Jersey Shore s04e08 Episode Script
Where Is My Boyfriend?
- I'm gonna be there in three weeks, baby.
- You are the best guy I've ever met, and I wanna suck the butt.
- You're embarrassing me.
What are you doing? You're so stupid.
- I'm sorry.
That's me.
- Don't be stupid.
- I'm trying to change.
I'm trying.
- Slow down.
[Horn honks.]
- Oh, my God! [Glass shatters.]
- We hit the cop.
They're getting out stretchers? Really? [Breathalyzer beeping.]
- [Speaks in italian.]
- Don't do this.
[Lmfao's get crazy.]
- Let's party, get loud - I'm going to Jersey shore, bitch! - All right, we got a situation.
- I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet.
- [Laughs.]
- After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.
- Go, vinny! Go, vinny! - Do you like the boobs? Do something crazy Adriano_CSI - [Sighs.]
Okay, I'm dizzy.
- Okay, 0.
0.
- Yes.
- Go, go.
[Horns honking.]
Come on! - We need your driving license- - but they're bringing it w.
They're just two seconds away.
- It's the same.
- I don't wanna go in the back of a cop car ever again.
- Keep going, keep going, keep going, come on, come on.
- The boys were taking too long, because of the traffic, to bring Nicole the license, so they're like, "we have to take you guys away.
" - Let's go.
- Don't do this.
Please! - See? Out the door.
Go.
[Horns honking.]
- This is so embarrassing.
I don't wanna do this again.
- Please.
I don't wanna go there.
This sucks.
Ow! Ow! - Keep going, keep going.
Come on! [Siren wailing.]
- [Bleep.]
My life! [Tow truck beeping.]
- Where's Nicole? Where's Nicole? Scusa.
Scusa.
- I don't see Nicole.
All I see is the car getting towed away, and I don't know what that means.
I don't know if Nicole's locked up.
I mean, she hit a cop.
- [Speaking in italian.]
- Oh, she went? You took her? - We're like, "oh, [Bleep.]
!" Like, this is serious.
- Do we have to go pick her up or what? - Yeah.
Anything could happen.
They could kick us out of Italy.
We're all [Bleep.]
.
Bye, fiat! [Siren wailing.]
- Stuck in a dike will you show your spike we'll be there we'll be there to care for you - Let me out.
We sat in the waiting room for two hours or so- at least- and, uh, molta, molta paperwork.
And once that was, uh, terminale, you know, we got team meatball and got out of there.
- Thanks for saving us.
- Did your life flash before your eyes? - Yes.
I'm not allowed to drive in Italy anymore.
They took my license.
But even if I did have a license, I wouldn't drive.
Like, [Bleep.]
That.
Drive safe.
- Yo, you [Bleep.]
up my fiat, girl, but I'm glad you're okay.
Snooki isn't going to jail.
She's not arrested.
She just has a lot of fines.
And we're not getting kicked out of Italy.
- You're funny.
We have to call- - I don't know where I'm going.
- Now it's like I need a cocktail.
Well, what are you gonna do? [Bleep.]
Happens.
Just gonna pay the fine, and that's it.
Whatever.
What are you gonna do? - Grazie.
- Where'd you go? - Got into an accident.
- What? Wait, tell me.
- We got into a [Bleep.]
accident, and we hit a cop car.
- Who, you? - Yes.
We're going around the bend, traffic sucks - I'm, like, holding on for dear life.
- Did you hurt yourselves? - No.
I'm, like-I'm still just shaken up about it.
[Sighs.]
- As long as you guys are okay, like - Yeah.
- I went to jail! Again! - Oh, my God.
[Line ringing.]
- Hello? - Ciao.
- I'm really excited.
I started to pack a little bit.
- Of course I'm excited.
- I can't wait to see you.
You have no idea.
- I know! - I mean it so bad.
- Guess what? - What? - I got into a car accident today.
- What do you mean? - I ran into a cop car.
- Were you drunk? - No! - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
- Oh.
You know Roger's not coming? - What? - He just texted me saying he's having a problem with work.
- Oh, [Bleep.]
.
Jionni was supposed to come and visit with Roger.
I can only imagine if Jionni is like, "I can't come.
" I would jump off this [Bleep.]
balcony onto the street and kill myself.
Like, I can't.
I miss you, and I love you, and I can't wait to see you.
- Love you too.
Bye.
- Bye.
Boo-boo! - Yeah? - You have to call Roger.
- Yeah, I know.
- Like, right now.
- Why? What happened? - Why? - 'Cause Jionni - he's talking to Jionni , and he doesn't think he can get off work.
He said work is, like, really hard right now.
- That's ridiculous.
- I know.
- That's a bunch of bull[Bleep.]
.
- I knew that was gonna happen.
- That's bull[Bleep.]
.
- Call him right now.
- I don't even want to.
Gotta be kidding me.
I knew this was gonna [Bleep.]
happen.
Since the second I got here, I have been planning for Roger to come.
I instantly wanna, like, throw up.
[Buttons beeping.]
[Linringing.]
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
Jionni just told me, um, you can't get off of work? - Yeah, I can't take the time off, 'cause I didn't have enough notice.
So I put in for it, but it got, uh, denied.
- [Sighs.]
- Hello? - Sorry.
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
I'm just upset you can't come.
I really missed you.
- I miss you.
- [Sobbing.]
- I'm sorry.
I mean, it's kind of out of my hands.
- I know.
I just wanted to see you.
That's it.
- Well, and I wanted to see you.
- All right.
Love you.
- All right, love you.
- Have a good day.
- Love you.
- That sucks.
Ugh.
Should've known better.
- What? - I should've known better Not to get my hopes up like this.
- [Sighing.]
Oh, man.
Oh, jenni.
- I just had so much planned.
- Jeez.
[Door clicks shut.]
- [Kiss.]
You'll be back.
- Ugh, I hate that feeling.
Maybe we should go out and, l like, have a good time.
- I could probably use a drink.
- Get your mind off of it.
You know? I can totally see where jenni's coming from, and I'm just like, "I think I need to get her "out of the house and just get her mind off of things.
" - Are you going out? - Yeah, I could use something.
Like, I need to breathe.
[Blow-dryer humming.]
I need to get out of here.
- Sam! - I'm coming! Just putting my shoes on.
- You know, I'm still shaking from the accident.
I just need to, like, take a breather, stay home tonight to relax my nerves.
I'll see you hookers later.
- Tonight is jenni's night.
Let's go to astor, let's have some drinks, and, you know, we'll have a girls' night.
- Let's get out of here.
- [Coughs.]
- Oh.
- Oh, it's on tonight.
- Let's go, boys.
It's boys' night out.
You know, m.
V.
P.
Plus Ronnie is Mr.
v.
P.
- [Speaking italian.]
- All right.
- Let's get jenni a little tipsy.
It's her night tonight! - So we sit down, we start taking some shots, and, you know, we just wanted jenni to get her mind off things, and it looks like she's having a good time.
- I wanna dance.
[Electronica playing.]
- So tonight let's have a good [Bleep.]
time.
[Techno music playing.]
- Ow, ow-ooh! - [Laughs.]
- You're from Australia? - Yeah, Australia.
- D.
T.
F.
? - Yeah, exactly.
- I'd have to say the club space had a so much better ratio between hot dog buns and hot dogs that I am determined to get it in tonight.
[Horns honking.]
- Um, it took me like 24 hours to get here.
- That's impossible.
You didn't have two 12-hour flights.
[Doorbell ringing.]
- Somebody's here.
- Tell 'em you're by yourself.
- Oh, my God.
[Doorbell ringing.]
Hold on.
What the hell? Hello? I hear the doorbell ring.
I know it's not the roommates, 'cause it's too early.
Up here! Who are you? - It's Brittany! It's Brittany! Let me in! - What the hell? So I look downstairs, and it's [Bleep.]
Brittany.
So I'm like, okay, option one, I could ignore her and say, "[Bleep.]
Off.
You're a stalker.
" Or number two, I can bring her in and put her in Mike's bed, so when Mike comes home with a chick, he's [Bleep.]
.
Dude, she's such a dumb blonde.
Mike has been talking [Bleep.]
behind my back or whatever.
You know, just being an ass[Bleep.]
.
So I was like, let's go with option two, because I'm alone and I'm bored.
- Where'd you go? - Well, this girl- - [burps.]
- Mike has, like, a stalker.
- What? - Did you just throw up? - Where's Mike? - Oh, let me call you back in like ten minutes, 'cause Brittany just got here.
