I'm a Virgo (2023) s01e01 Episode Script
You A Big MuthaF*cka
1
[GENTLE MUSIC]
- [BABY CRIES]
- [HEART MONITOR BEEPS]
- [SOFT PANTING]
- [BABY COOS]
Cootie. [PANTS] That's your name, baby.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [PLAYFUL SOUNDS]
- Cootie!
[MARTISSE GROANS] Oh boy, you are big.
Heart, head, hands, feet.
- [GENTLE MUSIC]
- [PLAYFUL SOUNDS CONTINUE]
[UNINTELLIGIBLE CHILDREN CHATTER]
Here.
I thought you might like that.
- [MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [FLOOR CREAKS]
You know, you a big mother fucker.
All the wear and tear that
you're putting on this house.
I mean just leaning on the
walls, you putting holes in 'em
and I gotta fix this shit myself
'cause I don't want
nobody to see your big ass
because if they see you,
they gonna try to get
- the people and turn you in.
- I'm sorry.
When this paint dry just make
sure you stay on the yellow side.
- [THEME SONG FROM TV]
- [SINGING] Auto Area ♪
These are the parts for
the autos in your area ♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- [FEMALE NEWSCASTER] Heir
to the modern computational
instruments fortune,
successful comic book publisher,
Jay Whittle, sold record
breaking amounts of The Hero,
but by issue number 12, The
Hero would jump off the page
and into the embattled
streets of Oakland.
[THE HERO] Get your
mind right, half wits.
Why do you let him watch this shit?
He doesn't have much, let him have this.
[FEMALE NEWSCASTER] The
Daily is about to find out
just what makes the
enigmatic entrepreneur tick.
I think that people see in colors
and I see in black and white.
I suppose gray is a color,
but even that color
isn't in my color wheel.
It's very simple, really.
People shouldn't have to be afraid.
People shouldn't feel
like they have a gun
- [GUN COCKS]
- pointed at their head all the time.
- [FEMALE NEWSCASTER] Uh-
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
People should feel protected.
The law protects people.
The law leads to order.
And order is how we make
sure that everyone
- is safe.
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Jay?
- [MUSIC BELLOWS]
- [JAY SIGHS]
I really, I hope that you weren't
threatened by that in any way.
- That certainly wasn't my intention.
- [FEMALE NEWSCASTER] No, of course.
[JAY] Let me hold your hand.
[UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER OUTSIDE]
- The world is not ready yet.
- How could you know, Mom?
You never ask a Gemini
how they know things.
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER ON TV]
- [GENTLE MUSIC]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
I feel like I can't breathe in here.
[FEMALE NEWSCASTER] Last
night, the infamous Cocoa Twins
were captured and taken off
the open streets for good.
The two men were connected with
a cigarette stealing crime spree
that lasted about a month.
- You still watching TV?
- It's just the news.
How many hours of
reading have you put in?
I told you, 10 hours of book
reading, three hours of exercise.
One hour of hygiene and
three hours to do what I want.
- I know. I already did my 10.
- You need to get discipline.
Is that your feet, your
butt, or your arms I smell?
[MALE NEWSCASTER] Keep it right here
[FEMALE ADVERTISER] You
want the Bing-Bang Burger
to burger your burger
This wet, juicy
burger deep in your mouth
for premium satisfaction
Get over here now!
You gonna keep on campaigning,
you gonna get elected.
[UNINTELLIGIBLE TV CHATTER]
Come on, let's go. Let's
do this. [GRUNTS] Come on.
[ALL TOGETHER] Heart, head, hands, feet.
As long as I push, there is no defeat.
[PANTING, STRUGGLING]
Get your right shoulder out
Cootie. Stay on the yellow, man.
- Slowly, slowly.
- Only on the yellow, man.
- I need- - Stay on the yellow, man.
- Keep it calm, Martisse.
- [GRUNTING]
- [BOARDS BREAKING]
- [YELPING]
[SOFT SIGH, PANTING]
- [SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
- I have to get out of here.
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
[SOFT SCOFF]
- [MARTISSE] What you think, boy?
- Oh! [CHUCKLING]
Whoa! [PANTING WITH HAPPINESS]
- Ah, ah, shoes.
- Oh.
- You know better than that.
- [COOTIE] Whoa.
Next stop the world.
- [ALL CHUCKLING]
- Not yet.
Not until your 21st birthday.
Why? What, I'll magically
be ready two years from now?
Yeah. Trust us.
Can't trust us, who can you trust?
- What?
- [SOFT CHUCKLING]
A Bing? [SOFT SCOFF] It's not poison?
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
[MOM] It's a version
of a Bing-Bang burger.
Yeah, it's aversion.
You know we ain't gonna bring
that poison in here to you.
You lucky we got your back.
- You ever took my mama to Bing-Bang?
- Who? Her?
- Hell nah.
- You know who I mean.
Look, my little sister
was a beautiful soul.
Okay, I wouldn't give her the poison.
I wouldn't give it to you and I
damn sure wouldn't give it to myself.
Heart, head, hands,
feet. Come on, come on.
[GENTLE VIOLIN MUSIC]
[TOGETHER] Heart, head, hands, feet.
As long as I push, there's no defeat.
[CONTINUES] My discipline is the
structure which makes me complete.
A clear mind shall nourish
and truth is never weak.
I suffer for the day
when all shall gain.
I'll be ready for the world
and ready for the pain.
[VIDEO GAME FIGHTING SOUND EFFECTS]
- Get your mind right, half wits.
- [MAN SCREAMS]
Get your mind right, half wits.
I ain't trying to go to jail but,
this bitch obviously don't
know who she fucking with.
This bitch really don't
know who she fucking with.
[GENTLE MUSIC]
Focus on your key words today.
Control, magnetic, commanding.
From that day forward,
I knew nothing would stop
me from achieving greatness.
From that day forward,
I knew nothing would stop
me from achieving greatness.
[JAUNTY MUSIC]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
[MAN] Psst! Hey!
[MAN] I saw you!
- [KNOCKING ON FENCE]
- I saw you man.
Now I understand why Francine and 'Tisse
brought in this fence and these trees.
Look man, [LAUGHS] my
permit paperwork is so fishy.
Believe me, I'm not
trying to blow your spot up
and have the city coming
around here. You dig?
I can see the old bay from up there.
I've got two and a half outta
five bridges. I'm Lalo, man.
I'm making some tamales
for the block party.
I'll sneak some over if you want.
Tamales?
[CHUCKLING] Best in Oakland.
Yes, please.
It ain't no Bing-Bang Burger
like your old man 'Tisse loves.
