Last Comic Standing (2003) s07e07 Episode Script
Episode 7
Previously on "last comic Standing" The top 10 performed for your Precious votes, America.
They were focused.
Determined.
And all business.
[burping.]
Tonight, three of these comics Will be eliminated.
Still keep their dignity.
And the remaining seven will Try to move one step closer to $250,000.
Before taxes and Agent fees.
And the title of "last comic Standing"! [cheers and applause.]
ladies and gentlemen, please Welcome the host of "last comic Standing," the man who puts the Obinson in Robinson, Craig Robinson.
[cheers and applause.]
yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you.
[cheers and applause.]
Sit down.
Welcome to "last comic Standing.
" I am your host, Craig Robinson.
[cheers and applause.]
And I, too, have decided to take My talents to South beach.
Thank you.
Now, say hello to our top 10 Comics.
[cheers and applause.]
Tommy Johnagin.
Laurie Kilmartin.
James Adomian.
Myq Kaplan.
And Rachel Feinstein.
Tonight we're going to reveal The results of last week's vote And find out which three comics Are headed to loser junction, Kansas.
The other seven will try to move A step closer to a quarter of a Million dollars, a spot on the Last comic tour and the title of "last comic standing"! [cheers and applause.]
Give it up.
But before we do any of that, Let's say hello to our federally Appointed judges.
He's the first lady of comedy Central, Greg Giraldo.
She's the only judge every guy Wants to see out of her robe, Natasha Leggero.
The man who could take a nothing Day and suddenly make it worse, Andy kindler.
What a great group of people.
Now, as someone like Jillian Michaels probably says, let's See some results.
Roy wood, Mike Destefano, James Adomian, and myq with a "q", Please step forward.
We'll see the rest of you a Little bit later.
Thank you.
You all, please.
Last week the people of America Voted.
Mike d.
, it's my job to tell you That you will be performing Tonight.
Mike, you can head backstage.
[applause.]
Okay, Roy, now it's your turn.
Roy, the people have spoken.
And they want you to perform Again tonight.
Roy, you can head backstage.
[applause.]
We're now down to two comics, Myq and James.
One will perform tonight and one Will go home.
Myq, you will perform tonight.
Congratulations.
You are still in the running.
[applause.]
To be the "last comic standing.
" I'm sorry, James.
You did not get enough votes to Remain in the competition, man.
But before we say good-bye, Let's take a look at your Journey.
This has been a great Experience.
I know America didn't vote for Me, but I had fun.
I met some great people.
I was the best, you know.
Maybe it's time to give a little Break to somebody else.
Thank you, guys.
America, next time don't look a Gift horse in the mouth.
[cheers and applause.]
you did your thing, man.
We'll never forget you.
One more time for James adomian.
[cheers and applause.]
All righty then.
Let's get to our first Performance of the night.
Give it up for Mike Destefano.
[applause.]
thank you.
Thanks, everyone.
Thank you for keeping me on the Show.
I appreciate it.
Thank you.
All right.
Thanks.
Yeah.
I got some soap recently.
I went and bought some new soap.
I'm in Hollywood now.
Yeah, I went to pay for it and The lady said $75.
I said, no, I just want the Soap.
I don't have anything else.
She said it's expensive soap.
I said $75.
Does it clean shame? Is it going to clean my Childhood? If I go out with a woman and she Asks me questions, how do you Feel? How do I I'm hungry.
How do you feel? I don't know.
Deep inside.
Deep inside, I'm hungry.
Deep down, I'm hungry.
Did you ever go to couples Therapy? I went to couples counseling With my ex-girlfriend.
We get there.
The guy says what brings you Here today.
We said we wanted to learn Design carpentry so we figured We'd come to a Ph.
D.
For that.
Why did we come here today? Her.
Something's wrong with her.
Help her out here.
[applause.]
Unbelievable.
See like right away he says you Seem to blame people for your Problems.
I said, that's my mother's Fault, pal.
Sorry, mom.
Anyway, so then he said, well, Explain in your own words what You want to get from therapy.
So she started.
I want us to be connected.
One yet separate.
Then it sounded like a siren After that.
Waaaah.
That's all I could here.
He said, Mike, what do you want From therapy? I said I would like you to get Her to stop breaking my balls.
How much will that cost me? I'll pay extra.
I met a girl recently, she acted Very familiar with me right off The bat.
I don't know if anyone's had That.
It's creepy and nerve-wracking.
She called me up the day after I Met her and left a message Saying it's me.
We just met.
So we went on our first date and She gets in the car and she Forgot her keys.
I said what happened? She goes, well, you know how I Am.
I said, no, I really don't.
We just met two days ago.
Then we were driving and I had My jacket on.
I said, hey, could you help me Get my jacket off? She helps me.
Puts her arms onto the console And looks me in the eye and said What would you do without me? I said I would drive with my Jacket on.
That's what I would do without You.
Thank you, guys.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you.
[cheers and applause.]
Thank you.
That was Mike Destefano! [cheers and applause.]
Okay.
Judges, start judging.
Andy.
Mike, you have an amazing Combination.
You are both frightening and Lovable at the same time.
It's like you have a heart of Gold wrapped in a fist.
That's what I would say.
Does it clean shame? It doesn't get any better than That.
You are fantastic.
I give you five Ha's.
[applause.]
Natasha.
Well, Mike, waaaah, I know It's hard to listen to a woman Sometimes.
But I think you're very funny.
That was excellent.
Thank you.
[applause.]
I didn't hear a word she was Saying.
But that was great.
You got jokes that only you can Pull off.
It's really fantastic.
When you've got jokes you can do In your persona that work so Perfectly, that was great.
Great set.
[applause.]
if you want Mike to remain in The competition and finally move Out of his parents' basement, Call 1-877 When we return, we'll have a Very special performance from Internet sensation Mel Gibson.
And we're back.
Tonight we're saying good-bye to The three comics who didn't earn Enough votes to remain in the Competition.
It's sad, but not half as sad as Last week's episode of "bachelorette.
" There's a reason why that lady's Single.
I'm just saying.
The good news is our top seven Comics will once again be Performing for your votes.
Here's one now.
Put your hands together for Roy Wood, Jr.
[cheers and applause.]
hey.
Well, good to see you guys.
I just did a show in South Dakota because I like performing Where there's no people.
And I'm at a bar.
We're watching soccer.
I support the U.
S.
