you've ever played on me! I never want to see you again! (phone clicks) Oh, but now Who was that, snookums? Aah, you let me up.
No, now, tootsie I just found out why you're tootsieing me.
It's on account of that money in my suitcase.
Money? That money had nothing to do with my deep devotion for you.
Well, it's a good thing it didn't because it isn't mine, it's Lucy's.
Lucy's?! She won it last night gambling at the casino.
What are you trying to pull? I'm not trying to pull anything.
It was Lucy's half-baked idea.
Ethel, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry! You're sorry? How do you think I feel? Lucy, you and I are through.
Oh, now, Ethel, listen And don't you say anything, you golddigger.
Don't you call me a gold digger, you pauper! Oh, now, Ricky was right.
Ill-gotten gold is nobody's gain.
Look at us, at each other's throats just because of that dirty money.
This dirty old money! Lucy, what are you gonna do? Lucy! Where are you gonna go? I'm going back to the casino and get rid of this ill-gotten gold! (groaning) Now, what's the matter with you? Wiped out twice in one lifetime.
What do you mean? The crash of '29 and now this.
Fred! Hi.
What's the matter? What's going on? What's the matter with Fred? He just found out I'm not Bobo Rockefeller.
What are you talking about? The money in that suitcase isn't mine, it's Lucy's.
Oh.
Lucy's! Yeah, she won it gambling last night at the casino.
I told her not to gamble! Oh, now, put your eyes back in their sockets.
She only gambled by accident.
By accident? Oh, come now, there was almost a million francs in that suitcase.
You can think of a better story than that.
Oh, now, Ricky, it's the truth.
It's the truth.
She found a chip on the floor and she threw it on the table to give it back and it won.
She kept pushing the chips, just kept pushing them away from her and she pushed her way into a fortune.
Oh.
Now, Rick, she kept her promise, honest she did.
We just happened to eat in a restaurant that was in the casino.
You told her she could eat anyplace she wanted to.
Ricky, please don't be angry.
(chuckling) I'm not angry.
You're not? I think it's wonderful.
You do? Gee, Lucy thought you'd be furious.
Of course not, it wasn't her fault.
No, it wasn't.
Not her fault.
No.
Where is she? She's gone to the casino to give back the money! Oh, no! Yeah.
(yells) There, and I never want to see it again.
One moment, madame.
You don't know, you don't know what has happened to me with that money.
I- I put one chip on this table yesterday and-and it and it money like that that I don't Here are your chips, madame.
I do not want the chips, I wash my hands.
Vingt-cinq.
25.
Wait, madame, you have won again.
That is impossible because I did not put my chips on any number.
I know, madame, but you had them on red.
And 25 is red.
Oh, no.
Lucy! Ricky, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.
I didn't mean it Look, look, honey, Ethel explained everything to me, and I think it's wonderful.
You mean I can keep it? Sure.
Where's the money? Right there.
Oh, no! (wailing) (closing orchestral flourish playing) ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: Also seen in tonight's cast were Gordon Clark, John Mylong, Louis Nicoletti and Jacques Villon.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
" (applause) Honey, it's time to get down for the dinner show.
Ricky? Ricky, do you mind if I don't go to your show tonight? Don't go? Uh, yeah.
The show is wonderful and I just love the numbers you do, but, you know, after seeing it so many times, it does get a little boring.
Do you mind if I don't go tonight? Ethel and I? No, of course not, honey.
Why should I mind? Good.
I-I thought we might go to a movie.
Sure.
That's a good idea.
Go out, have a little dinner, then go to a movie, and what do you mean my show is boring? Oh, well, honey, I didn't mean it was really boring, but, you know, after seeing it so many times, it Well, after 20 or 30 times it does get a little Yes? Well, let's put it this way: Your show is so great, I just can't stand the excitement of seeing it one more time.
That's better.
Oh.
That's better? Hi, Rick.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
We'd better get down for the dinner show, Rick.
Yeah, okay, I'll be right with you, Fred.