Like, like Martisse loves?
Me and him, we used to fuck a
Bing-Bang Burger hardcore style
every other day it seems like.
I figured you must be into it too because you
- [TALKING FADES]
[TENSE MUSIC]
[WHISPERS] Mothafucka
[DRUMMING]
[JAUNTY MUSIC]
- [UPBEAT MUSIC]
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER]
[MOM] I had to move it out of the
way, keep track of your own shit.
[MARTISSE] It's not even out here.
You doing more of your
watching, huh? That's good.
I'm sorry I act ungrateful sometimes.
I know you guys just
want the best for me.
Like how you don't want
me to eat the poison
that these corporations feed people
like Bing-Bang Burger.
I know you wouldn't want me to
eat something that you haven't ate,
so I'm sorry for acting
like a pouty little kid.
Apology accepted.
[LIVELY MUSIC]
- [PARENT] Hey, where you headed?
- [SCAT] We 'finna go to the park.
- Y'all gonna be hanging out all night?
[SCAT] I don't know, maybe.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[MOM] If you can't trust us,
who can you trust? Control.
[LALO] We used to fuck with
Bing-Bang Burger hardcore style.
[OVERLAPPING VOICES ECHO]
[JANE] This bitch obviously
don't know who she fucking with.
- [OWL HOOTS]
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[LEAVES CRINKLE]
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
- [COOTIE] Virgo.
- [MAN] Yo!
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER]
- [LAUGHTER]
- Bro, what the fuck?
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER CONTINUES]
This is the last, bro, stop
buying his cheap shit, bro.
What the fuck is wrong
with you? Nasty as fuck.
- [LAUGHING]
- Almost burned my fucking throat.
- Damn!
- [PEOPLE LAUGHING]
[FELIX] Stop! you're gonna
make me pee on myself!
- I'm just sayin'!
- Just piss in the bushes. Go!
- Baby bladder!
- Shut up!
[LAUGHING]
[SIGHS] Oh, damn. Okay.
[SCOFFS] Hey, yo.
- I'm on some high shit. All right.
- [MUSIC BELLOWS]
What the ?
Oh shit! [YELLS] Hey! Hey!
- Come on!
- [FRIEND] What?
- The bush just ran away!
- [FRIENDS LAUGHING]
It's a damn giant.
[MUSIC CRESCENDOS]
[VIDEO NARRATOR] When your
mom makes dinner and it's-
[BRIGHT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
[SCAT] Let me let my boy Felix tell
his version of the story, you dig?
I saw what I saw. It
was a 13 foot tall nigga
- [LAUGHING]
- with leaves and shit all over, twigs
Hey, hey, we got t-shirts
based off Felix's drawing
of the Twamp Monster.
Twamp Monster.
- Hey link in the bio.
- [FELIX] Link in bio.
- [SCAT] Get yours before they go okay?
- [FELIX] Twamp team, my people soft.
- [HIP HOP MUSIC]
- [MUFFLED TALKING]
[COOTIE EXHALES SHARPLY]
[MUSIC, CHATTER CONTINUES]
- Whoo!
- [LAUGHTER]
She's a rubber. You feel me?
She coming over to me, I'm
like, and so we arguing and shit.
I'm like, look, if
you talking all of that
you must got the wrong
tool in your hand
- [CACKLING]
- what you really wanna hold?
- [ALL LAUGH]
- [COOTIE LAUGHS]
- Hey!
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
I told y'all! Hey, bro! I see you!
- Just come out.
- [JONES] Hey, what's up?
Holy shit. Hey, you wanna hit this?
- Bro! No!
- Chill, chill.
[GENTLE MUSIC]
- [ALL] Whoa!
This shit is saucy. Hey Scat, come here.
- I really thought they grew weed in here.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
- I'm [STUTTERS] I'm Cootie.
Well it's "Kuti" but
you can call me Cootie.
- So, you work at Auto Area?
- Uh, I do, yes.
[SINGS] Auto Area ♪
We sell the parts for
the autos in your area ♪
- Ba da boom ♪
- Ka-pow!
[FELIX AND JONES LAUGH]
Ay bro, honestly, I just work there
so I can get parts to fix up my car.
But it's really like the car is my job
'cause it's really fuck Auto Area.
Yeah. My parents told me
that if you don't get a job
they send you directly to
jail, so that make sense.
You know, as a young black
man if you walk down the street
and the police see that
you don't have a job,
they send you directly to jail.
- I know all about it.
- [KIDS LAUGH]
- Bro, that's not exactly how it is.
- I mean metaphorically
- that's how it goes
- [COOTIE] Well, shit.
[FELIX] Damn!
So, uh, besides when he saw
you, you never been out there?
My mom made me some
tacos. You guys want some?
She made, [STUTTERS]
she made a good amount.
- I'm good, man.
- Okay.
[SCARFING SOUNDS]
- [JONES] Wow.
- Damn, is it good?
Hey yo, I'm just gonna just
ask what we all thinking,
- why you so damn big, bro?
- [FELIX] Facts.
I started to think
maybe my size is a sign.
- Yeah, it says step back bitches.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
- It's a signal to do something important.
- Important like an overdue bill, or?
- Important like The Hero.
- What'd you say your name was again?
- Jones.
- Hey yo, The Hero locked my cousin up
for selling weed without a license bro.
Well why was he doing that?
It was either for shits and giggles
or rent money. I should ask him.
Um
You guys wanna see me
bench press the Caprice?
- [UPBEAT MUSIC]
- [ALL CHEERING, LAUGHING]
[JONES] Yo!
Power is something exercised
that's put into action.
- Foucault.
- Yup.
Power exists only when
it's put into action.
It sounds pretty but useless
for actual organizing.
- Okay. Hey, we gotta cut y'all.
- You have to leave now?
- Just hit the side show with us.
- [SCAT] Yeah.
I don't know. My mother,
she says people get crazy.
Hey brother, the whole hood love you.
They already got your t-shirts on.
For real.
[MOM] The world is not ready yet.
[MARTISSE] I don't want
nobody to see your big ass,
'cause if they see you, they
gonna try to get the people.
[MOM] Gotta wait till
your 21st birthday.
[MAN] From that day forward I knew,
nothing would stop me
from achieving greatness.
Well, I'm a Virgo and
Virgos love adventure.
- Facts!
- [JONES] Let's go!
- We showin' up with a giant!