Soccer team And everybody was into the game.
[applause.]
Yeah.
And that's fine.
But if they lose, it's okay.
We have other stuff here.
We have other stuff to have fun With.
We still have porn and video Games.
This is an exciting place.
Because what you don't realize Is that for some countries, Soccer is it.
That's all they have.
They take it very seriously.
That's why they hate to lose to Us.
They already can't stand us Because of political reasons.
The last thing you want to do as A country is lose to a group of People you can't stand.
How pissed would you be if the Lakers lost to Al Qaeda? Do you understand? That would suck.
[applause.]
Starting to reach some realisms About myself.
I'm never going to pay my Student loans.
I'm at peace with it.
I've given up.
Because they want all the money.
That's what I don't understand.
I keep getting letters.
Hey, we need the money.
I graduated with a 2.
6.
I didn't learn everything.
Why do you need all the money? I shouldn't pay you for stuff I Don't remember.
That's just not fair.
If a class is $500 and I make a C, all I owe you is $250.
That's all I'm kicking in.
[cheers and applause.]
From Alabama, but, you know, out Here in L.
A.
Now.
More Latinos than black people In America.
You're winning.
Shut up.
What makes me upset about the Latino boom is how some black People don't accept it.
Some black people get upset About Latinos.
I'm sick of these Mexicans.
Only reason Mexicans over here Getting rights is because of What black people did in the Civil rights movement.
Even if that's true, wasn't that Kind of the purpose of the civil Rights movement? It doesn't register.
[cheers and applause.]
You can't March for equal rights And then get jealous when Another race starts trying to Get rights.
I'm just saying.
I've heard the "I have a dream" Speech.
There was no Latino disclaimer At the bottom.
I'm Roy wood, Jr.
Thank you.
Roy wood, Jr.
! [cheers and applause.]
Okay.
Judges, judge it up.
Natasha.
Roy, you're so likeable.
You really connect with the Crowd.
Big hit.
And just a little tip.
You can plead financial hardship For eight years.
After you defer for three.
Just something I heard about.
Okay.
Greg? I don't have any financial Planning advice, but I thought You were a little too pro Mexican.
[laughter.]
But very funny.
He can say that.
Well, I was going to say I Loved your blacks and Mexicans Bit, but it doesn't say right When I say blacks and Mexicans.
There's something about your Voice, it's like you draw me in.
I want to like sit in an easy Chair.
I want you available as a sound Soother.
I love your voice! Nobody cannot listen to what You're saying.
And your manner is just Fantastic on stage.
I really loved it.
[cheers and applause.]
if you want to keep Roy on The show and out of celebrity Rehab, pick up your phone and Call 1-877-5-keep-02.
Once again, that's Remember, convicted felons are Allowed to vote.
One more time for Roy wood, Jr.
[cheers and applause.]
Don't stop clapping yet, because Here's our next comic.
Myq Kaplan.
[applause.]
thank you, everybody.
Thank you.
Who's ready to listen? Good.
I am half black and half Mexican, so hope I have some new Ground to cover here that can Make me look Jewish, I hope.
I think you guys seem smart.
You at home seem smart.
Ever get into a conversation With somebody who isn't.
They start asking you questions About a story they're telling You? Like right? Right? Like they're going to you for Confirmation of facts that you Don't have.
I was talking to a guy.
So I'm banging this chick, Right? I don't know.
Probably not.
Right? [applause.]
Thank you, everybody.
Thank you for wasting my time.
Thank you.
I have a very limited amount Here.
I try to be tolerant of Everyone.
I'm gay friendly or as they Called me in High School, gay.
I like women but I like speaking Intelligently.
I think that's the confusion to The football players who were Like complete sentences come out Of his mouth.
Dudes must go in.
Some sort of word/genital Exchange program.
[applause.]
I don't even like the phrase gay Friendly.
It makes my straight angry.
No other oppressed group has That lingo.
No one's like I'm black Friendly.
That sounds racist a little.
Nobody's ever like I am Jew Friendly, because nobody is Ever.
[laughter and applause.]
That's a sad one.
I am not gay.
I do have a girlfriend who's Real.
And I also proved to any woman Who wants to make out who's Watching and my girlfriend and I Have an arrangement where she Doesn't know that I do this, so It's fine.
And women have it rough, because That's how I give it to them.
No? Okay.
[applause.]
You guys.
The please.
Women have it tough.
I just want fairness.
I went to a movie.
I saw a woman breast-feeding Right in the theater.
I said, lady, no outside food Allowed.
[laughter.]
You guys are clapping too much.
Thank you very much.
My name is myq Kaplan.
[cheers and applause.]
myq Kaplan, everybody! [cheers and applause.]
Okay.
Judges! Do you mind if I ask you what You thought? Greg Giraldo.
Myq, you made a reference to Too much clapping.
People may not know how hard it Is when an audience isn't Enthusiastic.
You handled it perfectly.
That was a great set.
The jokes were great.
The jokes were great, but you Were able to milk the laughs Through the applause.
I loved that.
A lot of fun in a little Package, myq.
Myq, I love when I watch a Comedian, they do things you Don't expect.
All the way through, you never Expect it.
I just love that.
I don't know how America is Going to vote.
I wish there wasn't voting.
I believe in a comedy Dictatorship.
But I would vote for you.
And I will try.
I don't think I can legally, but I would.
Fantastic! Myq-y, baby, you don't seem Gay to me at all.
What? But some comics really sell Their jokes with their Personality and, you know, their Persona, and you really sell Your jokes with your jokes.
Like your jokes are so funny, And they're funny on paper and You're such a great writer, but You're also a great performer.
I thought that was excellent.
[applause.]
if you want myq to make it Next week, let it be known to All.
Dial 1-877-5-keep-03.
Voting opens at the end of the Show.
The phone lines will remain open For two hours just like my Dressing room door.
Right now I'm going to be honest With you, we've got to go to Commercial, but we'll be right Back.
Welcome back to "last comic Standing.
" The only reality show that Exploits men and women equally.
And, yes, I have gained 20 Pounds since last week.
Take that, Jillian Michaels.
Hey, guess what? It's results time again.
[cheers and applause.]
Four more comics have to learn Their fate.
Three of them will be performing For your votes tonight hoping to Move another step closer to the Title of miss teen USA.
One of them will be eliminated From the competition mafia Style.
You voted, America, and here are The results.
The the the next comic Leaving us tonight is Laurie Kilmartin.
