I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson (2019) s01e06 Episode Script
We Used to Watch This At My Old Work
1
I want my treasure chest.
I want my treasure chest.
I want it and I'm gonna get it.
Where's my treasure chest?
Come out. I want my treasure chest.
Let me in.
This is where I used to live.
Is anybody in there?
I want my treasure chest. I want it!
Ah, what a perfect day.
- Uh, sweetie?
- Yeah, honey.
The horse you're on has a huge penis.
I'd like to get off now.
I'm not having any fun.
Then we wasted our money.
Sound familiar?
It's a beautiful fall day,
and you're riding with a loved one,
when all of a sudden,
you're made to feel less of a man.
You can't compete with these horse hogs.
And now you don't need to.
Here at Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch,
we guarantee our horses
have a smaller penis than a human man.
Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch ♪
Where the horses are hung like you ♪
Meet Starry Night here.
At first glance,
he appears to be a normal horse.
But you check his undercarriage,
and he's the same size as you and I.
Is it easy to find a horse
with a short peanut like this?
No, it's damn near impossible.
That's why our ancestors
started breeding out the big penis gene
in our horses generations ago.
In fact, this year,
we were excited to welcome
our first five-inch horse penis.
Tragically, he passed early this year.
Killed himself.
Yeah, he jumped off a cliff.
Ha! Is that what they mean
by "hung like a horse"?
- I guess.
- But yours is bigger than that.
- Is it?
- Mm-hm.
Bigger than a horse's?
I like the sound of that.
Thanks, Fenton's.
Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch ♪
Where you're the one that's hung ♪
Live from Hollywood, California,
it's Dan Vega's Mega Money Quiz!
Hi! I'm Dan Vega.
Let's get started.
Our contestants, Paul and Colleen,
will flip a square
from our Mega Money Board,
and it will show a dollar amount.
But, remember, watch out for the Chunky.
Chunky eats your points
and he gets very mad.
Colleen, you're up first.
Pick a square on the board.
Second row, four down from the left.
Five hundred dollars.
This red condiment
can be put on hamburgers.
Ketchup?
Right!
Five hundred dollars on the board for you.
Good job!
Paul, you are up.
Okay, third row, second down.
Okay, let's flip her over.
It's a Chunky!
Uh-oh! You got a Chunky!
Uh-oh, Chunky's here!
He's gobbling up your points.
What are you going to do with
What's the plan?
He's eating your points.
All right.
Okay.
Ow!
Stop! Aargh, he's pulling on my shirt!
Off!
What the hell are you doing, Chunky?
You can't wreck his shirt.
You have to figure out what Chunky does
- before you come out here. Go!
- What the fuck, man? He wrecked my shirt.
Don't swear!
Oh, my God!
What game show have you ever seen
that had swearing in it?
Ach, eesh!
All right, Colleen,
you have control of the board.
Um, third row, third one down.
Three hundred dollars. All right!
Melted or cold, from the cow's udders,
over time, it will grow mold.
Is it cheese?
That's right. It is cheese.
All right, Paul,
you have control of the board.
Fourth row, four down.
Uh-oh!
It's a Chunky!
Oh, frick. What do you
- What's this? You have a bag?
- What the hell? That's my backpack.
You got his bag.
What are you gonna do with it?
Hey, that's my laptop.
Don't touch that. Put that back.
What are you doing with that?
- Hey!
- Don't Put that
- No!
- Chunky!
Tell him to stop!
Don't break his laptop. That's expensive.
Thank you.
- No!
- What did I just say?!
Don't break his fricking laptop!
- You got to pay for that.
- I don't.
- I was just trying
- Well, don't talk!
You can't talk!
Chunky, the mouth on the
Don't come over by me!
Stay over there!
Figure out what you do!
You had all summer to think of it.
Okay, Paul,
you just went.
You have control of the board again.
Third down, fourth row.
- That's a Chunky.
- You didn't even turn it over.
