Keeping Up Appearances s02e06 Episode Script

( theme music playing ) IS THAT THE WATER BOARD? THEN I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE IN CHARGE.
MY NAME IS "BOUQUET.
" YES, I'LL SPELL IT.
B-U-C-K-E-T.
NO, IT'S "BOUQUET.
" I WAN WHOEVER YOU'VE GOT THERE IN A MANAGERIAL CAPACITY.
WELL, IT COULD BE AN EMERGENCY.
I'M NOT SURE.
THAT'S WHAT I WAN TO FIND OUT.
YES, I'LL WAIT.
( loud Muzak plays ) HELLO? NO, IT'S "BOUQUET.
" NO, I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS AN EMERGENCY.
WELL, HOW AM I TO RECOGNIZE IF IT'S AN EMERGENCY? THAT'S WHAT I EXPEC YOU TO TELL ME.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT'S MY WATER? THAT'S THE VERY POINT.
IS IT MY WATER? WHEN I TURNED ON MY TAP THIS MORNING IT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE MY WATER.
IT'S NOT AS BRIGH AND SPARKLING AS I'M ACCUSTOMED TO.
IT LOOKS TO ME AS IF IT'S BEEN USED.
ARE YOU CHANGING MY SUPPLY? BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, I SHALL WAN A DETAILED EXPLANATION OF WHERE IT COMES FROM.
NOW PLEASE DON'T TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME.
I EXPECT MY FORM OF WATER TO BE RESTORED IMMEDIATELY.
A BATHROOM WITH GOLD-PLATED TAPS IS NO PLACE FOR YOU TO BE TRYING TO OFFLOAD SECOND-HAND WATER.
I MUST WARN YOU, MY HUSBAND IS A POWER IN LOCAL AUTHORITY-- A MAN AT THE HEIGH OF HIS EXECUTIVE SKILLS.
AND I SHALL HAVE NO HESIT-- ( Muzak plays ) HELLO? HELLO?! UPSTART PLUMBER.
( siren on television ) WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO ASK OUR HYACINTH TO YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY, ONSLOW.
OH, NICE.
IF WE'RE HAVING A FAMILY GET-TOGETHER TOMORROW, OUR HYACINTH.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ONSLOW.
" MAYBE SHE CAN'T COME.
SHE'LL COME.
I KNOW SHE'LL COME.
I HAVE THIS TERRIBLE FEELING SHE'LL COME.
YOU'VE GOT TO THINK OF SOMETHING, RICHARD.
I HAVE A FEELING THA THEY'RE GOING TO INVITE US TO CELEBRATE ONSLOW'S BIRTHDAY.
NOW, I DON'T WAN TO UPSET THEM, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE-- "BUNFIGHT" A THE O.
K.
CORRAL.
NO, I KNOW THAT DAISY IS PLANNING TO TAKE HIM TO SOME RESTAURANT FOR LUNCH.
BUT IF IT'S ONSLOW'S CHOICE, WE'RE GOING TO BE KNEE-DEEP IN CHIPS AND SAUCE BOTTLES IN THE FIRS FIVE MINUTES.
LOOK, YOU'VE GOT TO GE ME OUT OF IT, NOW! BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT.
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT, RICHARD.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE SO BUSY THAT YOU'VE GO TO GO THIS INSTANT.
AND I WISH YOU'D STOP WHISPERING, DEAR.
I DO HAVE TO GO, HYACINTH.
I'M NOT BEING OBSTRUCTIVE.
THE COMMITTEE IS WAITING.
I'M IN A MEETING.
- ( clears throat ) - I'LL RING YOU BACK.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, SIR, FAMILY EMERGENCY.
( humming ) ( singing ) IS THE THREAD OF SMOKE LOVELY MORNING, EMMET.
DO BRING ELIZABETH IN FOR COFFEE.
I'M-- I'M VERY BUSY, HYACINTH.
YOU DON'T LOOK BUSY.
I THINK WE'VE GOT A MOLE.
OH, HOW TIRESOME.
I'LL PUT THE KETTLE ON.
- THE PHONE.
- HMM? I THINK I CAN HEAR THE PHONE.
IT'S A CALL I'VE BEEN EXPECTING.