That means Tommy, Rachel and Felipe, you will be performing Tonight.
Congratulations.
You can head backstage.
Come on over here, Laurie.
We're sorry to see you go, babe.
Yeah, me, too.
Let's take a look at your Journey to this moment in time.
America apparently did not Vote for me.
I'm a little depressed, of Course, but I had a great time.
I respect all the comics that Are in the top 10, so I know That we'll work together and be Friends.
I wish the other finalists the Best of luck, and take me on the Road with you.
Get me out of my house.
[applause.]
Laurie Kilmartin, everybody.
We wish you the best of luck.
[applause.]
All right.
Let's lighten the mood and get Back to the comedy.
Please welcome to the stage Rachel Feinstein.
[applause.]
thank you.
Thank you.
It's good to be here.
I actually just got back from Vegas.
I was out there working, and I Was hanging out by the pool, and I saw this guy walking towards Me.
You know when you can just sort Of smell a douche.
Yeah, there's there's a Douche.
He had his shirt wrapped around His head, a t-shirt wrapped Around his head like a douche.
He looked like his name was Chad Or something.
He was walking towards me.
He was so drunk that he was sort Of gently swaying which I always Find very arousing as a woman.
That's when you stop and you go He chose me.
He chose me! I'm worth it.
And so he walked up to me and he Goes, I bet you don't know what Vegas is actually really about.
And I'm going to tell you.
Then there was some more Swaying.
And he goes, Vegas is actually About sex and it's about money.
And then he went like that.
Like that was real breakthrough News.
But I thought Vegas was about Unconditional love.
I thought Vegas was about Royalty and caring for someone Into the winter of their life.
When you didn't know if they Were going to make it or not, You know, loving someone that Much, just holding them in the Same hospital bed.
Yeah.
I thought Vegas was about eating Organic.
But now you mean to tell me that All this time, Vegas and sex and Money have been in cahoots with Each other? If what you say is true, we've Got to tell the detectives and Fast.
I'm scared something awful, even My breasts are concerned.
And then he was just sort of Like, nah, he just smudged me Away.
He just wanted to have sex with Anything.
He didn't care for my sass.
He walked up to the next group Of women.
Here's how he courted them.
He was a really prince.
He walked right up to them and Said, you love me bitches.
That's what he called them.
You love me bitches.
You should come back to our Room.
We have vodka up the ass.
I was like, see, that's what Vegas is about.
It's about vodka up the ass.
It's also a book about Mindfulness by Deepak Chopra.
Vodka up the ass and other Meditations.
Thank you, guys.
That's it.
[applause.]
Rachel Feinstein.
[applause.]
okay.
Judges.
Does Rachel need to keep her day Job? Andy? Rachel, that was that was Fantastic.
You know, the you did it all About one topic.
It all worked really, really Well.
And the voices that you do, I'm Just amazed by the voices.
I love them.
They're always comedic and They're always interesting and Even my breasts are concerned.
I mean, come on.
I thought it was really, really Great.
Great job.
Thank you, thank you.
[applause.]
Natasha.
Nice legs.
Thanks.
My sticks.
All right.
That's it.
No, you're great.
You have the perfect mix of Writing and performance.
You know, probably shouldn't end It on the Deepak Chopra bit, but What can you do? This is America.
True.
First of all, I wear the T-shirt on my head because it's So sunny in Vegas.
You're worth it.
You're worth it.
Your characters are so great.
Your characters are so original.
You just become those people.
It's an amazing talent.
You do it so quickly.
That's great.
Thank you, guys.
If you thought Rachel was Funny and you want to help her Pay off her student loans, then Call 1-877-5-keep-04.
Once again, that's You can also go online at NBC.
Com.
Why aren't we texting? I don't know.
Voting lines open at the end of The show.
Keep in mind there's a limit of We're going to take a break, but Don't go anywhere.
Commit to something for once in Your life, damn it.
Welcome back.
Tonight, the top seven comics Are performing for your votes.
I mean, right now.
Are you ready for more comedy? Then prove it by giving an Historic welcome to Tommy Johnagin.
[cheers and applause.]
thank you very much.
I'm freshly single now.
And calm down.
I sweat like this.
You'll do.
I learned this about being Single.
Don't only talk to really, Really hot girl.
They're pretty boring and all The same.
She has an ex-boyfriend who's Mean to her but still talks to Him.
She's taking a semester off of College and knows an old guy With a boat for some weird Reason.
I had my heart broken last year.
That's when I learned I only Want to talk to people who have Had their heart broken.
I checked my ex's e-mail for a Month after the break-up.
I told my friend who's never had His heart broken that I did That.
He said it's crazy.
I told my friend who did have His heart broken and he said how Did you get that e-mail Password? Eventually, someone will Out-crazy you, and you'll feel Better about yourself.
I checked her e-mail for a Month.
I lived in her basement for six Weeks.
I've been to hell and back.
My ex got engaged less than a Month after we broke up and Every time I tell somebody that, They're like she was probably Cheating on you.
Did you think of that? Yeah, it crossed my mind, you Could say.
Yes, I thought of that.
The I thought about it 24 hours A day.
I told you 7 seconds ago and you Feel like you cracked the case? Well done, Detective.
My ex is funny.
She told me you'll never guess How much money I've saved.
I said how much? She said, $1,121.
You're right, I wouldn't have Guessed that.
I need a new car.
It quit starting.
He wanted to make an Appointment.
He said how's 7:00 in the Morning.
I said I don't know.
I heard it sucks.
I'll see you at noon.
[applause.]
I don't want wake up in single Digits.
He had my car three days trying To find out why it wouldn't Start.
Then he told me it was the Starter.
I don't know anything about Cars.
But if it doesn't move and it Has a mover, check that first.
That's it for me, guys.
Thank you very much.
Have a good night.
Tommy johnagin.
Judges, give it to us.
We can take it.
Natasha.
I thought that what was That? Congratulations on moving to The next level.
You guys weren't here last time.
Good to have you back.
[laughter and applause.]
we were taking a personal Week.
That wasn't my favorite set, but Everyone loved you.
So yay.
Thank you.
That wasn't my favorite comment.
Tommy, I thought it was Great.
Great jokes.
Well delivered.
I appreciate it.
Tommy, Tommy, as a fellow Person who sweats, I love that You showed the sweat.
That was very, very cool.