I came up with this game.
I know what all the little things are.
Oh, my God.
What is it?
What are you doing with the bag, Chunky?
- A hat?
- That's my hat.
What is that thing?
- You want to put the hat on him?
- Yeah!
Yeah, okay, let's see what that does.
Stop! Stop.
Ow! What is this?
Fine, I'm wearing my own hat!
We haven't been to the board
in a long time.
Yeah, I know Colleen.
This show is gonna suck.
We just got to figure out, like,
what Chunky's deal is. Like
- Well, don't throw away
- Don't talk!
The mouth on the thing doesn't move!
It looks fake!
Yeah, that's a good idea. Dump it.
Baby, baby, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪
Mmm, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪
I'm sorry, guys. It's gonna be another
ten, fifteen if you can hang tight?
Have you guys seen that YouTube video
of the dancing lady in the clown mask
who falls off the couch?
- So funny.
- It's so funny.
- So funny. Jessie, you'd love it.
- Let's put it on.
Yeah, it's like the second one down.
I mean, she's, like, unconscious.
Seen the one where the weatherman
accidentally draws a penis?
- No. Pull it up.
- You got to pull it up.
- No, I haven't seen that.
- This one?
The second one. Yeah, right there.
And with a cold front moving in
from the northeast, it's going
Shit.
- He, like, had to have gotten fired.
- Have you seen the one with the kid
who puts the glow stick
in the microwave?
The dad is so funny.
- So funny, right?
- He's fucking nuts.
- Reggie, what's your favorite?
- Uh, I don't know what my favorite is.
Well, what's a funny one?
Oh, God, there's like
tons I can think of
that just blow me away.
It's fine if you, like, don't have one.
I have one.
We all have one. I have one.
I just can't remember
exactly how you type it in.
Well, I can search for it.
What happens in it?
It's so funny.
I just can't remember, like
how to search for it.
Well, just let us know
when you remember it.
I just can't remember.
I can't remember how to search it. What
Uh, you know what we have to watch?
We have to watch the guy
with the newscaster on the roller coaster.
Yes, so funny.
- It's so funny.
- So funny.
So funny.
Pull it up.
- It's so funny.
- It's so funny.
It is so good.
- So funny.
- Yes.
It's so funny.
So funny!
Okay, so I talked to Marcus,
and he's gonna take care of catering
for the whole thing.
So we're gonna have hors d'oeuvres,
and then mini pizzas,
shared salads,
and, of course, little cupcakes
with baby Debbie's name written on them.
That's perfect.
Christine is gonna love that.
This is gonna be such a nice baby shower!
Oh, we should do, like,
a little gift bag for everybody.
- That's a great idea.
- How much do we want to spend?
I think maybe around $200 makes sense.
Oh, maybe we could give everybody
little individual bottles of champagne.
Oh, that's a good idea.
People also love those macarons.
You know? So good.
Yeah, what about Stanzo brand fedoras?
What?
Stanzo brand fedoras
in each of the gift bags.
Those Stanzos are nice.
I mean, I don't know about fedoras
for a baby shower, though.
They're nice.
For $200, I could probably get
50 Stanzo brand fedoras.
Yeah, I don't think
we're gonna do the fedoras.
You know what's cute that I saw on Etsy?
Little baby-toed flip-flops.
- Oh!
- Or what about, like, a little candle?
Oh, that's cool.
Or what about
a thousand plastic meatballs?
To put in the gift bags?
Yeah.
They don't go bad or stink or nothing.
For $200, I could probably get
a thousand plastic meatballs.
Maybe we should keep thinking.
Okay.
Oh, I know.
What about, like, one of those
little things with soaps and lotions
- from Bath & Body Works?
- Oh, I like that.
You know what I saw once
I thought was cute?
Tommy guns.
My friends aren't gonna buy
the crap from your mob movie.
What mob movie?
- It fell apart 'cause it fucking sucked.