IT MEANS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO POP INTO TOWN FOR A WHILE.
AND I'M GOING TO MISS YOUR DELICIOUS COFFEE, HYACINTH.
OH, DAMN.
OH, WHAT A PITY.
- ( Hyacinth's phone rings ) - AH! THERE'S MY TELEPHONE.
REALLYIMPORTANT CALL.
THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING.
OH, IT'S YOU, DAISY.
OF COURSE WE'D LOVE TO COME TO ONSLOW'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.
HOW KIND OF YOU TO INVITE US, DEAR.
I KNOW THAT RICHARD WILL BE DELIGHTED.
WHERE IS IT, DEAR? A SURPRISE, WELL, THAT-THAT-THAT'S NICE.
BUT IT'S ONE OF ONSLOW'S FAVORITE PLACES.
I CAN'T WAIT.
YOU CAN LEAVE THE CAR AT HOME, THEN RICHARD CAN HAVE A DRINK.
WELL, OUR ROSE'S GENTLEMAN FRIEND'LL PICK YOU UP.
WHAT SORT OF CAR HAS HE GOT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT SOR OF CAR HE'S GOT.
WHAT SORT OF CAR HAS HE GOT? YOU NEEDN'T WORRY, IT'S A BIG CAR.
HE'S NO WITHOUT MEANS.
IT'S A HUGE LIMOUSINE.
YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED.
MR.
MARINOPOLOUS HAS HIS OWN BUSINESS.
LOOK, HE IS NOT SHOR OF A BOB OR TWO.
I DON'T JUST GO OU WITH RUBBISH, YOU KNOW.
- IS SHE COMING? - SHE'S COMING.
- SHE'S COMING.
- OH, NICE.
NOT ONLY A YEAR OLDER, BUT A MEAL WITH HYACINTH.
DON'T BE MISERABLE.
JUST MAKE THE BEST OF IT.
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.
I HATE BIRTHDAYS.
WE'LL HAVE TO GE A BABYSITTER FOR MY DAD.
JILL'LL POP IN FROM NEXT DOOR.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, I'LL BABYSIT YOUR DAD.
EVEN TALKING RUBBISH HE MAKES MORE SENSE THAN YOUR HYACINTH.
WE'LL SIT YOU NEXT TO RICHARD.
YOU LIKE RICHARD.
HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE RICHARD? YOU JUST FEEL SO SORRY FOR HIM.
THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK.
- YES, GOOD IDEA.
- FINE.
FINE.
WE'VE ALL HEARD THE RECOMMENDATIONS AND IT'S OBVIOUS ON WHICH SIDE THE WEIGH OF OPINION LIES.
THAT BEING THE CASE, I'M GOING TO MAKE THE FOLLOWING PROPOSITION.
( phone rings ) WILL SOMEONE GET THAT? HELLO, YES.
IT'S FOR YOU, RICHARD.
IT'S YOUR WIFE, AGAIN.
WHAT IS I THIS TIME? RIGHT, I'LL MEET YOU AT LUNCHTIME.
I'M VERY GLAD THAT ROSE HAS GOT A WEALTHY GREEK BOYFRIEND BUT, HYACINTH, I'M IN A MEETING! ANOTHER FAMILY EMERGENCY? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FOR? - I'M NOT HIDING.
- YOU'RE HIDING.
YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL WHY I'M HIDING.
EMMET, YOU LIVE HERE NOW.
THIS IS YOUR FRONT GARDEN.
YOU CAN'T NEVER USE I BECAUSE HYACINTH MAY APPEAR.
YOU TAKE HER TOO SERIOUSLY.
THE TRICK WITH HYACINTH IS TO JUST LET THINGS WASH OVER YOU.
I THINK THAT'S HOW RICHARD SURVIVES.
YOU'RE RIGHT, LIZ.
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
I'M A GROWN MAN.
I'M MARRIED-- WELL, DIVORCED.
WHY SHOULD I CREEP ABOU IN MY OWN SISTER'S FRONT GARDEN? YOU'RE QUITE RIGHT.
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
( both laugh ) ELIZABETH?! DID I JUST SEE SOMEONE DISAPPEARING ROUND THE CORNER OF THE HOUSE? DID YOU? I NEVER NOTICED.