And you're rapid fire and your Ex-girlfriend material, the Password, you bring the party Back to stalking.
You know what I'm talking about? I give you three giggles and two Why nots? If Tommy made you laugh, dial That's 1-877-553-3705.
But don't call yet.
Voting opens at the end of the Show.
When we come back, we'll have More hilarious performances, so Don't touch that remote unless The remote touches you first.
Then it's self-defense.
Welcome back to "last comic Standing.
" We appreciate your eyeballs.
Please help me welcome to the Stage our next comic, Felipe Esparza.
[cheers and applause.]
so how are you guys doing Tonight? Good? All right.
I live in a gated community.
The windows are gated.
The back door's gated.
Front door.
You know, the restaurant that's Parked in front of my house? [applause.]
Got robbed after I paid.
The lady came out in broken English, we got robbed.
I'm like me burrito where's? I went to a haunted house in my Neighborhood.
I cost 20 bucks to get in.
[laughter and applause.]
They had gangsters, thugs in Every door scaring you.
What's up? Want to get shot? What are you, stupid? It was crazy.
Somebody socked me in the face.
My girlfriend came out with Hickies and a cold sore.
[applause.]
I'm going to have my own reality Show.
Look out for it.
It's called "who wants to be a Citizen?" [applause.]
Five illegal aliens living in my Living room.
All right.
Listen up, contestants.
Five of you guys will go look For work at a hardware store.
Two will come back.
I play so much guitar hero, I Forgot the words to the songs.
I just know what color to press Now.
[laughter and applause.]
The other night a party, I heard My favorite song.
I grabbed the microphone.
That's my song there.
Green, blue, red, orange Together.
Thank you so much.
Felipe esparza! [cheers and applause.]
Judges, tell us how you feel.
Greg.
Felipe, you really the Crowd I mean, can again, I Don't know how it shows at home, But the crowd you just crushed.
It was a killer, killer set.
I don't know anybody who has a Delivery style like you.
I don't hang around with a lot Of homeless people.
But you have a very original Style and it was a killer set.
[cheers and applause.]
well, Felipe, the crowd loves You, which always makes me want To go the other way, but you're Like the roller coaster of Comedy.
If I evaluate each joke, I may Have an opinion one way or the Other, but there's always you Behind it, and I can't see how Anyone wouldn't love you.
The bit about the haunted gang House was just fantastic.
Felipe, you have to tell me How you do this.
You just touch your breasts and Everyone stands up.
Thank you.
That was great.
I mean, the jokes are I mean, Your jokes are very easy, but People love them.
All right.
If Felipe tickled your fancy, Vote for him by calling Once more, that's If you're too lazy to pick up a Phone, go to NBC.
Com and cast Your vote.
There's a limit of 10 votes per Method.
We'll return to the stunning Conclusion of "Gilligan's Island.
" One comic stays and performs for Your votes and one comic is sent Home to cry in the shower.
You don't want to miss it.
Welcome back to "last comic Standing.
" I'm your host, Craig Robinson.
The chocolate lord of seduction.
Tonight these comics are Yearning for a chance to win Right now let's find out who Will get that chance and who Will be sent to Mel Gibson's Jacuzzi of misery.
All right, Jonathan and Maronzio.
America says one of you has got To go and this card says who's Going.
Are you ready to accept your Fate? Jonathan, you are performing Tonight.
Congratulations.
You can head backstage.
Maronzio, that means it's the End of the road.
We hate to see you go, bro, but Before you leave, let's look Back at all the good times.
This experience thus far has Been a learning experience.
You were performing wherever The laughs were.
I have to go where the energy Is.
I'm just happy to have been a Part of this.
Now I know that I'm funny.
I went to the 99 cent store to Get me some 99 cent rice Krispies.
How about another round of Applause for this American Comedy hero.
We will never forget you.
Give it up again for maronzio Vance.
[cheers and applause.]
America, get ready to laugh.
Here's your final performer of The night.
Jonathan Thymius.
I made it.
[cheers and applause.]
I made it.
Man, I am on a roll.
Just recently, I found out I Wasn't the devil.
I read the tag on my underpants Wrong.
Said satin.
So I was home-schooled.
Went on a lot of field trips.
Like to the liquor store.
[laughter and applause.]
Like, this is the liquor store.
Stay in the car.
This is my boyfriend's house.
Stay in the car.
This is your grandma's house.
This is your new school.
So I finally mustered up the Courage to go to a massage Parlor, but I got a more Plausible, realistic ending.
[laughter and applause.]
True.
Got a sign I was getting older.
I tea bagged the toilet water.
All right.
Let's wrap this thing up with a Little impression.
How about that.
Everybody knows who this is, so Check it out.
Were you in Brenda's room? You can't go in there.
You can't go in Brenda's room.
Don't go in Brenda's room.
It's Marty.
It's my friend Marty.
Anyway, thank you so much.
Jonathan Thymius.
Okay, judges, let's talk about Jonathan right in front of his Face.
Andy.
Jonathan, I don't know if You're a headliner, but that was A more plausible, realistic Ending to our show, so that was Fantastic.
Some of your jokes are corny.
Some of your jokes hit.
Some of your jokes miss.
But you never get a joke like Plausible, realistic ending.
I'd say bring the energy down a Little bit.
Otherwise, fantastic.
Great.
[applause.]
I find you silly, gross and Weird.
That was very funny.
You're one of those guys that's Funny just to watch.
Those jokes couldn't be Delivered by anybody else and be Funny.
Great set.
If you want to see Jonathan Ever again, you need to call Once again, that's Voting lines open at the end of The show.
Remember, these toll-free Numbers are 877, so please dial Carefully.
Now, if you just started Watching, here's what you Missed.
Expensive, so I said $75, Does it clean shame? All I owe you is 250.
Try to be tolerant of Everybody.
I am gay friendly or as they Called me in High School, gay.
Now you mean to tell me that All this time, Vegas and sex and Money have been in cahoots with Each other? My car quit starting.
I had to make an appointment.
He said how's 7:00 in the Morning.
I heard it sucks.
I went to a haunted house in My neighborhood.
Went on a lot of field trips.
Like to the liquor store.
All right.
Our voting lines are now open.
Voting by phone is open for two Hours.
Be patient if you can't get Through right away.
You can also vote online, NBC.
Com.
There's a limit of 10 votes per Method.
Watch for the results next week And find out which comics will Perform again and which comics Will die on national television.
