Jersey Shore s02e08 Episode Script
All in the Family
[indistinct shouting.]
- STOP! STOP! - ANGELINA IS RESPONSIBLE, AND SHE'S NOWHERE INVOLVED IN THE FIGHT.
- YOU DIDN'T WRITE THE NOTE.
- SHE WROTE IT TOO! - YOU'RE MORE LIKE THE ROB KARDASHIAN OF STATEN ISLAND, YOU UGLY BITCH.
- SHUT UP! YEAH, WHAT, DID YOU GROW BALLS NOW? OH, MY GOD, I WANTED A WHITE ONE.
JOSE IS A GUY THAT I MET AT A CLUB.
- YOU GOTTA LET HIM HIT THAT.
JOSE'S BUYING ANGELINA THINGS - I DON'T WANNA HIT THAT.
- AND HE GETS NO ASS.
WHAT THE--EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW.
- ME AND ANGELINA NEED SOME PRIVACY.
- VINNY'S CUTE.
I'M DOWN FOR IT.
I DON'T CARE.
- SOME SMUSHING GOING ON IN THAT ROOM.
[Get Crazy by LMFAO.]
- DJ PAULY DELVECCHIO! - I'M GOING TO JERSEY SHORE, BITCH! - ALL RIGHT, WE GOT A SITUATION.
- Â GET CRAZY Â - I'M THE SWEETEST BITCH YOU'LL EVER MEET.
- [laughing.]
- AFTER I HAVE SEX WITH A GUY, I WILL RIP THEIR HEADS OFF.
- GO, VINNY! GO, VINNY! - UM, HELLO? - Â IF YOU WANNA HAVE FUN, THEN DO SOMETHING CRAZY Â [rock music.]
  [telephone ringing.]
- Â DON'T THROW IT ALL AWAY Â Â AND THINK YOU'RE SO TOUGH Â Â YOU WERE YOUNGER YESTERDAY Â Â AND NOW YOU'RE ALL GROWN UP Â - HELLO? - HI, THIS IS PAULA, VINNY'S MOM.
- OH, HI.
HOW ARE YOU? - HI, HOW ARE YOU? WHO'S THIS? - GOOD.
- WHO IS THIS? - ANGELINA.
- HI, HONEY.
- HI.
- HI, HOW YOU DOING? - GOOD.
- GOOD? IS VIN AROUND? - UM, LET ME CHECK.
HOLD ON, OKAY? 'CAUSE WE ALL JUST WOKE UP.
- THANKS.
OH, OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON.
- OKAY.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVEN HOOKED UP WITH VINNY.
HE'S NOT MY TYPE.
I WAS DRUNK.
THAT'S ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW, YOU DO STUPID THINGS WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK.
- OH, I HAVE NO IDEA.
I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HIM.
- 'CAUSE I WENT INTO THE ROOM, AND THE COVERS WERE, LIKE, MOVING.
- VINNY, YOUR MOM'S ON THE PHONE.
YOU WANNA TALK TO HER? - VINNY AND ANGELINA.
- WHAT? - YOU HEARD ME.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME? - NOPE.
- ANGELINA IS BEING A WHORE RIGHT NOW.
- BUT YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT FROM ME.
- ANGELINA AND VINNY HATE EACH OTHER IN THE HOUSE.
SHE'S DATING THIS GUY JOSE.
HE BUYS HER EVERYTHING THAT SHE EVER WANTED.
ANGELINA HAS SEX WITH VINNY AND DOESN'T HAVE SEX WITH THE NICE GUY? THAT MAKES NO SENSE, AND THAT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A [bleep.]
WHORE.
YOU'RE A WHORE.
- HELLO? - VINNY, HOLD ON A SECOND.
I GOT A COP RIGHT HERE.
HOLD ON.
[siren wailing.]
- I DON'T KNOW IF THEY SAW ME.
I THINK THEY SAW ME, BUT I DON'T THINK THEY'RE GONNA COME AFTER ME.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
- DOES ANYBODY KNOW IF ANGELINA SMUSHED LAST NIGHT? - I DON'T KNOW.
- [laughs.]
- THAT MEANS YES.
- NO, I'M NOT SAYING THAT.
- YES.
- I'M NOT SAYING THAT.
- WOW.
- SHE DID.
ASK HER.
- YOU'RE A [bleep.]
HYPOCRITE.
- NO, I WAS-- - YOU WERE TALKING [bleep.]
ABOUT HIM IN THE DAYTIME.
YOU WERE TALKING [bleep.]
ABOUT HIM-- YOU WERE TELLING ME THAT HE'S A SCUMBAG, AND YOU CAN'T WAIT TILL HE COMES TO STATEN ISLAND TO GET HIS ASS BEATEN UP.
- I DID.
- AND A LOSER.
- I DID.
- AND THEN YOU [bleep.]
HIM.
- NO, I'M NOT SAYING THAT.
- YOU EXCITED TO SEE ME? - YEAH.
I AM ECSTATIC ABOUT MY MOM COMING TO VISIT ME IN MIAMI.
SHE'LL COME HERE.
SHE'LL CLEAN THE HOUSE.
SHE'LL BRING PEOPLE WHATEVER THEY WANT.
YOU KNOW, SHE PUTS EVERYONE BEFORE HERSELF.
THEY DON'T MAKE WOMEN LIKE MY MOTHER ANYMORE.
- YOU HAVE PROVEN AN EQUATION THAT PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO SOLVE FOR [bleep.]
HUNDREDS OF YEARS-- THAT WHEN YOU ARE NICE TO A GIRL AND YOU TAKE HER ON FOUR DATES, YOU SNUGGLE WITH THE GIRL, YOU BUY HER GIFTS-- - SHE DON'T LIKE YOU.
SHE WILL NOT CALL YOU.
- SHE WILL NOT CALL YOU.
SHE WILL PLAY YOU THE [bleep.]
OUT, AND THEN SHE WILL [bleep.]
SOMEBODY THREE DAYS LATER, WHEN SHE'S DRUNK, WITH SOMEBODY THAT SHE HATES.
- DO WE HAVE ANY RED CUPS? - MM-MM.
- I THINK THAT'S THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES.
WE HEARD YOU LIKE TO VISIT THE STATEN ISLAND DUMP THIS TIME OF YEAR.
IS IT TRUE? - YES, IT IS-- THIS TIME OF YEAR.
- OH! [laughing.]
- THAT IT IS.
- YEAH.
IT'S CALLED WHEN A GUY IS A [bleep.]
TO YOU - YOU AUTOMATICALLY WIN.
- HE OWNS YOU.
- ANGELINA HAS PROVEN THE HO EQUATION.
YOU HAD A ROMANTIC TWO WEEKS WITH JOSE, WHO WE ACTUALLY LIKE THE KID, AND THEN - GUYS ARE ALLOWED TO DO IT, BUT GIRLS AREN'T? COME ON.
- YOU GO AND SMASH THE GUY YOU HATE A DAY LATER.
- YOU HAD SEX WITH VINNY LAST NIGHT? - I'M SINGLE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? - YOU ARE SINGLE, SO-- BUT-- - I THOUGHT YOU CONSIDERED YOU WERE DATING JOSE.
- YOU WERE GONNA BUY THE KID A BIRTHDAY GIFT.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I BANGED MY [bleep.]
ROOMMATE.
" - OH! - [bleep.]
.
- [bleep.]
BIRTHDAY PRESENT, ANGELINA.
- NICE BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
- REMIND ME NOT TO GET YOU SOMETHING.
- WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT VINNY AND ANGELINA HAD SEX, NORMALLY I WOULDN'T CARE.
BUT SHE HAS TALKED MAD [bleep.]
ABOUT HIM HARD, AND THEN, UH, TO TOP IT ALL OFF - THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME, BABY.
- SHE'S DATING JOSE.
- HOW YOU DOING, MAN? - GOOD.
- AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA GO BANG THE KID YOU HATE.
- I [bleep.]
HATE HIM.
- WHY? - HE'S A JERK-OFF.
- YOU'RE A-- YOU'RE A HYPOCRITICAL WHORE.
DID YOU LET JOSE KNOW ABOUT THIS SITUATION? THIS IS-- - I DIDN'T SPEAK TO HIM.
- I THINK YOU SHOULD CALL HIM RIGHT NOW AND TELL HIM BEFORE HE BUYS YOU ANOTHER FOSSIL WATCH.
- CAN I CALL? I LIKE JOSE.
[electronic music.]
  - GELATO! - OW! - THE GUIDOS ARE HERE! I DON'T REALLY LIKE WORKING AT THE GELATO SHOP, BUT I KILL IT.
- ALL THESE CALORIES? I'MA HAVE TO GO TO THE GYM.
- WE CAN DO CARDIO AT MY PLACE.
I KNOW HOW TO TALK TO THE CUSTOMERS, I CAN BRING THEM IN.
- HI.
- ARE YOU TRYING TO HIT ON ME? - [laughing.]
- 'CAUSE IT'S WORKING.
WE GET TONS OF NUMBERS AT THE GELATO SHOP.
I GOT, LIKE, A LITTLE JAR.
I JUST PUT THE NUMBERS IN THERE.
IT'S LIKE A TIP JAR.
YEAH.
I GOT THEIR NUMBER.
- OH, MY GOD.
IS THAT MY UNCLE NINO? HOLY [bleep.]
.
- OH-HO-HO! - HEY.
- HEY, VINNY! - I KNEW MY MOM WAS COMING DOWN.
I KNEW MY COUSINS WERE COMING DOWN.
I KNEW EVERYONE WAS COMING DOWN, BUT THEY SURPRISED ME BY GETTING MY UNCLE NINO.
YOU KNOW, I JUST SEE MY FAMILY IN MIAMI--IT'S JUST AMAZING.
PLUS, I HAVEN'T SEEN MY MOTHER IN A MONTH.
ITALIAN MOTHERS TAKE CARE OF THEIR SONS.
I'M THE ONLY SON, AND SHE LOVES ME, AND I LOVE HER BACK.
FOR MY MOM.
- WHEN PAULY TOLD ME THAT VINNY AND ANGELINA HAD SEX, I WANTED TO ACTUALLY VOMIT, BECAUSE I ACTUALLY HOOKED UP WITH THE KID, AND NOW HE'S HOOKING UP WITH ANGELINA.
LIKE, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
I CAN'T STAND ANGELINA'S DIRTY LOOKS TO ME.
WHY DOESN'T SHE LIKE ME EVER? - OH, SHE COMES UP TO ME TODAY, AND SHE'S LIKE, "IS SNOOKI MAD AT ME THAT I SLEPT WITH VINNY?" I GO, "NO.
" I GO, "WHY WOULD SHE BE?" - OBVIOUSLY, THAT WAS HER INTENTION.
- YEAH.
SHE-- - I DON'T GIVE A [bleep.]
.
YOU HAD MY SLOPPY SECONDS.
GOOD FOR YOU.
AND, OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE A LOOSEY GOOSE, BECAUSE HE GOT IT IN.
- IT'LL DEFINITELY BE HYSTERICAL FOR, LIKE, JOSE TO REALLY KNOW THE TRUTH, BECAUSE ANGELINA HAS PLAYED BOTH SIDES OF THE HOUSE SO LONG THAT, YOU KNOW, SHE NEEDS SOME [bleep.]
TO HAPPEN TO HER.
I'D LOVE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL JOSE.
- YOU WILL.
- I KNOW.
- HALLELUJAH.
- UNCLE NINO IS AN O.
G.
, AN ORIGINAL GUIDO.
[all cheering.]
- THAT LOOKS LIKE A REALLY CREEPY SCENE RIGHT NOW.
- I'M HERE TO JUST LET LOOSE.
IF THAT MEANS HOOKING UP WITH ONE OF MY ROOMMATES OR A GUY I MEET AT A CLUB CHEERS.
THEN IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
[hip-hop music.]
  - HELLO.
- HI.
STUFFED PEPPERS.
THIS IS THE OLIVES.
THIS IS ALL BROCCOLI RABE MORE STUFFED PEPPERS.
- VINNY, YOU ARE LUCKY TO HAVE A MOTHER LIKE THIS.
- ARE YOU READY? CLOSE YOUR EYES.
- OH, MY GOD.
- THIS IS HIS FAVORITE CAKE, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? IT ACTUALLY HELD UP PRETTY GOOD.
- VINNY'S MOM BEING AROUND DEFINITELY GIVES YOU THAT HOME FEELING.
SHE BRINGS, LIKE, ONE PIECE OF CLOTHING FOR HERSELF FOR A WEEK.
MEANWHILE, SHE'S BRINGING VINNY T-SHIRTS, WATER, SAUSAGE.
I KNOW SHE'S GONNA MAKE A SICK THREE-COURSE SPREAD.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT.
- THIS IS MY FRIEND JOSE.
- NICE TO MEET YOU - VINNY'S MOM.
- THAT'S OKAY.
HOW'S EVERYTHING? - HI, HONEY.
- ANGELINA SLEPT WITH VINNY LAST NIGHT, AND WHEN I WALK OUT INTO THE KITCHEN, THERE'S JOSE.
I JUST WAS LIKE, "WHAT THE [bleep.]