- Okay.
- All right, bye.
Okay.
- You have to show me.
- Where he is? - Yes! I don't know.
- Still at the bar.
- Which taxi - It's situation.
- She's fine.
- Why are you here right now? Say why you're here right now.
- I like Mike because he's different.
- He is really different.
He's out there.
- [Laughs.]
He's spontaneous.
- Whoa! Just playing with your hair.
So cute.
- [Speaks in italian.]
- Lisa.
[Speaks in italian.]
- But, listen, like, we're really close, and he told me that he wants you to come over every single day, and call him, like, every single day, and, like, he wants flowers from you.
- Really? - Yeah.
[Doorbell ringing.]
- Sam's gotta pee! - Like, dude, I thought I was psycho and crazy.
This bitch is [Bleep.]
beyond psycho and crazy.
I don't even know what to call it.
Like, you're a wildebeest.
- What am I gonna do? - Just stand here, and I'll tell you when to pop out.
- Okay.
- Nicole! - Get up the stairs.
- Nicole! Nicole! Nicole! - Whoo! All: [Screaming, cheering.]
- I have a surprise for Mike.
- Oh, no.
- Promise me you're not - Surprise! [Laughs.]
- Oh.
Nicole just pulled the ultimate prank, bringing Brittany up to our house.
- Go lay in his d.
He's coming.
- Lay in his bed.
Get it, girl! - He's gonna be here in like ten minutes, brit! - Take a little nap, brit.
- Can we get lights out in that room? - You know what, Mike? That's for you talking [Bleep.]
about me and my man and just being a [Bleep.]
bad friend to me.
[Laughing.]
She is out.
[Doorbell ringing.]
- You are both coming in, eh? - Oh, God, I'm gonna poop my pants I'm so excited! - Oh, my God.
- No way.
Uh, this is gonna be tough to get out of.
- Where's my boyfriend? - He's running away from you! - Nobody talk to me! Nobody talk to me! - What the [Bleep.]
? - Go lay in his bed.
He's coming.
- Oh, God, I'm gonna poop my pants I'm so excited! [Doorbell ringing.]
- Yo, how do you say something? - Open the door.
- Yo, who goes here? - It's me! Open the [Bleep.]
door! - I'm gonna give my girl a haircut.
- All right, that's my hot tub room.
[Laughs.]
- [Coughs.]
Um What happened here? - Who's in bed? - I don't know who that is in my bed, dude.
- I see a foot.
- I see a foot in my bed, but - Um - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God, eh? Oh, my goodness! No way! - What's going on, bro? - Bro! - Aah! What the hell? - Wow.
- Uh, this is gonna be tough to get out of.
- Hey, Brittany.
- Hilarious.
- Mike.
- So weird, bro.
- Oh, my God.
- Mike sees Brittany, and he's like, "what the hell is going on?" And I'm like, "yup.
Hi.
I did that.
" Yeah.
Like, don't talk [Bleep.]
about me, or I'm gonna get you.
- She's your new girl.
- No, she just- she lives here.
- Really? - All the time.
Yeah.
- Aw, no.
- I got this Australian chick, who I have to find out if she's d.
T.
F.
Brittany's already in my bed.
All right, then just go that way for a second.
Just stay right there.
Just one second.
So I just say, "hey, you know what? "I already got a bun in the oven.
"No need to warm another one up.
Time to go home, Australian chick.
" - Ciao.
- [Laughs.]
- Yo.
- Ew.
- Biatch.
- Ohh! - You're welcome, Mike! You [Bleep.]
froot loop! So my prank on Mike backfires.
I mean, I'm kind of pissed off about it.
We [Bleep.]
helped him out.
Not cool.
- We did him a favor.
- Cool prank.
- Ciao, Bella.
- Boo? - Meh! - Meh! - I'm freaking out! - Why? - I don't know.
- Don't freak out.
Your man's almost here.
It must be nice.
- Mm! Jionni 's flying in soon, and I'm freaking out.
- Spread your legs.
I'm going in.
- He hasn't seen me in like a month, so I don't want him to think I'm fat, or, like, pale, or gross.
I definitely wanna look sexy, but I don't know what to wear.
[Buttons beeping.]
- Nicole is jumping, like, all over the place, trying to figure out an outfit for when Jionni comes.
Nicole is, like, strutting new outfits every single five seconds.
That's nighttime.
- [Stomping.]
- She's trying to pick out an outfit for Jionni .
She's excited.
- I look like a cop, but Jionni 's gonna think I'm hot, 'cause my [Bleep.]
are out.
I can't freakin' breathe right now! - Ciao, bellissima.
- Where's Jionni? - How long? - I don't know.
I'm freaking out.
- Is he here yet? - No.
- I'm getting nervous now.
- I'm freaking out.
You have no idea.
I'm never freaking out like this, like, ever before.
- Why? - I don't know.
- Don't worry.
We'll take good care of him.
- Be nice, please.
- We will be nice.
Of course we will.
- So snooki's nervous for Jionni coming for numerous reasons.
She hooked up with situation that she kind of told Jionni about.
And the whole deena "les-be-honest" experience.
So when Jionni gets here, a lot of [Bleep.]
is gonna pop off.
I don't know really what's gonna come out, but it's gonna be nuts.
- I'm just thinking way too much.
Just, like, seeing him- - like, about the first moment? - Yeah! Oh, my God.
That's what's making me nervous.
- Snooki! - What? - Come here! - No, I'm scared.
- Doorbell! - Shut up! No, you're lying! - So bad, bro.
- You're lying! - Snooki, if he really was here, that was a poor response time.
You should never keep a man waiting.
- You just gave me a heart attack.
- Nice.
- Ugh.
Oh, my God! [Doorbell ringing.]
- Ohh! - Oh, my God! - It's not me this time! - Yeah, buddy! Yeah, buddy! - Are you here, or is this a [Bleep.]
joke? Oh, my God! [Sobbing.]
Oh, my God.
- Did you miss me? - Mm-hmm.
- You all right? - No! Oh, my God, come inside.
Come inside, come inside.
Ohh.
Come on.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
[Doorbell ringing.]
- We don't want any.
Get the hell out of here.
- Ohh.
- Anybody comes close to me, I'll kick 'em.
- Mike tells me him and Jionni have beef.
- What is wrong with you? - Yeah, relax.
Do your thing, kung fu panda.
- Look at me.
What happened? - [Sobbing.]
- Nicole is a wreck.
Emotional wreck.
- I hate him! - Are you here, or is this a [Bleep.]
joke? Oh, my God! I've been waiting for you for like two hours! Couldn't even breathe.
I changed my outfit Hello? - Hold me! I'm so glad you're here! What are you gonna wear tonight? - Oh, my God.
Jionni 's, like, my world.
Jionni 's like crocadilly, but alive.
- Hi! - Yo! - Hi, babe.
Nicely tan.
- You know What's up? - Yothis girl's crying, waiting for you, son.
- I know.
What's up, man? How ya doing? - Pretty good.
- Let's go in the smush room.
- Hold on.
I gotta shower, though.
- No! - I'll be real quick.
- I really don't care to introduce him to anybody.
Everybody knows who he is.
You know, I don't wanna give you the tour 'cause I'm so [Bleep.]
horny.
I just wanna bring you to the smush room.
I don't think you need to shower.
Just, like, let's-come on.
- I'll be real quick.
- I understand you've been traveling for, like, a while, but, dude, we have plans right now.
Ah, dude, [Bleep.]
.
Smush room.
Febrezing and, you know, like, doing everything to the bed.
Just making sure, like, we don't get diseases.
Boo? Whoa! Come with me.
Come on.
- Second shelf.
- What's going on? I didn't say hi to you yet.
You got work? - Everything's good, brother.
How's everything? - Good.
- Smush.
We're gonna smush.
You look so cute.
- That guy, he's very curious about me.
I don't like it.
I think he knows.
- Knows what? - I think he knows.
Snooki walked in, and got all turned on, and immediately got on her [Bleep.]
And started [Bleep.]
my [Bleep.]
.
- Wow.
You swear to God? - I swear on my sister.
- I don't think he has a problem with you.
- You know, I got my guard up, so - Got your feet up? - Oh, hell yeah.
out today.
- I just needed to get it in.
I needed to touch your freakin' tan [Bleep.]
.
[Laughs.]
I shouldn't have said that, but his [Bleep.]
is tan, and I love it.
- Mike just told Jionni that snooki, uh, [Bleep.]
Him.
- No way.
- No, I'm kidding.
- I'm waiting for that.