- Goddamn it.
- You brought it up.
- I didn't.
I didn't even know
you still had that stuff.
Where would it be?
Nobody wants a thousand plastic meatballs!
They don't even look real!
They look like little pieces of shit!
You just said they look real.
To them. I need to unload them.
These are my friends!
They They look They look real.
They don't look like
little pieces of shit.
- We won't do the meatballs.
- You're blowing it.
- We're doing the candles.
- Yeah.
We're gonna do individual
little bottles of champagne.
And then if we have any money left over
Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.
What are you saying?
Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.
Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.
How much money did you put in this?
I thought it was gonna be a hit!
It turns out it fucking sucks!
Maybe we could buy a few fedoras.
It's got
I It's got
You kinda got to buy 'em in bulk,
otherwise it's not worth it for me.
So we have to buy all 50 of them?
It needs to be quality on my end,
otherwise no fucking deal.
Oh, my God, these stink!
They're Stanzos.
They're nice.
Hey! Who took my cigars?
Who took my cigars?
She said she's gonna be
another 15 minutes.
Okay, so what are we watching?
Okay, I just saw this new video.
It's called Wine Stomp Lady.
I saw that.
I don't want to wreck it,
but why is she even up there?
I have one.
Oh, nice, Reggie. What is it?
Have you guys ever seen Bozo Dubbed Over?
Like Bozo the Clown?
Have you seen it? It's hilarious.
No, let's watch it.
Type in "Bozo Dubbed Over,"
and there's spaces
between each of the words.
Is this it?
Yes.
It has one view, and it says
it was uploaded at 6:00 a.m. this morning.
Have you seen it? It's hilarious.
Oh, fuck.
What the fuck?
I'm not even supposed to be here.
I hope I don't jack off.
What is this, Reggie?
I guess it's, like, a viral video
where Bozo dubs over.
Oh, fuck, a clownputer?
Fuck that. Probably got no games.
I hope nobody goes home and fucks my mom.
Hilarious, right?
What the fuck's that?
Like a little circle?
Oh, fuck! I thought this guy's
supposed to be bald!
What is this guy trying to do?
Is this supposed to be
what Bozo's thinking or saying?
What guy? It's Bozo. Bozo did it.
Bozo did what?
Bozo did the dub.
He's doing the dub.
Bozo is, not a guy.
Um, okay.
This guy's about to jack off.
I feel like it makes more sense
that a different guy is dubbing over it.
No, he's saying what he wanted to say
on the show now.
Bozo is. That's Bozo's voice.
This little fucking bike's
a piece of shit.
Reggie, did you make this thing last night
so you'd have a video to show?
No.
I thought Mark was doing better.
Well, last night, Mark fell down
and nearly hit his head on the counter.
His drinking has really gotten
out of control.
It's hard, I know.
But if we're actually his friends,
we have to do this intervention.
I can do Friday.
- That works for me.
- We could do it at my house.
We could do it at my house.
It's the most comfortable, it can
fit everyone. It's the perfect trap.
Plus, it's already like a party house,
so he'll want to go there.
Isn't your house kinda far away?
Yeah, but it's like
a complete party house.
And bring snacks
so it feels like a real party.
Dawn - chips, Pat - pop, and
Jake, why not cook something?
Like a hot dip or something.
A hot dip?
A hot dip or something.
Yeah, bring it to my house.
It's settled then. Friday.
Let's bust the fucker.
Come on in.
Watch your step.
There's a lot of stuff around
'cause it's a big party house, so
Whoa!
- What is this place?
- Take a seat, Mark.
Sorry, bud, no partying tonight.
I'm afraid to say
this is your intervention.
What the fuck?
You're busted, man.
No, I mean
what is happening with your house?
- What the hell is all this stuff?
- Yeah, should we do this somewhere else?
Sit down.
We're not fucking around here.
Right, guys?
That chair reclines, by the way.
The tongue sticks out.