IS THIS KID DOING HERE?" - YOU HAVE A GOOD SON.
YOU DID A GOOD JOB.
- THANK YOU, HONEY.
THANK YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, BROTHER.
- THANK YOU, JOSE.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
- "HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I BANGED MY [bleep.]
ROOMMATE.
" - OH! - I APPRECIATE THAT.
- TRY TO COME FOR DINNER LATER.
- IN THE BACK OF MY MIND, I'M LIKE, "SHE DID NOT TELL HIM YET.
" THE GUY HAS TAKEN HER ON A NUMBER OF DATES, AND YOU'RE GONNA DISRESPECT SOMEBODY LIKE THAT AND BANG SOMEBODY ONE DAY LATER? THIS IS NOT RIGHT, YOU KNOW? LIKE, YOU'RE GETTING PLAYED OUT.
I THINK SHE SHOULD MAN UP AND TELL JOSE.
HE SHOULD KNOW THIS.
- I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO.
- TAKE THE PROSCIUTTO OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR.
- OKAY.
- AND DICE IT UP.
- OKAY.
- YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD DO? - WHAT? BREAD THE CHICKEN CUTLETS.
- OH, OH, MY BUDDY.
- HEY, HOW YOU DOING? FORGET ABOUT IT.
- I KNOW NINO'S HERE.
- HOW YOU DOING? HAVING ALL THESE CRAZY ITALIANS IN ONE HOUSE TOGETHER FOR, LIKE--IT FEELS LIKE SUNDAY DINNER TO ME.
- 9:00 A.
M.
? - HOW'S MY SISTER? - AND I HAVE THE OVEN ON-- - I HAVE THIS HOT SPANISH ONE TOMORROW.
BUT SHE'S HOT ENOUGH TO TAKE ON A DATE.
- ANGELINA? - YES? - THE BREAD CRUMBS.
- IT'S JUST A LOT OF PEOPLE YELLING AND TALKING WITH THEIR HANDS.
IF YOU'RE NOT USED TO IT, IT COULD BE A LOT TO HANDLE.
WHERE'S THE CANE? CAN I USE THE CANE? - IT'S LIKE A BROAD-- YOU COULD BORROW IT.
YOU GOTTA BRING IT BACK, EH? - UNCLE NINO IS AN O.
G.
, AN ORIGINAL GUIDO.
- LOOK AT THAT COLOR, HUH? WITH HER SKIN COLOR MY! DELIZIOSO.
[laughter.]
- DELIZIOSO.
SCARY DELICIOUS.
- YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND MY UNCLE NINO WHEN HE TALKS, BUT, YOU KNOW, FIVE SECONDS LATER, YOU CATCH, LIKE, THE LAST TWO WORDS OF WHAT HE'S SAYING, AND THEN LIKE IT ALL SINKS IN.
- HE SAYS, "WHERE YOU GOING?" I SAID, "OH, GET IN THE CAB.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
GO AROUND THE CORNER.
" - [imitating Nino muttering.]
- OH, MIKEY SANITATION! - [imitating Nino.]
HEY, SANITATION, SANITATION.
- OH! MY, LOOK, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.
- [imitating Nino.]
RONNIE, RONNIE, LISTEN, RONNIE, RONNIE.
- HE SAYS, "YOU STILL NEED THE CAR?" "I DON'T NEED THE [bleep.]
! KEEP THE [bleep.]
CAR.
" - I'M LIKE, "WHAT THE [bleep.]
, UNCLE NINO?" [bleep.]
.
- LET'S MAKE A TOAST TO MY NEW FAMILY.
TO KNOCK-OUT RONNIE, PAULY SPIKE, MIKE SANITATION [laughter.]
- SAMMI, ANGELINA - MY SNOOKI - THANK YOU.
- AND MY J-LO.
[laughter.]
GOOD LUCK.
all: SALUTE.
- MWAH! MWAH! - I AM EXTREMELY EXCITED FOR A HOME-COOKED MEAL FROM VINNY'S MOM AND JUST TO HAVE FAMILY SURROUNDING ME.
- WE HAD THAT MEAL IN COURSES.
IT STARTED OFF WITH THE PASTA.
- DOES ANYBODY NEED ANYTHING ELSE? - OH, MY GOD.
- THAT WAS A MEAL ON ITS OWN.
- AND, THEN, YOU KNOW, YOU TAKE A BREAK.
YOU DIGEST THE PASTA.
- YOU RELAX, YOU KNOW, LET IT SEEP IN WHILE MY MOM IS PREPARING THE NEXT COURSE.
- ROUND TWO.
- THAT WAS WHEN WE HAD THE SAUSAGE AND PEPPERS.
- MOUNDS OF CUTLETS.
- THE ANTIPASTO.
- THEN YOUR MEATS.
- THEN THE BROCCOLI RABE.
- YOU JUST KEEP GETTING COURSE AFTER COURSE AFTER COURSE.
- OLIVES, RED PEPPERS, THE BREAD, THE DRY SAUSAGE.
OH, MY GOD.
- THEN YOU TAKE A BREAK.
- YOU KNOW, AND THEN THERE'S DESSERT.
AND WE GOT MILK, AND WE GOT YODELS.
THAT'S THE WAY ITALIANS COOK.
- [sighs.]
[wolf howling.]
- [grunts.]
HALLELUJAH! OH! [bleep.]
.
DAMN! [laughing.]
OH, MY.
- [laughing.]
- JWOWW INVITES MY UNCLE NINO IN THE HOT TUB.
AND JWOWW HASN'T EVEN BEEN IN THE HOT TUB SINCE SHE'S BEEN HERE.
MY UNCLE NINO DOESN'T REALLY HAVE THE HIGHEST STANDARDS IN THE WORLD, SO THESE GIRLS ARE LOOKING LIKE SUPERMODELS TO HIM RIGHT NOW.
[all cheering.]
- THAT LOOKS LIKE A REALLY CREEPY SCENE RIGHT NOW.
- AAH! [all cheering.]
- PARADISE-- I'M IN HEAVEN.
I'M IN HEAVEN.
I WENT TO THE DOCTOR.
HE TOLD ME, "YOU GOT TO STOP DRINKING, STOP DOING DRUGS, STOP HAVING SEX.
" KNOW WHAT I DID? I SWITCHED [bleep.]
DOCTORS.
[laughter.]
all: OH! - ANGELINA GETS THE VOLLEYBALL AND, LIKE, SMACKS IT IN MY FACE.
AT THIS POINT, I WANNA [bleep.]
THROW MY GLASS AT HER FACE, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO START A FIGHT IN FRONT OF THE FAMILY.
YOU [bleep.]
THREW THE BALL AT ME.
- WHO GIVES A [bleep.]
? WHO GIVES A [bleep.]
? IT'S A [bleep.]
VOLLEYBALL GAME! all: OH! WHOA! - I REALLY JUST WANT THE FAMILY TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW, SO I CAN KILL HER.
- IT'S NOT MY [bleep.]
PROBLEM.
SHE THINKS SHE'S, LIKE, A BIG SHOT RIGHT NOW-- PUTTING ON A SHOW FOR EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE LIKE SHE'S SOME KIND OF TOUGH BITCH ALL OF A SUDDEN.
- VINNY WAS TRYING TO ROB MY LITTLE CHICK, BUT GUESS WHAT.
SHE'S HOOKING UP WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
- IF HE COMES OUT, CAN YOU PLEASE NOT SAY ANYTHING? - WHAT, THAT YOU BANGED [bleep.]
VINNY? - IF ANYBODY WOULD TELL JOSE SOMETHING, IT WOULD BE MIKE.
THAT'S [bleep.]
UP.
- ANGELINA GETS THE VOLLEYBALL AND, LIKE, SMACKS IT IN MY FACE.
YOU [bleep.]
THREW THE BALL AT ME.
- WHO GIVES A [bleep.]
? - SNOOKS IS LOOKING TO GET ANGELINA, AND I'M WAITING TO SEE IT, YOU KNOW? - MWAH! - THANKS FOR COMING.
- YOU'RE MY-- YOU'RE MY LOVE, OKAY? - BYE.
I LOVE YOU.
- MY HEART, MY BLOOD, MY LOVE.
- THANK YOU.
- I LOVE YOU.
- THANK YOU.
- BE CAREFUL.
MAKE SURE YOU DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO WITH THESE YOUNG LADIES.
DO AS MANY AS YOU CAN.
DON'T FORGET.
- SEE YOU TOMORROW, VINNY.
- DO A COUPLE EXTRA ONES FOR YOUR UNCLE NINO.
- IF MY MOM WASN'T THERE WHEN ANGELINA THREW THE BALL AT SNOOKI'S FACE, THEN IT DEFINITELY WOULD HAVE ESCALATED.
- SEE YOU, VIN.
- BYE.
I LOVE YOU.
I'M HAPPY THAT SHE CAME.
WE HAD A GOOD NIGHT.
BUT I THINK IT'S TIME TO SAY MY GOOD-BYES.
BYE.
- DO I LOOK CHUNKY IN THIS? - NO.
- [yawns.]
OH, GOD.
[line ringing.]
- AM I GONNA SEE JOSE TONIGHT? [humming.]
- HELLO? - HEY.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING, LOVE? - I BASICALLY CALLED JOSE TO TELL HIM, "I CAN'T MEET UP WITH YOU TONIGHT, BECAUSE" I JUST FEEL LIKE MIKE IS JUST A [bleep.]
LITTLE RAT, YOU KNOW, SO I'M WATCHING OUT FOR MYSELF.
I CAN'T GO OUT WITH YOU TONIGHT.
- YOU CAN'T? - NOPE.
- OKAY, WELL OKAY, HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, ALL RIGHT? - GOOD NIGHT.
BYE.
- COME ON, SNOOKI MY LOVE.
- [belches.]
[dance music.]
- Â UH-HUH, YOU GOING HOME WITH ME Â Â UH-HUH, YOU GOING HOME WITH ME Â Â UH-HUH, YOU GOING HOME WITH ME Â Â UH-HUH, YOU GOING HOME WITH ME Â Â CAN'T WAIT TO GET YOU IN MY BED Â Â CAN'T WAIT TO GET YOU IN MY BED Â Â CAN'T WAIT TO GET YOU IN MY BED Â Â CAN'T WAIT TO GET YOU IN MY BED Â Â MAMI, IT'S LAST CALL Â - YOU NEVER WANNA HAVE NO CHICKS, SO THE BEST THING TO DO IS LINE UP A BUNCH OF CHICKS.
SO WE HAVE TWO GIRLS ON THE BURNER.
MY GIRL, THE BRUNETTE, IS SMOKING.
SHE HAS, LIKE, AN UNBELIEVABLE ASS THAT, LIKE, YOU READ ABOUT, NICE BOOBIES AND SHE'S INTO ME.
SHE'S FEELING ME.
THIS GIRL IS DTF.
I'M TAKING THIS GIRL BACK TO THE HOUSE, NO QUESTION.
- I WAS DATING JOSE, BUT I MET THIS REALLY HOT CUBAN GUY, ALEX.
I'M HERE TO JUST LET LOOSE, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? IF THAT MEANS HOOKING UP WITH ONE OF MY ROOMMATES OR A GUY I MEET AT A CLUB, THEN IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
- I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT? VINNY WAS TRYING TO ROB MY LITTLE CHICK.
I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA TEACH HIM A LESSON RIGHT NOW.
THIS CHICK IS SUPPOSED TO BE HOOKING UP WITH YOU RIGHT NOW, BUT GUESS WHAT.
SHE'S HOOKING UP WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
AND I'M TAKING HER HOME TONIGHT.
- HELLO? - HI.
- HI.
- I JUST SPENT AN HOUR WAITING TO GET HOME.
- HOW COME? - 'CAUSE PEOPLE BROUGHT PEOPLE BACK.
BUT THAT'S NOT THE CASE RIGHT NOW.
THE CASE IS, I'M GONNA COOK SOME MEAT-A-BALLS AND GO TO BED.
- ANGELINA DOES NOT DESERVE JOSE, JUST BECAUSE HE'S A NICE KID, AND SHE'S A WHORE.
HE SHOULD HAVE FOUND ME FIRST, 'CAUSE I WOULDN'T SCREW HIM OVER LIKE THAT.
- CHEERS! - IT'S ON.
IT'S ON.
THIS IS MY BED.
THIS IS PAULY'S BED.
- OH, WOW.
YOU GUYS PROBABLY GET LAID SO MUCH, WITH YOUR, LIKE, LITTLE TRIPLE BEDS.
- WE GOT BACK TO THE HOUSE.
PAULY'S CHICK IS IN HIS BED.
MY CHICK IS IN MY BED.
MY CHICK HAS GOT MY SWEATPANTS ON.
PAULY'S CHICK HAS GOT HIS SWEATPANTS ON.
AND WE ABOUT TO GET TO THE BUSINESS.
- SUPER SEXY.
- HOLD ON TO THAT.
- JUST HANDCUFF ME TO THE BED.
- [laughing.]
- OH, MY GOD.
- SITUATION BEING SO AGGRESSIVE, IT BLEW UP IN HIS FACE.
- HAVE FUN PLAYING WITH YOURSELVES.