Is that gonna happen? - I'm not saying anything, but I don't want anybody coming a foot close to me.
One foot.
- What do you mean? What do you mean? - As long as that one- - you got his feet up, bro.
- As long as they're one foot apart, they're good.
Anybody comes close to me, asking questions, I'm kicking 'em.
- What is wrong with you? - Yeah, relax.
Let's just have a good night tonight, and that's all.
Mike's new thing is karate.
- [Muttering.]
- Oh, my God, all right, Mike.
Do your thing, kung fu panda.
- Once you see what I'm wearing tonight - Put your clothes on.
- Babe, come on, relax.
- We're leaving in about 25 minutes.
- Should I wear this or, like, the other thing? - Yeah, there you go.
I love that dress.
- Yum! - [Speaks in italian.]
- What happened to your first outfit? Change your outfit? - [Laughing.]
High-five to that one.
Well, snooki's dress looks like a swimsuit, to be honest with you.
I mean, it's just like- it really doesn't even come, like, below her cuca at all.
- I didn't see the first outfit.
- So if we were in a club, it would be like - Oh, my God.
Get out of here.
- Mike! Jenni! Sammi! [Speaks in italian.]
- You get in the other side.
- Um, then, you know, I think he already knows.
And if he come up to me, I'm gonna tell him the truth, like, detail to detail, and if he come too close, I'm kicking him.
So I'm letting y'all know so if y'all wanna break it up, you know what I mean? - Manduca right there, see? See, there it is.
- So we get to manduca, and, you know, it's outdoors.
It's nice.
It's a typical Italy club.
But right away I'm like, "I need to go to the bar.
" We're in Italy, babe! - Your balls are out.
- My balls aren't out.
Shut up.
[Dance music playing.]
- This floor has Good grip.
- Mike, ever since he got into the fight with Ronnie, he thinks he has to have his guard up all the time.
And by his guard, I mean his feet.
- No, I'll just be like [Thwack.]
Between me and you, I've never been caught with my guard down.
It's like, if Jionni came up to me and winked, I'd kick him in his head.
- Mike tells me him and Jionni have beef.
And I'm like, "dude, you're a [Bleep.]
idiot.
"That is not true.
Nicole's boyfriend could care two [Bleep.]
about you.
" - Ugh.
- I was only caught with my guard down once.
With him, 'cause I didn't know that we were gonna fight.
- You never fought.
You hit yourself.
- [Grunts.]
- I can't wait for Mike to, like, kick in the air and then slip on a banana, and, like, break his ankle.
What is wrong with you? - Turn your head.
Turn your head that way.
Turn your head that way.
- Why? What are we doing? - I have never loved something so much in my entire life.
- Me and Jionni , we're gonna have guido babies.
I know it.
I can't wait to pop those suckers out.
They're gonna be so [Bleep.]
cute and tan.
I [Bleep.]
Love you.
Ugh! I'm so excited.
Ugh, I hope I have a c-section, 'cause I don't want it to [Bleep.]
up my vagina.
- Look at her, look at her, look at her, look at her.
- Yeah, I'm star-struck by you I'm star-struck - Weird.
- I don't wanna be by him.
- You don't gotta worry.
We all roll out.
- Ron, this kid's giving me looks, dawg.
- Just do what you gotta do.
- What's going on? - No, I just feel like when Mike's around us- - well, is he saying anything? - No, but he's, like, by us.
And like, he talks so much [Bleep.]
about- - just get away from him.
- It's annoying.
- What's the matter? What's the matter? - Mike's being annoying and obviously a [Bleep.]
.
- I'm watching Nicole and Jionni 's ear, saying be worried about Mike, but she doesn't realize what she's saying or doing is going to have serious consequences.
- We're gonna go to twenty one.
You guys are gonna come.
- We're gonna switch it up a little bit.
- Yeah.
- All right, cool.
- Nicole's, like, on edge right now.
Like, things are on edge.
- Let's go to twenty one! Let's go! - You never know what Mike's gonna do.
- What happened? - Jionni , the fact that he's getting upset that Nicole did something a little skanky is ridiculous.
- Jionni , stop! - Let's go to twenty one! Let's go! - Come on! - Yo, dawg, I feel like he's giving me weird looks.
Three seconds later he comes up to me, and he goes, "yo, dawg, do your thang.
" - Who said that? - This guy.
He comes up to me.
He goes, "yo, dawg, do your thang.
I respect you," meaning "what up?" - Mike is paranoid about Jionni .
Because of what happened with snooki and Mike in the past, Mike's having an imaginary confrontation in his head right now.
- Yo, if you wanna talk to him, knock yourself out.
- Yeah, bro, for real, but I just wanna kick it.
[Laughter.]
Oh Yeah? - Yeah, let's get - All right, ciao.
Go inside and get me a drink.
[House music playing.]
- Yo, I don't wanna, like, kick your boyfriend in the head, but I feel like he's looking at me.
Is there a problem? Tell me right now.
- If Mike says anything to Jionni , I'm legit gonna punch Mike in the face.
Mike, he's not looking at you, so relax.
- Okay.
- Mike is not gonna break me and Jionni up, because Jionni is the guy that I'm gonna marry.
I wanna dance on that.
- Everybody can see your [Bleep.]
.
- [No audible dialogue.]
- You're dancing like a [Bleep.]
whore.
Stop.
- Come here.
- Stop.
- Are you done? You don't want to talk to me? Bye.
- What happened? - She's embarrassing me.
- Jionni! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Let her [Bleep.]
embarrass herself.
You're not embarrassing yourself.
Stop! You just heard me.
- Jionni! - You just heard me.
- Where did he go? Where did he go? - Let's hope-he's out there.
- No, wait, Nicole.
- No! - Nicole- - [Bleep.]
You guys.
Where the [Bleep.]
did he go? Where did he go? Whoa! Jionni! Jionni! Jionni , get back here.
Mmi will kill you in two seconds.
- There goes Nicole.
- Oh.
We're just- this is just pointless.
I'm not getting involved.
- Jionni .
Jionni , stop! - All right, let's be serious, bro.
- There goes Ronnie.
- Where are you going? Stop! - Jionni! Jionni! Snook! Snook! Snook! Snooki! - Stop! Get over yourself! - Snooki.
Snooki.
Stop.
- Get over yourself.
I just wanna [Bleep.]
lay with you.
What is wrong with you? - Go to jenni, go to jenni.
- Nicole, please stop.
- Don't talk to me right now.
- Look at what you're doing.
Please stop.
- No! - Please stop! - No, don't- - you're doing it to him.
- Nobody [Bleep.]
talk to me! Nobody talk to me! - What the [Bleep.]
went on? - Nobody's doing it! - I don't care! - You're doing it! - Like, what the [Bleep.]
? - Man up and realize that you're acting like an ass[Bleep.]
! You're acting like a [Bleep.]
ass[Bleep.]
! - So where is he going, jenni? - He's running away from you! - You're such a bitch.
- I am a bitch.
But I'm giving you a [Bleep.]
reality check.
- Don't talk to me.
I don't want you near me.
- I don't care if you don't wanna talk to me.
I'm trying to protect your boyfriend! - Don't get near me! Don't talk to me! - I am trying to protect your boyfriend.
- Don't touch me.
- I'm not touching you.
- Don't get near me.
- I'm giving you a reality check.
- I hate you! Where's my boyfriend? - Like, I get it.
She's drunk.
She yelled at me.
I'm gonna put that aside for the next 20, 30 minutes, and I just need to find this kid for my best friend.
- [Sobbing.]
- Jionni! - [Whines.]
Where the [Bleep.]
is my boyfriend? Where is my boyfriend? I don't deserve this right now! - Jionni! - Why did he leave me like that? - I know, I know.
- Where's my boyfriend? Jionni! - I don't deserve this right now! - Can't even run in these shoes on this cobblestone.
- Go [Bleep.]
piss off, you [Bleep.]
stupid taxi cab! You're so stupid.
I hate you.
- Nicole is drunk right now.
That's what it is.
- Jio! It's me, dawg.
It's Ronnie.
It's just me, dawg.
No one else.
Right now I'm chasing Jionni blocks after blocks after blocks.
I just don't want him to leave snooki, because I kind of see, like, the old me and Sam with them two.
- As you being you, okay- okay, you saw Sam ripping up her skirt, [bleep.]
Whole chach hanging out, dancing.
- It's a [Bleep.]
- up position, bro.
- I was fine all night.
I was fine all night.
She lifted it up literally up to here.
Then she started getting crazy.