I THOUGHT I SAW A MOVING FIGURE.
I WONDER WHO THA COULD HAVE BEEN.
I'M JUS OFF TO TOWN.
I HAVE SOME PURCHASES TO MAKE.
WE HAVE AN IMPORTAN SOCIAL OCCASION TOMORROW.
OH, THAT'S NICE.
WE'RE HAVING A MEAL WITH MY SISTER ROSE'S WEALTHY GENTLEMAN FRIEND.
HE'S CALLING FOR US IN HIS LIMOUSINE.
- VERY STYLISH.
- HE'S GREEK, YOU KNOW.
IT'S TERRIFYING HOW WEALTHY THEY ARE.
I EXPECT WE'LL BE IN FOR A BORING TIME AS HE TALKS ABOUT HIS OIL TANKERS AND HIS OFFSHORE FUNDS.
WELL, I MUST BE OFF.
UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE TO CATCH THE BUS.
GIVE MY LOVE TO EMMET.
THESE ARE RATHER LOVELY.
I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MOMENT, MADAM.
NO HURRY.
I'LL JUST HAVE A BROWSE THROUGH YOUR QUALITY ITEMS.
WE DON'T USUALLY BUY ONSLOW ANYTHING EXPENSIVE.
WELL, HE IS FAMILY, AFTER ALL.
HE'S BEEN FAMILY FOR A LONG TIME, THIS IS THE FIRS OCCASION HE'S BEEN IN LINE FOR ANYTHING EXPENSIVE.
RICHARD, WE SHALL BE QUITE AN INTIMATE GROUP AT LUNCHEON TOMORROW.
YOU SURELY DON'T IMAGINE THAT I COULD PRESENT ONSLOW WITH SOMETHING CHEAP AND TAWDRY IN FRONT OF ROSE'S WEALTHY GENTLEMAN FRIEND.
OH, I SEE.
I HAVE MY PRIDE.
LUCKY FOR ONSLOW.
I THOUGHT SOMETHING EXPENSIVE BUT TASTEFUL-- A PAIR OF CUFF-LINKS.
CUFF-LINKS, FOR ONSLOW? HE NEVER WEARS A SHIRT.
PRECISELY.
SO WE MUS ENCOURAGE HIM-- AND A PAIR OF GOLD CUFF-LINKS MIGHT DO THE TRICK.
GOLD-PLATED, I HOPE.
CERTAINLY NOT.
NOTHING LESS THAN 18 KARAT.
HOW WEALTHY IS ROSE'S GENTLEMAN FRIEND? HE'S GREEK, DEAR.
MARINOPOLOUS.
YOU MUST HAVE HEARD THE NAME.
HE'S ALWAYS IN THE GOSSIP COLUMNS.
OR THE FINANCIAL PRESS-- OIL TANKERS AND THINGS.
THAT WAS ONASSIS.
HMM? NO, THERE'S ANOTHER ONE.
MAR-IN-OP-OLOUS? YES, I'M SURE IT WAS.
- YES, MADAM? - OH.
( laughs ) I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING VERY EXPENSIVE BUT TASTEFUL, FOR MY BROTHER IN-LAW'S BIRTHDAY.
I THOUGHT PERHAPS SOMETHING EXQUISITE IN CUFF-LINKS.
WITH PLEASURE, MADAM.
IF YOU'D CARE TO TAKE A SEAT, I'LL SHOW YOU THE BEST I HAVE.
OH, THANK YOU.
ARE YOU SURE THAT ROSE'S GENTLEMAN FRIEND IS WEALTHY? THEY'RE NO USUALLY WEALTHY.
THEY'RE USUALLY-- THE WORD DESPERATE SPRINGS TO MIND.
THIS ONE HAS A HUGE CAR.
ROSE WAS MOST CLEAR ABOUT THAT.
WE'LL BE PICKED UP BY IT IN THE MORNING.
AND YOU WON' HAVE TO DRIVE, SO YOU CAN ENJOY A LITTLE DRINK.
WHAT ABOUT ROSE'S GENTLEMAN FRIEND? WON'T HE WANT A DRINK? I DON'T EXPEC HE'LL BE DRIVING.