- WHAT? - I SEE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL I'VE SEEN IN MIAMI.
- I WANNA TAKE YOU OUT.
VINNY'S GONNA TAKE THAT GIRL TOO--THE ONE HE'S IN LOVE WITH.
WE GOT A DATE WITH TWO OF THE RAREST ROSES.
- TWO OF THE RAREST ROSES.
- VINNY WAS TRYING TO ROB MY LITTLE CHICK, BUT GUESS WHAT.
SHE'S HOOKING UP WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
AND WE ABOUT TO GET TO THE BUSINESS.
- OOH, GAG ME.
- OH, MY GOD.
ALL RIGHT, WE WANT A PORNO.
- [laughing.]
- SITUATION-- HIS STYLE IS, LIKE, SUPER OBNOXIOUSLY AGGRESSIVE.
- OH, MY GOD.
- SOMETIMES THAT WORKS OUT.
SOMETIMES IT DOESN'T.
IN THIS CASE, I USED THAT TO MY ADVANTAGE.
AND I DO, LIKE, THE SWEET, SMOOTH, COOL NICE-GUY STUFF FOR MY GIRL.
- [laughing.]
- AFTER ALL THIS-- "I FEEL BAD.
I GOT A BOYFRIEND.
" WHAT? YOU SHOULD HAVE FELT BAD AT THE CLUB WHEN I WAS GRABBING UP ON YOUR ASS.
WHAT THE-- WHAT THE [bleep.]
? DUDE-- - I WAS GONNA GET IT IN.
- I KNOW YOU WAS, BUT YOU COULD-- YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME THE HEADS-UP SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND.
I MEAN, I WAS STILL GETTING IT IN ALL NIGHT.
- THEY BOTH DO.
- OH, THEY BOTH DO? - SITUATION BEING SO AGGRESSIVE, IT TOTALLY BLEW UP IN, UH-- IN OUR FACE, AND WE BOTH DIDN'T BENEFIT FROM IT.
- BYE, VINNY.
HAVE FUN PLAYING WITH YOURSELVES.
- I HATE TO-- I HATE TO S-- - I HATE TO SEE YOU GO, BUT I LOVE TO WATCH YOU LEAVE.
- OH, [bleep.]
.
- YOU AND THAT ASS-- I WOULD'VE TAPPED THAT TILL YOU SLEEP.
- I GOT A LOT OF NUMBERS, THOUGH.
I'M GONNA HAVE THIS GIRL COME RIGHT NOW, I THINK.
- BRO, IT'S, LIKE, 6:00 IN THE MORNING.
IT'S GONNA BE PRETTY-- IT'S GONNA BE PRETTY HARD FOR SOMEBODY TO ROLL UP RIGHT NOW.
- [bleep.]
THAT, YOU KNOW? I'M CALLING HER RIGHT NOW.
- WE'RE UP, AND WE STILL WANNA GO.
SO PAULY'S LIKE, "YO, LET'S GET TO THE PHONES.
" - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR CHICK BOUNCED.
DID YOU TRY TO PUT IT IN HER [bleep.]
OR SOMETHING? - DUDE, I-- - WHY DID SHE LEAVE? - DUDE, I-- [dial tone, numbers dialing.]
[line ringing.]
- YOUR CALL HAS BEEN FORWARDED-- YOUR CALL HAS BEEN FORWARDED-- [numbers dialing, line ringing.]
YOUR CALL HAS BEEN FORWARDED-- YOUR CALL HAS BEEN FORWARDED-- - OH, LET'S GET SOME SLEEP.
LET'S GO TO BED.
HEY, YOUR TURN.
YOUR TURN, YOU CALL.
- NORMALLY, IF A GIRL COMES OVER AT, LIKE, 3:30 IN THE MORNING, YOU KNOW SHE'S DTF.
SO NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF A GIRL COMES OVER AT 6:30 IN THE MORNING, BUT I'M GONNA TAKE A SHOT.
[line ringing.]
- HELLO? - HELLO.
- HELLO.
- ARE YOU SLEEPING? - YES, I DID.
- TELL HER SHE CAN COME AND SLEEP HERE.
TELL HER SITUATION SAID YOU CAN COME SLEEP HERE.
- LIKE, SITUATION SAID YOU CAN COME SLEEP HERE, BUT YOU HAVE TO BRING YOUR GIRL.
- PERFECT.
ARE WE GONNA CUDDLE? I LIKE TO CUDDLE.
- YOU GOTTA BRING A HOT GIRL FOR MY FRIEND.
- I HAVE TO? IT'S A MUST? - YES.
- [laughs.]
- YOUR--THE FRIEND HAS TO BE HOT, NO GRENADES.
- WHO COMES THROUGH IN THE CLUTCH? - YEAH.
ALL RIGHT, SO HALF HOUR, 40 MINUTES? HOW LONG UNTIL YOU GUYS GET HERE? - YEAH, SOUNDS GOOD.
- WHOA.
[doorbell rings.]
- CHICKS ARE HERE.
- GOOD MORNING.
- YOU'RE GONNA TAG ALONG ON HIS DATE? - NO, WE GOT, LIKE, A SERIOUS DOUBLE-- - IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT'S TOO SERIOUS SINCE SHE'S LATE RIGHT NOW.
- IF HE COMES OUT, CAN YOU PLEASE NOT SAY ANYTHING? - ANGELINA IS THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY-- EVERYBODY GETS A RIDE, AND IT'S FREE.
- BRO, IT'S, LIKE, 6:00 IN THE MORNING.
- HELLO? - YOUR FRIEND HAS TO BE HOT, NO GRENADES.
[doorbell rings.]
- CHICKS ARE HERE.
- GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE.
- GOOD MORNING.
- HOW ARE YOU? - HOW ARE YOU? - I'M READY TO DO MY THING, AND THIS CHICK DON'T BRING NOBODY OVER.
- ALL MY FRIENDS ARE GRENADES.
- THEY ARE? - YEAH, FOR SURE.
- THAT'S MESSED UP.
- THAT'S ALL GOOD.
- THAT'S REAL, THOUGH.
AT LEAST SHE DID THAT FOR YOU.
- IT'S ALL GOOD.
- THAT'S WHAT'S UP.
- LIKE I SAID, HOW MANY GIRLS COULD YOU HAVE IN ONE DAY? - NO, IT AIN'T LIKE THAT.
- THAT'S MESSED UP.
TOO BAD FOR SITUATION, BUT SITUATION, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE NO CHICK FOR TONIGHT.
- I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA BE SMASHING FOR A LITTLE BIT.
[laughter.]
WHAT THE HELL? NOW I GOTTA GO SMASH MYSELF.
[girl laughing.]
THERE'S ONE THING I DON'T LIKE, IS MY BOY PAULY BRINGING HOME A GIRL, AND I DON'T.
IT NEVER HAPPENS.
IT NEVER HAPPENS.
AND THIS CHICK WAS JUST STRAIGHT, LIKE, WHATEVER.
SLAM PIG.
AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, YOU KNOW? BECAUSE I HAD A FIRST-ROW SEAT FOR--FOR A SLAM SESSION.
I SIT BACK WITH MY EGG SANDWICH.
AND I'M JUST EATING MY EGG SANDWICH, AND THEN ONCE IN A WHILE WHEN PAULY LOOKED AT ME, I'M LIKE "YEAH, DOG.
KEEP GOING, DOG.
" YOU WANT HALF? [laughter.]
[rock music.]
  - TO BE OUT OF THE HOUSE DOING SOMETHING DURING THE DAY FEELS AMAZING.
ME AND PAULY ARE PLAYING PADDLE BALL, AND GIRLS ARE COMING UP TO US, RUBBING OIL ON US.
IT'S PARADISE.
MIAMI BEACH IS PARADISE.
[laughter.]
- AFTER A BEAUTIFUL DAY AT THE BEACH, WE'RE GONNA HEAD HOME AND START GETTING THE NIGHT POPPIN'.
- I'M DEFINITELY GONNA HANG OU WITH JOSE TONIGHT.
- I WANT YOU TO HANG OUT WITH JOSE.
- WHY? - SO I CAN TALK TO JOSE AND TELL HIM WHAT A GREAT JOB HE'S DOING.
- NO, SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, IF HE COMES OUT, CAN YOU PLEASE NOT SAY ANYTHING? - WHAT? THAT YOU BANGED [bleep.]
VINNY AFTER THIS GUY TOOK YOU OUT 15 TIMES? - I JUST FEEL LIKE MIKE SHOULD STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS, WITH MY LIFE AND JOSE.
I'M, LIKE, REALLY NERVOUS.
- YOU'RE BAD.
- IF ANYBODY WOULD TELL JOSE SOMETHING, IT WOULD BE MIKE.
[line ringing.]
- HELLO? - HEY.
I'M GOING TO DREAM NOW.
- I'LL BE THERE, ALL RIGHT? - ALL RIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT, HONEY.
- BYE.
[dance music.]
  - ANGELINA'S A PIMP, YOU KNOW? SHE WAS LITERALLY ALL OVER VINNY'S [bleep.]
THE OTHER NIGHT, AND NOW TONIGHT SHE'S ALL OVER JOSE.
SHE GOT GAME.
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T HATE ON HER.
- ANGELINA WAS ALL OVER JOSE.
IT JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW GUILTY THE GIRL FEELS ABOUT SLEEPING WITH VINNY.
- ANGELINA WILL HOOK UP WITH ANYBODY IN THE HOUSE.
ANGELINA IS THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY-- EVERYBODY GETS A RIDE, AND IT'S FREE.
- MIKE WENT UP TO JOSE.
HE ACTUALLY SAID, "BRO, DID ANGELINA TELL YOU WHAT SHE HAD TO TELL YOU?" SOME PEOPLE THINK "HOOKING UP" MEANS KISSING.
SOME PEOPLE THINK "HOOKING UP" MEANS HAVING SEX.
WE DON'T GOTTA GO AHEAD AND TELL HIM ANY MORE.
- I CAN'T WAIT.
I'M GONNA [bleep.]
STAND THERE WITH MY FLOWERS, BRO.
RAMONA IS EVERYTHING I LOOK FOR IN A GIRL.
- PAULY'S CHICK'S OUT FRONT.
[dance music.]
  - MIKE WENT UP TO JOSE.
HE ACTUALLY SAID, "BRO, DID ANGELINA TELL YOU WHAT SHE HAD TO TELL YOU?" MIKE WAS AN [bleep.]
IN THAT SITUATION.
THAT'S [bleep.]
UP.
I DON'T THINK THAT IN LIFE, YOU HAVE TO TELL ANYBODY ANYTHING UNLESS THEY'RE YOUR BOYFRIEND, YOU HAVE A TITLE WITH THAT PERSON, OR UNLESS YOU'RE MARRIED TO THE PERSON.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? LIKE, HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND, SO I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.
SOME PEOPLE THINK "HOOKING UP" MEANS KISSING.
SOME PEOPLE THINK "HOOKING UP" MEANS HAVING SEX.
BUT IF HE'S GONNA THINK THAT I JUST KISSED VINNY, UM, THEN WE DON'T GOTTA GO AHEAD AND TELL HIM ANY MORE.
[giggles.]
- Â BLAST OFF Â - Â OOH-OOH Â - Â BLAST OFF Â - Â OOH-OOH Â Â BLAST OFF Â - WE ALL DECIDED TO GO TO TANTRA, AND I SEE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL I'VE SEEN IN MIAMI.
RAMONA IS EVERYTHING I LOOK FOR IN A GIRL.
AND THIS IS THE TYPE OF GIRL THAT YOU WOULD SERIOUSLY TAKE OUT ON A DATE.
GREAT PERSONALITY AS WELL.
SHE'S INTO ME.
I'M INTO HER.
FINALLY, THE HEAVENS HAVE ANSWERED, AND I FOUND A GIRL THAT, YOU KNOW, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO INTRODUCE TO MY FAMILY ONE DAY.
- THE CHICK I MEET-- THIS BEAUTIFUL CUBAN GIRL, ROCIO DOWN TO EARTH, AND SHE'S, LIKE, A REAL COOL GIRL.
SHE'S NOT A GIRL YOU TAKE HOME AND SMASH ONE NIGHT.
SHE'S, LIKE, A WIFEY TYPE, SOME GIRL THAT YOU BRING HOME TO YOUR MOTHER.
- THANKS FOR THE HOSPITALITY.
- ABSOLUTELY.
- INSTEAD OF EVEN ASKING ROCIO TO COME STAY THE NIGHT, I'M LIKE, "LET'S HANG OUT TOMORROW.
" I WANNA ACTUALLY GET TO KNOW HER, SO YOU GOTTA TREAT HER DIFFERENT.
[mellow acoustic guitar music.]
  - WHO'S CALLING FIRST, ME OR YOU? - I THINK YOU SHOULD CALL FIRST, ONLY BECAUSE IF YOURS SAYS NO, THEN MINE'S GONNA SAY YES.
- YEAH.
PAULY HAS THIS CHICK THAT HE MET THAT'S PRETTY SPECIAL TO HIM, AND I MET THIS GIRL RAMONA.
WE WANNA GO ON A DATE WITH THE TWO GIRLS, WHICH IS WEIRD FOR ME AND PAULY.