Like, come on.
- It's the life you walked into.
It's the life you walked into.
- I'm walking out.
I'm walking out.
- Is that what you really- you wanna walk away from her? - I have to.
- You serious? - I have to, I have to.
- She picked you up at seaside.
Like, think about it.
Like, but at the same time, I see his point-of-view.
Can't keep acting like single snooki when you have a boyfriend.
You act like girlfriend snooki.
As a real man, like, talk to her.
- Ugh! - [Sobbing.]
- Ow! Ow! I know you don't want me to touch you.
- Why did he leave me like that? - I know, I know.
I know.
Come here.
- Jionni! Please! My [Bleep.]
ankles can't take this [Bleep.]
! So if you hear me, [Bleep.]
Come out! Ow! My feet will be bleeding by the end of this night.
Only 'cause I love her.
Only 'cause I [Bleep.]
love her.
Well, at least I get to say I walked [bleep.]
Florence barefoot.
- Look at me, look at me.
What happened? - [Sobbing.]
- Nicole is a wreck.
Emotional wreck.
It's extremely heartbreaking.
Like, I feel like crying over this whole thing.
Whatever you're feeling, let's just go.
- Come on.
- Take her in the cab.
There's a cab for you guys.
Take her in the cab.
- Go in, baby.
Go in.
- Jionni! - You're going with them.
Sam.
- You're okay.
- I hate him! I [Bleep.]
Hate him! - No, stop.
Nicole, Nicole.
- I [Bleep.]
Hate him! I hate him! - Okay, we get it.
We know, we know.
- Let's go.
[Speaks in italian.]
- Why did he do that to me? - [Speaking in italian.]
- Why did he do that to me? - I know, I know, I know.
- [Sobbing.]
- I really have to pee bad.
- Jionni! - You know what? Me and Nicole are the exact same person - It's fine.
Let's go.
- So I have to talk to her.
- Let's go.
- Please stop.
Leave me alone.
- No, you can't be alone.
- Please! - Us girls always stick together.
We're like sisters, so, like, I'm not leaving this girl's side.
You're not being alone down here.
You can be alone upstairs.
- Did you see him? - Who? - Tell her she can be alone upstairs.
She's not being [Bleep.]
alone down here, 'cause there's [Bleep.]
creeps.
- Snooks, what's wrong, baby? - You're okay.
- What's wrong with her? - Just let her be, Mike.
- Okay.
- [Sobbing.]
- You're fine.
- What happened? What the [Bleep.]
? - Who cares.
- [Laughs.]
- Snookies, please.
- Come on, Nicole.
- Come on.
Come on.
- [Sobbing.]
- He has to come back.
He has to come back here.
Jionni , the fact that you're getting upset that Nicole did something a little skanky is, like, you know, ridiculous.
His stuff is upstairs, right? His passport, everything? All right, good.
So you have collateral.
So he can't leave you.
- I'm not even thinking about that.
It's just- - Jionni! - You know how it is when you get into a fight and then you need to cool down.
- [Sobbing.]
- He's coming back.
I promise.
And then when he comes back, you're gonna feel like, "what the hell was I crying for all this time?" - [Sighs.]
- Breathe.
Good job.
Everything is okay.
I promise.
- I just- I just wanna go.
- Where do you wanna go? Tell me.
- I'm just gonna go to sleep then.
I'm over this.
[Sniffling.]
Sillily I'm thinking about all the things I should've said yeah - Jionni! Jionni! - Jionni! Jionni! I feel like I've been walking for hours.
I don't know what to do at this point.
I can't find this [Bleep.]
kid anywhere.
My feet are [Bleep.]
bleeding.
And I just left.
- Where'd Jionni go? - All over [Bleep.]
Florence.
- Did you go after him? - Yeah, I screamed "Jionni " I begged him to come out.
- What happened? - She showed her vagina and boobs on the dance floor.
He got embarrassed.
He told her to stop.
- Oh, whoa.
Jionni knew what he was getting himself into.
He should be more secure.
That's no way to handle your problems, my dude.
- I feel so terrible for him.
- I actually- I actually feel [Bleep.]
terrible for him, and I feel terrible for her.
Like, I know how me and Ron are, but, like- - now you see why we get involved and what it does to us.
- Yeah, that was bad.
Holy [Bleep.]
.
- And you can't help but to feel you have to be involved.
- That's my friend.
Like, I feel like, that no matter- no matter how wrong she is, I feel like I should help her.
I feel terrible.
I really do.
- Can we do anything for you? - Anything.
- Don't talk to me.
- That's fine.
I will- I will do that for you, girl.
I feel [Bleep.]
terrible.
- Don't [Bleep.]
like this [Bleep.]
.
- I don't know what to do.
- I'm gonna stay away like I always do.
- You know what you can do? Get your [Bleep.]
ass in the kitchen and make me a cheeseburger.
- I want a double cheeseburger.
- You want one or two? - [Blows on flame.]
Yeah, buddy.
- We're gonna grill some burgers, wait for Jionni to come back, and wait for this to pop off.
Who do you have to [Bleep.]
around here to get a hot dog? Not you, I hope.
Oh, we're having it Al dente.
[Laughs.]
- That's what's up.
You like dark meat.
- Jeez.
Yo! I hope you guys like your food cooked! 'Cause it's [Bleep.]
burnt.
- [Laughs.]
- Good luck with that.
- [Sobbing.]
[Doorbell ringing.]
- Where are you going? Where are you going right now? Honestly, where are you going right now? Where are you going right now? - I don't know.
Relax.
Stop.
Relax.
- Where are you going right now? - Relax.
- You [Bleep.]
left me worried.
- Get away from me.
- Why me? - Get away from me.
- Why me? Like- - go.
Get away from me.
Get away from me.
- No! I'm not gonna get away from you, you ass[Bleep.]
.
- [Sighs.]
There goes my life.
- What do you mean, you [Bleep.]
psycho? I [Bleep.]
Waited for you! What are you talking about? You're so mean! I hate you! You're so mean! - You hate me? - You're so mean what are you talking about? I [Bleep.]
Love you, you [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
! What the [Bleep.]
is wrong with you? I hate you! - Alright, bye.
Then leave.
- What are you talking about "leave"? What are you talking about? I wanna be with you.
Why are you doing this? What did I do to you? - Calm down.
What'd you do to me? You were on the stage, you took your skirt, went like that, and lifted it up.
- Babe, why do you have to lie? - No.
Did you do that? Did you do it? Did you? - No.
- Did you do it? Just say it.
- No.
- You did.
Don't even lie.
- No.
- See ya.
You can walk away.
Get out.
You screwed up with me.
- No.
- You did.
- Stop, babe.
Just stop.
- So just go over there.
- Stop.
- Get out of here.
I'm done with this.
I'm done with you.
I don't need a girl who'll lift up her skirt on a stage.
Get out of here.
See ya.
You're single.
- I feel so bad for this kid.
- Now I know what you guys [Bleep.]
go through with me.
- Yeah, I just explained to her this is Ron and Sam last year.
- And we never knew what to do.
- We never knew what to do.
- Watching Nicole and Jionni , it's like a movie of me and Ron.
Like, I go through this all the time, and now I'm on the other side of it, and I don't like it.
Now I [Bleep.]
get it.
I'm sorry.
- No, no, no.
Don't worry about it.
- [Sniffling.]
I want to go home.
He's my boyfriend.
It's not even funny anymore.
Get out of here.
I'm done with this.
I'm done with you.
Get out of here.
- See ya.
You're single.
- I want to go home.
I want Jionni to go home.
I'm pissed off, because I waited for Jionni to get here.
This is all I wanted, was to be with Jionni .
[Sobbing.]
I don't deserve that.
Like, I don't.
[Sobbing.]
- I'm done, bro.
- I'm done.
- I'm nauseous.
- Jionni .
- I'm done.
- Is there any way we can change your mind? I'm like, dude, if you're really gonna leave here, like, you're a [Bleep.]
.
You just spent 21 hours traveling to Italy, and you're gonna leave after Like, what does that have to say about you? - Please don't.
- Wow.
On the surface Jionni looks like a nice kid, but at the end of the day, that kid was a [Bleep.]
wangster.
- Jionni , please! Jionni , please.
Where'd you go? - Jionni knows exactly who he's dating.
For Jionni to get mad about Nicole acting a little crazy in a club, that's weak.
- Where is he? I'm really a good girlfriend.
I didn't cheat on you.
I didn't do anything.
May be a little crazy when I drink, but that's it.