Hey, Ethel, Ethel, how would you like to have dinner and go to a movie with me tonight? Oh, I'd love to, but how did you get us out of the, uh, s-h-o-w? Oh, Ethel, he can't pronounce English, but he can spell it.
You're darn tootin' I can.
That's one thing I know how to do is how to s-p-e-I.
Oh.
How do you like that? All these years I could have been spelling in front of him.
I'll get my things.
FRED: Hey, Rick, there's something I want to Well, I'd better tell you.
Yeah, what is it, Fred? Well, I was going over the books and, uh Well, you know that money isn't everything.
And you also know that, uh, anyone can make a mistake.
Well, wha-wha-what's going on? You remember how I told you back in Rome that we'd cleared $3,000.
Yeah? Well, I checked the figures again, and, uh when I jiggled the paper, uh for what I thought were decimal points fell off.
Must've been dirt or something.
So, we, uh, didn't make quite $3,000.
Well, how much did we make? $300.
$300?! Fred, when I hire a band manager, I hire somebody to handle things, not to louse them up.
Well, I'm sorry, Rick, but these things just happen.
Well, there's been too many of these dumb things just happening.
I might as just as well had Lucy for a band manager.
Well, you don't have to get nasty.
What do you mean? What do you mean you might just as well have had Lucy for a band And what do you mean," "You don't have to get nasty"? Never mind.
What's going on? Three guesses who goofed.
What did I do?! Not you- Fred, the boy wonder of Wall Street.
Oh.
Well, look, we'll have to go over the books tomorrow and see exactly where we stand.
Come on or we'll be late for the show.
Okay.
I'll go get my coat.
Hey, I got a wonderful idea.
Let's you and I go to the Monte Carlo Casino tonight.
Oh, let's do.
We couldn't leave without seeing the most famous gambling casino in the world.
And who knows, we might be the first Americans who ever broke the bank at Monte Carlo.
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
You're not going to broke no bank nowhere.
Why not? Because I don't want you to go to the casino.
Why not? Because I don't want you to gamble.
Oh, honey, just a few dollars.
I might win.
That would be worse.
Like my father used to say: "El dinero que se gana jugando no tiene ningun bien.
"Y si te encuentro jugando, no puedes sentar por una semana.
Well! What does that mean? It means, "Ill-gotten gold is no one's gain.
"And furthermore, my son, if I catch you gambling, you won't be able to sit down for a week.
" All right, so I won't gamble.
I just want to see what the casino looks like.
Ah, no, no, no, no.
Once you get in there, the temptation is irresistible.
Oh, how do you know? I know.
My father took me to Havana once.
So? So I couldn't sit down for a week.
Remember, no casino.
Why don't you just lock me in my room for the night? Oh, no, honey, don't be silly.
You can go and have dinner anywhere you want, and then go see a movie.
And you stay out of that casino, too, Ethel.
Oh, with the money you give me, you don't have to worry.
It's not that; I'm afraid you might meet up with some prince and sweep him off his feet.
Well, I could.
I might, I might.
(chuckling): Well, good luck.
(door shuts) Dinner and a movie, big deal.
Well, so we can't gamble.
We can at least eat.
Where'll we go? Well, let's see, restaurants, restaurants Hey.
You know where we're dining tonight? Where? At a very famous Monte Carlo restaurant called "Le Grille.
" Is it near the casino? It's in the casino.
Lucy, we can't do that.
Why not? They said we could eat at anyplace we wanted to, didn't they? Yeah, but they also said we couldn't go to the casino.
Oh, well, Ethel, if you're gonna split hairs Well, I'd rather split hairs than have the boys split our skulls.
Look at it this way: How many times in your life are you going to be in Monte Carlo? Well, I don't know, but Is it our fault the best restaurant is in the casino? Well, we don't have to go to that restaurant.
We do if we want to see the casino.
In the face of such logic, how can I refuse? Oh, Ethel, isn't it exciting? Uh, yeah, yeah.
Le-let's get out of here.
Now, now, we are, we are, we're on our way out.
We're just strolling slowly through the casino to help digest our food, you know.
Les des sont a vous, madame.
Huh? It is your dice, madame.
Oh, uh, uh, j'ai do not play-ay.