WE NEVER REALLY TAKE GIRLS OUT ON DATES, BUT SOMETIMES YOU MEET THE RIGHT GIRL THAT DESERVES TO BE WINED AND DINED AND, YOU KNOW, "WIFED" UP.
[line ringing.]
- HELLO? - HEY.
RAMONA? - YEAH? - IT'S VINNY.
- HEY! - UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TODAY-- TONIGHT? - TONIGHT I HAVE NO PLANS.
- NO? - UH-UH.
- IF YOU WANT, MY FRIEND, UH-- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW MY FRIEND PAULY WITH THE SPIKY HAIR? - MM-HMM.
- WE MIGHT GO TO, LIKE, A LITTLE RESTAURANT AND THEN MAYBE OUT AFTERWARDS.
HE MIGHT CALL SOME GIRL, AND I NEED, LIKE, A SYMPATHY DATE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 'CAUSE I DON'T WANNA BE LEFT OUT, SO - AW.
- YOU KNOW? IF YOU WANNA DO ME THAT FAVOR.
- ALL RIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT? SO I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL A LITTLE LATER ON.
- OKAY, SWEETHEART.
- ALL RIGHT.
BYE.
- BYE.
- WHOO! - IS SHE COMING? IS SHE GONNA COME? - WHOO-HOO! - IS SHE GONNA COME? [bleep.]
, THAT MEANS I GOTTA TELL MINE TO COME.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? OF COURSE YOU DO.
[line ringing.]
- HELLO? - HELLO? - HEY, PAULY, HOW ARE YOU? - HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS ME? - [laughing.]
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TONIGHT? - NOTHING.
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING PLANNED.
- I WANNA TAKE YOU OUT.
VINNY'S GONNA TAKE THAT GIRL TOO--THE ONE HE'S IN LOVE WITH.
- OH, THE DANCER? - YEAH.
SO I WAS GONNA TAKE THE GIRL I'M IN LOVE WITH.
- AW.
- AND THEN I FIGURED YOU CAN COME TOO.
[laughter.]
- THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
THAT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY.
- SHE STARTS LAUGHING.
SHE KNOWS IT'S A JOKE.
AND--BUT YOU GOTTA DO THAT TO BREAK THE ICE.
YOU GOTTA HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.
GIRLS LOVE THAT.
WE GOT A DATE WITH TWO OF THE RAREST ROSES.
- TWO OF THE RAREST ROSES.
- IN MIAMI.
- WE DON'T GO ON DATES.
- WHAT THE HELL'S A DATE? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
- HOW MANY IS THE RESERVATION FOR? - FOUR.
- WE GOTTA GET OUR HAIR CUT.
WE GOTTA GET A NEW OUTFIT.
I WANT EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT.
WHAT DO I WEAR? WHAT DO I WEAR? - WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME HELP WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE.
I NEVER REALLY WENT TO A FLORIST AND BOUGHT A GIRL, LIKE, REAL NICE FLOWERS.
WE'RE ACTUALLY TAKING THIS REALLY SERIOUSLY.
WE'RE TRYING TO REALLY IMPRESS.
- OH, YEAH.
- OH, THERE WE GO.
- THANK YOU.
- THIS GIRL RAMONA IS A QUALITY GIRL.
IF SOMEONE HANDS YOU A BENTLEY, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE GONNA KEEP DRIVING IT, YOU KNOW? AND THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT THIS GIRL.
[phone ringing.]
- FEEL BETTER NOW? - YES.
- I DO TOO.
- HELLO? - HEY, CAN I TALK TO VINNY, PLEASE? - WHO'S CALLING? - RAMONA.
- RAMONA.
- OH, THAT'S FOR ME.
- HERE YOU ARE.
- HELLO? - HEY, SWEETHEART.
- WHAT'S GOING ON? - HEY, LISTEN, UM - WHAT HAPPENED? - UM, YEAH.
I - GO AHEAD.
JUST GO.
JUST TELL ME WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO TELL ME.
[sighs.]
SO YOU DON'T WANNA COME TONIGHT? - NO.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I UNDERSTAND.
- I'M SORRY.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT.
[slams phone.]
- [sighs.]
- WE GOT A DATE WITH TWO OF THE RAREST ROSES.
- TWO OF THE RAREST ROSES.
SOMETIMES YOU MEET THE RIGHT GIRL THAT DESERVES TO BE WINED AND DINED, AND, YOU KNOW, "WIFED" UP.
- RAMONA.
- WHAT'S GOING ON? YOU DON'T WANNA COME TONIGHT? - NO.
I'M SORRY.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT.
[slams phone.]
IT'S A BLOW.
IT'S A BLOW TO ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? IT'S LIKE I GOT KICKED IN THE STOMACH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? THAT'S-- I WENT OUT THERE, PUT MYSELF OUT THERE.
YOU KNOW, I'M A GOOD GUY.
EVERY GIRL KNOWS THAT.
DON'T-- I HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.
- I ALREADY KNOW.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME.
- YOU KNOW, I TREAT SOME GIRLS LIKE I TREAT MY MOTHER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? LIKE GOLD.
AND THE FACT THAT THIS WAS ONE OF THEM, IT IS-- IT HURTS A LITTLE BIT.
[Ronnie laughing.]
- WHAT HAPPENED? - SHE DON'T WANNA CHILL.
- I GOT ANOTHER CHICK FOR YOU.
- NO, NO.
I JUST, UH-- I'M NOT, LIKE, IN A GOOD MOOD, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? SO - JUST TAKE A LITTLE TIME, CLEAR YOUR HEAD TAKE A SHOWER, AND YOU SHOW UP WITH A DIFFERENT GIRL.
- AND YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY LIKE THE CHICK.
- EVEN IF YOU DON'T, YOU'LL PROBABLY STILL [bleep.]
HER.
- OOH! - IS THAT, LIKE, OUR ROOM TONIGHT OR NO? - IF YOU WANT.
- OH, YEAH.
- [laughing.]
- WHAT'S GOOD, MAN? - ARE YOU GONNA RIDE OUT TONIGHT OR WHAT? - NO, I GOT A DATE.
- OH! - A HOT DATE TONIGHT.
- I LIKE IT.
- LOOK, HE EVEN BOUGHT HER FLOWERS.
- I LIKE IT-- ROMANTIC PAULY.
- WHEN I SAW THIS AND I CAME HERE TO DO MY HAIR-- - HE GOT HER TWO DIFFERENT TYPES, 'CAUSE IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE THOSE, THEN SHE'LL LIKE THOSE.
- NO, NO, NO.
NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED.
- OH.
YOU GOTTA TELL ME SOMETHING, THOUGH? - WELL I'LL BE HONEST, LIKE PAULY WAS GOING OUT WITH THE GIRL, AND HE GOT THESE FOR HER, I THINK.
AND THEN VINNY WAS SUPPOSED TO GO OUT WITH HER FRIEND, BUT THE FRIEND CAN'T GO.
ANYWAY, SO I FEEL BAD FOR HIM.
- SO NOW YOU HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR HIM A LITTLE? - EW, NO! [line ringing.]
- HELLO? - HEY.
- HEY! - SORRY I HUNG UP THE PHONE ON YOU BEFORE.
I WAS, LIKE, PISSED ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, LIKE, A MINUTE BEFORE, - UH-HUH.
- AND THEN YOU TOLD ME THAT, SO I WAS LIKE, [bleep.]
, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? BUT, UH - YEAH.
WHAT'S IT CALLED? NO, I WANTED TO JUST TALK TO YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I DO WANNA HANG OUT WITH YOU.
- YOU KNOW? - YEAH, I KNOW.
UH - IT'S JUST DINNER.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE.
- OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE SO CUTE.
- COME ON, PLEASE.
I GOT YOU REALLY NICE FLOWERS.
- OH.
- COME ON, PLEASE.
- AHH, I'LL SEE YOU.
- YOU CAN? ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU.
I'LL SEE YOU THEN.
- OKAY.
BYE.
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
- LOOK HOW HOT YOU LOOK LIKE THAT.
- THE BROWN WOULD BE GOOD, BUT THE THING IS - IT DON'T MATCH THE SHOES.
- IT DOESN'T-- IT'S THE WHITE STANDS OUT MORE.
- SHE SAID SHE'S GONNA BE HERE.
- WHAT? - YEAH.
- YOU FINAGLED IT? - I FINAGLED IT.
- YOU GOT SKILLS, KID.
- BUT WAIT.
I'M NOT GETTING EXCITED YET UNTIL SHE'S THERE.
- WHOA, YOU GOT SKILLS, KID.
- IT'S GOOD.
THERE YOU GO.
- ALL RIGHT, DOG.
- I CAN'T WAIT.
I'M GONNA [bleep.]
STAND THERE WITH MY FLOWERS, BRO.
AND LET THE [bleep.]
MUSIC PLAY.
SO I GOT MY HAIR CUT.
I GOT MY NEW CLOTHES.
AND I'M MINT.
I'M A BINK.
THAT'S WHAT ITALIANS CALL SOMEONE WHO'S FRESH-- A BINK.
- AH, [bleep.]
.
- YOU BOUGHT THAT SHIRT TODAY? - I'M TAKING ROCIO ON A DATE, AND NOW-- I HAVEN'T BEEN ON A DATE IN SUCH A LONG TIME.
I'M A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS.
I WANNA MAKE SURE EVERYTHING'S PERFECT.
I REALLY WANNA IMPRESS THIS GIRL.
[doorbell rings.]
- PAULY'S CHICK'S OUT FRONT.
MIGHT BE TAGGING WITH VINNY RIGHT NOW.
- YOU'RE GONNA TAG ALONG ON HIS DATE? - NO, WE GOT A, LIKE, A SERIOUS DOUBLE--YOU KNOW? - IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT'S TOO SERIOUS SINCE SHE'S LATE RIGHT NOW.
- AW.
- YOU LOOK NICE.
- HOW ARE YOU? - SO DO YOU.
- PAULY D.
I LIKE ROCIO.
SHE'S A REAL COOL GIRL.
I'M NOT EVEN LOOKING FOR OTHER CHICKS.
I WANNA SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS I CAN WITH HER WHILE I'M STILL IN MIAMI.
I'M DYING TO SNEEZE, AND I CAN'T.
IT JUST DOESN'T COME OUT.
[laughing.]
- THE WAY ROCIO IS, THOSE TYPE OF MORALS, THE WAY SHE ACTS-- LIKE, THAT'S WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR TO TIE PAULY D DOWN.
- "ARE YOU 'TOWKING' TO ME?" THAT'S HOW YOU GUYS TALK, RIGHT? THAT'S FUNNY.
- NO.
YOU SAY, "TALK" I SAY, "TOWK" - "TOWK".
IT'S FUNNY.
- AND "CAH".
WASH YOUR "CAH.
" - OH, WAIT.
WHAT WERE YOU SAYING YESTERDAY? YOU GO, "PAWKED CARS"? WHAT WAS IT YOU WERE SAYING? IT WAS HILARIOUS.
[Pauly laughing.]
[dial tone, numbers dialing.]
- THIS IS FUNNY.
SHE AIN'T ANSWERING.
- YOUR CALL HAS BEEN FORWARDED TO AN AUTOMATIC VOICE MESSAGE-- - IT CAME DOWN TO CONCLUSION THAT VINNY'S GIRL WAS NOT SHOWING UP.
AND I KNOW HE REALLY LIKES HER.
I'VE NEVER SEEN VINNY SAD AND UPSET LIKE THAT.
HONESTLY, I FEEL REALLY, REALLY BAD FOR HIM, UM, 'CAUSE THAT GIRL SEEMS LIKE SHE'S PLAYING HIM OUT, AND I DON'T LIKE THAT.
- TAKE ANOTHER DRINK, DOG.
YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
[sad pop music.]
  - TAKE CARE.
- I LOVE YOU, BABY BRO.
- I THOUGHT I WOKE UP IN A BAD NIGHTMARE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I GOT THESE FLOWERS.
I GOT A HAIRCUT.
I WANTED TO GO OUT WITH HER, AND THEN SHE DIDN'T COME.
- IF YOU WANT, COME WITH US.
LIKE, YOU CAN COME EAT WITH US.
IT'S NO PROBLEM.
  - YOU TRY NOT TO LET A GIRL BRING YOU DOWN, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, YOU CAN'T FIGHT WHAT YOU'RE FEELING SOMETIMES, AND, YOU KNOW, IT [bleep.]
SUCKS.
  - SEE YA.
- TOM FOUND A FRIEND'S NUMBER IN MY PHONE BOOK THAT HE ASKED ME BEFORE I LEFT NOT TO TAKE DOWN, BUT I DID.
- LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT IS THIS THING? WHAT IS IT? - EW! IT'S A PAD.
- ANGELINA, CLEAN THIS [bleep.]
UP, YOU DIRTY HAMSTER YOU.
- CAN YOU STOP STARTING WITH ME, MIKE? 'CAUSE I'VE [bleep.]
HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR [bleep.]
.
- MAYBE IF YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE A [bleep.]
TAMPON - ALL RIGHT, JUST SHUT THE [bleep.]
UP! - YOU SHUT THE [bleep.]