Thank you for watching "last Comic standing.
" I'm very much your host.
They were focused.
Determined.
And all business.
[burping.]
Tonight, three of these comics Will be eliminated.
Still keep their dignity.
And the remaining seven will Try to move one step closer to $250,000.
Before taxes and Agent fees.
And the title of "last comic Standing"! [cheers and applause.]
ladies and gentlemen, please Welcome the host of "last comic Standing," the man who puts the Obinson in Robinson, Craig Robinson.
[cheers and applause.]
yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you.
[cheers and applause.]
Sit down.
Welcome to "last comic Standing.
" I am your host, Craig Robinson.
[cheers and applause.]
And I, too, have decided to take My talents to South beach.
Thank you.
Now, say hello to our top 10 Comics.
[cheers and applause.]
Tommy Johnagin.
Laurie Kilmartin.
James Adomian.
Myq Kaplan.
And Rachel Feinstein.
Tonight we're going to reveal The results of last week's vote And find out which three comics Are headed to loser junction, Kansas.
The other seven will try to move A step closer to a quarter of a Million dollars, a spot on the Last comic tour and the title of "last comic standing"! [cheers and applause.]
Give it up.
But before we do any of that, Let's say hello to our federally Appointed judges.
He's the first lady of comedy Central, Greg Giraldo.
She's the only judge every guy Wants to see out of her robe, Natasha Leggero.
The man who could take a nothing Day and suddenly make it worse, Andy kindler.
What a great group of people.
Now, as someone like Jillian Michaels probably says, let's See some results.
Roy wood, Mike Destefano, James Adomian, and myq with a "q", Please step forward.
We'll see the rest of you a Little bit later.
Thank you.
You all, please.
Last week the people of America Voted.
Mike d.
, it's my job to tell you That you will be performing Tonight.
Mike, you can head backstage.
[applause.]
Okay, Roy, now it's your turn.
Roy, the people have spoken.
And they want you to perform Again tonight.
Roy, you can head backstage.
[applause.]
We're now down to two comics, Myq and James.
One will perform tonight and one Will go home.
Myq, you will perform tonight.
Congratulations.
You are still in the running.
[applause.]
To be the "last comic standing.
" I'm sorry, James.
You did not get enough votes to Remain in the competition, man.
But before we say good-bye, Let's take a look at your Journey.
This has been a great Experience.
I know America didn't vote for Me, but I had fun.
I met some great people.
I was the best, you know.
Maybe it's time to give a little Break to somebody else.
Thank you, guys.
America, next time don't look a Gift horse in the mouth.
[cheers and applause.]
you did your thing, man.
We'll never forget you.
One more time for James adomian.
[cheers and applause.]
All righty then.
Let's get to our first Performance of the night.
Give it up for Mike Destefano.
[applause.]
thank you.
Thanks, everyone.
Thank you for keeping me on the Show.
I appreciate it.
Thank you.
All right.
Thanks.
Yeah.
I got some soap recently.
I went and bought some new soap.
I'm in Hollywood now.
Yeah, I went to pay for it and The lady said $75.
I said, no, I just want the Soap.
I don't have anything else.
She said it's expensive soap.
I said $75.
Does it clean shame? Is it going to clean my Childhood? If I go out with a woman and she Asks me questions, how do you Feel? How do I I'm hungry.
How do you feel? I don't know.
Deep inside.
Deep inside, I'm hungry.
Deep down, I'm hungry.
Did you ever go to couples Therapy? I went to couples counseling With my ex-girlfriend.
We get there.
The guy says what brings you Here today.
We said we wanted to learn Design carpentry so we figured We'd come to a Ph.
D.
For that.
Why did we come here today? Her.
Something's wrong with her.
Help her out here.
[applause.]
Unbelievable.
See like right away he says you Seem to blame people for your Problems.
I said, that's my mother's Fault, pal.
Sorry, mom.
Anyway, so then he said, well, Explain in your own words what You want to get from therapy.
So she started.
I want us to be connected.
One yet separate.
Then it sounded like a siren After that.
Waaaah.
That's all I could here.
He said, Mike, what do you want From therapy? I said I would like you to get Her to stop breaking my balls.
How much will that cost me? I'll pay extra.
I met a girl recently, she acted Very familiar with me right off The bat.
I don't know if anyone's had That.
It's creepy and nerve-wracking.
She called me up the day after I Met her and left a message Saying it's me.
We just met.
So we went on our first date and She gets in the car and she Forgot her keys.
I said what happened? She goes, well, you know how I Am.
I said, no, I really don't.
We just met two days ago.
Then we were driving and I had My jacket on.
I said, hey, could you help me Get my jacket off? She helps me.
Puts her arms onto the console And looks me in the eye and said What would you do without me? I said I would drive with my Jacket on.
That's what I would do without You.
Thank you, guys.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you.
[cheers and applause.]
Thank you.
That was Mike Destefano! [cheers and applause.]
Okay.
Judges, start judging.
Andy.
Mike, you have an amazing Combination.
You are both frightening and Lovable at the same time.
It's like you have a heart of Gold wrapped in a fist.
That's what I would say.
Does it clean shame? It doesn't get any better than That.
You are fantastic.
I give you five Ha's.
[applause.]
Natasha.
Well, Mike, waaaah, I know It's hard to listen to a woman Sometimes.
But I think you're very funny.
That was excellent.
Thank you.
[applause.]
I didn't hear a word she was Saying.
But that was great.
You got jokes that only you can Pull off.
It's really fantastic.
When you've got jokes you can do In your persona that work so Perfectly, that was great.
Great set.
[applause.]
if you want Mike to remain in The competition and finally move Out of his parents' basement, Call 1-877 When we return, we'll have a Very special performance from Internet sensation Mel Gibson.
And we're back.
Tonight we're saying good-bye to The three comics who didn't earn Enough votes to remain in the Competition.
It's sad, but not half as sad as Last week's episode of "bachelorette.
" There's a reason why that lady's Single.
I'm just saying.
The good news is our top seven Comics will once again be Performing for your votes.
Here's one now.
Put your hands together for Roy Wood, Jr.
[cheers and applause.]
hey.
Well, good to see you guys.
I just did a show in South Dakota because I like performing Where there's no people.
And I'm at a bar.
We're watching soccer.
I support the U.
S.
Soccer team And everybody was into the game.
[applause.]
Yeah.
And that's fine.