- [ALL LAUGHING]
["I" BY KENDRICK LAMAR]
This is the word ♪
I done been through a whole lot ♪
Trial, tribulation, but I know God ♪
Satan wanna put me in a bow tie ♪
Pray that the holy water don't go dry ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
As I look around me ♪
So many motherfuckers wanna down me ♪
But enemigo never drown me ♪
In front of a dirty
double-mirror they found me ♪
- [CHEERING, YELLING]
- And I love myself ♪
[COOTIE] I feel small.
I love myself ♪
I love my ♪
Hey, Cootie!
You ever hear six woofers
coming outta the trunk?
Party wanna pull our big pics up ♪
["BIG SUBWOOFER" BY MOUNT WESTMORE,
SNOOP DOGG & ICE CUBE PLAYS]
Big subwoofer bouncin'
like a trampoline ♪
Glass shake when I
roll past the scene ♪
Candy apple paint ♪
Drippin' classic green ♪
[COOTIE] Hold on, hold on I wanna hear.
Everybody eatin',
you can ask the team ♪
Fast and mean, speakers
bumpin', tags is clean ♪
Keep me somethin' to smoke on ♪
Bad bitch to poke on, bass
hittin' like a earthquake ♪
[DISTORTED VOICE] I love this!
Hit the block and roll on ♪
My bitch got ass like two eighteens ♪
Her favorite Too $hort
song is In Those Jeans ♪
On the yellow line.
Stay on the yellow line.
[JONES] Come on, Cootie, we gotta go.
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]
From that day forward,
I knew that nothing would stop
me from achieving greatness.
What? [LAUGHING]
It's a saying, people
say it all the time.
- People don't be talkin' like that bro.
- [LAUGHING]
Gotta help Jones with something.
First, take the wheat paste,
put it on the wall, then
you put the poster up.
And then you go back
over with the wheat paste.
- [COOTIE] Can I help?
- [FELIX] Yes sir.
[HIP HOP CONTINUES SOFTLY]
What the hell? Damn, he
could do the whole block.
He really could do the whole block.
Well my mom tells me that
people get on a FBI list,
- you know when they
- Yo, everybody's on the FBI list anyway.
- Might as well be for good reason.
- Who? You on the FBI list
- You on the FBI list too.
- And you too
- [FELIX] Damn.
- [JONES] Man, the power company
be cutting our shit
whenever just to save money.
[FELIX SMACKS LIPS] Let's go!
- [LIVELY MUSIC]
- [LIVELY CHATTER]
All right, I see you. Aye, que rico!
- [TIRES SQUEELING]
- [CROWD CHEERS]
[CAR RUMBLES]
- [JONES] Yay!
- [CROWD CHEERS]
- [TIRES SQUEAL]
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS]
- [ENGINE REVS]
- [CROWD CHEERS]
- [SCAT] Hold on!
- [SHOES SKID]
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
- [COOTIE] Punch that shit Felix!
- Whooo!
- [MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [CHEERING]
[CROWD CHEERS]
[PANTING WITH JOY] Yeah!
- Y'all ain't got no giant!
- Yeah!
Cootie, leave 'em wanting more.
[CROWD CONTINUES TO CHEER]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[LOUD CHEERING]
- [ALL CHEERING]
- [FELIX] That shit was hard.
- Whoo!
- [FELIX] You feel me!
[ALL LAUGHING]
Hey bro, this car is my life, bro.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure this
nigga's dick got steering fluid.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
- Tonight you made her a legend.
- [FELIX] Hey bro, you a real one.
- I am?
[ALL] Yes!
- Ruh-roh.
- [HELICOPTER FLIES OVERHEAD]
[COOTIE] For reals?
It's him?
Spotlight. You are above
the approved decimal levels.
I'll check your vehicle
registration numbers
and impound these vehicles.
In California, more than three people
gathered together
wearing similar clothes
- can be prosecuted as a gang
- [UPBEAT MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
Get your mind right, half wits.
Turn my music down,
how about this motha
[PLAYS THROUGH PHONE] Fuck the
police, fuck the police, fuck 'em ♪
Fuck the police, fuck
the police, fuck 'em ♪
[DOOR OPENING]
[MARTISSE] What the hell's
wrong with you coming in
Shh! What are you thinking?
- What?
- What do you mean what?
It's a word attempting
to specifically locate
the object of one's inquiry.
- Boy, I wish I was eight foot taller.
- [MOM] Have you been listening to me?
Have I been wasting my breath?
You can't waste or save it
because it comes out either way.
Man, this dude is crazy.
You do not appreciate what we put aside
to keep you safe and to keep you fed
I didn't ask for it
I didn't ask for it!
To become the man that
you are. I gave up
What? Bing-Bang Burgers? Hmm?
Y'all used to eat Bing-Bang Burgers.
[MARTISSE] Yes, I did.
I did eat Bing-Bang
Burgers but I stopped.
- Okay. How about subwoofers then?
- Huh?
You guys always play music
from these tiny little speakers.
So, you basically kept one of
the greatest inventions from me.
It moves through your
body like, like waves.
Okay? And it sings to your bones
and you can feel the ground
and the sky at the same time.
[STUTTERING] As if, as if you,
as if you're the thing that's
keeping it together. You know?
I'm 19 and I heard
bass for the first time.
That's abuse!
You know what, no
one's ever took me away.
Y'all are just paranoid
and y'all are lying to me.
- Take a look at this.
- [COOTIE] No, no.
- [MOM] Come on, sit down.
- Mama.
[MARTISSE] Come on man.
It gives me nightmares
every time, please. Tomorrow.
Sit down.
[MOM] We are not lying about this.
This is how we keep
them just nightmares.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
None of them are related
to me. None of them?
[SOFTLY] No
But there's one just like you
every generation somewhere.
People are always afraid. And
you are a 13 foot tall black man.
They fear you.
They were excited to see
me, Mama. They were excited.
- Come on.
- No, no.
- [MOM] Heart, head, hands, feet.
- No, no, no.
Not tonight. I don't
want to do that tonight.
You know, Cootie, soon people
are gonna try to figure out
how to use you and when
they can't use you no more
They gonna try to get rid of you.
I have one question.
- Did she used to go to Bing-Bang Burger?
- Aw man
Mama tell me, did she eat
- Bing-Bang Burgers?
- Yes.
- [FRIENDS LAUGHING IN CAR]
- [HIP HOP PLAYS FROM CAR]
[JONES] Oh, shit.
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS]
[MALE CROONING THROUGH
SPEAKERS] Is it me ♪
Or is the moonlight shining
brighter than it usually does ♪
[CAMERA SHUTTERS]
Is it me ♪
Or is tonight the most amazing
night that there ever was ♪
Can you see the stars ♪
[MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY]
Next?