WHY DO YOU THINK HE EMPLOYS A CHAUFFEUR? HERE YOU ARE, MADAM.
THESE ARE THE BES WE HAVE IN 18 KARAT.
OH, YES.
RICHARD? DON'T YOU THINK--? WE SHOULD HAVE THEM ENGRAVED.
WHAT A GOOD IDEA.
CERTAINLY, MADAM.
- BY TOMORROW MORNING, COULD YOU DO THAT? - OF COURSE, MADAM.
IT WILL BE MORE EXPENSIVE AT SUCH SHORT NOTICE.
HE MUST BE YOUR FAVORITE BROTHER-IN-LAW.
HMM? HMM? AND DON'T BE LATE THIS EVENING.
TRY NOT TO PHONE ME IN ANY MORE MEETINGS.
I WANT YOU TO BE ON TIME PARTICULARLY THIS EVENING.
THERE'S A GREAT DEAL TO BE DONE IF I'M TO HAVE A FEW PEOPLE IN FOR PRE-LUNCHEON COCKTAILS TOMORROW.
I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO ONSLOW'S PARTY.
WE ARE.
BUT I SEE NO REASON WHY I CAN'T HAVE A FEW PEOPLE IN FOR PRE-LUNCHEON COCKTAILS.
IT'LL GIVE THE RIGHT IMPRESSION WHEN MR.
MARINOPOLOUS ARRIVES.
LET HIM SEE WE HAVE A SOLID SOCIAL POSITION.
SO THAT HE KNOWS FROM WORD ONE THAT HE'S AMONGS HIS OWN KIND.
HAVE WE GO ANY COCKTAILS? PEOPLE MAKE THEM, DEAR.
THEY MIX THINGS.
BUT THEY HAVE TO HAVE THINGS THEY CAN MIX.
BRING A FEW THINGS HOME.
YOU EXPECT ME TO THINK OF EVERYTHING? BUT CAN WE AFFORD COCKTAILS WHEN WE'VE JUST SPEN THE BUDGE ON ONSLOW'S CUFF-LINKS? RICHARD, WE'RE ABOUT TO MINGLE WITH A OIL, DEAR.
I HOPE YOU'RE NO GOING TO BE A PINCHPENNY.
THANK YOU, DRIVER.
- ARE WE GETTING A TAXI? - WHAT? - TOMORROW? - NO.
IF I HAVE TO DRIVE, I SHAN'T BE ABLE TO DRINK.
WE'RE ALL GOING IN MR.
MARINOPOLOUS'S CAR.
AH.
WHO THE HECK'S MR.
MARINOPOLOUS? IT'S OUR ROSE'S NEW GENTLEMAN FRIEND.
HE'S GIVING US ALL A LIFT, IS HE? IT'S ALL ARRANGED.
THEY'LL DROP US OFF AT THE RESTAURAN AND THEN PICK UP HYACINTH AND RICHARD.
HOW LONG'S SHE KNOWN THIS MARINOPOLOUS CHAP? - DOES IT MATTER? - OF COURSE IT MATTERS.
YOU KNOW YOUR ROSE.
THEY DON'T LAST LONG WITH YOUR ROSE.
JUST MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T FINISH WITH HIM TILL AFTER WE'VE ALL HAD A DRINK.
HERE, ELIZABETH, THIS IS ALL VERY SHORT NOTICE.
IT WILL THEREFORE REQUIRE ALL MY ORGANIZATIONAL TALENTS.
BUT IT WILL BE MARVELOUS IF YOU COULD HELP ME, ELIZABETH.
I'D LOVE TO, HYACINTH, - BUT I PLANNED TO GO-- - HAVE YOU? THAT'S NICE.
NOW I WANT YOU TO LOOK THROUGH MY COLLECTION OF HAUTE CUISINE COOKERY BOOKS-- WITHOUT, OF COURSE, CREASING THE PAGES.
FIND LITTLE THINGS THAT WE CAN DO QUICKLY ON STICKS.
YOU KNOW THE SOR OF THING, TASTY LITTLE MORSELS OF THE HIGHEST SOCIAL CALIBER.
WHOOP, HA-HA.