"Mark
you used to be my best friend.
We were like brothers,
going to the movies together,
traveling, playing sports.
To see something be in control of you,
and see you drinking it all away
- All Garfield.
- "Do you know how hard that is for me?
Brother, I love you,
but I can't watch you
do this to yourself anymore.
You need help."
Mark
your drinking has made you
a totally different person.
You've lost your lust for life.
I'll never forget the day that I told you
that I bought Jim Davis' house,
the creator of Garfield.
You just sat there, stared at me
like I didn't just tell you
I bought Jim Davis' house
fully furnished!
And I read the e-mail
that you wrote when you were drunk.
I saw how you said I spent all my money
on the Jim Davis house.
How I wasted all my money
on the Garfield house,
and how it's all I talk about.
But you know what you didn't say?
How it came fully furnished.
"Mark, this is the hardest letter
I've ever had to write.
When you showed up at my house
at two in the morning,
drunk off your ass,
you scared my kids.
I'll never forget"
And I'll never forget
when I woke up at 3 a.m.,
and heard pounding on the door.
It was Jim Davis.
He forgot that he didn't
live here anymore.
He came in, he pushed me around.
He goes, "Hey,
where's the Garfield treasure chest?"
I said, "Dude, back off. I don't know.
I didn't touch a goddamn thing."
Meanwhile, where are you?
Drunk little bitch, you make me sick.
Guys I just looked it up.
Jim Davis never owned this house.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Who lived here?
A guy who tried to kill Jim Davis.
So you're saying I spent, like,
three hours in a Garfield-shaped hot tub
with a murderer?
Oh, my God!
It's the guy who tried to kill Jim Davis!
I'm Garfield.
What is going on?
I hate Mondays.
I hate Mondays.
I hate Mondays.
- Garfield!
- I hate Mondays.
There's a flame, a flame ♪
A big flame in my heart ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
And believe me
When I say it's burning hot ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
It's burning for you ♪
Even though we are through ♪
This big flame, boy, is gonna
Break my heart in two ♪
I want my treasure chest.
I want my treasure chest.
I want it and I'm gonna get it.
Where's my treasure chest?
Come out. I want my treasure chest.
Let me in.
This is where I used to live.
Is anybody in there?
I want my treasure chest. I want it!
Ah, what a perfect day.
- Uh, sweetie?
- Yeah, honey.
The horse you're on has a huge penis.
I'd like to get off now.
I'm not having any fun.
Then we wasted our money.
Sound familiar?
It's a beautiful fall day,
and you're riding with a loved one,
when all of a sudden,
you're made to feel less of a man.
You can't compete with these horse hogs.
And now you don't need to.
Here at Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch,
we guarantee our horses
have a smaller penis than a human man.
Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch ♪
Where the horses are hung like you ♪
Meet Starry Night here.
At first glance,
he appears to be a normal horse.
But you check his undercarriage,
and he's the same size as you and I.
Is it easy to find a horse
with a short peanut like this?
No, it's damn near impossible.
That's why our ancestors
started breeding out the big penis gene
in our horses generations ago.
In fact, this year,
we were excited to welcome
our first five-inch horse penis.
Tragically, he passed early this year.
Killed himself.
Yeah, he jumped off a cliff.
Ha! Is that what they mean
by "hung like a horse"?
- I guess.
- But yours is bigger than that.
- Is it?
- Mm-hm.
Bigger than a horse's?
I like the sound of that.
Thanks, Fenton's.
Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch ♪
Where you're the one that's hung ♪
Live from Hollywood, California,
it's Dan Vega's Mega Money Quiz!
Hi! I'm Dan Vega.
Let's get started.
Our contestants, Paul and Colleen,
will flip a square
from our Mega Money Board,
and it will show a dollar amount.
But, remember, watch out for the Chunky.
Chunky eats your points
and he gets very mad.
Colleen, you're up first.
Pick a square on the board.
Second row, four down from the left.