Welcome to Bing-Bang Burger.
What can I bop you with?
Um. I'll take seven
Bing-Bang burgers, please.
Your's is ready, big man.
[UNINTELLIGIBLE MURMURING]
[MUSIC CONTINUES SOFTLY]
[COOK] Hey.
- [THUMP]
- Oh
[SOFTLY] What?
- [COOTIE GRUNTS]
- [JONES] Oh!
- [CAR SQUEAKS]
- [ALL] Oh! [LAUGHING]
- Scat.
- Thank you.
- Jones.
- Oh, damn!
- Felix.
- [FELIX] Yessir.
- [FELIX] This right here!
- [JONES] Now you want to do a food van?
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER]
- [STREET NOISE]
- [JONES] This sauce, bro!
- [SCAT] This sauce, bro!
- [JONES] The sauce!
- [SCAT] There's crack in this sauce.
- [JONES] Come on.
- [FELIX SINGS] That Bing-Bang sauce!
- Bing-Bang sauce!
- [JONES] What they put in this?
- [FELIX] I dunno, this shit hits.
- [JONES CHEWING] Always.
- [FELIX] Hit, hit.
- [JONES] Mmm.
What you think? Good, right?
[MOUTH FULL] Mh hm!
[MUFFLED CHUCKLE, GROAN]
[SPITS]
It's actually very disgusting.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
- [JONES] What?
It's really very bad.
[JONES] That's 'cause this
nigga' be eating spinach pies.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
- [MELANCHOLY MUSIC CRESCENDOS]
- [UPBEAT MUSIC]
- [CAR ALARM]
- [LIVELY CLUB MUSIC]
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER]
- [HIP HOP PLAYS]
- I'm outta this world ♪
My name is Furl ♪
- Aye, bruh, you ain't dancin', man?
- [COOTIE] Huh?
[DISTORTED CHATTER]
- What?
- You ain't gon' dance?
Oh! Nah, nah.
- I ain't never danced before, so.
- Well at least like holler
- at some females or something bro.
- It's my first time at a club.
Hey bro, if you don't just down
those shots and get on the dance floor
and holler at some females,
me and you gonna fight.
You messing with me
that's what friends do.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Okay!
I always wondered what having a
friend was, now I know it's like bass
because like the bass
coming out this speaker,
friends can help you feel
the inside of yourself
and the rest of the
world at the same time.
- [MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [CLUB CHATTER CONTINUES]
- Yeah! Hey bruh, that's real as fuck.
- Right?
Yes. All right, look,
I declare us friends.
Well then I want to help you
feel the inside of yourself too.
[FELIX LAUGHS] Hey, you
need another one right?
- Hey, can I get one more for my boy?
- I think I'm drunk.
Good. Just hold it
otherwise you look weird.
- Okay.
- Hey, there go one looking.
You ready? Beautiful!
In the black dress.
Hey, look, look, just don't
let silence happen, okay?
Silence is a killer.
Beautiful, beautiful.
Yes. This is the big man.
Just don't stop talking, okay?
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
- Your dress is really pretty.
- Thanks.
I think you could be in the background
of a music video or something.
Cardi B or Beyoncé or somebody big.
I mean, you pick what
music video you want
to be the background in and
They'll put you in it.
You know, as long as they
don't have enough pretty girls.
But I'm sure you would
show up early though
Because you look punctual.
- Virgos are punctual, I'm a Virgo
- I'm sorry, I don't speak English.
[HIP HOP DANCE SONG PLAYS]
Tell me when to go ♪
[ALL] Go Cootie! Go Cootie!
Tell me when to go ♪
Tell me when to go ♪
Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪
Tell me when to go ♪
Tell me when to go ♪
Tell me when to go ♪
Tell me when to go ♪
Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪
- [MUSIC CUTS OUT]
- [CROWD BOOS]
- [MAN] Man, for real?
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER]
Excuse me!
We were just talking and,
um, we wanna see that dick.
- [GIRLS LAUGH]
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER]
- [JONES] Cootie!
- Felix!
- [FELIX] Yo, what's up?
- What's going on with your boy, man?
Can't say excuse me? I mean,
the nigga knocked me down.
I'm just looking for an "excuse me".
Aw, bro. [CHUCKLES] Hey.
I'm I'm very sorry.
- [CROWD CHATTERING]
- That's socially unacceptable, bro.
Grab ya mans, Felix. I'm not
feeling the love right now, bro.
Just let me know where
you want to feel the love
and I can put it right there.
- You twamp niggas.
- [CROWD LAUGHING]
Act like you forgot what
the cement taste like, homie.
- What the semen tastes like?
- The cement, muthafucka!
You going to taste the cement
you fucking Slim Jim
ass, built-ass nigga.
[LAUGHING]
[YELLING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CROWD YELLING]
- [COOTIE GROANING]
Tall ass Slim Jim
[GRUNTING WHILE PUNCHING]
Grumpy-built ass nigga
[CONTINUES] Mark-ass nigga
He getting scared! He getting tired!
Come on, get off!
[CROWD GROANS]
- [JONES] We told you to get off!
- Bro, he's big, bro!
Get up, bro. Get up, bro. Hey man,
nigga's from Lower Bottoms, bro.
- You got us fucked up.
- [MEN GROAN]
[CROWD GROANS IN UNISON]
[FELIX] You jumped on him,
bro. Like what you thought?
- Take y'all drunk asses home!
- [COOTIE] I'm sorry!
- Good night.
- [FELIX] Wait Bear
- I'm gonna call you bro.
- [SIREN WAILS]
[FEMALE NEWSCASTER] Many
claimed it was a hoax.
There's a giant man in Oakland
with a penchant for sideshows,
- dancing, burgers and brawls.
- [MEN GROAN]
[FEMALE NEWSCASTER]
Police stopped the suspect
known as the Twamp Monster,
after a melee between
him and five other men.
[UNINTELLIGIBLE CROWD CHATTER]
[FEMALE NEWSCASTER] But video
by onlookers shown to police
clearly shows the giant
man acting in self-defense.
- Police are releasing him without arrest.
- Mute.
[AI RESPONDS IN BILL
COSBY VOICE] Muting.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
Measure threat level
of the Twamp Monster.
[AI RESPONDS IN BILL
COSBY VOICE] Measuring now.
[JONES] You're not trying
to get anybody's story.
You have us sitting on the
ground here. Are you serious?
- Fuck.
- We knew it was gonna happen.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
- Just wish it didn't happen so soon.
- He ain't ready, but we are.
When was the last time you checked?
[GENTLE KNOCKING IN PATTERN]
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
We ready.