Like I just don't understand why he left me, 'cause he knows that I love him.
- You are the best guy I've ever met, and I wanna suck the butt.
- You're embarrassing me.
What are you doing? You're so stupid.
- I'm sorry.
That's me.
- Don't be stupid.
- I'm trying to change.
I'm trying.
- Slow down.
[Horn honks.]
- Oh, my God! [Glass shatters.]
- We hit the cop.
They're getting out stretchers? Really? [Breathalyzer beeping.]
- [Speaks in italian.]
- Don't do this.
[Lmfao's get crazy.]
- Let's party, get loud - I'm going to Jersey shore, bitch! - All right, we got a situation.
- I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet.
- [Laughs.]
- After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.
- Go, vinny! Go, vinny! - Do you like the boobs? Do something crazy Adriano_CSI - [Sighs.]
Okay, I'm dizzy.
- Okay, 0.
0.
- Yes.
- Go, go.
[Horns honking.]
Come on! - We need your driving license- - but they're bringing it w.
They're just two seconds away.
- It's the same.
- I don't wanna go in the back of a cop car ever again.
- Keep going, keep going, keep going, come on, come on.
- The boys were taking too long, because of the traffic, to bring Nicole the license, so they're like, "we have to take you guys away.
" - Let's go.
- Don't do this.
Please! - See? Out the door.
Go.
[Horns honking.]
- This is so embarrassing.
I don't wanna do this again.
- Please.
I don't wanna go there.
This sucks.
Ow! Ow! - Keep going, keep going.
Come on! [Siren wailing.]
- [Bleep.]
My life! [Tow truck beeping.]
- Where's Nicole? Where's Nicole? Scusa.
Scusa.
- I don't see Nicole.
All I see is the car getting towed away, and I don't know what that means.
I don't know if Nicole's locked up.
I mean, she hit a cop.
- [Speaking in italian.]
- Oh, she went? You took her? - We're like, "oh, [Bleep.]
!" Like, this is serious.
- Do we have to go pick her up or what? - Yeah.
Anything could happen.
They could kick us out of Italy.
We're all [Bleep.]
.
Bye, fiat! [Siren wailing.]
- Stuck in a dike will you show your spike we'll be there we'll be there to care for you - Let me out.
We sat in the waiting room for two hours or so- at least- and, uh, molta, molta paperwork.
And once that was, uh, terminale, you know, we got team meatball and got out of there.
- Thanks for saving us.
- Did your life flash before your eyes? - Yes.
I'm not allowed to drive in Italy anymore.
They took my license.
But even if I did have a license, I wouldn't drive.
Like, [Bleep.]
That.
Drive safe.
- Yo, you [Bleep.]
up my fiat, girl, but I'm glad you're okay.
Snooki isn't going to jail.
She's not arrested.
She just has a lot of fines.
And we're not getting kicked out of Italy.
- You're funny.
We have to call- - I don't know where I'm going.
- Now it's like I need a cocktail.
Well, what are you gonna do? [Bleep.]
Happens.
Just gonna pay the fine, and that's it.
Whatever.
What are you gonna do? - Grazie.
- Where'd you go? - Got into an accident.
- What? Wait, tell me.
- We got into a [Bleep.]
accident, and we hit a cop car.
- Who, you? - Yes.
We're going around the bend, traffic sucks - I'm, like, holding on for dear life.
- Did you hurt yourselves? - No.
I'm, like-I'm still just shaken up about it.
[Sighs.]
- As long as you guys are okay, like - Yeah.
- I went to jail! Again! - Oh, my God.
[Line ringing.]
- Hello? - Ciao.
- I'm really excited.
I started to pack a little bit.
- Of course I'm excited.
- I can't wait to see you.
You have no idea.
- I know! - I mean it so bad.
- Guess what? - What? - I got into a car accident today.
- What do you mean? - I ran into a cop car.
- Were you drunk? - No! - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
- Oh.
You know Roger's not coming? - What? - He just texted me saying he's having a problem with work.
- Oh, [Bleep.]
.
Jionni was supposed to come and visit with Roger.
I can only imagine if Jionni is like, "I can't come.
" I would jump off this [Bleep.]
balcony onto the street and kill myself.
Like, I can't.
I miss you, and I love you, and I can't wait to see you.
- Love you too.
Bye.
- Bye.
Boo-boo! - Yeah? - You have to call Roger.
- Yeah, I know.
- Like, right now.
- Why? What happened? - Why? - 'Cause Jionni - he's talking to Jionni , and he doesn't think he can get off work.
He said work is, like, really hard right now.
- That's ridiculous.
- I know.
- That's a bunch of bull[Bleep.]
.
- I knew that was gonna happen.
- That's bull[Bleep.]
.
- Call him right now.
- I don't even want to.
Gotta be kidding me.
I knew this was gonna [Bleep.]
happen.
Since the second I got here, I have been planning for Roger to come.
I instantly wanna, like, throw up.
[Buttons beeping.]
[Linringing.]
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
Jionni just told me, um, you can't get off of work? - Yeah, I can't take the time off, 'cause I didn't have enough notice.
So I put in for it, but it got, uh, denied.
- [Sighs.]
- Hello? - Sorry.
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
I'm just upset you can't come.
I really missed you.
- I miss you.
- [Sobbing.]
- I'm sorry.
I mean, it's kind of out of my hands.
- I know.
I just wanted to see you.
That's it.
- Well, and I wanted to see you.
- All right.
Love you.
- All right, love you.
- Have a good day.
- Love you.
- That sucks.
Ugh.
Should've known better.
- What? - I should've known better Not to get my hopes up like this.
- [Sighing.]
Oh, man.
Oh, jenni.
- I just had so much planned.
- Jeez.
[Door clicks shut.]
- [Kiss.]
You'll be back.
- Ugh, I hate that feeling.
Maybe we should go out and, l like, have a good time.
- I could probably use a drink.
- Get your mind off of it.
You know? I can totally see where jenni's coming from, and I'm just like, "I think I need to get her "out of the house and just get her mind off of things.
" - Are you going out? - Yeah, I could use something.
Like, I need to breathe.
[Blow-dryer humming.]
I need to get out of here.
- Sam! - I'm coming! Just putting my shoes on.
- You know, I'm still shaking from the accident.
I just need to, like, take a breather, stay home tonight to relax my nerves.
I'll see you hookers later.
- Tonight is jenni's night.
Let's go to astor, let's have some drinks, and, you know, we'll have a girls' night.
- Let's get out of here.
- [Coughs.]
- Oh.
- Oh, it's on tonight.
- Let's go, boys.
It's boys' night out.
You know, m.
V.
P.
Plus Ronnie is Mr.
v.
P.
- [Speaking italian.]
- All right.
- Let's get jenni a little tipsy.
It's her night tonight! - So we sit down, we start taking some shots, and, you know, we just wanted jenni to get her mind off things, and it looks like she's having a good time.
- I wanna dance.
[Electronica playing.]
- So tonight let's have a good [Bleep.]
time.
[Techno music playing.]
- Ow, ow-ooh! - [Laughs.]
- You're from Australia? - Yeah, Australia.
- D.
T.
F.
? - Yeah, exactly.
- I'd have to say the club space had a so much better ratio between hot dog buns and hot dogs that I am determined to get it in tonight.
[Horns honking.]
- Um, it took me like 24 hours to get here.
- That's impossible.
You didn't have two 12-hour flights.
[Doorbell ringing.]
- Somebody's here.
- Tell 'em you're by yourself.
- Oh, my God.
[Doorbell ringing.]
Hold on.
What the hell? Hello? I hear the doorbell ring.
I know it's not the roommates, 'cause it's too early.
Up here! Who are you? - It's Brittany! It's Brittany! Let me in! - What the hell? So I look downstairs, and it's [Bleep.]
Brittany.
So I'm like, okay, option one, I could ignore her and say, "[Bleep.]
Off.
You're a stalker.
" Or number two, I can bring her in and put her in Mike's bed, so when Mike comes home with a chick, he's [Bleep.]
.
Dude, she's such a dumb blonde.
Mike has been talking [Bleep.]
behind my back or whatever.
You know, just being an ass[Bleep.]
.
So I was like, let's go with option two, because I'm alone and I'm bored.
- Where'd you go? - Well, this girl- - [burps.]
- Mike has, like, a stalker.
- What? - Did you just throw up? - Where's Mike? - Oh, let me call you back in like ten minutes, 'cause Brittany just got here.
- Okay.
- All right, bye.
Okay.
- You have to show me.