Five hundred dollars.
This red condiment
can be put on hamburgers.
Ketchup?
Right!
Five hundred dollars on the board for you.
Good job!
Paul, you are up.
Okay, third row, second down.
Okay, let's flip her over.
It's a Chunky!
Uh-oh! You got a Chunky!
Uh-oh, Chunky's here!
He's gobbling up your points.
What are you going to do with
What's the plan?
He's eating your points.
All right.
Okay.
Ow!
Stop! Aargh, he's pulling on my shirt!
Off!
What the hell are you doing, Chunky?
You can't wreck his shirt.
You have to figure out what Chunky does
- before you come out here. Go!
- What the fuck, man? He wrecked my shirt.
Don't swear!
Oh, my God!
What game show have you ever seen
that had swearing in it?
Ach, eesh!
All right, Colleen,
you have control of the board.
Um, third row, third one down.
Three hundred dollars. All right!
Melted or cold, from the cow's udders,
over time, it will grow mold.
Is it cheese?
That's right. It is cheese.
All right, Paul,
you have control of the board.
Fourth row, four down.
Uh-oh!
It's a Chunky!
Oh, frick. What do you
- What's this? You have a bag?
- What the hell? That's my backpack.
You got his bag.
What are you gonna do with it?
Hey, that's my laptop.
Don't touch that. Put that back.
What are you doing with that?
- Hey!
- Don't Put that
- No!
- Chunky!
Tell him to stop!
Don't break his laptop. That's expensive.
Thank you.
- No!
- What did I just say?!
Don't break his fricking laptop!
- You got to pay for that.
- I don't.
- I was just trying
- Well, don't talk!
You can't talk!
Chunky, the mouth on the
Don't come over by me!
Stay over there!
Figure out what you do!
You had all summer to think of it.
Okay, Paul,
you just went.
You have control of the board again.
Third down, fourth row.
- That's a Chunky.
- You didn't even turn it over.
I came up with this game.
I know what all the little things are.
Oh, my God.
What is it?
What are you doing with the bag, Chunky?
- A hat?
- That's my hat.
What is that thing?
- You want to put the hat on him?
- Yeah!
Yeah, okay, let's see what that does.
Stop! Stop.
Ow! What is this?
Fine, I'm wearing my own hat!
We haven't been to the board
in a long time.
Yeah, I know Colleen.
This show is gonna suck.
We just got to figure out, like,
what Chunky's deal is. Like
- Well, don't throw away
- Don't talk!
The mouth on the thing doesn't move!
It looks fake!
Yeah, that's a good idea. Dump it.
Baby, baby, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪
Mmm, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪
I'm sorry, guys. It's gonna be another
ten, fifteen if you can hang tight?
Have you guys seen that YouTube video
of the dancing lady in the clown mask
who falls off the couch?
- So funny.
- It's so funny.
- So funny. Jessie, you'd love it.
- Let's put it on.
Yeah, it's like the second one down.
I mean, she's, like, unconscious.
Seen the one where the weatherman
accidentally draws a penis?
- No. Pull it up.
- You got to pull it up.
- No, I haven't seen that.
- This one?
The second one. Yeah, right there.
And with a cold front moving in
from the northeast, it's going
Shit.
- He, like, had to have gotten fired.
- Have you seen the one with the kid
who puts the glow stick
in the microwave?
The dad is so funny.
- So funny, right?
- He's fucking nuts.
- Reggie, what's your favorite?
- Uh, I don't know what my favorite is.
Well, what's a funny one?
Oh, God, there's like
tons I can think of
that just blow me away.
It's fine if you, like, don't have one.
I have one.
We all have one. I have one.
I just can't remember
exactly how you type it in.
Well, I can search for it.
What happens in it?
It's so funny.
I just can't remember, like
how to search for it.
Well, just let us know
when you remember it.
I just can't remember.
I can't remember how to search it. What
Uh, you know what we have to watch?