But if they lose, it's okay.
We have other stuff here.
We have other stuff to have fun With.
We still have porn and video Games.
This is an exciting place.
Because what you don't realize Is that for some countries, Soccer is it.
That's all they have.
They take it very seriously.
That's why they hate to lose to Us.
They already can't stand us Because of political reasons.
The last thing you want to do as A country is lose to a group of People you can't stand.
How pissed would you be if the Lakers lost to Al Qaeda? Do you understand? That would suck.
[applause.]
Starting to reach some realisms About myself.
I'm never going to pay my Student loans.
I'm at peace with it.
I've given up.
Because they want all the money.
That's what I don't understand.
I keep getting letters.
Hey, we need the money.
I graduated with a 2.
6.
I didn't learn everything.
Why do you need all the money? I shouldn't pay you for stuff I Don't remember.
That's just not fair.
If a class is $500 and I make a C, all I owe you is $250.
That's all I'm kicking in.
[cheers and applause.]
From Alabama, but, you know, out Here in L.
A.
Now.
More Latinos than black people In America.
You're winning.
Shut up.
What makes me upset about the Latino boom is how some black People don't accept it.
Some black people get upset About Latinos.
I'm sick of these Mexicans.
Only reason Mexicans over here Getting rights is because of What black people did in the Civil rights movement.
Even if that's true, wasn't that Kind of the purpose of the civil Rights movement? It doesn't register.
[cheers and applause.]
You can't March for equal rights And then get jealous when Another race starts trying to Get rights.
I'm just saying.
I've heard the "I have a dream" Speech.
There was no Latino disclaimer At the bottom.
I'm Roy wood, Jr.
Thank you.
Roy wood, Jr.
! [cheers and applause.]
Okay.
Judges, judge it up.
Natasha.
Roy, you're so likeable.
You really connect with the Crowd.
Big hit.
And just a little tip.
You can plead financial hardship For eight years.
After you defer for three.
Just something I heard about.
Okay.
Greg? I don't have any financial Planning advice, but I thought You were a little too pro Mexican.
[laughter.]
But very funny.
He can say that.
Well, I was going to say I Loved your blacks and Mexicans Bit, but it doesn't say right When I say blacks and Mexicans.
There's something about your Voice, it's like you draw me in.
I want to like sit in an easy Chair.
I want you available as a sound Soother.
I love your voice! Nobody cannot listen to what You're saying.
And your manner is just Fantastic on stage.
I really loved it.
[cheers and applause.]
if you want to keep Roy on The show and out of celebrity Rehab, pick up your phone and Call 1-877-5-keep-02.
Once again, that's Remember, convicted felons are Allowed to vote.
One more time for Roy wood, Jr.
[cheers and applause.]
Don't stop clapping yet, because Here's our next comic.
Myq Kaplan.
[applause.]
thank you, everybody.
Thank you.
Who's ready to listen? Good.
I am half black and half Mexican, so hope I have some new Ground to cover here that can Make me look Jewish, I hope.
I think you guys seem smart.
You at home seem smart.
Ever get into a conversation With somebody who isn't.
They start asking you questions About a story they're telling You? Like right? Right? Like they're going to you for Confirmation of facts that you Don't have.
I was talking to a guy.
So I'm banging this chick, Right? I don't know.
Probably not.
Right? [applause.]
Thank you, everybody.
Thank you for wasting my time.
Thank you.
I have a very limited amount Here.
I try to be tolerant of Everyone.
I'm gay friendly or as they Called me in High School, gay.
I like women but I like speaking Intelligently.
I think that's the confusion to The football players who were Like complete sentences come out Of his mouth.
Dudes must go in.
Some sort of word/genital Exchange program.
[applause.]
I don't even like the phrase gay Friendly.
It makes my straight angry.
No other oppressed group has That lingo.
No one's like I'm black Friendly.
That sounds racist a little.
Nobody's ever like I am Jew Friendly, because nobody is Ever.
[laughter and applause.]
That's a sad one.
I am not gay.
I do have a girlfriend who's Real.
And I also proved to any woman Who wants to make out who's Watching and my girlfriend and I Have an arrangement where she Doesn't know that I do this, so It's fine.
And women have it rough, because That's how I give it to them.
No? Okay.
[applause.]
You guys.
The please.
Women have it tough.
I just want fairness.
I went to a movie.
I saw a woman breast-feeding Right in the theater.
I said, lady, no outside food Allowed.
[laughter.]
You guys are clapping too much.
Thank you very much.
My name is myq Kaplan.
[cheers and applause.]
myq Kaplan, everybody! [cheers and applause.]
Okay.
Judges! Do you mind if I ask you what You thought? Greg Giraldo.
Myq, you made a reference to Too much clapping.
People may not know how hard it Is when an audience isn't Enthusiastic.
You handled it perfectly.
That was a great set.
The jokes were great.
The jokes were great, but you Were able to milk the laughs Through the applause.
I loved that.
A lot of fun in a little Package, myq.
Myq, I love when I watch a Comedian, they do things you Don't expect.
All the way through, you never Expect it.
I just love that.
I don't know how America is Going to vote.
I wish there wasn't voting.
I believe in a comedy Dictatorship.
But I would vote for you.
And I will try.
I don't think I can legally, but I would.
Fantastic! Myq-y, baby, you don't seem Gay to me at all.
What? But some comics really sell Their jokes with their Personality and, you know, their Persona, and you really sell Your jokes with your jokes.
Like your jokes are so funny, And they're funny on paper and You're such a great writer, but You're also a great performer.
I thought that was excellent.
[applause.]
if you want myq to make it Next week, let it be known to All.
Dial 1-877-5-keep-03.
Voting opens at the end of the Show.
The phone lines will remain open For two hours just like my Dressing room door.
Right now I'm going to be honest With you, we've got to go to Commercial, but we'll be right Back.
Welcome back to "last comic Standing.
" The only reality show that Exploits men and women equally.
And, yes, I have gained 20 Pounds since last week.
Take that, Jillian Michaels.
Hey, guess what? It's results time again.
[cheers and applause.]
Four more comics have to learn Their fate.
Three of them will be performing For your votes tonight hoping to Move another step closer to the Title of miss teen USA.
One of them will be eliminated From the competition mafia Style.
You voted, America, and here are The results.
The the the next comic Leaving us tonight is Laurie Kilmartin.
That means Tommy, Rachel and Felipe, you will be performing Tonight.