- Where he is? - Yes! I don't know.
- Still at the bar.
- Which taxi - It's situation.
- She's fine.
- Why are you here right now? Say why you're here right now.
- I like Mike because he's different.
- He is really different.
He's out there.
- [Laughs.]
He's spontaneous.
- Whoa! Just playing with your hair.
So cute.
- [Speaks in italian.]
- Lisa.
[Speaks in italian.]
- But, listen, like, we're really close, and he told me that he wants you to come over every single day, and call him, like, every single day, and, like, he wants flowers from you.
- Really? - Yeah.
[Doorbell ringing.]
- Sam's gotta pee! - Like, dude, I thought I was psycho and crazy.
This bitch is [Bleep.]
beyond psycho and crazy.
I don't even know what to call it.
Like, you're a wildebeest.
- What am I gonna do? - Just stand here, and I'll tell you when to pop out.
- Okay.
- Nicole! - Get up the stairs.
- Nicole! Nicole! Nicole! - Whoo! All: [Screaming, cheering.]
- I have a surprise for Mike.
- Oh, no.
- Promise me you're not - Surprise! [Laughs.]
- Oh.
Nicole just pulled the ultimate prank, bringing Brittany up to our house.
- Go lay in his d.
He's coming.
- Lay in his bed.
Get it, girl! - He's gonna be here in like ten minutes, brit! - Take a little nap, brit.
- Can we get lights out in that room? - You know what, Mike? That's for you talking [Bleep.]
about me and my man and just being a [Bleep.]
bad friend to me.
[Laughing.]
She is out.
[Doorbell ringing.]
- You are both coming in, eh? - Oh, God, I'm gonna poop my pants I'm so excited! - Oh, my God.
- No way.
Uh, this is gonna be tough to get out of.
- Where's my boyfriend? - He's running away from you! - Nobody talk to me! Nobody talk to me! - What the [Bleep.]
? - Go lay in his bed.
He's coming.
- Oh, God, I'm gonna poop my pants I'm so excited! [Doorbell ringing.]
- Yo, how do you say something? - Open the door.
- Yo, who goes here? - It's me! Open the [Bleep.]
door! - I'm gonna give my girl a haircut.
- All right, that's my hot tub room.
[Laughs.]
- [Coughs.]
Um What happened here? - Who's in bed? - I don't know who that is in my bed, dude.
- I see a foot.
- I see a foot in my bed, but - Um - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God, eh? Oh, my goodness! No way! - What's going on, bro? - Bro! - Aah! What the hell? - Wow.
- Uh, this is gonna be tough to get out of.
- Hey, Brittany.
- Hilarious.
- Mike.
- So weird, bro.
- Oh, my God.
- Mike sees Brittany, and he's like, "what the hell is going on?" And I'm like, "yup.
Hi.
I did that.
" Yeah.
Like, don't talk [Bleep.]
about me, or I'm gonna get you.
- She's your new girl.
- No, she just- she lives here.
- Really? - All the time.
Yeah.
- Aw, no.
- I got this Australian chick, who I have to find out if she's d.
T.
F.
Brittany's already in my bed.
All right, then just go that way for a second.
Just stay right there.
Just one second.
So I just say, "hey, you know what? "I already got a bun in the oven.
"No need to warm another one up.
Time to go home, Australian chick.
" - Ciao.
- [Laughs.]
- Yo.
- Ew.
- Biatch.
- Ohh! - You're welcome, Mike! You [Bleep.]
froot loop! So my prank on Mike backfires.
I mean, I'm kind of pissed off about it.
We [Bleep.]
helped him out.
Not cool.
- We did him a favor.
- Cool prank.
- Ciao, Bella.
- Boo? - Meh! - Meh! - I'm freaking out! - Why? - I don't know.
- Don't freak out.
Your man's almost here.
It must be nice.
- Mm! Jionni 's flying in soon, and I'm freaking out.
- Spread your legs.
I'm going in.
- He hasn't seen me in like a month, so I don't want him to think I'm fat, or, like, pale, or gross.
I definitely wanna look sexy, but I don't know what to wear.
[Buttons beeping.]
- Nicole is jumping, like, all over the place, trying to figure out an outfit for when Jionni comes.
Nicole is, like, strutting new outfits every single five seconds.
That's nighttime.
- [Stomping.]
- She's trying to pick out an outfit for Jionni .
She's excited.
- I look like a cop, but Jionni 's gonna think I'm hot, 'cause my [Bleep.]
are out.
I can't freakin' breathe right now! - Ciao, bellissima.
- Where's Jionni? - How long? - I don't know.
I'm freaking out.
- Is he here yet? - No.
- I'm getting nervous now.
- I'm freaking out.
You have no idea.
I'm never freaking out like this, like, ever before.
- Why? - I don't know.
- Don't worry.
We'll take good care of him.
- Be nice, please.
- We will be nice.
Of course we will.
- So snooki's nervous for Jionni coming for numerous reasons.
She hooked up with situation that she kind of told Jionni about.
And the whole deena "les-be-honest" experience.
So when Jionni gets here, a lot of [Bleep.]
is gonna pop off.
I don't know really what's gonna come out, but it's gonna be nuts.
- I'm just thinking way too much.
Just, like, seeing him- - like, about the first moment? - Yeah! Oh, my God.
That's what's making me nervous.
- Snooki! - What? - Come here! - No, I'm scared.
- Doorbell! - Shut up! No, you're lying! - So bad, bro.
- You're lying! - Snooki, if he really was here, that was a poor response time.
You should never keep a man waiting.
- You just gave me a heart attack.
- Nice.
- Ugh.
Oh, my God! [Doorbell ringing.]
- Ohh! - Oh, my God! - It's not me this time! - Yeah, buddy! Yeah, buddy! - Are you here, or is this a [Bleep.]
joke? Oh, my God! [Sobbing.]
Oh, my God.
- Did you miss me? - Mm-hmm.
- You all right? - No! Oh, my God, come inside.
Come inside, come inside.
Ohh.
Come on.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
[Doorbell ringing.]
- We don't want any.
Get the hell out of here.
- Ohh.
- Anybody comes close to me, I'll kick 'em.
- Mike tells me him and Jionni have beef.
- What is wrong with you? - Yeah, relax.
Do your thing, kung fu panda.
- Look at me.
What happened? - [Sobbing.]
- Nicole is a wreck.
Emotional wreck.
- I hate him! - Are you here, or is this a [Bleep.]
joke? Oh, my God! I've been waiting for you for like two hours! Couldn't even breathe.
I changed my outfit Hello? - Hold me! I'm so glad you're here! What are you gonna wear tonight? - Oh, my God.
Jionni 's, like, my world.
Jionni 's like crocadilly, but alive.
- Hi! - Yo! - Hi, babe.
Nicely tan.
- You know What's up? - Yothis girl's crying, waiting for you, son.
- I know.
What's up, man? How ya doing? - Pretty good.
- Let's go in the smush room.
- Hold on.
I gotta shower, though.
- No! - I'll be real quick.
- I really don't care to introduce him to anybody.
Everybody knows who he is.
You know, I don't wanna give you the tour 'cause I'm so [Bleep.]
horny.
I just wanna bring you to the smush room.
I don't think you need to shower.
Just, like, let's-come on.
- I'll be real quick.
- I understand you've been traveling for, like, a while, but, dude, we have plans right now.
Ah, dude, [Bleep.]
.
Smush room.
Febrezing and, you know, like, doing everything to the bed.
Just making sure, like, we don't get diseases.
Boo? Whoa! Come with me.
Come on.
- Second shelf.
- What's going on? I didn't say hi to you yet.
You got work? - Everything's good, brother.
How's everything? - Good.
- Smush.
We're gonna smush.
You look so cute.
- That guy, he's very curious about me.
I don't like it.
I think he knows.
- Knows what? - I think he knows.
Snooki walked in, and got all turned on, and immediately got on her [Bleep.]
And started [Bleep.]
my [Bleep.]
.
- Wow.
You swear to God? - I swear on my sister.
- I don't think he has a problem with you.
- You know, I got my guard up, so - Got your feet up? - Oh, hell yeah.
out today.
- I just needed to get it in.
I needed to touch your freakin' tan [Bleep.]
.
[Laughs.]
I shouldn't have said that, but his [Bleep.]
is tan, and I love it.
- Mike just told Jionni that snooki, uh, [Bleep.]
Him.
- No way.
- No, I'm kidding.
- I'm waiting for that.
Is that gonna happen? - I'm not saying anything, but I don't want anybody coming a foot close to me.