We have to watch the guy
with the newscaster on the roller coaster.
Yes, so funny.
- It's so funny.
- So funny.
So funny.
Pull it up.
- It's so funny.
- It's so funny.
It is so good.
- So funny.
- Yes.
It's so funny.
So funny!
Okay, so I talked to Marcus,
and he's gonna take care of catering
for the whole thing.
So we're gonna have hors d'oeuvres,
and then mini pizzas,
shared salads,
and, of course, little cupcakes
with baby Debbie's name written on them.
That's perfect.
Christine is gonna love that.
This is gonna be such a nice baby shower!
Oh, we should do, like,
a little gift bag for everybody.
- That's a great idea.
- How much do we want to spend?
I think maybe around $200 makes sense.
Oh, maybe we could give everybody
little individual bottles of champagne.
Oh, that's a good idea.
People also love those macarons.
You know? So good.
Yeah, what about Stanzo brand fedoras?
What?
Stanzo brand fedoras
in each of the gift bags.
Those Stanzos are nice.
I mean, I don't know about fedoras
for a baby shower, though.
They're nice.
For $200, I could probably get
50 Stanzo brand fedoras.
Yeah, I don't think
we're gonna do the fedoras.
You know what's cute that I saw on Etsy?
Little baby-toed flip-flops.
- Oh!
- Or what about, like, a little candle?
Oh, that's cool.
Or what about
a thousand plastic meatballs?
To put in the gift bags?
Yeah.
They don't go bad or stink or nothing.
For $200, I could probably get
a thousand plastic meatballs.
Maybe we should keep thinking.
Okay.
Oh, I know.
What about, like, one of those
little things with soaps and lotions
- from Bath & Body Works?
- Oh, I like that.
You know what I saw once
I thought was cute?
Tommy guns.
My friends aren't gonna buy
the crap from your mob movie.
What mob movie?
- It fell apart 'cause it fucking sucked.
- Goddamn it.
- You brought it up.
- I didn't.
I didn't even know
you still had that stuff.
Where would it be?
Nobody wants a thousand plastic meatballs!
They don't even look real!
They look like little pieces of shit!
You just said they look real.
To them. I need to unload them.
These are my friends!
They They look They look real.
They don't look like
little pieces of shit.
- We won't do the meatballs.
- You're blowing it.
- We're doing the candles.
- Yeah.
We're gonna do individual
little bottles of champagne.
And then if we have any money left over
Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.
What are you saying?
Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.
Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.
How much money did you put in this?
I thought it was gonna be a hit!
It turns out it fucking sucks!
Maybe we could buy a few fedoras.
It's got
I It's got
You kinda got to buy 'em in bulk,
otherwise it's not worth it for me.
So we have to buy all 50 of them?
It needs to be quality on my end,
otherwise no fucking deal.
Oh, my God, these stink!
They're Stanzos.
They're nice.
Hey! Who took my cigars?
Who took my cigars?
She said she's gonna be
another 15 minutes.
Okay, so what are we watching?
Okay, I just saw this new video.
It's called Wine Stomp Lady.
I saw that.
I don't want to wreck it,
but why is she even up there?
I have one.
Oh, nice, Reggie. What is it?
Have you guys ever seen Bozo Dubbed Over?
Like Bozo the Clown?
Have you seen it? It's hilarious.
No, let's watch it.
Type in "Bozo Dubbed Over,"
and there's spaces
between each of the words.
Is this it?
Yes.
It has one view, and it says
it was uploaded at 6:00 a.m. this morning.
Have you seen it? It's hilarious.
Oh, fuck.
What the fuck?
I'm not even supposed to be here.
I hope I don't jack off.
What is this, Reggie?
I guess it's, like, a viral video
where Bozo dubs over.
Oh, fuck, a clownputer?
Fuck that. Probably got no games.
I hope nobody goes home and fucks my mom.
Hilarious, right?
What the fuck's that?
Like a little circle?