UP! - GET OUT OF MY FACE!
- STOP! STOP! - ANGELINA IS RESPONSIBLE, AND SHE'S NOWHERE INVOLVED IN THE FIGHT.
- YOU DIDN'T WRITE THE NOTE.
- SHE WROTE IT TOO! - YOU'RE MORE LIKE THE ROB KARDASHIAN OF STATEN ISLAND, YOU UGLY BITCH.
- SHUT UP! YEAH, WHAT, DID YOU GROW BALLS NOW? OH, MY GOD, I WANTED A WHITE ONE.
JOSE IS A GUY THAT I MET AT A CLUB.
- YOU GOTTA LET HIM HIT THAT.
JOSE'S BUYING ANGELINA THINGS - I DON'T WANNA HIT THAT.
- AND HE GETS NO ASS.
WHAT THE--EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW.
- ME AND ANGELINA NEED SOME PRIVACY.
- VINNY'S CUTE.
I'M DOWN FOR IT.
I DON'T CARE.
- SOME SMUSHING GOING ON IN THAT ROOM.
[Get Crazy by LMFAO.]
- DJ PAULY DELVECCHIO! - I'M GOING TO JERSEY SHORE, BITCH! - ALL RIGHT, WE GOT A SITUATION.
- Â GET CRAZY Â - I'M THE SWEETEST BITCH YOU'LL EVER MEET.
- [laughing.]
- AFTER I HAVE SEX WITH A GUY, I WILL RIP THEIR HEADS OFF.
- GO, VINNY! GO, VINNY! - UM, HELLO? - Â IF YOU WANNA HAVE FUN, THEN DO SOMETHING CRAZY Â [rock music.]
  [telephone ringing.]
- Â DON'T THROW IT ALL AWAY Â Â AND THINK YOU'RE SO TOUGH Â Â YOU WERE YOUNGER YESTERDAY Â Â AND NOW YOU'RE ALL GROWN UP Â - HELLO? - HI, THIS IS PAULA, VINNY'S MOM.
- OH, HI.
HOW ARE YOU? - HI, HOW ARE YOU? WHO'S THIS? - GOOD.
- WHO IS THIS? - ANGELINA.
- HI, HONEY.
- HI.
- HI, HOW YOU DOING? - GOOD.
- GOOD? IS VIN AROUND? - UM, LET ME CHECK.
HOLD ON, OKAY? 'CAUSE WE ALL JUST WOKE UP.
- THANKS.
OH, OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON.
- OKAY.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVEN HOOKED UP WITH VINNY.
HE'S NOT MY TYPE.
I WAS DRUNK.
THAT'S ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW, YOU DO STUPID THINGS WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK.
- OH, I HAVE NO IDEA.
I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HIM.
- 'CAUSE I WENT INTO THE ROOM, AND THE COVERS WERE, LIKE, MOVING.
- VINNY, YOUR MOM'S ON THE PHONE.
YOU WANNA TALK TO HER? - VINNY AND ANGELINA.
- WHAT? - YOU HEARD ME.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME? - NOPE.
- ANGELINA IS BEING A WHORE RIGHT NOW.
- BUT YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT FROM ME.
- ANGELINA AND VINNY HATE EACH OTHER IN THE HOUSE.
SHE'S DATING THIS GUY JOSE.
HE BUYS HER EVERYTHING THAT SHE EVER WANTED.
ANGELINA HAS SEX WITH VINNY AND DOESN'T HAVE SEX WITH THE NICE GUY? THAT MAKES NO SENSE, AND THAT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A [bleep.]
WHORE.
YOU'RE A WHORE.
- HELLO? - VINNY, HOLD ON A SECOND.
I GOT A COP RIGHT HERE.
HOLD ON.
[siren wailing.]
- I DON'T KNOW IF THEY SAW ME.
I THINK THEY SAW ME, BUT I DON'T THINK THEY'RE GONNA COME AFTER ME.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
- DOES ANYBODY KNOW IF ANGELINA SMUSHED LAST NIGHT? - I DON'T KNOW.
- [laughs.]
- THAT MEANS YES.
- NO, I'M NOT SAYING THAT.
- YES.
- I'M NOT SAYING THAT.
- WOW.
- SHE DID.
ASK HER.
- YOU'RE A [bleep.]
HYPOCRITE.
- NO, I WAS-- - YOU WERE TALKING [bleep.]
ABOUT HIM IN THE DAYTIME.
YOU WERE TALKING [bleep.]
ABOUT HIM-- YOU WERE TELLING ME THAT HE'S A SCUMBAG, AND YOU CAN'T WAIT TILL HE COMES TO STATEN ISLAND TO GET HIS ASS BEATEN UP.
- I DID.
- AND A LOSER.
- I DID.
- AND THEN YOU [bleep.]
HIM.
- NO, I'M NOT SAYING THAT.
- YOU EXCITED TO SEE ME? - YEAH.
I AM ECSTATIC ABOUT MY MOM COMING TO VISIT ME IN MIAMI.
SHE'LL COME HERE.
SHE'LL CLEAN THE HOUSE.
SHE'LL BRING PEOPLE WHATEVER THEY WANT.
YOU KNOW, SHE PUTS EVERYONE BEFORE HERSELF.
THEY DON'T MAKE WOMEN LIKE MY MOTHER ANYMORE.
- YOU HAVE PROVEN AN EQUATION THAT PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO SOLVE FOR [bleep.]
HUNDREDS OF YEARS-- THAT WHEN YOU ARE NICE TO A GIRL AND YOU TAKE HER ON FOUR DATES, YOU SNUGGLE WITH THE GIRL, YOU BUY HER GIFTS-- - SHE DON'T LIKE YOU.
SHE WILL NOT CALL YOU.
- SHE WILL NOT CALL YOU.
SHE WILL PLAY YOU THE [bleep.]
OUT, AND THEN SHE WILL [bleep.]
SOMEBODY THREE DAYS LATER, WHEN SHE'S DRUNK, WITH SOMEBODY THAT SHE HATES.
- DO WE HAVE ANY RED CUPS? - MM-MM.
- I THINK THAT'S THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES.
WE HEARD YOU LIKE TO VISIT THE STATEN ISLAND DUMP THIS TIME OF YEAR.
IS IT TRUE? - YES, IT IS-- THIS TIME OF YEAR.
- OH! [laughing.]
- THAT IT IS.
- YEAH.
IT'S CALLED WHEN A GUY IS A [bleep.]
TO YOU - YOU AUTOMATICALLY WIN.
- HE OWNS YOU.
- ANGELINA HAS PROVEN THE HO EQUATION.
YOU HAD A ROMANTIC TWO WEEKS WITH JOSE, WHO WE ACTUALLY LIKE THE KID, AND THEN - GUYS ARE ALLOWED TO DO IT, BUT GIRLS AREN'T? COME ON.
- YOU GO AND SMASH THE GUY YOU HATE A DAY LATER.
- YOU HAD SEX WITH VINNY LAST NIGHT? - I'M SINGLE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? - YOU ARE SINGLE, SO-- BUT-- - I THOUGHT YOU CONSIDERED YOU WERE DATING JOSE.
- YOU WERE GONNA BUY THE KID A BIRTHDAY GIFT.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I BANGED MY [bleep.]
ROOMMATE.
" - OH! - [bleep.]
.
- [bleep.]
BIRTHDAY PRESENT, ANGELINA.
- NICE BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
- REMIND ME NOT TO GET YOU SOMETHING.
- WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT VINNY AND ANGELINA HAD SEX, NORMALLY I WOULDN'T CARE.
BUT SHE HAS TALKED MAD [bleep.]
ABOUT HIM HARD, AND THEN, UH, TO TOP IT ALL OFF - THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME, BABY.
- SHE'S DATING JOSE.
- HOW YOU DOING, MAN? - GOOD.
- AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA GO BANG THE KID YOU HATE.
- I [bleep.]
HATE HIM.
- WHY? - HE'S A JERK-OFF.
- YOU'RE A-- YOU'RE A HYPOCRITICAL WHORE.
DID YOU LET JOSE KNOW ABOUT THIS SITUATION? THIS IS-- - I DIDN'T SPEAK TO HIM.
- I THINK YOU SHOULD CALL HIM RIGHT NOW AND TELL HIM BEFORE HE BUYS YOU ANOTHER FOSSIL WATCH.
- CAN I CALL? I LIKE JOSE.
[electronic music.]
  - GELATO! - OW! - THE GUIDOS ARE HERE! I DON'T REALLY LIKE WORKING AT THE GELATO SHOP, BUT I KILL IT.
- ALL THESE CALORIES? I'MA HAVE TO GO TO THE GYM.
- WE CAN DO CARDIO AT MY PLACE.
I KNOW HOW TO TALK TO THE CUSTOMERS, I CAN BRING THEM IN.
- HI.
- ARE YOU TRYING TO HIT ON ME? - [laughing.]
- 'CAUSE IT'S WORKING.
WE GET TONS OF NUMBERS AT THE GELATO SHOP.
I GOT, LIKE, A LITTLE JAR.
I JUST PUT THE NUMBERS IN THERE.
IT'S LIKE A TIP JAR.
YEAH.
I GOT THEIR NUMBER.
- OH, MY GOD.
IS THAT MY UNCLE NINO? HOLY [bleep.]
.
- OH-HO-HO! - HEY.
- HEY, VINNY! - I KNEW MY MOM WAS COMING DOWN.
I KNEW MY COUSINS WERE COMING DOWN.
I KNEW EVERYONE WAS COMING DOWN, BUT THEY SURPRISED ME BY GETTING MY UNCLE NINO.
YOU KNOW, I JUST SEE MY FAMILY IN MIAMI--IT'S JUST AMAZING.
PLUS, I HAVEN'T SEEN MY MOTHER IN A MONTH.
ITALIAN MOTHERS TAKE CARE OF THEIR SONS.
I'M THE ONLY SON, AND SHE LOVES ME, AND I LOVE HER BACK.
FOR MY MOM.
- WHEN PAULY TOLD ME THAT VINNY AND ANGELINA HAD SEX, I WANTED TO ACTUALLY VOMIT, BECAUSE I ACTUALLY HOOKED UP WITH THE KID, AND NOW HE'S HOOKING UP WITH ANGELINA.
LIKE, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
I CAN'T STAND ANGELINA'S DIRTY LOOKS TO ME.
WHY DOESN'T SHE LIKE ME EVER? - OH, SHE COMES UP TO ME TODAY, AND SHE'S LIKE, "IS SNOOKI MAD AT ME THAT I SLEPT WITH VINNY?" I GO, "NO.
" I GO, "WHY WOULD SHE BE?" - OBVIOUSLY, THAT WAS HER INTENTION.
- YEAH.
SHE-- - I DON'T GIVE A [bleep.]
.
YOU HAD MY SLOPPY SECONDS.
GOOD FOR YOU.
AND, OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE A LOOSEY GOOSE, BECAUSE HE GOT IT IN.
- IT'LL DEFINITELY BE HYSTERICAL FOR, LIKE, JOSE TO REALLY KNOW THE TRUTH, BECAUSE ANGELINA HAS PLAYED BOTH SIDES OF THE HOUSE SO LONG THAT, YOU KNOW, SHE NEEDS SOME [bleep.]
TO HAPPEN TO HER.
I'D LOVE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL JOSE.
- YOU WILL.
- I KNOW.
- HALLELUJAH.
- UNCLE NINO IS AN O.
G.
, AN ORIGINAL GUIDO.
[all cheering.]
- THAT LOOKS LIKE A REALLY CREEPY SCENE RIGHT NOW.
- I'M HERE TO JUST LET LOOSE.
IF THAT MEANS HOOKING UP WITH ONE OF MY ROOMMATES OR A GUY I MEET AT A CLUB CHEERS.
THEN IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
[hip-hop music.]
  - HELLO.
- HI.
STUFFED PEPPERS.
THIS IS THE OLIVES.
THIS IS ALL BROCCOLI RABE MORE STUFFED PEPPERS.
- VINNY, YOU ARE LUCKY TO HAVE A MOTHER LIKE THIS.
- ARE YOU READY? CLOSE YOUR EYES.
- OH, MY GOD.
- THIS IS HIS FAVORITE CAKE, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? IT ACTUALLY HELD UP PRETTY GOOD.
- VINNY'S MOM BEING AROUND DEFINITELY GIVES YOU THAT HOME FEELING.
SHE BRINGS, LIKE, ONE PIECE OF CLOTHING FOR HERSELF FOR A WEEK.
MEANWHILE, SHE'S BRINGING VINNY T-SHIRTS, WATER, SAUSAGE.
I KNOW SHE'S GONNA MAKE A SICK THREE-COURSE SPREAD.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT.
- THIS IS MY FRIEND JOSE.
- NICE TO MEET YOU - VINNY'S MOM.
- THAT'S OKAY.
HOW'S EVERYTHING? - HI, HONEY.
- ANGELINA SLEPT WITH VINNY LAST NIGHT, AND WHEN I WALK OUT INTO THE KITCHEN, THERE'S JOSE.
I JUST WAS LIKE, "WHAT THE [bleep.]
IS THIS KID DOING HERE?" - YOU HAVE A GOOD SON.