Oh, look.
Ooh, a chip, huh? Uh Pardon me, sir, is this your chip? Uh, this must be your chip, then, sir.
No, no, madame.
No? (sighing) Il n'y en a plus.
Merci.
Madame, madame.
Madame! Number 26 has won.
What? Number 26 has won.
So? Your number has won.
My number won? Yes.
Look, all this is yours.
Oh, well, that there's been a mistake.
See, I put the chip on the table, but it wasn't really my chip in the first place.
I- I threw it on a number, but I didn't mean to.
This isn't my money.
Look, this isn't my money, sir.
The whole stack on number 18, madame? Oh, fine, 18, I don't care.
Nombre dix-huit, 18.
You have won again.
Pardon me.
What is your system, madame? System? I don't have any system.
I don't know anything about the game.
(laughing) Madame, madame, your money.
It is not my money, no, sir.
Pardon, madame.
It is your money.
I saw you placing the bet with my own eyes.
Now, now, look.
Wait just a minute, mister.
I Oh, Ethel.
Uh, you saw her put the bet on the table, but that chip didn't belong to her.
The first chip, it was not mine.
Oh, very well.
Voila, this is for the house.
The rest is yours.
Pardon, madame, do you wish to place another bet? Now, look, look.
Try to get this through your head.
I- I-I wash my hands of those chips.
But, madame As far as I'm concerned, they can stay right where they are, I don't care.
Oh, then you like to try it on the number 18? Fine, fine.
Ethel, this is terrible.
What are they doing to me? Oh, let's just get out of here, huh? Pardon, pardon, pa-pa-pardon, madame.
Uh, does madame wish to continue with the game? I was never in the game.
Oh, you do not wish to place another bet? No, sir.
No, sir.
Oh, wait, madame, then please follow me to the cashier.
The cashier? Ja.
you just won 875,000 francs.
Look, I-I just couldn't care less.
All I was doing was just walking through the casino.
I put- 875,000 francs! Oui, madame.
Ethel! Ethel, come on! Fred? Freddie? Come on in.
We're safe.
He must have stayed for the late show.
Oh, Ethel, what are we gonna do with this? Oh, Lucy, we've got to do something.
We can't hide it in my room.
If Ricky finds it, he'll kill me.
Even after he finds out how much you won? Oh, honey, that would be worse.
He'd be a rich widower.
Let me hide it in here until I can at least think of some way to to tell him without admitting that I went to the casino.
Well, all right.
Where'll we put it? How about under the mattress? Oh, no, it'd get mixed up with Fred's money.
I know, I know.
I've got it.
Right in here with my good lingerie.
There's lots of room.
I haven't much good lingerie.
Here.
Put it under there.
It'll be safe there.
Gee, French money is big, isn't it? Oh, I never knew it was that big.
Who would imagine a thing like this happening? Come on now.
It's all right.
Winning all that money.
Ethel, how am I gonna explain all that money? This is probably the toughest assignment I've ever had.
Well, maybe something will come to you in the night.
Gee, I hope so.
Don't tell Fred.
Flannelmouth Freddie? I should say not.
Okay, and thanks a lot, Ethel.
Well, good night.
'Night.
Hi.
Hi.
Is Fred here? No, he's down in the barbershop.
Oh, I'll call him.
Barbershop, please.
Is Lucy in her room? No.
I think she's down in the lobby.
Oh, well, maybe I'll run into her.
So long, Rick.
Bye.
Monsieur Mertz, please.
FRED: Hello? Oh, hello, Fred, this is Ricky.
I'm up in your room.
I came over to go over the books, you know.
I'll be right up.
As long as you're there, why don't you get started on the books? All right.
Where are they? They're in my suitcase in the closet.
Okay.
(whistling) (laughing) Hi, Rick.
Hi, Fred.
I'm sorry, I Hey, you got hold of the wrong suitcase.
I'll say I did.
That's full of Ethel's unmentionables.
There's a few of yours in here, too.
What do you mean? Look, Fred we've been friends for a long time.
Well? I- I-I know there's a logical explanation.
