King of the Hill s02e13 Episode Script

Snow Job

??[rock 'n' roll music playing] [people chattering] i'm buck strickland, and if you don't recognize me you're at the wrong event.
[people laughing] now, the assistant manager s of the 5 strickland propane branches and I welcome you all to our annual winter picnic.
We have gathered here to celebrate propane.
God's gas.
And who could ignite the celebration better than our senior assistant manager, mr.
Hank hill? Hank, could yo u do the honors? I'd be honored.
[wind howling] well, hurry up, hank, turn winter into summer.
[people clapping] [all cheering] [whistling] [sizzling] ha! wow, Mr.
Strickland.
It's like you always find the exact right moment to flip those burgers.
And I think you'll also find that now is the exact right moment for my total quality management proposal.
Oh, for god's sake .
hey, vickers! Who do you like for the super bowl next year? The dupey-loopies or the shimmy-shammies? [laughing] ok.
Ok.
Very funny.
But I like the bills.
[both laughing] [people chattering] [bird cawing] [gasps] look, mom, ash.
There must be a volcano somewhere.
huh? (peggy) it--it--it's snowing! Oh, no! (employee #1) it can't be.
Ok, I have been through this before in montana.
Now, nobody lick any flag poles.
Snow? Texans aren't prepared for this kind of nightmare, sir.
.
We gotta work fast .
i'll unlock the gas reserves, while you rally the troops all right, choke it down, people! This is a propane emergency.
No time for chewin'.
If we don't get heat to the people, you can bet the electric company will.
[tires screeching] joe jack, fire up the bobtail truck! Don't be a hero, hank.
It's too late.
Can I come too, dad? You bet, son.
If you can catch a bobtail on the fly, you're welcome at strickland propane.
Come on.
[panting] slow down, joe jack.
Slow way down.
Slower.
Just stop the truck.
[air brake huffing] [humming] whee, it's a winter wonderland! Whee! I tell you what, man.
Don't go down to antarctica.
k Ain't gonna get that dang thing to wor with a little big old bottom like he got.
Whee! N-no, ma'am, propane will not freeze.
Good news, buck.
We can get propane to the nursing homes by diverting it away from the museum of modern art.
If anyone asks, it was a tough choice.
[laughs] uh-huh, that's why your dad's one of the greats.
Just watch and learn, son.
Maybe someday you'll be sittin' in that seat.
Then where would he sit? The way things are goin', he'll be in the boss's chair.
Ho-ho, no, sir.
I'll just keep the chair I have and wheel it over to your desk when the time comes.
Whew, I'm beat.
I think i'm gonna call it a day.
I just gotta finish up my paperwork.
There.
Finished.
Hey, dad.
How come I never got a strickland calendar? Uh, that's not for you, bobby.
You're not old enough.
Why, hello, Miss november.
You be careful.
That's flammable.
[laughing] uh, bobby, why don't you go on outside and make snow angels? ok.
[door opens] oh, hey, speakin' of angels, look at the-- Look at the wings on this piece of chicken, would you? [laughing] whoo! .
Well, she certainl y is attractive, sir but I'm not sure that's an appropriate way to be talkin' about our cleaning lady.
[vehicle approaching] [wheezing] merry christmas! I see your stockings are sure hung with care.
[laughing] oh, ow! Uh--uh, buck! God dangit! I'm having an infarction.
What? Jesus! .
No! Oh, my god! I'll call an ambulance we'll get to the hospital.
Hang on, buck.
We still got a lot of propane to sell together.
Hello, em-emergency room, please.
[grunting] darn it, no.
[wheezing] mr.
Strickland, you gotta use both arms, like me.
[wheezing] (hank) what do you think? If I show up at the hospital with a tie on, it's kind of ghoulish.
It's like sayin', "why aren't you dead yet?" on the other hand, we are in a crisis, and I will have to give orders.
See? You are already thinkin' like a man in charge.
Oh, this is so exciting.
Save the tie for the funeral.
[grunting] everybody listen up.
Strickland is a family.
I'm like the daddy, and the daddy ain't feelin' so good.
So, it's up to you kids to become leaders.
Make sure daddy's business don't get run into the ground.
Do you work for me? Yes, sir, Mr.
Strickland.
I'm your daddy.
All 5 of you kids are goin' to have to pitch in.
Take--take on some added responsibility.
Could you ladies step outside for a minute, please? I--I got a shot comin', and it's just rude, you know, to make 2 such pretty gals stare at my bare backside.
[all laughing] all right, now that the skirts are out in the hallway, we can get down to business.
One of you has to run the company.
Hank, you're my right-hand man.
I need you to feed my hounds.
Uh Promise me you'll take car e of my hounds, hank.
.
Uh, I'll take care of them.
Sure tell me that you will love them, hank.
I'll--i'll All right, i'll do so.
Vickers, you run the company.
The whole shebang.
Lets see what that fancy business degree of yours is worth.
You betcha.
You're puttin' him in charge? M-mr.
Strickland, I've bee n with the company 15 years.
Hank, I let you light the grill.