Congratulations.
You can head backstage.
Come on over here, Laurie.
We're sorry to see you go, babe.
Yeah, me, too.
Let's take a look at your Journey to this moment in time.
America apparently did not Vote for me.
I'm a little depressed, of Course, but I had a great time.
I respect all the comics that Are in the top 10, so I know That we'll work together and be Friends.
I wish the other finalists the Best of luck, and take me on the Road with you.
Get me out of my house.
[applause.]
Laurie Kilmartin, everybody.
We wish you the best of luck.
[applause.]
All right.
Let's lighten the mood and get Back to the comedy.
Please welcome to the stage Rachel Feinstein.
[applause.]
thank you.
Thank you.
It's good to be here.
I actually just got back from Vegas.
I was out there working, and I Was hanging out by the pool, and I saw this guy walking towards Me.
You know when you can just sort Of smell a douche.
Yeah, there's there's a Douche.
He had his shirt wrapped around His head, a t-shirt wrapped Around his head like a douche.
He looked like his name was Chad Or something.
He was walking towards me.
He was so drunk that he was sort Of gently swaying which I always Find very arousing as a woman.
That's when you stop and you go He chose me.
He chose me! I'm worth it.
And so he walked up to me and he Goes, I bet you don't know what Vegas is actually really about.
And I'm going to tell you.
Then there was some more Swaying.
And he goes, Vegas is actually About sex and it's about money.
And then he went like that.
Like that was real breakthrough News.
But I thought Vegas was about Unconditional love.
I thought Vegas was about Royalty and caring for someone Into the winter of their life.
When you didn't know if they Were going to make it or not, You know, loving someone that Much, just holding them in the Same hospital bed.
Yeah.
I thought Vegas was about eating Organic.
But now you mean to tell me that All this time, Vegas and sex and Money have been in cahoots with Each other? If what you say is true, we've Got to tell the detectives and Fast.
I'm scared something awful, even My breasts are concerned.
And then he was just sort of Like, nah, he just smudged me Away.
He just wanted to have sex with Anything.
He didn't care for my sass.
He walked up to the next group Of women.
Here's how he courted them.
He was a really prince.
He walked right up to them and Said, you love me bitches.
That's what he called them.
You love me bitches.
You should come back to our Room.
We have vodka up the ass.
I was like, see, that's what Vegas is about.
It's about vodka up the ass.
It's also a book about Mindfulness by Deepak Chopra.
Vodka up the ass and other Meditations.
Thank you, guys.
That's it.
[applause.]
Rachel Feinstein.
[applause.]
okay.
Judges.
Does Rachel need to keep her day Job? Andy? Rachel, that was that was Fantastic.
You know, the you did it all About one topic.
It all worked really, really Well.
And the voices that you do, I'm Just amazed by the voices.
I love them.
They're always comedic and They're always interesting and Even my breasts are concerned.
I mean, come on.
I thought it was really, really Great.
Great job.
Thank you, thank you.
[applause.]
Natasha.
Nice legs.
Thanks.
My sticks.
All right.
That's it.
No, you're great.
You have the perfect mix of Writing and performance.
You know, probably shouldn't end It on the Deepak Chopra bit, but What can you do? This is America.
True.
First of all, I wear the T-shirt on my head because it's So sunny in Vegas.
You're worth it.
You're worth it.
Your characters are so great.
Your characters are so original.
You just become those people.
It's an amazing talent.
You do it so quickly.
That's great.
Thank you, guys.
If you thought Rachel was Funny and you want to help her Pay off her student loans, then Call 1-877-5-keep-04.
Once again, that's You can also go online at NBC.
Com.
Why aren't we texting? I don't know.
Voting lines open at the end of The show.
Keep in mind there's a limit of We're going to take a break, but Don't go anywhere.
Commit to something for once in Your life, damn it.
Welcome back.
Tonight, the top seven comics Are performing for your votes.
I mean, right now.
Are you ready for more comedy? Then prove it by giving an Historic welcome to Tommy Johnagin.
[cheers and applause.]
thank you very much.
I'm freshly single now.
And calm down.
I sweat like this.
You'll do.
I learned this about being Single.
Don't only talk to really, Really hot girl.
They're pretty boring and all The same.
She has an ex-boyfriend who's Mean to her but still talks to Him.
She's taking a semester off of College and knows an old guy With a boat for some weird Reason.
I had my heart broken last year.
That's when I learned I only Want to talk to people who have Had their heart broken.
I checked my ex's e-mail for a Month after the break-up.
I told my friend who's never had His heart broken that I did That.
He said it's crazy.
I told my friend who did have His heart broken and he said how Did you get that e-mail Password? Eventually, someone will Out-crazy you, and you'll feel Better about yourself.
I checked her e-mail for a Month.
I lived in her basement for six Weeks.
I've been to hell and back.
My ex got engaged less than a Month after we broke up and Every time I tell somebody that, They're like she was probably Cheating on you.
Did you think of that? Yeah, it crossed my mind, you Could say.
Yes, I thought of that.
The I thought about it 24 hours A day.
I told you 7 seconds ago and you Feel like you cracked the case? Well done, Detective.
My ex is funny.
She told me you'll never guess How much money I've saved.
I said how much? She said, $1,121.
You're right, I wouldn't have Guessed that.
I need a new car.
It quit starting.
He wanted to make an Appointment.
He said how's 7:00 in the Morning.
I said I don't know.
I heard it sucks.
I'll see you at noon.
[applause.]
I don't want wake up in single Digits.
He had my car three days trying To find out why it wouldn't Start.
Then he told me it was the Starter.
I don't know anything about Cars.
But if it doesn't move and it Has a mover, check that first.
That's it for me, guys.
Thank you very much.
Have a good night.
Tommy johnagin.
Judges, give it to us.
We can take it.
Natasha.
I thought that what was That? Congratulations on moving to The next level.
You guys weren't here last time.
Good to have you back.
[laughter and applause.]
we were taking a personal Week.
That wasn't my favorite set, but Everyone loved you.
So yay.
Thank you.
That wasn't my favorite comment.
Tommy, I thought it was Great.
Great jokes.
Well delivered.
I appreciate it.
Tommy, Tommy, as a fellow Person who sweats, I love that You showed the sweat.
That was very, very cool.
And you're rapid fire and your Ex-girlfriend material, the Password, you bring the party Back to stalking.