Don't you have something to tell me? Well, no, I don't think so.
All right, Fred, if that's the way you want to handle it.
Open the suitcase and explain what's in it.
Well, what are you talking about? Just open the suitcase and explain what's in it.
Well, all right.
This is Ethel's girdle.
(whistles) This is what I mean.
Holy smoke! Where did that bundle of cabbage come from? That's what I'd like to know.
Huh? What's the story? What's what story? Now, look, Fred Yeah? Yesterday, you told me that you made a mistake in bookkeeping in Rome.
Uh-huh.
That we hadn't made $3,000, that we've only made $300.
That we were short $2,700.
And today I find a suitcase full of money in your closet.
Are you trying to tell me you think I've been juggling the books? Fred, I am trying to find out a logical explanation.
Now, after all, you you have almost a million francs in this suitcase, and you say you don't know where it comes from, huh! Well, in the first place, it isn't my suitcase, it's Ethel's.
Please, now, don't be a cad and pin it on your wife! Now, where did this money come from? I tell you, I don't know! Now, Fred, I am afraid I have caught you red-handed.
You have not caught me red-handed, you Cuban mush-mouth.
Fred I am trying to be fair.
Don't make me lose my temper.
Oh, go ahead and lose it.
I've already lost mine.
Now, put up your dukes! Fred Go on, put 'em up.
I'm gonna thrash you within an inch of your life.
Fred, I am not gonna get into a fight with you.
Oh, yes, you are.
You've sullied the name of Mertz.
Now, come on.
Fred.
Fred! Fred! Es una cosa horrible que paso! No lo puedo creer! No lo puedo creer! I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything! It's not you.
This time it's Fred.
Oh.
Fred Mertz.
You know what he's been doing? What? He's been juggling the books.
Fred Mertz is an embezzler.
Not our Fred Mertz.
Yes, our Fred Mertz.
Oh, honey, that that can't be true.
You must be mistaken.
No, no, no, I'm not mistaken.
Accidentally I found a suitcase full of money in his closet.
And he says he has no idea where that money came from.
Huh! Oh, uh Uh, Ricky, that isn't Fred's money in Ethel's suitcase.
What do you mean it isn't Fred's How did you know it was Ethel's suitcase? Oh uh, how did I know it was Ethel's suitcase? Yeah? Was Ethel there? No.
Well, then, uh she told me it was her money.
Where did Ethel get all that money? Her aunt died and left it to her.
Her aunt left her French money? Oh.
It was her French aunt.
That's good.
I mean, that's right.
Her French aunt, her aunt Yvette.
Yeah, Yvette.
Are you telling me the truth? If I'm not, may I drop dead.
Why didn't Fred say something about it? He didn't know.
He didn't know? No, no, you know how tight Fred is.
Uh, Ethel didn't want that old rooster to know about her nest egg.
Boy, if if what you're saying is right, I certainly owe Fred Mertz an apology.
Yeah, well (door slamming) There it is, Ricardo.
My resignation.
Effective immediately.
Immediately after you pay our transportation back to the States, plus two weeks severance pay.
Now, Fred Fred.
I- I'm afraid I owe you an apology.
I just found out that that money belongs to Ethel.
Ethel who? Ethel Mertz.
My Ethel Mertz? Yes.
Her aunt died and left her the money.
What aunt? A A French aunt that you don't know about.
That's right, Fred.
Do you mean my little honeybun is loaded? Yeah.
Gee, Fred, I'm, I'm I'm sorry I thought you were a crook.
That's all right, Rick, what are friends for? Listen, we'll tear this up, huh? All right.
Fred Fred, uh, don't tell Ethel you know.
Let her tell you in her own way, huh? Yeah, that-that'd be better, Fred.
Sure, sure.
Don't say that we told you.
I know what you mean.
Oh, there you are! It was so hot out, I had to come right back.
I've never seen, uh, uh What are you looking so funny about? Hello, there, you little dickens, you! What's the matter with you? Sweetheart, it just dawned on me what a fascinating creature you are.
The heat's got him.
No, no, no, don't be silly.
It's you, you doll.