[DRAMATIC STING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
[GENTLE MUSIC]
- [BABY CRIES]
- [HEART MONITOR BEEPS]
- [SOFT PANTING]
- [BABY COOS]
Cootie. [PANTS] That's your name, baby.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [PLAYFUL SOUNDS]
- Cootie!
[MARTISSE GROANS] Oh boy, you are big.
Heart, head, hands, feet.
- [GENTLE MUSIC]
- [PLAYFUL SOUNDS CONTINUE]
[UNINTELLIGIBLE CHILDREN CHATTER]
Here.
I thought you might like that.
- [MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [FLOOR CREAKS]
You know, you a big mother fucker.
All the wear and tear that
you're putting on this house.
I mean just leaning on the
walls, you putting holes in 'em
and I gotta fix this shit myself
'cause I don't want
nobody to see your big ass
because if they see you,
they gonna try to get
- the people and turn you in.
- I'm sorry.
When this paint dry just make
sure you stay on the yellow side.
- [THEME SONG FROM TV]
- [SINGING] Auto Area ♪
These are the parts for
the autos in your area ♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- [FEMALE NEWSCASTER] Heir
to the modern computational
instruments fortune,
successful comic book publisher,
Jay Whittle, sold record
breaking amounts of The Hero,
but by issue number 12, The
Hero would jump off the page
and into the embattled
streets of Oakland.
[THE HERO] Get your
mind right, half wits.
Why do you let him watch this shit?
He doesn't have much, let him have this.
[FEMALE NEWSCASTER] The
Daily is about to find out
just what makes the
enigmatic entrepreneur tick.
I think that people see in colors
and I see in black and white.
I suppose gray is a color,
but even that color
isn't in my color wheel.
It's very simple, really.
People shouldn't have to be afraid.
People shouldn't feel
like they have a gun
- [GUN COCKS]
- pointed at their head all the time.
- [FEMALE NEWSCASTER] Uh-
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
People should feel protected.
The law protects people.
The law leads to order.
And order is how we make
sure that everyone
- is safe.
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Jay?
- [MUSIC BELLOWS]
- [JAY SIGHS]
I really, I hope that you weren't
threatened by that in any way.
- That certainly wasn't my intention.
- [FEMALE NEWSCASTER] No, of course.
[JAY] Let me hold your hand.
[UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER OUTSIDE]
- The world is not ready yet.
- How could you know, Mom?
You never ask a Gemini
how they know things.
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER ON TV]
- [GENTLE MUSIC]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
I feel like I can't breathe in here.
[FEMALE NEWSCASTER] Last
night, the infamous Cocoa Twins
were captured and taken off
the open streets for good.
The two men were connected with
a cigarette stealing crime spree
that lasted about a month.
- You still watching TV?
- It's just the news.
How many hours of
reading have you put in?
I told you, 10 hours of book
reading, three hours of exercise.
One hour of hygiene and
three hours to do what I want.
- I know. I already did my 10.
- You need to get discipline.
Is that your feet, your
butt, or your arms I smell?
[MALE NEWSCASTER] Keep it right here
[FEMALE ADVERTISER] You
want the Bing-Bang Burger
to burger your burger
This wet, juicy
burger deep in your mouth
for premium satisfaction
Get over here now!
You gonna keep on campaigning,
you gonna get elected.
[UNINTELLIGIBLE TV CHATTER]
Come on, let's go. Let's
do this. [GRUNTS] Come on.
[ALL TOGETHER] Heart, head, hands, feet.
As long as I push, there is no defeat.
[PANTING, STRUGGLING]
Get your right shoulder out
Cootie. Stay on the yellow, man.
- Slowly, slowly.
- Only on the yellow, man.
- I need- - Stay on the yellow, man.
- Keep it calm, Martisse.
- [GRUNTING]
- [BOARDS BREAKING]
- [YELPING]
[SOFT SIGH, PANTING]
- [SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
- I have to get out of here.
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
[SOFT SCOFF]
- [MARTISSE] What you think, boy?
- Oh! [CHUCKLING]
Whoa! [PANTING WITH HAPPINESS]
- Ah, ah, shoes.
- Oh.
- You know better than that.
- [COOTIE] Whoa.
Next stop the world.
- [ALL CHUCKLING]
- Not yet.
Not until your 21st birthday.
Why? What, I'll magically
be ready two years from now?
Yeah. Trust us.
Can't trust us, who can you trust?
- What?
- [SOFT CHUCKLING]
A Bing? [SOFT SCOFF] It's not poison?
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
[MOM] It's a version
of a Bing-Bang burger.
Yeah, it's aversion.
You know we ain't gonna bring
that poison in here to you.
You lucky we got your back.
- You ever took my mama to Bing-Bang?
- Who? Her?
- Hell nah.
- You know who I mean.
Look, my little sister
was a beautiful soul.
Okay, I wouldn't give her the poison.
I wouldn't give it to you and I
damn sure wouldn't give it to myself.
Heart, head, hands,
feet. Come on, come on.
[GENTLE VIOLIN MUSIC]
[TOGETHER] Heart, head, hands, feet.
As long as I push, there's no defeat.
[CONTINUES] My discipline is the
structure which makes me complete.
A clear mind shall nourish
and truth is never weak.
I suffer for the day
when all shall gain.
I'll be ready for the world
and ready for the pain.
[VIDEO GAME FIGHTING SOUND EFFECTS]
- Get your mind right, half wits.
- [MAN SCREAMS]
Get your mind right, half wits.
I ain't trying to go to jail but,
this bitch obviously don't
know who she fucking with.
This bitch really don't
know who she fucking with.
[GENTLE MUSIC]
Focus on your key words today.
Control, magnetic, commanding.
From that day forward,
I knew nothing would stop
me from achieving greatness.
From that day forward,
I knew nothing would stop
me from achieving greatness.
[JAUNTY MUSIC]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
[MAN] Psst! Hey!
[MAN] I saw you!
- [KNOCKING ON FENCE]
- I saw you man.
Now I understand why Francine and 'Tisse
brought in this fence and these trees.
Look man, [LAUGHS] my
permit paperwork is so fishy.
Believe me, I'm not
trying to blow your spot up
and have the city coming
around here. You dig?
I can see the old bay from up there.
I've got two and a half outta
five bridges. I'm Lalo, man.
I'm making some tamales
for the block party.
I'll sneak some over if you want.
Tamales?
[CHUCKLING] Best in Oakland.
Yes, please.
It ain't no Bing-Bang Burger
like your old man 'Tisse loves.
Like, like Martisse loves?