NOW, THERE'S NOT MUCH TIME AND THERE'S A LO FOR US TO DO, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WORK MIRACLES.
MEANWHILE, I'LL HAVE TO SEE WHO I CAN INVITE HERE AT SUCH SHORT NOTICE.
I BETTER MAKE A LIST.
THERE'S YOU AND EMMET, OF COURSE.
NO, NO, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT EMMET.
I THINK HE MIGH HAVE SOME REHEARSALS TOMORROW.
HE CAN SPARE AN HOUR, DEAR.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT HIM TO MISS THE OPPORTUNITY OF MEETING A GREEK SHIPPING MILLIONAIRE.
SO THAT'S YOU AND EMMET, OH, AND I'LL INVITE THE VICAR.
I'LL RING MRS.
BARKER-FINCH.
SHE WON'T COME OF COURSE BUT SHE'LL BE FURIOUS WHEN SHE FINDS OU WHAT SHE'S MISSED.
I WONDER ABOUT THE MAJOR.
OH, JUST FOR AN HOUR IN BROAD DAYLIGH IN A CROWDED ROOM I SHOULD BE SAFE WITH THE MAJOR.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY TROUBLE WITH THE MAJOR? - TROUBLE? - NO, I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU WOULD HAVE.
I'LL RISK IT.
MAJOR ALWAYS ADDS A LITTLE TONE.
MAKE MR.
MARINOPOLOUS REALIZE THAT WE MAY NOT ALL BE MILLIONAIRES, BUT WE DO HAVE OUR STANDARDS.
YOU HAVEN'T GO VERY FAR, DEAR.
ARE THERE ANY OTHER GREEKS COMING? HMM? OH NO, DEAR, THEY BREAK PLATES.
HE MAY HAVE A TANKER IN EVERY PORT, BUT I AM NOT SACRIFICING MY ROYAL DOULTON WITH THE HAND-PAINTED PERIWINKLES.
THERE AREN' THAT MANY LEFT.
( phone rings ) CAN YOU GET IT, DEAR? THE VICARAGE.
- IT'S THE BUCKET WOMAN.
- OH, NO! DO YOU WANT TO GO FOR COCKTAILS TOMORROW? OF COURSE, WE'D LOVE TO, BUT THE VICAR WILL BE HEAVILY ENGAGED TOMORROW.
HE'S VISITING A VERY OLD SICK PARISHIONER.
NO I DON' THINK WE COULD DO THAT.
I DON'T THINK WE COULD BRING HER AND LEAVE HER OUTSIDE.
OH, THE VICAR CAN'T COME.
OH, I AM SURPRISED.
PERHAPS IT'S THE IDEA OF COCKTAILS.
I HOPE I HAVEN'T OFFENDED HIS RELIGIOUS SCRUPLES.
OH, IF YOU HAVEN' FOUND ANYTHING IN THESE, I'VE GO SOME MORE BOOKS.
( phone rings ) THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING.
OH, IT'S YOU, VIOLET.
HOW ARE YOU, DEAR? IT'S MY SISTER VIOLET, THE ONE WHO MARRIED THE TURF ACCOUNTANT, - SWIMMING POOL, ROOM FOR A PONY.
- I KNOW THE ONE.
- CALLING FROM THEIR VILLA IN IBIZA.
YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP, VIOLET, DEAR.
THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME INTERFERENCE ON THE LINE.
IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE'S SOBBING, DEAR.
OH, THAT'S BRUCE? WHY IS BRUCE SOBBING? BUT IS IT A LARGE TEAR IN HIS FLAMENCO FROCK? CAN'T YOU MEND I FOR HIM, DEAR? UH-UH, LOOK, VIOLET, I'M SORRY, DEAR, BUT I HAVEN'T TIME TODAY FOR ALL THIS.
I HAVE A VERY FULL SOCIAL CALENDAR.
IT'S ONSLOW'S BIRTHDAY PARTY TOMORROW AND COCKTAILS WITH A GREEK SHIPPING MILLIONAIRE.
OH, I KNOW I'VE NEVER MENTIONED ANY GREEK MILLIONAIRE TO YOU, BUT I'M NOT THE SORT OF PERSON WHO BRAGS ABOUT HER SOCIAL OCCASIONS.
YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO COPE WITH BRUCE, DEAR.
KEEP HIM OUT OF THE SUN.
I'M SORRY, VIOLET, I'LL HAVE TO GO.
YES, I KNOW IT'S A HARSH WORLD, DEAR.
BUT THERE ARE FAR WORSE THINGS THAN YOUR HUSBAND DANCING ON RESTAURANT TABLES WITH HIS HAIR IN A BUN.
THANK HEAVEN THEY'RE IN IBIZA.
( phone rings ) 3-5-4-9.
AH, THE BUCKET FILLY, PRONOUNCED "BOUQUET.
" TO A WHAT? A COCKTAILS AND CANAPE, EH? MY GOD YES, I MUST HAVE A RICKY AT THAT.
I'M AFRAID THE OLD BALL AND CHAIN'S AWAY AT THE MOMENT, BUT I CAN COME.
DO I SPEAK GREEK? ONLY WHEN SERIOUSLY UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF A GIRL, THEN THEY TELL ME I'M FLUENT.
A MILLIONAIRE IS HE? OH.
WELL, SOMETHING SHADY I SHOULDN'T WONDER.
I SHOULD WATCH YOUR LITTLE SELF THERE.
YES, OF COURSE I'LL COME, YOU LITTLE MINX.
COUNT ME IN.
RATHER.
WHAT IS IT, THINGS ON STICKS, I EXPECT? WELL, IT'LL BE WORTH I IF I CAN SNATCH JUST FIVE MINUTES MADNESS IN YOUR COMPANY.
SEE YOU ON PARADE.
WHAT DID THE MAJOR SAY? I THINK HE'S COMING.
- OH, THAT'S GOOD.
- YES, ISN'T IT? AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER TO KEEP ON THE MOVE.
AH! OH! LEAVE YOUR TIE ALONE, ONSLOW.
WHAT A WAY TO SPEND YOUR BIRTHDAY.
HE'S HERE! MR.
MARINOPOLOUS IS HERE! I DON'T CARE IF HE IS GREEK, I'M NOT HAVING ANY KEBABS.
ESPECIALLY ON MY BIRTHDAY.
OH, BE NICE TO HIM, ONSLOW.
I'LL BE NICE TO HIM, AS LONG AS I'M NO EATING KEBABS.
I CAN'T COPE WITH YOUR HYACINTH AND A KEBAB.
THIS IS MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND, MR.
MARINOPOLOUS.
THIS IS MY BROTHER-IN-LAW, ONSLOW.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ONSLOW.
- YOU THINK SO? - OH, YES.
WAIT TILL YOU MEE OUR HYACINTH.
AND THIS IS MY SISTER, DAISY.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU, I'M SURE.
VERY NICE.
OH, OH.
OH.
( laughs ) WELL, WE OUGH TO BE OFF, THEN.
SHALL WE, MR.
MARINOPOLOUS? SHE'S RIGHT.
HE'S VERY SMART.
OH, NICE.
YOU'VE KNOWN HIM TWO MINUTES AND HE'S BITING YOUR HAND.
BY THE WAY, MR.
MARINOPOLOUS WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE.
HIS LIMOUSINE'S HAVING A GEAR-BOX CHANGE, SO HE'S HAD TO BRING HIS OTHER VEHICLE.
- IS THERE ROOM FOR ALL OF US? - OH, ROOM TO SPARE.
COME ON, ONSLOW.
COME ON.
COME ON.
COME ON.
YOU LIKED HIM KISSING YOUR HAND, DID YOU? WAIT TILL MIDNIGHT, HE'LL PROBABLY GO FOR YOUR NECK.
Hyacinth: TO MY DARLING MUSICAL SHERIDAN COMING HOME.
HE AND EMMET WILL BE DUETING FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.
ANYONE FOR A PRUNE SURPRISE? THERE ARE PLENTY MORE.
NO-- WHAT? OH! DOCTOR'S ORDERS I BELIEVE, NO, NO, TO YOU.
WOULD YOU LIKE ONE OF THE SPECIALITIES OF THE HOUSE? I'M SO-- MY SHERIDAN SAYS THESE ARE WHAT I DO BEST.