Why, when you walked into this room, if we weren't already married, I'd have asked you for a date.
Come on, honey, let's try and go someplace where we can be alone.
Come on, darling, come on.
Let's try and be alone for a minute.
Come on, I'll sit here.
You sit in my lap.
Come on, sweetie pie.
Now, now, put your arm around me.
There.
Fred, are you sure you're all right? I never felt better in my life, lover.
Oh, then you meant all those things you said in there? 'Course I did.
Oh, you are cute.
(phone rings) (laughs giddily) Hello.
Hello.
Ethel, it's me.
Uh, call back later, dear.
Now, where were we? (phone rings) Oh Hello? Ethel, listen to me now.
Ricky's going downstairs.
It's my only chance to talk to you.
Ricky found all that money in your suitcase and thought Fred had been juggling the books, so I told him it was your money.
What'd you do that for? Well, I didn't want him to think Fred was an embezzler and I didn't want him to find out I'd been gambling and you were the only one left.
I ran out of people.
Well, you've run out of friends, too.
That's the dirtiest trick you've ever played on me! I never want to see you again! (phone clicks) Oh, but now Who was that, snookums? Aah, you let me up.
No, now, tootsie I just found out why you're tootsieing me.
It's on account of that money in my suitcase.
Money? That money had nothing to do with my deep devotion for you.
Well, it's a good thing it didn't because it isn't mine, it's Lucy's.
Lucy's?! She won it last night gambling at the casino.
What are you trying to pull? I'm not trying to pull anything.
It was Lucy's half-baked idea.
Ethel, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry! You're sorry? How do you think I feel? Lucy, you and I are through.
Oh, now, Ethel, listen And don't you say anything, you golddigger.
Don't you call me a gold digger, you pauper! Oh, now, Ricky was right.
Ill-gotten gold is nobody's gain.
Look at us, at each other's throats just because of that dirty money.
This dirty old money! Lucy, what are you gonna do? Lucy! Where are you gonna go? I'm going back to the casino and get rid of this ill-gotten gold! (groaning) Now, what's the matter with you? Wiped out twice in one lifetime.
What do you mean? The crash of '29 and now this.
Fred! Hi.
What's the matter? What's going on? What's the matter with Fred? He just found out I'm not Bobo Rockefeller.
What are you talking about? The money in that suitcase isn't mine, it's Lucy's.
Oh.
Lucy's! Yeah, she won it gambling last night at the casino.
I told her not to gamble! Oh, now, put your eyes back in their sockets.
She only gambled by accident.
By accident? Oh, come now, there was almost a million francs in that suitcase.
You can think of a better story than that.
Oh, now, Ricky, it's the truth.
It's the truth.
She found a chip on the floor and she threw it on the table to give it back and it won.
She kept pushing the chips, just kept pushing them away from her and she pushed her way into a fortune.
Oh.
Now, Rick, she kept her promise, honest she did.
We just happened to eat in a restaurant that was in the casino.
You told her she could eat anyplace she wanted to.
Ricky, please don't be angry.
(chuckling) I'm not angry.
You're not? I think it's wonderful.
You do? Gee, Lucy thought you'd be furious.
Of course not, it wasn't her fault.
No, it wasn't.
Not her fault.
No.
Where is she? She's gone to the casino to give back the money! Oh, no! Yeah.
(yells) There, and I never want to see it again.
One moment, madame.
You don't know, you don't know what has happened to me with that money.
I- I put one chip on this table yesterday and-and it and it money like that that I don't Here are your chips, madame.
I do not want the chips, I wash my hands.
Vingt-cinq.
25.
Wait, madame, you have won again.
That is impossible because I did not put my chips on any number.
I know, madame, but you had them on red.
And 25 is red.
Oh, no.
Lucy! Ricky, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.
I didn't mean it Look, look, honey, Ethel explained everything to me, and I think it's wonderful.
You mean I can keep it? Sure.
Where's the money? Right there.
Oh, no! (wailing) (closing orchestral flourish playing) ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: Also seen in tonight's cast were Gordon Clark, John Mylong, Louis Nicoletti and Jacques Villon.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.