Me and him, we used to fuck a
Bing-Bang Burger hardcore style
every other day it seems like.
I figured you must be into it too because you
- [TALKING FADES]
[TENSE MUSIC]
[WHISPERS] Mothafucka
[DRUMMING]
[JAUNTY MUSIC]
- [UPBEAT MUSIC]
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER]
[MOM] I had to move it out of the
way, keep track of your own shit.
[MARTISSE] It's not even out here.
You doing more of your
watching, huh? That's good.
I'm sorry I act ungrateful sometimes.
I know you guys just
want the best for me.
Like how you don't want
me to eat the poison
that these corporations feed people
like Bing-Bang Burger.
I know you wouldn't want me to
eat something that you haven't ate,
so I'm sorry for acting
like a pouty little kid.
Apology accepted.
[LIVELY MUSIC]
- [PARENT] Hey, where you headed?
- [SCAT] We 'finna go to the park.
- Y'all gonna be hanging out all night?
[SCAT] I don't know, maybe.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[MOM] If you can't trust us,
who can you trust? Control.
[LALO] We used to fuck with
Bing-Bang Burger hardcore style.
[OVERLAPPING VOICES ECHO]
[JANE] This bitch obviously
don't know who she fucking with.
- [OWL HOOTS]
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[LEAVES CRINKLE]
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
- [COOTIE] Virgo.
- [MAN] Yo!
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER]
- [LAUGHTER]
- Bro, what the fuck?
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER CONTINUES]
This is the last, bro, stop
buying his cheap shit, bro.
What the fuck is wrong
with you? Nasty as fuck.
- [LAUGHING]
- Almost burned my fucking throat.
- Damn!
- [PEOPLE LAUGHING]
[FELIX] Stop! you're gonna
make me pee on myself!
- I'm just sayin'!
- Just piss in the bushes. Go!
- Baby bladder!
- Shut up!
[LAUGHING]
[SIGHS] Oh, damn. Okay.
[SCOFFS] Hey, yo.
- I'm on some high shit. All right.
- [MUSIC BELLOWS]
What the ?
Oh shit! [YELLS] Hey! Hey!
- Come on!
- [FRIEND] What?
- The bush just ran away!
- [FRIENDS LAUGHING]
It's a damn giant.
[MUSIC CRESCENDOS]
[VIDEO NARRATOR] When your
mom makes dinner and it's-
[BRIGHT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
[SCAT] Let me let my boy Felix tell
his version of the story, you dig?
I saw what I saw. It
was a 13 foot tall nigga
- [LAUGHING]
- with leaves and shit all over, twigs
Hey, hey, we got t-shirts
based off Felix's drawing
of the Twamp Monster.
Twamp Monster.
- Hey link in the bio.
- [FELIX] Link in bio.
- [SCAT] Get yours before they go okay?
- [FELIX] Twamp team, my people soft.
- [HIP HOP MUSIC]
- [MUFFLED TALKING]
[COOTIE EXHALES SHARPLY]
[MUSIC, CHATTER CONTINUES]
- Whoo!
- [LAUGHTER]
She's a rubber. You feel me?
She coming over to me, I'm
like, and so we arguing and shit.
I'm like, look, if
you talking all of that
you must got the wrong
tool in your hand
- [CACKLING]
- what you really wanna hold?
- [ALL LAUGH]
- [COOTIE LAUGHS]
- Hey!
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
I told y'all! Hey, bro! I see you!
- Just come out.
- [JONES] Hey, what's up?
Holy shit. Hey, you wanna hit this?
- Bro! No!
- Chill, chill.
[GENTLE MUSIC]
- [ALL] Whoa!
This shit is saucy. Hey Scat, come here.
- I really thought they grew weed in here.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
- I'm [STUTTERS] I'm Cootie.
Well it's "Kuti" but
you can call me Cootie.
- So, you work at Auto Area?
- Uh, I do, yes.
[SINGS] Auto Area ♪
We sell the parts for
the autos in your area ♪
- Ba da boom ♪
- Ka-pow!
[FELIX AND JONES LAUGH]
Ay bro, honestly, I just work there
so I can get parts to fix up my car.
But it's really like the car is my job
'cause it's really fuck Auto Area.
Yeah. My parents told me
that if you don't get a job
they send you directly to
jail, so that make sense.
You know, as a young black
man if you walk down the street
and the police see that
you don't have a job,
they send you directly to jail.
- I know all about it.
- [KIDS LAUGH]
- Bro, that's not exactly how it is.
- I mean metaphorically
- that's how it goes
- [COOTIE] Well, shit.
[FELIX] Damn!
So, uh, besides when he saw
you, you never been out there?
My mom made me some
tacos. You guys want some?
She made, [STUTTERS]
she made a good amount.
- I'm good, man.
- Okay.
[SCARFING SOUNDS]
- [JONES] Wow.
- Damn, is it good?
Hey yo, I'm just gonna just
ask what we all thinking,
- why you so damn big, bro?
- [FELIX] Facts.
I started to think
maybe my size is a sign.
- Yeah, it says step back bitches.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
- It's a signal to do something important.
- Important like an overdue bill, or?
- Important like The Hero.
- What'd you say your name was again?
- Jones.
- Hey yo, The Hero locked my cousin up
for selling weed without a license bro.
Well why was he doing that?
It was either for shits and giggles
or rent money. I should ask him.
Um
You guys wanna see me
bench press the Caprice?
- [UPBEAT MUSIC]
- [ALL CHEERING, LAUGHING]
[JONES] Yo!
Power is something exercised
that's put into action.
- Foucault.
- Yup.
Power exists only when
it's put into action.
It sounds pretty but useless
for actual organizing.
- Okay. Hey, we gotta cut y'all.
- You have to leave now?
- Just hit the side show with us.
- [SCAT] Yeah.
I don't know. My mother,
she says people get crazy.
Hey brother, the whole hood love you.
They already got your t-shirts on.
For real.
[MOM] The world is not ready yet.
[MARTISSE] I don't want
nobody to see your big ass,
'cause if they see you, they
gonna try to get the people.
[MOM] Gotta wait till
your 21st birthday.
[MAN] From that day forward I knew,
nothing would stop me
from achieving greatness.
Well, I'm a Virgo and
Virgos love adventure.
- Facts!
- [JONES] Let's go!
- We showin' up with a giant!