YOU DID A GOOD JOB.
- THANK YOU, HONEY.
THANK YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, BROTHER.
- THANK YOU, JOSE.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
- "HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I BANGED MY [bleep.]
ROOMMATE.
" - OH! - I APPRECIATE THAT.
- TRY TO COME FOR DINNER LATER.
- IN THE BACK OF MY MIND, I'M LIKE, "SHE DID NOT TELL HIM YET.
" THE GUY HAS TAKEN HER ON A NUMBER OF DATES, AND YOU'RE GONNA DISRESPECT SOMEBODY LIKE THAT AND BANG SOMEBODY ONE DAY LATER? THIS IS NOT RIGHT, YOU KNOW? LIKE, YOU'RE GETTING PLAYED OUT.
I THINK SHE SHOULD MAN UP AND TELL JOSE.
HE SHOULD KNOW THIS.
- I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO.
- TAKE THE PROSCIUTTO OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR.
- OKAY.
- AND DICE IT UP.
- OKAY.
- YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD DO? - WHAT? BREAD THE CHICKEN CUTLETS.
- OH, OH, MY BUDDY.
- HEY, HOW YOU DOING? FORGET ABOUT IT.
- I KNOW NINO'S HERE.
- HOW YOU DOING? HAVING ALL THESE CRAZY ITALIANS IN ONE HOUSE TOGETHER FOR, LIKE--IT FEELS LIKE SUNDAY DINNER TO ME.
- 9:00 A.
M.
? - HOW'S MY SISTER? - AND I HAVE THE OVEN ON-- - I HAVE THIS HOT SPANISH ONE TOMORROW.
BUT SHE'S HOT ENOUGH TO TAKE ON A DATE.
- ANGELINA? - YES? - THE BREAD CRUMBS.
- IT'S JUST A LOT OF PEOPLE YELLING AND TALKING WITH THEIR HANDS.
IF YOU'RE NOT USED TO IT, IT COULD BE A LOT TO HANDLE.
WHERE'S THE CANE? CAN I USE THE CANE? - IT'S LIKE A BROAD-- YOU COULD BORROW IT.
YOU GOTTA BRING IT BACK, EH? - UNCLE NINO IS AN O.
G.
, AN ORIGINAL GUIDO.
- LOOK AT THAT COLOR, HUH? WITH HER SKIN COLOR MY! DELIZIOSO.
[laughter.]
- DELIZIOSO.
SCARY DELICIOUS.
- YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND MY UNCLE NINO WHEN HE TALKS, BUT, YOU KNOW, FIVE SECONDS LATER, YOU CATCH, LIKE, THE LAST TWO WORDS OF WHAT HE'S SAYING, AND THEN LIKE IT ALL SINKS IN.
- HE SAYS, "WHERE YOU GOING?" I SAID, "OH, GET IN THE CAB.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
GO AROUND THE CORNER.
" - [imitating Nino muttering.]
- OH, MIKEY SANITATION! - [imitating Nino.]
HEY, SANITATION, SANITATION.
- OH! MY, LOOK, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.
- [imitating Nino.]
RONNIE, RONNIE, LISTEN, RONNIE, RONNIE.
- HE SAYS, "YOU STILL NEED THE CAR?" "I DON'T NEED THE [bleep.]
! KEEP THE [bleep.]
CAR.
" - I'M LIKE, "WHAT THE [bleep.]
, UNCLE NINO?" [bleep.]
.
- LET'S MAKE A TOAST TO MY NEW FAMILY.
TO KNOCK-OUT RONNIE, PAULY SPIKE, MIKE SANITATION [laughter.]
- SAMMI, ANGELINA - MY SNOOKI - THANK YOU.
- AND MY J-LO.
[laughter.]
GOOD LUCK.
all: SALUTE.
- MWAH! MWAH! - I AM EXTREMELY EXCITED FOR A HOME-COOKED MEAL FROM VINNY'S MOM AND JUST TO HAVE FAMILY SURROUNDING ME.
- WE HAD THAT MEAL IN COURSES.
IT STARTED OFF WITH THE PASTA.
- DOES ANYBODY NEED ANYTHING ELSE? - OH, MY GOD.
- THAT WAS A MEAL ON ITS OWN.
- AND, THEN, YOU KNOW, YOU TAKE A BREAK.
YOU DIGEST THE PASTA.
- YOU RELAX, YOU KNOW, LET IT SEEP IN WHILE MY MOM IS PREPARING THE NEXT COURSE.
- ROUND TWO.
- THAT WAS WHEN WE HAD THE SAUSAGE AND PEPPERS.
- MOUNDS OF CUTLETS.
- THE ANTIPASTO.
- THEN YOUR MEATS.
- THEN THE BROCCOLI RABE.
- YOU JUST KEEP GETTING COURSE AFTER COURSE AFTER COURSE.
- OLIVES, RED PEPPERS, THE BREAD, THE DRY SAUSAGE.
OH, MY GOD.
- THEN YOU TAKE A BREAK.
- YOU KNOW, AND THEN THERE'S DESSERT.
AND WE GOT MILK, AND WE GOT YODELS.
THAT'S THE WAY ITALIANS COOK.
- [sighs.]
[wolf howling.]
- [grunts.]
HALLELUJAH! OH! [bleep.]
.
DAMN! [laughing.]
OH, MY.
- [laughing.]
- JWOWW INVITES MY UNCLE NINO IN THE HOT TUB.
AND JWOWW HASN'T EVEN BEEN IN THE HOT TUB SINCE SHE'S BEEN HERE.
MY UNCLE NINO DOESN'T REALLY HAVE THE HIGHEST STANDARDS IN THE WORLD, SO THESE GIRLS ARE LOOKING LIKE SUPERMODELS TO HIM RIGHT NOW.
[all cheering.]
- THAT LOOKS LIKE A REALLY CREEPY SCENE RIGHT NOW.
- AAH! [all cheering.]
- PARADISE-- I'M IN HEAVEN.
I'M IN HEAVEN.
I WENT TO THE DOCTOR.
HE TOLD ME, "YOU GOT TO STOP DRINKING, STOP DOING DRUGS, STOP HAVING SEX.
" KNOW WHAT I DID? I SWITCHED [bleep.]
DOCTORS.
[laughter.]
all: OH! - ANGELINA GETS THE VOLLEYBALL AND, LIKE, SMACKS IT IN MY FACE.
AT THIS POINT, I WANNA [bleep.]
THROW MY GLASS AT HER FACE, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO START A FIGHT IN FRONT OF THE FAMILY.
YOU [bleep.]
THREW THE BALL AT ME.
- WHO GIVES A [bleep.]
? WHO GIVES A [bleep.]
? IT'S A [bleep.]
VOLLEYBALL GAME! all: OH! WHOA! - I REALLY JUST WANT THE FAMILY TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW, SO I CAN KILL HER.
- IT'S NOT MY [bleep.]
PROBLEM.
SHE THINKS SHE'S, LIKE, A BIG SHOT RIGHT NOW-- PUTTING ON A SHOW FOR EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE LIKE SHE'S SOME KIND OF TOUGH BITCH ALL OF A SUDDEN.
- VINNY WAS TRYING TO ROB MY LITTLE CHICK, BUT GUESS WHAT.
SHE'S HOOKING UP WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
- IF HE COMES OUT, CAN YOU PLEASE NOT SAY ANYTHING? - WHAT, THAT YOU BANGED [bleep.]
VINNY? - IF ANYBODY WOULD TELL JOSE SOMETHING, IT WOULD BE MIKE.
THAT'S [bleep.]
UP.
- ANGELINA GETS THE VOLLEYBALL AND, LIKE, SMACKS IT IN MY FACE.
YOU [bleep.]
THREW THE BALL AT ME.
- WHO GIVES A [bleep.]
? - SNOOKS IS LOOKING TO GET ANGELINA, AND I'M WAITING TO SEE IT, YOU KNOW? - MWAH! - THANKS FOR COMING.
- YOU'RE MY-- YOU'RE MY LOVE, OKAY? - BYE.
I LOVE YOU.
- MY HEART, MY BLOOD, MY LOVE.
- THANK YOU.
- I LOVE YOU.
- THANK YOU.
- BE CAREFUL.
MAKE SURE YOU DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO WITH THESE YOUNG LADIES.
DO AS MANY AS YOU CAN.
DON'T FORGET.
- SEE YOU TOMORROW, VINNY.
- DO A COUPLE EXTRA ONES FOR YOUR UNCLE NINO.
- IF MY MOM WASN'T THERE WHEN ANGELINA THREW THE BALL AT SNOOKI'S FACE, THEN IT DEFINITELY WOULD HAVE ESCALATED.
- SEE YOU, VIN.
- BYE.
I LOVE YOU.
I'M HAPPY THAT SHE CAME.
WE HAD A GOOD NIGHT.
BUT I THINK IT'S TIME TO SAY MY GOOD-BYES.
BYE.
- DO I LOOK CHUNKY IN THIS? - NO.
- [yawns.]
OH, GOD.
[line ringing.]
- AM I GONNA SEE JOSE TONIGHT? [humming.]
- HELLO? - HEY.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING, LOVE? - I BASICALLY CALLED JOSE TO TELL HIM, "I CAN'T MEET UP WITH YOU TONIGHT, BECAUSE" I JUST FEEL LIKE MIKE IS JUST A [bleep.]
LITTLE RAT, YOU KNOW, SO I'M WATCHING OUT FOR MYSELF.
I CAN'T GO OUT WITH YOU TONIGHT.
- YOU CAN'T? - NOPE.
- OKAY, WELL OKAY, HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, ALL RIGHT? - GOOD NIGHT.
BYE.
- COME ON, SNOOKI MY LOVE.
- [belches.]
[dance music.]
- Â UH-HUH, YOU GOING HOME WITH ME Â Â UH-HUH, YOU GOING HOME WITH ME Â Â UH-HUH, YOU GOING HOME WITH ME Â Â UH-HUH, YOU GOING HOME WITH ME Â Â CAN'T WAIT TO GET YOU IN MY BED Â Â CAN'T WAIT TO GET YOU IN MY BED Â Â CAN'T WAIT TO GET YOU IN MY BED Â Â CAN'T WAIT TO GET YOU IN MY BED Â Â MAMI, IT'S LAST CALL Â - YOU NEVER WANNA HAVE NO CHICKS, SO THE BEST THING TO DO IS LINE UP A BUNCH OF CHICKS.
SO WE HAVE TWO GIRLS ON THE BURNER.
MY GIRL, THE BRUNETTE, IS SMOKING.
SHE HAS, LIKE, AN UNBELIEVABLE ASS THAT, LIKE, YOU READ ABOUT, NICE BOOBIES AND SHE'S INTO ME.
SHE'S FEELING ME.
THIS GIRL IS DTF.
I'M TAKING THIS GIRL BACK TO THE HOUSE, NO QUESTION.
- I WAS DATING JOSE, BUT I MET THIS REALLY HOT CUBAN GUY, ALEX.
I'M HERE TO JUST LET LOOSE, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? IF THAT MEANS HOOKING UP WITH ONE OF MY ROOMMATES OR A GUY I MEET AT A CLUB, THEN IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
- I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT? VINNY WAS TRYING TO ROB MY LITTLE CHICK.
I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA TEACH HIM A LESSON RIGHT NOW.
THIS CHICK IS SUPPOSED TO BE HOOKING UP WITH YOU RIGHT NOW, BUT GUESS WHAT.
SHE'S HOOKING UP WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
AND I'M TAKING HER HOME TONIGHT.
- HELLO? - HI.
- HI.
- I JUST SPENT AN HOUR WAITING TO GET HOME.
- HOW COME? - 'CAUSE PEOPLE BROUGHT PEOPLE BACK.
BUT THAT'S NOT THE CASE RIGHT NOW.
THE CASE IS, I'M GONNA COOK SOME MEAT-A-BALLS AND GO TO BED.
- ANGELINA DOES NOT DESERVE JOSE, JUST BECAUSE HE'S A NICE KID, AND SHE'S A WHORE.
HE SHOULD HAVE FOUND ME FIRST, 'CAUSE I WOULDN'T SCREW HIM OVER LIKE THAT.
- CHEERS! - IT'S ON.
IT'S ON.
THIS IS MY BED.
THIS IS PAULY'S BED.
- OH, WOW.
YOU GUYS PROBABLY GET LAID SO MUCH, WITH YOUR, LIKE, LITTLE TRIPLE BEDS.
- WE GOT BACK TO THE HOUSE.
PAULY'S CHICK IS IN HIS BED.
MY CHICK IS IN MY BED.
MY CHICK HAS GOT MY SWEATPANTS ON.
PAULY'S CHICK HAS GOT HIS SWEATPANTS ON.
AND WE ABOUT TO GET TO THE BUSINESS.
- SUPER SEXY.
- HOLD ON TO THAT.
- JUST HANDCUFF ME TO THE BED.
- [laughing.]
- OH, MY GOD.
- SITUATION BEING SO AGGRESSIVE, IT BLEW UP IN HIS FACE.
- HAVE FUN PLAYING WITH YOURSELVES.
- WHAT? - I SEE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL I'VE SEEN IN MIAMI.