Right now, my hounds are starvin'.
[pulse monitor beeping] [sighs] [grunts] I bought enough canned food to last us through this storm and the civil unrest that will inevitably follow.
Hope you like water chestnuts.
[children yelling] uh, hey, neighbor! I brought you somethin'.
Water chestnuts.
Oh, thank you.
As a matter of fact, there is somethin' you can give me in return.
I only have a 3-week supply of propane.
But you'll get hank to hook me up.
You owe me.
Well, I'm sorry, dale.
Hank may be in charge now, but you are not goin' to get any special treatment.
Hank's priorities are propane first, family 2nd, friends 3rd, in that order.
Fine.
I'll just have to barter for it.
[bill exclaiming] bill, you like pumpkin pie fillin'? Hank! What's goin' on, hank? [exhales] .
strickland picked lloyd vickers as interim manager what? W-w-why, that suck-up's not even fit to feed strickland's dogs.
uh, Actually, that's my department now.
Oh, well, i'm sure it has its own set of challenges.
Does anyone know what this means? ? You're gonna be doing drug testing you're thinking of p.
c.
p.
And, yes, we are.
P.
d.
p.
: "peak demand pricing.
" This weather has created a propane shortage therefore, market forces dictate that we raise our prices.
In business school, that's called "supply and demand.
" Yeah, well, in the real world that's called stickin' it to people when they need us most.
Uh, hank, can we "dialogue" for a second? I know this must b e difficult for you.
So I'm working out some flex time so you can feed mr.
Strickland's dogs, and clean their mess.
Look, let me tell you somethin' you can only learn from experience.
You got to treat people with respect.
You know who taught me that? Buck strickland.
He has the nerve to give me "flex time.
" That's what they give pregnant women, and other disableds.
I don't know, hank.
Sounds like he's just trying to empower you.
See, that's the 5th building block of total quality management.
Mmm-hmm.
yep.
Well, you won't be so quic k to defend this guy when he raises propane prices 10 cents a gallon.
(all ) 10 cents? What? What about my dang old hot tub, man? l Well, I tell you what.
When strickland gets back from the hospita and finds out about this, he's gonna have another heart attack.
Someone's gotta teach that vickers a lesson.
If you want, I can show yo u how to make a bomb out of a roll of toilet paper and a stick of dynamite.
Why didn't buck strickland pick you to be boss, dad? [sighs] well, uh, sometimes in life, uh Uh, curve ball and such, uh Uh Uh, that's your ride, boy.
Hey, joe jack, can you give my boy a lift home? Sorry, hank.
Damn vickers put tattlers in the trucks now.
What? He can't do that.
What's a tattler? It's a meter that tells the boss when the driver stops, and for how long.
It's designed to prevent goof-offs, lunch breaks, unscheduled stops.
All the things the drivers' union fought so hard for.
[dogs barking] meow, look at me, i'm a kitty.
Meow! (peggy) meow! Meow! Look at me, I'm a kitty.
Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Good dog.
Look at me.
I've got whiskers.
I'm a kitty cat.
Run, honey.
They've seen you.
[dogs barking] [gasps] [groaning] .
this is ridiculous there's a snow crisis goin' on and I'm sittin' here scrubbin' off dog slobber.
Do not blame yourself.
Strickland is the fool who passed you over.
Well, no one bats a 1000.
Strickland's a good man.
He's the only other guy at the firm who has the same passion for propane that I do.
Oh My lord! What? The stove.
It's not propane.
It's electric.
no.
yes.
Well, it'd better be self-cleanin', because I thin k I'm gonna vomit.
How could you, sir? How could you buy an electric stove after everything propane has given you? Dang it, hank, we're both men of the world.
I've got a whole bunch of electric appliances.
They came with the house.
But, Mr.
Strickland, you've always said that propane is god's gas.
It's a higher calling.
Oh, hell, hank.
It's just a business.
It's about makin' as much money as you can, while you can.
That's why I let vickers put in them tattlers.
What? You knew about that? Well, sure.
I've been usin' tattlers off and on for years.
Hell, back in the old days, we used midgets.
Stuck them behind the seat s with a bucket of ice to keep them cool.
That's till osha came in and put them poor little people on the street.
That's what they like to be called, hank.
"little people.
" The 15 years I've worked with you have been the happiest years of my life.
Now I find out, it was all a lie.
I never thought I would say this, but, Mr.
Strickland, I'm not comin' into work tomorrow.
You mean, you quit, or are you takin' a personal day? You heard me.
I just need a couple days up at the lake to figure out what I was meant to do in this life.
I've been takin' a good hard look at the propane business and it's sort of like seein' a woman with her make-up off.
Sharona johnson came to beauty school once with her make-up off and nobody told her.
[giggling] hmm, that was mean.
Dad, I got the stove.
Where's the propane thingy that goes into it? Put it back, son.
There's no room for propan e on this trip.
Now, listen to me, joe jack.
We're just 2 steps from win-win.
Step one: you put the tattler boxes back in the trucks.
Step 2: you keep your jobs.