- [ALL LAUGHING]
["I" BY KENDRICK LAMAR]
This is the word ♪
I done been through a whole lot ♪
Trial, tribulation, but I know God ♪
Satan wanna put me in a bow tie ♪
Pray that the holy water don't go dry ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
As I look around me ♪
So many motherfuckers wanna down me ♪
But enemigo never drown me ♪
In front of a dirty
double-mirror they found me ♪
- [CHEERING, YELLING]
- And I love myself ♪
[COOTIE] I feel small.
I love myself ♪
I love my ♪
Hey, Cootie!
You ever hear six woofers
coming outta the trunk?
Party wanna pull our big pics up ♪
["BIG SUBWOOFER" BY MOUNT WESTMORE,
SNOOP DOGG & ICE CUBE PLAYS]
Big subwoofer bouncin'
like a trampoline ♪
Glass shake when I
roll past the scene ♪
Candy apple paint ♪
Drippin' classic green ♪
[COOTIE] Hold on, hold on I wanna hear.
Everybody eatin',
you can ask the team ♪
Fast and mean, speakers
bumpin', tags is clean ♪
Keep me somethin' to smoke on ♪
Bad bitch to poke on, bass
hittin' like a earthquake ♪
[DISTORTED VOICE] I love this!
Hit the block and roll on ♪
My bitch got ass like two eighteens ♪
Her favorite Too $hort
song is In Those Jeans ♪
On the yellow line.
Stay on the yellow line.
[JONES] Come on, Cootie, we gotta go.
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]
From that day forward,
I knew that nothing would stop
me from achieving greatness.
What? [LAUGHING]
It's a saying, people
say it all the time.
- People don't be talkin' like that bro.
- [LAUGHING]
Gotta help Jones with something.
First, take the wheat paste,
put it on the wall, then
you put the poster up.
And then you go back
over with the wheat paste.
- [COOTIE] Can I help?
- [FELIX] Yes sir.
[HIP HOP CONTINUES SOFTLY]
What the hell? Damn, he
could do the whole block.
He really could do the whole block.
Well my mom tells me that
people get on a FBI list,
- you know when they
- Yo, everybody's on the FBI list anyway.
- Might as well be for good reason.
- Who? You on the FBI list
- You on the FBI list too.
- And you too
- [FELIX] Damn.
- [JONES] Man, the power company
be cutting our shit
whenever just to save money.
[FELIX SMACKS LIPS] Let's go!
- [LIVELY MUSIC]
- [LIVELY CHATTER]
All right, I see you. Aye, que rico!
- [TIRES SQUEELING]
- [CROWD CHEERS]
[CAR RUMBLES]
- [JONES] Yay!
- [CROWD CHEERS]
- [TIRES SQUEAL]
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS]
- [ENGINE REVS]
- [CROWD CHEERS]
- [SCAT] Hold on!
- [SHOES SKID]
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
- [COOTIE] Punch that shit Felix!
- Whooo!
- [MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [CHEERING]
[CROWD CHEERS]
[PANTING WITH JOY] Yeah!
- Y'all ain't got no giant!
- Yeah!
Cootie, leave 'em wanting more.
[CROWD CONTINUES TO CHEER]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[LOUD CHEERING]
- [ALL CHEERING]
- [FELIX] That shit was hard.
- Whoo!
- [FELIX] You feel me!
[ALL LAUGHING]
Hey bro, this car is my life, bro.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure this
nigga's dick got steering fluid.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
- Tonight you made her a legend.
- [FELIX] Hey bro, you a real one.
- I am?
[ALL] Yes!
- Ruh-roh.
- [HELICOPTER FLIES OVERHEAD]
[COOTIE] For reals?
It's him?
Spotlight. You are above
the approved decimal levels.
I'll check your vehicle
registration numbers
and impound these vehicles.
In California, more than three people
gathered together
wearing similar clothes
- can be prosecuted as a gang
- [UPBEAT MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
Get your mind right, half wits.
Turn my music down,
how about this motha
[PLAYS THROUGH PHONE] Fuck the
police, fuck the police, fuck 'em ♪
Fuck the police, fuck
the police, fuck 'em ♪
[DOOR OPENING]
[MARTISSE] What the hell's
wrong with you coming in
Shh! What are you thinking?
- What?
- What do you mean what?
It's a word attempting
to specifically locate
the object of one's inquiry.
- Boy, I wish I was eight foot taller.
- [MOM] Have you been listening to me?
Have I been wasting my breath?
You can't waste or save it
because it comes out either way.
Man, this dude is crazy.
You do not appreciate what we put aside
to keep you safe and to keep you fed
I didn't ask for it
I didn't ask for it!
To become the man that
you are. I gave up
What? Bing-Bang Burgers? Hmm?
Y'all used to eat Bing-Bang Burgers.
[MARTISSE] Yes, I did.
I did eat Bing-Bang
Burgers but I stopped.
- Okay. How about subwoofers then?
- Huh?
You guys always play music
from these tiny little speakers.
So, you basically kept one of
the greatest inventions from me.
It moves through your
body like, like waves.
Okay? And it sings to your bones
and you can feel the ground
and the sky at the same time.
[STUTTERING] As if, as if you,
as if you're the thing that's
keeping it together. You know?
I'm 19 and I heard
bass for the first time.
That's abuse!
You know what, no
one's ever took me away.
Y'all are just paranoid
and y'all are lying to me.
- Take a look at this.
- [COOTIE] No, no.
- [MOM] Come on, sit down.
- Mama.
[MARTISSE] Come on man.
It gives me nightmares
every time, please. Tomorrow.
Sit down.
[MOM] We are not lying about this.
This is how we keep
them just nightmares.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
None of them are related
to me. None of them?
[SOFTLY] No
But there's one just like you
every generation somewhere.
People are always afraid. And
you are a 13 foot tall black man.
They fear you.
They were excited to see
me, Mama. They were excited.
- Come on.
- No, no.
- [MOM] Heart, head, hands, feet.
- No, no, no.
Not tonight. I don't
want to do that tonight.
You know, Cootie, soon people
are gonna try to figure out
how to use you and when
they can't use you no more
They gonna try to get rid of you.
I have one question.
- Did she used to go to Bing-Bang Burger?
- Aw man
Mama tell me, did she eat
- Bing-Bang Burgers?
- Yes.
- [FRIENDS LAUGHING IN CAR]
- [HIP HOP PLAYS FROM CAR]
[JONES] Oh, shit.
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS]
[MALE CROONING THROUGH
SPEAKERS] Is it me ♪
Or is the moonlight shining
brighter than it usually does ♪
[CAMERA SHUTTERS]
Is it me ♪
Or is tonight the most amazing
night that there ever was ♪
Can you see the stars ♪
[MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY]
Next?
Welcome to Bing-Bang Burger.
What can I bop you with?