- I WANNA TAKE YOU OUT.
VINNY'S GONNA TAKE THAT GIRL TOO--THE ONE HE'S IN LOVE WITH.
WE GOT A DATE WITH TWO OF THE RAREST ROSES.
- TWO OF THE RAREST ROSES.
- VINNY WAS TRYING TO ROB MY LITTLE CHICK, BUT GUESS WHAT.
SHE'S HOOKING UP WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
AND WE ABOUT TO GET TO THE BUSINESS.
- OOH, GAG ME.
- OH, MY GOD.
ALL RIGHT, WE WANT A PORNO.
- [laughing.]
- SITUATION-- HIS STYLE IS, LIKE, SUPER OBNOXIOUSLY AGGRESSIVE.
- OH, MY GOD.
- SOMETIMES THAT WORKS OUT.
SOMETIMES IT DOESN'T.
IN THIS CASE, I USED THAT TO MY ADVANTAGE.
AND I DO, LIKE, THE SWEET, SMOOTH, COOL NICE-GUY STUFF FOR MY GIRL.
- [laughing.]
- AFTER ALL THIS-- "I FEEL BAD.
I GOT A BOYFRIEND.
" WHAT? YOU SHOULD HAVE FELT BAD AT THE CLUB WHEN I WAS GRABBING UP ON YOUR ASS.
WHAT THE-- WHAT THE [bleep.]
? DUDE-- - I WAS GONNA GET IT IN.
- I KNOW YOU WAS, BUT YOU COULD-- YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME THE HEADS-UP SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND.
I MEAN, I WAS STILL GETTING IT IN ALL NIGHT.
- THEY BOTH DO.
- OH, THEY BOTH DO? - SITUATION BEING SO AGGRESSIVE, IT TOTALLY BLEW UP IN, UH-- IN OUR FACE, AND WE BOTH DIDN'T BENEFIT FROM IT.
- BYE, VINNY.
HAVE FUN PLAYING WITH YOURSELVES.
- I HATE TO-- I HATE TO S-- - I HATE TO SEE YOU GO, BUT I LOVE TO WATCH YOU LEAVE.
- OH, [bleep.]
.
- YOU AND THAT ASS-- I WOULD'VE TAPPED THAT TILL YOU SLEEP.
- I GOT A LOT OF NUMBERS, THOUGH.
I'M GONNA HAVE THIS GIRL COME RIGHT NOW, I THINK.
- BRO, IT'S, LIKE, 6:00 IN THE MORNING.
IT'S GONNA BE PRETTY-- IT'S GONNA BE PRETTY HARD FOR SOMEBODY TO ROLL UP RIGHT NOW.
- [bleep.]
THAT, YOU KNOW? I'M CALLING HER RIGHT NOW.
- WE'RE UP, AND WE STILL WANNA GO.
SO PAULY'S LIKE, "YO, LET'S GET TO THE PHONES.
" - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR CHICK BOUNCED.
DID YOU TRY TO PUT IT IN HER [bleep.]
OR SOMETHING? - DUDE, I-- - WHY DID SHE LEAVE? - DUDE, I-- [dial tone, numbers dialing.]
[line ringing.]
- YOUR CALL HAS BEEN FORWARDED-- YOUR CALL HAS BEEN FORWARDED-- [numbers dialing, line ringing.]
YOUR CALL HAS BEEN FORWARDED-- YOUR CALL HAS BEEN FORWARDED-- - OH, LET'S GET SOME SLEEP.
LET'S GO TO BED.
HEY, YOUR TURN.
YOUR TURN, YOU CALL.
- NORMALLY, IF A GIRL COMES OVER AT, LIKE, 3:30 IN THE MORNING, YOU KNOW SHE'S DTF.
SO NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF A GIRL COMES OVER AT 6:30 IN THE MORNING, BUT I'M GONNA TAKE A SHOT.
[line ringing.]
- HELLO? - HELLO.
- HELLO.
- ARE YOU SLEEPING? - YES, I DID.
- TELL HER SHE CAN COME AND SLEEP HERE.
TELL HER SITUATION SAID YOU CAN COME SLEEP HERE.
- LIKE, SITUATION SAID YOU CAN COME SLEEP HERE, BUT YOU HAVE TO BRING YOUR GIRL.
- PERFECT.
ARE WE GONNA CUDDLE? I LIKE TO CUDDLE.
- YOU GOTTA BRING A HOT GIRL FOR MY FRIEND.
- I HAVE TO? IT'S A MUST? - YES.
- [laughs.]
- YOUR--THE FRIEND HAS TO BE HOT, NO GRENADES.
- WHO COMES THROUGH IN THE CLUTCH? - YEAH.
ALL RIGHT, SO HALF HOUR, 40 MINUTES? HOW LONG UNTIL YOU GUYS GET HERE? - YEAH, SOUNDS GOOD.
- WHOA.
[doorbell rings.]
- CHICKS ARE HERE.
- GOOD MORNING.
- YOU'RE GONNA TAG ALONG ON HIS DATE? - NO, WE GOT, LIKE, A SERIOUS DOUBLE-- - IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT'S TOO SERIOUS SINCE SHE'S LATE RIGHT NOW.
- IF HE COMES OUT, CAN YOU PLEASE NOT SAY ANYTHING? - ANGELINA IS THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY-- EVERYBODY GETS A RIDE, AND IT'S FREE.
- BRO, IT'S, LIKE, 6:00 IN THE MORNING.
- HELLO? - YOUR FRIEND HAS TO BE HOT, NO GRENADES.
[doorbell rings.]
- CHICKS ARE HERE.
- GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE.
- GOOD MORNING.
- HOW ARE YOU? - HOW ARE YOU? - I'M READY TO DO MY THING, AND THIS CHICK DON'T BRING NOBODY OVER.
- ALL MY FRIENDS ARE GRENADES.
- THEY ARE? - YEAH, FOR SURE.
- THAT'S MESSED UP.
- THAT'S ALL GOOD.
- THAT'S REAL, THOUGH.
AT LEAST SHE DID THAT FOR YOU.
- IT'S ALL GOOD.
- THAT'S WHAT'S UP.
- LIKE I SAID, HOW MANY GIRLS COULD YOU HAVE IN ONE DAY? - NO, IT AIN'T LIKE THAT.
- THAT'S MESSED UP.
TOO BAD FOR SITUATION, BUT SITUATION, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE NO CHICK FOR TONIGHT.
- I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA BE SMASHING FOR A LITTLE BIT.
[laughter.]
WHAT THE HELL? NOW I GOTTA GO SMASH MYSELF.
[girl laughing.]
THERE'S ONE THING I DON'T LIKE, IS MY BOY PAULY BRINGING HOME A GIRL, AND I DON'T.
IT NEVER HAPPENS.
IT NEVER HAPPENS.
AND THIS CHICK WAS JUST STRAIGHT, LIKE, WHATEVER.
SLAM PIG.
AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, YOU KNOW? BECAUSE I HAD A FIRST-ROW SEAT FOR--FOR A SLAM SESSION.
I SIT BACK WITH MY EGG SANDWICH.
AND I'M JUST EATING MY EGG SANDWICH, AND THEN ONCE IN A WHILE WHEN PAULY LOOKED AT ME, I'M LIKE "YEAH, DOG.
KEEP GOING, DOG.
" YOU WANT HALF? [laughter.]
[rock music.]
  - TO BE OUT OF THE HOUSE DOING SOMETHING DURING THE DAY FEELS AMAZING.
ME AND PAULY ARE PLAYING PADDLE BALL, AND GIRLS ARE COMING UP TO US, RUBBING OIL ON US.
IT'S PARADISE.
MIAMI BEACH IS PARADISE.
[laughter.]
- AFTER A BEAUTIFUL DAY AT THE BEACH, WE'RE GONNA HEAD HOME AND START GETTING THE NIGHT POPPIN'.
- I'M DEFINITELY GONNA HANG OU WITH JOSE TONIGHT.
- I WANT YOU TO HANG OUT WITH JOSE.
- WHY? - SO I CAN TALK TO JOSE AND TELL HIM WHAT A GREAT JOB HE'S DOING.
- NO, SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, IF HE COMES OUT, CAN YOU PLEASE NOT SAY ANYTHING? - WHAT? THAT YOU BANGED [bleep.]
VINNY AFTER THIS GUY TOOK YOU OUT 15 TIMES? - I JUST FEEL LIKE MIKE SHOULD STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS, WITH MY LIFE AND JOSE.
I'M, LIKE, REALLY NERVOUS.
- YOU'RE BAD.
- IF ANYBODY WOULD TELL JOSE SOMETHING, IT WOULD BE MIKE.
[line ringing.]
- HELLO? - HEY.
I'M GOING TO DREAM NOW.
- I'LL BE THERE, ALL RIGHT? - ALL RIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT, HONEY.
- BYE.
[dance music.]
  - ANGELINA'S A PIMP, YOU KNOW? SHE WAS LITERALLY ALL OVER VINNY'S [bleep.]
THE OTHER NIGHT, AND NOW TONIGHT SHE'S ALL OVER JOSE.
SHE GOT GAME.
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T HATE ON HER.
- ANGELINA WAS ALL OVER JOSE.
IT JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW GUILTY THE GIRL FEELS ABOUT SLEEPING WITH VINNY.
- ANGELINA WILL HOOK UP WITH ANYBODY IN THE HOUSE.
ANGELINA IS THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY-- EVERYBODY GETS A RIDE, AND IT'S FREE.
- MIKE WENT UP TO JOSE.
HE ACTUALLY SAID, "BRO, DID ANGELINA TELL YOU WHAT SHE HAD TO TELL YOU?" SOME PEOPLE THINK "HOOKING UP" MEANS KISSING.
SOME PEOPLE THINK "HOOKING UP" MEANS HAVING SEX.
WE DON'T GOTTA GO AHEAD AND TELL HIM ANY MORE.
- I CAN'T WAIT.
I'M GONNA [bleep.]
STAND THERE WITH MY FLOWERS, BRO.
RAMONA IS EVERYTHING I LOOK FOR IN A GIRL.
- PAULY'S CHICK'S OUT FRONT.
[dance music.]
  - MIKE WENT UP TO JOSE.
HE ACTUALLY SAID, "BRO, DID ANGELINA TELL YOU WHAT SHE HAD TO TELL YOU?" MIKE WAS AN [bleep.]
IN THAT SITUATION.
THAT'S [bleep.]
UP.
I DON'T THINK THAT IN LIFE, YOU HAVE TO TELL ANYBODY ANYTHING UNLESS THEY'RE YOUR BOYFRIEND, YOU HAVE A TITLE WITH THAT PERSON, OR UNLESS YOU'RE MARRIED TO THE PERSON.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? LIKE, HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND, SO I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.
SOME PEOPLE THINK "HOOKING UP" MEANS KISSING.
SOME PEOPLE THINK "HOOKING UP" MEANS HAVING SEX.
BUT IF HE'S GONNA THINK THAT I JUST KISSED VINNY, UM, THEN WE DON'T GOTTA GO AHEAD AND TELL HIM ANY MORE.
[giggles.]
- Â BLAST OFF Â - Â OOH-OOH Â - Â BLAST OFF Â - Â OOH-OOH Â Â BLAST OFF Â - WE ALL DECIDED TO GO TO TANTRA, AND I SEE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL I'VE SEEN IN MIAMI.
RAMONA IS EVERYTHING I LOOK FOR IN A GIRL.
AND THIS IS THE TYPE OF GIRL THAT YOU WOULD SERIOUSLY TAKE OUT ON A DATE.
GREAT PERSONALITY AS WELL.
SHE'S INTO ME.
I'M INTO HER.
FINALLY, THE HEAVENS HAVE ANSWERED, AND I FOUND A GIRL THAT, YOU KNOW, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO INTRODUCE TO MY FAMILY ONE DAY.
- THE CHICK I MEET-- THIS BEAUTIFUL CUBAN GIRL, ROCIO DOWN TO EARTH, AND SHE'S, LIKE, A REAL COOL GIRL.
SHE'S NOT A GIRL YOU TAKE HOME AND SMASH ONE NIGHT.
SHE'S, LIKE, A WIFEY TYPE, SOME GIRL THAT YOU BRING HOME TO YOUR MOTHER.
- THANKS FOR THE HOSPITALITY.
- ABSOLUTELY.
- INSTEAD OF EVEN ASKING ROCIO TO COME STAY THE NIGHT, I'M LIKE, "LET'S HANG OUT TOMORROW.
" I WANNA ACTUALLY GET TO KNOW HER, SO YOU GOTTA TREAT HER DIFFERENT.
[mellow acoustic guitar music.]
  - WHO'S CALLING FIRST, ME OR YOU? - I THINK YOU SHOULD CALL FIRST, ONLY BECAUSE IF YOURS SAYS NO, THEN MINE'S GONNA SAY YES.
- YEAH.
PAULY HAS THIS CHICK THAT HE MET THAT'S PRETTY SPECIAL TO HIM, AND I MET THIS GIRL RAMONA.
WE WANNA GO ON A DATE WITH THE TWO GIRLS, WHICH IS WEIRD FOR ME AND PAULY.