One foot.
- What do you mean? What do you mean? - As long as that one- - you got his feet up, bro.
- As long as they're one foot apart, they're good.
Anybody comes close to me, asking questions, I'm kicking 'em.
- What is wrong with you? - Yeah, relax.
Let's just have a good night tonight, and that's all.
Mike's new thing is karate.
- [Muttering.]
- Oh, my God, all right, Mike.
Do your thing, kung fu panda.
- Once you see what I'm wearing tonight - Put your clothes on.
- Babe, come on, relax.
- We're leaving in about 25 minutes.
- Should I wear this or, like, the other thing? - Yeah, there you go.
I love that dress.
- Yum! - [Speaks in italian.]
- What happened to your first outfit? Change your outfit? - [Laughing.]
High-five to that one.
Well, snooki's dress looks like a swimsuit, to be honest with you.
I mean, it's just like- it really doesn't even come, like, below her cuca at all.
- I didn't see the first outfit.
- So if we were in a club, it would be like - Oh, my God.
Get out of here.
- Mike! Jenni! Sammi! [Speaks in italian.]
- You get in the other side.
- Um, then, you know, I think he already knows.
And if he come up to me, I'm gonna tell him the truth, like, detail to detail, and if he come too close, I'm kicking him.
So I'm letting y'all know so if y'all wanna break it up, you know what I mean? - Manduca right there, see? See, there it is.
- So we get to manduca, and, you know, it's outdoors.
It's nice.
It's a typical Italy club.
But right away I'm like, "I need to go to the bar.
" We're in Italy, babe! - Your balls are out.
- My balls aren't out.
Shut up.
[Dance music playing.]
- This floor has Good grip.
- Mike, ever since he got into the fight with Ronnie, he thinks he has to have his guard up all the time.
And by his guard, I mean his feet.
- No, I'll just be like [Thwack.]
Between me and you, I've never been caught with my guard down.
It's like, if Jionni came up to me and winked, I'd kick him in his head.
- Mike tells me him and Jionni have beef.
And I'm like, "dude, you're a [Bleep.]
idiot.
"That is not true.
Nicole's boyfriend could care two [Bleep.]
about you.
" - Ugh.
- I was only caught with my guard down once.
With him, 'cause I didn't know that we were gonna fight.
- You never fought.
You hit yourself.
- [Grunts.]
- I can't wait for Mike to, like, kick in the air and then slip on a banana, and, like, break his ankle.
What is wrong with you? - Turn your head.
Turn your head that way.
Turn your head that way.
- Why? What are we doing? - I have never loved something so much in my entire life.
- Me and Jionni , we're gonna have guido babies.
I know it.
I can't wait to pop those suckers out.
They're gonna be so [Bleep.]
cute and tan.
I [Bleep.]
Love you.
Ugh! I'm so excited.
Ugh, I hope I have a c-section, 'cause I don't want it to [Bleep.]
up my vagina.
- Look at her, look at her, look at her, look at her.
- Yeah, I'm star-struck by you I'm star-struck - Weird.
- I don't wanna be by him.
- You don't gotta worry.
We all roll out.
- Ron, this kid's giving me looks, dawg.
- Just do what you gotta do.
- What's going on? - No, I just feel like when Mike's around us- - well, is he saying anything? - No, but he's, like, by us.
And like, he talks so much [Bleep.]
about- - just get away from him.
- It's annoying.
- What's the matter? What's the matter? - Mike's being annoying and obviously a [Bleep.]
.
- I'm watching Nicole and Jionni 's ear, saying be worried about Mike, but she doesn't realize what she's saying or doing is going to have serious consequences.
- We're gonna go to twenty one.
You guys are gonna come.
- We're gonna switch it up a little bit.
- Yeah.
- All right, cool.
- Nicole's, like, on edge right now.
Like, things are on edge.
- Let's go to twenty one! Let's go! - You never know what Mike's gonna do.
- What happened? - Jionni , the fact that he's getting upset that Nicole did something a little skanky is ridiculous.
- Jionni , stop! - Let's go to twenty one! Let's go! - Come on! - Yo, dawg, I feel like he's giving me weird looks.
Three seconds later he comes up to me, and he goes, "yo, dawg, do your thang.
" - Who said that? - This guy.
He comes up to me.
He goes, "yo, dawg, do your thang.
I respect you," meaning "what up?" - Mike is paranoid about Jionni .
Because of what happened with snooki and Mike in the past, Mike's having an imaginary confrontation in his head right now.
- Yo, if you wanna talk to him, knock yourself out.
- Yeah, bro, for real, but I just wanna kick it.
[Laughter.]
Oh Yeah? - Yeah, let's get - All right, ciao.
Go inside and get me a drink.
[House music playing.]
- Yo, I don't wanna, like, kick your boyfriend in the head, but I feel like he's looking at me.
Is there a problem? Tell me right now.
- If Mike says anything to Jionni , I'm legit gonna punch Mike in the face.
Mike, he's not looking at you, so relax.
- Okay.
- Mike is not gonna break me and Jionni up, because Jionni is the guy that I'm gonna marry.
I wanna dance on that.
- Everybody can see your [Bleep.]
.
- [No audible dialogue.]
- You're dancing like a [Bleep.]
whore.
Stop.
- Come here.
- Stop.
- Are you done? You don't want to talk to me? Bye.
- What happened? - She's embarrassing me.
- Jionni! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Let her [Bleep.]
embarrass herself.
You're not embarrassing yourself.
Stop! You just heard me.
- Jionni! - You just heard me.
- Where did he go? Where did he go? - Let's hope-he's out there.
- No, wait, Nicole.
- No! - Nicole- - [Bleep.]
You guys.
Where the [Bleep.]
did he go? Where did he go? Whoa! Jionni! Jionni! Jionni , get back here.
Mmi will kill you in two seconds.
- There goes Nicole.
- Oh.
We're just- this is just pointless.
I'm not getting involved.
- Jionni .
Jionni , stop! - All right, let's be serious, bro.
- There goes Ronnie.
- Where are you going? Stop! - Jionni! Jionni! Snook! Snook! Snook! Snooki! - Stop! Get over yourself! - Snooki.
Snooki.
Stop.
- Get over yourself.
I just wanna [Bleep.]
lay with you.
What is wrong with you? - Go to jenni, go to jenni.
- Nicole, please stop.
- Don't talk to me right now.
- Look at what you're doing.
Please stop.
- No! - Please stop! - No, don't- - you're doing it to him.
- Nobody [Bleep.]
talk to me! Nobody talk to me! - What the [Bleep.]
went on? - Nobody's doing it! - I don't care! - You're doing it! - Like, what the [Bleep.]
? - Man up and realize that you're acting like an ass[Bleep.]
! You're acting like a [Bleep.]
ass[Bleep.]
! - So where is he going, jenni? - He's running away from you! - You're such a bitch.
- I am a bitch.
But I'm giving you a [Bleep.]
reality check.
- Don't talk to me.
I don't want you near me.
- I don't care if you don't wanna talk to me.
I'm trying to protect your boyfriend! - Don't get near me! Don't talk to me! - I am trying to protect your boyfriend.
- Don't touch me.
- I'm not touching you.
- Don't get near me.
- I'm giving you a reality check.
- I hate you! Where's my boyfriend? - Like, I get it.
She's drunk.
She yelled at me.
I'm gonna put that aside for the next 20, 30 minutes, and I just need to find this kid for my best friend.
- [Sobbing.]
- Jionni! - [Whines.]
Where the [Bleep.]
is my boyfriend? Where is my boyfriend? I don't deserve this right now! - Jionni! - Why did he leave me like that? - I know, I know.
- Where's my boyfriend? Jionni! - I don't deserve this right now! - Can't even run in these shoes on this cobblestone.
- Go [Bleep.]
piss off, you [Bleep.]
stupid taxi cab! You're so stupid.
I hate you.
- Nicole is drunk right now.
That's what it is.
- Jio! It's me, dawg.
It's Ronnie.
It's just me, dawg.
No one else.
Right now I'm chasing Jionni blocks after blocks after blocks.
I just don't want him to leave snooki, because I kind of see, like, the old me and Sam with them two.
- As you being you, okay- okay, you saw Sam ripping up her skirt, [bleep.]
Whole chach hanging out, dancing.
- It's a [Bleep.]
- up position, bro.
- I was fine all night.
I was fine all night.
She lifted it up literally up to here.
Then she started getting crazy.
Like, come on.
- It's the life you walked into.