Um. I'll take seven
Bing-Bang burgers, please.
Your's is ready, big man.
[UNINTELLIGIBLE MURMURING]
[MUSIC CONTINUES SOFTLY]
[COOK] Hey.
- [THUMP]
- Oh
[SOFTLY] What?
- [COOTIE GRUNTS]
- [JONES] Oh!
- [CAR SQUEAKS]
- [ALL] Oh! [LAUGHING]
- Scat.
- Thank you.
- Jones.
- Oh, damn!
- Felix.
- [FELIX] Yessir.
- [FELIX] This right here!
- [JONES] Now you want to do a food van?
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER]
- [STREET NOISE]
- [JONES] This sauce, bro!
- [SCAT] This sauce, bro!
- [JONES] The sauce!
- [SCAT] There's crack in this sauce.
- [JONES] Come on.
- [FELIX SINGS] That Bing-Bang sauce!
- Bing-Bang sauce!
- [JONES] What they put in this?
- [FELIX] I dunno, this shit hits.
- [JONES CHEWING] Always.
- [FELIX] Hit, hit.
- [JONES] Mmm.
What you think? Good, right?
[MOUTH FULL] Mh hm!
[MUFFLED CHUCKLE, GROAN]
[SPITS]
It's actually very disgusting.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
- [JONES] What?
It's really very bad.
[JONES] That's 'cause this
nigga' be eating spinach pies.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
- [MELANCHOLY MUSIC CRESCENDOS]
- [UPBEAT MUSIC]
- [CAR ALARM]
- [LIVELY CLUB MUSIC]
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER]
- [HIP HOP PLAYS]
- I'm outta this world ♪
My name is Furl ♪
- Aye, bruh, you ain't dancin', man?
- [COOTIE] Huh?
[DISTORTED CHATTER]
- What?
- You ain't gon' dance?
Oh! Nah, nah.
- I ain't never danced before, so.
- Well at least like holler
- at some females or something bro.
- It's my first time at a club.
Hey bro, if you don't just down
those shots and get on the dance floor
and holler at some females,
me and you gonna fight.
You messing with me
that's what friends do.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Okay!
I always wondered what having a
friend was, now I know it's like bass
because like the bass
coming out this speaker,
friends can help you feel
the inside of yourself
and the rest of the
world at the same time.
- [MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [CLUB CHATTER CONTINUES]
- Yeah! Hey bruh, that's real as fuck.
- Right?
Yes. All right, look,
I declare us friends.
Well then I want to help you
feel the inside of yourself too.
[FELIX LAUGHS] Hey, you
need another one right?
- Hey, can I get one more for my boy?
- I think I'm drunk.
Good. Just hold it
otherwise you look weird.
- Okay.
- Hey, there go one looking.
You ready? Beautiful!
In the black dress.
Hey, look, look, just don't
let silence happen, okay?
Silence is a killer.
Beautiful, beautiful.
Yes. This is the big man.
Just don't stop talking, okay?
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
- Your dress is really pretty.
- Thanks.
I think you could be in the background
of a music video or something.
Cardi B or Beyoncé or somebody big.
I mean, you pick what
music video you want
to be the background in and
They'll put you in it.
You know, as long as they
don't have enough pretty girls.
But I'm sure you would
show up early though
Because you look punctual.
- Virgos are punctual, I'm a Virgo
- I'm sorry, I don't speak English.
[HIP HOP DANCE SONG PLAYS]
Tell me when to go ♪
[ALL] Go Cootie! Go Cootie!
Tell me when to go ♪
Tell me when to go ♪
Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪
Tell me when to go ♪
Tell me when to go ♪
Tell me when to go ♪
Tell me when to go ♪
Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪
- [MUSIC CUTS OUT]
- [CROWD BOOS]
- [MAN] Man, for real?
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER]
Excuse me!
We were just talking and,
um, we wanna see that dick.
- [GIRLS LAUGH]
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER]
- [JONES] Cootie!
- Felix!
- [FELIX] Yo, what's up?
- What's going on with your boy, man?
Can't say excuse me? I mean,
the nigga knocked me down.
I'm just looking for an "excuse me".
Aw, bro. [CHUCKLES] Hey.
I'm I'm very sorry.
- [CROWD CHATTERING]
- That's socially unacceptable, bro.
Grab ya mans, Felix. I'm not
feeling the love right now, bro.
Just let me know where
you want to feel the love
and I can put it right there.
- You twamp niggas.
- [CROWD LAUGHING]
Act like you forgot what
the cement taste like, homie.
- What the semen tastes like?
- The cement, muthafucka!
You going to taste the cement
you fucking Slim Jim
ass, built-ass nigga.
[LAUGHING]
[YELLING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CROWD YELLING]
- [COOTIE GROANING]
Tall ass Slim Jim
[GRUNTING WHILE PUNCHING]
Grumpy-built ass nigga
[CONTINUES] Mark-ass nigga
He getting scared! He getting tired!
Come on, get off!
[CROWD GROANS]
- [JONES] We told you to get off!
- Bro, he's big, bro!
Get up, bro. Get up, bro. Hey man,
nigga's from Lower Bottoms, bro.
- You got us fucked up.
- [MEN GROAN]
[CROWD GROANS IN UNISON]
[FELIX] You jumped on him,
bro. Like what you thought?
- Take y'all drunk asses home!
- [COOTIE] I'm sorry!
- Good night.
- [FELIX] Wait Bear
- I'm gonna call you bro.
- [SIREN WAILS]
[FEMALE NEWSCASTER] Many
claimed it was a hoax.
There's a giant man in Oakland
with a penchant for sideshows,
- dancing, burgers and brawls.
- [MEN GROAN]
[FEMALE NEWSCASTER]
Police stopped the suspect
known as the Twamp Monster,
after a melee between
him and five other men.
[UNINTELLIGIBLE CROWD CHATTER]
[FEMALE NEWSCASTER] But video
by onlookers shown to police
clearly shows the giant
man acting in self-defense.
- Police are releasing him without arrest.
- Mute.
[AI RESPONDS IN BILL
COSBY VOICE] Muting.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
Measure threat level
of the Twamp Monster.
[AI RESPONDS IN BILL
COSBY VOICE] Measuring now.
[JONES] You're not trying
to get anybody's story.
You have us sitting on the
ground here. Are you serious?
- Fuck.
- We knew it was gonna happen.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
- Just wish it didn't happen so soon.
- He ain't ready, but we are.
When was the last time you checked?
[GENTLE KNOCKING IN PATTERN]
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
We ready.
[DRAMATIC STING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
♪