WE NEVER REALLY TAKE GIRLS OUT ON DATES, BUT SOMETIMES YOU MEET THE RIGHT GIRL THAT DESERVES TO BE WINED AND DINED AND, YOU KNOW, "WIFED" UP.
[line ringing.]
- HELLO? - HEY.
RAMONA? - YEAH? - IT'S VINNY.
- HEY! - UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TODAY-- TONIGHT? - TONIGHT I HAVE NO PLANS.
- NO? - UH-UH.
- IF YOU WANT, MY FRIEND, UH-- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW MY FRIEND PAULY WITH THE SPIKY HAIR? - MM-HMM.
- WE MIGHT GO TO, LIKE, A LITTLE RESTAURANT AND THEN MAYBE OUT AFTERWARDS.
HE MIGHT CALL SOME GIRL, AND I NEED, LIKE, A SYMPATHY DATE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 'CAUSE I DON'T WANNA BE LEFT OUT, SO - AW.
- YOU KNOW? IF YOU WANNA DO ME THAT FAVOR.
- ALL RIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT? SO I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL A LITTLE LATER ON.
- OKAY, SWEETHEART.
- ALL RIGHT.
BYE.
- BYE.
- WHOO! - IS SHE COMING? IS SHE GONNA COME? - WHOO-HOO! - IS SHE GONNA COME? [bleep.]
, THAT MEANS I GOTTA TELL MINE TO COME.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? OF COURSE YOU DO.
[line ringing.]
- HELLO? - HELLO? - HEY, PAULY, HOW ARE YOU? - HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS ME? - [laughing.]
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TONIGHT? - NOTHING.
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING PLANNED.
- I WANNA TAKE YOU OUT.
VINNY'S GONNA TAKE THAT GIRL TOO--THE ONE HE'S IN LOVE WITH.
- OH, THE DANCER? - YEAH.
SO I WAS GONNA TAKE THE GIRL I'M IN LOVE WITH.
- AW.
- AND THEN I FIGURED YOU CAN COME TOO.
[laughter.]
- THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
THAT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY.
- SHE STARTS LAUGHING.
SHE KNOWS IT'S A JOKE.
AND--BUT YOU GOTTA DO THAT TO BREAK THE ICE.
YOU GOTTA HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.
GIRLS LOVE THAT.
WE GOT A DATE WITH TWO OF THE RAREST ROSES.
- TWO OF THE RAREST ROSES.
- IN MIAMI.
- WE DON'T GO ON DATES.
- WHAT THE HELL'S A DATE? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
- HOW MANY IS THE RESERVATION FOR? - FOUR.
- WE GOTTA GET OUR HAIR CUT.
WE GOTTA GET A NEW OUTFIT.
I WANT EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT.
WHAT DO I WEAR? WHAT DO I WEAR? - WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME HELP WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE.
I NEVER REALLY WENT TO A FLORIST AND BOUGHT A GIRL, LIKE, REAL NICE FLOWERS.
WE'RE ACTUALLY TAKING THIS REALLY SERIOUSLY.
WE'RE TRYING TO REALLY IMPRESS.
- OH, YEAH.
- OH, THERE WE GO.
- THANK YOU.
- THIS GIRL RAMONA IS A QUALITY GIRL.
IF SOMEONE HANDS YOU A BENTLEY, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE GONNA KEEP DRIVING IT, YOU KNOW? AND THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT THIS GIRL.
[phone ringing.]
- FEEL BETTER NOW? - YES.
- I DO TOO.
- HELLO? - HEY, CAN I TALK TO VINNY, PLEASE? - WHO'S CALLING? - RAMONA.
- RAMONA.
- OH, THAT'S FOR ME.
- HERE YOU ARE.
- HELLO? - HEY, SWEETHEART.
- WHAT'S GOING ON? - HEY, LISTEN, UM - WHAT HAPPENED? - UM, YEAH.
I - GO AHEAD.
JUST GO.
JUST TELL ME WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO TELL ME.
[sighs.]
SO YOU DON'T WANNA COME TONIGHT? - NO.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I UNDERSTAND.
- I'M SORRY.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT.
[slams phone.]
- [sighs.]
- WE GOT A DATE WITH TWO OF THE RAREST ROSES.
- TWO OF THE RAREST ROSES.
SOMETIMES YOU MEET THE RIGHT GIRL THAT DESERVES TO BE WINED AND DINED, AND, YOU KNOW, "WIFED" UP.
- RAMONA.
- WHAT'S GOING ON? YOU DON'T WANNA COME TONIGHT? - NO.
I'M SORRY.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT.
[slams phone.]
IT'S A BLOW.
IT'S A BLOW TO ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? IT'S LIKE I GOT KICKED IN THE STOMACH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? THAT'S-- I WENT OUT THERE, PUT MYSELF OUT THERE.
YOU KNOW, I'M A GOOD GUY.
EVERY GIRL KNOWS THAT.
DON'T-- I HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.
- I ALREADY KNOW.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME.
- YOU KNOW, I TREAT SOME GIRLS LIKE I TREAT MY MOTHER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? LIKE GOLD.
AND THE FACT THAT THIS WAS ONE OF THEM, IT IS-- IT HURTS A LITTLE BIT.
[Ronnie laughing.]
- WHAT HAPPENED? - SHE DON'T WANNA CHILL.
- I GOT ANOTHER CHICK FOR YOU.
- NO, NO.
I JUST, UH-- I'M NOT, LIKE, IN A GOOD MOOD, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? SO - JUST TAKE A LITTLE TIME, CLEAR YOUR HEAD TAKE A SHOWER, AND YOU SHOW UP WITH A DIFFERENT GIRL.
- AND YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY LIKE THE CHICK.
- EVEN IF YOU DON'T, YOU'LL PROBABLY STILL [bleep.]
HER.
- OOH! - IS THAT, LIKE, OUR ROOM TONIGHT OR NO? - IF YOU WANT.
- OH, YEAH.
- [laughing.]
- WHAT'S GOOD, MAN? - ARE YOU GONNA RIDE OUT TONIGHT OR WHAT? - NO, I GOT A DATE.
- OH! - A HOT DATE TONIGHT.
- I LIKE IT.
- LOOK, HE EVEN BOUGHT HER FLOWERS.
- I LIKE IT-- ROMANTIC PAULY.
- WHEN I SAW THIS AND I CAME HERE TO DO MY HAIR-- - HE GOT HER TWO DIFFERENT TYPES, 'CAUSE IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE THOSE, THEN SHE'LL LIKE THOSE.
- NO, NO, NO.
NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED.
- OH.
YOU GOTTA TELL ME SOMETHING, THOUGH? - WELL I'LL BE HONEST, LIKE PAULY WAS GOING OUT WITH THE GIRL, AND HE GOT THESE FOR HER, I THINK.
AND THEN VINNY WAS SUPPOSED TO GO OUT WITH HER FRIEND, BUT THE FRIEND CAN'T GO.
ANYWAY, SO I FEEL BAD FOR HIM.
- SO NOW YOU HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR HIM A LITTLE? - EW, NO! [line ringing.]
- HELLO? - HEY.
- HEY! - SORRY I HUNG UP THE PHONE ON YOU BEFORE.
I WAS, LIKE, PISSED ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, LIKE, A MINUTE BEFORE, - UH-HUH.
- AND THEN YOU TOLD ME THAT, SO I WAS LIKE, [bleep.]
, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? BUT, UH - YEAH.
WHAT'S IT CALLED? NO, I WANTED TO JUST TALK TO YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I DO WANNA HANG OUT WITH YOU.
- YOU KNOW? - YEAH, I KNOW.
UH - IT'S JUST DINNER.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE.
- OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE SO CUTE.
- COME ON, PLEASE.
I GOT YOU REALLY NICE FLOWERS.
- OH.
- COME ON, PLEASE.
- AHH, I'LL SEE YOU.
- YOU CAN? ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU.
I'LL SEE YOU THEN.
- OKAY.
BYE.
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
- LOOK HOW HOT YOU LOOK LIKE THAT.
- THE BROWN WOULD BE GOOD, BUT THE THING IS - IT DON'T MATCH THE SHOES.
- IT DOESN'T-- IT'S THE WHITE STANDS OUT MORE.
- SHE SAID SHE'S GONNA BE HERE.
- WHAT? - YEAH.
- YOU FINAGLED IT? - I FINAGLED IT.
- YOU GOT SKILLS, KID.
- BUT WAIT.
I'M NOT GETTING EXCITED YET UNTIL SHE'S THERE.
- WHOA, YOU GOT SKILLS, KID.
- IT'S GOOD.
THERE YOU GO.
- ALL RIGHT, DOG.
- I CAN'T WAIT.
I'M GONNA [bleep.]
STAND THERE WITH MY FLOWERS, BRO.
AND LET THE [bleep.]
MUSIC PLAY.
SO I GOT MY HAIR CUT.
I GOT MY NEW CLOTHES.
AND I'M MINT.
I'M A BINK.
THAT'S WHAT ITALIANS CALL SOMEONE WHO'S FRESH-- A BINK.
- AH, [bleep.]
.
- YOU BOUGHT THAT SHIRT TODAY? - I'M TAKING ROCIO ON A DATE, AND NOW-- I HAVEN'T BEEN ON A DATE IN SUCH A LONG TIME.
I'M A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS.
I WANNA MAKE SURE EVERYTHING'S PERFECT.
I REALLY WANNA IMPRESS THIS GIRL.
[doorbell rings.]
- PAULY'S CHICK'S OUT FRONT.
MIGHT BE TAGGING WITH VINNY RIGHT NOW.
- YOU'RE GONNA TAG ALONG ON HIS DATE? - NO, WE GOT A, LIKE, A SERIOUS DOUBLE--YOU KNOW? - IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT'S TOO SERIOUS SINCE SHE'S LATE RIGHT NOW.
- AW.
- YOU LOOK NICE.
- HOW ARE YOU? - SO DO YOU.
- PAULY D.
I LIKE ROCIO.
SHE'S A REAL COOL GIRL.
I'M NOT EVEN LOOKING FOR OTHER CHICKS.
I WANNA SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS I CAN WITH HER WHILE I'M STILL IN MIAMI.
I'M DYING TO SNEEZE, AND I CAN'T.
IT JUST DOESN'T COME OUT.
[laughing.]
- THE WAY ROCIO IS, THOSE TYPE OF MORALS, THE WAY SHE ACTS-- LIKE, THAT'S WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR TO TIE PAULY D DOWN.
- "ARE YOU 'TOWKING' TO ME?" THAT'S HOW YOU GUYS TALK, RIGHT? THAT'S FUNNY.
- NO.
YOU SAY, "TALK" I SAY, "TOWK" - "TOWK".
IT'S FUNNY.
- AND "CAH".
WASH YOUR "CAH.
" - OH, WAIT.
WHAT WERE YOU SAYING YESTERDAY? YOU GO, "PAWKED CARS"? WHAT WAS IT YOU WERE SAYING? IT WAS HILARIOUS.
[Pauly laughing.]
[dial tone, numbers dialing.]
- THIS IS FUNNY.
SHE AIN'T ANSWERING.
- YOUR CALL HAS BEEN FORWARDED TO AN AUTOMATIC VOICE MESSAGE-- - IT CAME DOWN TO CONCLUSION THAT VINNY'S GIRL WAS NOT SHOWING UP.
AND I KNOW HE REALLY LIKES HER.
I'VE NEVER SEEN VINNY SAD AND UPSET LIKE THAT.
HONESTLY, I FEEL REALLY, REALLY BAD FOR HIM, UM, 'CAUSE THAT GIRL SEEMS LIKE SHE'S PLAYING HIM OUT, AND I DON'T LIKE THAT.
- TAKE ANOTHER DRINK, DOG.
YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
[sad pop music.]
  - TAKE CARE.
- I LOVE YOU, BABY BRO.
- I THOUGHT I WOKE UP IN A BAD NIGHTMARE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I GOT THESE FLOWERS.
I GOT A HAIRCUT.
I WANTED TO GO OUT WITH HER, AND THEN SHE DIDN'T COME.
- IF YOU WANT, COME WITH US.
LIKE, YOU CAN COME EAT WITH US.
IT'S NO PROBLEM.
  - YOU TRY NOT TO LET A GIRL BRING YOU DOWN, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, YOU CAN'T FIGHT WHAT YOU'RE FEELING SOMETIMES, AND, YOU KNOW, IT [bleep.]
SUCKS.
  - SEE YA.
- TOM FOUND A FRIEND'S NUMBER IN MY PHONE BOOK THAT HE ASKED ME BEFORE I LEFT NOT TO TAKE DOWN, BUT I DID.
- LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT IS THIS THING? WHAT IS IT? - EW! IT'S A PAD.
- ANGELINA, CLEAN THIS [bleep.]
UP, YOU DIRTY HAMSTER YOU.
- CAN YOU STOP STARTING WITH ME, MIKE? 'CAUSE I'VE [bleep.]
HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR [bleep.]
.
- MAYBE IF YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE A [bleep.]
TAMPON - ALL RIGHT, JUST SHUT THE [bleep.]
UP! - YOU SHUT THE [bleep.]
UP! - GET OUT OF MY FACE!