It's the life you walked into.
- I'm walking out.
I'm walking out.
- Is that what you really- you wanna walk away from her? - I have to.
- You serious? - I have to, I have to.
- She picked you up at seaside.
Like, think about it.
Like, but at the same time, I see his point-of-view.
Can't keep acting like single snooki when you have a boyfriend.
You act like girlfriend snooki.
As a real man, like, talk to her.
- Ugh! - [Sobbing.]
- Ow! Ow! I know you don't want me to touch you.
- Why did he leave me like that? - I know, I know.
I know.
Come here.
- Jionni! Please! My [Bleep.]
ankles can't take this [Bleep.]
! So if you hear me, [Bleep.]
Come out! Ow! My feet will be bleeding by the end of this night.
Only 'cause I love her.
Only 'cause I [Bleep.]
love her.
Well, at least I get to say I walked [bleep.]
Florence barefoot.
- Look at me, look at me.
What happened? - [Sobbing.]
- Nicole is a wreck.
Emotional wreck.
It's extremely heartbreaking.
Like, I feel like crying over this whole thing.
Whatever you're feeling, let's just go.
- Come on.
- Take her in the cab.
There's a cab for you guys.
Take her in the cab.
- Go in, baby.
Go in.
- Jionni! - You're going with them.
Sam.
- You're okay.
- I hate him! I [Bleep.]
Hate him! - No, stop.
Nicole, Nicole.
- I [Bleep.]
Hate him! I hate him! - Okay, we get it.
We know, we know.
- Let's go.
[Speaks in italian.]
- Why did he do that to me? - [Speaking in italian.]
- Why did he do that to me? - I know, I know, I know.
- [Sobbing.]
- I really have to pee bad.
- Jionni! - You know what? Me and Nicole are the exact same person - It's fine.
Let's go.
- So I have to talk to her.
- Let's go.
- Please stop.
Leave me alone.
- No, you can't be alone.
- Please! - Us girls always stick together.
We're like sisters, so, like, I'm not leaving this girl's side.
You're not being alone down here.
You can be alone upstairs.
- Did you see him? - Who? - Tell her she can be alone upstairs.
She's not being [Bleep.]
alone down here, 'cause there's [Bleep.]
creeps.
- Snooks, what's wrong, baby? - You're okay.
- What's wrong with her? - Just let her be, Mike.
- Okay.
- [Sobbing.]
- You're fine.
- What happened? What the [Bleep.]
? - Who cares.
- [Laughs.]
- Snookies, please.
- Come on, Nicole.
- Come on.
Come on.
- [Sobbing.]
- He has to come back.
He has to come back here.
Jionni , the fact that you're getting upset that Nicole did something a little skanky is, like, you know, ridiculous.
His stuff is upstairs, right? His passport, everything? All right, good.
So you have collateral.
So he can't leave you.
- I'm not even thinking about that.
It's just- - Jionni! - You know how it is when you get into a fight and then you need to cool down.
- [Sobbing.]
- He's coming back.
I promise.
And then when he comes back, you're gonna feel like, "what the hell was I crying for all this time?" - [Sighs.]
- Breathe.
Good job.
Everything is okay.
I promise.
- I just- I just wanna go.
- Where do you wanna go? Tell me.
- I'm just gonna go to sleep then.
I'm over this.
[Sniffling.]
Sillily I'm thinking about all the things I should've said yeah - Jionni! Jionni! - Jionni! Jionni! I feel like I've been walking for hours.
I don't know what to do at this point.
I can't find this [Bleep.]
kid anywhere.
My feet are [Bleep.]
bleeding.
And I just left.
- Where'd Jionni go? - All over [Bleep.]
Florence.
- Did you go after him? - Yeah, I screamed "Jionni " I begged him to come out.
- What happened? - She showed her vagina and boobs on the dance floor.
He got embarrassed.
He told her to stop.
- Oh, whoa.
Jionni knew what he was getting himself into.
He should be more secure.
That's no way to handle your problems, my dude.
- I feel so terrible for him.
- I actually- I actually feel [Bleep.]
terrible for him, and I feel terrible for her.
Like, I know how me and Ron are, but, like- - now you see why we get involved and what it does to us.
- Yeah, that was bad.
Holy [Bleep.]
.
- And you can't help but to feel you have to be involved.
- That's my friend.
Like, I feel like, that no matter- no matter how wrong she is, I feel like I should help her.
I feel terrible.
I really do.
- Can we do anything for you? - Anything.
- Don't talk to me.
- That's fine.
I will- I will do that for you, girl.
I feel [Bleep.]
terrible.
- Don't [Bleep.]
like this [Bleep.]
.
- I don't know what to do.
- I'm gonna stay away like I always do.
- You know what you can do? Get your [Bleep.]
ass in the kitchen and make me a cheeseburger.
- I want a double cheeseburger.
- You want one or two? - [Blows on flame.]
Yeah, buddy.
- We're gonna grill some burgers, wait for Jionni to come back, and wait for this to pop off.
Who do you have to [Bleep.]
around here to get a hot dog? Not you, I hope.
Oh, we're having it Al dente.
[Laughs.]
- That's what's up.
You like dark meat.
- Jeez.
Yo! I hope you guys like your food cooked! 'Cause it's [Bleep.]
burnt.
- [Laughs.]
- Good luck with that.
- [Sobbing.]
[Doorbell ringing.]
- Where are you going? Where are you going right now? Honestly, where are you going right now? Where are you going right now? - I don't know.
Relax.
Stop.
Relax.
- Where are you going right now? - Relax.
- You [Bleep.]
left me worried.
- Get away from me.
- Why me? - Get away from me.
- Why me? Like- - go.
Get away from me.
Get away from me.
- No! I'm not gonna get away from you, you ass[Bleep.]
.
- [Sighs.]
There goes my life.
- What do you mean, you [Bleep.]
psycho? I [Bleep.]
Waited for you! What are you talking about? You're so mean! I hate you! You're so mean! - You hate me? - You're so mean what are you talking about? I [Bleep.]
Love you, you [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
! What the [Bleep.]
is wrong with you? I hate you! - Alright, bye.
Then leave.
- What are you talking about "leave"? What are you talking about? I wanna be with you.
Why are you doing this? What did I do to you? - Calm down.
What'd you do to me? You were on the stage, you took your skirt, went like that, and lifted it up.
- Babe, why do you have to lie? - No.
Did you do that? Did you do it? Did you? - No.
- Did you do it? Just say it.
- No.
- You did.
Don't even lie.
- No.
- See ya.
You can walk away.
Get out.
You screwed up with me.
- No.
- You did.
- Stop, babe.
Just stop.
- So just go over there.
- Stop.
- Get out of here.
I'm done with this.
I'm done with you.
I don't need a girl who'll lift up her skirt on a stage.
Get out of here.
See ya.
You're single.
- I feel so bad for this kid.
- Now I know what you guys [Bleep.]
go through with me.
- Yeah, I just explained to her this is Ron and Sam last year.
- And we never knew what to do.
- We never knew what to do.
- Watching Nicole and Jionni , it's like a movie of me and Ron.
Like, I go through this all the time, and now I'm on the other side of it, and I don't like it.
Now I [Bleep.]
get it.
I'm sorry.
- No, no, no.
Don't worry about it.
- [Sniffling.]
I want to go home.
He's my boyfriend.
It's not even funny anymore.
Get out of here.
I'm done with this.
I'm done with you.
Get out of here.
- See ya.
You're single.
- I want to go home.
I want Jionni to go home.
I'm pissed off, because I waited for Jionni to get here.
This is all I wanted, was to be with Jionni .
[Sobbing.]
I don't deserve that.
Like, I don't.
[Sobbing.]
- I'm done, bro.
- I'm done.
- I'm nauseous.
- Jionni .
- I'm done.
- Is there any way we can change your mind? I'm like, dude, if you're really gonna leave here, like, you're a [Bleep.]
.
You just spent 21 hours traveling to Italy, and you're gonna leave after Like, what does that have to say about you? - Please don't.
- Wow.
On the surface Jionni looks like a nice kid, but at the end of the day, that kid was a [Bleep.]
wangster.
- Jionni , please! Jionni , please.
Where'd you go? - Jionni knows exactly who he's dating.
For Jionni to get mad about Nicole acting a little crazy in a club, that's weak.
- Where is he? I'm really a good girlfriend.
I didn't cheat on you.
I didn't do anything.
May be a little crazy when I drink, but that's it.
Like I just don't understand why he left me, 'cause he knows that I love him.