Oh, fuck! I thought this guy's
supposed to be bald!
What is this guy trying to do?
Is this supposed to be
what Bozo's thinking or saying?
What guy? It's Bozo. Bozo did it.
Bozo did what?
Bozo did the dub.
He's doing the dub.
Bozo is, not a guy.
Um, okay.
This guy's about to jack off.
I feel like it makes more sense
that a different guy is dubbing over it.
No, he's saying what he wanted to say
on the show now.
Bozo is. That's Bozo's voice.
This little fucking bike's
a piece of shit.
Reggie, did you make this thing last night
so you'd have a video to show?
No.
I thought Mark was doing better.
Well, last night, Mark fell down
and nearly hit his head on the counter.
His drinking has really gotten
out of control.
It's hard, I know.
But if we're actually his friends,
we have to do this intervention.
I can do Friday.
- That works for me.
- We could do it at my house.
We could do it at my house.
It's the most comfortable, it can
fit everyone. It's the perfect trap.
Plus, it's already like a party house,
so he'll want to go there.
Isn't your house kinda far away?
Yeah, but it's like
a complete party house.
And bring snacks
so it feels like a real party.
Dawn - chips, Pat - pop, and
Jake, why not cook something?
Like a hot dip or something.
A hot dip?
A hot dip or something.
Yeah, bring it to my house.
It's settled then. Friday.
Let's bust the fucker.
Come on in.
Watch your step.
There's a lot of stuff around
'cause it's a big party house, so
Whoa!
- What is this place?
- Take a seat, Mark.
Sorry, bud, no partying tonight.
I'm afraid to say
this is your intervention.
What the fuck?
You're busted, man.
No, I mean
what is happening with your house?
- What the hell is all this stuff?
- Yeah, should we do this somewhere else?
Sit down.
We're not fucking around here.
Right, guys?
That chair reclines, by the way.
The tongue sticks out.
"Mark
you used to be my best friend.
We were like brothers,
going to the movies together,
traveling, playing sports.
To see something be in control of you,
and see you drinking it all away
- All Garfield.
- "Do you know how hard that is for me?
Brother, I love you,
but I can't watch you
do this to yourself anymore.
You need help."
Mark
your drinking has made you
a totally different person.
You've lost your lust for life.
I'll never forget the day that I told you
that I bought Jim Davis' house,
the creator of Garfield.
You just sat there, stared at me
like I didn't just tell you
I bought Jim Davis' house
fully furnished!
And I read the e-mail
that you wrote when you were drunk.
I saw how you said I spent all my money
on the Jim Davis house.
How I wasted all my money
on the Garfield house,
and how it's all I talk about.
But you know what you didn't say?
How it came fully furnished.
"Mark, this is the hardest letter
I've ever had to write.
When you showed up at my house
at two in the morning,
drunk off your ass,
you scared my kids.
I'll never forget"
And I'll never forget
when I woke up at 3 a.m.,
and heard pounding on the door.
It was Jim Davis.
He forgot that he didn't
live here anymore.
He came in, he pushed me around.
He goes, "Hey,
where's the Garfield treasure chest?"
I said, "Dude, back off. I don't know.
I didn't touch a goddamn thing."
Meanwhile, where are you?
Drunk little bitch, you make me sick.
Guys I just looked it up.
Jim Davis never owned this house.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Who lived here?
A guy who tried to kill Jim Davis.
So you're saying I spent, like,
three hours in a Garfield-shaped hot tub
with a murderer?
Oh, my God!
It's the guy who tried to kill Jim Davis!
I'm Garfield.
What is going on?
I hate Mondays.
I hate Mondays.
I hate Mondays.
- Garfield!
- I hate Mondays.
There's a flame, a flame ♪
A big flame in my heart ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
And believe me
When I say it's burning hot ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
It's burning for you ♪
Even though we are through ♪
This big flame, boy, is gonna
Break my heart in two ♪