Oh, I got a 3rd step for you, honey.
We quit.
[drivers agreeing] fine.
Quit.
I've got a whole alumni newsletter full of friends I can call on.
They'll drive those trucks just for the life experience.
[snickering] and I guess your friends are hazmat certified, too.
Hazmat? ! Hazardous materials, vickers! You moron you need a special license to drive a propane truck! It's all right, sir.
I--I can get to "yes.
" I'll hire a new batch of drivers right away.
You listen to me, goddang it! It's the goddang height of the season.
There's no drivers from here to goddang city.
(screaming) you're fired! Here you go, sister.
I told you we should have stopped at the mega lo mart.
They don't even have a separate candy department here.
Bobby hill, we are at a remote cabin out in the wilderness.
We will make our own candy.
Hank, what are you doing? .
Put it down.
Now, someone might see come on, peggy.
Haven't you ever wondered what it's like to barbecue with charcoal? You mean without propane? But I don't think that-- [briquettes rustling] well, well, yeah, I guess I am curious.
(peggy on answering machine) this is the hill residence.
Please leave a message at the beep.
[beeping] hank, it's your old buddy buck strickland.
That vickers mucked things up worse than jack kennedy at piggy bay.
So, I got no drivers.
I got no right-hand man! I need you, old top.
I need you bad.
[cash register ringing] comes to $21.
24.
Uh, darn! I only got a $20.
I'll just run out to the car.
.
$20's close enough .
we don't care about $1 here or there "people before pennies," I always say.
Hmm, well, thank you, friend.
You're good people.
[door opens] "we don't care about $1 here or there.
" " Now I know why they call you "pa, 'cause you're pa-thetic.
" And I know why they call you "ma, 'cause you're always riding ma ass.
[beeps] hank, it's rudy over at goobersmooches restaurant.
I got no propane for my stoves.
I--i'm lookin' at 20 pounds of rotten rib eye.
[sighs] [squirrel chattering] I saved your life, dad.
huh? I saved your life.
I was gonna push you in, and then I saved your life.
You were goin' to push me in? It was a joke.
[ducks quacking] [squealing] .
I said, do not disturb him oh! (shopkeeper) we don't care about $1 here or there.
"people before pennies.
" People.
Of course.
People.
Peggy, peggy.
What? What is it? Pack up the car.
I figured it all out.
It's not about tattler boxes, or who's in charge.
It's about service with a smile, and makin' people happy.
Oh, I knew it.
You are goin' back to strickland.
Hell, no.
I'm gonna open up a general store.
Escuchame? You see, everythin g I thought I'd find in propane, it isn't there.
It's in the general store, where they put people before pennies.
A fella's got no money , he can't pay his bill? .
Well, that's good enough for us , and then, that fella will tell another, and before you know it i'll have customers lined up around the block.
Bobby, bobby, get out here, boy! I'm leavin' the propane business, and openin' up a general store.
ok.
.
I can't do it alone, peggy general stores are "ma and pa.
" If you're not there, people're gonna make assumptions, like: "did pa kill ma?" they aren't gonna wann a buy batteries from me, if they think you're back in the freezer hanging from a meat hook.
? Am I wrong I don't know.
I don't know.
People do need batteries, but this is just all happenin' so fast.
Will you think about it, ma? We could have a section for books.
Children's books! m And we wouldn't even have to charge for the as long as the kid s brought them back.
That's a great idea, peggy .
Kids are people.
You see, you've come up with a whole new customer base for our store.
Oh, well Oh, what the "h"! You know what? I'll do it.
I'm gonna go type my letter of resignation to the arlen school board right now.
I guess I had better write my letter, too.
"it is with regret [beeps] hank, it's velma throckmorton.
My hands froze to my walker, and I had to thaw them in the microwave.
I need my propane.
"it is with deep regret [beeps] uh, Mr.
Hill, it's hugh jimmerson.
My heat's gone out.
I've tried wearin' turtlenecks, but they make me look french.
Where are your trucks? "it is with very deep regret [beeps] mr.
Hill, it's leta anderson.
All 3 kids got the croup, and I'm clear out of propane.
It's cold.
It's real cold.
(peggy) all finished, hank! ok.
Here it is.
One resignation letter, signed and self-notarized.
Hank? (hank) "peggy, went back to work.
Love, hank hill.
" [moaning] uh, is that you, hank? You come back to dance on my grave? .
No, sir, I don't feel much like dancing there's a town in crisis out there, and they need propane.
That ain't gonna happen, hank.
Vickers screwed everything up.
All our drivers quit.
A real propane man doesn't know the word "quit.
" Well, I don't know how they said it.
But them drivers ain't workin' here no more.
And you and me can't drive them propane trucks because we don't have hazmat licenses.
It's all over.
No, it ain't.
You don't need any hazmat license to drive a tow truck.
[people cheering] [truck horn honking] [cheering] [cheering] [laughing] [gasps] saved your life, dad.
] [hank laughing "saved my life.
" Now I get it.
[sighing] (peggy) look at me, I'm a kitty! Meow!