You know what I'm talking about? I give you three giggles and two Why nots? If Tommy made you laugh, dial That's 1-877-553-3705.
But don't call yet.
Voting opens at the end of the Show.
When we come back, we'll have More hilarious performances, so Don't touch that remote unless The remote touches you first.
Then it's self-defense.
Welcome back to "last comic Standing.
" We appreciate your eyeballs.
Please help me welcome to the Stage our next comic, Felipe Esparza.
[cheers and applause.]
so how are you guys doing Tonight? Good? All right.
I live in a gated community.
The windows are gated.
The back door's gated.
Front door.
You know, the restaurant that's Parked in front of my house? [applause.]
Got robbed after I paid.
The lady came out in broken English, we got robbed.
I'm like me burrito where's? I went to a haunted house in my Neighborhood.
I cost 20 bucks to get in.
[laughter and applause.]
They had gangsters, thugs in Every door scaring you.
What's up? Want to get shot? What are you, stupid? It was crazy.
Somebody socked me in the face.
My girlfriend came out with Hickies and a cold sore.
[applause.]
I'm going to have my own reality Show.
Look out for it.
It's called "who wants to be a Citizen?" [applause.]
Five illegal aliens living in my Living room.
All right.
Listen up, contestants.
Five of you guys will go look For work at a hardware store.
Two will come back.
I play so much guitar hero, I Forgot the words to the songs.
I just know what color to press Now.
[laughter and applause.]
The other night a party, I heard My favorite song.
I grabbed the microphone.
That's my song there.
Green, blue, red, orange Together.
Thank you so much.
Felipe esparza! [cheers and applause.]
Judges, tell us how you feel.
Greg.
Felipe, you really the Crowd I mean, can again, I Don't know how it shows at home, But the crowd you just crushed.
It was a killer, killer set.
I don't know anybody who has a Delivery style like you.
I don't hang around with a lot Of homeless people.
But you have a very original Style and it was a killer set.
[cheers and applause.]
well, Felipe, the crowd loves You, which always makes me want To go the other way, but you're Like the roller coaster of Comedy.
If I evaluate each joke, I may Have an opinion one way or the Other, but there's always you Behind it, and I can't see how Anyone wouldn't love you.
The bit about the haunted gang House was just fantastic.
Felipe, you have to tell me How you do this.
You just touch your breasts and Everyone stands up.
Thank you.
That was great.
I mean, the jokes are I mean, Your jokes are very easy, but People love them.
All right.
If Felipe tickled your fancy, Vote for him by calling Once more, that's If you're too lazy to pick up a Phone, go to NBC.
Com and cast Your vote.
There's a limit of 10 votes per Method.
We'll return to the stunning Conclusion of "Gilligan's Island.
" One comic stays and performs for Your votes and one comic is sent Home to cry in the shower.
You don't want to miss it.
Welcome back to "last comic Standing.
" I'm your host, Craig Robinson.
The chocolate lord of seduction.
Tonight these comics are Yearning for a chance to win Right now let's find out who Will get that chance and who Will be sent to Mel Gibson's Jacuzzi of misery.
All right, Jonathan and Maronzio.
America says one of you has got To go and this card says who's Going.
Are you ready to accept your Fate? Jonathan, you are performing Tonight.
Congratulations.
You can head backstage.
Maronzio, that means it's the End of the road.
We hate to see you go, bro, but Before you leave, let's look Back at all the good times.
This experience thus far has Been a learning experience.
You were performing wherever The laughs were.
I have to go where the energy Is.
I'm just happy to have been a Part of this.
Now I know that I'm funny.
I went to the 99 cent store to Get me some 99 cent rice Krispies.
How about another round of Applause for this American Comedy hero.
We will never forget you.
Give it up again for maronzio Vance.
[cheers and applause.]
America, get ready to laugh.
Here's your final performer of The night.
Jonathan Thymius.
I made it.
[cheers and applause.]
I made it.
Man, I am on a roll.
Just recently, I found out I Wasn't the devil.
I read the tag on my underpants Wrong.
Said satin.
So I was home-schooled.
Went on a lot of field trips.
Like to the liquor store.
[laughter and applause.]
Like, this is the liquor store.
Stay in the car.
This is my boyfriend's house.
Stay in the car.
This is your grandma's house.
This is your new school.
So I finally mustered up the Courage to go to a massage Parlor, but I got a more Plausible, realistic ending.
[laughter and applause.]
True.
Got a sign I was getting older.
I tea bagged the toilet water.
All right.
Let's wrap this thing up with a Little impression.
How about that.
Everybody knows who this is, so Check it out.
Were you in Brenda's room? You can't go in there.
You can't go in Brenda's room.
Don't go in Brenda's room.
It's Marty.
It's my friend Marty.
Anyway, thank you so much.
Jonathan Thymius.
Okay, judges, let's talk about Jonathan right in front of his Face.
Andy.
Jonathan, I don't know if You're a headliner, but that was A more plausible, realistic Ending to our show, so that was Fantastic.
Some of your jokes are corny.
Some of your jokes hit.
Some of your jokes miss.
But you never get a joke like Plausible, realistic ending.
I'd say bring the energy down a Little bit.
Otherwise, fantastic.
Great.
[applause.]
I find you silly, gross and Weird.
That was very funny.
You're one of those guys that's Funny just to watch.
Those jokes couldn't be Delivered by anybody else and be Funny.
Great set.
If you want to see Jonathan Ever again, you need to call Once again, that's Voting lines open at the end of The show.
Remember, these toll-free Numbers are 877, so please dial Carefully.
Now, if you just started Watching, here's what you Missed.
Expensive, so I said $75, Does it clean shame? All I owe you is 250.
Try to be tolerant of Everybody.
I am gay friendly or as they Called me in High School, gay.
Now you mean to tell me that All this time, Vegas and sex and Money have been in cahoots with Each other? My car quit starting.
I had to make an appointment.
He said how's 7:00 in the Morning.
I heard it sucks.
I went to a haunted house in My neighborhood.
Went on a lot of field trips.
Like to the liquor store.
All right.
Our voting lines are now open.
Voting by phone is open for two Hours.
Be patient if you can't get Through right away.
You can also vote online, NBC.
Com.
There's a limit of 10 votes per Method.
Watch for the results next week And find out which comics will Perform again and which comics Will die on national television.
Thank you for watching "last Comic standing.
" I'm very much your host.