AND THEY ALWAYS GO LIKE HOTCAKES.
ANY CHANCE OF ANOTHER TOPPER FOR YOUR DEVASTATING CREATURE? I THINK YOU'VE REACHED YOUR LIMIT, MAJOR.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW ME AROUND YOUR MARRIED QUARTERS? NOW, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, DEAR.
YOU'RE WEARING THE REGIMENTAL TIE.
WELL, COME ON, BE A SOLDIER'S GIRL! ENLIST! OH, GET--! I'LL GO, DEAR.
I'LL GO! I'LL GO! HELLO, HYACINTH.
YOU LOOK NICE.
HE CAN'T HELP IT.
HIS LIMOUSINE'S HAVING A GEARBOX CHANGE.
( laughs ) JUST GO OUTSIDE AND TELL HIM TO DRIVE ROUND THE BLOCK UNTIL I GET RID OF MY GUESTS.
WHAT ABOUT MY COCKTAIL? THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.
GOODBYE.
THERE-- GOODBYE.
GOODBYE.
AREN'T THEY'RE LOVELY? YOU KNOW THERE ARE SOME BEAUTIFUL ONES DOWN THE AVENUE, THAT WAY ON THE LEFT.
BYE, ELIZABETH! BYE, EMMET.
( laughs ) OF COURSE, I'VE GOT THE TIME.
GOODBYE, MAJOR.
SO GLAD YOU COULD COME! IT MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE TO MY LITTLE PARTY.
OH, BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU NOTICED OUR NEW FLATTINGS? THE LEAD CAME FROM A DISUSED MONASTERY JUST OUTSIDE TOULOUSE.
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY PRAWN AND DAMSON DIP.
I'LL LET YOU HAVE THE RECIPE.
MUCH OF THE CREDI MUST GO TO MY FRIEND AND NEIGHBOR ELIZABETH.
BUT OF COURSE, SHE DID WORK UNDER MY SUPERVISION.
WHERE DOES RICHARD GE HIS RESERVES OF PURE COURAGE? WELL, RICHARD HAS A VERY PATIEN AND KINDLY NATURE.
ALSO, I THINK HE LIVES IN A QUIET LITTLE WORLD OF HIS OWN.
HE DESERVES THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR PEACE.
YOU SEE THE ONE I'M POINTING TO, THERE? - THAT ONE IN THE MIDDLE.
- I THINK IT'S CALLED A FASIA JAPONICA.
YOU SHOULD SEE MINE IN THE CONSERVATORY.
PLUMES THIS BIG.
I'M SURE IT WOULD INTEREST YOUR GOOD LADY.
WELL, IT'S THE DAMN GREEN-FLY, YOU KNOW? I'M SURE THE MAJOR'S ANXIOUS TO GET HOME.
OH, NO RUSH, MY DEAR.
THEY'RE A VERY CLOSE COUPLE.
OF COURSE THEY'RE CLOSE.
SHE HAS HIM ON A LEAD.
WELL, AT LEAS THEIR MARRIAGE SURVIVES.
MY HUSBAND WORKS ABROAD, YOU'RE DIVORCED.
WHO ARE WE TO CRITICIZE? ANYWAY, IT'S NONE OF OUR BUSINESS.
GOOD GRIEF, WOMAN, THIS IS A PIECE OF PURE SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH.
IF RICHARD CAN PUT UP WITH HYACINTH, IT MEANS MAN IS INDESTRUCTIBLE-- NO LIMITS TO HIS POWERS OF ENDURANCE.
I AM SORRY TO HURRY YOU, BUT I HAVE AN IMPORTAN LUNCHEON ENGAGEMENT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF LOST CONVERSIONS? OH, YOU MEAN AN EXTRA BEDROOM, HUH? SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU CAN HIDE AWAY, EH? HYACINTH, WHY DOES THAT HEARSE KEEP GOING ROUND AND ROUND? I'LL TELL YOU LATER, BUT THIS MUCH I'LL TELL YOU NOW.
THERE'S A PAIR OF CUFF-LINKS THAT'S GOING BACK TO THE JEWELER'S FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ONSLOW.
( theme music playing )